Matchmaker Tammi Pickle from Elite Connections

Here we go.

Happy Friday, everybody.

This is the second episode, Cat on the Loose, plus my gorgeous co-host Dylan, live with me from Florida.

Together, weekend started.

And today, we have a super special guest.

Her name is Tammy.

She's been a matchmaker forever, and she knows we have 10 million questions for her.

So let's rock and roll super quickly.

Hi, Tammy.

Hi, how are you, girls?

So nice to be with you on this Friday.

We're great.

Thank you so much for doing this.

Yeah, I'm excited to chat with you about my business.

It is fun and exciting and be able to help people is just what I love to do.

Awesome.

So, I mean, first I want to tell everybody, you've been a matchmaker for a long time, right?

Like 30 years.

Yeah, a long time.

So my my mom started the company 27 years ago

and I was actually 14 at the time, but she brought home some videotapes.

She was single.

She joined the matchmaker.

She and I helped pick out her husband.

She's been with him ever since.

Oh my gosh.

And then that's when she realized that this is what she wanted to do.

She's like, I want to do this.

I want to help people.

I want to help people meet someone like I did.

So she started her own company and has owned it for 27 years.

So I kind of grew up in the business.

Helping people really when I fell in love with matching and doing this for a living, I was, you know, meeting all the clients personally, making matches, making successful matches.

And that's when I just knew I wanted to do this.

So I've been a full-time matchmaker for the last 20 years.

You must have seen it all.

You must have seen every kind of relationship, situationship, crazy stuff in 20 years, right?

Right.

Yeah, seen it all.

seen it seen everything.

But, you know, we really help people that are pretty serious about finding someone.

Yes, crazy things have happened, but people that come to us are really serious about finding someone.

They're typically working hard.

They're busy.

They don't want to do the app or I'm

that route.

They just want to be a bit more serious about like settling down and wanting to meet quality screened individuals, which we do for our clients.

All right, so let's jump right on it.

My first question to you is, do you think everybody out there is matchable or do you think there's some people that you just go like oh forget it you are not matchable

you know we do have people that are

very specific in what they're looking for they're looking for a needle in the naystack

everybody right-minded than closed-minded and i don't take on everyone as a client not that they can't find their person but if they are looking for the 1% of the population I don't know that I am going to be delivering that person to them so I won't take on a client if I don't feel that I can help them and match them and make them happy if they are looking for you know

the

doctor that lives within five miles from them and

younger than them and is over 6'3 and you know, the listing on and on.

Yeah, yeah.

If I don't feel I can deliver that person that they're looking for, then I'm not going to take con as a client.

And I wish them all the best.

But the more open-minded, the more options and possibilities of patches that you're going to be able to be.

So somebody that came to me that was that specific, I would advise them to be more open-minded and I would be able to help them.

If they weren't, I probably would send them on their way.

Awesome.

So the answer is some people.

I'm going to put between the lines here.

You want them to be more like realistic, right?

Yeah, here's the mirror.

Realistic is good.

Sometimes they're like, oh, I didn't realize I was looking for that diamond in the rough.

And so, yeah, maybe you're right.

Maybe I should be more open with location and age and what somebody does and what somebody looks like and all those things.

So, sometimes I open up their eyes that they need to be more open-minded.

They don't even realize how their laundry list is just a mile long.

They don't even realize it until I tell them.

So, Tammy, are all your clients paying clients or do you match people?

Like, let's say I come to you and I tell you, Tammy, I really want to find a boyfriend, a husband, but obviously I can't afford a gazillion dollars for

a matchmaker.

Would you help somebody like that?

Or everybody needs to be a paying client?

Yeah, so clients come to us different ways.

We have a very large database that we've been in business a very long time.

So if somebody came to us and we wanted to match them with another client, we could bring them in on a complimentary membership.

They would still go through the interview process and all of that, but we could possibly bring them in just to match them with current clients.

So we may be not necessarily matching you full-time on a regular basis whenever you would like one, but you can be part of the system and we can match you with our current clients as long as you're both interested then we can make the match for you so we have full members we have inactive members we have people that we bring in just to meet our clients so there are different ways you don't necessarily need to come to us and pay thousands and thousands of dollars to be matched by us because and i tell you why i asked you that question because here it's like 100 honesty open conversation i have interviewed a matchmaker before and i've talked to a bunch of matchmakers and a lot of them

and you tell me if you think you're different, they like the guys who pay for the service, they pay a lot of money.

So yeah, a lot of them have this crazy unrealistic expectations.

And then these matchmaking agencies, including the one I interviewed on season two, they will be like, oh, I'll put girls on the list, whatever you guys call it, right?

On make these profiles.

So I actually send a lot of my friends to the matchmaker I interviewed.

I said, wow, that sounds interesting.

And then because you're not paying, they just throw you on this list and they're like, oh, whatever.

You know, if I decide one day I deserve to match you, fine.

But most of the time, they just really treat these girls very poorly, in all honesty.

So I kind of felt guilty.

that I sent a bunch of friends to this matchmaker because they were kind of mean to these girls that weren't paying.

So what would you say about that?

Well,

I don't think that they should should be taking on anyone that they don't have an idea of a match for them.

So

maybe that was a company that was maybe a bit smaller and they didn't really have clients for your friends.

