Important things men over 40 want in a woman

Hi guys, happy Tuesday.

So much going on the past few days.

I'm gonna jump right into it because I want to talk about

a lot of different things and tell you guys that I am lining up some amazing guests for August.

So I really hope you guys stay tuned.

A lot of fun surprises,

celebrities, artists.

So, you know, I'm super, super excited for the month of August.

I am going to be interviewing among these guests a guy that I really admire.

His name is Adam Lodoce, he's the founder of lovestrategies.com.

You guys should follow his Instagram, Love Strategies, and he has these amazing videos.

And basically, he tells women how to find Mr.

Wright, how to build a connection that lasts forever.

And Adam will be here on Caton De Luz in August.

So, if you guys have any questions for Adam,

shoot, let me know.

I know I have 10 million questions I want to ask him.

One of the videos he did a little while ago is

three super important qualities that most men over 40 look for in a woman.

Coincidentally, I've been doing a lot of research about that.

What is it that men and why are we saying over 40?

Because most of my audience is in their late 30s, 40s, and 50s.

And I am in my 40s.

And I think, and Adam agrees, and most dating experts agree that after a certain age, most men mature and they're looking for different things in a relationship than when they're super, super young.

Which, by the way, most young men are not really looking for a relationship.

They're just looking to have fun.

So I was doing a lot of research about that.

What is it that guys want when they meet a girl?

Why is it that somebody has it and others don't have it?

And then, when I saw Adam's video, I was comparing it with my notes, and a lot of the things that he said are the same based on my research and what my men friends tell me, on what a lot of people that I asked told me.

Basically,

um,

he says, one of the most important thing is that guys want a girl with brains, somebody who is intelligent.

And I know that might seem like duh, really?

Yes, really, because there are a lot of girls out there that are like complete airheads.

And that might work out great in your 20s when you're partying, when you just want a guy to take you out to dinner.

Here in Miami, there's like the super famous girls that all they care about is take me to a great restaurant, take me out on your boat on the weekend, you know, pay my bills.

But seriously, after a certain age, even if you have the most explosive sexual chemistry, fantastic.

Even if you're banging, having sex every single day, you're only going to do it for so long, an hour, two hours a day, the rest of the 20-something hours, the rest of your week,

guess what?

Men want to have someone to talk to.

They want to share ideas.

They want to talk about the news.

They want to talk about policies.

They want to talk about their business.

So seriously, women should have a brain.

I'm not saying read all the newspapers in the world or have a PhD, but it's very sexy if you are an informed person.

You know what the hell is going on, other than just reality TV shows.

Believe it or not, that's a huge complaint among men that they go out with these girls and they look so beautiful.

And then, when they start opening their mouth and talking to them, they're like complete airheads.

And guys get really turned off by that.

Another super important characteristic that guys look for in a woman for relationship is loyalty.

And I think that's interesting that a lot of men said that because

loyalty means that when they pick a partner, obviously they're picking someone for life that hopefully they're going to spend the rest of their lives with.

And they don't want to invest a ton of money and effort and time into being with that person, and then six months down the line, a year down the line, they will go and decide they want something else or cheat on them or go do something else.

So, loyalty always appears on top of everybody's list.

And for me, as a woman, for sure, it's on the very, very top of my list.

I think there's a big difference between

loyalty

and cheating.

Cheating can happen to anyone.

I was actually talking on my previous podcast about it.

People make mistakes.

Cheating sucks.

Yeah, it's horrible, but it's not necessarily a deal breaker, depending on the circumstances.

But loyalty, either you have it or you don't.

So either you are honest and truthful to the person you are with, or if you're lying behind their back and conniving and doing things behind their back it's definitely not something that is going to change so i completely agree i need somebody who will be completely loyal to me because when i'm with someone i am a hundred percent loyal to that person now this one is funny but a lot of guys said that

men want a woman to have proper behavior remember we are talking about for a relationship what does that mean

proper behavior means basically every guy likes a slut in bed, for sure.

