HOW LONG SHOULD WOMEN WAIT TO HAVE SEX WITH A GUY THEY ARE DATING???

Hello, everybody.

This is a cat on the loose.

A little later on Tuesday than I usually do the show, but I've been having crazy, crazy busy days.

So many exciting projects coming up.

I can't wait to share with you guys.

But today is a fun episode that I actually had recorded last Friday.

I was so tired by the time I was going to publish it that I deleted it instead of publishing it.

So here we go.

I'm going to do it again.

The The question I wanted to talk about was,

and it's very, very, very controversial.

I had a supposedly dating and relationship expert on my show on season two and season one, and she's the owner of an elite luxury matchmaking company.

She claims that if you want to have a long-term relationship with a man, you absolutely should not have sex with him.

You should wait and wait and wait until you know for sure that you guys have such a strong bond and a committed relationship that he's not going to leave you behind okay

i personally don't agree i think it's bizarre and obviously you guys that follow all my episodes know that i'm horrible when it comes to playing these dating games and i'm still single because i don't know how to do it i pretty much just try to be honest and upfront about high feel and i think we're all adults and if you like like me and i like you great we should stay together i cannot imagine dating someone and waiting and waiting and waiting and playing this game like oh i'm gonna make him commit to me before i have sex with him so

i started asking a bunch of people what they think about it

The cute guy who is this mysterious guy that I interviewed last season, and by the way, he's coming back really soon.

He's a very successful single man, and he's dating lots of people because he's not ready to get married.

He is a dating and relationship expert because he teaches these dating master classes for men and women, what to do and what not to do on when you're dating.

And actually, we're going to talk about it when he comes back to Miami a few weeks from now.

So, anyways, I asked the cute guy what he thought about it, and he thinks it's a horrible idea.

He used a funny phrase, he said, Women should not use the vagina as a bargaining tool because it can totally backfire.

If I'm going out to the girl and she tells me, I'm not gonna have sex, I'm not gonna have sex, I'm gonna say, Okay, maybe the first few times I'll put up with it, but eventually I'll just go.

And guess what?

Have sex with somebody else.

To me, that totally makes sense

because

honestly, if I'm dating someone, I would want to know whether or not I have a connection with that person, whether or not

we have chemistry.

So I would not want to wait.

And by the way, the dating expert, the Luxion matchmaker, when you're talking about waiting, she means like in her book, you should wait three months, two, three months at least.

So I kind of agree, as much as I'm a girl, I kind of agree with the cute guy.

Most men will not put up with it.

So I ask asked another man that I really admire and I love his work.

He's an actor.

He's a very successful actor and he's a married guy.

And here is his take on it.

I'm gonna play what he recorded for me.

So the answer to that question is a little bit of a two-way street on that one or two answers.

I totally agree.

You definitely should have a foundation before you do anything.

You shouldn't just jump right into the bed.

It should never be about just about sex.

But I don't know how long you're talking about waiting if you're saying you should wait or don't do it and build the foundation first there's nothing wrong with it you definitely should because it definitely shows strength in character relationship where you're going with it but in the next breath guy girl if they're attracted to each other and sex and sexually attracted you got to go for it but it doesn't mean you have to go for it on the first night or the second night it could wait it could start to see where you bond the friendship first and then as long as both parties are attracted go for it but it all depends on how long she was saying.

That's my review.

Yeah, so that was actor Chris Mormando, and I love the way he said it.

There is no right and wrong.

We don't know if it should be the first day, the second day, the third day.

Yes, we should definitely build a foundation with the person before jumping in bed with them.

However, I have to tell you guys, maybe it's a Miami thing.

And if you're not from Miami, let me know.

But in Miami, there are so many players.

There are so many men that come here and just really want to have a good time and men that live here and just want to have one night stands.

So they will literally meet you, take you on a date, take you to dinner, plan another one and another one and tell you all along that they're looking for a serious committed relationship.

But in fact, that they're just waiting to see.

how long they need to convince you until they take you to bed.

And once they take you to bed, they vanish and ghost you like a freaking teenager.

