POD 2POD WITH LOVE ON THE ROX POD

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Hi gorgeous people, my beloved Cat Kingdom, our fast-growing worldwide community.

Before this episode, let me explain to you guys what is going down, because this one is going to be a little different than all the others.

I was invited by the hosts of a new podcast called Love on the Rocks.

Rocks is R-O-X

to be a guest on the episode that they recorded yesterday.

And the theme was

intimidating, does the timing of sex matters?

And I was like, Yes, absolutely.

Let's talk about it because this is definitely a subject that I have talked about on Cat on the Loose the past three years many, many, many times.

I've asked all the experts that I interviewed this question.

I've asked all the matchmakers that I interviewed this question, and everybody has a different answer.

I don't agree with most of them, so I was totally down to talk about it.

Then, just before I was going to give my interview on their episode, I was like, you know what?

This is such an important topic.

I think I'm going to also record you guys interviewing me and I'm going to publish on my podcast, Caton De Luz, so you guys, my audience, can jump in on the conversation the video of the episode by the way is on YouTube on their YouTube Love on the Rocks and I am uploading it on my YouTube Katzamuro Cat on the Loose if you guys want to watch it they are two super cool hosts and they had like a panel of

um friends

anyway different people that were talking and giving their opinion it was really fun and i hope you guys enjoy it and please send me your opinion does the timing of sex matters?

Listen up so you guys can know what I think about it.

I hope you enjoy it.

And before I let you guys jump in on this Pod 2 Pod episode between Cat on the Luz and Love on the Rocks, I am reminding you, and for those of you, of course, who are new to Cat on the Luz, welcome.

This is a 100%

organic podcast, meaning it's never scripted.

It's never ever edited.

It is what it is.

most of our episodes are filmed recorded in real life situations many times in the homes of our guests in restaurants bar events we attend it's really just a window into our lives and how we really talk maybe if you're more into the usual perfect podcasting studio you're not going to enjoy it as much but if you love real raw super honest conversations you might just dig it my lines are always open to listen to you guys take in opinions not only on instagram rio cat Carandaluz and Katzamuro, but also my WhatsApp is very public, so keep chiming in.

I love getting your messages.

It's 305-332-0338.

Of course, United States 1, 305-332-0338.

So please, please, please, this platform is for all of us to speak freely about the world of sex, dating, and relationships.

No filters, no sensor.

And I hope you guys enjoy this really fun episode.

Does the timing of sex matters when you're dating a new person?

And you guys are going to listen to this one-hour episode recorded by Love on the Rocks that I just re-recorded with them with no interruptions like our usual little two-minute interruption in the middle.

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So our guest today,

please welcome Kat Zamudo of Cat on the London.

Hi, Kat.

Hi, guys.

Thank you for having me.

It's nice to meet you.

It's lovely to meet you.

It's great to be here with you guys.

Excellent.

So

tell us a little bit about your Cat on the Loose podcast.

Yeah, so Cat on the Loose started started three and a half years ago, so it's been a hell of a journey.

And it was really, um, I was married for 14 years, and I got divorced.

I jumped back into the dating world, and I was like, what the?

I don't know if I can swear here, but I was like, success pull.

Awesome.

Same, same.

So I was like, it's such a shit show.

It's so chaotic.

What's going on?

So I started talking about it, like very organically.

And I noticed that everybody in the world has a story that they want to share.

And I started getting hundreds and hundreds of messages through social media.

And I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to rock and roll.

And it was a pet project at the very beginning.

And now, three and a half years later, I am so proud to say that we are on the top 0.5% most downloaded podcast in the world.

I'm the top Latina podcast.

Yeah, we have a fantastic worldwide audience that we call Cat Kingdom.

And it's very organic.

We don't edit, we don't script.

It's really just all of us trying to figure out how do we find love again?

You know, does it really exist?

How do we date?

Like, it's total chaos, and we're really just learning together and dating better, hopefully, right?

Right, right.

Yeah,

the dating world is disgusting.

It is.

It is.

And these apps are worse than going to a bar.

Like, it's flabbergasting.

It's tough.

Yeah, it's definitely tough.

I make fun of it all the time.

Even I make fun of my own bad experiences because at the end of the day, what are you gonna do, right?

I'm a firm believer in love.

I think you should never give up because if you give up, all the bad guys win.

So we gotta keep trying.

Right.

Right.

Absolutely.

So,

cat on the loose, how many downloads do you have already?

We're getting about 180,000 per episode, depending on the episode.

Like, obviously, my celebrity episodes get more

every time we do an X rated episode and we talk about sex we get a lot of downloads and it's it's mind-blowing to me why

yes we do Roger Shuka yes we do

Sue who were some of like your celebrity guests oh my god we had Brooke Burke which I love she was incredible she invited us to go into her house in Malibu we spent the day with her we had Cheryl Burke a few weeks ago she has also a really cool podcast about the behind the scenes of Dancing with the Stars.

I was about to say, isn't she the one on that show?

Yeah, she's awesome.

We had, I don't know if you guys know the LA crowd, but we had Tracy Tudor, who is from Bravo's Million Dollar Listing.

She's crazy inspiring.

Yeah, we had like a bunch of amazing people.

Yeah.

Excellent.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

And we are actually streaming on your podcast as well.

Yes, we are doing a pod to pod.

Yeah, we're definitely dropping the episode so my cat on the lose audience gets to know you guys because you're amazing.

Exactly.

You're doing a great job.

Thank you.

And you can find us on all the streaming platforms.

It's Love on the Rocks, spelled R-O-X

podcast.

And

I mean Roger the Wildchild along with Megan Bennett.

And then we have a team.

We have a team of influencers.

I'm going to go ahead and bring them on the screen.