I personally wouldn't even bring on a free client if I didn't have somebody that I thought was nice for them.

Because what's the point of saying, yeah, come on in, I'll make some introductions for you.

And then you never hear from them.

Exactly, right?

Right.

So, yeah, that's not the way we work.

We have such a large database and we have such a large,

you know, team, and we're always having new clients come to us that if you came to me and I wouldn't say, yes, I have matches for you if I really didn't have matches for you.

I love that.

I wouldn't just put you in a system and never, you'd never hear from me again.

What would be the point of that?

I would just let you know,

you know, thank you.

I'll I'll let you know in the future if I had someone for you, if I didn't have someone for you.

Yeah, that's a lot more honest and real.

Yeah.

It's like getting somebody's hopes up and then never delivering anything.

Exactly.

It's not fair to you.

I agree.

It's not fair.

If I wasn't able to be matched with someone, just let me know.

I love that.

I don't have anyone for you, but we'll keep you in mind.

Yeah, exactly.

Now, another question.

Dylan is on the East Coast in Florida, and i'm in la on the west coast so we were having this big debate if you think

if you actually think there is such a thing as a a place that is easier to date as opposed to another place that is harder to date in my mind miami is a nightmare for people who try to date

people say the same about la I know true true so what is your opinion since you've been in this business forever does geography matter or that's baloney?

You know, I think the larger the location and the more the population, we just have more options.

Yes, Miami is kind of a touristy area.

So can LA and so can New York and some of those big cities.

People are there on business, they're coming in and out, coming back and forth, and so those might not be the best people that you want to be connecting with.

But I think that people that are

there and they're local and they're looking for something, I feel like if there's millions of people to choose from,

you have more options

if it's a small rural

area.

So you're going to have way less options.

Okay, so you do think

so.

There is hope for Miami.

Like Dylan can find her prince in Miami.

Well, I'm going to help my both if I don't get wrong.

Are you both single?

I would love to help you both.

You

Yeah, so that was that I was gonna tell you a story that I started telling my listeners.

When I interviewed this lady, we don't have to say her name, but everybody can find out who she is because it's right there on the episode.

I actually told her, I said, How about you try to match me?

Because then we can show people step by step of the process.

Because a lot of people are intimidated when you talk about working with a matchmaker.

And a lot of my guy friends told me that, oh my God, I don't know.

So I said, let's actually present the process step by step on the podcast and on my social media.

And then we show people.

And then maybe it dismystifies everything.

And you know what?

She said to me on air, she was kind of like, yeah, sure.

Then she sent me a message like, you know, I'm going to be honest with you.

I am afraid to try to match you

because if, yes, yeah, she was like, because if I don't match you, you are going to talk about it and you're going to tell people that I couldn't match you.

And you always tell people.

She's not very confident in what she knows.

There you go.

And I was like, are you serious?

Even if I'm not matchable, or let's say I don't like the guys,

I mean, what's the problem, right?

Telling the truth because it could happen.

That's just the facts of life of dating.

You're going to like people, you're going to not like people, but

you're not going to guide you to get out there.

You meet different types of people that you would normally meet.

And you are a lovely person, like I'm sure

someone you didn't like.

You're not gonna bash this dude, no, like he wasn't for me, and can we try again?

Yes,

for sure.

We always make sure we say this is not by any means a man-bashing show.

We love men.

Guys are um, they don't like the podcast.

They're afraid of it.

I get looked up on Instagram all the time.

Oh, are you just gonna, are you just gonna use me for the podcast, you know, and everything like that.

They're very much afraid of it.

Yeah, but listen, we wanna

podcast to bash them and everything.

And we never name names, and you know, we use generalizations, and we want to discuss things, and we maybe we'll bash them privately.

Well, as a matter of fact,

I think I have a saying, the men that feel intimidated by our work are the men we don't want.

Do you agree, Tammy?

Yeah, we want confidence.

We want somebody that's not a jealous person or thinking that we're talking about them behind their back, that they're confident in who they are.

Yay!

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Stay tuned for the one where we meet a great guy and we spy them.

I'd love to help you both.

We're definitely going to do that.

Awesome.

So we're going to do an East Coast matching for Dylan and an LA Coast, West Coast match for me, and then we'll see what happens.

And then we can document it.

And I think it would be amazing because I do think there are a lot of girls and a lot of men that would like to see the behind the scenes to actually understand because there's a lot of talk.

Oh, I'll match you, I'll match you.

But, like, how the hell do you do it?

So, that would be a lot of fun.

And thank you so much.

I think it would be a blast.

I would love to set you guys guys up it's what i do it's what i'm passionate about and we we can discuss more but i show pictures and profiles so you would see their information you would agree they would agree we set up the match and then you know you both relay if you liked each other of course if you like each other you're going to be in touch with each other and we want it to be as organic as possible after i make the introduction we want you know you guys to be in touch and and he asks you out again if he likes you all those types of things we want it to be as organic as possible

but you know we're kind of doing all the legwork making sure they are who they say they are they're not criminals we're checking IDs kind of verifying everyone is who they say they are so women especially appreciate yeah

that I'm betting these people for you and I meet everyone I you know if I don't meet them personally I meet them virtually making sure everyone looks like their photos checking ID making sure everyone's divorced and on the up and up

we were talking about that that on on our tuesday episode because we were saying that you know these dating apps many times uh they lie they lie a lot and i think dylan mentioned something like yeah the most important thing is to find out if the guy isn't even married because there are a lot of cripples out there on these dating apps that they will literally hide their wife with their kids and everything

right or they're dating a bunch of people at one time I mean, people that come to us do tend to be a bit more serious.

