First time Sex with a New Person: go all in or tread lightly??

Hi guys, happy Tuesday.

I'm back in Miami after almost two weeks in LA

for work and a little bit of a personal time, which I will tell you this is a two-part episode.

The first part is the theme, which is going to be a lot of fun.

It's first time sex with your new date.

Do's and don'ts, first time sex etiquette.

A lot of you have been sending me messages about situations that have happened to you, and I was just laughing.

So, I picked the ones that I think are more like crazy, outrageous that we should talk about, and I'll put them all out there.

And second part, I will tell you a little bit about LA.

Do you guys think it was a man diet, or do you think I finally went off of the man diet and had a man feast?

I will let you know, so stay tuned.

But, anyways, I, for those of you that don't know, I've lived in LA

for many, many, many, many years.

And I just love it.

As much as I was born in Brazil, every time I step in LA, I feel like I'm home.

It's an interesting feeling.

I have this feeling when I'm in LA and I have this feeling when I'm in Paris.

For those of you that don't know, my dad was from Paris.

But when I walk around the streets of LA,

the weather, the people,

everything makes me feel, oh my my God, I'm home.

And I never, never, never can shake that feeling off.

I've been in Miami full time since 2019 when Anthony died.

Anthony was my husband.

And that's a story that I tell on my book that is finally done, Yellow Roses in June.

And I am so excited to share it with you guys, hopefully very, very soon.

But anyways, I started putting the story out there for those of you who are interested because it's a crazy, crazy story that you would never think happens in real life but guess what it does and it's all out there i put it all out yellow roses in june but anyways

so i've been in miami all of these years and i like it i'm not gonna say i don't like it of course i love the latin cultures and The weather is iffy.

The summers are tough here because it's been so rainy and muggy and everything.

And I love the beach.

That's the best part about it.

I live near the beach.

I walk around with my dog every morning.

So there are good things about it.

But I can't shake this feeling that I am never, never home here.

But most of all, and I know a lot of you will be mad at me and disagree with me, but just keeping the honesty, honesty, raw, and real path that I'm taking with you guys, I think people here are so

phony, so fake, so awful.

And I know when I say that, I get usually the answer, oh my god, but LA is so much worse.

LA is the world of phonies, and you know what?

I disagree.

I think that LA,

as much as a lot of people are in the entertainment industry, they seem to be a lot more personal and truthful about what the hell it is that they want.

If it's a business meeting, it's a business meeting.

It's black and white.

If they want to date you, they want to date you.

If they just want to have sex with you, they just want to have sex with you.

I feel like people are much more bossy and forthcoming in terms of saying who are they and what is it that they want as in here

i don't know if it's because there's so many tourists i don't know if it's because there's so many transients i don't know if it's because it's such a mess of so many cultures i have this feeling almost everyone i meet and a lot of my friends agree but i know most of you don't agree

they lie they lie to your face like men will say the nicest things because they want to date you.

Oh my God.

I want a relationship.

oh you're the nicest person

but the truth is they just want to have sex with you um on the first date

and that's it and the same for women i have a lot of guy friends here and they tell me the same thing these girls make believe they want to date them that they're interested in them and all they care about is oh take me to the most expensive restaurant take me to the hottest place in town and then they get there all they care about is doing selfies of themselves and showing their friends hey hey look at me, this is where I am.

So, I mean, it's phoniness on both ends, and not only personal relationships.

I suffer so much working here in my area of work.

I have so many invoices that go unpaid, so many contracts.

People literally will sign a contract and say, Oh, yeah, go do this job, like social media management, content creation, a broker's contract, whatever it is.

And then they just don't honor it.

I have a list of clients that literally did not pay me.

And I think that is just so creepy.

It's just so awful to do that to a woman.

I think it's disgusting.

And to be super honest,

I get tired of it.

I live here.

And at the same time, like, okay, I am so, so ready.

to move back to LA.

I am so ready to move back to my roots because I just think it's easier to have personal relationships, to have have lifelong friends and to work to do business there to me doing business here it's like an all-time all-around nightmare I know I'm gonna get dozens and dozens of messages disagreeing with me I think I will get a few messages agreeing with me but yeah this is a an open channel of conversation and let me know what you guys think or is it something that I am doing wrong I actually have people ask me oh my god why does this happen to you why do you do business and then all of a sudden, your clients don't pay.

