FATHER DAMON - FOUND SCTM - a members-only secret sex club

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My guest today, Damon Lawner, aka Father Damon, is a very well-known and controversial figure around Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, and the Hollywood Hills.

Because in 2013, he founded a

very exclusive, luxurious, super high-end, members-only nightclub and sex club called Sanctum.

Damon went on to doing several other things with his life, and now he wrote a book called Eyes Wide Open, where he definitely opened the curtains.

It's a massive tell-all, super vulnerable, super raw, about his experiences with Sanctum, how he ended up having the idea, everything that was going on behind the scenes.

He talks about his drug use, sex adventures, and so much more.

And he came to the Caton De Lou studios for a very, very real, super vulnerable interview.

And I truly enjoyed it.

Whether or not you know what Sanctum was, if you ever wonder what goes on behind the velvet ropes of one of the most exclusive clubs ever, you are going to love this episode.

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Damon, welcome to Canon DeLuz.

Thank you.

It's a pleasure having you here.

I finished reading your book last night.

What a powerful, powerful book.

You went all out.

Thank you.

You really opened the gates.

I did, so to speak.

I left Elysian and went to New York.

And I was really out of bottom when I left.

You know, I had just burned through everything.

And

yeah, I just bottomed out emotionally,

you know, money-wise, in every possible way.

And I went to New York with

a suitcase.

I had about $400 left.

I mean, you know, because you read, I had about four, this is all, I mean, it actually was real, right?

I have $400 left to my name.

I booked a hotel room in New York for one week and flew out there.

I just knew I had to get out of L.A.

And

I didn't know what I was going to do.

I didn't know if I was going to be sleeping on the street, but I just knew that I had to get out of LA and something would happen because something always happens in my life.

Right.

And my aunt took me in and she has a loft in Tribeca.

And

I was there for a couple weeks.

And then I just started writing.

And

then it turned into five months of, you know, 12 hours a day.

It's all I did.

I didn't go out.

I didn't socialize.

I just wrote and I wrote this book.

And

yeah,

I saw myself, you know, for the first, I hope that that comes across in the book.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, you're very raw.

But before we talk about the book, I don't want to give out the entire book, but I have a lot of questions about the book.

Let's rewind the story for people that don't know your story or people that know you and are super curious about it.

Now, before we start recording, I mentioned to you that my story with you goes way back.

And this is news to you.

It is.

And it's the first time ever that I'm sharing this with anybody in the world because nobody knows so i'm the first time ever sharing with my audience i was getting out of because i was in an insanely abusive marriage for 14 and a half years and we barely had sex for 14 and a half years i'm sorry so i was getting over that

my husband dying my life in chaos and i heard about you because one of like in the the the top of the top when when sanctum was on top of the world and we're going to tell you guys what sanctum is if you never heard about it and somebody reached out to me and they were like, Oh, I forgot the name of the lady that worked for you.

She was really nice.

A couple of them.

And they asked me if I wanted to go to a party.

And I started researching.

And I was like many people here in Beverly Hills, right?

I was very drawn to it because it's like, you know what?

I have to find my sexuality again.

And it was a huge step for me to do.

I literally said yes.

They asked to see my pictures and they invited me to a party.

And I went and it was a life-changing experience for me.

Wow.

And I remember seeing you there.

And at that, we're going to explain the whole story, but I remember that night, you're like wearing your tux in the middle of the living room, and you were surrounded by people because men wanted to be you and women were drawn to you.

They didn't even care, you're married or not.

And I remember looking at you like, wow, he's a magnet for this kind of energy.

Yeah, that, um,

it was an incredible time.

You know, I was thinking on the drive over that

there's very few people that have experienced that.

You know, I like, I'm not a rock star and I'm not a famous actor, you know, but I got to feel what it would feel like to be in those shoes, to have that, that

everyone wants a piece of you.

And, and, you know, especially at that time before I worked through so much of what I ended up working through, my own self,

I, you know, I felt like a God and I wanted that energy.

You know, I, I, I need, I, I didn't, I didn't love myself or like myself very much, you know, and, and so to have all of these people love me was like the best feeling in the world.

And I got completely addicted to it.

And, you know, and I spent years just sort of like giving them all what I thought they wanted.

And I guess I did a pretty good job of it.

You did.

And, and, um,

and yeah, well, thank you for coming.

And I, I, I, I know that sanctum did

change people's life.

You know, it did.

It had that effect on people.

It was a very powerful experience.

I think for some people, it probably maybe was not that.

Maybe it was, maybe some, you know, but for many people,

you know, especially at that time, because it was 2013 when I started it.

Yeah, I went in 2017.

Okay.

So

you were like at the height.

Yes, it was at the height.

Like you guys were opening up.

Was it at the Sanctum Mansion?

New York.

Okay.

Yeah, you were like all over.

I don't even remember if the showtime thing was out or not i think it was after that the showtime

there was a series but yeah you were all over the news like people were you know talking about yeah that was the height of the entire thing yeah and the mystery that's the part for me i was like you know because i was thinking it i was thinking it was normal to not have a sex life right you know i was thinking literally this is just how life is right and when i heard about it and i i saw the video whatever it was that they sent me i'm like you know what i gotta give this a shot i gotta see what's out there.

Will you tell me what happened on the night?

Of course.

But let's, we have, oh my God, this is going to be like a 10-hour episode.

Because

let's explain what Sanctum is and then we got to rewind how you got there.

Because I know a lot of people listening.

Hopefully the Sanctum crowd is listening, but I know I have an audience worldwide.

They're like, what are you guys talking about?

And I want to emphasize, and I love that you wrote that in the book.

