Daylight Savings Crime

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I'm guest payload, Defi White Away from Who Shot Ya on maximumfund.org.

This week, Daylight Savings Crime.

Carrie files suit against her husband, Joshua.

Carrie and Joshua had solar panels installed on their house in July of 2019.

Since then, Joshua has been monitoring their solar production and is actively trying to make the household more energy efficient.

Carrie believes that Joshua's interest in energy efficiency has gotten out of hand.

Joshua would like the whole family to get on board with his energy savings goal.

Who's right?

Who's wrong?

Only one can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

Our people, Bruce, you laugh at them.

They can do this, and you laugh.

They can split the very fabric of reality, blast a hundred thousand tons of sand into the sky.

They are tiny and stupid and vicious, but please listen to them.

Please.

I am slow and dying.

I need only reach the sun.

I've always loved you, though I was born a galaxy away.

I have always served you.

The same power, the sun's power, fuels us both.

You hold it here, you store it.

I beg you, for a suffering world, release it.

Guest Bailiff Ify Wadiway, can you please swear the litigants in?

Carrie and Joshua, please rise and raise your right hands.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever?

I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that you are probably expecting Jesse Thorne, but instead, you got one sexy, buff, chocolatey podcaster instead?

I do.

I do.

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Carrie and Joshua, you may be seated.

Sexy, buff, chocolatey podcaster.

Ify Wadiway

joins us as today's guest bailiff, you might know Iffy from another Maximum Fun show, the excellent movie podcast called Who Shot Ya?

And if you don't know that show and you don't know Iffy, come on, you're making a mistake.

He also holds the Nerdificent podcast with Danny Fernandez, in which they take a deep dive into a different nerdy subject each week.

And because,

oh, bailiff, my bailiff, Jesse Thorne, is feeling a little poorly in his tum-tum, ify jumped in, saving the day like a superhero to guest bailiff this episode of Judge John Hodgin podcast.

Thank you so much, Ify's.

I'm so glad you're here.

Oh, I'm happy to be here.

Got this cool police outfit that I'm wearing.

You should know this is a totally non-visual medium.

Yeah, well, you know, just imagine it, listeners.

It's real tight.

Yeah.

Awesome.

You are listening along to the cultural reference.

You can make a guess, too, if you feel like it, if you.

But for an immediate summary judgment in one of yours favors, can either you, Carrie, or you, Joshua, or you, ify, name the piece of culture I referenced when I entered the courtroom, Carrie.

Why don't we start with you?

One of the Batman movies.

One of the Batman movies.

Valid guess.

You want to take a shot at which one?

Could be any of them, so long as it is the Dark Knight, which is the Batman movie, as far as I'm concerned.

That's the one I was going to say, actually, yeah.

We'll put in the Dark Knight.

Now, Joshua, your turn.

What's your guess?

It's got to have something to do with Leonardo DiCaprio.

I don't know what, but it sounds like something he'd be involved in.

I'm sorry.

Am I I talking to Joshua or Martin Scorsese?

Why?

Why does it have to have anything to do with Leonardo DiCaprio?

There are other actors in the world, Mr.

Scorsese.

Why?

Why is it always Leonardo DiCaprio?

I mean, it's energy.

It's Leonardo DiCaprio.

It's something good.

Whatever you said, I really liked it.

So I'm guessing Leonardo had some part to play in it.

Well, I think I can already rule on this case.

Should we even continue?

Look, I know that Leonardo DiCaprio is a listener to this podcast.

I don't know that.

I hope that's true.

Look, he's a very talented actor, but it doesn't have to be in every Martin Scarces movie, right, Iffy?

No, not at all.

Even though I do want the Leonardo cut of Taxi Driver,

see what he does with it.

How many reboots of Taxi Driver can we get in 2019?

We already got one.

Yeah,

we sure did.

I'm ready for another.

Let's buckle up.

Yeah.

Ify and I, we're movie buffs.

We're talking about Joker.

It's just a taxi driver king of comedy mashup, right?

Yeah, that's exactly what we said on the pod.

Who shot you your podcast about movies that everyone should be listening to?

Oh, yeah.

I'm not stealing your idea, though.

I got that idea because at the Alamo draft house, we're going to, Carrie and Joshua, we're going to give you true justice in a moment, but we've got to talk about Joker for a second.

My son is 14 years old, and I took him to see Joker because it had to happen.

He did not understand the context in which this movie was made.

He did not understand the director's really dumb comments about who can be funny in this age of PC wokeness wokeness or whatever.

He did not understand that it was a celebration of an incel

creep.

He just knew it was a joker.

And he's got good taste in movies.

And at the Alamo Draft House in downtown Brooklyn, which is where I like to see the movies, if not at the Nighthawk Pavilion.

They knew what was going on because before the movie, they showed the trailer for King of Comedy and then they showed the trailer for Taxi Driver, the original trailers.

Yeah, those are some cinema nerds.

They're like, oh, we got you.

Yeah.

And my son, I felt him during the trailer for Taxi Driver lean in, like just lean forward, watching it wrapped.

And then he turned to me and he said, why have you never shown me this movie?

It's been a long time since I've seen Taxi Driver.

