BRAVO MILLION DOLLAR LISTING & BEST SELLING AUTHOR TRACY TUTOR

30m
TRACY IS ONE OF THE MOST INSPIRING WOMEN I HAVE EVER MET. SHE TALKED OPENLY ABOUT HER SUCCESS, HER DIVORCE AND STARTING OVER, AND BEHIND THE SCENES OF HER HIT TV SHOW ON BRAVO, MILLION DOLLAR LISTING. HERE ARE THE BEST PARTS OF HER INTERVIEW ON A FUN VIDEO EPISODE. HER BOOK "FEAR IS A FOUR LETTER WORD" IS AWSOME AND AVAILABLE ON AMAZON --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/katherine-zammuto/message
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Transcript

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How do you develop this tough skin?

How do you deal with the scrutiny, the competition that it brings?

Any tips for people out there that might want to try to do what you do?

I mean,

you know, even at an early age when my dad became successful,

you know, he wasn't born with money.

And so growing had that

thirst for

more.

And I remember I got my first job when I was 15 because I, all my friends had jobs, and I wanted to have that sense of independence.

And what was your first job?

Can you tell me?

I sold suits in the mall.

Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah, and that was actually my first commission.

Jobs in the mall that were available, you know, you'd get a discount on clothes or whatever.

Those jobs were all taken.

So the job that I found was selling suits, but it was commission-based.

So if I sold X amount of suits per week,

I'd get a bonus.

Yeah, yeah.

And so that was like my first real introduction into like the world of sales and commission.

And I was damn good at it.

I think I naturally just sort of had that in me.

Um, and I think probably with a little bit of background in the theatrical world, I grew up sort of dancing and acting and singing.

I don't know how I thought I was a singer, but a little bit fearless in that way.

Um,

and so that's ultimately all roads after acting led back to

sales.

And when I was about 23 or 24 years old, that's when I got into real estate.

I love it.

And so I agree with you.

I think to be in real estate, you probably have to have the personality.

Yeah.

I mean, charisma for me is a big part of what separates like a good agent from, you know,

the top agents in the country.

And, you know, there's a lot of agents out there.

The shows that we do, for example, that

Buying beverly hills million dollar listing franchise um you know joanna gates like there's there's got to be 15 or 20 real estate shows that are either in development or currently airing uh-huh and they're all very glamorous yes um i think that's what fascinates people right yes it's like

just land with a team of assistants and marketing people like you have to build that so you know i think but i mean t v they show only the they they have to show the more, right?

Like, because that's what people want to see.

People don't want to see the grind.

I think, you know, our show a little bit shows, you know, as much as we can of both sides.

You know, more

more so now since I've been on the show, you know, they're attempting to, I think, make the audience kind of understand, because so many real estate agents actually tune into our show,

the real truth of it and sort of the guts behind, you know, what it really takes to to be successful, but also the losses.

and you know I failed a lot along the way up this this ladder to so competitive yeah

you know you really have to grind pretty hard to to get to the place where we are and you you know when you finally have a show on television it's not because you just you know you landed it by accident I know you know some of the shows may be more focused in the theatrics of it and it may be more of just a reality show our show is a true docu

series is what we like to refer to because it really is about what we're doing for a living.

Every single deal that we do,

we've done.

It's true.

It's true.

Every single house.

So let's rewind a little bit because I want people to understand.

How are all these boys?

Some of them are gone and they switch the...

And I remember thinking as a woman, where's the girl?

There must be like some hot chick real estate agent that is super successful.

And one day you came along.

And I didn't even think I was doing the podcast.

I don't remember.

But I was like, all right,

come on.

Somebody has to represent women in this business, right?

Well, actually, no,

there's more female real estate agents than there are men.

However, like in any industry,

most industries, the more successful people tend to be men.

You know, not to say that there aren't enormously successful women in our business that I admire and look up to.

Right.

But, you know, the odds are definitely in men's favor.

Yeah.

Like in any industry.

Hush Altman

was showcasing a property on the show, and I actually was showing the property.

So he called me and said, hey, we're shooting this for the show.

And I was like,

today?

Like during the showing?

And he said, yeah, so you might want to like make sure that you've got your act together.

And I was like, well, thanks for the heads up.

And I had like two hours or something.

So I went to Intermix and like grabbed a dress and a pair of boots.

And I was just, I was a little bit mortified.

But nevertheless, I showed the property with the client.