You didn't create Sanctum to be like a swingers club.

No.

It wasn't that at all.

No, not at all.

I mean,

it's strange.

I was doing parties in Bali.

And then when I came back to the States, I, I was, you know, completely, I had no money.

I had to, I had to create something.

I, you know, since you've read the book, you know my story very well.

But, you know, I got a real estate license and I was trying to do that and nothing was working.

And, and because I had done nightlife in Bali, I just started, I conceptualized some, something here that I could do.

Yeah.

You know, I, I didn't, no one believed in me.

No one knew who I was really.

So I couldn't get, I couldn't get a nightclub to open up for me.

I couldn't get investment to do a brick and mortar place.

So Sanctum just started to materialize this idea that if I could create something that was secretive and sexual and

kind of eyes wide shut,

which is my inspiration.

Super exclusive

for the Beverly Hills, the wealthiest people.

If I could create this illusion and this fantasy,

then maybe I could get, I could maybe sell tickets to somebody before it even existed.

And then I could deliver on that promise, you know, once I got some money and

that's what happened because I was so driven.

to create this thing, you know, that I didn't really even know what it was.

You had, and it's interesting because the way you describe it in the book is very, very easy.

Like even if somebody has never been to a sanctum event, it's very easy to picture in your head because you're very descriptive of it.

Like you basically created something in your mind and you didn't even know if it was going to work.

Not at all.

Everything was out of your own imagination.

Most people told me that I was crazy.

Oh, I'm sure.

That it wasn't going to work.

That no one would want to do that.

Yeah.

Who would want to go to a sex party?

But to me, like the idea of a sex party to me wasn't what a sex party was because I never wanted to go to a sex party.

I wasn't a swinger.

The whole idea of sex parties was not something that, I mean, I...

I still, I wouldn't go to a sex party.

Like, I'm not interested in sex parties.

I don't want like just to fuck random people or something like that.

I'm not interested in that.

But like the art and doing performances and everyone's in tuxedos and dress, you know, in beautiful locations.

I was like, that would be something that I would be turned on to.

Maybe other people would too.

And

yeah, I mean, look, like it's all, it's, it's all in, you know, I went into detail in that book, like really what it was and how, how I had nothing, how I had nothing when I started.

And I went and the stickers I put up and the website that was one page, you know, and like just seeding this idea, this, this thing until somehow, miraculously.

Yeah.

Because people liked it.

Yeah.

And I love that you're very open about how you create it.

Like you said, you were broke.

You didn't have any money.

You didn't have investors.

You threw one party and you're like, are people going to come?

Are they going to pay this crazy amount?

Because you were charging.

a membership fee.

In the beginning, it was

low.

It was like.

It was $1,500.

Yeah.

And by the way, I did not pay because you guys were after beautiful young like high-end women right you were not after labor

yeah no and and this is what attracted me because of the quality of people right and you wrote a phrase in your book that I really love that I'm getting here because I couldn't memorize it that is that that's a perfect description of saying to you wrote the wealthy aren't driven by necessity They're pulled in by desire.

And that's exactly what you did.

You made something so like mysterious literally, like you said, like the movie Eyes Wide Shut, that anybody with money in Beverly Hills, in Hollywood, they were like, I want to be there.

What are they doing?

And I sort of like my whole life, because I've had this really kind of incredible life and I've been around a lot of famous people and a lot of wealth and a lot, you know, and I've gone in and out of all these worlds.

So I kind of, I intrinsically knew what they wanted.

Yeah.

And so I became that person.

Like, like, I just puffed myself up.

You know, I made it like, oh, you know, to get in here is such a privilege.

And even with, even with movie stars and musicians, like I made them all pay.

There were very few people

and, you know, and I, and I decided in the book and also now, like, I don't, I'm not going to name any names, you know, and so I changed names.

And I don't know if some, you know, maybe some of them are obvious, but I changed names.

And I didn't, I didn't, you know, I didn't want this to be about like an expose.

Right.

You know, I wanted it to just to tell the truth of this whole thing.

Yeah, which, by the way, is very classy of you because I totally agree.

Like, you know, a lot of people that were in these events, I have no problem talking about it because, you know, the podcast is an open book and I like sharing the excuse.

But of course, like I said, there were a lot of famous people there, a lot of sports

figures, and you know.

Yeah, I mean, some on some of my like ultimate heroes were there, you know, like musicians that I got to spend nights with.

Totally.

Playboy models.

Yeah, all of that.

I mean,

we've seen it all there.

But I don't think you it wasn't like because i know people are going to ask these questions i'm thinking they're saying oh so it was a sex club you went there because you wanted to have sex i don't think so no right that's not what you made it for at all you know of of the people that came and by the way i i did sort of the math on it which is which is nearly 10 000 people came to my club.

Wow.

10,000 people.

And I talk about it in one of the chapters that it was like,

it was people you know.

It was people you work with.

It was even members of your own family oftentimes that you would never expect would come to that.

And they weren't coming there for an orgy or something like that.

No.

Because if that's what they wanted, they would go to some cheesy place because they have sex parties.

And they can do it in their own house.

Like you call a bunch of people and you throw it in the house.

Or they can do that.

The sanctum was much more than that.

I mean, we did theater shows and the people you would meet.

Very erotic, by the way.

Super sexy shows.

Yeah.

And, you know, some people, obviously, a lot of people did have sex and that's great.

But like, I don't think that the majority of the people were there to just see what this was and see how they felt.

And because it felt so good for so many people,

then people would begin to open up.

And then, yes, you're walking around and you're seeing beautiful people make love and you're like,

I kind of want to do that too.

