SEASON FIVE KICK OFF WITH ACTRESS VANNESSA VASQUEZ

Oh my god, this is season five of Catandaloo.

I cannot believe it, and I'm starting with a bang.

I've been trying to get you here for so long.

I have the most gorgeous guest in the world.

Super talented, super adorable, super beautiful.

Vanessa Vasquez, cheers.

Please, tell me more.

Tell me more.

First of all, thank you so much for doing this.

I am so excited.

You're

number one, kicking off season five with me.

And thanks for bringing wine.

Yeah, of course.

You know, season five, we got to celebrate.

It's Tuesday.

You're my kind of guest.

Just like, hey, let's do this with a glass of wine.

We have to celebrate.

Well, Vanessa, I know I told you this is like not edited.

It's kind of like basically two girls chit-chatting and you're super game to talk about everything.

So let's.

So let's rock and roll because I have a million questions for you.

Are you ready?

Obviously, today's Tuesday.

We live here in LA.

We are in the entertainment industry.

I have to ask you this question.

What do you think about what happened like two nights ago at the Oscars?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

I mean, I have so many,

I guess, perspectives because I studied psychology.

I've been studying it.

I have a degree in it.

And I've been studying it for the past 20 years of my life.

And anytime a confrontation happens, even with myself, right?

There's always two sides.

It's like, okay, somebody was triggered here.

Where did somebody go wrong?

Where was a miscommunication?

And to see, I feel

Will Smith for the first time, everyone see him kind of lose it.

We're used to seeing him as such a positive person.

Right.

And see him, see his pain in the midst of the moment, which should be the highest moment of

career, right?

He's been, no.

Him and Jada protested, I think it was in 2016, because there wasn't enough colored people in the Oscars.

And now here he is,

And now he's, you know, and he's, he was nominated for best actor.

Yeah.

This is a moment I think every actor waits for.

Oh, your heart.

Yeah.

You dream of it.

To be at that point and like kind of see him break down that like that.

And

it was really sad.

Yeah.

You know, I felt because I think both him and Chris and Will are both really good people.

But

I don't really, nobody really knows if, you know it was indirect jab, what their history is.

I mean, some people speculate, they say, oh, yeah, they've had some kind of drama before,

yeah.

Yeah, and this is, that was, that was it for Will.

Yeah, right.

And people say it was because of the joke Chris Rock made in 2016 about them in the Oscars when they weren't there.

Right.

Right.

So,

again, like, I'm a psychology major.

I understand that, you know, when you're when you're triggered, right, your trauma gets triggered.

Yeah, he got triggered.

But you know, it's interesting that you're bringing this perspective because I tell you, when I was at an event

and when I saw that, I was like, you have got to be freaking kidding me because I am like one million billion percent against violence.

And I just couldn't believe that, you know, and hitting somebody's face.

And I just couldn't believe that he did it in front of everyone.

But the part that bothered me the most, because I agree we're all humans and we all lose our code.

And I think many times we put celebrities in this pedestal and we think oh they don't make mistakes so yeah I totally get it he lost it whatever it was awful but you know the part that bothered me the most that they just went on like he was still sitting there like nothing happened he got his prize and I was thinking if it was me or you like less famous people or even me I'm not even famous you're famous I'm not if I went there and I punched someone they would literally arrest me right and escort me out.

So my question to you is, don't you think this industry is like, talk about crazy bias, right?

It's total entitlement, isn't it?

No, it's not just that, but like, it's the industry and it's a part of our industry that it's like when something bad happens, everyone just dismisses it.

Like, let's try to, oh, and it's put it on your

moment you speak up, right?

you get dismissed.

You know, it's like, oh, you're, you're too sensitive.

Oh, my goodness, really?

They were just joking.

You get gaslit.

Yeah.

Anytime someone says a joke that is intentionally disrespectful, whether he meant it or not,

especially if people mean to disrespect you, right?

Yeah.

In real life, when someone disrespects you with a joke, a lot of times you feel like, I'm about to slap this motherfucker, you know, and we just walk away.

And then, you know, or we say, we say, like, who we confront those people in real life.

But in Hollywood, in comedians, right, they have a power there, they have a power.

And

I remember I took a comedy class, a stand-up comedy class, and my teacher, the very first thing she said was, like, you don't make jokes about other people to bring them down, right?

Like, if it's offense, no, I completely agree.

She said, completely agree.

Those jokes, she said, make jokes about yourself and your family and situations.

Silly things, yeah.

Yeah, silly things, yeah.

Be a clever comedian.

She said, don't be, don't use comedy to abuse people.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I remember thinking that, I was like, wow, why is she saying that?

There's a lot of comedians that do that.

I wonder if there's like, she's just starting like a new breed, right?

And I think it's great because it all comes back to like psychology.

I feel like we just, in our industry, we dismiss abuse so much.

Yep.

We gaslight people.

It's like, oh, he didn't mean to touch you like that.

Or she didn't mean to

yell at you like that.

Or, you know, you see directors and actors and people getting violent on sets.

And it's just like, if you speak up about it, then you are the difficult one.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

But so, do you think he should have been kicked out?

No, I think there definitely should have been a pause.

You know, I think there should have been a pause.

I think he should have been kicked out.

I'm sorry.

Even if they fixed it the next day, the only reason they didn't kick him out is because they knew he was going to win.

Right.

But, like I said, I think thousands and thousands of actors, even this event that I was at last night, everybody was saying the same thing.

If it was me, they would have kicked me out.

If he was a woman, they would have kicked you out.

If it was a seat-filler, if he was an assistant, if it was anybody else that was not as powerful, the end probably would get arrested.

You know,

yeah, they know he was, and he's so powerful, and everything.

