LAMBORGHINIS, LINGERIE & CANDLES - WHY WE SHOULD NOT IGNORE INITIAL RED FLAGS!

Hey everyone.

So on this week's episode of Cat on the Luz, I'm going to tell you guys a story about a relationship that I was in last year for a few months

because

I made a mistake that I thought I was never going to make in my life ever again, which is ignoring red flags and some major warning signs from the get-go.

I mean, I've been doing this podcast, Cat on the Luz, for four years.

We just entered our fifth season, fifth year.

So I thought to myself, you know, I learned all my lessons.

I know how to date smarter.

I am definitely dating with the intention of finding the right relationship for me.

I know so much better.

I have interviewed so many experts.

I will never make the same mistakes again.

La la la la la.

And then all of a sudden, last year, I have no idea why.

I met this person.

And there you go.

You know, when you have that vibe, that feeling from the get-go, you see some warning signs, you see some red flags.

You know that person is not your person.

You know that there are so many things about that person that are bothering you and don't feel right.

And you keep going, keep going.

And in this story, the plot kept thickening and thickening and getting so crazy and twisted.

that even all my friends, as I was telling them the story, they're like, oh my God, what's going on, Kat?

that

i talked to my team about it and we were like you have to do an episode about it and to help us dissect it and so we can all learn from it i am bringing in my favorite love coach and relationship expert, Nicole Moore.

And by the way, she knows nothing about the story beforehand.

I have not told her anything about it whatsoever because I want her opinions to be as organic and as honest as possible, true to our 100% organic style.

So as I am telling her the story, it's just like as I'm telling you guys the story, like you never heard it before, she never heard it before.

So here he goes.

Lamborghini, Lingerie, and candles.

And by the way, you got to stick it to the end because like I said, the plot thickens and thickens.

And thickens when you think you've heard it all, you're like, no, there's another twist and another and another, and another.

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So here she is, my favorite relationship expert and love coach.

Hi, Nicole.

Hi, so happy to be back.

I'm so happy to have you.

I missed you you so much.

I know.

So this is a good one for you.

Okay.

And like I told everyone, you don't know anything about the story because I really want your opinions to be 100% honest and organic.

And if I'm the psycho, if I'm the wrong one, if I'm the crazy one, by all means, I know you're going to tell me the truth, right?

Yeah.

And by the way, the plot thickens, right?

So it starts like, so we got to go all the way to the very, very end.

So let's, there's a ton of information.

Let's try to pack everything in 45 minutes as fast as you can so last year in september i get this phone call from this guy basically in a nutshell he told me we had talked on hinge a long time ago and when we talked on hinge he was going through a divorce and i was like no thank you because i don't go i don't date guys that are going through divorce and i just hung up on him and he said he never forgot about me and he literally put me on his calendar and he was like once i go through the divorce once i get over everything that i have to get over, I'm going to call Catherine.

She's the woman I want to date.

She's the woman I want to be with.

What?

Exactly.

So when he called me in September, he was like, this is it.

I'm ready.

I'm ready for a relationship.

And I didn't even remember who he was.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so he sends me his LinkedIn.

He sends me his name.

We're going to call him Mr.

Lambo.

Okay, Mr.

Lamborghini.

We have to protect his identity.

So he sends me all this information and he was so like secure of himself.

I was like, okay, I'm going to give this guy a shot, right?

Why not?

So he's like, by the way, I also live in Beverly Hills.

So we were literally like a few blocks from each other, which is good, right?

Geography is important to me

because it really helps the dating game.

So he was like, let's go out to dinner.

He seemed so secure.

So I agreed.

So, okay, I'm like, I have nothing to lose.

I go out to dinner with this guy.

So the first date, here it is.

Like, now you tell me your opinion about this very first one.

To me,

this is one mistake that I think I made.

And I had told myself I was never going to make that mistake again.

When he arrived at the restaurant,

he was not like my physical type, like the type of guy that I would normally date.

She's shaking her head.

Were you attracted to him or no?

No.

So, looking at him, no.

I was like, he was very, very, very, very skinny.

Like,

super skinny.

Yeah.

He's okay.

Like, he has a beautiful smile, you know, super well dressed, like very bougie with his clothes because he's wealthy, he makes a lot of money.

But you know, when I looked at him, it was that he would never be the kind of guy that I would date.

But I, you know, I'm like, I'm going to sit down and have dinner with this guy, right?

Yeah.

But in hindsight, I think if your first impression tells you like, this is not a person that I would be with in the long run.

To me, that's kind of like a little red flag or warning sign.

You know, agree.

It is.

I mean, there, I think there's very few women who actually grow in physical attraction over time.

Like, I have heard women say, I don't really care what it looks like.

And for me, I'm like, what are you talking about?

There are women like that, but I feel like if you're like that, you know.

And if you're not like that, you know.

So many women are like, should I, should I give him a chance if I'm not physically attracted?

And I'm like, what do you think is going to happen down the line?

You could like somebody's personality, but you can't force yourself to like somebody physically, right?

Like it just doesn't cross over for most women.

There are some, but if you're not like that, and if you're turned off, really turned off by how he looks, or you're just not attracted, it's not going to, it's not going to work long term.

It's not, if attraction is important to you, some people don't care.

No, no, someone need it.

Yeah, the chemistry is really important to me.

But when I looked at him, I thought, okay, I'm not, you know, yeah.

So that, hold on, you're going, we're going to get there to the chemistry.

But talking to him, I'm a major sapiosexual, right?