And then a lot of people are just, like you said, watching.

A lot of people would watch.

But this is why I am a huge fan of your work ever since then, because it breaks my heart to say that we grow up with this idea that that sex is something dirty and wrong and disgusting.

And if you talk about it, it's something wrong with you, especially women, right?

If you do it, you're a whore, you're bad, you're this and that.

So when you created that, and by the way,

you always emphasize that, and that was so nice, that it was so safe.

Like there were tons of security.

Everybody was screened before.

You knew every single person that was there.

I'm glad you were there because

back in the, you know, early on when I started this thing, you know, I

people have a lot of preconceived notions of me and people like really talk terribly of me.

And it's okay, you know, because if I had done anything wrong ever in my life, I would have been, I mean, I've had a microscope on me from the day I started this thing.

Right.

And it like, you know, there.

I have stalkers.

Someone put a website up and made me look like terrible.

I pulled pictures off my Instagram because people hate me.

Why?

Because sexuality is something that is so and because I've been so open about it.

Yes.

And I've like really opened myself up.

And also, obviously, you know, like in writing the book, you know, if I'm going to admit the truth of myself, you know, have I been like an absolute narcissist?

And have I, have I been, you know, like, have I done things that just are gross and posted things that I shouldn't have?

Yes.

You know what I mean?

So like, I can see why people would have that, that view of me.

and I can no longer tell myself well why I mean I know why I know why look what I've done look at my life look how I've lived it.

But you know that like like I truly I truly love women and I truly want to keep them safe.

And so that because I had that going in You know, I would always say when guests would arrive in the beginning in 2013 I would say just ask before you touch.

That's what I would say to them.

Just ask before you touch.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

And then that became like you had all those rules.

Yeah.

Yes.

There weren't that many, but that became like the golden rule of the club.

And and it was just something that i would say naturally but then it was like so you know ask before you touch so then you had this environment now where people were actually asking for consent and that was before yeah i no one was talking about consent in those early years this is before the stuff with you know epstein whatever all the stuff that's gone crazy yeah

it was just like i you know that's what you do you ask and so because that was sort of the the the ethos of the club yeah it created a super safe environment.

Yeah.

And with that environment, then women, like you're saying, could be, feel very free, walk around naked if they wanted to, in lingerie, know that they were in a safe environment and really express themselves sensually and sexually.

And God, I mean, that's what made my club what it was.

Exactly.

And I, well, I've, I was there once, but I have to say, in my experience, I think you did everybody there a huge favor because like I said, you were basically normalizing something that everybody should feel normal about, which is exploring your sexuality, exploring different fantasies, right?

Things that you want to do.

And it was so classy.

Thank you.

I know there's a lot of bad things about you in the media because, like I said, unfortunately, it's a subject that the minute you talk about it, people are going to trash you.

Right.

Like, I'm in

somewhat similar territory because I do a sex podcast.

So, but I don't care.

I think these conversations are so important.

I do too.

But the critics are

horrible.

I don't care.

But I am a witness that when you created Sanctum, it wasn't like, you know, crazy, everybody like, you know, naked on the floor and all this drugs.

No, it was so classy.

I mean, at some of the really good parties, it was.

Well, just kidding.

The one that I

was.

No, I mean, we felt very safe there.

It was always very safe.

But there were times when, I mean, not many, but there were times when the whole house would just be, I would call it like activated.

And every room and every couch and every bed was filled with naked bodies and people.

Even then, Damon, by the way, it's important to mention everybody was there like consensual adults.

Absolutely.

Yes.

Well,

if it wasn't that, it couldn't exist.

Right.

You know, and I, and, and

that was the thing about if you do this right, you know, most people don't do it right.

Most people are in it for probably the wrong reasons.

And, and, and they, you know, I mean,

look, look at pornography.

You know, I don't watch a lot of pornography mainly because it's so disgusting.

Like it's all about coming on women's face.

I don't want to come on someone's face.

It's not sensual.

It's not sensual at all.

And as kinky as I can be, and I do love, you know, some, I do love exploring something, you know, dark and whatever fantasy.

If the woman wants that,

I will go all the way there with her if she wants that.

But like.

Generally, I'm just like a lover.

I'm kind of vanilla in fact, you know?

So like that is what the club was.

And that is what every club I've ever done has been is

just about like sensuality.

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And some semblance of love.

And, you know, and that's what I wanted.

But of course, you know, I can't control what other people do.

And a lot of people come to those parties just to be able to do it.

No,

totally.

But as Sanctum grew, you're all over the news, you're all over the media.

Showtime picks it up to do a show about you, just exploded.

I mean, you would think from the outside, you have like this perfect life,

but it kind of destroyed your, not kind of, it destroyed your marriage.

Yeah, I mean, I mean,

the whole time of

until until right now.

Yeah.

I've been like a facade of myself.

I mean, I really have.

You know, I've been like playing these roles to get what I need to get to survive in this world.

You know, my,

I don't come,

I shouldn't say I don't come from money.

My grandfather was fairly wealthy, but by the time I'm 25, if, you know, it's all up to me.

And, and, and if I don't get, if I don't make money and I don't, you know, figure stuff out, like I'm, I'm broke.

I don't have anyone to, to lean on.

And so I've just been this like kind of,

this kind of hustler my whole life trying to to, and i'm and you know i know i'm charismatic and i know what works for me and i know how to get what i want to get and so i've just put on all of these masks and i've been like you know i've never told i've never really been honest with with very many people about what's going on inside me about what i'm feeling inside.

And so when I'm at the top of the world and sanctum is, you know, and I've got money and power and card and all this stuff inside,

I'm not feeling so good because I had to trade, you know, my, it's a horrible thing to say.

