LISA BILYEU!!

Interviewing my guest today is such a bucket list moment in my life.

You guys have no idea.

I've been wanting to get her on the show for so long.

To me, she's one of the most inspirational, insanely fabulous women out there.

Lisa Billier, badass entrepreneur, author, and the host of the hit YouTube series Women of Impact, where she interviews the world's top experts on relationships, confidence, trauma, and female empowerment to help women protect their power and take back control of their lives.

She's also the co-founder of Quest Nutrition.

For those of you who don't know, she grew it into a billion-dollar company.

But Lisa is not just building businesses, she's building a movement.

Women of Impact has become a lifeline for millions of women around the world.

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Lisa, first of all, I have to say this.

I have to say, this is such a huge bucket list moment for me because I adore you.

I admire you so much.

I don't want to cry right in the beginning, but I've been dreaming about having you you and and being able to talk to you for the longest time so thank you with all my heart oh it's such an honor to be here and i didn't even realize that when i came in so you telling me that um is an you know i think applause to you that you have a vision and you walk that path and you just keep going until you get there yes it's beautiful yes and that yeah it's true because i remember when i started and of course the podcast was so tiny and so many people call me the lulu you crazy you're never gonna get a guest like her and i remember thinking like, I'm gonna keep going and pushing and pushing and pushing.

And as we grew a worldwide audience, as I was telling you, we literally were getting requests from people from all over the world.

Where is Lisa?

Where is Lisa?

Where is Lisa?

And I'm like, okay, I made like, you know, I manifested.

I'm gonna be able to get her one day.

And you're very loved everywhere.

Thank you.

One of my favorite quotes that has motivated me in my journey is be so good they can't ignore you.

I love it.

Because the amount of times I've been told you're delusional, you're cuckoo, what are you thinking of?

Who do you think you are?

The audacity of you.

And here's the thing.

When someone says that to you, they're probably a little.

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Accurate because you hadn't get started yet, right?

Think about you.

Your podcast had zero listeners.

So here you are saying, I want this person.

Other people look and say, well, that.

How are you going to do that?

It just doesn't seem possible.

But when you believe in something and you put in a strategy and you take that path step by step, like I really freaking applaud that you have a vision and you're able to execute over and over again.

Yeah.

And I think it's a big part of doing anything right.

You can't just give up.

I think many people, especially us women, we have a lot of self-doubt, right?

Like I can't do this.

And I know you talk a lot about that, but you got to keep pushing forward, whatever it is that you're doing.

I will say yes and no.

So here's the trick with that is that sometimes we stop because it's too hard.

That is, yes, you need to keep going because this is momentary failure, momentary problem.

You need to keep going.

I think sometimes though, as women, we become so

hell-bent on saying, I said that I was going to do this.

So as a woman, I don't want to show weakness.

I don't want to show anything.

So I'm going to make sure that I do it.

Even if I'm not happy, even if it's detrimental to my health, we sometimes do the opposite and just keep going out of,

we think it means something about us.

And what I've learned is it's very okay to quit.

Sometimes it is the best thing to do because you may be going down the wrong path.

But what I, there was a, um, an athlete called Nastia Lucan and she was on my husband's show one time.

And I just remember her saying, so she's a gold medalist, she does like gymnasts, uh, gymnastics.

And she's a kid, right?

She's 14, she's 12, whatever age, and she just wants to play with her friends.

And everyone's like, her mom says, no, you've got to keep going.

And all she wants to do is have, you know, fun with her friends.

So she goes to her mom.

She's like, I just want to quit.

And her mum turned around to her and said, you know what?

You can, you absolutely can quit, just not on a bad day.

Oh, I love that.

And that stuck with me because that really to me becomes the true

reveal of if you're quitting because it's just hard.

Yeah.

Or if you're quitting because actually this isn't right for you.

So in moments where I say to myself, do I still want to run a YouTube channel?

Do I still want to run a business?

Like I ask myself all of these questions all the time.

And I allow myself to say, it's okay, Lisa, if you want to shut your company down and never show up on camera again, it's okay.

Just you can't do it on a bad day.

I love that.

I'm going to remember that forever.

So let's start from the beginning.

For maybe somebody who don't know the story behind your work or people who are new to Cat on the Loose, I'm sure you got asked this question a million times.

You and Tom, your husband, started Quest Nutrition, spectacular brand.

And you sold it for a crazy amount of money.

Most people cannot even like

dream about the number.

It's all over the media.

literally like a billion dollars with a B.

It's like, holy cow, talk about success.

And I would say, unfortunately, most people, when they see a lot of money, they are like, you know, fuck it.

I'm going to drink champagne all day.

I'm going to buy a yacht.

I'm going to do nothing.

You guys remained insanely grounded, insanely inspirational.

In your case, you were like,

I'm going to go and inspire other women.

Like I said, I'm going to do this YouTube.

And I know how much work.

Jesus,

it's so much work.

And

you have the show.

What do you think the, or maybe you can guide us through the train thought, or how did you manage

in light of everything that was going on to stay so grounded and make this decision that you were going to continue working and do something so incredible for so many people?

Thank you.

I think it comes to the foundation that I built during the struggle.

So as we're building Quest, we grew at 57,000%, which takes you from zero to a billion dollars in just five years.

Wow.

It's insane.

It's insane.

Yeah.

If you could flash back to a glimpse of what I used to look like before we started Quest, I was wildly insecure.

I didn't understand how to set boundaries.

I didn't know how to speak up, tell my husband what I wanted.

And so I kind of just went with the flow.

And as we were going with the flow, my husband was trying to make enough money so we can make movies.

I won't bore you with that story, but we were just trying to make enough money.

There was no word like entrepreneurship back then.

So in that journey, we were literally just chasing money.

And my husband said, it's just going to take a year and a half and then we're going to make movies.

Well, of course, the year and a half comes.

You don't have enough money to make movies.

So he kept saying a year and a half for eight years.

So for eight years, I felt like my life was on pause.

I felt like I was living eight years.

Wow.

Okay.

Eight.

Think of a baby being eight years old.

Like, that's a long time.

Yes.

