Adam LoDolce Founder Love Strategies

Hi guys, happy Tuesday.

I'm here with a guest.

I've been dying to interview him for the longest time because I'm a huge fan of his Instagram and his ideas about the world of dating and relationships.

Adam Ladoce, he's the love strategist.

Hi, Adam.

Hey, Adam, how are you?

I'm great.

How are you?

I have...

The love strategist.

I have only 10 million questions for you.

So, and I need to squeeze all that in one super quick episode.

So, are you ready?

Bring it on.

Bring it on.

I love you.

So, first, can you explain to us our people that never seen your Instagram?

By the way, the Instagram is love strategist.

I'll put everything on my Insta for the girls that want to follow it.

What is a love strategist?

How do you become one?

Oh, well, two different questions.

But I'll start with what a love strategist is.

Essentially, it's, we like to think of it as kind of the rational brain throughout the dating process and we are like when I'm advising my clients in their dating life I really am not emotionally invested in the process so I can see things a little bit differently and I think a little more clearly than perhaps they are because they're so emotionally invested so what a love strategist is is we bring strategy to the dating process and try to think through problems and solve problems for clients

And to answer your other question, how did I get into this?

That is a long story, but long story short, I was a terrible, terrible dater

back,

geez, now it's about 12, 13 years ago when I first got out of couple.

I got out of college about 14, 15 years ago, and I really, really struggled.

I gained a lot of weight in college.

I lost a lot of my confidence.

I realized dating was really challenging.

So I decided to spend about two to three years of my life life just completely focused on this area of my life on dating, relationships.

And then I quit my job.

I was in management consulting, started coaching men actually

on

a lot of the things that I learned throughout that time in my life, how to be a little more confident.

And I would have these

kind of like OOP camps where I'd have as many as four or five different guys in a given night.

go out, I would work on the flirtation skills.

Long story short, most of it was just some of the basics, smiling, be confident, approaching things like that, and doing it in a very non-creepy way.

Well, I think you do a great job, and I'm

kind of like how you were in the past.

I am horrible, horrible in this dating game.

I was married for a long time, and that's how I started the podcast, in case you don't know, because I got tangled up on a bunch of really bad dates.

So, the first question I have for you is:

I just heard, actually, it's not even on my list of questions because it just happened two minutes ago.

I heard some guy, dating expert online, and he just put out a video, things that you should say to your ex

to get him back.

And I looked at it and I was like, what?

Is there, is it ever a good idea?

Because I always tell my people, my followers, move on, move on, you know, have some self-respect.

Don't freaking beg.

And when I saw the video, this guy saying, Oh, these are the things you need to say to your ex to guys back.

I was like, oh my God, this doesn't sound good.

I need to ask Adam's opinion.

Keep clicks, keep easy clicks.

And I thought you were going to say that.

I'm a lot of people who sat there who claim that you can say these magical words and it'll get your ex back crawling back to you and all that.

junk but not to mention that it's a really bad idea right adam

well it most of the time yes when a relationship ends, it usually ends for a reason.

However, there's always an asterisk to that.

We have a lot of clients who go through our kind of signature program, which is called Lover Accelerator.

And when they go through that, some of them are still hung up on their ex.

And what we do is we have them go through a program that we have called Heal Your Heart, because there has to be a lot of healing after a breakup, when you're really struggling.

And what happens 95% of the time is they go through that program, they go through the reflection and they go through the healing process, they understand the grief process, They come out and say, That ex was not right for me.

Every once in a while,

we have a few clients who might come out of it and say, Look, here is where I think I was also part of the problem.

This man does meet my, what we call a love vision, because we created a love vision my clients do.

And if that's the case, then we might consider re-engaging with the ex, but we certainly don't say three magical words.

I know, it doesn't sound like a very good idea.

I know.

I want to do this.

It sounds good.

Love, love, love, love.

Is dating a man's game?

Because we hear a lot.

That's another thing that a lot of experts or so-called experts.

Oh, sorry, say online that you know, girls need to wait and don't ever make the first move.

Men are hunters.

Do you agree?

Can you hear me?

Oops.

I think Adam froze.

Oh, he's back.

I'm back.

Joe, we stopped.

You're back.

Yeah, maybe.

All right, good.

I'm back.

So there's a lot to that.

Men, certainly, I mean, in my program, we talk a lot about masculine and feminine energy.

And certainly men are, in some ways, the pursuers, and women are to be pursued.

However, I am a strong advocate of women being action-focused.

We have what we call a social sport.

Get out there and meet a ton of guys.

