MIA LUX CO-FOUNDER & CEO LAVETTE PRIVATE DATING CLUB

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Happy Friday, everyone!

This is a fabulous Catonde Luz.

I really hope you guys pay attention because finally I find something crazy new and innovative in this crazy world of dating and relationships.

So, before we explain what we're going to talk about, let me say hi to my guest, Mia Luke.

She's a crazy talented comedian.

Now, she's a super successful entrepreneur.

And I love that you said you're a recovered attorney.

Hi, Mia.

Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Welcome, welcome to Caton on the Loose.

Thank you for doing this with us.

Of course, I think you and I, I can tell already have the same passion and affinity for like having a good dating life, right?

It feels like the frustration we experience of being like, why are the dating apps so bad?

We are gonna talk about that for a minute.

So, just so people understand, let's

situate the situation.

We show up here on Zoom.

She's in York, I'm in LA, wearing the same outfit.

We both have a red dress, same cut, same everything.

We got to take a picture: the blonde and the brunette taking over the world.

So, this is- This is like soul systems.

We already start on the right page.

Okay.

Number two, you created this, I think, is sounds phenomenal.

I started trying it out.

I'm going to tell you guys all about it.

It's, you, you guys describe it as a revolutionary way of dating, right?

Yeah,

yeah, and really, I mean, I think anyone who's single who's listening to this, or anyone who knows a friend who's single, you know, the stereotype about dating.

Yeah,

and they're like, oh, dating sucks.

So,

yeah, it's called La Vette.

La Vette Social Club.

Where does the name La Vette come from?

So La Vette is actually Italian for the summit.

You know, so we love it.

We like the idea of being the peak of dating, the idea of being

creating something a little more high-end, something a little bit more high-quality.

Now, I love it even more.

So, if you guys are like me, and we're gonna ask Mia her opinion, I'm gonna do a little preface of where I am at, and then we're gonna ask her the 10 million questions about LaVette.

If you guys are like me, you're freaking tired about the dating apps.

You don't like the dating apps, and there's a lot of burning, heartache, headache, time-consuming, la la la la la.

I actually

met someone back in June on Bumbo.

I decided to give Bumbo a whirl.

So, this is the little preface just so we understand where I am at, okay, Mia.

Um, and I had not been in a relationship for years because I was married for 14 years.

My husband died.

Long story, it's all there in the first season of the podcast.

I started the podcast, and I had one long-term relationship.

I was dating someone for over a year, and the guy turned out to be a complete asshole disaster.

He cheated on me on my birthday, if you can believe that.

On my birthday, he was having dinner with some other woman.

That's all in season one, if you guys want to go back and listen.

So fast forward two years later, needless to say, I was very gun-shy about saying that I was in a relationship with someone, right?

So back in June, I decided...

LaVette didn't exist.

So I'm like, what am I going to do?

I'm crazy freaking busy like most of us successful girls are i'm gonna give bumbo a whirl so i gave bumbo a whirl i meet this guy and that's gonna be my first question for you me i'm gonna start the tough one and he calls me and he told me he had left a 23 year old marriage he was separated for a year but he was still married And I asked him the question, I said, are you sure you're ready for a new relationship?

And he was very, very firm.

And he told me, yes, I'm ready I'm ready for a relationship so before I continue my story that's a question for La Vette how because I know you guys do background checks on people you vet everybody which I love that it's a private club but if a guy tells you I'm married but I'm I'm still married but I'm separated would you allow them in the club

That's a really good question, right?

Because, you know, especially these days where there are so many different gray areas around not just married and separated, but people in open relationships, people in open marriages.

And, you know, Livette, we're not, we don't have like any rules against how people want to create their relationships, but we have this rule around honesty, right?

Right.

And so, listen, in this world where it comes to are they telling the truth?

Is it a half lie?

I know it's a really hard thing to navigate because we have a culture, we create a culture of encouraging people to tell the truth.

And if you get caught in a lie, you get thrown out.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

We want to protect people by, obviously, we have like the hard vetting, like you mentioned, where we will look to catch people out in any big lies.

We already have turned away people because we found they had, you know, stalking charges against their ex-girlfriends or this or that.

Like, we're all opportunity at that level.

But yeah, if someone comes in, they're like, listen, I'm married, I'm separated, I'm entering the dating scene again, they are able to come.

But of course, like, here's the thing.

They have to be honest about it.

They can't go and say, oh, well, I've never been married or I'm not married.

And then it's up to someone like you.

Like, you are obviously a self-aware woman who has experience you then have to weigh up in your heart like well

you've been through a divorce you know well you've been through widowhood you've just been harder to go the process of mourning the end of a relationship you have to weigh up and go well even if he feels like he's ready am i willing to go on the journey with him of the last bit of process

you have to sign up for that you have to sign up for him going through the final bit of the court process and this so exactly it's a journey

and that's the that's the tough one because you can do background checks on people.

And I, I definitely, I think that's a fantastic idea because that weeds out a lot of bad crap in my case.

So, I started dating this guy, and one day,

yeah, okay, so yeah, this is the story.

Everybody's asking me because the whole summer I kept saying, My man, my man, my man.

And now it's like, What the fuck is going on, Catherine?

So, I started dating this guy, and sure enough, when I met him, I felt he was very firm, like very sure of what he wanted.

He would look me in the eyes and tell me, I'm ready for this.

And one date turned into two, into three, into six, into 10, into 15, weeks turned into months, right?

So I'm like, wow, this is going great.

He was very convincing of his conviction of wanting to be in a relationship.

So he would look at me in the eyes and say, we are in a relationship, we are in a monogamous relationship, I am monogamous.

And sure enough and that's another question that a lot of people send that i can ask your opinion i think when i date i know women are very emotional right i want a guy six foot tall and i want a guy who is whatever sagittarius la la la

the way i do it i think you have to check some boxes as much as your heart has to be in it and of course chemistry for me is top, top, top of my list.

But we're adults.

