FRUIT SALAD OF RED FLAGS AND SELF LOVE

Hi guys, how's everyone doing this week?

I am super excited because I love Labor Day weekend.

I feel like it's the end of summer, change of seasons.

I'm happy I will be taking a few days off.

But anyways, today I have a lot to cover and something really beautiful I want to read to you guys at the end.

And it's a touchy subject.

I get a lot of messages about it.

A lot of you girls have been sending me stories, and I'm gonna say girls, but I'm gonna say also that it's a problem that happens both to guys and girls, which is when you are in a relationship, whether it's your husband or your boyfriend, whatever,

and you start feeling the vibe that the person is not interested in you anymore.

But because you like that person so much, you kind of ignore the famous red flags.

So, I'll tell you a few stories that you guys sent me and I will tell you my opinion.

Like always,

the number one question I get asked is: Are you an expert?

Are you a psychologist?

How come you have a sex, dating, and relationship podcast?

The answer is, I am the exact opposite of being an expert.

I am a woman like hundreds of thousands, millions out there that have been through everything.

I've been through marriage, I've been through divorce, i've been through death i've been through dating i've been through situationships i am just trying to navigate this world and learn as i go along with you guys and i have to say i learned so much from doing the podcast from listening to you from getting messages and listening to the experts because like they say many times when we are in a situation with someone when we are in a relationship with someone it's very difficult to look from a different point of view so I love talking to experts because they always have a twist, they always have an interesting, exciting opinion about certain issues.

But, anyways, I am not an expert, I just give you my opinion based on what I learned here.

And you guys just take it for what it is.

I have a friend, she's been on a relationship with her boyfriend for years,

years, like a little over four years.

They actually moved in together.

She forced the issue in the beginning of this year because her rent was going to go sky high.

I don't know if you guys know, but the real estate market here in Miami is going nuts.

Everything is super expensive.

So instead of renewing her lease, she was like, oh, maybe I should move in with you, blah, blah, blah.

Okay.

So they moved in together into his apartment.

At the same time, this guy that she's been dating for over four years got some kind of a job in New York.

And that's our red flag number one, by the way.

She's been with this guy for years and she cannot explain what his job is and he doesn't explain it to her.

He says that he's a property manager, but he's doing a job for someone.

I think

if

you are with someone, especially after years and you're living together

the basic things should be clear.

What do you do?

How much money you make?

Where do you work?

If somebody's bullshitting you to this point that refuses to disclose or explain well where is it that you're going to go to work, what are you doing?

It's for sure a really bad sign.

So my friend, after all this time with this guy, living in his apartment, doesn't know, cannot explain exactly what this guy does.

Sometimes he has money, sometimes he doesn't have money, it's a mess.

But anyways, as she moves into his apartment a few months ago, he goes up to New York to do this job, whatever, wherever.

And so, they're kind of long distance, right?

Because he stays there many, many weeks and then he comes back for a weekend, and then he goes away back and forth, back and forth.

So, two weeks ago, it was her birthday on the weekend.

So, the week before, she was wondering, is he coming back?

Is he not coming back?

The background is they don't get along that great.

He doesn't treat her nicely at all.

He's kind of like an a-hole to her all the time.

Ever since I've known her, I've known her for a couple of years.

We talk about it all the time.

I've tried a million times to tell her, well, this relationship doesn't make you happy.

Look at how this guy treats you, da-da-da.

But I have learned from experience that talking to someone about their relationship is you might as well talk to the wall.

People will only do whatever they want to do.

They will listen if they're ready to listen.

They will break up if they're ready to break up.

So I kind of gave up telling her that it's pretty obvious that this guy doesn't care about her and he treats her like shit and she's always miserable.

But anyway, she was really excited because he told her he was coming over the weekend for her birthday.

So I took her out on Friday night to celebrate and he was arriving later on that same Friday night.