And then, so that part really bothered me about like this Hollywood behavior.

Yeah, yeah, no, I agree.

I feel like

there was a lot of things that were wrong.

I'm not saying by any means am I saying that what he did was right, yeah, was right because you always, I think, as individuals, anytime somebody pisses you off, you want to be the one to, yeah, you can be there and like get upset and say what you want to say, but you always want to like compose yourself and never let it get that far to where it takes physical violence, right?

No, never.

So you should never get to that point.

So if it gets to that point, that's the moment that you need to check yourself and say, hey, what is really going on with me?

Yeah.

Like, I am not well right now.

Absolutely.

For me, I think a lot of people, we were so extremely shocked because we're like,

for an individual that is loved so much by many, exudes so much positivity, and is always, always, has always his entire life tried to inspire people, break to the point of physical

abuse, like in front of everybody else.

Every moment of his life is like a

self-sabotage.

Now, this is going to go down in history like the slap, as opposed to just going down in history like that.

He won this Oscar.

And it's self-sabotage.

Yeah, totally.

And what

we all know, we've all been victims of our own self-sabotage.

Big time, yes.

Right?

So, like, when we have to ask ourselves, and I just want to get to a point of like really having compassion for both of them.

Yes.

I feel so much for Chris, too.

I felt like

I know.

And he was so

humiliating.

He was so well-composed.

Yeah, so well-composed.

Because we all know them.

We've all grown up with them as good human beings.

And we can't forget that they are both good human beings, no matter which side you're on.

I agree with you.

I'm not like, I know there are a lot of people today trying to crucify Will Smith.

Oh, he's such an asshole.

Some people are trying to crucify Yank him, the Oscar, and but I agree with you 1 million percent.

I think we all make mistakes.

It was a horrible mistake.

And some people, and some people are on Will's side.

Yeah, I know.

People are not, and they're like, Chris was wrong.

Oh, he shouldn't have it very one-sided or the other side.

I know.

So that's what I'm saying.

It's like it's a tough one, right?

It's like at the bottom, at the end of it, it, it's like, we have to let individuals

handle their own conflict.

Yeah, totally.

This is something between them now.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, the whole world had to be involved.

I'm a big believer of like anything, something good always comes out of something like this.

Oh, my God.

I agree with you.

They're such influential men that, and I believe in them.

I have hope in them.

And I think they're so intellectual that they're going to take this to another level of positivity.

I agree.

I feel like they're gonna come out stronger.

Some people are like, No, no, no, they're gonna be battling back and forth.

They don't have time for that.

Like,

I completely agree with you.

Now, okay, uh, great that we got that out of the way.

They're good people, they're gonna get through this.

Yeah, we had to talk about it, but now let's turn to you a little bit.

You're an actress, you are an Emmy

nominated actress, you've been in this industry for a long time, right?

So, I have to ask you,

how hard do you think, and then we see if we have the same opinion.

I think

being in such public jobs makes dating life crazy hard.

So my question to you is, do you think it makes your personal life in the world of dating relationships harder because of what you do, or you don't think it has any relationship to it?

No, I absolutely think there's a relationship to it because people see you on Instagram, right?

People see you in the media, people Google you, and anytime somebody is associated with film and television, nine times out of ten, somebody's gonna look at you with googly eyes or like

starry eyes.

Like, oh my god, this person, they did the unthinkable or whatever.

You know, they were able to reach certain heights that is so hard for so many individuals.

And I think it's it's always good to be able to look at another individual and see what you admire about them, right?

What is it about them that inspires you?

Yeah, of course.

And but at the same time, I think for us, because so many people want to be in the industry, you know, they always, it's a lot of people, not everybody.

Obviously, there's some people who are like, I do not want to be famous at all.

I do not like cameras on me.

Yeah, of course.

And then there's some people who are, you know, who you don't know who's being genuine with you and who's really liking you for you.

For you.

Or just because they want to be seen by your side.

I completely agree.

So in your case, how do are you dating?

Are you in a relationship?

Can you tell us?

I'm dating.

You're dating.

Yeah, I date, you know.

And I mean, how long?

I told you before I was divorced like 10 years ago.

Yeah.

So it was really hard for me to really just commit to another relationship.

I've tried so many times, but then also at the same time, I really enjoyed being single.

We really stood on your phone.

Okay, sorry, we had a minor interruption because we're at the Soho House doing this little film at the same time.

I'm gonna post it for you guys on my Instagram, all social media channels, because not only you're adorable and talented, you're gorgeous.

So I know my listeners want to see you.

So I was asking you about dating.

So you were divorced, yeah, same like with me, you had a hard time trusting.

So how long have you been in this relationship now?

Well, I'm not technically in a relationship.

You're in a situation?

No, I'm in a.

I like to say getting to know each other, face stuff.

Yeah, that's kind of a situationship.

Is it?

Yeah.

Like, I'm dating, I'm not dating.

So it's super new.

It's super new, yeah.

But I've been dating.

Every time I date someone, I like to take just be with that person for that moment.

And it's like, if it works out, it works out.

If it doesn't, it's like, okay.

Take your time.

Yeah, take your time.

I guess you could say my little mini boyfriends.

And that's how they date all that.

I'm not your boyfriend.

But in my head, I'm like, that's how I choose to

see it.

Some people say, no, you should date multiple people at a time.

I cannot do that either.

I have a super hard.

Me neither.

I'm literally like with one guy and then I take forever to like decide, especially when it comes to sex.

I have this expression that it's hard, but I don't like like jumping dick.

Right.

Like my friends say, so I like take forever, you know, before I I go from one date to another guy, and I'm like, oh, I really like this guy.

Yeah, you're like, I really like this.