We ended up writing an offer on the property, which created another scene for them to have to do.

So season nine of the show, which is when that was when I appeared for the first time.

And

Josh Altman and I had a lot of chemistry on camera.

Like, you know, we had a

dynamic relationship and after the show aired, the production called me up and said, you know, would you be interested in potentially talking to us and sort of screen testing to be, you know, the woman on the show?

It historically in the past has not worked.

We've been trying to find a woman, but it just hasn't landed.

And we'd love to kind of explore it a little bit further with you.

And,

you know, lo and behold, season 10 was my first season on the show.

How does it work?

You shoot a season.

Yeah, so because we're actually shooting live real estate, we do screw into their home.

And, you know, a lot of my clients are really discerning and quite private.

So I wouldn't even ask.

So you kind of know the kind of person that's going to be willing to.

They're searching for literal people who aren't.

And we decide what that looks like.

And then we pitch it to our producers.

And then they have it, generally, we'll have a call with the the seller

and the the two Joshes right you Josh Altman and Josh Flag

well you guys are competition in real life like not on TV you work for different companies no we are all at the same company oh now you're all at the same company

oh I didn't know that so but that's new yeah well Josh Altman and I have always been at Douglas Ellerman well Josh years ago was at Hilton Highland he moved to Douglas Ellman

seven years ago in Iowa.

So

moved to Douglas Ellman and Josh Wagg most recently in the last year came over and joined us.

So all three of you are computing real estate agents for the same company.

Yes, but we're also very good friends.

But you're very good friends, so that's the question.

How, like, does it ever affect your friendships?

Are you guys know how to divide that up?

I mean, listen, at the end of the day, it's business, right?

So if I'm going out on a listing pitch and Josh is going out on a listing pitch, I'm going to do what I can to get that listing from him.

More now, I think, than ever.

You know, we're

co-listing more properties, we're doing more deals together.

I think we've all grown a lot, too.

I think, you know, Altman's got two kids, he's been married for a while.

Life changed so much.

Slag has been married and divorced.

He's now in a new relationship.

I'm obviously have been through more than both of them.

We're going to talk about that.

But, you know,

I think we now have a little bit more of a mature relationship with how to deal with competition between friends.

It's healthy.

It's not as

volatile as it was years ago.

We lean on each other.

I mean, the truth is

super amazing.

We've got a lot of crazy clients.

And, you know, sometimes at the end of the day, the only people that understand what it's like to do what we do is

each other.

So we often will meet up for a cocktail.

I was with Altman, or excuse me, I was with Flag last night, and then I left, and Altman came.

And, you know, so it's, we really are genuinely friends.

That's really nice.

I hear you.

I agree.

I think sometimes only people that are in the same business that we are kind of understand the pace and what you go through.

And

that's very nice.

Now, let's, so you were saying you've been through a lot.

Yeah.

And the podcast is about sex, dating, and relationships.

So let's talk a little bit about that.

Yeah.

You were married for a long time, right?

Yes, almost 14 years.

Same.

I was married for 14 years.

I know how tough it is to go through divorce.

My story is very crazy because I divorced my husband to try to make him stop drinking.

But I was still living with him and taking care of him until he died.

So it's super crazy.

But I wasn't on TV.

I cannot imagine going through everything you went through.

A lot of it was shown in the show.

You were very open about it.

And I admired that about you a lot because, as a woman, I know how tough it is.

Because people look at us, everybody has something to say, a lot of critics, people that have no idea what's going on, and you were willing to put it out there.

And I remember watching the episode, like, wow, you know, this chick is tough.

So, can you share a little bit about the story, like how it happened, you went through your division?

I mean, listen,

any woman or man can relate to this, but when you meet someone in your 20s, and I was was 24 when I met Jason

we fell madly in love we got married when I was 28 years old we had two beautiful children together

and then shit got complicated you know what I mean we were together for like we were together for three and a half years before we got married so all in close to 18 years together

and I I think somewhere along the line when my career started to go in one direction, of which he was really supportive of

I think

I started to get the feeling that he felt that that was coming first

did I agree with him of course not but I wanted to be able to be both things and I think that there was still

an understanding and sort of a traditional mindset that Jason had that why wasn't I you know more attuned to him and I'm like thinking to myself let's see.

Well, I'm 35 years old.

I've got two kids under the age of eight.

I'm trying to run a business so I can make money and pay the bills.