And I have to admit it, you know, I had to say,

I can't have my family, I can't have my wife and my kids and

have this sanctum thing.

And I've got to make a decision.

And making that decision, if I could go back in a fucking time machine, I would, I would, I would not have done it.

I would not have fucking done it.

But, but I did it.

I did it.

And so now I'm here.

And so like, I have to have have

you go back on a time machine you would have I would have never done sanctum never done sanctum no no because

I mean you know what I've experienced and what and all of this life and and and you know and and the tell and now there's gonna be a television show you know about my life with an actor playing me and all that yeah yeah like fiction or yeah the um the the the guy who who wrote american horror story um brad

so he's he wrote it he's such a good writer and then and then the production company but are you participating i mean just yeah my life rights and and i'll i'll I'll

help with some of the stuff.

Is it based on the book?

It's based around the book and

the people who made Ozark are the production company.

So it's going to be a beautiful thing.

And they actually have the actor already.

Who is the actor?

Can you tell us?

I can.

I just forget his name.

He was in Game of Thrones.

Great looking guy, like really cool guy.

But anyway, so like, right, so all of this stuff, right?

So I have this incredible story and I wrote a book.

And none of that would have happened had I not walked this path.

But, but truly, like, if I look back on all of it, if I had, if I had just said, you know, just be a dad.

Yeah.

Like, just be a fucking dad.

You don't need to be this big shot and this thing, because where did it really bring me in the end?

Like,

it, well, you read my book.

Yeah.

You promised your older daughter that when she went to high school, you're like, I will sell the club.

And sure enough, you keep the promise to your daughter.

Yes.

And you sell the club.

And it's a crazy story.

Like this dude, do you want to tell anyone?

Whatever you want.

You see, I read it.

I know.

I was like, I'm a bookworm.

And that's the problem.

When I get a book, I cannot stop.

You know, I'm not these people that read five pages and five pages.

I'm like, I have to finish the book.

Like either in one day or two days, I cannot stop until I'm done.

It's like, I really soak it in, especially knowing you and being a part of your story.

I'm like, I want to know the end of it.

Thank you.

So this dude from New York tells you he wants to pay a million bucks.

I was surprised.

I thought it would have been worth a lot more.

You know, it was worth a lot more, but try selling a secret society sex club on the open market.

And plus there's no brick and mortar.

Right.

It's a website.

It's a logo and it's a guest list.

Right.

And the reputation, right?

Right.

And the reputation of it.

Was it worth more than a million?

I mean, I think it probably was, but could I get more than a million?

Maybe not.

I took the million.

And then the dude is like cash, literally physical cash.

So you go to New York and you're like, how the hell am I going to bring this money?

And you literally saw $1 million in cash in front of you.

That must have felt good.

It felt incredible.

It was actually not just for absolute clarity, because I'm like so into honesty these days, but it was $900,000 in cash.

Yeah.

It was 10 Bitcoins.

So I had 900,000 in cash in two suitcases.

And what happened to the Bitcoins?

Did they go up in value?

You know, I,

you know, regrettably, I suppose, I just thought, what is digital currency?

I'm so old school and I just didn't think anybody thought it was going to get this.

Yeah, well, I mean, many people did and many people are rich now because of it.

But yeah, so I sold the Bitcoin.

But

yeah, so I had to figure out, you know.

Imagine having nearly a million dollars in cash.

Like, where do you put it?

What do you do with it?

Right.

You know, like, like, how do you, you know, like, and, and so I had to sort of like, and not all of that's in the book, but it's, it's, you know, it was a very interesting experience.

And I was living in Venice Beach.

I mean, well, what did I do?

I mean, I put it in my fucking mattress.

So wait, so you're in New York and you get these two suitcases or cash.

So you put them on a plane, right?

You're like, you figure out.

How do I get it back?

Yeah.

So you decide to pay for this plane, like 20,

24,000, 27,000.

So you fly this cash.

Oh, my God.

Were you afraid?

Like,

somebody's going to steal it from me or i mean yeah i was i didn't know you know it was it was obviously uh

you know but what what was i gonna do you know i mean i i it's one of those stories that if we see in a movie you're like oh yeah just in a movie this would never happen in real life yeah i mean it was quite it was quite it was quite the ending to that chapter it seemed it seemed like it's that chapter of my life it seemed like it was just like how else could could sanctum end other than this yeah some some unbelievable experience that would, you know, that would end that story.

And then when I got back to Venice,

you know, I didn't know, I didn't know who I was anymore.

I mean, I'd done Sanctum for six years and it had become my, I was Damon founder of Sanctum.

That was my entire identity.

And it gave me access to things that like, like I said, there's so few people that even could understand what it was like to be me during that time.

You know, I mean, celebrities coming to me and saying like, wow, what you're doing is beyond anything I've ever experienced.

You know, like the women wanting just a piece of me, any piece they could get, just like to be close to me.

And so I was in that and it felt fairly real.

And then when I stepped out of it, it's like, oh, wait a second.

That was a fantasy world that I created.

Now I'm me.

It was a fantasy world, but but you made it real.

I mean, it was real.

That's why it was so cool to be there because

you're getting ready and everything, and you literally felt like, at least for me, you step into this magical world.

Right.

This is mysterious, but it was real.

It happened.

I mean, yes, it was.

And, you know, also, I talk about in the book about how sort of some of that happened, where I learned to sort of use fantasy to escape the situations that were uncomfortable for me as a child.

And, and, and so like, you know, I got really good at creating fantasy

and, you know, you know, lying and making up stories and all of this stuff sort of became who I was.