I dedicated my life to being a great stay-at-home wife so my husband could make enough money to earn so that we can make movies together.

So I felt like originally I was part of that building of the idea and the vision.

The problem was I just kept waiting.

And in that, I again, I didn't have self-esteem.

I didn't have the confidence that I do now to just speak up and say what I wanted.

So for eight years, I was completely silent.

It got to the point where my husband was coming home every single day saying, I don't want to talk about work.

Don't ask me a question.

And I was like, this isn't life.

I don't care about money.

In that moment, I literally said to him, I don't care about money.

We had built about $1.5 million

in shares and stocks in a company that my husband helped build.

So imagine eight years, he helps build this company.

We've got about $1.5 million in the company.

It isn't cash.

So you don't have a penny in your hand.

And I just said to him, I don't care.

I don't care about the million and a half dollars.

You are profoundly miserable.

And so what is the point in life if we're not enjoying it?

So

leave the company.

I don't care if you don't take the shares because again, we had agreed that if we were going to stick with the company, we deserve the shares.

If we don't, we don't deserve the shares.

We're leaving.

And I said, I don't care.

That was the first moment that I realized my husband and my happiness and our relationship was the most important thing.

So we literally were very okay with walking away with 1.5 million.

Now, this is before I'm wealthy.

So you can imagine I'm collecting coupons.

That is a big deal.

But I just went back to the business.

It's a big gamble.

It was a big gamble.

I would think the same way you did,

but most people wouldn't.

Yeah, I think it becomes that, how's your life working?

And my husband was miserable.

Our relationship was becoming strained because he was miserable.

And so I just said, what's more important?

Easily my relationship with my husband.

So that became the catalyst for him to go into his business partners and say, I hate this company.

I'm miserable.

I'm just chasing money.

I want to leave.

Him telling them that

birthed the idea of Quest nutrition

because they all said they were miserable.

Now,

Tom comes home and he says to me, all right, babe, you've said that I'm miserable.

I agree.

I want to do something that's just predicated on something that I love.

Because even if I was to fail every day, I want to feel good about myself.

What does that look like?

It was the Quest protein bar because his family was morbidly obese.

My family was morbidly obese.

So finding a purpose in something beyond yourself was another, let's say, notch on the belt.

So here we are.

I declared I don't care about money.

I realized happiness is more important.

I also realized that we can show up every day for something that we care about and is beyond us.

That was our family.

So here we are, we're building Quest.

Now my husband says, babe, if we lose, we lose the house.

The house is now up for collateral.

Wow.

Now, again, I had to reassess what's important to me.

So all these little moments became the building blocks to the answer that you've asked.

How do I sell it?

And this is often the part that people don't see.

Because when they see in the media like, oh, they sold this company for a billion dollars.

They're like, oh, everything is so easy for them, right?

They don't see the blood, sweat, and tears and the risks you take and the chances you take.

And that up until you actually sell, it's all paper money.

So here we are.

you know, dedicating our lives, really building what we care about.

This protein bar that was actually going to help my mom and his mom lose weight, which meant that was going to add years to their life.

Like that is a purposeful mission.

And we weren't using those words back then.

So we start the company.

My house is now up for collateral.

I'm like, okay, the truth is I married an ambitious man.

I married an ambitious woman.

But here's what I refused to do just because I was married to now put a damper or handcuffs to his ambition.

So here he is.

He wants to gamble the house.

I said, I can get another house.

I can't get another Tom.

I can't get another Tom.

So that was then the next step.

Okay, it's very easy for me to emotionally disconnect from property, from,

you know, tangible things out of love and inspiration.

So that was another building block.

So when we started going and we built Quest, there were so many moments I had no idea what I was doing.

Remember, I'd been a stay-at-home wife for eight years.

Now here I am trying to figure out import and export rules of how to ship food product to Dubai.

Like, that's how kind of weird and out there it got.

You know, I always say, and I know this is very controversial, it's the best way to learn.

I just want to learn is the famous school of heart.

No, because a lot of people they say, oh, you know, you're telling people not, don't go to college, don't do that.

I still think, like, the school of heart, not like literally on everyday operations, because I was kind of like you, for 15 years, my husband barely let me walk out of

my house.

And now it's been like every single day, that's how I learn, just doing things, trial and error.

There is no better way to build a business.

Oh, a thousand percent.

Because no one, no one's telling me, right?

Like when people talk about building businesses, they're talking about figuring out P ⁇ L, your facility, are you manufacturing yourself?

If you have a product, you outsource that, all of these things.

But no one's actually telling you how on earth you figure things out every single day, like, hey, you need to ship product.

food product to Dubai within 48 hours because Justin Bieber may have a bite and there may be a photo of him eating the quest bar.

That's a true story.

So, you can imagine, I don't bloody know what I'm doing.

I have no clue.

So, I'm figuring it out all the way.

Now, as I'm figuring it out, what is that driving force?

It wasn't money.

I just left $1.5 million on the table.

So, it wasn't money.

It was, if I don't figure this out, if I don't figure out this shipping problem, if I don't figure out this product problem,

what happens?

Product goes under.

I don't save my mum.

Oh, wow.

I love that.

You are, I think,

at least in my book, when you are doing things from a place of heart and a purpose, like you said,

that's when the most incredible results come faster.

And I think sometimes when people are like, I have to make money, I have to make money, I have to make money.

It doesn't work out the same way.

Yeah, and look, I don't want to pretend that money isn't important.

But what we did when we were building Quest is what's the bare minimum we can get by?

Yeah.

What's the bare minimum where we can, and I literally sat there and just did a budget.

Again, I had no idea what I'm doing.

So I'm not talking like a professional here, guys.

I had a scrap piece of paper with a pen and I'm drawing lines and columns because I didn't even have a laptop at that point.

So I'm just like, okay, how much does our mortgage cost?

How much can I reduce our cost of food if I went to Costco and bought the cheaper brand?

Like I actually literally,

making everyday life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then

everything else, I just crossed off.

Now, the thing that we women don't talk about are the emotional things that we have to give up.

And it may seem silly at first, but this is the stuff that ends up knocking our confidence, that ends up derailing us.