Why do they F you?

Um, and honestly, like I said, I have this feeling that people here they're like, Oh, yeah, I'll sign a contract with her, I couldn't care less, and then fuck her, I'm not gonna pay.

And I will do an episode about it, by the way.

I'll do a whole episode.

I'm gonna put it all out there: men behaving badly, not

only on personal relationships, but on business relationships, which I think is just as nasty, if not nastier, because women like me, and I know a lot of them out there, and this is a very special month because it is Latina Heritage Month.

It's all about celebrating Latin culture, Latin women.

And I know a lot of us work really, really, really hard.

My friends, people that know me, my clients know that I work like crazy.

ever since Anthony died, ever since everything has been taken away from me.

And the whole story is on Yellow Roses in June.

And I love it.

Thank God.

I'm not a lazy person by any means.

I have no problem working.

But when you work like a freaking maniac and this a-holes don't pay you, don't honor the contracts that you sign.

It's just ridiculous.

It's awful.

It's disgusting.

It's frustrating.

But that's a hard episode.

So moving on.

Today's first theme.

First time sex with your new date.

So I put a question on my Instagram page.

You're dating this person.

So, okay, you guys are going to go have sex.

It doesn't matter if it's the first, the second, the third date, the 10th date.

Do you go all out?

Meaning, do you show them what you love, your moves, your sexual desires, fantasies, or you thread lightly because, oh, it's the first time with this guy, with this girl?

You know, let me get to know them first.

Interestingly enough, it was 50-50.

50% of you said go all out and 50% of you said tread lightly.

In my opinion, I would say, i would be like in the middle don't tread so lightly that you're like hiding your style and be boring but don't go out and and make crazy requests that the person might look at you and be like huh maybe that's a bit much on the first time in bed so these are a few of um situations that you guys sent me the past few weeks and i was laughing really hard

So one girl sent me this message saying the first time she went to bed with this guy and they really liked each other, blah, blah, blah.

It was after a bunch of dates.

They're having sex and they're having great chemistry.

And she's like giving him a blowjob.

And all of a sudden, he turns and puts his butt right on her face, on her nose and mouth, like lick me.

Nothing against that.

I have talked about it in the past.

Yes, I know it's a very erogenous zone for most men.

The area right below the scrotum, between the

dick.

Sorry, I don't know how to use like two fancy words to talk about sex.

Right between the dick and the scrotum and the S.

Yes.

But she was just getting to know the guy.

It was their first time in bed.

It was their first time together.

And she just shoved his butt on her mouth.

And it scared her a little bit.

She's like, oh my God, what do I do here?

So I would say to guys, kudos for this guy for being comfortable around this area because I know, interesting enough, a lot of men are not comfortable around this area.

And it is a very pleasurable area for most men, for a heterosexual man.

We're not talking about gay men.

And a lot of men don't want you to go there because they think, oh, I don't know about it, you know.

But yeah, I kind of agree with her.

Maybe

you talk about her, you put her hand there first.

I don't know.

I would ease my way into that area so it doesn't like completely scare the person off so so quickly.

And vice versa.

um one of my friends was dating this girl and they were gonna have sex on the second or third date I forgot and right when they started she took her underwear and she sat she literally sat right on his face like and he was like oh my god I'm feeling a little suffocated and a little overwhelmed and she just sat there and she was like right in his face

again

I know most women love oral sex.

There is nothing wrong with it.

I am, I know I'm the major, major, major exception.

And I have said that a million times before.

Most guys on the planet think all girls in the world love oral sex.

And they all try, my friends try to convince me, oh, you don't like it because the guy doesn't know it.

No, it just doesn't turn me on.

I like...

the lips on my lips and the hand on me that's what turns me on but anyways this girl obviously she wanted him to give her oral sex but if you're just getting in bed with this guy and you're getting into the mood and you don't know each other's sexual style, maybe just taking your underwear off and sitting on his face and just going at it without even figuring out, is he enjoying, is he breathing?

I agree with my friend.

And that's the sad part.

It totally turned him off.

He said he couldn't even get it up.

He was like, oh, it was so much.

She was so aggressive.

She was there for like maybe five minutes.

10 minutes.

It felt like an eternity.

By the time she was done, I was like, okay, I'm sorry, but I don't feel good.