We've got our stats girl,

Crystal, is here.

Hi.

Hi, love.

And of course, our actress, Lydia Manson.

Hi, Lydia.

Hi, darling.

Howdy.

Dr.

Love is in the house.

Yo, yo, yo.

Is he in the house?

Hi, darling.

Dr.

Love in the house.

Dr.

Love in the house.

And our karaoke

would be Drew.

Howdy.

Hi, Drew.

Hey, Drew.

What's going on?

Drew is on excited.

He's in his new Bachelor pad.

Well,

Drew, but is it a Bachelor pad or is it your girlfriend's house?

No, this is my new condo.

No, I didn't mean that in a bad way.

My condo?

I didn't mean that in a bad way.

A condo.

I hope you're not.

I'm just just saying, did y'all move in together?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

This is actually one of our managers' condos.

I'm paying him to live here.

But I cut my commute to work down from an hour and a half one way to 20 minutes one way.

Oh, hell yeah.

There you go.

Yeah.

Y'all, let me tell you, Saturday night, I went to the Georgia

Ole Miss game.

Right?

No, I went to the Georgia Ole Miss game in Athens,

and it was a night game.

It started at seven o'clock.

We left with four minutes and like

12 seconds.

Actually, no, it was, it may have been a little bit less than that.

Anyway, it was at 10:32.

I left the parking lot.

I lived like 20 minutes away from Athens.

Don't y'all know I did not pull up into my driveway until 1:57 a.m.

I believe that the traffic, the traffic was nothing like I've ever sat through before.

I blew a gasket.

Like

the rage.

Anyway, Atlanta is full, so if you're thinking about moving here, don't.

I'm now in walking distance from like eight bars.

That's dangerous.

It is.

But he's walking distance, not driving distance.

Like eight bars is still dangerous to Drew.

Yeah, but listen.

But listen.

Now I can get way more drunk because I don't have to wake up at 5 in the morning.

Now I can get up at 7:30 and pee to work on time.

And you know what you do when you get drunk?

I said, you know what you do when you get drunk?

You make decisions on having sex or not.

That's why

it's a good time.

I like how you rolled into that.

I have a birthday day about intimidating the timing of sex matter.

Or does the timing of sex matter?

And so that's going to be our discussion today.

And of course, we have our sexpert here,

Kat.

Sexpert?

I like that.

Thank you.

Coining that.

Okay, go ahead and coin it.

Do all you want.

So,

Kat,

I know you kind of touched briefly about, you know, why you got into your whole podcasting career, but, you know,

how's dating life been for you?

It's been a shit show.

It's very crazy.

Yeah, very chaotic.

But like I said, I'm an eternal believer in love, you know, so I keep trying and trying and trying.

I have been dating somebody super nice.

It's been going amazing so far.

So I don't want to jinx it.

I don't want to talk too much about it because you know, when it starts too good to be true, you hope it continues to be too good to be true.

But, as and we have not had sex yet, by the way.

How long have you all been dating?

Yeah, so it's been only

maybe

six dates, I think, five or six dates.

Oh, okay.

But is that one per week?

Or is that one per week?

No, it's been like one after the other.

Like, it's been a very intense, just the month of November.

So, which is very unusual for me.

Very.

Like, three three dates in one day.

You probably did breakfast and lunch and then dinner.

We kind of did like you know Thursday, Friday, Saturday, na na na na.

But it's been really nice.

And this is what I'm gonna say.

That's a good sign, by the way, when a guy is not like being pushy, right?

Because usually men, if they just want to have sex, like a one-night stand, they're very pushy after like the second date or the third date, like, oh, come to my house, or you know, let's do this.

If the guy is really

being with you and doesn't mind, that's a good sign that he also wants a relationship.

Or he's a man does not ask here.

Or what?

Or he's playing the long game.

Yeah, no,

I agree.

It does happen.

Yeah, it does happen.

Is it his idea or your idea to wait?

What was the cash?

Was it his idea or your idea?

No, it's not like it's not on purpose because I'm very organic about the way I date.

Like, I don't have a plan.

I don't have a rule.

And I actually think it's a bad idea.

You know how girls have these rules?

Like, all these matchmakers say,

oh, don't have sex until you're in a committed relationship.

Wait three months.

Wait six months.

I personally think that's a really stupid idea.

Like one of my guy friends told me, I interviewed one of my best friends a while ago, and he used this funny, funny expression.

He He said, Don't hold the vagina hostage.

That's stupid because most guys don't like that game.

Like walking around with Pandora's box either.

Yeah, I mean, I don't play games, that's just my style.

I think most guys don't want you to play games.

That's my personal opinion.

I don't know.

My uncle

my uncle has given me two three

tips, and I'm not going to tell you which ones I follow.

But the first one was: never let, he said, if she doesn't let you have sex by the third date, drop her.

Never let a bitch put her pussy on a pedestal.

Now, that's nasty.

The second advice he ever gave me, he called me from Belize and he said, Nephew, I go, what's up?

And he goes,

don't do cocaine until you're 35.

And

the third advice he gave me was: when you pay for sex, you're not paying for sex, you're paying them to leave the next morning.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Your uncle has a lot of issues with women.

I can tell you that.

He is happily married.

Nevertheless.

I don't know about that.

Your uncle is a lover.

Yeah.

My and uncle are three out of three.

Very happy.

Very good.

Very happy.

Very happy.

According to your uncle?

Both of them.

Both of them.

Both of them?

She loves red.

Yes.

She loves red.

She spells it with colour.

It's got to be.

Yes.

It's got to be.

So our topic today, we're talking about intimate dating.

Like I said, does timing of sex matter?

And, you know, we were having a team discussion in our chat, in our group chat before this episode.