And so that really served me with Sanctum because I was able to just

create this total fantasy and

make it absolutely real for people to step into.

And then, and yeah, I mean, it was just sort of like a perfect storm of me and this idea.

And then I guess

wealthy people, you know, who have everything in their lives but that,

right?

That's the one thing they don't have.

They can buy whatever car they want, whatever watch they want, whatever house they want.

They can fly anywhere they want.

They can do whatever they want.

They can, if they want to have sex, and that's why it wasn't about sex.

If they want to have sex, they could hire a prostitute.

They could do whatever they want.

But this was the one thing that they didn't have access to unless they,

you know, got.

But you gave them access.

Yeah, me and my team.

I mean, like you said, someone called you up, someone, you know, asked you for videos, someone put you through the process.

You know, we did that one.

And it was super like by the time it was a process.

Yeah.

Like you got, I don't remember the details, but I think you got like a code and then you would go to a place and get the invitation.

It was very secretive.

Right.

Then when you finally got to the party, it is like, at least I'm talking about the one that I went.

There was a closet and you had to leave your purse, your phone.

There was not one person in there filming anybody.

It was like super, super private.

So yeah, I think everybody felt like everybody that was there, we felt like we are so safe to be ourselves.

And you wrote a phrase, I cannot paraphrase it word by word, but I thought it was such a powerful phrase that you mentioned.

that we all, including you, but everybody in general, we wear so many masks, so many personalities personalities in public, but we all have this inner fantasies and the real us.

Yeah, well,

it's truly amazing when you sort of like give people permission to be that free.

Yeah.

You know, it's a very strange thing.

And then you take all this, no one's going to record anything.

You know, press did sneak in a few times, but for the most part, it was, it was a very private space for 100 people, right?

And most of them are,

you know, they're beautiful and incredible people.

So, so you get that many people into a space where they feel completely safe.

It's just magic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think this is the key, right?

Because whatever it was that people were there to explore, there were a lot of couples that just wanted to watch.

There were a lot of single women like me that they want to do whatever they want to do.

There were guys, there were a lot of powerful men.

But whatever it was that they wanted to explore, like if I wasn't telling the world now, nobody would ever find out.

Right.

And 10,000 of the people that went to your parties, that's how they feel.

Like most of them, they were there and nobody needs to find out about it.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, it's been

imagine having a business where no one talks about it, where, where like, or, or if they do, it's, it's just the press like writing some crazy story that has nothing to do with what I'm doing.

But the people that came, you know, no one gave me five-star reviews.

actually it's funny we did have a yelp for a second which was insane you know but like yeah but you know i i mean i didn't put it up someone else put it up really put up a sanctum yelp yeah and it was like and there were reviews on it it was so funny it was so funny but um

but yeah you know like Finishing the million dollar story, because I know people want to know it is when I was laughing because you literally got the million bucks and you put them, put it in your mattress.

You literally cut a hole in your mattress and you hid the money.

That money didn't exactly know what to do with it.

And yeah, and then over the years, you know,

that was how I lived and started doing other things.

And I, you know, I was giving money to friends so that they could invest in their dreams.

And,

you know, and I started some other, you know, I mean, you know,

you've read it, but there was just, it was like trying to find footing again, trying to figure out what I wanted to do.

And then I start, I was going to start this retreat in Malibu and I created like this Father Damon, you know, character.

So let's talk about that and the Elysian house.

That was a progression after you left Sanctum and you were trying to figure out where your next project was going to be.

Yeah.

Well, Elysian was like, Elysian, was like a

fluke because I had.

So you don't, you're not, don't do that anymore.

No, no.

So, so I, I was going to do a, I mean, I started a restaurant and I conceptualized the restaurant with these, with these other three people.

It's called Puzzle and it's on Sunset Boulevard.

Okay.

And now it's a nightclub.

But but I wanted to do a private members only kind of restaurant and just do something mainstream.

And so I worked with them.

I put $150,000 into it.

And

that was kind of like the last of my money.

It was like, I'm going to put all my, you know, what I have left into this restaurant.

Oh, wow.

And I started selling memberships and we had this beautiful plan.

And then one of the memberships I sold, and it was a $10,000 membership, which was the highest tier to the restaurant, was this woman.

And

she invited me to dinner and we started talking about things.

And by like the third dinner,

a discussion came about about doing another elite sex party.

And my feeling at that point, which was a little over a year ago, was I never wanted to do a sex party again.

I was going to, I was going to like just do mainstream stuff, a restaurant and maybe open more restaurants, something that like my kids could be proud of and that my ex-wife could be proud of, you know, enough with sex parties.

But

she was very wealthy.

And she said, I will pay for everything.

And, you know, the budget is basically whatever it is that you need.

And

I'll get you whatever you want and we'll split it 50-50.

And I was like,

can I do this again?

And I said, you know, I told her what, I said, we need a house in the Hollywood Hills and blah, you know, this blah, blah, blah.

You know, $100,000 a month

is about what it costs to do this right.

And she was like, it's no problem.

Wow.

If you want to do it, let's do it.

So I did it.

I know because I, full disclosure, I was there, not at a sex party.

I was invited to the article.

There was an art exhibit.

It was also an art gallery.

It was really, a really nice art exhibit, like on a Sunday afternoon.

when it was really nice it was a stunning house it was a beautiful house and was it last year or two years ago i don't know

i think it was two years ago time goes by

i left there in august so it's been almost a year since i've left oh okay so yeah anyways and so the year prior to that was was when was when yeah so what happened with that why didn't it work out um i mean you know i'm not exact i wrote about why i feel it didn't work out um but

I don't know exactly.

