Klutz Action Lawsuit Live in Burlington

Speaker 1 It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne, and with me is Judge John Hodgman.
This week's episode was recorded live in Burlington, Vermont.

Speaker 2 We talked about what happens when loving couples share their shirts. We talked about mustaches cannot be shared, and what to do when you minorly injure yourself at home and your partner is squeamish.

Speaker 2 We had a blast up there in Burlington, Vermont.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the stage of the higher ground ballroom.

Speaker 3 People of Burlington, Vermont, you asked us for live justice, and we are here to deliver it. The court of Judge John Hodgman is now in session.

Speaker 3 Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

Speaker 6 Thank you, Bailiff Jesse Thorne.

Speaker 3 Judge Hodgman, we received a lot of submissions for our show here in Burlington. Too many to hear live on the stage.
So let's start things off by clearing the docket.

Speaker 3 First up is a letter from Cypress.

Speaker 7 Pre.

Speaker 7 Holy cow.

Speaker 3 Please order my friend Ribbett to stop consuming paint.

Speaker 3 Whether it's solid watercolors, leftover paint water, or just straight up paint, Ribbett has been eating and drinking paint with enthusiasm for years.

Speaker 3 As someone who has paid the price for consuming too much paint myself,

Speaker 9 I worry about Ribbet's health.

Speaker 11 Who is right? Okay.

Speaker 3 We don't make these up.

Speaker 7 I can't emphasize that enough.

Speaker 12 Now, Cypress,

Speaker 14 this took a real turn there when Cypress revealed that they also have enjoyed

Speaker 6 drinking paint.

Speaker 16 Consuming paint, I should say.

Speaker 3 They're off the stuff now.

Speaker 17 Well, I hope that Cypress and Ribbit are okay.

Speaker 14 I am going to say I don't know.

Speaker 19 I could only speculate as to what pleasure someone would take of consuming watercolors.

Speaker 9 Probably there are paints that are non-toxic, the kinds that you give to children, for example,

Speaker 14 because they're definitely going to consume paint, mostly through the nose.

Speaker 21 And yet I would say before consuming any further paint, please do consult your physician.

Speaker 12 It's the principle of the...

Speaker 16 I'm going to say it's the ruling, the official ruling of the Judge John Hodgman Court.

Speaker 27 Please talk to a doctor or a nurse practitioner. Yeah.

Speaker 19 or a medical professional before eating any more paint.

Speaker 23 Do we have any more?

Speaker 3 Yeah, here's one from Melissa. We are from Montreal, and my husband bought me tickets for your Burlington show for my birthday.

Speaker 15 Oh, happy birthday, Melissa.

Speaker 3 He's a wonderful whole human being in his own right, but he refuses to let me borrow any of his flannel shirts. I think it's wasteful for me.

Speaker 6 See the crowd.

Speaker 11 This is a real northern Vermont, southern Quebec crowd.

Speaker 25 It's like really struck at their core principles.

Speaker 19 The flannels.

Speaker 3 I think it's wasteful to buy my own shirt when he has 10 of them.

Speaker 11 I want that flannel.

Speaker 3 But he's an only child who will not share.

Speaker 30 Whoa.

Speaker 30 Libel. Mel C.

Speaker 7 Boku.

Speaker 32 Melissa did sign her letter, Merci Boku.

Speaker 33 Melissa, are you here?

Speaker 7 Happy birthday.

Speaker 34 And your husband, who's a whole wonderful human being in his own right, you failed to name him.

Speaker 12 Gabriel?

Speaker 16 Are you francophones or anglophones or biphones?

Speaker 27 Why don't you want to share your flannel?

Speaker 9 She's messy. She's messy.

Speaker 24 Do you think that Melissa's estimate of ten flannels is accurate?

Speaker 33 Is that high or low?

Speaker 18 A bit high?

Speaker 37 Combienne.

Speaker 4 Combienne!

Speaker 4 Huit?

Speaker 38 Cet, sis,

Speaker 4 8.

Speaker 3 Jacques Cousteau, monsieur.

Speaker 27 Let me ask the question

Speaker 26 with a show of applause.

Speaker 12 Or how about this?

Speaker 39 I shouted tribien.

Speaker 21 Do people of northern Vermont and southern Quebec share or not share their flannels with their partners?

Speaker 19 If you believe yes, now yell Trébien.

Speaker 42 If you believe no, yell no.

Speaker 32 Actually, how about ménon?

Speaker 11 I think the tribiens have it.

Speaker 43 Trébiens come by a comfortable margin.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 26 I'm sorry, Gabrielle.

Speaker 27 You're sharing your life with someone, I mean,

Speaker 13 your spouse is going to steal your shirts.

Speaker 22 Especially if they can fit into them, right?

Speaker 21 I mean, that's part of the pleasure of having a partner in life, is to be able to share shirts, shirt shares, you know?

Speaker 32 And I'm sorry that Melissa is so messy.

Speaker 10 Maybe take it easy on the poutine when you're wearing Gabriel's flannels.

Speaker 37 Share my flannel.

Speaker 3 Now, Judge Hodgman, our first live case of the evening. Please welcome to the stage Kate and Joel.

Speaker 34 Kate and Joel, please approach.

Speaker 3 Kate says her partner Joel has a mustache, but Joel disagrees. He says, while he does have a a beard, he would never sport a mustache.

Speaker 8 Who's right, who's wrong?

Speaker 3 Only one can decide. Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Speaker 10 Kate and Joel, welcome to my fake court.

Speaker 10 Nice to see you both.

Speaker 34 Kate, you think that your partner Joel has a mustache.

Speaker 46 Joel, you say you do not have one.

Speaker 42 I am.

Speaker 11 I am looking at you right now.

Speaker 19 For those who might be listening,

Speaker 26 and I'm about done with the gaslighting.

Speaker 10 I know what I see,

Speaker 49 which is a full face of facial hair, including under-nostril hair.

Speaker 45 If that is not a mustache, Joel, what is it?

Speaker 50 I prefer to view it as a beard. The full function is a beard.

Speaker 11 It's part of the beard.

Speaker 51 Is that what you're trying to say?

Speaker 8 No, it is actually just a beard.

Speaker 3 There is no separate part. Beards have no constituent constituent parts.
Is that what you're arguing?

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 50 Like, you wouldn't say that Kate has a mullet.

Speaker 3 There's no unit.

Speaker 25 No, I wouldn't.

Speaker 3 There's no unit between

Speaker 3 beard and hair.