I had to shut it down.

I'm like, guys,

let's save this for the airways.

And, you know, and you know, one of the members was like, Well, you know, we should bring on a married couple.

Yeah,

not to point fingers.

I'm like,

a crisp,

a married couple.

She's like,

it was was me.

I suggested it.

Yeah.

All of our squares in the same spot no matter where.

Like, are we all in the same spot?

Yeah.

Okay, we are.

So, yeah.

Everybody likes to be a little bit more.

I want to hear crystal on this.

All right.

So we're talking about the timing of sex in a relationship.

Why does it matter?

Right?

Like, could you have a more successful relationship depending on when you do have sex?

So, you have to actually define what a successful relationship is first.

And

I'm assuming most people date because they want to be in a serious relationship or a marriage.

So, if we're defining a successful courting period as leading to a long-term relationship or marriage,

those stats and research are very different.

Now, how many people have sex much sooner than certain recommended amounts of time?

Well, that's a whole other story.

But

we did mention it earlier.

I'm not sure if it was on air or not, but it's all over the place.

So, like, there are experts that say, oh, wait this amount of time.

Then there's experts that say, wait even longer.

And there's some that say, hold out as long as you can.

And then there's all these studies.

Like, guys, when I tell you that I research this stuff, okay, let me tell you, this is just half of what I do study-wise.

Oh, wait, here's some more.

You're such a cute little nerd.

She's such a cute little nerd.

She is.

Here's a thing.

We are all over the place.

And I think, okay, so why are we asking this question?

Because we want successful relationships, right?

Relationships that, you know, lead somewhere.

It's not just a one-night stand done and all that stuff.

But if we want to talk some numbers.

Okay.

So.

In 2022, if we're talking about just like right away first date, okay?

Around 35% of respondents to a particular study have had sex on the first date.

So 35%.

It's a lot of time.

In 2022?

In 2022.

Pre-COVID.

Okay.

Yeah.

Post-COVID.

A further 48%

would consider it.

So almost half of everybody going out there on a date is considering having sex on that first date.

So, you know, your chances might be pretty good.

But there are about 19%

that would never consider it.

Like, big, no-no, not happening.

Right.

Now,

let's be clear.

Expecting sex is never good.

Don't ever expect sex.

I mean,

at some point, you got it.

At some point.

Like, right?

I'm not.

No.

At some point, you've just got to be like, hey, you know what?

We're going to count town.

You're not a sexual person, and we're not going to work out.

At the end of the day,

if you can go without if having sex with me then we're not gonna work out well we're talking on first date still okay no no no no no we're still early i'm not to that that those stats yet you just hold on okay

so we're just talking first dates um

and what we're saying expecting is never a good idea even though that large of a number says that they would consider right so 48 of people would consider having sex date sex on first date that does not mean you should consider it or expect it i should say um because according to some other findings uh there is a small percentage of people who do expect sex on the first date um men you're

i'll i'll let you

know women do too but the difference is do you want to let women are more discreet about it than guys are let's hear

six percent of men and one percent of women

hey that's still a low amount on both ends you know that's a win for humanity but men are higher like considerably so.

Like, that should be a zero on both ends.

Fucking instinct.

Sex for us is an instinct.

Sex for us is

an instinct for men.

All right, let me ask Kat.

I don't know.

I'm just going to pop my phone there.

Yeah, Kat, what is your

so this is what that's my personal opinion is

the answer is it the timing doesn't matter for the right person That's like my opinion.

You can have sex on the first night, the third, the fifth.

If the person is into you, they're going to be into you.

If it's a player, like you know, there, I'm gonna talk specifically about men because normally it's men's behavior.

If it's a dude lying that, oh, I just want to fuck her.

I don't, I'm sorry, I don't know if I can swear here, but you can switch the bag.

Okay, awesome.

So, if it's a guy that really just wants to bang you, yeah, there, you know, there's the famous douchebags, like they will take you on date after date after date after date, and then when you finally go to bed with them, they're like, okay, bye.

That's like the low, low, low, low, scum type guy.

But in general, if you meet someone and you guys have chemistry and you like each other,

who cares if you had sex the first night, the second, the third?

Who's counting, right?

I mean, if it's supposed to

work out.

Yeah, exactly.

And I've interviewed like the top matchmakers in the world.

I'm not going to name names, but everybody can find the episodes.

And they have this crazy shit, like, oh, wait six months because no guy is going to respect you if you have sex before six months.

Wait until you're in a committed, monogamous relationship.

But you know what?

This is all playing games.

I don't know about you guys.

I don't want to be in any relationship with anybody for six months.

without having sex with them because I don't have a roommate for six months.

I don't want to have a best buddy for six months.

I want to know if I have chemistry with my partner.

So what I say to my listeners, in my opinion, non-expert opinion, is if you like someone at some point, just go for it.

Because if sex sucks, do you want to be in a relationship with someone for six months, for a year if sex sucks?

Right?

And then you find that, or you get married to them and realize the chemistry is not there.

Exactly.

There you go.

Like I had a matchmaker a few years ago.

She was like, have him put a finger, a ring on your finger, have him be totally committed to you.

I'm like, what?

Would you marry?

Would you be engaged or marry some dude that you're not having great sex with?

I really think this is really poor advice.

I think women have the same right as men in terms of figuring out if we like having sex with this potential lifetime partner.

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I don't know.

I once stayed with someone because, like, and that it was horrible, horrible, like, nothing to write home to mama about.

And I stayed with them.

And it, yeah, but that's at the me too.

Listen, I was in a marriage.

Yeah, I was in a marriage for 14 years, guys.

14 years.

And sex sucked, like sucked.

We barely had any.