So I think you have to say, like, do we like the same things yes do we have the same lifestyle right yes uh do we have the same goals the same energy right do you agree mia that these things are important absolutely and i think and this is this maturing is you know in levet we talk about this idea of intentional dating right and the difference is like you know you're in your 20s when you date you're just like oh Yeah, I'm kind of attracted to this person.

And then suddenly you're dating them for two years.

As you actually become wiser, you go, no, hang on.

And we call it, we call it in Levette the three H's.

My co-founder, Lauren Zander, she's a coach who built a you know a big coaching company, and she taught this method for to thousands of single people.

She calls it the three H's, which are the head, the heart, and the hooha.

These three voices are there you go, yeah, and because like you said, all of these things need to line up to make sense, right?

Like, yes, you want that hoo-ha, you want the sexual chemistry, you want the attraction, you want the passion, you want the heart, which is safety, trust, care, all the beautiful feelings of being in love.

But where I think I would suspect people like you and I maybe tend to like cop out a little or compromise is the head, which is like what actually makes sense on paper, right?

It kicks you in the ass, I know.

And the hardest one is the head, and this is why the end of the story is like such a disappointment.

Because in this situation, I'm like, okay,

I met my match.

This is a power couple in the making because everything lined up.

You know, when everything, the famous too good to be true, we have the same energy.

We're both workaholics.

We're both ambitious.

We're both,

we're both, we love sex and our chemistry was fantastic and everything matched.

And we start being a part of each other's lives and doing things that we both love doing and making plans.

La la la la la la la.

I don't know if you ever have that on the back of your head.

You're like, too good to be true.

Too good to be true.

I was like that, that, but this guy was so reassuring.

And I love tape pay personality, man, because I don't like people that don't know, you know, don't know what they want.

And he would literally look me in the eyes and say, That's it.

I like you.

I'm happy with the woman I'm dating.

So it kept making me feel like, okay, this is good.

I finally, after all these years, I made the right choice.

Now, next question before the end of the story.

Everybody's like, no, no, no, no.

I know.

I'm like, come on.

Months into it, I found out he was still on Bumble.

Now, we weren't casually dating.

We were dating, dating.

And remember, guys and girls, he was the one that kept using this phrase to me.

We are in a relationship.

We are in each other's lives.

We are spending weekends together.

He's a big coming into my life, my home, bonding with me, bonding with my dog.

I'm going into his house for the weekends.

You know, we're making plans for the future.

He was very solid about making plans and i love that because i don't think dating should be a guessing game right does he want to see me does you know

now what is your opinion if you're dating for a few weeks and you find out the person is still on dating apps whatever but if you're months into it like two months into it and

i was a little sad because i thought it was disrespectful

What is your opinion on that?

I mean, oh, for sure.

And like, this will like, I'm sorry it happened because it is so disappointing when you're excited about somebody and you've, you've given them your energy, you've shown up and really put them first, and then you're finding out that their behavior doesn't match their words.

It's such a disappointing experience, and I just want to honor that for a second.

Yeah.

And then I'd say that, you know, one of the ways I, because listen, everyone, a lot of people have experienced this.

It's unfortunately, grossly common.

The only way really around this is very clear, open communication.

And one of the things I designed when I was dating, which helped me fix this because

you know when you're transitioning from like casually dating into like a serious relationship it is this kind of weird period and like no one quite knows how to ask or what they're doing so you say this this here that here I actually sit down with whoever I'm with and if I like them I say them within the first few weeks I go hey like there's something really special about you Like I'm really struck by you and I would like to explore this without the interference of other people's energy.

So I'd like to make a proposition.

for the next three weeks or four weeks i'd like to go into a monogamous container with you from this date until this date and we treat it like an experiment and what i commit to is like during that time i won't talk to other men i won't date other men you won't date other women but it's for just a period of time and let's just go all in and like see what it's like to be together and then on this date we can come back together and have a chat like did it work did it not do we want to keep going do we want to open it back up and this way what i find is that like you have the ability to dive into something a little bit more sincere, but you're doing it together, you're doing it intentionally, but without it being like, now we're together forever, ever.

But what you find is when you do that, you start to design your relationship.

So at the end of that three weeks, you come back together and you can make a decision.

Yeah.

And at that point, if you guys like each other, then the decision becomes, hey, shall we stay actually monogamous?

At which point, if you found him on Bumble, he's cheating.

Interestingly.

You talked about it, it was agreed.

Interestingly enough.

Yeah, but that's the funny part, okay?

Interestingly enough, like you said, we didn't have to have this conversation because it started flowing organically.

Like when we were dating, dating, dating, and he would plan the week and plan the week and da da da, he would actually look at me and say, I want to be with you.

You're my girl.

But that's how in his head he gets around it.

I know.

He gets around it by saying to himself, he's like, oh, we were just hanging out.

And like, I was really enjoying time, but I never, I never actually promised her.

No, he did, but that's.

but that's how different in this case is, Mia.

Listen to this.

So when he told me, yes, I'm still on bumble, this is what he said.

He said, you need to remember, I was married for 23 years.

It's good for my ego.

It's just for my ego.

I am not going out with anybody else.

I am not dating anybody else.

I like you.

Let's communicate about it.

I only want to be with you.

So I believed him again because he would literally, you know, it was a different case of, and he actually said to me, he said, I'm not cheating on you.

I'm not going out with anybody else.

I like what we have.

Wow, so he really, so that's you are having a conversation.

Exactly.

So we were, like you said, we were communicating.

And they didn't get off bumble.

No, so that's the thing.

So the first time we had this conversation,

we were at his home.

He looked at me and said, okay, I'll get out of bumble if you want.

And then I said, no, I don't think you should do it for me.

I think you need to get out when it's ready for you because you think we are worth it.

I don't want anybody to, it's just not my personality to pressure anybody.

When I got out of Bumble, I told him, I was very clear, because we were having such an amazing, phenomenal time on every level.

I was happy to do it for him and for us.

So I sent him a message.