Speaker 32 I agree with you, Joel, that I would not say that Kate has a mullet because for those of you who are listening, I'm looking at Kate right now and she does not have a mullet.

Speaker 14 It's a specific kind of hairstyle,

Speaker 23 which is not Kate's.

Speaker 3 Yeah, her hairstyle is medium on the top, business in the back.

Speaker 34 I think it's like business on the back, Zoom meetings on the top from home, you know.

Speaker 26 Kate, how did this first come up?

Speaker 55 Well, he had something in his mustache.

Speaker 23 What did he have in his mustache?

Speaker 15 Food.

Speaker 29 Right.

Speaker 33 What kind of food?

Speaker 4 Impatient. Flannel shirt, food.
Flannel shirt. Lasagna.

Speaker 35 Lasagna.

Speaker 32 Maybe.

Speaker 32 I don't recall, Your Honor.

Speaker 18 Okay.

Speaker 56 Well, then I rule in Joel's favor.

Speaker 57 I'm sorry.

Speaker 35 Specificity is the soul of narrative, and food is in the mustache.

Speaker 15 I need to know what kind.

Speaker 8 Was it a chowder, Joel?

Speaker 27 I'm sorry. Was it that chowder in your mustache?

Speaker 41 Probably, yes.

Speaker 25 What's your favorite food?

Speaker 52 Lasagna.

Speaker 6 Lasagna.

Speaker 13 All right, let's say it was lasagna.

Speaker 8 Okay. It was lasagna.

Speaker 14 So Joel had a big old square lasagna underneath his nostrils, and you told him, clear it out of your mustache, buddy.

Speaker 22 Yep.

Speaker 15 And what happened?

Speaker 55 He said, I don't have a mustache.

Speaker 14 And how did you feel when he told you something was obviously untrue?

Speaker 55 It's a familiar feeling at this point, but

Speaker 36 thanks.

Speaker 58 Wow.

Speaker 55 I mean, not from him personally.

Speaker 17 But

Speaker 55 I didn't feel great.

Speaker 55 I know that I probably bickered with him a little bit about it.

Speaker 13 What would you have preferred that Kate say?

Speaker 23 Beard. You have lasagna in your beard.

Speaker 9 Why do you hate mustaches so much?

Speaker 34 I mean, look at me and Jesse.

Speaker 14 We both have mustaches.

Speaker 44 Oh, I know.

Speaker 10 You judge me because my beard doesn't connect with my mustache.

Speaker 34 Isn't that it?

Speaker 9 Look at my feeble facial hair.

Speaker 20 I can barely get the two sides of my mustache to connect to each other in the filtrum between my nose.

Speaker 22 You judge me, don't you, Joel?

Speaker 44 Just a little bit, maybe.

Speaker 30 Oh, wow.

Speaker 35 What is it?

Speaker 21 Why, why, why do you not, why do you take this stand that you don't have a mustache?

Speaker 34 And don't say because I have a beard, Joel.

Speaker 18 Are you trying to tell me that maybe I have a little bias against mustaches?

Speaker 52 Possibly.

Speaker 56 I'm just wondering because I guess I do have a little bias against

Speaker 19 mustaches. Tell me about it.
Just

Speaker 23 tell me about it.

Speaker 58 Well,

Speaker 3 his stepdad was magnum P.I.

Speaker 50 You know, honestly, back in the 80s, I did think mustaches were pretty great.

Speaker 7 Yeah, of course they were.

Speaker 53 Jesse Thorne, did you or did you not co-host a recap podcast of all of the films of Burt Reynolds?

Speaker 3 It wasn't quite all of the films of Burt Reynolds, but let's say the major works.

Speaker 16 The major works of Burt Reynolds.

Speaker 45 And Jesse, what was the name of that podcast?

Speaker 3 That was called Stream.

Speaker 3 Stash Rules Everything Around Me.

Speaker 56 One of the best podcast titles of all time.

Speaker 14 Kate, have you talked to anyone else about this dispute?

Speaker 32 Has this come up among your friend group at all?

Speaker 7 It has.

Speaker 34 Tell me.

Speaker 55 Well, I asked my friend Seth,

Speaker 55 who I would identify as also having a beard and mustache,

Speaker 55 but he agreed with Joel. He thought the whole thing was a beard.

Speaker 13 So Seth agreed with Joel.

Speaker 33 Yes.

Speaker 28 Joel, are you familiar with the works

Speaker 14 of the Massachusettsian philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson?

Speaker 16 Not at all.

Speaker 48 Oh, so then you may not be aware of his occasional house guest and deadbeat friend, Henry David Thoreau,

Speaker 10 who lived in a cabin on the shores of Walden Pond, living the natural life of solitude with nature, unless he got hungry and then walked over to

Speaker 17 Waldo Emerson's house and took a pie home with him.

Speaker 23 Are you familiar, Joel, with the neck beard of Henry David Thoreau and others?

Speaker 10 Are you familiar with a beard that is just the neck without anything under the nose, much like Henry David Thoreau had?

Speaker 50 Sure, yes. Right.

Speaker 41 So, what would you have in the place, the absence place that Henry David Thoreau had bare skin?

Speaker 15 What would that be?

Speaker 36 Shaved?

Speaker 46 No, I mean, but you have something that Henry David Thoreau doesn't have.

Speaker 37 A companion, for one, at least for now.

Speaker 30 Okay.

Speaker 10 Let me ask you,

Speaker 21 you thought the beard,

Speaker 27 let me ask you, you thought that mustaches were fairly cool in the 80s, but now you clearly don't feel that they're cool.

Speaker 40 Tell me why.

Speaker 5 Personally, for me, I would never wear one.

Speaker 25 I honestly don't

Speaker 50 want to be with anybody else wearing them.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 20 But what is it?

Speaker 19 Why do you not even like the term?

Speaker 5 The term?

Speaker 52 I'm not saying I dislike the term.

Speaker 45 Joel, you have a mustache.

Speaker 11 It's part of your beard.

Speaker 52 I understand that you feel that way, yes.

Speaker 36 Hold.

Speaker 3 I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, John. I feel like all discourse in the United States about negative social interactions over the past decade has come to be referred to as gaslighting.

Speaker 3 And here we have an actual example.

Speaker 3 For those who.

Speaker 3 I don't have a mustache, he said, using the mouth under his mustache.

Speaker 23 Kate, do you have any other complaints about Joel before I

Speaker 27 anything to do with mushrooms or butter by any chance?

Speaker 32 Oh, yeah, actually, I do.

Speaker 49 Did you perhaps submit four or five cases?

Speaker 6 Yes.