It has happened to me and it has happened to a lot of my girlfriends the last guy i was dating a few months ago i have not talked about him at all because he's a super super private person

and i liked him i really really really liked him we i talked about him a little bit on the first episode of the season we texted for months before we actually went out on a date so when we went on the first date i felt like i really knew him I felt we had insane chemistry and I thought it was the same way that he felt about me.

So we went on the first date and on the second date, we ended up having sex.

And if you guys want to know the whole story, listen to the first episode because it was for sure

one of, if not the most amazing first date of my life.

The guy did every single thing right.

So in my mind, I'm there on his boat drinking champagne with this guy that is amazing with a great kiss.

And I'm thinking, really?

Am I going to say, no, we're not having sex?

I'm going to leave.

And according to most dating experts, I should have said, yes, sorry, I'm not ready for this.

I should go.

But I just went for it because on my book, life is made of these really, really special moments.

And that moment felt so special to me.

And I thought I had some kind of a foundation with him because we had been talking forever.

So in my case, he backfired because we ended up going on four dates, and all four dates were incredible.

And then he disappeared.

We were texting every single day, every single day, every single day, and then it died down to a few days a week, and then it died down more.

And then, every weekend, he was making excuses why we couldn't see each other.

And then he just stopped texting me altogether.

And then he sent me a message saying, Oh, it's all about timing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I actually think it's super childish that if you are dating someone, whether you have sex or not, but especially if you had sex,

women are more vulnerable when it comes to sex.

I'm not saying we fall in love.

I wasn't in love with him.

I didn't know him well enough to be in love with him.

But of course I was into him.

I was interested in spending more time with him.

I was interested in getting to know him better.

I think regardless of how you feel about that girl, regardless of what happened, even if he changed his mind about me, if he met somebody else in this other city where he's living, I think he would have been super nice and sweet and considerate to send me a message, call me and say, look, Kat, I'm sorry, we had an amazing time together, but this is not going to go anywhere.

I changed my mind about you.

I wish you all the best.

But seriously, having sex with someone

and just ghosting that, I feel childish even saying this word.

Like basically just disappearing is something that maybe immature college kids do.

I am really, really hoping adults don't do in at our age in your 30s, in your 40s, in your 50s.

I mean, seriously, be a freaking man.

Send the girl a message.

I think every woman in the world deserves the courtesy.

of a message of a phone call i mean you can still be friends if you're cordial enough everybody's entitled to change their opinion everybody's entitled to to change their mind about someone but apparently right now it's like a trend men will date you they will go out with you they will have sex with you and they will just vanish like you don't even exist i have so many girlfriends here in miami in california in brazil that tell me the same thing is happening to them we are talking about grown ass men Sometimes they will go on four dates with you, like was my case.

But I have a friend that she was dating the guy for three freaking months.

And of course they were having sex.

he went to her house he had there they were spending weekends together and then one day he just vanished on thin air

and to me that's the biggest problem about how guys are treating girls these days so be a freaking grown-up be a gentleman about it i think

Even worse, if you are the father of a daughter, if you're the father of girls, I mean, if you don't think of all the the women out there, which I personally think all of you should because all of you have moms, but if you're a father of a girl, I am sure if your daughter came home and said, oh, I was dating this guy that I really liked and he just vanished, you would probably think that that's really rude.

So seriously, all of you guys that listen to me, and I know I have a lot of male listeners and I love you all, but be courteous, regardless of whether you had sex with a girl on the first date, on the second date, on the fourth date.

So the jury is out now continuing to try to answer this mystery question.

Funny and interesting, all the girls that I asked the question told me, yes, the matchmaking expert is right.

Do not have sex with the guy on the second date.

Do not have sex with the guy on the third date.

Wait and wait and wait.

Great, sometimes it might work.

But the funny thing is, a lot of these women that say that are married and they did not wait two, three months to have sex with their husbands.

They actually had sex.

The average of girls from the girls that I've been talking to, they usually have sex on the fourth date, the third or the fourth date.

I have not met one woman out there that told me, yes, I dated my boyfriend or my husband for three months before I let him have sex with me.

