RESIDENT EXPERT LOVE COACH & TV HOST NICOLE MOORE
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Transcript
Hi guys, before I do today's episode, a little fashion tip for you guys.
If you love, love fashion and style as much as I do, New York Fashion Week is coming up very soon, like in February.
I cannot believe I'm saying that, but February is just around the corner.
And one up-and-coming designer, I am madly in love with his clothes.
His shoes are to die for, they have golden soles.
His name is Ron Dice, D-Y-C-E.
he's actually opening up um his fashion show presenting his new collection to the public so right now there are limited availability of tickets for sale on his instagram page official ron dice
and I'm pretty sure on his website too rondice.com so if you guys ever wanted to see a fashion show during New York fashion week go there there because there are very few tickets on pre-sale.
And you can look at all his clothes, the collection on official Ronda's.
That's the Insta account.
Super, super cool.
I am definitely going to be there.
We are ready to rock and roll here for everyone with my super special guest.
You guys that follow the podcast probably have listened to her episode before because she's on the top five most listened, most downloaded episodes ever.
Let me introduce her.
Hi, Nicole, Nicole Moore.
You're a love coach, right?
Yes.
Hello.
I am.
Thank you so much for coming back to Canon DeLoos.
Yeah, I'm excited to be here.
And thank you to the listeners for listening to that episode.
Listen, I think
we did your episode like way back in the beginning of the year, right?
And the responses were incredible.
People,
obviously, you know, I'm a huge fan.
I love how witty you are.
And
tell it like it is.
I love your advice.
But I got dozens and dozens and dozens of messages.
So I've been dying to get you back.
Wow.
Amazing.
Thank you.
So let's go, okay?
Because we have a lot to cover.
And
I'm trying to pull, because like I said, I got so many questions for you.
And questions, the past few episodes, everything that happened during the summer, the little relationship that I have.
So I'm basically trying to just have you answer as much as possible we can in an hour.
All right, I'm gonna start with the tough one that a lot of women send this question, Nicole.
Like you start dating somebody
and you finally go to bed with them, and the first time the sex is really bad,
and then the second time is really bad, and then they send me this question.
I have no idea, I need your help.
They're like, oh, should I keep dating this guy, or it's never gonna get better if it starts being really bad from the get-go?
Okay, so first of all, you have to determine how some people sex is not that important to you, right?
Some people, it's like the most important thing, okay?
Shami's on top of my list, yeah.
I'm gonna tell you, so I'm gonna tell you from my personal experience, right?
So, I have been with guys where it wasn't that great, and then when I met my husband, I have guys who was great, and before I met my husband, I had a lover, which was a good thing because this was like he was a sex expert, and I got like, I just had so much experience with him.
I was so kind of open.
I don't know, maybe that helped me to bring in my husband because I was already in this vibe of like, I'm really enjoying sex.
So not everybody has to have a lover, obviously, but when you have a lot of options, it's a good thing because then it's like, okay, you know, you can kind of sort out what's happening with this guy that you like in a better space.
You're not so attached.
But when I met my husband, what happened was, you know, when you're having sex with somebody and in your head, you're thinking like, or you get a massage and you're thinking, I want them to do this I want them to do that and
you out of your body but I met my husband I was like oh
none of that happened I remember sitting there thinking like well how is he whatever he's doing with his body somehow that's naturally what I like and I was like this is really good I like this I don't have to have a thought of like I want you to move this way or do this it was like a natural flow.
So having that experience really showed me that that really is possible.
So I want people out there to know and understand like you can really have that experience with somebody if you want to.
If you want to scratch the drawing board and call in somebody new that you have that from the get-go with, it is possible.
But did you hear what I said?
I was kind of in the flow myself.
I don't have a lot of hang-ups about sex.
So that's where we have to start.
Number one, because what's going on inside of you?
If you have hang-ups about sex, if you're insecure about this, if you are like in your head, it's not going to be good with that many people, right?
So a lot of people, they're like waiting for somebody else outside to bring them this magical sex experience, you know, and then they're like, Why is it not working?
Step one is look at you.
But if you're good on your side of the street, and the guy or the girl is just not that great, how much do you like them?
If you like
to have the conversation, if you're like, if you're like, meh, and the sex is not great, to me, that's a move on.
If you really like them and you like, have potential, you have to be brave enough to have the conversation.
You have to talk to them about it.
I agree.
You have to say,
hey, listen, I think we connect great on this.
And I know for me, like, I really love sex.
It's really important.
I could be wrong, but I feel like the couple of times we got together, it wasn't as good as the potential could be.
So you're not telling them you suck.
You're just saying, I feel like there's more potential.
There you go.
We just have different sex styles.
So can we talk about that?
Like, you have to have the conversation.
Have the conversation.
Yes.
Some people like they like they like different things but what what i wanted to put out there was especially if you're single and you're in a place where you can manifest what you want put it in your mind i want to attract somebody who it's flowing from the get-go like why not if you're single have that from the get-go if you like this person
Be a big girl or boy, communicate, not from the space of something's wrong, but like it could be even better between us.
I know it could.
So let's talk about it and let's see.
If it continues to be bad though, bad sex is a deal breaker.
I agree.
To me, it is because I think chemistry is definitely on top of my list.
And I love having sex and I want to have a relationship with a lot of delicious sex.
I think every woman deserves that.
So I completely agree with you.
If you keep trying, trying, trying, and the chemistry is not there, you know, you just got to move on, right?
You have to, otherwise you become roommates.
Yeah, it depends.
Like I said, if you really like them, communicate.
But if you don't, I mean,
there I do think there is this chemistry thing where it's like kind of like some people just get together and it's explodes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's not, it's like conversation.
You can go to dinner with somebody and it's hard.
Or you can go to dinner with somebody and it flows, right?
It's the same thing.
Absolutely with sex.
Yeah.
Okay, so sex question number two.
I started like usually I go mild and then get hotter.
Today we're starting on the hot and then we'll go down to dating relationships.
Sex question number two.
So you're dating someone and you really like them, la la la la.
How do you have the courage to tell your partner something that you really want to do in bed?
Maybe it's a fantasy, maybe it's whatever, a move.
I don't know.
A lot of people, men and women, are very shy about that.
I get messages from guys and girls like, oh, I love my girlfriend.
I really like my boyfriend, but how do I tell them I want to do ABC?
Any tips?
Okay, so first of all, it depends on how out there it is.
Like, I know
one of the guests from my show was talking about how he likes to spit on women, right?
That is out there, yeah.
And not everybody's gonna, like, agree with that one, right?
But, like, if you're like, hey, I like to be spanked or whatever, like, it's kind of like mild.
So it depends how out there the request is, you know?