Speaker 8 Yes, Your Honor, I did.

Speaker 4 Did they all revolve around Joel by any chance?

Speaker 41 Yes, they did.

Speaker 61 Yes.

Speaker 55 We've also been in the New York Times magazine.

Speaker 24 Oh, I settled a dispute of yours between you and Joel.

Speaker 34 Which one was that? I don't recall.

Speaker 6 The tiger birthday.

Speaker 33 Tiger birthday? Yeah.

Speaker 23 All right. That does not explain anything to me.

Speaker 30 Okay.

Speaker 42 And apparently it was my brain.

Speaker 55 It's a legend in our house now.

Speaker 12 All right.

Speaker 37 We'll look that up online.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 24 So the...

Speaker 55 Two of the other ones involving food were mushrooms.

Speaker 55 He has to always use the mushroom stems.

Speaker 37 And I

Speaker 55 don't like the mushroom stems. They're woodier than the rest of the mushroom.

Speaker 36 Okay. So

Speaker 55 I feel that I'm in my rights to just not use them when I make mushrooms.

Speaker 57 All right.

Speaker 4 I'm not trying to make it. I put that in.

Speaker 16 I understand.

Speaker 35 I understand.

Speaker 55 The other one is that he will put, he really wants to have the butter dish set up so that the paper from the butter is still on the butter within the butter dish.

Speaker 6 And then

Speaker 3 apparently, this is the other thing besides flannel.

Speaker 30 It makes sense.

Speaker 9 It's flannel and dairy.

Speaker 11 Flannel and dairy.

Speaker 6 Exactly so.

Speaker 23 I think the audience appreciates the problem with that, Joel, which is that when the butter gets soft, you can't pull off the paper very well.

Speaker 34 Is that the issue? That's the issue with me.

Speaker 55 That's an issue.

Speaker 55 His argument, if I remember correctly, is that it keeps the butter dish cleaner.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 55 And, you know, but also at what cost?

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 14 I'm going to make a triptych of rulings right now, Swift Justice style.

Speaker 45 First of all, use the stems unless they're woody.

Speaker 35 There's nothing wrong with those stems.

Speaker 27 There's a lot of mushroom there. Don't waste food.
Second of all, take the paper off the butter before you put it in the dish.

Speaker 22 Third of all, Joel, you got a split decision so far.

Speaker 14 Pro-stem, anti-butter paper.

Speaker 46 Where am I going to land on this beard mustache issue?

Speaker 15 Somewhere under your nose.

Speaker 13 I will allow you your delusion.

Speaker 29 Thank you.

Speaker 28 If, if, if, sir, if

Speaker 23 you right now come up with a better name for the fur under your nose.

Speaker 50 We covered that already. It was beard?

Speaker 47 No.

Speaker 8 No, sir, no.

Speaker 46 Because when you're walking around with lasagna in your beard, that's a whole region of your underface.

Speaker 9 If you have lasagna in a specific place, Kate needs a region to describe.

Speaker 28 So there's cheek beard, there's chin beard, there's soul patch beard, there's alternate cheek beard.

Speaker 39 What is the spot above your lips?

Speaker 56 Point to it.

Speaker 36 What's this? No, I want a word.

Speaker 46 It's you give me a new word or it's mustache all the way home.

Speaker 19 I'm just gonna let you have it.

Speaker 50 It's it's mustache.

Speaker 8 Mustache it is.

Speaker 43 Thank you, Kate and Joel.

Speaker 5 I was gonna allow Kate

Speaker 9 Top beard,

Speaker 49 nostril fur.

Speaker 37 Any of those will work.

Speaker 41 Thank you. Thank you for being here, Joel.

Speaker 31 You're listening to Judge John Hodgman. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne.
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Speaker 3 Burlington, Vermont, are you ready for mega justice?

Speaker 3 Let's bring out our litigants. Please welcome to the stage Lisa and Adrian.

Speaker 7 Tonight's case, Klutz Action Lawsuit.

Speaker 3 Lisa says her husband Adrian bonks his head too much.

Speaker 3 Lisa wants him to be more careful and stop bonking, or at least stop sending her photos of his bloodied head.

Speaker 3 Adrian wants Lisa to accept his clumsiness and also to dress his wounds.

Speaker 3 Who's right, who's wrong? Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and delivers an obscure cultural reference.

Speaker 17 They want you to feel powerless and to surrender and to let them trample everything.

Speaker 32 And you are not going to let them.

Speaker 15 You are not giving up and neither am I.

Speaker 14 The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean that we cannot save anything.

Speaker 20 And everything we can save is worth saving. You may need to grieve or scream or take time off, but you have a role no matter what.

Speaker 19 And right now, good friends and good principles are worth gathering in. Remember what you love.

Speaker 22 Remember what loves you. Remember in this tide of hate what love is.

Speaker 22 The pain you feel is because you keep bonking your head all the time.

Speaker 54 Bailiff Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigancy.

Speaker 3 Lisa and Adrian, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God or whatever.

Speaker 60 I do.

Speaker 3 Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that I'm the one who's 6'4 ⁇ , which is the mathematically perfect height for hitting your head on?

Speaker 3 I do. I do.
Because if you're taller, you see it coming.

Speaker 26 Shouldn't you be able to avoid it?

Speaker 3 No, because it's right here.

Speaker 9 It hits you right here.

Speaker 3 You think you're safe. You think I'm just a medium tall person.

Speaker 23 You think you're the height of your own eyes. Yeah.

Speaker 27 But then it turns out, it turns out you you got a hell of a dome.

Speaker 23 You just got clicked.

Speaker 20 On your top head.

Speaker 3 Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Speaker 22 Lisa and Adrian, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favors.

Speaker 14 Can either of you name a piece of culture that I referenced and quoted directly until the last sentence.

Speaker 24 Lisa, do you want to guess first?

Speaker 60 Well, it was a very beautiful and meaningful quote, and I did have a pre-prepared

Speaker 60 guess, which

Speaker 60 is kind of fitting, but

Speaker 60 I said Star Wars was my idea.

Speaker 57 It could work.

Speaker 16 It could work.

Speaker 51 Let's do this family feud style. Do I see Star Wars?

Speaker 6 Could be Star Wars.

Speaker 16 Could be Star Wars.

Speaker 16 We'll keep it up on the board.

Speaker 30 Okay.

Speaker 7 Adrian, are you thinking clearly today?

Speaker 12 I do believe I have an answer.

Speaker 64 Yes, I think it sounds very much like the second episode of Harold and the Purple Crane.