I said, you know, by the way, I deleted the app because I wanted him to know that I am loyal and that I am proud that he's in my life, you know.

But but you created safety for him.

Yes.

But he did not create safety for you.

And I understand that you want to give him freedom, but I don't think that's acceptable.

I think if you are a high-value woman like you are, and you are willing to create safety for him, if he's not really willing to meet you there, I don't know if that's a fair thing to put up with.

And you don't have to be aware of that.

Now looking, but he didn't seem respectful.

Yeah, exactly.

I thought he was being completely disrespectful.

And more than that, I think he was taking for granted this beautiful, amazing relationship that we were building up.

And I was giving time out of my schedule, putting time into this relationship.

And I think it's a huge privilege because we are crazy busy women, right?

And he knows how crazy busy I am.

And I was taking time out of my life to give it to him.

And instead of appreciating that, he started looking at it.

Now I know, but at the time, I didn't know, like, how this girl is really into me.

Oh my god, maybe she's falling really hard for me.

And instead instead of saying, wow, you know, this girl, I put 100%

energy into everything I do.

I don't like doing anything half-assed.

But the guy misread it.

And instead of talking to me about it, this is what was building up in his head.

Escalating the bumble situation before

we finish the story and talk about LaVette.

As I find out he's still on bumble, la la la la la,

One of my friends matches him.

We're sitting here on a Sunday.

He just left my place Sunday morning to go do his stuff.

My one of my best friends that doesn't live in Beverly Hills comes here and she's like, you know, joking around.

Ah, let me see the guys in Beverly Hills.

Maybe I find a nice guy like you found a nice guy.

And his profile comes, Mia.

And my heart sank.

I felt humiliated.

I was so embarrassed.

Can you imagine that?

That really hurts.

Yeah, ouch.

I was like, ouch.

And I had to tell my friend, I'm like, this is the guy.

And she's like, this is the guy you're dating for all these months?

This is the guy you go to his house.

This is the guy you're on.

And my friend is like, get the hell out of this relationship.

This guy doesn't respect you.

What the hell?

And I told him the story

that he matched my friend.

And again, Mia, he kept saying the same thing.

Oh, yeah, no, my profile is out there, but I'm not looking.

I'm not doing anything.

I'm with you.

You're my girl.

I'm happy.

He kept reassuring me, and I kept feeling in my gut, I have to believe this guy.

This guy's different from the other bumble guys, this guy's not the player.

So I kept moving forward in this situation, if you can believe that.

But I mean, I guess we all know the answer, right?

You're dating somebody for months, and one of your friends, I would never have put him in this situation, right?

And so then what played out?

Yeah, so everybody's, I wish you guys saw Mia's face now.

She's like, she's feeling sorry for me.

I just, I'm just laughing because

this is such a good reminder that really smart, attractive, powerful women,

we can talk ourselves into believing all kinds of bullshit.

And that it's actually really important for us to understand this, have compassion for ourselves.

It happens so often.

It's because we believe in love and we want to give people the benefit of a doubt.

And it's why we have to build in rules for ourselves and have really great rules for dating and let the head rules sometimes, right?

Yeah, because I'm looking at you and I'm like, how could you believe this guy?

Because, like I said, this guy was so firm.

He literally would make eye contact.

He's called the narcissist.

He's solution.

I guess you're right.

Yeah, and he was such a big part of my life.

So I kept saying to me and to all my friends that I'm like, no.

And my friends that met him, they said that, oh, he seems so nice.

You guys look so amazing together.

You know, this couple that everybody looks at.

We used to laugh about it.

Like, we were walking around Las Vegas when he went with me on a business trip, and everybody's staring at me and him, like, oh, they're so hot.

And we would like that, you know, the energy that we passed on.

So, I kept believing that we're living this thing together.

So, what happens is moving on and on and on, and we're dating, dating, dating, dating, dating.

And eventually, almost four months into it, I cutting the the story really short, I realized he was changing a little bit.

He was very stressed out.

It was in the middle of the Jewish holidays and he was having all kinds of family issues.

So, again, my gut, I'm saying it's all the stress with the family.

So, I'm his girl.

I need to be patient.

I need to be a rock for him.

I need to be there for him.

One day, like two days after he was here, we had a great weekend.

We talked about all the shit, talk, talk, talk, communicate, communicate, communicate.

He calls me in the middle of the day and like, I want to stop everything.

Never mind.

Forget everything we were doing.

Forget everything we were living.

And I was like, you know, like, what?

Are you the guy I'm dating?

Who are you?

Like, out of the blue, he changed his personnel, like, snapped.

He was a completely different man.

And I'm like, I don't know this guy.

I started questioning

myself.

Like you said, that because I am an intelligent woman, you know, I'm hardworking, I'm success.

I started questioning my judgment.

Like, who is this person that I've been with all of these months?

Because he seemed to have such a strong pattern of behavior that he wouldn't, you know.

I'm like, is he really the bonbo cliché that we say, you know, the dating app cliché that I love?

I'm stealing your expression.

Dating apps turn people into fast fast food, right?

Yes.

You know, well, I mean, first of all, yeah, I'm sorry.

That experience is,

it is the cliche.

It's the cliche of the hope and the excitement and then the total disappointment that comes with this behavior.

And also just like

the way people treat each other now, where they are dishonest and then they suddenly change tunes and then they just disappear because they don't have to be accountable anymore, right?

Right.

And because people don't have to be accountable, they start to behave in all kinds of really bizarre and unhealthy ways.

And, you know, like said, so many men and women end up in the situation you're in now, which is feeling super discouraged.

And now it's like you want to jump on bumble again and try again.

And it's like, there you go.

It's hard not to go in there feeling really suspicious or angry.

Exactly.

Pessimistic.

But that's why I decided to put the story together before we talk about La Vette because I wanted people, because I know there are thousands of girls out there like me, I get messages every single day from girls and men.

You meet someone on these dating apps, and I know background checks cannot, they would the background check would not have protected me from the situation.

Because if somebody looks you in the eyes and tells you the same thing over and over and over again, you want to believe the person you're with.