So I wished her a great birthday weekend and I'm hoping to God,

at least on her birthday, this guy is gonna show her a great time but he didn't the whole weekend they were fighting they were arguing and now this is the big big red flag he did not even touch her

now

seriously you can think whatever you want if you have a boyfriend If you're living with a guy and he comes home after not seeing you for two, three weeks and he doesn't even feel like kissing you touching your body having sex with you guess what he's doing someone else and if he's not doing someone else for whatever miracle he's not interested in you anymore period i think we all agree a couple has chemistry everybody loves to kiss and touch and be with that person especially after so many days apart This guy came over on her birthday weekend, and every single day he had some lame, lame excuse.

Oh, my back hurts so much.

Oh, I am so tired.

Oh, I feel this and I feel that and I feel that.

One night he ended up on the couch, and then he goes back to bed.

And then she tried.

So, the whole weekend, instead of feeling good about her birthday, about herself, she feels miserable and unwanted by this dude.

Now, here's the icing on her birthday cake.

Before he leaves back to New York after the weekend, she was snooping on her stuff, his stuff suitcase, and she finds a sialis pill.

And she confronted him.

Oh, you don't want to have sex with me, but you have sialis.

And he bullshitted her all over again.

He's like, no, this is really old.

It's from when I was still here.

And I said, look, listen, my friend, I adore you, but you're an adult.

You're an intelligent adult.

This guy is having sex with someone else.

So, I mean, you want to stay in a relationship with someone that doesn't even touch you?

That's your choice.

But I don't think red flags get any redder and bigger and more shocking than this.

If someone is not touching you, if a guy or even a girl, if they see you and they don't even want to kiss you, have sex with you i would bet my money they are having sex with someone else and i told her that she didn't want to listen i don't know what she's gonna do so the guy came and went didn't touch her didn't do anything she found sialis and that was the end of her birthday weekend i mean seriously i think

i personally

Would never want to stay in a relationship unless somebody is really attracted attracted to me.

I want to be kissed.

I want to be loved.

I want to have sex.

I want to have all of these things.

You know, even if you don't have sex, cuddle and hug and plan dates and drink wine together.

That's all a relationship is all about.

I don't want some dude coming into my house.

to treat me like I'm his roommate and walking away and basically putting my self-esteem down on the ground.

So I highly, highly encourage everyone, if you are in a miserable relationship, if you are in a relationship where there is no physical

contact, there is no freaking reason to stay there.

I mean, you should not be afraid to be alone.

I always say that, and I remember it's something my mom used to say to me, every day that you waste with the wrong person is one opportunity that the right person could be passing right by you and you're missing out on it.

Now, another one that to me is really, really, really bad.

I met a group of new people here in Miami back in May, really nice people, like girls and guys, a bunch of really nice people at a restaurant.

The next day, they invited me to go out on their boat.

And I went.

One of these people, these couples, was a girl.

She was

very lightly dating one of the guys but not officially dating they were kind of just like spending the weekend together because the guy doesn't even live in miami and this girl the entire day

she was obsessed freaking out thinking that i'm gonna hit on her guy that her guy is gonna hit on me blah blah blah blah blah Now, what is the red flag?

If you're dating a guy, like in her case, you just started dating the guy.

So they just started having sex that weekend.

If the guy is into you, you should spend your day concentrating on the guy, not on other women around the guy.

Now, if you think

the guy is so bad that the minute he started being with you, he's going to go

hit on some other girl and try to be with some other girl, guess what?

Huge red flag that he is not interested enough in you or that he doesn't want to date you or that he doesn't want to have a relationship with you.

It has happened to me before

and now I was the other one in this situation.

I would never flirt or hit on a guy that was with some other girl in a social situation.

I think that's lame.

But this girl completely ostracized me from the group, treated me like shit, complained all day long, kept, she was watching this dude like she was his bodyguard.

And men don't like that.

At the end of the day, this guy came to me and said, oh my God, I almost want to hit on you and kiss you.

So she just backs off and leaves me the fuck alone.