Speaker 6 Second.

Speaker 25 That's a book, first of all.

Speaker 64 So there's a children's TV show.

Speaker 54 Oh, there's a children's TV show.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 40 All right.

Speaker 32 Let's put it up in the bar and find out.

Speaker 25 Do I see Harold in the Purple Crayon second episode?

Speaker 4 Augustus are wrong.

Speaker 35 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 24 That was actually a quote from the writer Rebecca Solnit from a post that she posted this morning

Speaker 21 and that my adult daughter forwarded to me and it made me feel better.

Speaker 17 So I wanted to share it with all of you.

Speaker 43 Not just our adult daughter, daughter, anyway.

Speaker 17 So let's move on.

Speaker 9 It's not about bonking your head, obviously, but this is.

Speaker 11 Are you from Burlington?

Speaker 60 We live in Massachusetts. I did go to college in Middlebury, and I hung out in the 80s.
I was here.

Speaker 16 Don't worry, they don't hate you.

Speaker 16 This isn't Maine.

Speaker 11 This is Vermont.

Speaker 17 I'm sure there's some rivalry.

Speaker 11 I love Burlington.

Speaker 16 Thank you for being here.

Speaker 20 So, Adrian, Lisa says that you bonk your head too much on things.

Speaker 7 How often are you bonking?

Speaker 19 What are we talking about?

Speaker 23 More than once a week?

Speaker 64 Not more than once a week, no.

Speaker 64 Maybe once a month.

Speaker 42 And what part of Vermont is your accent from?

Speaker 64 I grew up in a little town a little ways from here. But I've been over here for 30 years, so I'm practically a native, I promise you.

Speaker 11 All they care about is does he have a passport and are you going back?

Speaker 64 To see how tonight turns out, Your Honor.

Speaker 28 No, tonight's the deciding factor.

Speaker 19 Where are you from originally?

Speaker 64 I'm from a town called Derby, or Derby, as it would be.

Speaker 42 Derby in England.

Speaker 4 Yeah, right.

Speaker 30 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 23 And you're like, well, things didn't go so well that one night.

Speaker 56 I'll just see, let's see how the Judge John Hodgman show goes before I make a final decision.

Speaker 12 A lot of riding on it.

Speaker 17 All right.

Speaker 14 So you bonk your head from time to time.

Speaker 23 Describe some of the bonking situations.

Speaker 64 Oh, I usually walk into things. I'm sure my wife will

Speaker 64 have a few more descriptions as we go through. Typically, I'll walk into things.

Speaker 41 Well, because she does all the mental load and keeps track of everything for you.

Speaker 35 Or you don't remember the bonks because you're bonking so hard.

Speaker 64 Clearly you'll learn that as we go through this evening.

Speaker 23 He takes off his shirt.

Speaker 3 It's covered in tattoos designed to remind him of things.

Speaker 36 That's right.

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 64 Mostly walking into things, but they are fall.

Speaker 14 What kind of, like, are you walking into like trees, beams,

Speaker 35 doors, classic bonking materials?

Speaker 4 We have a

Speaker 64 our stair, our basement stairs at home have a very low corner piece. Uh, we've been in the house 15 years, and I think still

Speaker 64 a couple of months I bang my head on it.

Speaker 60 I put padding on it on that.

Speaker 3 Okay, John, every time he goes into the basement, it's a real bonk adventure.

Speaker 57 There you go,

Speaker 7 and it's drawing blood from time to time, from time to time, yes.

Speaker 64 I see, Copious amounts from time to time.

Speaker 46 Copious amounts. Oh, no.

Speaker 15 Have you always been, I don't know another word for it, but like clumsy

Speaker 27 or just head clumsy?

Speaker 18 Tall.

Speaker 8 Always been tall.

Speaker 34 What is your height, if I may ask?

Speaker 14 6'1. 6'1.

Speaker 56 And, yeah, that's pretty tall.

Speaker 32 Definitely taller than me.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 14 have you always hit your head on stuff?

Speaker 64 No, I feel like it's a fairly,

Speaker 64 I think it started maybe around 15 years ago. My wife and I have been together about 15 years.

Speaker 13 Those are just two separate facts.

Speaker 32 Really, I mean, anyone drawing any conclusions there might be.

Speaker 3 I mean, the reality is that before 15 years ago, there's no one who can testify to whether.

Speaker 24 Lisa, Adrian just accused you and your marriage of being cause of bonking.

Speaker 60 And now you hit the crux of the problem.

Speaker 30 Oh,

Speaker 27 I'm glad to get it to you.

Speaker 12 Because

Speaker 32 you have a folio of papers.

Speaker 5 I won't use it right now.

Speaker 60 I really suspect there is subliminal intent behind his head hitting because it seems to occur when I've asked him to do something like, oh, put your shoes back or can you help me with this or fix that?

Speaker 60 And then suddenly there's blood and head hitting and can't do it anymore and I have to hire a professional.

Speaker 56 To put his shoes back?

Speaker 47 No, no, no.

Speaker 60 It depends on the job. Depends on the job.
And it's not always the head. I mean, it can be like gashes

Speaker 60 or, you know, if he's cooking, he'll cut his finger almost off.

Speaker 60 I don't know. It's just, and it's just, and the other issue is that I am by nature very squeamish.
I don't like blood. I skipped biology when I was young.
It's that bad.

Speaker 60 But then he seems to have fun kind of like whatever's bleeding. Like he sent me a photo

Speaker 4 No, you may hand that out. You may hand that a photo

Speaker 60 of the share with it. The fro in the photo is not related to that head injury.
That's a separate thing.

Speaker 6 What is a separate thing? That fro.

Speaker 60 In Vermont, I guess you guys must know what a fro is. Yes.

Speaker 60 I didn't know until we got a fro.

Speaker 60 In any case, I spent a lot of time with a fairy. What's a fro?

Speaker 42 Well, in Vermont, it's certainly not an African-American haircut.

Speaker 47 Oh, no.

Speaker 60 I apologize.

Speaker 30 It's F-R-O-E.

Speaker 61 F-R-O-E.

Speaker 25 It's a kind of a tool.

Speaker 64 A tool that splits wood.

Speaker 20 A wood-splitting tool called a fro.

Speaker 26 And

Speaker 27 what did you do with the fro?

Speaker 15 How did you get that into your head?

Speaker 12 That was the end of the head.

Speaker 4 That wasn't in the head.

Speaker 46 Why am I looking at this picture of this fro?

Speaker 56 What is this, the hammocker slimmer cattle?