They are investing in a company.

They are a bit, they're busy, they're working hard, they just don't, they don't have the time for five ladies at one time.

You know, they want one quality introduction individual to find.

And sometimes it takes a little time to find that person, whatnot.

But I'm not making two, three matches at one time.

You meet one person, see how it goes.

If you like them, you continue.

If you don't, then we move on.

But, you know, the apps, I think everybody is like, oh, somebody else messaged me.

Somebody else swiped me.

Let's shout to that person.

person and there's just overwhelming always the next best thing i think it is just like yeah qual quantity over quality with us it's really quality over quantity and really do you think

and also yeah sorry also uh these dating apps initially they started as a sex app right like a banging app especially Tinder.

People would go on Tinder because they wanted to have quick sex.

Now it developed into kind of a dating app, quote unquote, but like you said, it's a mixed bag.

And then this bumble that we talk about, yeah, people say, oh, it's a little better because the woman takes the first step, but let's be honest, it's kind of finding a needle in a haystack.

It's super time consuming.

It's insanely

exhausting.

I have no patience for it.

But then with COVID and everything, that that we were stuck at home and we couldn't have a lot of contact.

I think a lot of single girls like us, they were like, where the hell am I going to meet a nice guy?

Right?

Right.

Yeah, I know.

A lot of people were fed up after COVID.

We actually had a lull during COVID as well.

People weren't meeting in person.

You couldn't go to restaurants.

Like, you know, it was hard to, and you were nervous.

So, I mean, people were like virtually chatting and dating, but it was, it was harder.

And people were focusing on their careers.

And so they kind of put a hold on dating but now we're busier than ever i can't imagine like people are like i want to be alone anymore if we you know i just i want to be the right person and i want to get out there and i don't want to be alone i'm sick of being alone you know yeah so i feel like when you're ready you're ready and i feel like you know someone that comes to a matchmaker i feel like everyone's in the same boat okay so it's not a desperation i feel like it's it's you are just investing in yourself people invest in how they look and a trainer and their hair and their color and whatever you know like we invest in ourselves we we you know

we invest in ourselves and like we should do the same with finding like a a great partner totally you know someone that is investing and finding a partner, it just should be a positive, absolutely,

yeah.

So, somebody once told me that, and I kind of agree.

They said, you know, you pay, like you said, you pay for the way you look, you pay for clothes, you pay for entertainment.

Choosing a partner is probably one of, if not the most important decision in your life.

So, you should really think about, you know, how you're picking that partner.

And yeah, it's a good argument for using a matchmaker.

I agree with that,

right?

Yeah, they're they're they're professional, like we you want a professional that's working hard and focusing on that,

and just doesn't really want to go through all the apps and frustrations or they have, so they are just looking for a better way of meeting quality, and that's what gals want.

Yes, we want quality, we want quality, quality.

And it's interesting that we were saying that Dylan said that, you know, men get intimidated by the podcast, which is completely true.

Many guys that I've met through dating apps, one of the first questions they ask me is, oh, are you on this dating app for research?

Are you going to test me?

Are you going to say shit about me?

So they get totally intimidated by our work on the podcast and social media.

So I have this question for you.

Do you think in general men are intimidated by powerful women, by successful women, by women that have public jobs?

Or you think that's baloney, that the nice guys will be super supportive of it?

I think certain people may be intimidated, but I feel like

you, you, anyone that is successful and professional,

there is the right one out there for them, which you also

need to find someone that's like a personality and confident and also successful,

that just can handle himself with all of the success that you may have.

And there are those men.

I have those men.

They're my clients.

So I don't see that being a problem.

I feel like it's a positive that someone is successful and passionate and and has has something going on versus someone that can barely pay their bills and wants somebody to take care of them that's all negative even to men men don't want somebody that's needing someone to take care of them that's a turn off

I I really don't even have the men that want the arm candy that wants to provide for that person.

I mean, they prefer somebody that has a good head on their shoulders, that has career, and has their own life and has their own thing going on.

Really?

That's what the men that come to me want.

That's awesome.

So, somebody said,

I want to take care of someone and pay their debts.

No, I'm not asking for that.

So, you think that even like the super wealthy guys,

in general, they want a successful woman.

They don't want some Barbie sitting by the pool all day.

Right, right.

I mean,

you know, it doesn't need to be like, oh, super powerful, successful, like, but they don't want somebody that needs to be taken care of.

They want somebody that, you know, has their own life and has their own thing going on and can provide for themselves and that's not needing someone for them.

I love it.

Yeah, I love it.

Yeah, I started using this phrase too.

I think, and it's something I learned from doing the podcast.

I think there's a huge difference between wanting someone, wanting a relationship, and needing the relation.

Like, oh, I need a man, I need a man, right?

It's, and I think men many times get that vibe from certain girls.