But I think I have some memories of why I would not show it to someone when they were 10 or 11 or 12.

14, I have to go back and take a look.

But I was happy because clearly he was responding to the movie making.

Yeah.

Even in the trailer.

And that's why after he saw Joker, he's like, what'd you think?

I was like, it wasn't as bad as I thought.

And he goes, that was the greatest movie I've ever seen.

I'm like, I know, because I didn't show you taxi driver.

That's my failure as a father.

I didn't show you taxi driver when you were nine.

We got to sit down and watch this.

Yes, see, you just got to jump on that.

I've shown my three-year-old daughter Monster's Ball already.

I had to get her to

drink that in

joshua and carry do you have children yes two

how old are they if i may ask 15 and 11.

do you guys want to have a taxi driver party

i don't know how much energy the tv soaks up in your household whether you're allowed to watch movies anymore because i know you're trying to conserve energy you have to show your kids stuff that's a little bit above their pay group i think you've got to be open to showing stuff that challenges them but in any case all right so iffy did you have a guest for the cultural reference or no i'm on uh team Carry carry already.

I'm thinking it's Batman, but I think it's the Tim Burton Batman.

I think it's the Tim Burton Batman.

I'm so excited by your guesses because they're all wrong.

But they're all pretty close.

It's because I said Bruce at the top, right?

Was that?

Oh, yeah.

You know what it's from?

It's from a comic book called The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller, Klaus Jansen, and Lynn Varley.

It's Superman's monologue after he stops the nuclear weapon and it blasts sand up in the sky and he's blocked off from the sun because he survived a full-on nuclear explosion flying desperately to try to get to the sun because that is the source of the yellow sun of earth our planet his adopted planet is what gives him his powers

and even though frank miller is a problematic person politically

he went through some stuff

I think he's very ill now, but I think that he's kind of come around a little bit.

I've read read some interviews lately where he's like, yeah, I was going through some hard things and I said some things that I shouldn't have said.

I don't think he's made full amends for the bad work that he put out after 9-11.

But this is still an important part of comic storytelling.

Yeah.

Do you feel okay about me including it if he?

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, Dark Knight 2 is like a very integral, speaking of Joker, they borrowed one of the scenes from The Dark Knight.

That shot of him smoking a cigarette off to the side of the TV show

is a direct reference to an illustration from from that.

So, anyway, yeah, there you go.

Are we still doing this?

Yes, we are.

The Judge John Hodgman podcast, mashed up with Who Shot You, Movie Talk and Justice Talk with me, Iffy, and Joshua and Carrie.

Carrie, you bring the case to this court.

Tell us the nature of the dispute and what the problem is.

Like you said, we got solar panels in July of this year.

They were installed.

I was very excited, and Josh was very excited and never stopped talking about it.

He would check the meters like once an hour and come in and report how much production the solar panels were doing and let me know about it.

And then he would change things around the house, unplug different appliances and then go check the meters again and see if it made any effect.

And then he'd run around the house and it was fun for a while to watch, but then it just got a little overwhelming.

And where do you live?

In Minneapolis.

Oh, so that's interesting because you have these solar panels and yet you have no sunshine.

Yeah.

Last night Josh said, oh, we just lost another hour of sun.

I know.

As we're recording this, it's just a day or two after we fell back.

And you lost an hour of precious, weak, middling northern sun up there in Minnesota.

I'm being facetious, of course.

I love Minneapolis-St.

Paul.

I recently visited visited there and had a great time, but it is a cold, dark place in the winter.

When the sun shines, it shines hard and it shines hard upon your panels.

Joshua, what inspired you to install the panels?

How did you go about doing it?

In case some listeners want to do it, and then we'll talk a little bit more about your mania.

Yeah, so I've just always been an environmentalist and wanted to kind of take it to the next level.

And we looked at panels for a while, and there was a company, All Energy Solar, that, you know, puts them in in in minneapolis and they came over they looked at the house it wasn't going to work on the house but then they said you know what your garage gets a lot of sun i said let's do it let's get them up on the garage so they put them up there and they said this should provide you two-thirds of your electricity and i said well that's great but i want to provide a hundred percent and that's the goal i've been going at ever since

well if the solar panel company says this is going to provide two-thirds of your electricity

i mean it's their job we have to come in with the consumption part.

They got us two-thirds of the way, and I'll bring us the other third with great ideas around the house.

And so that's what I'm working on right now.

You're talking about reducing your consumption of electricity so that it zeroes out.

Correct.

So when we had a home in Western Massachusetts, and it's a little hard for me to say that in the past tense, but it's true.

It's in the past now.

Our dear neighbors, the LeBlancs, Dave and Cindy and Aaron, they installed solar panels on their house.

But basically, they were selling the electricity that they were generating to the power company who was then crediting their account.

Is that how it works for you?

Yeah, so basically, when we're producing more energy than we need, we're basically selling it back to the electric company.

And then, when obviously when we're not able to produce enough, then

the company sends us their electricity.

Right.

So, you're not just hoarding it all for yourself.

Correct.

So, my question is: maybe the two-thirds is part of the deal, right?