Speaker 60 This is my only little evidence picture page.

Speaker 65 I know, but you made it.

Speaker 28 Why is there a picture of a fro?

Speaker 36 It's a different incident.

Speaker 60 i mean okay so the fro was involved and when he got the fro he gets really sharp things he leaves xacto blades all over the place but the fro he bought i'm like you really need to or need to be careful with that fro you're going to cut yourself on that fro and he's like oh no i'm not going to do that and then he went out to chop that actually you weren't you were just picking it up you were just picking it up to use the frog

Speaker 37 but the fro you say yes i say no

Speaker 60 he didn't realize it would be so sharp anyway then he ran to me Did you pick it up by the blade?

Speaker 12 Apparently, I did.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he did it.

Speaker 47 Apparently.

Speaker 16 Let me see your hand.

Speaker 64 Not my best move. It's still scar.

Speaker 30 I didn't say it down there.

Speaker 26 Wow. Yeah, that's pretty deep.

Speaker 24 So the fro has nothing to do with this

Speaker 22 gash in his forehead that is bleeding in this photo that you've shared.

Speaker 27 I'm not going, we don't have projection here, so I'm not going to share it with you.

Speaker 60 But that was a head-hitting incident.

Speaker 4 That is a hit.

Speaker 60 Automatic

Speaker 16 something.

Speaker 3 Can I clarify something? Was the issue that whenever you print something out,

Speaker 12 a fro with a bloody hand appears on it?

Speaker 7 That's scary.

Speaker 3 Is this an elevated horror film, man?

Speaker 7 That's pretty A-24 horror over there.

Speaker 60 I was just sort of grouping my evidence together on the same page to be efficient to speak.

Speaker 37 Look,

Speaker 42 you did a wonderful job.

Speaker 10 The evidence of

Speaker 20 serious gravity here is this photo that you have taken of yourself in a mirror of a fairly nasty looking gash in your head.

Speaker 64 Yes.

Speaker 32 And then

Speaker 27 there's a photo, a screenshot of your phone.

Speaker 27 Adrian has texted this photo to you with the caption, and I'll hand this to Jesse, just another day for your adorable husband.

Speaker 29 Wow.

Speaker 16 It's a lot of blood.

Speaker 64 I maybe did not think that one through.

Speaker 3 Hold on, because John, you.

Speaker 51 Are you thinking through the other ones?

Speaker 64 I have a feeling I might be as the evening goes on.

Speaker 3 John, you left out part of the dialogue that is absolutely essential to capturing the spirit of this screen cap that we've been handed.

Speaker 3 There's the picture of the horrible blood pouring down his head.

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Then it says, just another day for your adorable husband

Speaker 3 emoji.

Speaker 3 Then she replies, Why did you do that?

Speaker 35 That's a good question, and I'll allow it.

Speaker 19 Why did you do that, Adrian?

Speaker 8 It's a two-part question.

Speaker 49 Three, actually.

Speaker 27 What did you do to your head?

Speaker 37 Explain what happened, if you remember.

Speaker 16 Second part, excuse me, sir. I'm sorry.
Sorry.

Speaker 26 Then why did you do it?

Speaker 8 And then more, why did you send this photo to Lisa since you know that she's squeamish about blood?

Speaker 64 The first two I think I can answer.

Speaker 29 Very good.

Speaker 64 I was, as always,

Speaker 64 so I do a lot of stuff

Speaker 16 around the house.

Speaker 25 All right, that's all I needed to hear.

Speaker 57 Thank you.

Speaker 64 Whether it's fixing things, running around, chopping things, whatever it might be, on that particular.

Speaker 3 Picking up blades with your bare hands.

Speaker 64 So I'm in the process of turning our

Speaker 64 garage into a woodworking shop.

Speaker 58 And I was-

Speaker 64 I was up a ladder and worked trying to hang some drywall on a beam that runs through the garage.

Speaker 64 And I maybe was a little too far up the ladder and maybe leaning across a little too far and kind of lost touch with the ladder.

Speaker 64 And on my way down, I happened to hit my head on the beam that I was hanging the sheet rock on.

Speaker 64 Quite simple, really.

Speaker 16 Did you need stitches?

Speaker 56 I can't tell.

Speaker 64 I think only once I've needed stitches.

Speaker 34 You never need stitches?

Speaker 60 He does need them, but avoid it.

Speaker 4 Tissue paper.

Speaker 60 He avoids it at all costs, and we'll bleed a lot instead. And I'll be wrapping things around.

Speaker 15 You're building a workshop, a woodworking shop.

Speaker 14 And you said garage, but I say garage.

Speaker 58 Thank you.

Speaker 17 Thank you, Yuron.

Speaker 64 I am warming to you.

Speaker 33 Thank you.

Speaker 54 Lisa,

Speaker 19 how do you feel about woodworking?

Speaker 23 What kind of tools are you going to have in your woodworking shop?

Speaker 64 Oh, well, I I have the tools. I just didn't have the shop.

Speaker 37 Hand tools only.

Speaker 27 Hand tools only, not electric band saws.

Speaker 64 I do have a band saw on the table.

Speaker 60 I trust him more with the power tools than I do with the hand tools. For some reason, he seems a lot more lax with the hand tools.

Speaker 13 Is that true? Do you take more care with the power tools than the hand tools?

Speaker 64 I think so, yes.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 3 John, this is a safety area. He's building this.
Any time he spends in the wood shop is time he doesn't spend in his private abattoir.

Speaker 28 So

Speaker 27 you haven't answered yet why you send these photos when you know,

Speaker 19 or do you know, you're not learning just now that it upsets your wife.

Speaker 64 Yeah, this one's,

Speaker 64 this is where I feel like I'm on the back foot, just a little.

Speaker 16 Don't fall over.

Speaker 12 Her reaction,

Speaker 64 as the night goes on, you might hear one of her squeals, and it's quite a squeal. And if I guess it's kind of cool.

Speaker 30 Can I interject?

Speaker 14 You may, give me a moment just to process what I just said.

Speaker 57 All right, now you may interject.

Speaker 60 I could just say, ask him about his childhood, if you would.

Speaker 57 Oh, Alex?

Speaker 51 Adrian, tell me about your childhood.

Speaker 64 It was a long time ago.

Speaker 60 He was the youngest, much younger.

Speaker 58 Of how many?

Speaker 8 Just of three.

Speaker 60 He had two older brothers and sister.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 56 His parents were exhausted.

Speaker 60 Didn't pay much attention. I mean, loved him very much.
Exhausted, though. And his older siblings teased him a lot.