Yeah.

I'm gonna take my time.

I like the sex here.

I think I'm gonna stay here.

Yeah, exactly.

Even if the rest doesn't work, I tend to just stay with one person for quite a while before I change my mind.

So you have something new going on, and is the person like, do you date within the industry, or do you think it's easier to date somebody that's not in the industry?

I don't preferably like dating in the industry.

Have I, maybe once or twice,

but it's never been like

I don't know what it is.

I love businessmen.

Yeah, it's tough dating actors, true, right?

I don't know.

Because I think in general, they're more like worried about their work and they're self-centered about what they want to do.

I think it's just harder.

I dated an actor once, and it was great.

We were able to help each other with each other's lines, you know, support each other.

But I just, for me, I resonate more with someone that's more

logically grounded.

I love the creative side, but I'm so much in my head that sometimes I need someone that's more like rooted and logical.

That's like, okay, let's not get, that's not,

you're too much over here.

Yeah.

I need someone to balance me out.

Got it.

Like the opposite.

Like, talk to me about stocks and, like, business and entrepreneurship.

I'm just like, oh, yeah, tell me more.

Like, somebody who's different from you.

Yeah.

He's like, babe, you should really invest that money into this stock.

And I'm like, oh, my God.

Sure.

so much.

That turns you on, yeah.

Okay, so all businessmen out there, stock people

that turns it, that turns Vanessa on.

I saw actually, I think, a little while ago on your Instagram that you had your own little gorgeous little NFT.

Yeah, I've been purchasing NFTs.

That is super cool.

Awesome.

So you're like way ahead of this game.

No, I love it.

I love the whole digital art platform.

I know, it's fascinating, right?

Yeah, I definitely want to get more involved into it.

Yeah.

It's the future.

I'm a little behind.

I don't have time, but I definitely want to learn.

Now, I ask all my guests the same question because it's an ongoing debate.

And some people agree and some people don't agree.

So I want to know your opinion.

Do you think most men are intimidated by women like us that work, that want to have careers, especially public careers like you, that act?

Or you think that's baloney?

I think they're intimidated when they're not secure within themselves.

When they genuinely feel like they're not a place in their life where they feel happy.

You know, because I think anytime a guy is genuinely happy with himself, he's never going to want to put his woman down.

Like, anytime a man is really secure emotionally and financially, then it's all about they've done the inner work.

It's not about suppressing.

And I do see that in our industry.

I see it in our industry a lot.

Maybe that's another reason why I don't really like,

I haven't really resonated with some actors.

It's because there's always, there's sometimes there's a sense of competition, right?

If you're doing better.

Yes.

And God forbid, if you're a minority female with another ethnic person, and a lot of times a machismo comes up that they learn from their father that it's still there.

Even from friends, I've experienced it, you know, where they try to talk over you.

They try to tell you who you are.

And like, you know,

you can feel

and got, and if you, again, if you try to speak up for yourself, it's like, oh, look at you, you know, the gaslighting comes in.

And I think a lot of women in leadership positions experience gaslighting from men who aren't secure in themselves, who sometimes see them as competition.

And that's unfortunate because we need our men.

You know, we need our men by our side to support each, support us.

100%.

Support each other and learn.

I think, I don't know how you grew up, you're Hispanic too, right?

Yes, yes.

You know, we grew up.

I was born in Brazil and my mom was Brazilian.

Yeah.

So we grew up like attending to our men.

Yeah.

Right.

It's like being catering to.

And there, a lot of men are used to that.

Totally.

Now it's 2022.

Yes.

You can't just take, take, take and then just be like, you know, oh, you suck at this, you suck at this, but love me, love me, love me.

Yeah.

You know, you can't do that.

It has to be a reciprocal energy with respect more than anything.

I love it.

Yeah, I see the psychologist, the super intelligent psychologist.

I read so many books on psychology.

I read at least three.

So if anybody needs a consultation.

I read at least three.

I'm getting ready to write a book on my own

perspective on it because

my friends tell me that you read two

things.

It's good because

it happens a lot, like you said, and I keep saying in our industry, in our industry, because it's true.

When you have such a public job and you do Instagram and and you do acting and you do this and you do that,

you attract many times a different kind of a person that in the beginning they want to be with you or with me because they're attracted to the glamour, the beauty, da-da-da,

and then they try to like manipulate or criticize or at least they happen to

criticize.

It must have happened to you too.

Like I meet a guy and the first few dates they're like, oh yeah, I'm super supportive of your podcast or anything you do, your acting.

And then when they listen to it, she talks about sex.

What a whore.

Oh my God, she has sexy pictures.

You should say this.

You should say this.

Exactly, exactly.

And now I got to the point, I decided, because I have

cut my work before because a man.

And I finally decided, you know what, I'm going to stand my ground.

And I tell any man that I, like the first date or even before the first date, I'm like, if you try to cancel my work, my podcast, or my photos, whatever the hell I want to do,

you know, it's not going to happen.

Right.

So it must have happened to you too, right?

That people try to control your life.

It was

one of the many reasons I got a divorce.

Really?

Yeah, I was like,

I was given a choice, basically, an ultimatum.

And I was like, I'm not.

And I had even stopped, like you.

I had stopped.

Was your husband in the industry?

He was a

sort of.

He was a boxer.

He was an entertainer.

In a way.

But he was also a businessman.

And so.

And he basically didn't want you to act anymore.

No.

Like, the machine was started kicking in, the insecurities.

And I was also too young to be able to manage all that, speak up for myself.

It was either I give up.

I give up my career or I give up the relationship.

And for me, I just, I couldn't.

I tried giving up the career.

It didn't work for me.

And I was like, there's no way I can't continue to do this.