Maybe the power company wants a third of that of the solar energy that you're collecting to sell to other consumers.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

What I do know is that the closer I can get to zero, the happier I feel.

So I can say that much.

I have a feeling that our listeners are less interested in the mechanics of solar energy production and resale and more interested in your feelings.

So let's talk about them.

You've sent in some evidence, some photographic evidence, both of you have.

All these photos can be seen at the Judge John Hodgman page at maximumfund.org or on our Instagram account at judgejohnhodgman, all one word, all small letters, including evidence submitted by Carrie.

But to the point of this discussion, a photo of your energy and solar meters, the ones that you like to check.

Tell me about what I'm seeing in this photograph on the side of the house, Carrie.

There's two meters.

Right.

One is like our energy meter, our consumption, and one is our production.

Okay.

So you can see by looking at those meters how much energy the panels are producing and how much we're using as a household.

And is that a real-time measure, Joshua?

Like, what's the measurement unit?

Yeah, it's very real.

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

You know, if the direction arrow is going to the left, that means you're producing.

If it's going to the right, it means you're consuming.

And it shows the numbers.

right there in real time for you to see like in the moment how you're doing.

And so when you go out there, like what's what's a readout that would make you happy?

What would that look like?

Numbers?

Arrows?

I don't understand.

Yeah, it'd be both.

The arrow is going to the left.

That's my first indicator that I'm going to have a smile on my face because that means we're producing.

If I'm not seeing a big difference between kind of how much we've consumed and what we're producing, then I'm also happy.

You know, the closer those numbers are, the happier I am.

So I look at two numbers and then the direction that the arrow is going.

So Carrie also sent in a photo that she took of you looking at these meters.

It's something of a creep shot, Carrie, I have to say.

Like you could have gone outside with him, but instead it's a photo from inside the house, taking a photo through the window of Joshua looking at the meters.

The window itself is strategically situated so that we cannot see if he is smiling or scowling.

So I don't know what he's seeing at this moment.

I do see that he's wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt, for which I will make no comment.

I do want to point out that it's the Grateful Dead shirt with the lightning bolt on it.

So it could just be a sign of his fanaticism for electricity and not necessarily the band itself.

And, you know, just wanted to put that out for your honor.

Joshua does not require your excuses.

He likes what he likes and he likes the Grateful Dead, right, Joshua?

Very much.

Very much.

Okay.

And I also see a variety of pillar candles on the windowsill, which to me suggests that Joshua prefers that you don't use electricity at all in order order to make them happy.

Carrie, does that reflect what I'm seeing pretty accurately?

Pretty accurately, yeah.

Yeah.

Tell us again how often Joshua is out there staring at his meters.

Well, it has decreased since the summer, but in the summer it was like once an hour.

Is that true?

I'm not lying.

Once an hour?

What are you doing all day, Joshua?

Do you have a job?

Not in the summertime, no.

That kind of is my summer job to make sure that the production is what we need it to be.

Yep.

Do you work in education?

Yeah.

I'm a social worker in an elementary school.

Oh, that's awesome.

Fantastic.

And Carrie, what do you do all day, if I may ask?

I'm a teacher.

Oh, wonderful.

Joshua, do you feel that going out once an hour is helpful to your cause?

What I like to do are things that bring me joy.

And if I go out there and it makes me happy, then yeah, it is helpful.

Yeah.

Right now, it's, you know, it's getting wintertime.

I'm not out there as much but you know everything when I go out there and I see good numbers I get happy and I want to come in and share it with Carrie and kind of let her know that like we're doing good and so it brings me joy it makes me happy so I'm going to share what was the best hour what was the outcome that you were the happiest about was it just that it was really sunny you were producing a lot or was there a situation where you were doing some a b testing and you realized that if you unplugged every electric device that you could zero out i think a little bit of both.

I think when I realized like, oh yeah, most of the appliances I don't even need to think about because they don't take up much electricity.

But for example, the laundry, the dryer, it just crushes electricity and I could start hanging clothes.

That brought me more joy than like anything else.

That made me really happy to hang clothes in the backyard, hang them in the basement.

It like, that brought me a lot of joy.

Let's take a quick recess.

We'll be back in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

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Court is back in in session.

Let's return to the courtroom for more justice.

And what other things did you learn about your energy consumption that surprised you in terms of stuff that you could turn off that would save a lot of energy?

Well, I think that we can put our router to sleep at night, and that kind of saves us energy.

The kids have a PS4 that sucks up a lot of electricity that we can turn off when they're not using it.

Things like that are things that, you know, kind of easy things that we've been doing.

I think that they're easy.

Things that connect you to the modern world.

True.

Yeah.

No, that's fair.

That's interesting.

Does turning off the router save a lot of energy or is it just a marginal thing?

I'd say it's a little more than marginal.

It's a little more than like, you know, charging your phones or having your radio plugged in, but

it's not a lot of energy, no.

Okay.

What was the best outcome you ever had?

Because I know you also sent in a spreadsheet.

Have you ever listened to the podcast before?

I've listened to a show before, yeah.

Oh, to one episode.

I did, yes.

So you may not know the precedent in this court that dudes who send in spreadsheets tend to be looked upon poorly.