They get desperate and they're like, I need, they feel like a guy needs to validate them.

And as all these years from doing the podcast and losing my husband and going through so many nasty dates, I think I was the same.

Like on season one, when I talked about my dates, it was almost like I would put up with the worst behavior from men because I kind of felt, oh, I need this guy.

Nowadays, I'm like, no, you either treat me like a freaking princess and you're super respectful of my work and my job or, you know, out next because I'm super happy by myself, right?

Dylan, too, right?

Desperation is not

good.

It is so

confidence is so attractive in a man or a woman, right?

You are just happy and content with your life, how it is, man or woman, desperation just pours out of you and people take advantage of that and they're not going to respect you

for men or women.

You know, you want to be in a good, happy place by yourself that you don't need anyone.

But if somebody came around, that'd be lovely.

It'd be nice to, you know, travel with someone here and there.

Yeah.

You know, eventually, if I found that person, wonderful.

Do I need someone to make me feel whole?

Absolutely not.

I love that.

Yeah, absolutely.

That's exactly how I feel.

I think if a guy feels that you're counting on him to complement your life, you're counting on him to make you happy.

That's probably a turn off.

The same for us.

I mean, I don't want a dude like hanging on my shoulders, you know, expecting me to babysit him all day.

I want a guy who has his own life, his own work, and then we make a plan.

I mean, my guy friends tell me that what I want doesn't exist because I want simple, easy, no drama, mature.

Do you think it exists, Tammy, or it's like, forget it, yes?

For sure.

For sure.

I have just,

I mean, right now, I could think of a couple really great guys that I know well that are, you know, know successful have time to enjoy life and travel

and are serious about finding someone and they're normal and they're easy to talk to and they're handsome and they're fit and they're active you know I and there's you know different age group like Miami

I've got this

very excited

look at Dylan's smile she's not even talking she's already thinking about

And I'm going to take a super quick break, but that's my next question to you.

I can see Dylan like creating her ideal guy in her mind.

And I've had this conversation with her many times.

And you probably had a lot of clients like her.

She thinks, oh, I want a guy who is six foot five and he has to have this and that and that sign.

And I always tell her, Dylan, you shouldn't worry about the height and the guy's sign as much as you should worry about his ethics and his work.

And to be clear, he's a six-five minimum, Kat.

See?

Wow.

She's gonna be a tough one, Tanny.

Yeah, see?

Go with 6'2.

Like, give us some inches.

Yes.

I think.

6'5.

We're looking, Nita and Haystack.

I don't want to get her in my score.

How come I know?

I'm 5'11, but in heels, I'm like 6'2, 6'3.

So, you know, there's not many 6'4.

So

that's, I'm telling you.

Yeah, I know.

But Dylan,

I think Dylan is going to be a tough one in the sense that

she's like very stuck on what she wants.

She's like not open-minded at all, right?

Dills, right?

But you're gorgeous.

She is.

You know, you can be picky.

Yeah.

If I sent you a 6'2,

I'd be like, Dylan, you gotta need a

head of the way.

You're just missing a few inches.

By the way, before we go on a minute and a half break for our lovely, lovely sponsor, I have to say that she went on a few dates with the guy here in LA and we talked about it on our Tuesday episode.

And we never name names, we just talk about it.

And the guy blocked her.

Oh, no.

So he got like super off.

I think she said that he wasn't tall enough or something.

Oh my gosh.

I know if it was him except him.

Right.

Like, and by the way, guys, stop lying about your freaking height.

Own it because we're going to meet you.

I think they're all 5'11 or maybe 6'1.

6'1 does not exist as a height.

Yeah, and when they say they're 5'8, they're 5'6 or 5'5.

Just freaking tell your height because we're gonna meet you, right, Tammy?

Okay, we're gonna be.

Yes, don't lie.

We're gonna figure it out.

Yeah, own it.

Own it.

You want the person that you meet to love you for you.

I keep pounding that over and over and over again.

Okay, we'll be right back with Tammy, matchmaker, and Dylan, my co-host, live from Florida.

We're gonna take a minute and a half break.

So, girls, don't go anywhere.

Let's go.

already.

We're back with Tammy.

Uh, she's a matchmaker.

Tell me the name of your company.

It's Elite

Connections.

Elite Connections.

You've been doing this forever and ever and ever.

So, if anybody knows anything about

getting a date and a real relationship, it is you.

And I'm here with Dylan, my lovely sidekick and co-host.

And we are talking about relationships and dating.

It's unavoidable to talk a little bit about sex because, in my book, sex is a huge important part of a relationship.

And I don't know if you agree with me, Tammy, but this is the question.

And it's super controversial.

And that's how it got the first matchmaker I interviewed a little bit in trouble.

But I want your opinion, and I know Dylan's opinion, and it's different from mine.

Most women think that when you start dating someone, you should wait a while, basically, withhold sex from that person if you want that person to take you seriously okay in my opinion i think this is a game that potentially can backfire i've interviewed guy friends and they say the same thing oh if you're gonna hold your vagina hostage we're gonna go and bang somebody else this is so stupid this is so old-fashioned and in my mind as i am dating someone I want to kiss them.

Eventually, I want to have sex with them because I want to know if we have sexual chemistry.

I don't want to be in a relationship that I don't have sexual chemistry with.

