Let's talk about SEX with DR. DREW

Hi guys, happy Friday, happy good Friday.

And I love my guest because we start really well with a little wine, Vino.

Hi, Dr.

Drew.

We always need a bit of alcohol, so we need to ease us into a little bit of sex.

My excuse is that it's Friday, but another excuse is that you're here and you're so cool and you're so amazing and I'm super excited.

But a quick disclaimer.

This is an episode about sex.

I'm going to ask Dr.

Drew about a bunch of things that we've been talking about in my past episodes.

Number two, I don't know if we're going to say some bad words.

I don't know if it's going to get x-rated.

So if you get easily offended, this is the time to leave the room.

Although I highly recommend you guys stay.

And this is unscripted, like always, but even more because we don't even have any questions written down.

It's super organic, and we'll see what happens, right?

And you're game for everything.

Absolutely.

Any questions?

I'll try to behave the best I can, but I'm not guaranteed to.

Don't behave too much.

No, I never do.

And this is his adorable dog, one of them, for my followers on Instagram.

So let's shoot.

I'm going to be, I have 10 million things I want to ask, and we only have half an hour.

We've been talking on my past episodes.

The question was: I meet a guy or meet a girl.

It doesn't matter if you're gay, you meet a guy, you meet a girl.

I don't care.

You meet someone you like.

And you have a fantastic date.

My question to my

guest expert was if i'm gonna have the second date and i really like this person and we're kissing and everything can i just go for it and have sex and as you know she was like no way wait two three months because if you have sex if you give out the goods and this person is not gonna value and it's not gonna turn into a relationship Then last week, I interviewed our friend that we're not saying his name, the cute guy, and he was like, this is bullshit.

No man is gonna wait for you to have sex with him for three months just freaking do it so now i want your opinion wait don't wait what do we do about it

you know i i find that like the social construction that we have saying like let's wait let's wait till we have sex it doesn't it doesn't make sense i mean who the hell wants to wait um six months, two months, three months.

I mean, even in those cases, who wants to wait a week in order to go ahead and have sex?

Sexuality and having sex is part of that intimacy.

It's ridiculous to want to not have to have it.

And you're depriving yourself of something.

I mean, hello, it's fun.

It feels good.

It releases all these endorphins.

It's all these wonderful things.

And frankly, it's something that actually brings us closer together.

So I don't get the idea of why a sex expert or anybody along those lines would want to do that.

I get religious stuff.

I get all the other bull crap that goes with it.

But the idea is you want to feel good you want to build a relationship so no I personally completely agree with you and I also think that's another thing I was saying if I meet somebody not I'm not like a serial sex with multiple partners kind of person but even if I were that's a hard stuff you're all good hey exactly

I agree I think nowadays women as much as men should be comfortable about their sexuality if you want to have sex with a bunch of people, go for it.

And you're taught.

I mean, you know, certain generations are taught to say, like, you know, hold off, hold on, do this, do that, do what have you, what have you.

But I mean, honestly, I mean, I'm a gay guy, so it's a little bit different in our world, but it's like,

I want to know that my chemistry is going to work with this person.

And I mean, you know, in the gay world, we kind of like introduce ourselves with sex with a mispot.

Anyway, it's like, hey, how are you?

Let's fuck.

And I mean, then we sorry, sorry.

And then we go forward from there.

But it's like I also don't want to sit there and invest so much time into a relationship with somebody when the sex sucks but Dr.

Drew I know you said yeah you're gay but I actually and we talked about gay straight it doesn't really matter exactly I agree because I think it's harder on women yes than it actually is on gay men because like you said gay men are like let's have sex nobody judges you if it's a guy like the killed guy or a friend that I interviewed last week they make fun they're like how many girls am I going to fuck?

How many girls am I going to get?

It's like a game for men.

And if it's a woman, if I talk about one episode that I talk a little more about a sexual experience, I get bombarded with critics.

Exactly.

A woman is like, she's a slut.

I'm not going to have a relationship with her.

She's a horror.

But why do you think that is this day and age?

It shouldn't be.