And I never cheated on my husband.

I never lied to my husband.

I never did anything because I'm very loyal.

But for 14 years, I was like, what the fuck?

So I don't want to make this mistake again.

I think having fantastic sex

should be on top of our list in terms of having a great partner.

And these games that so many girls play, like...

like my friend said withhold the vagina or like your uncle said put the vagina on a pedestal at the end of the day it's really just games.

You know, if the guy likes you, if the girl likes you, it's going to work out.

Dr.

Love, your thoughts on this?

Holding out.

You know, I'm all for it these days, but in my younger days, obviously, I mean, I was a young man.

It wasn't like that's all I wanted, per se.

I like making a connection with a woman.

But, I mean, as a younger man, we just can't help it.

It's just kind of,

we can't help it.

Comes with the territory.

Yeah, well, you know, your sex drive, for men, it's 18 years old.

For women, their peak is in their 40s.

So

that's why I hang out at Target.

That's why I hang out at Target.

We're all discussing adult models.

So, well, here's the thing.

Let's chat about this.

So...

A lot of the studies that are out there, so a lot of people that are quoting these experts, the studies were done on

usually, or the people who were surveyed, were much younger people.

Now we have a much older population dating because, well, more people are getting divorced.

And there aren't a ton of studies on when is the right time at a more advanced age, not like college age.

Sorry, Drew.

I got tons of stats for you.

You're in a league of your own, Drew.

No, really, he is because there's a definite divide, especially with

how people feel about gendered roles in that subject area, and that's where it starts to get a little

weird.

Like, why is this even a thing?

Like, why do we say, oh, you have to wait so long?

Like, there are these experts that say, oh, you should wait till marriage, this, that, and the other.

The whole idea of waiting till marriage

is a part of this purity culture, which is very damaging in very many ways.

I have pushed down that rabbit hole, and I've got like a whole other stack of studies on that one.

And it's a very sexist concept because the

people who it damages are women more so than men.

Not to say that like men aren't damaged by this kind of stuff, but so

you know we look at okay having sex right away,

how bad is it?

Like well if you want a committed relationship, you should wait, yada, yada.

Well that's not necessarily true because there are studies now that are saying that older people who are dating should kind of use it as a screener to see how compatible you are.

They're not saying, like, hold out forever or hold out until marriage.

We're saying, like, well, it's going to be different for everybody.

There's actually a lot of other factors that will determine dating success in terms of like getting a long-term relationship or marriage.

Um, that aren't not wearing white shoes,

not wearing white shoes might be one of them.

But there are so many other things to consider.

Um,

that you know, sometimes sex does put those blinders on, and like you may look past a few or 10 or 20 red flags

because of it.

So, you know, a lot of people will recommend you

really get to know the person.

What's important is that you are emotionally connected and have had the conversation about when you are ready, or like when would be an appropriate time to approach that.

So, see, I've been on that side of it too, to where it was a very,

I'm trying to say this without giving it away,

it was great.

This is, it was great um for a very very very very long time but that was

that was the highlight that was that was the highlight of such a long

you look for it it was

things right

it was

everything

it was good sex but no like emotional chemistry right and sometimes you find

no the emotional chemistry was there it's just

So you guys were friends of benefits.

No, no, no.

We were in a

committed relationship for a very long time.

And I stayed because the sex was so great.

When I knew, like...

What were the things that were kept that would have made you leave if the sex was bad?

Sex was bad, what were the things that would have made you leave?

There wasn't a fucking thing in this world that could have made me leave.

Okay, so there's more than just the sex.

I put myself through hell.

but when I realized like it was broken and not being fixed, like I didn't, no matter how good the sex was, I was out

and it's it's been done.

But for a while, it was sex.

And

ultimately, like...

We had chemistry emotionally and physically was was stronger because our emotional had just fucking fell like fallen apart and there was no fixing it.

you know sometimes you know in relationships lifetimes in relationships actually

is that when you have other things going on in that relationship sex just covers it up you know yeah like him entertaining others and

yeah

i think when it comes to the generational gap actually it makes more sense for young people to wait than it does older people and this is why young people have a fuck ton of life to live still

and they have kind of figured out When you get to, like, if you're like two divorces in, and I mean, no offense to you, but you don't settle.

No, no, don't settle, but you got to get to the fucking point.

Yeah, like, you got to understand, like, immediately, you can't waste your time with someone that's not going to work, and that's the first thing that you can check off the fucking list.

Like, okay, we liked each other in bed.

Now, is he a good father to my three kids that I've already had?

You know, like, that's literally, you got to get to the fucking point.

Like, I have time, I don't have any, I know, yeah, thank you.

He's completely right.

So one of the studies says, like, for younger people, college-age people, like, if you can, at least, like, hold out three months because that's known as like the dating honeymoon phase.

So, like, you're going to figure out who that person really is.

But obviously, that's not realistic for a lot of people.

But the older you are, like I said, it's, you know, kind of recommended you use it as a screener.

get to the point a little bit sooner because well at that point you have had more life experience you don't exactly have a lot of time to waste either.

So, you know, it kind of helps eliminate something that's super important because you do want to have a good sex life.

Because, in another one that fell down in all my research,

a great sex life at an advanced age keeps you healthier and makes you live longer.

So, you know, I mean, I can't,

I won't argue that.

I'm going to say, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna jump in here and

my opinion is

timing of sex has nothing to do with age, it has to do with if you like someone, you want to find out if you have chemistry, if you have sexual compatibility.

Because if you can spend two or three months with someone and you guys get along and you like the same things, la la la la.

Like I said, you wait, wait, wait.

And then you have sex, and if it sucks, which happens, right?

By the time two people, it's it just doesn't click,

Are you gonna be in that situation?