But how I would say it is, I would just say, I would tie it to something like, oh, you know, I was reading an article or I was watching a movie and they mentioned mentioned this thing like i would just
go around yeah floating somewhere that the information just came to me and i thought like oh that might be interesting so i would literally be like i saw this online or one of my girlfriends was talking about this or i read an article about this thing and that people do this sexually and it i don't know when i thought about it it was a little bit exciting and i was wondering whether you'd like to try it like see how it's like so it's that's easy breezy it's not like i've been harboring this forever and it's this hard thing so if you kind of project it outside a little bit of like oh people are just interested in this and I thought that might be interesting it's like it's a little bit easier for them to swallow now if it is something where the other person might like I want to spit on you or something like that I think you have to understand like why you want it and what it means to you first and you have to really explain it that way right because not everybody's going to be like spit on me so right right if it's a really out there requesting,
why do you want it, right?
Because usually it's like some kind of emotion that you're trying to feel.
I don't know what it is with the spitting thing, but like, there's something there, right?
That's one I never heard before.
I'm telling you.
I thought I've heard it all, but every day
I've heard the peeing on people, you know, that's, but spitting, that's a first for me.
There's a reason why, right?
Like, if you want to be tied up, right?
Like, probably there's some kind of freedom there, or you want to just feel like you're, you know, you're not in control.
Like, you need to understand why you want to feel it, whatever it is.
If you're like, I want to have sex outside, I want to do this.
Why?
Tell them the emotional reason why, then they're going to kind of understand it more.
But also, like, you got to own what you want.
Yeah.
Don't come to them with the energy of like, oh my God, this is this horrible thing.
It's just like, I was thinking about this.
What would you think?
Gauge their reaction.
If they have a strong reaction, just be curious.
Like, oh, I'm interested.
Like, what, what is, what do you feel about that?
Like, kind of have the conversation first and then just ask them, like, hey,
if it was something, just say, if it was something that I was interested in trying one time, would you be open to it?
Like, I don't know.
I'm just curious.
And I think, yeah, I completely agree with you.
And this is what I say, not being an expert at all, obviously.
Like, if somebody asks you something and you don't want to do, you just tell them I'm not comfortable doing it.
And the person that asked, if you never asked, you're never going to know the answer.
But so what's the worst thing that can happen?
Maybe one wants to do it and the other one doesn't want to do it, right?
But many times I notice both people do want to do it, but they were too embarrassed to talk about it.
Yeah, yeah.
A lot of times your partner is just going to do it.
And also, it's like people have to understand, like, just because somebody's saying, I want something one time or sometimes thrown in the mix doesn't mean not every time.
Right.
No, yeah.
A lot of people just want to try it.
Yeah.
A lot of it is talking about it, isn't it?
I think many times, and I noticed that a lot with men, and I don't know if you agree, I think men are like kids.
Many times they want to do things, but it's more just talking about it.
Like when guys talk about threesomes, it's almost every guy's fantasy to do a threesome, but not all of them really want to do it.
Yeah, some guys just knowing that they can talk to you about it, if you say, oh yeah, let's do it, baby, then it's already good enough for them.
It doesn't even work.
You just want to know, like, you would, yeah.
A lot of people just want to know, like, you would be open to doing things for them.
You know, not necessarily that it has to get crazy.
But some people want it to get crazy, you know?
Like, you can find, you can find your sexual, like, again, if you're single, go ahead and like, just try and find a sexual match from the get-go.
If you're not, then you're in a conversation where you're working at it.
And I think...
And
you probably agree with me because I know you're married.
The fun part about being with one person, the fun thing about being in one relationship is that the more you get to know the person, you build that intimacy, that delicious intimacy that you feel like, ah, I can tell him more, he can tell me more, and it gets better and better and better.
For me, that's what turns me on.
Like when I was in a relationship this summer, we're going to talk about that because I got a ton of questions about that.
I felt like as every week went by, we just talked about things we wanted to do, and we didn't do like 90% of them because we ended up splitting up.
But just talking about it was such farplay,
knowing, like, huh?
He wants to do this, he wants to do that.
Oh, yeah.
So, many times, I think it's so important for couples to communicate, like, not be ashamed of like looking at each other.
Sometimes we would be like sitting at a restaurant, whatever, and just talk about things we wanted to do in bed.
And that was far play to get excited about it, right?
Yeah, yeah, it's just a conversation, and that's what I mean.
If you're if you are in a relationship and you can't communicate about anything with your partner, that's like an issue.
But the best is when you can just be yourself and you can say what you're thinking and feeling, and they're just there, they're open with it.
So, I love that you were having those conversations over dinner.
I want to know why it broke up because I'm like, You're the perfect woman, so what's going on?
Well, first of all, I'm not perfect because I don't think I think we all have 10 million
defects, issues, and flaws, and that's what makes us unique.
But it was going, yeah, when I saw you, I was on date and then i started dating someone that i met on bumble i want to talk about that too because i know you met your husband on tinder so and and funny enough you met your husband on tinder and i'm going to interview patty stanger the millionaire matchmaker i love her on thursday she met her boyfriend on tinder oh yeah yeah i like tinder better i mean i i don't know what's going on with bumble i mean i i just have never seen personally that many success stories on bumble not saying it doesn't happen but i just never see that many of them versus the other apps.
Yeah, so we're gonna step by step.
Okay, so let's do the questions about the relationship and then we'll talk about Tinder and Bumble because I want your insights coop.
So, I met this guy on Bumble.
After talking to you and a few other guests, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna give this dating app a whirl.
I think it's like how most single women want to meet guys.
I don't have time to go to bars or anything else.
So, I meet this guy who's super cool, la la la la, completely different from the guys I usually date, completely different from my industry, and it was going insanely well, obviously, in my mind.
Like we connected on so many levels.
Sex was great.
I think it's really important that you're compatible, like that you like doing the same things, that you have the same lifestyle.
So I thought it was going amazing.
But apparently, in his mind, for whatever reasons, I don't know if he got too intense.
I don't know if he still wanted to go out with other people.
I don't know what it was because he was just leaving a 23-year-old marriage.
After four months, he just broke it off.
So he would say to me, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready for a relationship, la la la la la.
Yeah, she's shaking her head.
Did he leave the marriage?
She's shaking her head like, no, he wasn't.
When did he leave the marriage?
He left the marriage a year before.
Okay, wait, who broke up with who?
He broke up with me.
No, no, no, in the marriage, I mean.
Ah, he did.
He did.
It was a long time coming.
He says he was very unhappy.
Yes, and he did talk to me about certain things that were, and he finally, he warned her, warned her, warned her, warned.
It was a long time, and finally he left, which I respect because I have the same story.
I was married for 14 years, and it took me a long time to grow balls and leave.
And so he's been doing his single life for a year.
So when we meet, he tells me, I'm ready for this relationship.
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.
So the question number one, when I told my audience, okay, we broke up, even because he met my friends, my clients, my neighbors, Everybody was shocked.