So the thing that no one warned me about is I would feel shame and guilt for not being able to go to Starbucks and hang out with my friends.

Oh, because I calculated, I can't afford, like back then, it was two bucks, $2.50 back then.

Back then, I don't have $2.50 to spend on a coffee.

So for the first few weeks, I'm saying no.

Now, what does that do to my emotions?

Yes, I'm building a business, but still, I'm a human.

I'm a woman that wants to feel a part of a group.

And so I start feeling FOMO.

So I was like, all right, well, this isn't good because now I'm starting to really feel like I'm missing out for this sacrifice of a protein bar that I don't even know is going to do well, right?

Like there's so many variables that I'm like, now I'm really damaging my friendships.

So then I was like, what if I take coffee with me?

Oh, wow.

Now, you can imagine now the embarrassment.

I have to tell my friend, hey, guys, I can't afford Starbucks.

And you know what they're going to do?

Of course, they're going to offer to pay.

Now I feel like I'm a charity, right?

So, oh, again, this is my 20s, so I'm thinking differently.

But this is the stuff people don't tell you.

Oh, I know.

Look, I've been there.

Like, I've been in this situation after I went through my divorce.

I literally lost everything.

I was telling the story a little bit before, and I was counting pennies.

This was like five years ago.

I was the same.

And in my case, My friends, I'm going to say quote unquote, a lot of them turned their backs.

Like, they don't want to deal with people counting pennies.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They don't want to be there for you.

Like, they don't want to hear about your struggles.

They don't want to hear about your bullshit.

If you're trying to build a company, they probably think, oh, it's going to sink.

I don't want to have nothing to do with it.

Not everybody's supportive is going to say, hey, Kat, please, hey, Lisa.

Let me buy you coffee.

Let me help you.

At least in my journey, I got a lot of people like turn their backs.

Like my mom, she used to use this expression.

They buy popcorn and they sit on the front row because they want to see you fail.

Yeah.

Here's what I can say to that.

Thank God you saw them for who they really were.

Right.

Like in all honesty, that, that to me is the most amazing lesson.

And my friends were amazing.

It was me.

It was my own ego.

It was my own confidence where I'm like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed.

I have to take this.

Like, and it's filtered coffee that I've made from home and I've reused the filter four times.

Like I would calculate how many times I could use a filter without the filter breaking.

So these are the things that people don't talk about when they're building a business because these are the little things that get you do well.

My friends are going out.

My friends are going, partying.

They're shopping.

they're having fun, they've, and here I am in a warehouse, in a hen,

measuring peanut butter for a protein bar that I don't even know is going to do well.

So you can imagine my family, my friends, everyone's like, Belisa, you want to be in movies, you wanted to make film.

What happened?

Now, it wasn't again, going to go back to something I said earlier, it's not that they don't.

believe in me.

They just don't see the possibility.

So their projections, their opinions, their emotions are being vomited, if you will, onto you.

It's their own limitations.

Yes, exactly.

So in everything that I dealt with, and we really want to make sure that I close the loop on that question you asked.

So everything that I dealt with in building my self-esteem to know that it wasn't about success, it was about the pursuit, building my self-esteem to know that there's a problem that I can learn to fix.

I can learn to fix.

All of these things, realizing that money didn't buy happiness, all of these things contributed to me building my self-esteem and my confidence about the woman I am.

Not about what I own, not about my status, but about the woman I am, the woman I show up to be every single freaking day.

So you can imagine I'd been doing that for five years in building Quest.

So now Quest is at the pinnacle.

It's at the top.

It's announced as a billion dollar company.

Oh my God, the dreams come true.

The foundation I still built was there.

So I wasn't almost tackling it.

you know, with no skills.

The last part was I've had health issues.

I was brought up, my mom, unfortunately was borderline anorexic.

So I had the same behavior.

I starved myself.

I was running on the treadmill because I thought how I looked was the most important thing.

And so over 10 to 15 years, I completely wrecked my health.

I completely wrecked my gut.

And it was just getting worse and worse.

I couldn't eat properly.

I was having stomach issues.

The day we sold the company.

The day, not the day before, not the day after, the actual day we sold the company.

And we got the keys to our dream house.

Oh, wow.

Now,

everyone has their motivation.

My motivation was I'm a 90s hip-hop chick.

So when we were, when Quest wasn't doing well, when I was really struggling, me and my husband would.

use things to motivate us, emotional things.

And so we would drive around Beverly Hills and we would look at the houses.

And I said to him, not I want the big house.

I said to him, I want a house with a waterfall and a bottle of Don Perrion and I want to twerk for you and pour Don Perrion down my body.

Like,

because I'm such about vision, right?

The house is the same, but it's the filmmaker in us, right?

I do that to this day.

I moved back to Beverly Hills because it's my happy place.

Like, just walking every morning with my dogs and the sunshine and the palm trees, it makes me happy.

Yes.

And I'm still in my journey.

Of course, I'm not rich by any means, but I'm proud that I'm supporting myself.

But that's what I, every morning, I walk with my dogs.

I'm like, I'm going to buy you guys a house back with a backyard.

I'm going to get you guys this house back.

I do the same thing.

And that just makes me so happy, like having these images in my mind that I'm slowly, I know I'm going to get there.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm in my journey of getting there.

And it's feeling the feel of what it would be like.

So that was the thing for me.

I wanted to be by a waterfall.

I wanted Don Perion.

I wanted a toy for my hobby.

And so I love that.

It comes true, girl.

Oh, it actually comes true.

So imagine I've got a bottle of Don Perrion in one hand.

We're celebrating.

I take a swig.

I've got a photo to prove it.

Oh, my God.

I got to see that.

Now, here's the thing.

As soon as I put the champagne bottle down and I swallowed the

champagne,

I got such pain in my gut.

Oh, no.

The only way I can explain it is it felt like my gut erupted.

Oh, my God.

And for at least six months to a year, I could barely eat anything.

Oh, my God.

So you see me now.

I was 20 pounds lighter.

I was

very, very, very tiny.