Speaker 60 And I think to him, I'm both like the younger sibling he never had to tease.

Speaker 60 And also, in return, so I'm also ridiculously like nurturing. And when he gets wounded, as much as I hate it, and I hate the blood, well, part of it is I just want to cover up the blood.

Speaker 60 But I will go to all ends of the earth to

Speaker 60 run, get band-aids disinfected, and quickly, quickly. And he seems to just sit there in a very relaxed fashion, enjoying me, running around, trying to find things to stop the bleeding.

Speaker 60 And so it's a mixed thing. So he tortures me, and then I nurse him, and then I kiss his boo-boo.
And I should, I'm doing all the wrong things. I realize that.

Speaker 60 I'm enabling him.

Speaker 56 No, or it's just sexy roleplay.

Speaker 12 No, no,

Speaker 47 no.

Speaker 60 No, because I'm also really annoyed. Then I also get angry because I don't like blood and it makes me angry.
So he gets a wide range of reactions.

Speaker 60 And they're real. They're real reactions.

Speaker 10 I'm going to ask you, I'll remind you, you're under fake oath.

Speaker 19 So answer yes or no only, please.

Speaker 32 Do you send photos of your wounds because you know and enjoy the fact that it freaks Lisa out.

Speaker 14 Remember what we were talking about, the little screams?

Speaker 64 Yes, Your Honor.

Speaker 43 I appreciate that.

Speaker 42 And do you enjoy her ministering to your wounds?

Speaker 64 Yes, Your Honor.

Speaker 34 And Lisa, you say that you're squeamish, but you've managed to keep him patched up and together without without stitches.

Speaker 24 I mean, you're good at it.

Speaker 60 Yeah, I have another example. It's not blood.
So he was going down the stairs to put his shoes back.

Speaker 60 And instead of hitting his head, he slipped and fell. And next thing I know, he's running upstairs with his pinky finger bent 90 degrees the wrong way.
And he's like, look at this.

Speaker 47 And I'm like,

Speaker 60 so it's truly, for me, it's an attempt to just stop the distortion and whatever. So I'm very crafty and I like working with metal.

Speaker 60 So I run to my craft shop and I'm like forging him this splint because we had no splints.

Speaker 12 What the hell is going on in Massachusetts?

Speaker 12 So I'm like, I run it back, I put this splint.

Speaker 60 Anyway, by the time he got to the emergency room, because it was, it actually was bad, his doctor thought I was a medical professional. He was very impressed with my splint.

Speaker 3 Honestly,

Speaker 51 the mortgage out of wrought iron.

Speaker 60 So, yeah, I mean, maybe for me, it is a, I'm quietly satisfied by my ability to nurse said wounds and so forth.

Speaker 24 You described three categories of Adrian's injuries.

Speaker 54 I did. Would you like to list the categories or shall I?

Speaker 25 You can. Okay, because I have them right now.

Speaker 60 Yes, go for it.

Speaker 14 Injuries that happen when I've asked him to do something.

Speaker 64 Yes.

Speaker 64 Most of them.

Speaker 19 Put your shoes away, for example.

Speaker 42 Injuries that add an element of romance while I dress his wound.

Speaker 24 And third category: injuries that happen after I've warned him.

Speaker 60 Thus, the fro. That's where the fro comes in.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 26 Oh, did you warn him not to grab his fro by the blade?

Speaker 60 I just said stay away from the fro.

Speaker 60 And he didn't stay away from the frost.

Speaker 25 And he didn't stay away from the fro.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 54 Adrian, are these categories fair?

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 64 I believe so.

Speaker 64 I believe so.

Speaker 46 Lisa, you want me to rule that Adrian exercise more caution.

Speaker 14 Do you think that that's even possible?

Speaker 60 I realize that's asking a lot.

Speaker 60 So I understand that is an unrealistic request, that particular one.

Speaker 60 But at least maybe don't bleed in my direction.

Speaker 5 That would be great.

Speaker 14 So that if he hurts himself, he should not come to you for primary care.

Speaker 35 Yeah. Because it makes you uncomfortable.

Speaker 60 Yeah, because, well, and it's a little, it's disproportionate because when I get injured, I'm very self-sufficient.

Speaker 60 I take care of myself, but there was one time that I sprayed myself in the eye with Poison Ivy Killer.

Speaker 60 I was holding, you know, those automatic ones. Anyway, I got my eye and it hurt.
And I said, please go get the eye wash.

Speaker 60 And then, so when I get hurt, he runs around like a chicken with its head cut off and is like, where do I go? Where do I go? What do I do?

Speaker 36 And I'm like, it's in the closet on the first shoe.

Speaker 12 Does he have the fro by

Speaker 56 the blade and he's gesturing around the house with it, knocking things over to his own head?

Speaker 35 Bonk, bonk, bonk.

Speaker 37 Cans of cream corn coming down.

Speaker 60 Okay, maybe not that bad. But I mean, no, he honestly, in these occasions, will even like fall or hit his head looking for what I need him to like help me with if I need, like, if I'm bleeding.

Speaker 60 Because I, anyway, and so I, by the time he runs down to say he couldn't find the eye wash, which was exactly where I said it was,

Speaker 60 I had already stuck my head in a bucket that was in the the basement of water. So I just managed it myself.
So if it was equal, right? If I got injured and he did the same for me, I might not be here.

Speaker 3 Honestly, I'm just listening to this and thinking about the fact that you have industrial safety equipment in your home. In every closet, there's like

Speaker 3 one of those fire extinguishers for chemical fires only.

Speaker 16 He's got a wood shop and she's got a full blacksmith operation.

Speaker 23 They got to have an eyewash.

Speaker 12 Adrian,

Speaker 14 do you think that this is something that you could, with a little extra care, stop from happening as often?

Speaker 64 I'm not sure I could, Your Honor. I think

Speaker 12 it's his passion.

Speaker 64 I don't wake up every day thinking, I think I'm going to bunk my head today.

Speaker 27 Why not?

Speaker 16 There seems to be precedent.

Speaker 64 I run around a lot, I do a lot of things, and sometimes things get in the way, whether that's my head or my hand or something else.

Speaker 64 Just maybe a little more understanding on that front,

Speaker 64 that

Speaker 64 I'm bringing a lot to the relationship with the things that I do.

Speaker 56 This is starting

Speaker 64 and in the process of bringing those things, doing the work, taking my shoes downstairs,

Speaker 64 making nice furniture for the living room.

Speaker 64 Sure, I might have a little accident along the way, but I'm not sitting on the couch watching football every Sunday.