They were like, Wow, you guys looked like the perfect, most great-looking, fabulous couple.
So, the first question: when I told the story during this, after it happened to me,
so many girls out there with the same story, believe it or not, and men.
They're like, I'm comfortable in this relationship.
I think everything is going great.
We are building up this intimacy.
We do 10 million things together, la la la la la la.
And he cuts it off.
She cuts it off.
That's the first question.
How do you really know or can you really know if somebody is emotionally ready, if they are really in communicating with you what's going on before it's too late?
Did he say?
So he didn't say anything when he left.
What did he say when he broke it out?
No, he broke up on the phone.
Literally, he was in my place on Sunday.
And telling me, yeah, that he missed me because we didn't see each other for a few days.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Samijna.
No, I'm very happy with you.
It was always the same.
I am very happy with my woman.
I'm very happy in this relationship.
I missed you.
There's just a lot going on right now.
Then, 48 hours later, he broke up with a three-minute phone call.
And what did he say was the reason?
That he changed, that he didn't know what change.
Like, no, no reason.
Like, he didn't know what changed.
I think
maybe I'm wrong.
Because I found out he was still on Bumble.
Yeah.
That's another question.
Okay, so can you really tell if somebody's ready or not?
That's the question.
Sometimes, not if they're acting ready.
Okay, so it's obvious if somebody's not emotionally available, right?
When you open up, do they feel do they seem uncomfortable?
Do they pull away?
All that kind of stuff, right?
But if somebody's acting, if somebody's deluding themselves and they're acting ready, you can't tell.
Sometimes your intuition will tell you, but sometimes you can't tell.
So after around three or four months, it's kind of like the ego, right?
You know, the pretend self can't pretend any longer.
Like after three or four months, it's, you start to get closer.
You start to hit towards that person's real self.
And that's when a lot of people bolt.
They bolt after the three or four really
because the ego can't, you start getting closer.
And then all of a sudden they're freaking out.
So if he was still on bumble, he's not whatever.
Okay, first of all, a lot of people like, how do I put this?
Their recollection of what happened in their relationship and what they say is the reason the relationship ended.
A lot of times, especially in marriage, especially men, they're not giving you the full story.
They're not giving you what was happening on their end.
So you really have to start there.
Like analyze what somebody said is the reason for their relationship ending because sometimes that's going to give you some clues.
So when hopefully they'll talk about their side too.
Hopefully they won't just blame it on the disposal.
Yeah.
Right.
hopefully there's something in there that can show you that this person has actually healed moving on from a relationship is not the same thing as healing right but if you are sorry okay so if you are dating because like I said I got a lot of messages from all the girls that weren't oh my god one of the girls she went was engaged she was with the guy for one year
And he went on a business trip and said, I changed my mind, forget all about it.
It was kind of like the guy he did to me.
Is there a way that?
Because if you're with someone and they're looking you in the eyes and saying, I'm ready, I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy.
You want to believe your partner?
Is there a way to protect you?
Did you feel?
Did you feel anything or no?
Like, because the only thing is your intuition.
Sometimes people
said, I guess my gut was never more wrong.
When I found out he was still on bumble,
I was supportive because I thought,
and then he said, I can delete it for you.
you.
And I said, no, no, I want you to delete when you're ready to delete it for me.
He said, oh, it's for my ego because I was married for 23 years.
You need to understand how I feel.
And I was like supportive.
I was like, do because a lot of experts, and tell me if you agree or not, they say if the guy still wants to look around, if he's not ready and everything, there is no point in pressuring them.
They might go look at 10 other women, 20 other women, and then they might realize okay that's the one for me if they're meant for you they're gonna come back to you so there's no point in pressuring them yeah i don't you don't you don't control but also
that why does he still need to look something's going on inside of him
yeah that i don't know basically he's some there's some emotional need that he has not met for attention for maybe like knowing that people want you i don't know i don't know what it is but that's what i'm saying he's carrying something from yeah he's he's carrying something from the past.
So how can people who are
listening, how can they tell?
You have to look at, okay, so you have to separate the good things that are going on in the relationship and I like them and all of that from like this person and really looking at where they're at and are they emotionally healed?
Because people who are not emotionally healed can still be charming.
They can still be great at sex.
They can still take you out.
They can still have good conversation.
They can still meet your friends.
They can still do all this.
But at some point, it's going to break.
Like they're not going to be able to keep that going, right?
So what you need to do, dig a little bit deeper.
You don't have to ask about their past on like the first date, right?
Right.
But what you want to know is, and what I would want to know is, okay, so first of all, again,
what happened in your relationship?
Why did it end?
Okay.
If they're just blaming that person, they haven't looked at what is responsible within them.
What you want to be hearing is something along the lines of, hey, these are the issues with them.
This is why it didn't work from me.
This is what I've done.
This is what I've heard.
Pay a little more attention, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you need to hear that from them because if not,
they haven't done it, right?
You can ask them, Do you feel like you are in a place?
Like, is there anything missing?
Is there something that you didn't get in your past relationship that you feel like you need to go out and get now, right?
Like, now that you know
from other people, mistake number two, and tell me that's another thing that a lot of women make men too, but I'm saying women because it's mostly women.
So you start dating and that's I think the mistake I made looking backwards because we have to learn, right?
We are here to date better.
So I am a crazy, crazy, busy person to the point that some days I cannot wash my hair.
Everybody knows that.
With him, because I liked him so much and we were so well connected, I started giving more and more and more of my time to be with him because he was a planner.
So he would be like, oh, let's do this on Saturday.
Let's do this on Friday.
I'm coming over.
I was like, wow, I love this guy.
His type paper personality.
It's just what I need.
I think every girl appreciates a man who is a planner, right?
Who plans dates and all this stuff.
So I started taking time from my work, from
my friends, whatever I do.
to be with him.
So I'm thinking, wow, he's appreciating it.
Now I know, and it's funny because I watched an episode of sex in the city this weekend like that with carrie and aiden i'll tell you guys about it in a minute now i know that while i was doing that i was being invested in the relationship
he was thinking oh my god this girl is way too available she's with me every weekend so we backfired
and i know women are guilty of that Yeah, if the person's not available, yeah, like, and you're so available, they're going to think that if they're available, it's different.
So now moving forward you need to make sure the people that you're dating are are they healed from their past right are they really ready because like i i see this right do you know how many women have told me they're ready for love thou i mean i don't even know how many like tens of thousands of women have said oh i'm so ready i'm ready i'm ready where's my man and then hello and then we worked i love them i'm not judging them but we work together and it's like we got to heal this issue we got to heal this issue like people saying with words they're ready and being ready are different.
I see it on the women's side, like they're like,
and then boom, all their fears come up, right?
You know,
I agree.