I was slowly dying from malnutrition because I had such health problems okay now the final piece to that first question that you asked me is you can imagine i've got so much money money i could only know it's like what are you gonna do like well i could hire the best doctors and they still couldn't fix me wow the best i was trying to throw money at the problem so you can imagine i had a year i was the wealthiest i'd ever been and i was the most sickest I'd ever been.

Oh, no.

I would have given up that money for my health.

So that is how I have been able to stay so true to who I am, to what I show up to do every day.

Like, know why you wake up every day.

What do you get out of bed for?

What are you fighting for?

And for me, I was fighting for my mum when we were building Quest.

My mom, I wanted her to live forever.

So I wanted her to be healthy.

And now it's like I want to fight for that 14-year-old Lisa that didn't believe in herself, that didn't believe that she had the confidence to go out and do whatever she wanted in life.

You were telling me your story that for 15 years,

15 years you couldn't go and do whatever you wanted to.

I couldn't work.

Yeah, my husband was super

controlling, didn't let me work.

He was very wealthy,

but I love working, you know, I love creating.

And he would cut me off and humiliate.

He was extremely abusive, extremely abusive, verbally abusive, sometimes physically abusive.

And for 15 years, my mindset, somehow I thought I deserved it because it takes forever to get for you to say, you know what, wait, stop.

I deserve better.

It took me 15 fucking years to say, no, stop.

And when I got out of the marriage and he passed away, really long story.

I lost everything.

I lost like my bank accounts, my assets, like my pants.

I always say that story.

And that's why I thought it was sink or swim for me.

It was sink or swim.

And I thought, I love life, like you were saying about your health.

I'm going to swim.

I'm going to see what happens.

And that's what I've been doing ever since.

And that's how Cat on the Loose started, because I know there's so many women out there.

And I want to talk about women of impact that

sometimes they need to listen.

Like you can always start over.

You can always find the purpose.

You have your value.

And that was the thing that once we sold Quest and I was like, I can do anything I want with my life.

Like, no joke, me and my husband.

It sounds a little crude, but this is true.

I always want to be honest.

We sat down and we said, do we just buy an island and just like chill peace out and like bring a whole family and we just call it the Billieu Island and all of our family.

Which would have been the option most people would have taken.

Here's the thing.

It sounded awesome for two weeks.

Yeah, right.

For two weeks.

Will I go on vacation?

By the end of it, I am itching to do something.

So

then go back to, so when we assessed that, I was like, I have built everything

in starting quest.

Everything was about building myself.

I couldn't do this before and now I can.

The pursuit of something, the pursuit of greatness, the pursuit of helping women, the pursuit of making a difference in someone's life is so intoxicating to me.

And so I assessed, this is intoxicating.

This is the thing I can feel good and do all day, every day to really feel good about myself and to actually create change.

And when I think about going back to what you were saying about 15 years, if we women had self-worth, if we had our confidence, if we had built our self-esteem at a young age, we wouldn't have stories like that.

Oh my God, you're so right because we're unable to be manipulated.

And so, realizing that, realizing that I spent eight years of my life silent, never saying what I wanted.

And I was married to an amazing man.

Yeah.

I was married to an amazing man who would have supported anything.

So here I am.

I was stuck for eight years.

When I now realize how many women are stuck in their 30s, in their 40s, in their 50s, in the 60s, it is fucking heartbreaking.

I heard you swear, so I think I'm allowed to.

Please.

It is fucking heartbreaking.

I have a really big, dirty mouth.

I'm sorry.

Okay, no.

Let's go, girl.

We'll swear like sailors.

And it just made me realize that was a mission that I could show up for.

That if somebody heard a piece of content, if someone saw me, if someone heard a podcast or something that I said and they realized their life was worth more, fuck.

That's way more like impactful than a bloody island.

Oh my God.

Holy shit.

I have to say thank you for not hiding in that island because I

and I have tears in my eyes and I don't want to cry.

I never cried doing cat on the loose before, but I was going through hell,

hell

a few years ago when 2018, right?

I had, I didn't have a penny, I didn't have family support, I didn't have any relatives, I didn't have money in the bank, I lost everything, I thought I was gonna die and I found you.

Like actually one of my friends said, you gotta look, and I was that was feeding my soul.

I couldn't afford therapy, by the way,

because a lot of people say, go to therapy, cost money.

So I started watching her videos.

I'm saying from the bottom of my heart,

they started driving me.

Like, okay, I have to be that woman.

I have to be that woman of impact.

I know I came here for a purpose.

And it really, really got me out of the embarrassment of speaking up.

I swear to God, that's when I started saying, you know,

I'm an artist.

I'm an intelligent woman.

Because when you're abused for so long, you forget this shit.

You start thinking that you are a piece of shit, like a lot of women out there.

And when I found you, I was like, you know what?

I'm going to rock and roll.

I'm going to run with this.

I'm so much to me.

I had no idea.

Thank you with all my heart that you do what you do because I am proof that you change lives of women every I'm sure you know that.

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it isn't people do tell me but it doesn't negate the next time someone tells me because To me, that becomes the compass of my North Star is I show up every day to help women.

Now, I'm not blind.

If I don't actually help women, if people don't actually watch my content, if I'm not, I would pivot.

I would go, okay, this isn't working.

Where do I want to put my time and effort?

But I think one of the most heartbreaking things is that we spend life just letting it pass us by.

And I think so much of that comes to the belief system that we have.

I can't speak up.

I shouldn't.

There was a woman in her 50s.

She had four children and she came up to me and just started bursting into tears.

And she said, Lisa I

was living with a very abusive narcissist and he wouldn't let us sing he wouldn't let us dance and I have four children and we weren't allowed sorry three children we weren't allowed to do it she said I saw your piece of content and she's telling me this while in tears she's like I saw a piece of content and I realized that I'm worth more and that just because I was in my 50s it didn't mean that I had to settle for this was going to be my life and so she took her kids she rented like this tiny one bedroom apartment and she said we didn't care how small it is do you know what the the first thing we did when we opened the door?

We dance.

I love it.

And so these stories mean so much to me.

The fact that going back to that's why I show up when I realize there's something I can't do.

I'm not possible.

I don't have the competence to do it yet.

I just say, what am I, what's the end goal?

Like, what am I trying to get to?