I feel like you're good for you.

If you can't love yourself and do what you love to do, you're not going to be happy in a relationship.

No, absolutely.

I was, you know, I left.

I came to LA by myself.

Where were you?

I started over from scratch.

I was in Houston.

Oh, you're in Houston.

Good for you.

But

nobody knew when I came here that I was going through that for like many years.

Really?

And you know, when you have, did you have you, did you go through, you need to go through divorce, your husband?

No, I went.

We were divorced, and it was kind of the same story.

I was married for 14 years and he was a very powerful man very wealthy and he slowly convinced me to quit work quit work quit work because when I met him was the same thing I was super young and my career was skyrocketing.

I was modeling like a maniac.

I was doing making a ton of money.

I was working on TV doing TV commercials.

I wanted to keep going this path because we're artists we always want to do something creative and he convinced me to do less less less less less to the point that i was barely working right and then finally one day something happened that i decided no that's it i'm done with this and now i'm starting my life over that's why i said i'm never gonna go through that again i want a guy that i think we deserve like you said every woman deserves a man that is one million percent supportive of her work yeah and moreover really what it also comes down to us is being able to articulate our boundaries and our standards yeah from the very get-go which I know for myself I didn't really know how to do like I said either it was one way or another I never knew how to ask for my wants and needs and and yeah me neither and basically like stand up for myself and communicate it in a respectful manner yeah you know I think a lot of us are still there where we're learning how to ask for the things that we want and we need in a relationship.

And I think a lot of relationships fail because

lack of communication.

Lack of communication.

Totally.

Everybody complains about it.

Lack of communication.

But also,

like what happened to you, I cannot imagine a man that loves a woman like that loves you asking you to choose.

I don't think any woman should be put in this position that she should have to choose between somebody she loves and a job that she loves.

And I don't think that's love.

I think that's like a guy trying to have possession of you

as opposed to loving you it was pretty extreme and you know it's even up until I want to say maybe last year I finally two years ago maybe in 2020 actually really so it's really

took me about 10 years eight years to release it

so that's how and you know it just I had an epiphany I just one day realized I said you know what why am I still holding on to this pain me holding on to this pain only gives that person power

Why am I still giving my power away to this human

who has nothing in my life now?

Yeah.

And I was just like, and then just like that,

I started dating.

Good for you.

No, it's the same here.

I feel like at this point in my life, when I'm older and I have so much more experience in many ways, I feel like I'm 20 mentally again because I'm finally like dating, learning how to speak up, learning how to say what I want, what I like, what I don't like.

And I think we have the right to be crazy successful and have a man that is super supportive of it, right?

Yeah.

And the one thing that I just finished reading this book, it's actually pretty powerful.

It's called The Power of a Positive No.

The Power of a Positive No?

Yeah, by William Uri.

Hopefully it gives me some credit for this.

Let's tag him.

Yeah, please tag him.

And he talks about how, you know, anytime you want to request or you want to say no to somebody, like, no, I can't do that because you can say, you always start off with a yes.

Uh-huh.

And, so it's kind of like

if anybody's taking improvisations, you always say yes, I agree with what you're saying.

And this is how I feel.

But always coming from a place of love and your core wants and needs, right?

So if you're saying that,

For example, right in my past relationship, because I didn't know how to ask for my wants and needs, I could have said, I I understand that you want me to be at home more often and that you may feel insecure about me being at work with other individuals.

I can see why.

However, this is something that I really love to do and I cannot quit doing that.

Right.

No, you cannot and you should not.

Right.

And then you lead it with another yes because

this is what I love to do.

This is my

passion.

And this is what makes me feel alive and happy inside.

And

if I'm not able to be happy then I can't be happy for you for you yeah if you're not happy with yourself

but that's the the interesting about life and relationships and I know there's so many women out there every time I do this podcast I get like dozens and dozens of messages that they say oh my god because I listened to you saying that I went and talked to my boyfriend because you told me it's okay as silly as it is like go have sex go use a vibrant you know whatever it is that you want to do If they go out, many times they just need like to know that there are other women out there going through the same thing and being supportive.

And you're right, like,

I guess it's trial and error, and it's living and learning, right?

As cheesy as it is, yeah, and that's what makes us stronger, more mature women.

But I do think, and a lot more in your case than my case, because I'm not an actress anymore, and I'm not

famous by any means.

I think you need a man with a very strong strong personality,

if that makes sense.

To like you said, when you go do a movie,

if you have a guy that doesn't have like a super strong personality, he's gonna be insecure.

He's gonna be like, oh my god, like the macho guy, what is she doing?

Is she cheating?

No, no, no.

I think to date, women like you, and even like me, it needs to be a guy with a super strong personality that has a good career, that knows what he wants, and he knows, like, if you're with him, you're with him right right do you agree i agree and it's also being able to find ways to make your person feel secure yeah oh i like that you know noticing little things of like where sometimes they may not speak up like hey i noticed that you made you you made like a little face there or something do you feel uncomfortable like let's talk about it let me find a way to make you feel secure and then if you're able to do that and they receive it great but if they can't receive it that's that's then it goes to a toxic level yeah right because we're always gonna feel insecure we're always gonna feel little jealousy is gonna come up here and there yeah you need that every once in a while reassurance from your partner you know that and to give it you know to know that it's okay but yet when you're constantly having to do it that's that requires professional help that's when it's time to go to therapy it's like okay this is something deeper than anything I'm doing right this is so true this is something that you're going through or maybe we're going through

we're have to get some healing,

get some crystals, or some sage.

Something.

Something.

I love it.

Okay, I'm going to take a two-minute break and we're going to come back if you can do another half

and we're going to spice it up because I want to ask Vanessa what she thinks about sex in this industry.