And yes, we're still together.

So, girlies out there, if you are proof of this theory that waiting two, three months withholding sex works, if you want a serious committed relationship, please send me a message.

I would love to hear from you and I would love to even interview you.

Because on most people's cases, men will not wait that long for a girl.

Period.

On my case, unfortunately, I have to say that this theory is proving to be true.

I hardly ever have sex on the second date.

I mean, now, obviously, I've been so freaking gun shy about dating.

It's not even funny, especially after this guy, because I thought, okay, that's it.

I really think we're into each other and I really think we're going to get to know each other.

So, honestly, it was a bucket of cold water on my head when this guy just basically disappeared.

I think my social media job and my podcast had a lot to do with it because my work is so public and this guy is so insanely private.

But I also think

that if you like someone, you are going to take your time getting to know them and I don't think he did that.

I don't think he gave me that chance.

I think he looked at my Instagram, which is business, business, business.

It's my work, it's my clients, it's the brands I promote.

it's not my my

intimacy it's not 100% of my life my personal life is completely different from that public figure that most people see out there but anyways I think that's my theory that he looked at all this shit and he looked at all the pictures and he looked at all the podcasts and he thought okay this girl is not for me because i'm super private so it's a shame i really wish he would have um given me the chance to get to know me but anyways after him i've been insanely gun-shy about dating.

I'm not really sure that I want to go back to the dating apps.

I think there are a lot of cripples out there.

And I say that about girls and guys.

I've been talking to a lot of my guy friends, and they say the same thing.

Oh my God, there's so many creepy women out there on these dating apps.

So many women that use friends' photos instead of their own photos.

Girls that lie about their age.

Girls that use photos from 20 years ago.

And seriously, why are you, would you even bother doing that I don't even understand it because when you go meet the guy he's gonna see immediately that you are not that person that you're portraying yourself to be on the app or on on our on text chat so I think when you meet someone you want them to like you for you

for sure

no relationship no date is gonna go anywhere if you start it based on lies so 1 million percent, girls, I don't care if you feel insecure about your looks, I don't care if you're a little overweight or underweight, or if you don't have like the perfect face.

I mean, put on your best photo, do your best video, show your best feature,

put on your best smile, and show your personality through your videos and photos.

But by all means, be yourself.

One thing, every man that I ever talk about on my podcast, on my social media, in real life, one thing that they all have in common, they cannot stand girls that lie on these freaking dating apps.

And then when they show up on a date, they're like, holy shit, you're nothing like what you told me you were going to be.

So, seriously, just be yourselves.

And that goes for men too.

The number one complaint that girls have about men on these dating apps, it's not only they lie about their appearance, but they lie about their intentions.

If you want to go have quick sex, if you want to go have one-night stands, it's your right.

But be upfront about it.

Tell the women what you're really looking for.

I just moved here or I just got

finished with a divorce or I just broke up with a girlfriend and I'm not ready for another relationship.

I really just want to have fun.

The part that all women think is disgusting and so unfair is when you start lying and you say, oh yeah, no, I definitely want a long-term relationship and I'm going to be such a nice boyfriend and i'm going to do this and i'm going to do that and all you really want is to get in her pants that is dishonest that is unethical if somebody did it to your daughters to your sisters to your moms i'm sure you would not like it and with no exception every girl i talk to tells me that's their biggest biggest biggest problem with you guys out there dating through dating apps if you want a relationship tell us if you want to have fun tell us because guess what there are tons of girls out there that just want to have fun.

Not everybody's ready for a committed relationship.

I think the name of the game is just be honest with each other.

So the subject today, how long should you withhold sex if you want a serious relationship?

My opinion is this dating expert is exaggerating.

I think it's super outdated to make a guy wait for three months.

I love the answer actor Chris Mormando gave us, which is go with the flow.

Everybody needs to figure out if they can have chemistry with each other, if you like each other.

Try to build a foundation, whether it's through conversation, common interests, common values, and basically just do what feels right for you.

A lot of people have been asking me after they listened to the first episode of this season last week, oh my God, did you regret having sex with that guy on the second date because he disappeared?