So at least here in Miami, I think the Latin culture, most girls are very, very jealous and possessive.

But I have learned from experience, if you're dating someone, let them be.

If they really like you, they're not going to go and flirt to the next person that is next to you.

They will concentrate all of their attention

on you.

And on the other token, if you are in a social situation like we were, and this guy that you just started dating starts flirting with someone else, you might as well just find out right there and then.

To me, I prefer to know from Jumpstreet, is this guy actually really interested in me?

Or is he here because of the situation and he's going to start flirting with somebody else?

I actually recorded an episode, season one.

It's called Incredible Hulk.

It was like the worst boat ride of my life.

I set up this boat ride with all my friends.

You guys can go back and listen to the whole thing because it's a crazy story.

And I was dating this guy throughout the pandemic.

He was staying with me in my apartment.

I was trying to be as nice as pie to this guy.

So I set up this boat ride for him because he had never been in Miami on a boat.

He lives in Orlando.

And I invited a few friends, I invited a group of friends, and I invited one of my girlfriends.

She's gorgeous.

She's a chef.

She's openly bisexual.

And I invited her.

And the minute we got on this boat, the guy that I was with started like blatantly flirting with my girlfriend,

saying nasty, X-rated things to her, being a complete ass in front of of all of my friends so i kind of made the best of it the entire day because of course we're out in the ocean on a boat but at the very end of the day i was like you know what thank god this happened because at least i know who i am dealing with you cannot be nice to me at home or when we're having sex and treat me like and humiliate me in front of all of my friends and start asking my girlfriend, hey, do you want to go bang?

Do you want to go fuck?

Oh my God, I like this.

I like that.

You just don't treat people like that.

But I always think it's better to know

right there and then.

So a huge red flag, obviously, if a guy doesn't treat you with respect in public,

believe me, he's not going to respect you one month from now, two months from now, three months from now.

It's very, very, very important.

And like, like I said, that's one thing that I've been learning.

trial and error.

I've been learning from experiences that have happened to me and I've been learning from doing the podcast and listening to the stories that you guys send me me and listening to experts.

If someone treats you with disrespect from Jump Street, 99.9%,

they will do the same again and again and again.

And for some crazy reason, all of us at one time or another choose to ignore all of these red flags.

I am guilty of doing that.

I am hoping I will not do that in the future.

I got to a point in my life that I'm like, you know what?

I only want to be in a relationship again if if I am completely respected, if I am loved, if I am appreciated as a person.

Otherwise, I am so happy and content being alone, concentrating on my life, concentrating on my projects.

I don't want to go through that again.

It's worse than being alone.

What my friend went through on her birthday and she's been going through for four years with this guy.

This girl that I'm talking about on the boat, like so insecure about the guy that she's dating.

I think it's so much worse to be begging a guy for attention, to be wondering, is he going to respect me?

Is he going to be good to me?

Is he going to treat me right?

It's so much

worse

than being alone.

And I know it's very, very difficult for guys, but I think for a lot of women out there to be alone, for some reason, most women fear being alone.

It's almost like you need a man, a relationship to validate us.

But I will tell you, and this is from personal experience, I've been on, I was

on relationships my entire life.

I jumped from one to another, to another.

I got married.

I was married 14 years.

The second I was done being married, my husband died.

I jumped to a boyfriend.

And then when he did me wrong, he was horrible to me.

I jumped to another one, another one, another.

Until finally, this year in April, when I met a guy that I really liked, maybe I rushed into it a little bit and scared him away.

I don't know.

You guys that listen to the podcast know the story.

He kind of disappeared on me.

I was like, you know what?

Stop it.

Stop everything.

Sometimes it's a great idea to reset.

It's a great idea to stop.

Concentrate on self-love.

Concentrate on loving yourself.

Concentrate on your own life.

Concentrate on your own projects.

I tell you one thing from the bottom of my heart: don't waste your time on relationships that don't make you feel secure.

It is painful.

It is horrible.

It destroys your self-esteem and it's just not worth it.