They want us to be a whore in bed.

They want us to be

sexually adventurous, open-minded, into

experimenting different things,

feel confident about our bodies, about trying different sexual moves, blah, blah, blah.

But in public,

Most guys, 99.9% of men, want a woman that knows how to behave in front of his friends, in front of his business associates, when she goes to dinner, when they go on a trip.

And believe it or not, it's again a huge complaint among men that they're dating a girl and she's so beautiful and she's so nice.

But then I took her to a business dinner, I introduced her to my friends or to my partner, she embarrassed the crap out of me.

Either she says something stupid or she doesn't know how to behave on a dinner table or she has no clue about what's going on in the world and

also

a lot of guys told me a woman needs to know how to dress

there is a time and a place for the slutty dress and believe me i love a freaking slutty dress i love dressing sexy but there is a time and a place for it if you're on vacation on the beach if you're going out dancing, etc., etc., yes.

But if you're going to meet his family, if you're going on a dinner with his partners, his business associates, you need to know how to dress for the occasion.

And apparently, a lot of girls out there don't make this distinction because I talked to dozens of guys the past few weeks.

And so many of them made the same comment.

Tell girls they need to figure out how to dress appropriately for each circumstance.

Honestly, I couldn't agree with them more.

But I got to tell you guys that it's not only girls that don't dress appropriately sometimes.

A lot of guys are completely clueless.

A friend of mine went on a dinner date last weekend to a guy she met online and she showed me the pictures.

She googled him.

He seemed amazing.

Chef from Chicago that just moved to miami living in a really nice high-rise so she's like okay i'm gonna go to dinner with this guy so he asked her to pick a restaurant she picked a really nice low-key but nice place in on the beach in miami beach for a saturday night dinner

and she's sitting there she got there a few minutes before he did she's waiting for him and this guy walks in wearing beach shorts like beach trunks and flip-flops the ugliest flip-flops you can think of, and a t-shirt.

She didn't even recognize him from the photos.

She was like, seriously, I mean, I agree with her.

That is so disrespectful.

If you invite a girl on a date and it's Saturday night, and if you don't even make the effort of putting a pair of pants or any kind of shoes, seriously, I mean, it's not like they were going to go on a date on the beach.

Like, oh, let's meet at McDonald's or Starbucks or Ducking Don't have a coffee and see if we like each other this was a nice restaurant uh on a Saturday night and so yeah she stayed and they had dinner and they talked but I completely agree she was she was like you know what this guy didn't even go through the trouble of freaking dressing for a restaurant.

So yeah, men make those mistakes as well.

I think both for men and girls, it means a lot if you just go,

you know, put a little effort, seriously, figure out where it is that I'm going to go meet this person and look your best self.

I always have this phrase ever since I used to do fashion and image consulting in LA years and years ago, I tell all of my clients and I tell all of my friends to this day.

Unfortunately, for all of us, the world sees us from the outside in.

So, as much as the person we're meeting, of course, we want them to like us on the inside, our character, our ethics, everything we're all about.

But the first impression is the way they see us.

So if you walk in a freaking restaurant looking like you just came from Home Depot, what do you think the girl is going to think?

Like, seriously, you didn't even shower to commit me.

And I agree with her.

That's like a no-no.

That's like, okay, goodbye.

I'm never going to see you again.

So that's really big on the guys' list.

Proper behavior, proper dressing.

And I'm going to say that's the same for women.

and last but not least

and Adam put that on his video and I completely agree guys

want a woman to be youthful

and this is a very important word youthful we're not talking about being young most mature men who are ready for relationship they're not looking for some 20-year-old bimbo.

They want a woman their age or a little bit younger, a little bit older, that can actually follow their lifestyle, do whatever they like to do with them, and be a partner.

We're talking about youthful in the sense of, you know, how you live your life with some lightness to it, some good energy, good vibes.