How do you feel about doing sex scenes, kissing scenes, etc., etc.

etc.

We'll be right back.

The first episode of season five of Carondeleuz is sponsored by another podcast that I love so much called Ira on Sports.

If you guys love sports, please check him out.

This guy is a walking encyclopedia of sports knowledge.

He follows every sport you can think of, from golf to basketball to baseball to football to hockey, all over the country.

It is super, super cool.

New episodes dropping every Monday.

Ira on sports.

And we're back

with wine.

Thank you.

It's Tuesday, but I was going to say, oh, it's Tuesday, but you said, let's drink wine, let's drink wine.

Let's go for it.

I am so excited that you're here.

You have no idea.

You know, I wanted to do this interview with you since we met, right?

I am like a huge admirer of you and your work and just your vibe and your energy.

And obviously, I love meeting people in our industry that are actually super intelligent.

And you are all of the above.

Some super.

I'm trying to read books.

I try to read books.

But I am very honored that you're here.

Now, I gotta ask, because it's a sex dating relationship, so we got it out of the way that you're like dabbling and dating.

You act.

Did you ever do like romantic scenes like kissy-kissy?

All the time.

All the time?

There's always a kiss involved.

There's always a kiss involved.

Is it fun?

Because I never had

any job that I had to kiss anybody.

bad kiss.

Really?

Thank God.

Do you guys kiss for real?

Yeah, just there's no tongue involved.

No, so you just put like your mouth and yeah, you just move your mouth.

But I think for the most part, most actors know that there's no tongue involved.

It's just I'm glad you told me that because if somebody told me to kiss, I would just go for it.

There is.

I've had, I've actually had a director say, hey, can you do some tongue there?

I was like, what?

Can you make it more real?

Basically.

And I was like, yeah, I guess if if it's okay with the other guy, I was single at the time, you know, so I was like, if it's okay with the other actor, and then the actor was like, yeah, let's go for it.

And then another time.

But how do you feel like when you're doing it?

Do you feel something or it's like just mechanical acting?

No, sometimes you get turned on.

Yeah.

Yeah, but at the same time, like it's just the body responding.

Right, right.

I feel like once you're done, and it's kind of messed up because like, what is becoming of us?

You know, you think to yourself, like, what am I turning into?

I just, like, turn on and turn off, you know, and then I'm like, oh, okay, I'm so in love with you.

Never mind, I'm not.

I'm like, but hey, Lisa.

I'm starting to emulate my personal relationships.

I was like, no wonder I'm acting like

really acting in all my dating relationships.

But hey, if you're like doing a kissing scene and you get turned on and you do put your tongue in there or whatever, and you go for it, it's better for the scene, right?

Yeah, I mean, because it makes it like super real.

The more connected you just are, you know, sometimes you fall in love yeah you really fall in love with the other person especially when you're on a tv show and you played for so long like there was a couple of my co-stars there i genuinely fell in love with them but like you wanted to date them in real life not necessarily date it was just like i just i had to learn how to transfer that energy like once we were off set it was just like i love these people i love them on set romantically but then afterwards it was like i just have so much love and respect for them because

the energy is there, you know, and you got so involved.

Yeah, and even with like a friend, right?

You have love.

The energy of love, if you want to express it romantically or in a friend way with someone, it's still love.

Absolutely.

So I was like, it's.

But did you ever have a co-star that you wanted to date in real life?

She already answered it.

Like,

if you guys want to see her face, go to my Instagram because I'm going to post the cute videos.

You're so cute.

You're like, there was one.

You don't have to say his name if you don't want to.

But if you want to, you can.

No, I can't.

There was one that I did.

And, but,

can we have more one?

Can we have more one?

She needs to.

I want to know who she's talking about.

No, there was one that I did, but I think I, you know, he was in a relationship, and I just always had so much respect.

He ended up being in a relationship.

Yeah.

And I didn't want to disrespect that.

No, yeah.

So I'm too nice.

You're not dealing with my love on my own.

Not to go date other people.

That's what I do.

Like,

if somebody breaks my heart or they don't correspond, I just, I immediately, like, a lot of women, they stay home crying and eating bonbons.

I'm telling you, girls, jump right back on the horse.

Like, go date.

There is nothing better.

Like, even if you're not interested in the other dudes, just go for it because it's good for your ego, right?

And it's just like, you start detaching.

Yeah.

You know, you start detaching.

You're like, you know what?

You, you may, even your exes, right?

There's some of them you just had such a great relationship with, you're always going to love, yeah.

But for whatever reason, yes, it didn't work out.

Doesn't mean you stop loving them.

No, you know, you just like respect them from afar and you have to transform that relationship.

And so, people always ask me, too, and they're like, so I bet you've never been like, you just get everybody you want.

I'm like, no, I don't get everybody you want.

Like, I've been heartbroken.

I've had unrequited love.

Is that what the word is?

Like, where you are in love with someone, you can't be with them.

Like, you know, in what sense?

You can't be with them because they don't correspond?

Yeah, either they don't correspond, or, like, for example, that situation where they ended up having to be with someone else for whatever reason.

I was just like, oh.

Yeah.

You know, like, I think everybody has, of course.

I think even the most beautiful, gorgeous.

That's what when you know you're kidding.

You're human being, of course.

When you understand heartbreak, when you understand when someone can't, you can't always have the person that you love, and then you have to look within and know that you deserve better.

Oh, yeah, you deserve to be loved by someone.

The other day, I read something because I keep reading these affirmation things, you know, that it ought to make me feel better.

And the other day, I read something that I really liked, and they said, Listen, if somebody's not in your life or the universe, send it away, just trust the process.

Yeah, it was not the right person.