I know, but I feel, like you said, that these dating apps, what is the cliché?

It's literally like ordering pizza on Dardash.

and that's what I think happened in my case.

This guy is like, I want to find the one.

So maybe he found the potential, the one, because we checked all these phenomenal boxes.

We are rock and rolling and moving and shaking and doing all these phenomenal things together.

Our sex is out of this world.

Great.

I'm sure it's the best sex he ever had in his life after being married for 23 years.

I'll give myself that.

But the bumble, he, you know, it's a temptation, right?

That a lot of people.

There's a really interesting study that helps explain this because it's called the paradox of choice.

There's a psychological concept, which is like, listen, human beings want to make a choice.

They want to have options, right?

But what they found is that like humans want like more than three to five choices.

Like three to five choices is the minimum they want to feel happy.

So if you have less than that, if you only have like choosing out of one or two things, that feels like, oh, I didn't really have a choice.

But

once you go over like 13, 14, 15, 16 choices, imagine being in the supermarket and you're choosing toothpaste.

And there's 18 different toothpastes.

Right.

You're trying to choose like, which is the best toothpaste.

I can't tell.

Whereas if you choose out of eight toothpastes, you're like, that one.

And you feel really good.

What they found is once there's a lot of different options, your brain starts to go, I don't know if I made the right choice.

Did I make the right choice?

Was there a better one?

Should I go back?

Should I go check the other one?

And this is what happens with dating.

You go on and there's hundreds of thousands of people.

So even when you find somebody amazing, some part of your brain is like, oh,

are they the best?

Are they the most amazing?

The most compatible?

There you go.

And it can lure you back into that swiping, even if you've met someone you like, because some part of your brain feels like paralyzed by the choice or stuck in this feeling of like, I don't know if I've made the right one.

No,

that can be very true.

But I would also say to you, like, while that is true,

a man or a woman who really knows who they are and really knows what they want, are intentionally looking for and creating it, will not behave the way this man did.

No, I agree because, like, that's the setting, like you're saying, toothpaste, and I'm saying pizza.

That's the setting of, of course, the daily.

It's not being a product, right?

Yeah, exactly.

It's transforming us.

Exactly.

And I was actually saying to one of my friends, my best friend in the world is a guy, and we've known each other for over 20 years and he's very powerful, gazillionaire, very loyal.

He's been dating the same girl for finally, thank God, for six months.

And he said this to me.

Remember when there were no dating apps, nothing?

We would meet somebody at a bar, right?

Or at a rest or whatever.

You would give that person your attention.

And now nobody...

even does that anymore like you said they're like oh my god this one maybe this one maybe this one so even when you find one the like the diamond in the sand right because this dating apps is like literally,

like you said, they still don't appreciate it.

And it makes me sad because I know it happens to men, because like 50-year-old men, 60-year-old men, they become these fucking players like you're 19 again.

Like you're ghosting, or you tell a girl that you want to.

I have girlfriends, they have this all the time.

They whine and dine them, take them away for the weekend, and then sorry, I curse a lot.

then once they fuck them they're like oh okay on to the next like seriously what kind of behavior is that right it's just so disappointing and childish in many ways right it's very it's very childish and again like the whole reason i built this platform like i i got divorced and came out of a marriage and went into the dating world and i had the same experience with you of being like wow like The systems that exist now encourage very immature behaviors.

It encourages very antisocial behaviors.

The ghosting, catfishing, the lying.

And remember, you know, not just that, there are dangerous behaviors too.

$560 million was lost in America to dating scams last year alone.

Oh my God.

So, you know, we don't even have to talk about the Tinder Swindlers.

Women fall in love with these men.

They lie to them and then they steal their money too.

Yeah, that's

a whole other.

That's really sick stuff going on.

Yeah, we have to do a whole other show about that.

I know.

And so, like, really, and we saw that with the Tinder Swindler, which came out in the middle of the DC, The world has become pretty weird.

And the systems, the dating apps, the dating sites,

they are built in a way that unfortunately encourages these behaviors.

It makes it possible.

But I also say, like, for you know, like the positive flip side is, I very much have seen that lots of people really want happy, high-quality relationships.

I agree.

There's a certain group of people, and these people are like you.

They're coherent, they're successful, they're attractive, they have options, and they're sick of it.

They're like, I'm sick sick of doing the bullshit of the apps right yeah and there are enough of these people now that i mean that we decide like they want intentional relationships yes they want to be with people who aren't messing around yeah they want to be people who can tell the truth who know what they want there's enough people now who are sick of the systems totally that we're like let's go build our own bloody world yes 1 million percent and and i am definitely one of these people when i meet someone finally because of course i went on a million dates right in two and a half years before I met this guy, but I finally meet one.

I'm like, okay, this is the, if I made this decision, this is the person I want to date, I cannot,

like anything I do in my life.

If I'm going to work on this project, I want to make this project work.

If this is my man, if this is the guy I'm sleeping with, this is the guy I'm sharing my life with now, okay, let's go for it.

You know, so I put all my energy into it.

I would never be like, ah, maybe this guy is hotter.

And, you know, oh, yeah, I get this message on Instagram.

You know, I just don't do that to people, so I don't even understand somebody else doing that.

But, like you said, unfortunately, that's a huge negative of the dating apps.

To be fair, I think the positive of the dating apps that a lot of people say it gives us options to meet somebody that we otherwise wouldn't meet.

I agree,

but I think the negative, yeah, the negatives, at least for me, outweigh so much the positives because it's crazy time consuming.

I don't have the time.

I don't have the patience.

And like you said, if we are successful, if you're a high-quality individual, as we are, right?

You have all these qualities going on.

We're freaking hot.

We are fabulous.

We're kicking ass.

We work.

We're not looking for a sugar daddy, right?

We're not looking for a quick sex.

We want the whole package.

I mean, we have to do our own vetting on these dating apps.

And if you talk to...

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women and men but like talk to people who are in a similar position to like you they

they do have very intense vetting systems everybody ends up developing their own whole system.