I think heal yourself first, deal with your issues, deal with your demons 1 million percent.
I completely, completely agree with you.
When I'm in a relationship, and this guy was the first relationship I had, literally years.
So when he said he said to me, we are in a relationship, I'm happy with it.
I was like, okay, great.
I made the right choice.
I felt 100% ready.
You know, that's it.
I was willing to see where this was gonna go.
So I know what you gotta do, though.
Like, this is the thing.
Like, don't let, I know it's so hard.
I'm so, I'm sorry that that happened to you because it's, it's hard, right?
Like, it hurts, and all the ladies listening too, that is shocking.
It sucks.
Like, yeah, hurts, the rug is pulled out from under you.
Yes.
And everything in you now wants to go into protection mode.
Hi, protect against that happening again.
It can't happen again.
Yeah.
It it can't happen again.
It can't happen again.
And, like, this is how you have to look at it.
It's like you got struck by lightning.
Okay.
You're not going to get struck by lightning again.
Like, don't, I know it's like the tendency is like, how do I stop that bad thing from happening?
But you need to really put your attention.
Yeah.
Okay.
I want what do I want?
Like, put it on what you want.
Like, because you can't, like, if you're in protection mode, you're attracting.
So I know it hurts.
I'm not saying more than hurt.
Like, comfort yourself, cry, feel sad for a little bit.
But then it's like, okay, you need to understand likely the same exact thing is not going to happen.
Yeah.
Take a lesson.
And now next time,
in manifesting, okay?
Okay, listen, universe.
Thank you for sending me this person.
I need somebody who's really emotionally ready in your heart.
Like, that's the lesson.
One person.
No, and I love that you're saying that.
This is really important because I know so many people out there, when they go through heartbreak or disappointment, they get completely discouraged.
They're like, oh, forget it.
I'm going to be single or I'm going to be a player.
I cannot trust anybody.
And
I try to always approach it like you should never give up on finding love and the right partner for you.
Yeah, like you said, in the beginning, it hurts a lot.
I was like shocked.
I think I was like sidetracked.
I was like, what?
I was 100% sure, like, oh, you know, after a few weeks, he's going to come after me.
he's no way he's gonna give up what we have because he's not gonna find it and then I started thinking thinking thinking and talking to so many people and I tell we're gonna talk about the the tinder and bubble thing but like I said if somebody let them do their thing if they're not ready for a relationship if they're not ready to be with you
stop pressuring them.
You know how girls go after the guy and nah.
There is no point.
If they're meant for you, they're going to come back.
They're going to be ready.
But if they're not, if they want to go date other people, just let it happen.
But I agree, you gotta, like you said, cry do whatever you have to do, but you gotta keep moving forward to find love, right?
Yeah, and I've seen this happen so many times to a lot of my clients.
It's like they'll you do a little bit of healing work, and then you attract in somebody, and you're like, yes, and you think you get everything you want, and then for some reason, it's like this magical law in the universe that that person gives you a lot of what you want, except one big thing you don't want.
This has happened so many times.
I think it's now some manifesting law.
So again, if you feel like I've been doing the work, I love my life.
I'm healing, Nicole.
Why did this happen?
Please don't go into a story of like, you're so bad, you're so wrong.
I've seen it happen.
Literally, it's like the person has like 90% of what you want and then one big, bad 10%.
Usually that one big, bad 10%, whether it's they lied or they abandoned me or they this or they that.
Usually that's like the one little issue that you got to just like put your hand over your heart and say, I'm not the cause of this, I didn't make the love go away, I'm gonna be with myself, I'm gonna love myself.
And then after that, I've seen it happen so many times.
If you stay open, the next person is the person totally.
I take a break, that's just me.
After the breakup, of course, I'm like, I take a break, I do like reassessment, little self-care.
I spend a few months like it's all about me and I feel mentally stronger and even if I go on dates and everything it's yeah it's good knowing that there are a lot of guys out there today but I think like don't rush it take your time right there's no need to rush No, and then I like I it will get better.
Like it's just if you're if people are in this place, please just listen to me because I've literally seen it happen more times than I can count that the next person just is the person.
Like, and you're, you're gonna, it's either way, it'll get better from here.
Yeah, that's yeah,
everything is an experience.
Before we take a two-minute break, and before I forget, it's funny because I love Sex and the City.
So every once in a while in the weekend, I binge on it.
And this weekend, I was watching an episode.
I don't know if you ever watched it, but Carrie, she finally had one nice, serious boyfriend after Mr.
Big.
Remember Aiden?
And it was kind of the same dynamic.
Like, he is taking a lot of time out of his life to be with her, like whining, dining her, giving her attention, going to her place.
And then one day she's like, Ah, you're all over me.
And then he looked at her.
He's like, I'm invested in the relationship, but I have a life.
I can go do my own shit.
And then he went to go and be busy doing his things.
And then she started appreciating him.
Like, ah, yeah, he has shit to do.
So, what I say to girls out there and guys, even if you start a relationship, maybe in the beginning, a good idea is don't give up too much of your life.
Continue doing the things that you like to do, right?
Your interests, your hobbies, your friends.
And then you give the new relationship a little bit of time, but don't make it like the center of your universe right away.
No, I mean, because then you get, you set out the bad vibe.
I told this to my husband when we first started dating.
I think it was after we had said, I love you, but I said, I love you, but I love me more.
And that's not going to change.
That's important.
Because you have to.
Like, if the second, because if you give all yourself to that person, eventually what's going to happen is you feel, you start to feel needy.
You start to, something gets off in the dynamic.
So, you know, you can be open, hard, Dave.
You can let somebody in, but what got you that relationship in the first place is probably all the good things you were doing to feel good about you, right?
So
don't let go of that.
People have to earn a space in your life.
If you really see how important you are, you realize like they've got to earn the place beside me.
1 million percent.
We'll be right back.
I'm going to take a two-minute break.
And I definitely want to talk about the dating apps.
If you have any tips for dating better on Tinder and this issue if you're dating someone how soon should they delete the dating app are they being disrespectful if they stay on the dating app should you put pressure on them should because I got when I told on on a on an episode past episode that I was supportive of my guy still being on bumble oh women were like I got dozens and dozens oh you're crazy he was basically telling you to your face that he didn't care about you
so I want your opinion on it.
We'll be right back.
This is our
in-house recurring expert, by the way, Nicole Moore.
And we still have to talk about your show, Reality of Love that I love.
We'll be right back.
This is Kat on the Lose for you Tuesday.
Hey guys, if you are in the LA area and we keep talking about dating, about sex, about relationships, I
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Okay, we're back.
This is so much fun.
We have to pack up a lot in 30 minutes.
So, let's go, let's go, let's go.
So, you met your husband on Tinder, and like I said, Patty Stanger, who is this crazy, crazy, famous millionaire matchmaker.