I like the mental connection.

Super intelligent guy, beautiful smile.

I'm like, okay, I'm intrigued.

Now, he said one phrase that I should have paid attention.

That's another thing, right?

That I tell women.

We need, if a guy tells you something, you, we cannot ignore it.

As we were talking and I told him that I have my businesses and I do the podcast, na-na-na, and I love working and I want a partner that is really supportive of everything that I do.

He was like, he has a corporate job, by the way.

He's very wealthy, but he gets a paycheck.

He was like, oh, you know, I want to be in a relationship, but when I'm with that person, I want to be with them.

But when I'm not with that person, I really, really don't care about anything.

I don't care about what they're doing.

Exactly.

No, no, no, because then he wants you to not care about what he's doing too.

But that's kind of like a red flag in the sense, like, I want my partner to care.

about me.

Like if you're not like, that's, you have to have some big emotional issue if you're not going to care about your.

And he's basically saying, if you're not in front of me, I don't care about you.

Pretty much.

Like, that's, that's a red flag.

And then the red flag.

So that was on the back of my mind.

Wait, guys.

Like I said, the plot is going to thicken a lot.

But I, okay, so we had a nice first date.

At the very end of the first date, he was like, okay, I really like you.

I'm going to take you on a second date.

So

I was thinking about it.

I didn't really want to go.

But what I like in a man, and I do think this was a pro.

I started, I literally got a piece of paper and I do a column, pros and cons.

So it's like, okay, it's nice because he doesn't keep me waiting.

He makes a plan for the following weekend.

Yeah.

Right.

Which is nice in a guy.

Right.

Because a lot of guys don't do that.

Yeah.

That part is nice, but it's also like he's pushing his own agenda from the start.

It's like, I decided I want to be with you.

And so like, let's move this according to how I, it's almost like

you don't have a choice.

It's like, okay, this is what I want, let's go.

It's so good to talk to an expert,

so yes, in general, but like women would love if a guy doesn't leave them waiting, you know what I mean?

But it's almost like it feels like he, yeah, is oh, it's like he read a book on like what women want, and so he's like, I'm gonna do these things, and then they're gonna like me because women like when we make plans, when we schedule dates, and when we like pursue, it's like, did he read a book on those things to overcompensate for personality defects that I know you're gonna tell me about?

Exactly, no yeah wait because it's gonna get yeah it's gonna get worse but it's interesting because when you are in a situation you don't notice that so okay i went on a second date i same thing i was thinking like how do i really want to be with this guy second date sweet smiling no no no third date fourth date so i think finally on the fourth date we kissed when he kissed me it was a good kiss like we had chemistry so i was really surprised i was like wow we have chemistry i really liked his kiss and i liked his hands.

I'm like a hand person.

And

he was super skinny, but his hands looked good.

So I'm like, okay,

this is nice.

So I think because I had that attraction, like, you know,

the chemistry was there, I kept going on more dates.

And then at one point, one of these dates we were having dinner.

He said to me, oh my God, I really like you.

I really think we're developing into something.

I want to plan more dates with you, Lala.

But the only thing I want to tell you is, I don't want to talk to you every day.

What?

I wish you guys could see Nicospits.

Exactly.

Like in the middle of dinner, this super romantic dinner, he would literally pick the best restaurants around Beverly Hills.

Okay, great.

You're paying for dinner.

Good for you.

Yeah, in the middle of dinner, he was like, I really like you.

You're amazing.

You communicate so well.

Everything is so great between us.

Everything is so easy between us.

But I just don't want to have to like like text and talk every day.

Oh my God.

And, but no explanation.

Just like, okay, I just, again, it's like his agenda is always, he's always pushing his agenda.

What about what you want?

Right.

So I was like, you like that connection.

Yeah, exactly.

So I started laughing.

And then that was the first problem, right?

Because from now a month, like a few weeks are going by.

And this is exactly how this dude was.

So let's say we would go on a date on Saturday.

He would totally go radio silent silent like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

And then maybe Thursday, he would appear like super, super, super formal, like more formal than my clients treat me.

Like, for example,

hello, Catherine.

I hope you are well.

You know what I mean?

I'm like somebody I'm kissing and dating.

And then he would be like, I made dinner reservations for tomorrow night at 7 p.m.

at whatever place.

Looking forward to seeing you.

But he's not, he's not, again, he's not asking he he does like he doesn't care about if you're available it's just like everything he wants and then what is he doing all those other days where he's not talking to you well so okay so then it evolved we finally like i like think six or seven weeks into it we had a weekend like to have sex because i wanted to have sex with him to see chemistry we had sex it was okay it wasn't fabulous i think he thought it was more fabulous than for me i obviously blew it out of proportion because i wanted him to feel good.

You know, I'm like, okay,

I was in between because of these things that I'm telling, because of his formality, his lack of communication.

After that, he was like, we are exclusive.

I'm out of the dating apps.

But like, he was doing me a favor.

He kept reminding me, you know, I'm planning all these dates and I'm out of the dating apps for you.

So who cares if I disappear?

Like if I don't talk to you for a few days, when I show up, I'm with you completely.

You know, he kept claiming that it was his personality, that it was just his style.

Like, what are you doing on the other days?

Like,

yeah, he was working, he was super busy, he was home.

He just needed it was just his personality.

It was just his personality.

And then he kept saying, Look, I'm only with you.

I'm only dating you.

I'm out of the dating apps.

It's just my style.

It's just the way I am.

But he did it over and over and over.

And my personality is the opposite, right?