Like, after this experience with this guy, I'm very sure that you will have a type of red flag monitoring, right?

Like, from now on,

if you smell anything like that, you'll be like, no, right?

So, you develop, you learn by trial and error, but it's painful to do that on your own.

Yeah, the sad thing is, like, so when he made this phone call, and of course,

it took all these weeks for, you know,

my brain to process.

Because one minute I have this fabulous guy, and we're leaving this amazing relationship.

The next minute, like, who the hell are you?

You know, like three-minute phone call, bye,

okay, whatever.

As much as I was very disappointed in him and the situation, super sad, I wanted to prove my best friend wrong.

You know, I wanted him to prove everybody wrong.

I wanted so badly for him to be the real deal.

I wanted so badly for him to be that man

that did all this, that threw me against the wall, that planned planned amazing dates, that threw me on the back of his bike.

And like, I know what I want.

This is my girl.

I wanted so badly for all of that to be true that the disappointment, I think, was more on me than on him.

Because I'm like, Catherine, where is your, like, what did I miss?

Why did I misjudge this so much?

You know, did I see a guy that didn't exist?

That's the problem.

I put

the guilt on myself, you know, that I was with someone that obviously wasn't there doesn't exist you know that's the tough part too

and this is dating will make us face our own patterns right it's one of why it's one of the most amazing opportunities for us to heal and learn about ourselves because wherever our blind spots are whatever we are replicating from our past or whatever we still have to heal will come up right yeah you're willing you like you

We're willing to overlook certain things.

And by the way, a classic red flag, anybody who's listening to this, if you ever have to constantly defend or justify the person you're dating to your friends yeah don't it's over

yeah because we do

we want to believe in them but it's such a red flag because essentially we don't want to see what they're seeing yeah you know your friends can see it and you're like no no no no no no no no no because we want to believe in love right a million people it's not your fault what it is is an opportunity yeah every time we have these experiences it's an opportunity to be smarter it's an opportunity to understand ourselves better and the next time you you go dating yeah you will date much smarter than before i hope so my my guy friend he told me when i called him and i i was crying and i went over to his house and i said i said you were right oh my god this guy turned out to be a flake i guess you know a bumble cliche i'm so sad where's my guy and he said cat this guy you can say that on a podcast he's the stealth you know the stealth of dating is

the stealth is like he doesn't want to be a player, he's not the typical dating app player.

He thinks he's above the player because he's a high-caliber date.

So he thinks, I want a relationship, I'm the good guy, I'm the nice guy.

So he stealth his way into your life.

He's the man of the house, he's making plans, he's making dates, like you know, very self-assuring.

So you start believing in him more and more and more and more.

But you know, and then once he stealth his way in, what happens?

This explodes in your face.

It's a tough one to figure out.

And

I want to end the subject because I want to talk about Lovette.

So now, okay, heartbreak didn't work out.

Cry if you have to, pick up the pieces, pick up your ego.

What do you do?

Like, you went through divorce.

Do you, I'll tell you what I do really quickly, but that's a question I get a lot.

How do you recover before you jump back on the horse and go back to the dating game because i'm an eternal believer in love so i tell people no matter how hurt you've been no matter what the hell happens to you don't give up finding love don't give up finding the right person for you so what i do girls that ask me that i cried I drank a bottle of wine with my friend.

I felt like shit for a few days.

I cannot

negativity towards me.

I'm like, you know what?

I'm going to work out even harder.

I'm gonna do this.

I'm gonna go back to taking boxing classes, dancing classes.

I'm gonna wear my most fabulous outfits, all the hot boots that I had bought for this guy.

I'm gonna look even more phenomenal.

So, every morning when I look at myself in the mirror, I'm like, damn, you're fabulous inside and out.

And maybe

you lose some weight if you have to lose weight.

I lost freaking six pounds in two weeks, which is not that great, right?

Because it's not that healthy, but whatever.

I look at myself in the mirror, mirror i'm like i'm hot as hell

do you have any suggestions for people that have been through this the disappointment the heartbreak and everything so they can get encouraged again absolutely and because like this navigating heartbreak well again is one of the greatest opportunities you'll ever have for yourself to heal and to come into the next round of love and dating even better and wiser and stronger the way i do it like i think what you were taking on there is like yeah like obviously tapping into things that make you happy and lifts your self-esteem is really important but I would also say like the mistake I do see people make over and over again is that they they don't look at themselves in this moment and they think that okay well it was that person and I'm gonna find the next person what I have learned in life and especially we work a lot of the experts who teach in Levette help teach this is that like often when we're seeking love we don't know it we don't mean to but we are unconsciously seeking familiar love.

And so whatever it was we learned, whether it was our first relationships or watching our parents, we often had bad first experiences or bad role models of love.

And we don't mean to, but we unconsciously replicate that.

And so when you go through a breakup, it's actually an amazing time to stop and like do a full relationship audit and ask yourself, like, huh, like, what are some of the recurring experiences I'm having?

And why do I keep having like for me?

I kept dating a certain kind of man who just really wasn't the right person for me.

But I dated the same type of person over and over again, even though I kept promising myself I wouldn't.

And only when I really sat down and I worked with a coach about this, and I really got honest about like what was causing it, what did I believe, and I healed that.

The next person I met, who's my current partner, who's amazing, was a totally different type of person.

Where did you meet him?

Sorry?

Where did you meet?

So I met him at a event that I host over in Jordan.

Oh, cool.

We were in an experience together for a few days.

Awesome.

But he was like someone I would never have even looked at him.

I wouldn't have even thought he was a candidate for dating because he's young, he's just getting, well, he's not that young, but he was younger and he's getting established.

And I wouldn't have been able to see him, even though he's, I believe, the most phenomenal man that fucking exists on this planet.

Oh, my God.

Because of my bad training, I would have filtered him out.