I've been admiring her forever.
Even when I was married, I used to watch Millionaire Matchmaker.
I thought it was the coolest thing
because I love how she tells it like it is.
She tells people the honest truth to their face, and I love that.
So, you girls are proof that you can meet somebody
relationship material and even husband material on a dating app like tinder any tips because my friends tell me i i finally i i i'm back on the dating apps although i rarely even open them i don't have time or patience but do you have any tips on how to date smarter on these dating apps is it true that if you pay you get a better batch
uh probably i would assume so okay so i don't like like okay, I don't like bumble that much because I think a lot of stuff on there is fake.
And the reason I think it's fake is because when I was my husband, I had just given birth and my husband went back to his job at the time.
And his coworker pulled him aside.
His coworker's like, so sorry, but I have to tell you, like, your wife is on bumble.
And he laughed.
My husband laughed because he's like, no, like, literally, I just want to see that shit.
I'm at home in like, you know, granny underwear.
Like, it's not happening, right?
But I was on bumble.
I was on bumble.
So
somebody catch fished your photos.
No, it was my, I had deleted my profile, I thought, but it was showing my profile as active as if I was on there.
I was not on there.
So I'm like, hmm, this is very fishy, bumble.
Like, what is happening?
Right.
So I think that a lot of the stuff on bumble is fake, but I have no, I have no real evidence for that, just my own experience.
So I'll tell you what I did when I was on Tinder.
So first of all, I was super busy too.
So I'm like, I'm not going to put that much emotional, I'm not going to put a lot of my emotional energy into it.
I'm going to use it.
So I would do my mantra, which is like, I only attract the highest quality relationship ready available men on Tinder.
And I would just say that to myself before I even opened the app, I just kind of got myself in the mindset of like, there's a lot of shit on here, but I'm the one who attracts the good stuff.
Like I just kind of like saw myself as that person.
And I'm like, that's just what my experience is going to be.
So I would swipe, swipe, swipe.
I didn't like read the profiles that much.
I just kind of like, I don't want to read everything.
I would just go and like, okay, this person looks good.
Okay.
I like what they said.
So I talked to them.
And then, like, let's see who matches.
And then I would only talk to the people who messaged me first.
I wouldn't message anybody else first.
I'm like, nope, I just, I only talked to people who messaged me first.
And then I would just chat with people.
And if it was a good conversation, I would try and like move it to the phone or move it to meeting them in person as soon as possible.
Yeah.
If it went on longer, I would just be like, hey, this has been fun chatting, but I'm really looking to date people who want to to meet up in person.
If you want to, right?
Yeah.
You have contact.
If not, best of luck, right?
So I didn't waste my time on that stuff.
And I was just very focused, right?
So if somebody messaged me and I had a good vibe from them and it was a good conversation, I'm like, yay, let's check on the phone or let's meet up.
What I didn't do was any mental stuff.
I didn't make up in my mind that somebody was my husband before meeting them.
I didn't get emotionally invested in people and is this person the one and la la la before meeting them.
I didn't give like like any of my emotional investment to anybody on the dating app this is the most important thing so it didn't make me tired because i'm literally just like hmm hmm okay yes no respond to a message like it was very like a neutral kind of vibe because i'm like well i'm just gonna pull somebody who's great anyway so like let's just oh i love your attitude i like that if that's what makes you tired then i promise you guys it's not swiping with your finger it's when you make up stuff about people you've never met and then you get upset when they don't act how you want them to act.
I agree.
They don't meet your experts.
Right?
So, and then listen, like if somebody, if you like somebody and they do something shitty or they don't ask you out, just don't make it about you.
Everything's about them.
Nothing is about you being bad.
Everything is about them.
Like, don't put response, don't take the blame for other people's bad behavior and just look for what you're wanting.
So, my husband, he messaged me.
He had the, you know, he messaged something about my profile.
I had my profile at the bottom, looking for a very special man, dot, dot, dot.
I recommend people use that because it's very specific.
Yeah, mine is very, very specific.
Yeah.
I put in there what I am.
I think I had entrepreneur.
I wasn't like hiding who I was.
I put a life phrase that said, I see my life as a delicious meal that's meant to be savored every joy.
Ooh, I love that.
Love matters most above all, right?
So I put like a little phrase that kind of represents my personality.
My husband's really into food, something that we bond over.
Like, it's just whatever.
So, he messaged me, he asked me out, he asked for my dietary preferences.
Wow.
He was an effort from the beginning.
That's very sweet.
Yeah.
I'm going to give effort.
It was a Sunday.
I've been working all day, but I went on the date because he put effort in.
Effort.
Yeah.
If he was some dude who didn't put effort in, you wouldn't have gone on the day.
Now, okay, that's a good one.
I compiled a few little things like to date smarter on dating apps maybe you agree with them or not one thing that I started doing is because like you said there are a lot of liars there are a lot of
you know people that that put a picture there but like they look nothing like the picture I think it's the number one complaint of men but it has happened to me that I was on a date in somebody I didn't even recognize him when I was at the bottom like seriously so now because I don't have time or patience I ask for a video date first like I chat la la la la la la
if i feel there's a potential they're like oh do you want to go for drinks coffee i'm like no let's do a video date because if they decline it it's a bad sign yeah yeah do you think that's a good idea
all for that yeah okay yeah because you don't want to go meet if you're busy you don't want to go meet in person because that is the draining thing when you meet somebody and you've wasted time and you're like i could have been working on my business so single moms or if you have a business like screen people first like just don't yeah don't put a lot of investment into people who aren't putting a lot of investment.
I agree.
Talk to those.
Here's the other thing.
If you haven't dated for 10 years, if you just need to get the floodgates open, then like go on and date.
That's different.
It's not like a bad vibe serial killer.
No, here we're talking about floodgates, right?
We're talking about like people that are single but want to be in a relationship and are dating.
Kind of like me.
I'm single, I want to be in a relationship, but I'm not really dating.
Now,
tip number two.
I know you talked how you bonded over food with your husband, and I love dinner dates.
My whole life, I've had dinner dates, dinner dates, and then finally, I was like, oh, fuck, you know, it's so much effort.
And if I get there and I realize in 30 seconds I don't want to be with this person, you still got to sit there through the meal.
So I decided, and this guy that I was dating, we met on a coffee date.
It was the first coffee date of my life, and the first date was a disaster, by the way.
But then we bonded laughing about it, how it was a disaster, but we kept dating.
So nowadays, I think I would prefer shorter first date, like coffee or maybe a happy hour, because then you don't have to be stuck with a person there.
But on the other hand, how would you drink if you drink?
If you're a person who drinks, I would do the thing with the coffee dates is that I've been on coffee dates, it depends on the overall vibe.
It's very personal, right?
Yeah, you're sitting there and you're next to another, you're sandwiched in, and you're kind of an odd, like you're an introvert, and you feel awkward about the people listening.