And what is it going to take for me to get there?

And how do I keep showing up every day, putting one foot in front of the other to get better?

Because I was petrified to get in front of the camera.

When I started my podcast, I so tried to just do audio.

I was saying to my husband, don't worry, babe.

I'm just going to do audio.

I'm just going to join my friend.

And he just looked at me and he's like, We've got a set.

There's six cameras.

Why on earth?

And in that moment, I was like, Well, it was purely my own ego, right?

I was like, Who would want to watch me?

I'm squeaking.

Obviously, you know, a lot of people.

No, you're

a bit before me.

You are a very real presence.

Thank you.

Very real, you know, in an ocean of fakeness and bullshit, you know, know, social media, all that crap.

You are so real on your videos, on your content on social media, right?

You just put everything out there.

But I think most people are so afraid to be themselves that we try to be wanted and liked.

So we try to act a different way in order to get it.

And so for me, I thought, I was like, well,

I have to get better.

Like, how am I going to get in front of the camera?

And so it just took practice.

It took me assessing what was more important, my mission or my ego.

The mission, yeah.

But when you come to moments like that, I want your audience to really know you've just got to stare nakedly at the realities of the situation.

And here's the other thing.

I don't judge you if you said ego.

I don't judge you.

Because look, there are a lot of people out there doing work based on their ego and it works for them.

But

it's not your style.

It's not my style.

Like I decided I'm going to be as raw and real as I possibly can.

Because if there is a woman out there going through what I went through, I hope she gets that glimmer to change her life.

So I'm like, whatever.

I don't care what anybody thinks of me.

We're always going to have critics.

You cannot make everybody happy.

And I want to ask you, because I have 10 million questions, I don't want to run out of time.

The age thing, right?

One of my biggest pet peeves, like when I hear people say, men and women, like, oh, am I going to find love my age?

At my age, it's too late to change.

Oh, at my age, is somebody going to?

I'm like, life doesn't come with an age book.

I don't think there's like a specific age where you gotta do certain things.

And I use me as an example.

I feel better than ever.

I feel more beautiful than ever.

I feel happier than ever.

And I'm older.

And I feel a million times better than I did 20 years ago because I was in this shitty, horrible relationship.

And I know you put a lot of amazing videos about that.

And you always talk about it.

But

Is there like a small step or something that you suggest that could change someone's mindset if they're too stuck on like that age matters.

Yes, I love that.

Yes, yes, I love this stuff.

Because here's the thing, whenever we're talking about confidence, age, things like that, I go, okay, this is how I feel.

Just be honest with how you feel.

Like lay it all out on the table super nakedly.

Okay, I'm 50 years old and I feel like no one's going to want me in the dating field.

It's going to make it harder for me to get a job.

Like these are all your insecurities.

Cool.

Okay, now you've got them out.

Some of them are real.

Some of them are real.

And I don't want to bullshit you.

But now what?

Like now what are you going to do, even if it's real?

So let's just say you're 60.

Is it harder for you to get a job in AI?

Maybe it's a little harder.

You got to learn more.

You're maybe a little slower.

Like, but it's possible.

So looking at everything, saying what's real and what's not, what's my emotion, what's my insecurities and what's actual facts, right?

Now you've got them separate.

Okay.

So now you've got the actual facts.

So let's say, for instance i i feel 50 and i feel like it's too late for me to find anyone let's actually talk through that like actually

50 what's the average age for women now do you know i have no idea it's like uh i think it's like late 80s oh really oh that's awesome and you're 50

you're what uh my i'm not very quick at math mean like two thirds less than two thirds i mean

so now you go you're gonna give up your whole life right

because you're two-thirds in or a third in or half in.

Does that actually make sense?

Think of all the things that you've been able to do in the first 50 years.

You were born.

You learn how to hold your head up.

You learn how to crawl.

You learn how to walk.

You learn how to talk.

You learn how to do like all this stuff that you've done in 50 years.

Yeah.

Whoa, shit.

Can you imagine what you can do in another 30 years?

So that's taking an emotion.

and really just drilling it down into fact.

The second thing I do, I intellectualize things and then I emotionalize things.

So let me do the intellectual thing.

I love that.

So that was the intellectual thing, right?

Now, the other intellectual thing: no bullshit.

You've got two options:

you age

or

you die.

Well, it is if you're not aging, you're dead, right?

And it is absolutely a reality.

Don't diss it because you better freaking believe when you end up able to celebrate another birthday,

you either celebrate that birthday or you don't yeah so when i see life as harsh as that i'm like what am i wishing for time to slow down like that's crazy no so that's that's how i feel so that's on the intellectual side so i just i do that over and over again when i have a a sting or something triggers me of like oh my god am i too old i go back and i'm going just be real

and look at it for fact or emotion.

Yeah.

And I just work through it.

Okay, the emotional side to things.

The emotional side is: I don't like getting wrinkles.

That's true.

I don't think anybody does, but okay.

So now it's part of our story, too.

Yes, but it doesn't make it easier.

So I don't gain, I don't want to bullshit you all.

No, it doesn't.

So what I do is I have a couple of tricks I do with wrinkles.

I go, okay.

Have you ever looked back at a photo of you 10 years ago?

Have you?

Yes, all the time.

Okay.

When you look back, what do you think?

I think,

wow, I'm aging really well.

Amazing.

In my case, I'm like, wow, I look, but because, like I said, because of what I went through.

So when I look at my pictures the past few, I'm like, wow, you look happier.

Like, I look at my smile.

Exactly.

I look at my eyes, you know, like, I just feel like this different energy around me.

That's amazing.

You know, even like maybe I was whatever, five, seven pounds thinner.

Like you were saying, in your case, you were thin.

But when I was going through what I was going through, but I was dying.

I couldn't, same.

I couldn't eat.

I was 112 pounds.

And everybody was like, oh my God, you're so thin.

And I was like, if you got, my mom died, Anthony died.

I didn't have money.

I was like, if these people know how much I'm suffering, that I can't swallow food, same thing.

So now when I look at me, I'm like, wow, girl, you're aging really well.

You're very unique, though.

Not many people do that.