I'm super warm.

I like, yeah, yeah.

But this is one question that I have for you as an expert.

I don't think responding to somebody's text, like somebody you're dating month after month after month, I don't think it has anything to do with personality, right?

I think, like, it's being retributing or caring about the person, right?

Like, that is weird that he wouldn't be thinking of you in between the dates.

Or, and also, what's weird is that he doesn't care at all about your communication needs.

Like, in a good relationship, it's like, okay, even if I, so one thing that I'll say is that he's open about how he is and what he likes.

Like that's good, but he's not caring about your side of the street.

Like it could be, well, I don't prefer communicating, but what do you need?

Like, do I need to send a check-in text?

Like, he wasn't even doing anything to make you feel better on your side of the street based on your communication style.

Like, that is a big red flag because it's like, does he care about what you need?

Right.

And I try to have this conversation.

And he actually said to me many times, oh, you're the best communicator I ever met.

You're so open, blah, blah, blah.

Now, the Lomborghini part.

So we're dating, I think, for like two months or whatever.

One time, yeah, two months.

And he tells me this story, right?

That he always loved fast cars, blah, blah, blah.

That his dad had a farade.

And I said, Oh, interestingly enough, you guys are going to understand why this is such an important part of the story in a second.

And I said, Oh, I have two really good friends.

They are the owners and founders of one of the top private members-only car clubs in the United States.

So I can connect you because it's a really cool community.

Like everybody there owns a fancy car, like a fast car, like Lombardi and Ifrari Sports.

And it's a huge community.

It's couples, you know, they do events like lunches, car drives, dinners.

It's a great way for you to make new friends because by the way, he didn't really have any friends.

He wasn't sociable at all.

he was married for a long time and apparently him and his wife never did shit and he was like wow that's amazing will you introduce me blah blah blah sure so i made the bridge i introduced him to my friends and we went to an event they allowed him to participate right on the first event to see if he liked it to become a member He loved it.

My friends were, you know, approved him to become a member of this club.

I'm not going to say the name, right, to protect everyone.

And he became a member of this club.

And he was like, Oh my god, thank you so much.

It's amazing.

He bought himself.

Then he goes to the Lamborghini here in Beverly Hills.

He's like, Oh, I'm gonna buy myself a Lamborghini.

I'm like, I'm super happy for you.

Super supportive.

Went with him, got the Lamborghini, took all these pictures.

He was like, Oh my god, you made one of my dreams come true.

I was always postponing it.

Thank you for encouraging me.

Life is so short.

No, no, no.

The first event we go, remember, these people from this car club are my close friends, right?

My close friends.

So the first event was like a car drive.

And then at night, there was this big dinner party, like at a really nice restaurant here in West Hollywood.

So we drive the cars during the day, the whole day.

And there was a break between the drive and the dinner, right?

We go to his place and he starts drinking.

And in an empty stomach.

And I thought, wow, okay, I think this guy, I was married to an alcoholic.

I don't don't know if you remember that, Nicole.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm like traumatized by people that don't know how to hold the alcohol.

But I'm looking at him.

I'm like, wow, I barely know this dude.

He must know what he's doing, right?

He must know how much he's drinking.

And by the time we go to the event, which was supposed to be this fabulous sit-down dinner, basically he's completely out of it.

He arrives at the event and he's hammered, shit-faced.

Oh my gosh.

Shit-faced.

There's like 150 people there, like 70 couples.

And my friends, there and everything is the, we are dressed to the nines.

Everybody dressed super high-end.

And this guy did not know where he was.

That is a red flag.

Exactly.

And I was so embarrassed.

I was so embarrassed.

I, to me, was deja vu, right?

I was like, I can't believe I'm like with my alcoholic husband that died again.

I

almost had to, we could not stay for dinner like he he no no kidding yeah no kidding he could not even stay sit down straight like he was blurring his word he could he was like oh yeah

he could barely walk outside to get us the uber he didn't remember where we were

so we go back right we were supposed to sleep at his place i grabbed my in the middle of the night took an uber i'm like i'm out of here yeah yeah

so that to me again that day i should have said this guy is like semi-alcoholic, right?

Because I mean, that's weird just to get plastered for no reason in the middle of the day.

And not even drinking with you, just like.

Yeah, it was like five.

Exactly.

He got hammered, but not like a little bit.

He didn't remember where he was.

So did he explain why?

Yeah, so the next morning he calls me and comes over to apologize.

And

he thought we were over.

He's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

You such a nice lady, blah, blah, blah.

I never should have done that to you.

And I forgave him.

I was like,

but why?

Why did he did he say why he did it?

He didn't know.

He was like, I think I was too stressed.

It was the first event and I was too excited.

And I'm so sorry.

I never did this.

But that's weird to be that stressed over like an event, right?

Why?

Especially if you like.

if he wouldn't he be comfortable he already makes money like you aren't you comfortable around people that make money and have cars like what is the need Why would you be nervous, right?

Exactly.

So, but this to me was a huge red flag because, like I said, I was married to an alcoholic, and I know this is how an alcohol problem starts.

You think you have it under control, and you go to a freaking social event, and you can't control your alcohol.

And I was super embarrassed because I had to drag him out of there.

And I texted my friends, and I came up with an excuse, like, guys, I'm so sorry I didn't say goodbye because you know, Mr.