Don't be so,

don't feel so pressured.

A lot of girls go on these dates, and guys feel like they're being interviewed for a job.

Like women after a certain age, women in their 30s and 40s and 50s, a lot of us, I personally honestly don't, they feel like they have this clock ticking inside them to have a relationship.

A lot of them to have kids.

So when they meet a guy, they're like interviewing them.

So what do you do?

What do you like?

Why are you here?

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

And they feel like, whoa, this woman is like heavy duty.

Or they barely know the guy and they start dumping.

all of these problems oh because my ex-husband and he doesn't pick up my kid on time and he doesn't pay me enough money da da da and my mom and my kid

so these are things that you know should

be talked about as a relationship develops.

But in the beginning, it's a great idea to try to keep conversation light.

Yeah, of course, talk about yourself.

Of course, talk about important things to you.

But it's really, really important to keep a young energy.

That's my opinion, 1 million percent.

I think age has nothing, nothing to do with the number on our birth certificate.

I have met 20 something year olds that they sound like they're 80 because they're so heavy and they're always in a bad mood, and nothing is ever good enough.

I think the age has everything to do with our mind, how we live our lives, and how we take care of ourselves.

So, this is super important for men to be around a girl that's going to be fun and interesting to talk to, and not somebody who just complains, complains, complains, complains.

It's going to bring a bad vibe into their lives.

Anyways,

these are the top things that most men over 40 said they're looking for in a girl and

I have a lot of questions about these and other things to Aaron when he comes to the show in August if you guys want to follow him it's love strategies ink on Instagram take a look at his videos he talks about a lot of super super cool stuff and send the questions and and he'll be here on August 27

Another thing he said that I think is super interesting, he says, people should date slow and dump fast.

It's interesting that he said that because I've asked many times before here on the podcast, how soon is too soon?

How soon is just soon to have sex?

How soon is too soon to think you're in a relationship?

I have jumped the gun before.

And I think I did tell you guys the story.

The last guy I was dating, I decided on the second date, I should just go for it because it was such an incredible second date and have sex with him.

And I did.

And then we dated a few more times.

And for God knows what

reason he just disappeared and ghosted me and i also said that before i can't stand people that ghost i think adults should behave like mature adults if you don't want to go out with someone tell them send them a message a call if you're nice enough but at least send them a message hey hi i'm sorry but this isn't working out for me i changed my mind i wish you the best you don't have to hurt the person you don't have to be offensive even if it's something about the person that you hate, you don't even have to tell them.

But really, just disappearing,

I think it's nasty and I think it's hurtful.

I never did that to anyone that I was dating.

If I didn't like someone, I would at least send them a message to say, look, you know, I'm not ready for this.

This is not going to work out for me.

Do you want to be friends?

So,

and I agree with him.

I think maybe it is a good idea to date a little slower and get to know the person a little more

before just jumping the gun and say, okay, let's just do all of it, da-da-da-da.

And that's it.

And you're the person for me.

So I am definitely taking this advice.

Now finishing my third month on my man diet.

And I did talk about the man diet on last episode.

It's basically a period of me time.

I haven't been going out with any man.

And I got tons and tons of messages from you guys.

But what do you mean like if you go out to dinner aren't you breaking the man diet I don't think so I think the man diet is more about

not having physical contact not getting involved too fast I haven't kissed anybody I haven't ever sex with anybody I haven't really done anything I went on two dinners That's it in three months.

And for me, it's been amazing because like I told you guys last week, when you concentrate your energies on yourself and a lot of dating specialists tell people that and it's so true when you love yourself a little more and you concentrate your energies on your projects on your body on your soul on your mind it just makes you a better person to even attract the right person for you so At this point, I'm in this vibe that I'm thinking I'm not in a hurry.

I would love to meet someone.

I'm a major relationship person, but I want to be with the right person for me that really would love to be by my side.

And I don't have to be guessing.

Oh, is he going to call next weekend?