I did not know that, no.

Well, it's in part because it's asking me to do homework that I don't feel like doing.

And second, it tends to suggest a certain hobgobliny ordered mind.

The spreadsheet has a lot of numbers.

I have a current energy usage tab and a projected 20-year energy tab.

What I'm hoping to glean from this data and your interpretation of it for me, please.

What row, column, cell should I be looking at on your spreadsheet that really shows that what you're doing is awesome and not attentively weird?

Last year, during July, we used 930 kilowatt hours of electricity.

This year, during the same time, we use 27.

And so for me, that shows like we're making a major difference.

Yeah.

And so were you a net producer in July for sure, all of July?

You must have made a lot more energy than you used.

We were just a little bit undermaking that because we did have the air conditioner going in the summertime.

And air conditioners.

What?

I know.

How dare you?

Carrie, if Joshua is conserving energy around the margins, but he's still leaving the air conditioner on, this, I think, undercuts your case that what he's doing is overly disruptive to the household.

I would say that it probably wasn't Josh's decision to run the air conditioner.

Okay.

And

yeah.

Yeah, because you want to live like human beings.

Yes.

Right.

Yeah.

Joshua, would you prefer to turn off the air conditioner in July?

Because it gets hot in Minnesota.

I mean, there's a few days I'm going to want it on, but most of the time, I've always just been a window fan guy.

But yeah, there's times in the summer where, yeah, in July, you got to have it on for a week or two because it gets hot.

So we turn it on.

But air conditioning consumes a lot of energy.

And I would imagine if this were a preoccupation for you as opposed to a fun hobby, that having that air conditioner on would drive you a little bananas.

It's painful.

How do you feel when the air conditioner is on and you know your stats are going down?

You know, I'm good most of the day, but then like as we move into maybe like the evening and it's been on for, you know, 12, 15 hours and I'm thinking, I think we can probably open up some windows and get a fan on.

And I know that I'm the only one that's thinking that.

You know, I have to make that decision and say, okay, let's just sacrifice tonight and have the day C on.

Is it hard for you to relax at that point?

No, once we decide it's on, then I just let it go.

Okay.

All right.

That's pretty flexible for a dude with a system.

I like that.

Carrie, how has Joshua's need to monitor energy use affected your life in any other ways?

Okay, so he has the spreadsheet.

That's fine.

It's not fine.

We know it's fine.

But I don't have to look at it really, you know.

Well, that's a good point.

Is he making you look at the spreadsheet?

Because you know how it makes me feel.

I hate it.

Well, I only had to look at it once, and it was overwhelming.

Tell me about the day he made you look at the spreadsheet.

It was the day that the solar panel rep was coming to our house to sell us the solar panels.

And Josh, before we even had made the decision, really, he had put together that spreadsheet to like project out what kind of savings it would be for us and for energy savings, like money and energy.

Right.

Savings.

So he put that together.

He showed me.

I could tell he was super excited about it, but I'm not a numbers person, so it's like hard to take it all in.

Anyway, so then the rep comes and he starts to open up his iPad to show us like his spreadsheet with projections.

And then Josh showed him his spreadsheet with projections.

And the rep was like blown away because he'd never had anybody show him their own projections before.

That's when you, Carrie, just need to walk out of the scene,

go into your bedroom, shut the door, turn on the air conditioner, and

take a nap and let the spreadsheet boys do their thing.

Yeah.

It's not your hobby is the point.

No.

It sounds like to me.

You're not right.

I mean, obviously, I trust that you value the savings of energy, particularly now, increasing global catastrophe.

We all need to be doing our part.

But

Joshua had mentioned that he loves not merely going out to read the meters, but also to come back and report to you on the meters.

Does that also happen hourly?

When we were, you know, at home during the summer, it did.

How did that feel?

Well, at first it was interesting, but then it's not only the reporting of like when things are going well, but also the reporting of when the numbers aren't going the way he wants them to go.

How would Joshua appear to you when things were not going well?

What would his mood be like?

And how would that make you feel?

He'd be kind of down about it.

And I'd like feel guilty.

Like, oh man, what am I supposed to like, I don't know,

turn the air conditioner off?

It's like he thinks about it so much.

that when it's not good, then

I feel guilty that I'm not doing something right to keep the numbers up.

Joshua, when you hear that, how does that make you feel that Carrie feels guilt when you express your dismay?

Well, it doesn't make me feel good.

I don't want my wife to feel bad.

So, no, I don't feel good when I hear that.

No.

Why do you feel it's important to share your hobby with her when obviously she doesn't care the same way you do about it?

And that should be fine.

Yeah, I, you know, I think there's two things.

There's like the numbers part of it, and then there's like the environmental part.

And I'm also, I just, I love that we're making these changes that are like making a difference in the world.

And so I want to kind of be able to share that in a way with her.

And maybe the language I speak with numbers doesn't work, but like I want to share like we're doing this together.

And I think it's more than just getting panels or getting a Prius.

Like there's things we can do day to day to make a difference.

And I guess I was trying to get her to be excited as I was about it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, like when a spouse wants someone to watch a movie that they love and the other person isn't into it, and then you feel like you have to to make them love it.