Was he in real estate as well?

He was a contractor.

It was a contractor.

I was

earning more.

So you were the more successful partner?

Yes.

So I think, you know, that was a difficult thing to, I think, manage in our relationship and remains a difficult thing to manage for me in, you know, in my dating life.

But

as things sort of grew, resentments built up,

it just ended up going in the direction that I decided ultimately that I wanted to do this TV show.

And that was when we were probably...

Was he supportive of it?

He was

not supportive.

No.

But do you think, that's a tough question.

Do you think he was not supportive because your success was bothering him?

Or do you think maybe he was jealous of your success or jealous of you?

Like, no, I don't want my wife out there on TV.

I think that, you know, from his perspective, and which, you know, I've done a lot of work on this, obviously, and I think him and I are in a much different place.

But I think from his perspective, he felt like I was choosing, again, career and opportunity over the family.

Oh, yeah.

Over him, really.

Which is obviously not the case.

That was not the case.

I had been selling real estate for 17 years, I think, by the time I had even appeared on the show.

And it took me a long time to get even to the place where I was successful enough to even be considered for a role on that show.

So when I got that opportunity, I wasn't about to turn it down.

I said, you know, so many people are taking these different opportunities.

These real estate

reality shows can bring you a lot of business.

And candidly, at the time, I was still struggling to win listings, you know, in my own right.

You know, people still thought I was a mom and a wife and I had money and I don't really need to work and I didn't have the hustle.

Well, turns out they were all fucking wrong, right?

Right.

Yeah, people see what they want to see.

Like, right, they're all to work.

And it's like, yeah, I do.

I hear that a lot.

I hear that a lot.

But I think ultimately that wasn't

something that I was happy.

He was gaslighting me consistently.

You see that on the show.

The first season.

He was on the show.

He was on the show on season 10 very briefly.

But if you flash back to some of those episodes, I mean, he gaslights me about not knowing my kids' ages.

I mean, this is something that I've been doing.

So he was willing to do a few scenes for the show, but behind the scenes, he wasn't being supportive of you on the show.

Well, and even when he was on the show, quote-unquote, supporting me, he was gaslighting me on camera and making me look shitty.

Like, yeah, like we don't know you like when we watch the show, but I mean, at least I think most people I know it is like there is a little there's something going on.

Yeah, I couldn't, I couldn't believe how you were so open.

That's a tough one to talk about as well.

I don't think I could have talked about it, it's painful.

Well, it's been five years, right?

I don't think I could have ever spoken about it two years ago, a year following the divorce, or even three or four years.

It only became

recently where I felt comfortable sharing it and I didn't plan it.

I really didn't.

It just

organically happened and I kind of like

shook myself after and was like, did I just like let the world know what just had gone down in my marriage?

And I did.

And Jason was hurt by that.

And I said, look, the bottom line is this is something that you and I have gone through together that I've sort of shielded

our kids from for a long time I shield it shielded him from it for a long time and even his wife who I have a great relationship with now but oh he remarried yes the girl he was cheating with yes wow okay and you know but you're you're good now we're very good

and and the god's honest truth is while it was hard for him to sort of process that I sort of let the cat out of the bag if you will I said to him you know the only reason that I felt comfortable enough to just let it go is because we are in a good place.

And I know that that it was very tough for him to understand in the moment.

But ultimately, you know, we got through it.

And,

you know, his wife is wonderful.

They're incredibly happy together.

Our divorce was inevitable.

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The cheating was not the only reason.

Right.

We got it.

We were on our way.

Honestly, I know this is like a bizarre thing to say, but had he not done that,

both of us could still be sitting in this relationship, hemming and hawing about whether or not to make the move.

So, as crazy as it sounds, you know, today

I'm happier that that happened, as much shit as I had to go through, and as painful as it was, and as betrayed as I felt, and I'm sure as, you know, he's felt.

You know, we're on the other side of it, and we're raising our two girls, and his wife is lovely.

And, you know,

I think, yeah, a lot of people are, when they're going through divorce, it's something so tough to go through, especially when you have kids involved.

And a lot of people wonder, like, how am I going to recover?

How am I ever going to be happy again?

Yeah.

Well, people often think that there's no way they could have a relationship with their ex-husband while they're living in that space of

they just think it's an impossibility.

Yeah.

And I'm like living proof

that despite the dark times that Jason and I went through with our children as a family, we've come out the other side.