As much as you think you're in pain and it hurts, just trust the process.

There is somebody else out there better for you.

And I think it's hard

for you.

That doesn't mean that the person wasn't good.

No, it doesn't mean that somebody feels more in alignment with you.

And I think, in general, I don't know if you agree with me, like when somebody doesn't correspond, many times we know that that person is not right for us, but it's more like our ego is bruised.

Right, right.

Because nobody wants to be rejected.

We're all carrying around wounds of abandonment and rejection from our childhood all the way up.

How many times did somebody tell you, oh, you can't play with us, or you can't sit with us, or you can't be a part of this group, or you can't join this, or mommy prefers this sibling than you.

Yeah, you know, or daddy prefers

daddy issues, yeah.

Or, yeah, whatever it may be, we're all carrying around some kind of pain where we felt like unwanted at some point.

Totally.

And when we get broken up with, or we feel like someone doesn't love us, it triggers

the pain.

Yeah, absolutely.

But the key is preservingness.

The key is is

really looking at yourself and telling it and fake it until you make it.

Absolutely.

Keep saying, I deserve to be loved.

I deserve love.

I deserve love.

And if you keep believing in that, even in your meditation, it's going to pop up.

I agree.

And I think you're going to have a good-ass time.

Because

somebody else.

And the person that didn't want you might regret it.

It happens a lot too.

Yeah.

And if they come back, if they come back

open,

then okay.

And if y'all are both open, but if it's too late and you moved on, then sucks for them.

Yeah.

And I say that a lot.

Like my podcast, believe it or not, has been such a process of self-discovery.

Because if you listen to my first episodes from two years ago, I was a train wreck after being married for 14 years.

I got tangled up with the worst possible man.

And like I was telling the stories and laughing, but it was like, what the fuck?

Are you kidding me?

This guy cheated on me.

This guy is a lie.

And so now, two years into this, talking to so many people and experts and dating, finally, I'm like, hello, you know, I deserve better.

I got it.

You gotta love yourself first.

I tell girls that don't fucking go after the dudes.

Don't beg for love.

If somebody doesn't like you, like, I tell all the men that don't want to be with me, it's like, it's your loss.

Yeah.

You know, fuck you.

You're going to regret it.

You're not going to find somebody better.

You got to love yourself first.

Yeah.

I think that's the key, as cheesy as it is.

And for some reason, a lot of women have a hard time doing that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it's it's true because

we weren't, we were taught to basically cater to man and be good in bed, look your best, do all these things, and you do all these things great.

Yeah, some man's gonna come and love you.

And also, we have a ticking biological clock, right?

You have all these pressure of like

you have to get married and have kids.

And by this age, do you think, yeah, but we shouldn't have that anymore?

We shouldn't.

People should just, if they want to have kids, they want to have kids.

If they don't, they don't.

If they don't, they don't.

If you want to have a career, have a career, right?

If you want to be married, then go get married.

married exactly there's a lot of people that are happy independent being

absolutely not married yeah like me like i'm honestly i love being in a relationship but i'm not in a hurry yeah i'm so happy with my my career my job yeah everything that i do i'm not like freaking desperate you know i know i love my job so much too yeah that like especially you like i think uh yeah in your case because your career is like finally taking off after covet and everything right You have all these projects that we're going to talk about.

We have so much more that I want to ask you, so let's hurry up.

See how time goes by fast.

She was like, oh my god, we're going to talk so much.

Like, no, it goes by super fast.

Going back to the kiss.

So you've kissed a lot.

That sounds like a great job.

Sign me up.

Yeah, where do I get that?

Getting paid to kiss heads on hand.

Because I've had a gazillion little acting jobs and stuff, TV commercial.

Nobody ever asked me to kiss anybody.

We got to get you in there.

Yeah.

Who's your agent?

Okay, now, have you ever been asked to take clothes off or little sexier outfits or anything like that at all?

And would you do it?

Oh, you've done it?

I have, but not fully nude.

It's either always been the back or just like I think I had a butt shot once.

Little things.

Little things, yeah.

I mean, I'm not sure.

It's something I try to stay away from only because I feel like Latinas are already so sexually objectified.

All the roles that we get, we already want to be seen naked.

So for me, when I get something, I'm just like, really, do we have to be a thousand percent naked for this one?

Like, can we really tell the story in a different way?

It's the stereotype, right?

Yeah, where we don't have to feel exposed, you know.

It's basically that.

I guess that's my own little protest in a way.

But

I love that you tapped into that because in my case, believe it or not, most people don't even know that I am a Latina.

And a lot of people look at me my whole life.

They're like, oh, you don't look Latina.

Oh, you look like your father because my father was European, French.

And

I get offended by it because, and they ask me if I'm Russian or something, or the stereotype, but Latinas are not blonde.

And I'm like, what do you mean?

We can be whatever, any way we want to be.

So it's interesting that you tapped into that because, yeah, there are like all the stereotypes.

And when you get cast, maybe they say, oh, she's the sexy one, and she's not gonna mind showing her boobs in her body because she's Latina, right?

But do you feel that things are changing and getting better for our culture and our heritage in this industry?

Or do you think you still get cast in these boxes because of your heritage?

Um, I definitely get similar roles that come to me.

I feel like Latinas, for the most part, you're always seen as kind of the sex kitten, right, or the villain, or

someone who is

having

some sort of coming-out issue, right?

Which I think is their way of trying to introduce LGBTQ issues, yeah, right?

Or somehow, always

there's got to be something there.

So I feel like,

and I mean, all of these things, they're all characters, all these stories need to be exposed.

More importantly, LGBTQs, right?