That's going to make it a really weird mess.
If you're the kind of person that you can be you and you can flirt in a coffee shop, then a coffee shop is good for you.
But most people, if you put them in a coffee shop, it's going to be a very
good awkward situation.
Yes, and a lot of guys nowadays, they're like, oh, I'll come have coffee with you.
Let's have coffee.
I don't know if it's because they don't have the time.
I don't know if it's because they don't want to spend money.
I don't know what it is.
But I agree with you.
I think coffee in general is very awkward because how do you relax and
have the mood?
Like I said, my coffee date, there was no mood in the place, the little coffee shop.
It was super awkward.
They didn't even have a bathroom.
It was very busy.
But I will say, my husband did ask me for a coffee date first on Tinder.
And I don't know.
There was this weird story of why I said yes to him in the first place, which is a dating expert had told me when I interviewed him for something.
He's like, say yes to every guy who's 36.
So I was like, okay.
So he was 36.
So that's why I I was even giving him attention in the first place.
But then he said coffee, and I didn't really like that, but I was like, okay, fine.
He's 36.
But then he said, he said, you know what?
Let's take a chance.
Like, I have a good feeling about you.
Let's go to dinner.
You know?
And so it changed.
So the first day was dinner, which worked.
better for me.
Yeah.
But I realized the reason he was doing it is because he just like a lot of guys just think like, oh, I don't know how it's going to go.
So like, let me do coffee.
But I would do the happy hour if you're a person who drinks over coffee per se.
I agree.
Walk sometimes or something that's where you could talk and feel like other people are
hanging on your every word awkwardly.
1 million percent.
If you want to do a coffee date, pick a cozy,
if possible, more like on the chill, romantic-ish side, which I know is hard, but like
not Starbucks or something.
So now, okay, let's say we meet somebody great on Tinder or Bumble, whatever dating app people want.
That's very controversial.
Like I said, most people think after a few weeks, both, and if you, if you two decide we are in a relationship, okay,
most people think both parties need to delete the dating app out of respect for the person you're dating.
But how far into it?
Because in my case, I'm just speaking for myself, I think we were dating maybe a month into it, six weeks into it.
I voluntarily said
over because everything was going so fabulous, so great.
I, and because my work, you know, the sex show, podcast, Instagram, na-na-na-na,
I wanted him to feel safe with me, so I said, Oh, I deleted the after a great day, I deleted the bumble app.
Probably a mistake, right?
I shouldn't have said I would wait for him to say, I'm a way to have a conversation with you, yes, mistake.
So, when, but how far into it do you approach it?
Do you talk about it?
Do you wait?
And if you find out the other person is still there, is it disrespectful?
Can you help everybody?
Like, how do you deal with this issue?
Okay, so my personal thing with just dating is I would not bring up exclusivity first because I want to see like what.
Yeah, I did not.
I agree.
I never would do that.
Yes, so because
it has to be their choice.
So I wouldn't get off the apps until somebody had a conversation with me and said, I want to be oh no, yeah, but okay.
So parenthesis he did say that to me many times he should have been off the apps he was the one that kept looking at me and saying we are in a relationship I am very happy dating only you I am a monogamous guy so yeah no we did have
been on the apps right and if he was he's like he said maybe he was maybe he was just trying to get attention but that's something he has to handle within him so I think if somebody has said they're exclusive they shouldn't be on the apps and not saying like listen you were trying I get what you were trying to do.
You were trying to be open and all that, but like,
why does he, something in him is needing attention from other women and what is happening, right?
So if they haven't said they're exclusive, they can be on the apps.
But if they've said to you they're exclusive,
that means they're off the apps.
But a lot of women, okay, but I personally, this is my take on it.
And these girls keep sending me messages and messages.
And I said, this is just me.
I'm not an expert.
I think it's a bad idea to pressure your guy to do anything.
Men don't like to be pressured.
So, like, if you're dating someone, I completely agree.
It should come from them.
They should say, look, I appreciate you so much.
I don't want to lose you.
I will delete the app.
But I think it needs to come from them.
I think girls make a big mistake when, and women have a tendency of telling guys what to do.
And I think guys don't like that.
Well, what I would say to him, what I would have said is, okay, so I'm confused.
In my mind, when you say you're in a relationship with me that means you're not on a dating app it sounds like you have a different perspective right so like talk me through it so you're not pressuring him but like I would be curious like right why are you on a dating app if you're in an exclusive relationship so maybe we have a different definition right of what an exclusive relationship is so let's talk about it and then you don't pressure him what you say is yeah you you you hear his side of the street and you say okay I hear what your definition is and I respect that for you yeah here's my definition.
Here's what an exclusive relationship looks like for me.
This is something that, you know, this feels good for me.
This feels like it's honoring me and it's not something I'm going to budge on.
So if you can do that, right?
If not, I totally respect your path, but I can't be exclusive with you right now.
Yeah, well, for me, honestly, like I said, I know I got a lot of heat from saying that on the podcast.
It wasn't that big of a deal because
I know when you're married for so many years and you are in an unhappy marriage, when you get out of that marriage, you want to experience things that you didn't do before.
So it wasn't a big deal.
And sure enough, like a month later, I did an episode about Bumble and Fumble.
You know, Fumble, people that create girls create fake profiles to see if their boyfriends are still on Bumble.
I'm like, Jesus, who has the time?
Because
in an area, you scroll, scroll, scroll, you know, the tendency there, you're going to end up.
But I don't know who has the time, the energy, the patience for this bullshit.
So, after I did that episode, he called me, he was on a business trip, and he said, I completely agree with you.
You are so brave for doing the episode.
I deleted Bumble.
Wow, he said it on his own, so I was like, Yeah,
and then, like, whatever, a week later, he broke up with me.
Yeah, he wants to, there's something he thinks he's gonna get from the single life, yeah, and still, he feels like he got that thing.
But my, I agree, but my take, and I tell every girl the same thing.
If you disagree, please tell them now.
No matter if you're dating one month, two months, three months, five months, they have to say it.
Like, I'm ready for this relationship.
I want to be with you.
I want to delete this app.
Because if you put them against the wall, and a lot of girls, like, no, he needs to do this and he needs to do that.
And
man cannot stand this bullshit.
Like, you will do it.
Is it true or not?
In general?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't agree in forcing.
I disagree in knowing what what your boundary is and stating it like that like hey this is what i want and if you can't do that cool but like this is where i'm at but you can't force any anybody to do anything and if you do there it's going to backfire right so it's possible that he listened to the episode and then felt like he did something he wasn't ready to do but he just did it like to try and please you you know what i mean and then it it it backfired i hope he listens to this episode and he realizes that there's something that he thinks the single life is going to give him that he's not so he had a relationship where he didn't get that thing and so he's associating relationship with not getting the thing.