I think that was Judge John Hudgman, episode number three.

You can't make someone love what you love necessarily.

Look, I hope you understand that I support this hobby.

I support what you're doing, Joshua.

But Carrie, you're the one who's bringing this case to court.

Obviously, it's caused you some distraction, some damages.

It says here there is something that I should ask you about called the Wi-Fi incident.

What does that refer to?

There's been a couple incidents.

The first one was this was after Josh learned that if he turned the router off at night, then it would

save some energy.

So he turned it off, but he didn't really tell anybody that he was turning it off.

And then our son had the Google Home mini hooked up for an alarm clock in the morning.

The alarm didn't go off because the Wi-Fi wasn't hooked up.

Oh, and

what happened?

Your son was expelled from school.

You know, I realized, oh, he's not up yet.

I should probably go wake him up.

So that was the first one.

Then, actually, just recently on Halloween, same son was having some friends over for Halloween.

They were watching scary movies.

And then at 10:30, the router turned off and the movie was

stopped.

How did the router turn off?

He's got it on the timer.

I didn't know such a thing existed, Joshua.

The problem was it was a weekday.

You know, the weekdays, 10.30, everyone goes to bed, but the kids didn't have school Friday, so I didn't think of that.

So I was already kind of in my bedtime mode because I had to work the next day, the kids didn't have school.

So it was just a, you know, my bad on that one.

How does a router have a timing?

What are you, MacGyver?

No, I didn't.

I mean, I didn't make it myself.

I just bought a timer where it's, you know, like you do with your thermostat.

You set it, so set it and forget it.

It just sets the time and turns it on and off at different times during the day.

What?

Where did you get it?

I just got it on Amazon, just a timer that

you plug your router into.

Is it just for routers or for any electrical equipment?

It's for any electrics.

Oh,

okay.

So I have a power strip that I have a few different things on, and all that goes off then at 10.30 at night.

So you're buying electrical equipment to turn off your electrical.

That's true.

What movie did you ruin for your child?

The Apostle, I think.

Or maybe Scream.

Yeah, one of those.

I can't remember which one they were on at the time.

I just watched Scream again for the first time, probably in 15 years.

And it held up.

Iffy, what do you think about that movie?

I like Scream.

I was going to ask, did you get your kids to get Tales from the Hood in the rotation?

I think it's a great, poignant movie.

Surprisingly, the title will trip you up, but

I'd sneak that in for the next Halloween party.

Okay, noted.

We're curating a really good film festival for your kids.

It's going to be Taxi Driver,

Tales from the Hood.

I'll throw in Midsummer because I think that's the best movie I've seen all year.

And it's definitely above their pay grade.

And it's a movie about sunshine.

So you're going to love it, Joshua.

It's basically the main character is the sun.

You'll be able to watch this film festival in 15-minute increments over 35 days, so long as it's sunny out and the timer allows it.

And otherwise, your kids can sit just wearing

light pajamas in a stifling, hot, non-air-conditioned room with the PlayStation 4 thrown in the well.

They can make toys out of wood.

Is that the life you want to lead for your family, Joshua?

No, that's not the life we want.

No.

Over now, almost a decade's worth of Judge John Hodgmans, when it is a heterosexual married couple that the husband usually has a weird system that he observes obsessively to the detriment and distraction of his family.

And I usually rule against him.

But right now, I'm not seeing any major damages here, aside from your guilt, which I think is important.

And I think that Joshua is now alerted to.

Is there any other damages that I should consider?

The air-drying of clothes.

Is that a chore that redounds to you rather than

insisting that you do this air-drying of clothes?

Does this make your life harder in any particular way?

Not now, but I feel like once his joy wears off of hanging the clothes, then I'll probably be asked to help.

Is there any precedent of Joshua finding joy in a particular hobby or obsession and then losing that joy?

Not that I can think of.

Because I can tell you right now, this hobby is going to turn very dark dark soon, Joshua.

I mean, you already lost an hour of daylight and daylight savings.

It's going to get cold and dark in Minnesota.

And you're going to be going out there and checking those meters.

And when you come in, you're not going to be feeling good.

And Carrie's going to be feeling guilty.

And I'm worried that it's going to turn into this shame spiral that'll make it a very grim New Year's Eve for you.

How are you mentally preparing yourself for using more energy than you generate?

As I suspect you will, right?

Yeah, you know, I haven't gotten that far.

I think I'm kind of in a day-to-day right now.

And, you know, we're going to Austin for New Year's.

We'll get away from the house for four days.

So I think that will also give us a little bridge through the darkness.

And yeah, we'll just keep pushing to spring when the sun comes out and people get happy.

Carrie, if I were to rule in your favor, how would you have me rule?

I would have you rule that Joshua has to recognize that

just

by having purchased the solar panels, we're making making a difference.

I can be happy with that.

He can do what he needs to do, but I can just be happy being happy about the solar panel decision.

And he needs to find a notebook to put all his

number scratchings that I find around the house in.

Yes, you did send in evidence of notebooks full of sort of John Doe journal entries from the movie 7.

Yes.

It's not in a notebook.

Those are found all around the house on scratches of paper.