But once you meet that guy, maybe take a step back and let him lead from there.

So, to answer your original question, is it a man's game?

Absolutely not.

It's a male and female game.

Both have

their own power and different ways throughout the dating process.

But our clients, definitely, when you're doing it a certain way and you do it intentionally,

you can definitely, definitely have a lot of options in me pushing things forward.

I love it.

So, do you think it's ever okay for the woman to make the first move?

Like, let's say I meet a guy that I like.

Do women should wait for the guy to invite them out?

Or do you think it's okay if a girl says, Hey, hi, I like you.

Do you want to go out with me?

Sure.

Are you saying, like, you met him online or

wherever?

Yeah, if it's on a dating app, or I don't know, wherever.

Like, should we just sit at home and wait for the guy to to invite us out?

Ah, God, it's hard to answer these questions

quickly because there's a number of different scenarios.

This is what we do all day long.

There's a few different scenarios with this.

However, to answer succinctly, yeah, of course, you can put

strong feelers, be flirtatious, put yourself out there, have a strong body language.

Would I recommend you going straight up to a guy at a bar and saying, hey, you're really cute.

You better pick my number.

I'll talk to you later.

No, it's

a little too forward.

I agree.

But yeah, absolutely.

You can put yourself out there.

You can give strong vibes with online dating, give our clients specific scripts that will be an obvious indicator that you're interested in.

So much bait.

And sometimes you got to throw that bait out there so intensely.

It's just into the sharks.

But look, if a guy is not getting that, then we just say that magical four letter word that we always say to my clients, which is next.

Next.

I like that one.

We're not going to waste our time chasing and like manhunting.

Okay, I know.

I absolutely love that you're saying that.

I mean, I think I need to take all of your classes because I am just horrible at these things.

That's why my girlfriends tell me, Are you still single?

Because you don't play the game.

You need to learn how to play the game.

Now, this is a very controversial one here on my podcast.

And I want to know your opinion.

Should a woman withhold sex

from a guy that she's dating in order to have a committed relationship?

By withholding sex, I mean I had one expert here a few shows ago, and she was like, Don't freaking have sex with a guy for three months.

And then I have a lot of men friends that tell me, Oh, this is ridiculous.

Don't play this game.

If you keep doing this, holding the vagina hostage, he's gonna go and have sex with somebody else.

So I'm like, completely confused.

What do you recommend?

Yeah,

So I think the way that the question was framed, you know, should someone withhold sex in order to get commitment,

I think it's a flawed question.

It sounds very

transactional sex in order to get something.

However, what we recommend, we have what we call the little love steps.

These are seven little love steps that our clients go through step by step as they're getting out there attracting love.

And we have this one little love step called little love step number five.

And that is to pace the progression of your connections.

Move very, very slowly when it comes to how often you're texting, how often you're seeing him, how quickly you sleep with him.

And the slower that you move at that stage in the process, the more time it gives you to continue exploring other options as well as get to know him.

So a lot of this is not about playing games and withholding sex so that he'll connect to you or any of that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah you'll hear on the internet.

internet it's much more about being just intentional about getting to know someone on a real level because during those early stages of dating i see it all the time and we have hundreds of clients and you are so doped up on all these love chemicals that you don't even see the person across the way from you you don't know who you're dating yeah so the slower that you can move be more intentional about that pacing it actually puts you in a position as a woman in position of power as well as it gives you that opportunity to get to know him so yeah, we do recommend slowing down before sleeping with a guy.

It certainly doesn't have to,

you can sleep with a guy.

We recommend sleeping with someone before

a commitment.

I certainly would myself.

I would not want to be committed to someone, but moving slow in that department is very healthy.

It's a healthy way to build a healthy relationship.

I think the way you explained it, it's honestly the first time I heard anybody explain this issue in a way that makes sense.

It's not about playing games.

A lot of men hate women that do that play games, but on the other hand, it's more like about getting to know the person a certain way, but following this thinking, in general, it's not a good idea to sleep with a person on the second date, correct?

We don't typically, I mean, look, it happens all the time.

Yeah.

We don't get mad or anything like that or react.

I have certainly done it myself with women, but it's you are

setting yourself up for success by waiting.

I will say that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Have people gotten married, though, who slept together on the second date?

Yes.

People have gotten married who have had one night since.

Yes, of course, those situations happen.

But if you want to set yourself up for success, we teach a kind of mindset of discipline when it comes to dating, being disciplined, because if you can

avoid these kind of short-term pleasures, and I get it.

I love sex.

I get it.