So, I don't think it matters if you're 20, like me.

I got married in my 20s.

Obviously, I made a big mistake because I knew the sex there was just like you know, it didn't mix up.

So, now looking back, and I talk about that on the podcast all the time, I'm a firm believer.

It's just a really important component to a happy relationship.

So, it doesn't, I really don't think it has anything to do with age.

If you like someone someone at some point, you need to figure out if you're sexually competitive because you know what?

If you're not having great sex with your partner, you're becoming roommates.

And that's why so many marriages are miserable.

So many couples are miserable.

So many people cheat on each other.

It's because they're miserable in bed.

And we don't talk a lot about it because, especially in the United States, it's such taboo talking about great sex.

I think it's hilarious.

It's such taboo.

Like the minute you talk about sex, oh my god, they block block us on Instagram.

What the hell?

You know, you talk about porn.

But the truth is, it's one of the top problems of most couples in the world.

It's because they're not having great sex.

So

it doesn't matter about the age.

The reason why it's recommended

more is because older people dating make the emotional connections much quicker than younger people dating who focus on more superficial stuff first.

Yeah, of course we're more mature.

That's the great thing about aging, right?

It's not like, oh, if you're over 35, you should just rush into sex.

That's not what it is.

It's just that you make the emotional connection with your partners much quicker because, well, you have more life experience,

you're more clear about what you want.

Yeah, hopefully, the other person is too.

And when you're younger, you know, you're still kind of trying to figure things out.

So that's why it was a little bit quicker at the point.

I think age has a lot to do with it.

And I'm probably going to catch hell for this, and I really don't care.

I mean this from the like bottom of my soul.

You don't want to walk around with flapjacks.

you don't want to

you don't want to think that you have a

a great connection with every tom dick and harry and then at 45 50 years old you're walking around flapjacks because you're you're you're fucked i'm literally you're different no hope you're hope no hope like i think age is everything to do with it you got to take stuff like that into consideration don't be slanging that thing around because when you when really want to need a husband or want to find your forever, he's not going to want to strap a two by four to his ass.

Obviously, I mean, I don't know how you, I mean, I date, like, for me, it's quality.

I don't date

different guys every month.

I don't fuck a bunch of men, although I do

a sex podcast.

Right,

though, there's

that do.

But if I'm saying, if you do like someone, does does it matter when you have sex?

It doesn't matter which date you have sex.

What matters is you should at some point have sex.

I guess that's that's my point.

I disagree with most experts that tell you to wait months and months and months and months.

I guess that's the summary of my opinion.

All right, so we got a comment here on Twitch.

Said, I misread the question.

By timing, I thought you meant during Monday night football, Is that the right time?

Or if she is watching Stranger Things?

Never.

Definitely not during Monday Night Football.

Not during Monday Night Football.

I'm busy.

I don't know.

If you can get your guy's attention away from football and bang him, he probably really likes you.

I love football just as much as I love banging.

So definitely not during Monday.

It's literally just four quarters, okay?

And we can get to it after.

There's plenty of time.

And there's half time.

There is halftime.

There's halftime.

There you go.

And stranger things I've never even seen.

Definitely.

Yeah.

That was funny.

That's just like an unwritten rule.

I'm opening up the phone lines.

If you guys want to get in on this conversation, you can give us a call.

845-442-L-O-V-E-5683 if you like it in numbers.

845-442-LOVE is our telephone number.

Phone lines are now wide open for you to call in and jump on this conversation.

Lydia, you're quiet during most of this.

What are your thoughts?

She's the most successful person in terms of relationship, too.

Yeah, she is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For sure.

But I was actually going to mention, because I know I always try to bring things to like pop culture references because I feel like that helps people relate more to the subject.

And it makes me think of Sex in the City, which I know I've quoted a lot here before.

But Charlotte,

when she got with Trey, she was like, no, I'm going to do this by the book.

I'm going to do everything right so that we have the perfect marriage.

And then what did she find out the night before that they were getting married?

That

Trey couldn't get it up.

So they got married and they had never had sex before and they went on their honeymoon, didn't even have sex on their honeymoon.

And that was, that ended up being the downfall of their entire relationship and they ended up getting divorced.

When did he get it up?

He was impotent.

He had issues, but can you guys imagine, like you said, waiting and waiting and marrying somebody and not having sex with them?

Like, can you imagine being in that situation?

How awful it must be?

No.

It wouldn't last more than a couple months.

Yeah, there you go.

But then she meets her

divorce lawyer who she's like, I would never go for somebody like him.

He's not my type at all.

I find him disgusting, yada, yada, yada what happens they she um is looking for a new apartment and they end up hooking up then and there

and she's like it's the best sex i've ever had in my entire life and she ends up falling in love with him she becomes jewish for him they get married and now in the new season of and just like that they've been married by for 10-15 years and you know they have two kids what made her what made her sleep with him in the first place if she hated him she didn't hate him she was just saying that he was was never the type of man that she would go for.

She wasn't.

There was just

a lot of people.

What's his job?

He was a lawyer.

He's a lawyer?

Okay.

But Charlotte came from money.

Mystery solved.

No, Charlotte had money.

Charlotte had money.

She came from money.

That didn't matter to her.

Like, you know, she was well off before, and then she had just come from her divorce from Trey.

She She got a marvelous apartment on Park Avenue.

Money was not an object for her.

Yeah, but being a lawyer is one of the best people.

Lawyers are douchebags.

They're specialists.

Divorce lawyer.

They're all douchebags.

Divorce lawyer.

You want to get divorced, huh?

Okay.

Okay, well, what about

lawyer?

What about an environmental lawyer?

I don't give a shit what kind of lawyer they are.