I mean, that's obviously something that's left over from, you know, sort of Victorian concepts, but not really Victorian concepts.

It's now American concepts in terms of like, this is what society, this is what society tells you.

You know, it's funny.

I'm just going to bring back the gay piece for a second.

Society tells me as a gay man, go, go.

You know, don't you know their name?

Go ahead, have sex, find out their name afterwards.

You know, and there's no judgment upon it.

You know, it's a notch in my belt, so to speak, right?

Yeah.

But it tells you still for some reason to say, no.

No, no, no, don't do that.

You're a whore.

You're a slut.

You're this.

Why?

And you're actually out there experiencing and experimenting with people.

And, you know, sure, be safe, do this, do that, everything else.

I mean, there's lots of little diseases out there you get, but the whole point of it is, it's like,

why would you deprive yourself of sex?

And then number two is, why would you deprive yourself of that intimacy?

Exactly.

Only society is telling you to deprive yourself of it.

I mean, what is this?

You know, Amish country 1945?

But that's what amazes me.

And honestly, I started the podcast.

It was, I think I told told you about it, it was like a cathartic experience because I wanted to talk about all these horrible days and this horrible man and that it's a mess after, you know, being married for 15 years.

It's like you're learning how to date all over again.

And I ended up having a bunch of just bad experiences and I wanted to talk about it.

And then I realized the few episodes that I actually talk about explicit you know sexual encounters or something that somebody did that was bad to me instead of people well women women like it women say oh thank god because you're giving women a voice and a bunch of men are like oh my god how can you say one guy called me he said you sound like a porn star and by the way i have nothing against porn stars i think that's super cool um but but this guy that i was dating last year he decided to listen to my podcast he was like oh you sound like a whore you sound like a porn star what are people gonna think this is disgusting and i thought well first of all i honestly don't care about what people think i i think i only care about the people that pay my bills and that's me yeah yeah

and i don't want to be with a guy that gets intimidated by my work but in general i think

exactly you just nailed it but in general since i started doing this podcast i'm actually shocked about how

hypocrites people are yeah It's like such a taboo subject.

Are you getting more feedback there from women or from men in terms of you being...

let's say you're being accused of being perniscups, right?

Yes.

I mean, you know, you're out there every day working the Reddits.

I know, yeah.

You would think I'm like out with people.

I mean, you're drinking wine at 11 o'clock in the morning, so you know, you know, disgust.

I was at 5 p.m.

in Paris already.

Exactly.

I'm in London, so I don't know.

I know you're not coming.

I'm not coming in by, you know,

half of me is French, so technically.

This is from my satellite.

I'm in London at the moment.

No, I mean, but you know, are more women kind of coming at you in that way or more men coming at you?

More men, more men.

I know it's like,

he is done sounding.

Exactly.

Like, women should be saying, okay, no, look, girl, you need to calm down a little bit.

Look, no, no, no, you're too much out there.

Put the breasts away.

But, you know,

where men

should be like, hey, you know, look, awesome.

You know, look, I'm glad you're embracing your sexuality.

No.

And also because, you know what, I want to sleep with you.

So I'm glad that you're putting yourself out there.

Yeah.

Right?

Women, i you know it's interesting because when you do a podcast you i get hundreds of messages and women are saying thank god that somebody's talking about it we want to talk about it we want to talk about how it is to have sex and be ghosted we want to talk about how it is to have sex on a second date we want to know about gay sex we want to know about polyamorous they want to know about everything and men are very judging Most men, I'm not saying oh man, please.

Somebody told me, oh, you're gonna get beaten.

You're gonna get beaten for that.

Yeah, exactly.

One time, this lady said, oh, your podcast is man-bashing.

By no means, I love men.

Hello.

No, it's not man-bashing.

But a lot of men, yeah, they send these messages like, oh my God, you had this date.

I can't believe you talked about what the guy did to you in bed.

I can't believe you talked about how his dick didn't get up.

But I think it's part of life.

And I just want to get a conversation started.

I think what we've done is we put against, you're beginning this conversation with so much taboo around it.