Lambeau

was tired, had a little too much to drink i was mortified you know mortified yeah god knows why i forgave him and gave him a chance and continued dating him

now the plot is gonna thicken remember so he is spending all this money on himself right he makes 10 is he buying new stuff too like are you at least getting bags and jewelry and stuff for this zero zero zero

this is another question so now the the plot is really gonna thicken that is also a red flag because if he has the means and he's not spending it on you when you're exclusive, like that is a big red, like I would expect at this point, you have a bad, you have to go.

No, nothing.

He never gave me like,

he paid for our dates.

And then like we went, for example, to San Diego one week and the second event of this car club was one night in San Diego.

And he said, I want you to go with me.

And I said, sure, but I have to leave my dogs with a pet sitter.

And that's a lot of money for me for the weekend.

It's not on my budget right now.

He knows my whole life.

He knows my story.

He knows my expense.

He was like, okay, tell me everything you need.

I'll pay for it.

Okay.

I'm like, okay, if you want me to go with you, I think that's fair, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

On the way back from San Diego.

I'm like, so I personally, I think he should have just sent the money, right?

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

I wish he would just send the money.

But on the way back, I'm like, okay, so I'm going to have to pay my, he's like, how much do you need?

so i tell him an amount you guys are not gonna believe this i tell him an amount for the whole weekend he sends me less than that amount

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That was like...

Yeah.

And it's like, it costs how much to cost.

Like, if you were open, this is what I need.

He should be paying like all or more.

Like, what?

Exactly.

This guy is super wealthy.

And this is the thing, too, that we talked about many times.

Getting ready for these dates costs a lot of money, right?

We spend the toe, like nails, waxing, hair, makeup, clothes.

No, no, no.

always look like a million dollars.

Costs a lot more than dinner, you know.

And this guy makes a lot more money than me.

I have a lot of responses.

I'm a business owner.

I don't have a paycheck.

Could you ask him, like, why didn't you send the whole like?

This is so weird.

I was so in shock.

I'm like, that would have said a turnoff.

Like, what?

Exactly.

So, at that point, I'm like, you know, so I'm computing all these things in my head.

Like, why is this guy treating me like this?

It's so bizarre.

You know, so now

exactly.

I remember, and he's buying himself like a Lomborghini cash and all this shit.

So this, remember, now we're coming near the holidays, right?

Christmas season.

And his birthday is just a few days before Christmas.

So I'm thinking, like, first, I don't want to break up with anybody just before Christmas and their birthday.

I wasn't sure about what to do.

So I'm like, let's keep going a little more.

Maybe things are going to get better during the holidays, right?

Maybe he's going to treat me properly during the holidays.

And I'm thinking, what am I going to give this dude that has everything for his birthday?

So I find out that Lamborghini makes wines.

I don't know.

And I'm like, I'm going to buy him a Lamborghini wine.

And for me, it's a lot of money.

I buy him a Lamborghini wine.

He was loved that he didn't even know it exists.

That he sends a picture to his father, la la la la la.

Great.

Christmas comes around.

He's like, I'm going to take you to dinner on Christmas Day, Christmas night, night, because he spent Christmas Day with his father.

I hope that's not the gift because dinner is not a gift.

Well, exactly.

So I thought to myself, I cannot buy him another gift.

So I bought sexy luxury, which is something that he always loved and we always talked about.

So we have dinner.

We go to his place and I unpack myself like, oh, this is your gift.

And he's like, oh, I'll take it.

Thank you so much.

I love it.

And then he's dropping me off at home, by the way, because my dogs were not welcome in his place.

He didn't that's a not whole other yeah he didn't like nicon is shaking her head no no no no i know because again everything is according to him it's like he's not accommodating you no not at all

yeah exactly and and he's acting like he's doing me a favor right for this day yeah so anyway then he drops me off and he's like bye merry christmas no gift nothing nothing nothing done done except and no listen it's gonna get worse guys wait this is why we have Nikonia.

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So at that point, I got sad.

At that point, I'm like, it's not, I'm not, I was not expecting something expensive.

I do not want some dude to pay my bills.

It's not about that.

You know, I support myself.

I love what I do, but it's the gesture.

Do you agree, Niri?

Yeah.

Of course.

It's like he's, he, you want to see that he's thinking about you, that he's caring about you, that he's putting in some effort.

Like it seems like he thinks that dating you exclusively and dinners are pretty much all he has to do.

Yeah.

And it's like, in what world is that okay?

Exactly.

And I think I like all my, I have my two best friends are guys and they both said the same thing.

He's a very well-educated, very intelligent man, very successful.

He knows better.

He knows how to choose.

Does he have like

Asperger or something where he's like not, it's like, it's not his fault.

Like, does he have like, no, he doesn't have that?

Because like sometimes it could be like there's something actually going on it's like he has a chip missing or something exactly because like my friend said they said he knows better he simply didn't want to put the effort because he knows he knows every we talked about perfume things we like things we have in common the similar lifestyle we both live in beverly hills we both love the same restaurants we talk about all of these things you know the commonalities he simply didn't want to put any effort into it so and then when he said he noticed like when he he dropped me off, that I made this space, like, and he asked me, and I said, Look, I'm going to be really honest with you because I don't know how to be any other way.

It's Christmas.

You know, I'm sad because my family isn't here.

You know, I couldn't fly them here.

I'm going through a lot of things.

I wish you did a gesture for me towards me, even if it was a card, a little gift card, something.

You're dating me, you know.

You didn't think about anything for me.

So, two days later, he responds, like, hi, Catherine.

I would love to take you on a dinner on Friday.

And by the way, I got you a gift

after the fact.