Oh, they're fighting for the earth.

That's not sexy to you.

They're banging their receptionist a girl down the the street in their what?

Zinga, you got me there.

I do date clowns.

I do.

I just

fuck boys.

I use that example to show that no matter which way you go, you could end up with a broken heart or a successful relationship.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, for sure.

And it's just, you know, Six in the City is one of those, excuse me, one of those shows that actually was like putting sex out there, especially for women.

Like it was a huge thing.

It was like the beginning of the 90s and everybody was talking about it.

I mean, if you look at it, like the book is a very short book written by Candace, and it ended up being six full seasons.

And it was following these women.

these women, these successful women even.

Like, you know, you have Samantha, who's a huge PR person.

Charlotte, she worked in amazing art galleries.

Miranda, a huge, successful lawyer.

So it just goes to show that, you know, like everybody is going on their own path and there is no right way to get to that successful relationship.

And you may need to fuck a few frauds and get out of this risk.

So true.

So true.

You guys watch Desperate Housewives?

I did at the very beginning, and then it became too messy.

It kills me to see these women fighting with each other and on each other's necks.

Oh my god.

Now, Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 and Dawson's Creek and

Dawson's Creek.

Give me all of that.

Katie Holmes, right?

It's Katie Holmes, right?

Yeah, Katie Holmes and Dawson's Creek.

Katie Holmes.

And James Manderby.

Yeah, the Canadian.

You know, now that I think about it,

as much as Sex in the City put sex out there for all of us to kind of connect with, really it wasn't the first show, especially for women, because the Golden Girls ruled in the 80s, and Blanche Demro, Blanche Demro, was all over that.

Absolutely, even Sophia was in on that.

Yes,

you know, I remember the one episode where Blanche and Sophia were duking it out over the same man.

So, even you know, and look at those women were, you know, older, like 60s, still doing what they want to do.

Bang it out.

And, you know, it ended because, you know, Dorothy found love.

This podcast can end when everyone finds love.

Okay, for one, I will always forever be here.

Well, I already know.

I want to make a safe comment like a smart out comment, but I'm just going to if that is the same thing.

No, go ahead.

Do it.

I will always be here.

No, say it.

Don't be a Kansas ass.

Say it.

I've said some risky ass shit on this show.

You better fucking say it.

Some folks just might be here a little bit longer than others.

that's all.

That's the measurement we're using as to remote side with me.

I will be here longer than anybody.

I will be here.

Just talking to myself.

If a woman wants to watch a football game with you and she wants to give you something during halftime, that's a keeper.

That is a winner.

That is a keeper.

Three times away, call that roadhead, you know?

Yeah.

So, question to everybody.

Sex on the first date.

Is that bad or are you irrelevant?

Is it crystal?

It's not bad because why would it be bad?

Answer that first.

Okay.

What's bad about it?

Okay, immediate attraction.

Like, like pure attraction.

That's like chick.

That's check number one on the bottom.

Is it a bad thing?

It may not be the smartest idea.

You should get to know the person and make sure that it's something you really want to do.

I think

the stigma that comes along with it that goes with the whole purity culture of it, we kind of need to just

even that one out a little bit.

So, like, it's bad to who and what makes it bad?

I do have a story about the stigma of it.

Okay.

In my early 20s, I was on

an app website and

both consensual adults.

Wham bam, thank you, ma'am.

It was like an ongoing thing.

I did end up like developing feelings for him, and he told me, he was like, why would I ever get in a relationship with you when the first time we met, we had sex?

And I was like, but it was both of our ideas to do that.

It wasn't like it was just me.

I was like, you were a hundred percent willing participant.

So why was it okay for you to come into this and I would be willing to date you?

Why did he think that, Lydia?

What is that?

Like, she said, the stigma.

He probably thought that she does that with other guys.

Yeah.

Oh, no,

he fully meant it.

He looked at me.

He lied.

No, he looked at me at purely.

I have heard that from so many guys, like friends.

That's an easy owl.

That's what that is.

That's just.

Yeah.

There you go, Crystal.

Okay, I'm going to tell you.

I can tell you why, Chris.

You want to hear it?

You want to hear it?

I don't live by this either, but this is the analogy.

Okay.

But it's that

a lock that can be opened by any key is a shitty lock oh my god but a key that can open any lock is the okay shakespeare oh my god

i think that was really good i think that was like confusion

i'm so proud of you guys please don't make me regret saying that

okay cat your thoughts

i'm gonna

i'm gonna say i don't judge people to have sex on a first date If you just want to have sex and you're not really looking for a relationship,

the chances that it's gonna turn into a relationship are smaller.

For me, and I'm not a prude by any means, I've done it all.

I don't have sex on the first date for one simple reason.

The only thing that turns me on is a mental connection.

I'm a major sapiosexual.

Major.

I need to have a brain connection.

I need to know what the guy is thinking.

Otherwise, it can be the hottest guy on the planet.

It can be George Clooney, and I don't get turned on.

So, for me, it's like 99% impossible to just go and fuck on the first date.

Not because I'm a prude or I think, oh my god, she's a whore or anything.

I just need to develop that connection.

Sometimes it could be on the second date.

Sometimes it could be on the third date, which has happened to me before.

But I just think it's really hard.

I'm just not the kind of person that, oh, wow, you're hot.

Let's take our clothes off and bang.

But no judgment whatsoever.

And most men do judge.

Most men

can be like madly in love with you.

They're thinking, oh, she fucks every guy on the first date.

She's a whore.

Unfortunately, this day and age, most women were still judged by.

I'm not saying all men, but most men.

That's stupid.

Exactly.

The reason that might be, and this is just a theory that I'm working with here, but

in reality, women hold the power when it comes to going to the bedroom.