I think most people look at photos of them when they're younger.

They're like, oh my God, I wish I looked like that.

Now, here's what I realized is I go back and I'll look at a photo of me, let's say 10 years ago.

I'd be like, oh, man, look how youthful your skin looks.

Look how good your muscles look.

And then I remember what I used to say to myself when that photo was taken.

When that photo was taken, I remember me emotionally beating myself up, looking in the mirror, calling myself fat, looking in the mirror saying, I can't believe you've got a blemish.

I can't believe you have a zip.

Oh, my God, that wrinkle.

All these insults that I gave myself 10 years ago, now I look back and go, oh, my God, look how amazing I was.

So now I've realized that reality.

So now I know in 10 years, I'm going to look back at today and be like, oh shit, this is great.

So the insults that I'm making in 10 years, I'm going to be damn, I wish I had what I had now.

So I remind myself.

So what I do is I've practiced pattern interrupt.

So I recognize when I do it, it's usually when I look in the mirror, I recognize now how the thought comes up.

And I have started to pattern interrupt when that thought comes.

I fill it with a different thought.

So the different thought is in 10 years, you're going to say you look freaking stellar, Lisa.

And that gives me a boost right now.

I love that.

That's a great little trick.

Because it goes to the reality.

And

the insulting in the mirror was a big thing for me.

It still is.

It's something that I work on all the time because I naturally go to insulting myself.

So the age thing, I'd figured out that.

But then the body thing, like your body changes, especially as you get through perimenopause and menopause and and your your body actually changes like the shape of it is crazy and so i go what am i going to do when my body starts to change am i going to start to insult it again or am i going to be aware that this is going to happen and come up with tactics and tools and habits to make sure that i don't do it because i separate my natural inclinations with this not even separate i think of it as going cool what's my natural inclination and what am i going to do about it i don't just accept it so I really do now pad and interrupt when I look in the mirror and I give myself an insult.

And because I told you the story of my health, I don't know if you do this, but how many of us women beat us, our bodies up, especially if you've had children?

I know a lot of women are like, oh my God, my boobs are so skinny or they're flat and, you know, my child sucked everything out of it.

Like I hear a lot of women that feel badly about how their body has changed.

And I did this one interview and I now do this myself is every time you go to insult a part of your body, remind yourself of what it does for you.

Oh my God, I do the same.

It's so funny saying that.

I do the same thing.

I don't even know where I read that a while ago, like about the legs, because I love walking with my dogs.

It's my favorite thing in the world to do.

So every day that I'm walking, if I'm five pounds heavier, five pounds lighter, or I'm not as toned as I want, I'm like, but you know what?

These legs are so healthy.

They allow me to walk with my dogs every single day.

So like, yeah, it's the way you shift your mind in terms of looking at your body and what it can do for you.

Yeah, exactly.

I used to look at my body like it was really weak, right?

I told you that I was so sick for so long.

I mean, I'm still sick now.

I still struggle all the time.

And so I very much would just insult myself.

I was like, my body's weak.

It fucking shuts down all the time.

And one day it just clicked based on everything we're saying.

And I looked in the mirror.

and I broke into tears.

And I'm not a crier.

I'm pretty stoic.

I'm not a crier.

And I just broke into tears.

And I stared in the mirror at my stomach

and I just said,

I'm so sorry.

I keep insulting you and telling you that you're weak.

This sounds woo, but it actually worked.

I was like, I'm so sorry that I keep calling you weak.

Actually, you've been so strong.

Because of your strength, I didn't have to go to hospital and get on tubes.

Because of your strength, I was able to come back because of your strength, right?

And now, oh man, it was such a pivotal moment for me.

And look, I am the person that I do not like woo-woo things.

I do not hug trees.

I do not like sitting in yoga.

Self-love is really, I think, is one of the biggest lessons.

But there's also toxic self-love.

So there's that fine line, right?

Between like totally, yeah.

Between like, oh, I love myself from really deep down you're like in agony.

But those are the little things that when someone is worried about aging, you just, it isn't going to go away overnight.

It is, you're not going to stop feeling like that just because you've listened to this podcast.

But if you put into practice,

everything that I just said, you start to build your confidence.

Hold on.

Once you start to build your confidence, now it's like it's a whole new year.

Yes.

The final thing I can talk for about this is the first time.

It says no, but I wish we had five hours because I have 10 million questions.

That's an important thing to say to them about aging thing.

Know what is happening about your body.

Know what is happening.

Nobody's as critical as we are.

And I also think, although I'm still single, by the way, very happy, single, I still try to find my perfect someone, but in the meantime, I'm very happy.

But I do believe that the person that loves you, they are going to love, and I keep repeating that over and over on my podcast because it's hard for women to sink that in.

They're going to love you exactly the way you are, right?

They're going to love your body.

They're going to love your mind, your soul.

They're not going to like not love you because you're two pounds heavier or three pounds lighter or whatever it is.

If somebody's criticized, I know that because I was criticized for 15 years, remember?

If somebody's criticizing the living daylights out of you, they're not your person.

Yeah, I think the biggest thing in all the interviews that I've done, like how many, and it was somewhat surprising that this was the conclusion, but now it's not surprising at all.

It all comes back down to,

it all comes back down to

building your self-worth, your self-esteem, your boundaries, knowing what you're willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept.

And when someone comes in your life, you see if they fit like a puzzle.

Yeah.

And

you just make sure that you're non-negotiable.

And I have realized that the most women that don't get stuck in toxic relationships are women that have the most self-confidence.

That is it.

It isn't about confidence in love.

It isn't about they have the best skill sets in a relationship.

No, they don't.

They just have the best understanding of who they are, what their non-negotiables are and boundaries.

Like when I first met my husband, the very first thing I told him is, you can never hit me, you can never cheat on me.

Either of those two things.

And I did it to set him up for success because I was like,

I want this relationship to work.

So let me be very clear about what my non-negotiables are.

Because

while I'm sure you may think that some women do forgive their partners for cheating, they do.

And

no judgment, I'm not one of them.

And so I lay that out.

And now I know that I'm not like, like you said, that's obviously now that's a big deal, right?

No physical violence, no verbal abuse.