So if you're going through a breakup, even though it's super, super, super painful, it's an amazing moment to ask yourself, like, okay, if I never want to end up here again, if I never want to date the wrong person again, how can I start working on myself, whether it's a coach or therapy, how can I work on myself to understand

why I end up with these people and how I pick them again?

Well, in my case, this guy was not the typical guy I ever would have dated.

But I would say,

you're a smart woman.

You are a smart woman.

I like to believe that.

I promise you, if any of your friends had come to you and said to you, oh, I'm dating this guy, and he's on bubble, but it's just for his ego, and

you would have kicked their ass.

I would, I would, like, don't accept it.

We deserve better.

Okay, now I'm gonna take a two-minute break for my lovely sponsors.

I'm gonna come back with Mia.

Let's figure out what LaVette is because I went in there, I snooped around, I put a bunch of videos, I am crazy excited.

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No man on the planet is worthy of you feeling like shit.

Don't sit on the couch eating bomb bombs.

Go for a run, go for a walk, put red lipstick on, a red dress, and go rock and roll, right, Mia?

Yes, absolutely.

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Okay,

I'm back with Mia.

Hi, Mia.

This is a very intense one, right?

A lot of information.

So now here we are,

looking extra fabulous.

By the way, did you ever hear this phrase?

I love it.

I heard a while ago.

I got to share it with you guys because every time this happens to me, I remember that.

The best X, the only good X, is exercise.

So you look even sexier for the next man, and you will have even better sex.

Did you ever hear that?

That's a new one for me.

I love that.

So, girls, go exercise.

Don't sit on the couch crying.

Nobody deserves that.

Okay, here comes La Vette.

We're tired of the dating apps.

We have no time for the bullshit.

Sorry, dating apps.

You come up with La Vette.

Can you explain to people that have not seen it how it works, what it is?

Yeah, absolutely.

So Levette was built as a very deliberate, conscious response to what we've been talking about, all the bad, painful aspects of dating apps.

So the key things to know about it are that we vet and it's 100% video.

And what happens is like every single human who wants to join Levette goes through a kind of like a onboarding process where you make your videos and you apply for your background check and that way my team actually goes through and hand vets every single single profile.

And what this does is, like, to your point, is it creates a barrier to entry?

Because even if you are, like, say, the guy that you dated who ended up, you know, I think really dishonoring the effort you were putting in, the chances are, if he was kind of a bit sneaky and he kind of was playing the field in the background, he wouldn't sign up for this platform because he knows he we have eyes on him.

He knows his accountability.

How?

Okay, so let's in practice.

It sounds amazing.

So, and I looked in there, guys.

It's phenomenal.

By the way, congratulations.

I know you got like an initial phenomenal funding, and it looks super classy.

It's totally up my league.

Very fabulous.

So, you go in there, and the first thing the person has to do, you do a background check, period.

Right?

I love that.

So, guys, it's serious because the minute you open the door to La Vette,

you have to put your name, your social security, your date of birth, like no bullshit.

In my eyes, that already weeds out, like you said, the criminals, the shadies, the a-holes.

It weeds out anybody who is using the apps, like you see, for their egos.

For this, everyone who comes into the system is a smart, coherent person who is done with the apps.

Or, like, take me out of here.

So, the same kind of person as us, which is a really good feature.

I love it.

Okay, but let's say, okay, I did the background check.

After that, do you still vet it the people

yourself or everybody that passes the background check can be in there?

No, we watch everybody's video profiles.

So that's the other part of it.

My team actually goes through and listens to the videos and they actually check to see like, what is this person saying?

How do we feel about them?

It's very important to us that, you know, Levette is a community of people.

Yeah.

It's a community of values-aligned, self-aware singles.

And so we want to make sure that if we have this amazing social club inside where you're meeting people, you're jumping on video, you're learning together, it's so important that you trust that the people you meet there are going to be coherent.

So, we put a lot of time, effort, and money into vetting people so we can make sure that our members are safe and

like great people, you know,

like us.

So, we are a freaking diamond, we're a prize people.

Hello,

so okay, I passed the background check, and yes, that's another, the next thing I want to say, it's very time-consuming because I was testing it this week because I wanted to be able to talk about it.

And so, you guys have to, we have to do many videos, and I love that it's super organized.

So, they're like, okay, you need to do a lifestyle video about your lifestyle.

You need to do a video about your work, you need to do a video about your family.

So, you literally need to spend time building this up, which also I love because most people are crazy busy like me.

Most days, I don't have time to eat or wash my hair.

So, if you are gonna spend a few hours putting thought into these videos, it requires commitment, right, Mia?

Yeah, and I think what I always say to people is like all the other dating systems you can sign up for in a few seconds.

The whole point of having a platform where people spend time, where they care, they answer the questions.

The idea is to create a community of people who actually care and are willing to put time in.

And also, by the way, like one of the things I love about the videos is that the videos can be anywhere between like 60 seconds to a few minutes, whatever you want.

But everyone has to answer the same questions, which is what do you love about this area of your life?

But we also ask, as you will know, what sucks about this area of your life and what do you want?

And the reason why we ask people to share what sucks is that we found that with dating, people lie.

They just have a highlight reel.

Everyone feels like they have to make their life seem way, way, way cooler than it is.

Whereas what we found is what actually can connect people is sharing some things that are a little bit more vulnerable.

Like it's amazing watching the videos of Levet members where they share things like, you know, like what sucks about your family life.

And someone can share like, well, you know, it was really hard.

My father passed away last year.

Or, you know, like I have a sister who has cancer.

And people share what they're struggling with.

And actually, when you're building a relationship, you want to know these things about each other.

And so we wanted to create a policy where we're like, the members in our club will share not just what's amazing, but are also willing to share the truth about themselves.

And we build that in from the very beginning so that the quality and the sincerity of the relationships you build right from the beginning feel more human and more real than this like ridiculous razzle-dazzle highlight reel shit we put on dating apps.

Do you know what I mean?

I absolutely love that.

So, okay, once you pass the background check, once you are proved by

your staff, then how does it work in there?