Short-term pleasures.

That's me guilty.

I know.

I love that because the last guy I dated, it was the one guy that I really, really liked after my husband died.

And we texted for like two months before I went out on a date with him.

And you know, when you meet the person and you're like, oh my God, this is everything, my dream, man.

And then on the second date, I ended up sleeping with him because because the date was so fantastic and we were in this mood on his boat

and I felt kind of childish if I was gonna say oh no I'm gonna leave now but then basically we went on a few more dates and slowly but surely he disappeared And so he kind of broke my heart and I've been on a man diet ever since, since I

gave myself, I invented the man diet and I gave myself a break.

Like it's been doing me a lot of good.

and I don't know if you agree with me I tell a lot of girls that send me messages if you're like on a dating dating horrible date after horrible date after horrible date and everything is going wrong sometimes it's good to take a break too and concentrate on yourself right

oh yeah yeah we we have a ton of clients who go through the little love steps and every once in a while say look press pause yeah

program on the little love steps however here's the caveat

you need to set a date for when you're gonna press play again oh yeah

look give yourself two weeks uh or a month if at maximum to do this and really focus in on yourself uh your mental health your physical health everything about you uh nurture yourself but once that date hits it again let's get back right on to it

it's easy it's easy for the man diet to turn into a one two-year diet okay oh my god it's so funny that you're saying that because my best guy friend just told me that the other day he was like cat it's been too long it's been since april and it's doing me so much good i'm concentrating on myself and my products and all of a sudden men want to go out with me and i'm not interested so i think it's okay but it's funny that you said that at at some point i gotta like just grow some cojonis and and go get back into the dating game

Maybe I need to take your classes first.

I need to learn the little love steps.

We've got a spot for you if you'd

I feel like I really need, I think I need to do that.

It sounds great.

Now, that's another issue that to me it's super irritating.

And it happened to me with this guy

ghosting.

Honestly, Adam, I didn't even know what ghosting was before it happened to me.

I felt like it was so childish to even say that because we're grown-ups.

We're not talking about college people.

We're talking about adults.

Why do do men ghost?

You know, is there a why do men ghost?

And then a girl sent me a question to ask you.

Is there any kind of surefire way to avoid being ghosted or not really?

Well, the first question, why do people ghost?

Because women ghost just as much as people are.

Yeah, you're right.

That's an easy one.

to get down in the dumps on men on that one, but certainly women do the same.

True.

And look, nowadays,

a lot of ghosting happens when you're meeting people on the internet.

And the internet is a very low-investment way of meeting someone.

Yes.

And chances are, if you meet someone on an app, they're talking to a lot of other people.

And the vast majority of people are kind of cowards, men and women.

They're just not straightforward when they're not feeling it.

So a lot of people take it as a jab against them, or they take it personally.

I hear all the time: women will go on one date with a guy, and they don't hear from him and say, Oh,

he ghosted on me.

He didn't really ghost on you.

It's just one, you met up with him one time.

It's okay.

And now, I find, however, though, ghosting when you are actually dating someone and you've gone on more than three dates with someone is the rudest thing you could possibly do.

I agree.

Any human being.

I find it so, so rude.

And

is there any way to stop someone from ghosting?

No.

Let them ghost.

Good.

You've shown your true colors.

Later.

Later.

I agree.

And that's what I keep telling everybody that listens to my show.

Don't pursue it.

Do you agree with me?

If somebody doesn't text you, if they don't call you, if they don't make plans with you for a weekend, for a date, they are not interested and there is no point in forcing that.

Do you agree?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, we're not going to chase someone who's not clue, especially a woman.

Look, I am a very progressive type of guy.

I believe in, you know, a lot of progressive values.

However, when it comes to dating, I take many times a traditional approach where the man is the pursuer.

And if he is not consistently investing in you and wanting to see you, assuming he knows that you're interested, assuming you've flirted, you've given him a lot of the green light signals that we teach with what we do.

If he's not pushing things forward, then he's not the right guy for you.

And that's why we are so strong about talking to multiple guys at the same time.

So many women, and women are especially guilty this morning, get just these blinders.

You know how horses, when they're running, they put these blinders on so the horses can't see anything else going on.

Women get these things.

They meet a guy that they really like, and this is all they can see.

It's all they think about.

Yes, guilty.

Don't do that.

And so we teach, again, when you get to that stage, we are so strong.

That's a little love step number five to continue getting out there, continue getting what we call your social score up, continue meeting young other guys because it's not rock solid until you're in a long-term relationship.

Yeah.