But I feel

that

I think it always comes down to us speaking up for ourselves, you know, in any room, just saying, you know what, I don't feel comfortable with this.

And I'm so grateful that I have a team.

I've been able to, I don't mind playing the characters.

Like, I love playing villain roles.

I love,

you know, playing.

I don't care if I have to kiss a girl or a guy.

Like, bring them at me.

Come on.

Bring them.

Let's everybody get a knee today.

I don't care what gender you are.

Like, you know, but it would be nice to see more of,

I guess, options for roles.

Do you have a dream role in your head?

They'd be like, oh, I would love to play that.

Yeah, I always want to be an Italian mobster.

I don't know how it's going to play.

You know, I just found out I'm actually 5% Italian.

Really?

Awesome.

And I did like this past life regression once.

And in my past life, I was Italian.

I'm going to hook you up.

You know what?

Last year I shot a couple of episodes of this Amazon series about these Brooklyn gangsters.

It's called The Gravesend.

Are they Italian?

And yeah, they're together.

And again, William DeMayo.

I need to be on it.

Yeah, I'm not kidding.

And he's going to love you because he loves Brunette.

William DeMayo is the director and the creator of the series.

Season two is coming up.

I'm going to hook you up.

Are you listening to this episode?

I'm not kidding.

I invited him to.

I interviewed one of the other actors that is in the series that did a scene together and I and I love his work.

You gotta watch season, I'm plugging it in, but it's super cool.

It's called Graves End.

It's on Amazon.

Go straight watching.

Yeah, and I'm literally, I'm not kidding you.

I'm gonna stand.

I'm doing this, okay?

Yeah, you're gonna be so good because it's about these gangsters, Italian gangsters in Brooklyn, in like in the 80s.

And they have these super cool actors, you know, doing cameos and everything.

And it's a project that is growing so much.

Oh my god, you might be quiet.

I was born in the 80s.

Okay, so let him know too.

Tech, tech, tech.

Flag, flag, flag.

So, like, when I was young, people used to ask me all the time, I used to watch the Italian mobster movies because my cousins were super into them, you know, like Godfather.

Yes.

I can't even think of any right now.

But, like,

I, people would, I remember they would ask me, they're like, what do you want to be when you grow up?

And I'd be like, an Italian mobster.

Can you do the Italian accent a little bit?

Probably, right?

I probably can.

I'm not sure.

I was actually studying Italian for a a period.

Awesome.

Yeah, I'm sure you can.

I'm definitely, when we're done, like remind me, I will send him your information.

And the only thing I learned was bambino.

Bambino.

Which means child or baby kid or boy.

I love it.

That is so cool.

I forgot we were talking.

Oh, okay, so we were talking about like if you would ever do a sex scene.

If it was like a meaty part, yeah, I keep going back to sex.

I keep going back to sex scene.

If it was a meaty part, yes.

If it was a meaty part, you would do it.

I would.

I think I'm waiting for that wall where I'm like, fuck, I'm going to get all naked.

We're bringing in all the audio scenes.

I work out every day.

Pilates, let's go.

Yeah.

I see your stories.

I'm going to be able to do it.

I don't wait for this.

I'm going to go for the six in the morning before 7 a.m.

Pilates.

For nothing.

Yeah.

Our video is having some kind of technical issue, so that's okay.

Awesome.

So you're waiting for the MIDI part to do sexy scenes.

Now, if you are with a partner

going back to relationships and you're in a great relationship, da da da, and you said, Hey, I got this great part.

I'm gonna be an Italian mobster, and I'm gonna have a hot, sexy scene with one of these Italian actors, and I'm gonna take my clothes off.

And your guy said, No freaking way.

Oh, no, no, no, that would be a good idea.

That wouldn't even happen.

You wouldn't even tell her.

No, it wouldn't even happen because I won't even date anyone like that.

That's one of the first things I do when I'm dating.

But wait, if you don't tell me because a lot of men say that it's okay, right?

Ta-cha-ta.

you plot it.

Yeah, exactly.

You watch it because

they do the turnaround.

Yeah, no, I would actually still do it.

I'd be like, I'm really sorry, but this is something that

this is, again, back to my core ones and ease, right?

This is something I've always wanted to express creatively and artistically that has nothing to do with you.

If you feel insecure, I will do everything I can in my part to make you feel secure.

There you go.

I would love your support.

I would love for you to be there by my side side because we're stronger together.

Yeah.

And I know, and I think at the end of the day, this is the message.

Stand up for yourself.

Yeah.

In a loving way.

Yeah, in a loving way.

But in your case, we're talking about acting, but whatever your job is, the women that are listening out there, have a supportive partner.

Don't cancel yourself because of someone, because I don't think that's love.

Right?

That's control.

If somebody loves you, if somebody loves Vanessa, they're going to say, go for it.

I wanna see you win that Oscar.

I don't want to agree with you, even if they don't agree with you.

You know, they may be like, You know what?

I don't agree with you, but I can see this something that really you really want to do, and I respect that part.

That part, yeah, go in that Oscar.

Go do your thing, don't punch anybody on stage.

Don't slap anybody, don't slap anybody

stupid jokes about anybody.

Oh my god, anybody's baby mom.

Now they're gonna, you know, what I think is gonna happen next year before I let you go, because see how fast it went by, yeah, and it wasn't even painful, right?

I think, and I may be wrong, I think after this fiasco, they are going to want to see all the scripts of all the presenters, all the comedians, approve it first.

A lot of them are impromptu, which I love, because my work is impromptu.

Look at us, we have no script.

You had no idea what we're going to talk about.

I had no idea we were going to talk about.

We were just going to figure it out.