Like, how do you guys do you match, do you tell, is it like there's no swiping, nothing like that.

There's many ways, yeah, right.

Okay, so how do you match a girl with a guy?

How does that work?

Or does the person...

There's multiple ways.

Okay.

Multiple ways.

And the most important way to think about it to start with is think about it more like a social club.

So

where I met my partner is a community of people.

People sign up, they apply, and then they fly to come be part of something, right?

So it's like a vetted community of people socializing.

I've run that event for a long, long time, and so many marriages, relationships have come out of it.

It's one of the reasons that I was inspired to build Levette.

So we decided, like, like you said, you used to meet people at bars or at work.

They were friends of friends.

You would meet people in a social context, which made it way more fun to flirt with each other.

And so, so Levette is a social club, and how you meet people is like this.

We do give you the traditional suggestions, like a dating app would.

So we'll give you suggestions like, oh, here's a member we think you'll like based on the preferences, right?

So you can have those introductions, but there's there's also a bunch of social ways so we have a community connect board where people answer things you can explore through there but most importantly we have live virtual experiences so we have six beautiful virtual spaces we have a virtual speakeasy bar we have a virtual playroom a virtual self-reflection salon like these amazing spaces where you can go into them And as well as like learning resources, we have live experiences.

So for instance, in the playroom, we might do a workshop on sensuality and bring in an amazing sexologist to facilitate that.

And everyone will jump in to this amazing space on camera.

And so now you have a group of like 30, 40, 50 singles all learning together.

And we break you up into groups.

We get you talking.

You can interact with each other.

So you can actually go and meet each other in these spontaneous social experiences.

So those run, and then we also have what we call like masterclasses, which are like learning experiences.

And then in the world, you can go to the member gallery and actually browse.

The cool thing to remember this, there's no pictures, right?

No pictures, just video.

So, only video.

So, the very first impression you'll ever get of somebody is a three to five second video of them talking.

So, you see their name and you click on the video, and so you immediately get a sense for somebody's energy.

The very first interaction you have with them.

I love that.

But, how about geography?

How does geography play into that?

Because, for example, another thing that I don't like about dating apps, yeah, people put geography, but many, many times when you're wasting your time there, the guys from out of town, the guys visiting, la la la la la.

la some people don't mind meeting their partner who lives somewhere else i in like in my case and a lot of people i want to meet somebody that lives in california that lives in la i love la i love beverly hills i love this area you know so i don't want to meet some guy that that lives whatever in denver or new york how do you do you divide that up or not yeah for sure i mean as a starting

system

that's one of the first struggles we take like right now we're focusing on new york la and Chicago because building a critical mass in the system

that that works for me But we do say like we do it is open to everybody and you know the thing about the thing about being a new system Yeah, is that obviously it takes a while to build to get enough

What I'm what I'm finding is that you know right now there is a little bit more flexibility around location a lot of the people I know who are in there are are flexible about their dating locations But as we build and get more members of course how it works is that people will be given more and more focused and you get to choose you're like, listen, I'm willing to date in my city, in my state, in my country.

You can choose what your levels are, but you know, it's going to require us to get to enough, you know, tens of thousands of people to be able to

give you as many options as you want in your area.

But that's what happens every day.

No, it just takes a while to build.

And I do think that's my opinion.

I think the idea is phenomenal.

I think the system is fantastic.

You guys ask many, many, many questions, which I love because, like you said, compatibility is not just like how tall is he how short is she how thin compatibility is a like lifestyle goes how money oriented are you energy levels it has to be a combination of all of these things and you guys ask all of these questions you got to talk about all of it and I absolutely love it so I really really think

I mean this is why I was so excited to have you here I have I just did my videos because you haven't launched it yet, right?

We're gonna you're gonna launch on the 25th, right?

That's correct.

Yeah, yeah, they're launched on the 25th, but I already put my videos there.

I have an interview with the coach scheduled for Monday, so I'm very excited because I literally, I'm not just bullshitting, I really want to try this out because to me, finally, after doing the podcast for two and a half years, you can imagine, I listen to every idea on the planet, dating apps, no disrespect to anyone, but finally, this is something breakthrough and innovative for and we want to change and we want to change it so like just for everyone listening we are the the mode we're launching in right now is called livetlearn and because we are building our community we're inviting anyone who wants to come in at this point it is free and this is this is a limited time as we build our community once we have enough people we close the doors it goes to being 555 for a three-month period you just

be a high-end subscription yeah this is a high-end subscription model

um this is like we we're calling calling it the early access.

So if you are hearing this, this is your invitation.

You can come in, come in for free now until we close those doors.

And we want to build the community.

We want to create something that can change the face of dating.

And so people who care, people who are passionate, people who don't want to be stuck on Tinder forever, like this is your chance to come and help us make a change.

If you come and come into our world, build a profile, participate, you'll be free for forever because you're a founding member.

It's our thank you for saying build something new with us.

Awesome.

Nothing's going to change if people don't

come and build it with us.

Like, we're going to get stuck in

the corporate consumer model of love forever.

Totally.

No.

Try to do something a bit different.

1 million percent.

And I love, love everything that you're saying.

I love the words you use.

It's for people who are serious about what they want.

It's not for like, you know, like we're saying, fast food.

For me, my entire life is about quality.

I guess that's the French in me.

In food, in people, in work, I don't like quantity of anything.

For me, it's about having quality relationships, friendships, dates, sex, quality, quality, quality.

And finally is a platform that is emphasizing that, right?

Put in the work, do the videos, and be there if you are serious only, right, Mia?

Yeah, and, you know, we really care about quality relationships.

Like, you'll see the teachers we bring into Levet, the people who are teaching and coaching our members, you know, these are people who are helping us to be happier and healthier so we can have higher and higher quality experiences.

And, you know, being in a situation like that with other singles who care is, to your point, how you meet people who are on the same page.

This is how you meet the other good people who want the same things as you.

You have to go find and find the places where they are, right?

So I'm really creating Levette as a place to be where those people come to meet and to learn and play.