So I'm like, you're going to die when you listen to the gift story, Nicole, and everybody listening.

So, first, I'm like, after the fact, I'm not sure how good that is.

Right?

After the fact, I'm like, why are you doing it after?

If it's after the fact, it better be so wow, amazing, making up for it.

You're going to die of a heart attack.

Like, can he get you a Birken at this point?

Like, what the?

Oh, my God.

You're going to die.

That's what I'm going to do.

If he's dropping cash on the, I just don't understand.

If he's dropping cash,

then this is not somebody who's like faking their wealth.

No, listen.

No, no.

He makes really good money.

He's very calm about finances.

La la la la la.

Like I said, he went and dropped a lot of cash for a Lamborghini, right?

So

it was really just like, I agree.

My two guy friends said the same thing.

He was not interested.

He didn't give a fuck about putting an effort

in doing something nice for me, period.

So

we go out to dinner, fine.

Then he brings me this little gift bag.

So I open the gift bag.

And it's a candle.

A candle.

Not even like a Joe malone it's like right no it's a candle from a french store there is a french store on melrow's place i'm like oh thank you and he's like oh i did a lot of research about this french candle and i know you have french and i went there and i meant to go there before christmas i was so busy here merry christmas no i'm sorry no that's not enough

no it's not enough it gets worse first

you probably would have been like thank you so much for the gesture but after a candle

but wait it gets worse that's not the end of it

exactly

about being materialistic at this point it's like you need like making up you need to do something bit right but wait that it gets worse okay

that's not the end i agree with you so i got the candles like okay thank you very much what am i gonna say right but i was like does he really think of all the gifts in the world, right?

This is a gift you give to your Pilates instructor, to a housewarming gift if somebody throws a party, right?

If somebody throws a holiday party, not the girl you're dating, you're sleeping with.

It's not romantic after everything.

So that same day, like two hours later, I go have brunch with one of my best friends at Earth Cafe on Merrill's Place.

And I'm telling my friend exactly what I'm telling you now.

And my friend is like, oh my God, I got to go see my mother-in-law today for Christmas.

Let's go to this store.

Let's look at these candles.

Maybe I'll just freaking buy my mother-in-law a candle because this is the gift you buy a mother-in-law, not the woman you're dating.

So we walk to the store, Nicole, and it's a tiny boutique store.

All they make is candles and tiny, tiny little perfumes.

So we're looking around and

I tell the Uma, you know, this guy that I'm dating got me this candle yesterday.

His name is Mr.

Lambo.

And the store is like tiny, the size of a bathroom.

The lady's like, oh yeah, I remember him.

He just walked in here yesterday.

He bought two candles.

Very well.

I'm like, what?

She's like, yeah, he bought two candles, exactly the same candles.

He came in here, super nice guy.

And I'm like, are you serious?

Can I see the receipt?

And she showed me the receipt.

So I know it's true.

Exactly.

So you guys can, I was so humiliated in front of my friend.

I was so embarrassed.

So he lied that he went there specifically for me and he bought two candles.

Exactly.

So I went home immediately.

I texted him and I said, can we do a video call?

I need to do a video call because I need to look at your face and I need to talk to you.

So we do a video call and I said, So did you go to the store to buy me the candle?

And he started lying like, yes.

Yes.

I said, okay, I'm going to give you one more chance.

Who was the second candle for?

And then he got red as a beet.

And then he was like, oh, it was for my coworker because he has a coworker that he's really close with.

Yeah, but even if that was the truth, you should not be getting the same level of gift as a coworker.

And why would he lie?

Like, if it was just for a coworker, why would he lie first and say that he got it for you?

Bingo, exactly.

You just said, that's what I told him.

I said, I would never go and buy my client the exact same gift I'm buying buying you.

Like, how insensitive.

And then he's sitting there looking at me like he didn't do anything wrong, Nicole.

He's looking at me on video.

Then he had the balls to say, well, listen, Catherine,

I got out of the dating apps for you.

I have been enabling our dates.

What?

And why acting like him getting out of the dating apps is a favor.

Exactly.

I'm doing the same, right?

I was also out of the dating apps.

I'm very respectful, very loyal.

Which probably means he hasn't even been out of the dating apps this whole time.

If he keeps saying that over and over again, I would be like, so you want to be on the dating apps?

Because basically what he's telling you is like he wants to be on those dating apps so badly that him getting off of them for you is a gift.

So in my mind, I'd be like, you're probably still on the dating apps.

You keep mentioning it over and over again.

And I said, but I said the same thing.

I'm doing the same thing for him, right?

So it's not a favor.

But when you use the word enabling, he's like, I'm enabling our dates.

Like, well, you're enabling our dates because you're paying for freaking dinner.

I'm enabling them as well, right?

Because I'm there with you.

I'm spending a fortune every week getting ready for these dates.

I look like a million bucks on these dates.

I put you in one of the best car clubs in the country so you make new friends.

I'm going out of my way for you.

And you think it's okay.

Like, this is not like he's like scrambling up pennies to go over the date no but that's the thing and he did not see anything wrong with buying the candle he was like i was in a hurry i needed to get her my co-worker a gift so i was like whatever i might as well get the same in his mind he did not see anything wrong how offensive that was

yeah

Also, is it really for a coworker?

Like, what?

Right, exactly.

At that point, I'm like, I don't know if he's lying because I caught him on a lie.

So it was all

if it was just for a co-worker, he wouldn't have said at first, he didn't get, he only got it for you.

He would have just told you.