And I think that's the really sad negative about what happened i think it's maybe not but i really think it's gonna cut the creativity of these artists like going moving forward they're gonna say i want to see all your jokes i want to prove all your jokes no no no no no no no i think they already have it they they have writers for them you know yeah but a lot of stuff is impromptu but i think it could also be positive in a way where We don't have, why do we have to sit there and take jokes from somebody just because they're on stage?

To me, sometimes that feels like abuse of power.

Yeah, but if you don't like it, yeah, I know.

Yeah, that's true.

If you don't like it, take it from somebody in real life.

Yeah, I completely agree.

I just think, especially in his case, he has millions of followers and insanely powerful.

If he would have walked, grabbing his Oscar and made a comment there and then,

that would have been like

the slap on his face in a classy way.

He should,

for for sure.

Right?

Absolutely.

I don't agree with that.

I think violence makes you ignorant.

I don't agree with violence unless you're using it to protect yourself.

Yeah.

Right?

I've punched a guy in the face before because he's sexually assaulted.

No, of course.

No, then he should kill me.

I felt assaulted.

Yeah, then you should.

You have every right in the world to kill the person.

And then he punched me back, but then somebody else punched themselves.

Somebody a lot stronger than me, though.

Thank God.

Vanessa, do you want to talk about any of your projects that you have going on?

Because I know you're a busy beaver.

Yeah, I have a movie coming out.

It's my first romantic comedy.

I'm so excited about it because I always wanted to be in a romantic comedy.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

And it's called Divorce Bait.

It's about divorce.

It's called Divorce Bae.

Bait.

Bait.

Divorce Bait.

And it's kind of like an adult raunchy movie, so it's not like just, it's more

rated art.

Okay, I love it.

And your kissy-kissy?

Lots of kissy-kissy, lots of.

I think there's a part where there's a whole orgy in there.

Something.

You're in it?

No, I'm not in the orgy.

Sorry, guys.

Somebody else.

A lot of beautiful women are in there.

But

no, yeah,

I'm excited.

Hopefully it'll come out this year.

But it's doing festival rounds right now.

We haven't really quite got word from the distributor when it's going to be distributed this year, next year.

Let me know so I put it out there for all your new fans that are listening to the podcast.

Congratulations.

You're getting such good reviews.

Yeah.

I'm excited for it.

And you're awesome, and you're super talented.

And I think you deserve all this.

I'm sure one of these days we're going to be watching you going up.

You're my inspiration, too.

I told her, too.

Like, when I met her, I was like, girl, people like you.

I was like, yeah, I want to learn more about you.

I felt like your energy is so amazing.

Yes, totally.

And I even wrote it down on my journals.

It took a few months, but we're here.

I was like, I want to get to know you.

And I hope you come back because I know I'm going to get like 10 million questions for you.

For sure.

Well, congratulations on your work.

I hope your new relationship, whatever it is, you know, if it's still.

Whatever evolves too.

Whatever evolves.

Do you think dating in LA is harder than in other places?

I think just dating

is a hard period.

I agree.

Dating is hard, period.

Yeah.

How did you meet on dating app?

On a dating app.

Do you want to share which one?

It was Hinge.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh my God, you're not going to believe that.

I'm going to do an episode called Hinge Cringe next week.

Really?

Because

it's the first time.

Finally, a friend of mine convinced me to download Hinge, and it's hilarious because if you don't pay, they don't let you pick the age group.

Oh, they do that now?

So I keep getting this.

I've met this person a long time ago.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, so just a little preview here for you guys.

So I downloaded Hinge and I'm like, okay, I'm going to try this out.

And they keep matching me with these dudes, like 19-year-olds, 20-year-olds.

And I'm like, is this appropriate?

Is this okay?

So I'm like,

why do they do that now?

Yeah, so it's like a little chaotic.

So I'm still learning how to navigate.

But at least you met somebody nice on Hinge.

But you know what?

The good thing is now it's like I downloaded during the pandemic.

I didn't have anyone, so I was like, I need to make friends here somehow.

But swipe, swipe, swipe.

Mostly left.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

But it's good for the ego, right?

Now we're, you know, boys are open.

You can go go talk to people.

You can come to the Soho House.

Everyone wants to talk now.

Yeah.

A little too much.

People are talk hungry.

People are hanging out.

We need to, like, I know you're busy, crazy, crazy, busy with work, but we need to, like, hang out and come to some events at the Soha house and do some stuff.

I missed the Oscars one this weekend because I was at home sleeping.

With your new guy.

I was watching the Oscars.

Is that the guy you've been posting with on Instagram?

No.

Oh, okay.

Because I'm like, did you make public?

No, not yet.

But I did, yeah.

Don't, yeah.

But me and that guy are friends.

We're respectfully separated.

I don't post about any relationships because I think most people are jealous.

Yeah, no, I thought it was really going to go somewhere, and I have so much love and respect for him, but it didn't.

And

I love your attitude.

Yeah, you have the most positive, adorable attitude.

No, seriously.

It's just like I'm at this point in my life where I just want peace.

You know, I don't, when you wish negativity on other people, cheers.

That's why we get along.

We are in the same

vibe.

I wish you the best.

Exactly.

Because at one point, you loved those people.

Yes.

I know, and you wanted it.

Exactly.

So, hopefully, you want

them

to want good job and to find the happiness, whatever.

Because you want that for yourself.

And the universe brings so much better towards you.

Yeah.

Oh, this was awesome.

And thanks again for the wine.

Oh, you are.

And thanks for showing me the

podcasting room here at the Soul House that I didn't even know existed.

We are even taking a ton of time.

Thanks to Venice.

That was amazing.

I hope you come back.

Yes, and Cat on the Loose season five started.

En Fuego.

Yeah, I'll see you guys on Friday.

Woohoo!