You know, I grew up in a different era as well.

I'm old as dust at the moment.

Not really, that's not true, guys.

I'm doing, I know, teasing.

But, you know, where it was a bit more quiet as a gay man, obviously, even back then, I couldn't come out because of societal norms around it.

You know, so you had to suppress certain parts of it.

But we live in a world now where, like, this is something that should be talked about.

It's something that is talked about.

And

the dog is unconscious um

you know I sit here and I talk to teens and stuff you know is part of maybe my work I speak at schools and they ask me questions obviously I don't share graphic things because they're teens but they'll ask me questions about sort of my sex life and I'm very gentle with it because again you know these are kids but they're interested And I think that interest is basically saying, we want to at some point talk about this.

This is no longer taboo.

Uh-huh.

Exactly.

This is something that is important for us to hear and to grow healthy.

Because how are you going to have a healthy sex life?

I know.

If you've been told that sex is bad.

I know.

Or sex is disgusting.

Or sex is going to, you know, your penis is going to fall off.

I know.

And again, going back to the first question, so I know as a gay man, but also as a doctor and as a guy that travels the world, you know, so much, you think this is baloney for either women or men.

You meet somebody playing these games of waiting two, three months, my backfire, right?

I think, and I think, I think, honestly, it's a game and it's a manipulation.

And so if you want to go further, I'm going to do the doctor thing for Daniel.

I love that you said that manipulation.

Yeah, because I agree.

You have started your relationship off with a manipulation.

And that is going to just destroy everything from communication to trust to sex to so on and so forth.

So, you know, you're merely walking in there and you're basically handicapping everything from now on forward because you're using sex.

The man and the woman are using them as a means of manipulation.

It's going to, it's going to fuck it up in the end.

Yeah, you said the same thing.

The cute guy, he used a little more graphic words, but he said, don't use the vagina as a weapon, quote unquote, of a bargain.

And I agree.

Plus, I don't think any man.

would

sit around.

I'm sure he said pussy, not vagina.

He said vagina.

Oh, because he was like...

I'm like, I know, I know him as well.

So, I know, yeah.

He wanted to say pussy, but he was like, Oh, should I be careful?

And I'm like, No, my podcast is raw, it's real, and that's how my audience likes it.

So, I don't want to mince words.

And, but he was being nice and polite.

Like, my sex,

we like organic sex

with some spices on top.

Yeah, it was a bit of a cocky toe.

Yeah, but basically, most human beings are not going to sit around for two, three months waiting for another person to give them sex.

They will go and have sex with somebody else, correct?

Correct.

We are sexual.

And there's no way around that.

And the reason that we stop being sexual is because societal pressure tells us to stop.

Or our own pressure or the person that we're with or what have you.

So that's all societal.

It tells us that it's wrong.

It tells us that you shouldn't have sex on the first day.

It tells us that we should wait three months, one month, two weeks, whatever it is.

Yeah.

No.

No.

I mean, we have a drive, and that drive is there for a reason.

And that drive also increases intimacy.

That drive also increases our own physical well-being and our own mental health.

I understand there's like a lot of negativity that can be based around it when we go back to it being weaponized.

But when you're actually having great healthy sex, whether it's anonymous, to the first date to long-term romantic

it's fucking amazing yeah

It builds every part of yourself and every part of your ego and certainly every part of your relationship.

I mean, I'm more than happy to have sex with one person and never know their name and walk away.

You know, do it in a park.

I don't care.

Well, that's a person.

A lot of people like that.

And I think it's completely fine, you know?

But that's it.

That's what I'm saying.

That's fine.

And then, you know, having sex with my husband for long term is fine.

And having a relationship where it's you know healthy and everything else and there's boundaries based around it is fine but to to limit yourself in any part of those realms it just it doesn't work yeah because all you're really doing is kind of beating up yourself around it that said i want i want to put a clause into this and that goes that's up to you that's up to you if i want to go have anonymous sex in a park

yeah yeah as long as i can do it i'm not telling you to go do that yeah you know if you want to wait till you're married and you want to you know keep your virginity and all those other things, more power, more power.

