SOLO EPISODE - Blocks on the Road to Relationships

I've been doing this podcast for almost three years now and it's been an amazing process of self-discovery,

major learning curve.

And I'm just trying to share everything that I learned, everything that I hear from experts, everything that I hear from my guests,

everything that I hear from you guys as feedback and just share experiences.

I don't think there's really a right or wrong or perfect way in terms of dating, in terms of trying to find the right relationship for you.

But I do think that the more we talk about it, the more we shed light in the subjects, the easier our path might be.

So when people ask me, are you an expert?

Even like men that I never met that are thinking about dating me or

that I'm communicating with, they're like, oh my god, it's so intimidating.

I don't want to date a dating expert.

And I keep repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

This is exactly the opposite situation.

I am not an expert by any means, I am just a woman, like so many out there that was married for a long time.

And then, once I got divorced and I went back into the dating game after like 15 years, I was like, Holy shit, this is complicated.

So many things have changed, the way people treat each other changed.

Dating apps changed everything.

So, as I learn and as I try to navigate this chaos out there in my eternal

path and go to finding the right partner for me and never giving up on love,

I am just trying to share it with you guys.

And if you enjoy it, if you take something out of this, then I feel like I'm doing my job.

So, today we're gonna talk about a few mistakes and

now looking back,

kind of red flags or

blocks on the road.

Maybe they're not red flags, maybe there's some certain things that you need to stop and say, wow, okay, let's pay attention to this.

Proceed with caution, so to speak.

And I want to share them with you guys.

Some are mistakes I made, some are roadblocks I faced, and some are mistakes and roadblocks that you guys faced and sent me.

So I hope you enjoy this cozy Carondalooz solo episode for you.

So without further ado, here are some

red flags or as I like to call them little roadblocks that I highly recommend you guys pay attention to if you decide you want to date this person.

People that are still legally married but have been separated for a while.

Thread with caution.

If the person was separated for a long time, like years and for whatever legal reasons the divorce is still going on, fine.

But if someone is too legally married and just separated for like a few months or a year, please, please, please be careful.

And I speak from experience because the last person I was dating, I remember even before we ever met, the first time we talked on the phone and he told me, I'm married, I've been separated for a year, I got my own house.

La la la la la.

My first question to him was, but are you ready for another relationship?

And he seemed very certain that he was.

He was like, Yes, absolutely, I am ready, I am monogamous, this is what I want.

I want to meet the right person for me.

I'm ready.

And he was so convincing that I went on a date, and a date became many dates, and we ended up having a relationship.

Now, this is the thing: many times

a person like that will tell you that they're ready.

But the temptation of feeling free, of feeling like, oh my God, I can look at these dating apps.

Women want me.

Women want to pursue me.

I can actually come and go whenever I want.

That feeling might cloud their judgment.

So even if maybe they really like and they're like, wow, I found a partner that...

I have everything in common with.

Our sex life is incredible.

This is going really well.

At some point, like it happened to me, even without knowing, they might sabotage what they have because, on the back of their head, they were married for so long.

Like in this case, my guy was married for like over two decades.

So they were married for so long.

Once they see this freedom, once they see how easy it is to get attention from these girls on dating apps, they might want to go and pursue that, even if for a while, even if for their ego for whatever reason it is so what I would say is If you are in a similar situation and I know some of you girls are because I've been getting messages from girls one of you sent me a message like two weeks ago I think telling me that you were in a relationship with a guy for like eight or nine months and he was still going through the the actual divorce, but he was separated for like two years or something and then all of a sudden he put the brakes on it.

He was like, oh, you know, I need a little time for myself, I need a break, I need to go on vacation by myself.

And you are heartbroken.

In my case, we were only dating for like four months, three and a half, four months.

But I know how it feels because when you feel like everything is going so great with this person, we check all the boxes, our sex is amazing, we like the same things,

we have the same lifestyle, and all of a sudden, the person puts the brakes on it, and you feel in your gut it's because they have to live all of these things.

This is what I tell you:

uh

just let them go let them be free don't pursue don't you know as much as it hurts don't beg the person to be with you um

just let them be free if they're meant for you if they're meant to be with you they're gonna go fly away do whatever it is that they have to do and and and realize what they have with you and they're gonna come back.

If they don't come back, maybe they weren't meant for you.

but in general i know people i know couples and experts say the same thing let the person fly let them go because sometimes you have to have certain experiences in life before you make the right decision for you even if you're gonna go and make mistakes most men is just the idea that oh i need to know that i can pursue other women i need to feel wanted i need to feel desired i need i need to massage my ego so once they do that once they go through that once they feel they can they might come back to you they might appreciate what they have with you but honestly if that's the case let them go let them do their thing and like i said if it's supposed to to work out in the end a lot of them end up coming back a lot of them after having all these experiences they're like you know what you were the right one for me you are the right one for me so just let it be that's the first one i'm not i don't know if I'm gonna say red flag like don't date a guy who is still legally married but I would say thread with caution so you don't hurt your heart as much be cautious with this one the next one I'm going to call a red flag because it happened to me and it turned out to be definitely a complete disaster

It was the first relationship I had after I got divorced and my ex-husband died, etc., etc., etc.