Until you've really been dating someone for three, six months.

It's really not.

I thought before, because like I meet a person, I'm like, okay, I want to try to get to know that person.

I'm interested in that, but that.

And then I read your post and you said, no, you know, look at your options.

It's a game.

They're very likely doing the same thing.

And you're right with these dating apps, they're talking to a bunch of people.

And I think it's a very very interesting approach because you're absolutely right why should we concentrate all our effort which is obviously what happened to me and maybe the reason why the guy got a little scared is because I think he felt the vibe oh she's really concentrating on me she's expecting me to make plans with her all the time I mean I'm just guessing but that's probably what it was and maybe you're right maybe we need to just talk to a bunch of different people and see if something develops I love love love your advice because it's very unique.

It's not like all the crap out there online.

Seriously.

It's so funny because I'm showing my world with my clients.

I mean, we literally have over 400 clients that we meet like this as a group.

And it's, it's, I see those posts.

I don't, I don't look at videos anymore on the internet because we're so in it with what we do.

We only look at the data and the research of what's out there.

And then we strategize as a team.

We come up with solutions to problems that are practical.

Yes.

And there's just a lot of crap out there.

Unfortunately, and

I don't even know who anymore because I used to follow a lot of people.

There is.

I stopped doing it.

It's not very helpful.

I follow and I read and everything a lot because I'm trying to learn and educate myself for the podcast.

But you're absolutely right.

There's so much crap.

But God's on his true guys and girls, if you're listening.

And I don't work for Adam.

So I'm saying this

from the bottom of my heart.

His stuff is like real.

And I like real.

I like, I don't like people that sugarcoat it, and I think the stuff you say is like really amazing.

It makes me think.

And once I'm out of my mann diet, after I take your classes, I'll go out there and I'll tell you how I did.

Now, this is another when you're ready.

When you're ready to get off the manned diet, you hit me up and we'll give you access to a lot of celebrated

coaching program.

Hopefully, I'll be ready soon.

We'll see.

Now, do you think

this is my opinion, and it's also very controversial.

What do you think?

Are most men intimidated by powerful, successful women, women that have public jobs like me, like models, actors, podcasters, influencers?

Or you think this is baloney?

Low-value men are intimidated by that.

Low-value men?

I don't think men are seeking that.

What's a low-value man?

What do you mean by that?

Like

a man man who has not achieved much in his life, who is secure and uncomfortable with himself.

High value guys are comfortable with a...

Now look, there's sometimes power dynamics and challenges and sometimes you clash if you are both alphas and you're pushing into it.

That's a whole other issue.

But I think here's the thing I want to talk about.

I want to just quickly mention about...

Women come to us all the time.

They say men are intimidated by me.

Yes.

And here is the reality that I've found at least.

A lot of our clients are high-powered CEOs.

They crush it in the boardroom.

They direct people all day.

And that is a lot of masculine energy.

That is the type of energy that

in today's culture with in the corporate world, that's how you get ahead.

It's about

a lot of masculine energy.

So they find it very difficult, actually, to transition to a more feminine role

through the dating process.

And because they bring that masculine masculine energy to the date or meeting guys, they find that, oh, all these guys aren't interested in me because I'm too intimidating to them.

The caveat is that most of the time, assuming you're talking to a high-value guy who's got his shit together, then in reality, he's probably just not interested in that masculine energy.

He wants a woman who knows how to step into her feminine vibe.

And that is a lot, certainly what we talk about in our programs, masculine, feminine, what we call polarity.

And when you have that,

then it draws, it creates a lot more attraction between two people.

So, again, I hate to keep giving you nuanced answers to your questions, but that's how I see the world.

Sure, are some guys super insecure?

Yeah.

I love, you are the first person that ever said that.

It depends on the guy.

Usually people say, yes, it's true.

No, it's not true.

You just said it.

Maybe there's a certain type of men who, but it's some kind of insecurity with themselves.

In my case, I'm not a CEO.

I don't work for a company, but everything I do is super public.

So, a lot of guys, when they look at my, they listen to the podcast and they look at my social media.

In the beginning, they tell me, oh, I'm okay with it.

But then when they go a little more in depth, they're like, oh, I don't know if I want to deal with it.

used to bother me but now i kind of agree with you i'm like you know what if you're not you if you're not that secure if you're not that supportive, I think the problem is yours, not mine.

So obviously you're not the guy for me.

But you're the first person that elaborated on that answer.

I love it.

Also, just one quick, one quick extra thing, just knowing you so far for the past, it's only been 20 minutes here, but and knowing your presence.