That's super nice.

And I feel really good about it.

Yeah, that's amazing.

And I think it's something that,

you know, more people and more couples that are going through a difficult time need to realize that there is another

story to be told.

Sometimes things happen for a reason.

People overgrow each other.

There are like a lot of quick pulls.

But the problem with that is people outgrow each other, yet they still sit in the same shit.

Yes, yes.

And what it looks looks like to get back up again and that to me is what raises healthy young adults to have and I'm telling you as a woman I really admire that about you it's not easy by any means and like I said on top of it everybody was watching it which just magnifies the the issue oh yeah I mean I was vilified like yeah like I had done something you know like I was I was like a workaholic how could you leave your children and your husband at home and that was really tough to take for a while but it's horrible But at the end of the day, I had to kind of like, you know, keep really close with my inner circle that was giving me positive vibes.

And I got through the other side of it.

And look, it turns out, you know, the fans that probably didn't take to me the first season on the show have now warmed up to me and know that I am all the things that they thought I wasn't.

I'm vulnerable.

I'm emotional.

I'm fragile and strong and funny and all of those things.

But I can also be sexy at the same time.

Of course.

And you are.

And you're dating.

Yeah.

And you're happy.

How long has it been now?

I've been with Eric for about three years.

Three years.

Amazing.

Tell us a little bit about it.

Like, how did you meet?

For people that don't know you.

That's a cool story.

I had been dating.

You know, I had had a couple different relationships after my marriage.

And I just, I

wasn't like ready to pull the trigger again on on on really sort of settling into something and

believe it or not Frederick Eklund and his CEO Julia said you know you should go train at this now that you live in Beverly Hills There's this gym called Dog Pound la la la and there's a great trainer there.

That's where you should train and I was like okay great.

So I signed up with this Eric guy and me and my friend Andrew were training with him and you know

I don't know what happened, but like one day he just kind of kissed me and it wasn't anything that I expected.

I never saw it coming, not even for a while.

You guys weren't like flirting.

No!

Because usually with the trainer, we kind of keep like professional.

It was very professional, but I mean, he was like, he was feisty, and he was a younger guy.

And he trained another friend of mine and went to my other friend and said, can you like set it up so that Tracy shows up to this thing?

like I kind of have a mini crush on her or whatever and so I did

and oh my god that's so cool anyway that's sort of how that's sort of how it went down so you're dating Eric and he was your personal trainer and again

you put it on the TV show which is very brave people saw it judgy exactly so let's talk about judgment the way we were brought up and history and evolution like I know until that script changes yeah over and over and over again, there isn't going to be a shift.

And that's something that I obviously talk about a lot.

Um, you know, about you know, women supporting other women and sort of breaking barriers, and that you can be more than just a mom.

You can be a sexy mom, you can be a successful mom, you can be a white, you can be a lot of different things.

And if we continue to put each other in boxes that we can only be defined by, you know, a white picket fence and two-plus plus beautiful children and living in the palisades,

like we are limiting ourselves and we are our biggest critics.

And that's

holding us back.

I know, and that's what I keep talking about the podcast.

And it's one of the major reasons why I want it to meet because I feel like you're empowering women.

And by showing your story and saying, Yes, I'm dating this guy, and we're super happy.

You're like literally breaking these barriers.

And it's what I try to do.

Like we were talking before the podcast, when I talk about sex, when I started talking about certain things, I realized that so many people want to speak up, but the way they're brought up,

oh, it's dirty.

Oh my god, oh, she's such a whore.

She fucks different men every night because they have these stereotypes in their mind, and I'm constantly trying to open up the dialogue.

And when I saw your story out there, I'm like, thank you.

Yeah, you're super hot.

You're super successful.

Who cares what age is your boyfriend?

No.

I mean, I,

you know

you can't change people's minds overnight you just have to continue to do what's right for you

and that's how I've chosen to live and if that

if that helps other women celebrate themselves in a different way be it you know be more proud of their bodies that they're living in

be proud of of their ability to leave a marriage that they've been unhappy in for 10 years or their opportunity to take a job that they never thought they could handle.

Like, I just, I want to sort of lift women up, and hey, take the crown, sister.

Exactly.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't.

I'm just a girl, sister.

I am too.

1 million percent.

And I think stronger,

we're stronger together.

Like, instead of criticizing each other and feeling like every woman is your competition, right?