Either you trust the other guy, either they treat you nicely with kindness, they make plans with you, they tell you they care about you or they don't.

As hard as it is, pick up the pieces and move on.

Same thing, like it happened to me.

If someone goes to you, if someone disappears for whatever reason, don't pound it.

I have a guy friend that just told me the other day, oh, I was super respectful and I told the girl it wasn't going to work out.

I wasn't going to see her anymore.

And she keeps asking, but why?

Please come back.

Don't do it.

Don't humiliate yourself.

Just don't do it.

I know it's painful.

Like I said, it has happened to me.

It actually happened to me.

And this guy that I was dating in April was the first guy that actually said, you know what?

I really like him.

We have so much freaking thing in common.

Sex was so amazing.

Of course, I was hurt.

I think I still am healing from it.

Nobody wants to be rejected.

Nobody wants somebody that we want to make plans with to just disappear on us.

But remember these two words: self-respect, self-love.

If somebody doesn't want to be with you, don't don't insist.

It's just going to make you feel worse.

And seriously,

before

you even think you can love someone else, before you even think you're going to have a great relationship, I think it's so important.

It sounds silly to say that, but I pounded and pounded and pounded, especially when I see stories about my friend with this guy that treats her like shit and she stays there for over four years.

You need to love yourself first.

You need to put yourself first in first place, no matter what.

It is so important.

It is so crucial.

If you don't have self-love, if you don't respect yourself, the person is going to walk all over you.

Like it's happening to my friend.

And every day I tell her and every day I hope that she's going to reach the point that she's going to say, you know what, enough.

I deserve to be treated with respect.

I deserve it to be treated with love.

I'm going to get the hell out of here.

If someone likes us, and I know I said that in the past, if someone cares about us,

we will know the person will call, the person will text, the person will want to make plans, the person will not want to lose us.

That is a fact.

That's why I keep pounding it and pounding it and pounding.

As much as you might want to be with someone,

that's one lesson for sure one million percent that i have learned after doing this podcast for close to two years now

our self-love has

to be stronger than our wish to make any kind of relationship work our relationship is supposed to be fun easy it's supposed to add things to our life to aggregate value to our lives it's not supposed to make us miserable This is why every time I get these messages, oh my God, he didn't call.

Oh my God, I found Viagra on his back.

Oh, can you believe he didn't touch me on the weekend?

His back hurts.

Red flag, red flag, red flag.

Are you freaking kidding me?

If the guy likes you, oh, believe me, he's going to be all over you, ripping your clothes, having sex with you, kissing you, planning things with you.

He's going to want to do it.

And vice versa for the guys.

If the girl likes you, she's going look gorgeous for you she's gonna wear sexy lingerie she's gonna say of course you can take me out it goes both ways there is no forcing stuff on people and i think it makes me a little sad because it's the number one message i get every single day

People complain, oh, but he doesn't love me.

Oh, but I love him so much.

Oh my God, maybe I'll make him treat me better.

Maybe I'll make him.

I'm going to wait until friday night hopefully he calls me no no like seriously there is nothing worse than begging for love i have done it i got burned and so i'm saying it i think it happens to the best of us and i don't think anybody likes being rejected and that's another thing when somebody rejects you you need to look in the mirror and say am i hurt because i love him or am i hurt because it's my ego am i hurt because i like to win it can be a lot of different things.

So instead of like putting it on that person and try to convince them to do what you want them to do, I do that exercise a lot.

I literally look at myself in the mirror.

You call me crazy, but it works for me.

And I look at myself and I'm like, okay, Catherine, what is hurting?

Oh, he stopped calling you.

You really like him.

He disappeared.

Okay, so.

If he disappeared, there's nothing I can do.

I cannot beg.

I cannot force someone to be with me.

Moving on.

Let's concentrate on the next next thing that's important in your life i do it all the time and of course like i said it hurts of course it hurts but it hurts so much more being around or trying to be around somebody that doesn't want to be with you and that's another thing we cannot force love love is like breathing.