Honestly, I don't regret it.

I follow my heart.

I follow my instincts.

I had an amazing, incredible first date.

I trusted him that he was serious and I really, really liked him.

And I have the memories of it and moving forward.

So, no, I do not regret it.

This is my opinion.

If you're going to go for it, be 1 million percent sure that you really, really want to do it, that you really like the person.

In my personal experience i always kiss them first i think the kiss is super important at some point whether it's the second day the third the fourth whatever because if the kiss is great

there is a very good chance that that's going to translate into amazing chemistry in bed at least for me if the kiss sucks get the hell out of there move on because 1 million percent sure you are not going to have chemistry in bed so usually way before i get to the point that i'm ready to have sex with someone i need to kiss them i need to have their hands touch me because for me hands are super super important i've said that before so i want to see the person you know their touch against my skin i want to see how basically their hand feels and then eventually I want to kiss them.

And if the kiss is mind-blowing, there is a very good chance that we are going to have incredible chemistry in bed and like Chris Mermanda said do you really want to go out to somebody for three freaking months how many dates do you want to go out to somebody without even knowing if you have chemistry so when the time is right

yeah

you need to have sex I don't think anybody wants to get engaged or say oh I'm in a serious committee relationship unless you have

an amazing sexual chemistry because of course it's a huge part of the relationship.

So the verdict is out.

Most girls agree with the matchmaker.

I'm the exception.

I do not agree with her.

And most men completely do not agree with her and say, This is baloney, this is BS, this is bullshit.

Do not use your vagina as a bargaining chip.

Do not play these games.

It can totally backfire while you're telling the guy, I'm not going to have sex, I'm not going to have sex, I'm not going to have sex.

He's going to turn around and meet somebody who, guess what, will have sex with him.

Let me know your opinions because this is like an open subject.

So, I want to keep getting it.

I want to keep trying to figure out what's going on.

And when I do get encouraged to start dating someone, if it develops into something nice, I hope I will most definitely let you guys know.

But for now, I'm concentrating 90% on work, I think, and on all my projects.

Now, a lot of phenomenal guests coming up.

So, I really hope you guys stay tuned.

This Friday, I am interviewing my first gay guest and this is very very special to me because I've always had a ton of gay friends both in LA and here in Miami and I cannot wait to pick his brain about the dating world in the gay community.

He used to date girls, by the way, and he's very, very hot.

He's insanely handsome and he's very successful.

So he has everything going on.

And he moved from LA to Miami and he's bringing his business from LA to Miami, and we're going to talk all about it.

And I cannot wait to ask him if he actually thinks gays have a hard time dating as well.

If it's easier, if the gay community is more open-minded, if the gay men also play these games.

So, if you guys have any questions that you're interested in asking a gay guy, shoot.

My interview with him is this coming Friday.

I'm going to be doing it live from Little Brazil, which is a restaurant that I absolutely love here in Miami.

They remind me of my mama's food, so they make me so happy when I go there.

So I'm going to interview this guy over some caipirinhas, which is the Brazilian drink, some appetizers, and I'm going to pick his brain because I'm wondering.

Do we have a harder time because we are in this editorial world?

Or do gays have just as much of a hard time dating and having long-term relationships?

I cannot wait.

And I'm lining up a bunch of other fabulous guests for this season.

So if you guys have any questions, anything you want to know about the world of sex, dating and relationships, shoot send me a message through Instagram catzamuto.

Shoot me an email.

My WhatsApp is public 305-3320338.

I cannot wait to hear from you guys.

And if you have an amazing story to tell, whether it's a really bad, crappy date, whether it's a phenomenal date, whether you withhold sex or you don't, or any kind of story that you want to tell me and you want to be a guest, you want me to interview you, I would love to hear from you.

So, this was Tuesday's cat on the lose.

It's 8 p.m.

I'm losing my voice because I swear to God, guys, I've been working since 7 a.m.

every single day this month because I have a bunch of projects that I have deadlines.

But this was fun, this was amazing, and I love you all.

Thank you so much, as always, for watching, and I'll see you guys on Friday.