They do.

That's not why.

No, no, let me finish.

So

when a girl is just,

you know, she has the power.

She could be like, fuck you, no.

And she doesn't.

And he'd be like, fuck you, bye.

Yeah.

But, you know, women do hold the power.

I wish we didn't get judged.

Like, honestly, I wish...

this day and age

if a woman wanted to have sex on a first date like she was just saying she had sex with this guy and they both liked each other, I wish the guys didn't judge them because it's so freaking stupid.

We have the same feelings, the same emotions, the same desire as men do.

But I don't know why.

You know, most men still look at women like for some reason they think, oh, yeah, if she had sex with me on the first date, she probably does that with a bunch of dudes, which many times is not the case.

And I know last week

about

OnlyFans, and you know, now some men are like, oh, she has an OnlyFans.

I'm not going to date her.

Why would I want to be in a relationship with her when she's when I could go on her guy and pay $5 and see it for free?

You know?

Or dating a stripper.

Uh-uh.

Strippers be doing a lot more than dancing, okay?

I know from experience.

But you know what I'm going to say, guys?

If a guy judges you by what you do, he's not the guy for you.

Fuck him.

So, like, if you're doing OnlyFans, if you're doing stripping, whatever you want to do, I think women have the right to do anything they want to do without being judged.

So, if a dude judges you, get the hell out, you know.

I get judged by men because I talk about sex and I'm gonna talk about sex forever and ever and ever.

I think it's an important conversation.

So, if a guy is uncomfortable with what you do, okay, bye, you know, find somebody who appreciates what you do.

I I don't

for being rippers, but they, like, here's the thing: I'm not going to date someone if they're going to the back and sleeping with a guy for 300 bucks.

Like, that's just right.

Yeah, I'm not going to do it.

You know who I was sleeping with on the first date?

George Cooney.

No, no.

Have y'all seen that video on TikTok yet about the guy with the Rubik's Cube?

And he.

Have y'all seen that?

No.

I'm too old for TikTok.

Something, Drew, no, you're not.

I have no not okay and so are every single one of you

so i don't care i love tick tock

a super fun um topic right now but drew it's not that you were like completely wrong um but so i had to go through some of my little notes here um so the whole idea of like waiting and holding out is just basically based on

the whole like purity thing and how it applies to women, not so much men,

as we've all kind of established, but

purity in terms of like virginity and waiting and holding out has always been used to control women.

So when there is this stigma of sex, it's almost always on the woman.

Like nobody judges a man.

Like you have sex, you are the man.

As the woman, like if you have sex with somebody, you're judged a lot harsher than a man is.

Same thing like about numbers, which we'll talk about how the different genders estimate their numbers, but you know, women get judged much harsher on that too.

women's sexuality has been suppressed for so long that many of us still equate it with bad things and it's not we're still human beings and we still have sex drives and yeah

as we should by the way you know as we should i think it's such an important conversation and it's funny because the united states is such an advanced culture right and it's such taboo in this culture that i think people like us that do podcasts about sex and everything we open up doors for women to have better sex, to speak up in bed, to do whatever they want without being judged.

I think that's super important.

I think it's super crazy.

If we're talking about numbers and how women get judged that way, I just want to throw this out there.

I propose that if y'all want to keep tallies and judge us by our numbers,

women only get a notch if they also had an actual orgasm.

That is what I want.

But Xeno.

Wait, wait, wait.

But is it a notch for every orgasm they have?

No, if you got that woman's orgasm,

you don't get anyone's

what?

Yeah, I think it's crazy how many

went down a lot.

Right?

I'm probably on one.

I think it's crazy how guys are okay with being Eskimo brothers, but God forbid we try to be semen sisters.

It's a no-go.

Well, I've never heard that one before.

That's so much grosser than Eskimo Brothers.

Why is it gross in her hand?

Because Eskimo

is sex is why.

And Eskimo.

Yeah.

Why can't you guys be like

into it?

Like.

They're Seaman sisters.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dr.

Look, you're quiet over there.

That's gross.

I was just thinking about my last first date.

I actually, the last first date I went on,

I went to drop the girl off, and she started arguing with me like out of nowhere because I didn't try to feel her up.

And I was just like,

what?

What?

What?

How dare you, Jesse?

She started like getting a real attitude with me.

She's like,

you're not enough of a man for me.

And I was like, What?

All right, I'm just gonna drop you off now, and I'm gonna get on down the road because you're pretty crazy.

You happened to say, and you want to come up for a cup of coffee?

Yeah, that was my

last first date experience.

I actually got gussed out.

Nice shoes on a fuck like I don't understand.

My first date in Houston, this chick grabbed my dick under the table at the restaurant by five minutes into meeting each other.

Yeah, I did not go home with her.

She was there to pound it out.

Yeah, I was like, ah,

I have a lot of people who are going to be able to do it.

When you act easy and you act up front right away, you just have to all

I did was order an appetizer, dude.

I didn't fucking do that.

No, I'm not talking about you.

I was talking about her.

I'm not.

Yeah, her.

Yeah, we're more than just a piece of meat.

If she's that easy, you don't.

You don't want a flapjack.

So when you said flapjacks, I thought you were referring to breasts, but then I realized that you're not.

I'm talking about a McDonald's McFlap.

It's called Arby's.

It's called Arby's.

No, I'm talking.

No, I'm talking about

Arby's is, yeah, Arby's.

Arby's the euphemism.

I mean,

Arby's too.

Yeah, I should call her.

The deli special.

With the whole with the horsey sauce is like,

yeah.

I was thinking, like,

I thought I was talking about titties.

100%.

I, I,

yeah.