It's all there.

The story is all there in season one, and it's a really crazy story because I was dating this guy for a long time.

We dated for like a year and a half, and it ended up being disastrous.

He cheated on me on Valentine's Day.

I gave him, I forgave him.

We dated an extra year, and he cheated on me on my birthday.

But you guys can listen to it in season one.

But, anyways, this is what I think, and to me, I'm always gonna think it's a red flag.

When you're dating a guy, and every time you're with him, no matter like if you go to a restaurant, to a bar, or if he's at your house, his phone is always face down.

Like he's terrified that you're going to see a text or something appearing on his phone.

This guy that I dated back there,

every single time, you guys imagine that for like a year and a half, almost a year and a half that we dated, every single time I was with him, his phone was down.

If we were in his place, like he would literally sleep and put the phone right there down.

He was always, always, always worried about that phone.

And I never understood it and I never questioned it because it's just not my nature to look at the guy's phone.

But now looking back, of course, number one, he was a cheater.

Other women were texting him.

He was living a double life.

But it's just bizarre.

Like, why would a person be so terrified all the time that you're going to see who is texting or what's going on on the phone?

Now, this is just my personal opinion.

I don't recommend zooping on people's phones.

I think that's awful.

I think any relationship should be about trust.

To me, I need to trust who I am with because I am very trustworthy.

So if I felt like, oh, I need to zoom at a person's phone, There's something already wrong.

I don't want to live a life like that.

But if you're dating someone for months and months and months on end and every single time with a person, they're very protective of their phone, hiding their phone, putting it down so you don't see what texts, what calls come in.

To me, it's a red flag.

Looking back,

I think I should have approached it and said, hey, what's wrong?

Why do you keep hiding your phone from me?

I remember even when we went on vacation to Aspen for Christmas and New Year's, and it was so nice and so honeymoonish, la la la la.

And the same thing the entire vacation, no no matter what we were doing this guy's like hiding his phone and putting it and sure enough two months later in march i found out this guy was like living this double life taking other women out and sure enough took some woman on a date on my birthday while he lied to me that he had like this major business dinner going on So major red flag.

If your guy does that to you or your girl does that to you, I personally think it's completely fine to have the conversation.

Say, hi, I'm sorry, but I don't want to zoom on your phone.

But what the hell?

Why, what are you so afraid of?

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it's just my two cents i have nothing to hide so when i am with someone sometimes i put it down to be polite to say like hi i'm paying attention to you, not to my phone.

Because, of course, it's super rude if you're having dinner, coffee, anything with anyone, and you're like checking your phone all the time.

Guys don't like that at all.

And they complain that a lot of you girls do that, by the way.

Be respectful.

If you're having dinner, coffee, anything with someone, look them in the eyes, give them your attention.

You know, there's no reason to be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, on your phone all the time.

But other than that, if it's always, always hiding, hiding, hiding, hiding, chances are they're hiding something from you just saying

okay these two to me are

more than red flags to me like if somebody did that it would be a deal breaker the first one is

talking trash about women that they dated previously if they talk trash about girls they were with before you

Chances are, first of all, if you guys are not together anymore, he will do the same thing to you.

And number two, I think it shows incredible disrespect

to women in general.

One thing is saying like, you know, general things like, oh, I didn't work out.

We weren't compatible here, we weren't compatible.

But if they start nitpicking and saying nasty shit about other women, it shows an enormous lack of respect for women.

It has never happened to me that I can remember, but a lot of you girls send send me messages saying oh my god I'm dating this guy and he trashed his ex-wife to me oh my god I'm dating this guy and the entire date he was complaining about how his ex-girlfriend didn't like to give him blow jobs you know I get messages like that all the time so this is my opinion on the subject I think men should be classy period

regarding how they treat women before you're dating them, while you're dating them, and after you're dating them.

So, if you're trashing them, again, like I said, they're gonna do the same thing to you.

Keep it classy, guys.

Saying general things is okay, but like me picking what you didn't like about someone you dated, it's just like to me,

bless you, Phoenix.

Another thing that to me would be a deal-breaker: little gestures of how a man treats you in public.

I like gentlemen, period.

I want to to be treated like a lady.

I want to be treated well.

Of course, in private, but we're talking in public because I get so many stories.

Like,

I'll give you a few examples.

You go to a restaurant and the guy

says, you guys gotta split the bill.

Or orders his food, like, looks at the way, I'm gonna have this and that, and that.

Thank you very much.

Like, ignores you.

Or, like, would you like a drink?

What are you gonna eat or like

gets up to leave and just walks out and doesn't even look where you are if you're near him if you're in front of him or if you're behind like little gestures like that

these things bother me and i keep saying that over and over and over again the bills splitting and and not asking if you want to drink and not worrying about if you're happy with the food or if you want anything else to eat it's not the money at all it's not about the money but it's like

a date should be about how a guy treats a girl and vice versa it shouldn't be like a business lunch or roommates taking each other or best friends taking each other out to eat

it should be about romance and i think if a guy tells you hey let's play this crap i i don't want that i'll do that with my girlfriends i'll do that like with my business partners whatever so it's about being a gentleman and so many men out there you guys just lost it you don't remember how to treat a girl please pay attention to the little things like when you stand up to leave girls complain about that all the time look pay attention where she is open doors you know make sure she's comfortable where she's sitting offer her a drink even if you don't need dessert or if you don't want dessert just say hi Would you like something else?