Speaker 14 Is it true that he's a handy woodworker when he's not injuring himself? Do you have some beautiful blood-stained furniture that he's made for you?

Speaker 60 I haven't seen any furniture yet.

Speaker 47 Have you made the furniture yet?

Speaker 60 I hear talk of the furniture.

Speaker 11 What are you working on?

Speaker 33 Our entire entertainment center.

Speaker 4 Sorry, our entire entertainment center.

Speaker 60 I apologize.

Speaker 60 He did make a nice entertainment center. Yes, he did.
That was a while ago. I forgot.

Speaker 6 And what kind of

Speaker 3 You mean like maybe 1997 when people had entertainment centers in their house?

Speaker 8 Good point. Thank you.

Speaker 15 What kind of wood did you make the entertainment center out of?

Speaker 25 That's out of cherry.

Speaker 19 Cherry wood.

Speaker 14 It demands a blood sacrifice, cherry.

Speaker 25 It does.

Speaker 64 It's good to hand split it first with a throw.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 3 John, everything that Adrian just said sounded basically like this to me. Hey, so I do a lot of things around the house.

Speaker 8 I'm going to be running around.

Speaker 3 And if something should get run into.

Speaker 3 so I'm thinking maybe Lisa you should buy some insurance yeah

Speaker 27 by the way Jesse your English accent is getting really thank you

Speaker 30 yeah

Speaker 64 felt like home

Speaker 65 if a wound might get opened

Speaker 27 all right I think I've heard everything I need to in order to make my decision I am going to descend into my chambers I'll be back in a moment with my verdict please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Speaker 3 Lisa, how are you feeling about your chances in the case right now?

Speaker 60 I think pretty good as far as the bleeding portion goes. I would think he'd have sympathy for me on that one based on what I've heard him rule in the past.

Speaker 60 Because

Speaker 60 if I don't like things, then he shouldn't

Speaker 33 make me try.

Speaker 3 It seems like a big piece of this could end up being whether Judge Hodgman knows that you just mount TVs on the wall now.

Speaker 3 Adrian, how are you feeling about your chances?

Speaker 64 I'm not feeling great. I think I was on the back foot from the start here.

Speaker 3 Or the front foot.

Speaker 11 Head over heels. And then,

Speaker 30 yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, we'll see what Judge Hodgman has to say about all this.

Speaker 66 If you like too many podcasts, you'll love Sound Teap with John Lick Roberts.

Speaker 66 It's got clips from all your favourite podcasts, such as Diary of a Tiny CEO, Leonard Sprague, tell me how you make your money. I go to the beach and I steal people's towels.
Remember armour.

Speaker 67 Remember the trend of everyone whacking themselves on the head with hammers and mallets when they wanted to lose weight?

Speaker 66 And LT John's lobbily songs. I'm here today with Kiki D.

Speaker 30 Hello Kiki D.

Speaker 68 Hello Elton.

Speaker 66 There's dozens of episodes to catch up on and brand new episodes going out right now. So if you want far, far, far too many podcasts, then look for Sound Teap on maximum fun.

Speaker 47 Boop boop.

Speaker 68 All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show. Let's learn everything.
So let's do a quick progress check. Have we learned about quantum physics?

Speaker 59 Yes, episode 59.

Speaker 68 We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we? Yes, we have. Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Speaker 36 Episode 64.

Speaker 68 So, how close are we to learning everything?

Speaker 68 Bad news, we still haven't learned everything yet.

Speaker 57 Oh, we're ruined!

Speaker 68 No, no, no, it's good news as well. There is still a lot to learn.
Woo! I'm Dr. Ella Hubber.

Speaker 66 I'm regular Tom Long.

Speaker 68 I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

Speaker 68 And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about about this next episode.

Speaker 59 Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Speaker 1 Judge Hodgman, we're taking a break from the stage at the higher ground ballroom. What's going on with you?

Speaker 2 Well, as you may know, Jesse, I am recording right now from my summer chambers up here in the state of Maine, specifically WERU FM 89.9 on your FM dial in Orland, Maine.

Speaker 2 And if you're not in Orland, Maine, you can get it throughout the world at WERU.org. You may know, and if you don't, please do know that we are in the midst of WERU's pledge drive.

Speaker 2 WERU is a wonderful community-supported and community-programmed station. It's one of the last true free form stations that I'm aware of in the Northeast or the United States.

Speaker 2 A third of its budget is being lost due to Congress defunding the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. It's hard times for community radio stations all around the country.
WERU is no exception.

Speaker 2 It also happens to be a really fun place that programs some really indispensable, not only music, but news and community information. So I hope you will check out the station, weru.org.

Speaker 2 It's a lot of fun to listen to. If you know Joel the main man man, say hi, Joel.
Hello. Yep.

Speaker 2 You'll know that he's been a staple of our program for almost a decade now, and we could not do the show without his support and WERU support. I hope you will offer them.
your support if you can.

Speaker 2 Also, would like to remind you that a friend of the court, Margaret Grace Myers, has written a wonderful history and fascinating and upsetting and truly interesting history of sex education in America.

Speaker 2 It's called The Fight for Sex Ed, the century-long battle between truth and doctrine, and it's available very shortly wherever books are sold.

Speaker 2 August 12th, 2025, Beacon Press brings it to your bookstore and libraries. The Fight for Sex Ed by Margaret Grace Myers.
Check it out. Jesse Thorne, what's going on in your world?

Speaker 1 There are two great interviews on Bullseye with Jesse Jesse Thorne this week.

Speaker 1 One with the great punk rock band Pup and one with Akiva Schaffer, who is, of course, a member of The Lonely Island, but also, more importantly and more timely,

Speaker 1 he is the director of the new Naked Gun movie, which is hilarious.

Speaker 2 I hear that's a very funny movie. Comedy's back in theaters, everyone.

Speaker 1 Also the director of pop star Never Stop, Never Stopping, which if you haven't seen is

Speaker 1 one of the five or ten funniest movies of the last 20 years, just a hilarious, hilarious movie. Um, so go listen to that interview with Akiva Schaffer.

Speaker 1 I also have been pouring new items into the put this on shop at putthisonshop.com. So, I hope that you will all go and check out put this on.

Speaker 1 You'll get ready for your uh autumn with items from the put this on shop. We've got all kinds of clothes and gifts and vintage and antique items

Speaker 1 and all kinds of just amazing, awesome stuff.