I have to say, Joshua, I don't know what your calculations are here.

This looks like.

It's a beautiful mind.

I'm going to say a beautiful mind type of situation.

Guilty.

Yeah.

You want him to put this stuff away?

Yeah, because when I see it, I'm like, you know, am I supposed to not use the stove?

Or like, I don't know.

It just makes me feel like...

He's thinking about it all the time.

I'm not, so I'm the bad person.

There's one note here that's just left hanging around.

It says, modem, 180 kilowatts a year, 15 kilowatts a month.

Dehumidifier, 34 kilowatts for 10 hours.

No, three kilowatts, 10 hours.

Security camera, 33 kilowatts per year.

Am I reading this correctly, Joshua?

That sounds about right.

Phone charger, 3 kilowatts a year for one overnight charge.

Dryer, 3.3 kilowatts per day.

There's a lot of, there's a lot of appliance shaming in this.

No.

I don't know if this is mandatory in Minnesota, but in New York, they have to put the calorie counts on menus.

That is not a good feeling to see what that cheesesteak is going to do to your body, calorie-wise.

Are you leaving this stuff around on purpose to make your family feel bad about charging their phones too much?

Absolutely not.

No.

I wouldn't do that.

I'm not that mean of a person.

Are you just leaving it out because you're messy and disorganized?

Okay, you kind of put me in a box there.

Maybe a little bit.

It's kind of like when you go back of the envelope jottings.

I guess I've been doing back of the envelope jottings for about two months, and then I take those jottings.

and convert them into a clean Excel spreadsheet.

So yeah, I guess it's sort of like the rough draft of a novel or something.

And I'm leaving the rough draft all over the place.

And I can see what she's saying here.

I can see that point.

So Carrie, you would ask that these materials be kept private.

that he write them all in a composition notebook and keep them behind a secret panel exactly

somewhere where they can't be found by the police

right all right

now i know what you want joshua because it is laid out here in my briefing very plainly

Joshua would love for Carrie to be excited that this year they could go to zero electricity.

Joshua wants her to engage in conversation with him about the spreadsheets he generates, and he would also like her to agree to hanging clothes instead of drying them in the dryer, even in the winter.

Two questions.

Where are you going to dry those clothes in the winter, Joshua?

This is the beautiful part, right?

It's so dry in the winter in Minneapolis that we got to actually run a humidifier.

But we actually don't have to run a humidifier.

We can hang clothes in the basement.

We can hang them in our bedroom.

We can hang them anywhere, and it actually helps us, right?

Like, it's kind of a beautiful idea.

So, we've got, I've got some lines in the basement, I've got a couple racks, and there's plenty of space.

So Carrie, I apologize.

There was a brief time where I felt like I can't rule against Joshua.

He's just being a normal person.

He did not fully reveal himself to me

as he has clearly revealed until this moment.

As he has clearly revealed himself to you, his excitement and his passion.

for getting rid of the dehumidifier and

putting the clothes in the basement on the lines.

That's the first time I felt you, Joshua, in this entire podcast, I have to say.

I feel like you've been very buttoned down, whether you've been doing this on purpose or not.

Perhaps you're a little bit shy.

Perhaps you were concealing yourself from me so that I would not judge this properly.

But I thank you for showing me the real Joshua.

You're welcome.

The almost Christopher Lloydian eccentric scientist, Joshua.

Now that I've seen you, I feel like I'm able to make my verdict.

I'm going to go down into my very dry basement and take a moment to consider my judgment.

I'll be back in a moment with my decision.

All right, and we're gonna find that verdict out right

after

this break.

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All right, so Carrie, how are you feeling about your chances now that it's all been said and done?

I'm feeling like 60-40.

I feel that he'll find more in my favor than I, than not, maybe.

All right, what about you, Joshua?

How you feeling?

Well, I felt like I came off on the wrong foot with the Leonardo stuff in the beginning.

I felt like I threw, I was behind the eight ball there.

Then I felt like I kind of balanced everything out.

I kind of had some good points.

And then right at the end, I just, I think that the hanging stuff on the line, I just think the judge wasn't ready for that.

And that was maybe more of a,

should have, should have kept that one in the back pocket.

But you know what?

I got to be real.

I got to, I got to say my part.

I think that probably

I think he's going to give me a little bit and give Carrie a little bit.

I don't think he's going to go all to one or the other because I think he sees both of our points of view.

Yeah, yeah, no, definitely.

I mean, I will say that was some nice nice foreshadowing when Carrie said she was worried that you would want her to hang out the clothes.

And you were like, yeah, definitely in the winter, though.

That was a fun shift.

But man, I'm going to stop talking because, you know, he's in that dry basement and he says he likes me to ramble less so he can get out of the basement.

So, so everyone, please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict.

I don't want you to ramble less.

I want you to ramble more.

It's a delight to have you here.

Oh, thank you.

But I did need to get out of that basement because I was down there and all of a sudden the lights went off.

Apparently, they're on, Joshua has him on a timer.

I got very scared.

Everything's on a timer.

Yeah, yeah, I hit my shins on the stairs as I was trying to climb back up.

It's a little bit inconvenient.