It started out really strong.

I sold

a number of memberships, very expensive tickets.

We took in a lot of money.

We put on incredible performances, beautiful parties.

And like I said,

we had artists come in that actually ended up staying with us and had their art on display.

I mean, we had $1.7 million dildos on display that were made out of platinum and diamonds.

And I mean, the most, and, and the, and the beautiful photography of this photographer named Aaron.

And, and Colin was the guy who did the, uh, the artwork.

And, and, you know, and we were attracting beautiful guests and things were good.

But I don't know.

Like the, the,

somehow we attracted sort of these young starlets into these parties.

And they were all like in their 20s.

And there were OnlyFans girls and they were porn stars, some of the biggest porn stars in the world.

And so the parties were like, you know, couples that were paying $5,000 a ticket to get in.

And they're, you know, generally in their 40s,

you know, 50s.

And then

on the guest list, I'd have 70 girls that were all 20-year-old porn stars or OnlyFans girls, which is really what L.A.

is right now on many levels, or, you know, at least it was last year.

It probably hasn't changed much.

And so I think that dynamic of like, I mean, there were men telling me like, I feel a little bit uncomfortable here.

Like, like, it was so.

It did not replicate the sanctum.

No,

it didn't.

I mean, because sanctum.

I don't know.

I don't know how you guys did it, but the mix of people there was magical.

I mean, I was, I think.

I don't know if it was the exclusivity or how you guys picked it.

At Sanctum, it was like a specific time.

Yeah.

And I was so into it.

Yeah.

I mean, you know,

maybe people would think that, oh, gosh, it must have been such a great time.

He's just like having sex with all these great women and like there's celebrities all around him.

I mean, I would work 10, 12 hours a day.

I was, I was, I was,

I was so, I like, I wanted every party, the curation, every, you know, and we'd get so many applications.

And then, and then I'd, it was like, I just wanted to do something so perfect and so beautiful.

And I guess I can admit that at Elysian house, I didn't care as much.

Yeah, you weren't as into it as you were.

No, I mean, you know, like by Alyssian,

like, do I really want to be at a sex party?

Right.

I don't really.

So you just gave it up?

Like, you're like, I'm done.

I mean, it started to just kind of disintegrate, you know, like people stopped buying tickets.

You know, the productions were incredible, but, but there were, you know, tons of really hot young women running around, but not kind of the level of and nothing against these women because I kind of got on Instagram afterwards and I was like you know you're all troubled I said stupid shit and I shouldn't have because that's it's bullshit some of them are are a lot less troubled than I am okay so like that was not fair of me to say and I you know and I apologize in the book and I'll apologize here but but it was just kind of not the same level of I don't know

class and and all of that, you know, I have to agree.

It was not the same thing.

Yeah.

It just,

certain things that, I don't know, I'm not sure if you can replicate that.

Yeah, I mean, and I, and had I, had I been really into it like I was in the past, had I.

You probably could do it again if you wanted to.

I could do it again if I wanted to, but I'd have to do it different.

And I'd have to really, I mean.

And we can talk about this.

And there's only one name that I've said out loud, you know, and it's Hunter.

Yeah, we're going to, I wanted to ask you about that.

But just quickly, I'll say that because of that.

Yeah.

You know, I don't know that I'll ever be able to do another party, you know.

So, okay, you, you, you put it in the book, and everybody knows.

We were talking about that everybody had a lot of privacy.

You never named names.

You did name one.

Right.

Hunter Biden.

Right.

You ended up being tangled up in his legal shit.

La, la, la.

The details are in the book.

You guys should read it.

It's a crazy story.

Why did you

do you looking back?

Why did you

do that?

Why do you mention his name?

I mean, you know.

Because that's crossing like the massive line of everything that you did, right?

Yeah.

I mean,

it happened in 2019 when he came to the club and it was right before the election, right?

And then his laptop comes out and like, you know, they say it's Russian disinformation and all this stuff.

And, and I was kind of like, I mean, I actually,

it's like, I don't even want to get political at all, but like, I, you know, I was a Democrat and I voted for Biden, you know, Joe, knowing what his son was, because he was in my club and I, and, you know, and I don't even want to talk bad about Hunter at all but like but you know like

then years later then I get subpoenaed to testify and then I get subpoenaed to testify again and you know he played guilty to the first case but then it got thrown out and then he pled guilty to the second case and then he got pardoned right so like so like I'm seeing all this happen in real time and before the second case

I'm just sort of

in a manic fucking space and I'm going like people don't know the truth people people are thinking you know we're all like we're all just sheep and this is all bullshit.

And, and, and so I just got on Instagram and I was like, you know, Hunter Biden, you know, was a member of Sanctum and I said some nasty things.

Yeah.

You know, and and I shouldn't have done that.

I fucking should not have done that.

So you regret it.

I mean, I told, of course I do, but like, but like I did it, you know, and and so and so then then the owner of the club sees my Instagram, which no, you know, some people would have seen it, but it wouldn't have gone very far.

But he saw that as an opportunity to throw out a press release, kick me out of the club publicly.

Like he's so great.

I made up the fucking rules of the club.

I am the one who

decided no one could say a name.

Like the whole thing was, but, but no, so he's going to be like this, this big shot guy.

Like, oh, I'm kicking him out for saying a name of a member, you know, and whatever.

You know, God bless him, I guess.

But like

it turned into a media firestorm.

I mean, it turned into one of the biggest stories.

But listen, Damon, this is what I think.

You said, oh, I could never do another party again.

Technically, and I'm not trying to convince you.

Technically, you could, you know, you could like sign NDAs with people.