Well,

50 Americans, male and female, say a good first date should end with just a kiss.

What?

So it's only 50%.

50% of Americans.

Male and female, say that a good first date should end with a kiss.

And that's it.

50%.

That could happen during the date.

Yeah.

And say,

I mean,

I think it could have been a good thing.

What if you're in a three-minute meet-and-greet?

Okay.

What if you're in a three-minute meet and greet?

My first date with Giselle was also the first time we met.

And I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't.

Because I didn't want her to, you know, I don't know.

Like, I wanted to, but I thought.

That's why you ask.

I'm not gonna.

That's such an awkward question.

Can I kiss you now?

Are you serious?

No.

No.

So the first time we kissed.

No, no, no.

I have no regrets because the first time we kissed was at Kara Oaks.

Aw.

And it was right after I sang.

And someone...

I was consoling you.

What did you ring?

What song were you singing?

Take one fucking guess, Roger.

What song I was saying?

Christmas classic.

It was dick in a bus.

No, but I was waiting on Roger to say it.

Oh, my God.

I have a funny story about a first date and first kiss.

I agree can happen, but I don't like when the person expects that it should happen.

Right.

A few months ago, I went out on a date with this guy.

We were talking for many weeks, and I thought he was great.

Fabulous restaurant, great conversation, na-na-na, like a three-hour dinner.

And I'm thinking, oh, wow, you know, and he already told me, oh, I want to take you on a second date, you know, when everything is going great.

And then he walked me to my car.

For some reason, I wasn't in the mood to make out with the guy 11.30 at night in the parking garage.

So I came to give him a hug, like, bye, see you soon.

And he's like, Give me a kiss.

And I was like, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he was super pushy, like, come on, I made, gave you dinner, everything was so nice.

At least give me a kiss, you know.

And to me, that was the end of it.

Because I'm like, if a guy expects it, oh, give me a kiss because I gave you dinner.

I'm like, oh my god, what a douche!

You know,

it just

happens organically,

sure.

But

organically, yeah, But, like, just say,

yeah, I had dinner with you.

Give me a kiss.

I'm like, oh my god, dude.

No, thank you.

Bye.

Weirdo.

Like, and just because he bought you dinner doesn't mean you owe him anything.

Exactly.

Exactly.

A thank you.

That's about it.

A thank you.

Yeah.

If it happens, it happens.

But many times it doesn't happen on a first date.

So I don't think I should expect it.

All right.

So our topic is today.

Well, go ahead, Drew.

Oh, I was saying, Giselle, the reason she kissed me is because someone told her while I was singing, he's a keeper.

And so she kissed me.

Because she was saying Dick in a box.

And

someone said you're a keeper?

You're a keeper.

I just want to know how they made that correlation.

Right.

Dick in a box.

Because I have the voice of an angel.

And obviously, I have a sensitive side because I really care about her.

Completely.

For Christmas.

I'm gonna give her

a huge damage.

I was just, it was coming.

Damn it.

That was almost the Halloween.

It was this close being the Halloween dog.

They told me I'd get fired from work.

Damn it.

Oh,

totally what she's getting.

Topic today: intimate dating.

Does the timing of sex matter?

We have

our guest today,

Kat Zamuto.

She is a host of the Kat on the Loose podcast.

Kat, tell everybody how they could listen to you.

Cat on the Loose Sex, Dating, and Relationships is on all platforms where you guys enjoy your podcasts.

And all the links are on my Insta, Katzamuto, or catontheloose.com.

You guys can find everything there.

Perfect.

Excellent.

Kat, I really appreciate you taking some time and joining us this evening.

Thank you guys.

It was so much fun.

I really appreciate you guys having me.

Congratulations on your amazing podcast, Love on the Rocks with an X.

I love the name.

Yes.

Thank you.

You love the Matt.

Yes, absolutely.

And good luck to us all, right?

Because the answer is

we don't really know.

It's no one's size fits all.

It's no one's.

Do whatever feels good for you.

That's what I would say.

Do whatever feels right for you.

Yes, it is.

If it's right, if you feel right.

Yeah.

I don't think there's a time limit on it.

It could be the first date.

It could be maybe till the 10th date.

Yeah.

And every qualifications are different.

Yeah.

You know, so

each their own.

It's all about the chemistry of two people.

Totally.

And we're adults.

Okay.

We're not like 16 years old.

You know.

It's not a negative thing.

Speak for yourself, Roger.

That true love weights ring came off ago.

All right, Kat, thanks for joining us tonight.

Thank you, guys.

Good night.

Thanks for having me.

Bye-bye.

And before I let you go, obviously the holiday season is upon us.

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Last but not least, you guys ask me this question all the time.

Where do I record Caron de Luz?

How do I do it?

Is it complicated?

Do I do it out of a fancy studio?

And the answer is absolutely not.

I've been using Spotify for podcasters ever since the beginning, three and a half years ago.

And it is thanks to Spotify for Podcasters.

I truly believe that I was able to grow such an amazing audience, do such a great job without spending pretty much any money on fancy studios or fancy recording equipment.

Spotify for Podcasters allows you to record your podcast out of your own computer or even your phone.

all you have to do is download the app spotify for podcasters and best of all i swear to god guys no catch it's free completely free so if you ever wanted to start your own podcast even if just for fun not even for a business if you have something to say if you're good at a subject and you don't know where to start check it out spotifyforpodcasters.com you can start your own podcast distributing all platforms where people listen to their podcast everything for free how cool is that?

I am proud and happy to say that three and a half years into doing cat-on-the-loose sex dating and relationships, we are now one of the top 0.5% most downloaded podcasts in the world.

Thanks to Spotify for Podcasters making everything so fun, so easy.

So get going.

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Have fun and good luck.

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