Look, I'm a professional dating coach.

I was doing this for 10 years.

I did television.

I lectured at 300 colleges.

I was single.

up until about seven years ago before I met Jessica.

And when I would go on dates, I was also a pretty intimidating guy to go out with.

Okay.

So what I would do

is really try to come in with a very humble mindset, as well as when I'm talking about certainly the things that might be intimidating, really just downplay them.

Not because I'm insecure about it, but almost make fun of it a little bit, make fun of myself.

Yeah, I get on stage, I talk to people, I do all this weird, wacky stuff, people laugh.

It's just this and that, and then we move on.

Let's talk more about you.

right and and look i think that there's there's something to that when you are very successful and on paper, you know, you're in your model, you have all these things going.

Can that be a little nerve-wracking?

Probably.

So just downplay it.

And that I think is going to also just, in general, make people feel there's a little, that's a good thing to do socially with men and women.

Yeah.

When you are successful.

I love it.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Okay.

You're back.

You disappeared for one second.

I cannot believe we're almost out of time.

I still have 10 million questions, but let me do one more before we let you go.

You're gonna have to come back.

You're gonna have to be a recurring guest

because I know after this one, I'm gonna get bombarded with a million more questions for you.

Now, with COVID and all this craziness, a lot of people don't love dating apps.

I am honestly one of them because I feel like it's a ton of work reading out.

Do you have any suggestions other than dating apps?

How can we meet someone out there?

Yeah, of course, of course.

We call it the social starfish.

So, of course, we call it.

Call it the social what?

Social starfish.

Okay, out of five different ways.

All right.

Think of like a little starfish going around the seafloor and picking up all the different foods.

It's got all these little tendencies.

Okay.

That's what we call it.

And look, you want to be doing all at the same time.

If you're serious about dating, you want to be doing this.

So you want to tap into your social circle.

Okay.

So your social circle alone, I'm sure you are clearly someone who's out there.

Your network has people.

And if you just connect with the, what we call connectors, there's certain people.

I found one, about one in 10 people are connectors.

They love to connect you to other people.

It is very, very powerful.

So, and I can talk about that for, you know, an hour.

So I won't get into it too much.

Social circle is, statistically speaking, going to be your second or first best chances, depending on what studies you look at, of meeting someone.

Of course, there's online dating.

singles events can be an amazing way to get out there and meet new people look most of the times you go with girlfriends you have a little bit of fun and that's it but sometimes you can meet great guys it's great practice of course organically walking around walking around and just doing your daily business is you can

meet great

type of body language.

My favorite way and I highly recommend it and I call it the dual intent method.

Here's how it works.

You essentially do something where you are improving yourself in some way, shape, or form while at the same time giving you an opportunity to meet guys.

So some examples might be you go to an improv comedy class, you take an improv comedy class, or you join a CrossFit gym, or you go and take another class somewhere.

Do something that is going to improve your life and also give you an opportunity to potentially meet men.

So it's really accomplishing these two things.

And at the end of the day, if you don't meet a great guy, so what?

You're

engaging some type of self-improvement.

I love your ideas.

Thank you so much.

This was amazing.

So

how do people find you if they're interested in taking this class?

Is everything through your Instagram?

No, so if you go to love strategies.com, we have a free training there.

So I have two main courses right now, two programs.

One is the emotional distraction formula.

If you just go to our main website, love strategies.com, we have a free training there.

You can learn all about the emotional distraction formula.

If you're a very serious dater, we have my high-end programs called Love Accelerator.

It's very intimate.

You'll be able to see that on the website as well.

You can apply and speak to one of my love strategists.

I'll be team, we have a bunch of them.

They'll talk to you, see if you're a good fit, and then you can come join and come join sessions like this.

We'll be able to chat.

Fantastic, Adam.

As we are talking here and finishing this episode, I'm getting like a bunch of questions here for you.

So I hope you come back because you're amazing.

Time went by so fast.

It's been a pleasure.

And once you're done with that mandate, you can come back to me, okay?

For sure.

And hopefully, we'll be very soon.

I think I'm four months into it, so I'm getting a little tired.

Hopefully, I'll be ready to date soon.

But I really appreciate your insight.

You're amazing.

Thank you.

All right.

Thank you.

This was Adam, Love Strategist, and hopefully, he'll be back here soon for another episode.

Thank you.

You're great.

And I'll come back Friday to wrap.

Thank you.

And I'll come back Friday to wrap up season three.

I cannot believe it.

And take a break for Labor Day.

You guys have a great week.

See you soon.