Joshua, you know, I listened through the basement door.

I have to confess that I had completely forgotten about that Leonardo DiCaprio thing.

I wish you hadn't brought that up again.

Dang it.

He's a good actor, pretty much.

Just there are a lot of them.

There are a lot of good actors.

I don't understand that about you.

I can't claim to understand you perfectly or anyone.

Things took a turn when you finally showed in real time your enthusiasm and how it carries over into your voice and your demeanor and ultimately into your actions for this project.

When you really showed yourself to me, I realized something.

I like it.

I like it a lot.

You're right.

You have to be yourself.

Absolutely.

If for whatever reason you were modulating your demeanor to try to win this fake internet court case,

all the way up until that moment, you were doing yourself a disservice.

You should have just let me see you from the beginning.

Because you know what I felt?

I felt electricity.

I felt power.

I felt energy.

I felt charge in you.

Up to then in the podcast, you're unplugging your router, trying to save your energy.

I like it.

I like your project.

I think it's great, obviously.

And I'm sure Carrie agrees.

It's a very cool and responsible thing to do and something that I'm going to investigate

insofar as it's feasible in one of the places where I live.

Of course, I also live in a dark, cold place much of the time, which is in Maine.

But we'll see if I I can harness some sunshine there.

I completely appreciate

your desire to check your stats frequently.

I am frankly

surprised

that

neither the solar panel company nor you, in your MacGyvery ingenuity, hasn't figured out a way to be able to monitoring the stats on your phone from inside.

Why you have to go outside, I do not know.

We do have an app that I use as well.

Well, do you not trust the app?

Well, the app doesn't provide all of the information that I need.

I do need to get some extra numbers from out the meter.

Yeah, and plus using the app uses electricity and it ruins your zero energy project.

In any case, you have gamified conservation in a way that is ultimately a net good, right?

Your reduction of energy, even with the air conditioner, year over year, iffy is some real business dad lingo.

What I hear the business dads yelling into their cell phones before the plane takes off.

I'm going to write that one down.

I'm going to save that one.

We need to look at year over year production.

Yeah.

Or in this case, year over year reduction.

It's very good.

Very good for you, Joshua.

With the exception, of course, of the alarm clock incident and the scream incident, the inconvenience that your hobby is posing to your family does not seem too terrible, though worthy of some adjustment.

The major inconvenience, and I would venture to say this more than an inconvenience, is of course the emotional terrorism that you are bringing to your family.

I do not believe this was your intention by making Carrie feel guilty when you come in in a sulk because your numbers are off

and make her deal with your sadness.

and make her churn through some shame of her own as a result.

That should stop.

This is your game, not hers.

It also, you have to answer to your own son, is it, who is watching Scream?

Do I remember that correctly?

Correct.

Yeah.

He's the 14-year-old watching Scream or the nine-year-old?

That would be weird.

Just turned 15.

Right, okay, yeah.

First year sophomore in high school?

Freshman.

New school?

Yep.

Right?

He's trying to make new friends.

Yes.

He's trying to make way in the world through a major emotional, physical, and educational transition in his life, and he's got his friends over to watch Scream, and all of a sudden the lights go out.

Best case scenario is friends think this guy's dad's weird

because his router's on the timer.

Worst case scenario, they're worried they're going to get murdered.

I'm certainly not going to order you to stop this game, but I do order you to keep the game to yourself.

That is to say, I cannot order Carrie to be excited that you could go to zero electricity this year.

I'm excited.

That should be enough for you.

But Carrie's going to have her own feelings about it.

She is not playing this game.

She is not watching these stats.

You do not need to show her a spreadsheet.

You do not need to leave things around for her and everyone else to see.

This is your own private hobby.

It is one that is doing them and this world a lot of good.

But if you had bothered to listen to more than one single episode of Judge John Hodgman, you would have heard me say, people like what they like.

This is not her movie.

Same way I'm never going to watch Friday Night Lights.

Same way my wife is never going to read Game of Thrones.

A marital standoff that shall last forever.

I do order that you shall hang those clothes up to dry in the basement as long as it is you who is doing it.

If this is your hobby, you do it.

Absolutely.

I'm not sure how the labor is divided currently, but certainly if you really want to reduce use of the dryer, that's on you to do it.

And everyone will enjoy watching you do that labor alone, and then they'll enjoy wearing those shirts and pants that have that special je sequois feel of having dried out in a moldy basement.

I can't rule for you, Carrie, either that Joshua only gets to share his solar stats maybe once a week or every three weeks

because I don't think you should have to deal with them ever.

It's hard for me to rule in either one's favorite, but I have to choose one.

Because Joshua, what you said before

about Leonardo DiCaprio, wrong.

And also what you said about me giving something to each of you, also wrong.

It's a one or the other scenario.

But it has to be one.

It can be only one.

You ever see that movie, Ify?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

The Jet Lee one?

I've never seen a Highlander.

Well, you can see the one.

It's basically the same thing.

Oh, the one.

Oh, right.

Is it?

Yeah, there's multiple jet leads, and the one jet lead will be the most powerful.

So they fight each other.

Add that to the film festival in Minneapolis, you guys.