Yeah, he doesn't realize yet whatever that feeling is, you can get it in a better relationship.
Oh, for sure.
But I think people need to find out that on their own.
I always say that
that cheesy little phrase, you know, like let it fly, let it go, let them do whatever they want.
If it's meant to be with you, it's meant to be yours.
Like any guy in the world, you know, they can go and try to find 10 million other girls.
If they're meant to be with you, like if you have any kind of a bond, they're going to come back and say, okay, I did my thing.
Every expert says that.
Many times guys come back after they find out, like, okay,
I'm never going to have the intimacy I had with you.
I'm never going to have the same interests I had.
But you need to, I think this is what I emphasize here.
Women stop for the love of God telling guys like what to do.
Like you have to state that they're not gonna do it they're not or they're gonna lie and then they're gonna do they're gonna do what they want to
do but here's the irony is that this guy
you were the kind of person that if he says you know what I need to find I need to feel like women desired me or whatever you would figure it out with him like he doesn't realize I would I would I told him that yeah
because it's his thing he doesn't realize yet that you have the capability within the relationship to stop that feeling want me that was the sex and the City episode.
Like I said, if he told me, oh my God, we're spending every weekend together because he was making the plans, but I want more time alone.
I want to do my things.
I would have said, hey, go for it.
Thank you so much.
So many times, because I'm a very, I like to please, maybe a little too much.
I'm always saying like, yes, yes, yes, accommodating.
Sometimes I was in the mood to do something else.
Sometimes I was exhausted, you know.
But I was always like, yes, of course, I'm going to make my man happy.
I'm going to do what my my man wants.
But yeah, so this is why I say you got, I think it's really important now looking backwards to communicate.
Even like even Carrie did, I keep talking about this episode as a perfect example.
Even when Carrie told Aiden, like, I'm feeling a little suffocated.
And he worked for both of them because he loved her so much.
He was like, okay, girl, do your thing.
I have my life.
And sometimes it's better to tell the person instead of breaking up.
Because of course, I would have given him all the space he wanted because I like space too, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he that's what you need somebody who's gonna do that.
Like, if he would have just said what was going on, instead of, but he doesn't know that yet, only because of this past relationship, right?
He has to learn it.
Totally.
Okay, so Tinder and Bumbo, the rule, I guess, is if you're dating someone for a few weeks and you decide you're exclusive, be respectful and delete the app for both parties, correct?
Yeah, or talk about it and say, wait, I just want to make sure, in my mind, exclusivity means this.
Okay.
Because that's in your head.
Yeah, communicate.
Also, a controversial one
usually is the man, it is the man that says, Let's be exclusive.
I think so.
Yep.
But some girls feel
like I'm going to pressure him and I want him to be exclusive.
She's shaking her head.
No.
No, I mean, it doesn't, it doesn't, it does not work.
I mean, it doesn't.
Men have to choose what they want on their own.
Men are chasers, right?
They, I think that's nature, yeah, they gotta choose, you know, and here's the thing: like, my husband asked me to be exclusive on the third date, and I after the third date, after we had sex the morning after, and I said no, because I was needing to make sure
that the person I date is in this kind of space, and I don't know yet.
It's okay also to do that and say, I'm like, you women need to be more focused on what they really need.
Yes, what and getting that.
We just women don't believe they can really get it sometimes because they've had so much shit from men.
So we're like, oh no, I can't ask for what I want.
And like, you need to be more like a man in this aspect.
Men don't get what they want to do.
No.
Until men don't, men don't do what they don't want to do until they've hooked on to something.
And I think whatever.
And I think it's just their nature.
Like they're hunters, they're chasers.
They like making the decisions.
When a girl tells them, I want to be exclusive, nah, nah, nah, they feel pressured.
They need to feel like it's their decision.
So I need, I think, in general, girls need to like chill, just chill, calm down.
If the guy wants to be with you, they're going to come running.
And if they don't, there is nothing you can do in the world about it, right?
Yeah.
And also, like, listen, even if somebody has agreed to be exclusive with you, remember, like, you're still
analyzing them and seeing if they're really what you want.
So don't make the mistake.
Sometimes it's like, okay, we're expensive, yay.
And then you forget.
You should, even if you're married, like have your ideal relationship
in your life.
I still do.
If I notice, I mean, I'm trying to think of an example, but I have my vision of what I want my love life to look like.
And if it starts to go in not that direction, even in my marriage, I'm like, hey, we're going to have a conversation.
I love it.
It's important to me.
This is my vision.
Let's, because I feel like my vision is important.
I want to support you.
Of course.
I think
you need to keep the fire going.
If you're dating for one month, six months, if you're married, you need to keep making it hot and heavy and interesting, right?
Yeah.
Keep it alive.
Let me ask you: on which date did you have sex?
On the third one?
Third date.
Third date, yeah.
Third date.
And okay, mine was on the fourth.
Now, do you think this is another controversial subject?
Is there room?
Because I've had experts here on the show before.
A long time ago,
this matchmaker, she was like, you know, oh, you girls have to wait months because it's bullshit.
Because if the guy gets what they want, no, no, no.
And then I had male friends come to the show and say, oh, this is bullshit.
You're like, if you hold the vagina hostage, the guy's going to go and have sex with somebody else.
It's absurd.
You know, it's emotional blackmail.
It's sexual blackmail.
What's your take on it?
Some girls are totally about withholding sex.
I am not.
I'm about like following the vibe and following how it's flowing and do it when it feels right.
What do you think?
I think I'm more in that camp.
I mean, I don't think you should, it's not a trade, right?
So, I mean, imagine if a guy was like, I'm gonna withhold spending money on dates with you until I just have to be like, What the fuck, right?
Like,
that's a good point.
I know.
Um, I think follow the vibe.
Listen, like, the thing is, is that why I slept with my, well, why did I sleep with my husband on the third date?
Well, because I wanted to, because, like,
I mean, I felt like it, but I knew I wasn't going to die if he didn't call me back.
Like, you know what I mean?
And so,
like,
do it if it feels good and if you know you're going to be okay, but don't, if you're going to be an emotional wreck, don't do it, right?
Yes.
Our guys sitting there saying she slept with me on the third date, so this means that I can't commit to her.
They're not doing that.
Well, some guys have makeup rules about you in their mind because that's what they have yeah like that's their thing but
there's all different couples that got together at all different stages there's couples who had a one-night stay drunk and now they're together I know
it was gonna be anything you know I mean so I don't think there is a rule but I do think it's a really bad idea this thing of waiting like months Like this one expert said, oh, wait 30, 60 days, otherwise they're not going to value.
I think that's baloney.
Like after a few dates, if I really like someone, I want to know how the sexual chemistry is going to be.
I feel the same way.