It's just me.

So, as a professional, what is your opinion?

Like, how long should we wait before we have sex with somebody new?

I think too soon can be problematic.

I think that you don't know someone well enough in the first, you know, couple weeks of seeing someone.

Really, you're going out with someone once a week.

So, I feel like you should feel like you are exclusive with this person

before sleeping with them.

Really?

But, how are you going to get exclusive if you don't know that you guys have this

connection, this chemistry?

How do you do that?

There can be other things other than sex.

Uh-huh.

You know, I'm not saying that you don't need to do the sex,

but I feel like if you have sex too soon,

then

you are not in committed relationship with that person.

You are potentially

just going to be hooking up with that person and not in a relationship with that person.

And you don't know if this person is talking to other people, going out with other people.

You don't want to be the person with the person that's dating multiple people at one time and you're sleeping with them.

Ew, so true.

And most guys do do that, right?

Yeah.

So I feel like that takes

five, six, seven dates.

Dates.

And sometimes that can run into a couple months.

So, how do you, so on those dates, you go to dinner,

you talk, you go to sports, whatever.

And then what do you do?

Can you kiss, right?

Because to me, the kiss.

I think you can do other things.

I think there can be some makeout sessions.

I think you can see if there's chemistry

in other ways other than sex.

And I'm not saying hold on forever.

You're human.

And if you want to see how the connection is there as well.

But I think holding off a tiny bit, making sure that you're confident in the relationship and where it's going.

and where it's progressing

is is is really is really kind of important and you know this person, you know, you want to get involved with this person, you like this person, you're really

you know, getting to know this person well is very important.

Yes, I agree.

But what do you say, Chammy?

You can sit on her face first.

I think sitting on their face is super intimate.

It's sex, Dylan.

It counts as sex.

I agree.

Okay, that's what I thought she meant by other face.

And okay, Tammy, does a blowjob count as sex too, like in the makeout session, or not?

You know, I've had friends that like they get involved in bed too quickly, and they're like, Yeah, wrong mood.

Yeah, he's he's dating other people, he totally just stops talking to me.

Okay, well, you were getting used for sex, and yeah, you just you know, got to know him a little bit better.

Yeah, and if you, you know, you're not good enough to to whine and dine for a couple months, then screw him.

Like, he's not the one that you want to be with.

It totally has happened to me.

Those ones that are just looking to get laid.

Yeah, it has happened to me in the past.

I admit, I jumped the gun.

I'm like, oh my God, I like this guy so much.

And then I thought we had this major connection, and slowly but surely, the dude just disappeared.

Now, what do you say to the men out there, including some guys that I interviewed on season three?

They say, look, if I like the girl after a bunch of dates, I want to have sex with her.

If she doesn't give me sex, I'm gonna go get it with somebody else.

Yeah, I agree, but I guess what is a bunch of dates?

A bunch, like you said, it could be five, six days.

I don't know.

Yeah, I guess, I guess it depends.

I mean, I

it depends on how often you're seeing someone.

If you're seeing someone two times a week and you know they're not talking and they're they're they're getting back to you and they're asking you out again and they seem very interested and you really are getting to know this person it may happen quicker than seeing someone every two weeks i mean it just varies every month you know really i would say probably

not within the first three four five dates like that

getting to know someone and you're not in a a a a a a relationship with that person you're just dating and you're just getting to know that person and they could be doing doing the same thing with two other people.

That's disgusting, right?

No, why

yeah, I know, but that so that's the question I always have: like, if you're dating someone, okay, and let's say in my case, you had sex, if you're enjoying each other, why in the world would you still be out there looking for somebody else just because men are gonna be men?

Because, like, if I meet someone that I really like and I'm really into that guy, my behavior is, well, I want to get to know that guy, I want to enjoy what's going on between me and that guy.

I want to enjoy my chemistry with that guy.

I'm not going to go out there banging different men every weekend.

You know what I mean?

So, why would a guy, if he's with me, enjoy my company, enjoy getting to know me, our sex is great.

Why would he still be fishing out there for other women?

Maybe he was already talking to other women.

He was already in contact, and he was already gone out with a couple dates here and there, and they're following up.

And they're like, How are you?

I'd love to see you.

It could be from the other woman's end, too, that's still pulling him in, entangled with other people.

So that's why it's important to have conversations.

You like someone, you've gone out with them three, four times.

Okay, so what's the deal?

Are you talking to other people?

Are you just talking to me?

I mean, it's it's it's fine.

Like, let's have conversations.

Let's be honest.

We're adults.

Is it okay for the woman?

You know, are you

wanting to see see how it goes together?

Are you talking to other people?

Are you seeing other people?

It's fine to be upfront and honest after three, four dates and see where they're at.

What are your intentions with me, young man?

Young man.

I am a

baby.

And if your intentions are different than mine, then I'll go find somebody that deserves me, you know?

So is it okay for the woman to start that conversation?

Or do you think the man is in general going to feel like, ooh, she's putting me against the wall.

I don't like that.

I feel like if it's been,

you know, you're in touch quite often, he's asking you out quite often, you've been out a handful of times.

I think it's okay to say, like, so what else do you have going on?

Are you, you know, talking to other people?

You know,

where are we?