Is he going to come in?

Is he going to make plans?

A nice, relaxing, normal relationship is when two people want to be together.

It shouldn't be a guessing game.

That simple.

So anyways, I'll tell you guys if I break the diet, but so far, so good.

And a lot of you send me messages and I thought that was really cool telling me that you're also doing that, both guys and girls, and that you do love it and why not it's better sometimes to spend a little more time on ourselves than just go on bad date after bad date after bad date after bad date so that was a good reset for me and on the other token that Adam said date slow and dump fast what does he mean by that I completely agree if you know somebody's not good for you why go on a second date why force it why go on a third date if i meet somebody and i know okay this person is not not for me, I'm not going to push it, I'm not going to force it.

Maybe I'll become friends with them, which has happened in the past.

Maybe I'll never see them again.

But why try something that you know a million percent sure is not good for you?

That's just bad for you, it's bad for the person, it's a waste of time for both sides.

So I completely agree with what he said.

Now, a lot of guys

that don't ghost

send me messages saying that, oh, I didn't ghost the girl.

And I actually send her a nice message saying, look, I'm sorry, but this is not working for me.

And I wish you all the best.

And you know, some girls out there, they actually answer back, but why not?

Why not me?

What did I do wrong?

What is wrong with me?

And that's a huge no-no.

Seriously, girls, if a guy doesn't ghost you, and he's nice enough to send you a text and say, look, I'm sorry, but I don't want to go out with you again.

You're not for me.

I wish you the best.

Don't try to pursue it.

Really, there is no point.

If a guy told you no, I really think it's kind of humiliating going after someone that doesn't want to be with you.

And I mean, what does it matter?

Like this girl asked my friend, but why not?

What did I do wrong?

Give me another chance.

And it just turned him off more because really it wasn't like one thing that she did wrong, he just didn't feel the vibe, he didn't feel too attracted to her, and they had different lifestyles.

So, don't ask.

My opinion is: if somebody breaks it off, even after one day, two days, five days, it doesn't matter, move on, pick up your pride, eat a little bit of ice cream if you have to, call your best friend, have a glass of wine, you know, and thank you.

Next, you need to love yourself more and first.

And I have learned this the hard way.

I have been through this phase.

I think it was a

phase of self-inflicting pain because I was going out with some guys that I knew were horrible for me.

I knew they had nothing to do with me.

I knew they were liars, they were bad, they were rude, whatever.

something wrong was with them.

And I went out with them because I didn't care enough about myself.

Now,

after going through so much and doing the podcast and talking to so many people and so many experts and deciding after the last guy that I actually liked him, you know, and it really hurt when he ghosted me.

I was like, super surprised.

After going through this period of, you know, me, me, me, me.

And I'm going to take care of my projects.

I'm going to take care of myself.

I'm going to take care of my body.

It did me a ton of good.

And I tell you, girls, I would never,

never

want to go out with someone that doesn't want me.

Like a friend of mine said yesterday, you know, if you want to be with somebody, you want to plan dates with them.

You want to plan a great weekend for that person.

You want to plan a trip with that person.

You want to know how they're doing at the end of the day.

You don't want to go and leave them alone and go hang with somebody else.

So you know what?

If you're dating someone and they make plans for the weekend with someone else or they leave you hanging, guess what?

They don't care about being with you.

So it's a great, great, great idea about moving on.

Before I finish, I have to mention something that has been happening a lot lately.

We always talk about honesty, and there is a lot, a lot of dishonest people on these dating apps.

Even with Google, even with Instagram and social media, a lot of people are omitting super important information about their lives before a first date.

It has happened to me, it has happened to my girlfriends, it has happened to my guy friends.

And what do I mean about that?

Before you meet somebody, I think they have the right to know the basics about you.

Your name, like what you do for work,

the base.

Are you divorced?

Do you have kids?

Do you like pets?

Basic, basic information that makes two people decide, okay, let's meet.