Like, that's, he was lying.

Probably.

No, I agree with you.

At that point, I'm like, I don't know who to be.

And I don't like lies because I, especially in the beginning, right?

And especially something so insensitive like that.

So I'm like, you know what?

It's just too many red flags.

And then I started wondering, and this is why I brought you here, because

first I asked my two best friends, like, am I the selfish one, the insensitive one?

Should I just appreciate it?

You're not, but you are enabling, like you don't say no quick enough.

Because like, I think he found you and he's like, she's perfect for me because you're so good on your side of the street.

Like you're doing.

You didn't do anything wrong.

So like you're great for him and you're also agreeable.

So he's like, I hit the jackpot.

This is somebody who like I can, it's like he can get all his needs met with you.

And then because you're being so agreeable he doesn't even have to worry about meeting your needs yeah no exactly I think I just kept going with the flow and agreeing with all of his plans and when I opened my mouth I felt like he was gaslighting me instead of listening to me he would literally just say oh I'm paying for this and I'm paying for and I'm doing that but with the candle i got so hurt i got so offended like i can't imagine a guy like you said what in your in a man's mind and i hope all the men there out there are listening you should never put the woman you're dating and sleeping with in the same package with you know business gifts it's just

that candle like that gift would be appropriate if you're not exclusive if you just started dating maybe but like if you're exclusive unless you really don't have the means women don't just want a candle if guys are listening like even if he bought you like a massage or something that was actually you know what i mean like but like candle we talked about you know, like he had a bunch of Tom Ford perfumes, and we talked about Tom Ford and how I love, he knows I love Tom Ford.

I went inside Sephora one day because my perfume ran out and I bought myself the Tom Ford.

He didn't pay for it, I paid for it.

You know, we talked, you know, what a woman likes, right?

You could buy a million little things, little things to make that woman happy.

So I am like, I agree with my guy friends.

I think he did it on purpose.

I think he wasn't interested in making me happy.

No, no, He doesn't care about your needs.

He only cares about his needs.

Do you think

this behavior is, I'm not sure, but I think this is some kind of narcissism.

He's something.

Like, there's a chip missing in him.

Like, okay, from the very beginning, the fact that he's like, I don't want to...

not even like it's not even like oh i don't really like texting that much it's i don't want to think about you in beach like that is

there's something there's a big i don't i don't know if he's a narcissist i don't know what it is but there's a big chip missing if he doesn't want to think about you.

Yeah, also, the way the texts are so formal, it kind of makes me think: is there other women in the rotation?

And he's just like copying and pasting, like, huh, and putting your name in and then someone else's name.

He swore there were not.

He swore.

And I even forgot to tell you guys, by the way, on the third event, I took him to the Christmas party of this

car club.

He exchanged numbers.

There was a woman sitting next to him.

She was the date of a member of the club.

She asked him for his number.

You know, one of these bimbos, right?

She asked him for his number.

She said,

give me your cell phone.

I want to put my phone number on your cell phone.

He gave it to her.

And she put her number.

And a lot of people saw it.

A lot of, he did that in front of my friends.

A lot of people saw it.

So he disrespected me.

And I remember thinking, oh my God, I am so humiliated.

And I had this conversation.

When he did that, why were you not like, no?

Because that was.

I was.

I was like, listen, don't do this to me in front of my friends.

You're embarrassing me.

This girl came here with one, another member of the club.

You are with me.

Don't do this to me in front of people.

It's so embarrassing.

You're humiliating me.

Look at her.

Why does he need some other girl's number?

Right.

No, he said, oh, she asked me.

I didn't know who she was.

I said, but you don't do that in public in the group of my friends that I introduce you to, you know, like that.

No, he's just playing dumb.

Why would a random woman ask for your number?

What reason?

Like, she's not a business contact.

Oh, she was, you know, these bimbos that are always around these clubs after like rich successful guys.

But regardless, he should have said, sorry, I'm here with my date.

Give me your business card, right?

He could have been discreet about it.

But he literally gave her, he got her his phone and gave it to her, and she punched her number in, and everybody saw it.

And And two girls of two of the girlfriends of this club, they came to me and said, Hey, what is he doing?

Why is he getting this girl's number right in front of you?

This is so, and I was, I was embarrassed, you know, I was humiliated.

And did you ask him about it?

Yes, I did.

And he was like, Oh, you know, like you said, he played dumb.

Like, oh, I didn't know.

And I'm like, look, you have to.

He doesn't care about your feelings.

That's the bottom line.

He doesn't care how you feel.

He thinks paying for dates is enough.

And it's not, right?

And I think we should not have to teach men how to treat us in public.

No, period.

That is grounds for breaking up with him right there.

Getting a girl's or letting a girl take his number in A, just because of that, but B, in front of everyone.

And you are bringing him into this world.

Like the bottom line is he only cares about himself.

He probably wants to line up someone else and he doesn't care about your feelings.

Yeah, no, that's how I felt.

I was like, I can't believe you exchanged number with this woman and you were there with me and i saw how the other men treat all the other girlfriends all the wife and i'm like why am i the only one being disrespected so yeah at the end of the day like you said i think i put up with too much from this guy that's the one thing that that's your issue like you're you're not like you're not the wrong one but you're putting up with too much yeah you're letting it slide like it's like you'll see the bad thing but then you'll you're so forgiving but then all that ends up happening is that you like you shouldn't be sitting there feeling embarrassed he's the the one acting badly, right?

But it's making you feel like you're, it's like he's treating you like you're not the valuable woman that you are, right?