And yes, pay the freaking bill.

If it's too expensive, if you're on a budget, that's fine pick a cheaper place pick a place that you can afford or make it special once in a while be a gentleman i am all about bringing back the old-fashioned gentleman guys win major major points if you act like a gentleman 99.9% of girls out there want to be treated like ladies, want to be wined and dined and all that good stuff picked up, dropped off, received flowers, receive roses, sweet messages.

Every woman appreciates that.

It goes a long, long, long way.

And again, it's not about money.

It's about chivalry.

Let's bring that back, okay?

Another red flag and thread with a lot of caution situation.

If you're dating someone and of course you're not going to have sex 24 hours a day, hopefully the sex is great, but it's just a few hours a day or a few hours a week.

If you tell them something about your life, like, oh, I had a hard day at work, or I don't know, my sister is sick, or my dog needs to go to the back, whatever it is.

If they seem completely uninterested and disengaged, it's a sure sign that they're not interested in you beyond sex.

Again, girls send me messages almost every day about it.

Oh my god, I met this guy.

We're having having great sex.

We kiss, we do this, we do that, he takes me to the movies.

But the minute I sit down and try to tell him about my life, he is completely aloof.

He doesn't want to hear it.

Well, guess what?

Anybody that wants to develop a relationship and wants to be with someone, you're going to care about them.

Nobody's perfect 24-7.

Nobody has the perfect life.

We all have certain issues.

We have better days.

We have worse days.

Therefore, communication is key.

If you're dating someone who is not interested at all in what you have to say, red flag, talk to them and ask, or otherwise,

step away, or at the very least, thread with caution.

There is no building a good relationship without the foundation of caring about each other.

And I get so many sad messages, mostly from girls,

but from guys too.

Like, oh, I take her out to eat and I take her out to nice places and I took her out shopping for her birthday.

And then yesterday I wanted to just vent and have a beer and tell her about what happened at work.

And she was like texting on her phone and she didn't even care about it.

It goes both ways.

If you care about the person you're dating, remember.

They're not perfect.

They're not a sex machine.

They're not a robot.

Some days they will be amazing.

They will look fantastic and everything will be great.

But some days we're all humans.

We all have our issues.

We all have our problems.

We are all going to have our shitty days.

So listen.

Be nice to them.

Be kind to them.

If they're not, if the person you're with doesn't give a fuck about what you're saying, it's very, very likely they don't care about you.

Not least, I'm going to include this because it's such a controversial subject.

I get so many messages all the time and my opinion is very clear about it.

People who are interested in your money, like the sugar babies, I like to call them sugar idiots.

And guys are very concerned about that because there are a lot of them out there.

Listen, if you are only interested in somebody paying your bills,

It's gonna backfire and I promise you, I promise you you can write this down You can save this episode a few years down the line You're gonna look back in your life and regret it all women out there who are just after men for their money number one you're selling yourself short big time big time number two no man in the world i don't care how rich he is i don't care who he is is ever going to respect you for being a useless bitch that just wants somebody to pay their bills yeah of course maybe they'll do it for a while a lot of older guys they just want to see like a chick around pretty boobs whatever want to have nice sex they have their reasons but it doesn't mean they respect you and they will never build a relationship with you i get messages from sugar babies saying oh he told me he's gonna leave his wife oh i'm so much prettier i'm so much younger wake the up if you make yourself a toy that's all you're gonna be a toy at the end of the day men want the brains most men love girls who are successful most men like girls who are independent.

Most men like women who have something to say.

If you want to have any kind of a relationship, do something with your lives.

Stop doing this horrific disservice to yourselves and other women.

I am 1 million percent against sugar babies.

I think it's a horrible, horrible idea.

I was married to a multi-millionaire and I told my story a million times before.

The only reason why he respected me and ended up falling in love with me and ended up marrying me is because I was different from all the bimbos that he was inviting over to his mansion.

I had two degrees.

I spoke several languages.

I was a business owner and I was independent.

I made my own money.

So he looked at me like, wow, this girl has something to say.

This girl is interested in other things.

This girl is interesting when we're not having sex.

So girls, stop with the idea that a dude needs to pay your bills.

Get a job, learn something, do charity, you know, do something positive worthwhile with your lives.

If you ever want to have any kind of relationship or if you want men to respect you, I say no, no, no.

I agree with guys.

If a girl is only after your money, run for the hills.

Find somebody who is interested in your brain, in your company, in sharing hobbies with you, in sharing life experiences with you.

Nobody deserves to be treated as a bank, and you girls really get a freaking life.

I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope you're safe out there.

Love you so much, and I'll be back very soon with another episode of Cat on the Loose, the most raw, real, and organic podcast out there.

Love you.