Now, if there is something major about your life, don't wait until you meet a person and go on one, two, three dates with them to tell them.

That is so mean and so unfair.

And you guys can be saying, what do you mean?

What do you mean?

I'll give you a few examples.

One example was the guy that was still married.

He took my friend out a bunch of times on seven dates, dinner date, beach, boat, da-da-da-da, out with friends for happy hour.

I think on the seventh date, he tells, oh, I got to tell you something.

Uh-oh, you know, I'm still married.

I'm still legally married.

My wife doesn't want to give me the divorce.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You know, some women don't mind dealing with that, but a lot of women don't want to be dating a guy who is scrambled in a nasty divorce with a married woman.

And I think it's super unfair to withhold that information from someone for seven freaking dates.

Another huge one.

There are tons and tons of bisexual men out there.

Tons.

It's a lot more common than most of us even imagine.

I have bisexual friends that I know they're married and most people don't know.

But anyways, if you're bisexual, you need to tell the girl.

A woman has the right to decide if she's okay dating a bisexual guy or not.

Again, I have a dear friend.

She went out on a bunch of really nice dates with this guy that she really liked.

And she thought there was something weird about him because they had fantastic conversation.

They liked a lot of things in common.

And at the end of every date, he would just say, okay, bye, have a wonderful week.

Bye, have a wonderful day.

And she felt he was kind of like a little bit on the feminine side.

Nothing wrong with that.

But you don't withhold that information for so long from someone.

And she liked him.

And again, finally, on one night, night he invited her to dinner I think on the fifth or sixth date and said oh I gotta tell you something I am bisexual and that's why I didn't want to kiss you and that's why I didn't want to do anything because I want to explore my

bisexual side I want to go out on dates with men I have been on dates with men blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and my friend is sitting there thinking well thanks for telling me the truth I noticed, but you know what?

It would have been nice if you time that on the first date.

I have nothing nothing against it, but at least I could decide: should we date?

Should we just be friends?

So, I mean, honestly, guys,

don't withhold major, major things.

Like another guy told me yesterday that he went on to the woman and she told him she had had one minor problem with the law, one DUI, da-da-da.

Then he goes, Look, it wasn't one DUI.

I was like, I think eight DUIs, like some major, major rep shit.

That's that's really bad.

So, I guess what I'm saying is be you and tell the truth.

There is no point in going on five, six, seven dates and then telling the person.

The person is going to figure out anyway.

And if something they don't want to deal with, what is the point?

If they like you and you tell the truth, they're going to say, okay, I like you enough.

Let's go through this journey together and see if we make it happen.

See if we're good for each other.

And if they're not going to accept you with whatever it is that is going on in your life, you might as well well just know from the jump goal.

I am always super upfront.

I tell my name, I tell them my social media, I tell them about my podcast because it has bothered people I dated in the past.

The stories are right back there in the first season, if you guys want to listen.

So nowadays, I'm like, look, this is what I do.

This is my social media.

These are my photos.

This is my podcast.

This is the book I'm writing.

If you like, if you have no problem with it, great.

But I want to know upfront.

I don't want to portray myself as somebody that i'm not and then maybe hope oh maybe this person likes me and then on a seventh date i'll tell him about the podcast that is just not fair let's be open i mean social media and these dating apps are great but they also bring the really bad negative side which is it's easy to lie it's easy to cover up it's easy to use filters

real filters and hypothetical filters.

Let's like not use any filters.

Let's show ourselves let's show our pictures let's show our soul our work our personality because if somebody's gonna love you and care about you guess what they're gonna love all your perfect imperfections like john legend saying

I love you guys.

This was Cat on the Loose Tuesday.

I'm coming Friday with a super fun episode.

Happy hour.

I hope you guys don't miss it.

And like always, send me your opinions.

Send me your questions.

I love so much listening from you.

Follow me on Instagram at Katzamudu.

Have the most wonderful week, and I'll see you very soon.