It has to come natural.

Somebody, for somebody to love us, they have to want to do it and feel it and demonstrate it.

There is no way in hell we can look at someone and say, oh, please love me, please be with me.

So seriously, I think it's time that we start listening loud and clear to these red flags.

I ask all the girls out there, especially men too.

But I'm saying women, women, women, because I get these messages every day from you girlies.

Please, look in the mirror, repeat to yourselves, I am freaking gorgeous.

I am hot, I'm intelligent.

think about all the qualities that you love about yourself i have little tricks that i do when i'm having a really bad day i put i even put it on my instagram last week if i'm feeling like

i don't sit at home eating bon bons ice cream and watching movies i do the opposite i take a fantastic shower i do my hair i do my makeup i put red lipstick a red outfit my most fabulous leboutin heels i do something that works for me and i go out even if it's alone i go to my favorite restaurant, I sit at the bar, I get a glass of wine, or I call a girlfriend and I do a picture.

I'm like, damn, I look great for me, for me.

And if you girlies are feeling horrible, try this.

It really, really works.

Because when you look, I always say when you look great, you start feeling great all of a sudden.

And I know we have this tendency when we're having a really bad day or when we broke up or the boyfriend cheated or the guy didn't call.

We're like, oh, I'm going to put my pajamas and i'm gonna open a bag of chips i'm gonna there's this joke in the movies you know the girl eating the ben and jerry oh

no no don't do that don't feel sorry this is the time to not feel sorry for yourself this is the time to like shake it off take a shower i say red because it works so great for me like i love i put a red hot dress it makes me feel fierce i love wearing heels so i pick my favorite heels i'm like i don't care what day of the week it is i'm gonna look fantastic But whatever it is, the exercise, mental exercise, you have to do.

These are just a few ideas.

Pick up the pieces, move on.

Red flags are there for a reason to warn us so we don't suffer even more in the future.

The right person will love you.

The right person will tell you that they love you.

They will tell you they want to make plans with you.

They will tell you they want to be with you.

They will tell you they don't want to lose you.

You will know, I know, I will know when the right guy for me comes along and he's going to say, Look, I want to be with you, let's give this a try, let's go on another date, let's plan a trip.

I will know.

I don't have to beg and cry and go after some guy.

If he doesn't want to be with me, we need to respect it.

Before I let you go, because it's Labor Day week, I'm not going to do an episode on Friday because I'm going to be traveling.

I'm going to go to LA for some fabulous projects.

I'll do a podcast from there after labor day i am going to read this fantastic fantastic text from a brazilian poet he's one of the most famous award-winning prize-winning poets in the world carlos drumond andrade

and it is about self-love and and relationships and it's so gorgeous and i think it's gonna hit a nerve and i think you girls are gonna love it you guys are gonna love it too because it's very special so i'm coming back in a minute and a half and please don't miss it this is car on the loose on a tuesday

hi welcome back so there's this brazilian poet called carlos drumon andrade he's one of the most famous poets in the world and it's very very special because the name of the poem is when i learned how to love myself and it's so gorgeous and so powerful i want to read it to you guys it's in portuguese and i have worked as a translator a million years ago while I was in college, but I'm going to try to translate it simultaneously.

So forgive me if it doesn't come out perfect.

But here it is.

It's very beautiful.

When I learned how to love myself, I understood that under any circumstance, I am always in the right place at the right time, at the right moment.

And only then I was able to relax.

Now I know that this has a name.

It's called self-esteem.

When When I learned how to love myself, I realized that all my emotional suffering is nothing but a sign that I was going against my truths.

Now I know that this has a name.

It's authenticity.

When I learned how to love myself, I stopped wishing that my life

would be different.

and I started realizing that everything that happens to me contributes to my growth.

Today,

I call this maturing.

When I learned how to love myself, I finally started to realize that it is very offensive trying to force any kind of situation into someone

to make whatever I wish come true.