But this is why I wanted to bring you in because I know so many women do this.

Like we see the red signs, we see the warnings, we see the warnings, and we keep giving passes.

Like this was the perfect, this is why I'm putting the story right there.

I talked to my team and they were like, let's put this episode forward because we keep giving passes to men misbehaving and and treating us disrespectfully but why you know because i think it's also like okay when a guy is like blatantly cheating on you or like it's like easy right but this is like subtle bad behavior and that i think women need to realize you need to say no to that too because you're you're enabling him the more you are just like okay yeah yeah it's okay you're enabling it, you know, and like again, if he was doing more for you, like some people are okay in those kinds of relationships they'll look the other way if the person is cheating if they're doing more but what was he doing for you other than taking you out to dinner and paying a little bit less than what you needed for dog care no like nothing nothing like you said and he didn't want to have no have anything to do with my life like for example even the podcast he knew he knows i do the podcast he loves podcasts I didn't listen.

Never, ever, ever.

Like I would say, oh, look, this article came out about my podcast in the media he would be like oh that's great babe congratulate that's it he never

he was never interested for one second to be like oh let me see about her work i showed him oh look i'm number three in the usa charts this week yeah i wanted to share you know my excitement with my partner Nada, nada, nada, nada, nada.

He's missing an emotional caring chip.

Like big

time.

He just wants somebody who's going to be there when he, his needs are

to fulfill his needs.

Yes, exactly.

And by the way, so finishing the story, when I asked him about confronted about the candle, and he realized he got caught in a lie, he looked at me and said, Look, cat, you know,

one thing I really don't want in a relationship is drama.

Well, then stop.

No, but I'm like, I'm the drama, right?

The guy gets hammered in an

I have to carry him home.

He's the one that lies to me and buys up a post-Christmas gift, like to me and some other woman.

And it's my drama.

I think it's his drama, right?

It wasn't my drama.

I think his drama was getting caught.

Yeah.

I don't think you have, you didn't do anything wrong, Kat.

The only thing you did wrong was you allowed it for too long.

I agree with you.

Thank you for validating.

I forgave him.

Like he did, like, no.

Or he, like, this, he, that, doesn't, the thing is, he doesn't want a real relationship.

He doesn't want the emotional aspects.

He just wants someone there by his side when he wants some.

When I want the date, you show up.

When I want the exclusive, you, but it's like he doesn't want the emotional caring aspect of a relationship.

That's the bottom line.

Yeah.

And that's important, especially to women.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

1 million percent.

Cause if the guy's avoidant, if he doesn't want to be, this is why I said the first date, that phrase

should have been my red flag.

If a guy tells you they don't want to know anything about your life, because a relationship is a two-way street,

you need to meet halfway.

You need to be interested in

each other's lives, right?

Yeah, that was the red flag.

Like he gave you the red flag from the start.

That is so.

odd like that like that is like psycho almost that he doesn't he doesn't care about

he like there's something really off with him.

Yeah, 1 million percent.

So after that, we were, I had invited him to go to the solo house for New Year's, right?

With my friends, because he doesn't have any friends.

We decided, no, we're not going to do it.

Let's part ways.

This is impossible.

And he said to me, Yeah, I think I'm not meeting your needs.

I said, Yeah, duh.

So

he had sent me money for the two solo house tickets, right?

So I said, Okay, I'll refund you the tickets and I'm going to see if I can resell your ticket.

I ended up refunding him the money, never resold his ticket.

So I actually ended up making the stupid mistake because I ended up paying for his ticket myself.

And he sent me a message.

That's how formal this dude.

He sent me a message.

Thank you for letting me know that you sent me my funds back.

No, no, no.

I wish you would have listened.

Please don't send me the money back.

Take a girlfriend.

Enjoy yourself.

I'm so sorry about this mess.

I'm so sorry that I did this to you.

Nothing to the very end.

He was this cold, bizarre person,

formal, like just worrying about his life and his money and his dying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like he's not the kind of guy that can be in a real relationship.

No.

I agree.

I don't think so many women that would be happy in that dynamic long chart.

Because like I said, a lot of women are with these cold businessmen, but they are giving them they're giving them money they're buying them things they're providing these women that only want some women only want the finances and like but he's not even doing that like it's like he's it's like he's supposed to be that kind of rich guy that you just look the other way with but he's not doing the rich guy things for you right so it's like what is the point exactly and let me tell you i'm one of the easy ones because i'm not this girls you know there's a lot of women in beverage that like pay for everything and i'm not like that right i don't want a guy to pay for my bills or anything like and i told him that many times but of course i want a guy to be respectful and considerate and kind like i think we all do right we all want a guy like that and i think so what did he i'm this is what i'm curious about when he looks like i remembered you did he say what it was about you or was he just like i remembered you like did he say

a combination of things he's like obviously he he loved the way i look he loved that i was so intelligent.

The fact that we both live really, really close to each other, which obviously that really helps, right?

If you're dating someone,

we're literally like two blocks away.

And in Beverly Hills, like, you know,

I make my own wife around here, and he has the same lifestyle.

So it was just very convenient for us.

And that's why he says, I love your personality.

I like the way you communicate.

You're the girl I want to date.

That's what he said.

But who knows?

And of course, when we started having sex i know the sex was really hot for him i'm not gonna lie it was getting better for me it was okay it wasn't fabulous i was exaggerating to make him feel better about it yeah

but obviously for him was probably the best sex he ever had of course

but like it's like this is what i'm saying no excuse the way he was treating me out of bed you know it was like two personalities like bipolar personality disorder with this dude you know so what was he giving you other than just having somebody to like date?