If you're supportive of each other, we give a void to women doing anything they want to do.

And yeah, when I see, and sometimes I know people do that on your social media a lot, and they do it on mine, and mine is like infinitely smaller than yours, but they like

have something nasty to say.

And I always reply back, like, you're entitled to your opinion, but there's like over a billion active accounts in the world.

If you're watching someone and you don't like them, why are you gonna like waste your time to put something negative there?

You know what I mean?

I just don't understand people.

There's just trolls out there, there's thoughts out there like yeah

they're there for a reason you know agile feeling whatever my emotional space is at the time sometimes I'll clap back you know

and sometimes I just ignore it and sometimes I just delete yeah and sometimes I miss it and then I catch up on it later I'm like wow there's been like 50 comments of of people that are my friends or or fans on social media that will you know directly confront uh you know someone that's trolling my account, which, you know, I just think it's important.

I like to see women celebrating other women.

So when a woman sort of slams me

for whatever reason, you know, thinking that I've, you know, completely reconstructed my face with plastic surgery or

commenting on my boyfriend or what it is that I look like today.

You look insane, by the way.

Thank you.

Like major body goals.

Thank you.

But the truth is, you know, it's really nice to see other women from all over the country and even outside of the country be like, uh-uh.

That's not okay.

We need to celebrate it.

Right.

It's nice to see that I'm having that effect on at least the

small following.

The majority is positive, right?

100%.

Thank goodness.

Yeah.

I think we just got to ignore like the haters.

That's basically what I try to do.

I think usually when somebody's hating on you, it's something about themselves.

that they're unhappy with.

Of course.

That they have to spend their time like criticizing what we do.

Well, you know, every once in a while you just got to have fun with it and remind yourself that it's just the internet and it's just not that deep.

These people are in your life.

You can't let them penetrate your soul.

You know,

we did a, Josh Flagg and I did a

little video the other day of we were reading out mean tweets.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and I was like, you guys got to really bring it.

If you're going to, if you want us to read these out loud, you better be a little bit meaner because these are, these are sort of wishy-washy mean.

But you really, you have to get to the place where you just can't let it penetrate like really, truly where you are.

And I'm only genuinely affected when I personally have had a tough day.

You know, not

in my typical day-to-day.

And your daughters are supportive, get along with him.

100%.

That's fantastic.

You said they're 14 and 16.

16.

And Well, Julia will be 17 and a few days.

So, yeah,

that is super, super amazing.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Before I let you go, I asked this question to a lot of my guests, and it's been controversial because

the answers are very divided.

So, I want to know your opinion because we're talking about men and dating and your divorce and your new relationship.

Do you think most men, I say most because I get all this message, like, I'm not like that, but do you think most men are intimidated by women who are powerful successful gorgeous make more money than they do or not no I actually think that's that

men in Eric's generation

and the generation even after him tend to be attracted to women that are successful just we're a little more like we're confident you know and I think that yu the younger generation appreciates that

I think it's the more traditional older generations that like the idea of me,

but really truly are like, wow, that's a lot.

Yes.

That's like a lot to manage.

I have enough going on.

Like, I just want to come home and have my wife make me some dinner.

You're making dinner.

Yeah.

Don't cause trouble.

Yeah, just shut your mouth and you'll get like a cartier bracelet or something.

Exactly.

No, that's exactly what I'm doing.

And that's just, I don't have the ability.

Maybe the younger ones aren't, but I think maybe our age and older, because I always dated much older men than me.

My husband was 22 years older.

And then the past few years that I've been trying to date, I kind of felt of like the successful executive, la la la la.

And they're because they don't want an outspoken woman doing all this shit.

And I'm like, I'm not going to stop doing anything that I'm going.

So now I'm like, a lot of people tell me that maybe I should start trying to date younger.

More of my age or younger because they're more open-minded.

Yeah, I mean, I think you have to keep, I just think you you have to opt whatever organically works is what organically works i didn't go out and look for a 28 year old boyfriend right i know that was like not on my bucket list like you know whatever it just

it just okay and you know i'm gonna celebrate that and i'm gonna talk about it because i think it's important going through a divorce is that why would i wait another fucking 14 years

to

wait until I'm unhappy again.

Like if I'm starting to feel like there's not a future there, then I'll address it and Eric and I will part ways.

And until then, you know, I'm gonna live in the moment, I'm gonna be happy.

And if the haters don't like it, then I can't have a problem.

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