Even if I know that it's not the right moment or that the other person is not ready, including myself.

Now I know that this is called respect.

When I learned how to love myself, I started getting rid of everything that is not healthy to me.

People, things, beliefs, anything that puts me down.

In the beginning, I thought this was called being selfish.

Now I know it's called self-love.

When I learned how to love myself,

I realized that I can appreciate my free time as much as I appreciate all the time that I dedicate to work.

Now I know that the name of this is simplicity.

When I learned how to love myself, I gave up always being right.

I know I make many mistakes.

Now I know This is called humility.

When I learned how to love myself, I realize there is no point in reliving the past or worrying too much about the future.

Now, I keep my mind and myself in the present, which is where life happens.

I live one day at a time, and this is called plenitude.

When I learn how to love myself, I realize that my mind many times

disappoints me.

But when I make it work and put it to good use in conjunction with my heart i know that my mind is my greatest and most valuable ally and this is called learning how to live

and today

every day that i am still alive i am more and more convinced that we are here to give all the love we have to give use all of our strength take risks without fear of suffering and never ever giving up finding love and finding happiness this is all called having self-love

carlos drumond andradi

i leave you with this poem i hope you listen to it again because i do i did

I think it's a long journey,

self-love.

For those of you who have always loved yourselves congratulations fantastic but i know a lot of us have not including me

and i think when we are in abusive relationships when we are in relationships that don't fulfill us when we are in relationships that

don't make you go to sleep at night with a smile on your face, when you are in relationships that are abusive, when you are in relationships that make you sad, make you worried, I think it's time to stop and pause and say okay i need to love me first i am the person that's going to be around me for the rest of my life i need to worry about this mind and this heart and this well-being and the minute you realize that the minute you put your emotions first,

your well-being first, your life will be completely different.

And you will be happy on your own with the smallest things and anything that life life throws at you will not seem that bad.

I learned it from experience.

I've learned it from everything that I have been through.

I learned from being, I get emotional, I learned from being married to a man that was wonderful and I loved him so, so much, but he was an abusive man.

He was an alcoholic.

And I actually finished writing my book about it, Yellow Roses in June yesterday.

And it was a project that took me years since 2018 to write because every time I try to write it, I would stop because it was too much for me.

It would make me cry.

It would make me so emotional.

And now I am so proud that I wrote it for many reasons because I think it's a story that needs to be told.

I know a lot of people there go through the same things.

And a lot of people, when you are in abusive situations, because abuse can have many different shapes and forms.

It can be physical, but sometimes it's verbal, and sometimes it's under-the-table abuse, like the situation my friend is in.

Somebody treating you like shit and not caring for you, not giving you physical love, not giving you emotional love.

That's also some form of abuse.

So there are many, many, many different kinds of abuse.

And like I said, I'm not an abuse expert, but I urge you: if you feel you are in any kind of abuse relationship, or even if you're just in an unhappy relationship, try to do these little exercises of self-love every single day because it feels wonderful when you are on this side that you're like, you know what, I'm fantastic, I'm great, I have so many wonderful characteristics, and I have bad things about me too.

And whoever's gonna love us needs to get the good, the bad, the ugly, and we take it the bag as it is, and we have to be happy with everything that we are.

So, I hope I help in any way.

If you have any stories you want to share, I am booking for season four.

I'm going to be closing season three really, really soon next week in LA.

Please DM me anytime.

My Instacat Zamutu is, I post daily content there.

My WhatsApp is public 305-3320-338.

Send me messages.

I would love to have you guys participating.

This is a platform for all of us to talk about love, sex, relationships, dating, happy stories, sad stories.

At the end of the day, if you're alive and you're healthy and you're happy, it's been a wonderful day.

And that's how I live and that's how I see my life.

Let's do it one day at a time.

I hope you guys like the poem.

I hope you have the most wonderful Labor Day weekend and be safe out there.

And I'll see you very soon next week from LA.

Many kisses.

Love you.