I need a minute.

And he didn't invite her out again.

So, girls, I love women that can tell what they want in bed.

I actually think any relationship you should be able to tell your partner, of course, everything that makes you happy in bed, all your problems, everything that makes you happy, everything that makes you calm, everything that you don't like, everything that hurts, etc., etc., etc.

But you know, take your time, like get to know each other, get to figure out.

Maybe being a little too aggressive on the very first night doesn't sound like it's a great idea.

Another guy said he was dating this girl and this is all, remember, first time they're having sex.

They start having sex and she's like, tie me in bed.

Please tie me in bed because if you don't tie me in bed, I can come.

Really, really.

And the guy was like, what?

But it's the first, she's like, no, just take off my clothes and tie me in bed.

And again, nothing wrong with tying somebody in bed.

If it's something both of you love to do, I know it turns a lot of people on.

I think it's a sex, sexy farplay.

It can be super exciting.

But if you're just getting started, maybe you should warm up a little bit more, get to know each other a little bit more before you jump right on it.

And yes, the guy was like, okay, maybe can we do a few things first?

Can we warm up first?

And she was like, nah, I just want to be tight.

And again, it totally turned him off.

So, ladies,

yeah, you should tell your partner what you like.

But if you're just getting to know a person sexually, maybe a little lighter might be better.

One message that I get from a lot of people, the delicate subject of anal sex, 99.9% of you, both men and women, tell me, and I agree, the first time having sex with someone is probably not a good idea.

to ask for it.

And a lot of girls tell me that the guys just say, oh my God, I wanna your butt and they're not ready for it it's something very intimate it's something that most women want to feel like they are in a very comfortable place with the guy in a relationship or they know the guy really well before going there yeah some girls are more upfront and they're like yeah i love it let's do it but for but for most women If we are having sex with you the first night and you're like, oh my God, I want to have anal sex.

Very, very likely likely, most girls will feel, wow, he's going too fast, he doesn't even know me that well, I don't feel that great about this request.

We're just getting to know each other.

So, uh, nine out of ten people say, Don't do it on the first time you're having sex with someone.

Get to know the person better.

My opinion is, yes, I would need to feel super, super, super comfortable with my man.

And I've said it before, and I say it again.

I would do pretty much everything and anything for my man to make him happy, to turn him on, if you wanted to explore, if you wanted us to try something together, because I think that's what a relationship is all about.

But yeah, if you're getting to know someone and all of these things come up on the first night, it might be like just too much, too much, too much.

Let me know if you guys agree.

One more.

That's a big question for everyone.

You have sex, it's a new person, and then you're like, put your pants on, get up and leave.

Oh, I got to go.

Girls get really hurt by that because that's something that most, that a lot of guys do.

And I think I have to agree.

I mean, I know it varies on each case and each situation.

But if it is someone that you're dating for a while, if it's someone you care about, if it's someone you're like, oh, I think I want to see him or her again, maybe you can be a little more respectful than just like, oh, I just came, I had an orgasm, thank you very much.

I'm gonna put my window up and get the hell out of here.

You know, it makes anybody feel like shit.

And I'm saying about men, too.

I have a girl friend.

She does that

to guys that she's dating.

She likes having casual sex.

That's her right.

A lot of girls do that.

But every time she goes and has sex with the guy, the minute they're done, she's like, okay, do you mind leaving, please?

Can you just put your pants and get the hell out?

She literally tells them to their face that she doesn't want them staying over anything.

She doesn't want them to hang out.

She doesn't want them to do anything.

I think it's a little blunt.

And I know she has scared guys away with that behavior.

So, my opinion is: if you get to the point of having sex with someone, I mean, I like treating people with respect, with kindness,

you know, just being all-around nice.

So, the answer is: don't put your pants on and just gap and leave.

And I think most people agree with me.

I think when i put this question on my instagram 85 said yes hang out sleep with a person go have a nice breakfast or hang out for a few hours if you guys decide you're going to sleep apart but putting your pants up and leaving right after having an orgasm it's kind of like super super rude

And last but not least, I think this was a little, this was the creepiest one I got.

This girl was having sex with this guy for the first time and she knew it wasn't going to turn turn into a relationship.

It was kind of going to be a one-night stand.

But the minute they got in bed,

the guy

started telling her he wanted to make believe her parents were in the living room.