Like I would never tolerate the shit I tolerated before.

And like you said, I wish I knew, I knew better.

But yeah, we have to have a list of non-negotiables and that's it.

You stick to that.

Yeah, and then communicate, but doing it in a way that is in service of the relationship, not as a threat.

Yeah.

Right.

So it's like, I want this relationship to work in order for it to work let me tell you the things that i would leave you for and i wouldn't just leave you i will you will never hear from me again you will never have a moment to explain you will because i don't want to be convinced i know myself going back to the natural inclination i know i'm the type of person that may forgive and so i go i know that if you've done it once my trust is broken so i may forgive you but it's going to be detrimental to our relationship and i'm not going to be nice to you.

I know myself.

I would treat you badly if you cheated on me.

I would try to get you back and make you hurt as much as I've hurt.

And I don't want to be that person.

So I go, well, that's not the person I want to be.

That doesn't, that isn't a good look.

That's not the type of relationship I want.

So let me be honest and let me communicate with this guy that I'm about to marry, you know, Tom, and just be, you know, sweet and gracious on the delivery.

But it's not that I feel threatened.

It's like, oh yeah, if you cheat on me, I'm gone.

Right.

Same.

I don't want to, I don't have time for lies.

I think that's what I decided.

Like my life is so black and white.

and right because we do the podcast, everything is out there.

All my stories are out there.

I don't want bullshit, like, no lies.

That's my non-negotiable for sure.

But speaking of Tom, Tom, before we run out of time, because a lot of people ask that question, and I know a lot of couples want to know, you guys have been married for a long time.

You've been through a lot, huge, massive success.

You are both insanely busy.

You are both insanely inspirational.

Any tricks, because a lot of couples, they drift apart, especially when they

whatever happens, what happened to you guys happens to them, right?

A lot of money, success, a lot of people,

lack of time,

a lot of couples drift apart instead of getting closer together.

How do you guys manage to keep this beautiful unit, stay together?

Any tips for other couples out there listening?

Yeah, absolutely.

So it all starts with you have to be in agreement of what you're looking for in your relationship.

So for me and Tom, Tom, we sat down and we said, what are we looking for?

And the truth was we want to be married for the rest of our lives happily.

Happily.

So what does that mean?

And so we just agreed, is this the goal that we're both trying to achieve?

Yes.

Great.

Now we're aligned.

We've got the same goal together.

How do we get to that goal?

Like we kind of think in business strategies.

How do we get to that goal?

Okay, well, we almost, we always have to stay connected.

That means that we've got, we cannot go more than two weeks without a date night.

Do we agree?

Yes.

Amazing.

Okay.

It means that.

So you guys literally, like, no matter how busy you are, you plan a nice date.

Correct.

I think that's super important.

The other part, though, is who is the person that's going to be responsible for doing that?

Because

typically in a relationship, you have one person that's really good at the organizing, the other person isn't.

But what happens is we expect the person that isn't good at the organizing to still do it.

So me and my husband just sat down and he said, babe, you know, I love you.

You know, I want to go on dates with you.

I just don't think about it until it's almost too late.

So, he'll think about it in three weeks and be like, God, why do I feel so distant to Lisa?

And he realizes, oh, it's because we haven't had a date night.

It's not because he doesn't care.

It's because that's his, that's just how he is.

I've known him for that long.

That's so long.

That's just how he is.

So I go, it's not your fault.

You don't think about it.

It's just not your natural way of doing things.

So I'll take on the responsibility of being the person that books the dates.

Do we agree?

And he says, yes.

That's really nice.

So now if I book it, it he can't say hang on a minute why are you taking up my schedule we've agreed the other part is i said to him if i book it i don't want you to reject it

because i'm not your secretary i love it i'm your wife so if i send you an invite to come to dinner with me it's because we've agreed i'm the responsible party come to dinner i love that and

And if you reject it, now I'm going to feel like I have to persuade you.

And that's not how I drive.

So can you accept if you put me as the responsible party he accepts do you yes yeah and he said absolutely now of course there's going to be moments that he's busy and he's got something that i didn't realize that's

so we've now agreed it's almost like the same with sex so he hasn't surprise surprise guys normally do but he has a higher sex driver than i do and so we've just agreed that he can ask anytime anytime so that's what you're saying is so important because it's all about communication correct Because I think a lot of couples, they get in trouble because they don't speak up about what they want.

Oh, not only do you speak up, you have to be so clear that the person understands what you mean.

Yes.

Because it's very different

if you say something, how I interpret it.

So I had said to my husband, I need a soft place to land.

when I'm around you.

Now, to me, that means I want you to cuddle me.

I want you to hug me.

I want you to just treat me really sweetly, right?

Soft place.

That seems obvious to to me.

Right.

For weeks, his interpretation of a soft place to land was very different.

His interpretation was fix everything.

Oh, yeah.

Because you never know how the guy is going to think.

Exactly.

So not only do you have to voice what you want, you have to make sure that they understand

what you mean.

Exactly.

So this is what we do.

And so.

So with the sex thing, it was you can ask me anytime because I never wanted him to feel like, oh, should I, should I not?

Like, that's not a nice place for a guy to be.

And like, if if you're sexually attracted to me, so many men are in that place.

And I'm sure it's because they reject, though.

Yeah, and then they're more afraid of asking.

And then they, and I've had guys tell me, I love my wife, but I cheat because I'm too embarrassed.

I've had so many guys and guy friends tell me that.

And I'm like, please communicate because if you tell her, maybe she feels more attractive and maybe she wants to do it too.

Exactly.

Or here's the truth.

You have to communicate on the difference between the way that you see things.

So for instance, if my husband was to come to me and ask for sex and or, you know, try it on.

And after the third time, if I just turn him down, now he's going to maybe think it's about him.

Yeah.

So communicating, and we've just got this agreement.

He has every right to always ask me.

And I have every right to always say no.

And both ways, we don't judge each other.

He won't ever make me feel bad about saying no, and I'll never make him feel bad about asking.

So when it comes back down to your original question, we get so detailed in our communication who does what who is responsible for what and don't test that is like the final thing we just don't test each other so what i mean by that is you can't even hint there's no hinting in our relationship I want to eat at this restaurant on this day at this time.