I mean, if you're doing some kind of trade, I think
ultimately, you don't think, like, why, the question is, why are you, like, why wouldn't you be valuable enough that somebody could, like, like, somebody can enjoy having sex with you and also enjoy the other parts?
You know what I mean?
Like, it's, it's not like this whole thing where they're just in it for sex.
I know.
Some people are, but I don't believe that all guys like just want to be.
I don't either.
Follow your gut, right?
Follow your instinct.
Now, lately, I saw a girl that she's like a dating coach, and I look at her videos because I think she's super cool.
She's been going out on the streets and asking people because apparently it's like an issue these days.
And I think it's disrespectful.
So I want your opinion.
Like asking someone what their body count is.
Meaning, like, how many people did you have sex with before me?
Who the hell asked this question?
Who cares, right?
Do you think that's appropriate?
No, only because most people are just going to use it to judge.
Like, why would you ask that unless you're trying to judge somebody?
If you're just curious and you're really not going to judge them no matter what, but it's hard not to make up something about it.
And what's the right number?
Like, nobody knows what the right number is.
Right.
There is no right number, right?
It's a personal choice.
No, it's just like you have, why?
Like, it's just a judgment.
It's very hard to hear that number without judging some way, shape, or form.
and everybody has different judgments around sex right so
i think whatever happened before should matter i i would be not offended but i would think the guy's a weirdo like if i went on a date with a guy and he asked me nobody ever asked me that by the way but if they did i'd be like uh excuse me excuse me weirdo why do you want to know right and i would say like listen before you ask me that what are your thoughts on on it because what you there it's like a minefield like it's a minefield that you're gonna step on and you don't know what's in their head yeah they could think 10 is too much they could think two is too much they could think a hundred is not enough like you don't know what's in their head I agree so
just don't asked out why are you asking me this and of course there's the bias right if guys
banged a hundred girls they're really cool if a girl tells a guy oh really I think maybe 50 or 60 or 100 the guy's gonna look at her like horror there is always gonna be the double standard, right?
For most people.
I don't think it should matter.
I cannot believe this is like some topic that everybody's talking about these days.
It's absurd.
Yeah,
I wouldn't mention it.
I would not mention the number.
Very few people can hear a number and not have a doubt about it.
So don't do it.
Now, really quickly, before we run out of time, and I want to ask about your show,
how about if you were worried about your health?
Like you're dating someone and you want to have sex with them, but you want to know, you know, if they're safe, because most adults don't want to wear condoms when you're in a relationship.
How do you bring that up?
Because guys send me, ask me that question all the time.
They don't want to be rude, but they want to ask the girl, like, should I wear a condom?
Or are there a chance you're going to get pregnant?
Or have you been tested?
Is there a polite, nice way of asking?
Yeah, you just say, hey, listen, obviously, like, we have a lot of chemistry, and I honestly can't wait to have sex with you.
But these days, there's a lot of stuff going around.
So, like, can we just have a a conversation first about, you know,
are we both clean?
Just make again, project it out there.
Just, it's, it's not you.
It's the world.
I love that.
There's so much stuff happening in the world.
Not are you a dirty person?
There's project it out.
There's so much stuff happening out there in the world.
So when we have this conversation, I feel like it would be the safest thing to have the conversation and then say, all right, cool.
When's the last time you got an S C D test or whatever it is that like you want to ask about?
So is it it okay asking some?
Because, like, if you meet somebody and you know the guy was single and dating, is it okay to say, Hey, do you mind telling me when was the last time you got tested?
Or do you have sex without condoms?
Absolutely.
And if the guy gets offended, then
red flag,
right?
Yeah, and again, I'm just like, listen, you can only do so much.
It's like sometimes people don't tell you, right?
Like, I had an ex that cheated on me.
He didn't tell me.
He had met me, that had to tell me oh sorry i got chlamydia right
oh disgusting ass i know you know so like listen you can only do so much but definitely don't be afraid to have a conversation like if somebody's getting offended yeah about that there's usually a reason red flag yeah i had an ex an ex that that was cheating on me and i freaked out big time and and i went i got tests and everything thank god i didn't get sick but i think it's something pretty disgusting to do with someone so i agree if it's related to your health ask any questions that you want to ask.
Now, if it's out of curiosity, how many people they had sex with before you, I think that's just, it doesn't matter.
I think it's absurd, right?
It's irrelevant.
Yeah.
Usually it's irrelevant.
Awesome.
Oh my God.
I love, I love, I love your advice.
You're the best.
So your show, Reality of Love, for people that don't know, can you tell them a little bit about it?
I love it.
It's so much fun.
So I basically chat with and interview reality TV stars and we talk about their love life and their sex life and we have some couples and then we do a fun little game with them.
And the whole point of the show is that even on TV, a lot of these stars don't really get real, especially about the topic of love and relationships.
And on my show, they can be themselves and they can be real.
And it's really cool because you'll see what they're going through is probably the similar things that you're going through too.
Yeah.
help them learn a little bit about their love lives too at the same time so we have all the episodes now from season one.
There are six episodes.
They're up on my YouTube so you can check them out and hopefully we're going to start filming season two.
Oh my god.
How about let me know because I'd love to come on set and check it out and do a little behind the scenes.
I'd be so excited.
So it's called Reality of Love.
Yes.
And people can find your YouTube is your name, right?
Nicole Moore Love.
Yeah, people can find it.
If you just do Nicole Moore Love, you'll find me on YouTube and Instagram.
It's a lot of fun.
It's really hard opening up about about these subjects.
You know, it's very, very hard to be raw and real and honest, for sure.
Thank you so much, Nicole.
You're amazing.
And I appreciate you being our guest expert.
So, guys, if you have any more questions for Nicole, she's coming back to answer them.
Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
You're the best.
You're the best.
And your Insta, if anybody wants to reach out to you, what's your Instagram?
It's Nicole Moore Love.
Moore with two O's.
Nicole Moore Love.
Nicole Moore Love.
Okay, awesome.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We'll talk to you soon.
And I'm going to be back with Patty Stanger.
I'm really excited to talk to her.
Yeah, she's the best.
On Friday.
Friday, I dropped the Patty Stanger episode at midnight.
Thank you, Nicole.
I will talk to you soon.
Bye, guys.
Have a great week.
See you soon.
Be safe out there.
And before I leave, I'm going to give a shout out to this rock band that I found out about.
And I am madly in love with this music.
These guys are so insanely insanely talented.
Keep an eye out because I'm telling you, they're going to be big.
Astra Lux.
They have really, really, really cool, all original songs you guys can download on Spotify.
Astra Lux.
Follow them on Instagram, Astralux Music.
I will definitely let you guys know whenever they do other concerts around the LA area, if they go around touring around the country, because they are so, so talented.
I'm completely in love with these guys and their music.
Amazing.
Astrolux, so big shout out to you guys.