Speaker 1 So go to putthisonshop.com. We actually still have a few,

Speaker 1 a few of our New York State of Mind and California Soul baseball caps, which are handmade in Pennsylvania,

Speaker 1 one at a time by one human being,

Speaker 1 and are absolutely gorgeous. leather bands, leather size adjusters made of wool flannel, and you can find them right there at putthisonshop.com.
There's only a couple left of each one.

Speaker 2 I'll just repeat: putthisonshop.com. Go check it out.

Speaker 1 Let's get back to Burlington, Vermont.

Speaker 3 Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict.

Speaker 14 Just standing up, I got a terrible head rush.

Speaker 19 Lisa and Adrian, I have really enjoyed hearing about the strange, sexy, silent comedy life you have

Speaker 14 in your extremely dangerous house in Massachusetts.

Speaker 23 And

Speaker 19 I do sympathize as someone who has bonked my head plenty of times without even being particularly tall.

Speaker 15 And

Speaker 5 I don't mind being taken care of when I am feeling ill or poorly by the person I love the most in life and share my life with.

Speaker 33 My wife is a whole human being in her own right.

Speaker 24 She hates it and refuses to do it.

Speaker 11 I don't mind putting it out there.

Speaker 36 I think she would agree.

Speaker 26 If I get sick, she gets mad at me.

Speaker 44 I can see it.

Speaker 30 Yeah.

Speaker 11 She's really cool.

Speaker 6 She really is.

Speaker 33 She really is.

Speaker 41 It is a pleasure to be doted upon when you are bleeding,

Speaker 56 as it is also, I trust, a pleasure to dote upon the person that you love and not hurt yourself while trying to flush their eyes out of poison ivy poison or whatever it is

Speaker 32 put

Speaker 46 in Lisa's eye.

Speaker 19 When our children were growing up, they had accidents.

Speaker 34 And our rule in the house was, hey, accidents happen.

Speaker 13 Have less of them.

Speaker 32 Make it happen less.

Speaker 42 Pay more attention.

Speaker 27 And that didn't change anything.

Speaker 21 But I still think that when one knows that one is a little bit clumsy or moves too fast or what have you,

Speaker 17 that they should exercise care.

Speaker 27 Because there could very well be a time when you injure yourself that it is not simply something that can be treated with, I think you said, tissue paper.

Speaker 11 Okay, I don't know what's going on in the first aid kits in England,

Speaker 15 but we use tissue paper to line gift bags,

Speaker 17 not to stop bleeding.

Speaker 10 There might come a time when you have an injury that Lisa can't help you with.

Speaker 11 And obviously, it's already happened.

Speaker 33 You had to go to the emergency room, which is

Speaker 35 time-consuming and expensive and traumatic.

Speaker 14 And you shouldn't shouldn't visit this stuff upon the person that you love.

Speaker 24 That said, I think for you, it's going to happen,

Speaker 35 both out of a natural clumsiness and stubbornness.

Speaker 27 I'm a little concerned about the way you're sitting on this stool right now.

Speaker 35 Quite honestly, a little too jaunty for me.

Speaker 27 A little afraid that someone's going to call they're going to collapse beneath both of you simultaneously, and then a chicken with his head cut off is going to run around the stage, and someone's going to start playing Yackety Sacks, the Benny Hill theme.

Speaker 46 That might be a little bit beyond your control, though I do,

Speaker 14 in a friendly manner, order you to try to take some extra care, especially since,

Speaker 40 like me,

Speaker 22 your time moves in one direction and you're getting older, and your coordination is going to diminish.

Speaker 39 As

Speaker 41 compromised as it already is, it's going to get worse.

Speaker 22 One thing that I do think that I can order without reservation is don't tease your wife with pictures of your wounds.

Speaker 27 I'm sorry.

Speaker 16 It's mean to her.

Speaker 19 My wife, who is a whole human being in her own right, also is squeamish around blood and really, really upsets her.

Speaker 14 So I would not send her a picture of, say, the wound I have

Speaker 34 when I ran into a wall and busted my head open.

Speaker 13 I didn't show it to her.

Speaker 22 I didn't demand help from her.

Speaker 19 I simply got my daughter's friend to drive me to the hospital.

Speaker 25 because she had her driver's license.

Speaker 19 Scars, like the one that I have on my forehead, are very, I mean, when they last, you're lucky that you don't have a scar.

Speaker 36 But do you have one? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 18 There's one there. Oh, okay.

Speaker 6 Well, you should be embarrassed about that.

Speaker 14 It is to me a reminder of poor decision-making

Speaker 44 that embarrasses me every time I look in the mirror, you know.

Speaker 26 But that said,

Speaker 34 since you know that Lisa doesn't enjoy the pictures of the wounds, you have to find your

Speaker 11 kink elsewhere

Speaker 14 and not send her that stuff and not tease her and not provoke a response, especially if you want her to take care of you.

Speaker 64 Can I just get one clarification, Jesse?

Speaker 33 You may.

Speaker 64 Only when there's blood involved or any kind of injury.

Speaker 60 And

Speaker 57 all body horror.

Speaker 44 Yeah, Cronenberg.

Speaker 3 What if I'm turning into a fly?

Speaker 24 Yeah, don't stick any video cassettes into your abdomen or anything either.

Speaker 14 And some deeper cuts out there.

Speaker 19 Okay, I like it.

Speaker 14 In any case, keep your blood to yourself and do take care of yourself and continue to take care of each other as you do so well. This is the sound of a gavel.

Speaker 27 Judge John Hodgman rules that is all.

Speaker 3 Thank you, Lisa and Adrian.

Speaker 1 That's it for this episode of the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Thank you to Reddit user SJ Hamilton43 for naming the case in this episode.

Speaker 1 You can follow us on Instagram at JudgeJohnHodgman, where we post evidence and pictures of pets and dank memes and other good things, clips from the show.

Speaker 2 Polls and quizzes, even.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sometimes polls and quizzes. We're on YouTube and TikTok at JudgeJohn Hodgman Pod, where you can watch video from the show.
Great place to go and smash those like and subscribe buttons.

Speaker 1 If you're looking for somewhere to go and smash like and subscribe buttons, can I recommend YouTube and TikTok?

Speaker 2 Yeah, JudgeJohn Hodgman Pod.

Speaker 1 The Judge John Hodgman podcast created by John Hodgman and Jesse Thorne. This episode was recorded by Matthew Barnhart.

Speaker 1 Hey, Maddie. Dan Telfer is our social media manager.
A.J. McKeon, our podcast editor.
Daniel Spears, our video editor. Our producer is Jennifer Marmer.

Speaker 1 And we will talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

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