Yeah, because like really who has time, right?

Who has time to go to bars every night?

Who has the patience?

But at least this club I'm not.

And like, it's like, everyone's like over swiping through a thousand people to find one girl.

It's exhausting.

Obviously, needless to say, what happened to me, I finally thought, okay, I made the right choice.

That's it.

I met my match.

He met his match.

Power couple in the making.

Everything is fabulous.

All the boxes check.

Let's go.

Let's let's go.

And of course, I am a major, major gun shy about going back to the dating apps.

And honestly, I don't have the patience or the time.

So I'm insanely excited about La Vette.

And we got this question a lot, but you answered it.

It is going to be an expensive platform, which is a great idea because that's what you want.

You want serious people only.

But if you guys want to try it out today, the next few days, I highly recommend it.

Go to La Vette Social Club.

That's the Instant, that's the website, La Vette with two T's, L-A-L-A-V-E-T-T-E, Social Club.

And they're allowing you to be in there and do all the videos for free, correct?

Yeah, you can come in.

And if you're accepted now, like I said, because we're building our community, to say thank you for believing in us being the first in the door as a founding member,

you get to be in the club free forever.

So in the next sort of like six to eight weeks, as we close the doors and make a subscription, everybody else who comes in will have to pay.

Awesome.

But come and build this.

This is like a wonderful opportunity to come be an early adopter and change love with us.

Be yourself.

And the website you can go to is actually, it's levette.love, www.l-A-V-E-T-T-E.love.

And you could read all about us there and you could apply from that portal.

Now,

before I let you go,

so you do the background check, the person passed the background check.

Is there anything on top of your list?

Like you said, after the background check when you look at the person's videos what would be a top reason that you'd say no we don't want this person here oh my goodness we have a

great question what we what we are filtering for is self-awareness and integrity how do you filter that

right and the way you see this is that a lot of people like not most people who do this process are amazing to get to the point where you're on video and you're applying a background check most of these people are amazing But sometimes we get somebody who applies who is, you know,

saying things that are just not tolerable.

Anything that is abusive, anything that is

anything where we suspect that there is, you know, like we talk a lot about personality disorders, right?

Like the idea, like if somebody doesn't seem well, so if they're talking trash about their ex-partner.

Oh, yeah, that's some major red flags.

If there's any red flags for us around any type of abusiveness or like something that we think would put our members in danger, we're just aware of it.

And

I say to my team all the time,

even if we're not sure, we can always just jump on a call with that person and get some clarity.

But there's a massive difference between being able to watch people on video and get a sense of them versus seeing a picture and a caption.

We have a lot more ability to feel into if somebody is going to be a good, safe member of our community or not.

And like I said, most of the people who come through are just phenomenal because all the people who would lie or cheat or scam, they come to our page, they go, Oh, this is way too much work, and they go back to Hinge or Tinder or Bumble.

And all the people who are over those apps go, Oh my gosh, finally, something better.

We shall see.

Like I said, I am, you know, a little gun shy about dating because, like I said, I waited a long time to actually use the word relationship as much as it was his choice to use it first, la la la, whatever.

I think life moves moves on.

My opinion is we should always be in search of love and somebody that appreciates us, that is not going to take us for granted for a mature, fun, drama-free relationship.

So maybe you're the angel that appeared in my life.

I just might be.

I would just tell you what, I would feel very proud of myself if I was able to find you a man who's truly worthy of you.

If in Levit, I could introduce you to someone worthy, I would be, that would make me happy.

Maybe you will.

I I am honestly.

And guys, by the way,

I have started getting messages.

Is she your new sponsor?

No, she's not paying me.

I invited her.

She's my guest because I am.

This is an open conversation about all of these things.

And I am always trying to figure out better, more efficient ways for us to date, to find love, to find a partner, to find the right person for us without pain and suffering in the process.

So I am 1 million percent on board.

and I will come back and tell you guys how my experience is hopefully I will meet a person that is a good match for me that will appreciate me and like me but in general it sounds like a phenomenal idea now one more question I know we're already running out of time but um so after I did all the videos and I put my information there for the background check you guys offered me to do like a little meeting call or something which I schedule what is that you guys do that for everyone and just yeah so anyone who wants to apply, we have my, I have a team called the Levette Valets and they are people who work with us who are, they can help answer your questions.

If you're struggling to figure out like what it is or how the videos work, you get to jump on a free call with us in the Levette world and actually talk to a human being to figure it out.

We know that our system is very, very different.

It's a new system.

No one's seen anything like it.

And so that call is there for you if you want to understand anything about how the system works or how to make your videos or what to expect.

So everyone gets that call for free as a consultation for whatever you need it for to make sure that you feel supported through the process.

No, it's incredible guys.

It sounds like incredible fun.

So go check it out before you have to pay.

Let me know if you have any more questions for Mia and hopefully we'll bring her back in a future date.

And it was such a pleasure, Mia.

You're amazing.

Congratulations.

You're right on point.

You're crazy talented.

And I think you finally came up with something worthwhile.

Well, thank you so much for your support.

Thank you.

Thank you for having me on.

Thank you for sharing your story with me.

And I know we're going to have a fabulous weekend because we are dressed in a red.

We're dressed in the dress.

And guys, I'm telling you, it's not just that we're dressing in a red dress, it's the same cut, it's a halter top red dress.

Basically, like the same dress.

And Rainbow Shops, which is one of my sponsors, and I love them.

They're my new sponsors.

They sent me this dress.

They were like, Kat, we want you to look fabulous.

It's the color of love, the color of fashion.

I am so passionate about everything I do, so thank you, Rainbow Shops.

And Milo is exactly the same.

I'm gonna post all the pictures and videos all over my social media so you guys can check it out because she is gorgeous, other than being crazy, intelligent, and fun, and funny.

Thank you so much, Mia.

Congratulations!

And this was a really fun, a little emotional for me, of course, cat on the loose.

But let's power on.

I wish everybody a wonderful weekend, and I'll be back with you guys very soon.