Like exactly nothing.

What was the reason for you to hold on?

No, exactly.

That's what I told him.

I said, you know, when I'm not with you, I feel complete, complete disconnect.

I feel like I'm completely single.

The reason is like I told you, you know, he kept saying, oh, next Friday we're going to do this.

Next Saturday, we're going to do this.

And I'm like, okay, whatever.

You know, I'm so freaking busy.

the whole week.

It's kind of nice to have this guy that likes me plan a date next week.

And so I kind of let it go to see if he was gonna get better.

But I agree with you, like, I should have listened to all the red flags and put a stop to it way sooner than I did.

And you just said the mistake I made is that I'm so lenient.

I said, Yes, yes, yes.

And he kept abusing it more and more and more.

And his behavior kept getting more and more out of line, I think, to the point that it's just blatantly disrespectful, you know?

Yeah, yeah, like

getting girl stumber.

Also, what's I don't know what's going on with that girl, but like in front of like that is

absolute, I don't give a F about you.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

These girls, listen, when you're in these car clubs, a lot of rich men, there is always some bimbo out there.

She's gonna try to get a number from another guy to see if she has another date, but he should know better.

He, because all the other men there were glued to their date, super respectful, everybody best.

He disrespected me and he disrespected the member that took that girl.

And did he say, like, I love you to you?

No, never.

Oh, we never got to that point.

No, that's also a red flag.

How long?

I mean, what?

Three months, three and a half months.

No, I love you, right?

But, but he was definitely like, I'm very content.

I'm really happy with

you.

I'm really happy with our relationship.

I really enjoy being with you.

I enjoyed it.

Did he say, like, I care about you?

Was he asking about like your feelings?

Was he asking about like your family?

No, never.

Like, and he knows my family he knows like all the like the little situations about my sister and my nephew he knows everything like the complexities of my life i would try to open up to him he would kind of listen and change the subject like you said when he wasn't with me that's it you know

but that's the end of the story i broke we ended up breaking up like literally one day before new year's and i felt such relief and to end the story i want to to remind everybody that January 1st was New Year's, right?

Six days later, we got hit with the LA fires and you as well, because you're in LA.

Everybody reached out, right?

Even my ex-boyfriends reached out because we are in L.A.

I'm lucky that I'm in Beverly Hills.

The fires didn't come here, but we had a ton of smoke.

We were scared.

Everybody was like panicking.

It was traumatic.

He did not send me one message.

He was the closest person to me, literally, six days before.

Because he doesn't care.

Exactly.

Probably the second you guys broke up, it's like you're out of his mind.

Exactly.

Like, I didn't even exist.

Like a computer deleted a file.

And I was really, really shocked.

To me, this is why I think he's a narcissist.

Because even.

Because he doesn't care.

Yeah.

Like I said, even my ex-boyfriends, people from other countries, people from other states, friends from Instagram, right?

Everybody reached out to everybody.

Like, are you, especially single people, right?

Are you okay?

Do you need help with your dogs?

Are you going out of town?

We all kind of try to help each other.

And this dude is literally like two blocks from me.

He didn't send me even out of gratitude because of everything I did for him.

He didn't send me one message.

I did not hear one peep from this guy.

Yeah.

Like if the people who are listening, like,

if they don't care about you emotionally, it's not going to get better.

Like that, that kind of thing doesn't get better.

It's like he just wanted you along for his ride.

Yep, exactly.

I'm so glad I brought you here because I wanted to make sure I'm not the crazy psycho one.

No, you actually show up good on your side of the street.

You communicate, you're trying to give him what he needs, you're trying to make him feel good.

You're like, you're doing all the things right on your side of the street.

It's just he is not good for a like emotionally connected relationship.

No, yeah.

Moral of the story, right, Nicole, don't ignore the initial red flags and red warnings.

Do you agree?

Yeah, because it doesn't get better, especially if that person, like you talk to them and they make, like, okay, if you talk to them about the issues and they make you wrong, then you can just be certain it's never going to get better.

Like that should be your sign.

Yeah.

Okay.

So if you ignore a little bit of red flags, fine.

talk to the guy talk to the woman whoever it is if they don't realize they're wrong and they make you wrong, you need to go because that is your indication.

It will never get better.

They literally don't want to change.

Yeah, they will not.

There you go.

Now we know I'm hopefully I'm not going to make this mistake again.

No, you need someone way

better.

I deserve someone way better.

Guys, if you have a similar story, if anybody has a worse story that you want to share, send it over, contact academthaloose.com.

My team is going to look through everything.

We want to bring more of these interesting dating stars so we can all learn together.

And we will invite Nicole back.

And if you want to find her work, which is amazing, I love it.

Your insights are always on point.

Tell us your Instagram again, Nicole.

Yep, it's at Nicole Moore Love.

And that's more like Demi Moore.

I love it.

And I'm putting your link here on this episode because I think you're fantastic.

Thank you so much for helping.

Thank you so much.

And I'm happy you're safe all the way in Palm Springs.

We've been, LA people have been traumatized.

Oh my God, a little bit.

I'm very, I feel very lucky and very blessed that everything is okay here in Beverly Hills.

But yeah, we've been taking a hit.

Thank you, Nicole.

Love you so much.

I'll talk to you very soon.

Guys, be safe out there and follow your instincts.

See you guys very soon.

Bye.

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