TEASER: Lawn and Hors D'oeuvres Live in Los Angeles

It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne.

With me is Judge John Hodgman.

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Let me say.

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That's right.

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Here's a little taste of our live show at Dynasty Typewriter.

It's the city of tomorrow there in New York City, but right now we're here in Los Angeles, the city of three hours ago from where I live.

So let's go ahead and hear this case.

Jesse, you say that you live here in Los Angeles.

Yes.

What neighborhood?

Mid-City.

Technically, it's called Pickfairville.

Are you making up new neighborhoods?

Oh, there are many neighborhoods.

I've been visiting this place for a long time.

All right, mid-city.

John, I've lived in Los Angeles for 15 years, and any time someone says what neighborhood they live in, you've never heard it.

I am pretty sure they're making it new.

Yeah, absolutely.

Mid-city.

Okay, I mean, specifically, what street address tell me.

It's near.

Okay, that's actually very specific.

We'll bleep it out.

So anyway, John.

Our neighbor might find out.

John, someone just gave me a map of Los Angeles and west of Western and just said, here be dragons.

But there be no dragons in your neighbor's yard.

There be food scraps, correct?

Is that the problem, Jesse?

Absolutely.

So your name,

be clear here.

You live next door to a person.

I don't want to hear,

it's a her person, right?

I don't want to hear her actual name.

Can we come up with

Scrappy?

I mean, like, trashy?

What's the name?

Scrappy works.

Scrappy, Miss Scrappy.

Scrappy the neighbor.

And she's tossing food scraps into her own yard, not into your yard.

Her own yard.

Into her own yard.

So, how does this affect you?

So,

there are all different kinds of food scraps that are

decaying on the lawn, and every day we walk our dog in the neighborhood.

This is the beginning of a very strange children's book.

Oh, yeah.

There are many different kinds of food scraps in the world.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So, we tisserie chicken, grapes, pringles, noodles, whatever they had for lunch or dinner that they didn't finish.

I believe that we now have some photographic evidence.

We do.

We do.

So let's take a look at exhibit A.

Yes.

Is this the back or front yard?

This is the front and that's the sidewalk.

They have a corner lot, so it's like the side of their house, but not necessarily the front.

I think the more important thing to notice here is it's not just food scraps, it's also paper plates and styrofoam containers.

It is what the food came on as well.

Yeah, that's not stuff that is necessarily scraps, but trash.

Okay, so let's see the next exhibit, please.

All right.

Now, this looks like some raviolis and maybe a pad tie or something.

Yeah.

On tox of a, I think that's a Dixie brand plate.

Hey, Dixie brand sponsored Judge John Hodgman.

You're welcome.

I think this is Italian Chinese fusion.

Okay.

I got to tell you, we are lucky my dog Junior is not here because he would be losing his freaking mind right now.

For sure.

This is where he's going to go after he dies to this yard.

And this is where it really affects us.

All right, well, we're getting into it.

I think there's one more piece of evidence.

Julie, you mentioned rotisserie chicken.

Show me rotisserie chicken.

That is a chicken carcass.

Now,

that could be used to make a stock.

John, you say that as though you've never made ravioli stock.

Maybe this is like the sun tea of chicken stock.

Well, first we put it in the lawn for five days

and just let it steep.

I have to say that while the first thing that surprised me about the evidence that we saw is that the containers were also present, the second thing that surprised me is, honestly, this looks like a very well-kept lawn otherwise.

She is all over her lawn.

It's very well manicured.

Everything else is perfect.

Except Except when she's dumping garbage on it.

It gets picked up pretty quickly.

By whom?

Yeah, who picks it up?

By the local flora and fauna.

Probably not the flora.

No.

No, mostly, mostly, mostly.

When it's not our dog.

Although I forgot Mid City is famous for its

trash-eating plants.

Yeah.

It's Feed Me Seymours.

I mean, honestly, John, West of Koreatown, I wouldn't know.

Right on?

Did you have fun listening to that?

I think

you probably did.

Yeah, I did.

We had a great time doing it, too.

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Like it doesn't pay for itself.

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