I think it's okay for a woman to be honest and ask for some communication and see where they're at, see where their head's and then you can decide if he's like, Yeah, not really.

I mean, sometimes they'll lie, sometimes they won't be honest.

Yeah, um, but I feel like if you put it out there, maybe he's like, Oh, she's pretty serious, and and you know, I feel the same way about her, so maybe I do want to focus on her.

Very good advice that I should take for myself.

But I've been known to jump the gun in the past, and now I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.

So, let's say, life's all about, Yeah, Dylan and I'll probably die and I'm not going to learn anything, but whatever.

We keep trying.

I'm a firm believer.

Like I totally believed in the fairy tale and love.

So I think we got to keep searching.

Now,

Dylan and I are completely different when it comes to dating.

Like I said, my approach is...

Maybe because I'm a Pisces and I'm super romantic and everything.

I meet a guy and like I said, two, three dates, I'm like, okay, let's just do this let's figure it all out and dylan will make the guy wait forever and ever and ever

and she thinks it's a privilege to take her around the corner to starbucks

which i think is great

So what would you say like to both of us, what is the midterm so we don't drive the guy crazy in her case or I don't lose the guy too quickly in my case because I just give him and I hate this phrase that the other matchmaker uses.

Oh, don't give out the goods.

Like, I'm not a freaking good to give out.

Or, why would you give?

Why would you buy the cow when the milk is free?

I know.

I don't like this expression.

Yeah,

me,

meet in the middle, Kat and Dylan.

You guys both meet in the middle, and then that's the perfect little combination.

Yeah, so how do you do that?

You know, I think every

situation situation is different.

And I feel like,

I mean, my advice is don't give it away too soon as well.

You really want to have like a good foundation with this person.

You don't want it to be all about sex.

You want to know this person and you don't know this person after a couple of dates.

So I feel like that's more important.

Yeah.

It's really a foundation and like being a friend and getting along and laughing and enjoying each other's company and doing the same things and and enjoying each other and whatever you do and adventures and yes sexual chemistry is important as well but i feel like in the long run the foundation of like a friendship and really getting along with someone and enjoying someone will take you the long haul um yes you need to have it all but i feel like if you jump into something too soon then it's just going to be more about that.

And I feel like it ends things quicker if you start too soon.

I have a question along the lines of that.

I'm so glad that you brought that up because something that I found in my own life and that I've discussed with my girlfriends is that normally like what I believe is us women are very honest and upfront like from the beginning, right?

We don't try and like hide things and then God and then, you know,

We only get better from there, right?

We kind of start with the bad and get better.

And guys, it's almost the opposite.

they start as this romantic prince with this chariot

so true and they look like a knight in shining armor and everything's great and then you find out later on like they have some major problems you know like with money with their mom whatever it may be some major issues right and you find out when once it's too late once you're like oh shoot he's been wooing me all this time and i've been honest and i thought he's being honest but really he's just listening to me and now i find out he is a schmuck and it's too late you know my feelings are already in it yeah well you think that's true that's okay

that's just that's just life that's just betting betting who you are with

friends

new friends new people in your life that's just

you gotta go through it and you gotta learn and you gotta investigate and sometimes things don't come out if somebody's not honest until even for myself people come to me and they might not be honest about lawsuits or bankruptcy or what, you know, people aren't not always upfront.

It's tough to open up your whole life, right?

Like, blah, blah, blah, right at once.

It's tough, right?

Right, right.

So, those types of things are just life, and it will come out, and you'll have to decide if you want to deal with it or not.

Yeah.

And if it's a deal breaker, then it's a deal breaker, and you move on, and you cut your losses, and you know, you move on to finding your person.

And you don't settle settle for something that isn't for you

we have this one life and we all deserve the best and to be happy and you just keep trying until you you know don't let it taint you and you know just move on and don't be angry about it let's let's find somebody that suits us right and maybe you covered this but i i mean you know this is an assumption i'm making but i think it's fair to say we're this is a predominantly patriarchal society right and so probably most of your clients most of the guys that are paying for this are men i would imagine.

So, I want to know how you meet girls.

Well, yeah, men and women do pay and join with us, but we do recruit.

You know, a lot of people just kind of Google Matchmaker.

They want a different way of meeting,

you know, people in the area.

So, they Google it, look into it.

Typically, women are a little maybe tired of the online, so they start looking into matchmaker.

You know, we have such a large company,

friends of friends, referrals, word of mouth.

We have a large team.

So we get referrals from friends.

A lot of people just look into our company and they research and they reach us.

So I mean, tens of thousands of clients in our database.

We're not short on

clients that are kind of in our system and we're working for.

And we have offices nationwide and internationally.

So we really can help anyone, anywhere.

But the majority of our clients do come to us.

Awesome.

They hear about us.

A friend tells them about us.

There are not many companies can say they've been in business as long as we have.

There's a couple that have been around as long as we have.

So just, you know, we treat our clients well.

We have good reputation.

They look into our company and they're like, yeah, that sounds great.

I want somebody that is vetting and screening and checking IDs and making sure they look at their photos and they're not living in grandma's basement.

You know, just

they're not a child molester, a kidnapper, they don't have three wives, you know, the basics, right?

Have a freaking job.