Like, oh, don't let mommy listen to us, don't let your dad listen.

Oh my god, tell me your dad is in the living room.

And he really creeped out because she was thinking, oh my God, I don't want to have sex

and play

foreplay, thinking that my parents might listen to me having sex, so that totally turned her off when the guy was saying that.

And honestly, that would turn me off on so many levels.

I'm not sure I like this kind of foreplay, but again, it's something very personal.

But if you're just getting to know someone in bed and the guy's whispering in your ear, like, oh, be quiet, be quiet.

Your dad is in the living room, your mom is in the living room.

I'm not sure this game is a great game for first time sex.

So, 50% of you said show all you got.

50% of you said tread lightly.

But after reading and talking about all these stories that you guys sent me, I think I'm going to go on the side of tread lightly or maybe

get to know the person.

Having sex with someone the first time is so fun and exciting.

And then planning the next date and then getting to know the person's body and what turns them on and what doesn't turn them on and what they like and what they don't like.

I think it's kind of like layers peeling off layers.

So layers.

So why would you try to do everything and so much the first time and might scare the person away?

Let me know what you guys think and I'll talk about it some more.

I'm going to take a super, super quick minute and a half break and please come back because I will tell you if LA was more of my man diet or if it was a little bit of a man feast and what I think about that.

I'll be back in a minute and a half.

Love you.

okay so I was in LA and I was debating because I really wanted to keep this one very very close to my heart for the moment but since I got so many messages from you guys saying you appreciate my honesty and how real and how raw I am I'm gonna share a little bit yes I was on a man diet since April and I did break the man diet a little bit in LA I had a little bit of a man feast and it was insanely nice It was with someone that I was talking to for a few months, and then when we finally met, chemistry was really amazing.

I had that feeling like, oh my god, I feel like we've known each other already.

I feel like I've been with you already.

So it was very organic, very natural, because you guys know that's my style.

I felt very comfortable with him.

So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to go for it.

And we had sex.

And it was really, really great without elaborating because, you know, that doesn't really matter, but I want to keep it something about it personal.

It was amazing.

I think what I'm going to tell you is the man diet was really, really great for me.

And I highly recommend it.

And I've said it before.

If you're dating, dating, dating, dating, and everything is going wrong, and you're dating bad people, you get your heart broken, or for whatever reason, take a break, concentrate on yourself.

I really believe if you start concentrating on yourself, and that's what happened to me.

I spent the whole summer finishing my book, taking care of myself, working on my projects, working on my health, my life.

So by the time I went there and I texted him and I said, okay, I'm going to be in LA.

Do you want to meet?

I felt I was so ready for this date.

I felt I was so ready for this person.

I wasn't in the mood to welcome it with anybody else.

I wasn't thinking about anybody else.

And we really clicked.

I mean, I think we both clicked, but I felt like I clicked with him a lot and it felt really natural.

And the second thing I'm going to tell you, if you do do the man diet and you decide to get out of the man diet, that's the key.

Make sure it is for someone that you really like.

It should never, never be about quantity.

I mean, I'm not a dating expert and I tell you guys that over and over and over again.

I'm as far off being a dating expert as anybody can be.

I just tell you my personal experiences and my opinion based on what happens and what experts say and based on my personal life.

Many times, and especially women, We keep going out to the wrong guy, the wrong guy, the wrong guy, because we feel lonely, because we feel we need a man to feel validated, because we are sad at home, because it's Friday night.

No, no, no, no, no.

And I think that's all crap.

I think that's all baloney.

You don't need a man to be validated.

It's okay to be home Friday night.

It's completely okay to be alone for a few months.

You should be your best company.

You should be your priority, your projects, your hobbies, everything that you love.

Because when you feel stronger, when you feel better about yourself, I think you're going to attract better quality of people, or at least people that really appreciate you the way you are for who you are.

And I just think it makes all the difference in the world.

So, what I i would say is instead of just going out for the sake of it uh if you decide man died or no man died i want to go out to this guy

and this is where i disagree with all the experts that i ever interview

i don't think it matters if it's the second date the third date the tenth date i have heard this from people from experts i've interviewed on my podcast so many times oh don't give out the goods oh make him wait oh all of a sudden you know you're kissing and then you know you're in bed and it doesn't mean anything

i this is what i would say i don't play games i will never play games it's not my style so i respectfully disagree with all of these experts i think it's kind of ridiculous this day and age oh give out the goods i had sex i didn't have sex i'm gonna make him wait If you feel it's the right thing for you, if you feel comfortable with the person, if you know the person are, if you, you too as adults decide this is going to feel amazing, guess what?