Yeah, got to watch the one and Highlander.

Okay, so I have to choose someone to rule in favor of.

I think on balance, I have to rule in favor of Carrie.

Josh, you got to make this your hobby, not hers.

You can't implicate her because it is causing her bad feelings.

Carrie, if you're interested, you can ask him.

But otherwise, Joshua, you keep it to yourself.

Laundry will dry in the basement so long as Joshua is doing it.

No one else is allowed to basement dry the laundry.

And Joshua can keep his thing going so long as the rest of the family is not inconvenienced in any other way.

I must say that ruling with the stipulation, which is Joshua, I think you're terrific.

And I think this is a great project.

And I wish you the best of luck in getting to zero energy.

Even if Carrie's not excited, you know your Judge John Hodgman's excited.

This is the sound of a gavel.

Judge John Hodgman rules, that is all.

All right, all rise as Judge Hodgman leaves the room.

All right, now that he's gone, how you feeling, Carrie?

I feel good.

I feel relieved.

It was dicey there.

It was.

I didn't know who he was going for.

Between you and me right here in this small vicinity that we are obviously standing in, I was on your side the whole time.

Thank you.

I was like, I don't know.

All these numbers.

You know, that's why I became a comedian because I was like, forget math.

But I got to walk over.

I'm going to go talk to Joshua real quick hey how's it going Joshua how you feeling huh

well a little bit disappointed but you know what I understand that not everybody's into numbers I just need to kind of take that down and I think that message was received today I mean well look let me tell you something in the vicinity the vicinity that we're standing in right here.

I mean, I was on your side the whole time.

I mean, those numbers are great.

I mean, that's why I became a comedian because I love numbers.

You know, I like to count the number of hot wings I get paid in.

So,

you know, I'm definitely on the side.

But we think you're doing great.

Me,

John, Greta, we're on your side.

Just keep up the great work, okay?

Appreciate that.

Let me just say before you guys go, I really like you a lot.

I hope you have your film fest.

I hope you invite us.

Ify, I love that you said that you were going to walk over to Joshua.

He was not in the same room.

You wore a bailiff outfit and you pretended to walk around, and I really like that.

Thank you so much.

I'm doing lots of space work in this booth, if you only knew.

Joshua Carey, thanks so much for being on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Another case in the books.

Before we dispense some swift justice, we want to thank Neil Polgorelski for naming this week's episode Daylight Savings Crime.

If you would like to name a future episode like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook, we regularly put out a call for submissions.

Follow us on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne and at Hodgman.

And on those Twitter internets, hashtag JJ Ho.

And check out the Maximum Fun Subreddit to discuss this episode.

And we're on Instagram at JudgeJohnHodgman.

And make sure to follow us there for evidence and other fun stuff.

This week's episode was recorded by Beth Gibbs at Foolproof Studio.

And this episode was produced by Hannah Smith and edited by Jesus Ambrosio.

Now let's get to Swift Justice, where we answer your small disputes with a quick judgment.

And that says, if the temperature is at 71 and it's too hot, so it's turned to 68, are you turning the AC down or up?

16-year marital dispute.

Okay, so let me understand this.

The temperature is 71 in the house and it's considered to be too hot.

So the temperature is then changed to 68

using air conditioning.

Iffy, would you say you have turned the air conditioner down to 68?

or up to colder.

See, when you formatted it that way, it changed.

Because if I'm turning the temperature, then I'm turning the temperature down.

But if I'm turning the AC, then I'm turning the AC up.

I think it's

exactly.

Yeah,

that's the most important factor.

What are we talking?

If we're talking temperature, turn it down.

AC, turn it up.

That's right.

Because as Joshua will tell you, when you turn that temperature down,

you are blowing your stats, first of all.

You are using more energy.

You are cranking that AC up.

Instead, do what Joshua's kids are forced to do.

Sit in a hot, moist room whittling.

Hey, Ify, you gave all our hashtags and our ats.

We need to know where to find you.

You're the host of Who Shot Ya.

Yeah, yeah.

First of all, you can find that at maximumfun.org.

You're the co-host of Nerdificent Podcast with Danny Fernandez on another network, as they used to say.

Yeah.

Yeah.

so but yeah just if you follow me you'll hear me talking when either of those go live and where can we follow you on twitter if that is a thing oh you you can follow me at ify wadiway i fy n-w-a-d-i-w-e and uh and on instagram or any other socials that you'd like to plug are you a tick tocker oh yeah same same thing on uh instagram i'm not on tick tock yet but i feel like it's cold young hand is going to get me soon it's too it looks too fun i'm like those those zoomers they're having all the fun we got to get in there.

Cold young hand is going to reach out of Crystal Lake and pull you down.

Yeah.

All right.

That's about it for this week's episode.

I'll take over this outro this time since poor Bailiff Jesse Thorne is not feeling so well.

Jesse, we send you best wishes and hope you feel better.

Submit your cases at maximumfun.org slash JJ H O

or email me.

That's me, John Hodgman, at this email address, hodgman at maximumfun.org.

I gets them all.

I reads them all.

I sorts them all.

No case too small, something else that rhymes with all.

We'll see you the next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

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