I mean, there are ways

because you have like this,

you're very magnetic when it comes to doing events like that.

I think only you can, like, if somebody else would try to recreate the magic, I don't think it would be the same.

It's something about you and your personality.

Strangely, I have a gift for this.

I don't know why.

I mean, obviously, but like, you know, I don't know.

Would there be a, would there be a time when I, when that could happen?

Maybe, you know, I'm not sure.

I, I, um, you know, I have a new project.

Um, it's like a crypto thing that I'm doing.

And, um,

and we're going to do some events with that.

And I have another thing that I talk about at the very end of the end of the book.

Um,

um, you know, secret garden that I've been working on with a friend.

You know, there may be a time when I can do it.

Yeah.

And, and I,

you know, but I have to make sure that I'm in the right space to do it.

So that's my next question to you.

You are super open in the book.

And like I said, guys, go read it for the details about the women, the sex,

the adventures, the drug use.

You're very, very open about everything.

And you admit that it was like wrecking your life, right?

I think the only person you were hurting, if you think about it, was you and of course your family, your wife.

But how do you feel now after you wrote the book?

It must have been very cathartic, right?

How do you feel now?

Do you feel like you're in a better place?

I mean, I am like,

it's hard.

This has been the hardest time of my life because now?

Yes.

Okay.

Because I am like, and I talk about it and I've been talking about it openly because I want to tell, tell the truth.

Like I am like completely broke.

I'm sleeping.

I'm staying at my daughter's right now, sleeping on a blow-up mattress.

She's 19.

Oh, wow.

And, you know, I just got back from Europe.

I was in Spain and I was in Zurich.

But, you know, a friend was flying me out and giving me a place to stay.

You were like in Europe visiting or chilling?

Well, I was working on the crypto project with him.

Before that, I mean, I've been like,

it's been brutal.

It's been brutal.

And I got sober and I, you know, and I.

How long have you been sober?

I mean, I started kind of like smoking weed a little bit again.

Not much, but like, I'm not completely clean and sober anymore.

But I'm, but I'm like, you know, I mean, I don't drink and I don't do drugs.

Like, if I want to, I don't know.

That's a big step in the right direction, right?

Yeah, I know that I just don't want to anymore, you know, and and um, and I actually like, I, I, I was in AA for for um five or six months.

I guess I'm not supposed to say, I don't know, but anyway, I was in a, in a program for, for many months, and I, and I have a sponsor, and we're talking again.

You know, like there's something as I speak about this in the book, too.

Like,

I don't know.

Some part of me has healed during the process of writing this book.

And, you know, that like narcissistic, egotistical kind of asshole that I've been truly for a long time, like I just got fucking floored.

And being homeless, you know, I mean, I've had like couches to sleep on and I've had friends that are like, come stay with me.

It's okay.

You're not going to be sleeping on the street.

But, you know, I've had no money and I've just been like just writing and then and then i started this project and now i'm back and i'm starting from square one again i really don't know what the future holds for me but i know that like i've never felt so real i've never felt so like true i want to be just just devastatingly honest with myself and others um you know and i and i by the way i haven't had sex in in like over two months and i am like the most sexual person you'll ever meet i mean i i mean it is how how I,

it is how I feel whole.

And it's not necessarily healthy.

Like, unless I, you know, to be with a person and to make love and to, and to, you know, and, and to fuck like a crazy animal, you know, like, there's both in there.

But like, you know, to not have that and to, and to sort of like know that, that I've got to just be alone right now, you know, to continue this process of just like being okay

and healing as a, as a man,

it's been so much.

I mean, I've been like,

yeah, I mean, I'm very emotional a lot.

Like I get,

that's good.

I'm going to say something to you from my heart.

I think, especially people that don't know you, I understand it's a very difficult subject every time we talk about sex, but I think you need to start forgiving yourself because you're really tough on yourself.

Like you just said, I shouldn't have done this.

I should have done that.

I should have done that.

I mean, we all make mistakes, right?

Life is like a learning curve and it's ups and downs.

Thank you.

And we go, and unfortunately, when we're down, a lot of people, like my mom used to say, they buy popcorn, they sit on the front row to watch your demise.

Right, right.

Very few people are your friends that they're like, come on, let's come back up.

But I feel in you, like, you wrote a book, you're being super open.

And the nice thing about you is that you apologize, you admit your mistakes.

Maybe it would be good if you just like, you know, be more forgiving towards yourself.

Because I don't, you are not a monster.

I'm a witness of it.

People were there because they chose to be there.

And the people that chose to be there, for the most part, it was a great experience for them.

I understand it's not for everyone.

Your world, the worlds you created, are not for everyone.

But the people that make that decision or have money to pay into this world, which is the coolest part for me, because people with money, they want something high-end and exclusive.

They were there because they wanted to be there.

So you did create a safe, incredible, magical experience.

So there's a lot of value to what you did thank you you know regardless of you know all the crap thank you i i'm in process of of forgiving myself and learning how to love myself and and being okay with like who i am you know this book saved my life and this book also brought me to my knees because to i to see myself as clearly as I do and to write as honestly as I did and to feel, you know,

to be at this bottom place in my life right now and starting over again,

you know, but from this place, I feel like,

like finally

real

and I can finally just, just go, go forward from here and, and, and just be like a loving, good man to the best of my ability and see what I can create now from this space.

Because clearly I'm a very creative person.

Yes.

You know, and I, and I, and I can do do interesting things.

And I, and, and, um, and, and if, if my heart is in a good place and I'm, you know, because I have, like, like I said in the book, it's just,

I've acted out.