Life is made of amazing moments.

Life is made of incredible experiences.

Go for it.

Follow your gut, follow your instinct.

And yes, follow your heart.

Because at the end of the day, I don't think dating should be this calculated chess game.

You know, oh, I need to do this move because then he'll do this move.

And if I make him wait then he'll do this I honestly think it should be organic and it should be real and if a guy likes you seriously if you guys have chemistry if you have great sex but he if he likes you in the morning if he likes having a conversation with you if he appreciates your company if he appreciates you for who you are He's not going to care if it was the second date, the third date, the fourth date.

He's going to like and say, you know what?

I like this chick.

I want to see her again.

I want to see where this is going to go.

and i know a lot of you disagree with me and this has been like an ever-going debate on this podcast because like i said when experts come over they always say that oh maybe the second date is just soon maybe they don't know maybe and i'm thinking i'm not saying it's right because obviously i am still single i don't know what will happen with myself and this guy because i'm still in miami As much as I'm planning my move very, very soon back to California.

By the way, you guys just heard it.

I don't know the date yet

but anyways he's there I'm here we saw each other three times and to me it was amazing I like him so much as a person because for me it's not just about the sex I am a sapiosexual.

I need to have a connection.

I love intelligent people.

I love kind people.

I love respectful people.

I like old school gentlemen.

So, I mean, to me, he fits all this box.

But yeah, we need to get to know each other more.

I don't know when I get back if he's going to want to go out with me again or not.

But the point is, if you decide to go out with someone, do it for you.

Follow your instinct, follow your heart.

If it feels right, guess what?

It might be.

And I think if maybe this person is right for you, like maybe this person is right for me.

Timing will be right.

He will wait or he will want to see me again or he will appreciate what we had.

We're not kids.

We're not teenagers.

i am 100 million percent against playing games that goes for guys and that goes for girls and i think girls many times do it too much

and i know some guys like playing games sorry but some guys are just like oh my god this is so phony you know i text her

And she doesn't text back in 24 hours or two days.

Or I invite her on a date and she's 45 minutes late, blah, blah, blah.

You know, all this baloney.

Oh, I'm going to make him wait and wait and wait for 10 dates.

Well, if he works for you, great.

Let me know.

I would love to hear stories.

If you guys disagree with me completely, let me know too.

I'm sure nobody knows yet.

I haven't told one soul except for my best friend, Eliza, in San Francisco, that I saw this guy, but now you guys know.

And I'm sure I'm going to get messages.

Oh my God, you're jumping the gun again.

You went too fast again.

But guess what?

In my instincts, and in my mind, and in my heart, and everything else felt great, felt right.

I cherished the moments very, very much.

So, yeah, I did have a little bit of a man feast in LA, and it was incredible.

And, like I said, that being said, while I am here in Miami, I'm concentrating on me, I'm concentrating on work, and I'm not a serial dater.

I was never a serial dater.

I do not like quantity in anything, especially men, especially dates.

So, I'm going take my time and i'm gonna be back there really soon and we'll see what happens but i wanted to tell you guys because the entire idea about this podcast is to do it raw to do it real to do it organic no editing no lies no bs and i have been getting a lot of messages what were you doing there

so that's the story

so send me your messages i always love so much to hear from you we're getting close to finishing season three i cannot believe it if you didn't listen to last week's interview with my dear friend, actor Ricardo Chavez, we did it in LA together at the beautiful Soho House West Hollywood.

It was so much fun.

He opens up about dating.

We played the game yes or no.

He was so real, so truthful.

That's why I love him so much.

So that's a super fun episode.

And I will be back on Friday.

Like always, send me a message and send me opinions.

If you love this podcast, please pass it forward.

It's so exciting that we have an ever-growing audience.

It's so exciting that we have more and more downloads.

I appreciate every single one of you.

Thank you so much for listening.

Have a wonderful rest of your week, and I'll see you guys on Fridays.

Canon Blues, kisses.