The best story was on my honeymoon.

We go to Rome, right?

Romantic.

We go to Venice.

Then we go to Rome.

It was so exciting.

Now I'm married to a very traditional American.

I'm weak Orthodox.

So I love pasta and I want Italian food.

Same.

And my husband is white boy, white boy, white boy.

So we go to Rome.

Where is he from originally?

Tacoma, Washington.

Oh,

yeah.

So I say to him,

first day in Rome, right?

Hey, where do you want to eat?

And remember, this is like 25 years ago.

So we didn't have any money.

We're young.

We're on our honeymoon.

And he's like, I want to eat at the Hard Rock Cafe.

That's so American.

So American.

He's my husband now.

So I'm thinking I want to be a really good wife.

I'm telling you, you are very good.

Because if my guy, my husband said that, I said, okay, let's annul this marriage.

Okay, that's amazing.

Well, so I go back, but I slip tradition into traditional habits, right?

Where it's like, whatever the man wants.

So first night, hard rock coming.

Great.

Second night,

I turned to him and I was like, babe, where do you want to eat tonight?

He goes, hard rock cafe.

Like, no.

No, we ate there again.

Third night comes.

Babe, where do you want to eat?

Hard rock cafe.

I said yes.

So we in Rome.

Three nights in a row, we eat at the hard rock cafe.

The fourth night, so last night in Rome, I turned to him and I'm like, babe, where do you want to eat?

He goes, hard rock cafe.

And I go, please.

I was finally watching your mouth.

Exactly.

Now he turned to me and he goes, what are you talking about?

And I said, please, for the love of God, can we eat at an Italian restaurant?

And he looked at me and he goes, why didn't you just say so?

He goes, Every night, you just asked me what I wanted.

And that was a very early lesson.

I was like, Wow, he's right.

I asked him what he wanted.

I never voiced what I wanted.

Yeah, because you were just being nice and pleasing him.

Exactly.

But where

he was being American.

It's like he didn't even, it's not like to him he considered that inconsiderate.

He's like, You're asking me and I'm answering.

So when it goes back down, back to relationships and how you navigate, is you've just got to say what you want.

Yes.

Like we play this one game on the week.

Every weekend we play this game and it's called no bullshit.

Sorry,

we do play no bullshit.

That's a different game.

We play a game called

Selfish Desires.

And what it means is you sit there and you tell me your selfish desire for the whole day.

Don't think about me.

Don't think about what I want.

Don't think about what I am willing to do.

Just tell me what you want.

And so we play this every weekend.

Oh, I love it.

So he sits in, he's like, all right,

I want to watch anime.

I want to go play video games.

I want sex.

I want to eat sugar.

I want to watch a movie.

And I want to play video games again.

That's such a great idea for couples.

Okay.

Such a great idea.

Now he's telling me exactly what he wants.

It's not that I have to do it.

So he just doesn't feel deprived.

Exactly.

Now he says, now, babe, what do you want to do?

And I go, okay, I want to draw.

I want to go for a walk with the puppies.

i want to have sex i want to have get a back rub i want to watch a netflix show and i lay out what i want to do and we go okay here are the two plans how do we make it work so that we get as much as we possibly both can have

so he goes i want to watch anime I don't really like watching anime, but I want to draw.

He doesn't want to draw.

So we plan the day, go, okay, cool.

I'm going to draw.

You're going to do anime.

You said you wanted sugar.

I said I wanted sugar.

Cool.

So we're going to come together and we're going to have lunch.

You were really horny.

I'm horny.

Cool.

After lunch, we're gonna have sex.

You then said that you want to go play more video games, but I'm actually bored of video games, right?

And we just plan the day.

That's incredible.

And now you feel seen, you feel heard.

You're not always going to get what you want, but you feel good about now giving your partner what they want.

And you never make them feel guilty.

That's the final thing.

That's a fantastic idea.

I hope every couple in the world listens to this because that's such a great idea to find a middle ground.

And like I said, it's all about communicating.

If you communicate, I think most of the issues are gone if you just speak up.

Exactly.

Oh my god, you're incredible.

I wish we had like three more hours.

I could talk to you forever.

I'm so honored.

Like I said, this is such a bucket list moment.

I am emotional.

I'm happy.

Thank you with all my heart.

Thank you for everything you do for so many women out there.

Thank you for not hiding in an island, although you would deserve to do that after all the hard work.

We all deserve that.

Hell no.

Every now.

So many days I wake up up, and I'm like, okay, why am I doing it?

But you are, I mean,

I know I speak for millions of women everywhere in the world.

And I know my cat on the lose audience is going to send me 10 million more questions for you.

So I hope you come back.

Thank you.

It was one of the biggest honors of my life to have you on the show.

I appreciate being here.

And I really hope other people hear your story and are driven and motivated because it doesn't, you know, who you are today does not dictate the time.

And like I said, love doesn't have an expiration date.

Following your dreams, like we were talking before, it started.

Now I'm like, I'm going to making a movie.

Like you said, we love movies.

We got to talk about movies.

We're doing the podcast.

We are doing, like, so it doesn't have expiration dates in your dreams.

Don't have an expiration date.

As long as you're alive and kicking and healthy.

Yeah.

Healthy, like you said,

if you don't feel good.

cancel everything but as long as you're healthy just go for it yeah when you can see 90 year old women running marathons i know it's like

it's hard to give yourself that excuse that something isn't possible when you're 60.

You know, it's like, well, no, anything's possible.

And that's our message.

Go for it.

Yeah.

And look, here's the thing.

Here's the real truth.

Go for it.

You may fail, but at least you've gone for it.

Yes.

Like, do not, do not end up on you taking your last breath, wishing that you had tried something.

I know.

1 million percent.

Thank you, Lisa.

You're insane.

I knew you were going to be fabulous, but you are

10 billion times more fabulous than I thought.

we'd be.

Thank you.

Guys, be safe out there and go after your dreams.

I love you.

I'll see you again very soon.

I'm very emotional.

I don't want to cry.

Yay!

Peace out, you guys.