I've acted out in these ways that are just not okay.

And, and, but, but I've been able to see it finally.

And, and now with that, with, with that thing, I can't do it anymore.

Right.

I can't do any of it anymore.

Like, like, I can't even get fucked up anymore.

I just have to like, and so I am.

And so, yeah, so where I go from here, it's kind of a, it's kind of an exciting time.

Like a clean sheet of paper, new beginning.

That's what I have.

All the chalk is off the chalk.

Believe me, we've all been there, you know.

So, and like I said, you have a creative mind.

I think you come from a good place.

Well, thank you.

I think you come from a place.

I can say today, honestly, I come from a very pure place.

I really do, you know, and like, and I can say that and I can love myself for that.

Yeah.

You know, maybe not a lot of the stuff that I, that I do feel, and I'll always feel bad about it because I don't love anything more in this life than my kids.

Fuck.

Thank God you have your kids.

You know, I do.

And thank God they fucking love me because

I'm very lucky.

Yeah.

But when is the project coming out?

The brad is really that, you know, this is okay.

No, but

this is beautiful.

Like, I don't.

I'm happy that you're putting it all in.

And that I get to see you.

And I'm feeling it.

Because I used to put all of this behind a fucking wall.

But like most people do.

We, like, I, like, I always say, you know, we put on social media, on Instagram, that everything is fat because everything is perfect bullshit.

We all have our demons.

We all go through our battles.

We all go through war, right?

But the problem is we don't show that.

And when you put this beautiful story out there, hopefully you inspire a lot of people going through the same.

That would be wonderful if so.

Yeah.

You know, and I'm sure you will still come up with some great, fantastic things.

I'm definitely not done yet.

It doesn't look like you are.

When is the project coming out that Brad Falchuk is writing?

I don't know like like next probably around next this time next year oh wow okay yeah so they're shopping it um but yeah a really incredible team um

i could i can uh the name of the of the uh i follow him on on my instagram

i don't know and the book is fantastic guys i'm putting the link here on the audio episode and on the youtube episode eyes wide open go get it whether you're interested in sanctum or not whether you're interested in sex parties or not i think it's a life lesson and i think a part of your message is the same as my message.

Like, you know, sexuality is not a dirty, bad thing.

It's complex.

It's complicated.

It's different for each person.

I feel that sex is the best thing in the world.

Totally.

I mean, when you really connect with your partner and you're in some like really deep place with them and you're making love and you're both coming and you're both just really fucking like I feel like that's the closest and forgive me, but the closest to like oneness and God and universal just like that we can get you become one with another person one million now like yeah if you're if you're talking about pornography if you're talking about just like random people great that yeah that's kind of sex is meaningless yeah but when you when you when you get into it and and and you open your heart and your soul and you really get into it with somebody and you and you have that safe space to do that it's what the fuck is better than that oh my god listen i've been saying that since i started the podcast four and a half years ago after i left my marriage and i realized you know because I'm like you, I like, I'm a very sexual being, and I think that's a very healthy part of life.

But I always say if people were having more sex and were more open about what they want, their fantasies, their sexuality, the world would be a much better place.

Absolutely.

Believe me.

Well, you know, all you have to do is be honest.

Yes.

You know, like, like, because, because if you're honest from the get-go, then you'll know, okay, my partner, maybe that's not the right person for me.

Totally.

But if you're honest with yourself to begin and say, you know what, I like like this thing, even though it's a little bit kinky, or I like this thing, even though maybe that's a little.

Yeah.

But then you might say to somebody, you know, I want to tell you that I kind of like this thing and I'd like to explore that.

That person might go, oh,

me too.

And then you get to really, because just like.

Just like plain, you know, like really vanilla sex with no honesty and no exploration and nothing.

I mean, come on, you're missing out on a whole

universe.

And I hope people out there listening are going to get inspired and they're going to tell their partners like your fantasies, whatever you want to do in bed.

You asked me at the beginning of the episode, then I'll tell you, when I went to Sanctum, it opened up.

It reminded me of how much I love sex.

I've had sex with one guy only, but it was one of the most incredible.

And I will die and never say who it was because it was a very famous person.

Oh, beautiful.

I love you.

He was there with the girlfriend, wife.

Right, right.

and she wanted me to have sex she wanted to watch and i'm like yeah and it was on top of a desk it was super essential i love it but after that experience everything changed in my life i was like i will never be in an abusive relation i will never be with a man that calls me a whore because i want to have sex or i want to do this and that it was a massive game changer for my life.

So I'm telling you, me, Catherine, you had an impact in my life.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It was a really, really special experience.

Thank you.

I really mean it.

Thank you.

That's so good.

It's really good for me to hear that.

It really was.

I did not go again.

It's not a part of my life anymore.

I think sex is a massive exchange of energy.

I'm in a different place now.

Well, also, sometimes you need, you experience something and you don't need it over and over again.

Exactly.

In fact, sometimes over and over and over and over again

becomes something that's not healthy.

Yeah.

But like, yes, open your mind to something and experience something and find out, oh, is that, is that going to change me?

Is that, is that something that's going to make, you know, make open my consciousness to something new?

And you obviously did that.

I did that.

And congratulations on the book.

Thank you.

I wish you the best luck in the world.

Let's stay in touch.

You have a new friend here.

Now that we reconnected,

guys, I highly recommend the read Eyes Wide Open and Be Safe Out There.

Thank you, Blue Chew, for sponsoring this episode.

I'm very grateful for you guys.

Thank you, Damon.

It was a huge honor.

Fantastic conversation.

Thank you.

Be safe out there, and I'll see you guys very soon.

Mm-hmm.