We do kind of go at their word with approximately what they make, but we don't relay that to anyone.

Okay.

Yeah, we do check it, you know, we can we check if somebody owns their home, those types of things, but we don't really know what's going in and what's coming, what's you know, going in and going out.

That's kind of up to them, but we do verify what they do for a living, if they own their company, those types of things we do verify.

So for new girls

like me and Dylan, do you kind of coach us on how to date before we screw it up completely?

Or you just tell us, look, do you feel like this guy?

Go, good luck.

Or do you kind of help us learn how to date?

Because I honestly feel, and I keep saying that, and of course, the guys that listen to my podcast, they know.

Um, I don't know how to date.

I keep hearing this expression: dating is a game, dating is a game, you got to play the game.

Even Dylan, many times, she has all these pointers, do this, dude.

I'm like, oh, this is exhausting.

I don't want to play a game.

I don't want to play this game.

I just want to date and find somebody nice.

So, what would you do?

Yeah, I do.

I do kind of coach my clients along the way.

I get feedback on what happens.

Let's say you, Kat, you go out with someone and he relays, oh, she was talking about this and this turned me off and this was negative or whatever.

I can relay that and then help for the next state.

So that's kind of nice.

I'm going to fly on the wall between the two of you, letting you know, oh, this might have turned him off and let's let's tweak it for the future, whatever.

Maybe you don't even realize you're doing it.

And with the games and the texting and how long do you wait and all those things?

Yes, I like to help.

I do it daily.

So like I'll set something out and I'm like, oh, she hasn't heard from you.

You should reach out and let her know that you're excited to see her on Friday.

That you are, you know, you know, follow up within a day of meeting.

If you're interested, you ask her out again.

These are things that like you think people should know.

Sometimes like you get overwhelmed and you're working so hard and you're like, oh,

I am interested, but I don't want to be too bored, I don't want to seem desperate.

You know, so it's, it is,

it's exhausting, isn't it?

Uh, to me, it's exhausting.

Like, should I wait?

Some girls say, Oh, wait 24 hours, then other girls say, Wait, 12.

Oh, make him wait.

Oh, it's Friday.

Don't answer on Friday.

And I'm like, seriously, I'm just like, if I want to talk to someone, I say, Hi, how are you?

How are you doing?

And if I don't, I say, Look, thank you so much.

I appreciate it.

I don't ghost.

That's another thing that drives me bonkers out of my mind when adults do that.

Be a freaking adult, you know.

And I mean, but obviously, my strategy has not worked for me.

Let's be honest about it.

It's been a disaster.

So, I guess I gotta change it.

And Dylan has all this, she approaches date kind of like a war game, you know, she has

a phrase for everything and a timing for everything for text, for phone calls, da da da da da.

So, I mean,

how is there a middle ground or do I have to play the game?

I

actually

just don't like the game playing either.

If you like someone, tell them.

If you want to see someone, let them know.

If you want to see someone for a second date,

you know,

from a man in the beginning, I think it's nice to let the woman know that they're interested, that they want to take you out again.

But, you know, from there, I feel like it's nice for a woman to also relay, I'd love to see you.

What are you doing this weekend?

Or, you know, I'd love to make plans again.

Just like let them know you're also interested.

Always have to come from the man.

But in the beginning, I do think it's nice, traditional.

for the man to reach out and ask you out and for a second date even.

But then you're going out after a second date.

Thank you for dinner.

I really enjoyed the evening.

I'm looking forward to seeing you again.

Kind of thing.

It's nice to relay that to the man, give him the confidence that you are interested, that you're liking him, that you are wanting to see him again.

Because there are so many games and there's so many rules.

And I feel like it's nice to be open, upfront, honest.

The ghosting, like let somebody know you're, you know, you were lovely.

I just, I didn't, I didn't feel the connection.

And I sorry, I so wish you all the luck.

Yeah.

Versus

feeling the pain of being ghosted.

So, you know, how it's very painful.

It is very painful, guys.

Don't freaking do it.

To be clear, I don't play games, I am just aware of the games that they're playing almost inherently, right?

You strategize.

Okay, I'm gonna put fingers.

This is what they're doing.

Do as you wish.

You strategize.

Oh my god, this is super cool advice i think you're amazing i'm super excited are you excited dylan

so excited i'm thrilled and i think i'm so excited to have met you guys yes

yeah because i have to tell you tammy when that lady told me i don't want to match you i'm afraid to match you It really hurt my feelings because I was like, I think I am matchable, you know?

And

people have told me before, you're a handful.

Yes, a lot of guys get super intimidated by my work.

They are afraid of the podcast.

They're afraid I'm going to talk about them.

And I have said in the past, if you're a decent human being, I'm not going to say anything about you.

If you're a cripple, an a-hole, I might call it out, but I'm not even going to say your name.

Like, like Dylan talked about this dude on Tuesday.

We didn't say who he was.

We just said he wasn't tall enough.

Maybe she's afraid of negative exposure, but like negative happens.

Like, that's just life.

And there will be bad things and there will be

a part of life.

Yeah, and I'm excited.

Yeah.

You guys are both incredible, definitely matchable.

And then I'm excited.

Thank you.

Yeah, no, that's what I love that you said.

I'm excited because you didn't feel intimidated.

And I mean, let's admit it, it's a lot of work.

Because,

yeah,

I don't think we're like the easiest people in the world to match, But I guess nobody is right Do you think there is somebody that is like super easy to match?

No, everybody everybody has their their their person that they are looking for and their specifics and they're attracted to a certain person and everybody's got their stuff Yeah,

I get it.

Yeah, so I don't know if Dylan has another question, but I have one more regarding age difference, a lot of guys like dating way younger women.

And I always liked older men.

My husband was 22 years older than me.

And I loved that.

And I used to go for a lot older guys just because I think they have their shit together.

You know, they're intelligent.

They've been through the midlife crisis, blah, blah, blah.

But like sometimes now I see, especially here in LA, a lot of women are going for a lot younger guys because they're like, oh, these older men have too much baggage a lot of them are you know don't take care of themselves they're not healthy they're always sick but there is prejudice right about it or what do you say regarding age do you try to match people closer to age or it doesn't matter

I mean yeah

everyone has their preference and what they're they're wanting men and women so I take that into consideration when matching but usually women

I mean what I see is women typically give me their age and eight or ten years older, maybe a couple years younger.

But men don't typically come to me and want to date older.

That's just what I see.

I just don't see it very often.

A few years sometimes, but usually women like to date a little older.

They're,

you know, they're kind of settled.

They have their lives together.

They're not as scared to date a little older.

Yeah.

And men, you know,

they just don't typically go older.

They'll go, yeah,

eight to ten, maybe a little more younger.

But I think that's typically the age of what I see with people that come to me.

Cool.

And do you think the sign, so many people talk about sign.

Oh, he's a Virgo.

He's this, he's that, he's that.

Do you think that it's Dylan, Dylan?

She's guilty of that.

When she was on Bumble, she's like, oh, he's a Taurus.

No way.

Oh, he's a...

I'm like, Dylan, will you stop looking at the freaking sign and look at what the guy does for a living, where he lives?

Right, right.

So it's really important to some people.

What do you say to people like that, Tammy?

It is important to some people, and sometimes that is their deal breaker.

And, you know,

yes, you can tell someone to be as open-minded till I'm blue in the face but if it's a deal breaker for them just like they wouldn't date somebody with kids or that doesn't have kids or whatever if it's someone's deal breaker then it's someone's deal breaker and i don't think that they'll they'll give somebody an opportunity if it's on their deal breaker list is it on your deal breaker list dylan the sign i think it is right

no i don't want to be that closed-minded about it honestly especially

conversations

um but no i don't want to be that closed-minded about it i think i think that there's like compatibility based on that, right?

And so maybe I could look for like somebody like a Pisces that's more compatible with me or a Gemini or whatever it may be.

So

that's just like what me that the lay person does.

You know, I don't have 22 years of experience doing this.

That's just my own method that I've devised so far with my own brain, a political brain.

I think it's good to have a preference and then being open-minded.

So I prefer this, this, and this, but I'm open-minded with the others, you know, kind of a thing.

I think that that's good.

It keeps the window open, the options open.

It doesn't close off half the population if you don't want five different signs or whatever.

Oh, so awesome.

In summary, be open-minded.

Don't concentrate on specific inches, on specific pounds.

I personally think lifestyle and what you want to do with your life.

And, like you said, major things like having kids, having dogs, you know, where you want to live.

These things are super important.

And sexual compatibility, chemistry, all of these things.

You know, I keep saying sex, sex.

To me, yes, to me, it is honestly, I was in a marriage.

My husband was wonderful in many things, but our sex life was so freaking crappy.

And I admit it, for 15 freaking years,

I didn't even know what sex was anymore.

and I love it, it's so important to me.

Even if it's like with my vibrators, I have to have it.

So, I'm gonna be honest with the guy: look, if you don't have a super high sex drive, if you're one of those dudes, like, oh, once a week, honestly, Tammy, I don't want it, it's not gonna work for me.

You know, I want the guy that really likes it as much as I do.

Is that being too picky?

No, that's okay, okay, you know what you want, you deserve it, you have this one life, yes, You deserve to have that in your life.

Yeah.

You're amazing.

I loved it.

Thank you.

So we are going to be talking to Tammy off air and figuring out how we're going to do this matchmaking experience.

And I promise I am going to bring it to you guys step by step by step.

And this is going to be super interesting because Dylan and I are in different geographical areas.

We have completely different ages, which is great too.

And we have completely different tastes in men.

So it's going to be amazing.

And I am going to document everything here on the podcast and on my social media, Kat Zamudo and Dylan's social media, Billy and Dylan.

So you guys, if you want to know anything else about the world of matchmaking and Tammy's being amazing, she has the cojonies, no pun intended, to put it all out there and say, I'm going to match these girls, or I'm not gonna match these girls, but I'm gonna show it all.

So, thank you so much, Tammy.

You're incredible.

I'm excited.

Yay!

Introduced to you and help you girls out.

Awesome.

I love it.

So, this was Cat on the Loose on Friday.

I'm gonna get cut off or running out of time.

And you guys have an amazing weekend out there, and we'll be back soon with Tammy.

And Tuesday, I'm back with Dylan, and we're gonna talk about a bunch of other exciting things.

Thank you, Tammy.

It was great.

Bye.