But don't ever repress yourself.

And plus, I love that you said the same thing that the cute guy said.

And a lot of my

listeners said,

no, you are.

You are cute as hell.

But since I couldn't say his name, I'm like, what the hell am I going to call him with him?

And you're so freaking cute.

So I started calling him.

By the way, your pictures, your modeling pictures, I was like drooling today.

I'm like, too bad this guy is gay because I would have sex with you.

I would have sex with all I would have sex with the cute guy too, but I'm glad like we became just, because he knows I am at a point in my life now.

I made a personal choice.

I'm ready for another relationship.

I had all the casual sex I wanted, da-da-da-da-da.

And I've done it all.

So I made a conscious decision that I want a relationship.

That being said, that's why we started this debate.

I went on a few dates with this guy and I really liked him.

And on the second date, date, we're having this super romantic situation on his boat with champagne, ta-da, and he's kissing me.

And I'm thinking, should I really act like a teenager and run away?

Oh, no, I'm not going to let anything happen between us.

It's too early.

Yeah, and like you said, it's manipulation.

What are you saying?

Oh, if you give me a ring, I'm going to have sex with you.

I don't want a ring right now.

If you commitment, if you give me a ring,

yeah.

I think commitment comes with time though, right?

Do you agree?

Well, guess what?

I'm not going to give you a commitment if I haven't had sex with you.

No.

I know.

How do you know?

I love you.

Let's get married and we'll have sex later.

I know.

Hell no.

I want to see how you buy in bed.

Yes.

That's another thing that I said.

How are you going to commit to someone unless you know you guys have chemistry?

Absolutely.

How in the world are you going to do that?

Can I call you on something?

Because you said the word casual sex.

I've gone through and I've had my share of casual sex.

And I i think that terminology itself was something that was socially imposed upon you to say to even call it casually sex yeah it's just sex yeah it's just sex no you're right i've enjoyed having sex with different people i've enjoyed having random sex i've enjoyed having you know doing what i'm doing the casual sex automatically makes it and downgrades it to something that is dirty

I mean, it's that's a nice way.

No, you nailed it.

You are so right.

In our minds, we think, oh, if I just meet a guy or a friend and I have sex with him oh i'm such a promiscuous bitch right but you're absolutely right but see how our mind my mind thinks oh if i just want to have sex for the sake of it that makes me a bad person i mean i have sex with friends like you know we benefits right yeah friends with benefits

yeah and it's like you know i have a great friend who literally i've been having sex with for nine years and you know it's like our relationships never move forward we are amazing friends we travel all the time and it's like you know what we're out traveling we're out drinking we're doing this sure we have great sex as well um

i love that no and it it's it's great because it's a release it feels good we do love each other and it's better to have i think it's good to have friend sex with a great friend than for me than sometimes with a total stranger you know i like that i agree and i'm you know because i've obviously had sex with total strangers too but i mean true of course let's be honest about it but with the friend there is that intimacy there is that relationship behind it and it's really healthy

I don't put limits.

I've just, you know, I don't know whether it's I'm European or what have you, and I've lived all over the globe.

And it's like, I've just never put limitations on how I function.

Yeah.

And that's like

whatever that relationship leads to, if it just leads to you and I, if it just leads to friendship, great.

If you and I lead to friendship and we have another bottle of wine and we have sex in a little bit, cool.

So are you saying it polyamorous?

I'll post the videos later, okay?

Yeah, well, then we can make the podcast.

Even more famous fancy.

Right.

No, I've had sex with men and women.

I've been married to men and women.

You have been married to women too?

I've married two women

on my fifth marriage.

And they annoyed you so much they decided I'm done.

Yeah, I was like, you know, tits are fun, but the rest of it has to go.

Don't mind me.

No, because, and let me just make a point of that.

I loved both of my wives and I've loved all three of my husbands thus far.

And I never really thought about it in terms of the sexual pieces of it.

I thought about in those cases that I love those people.

Like I fell in love with a human being, a human being.

I'm more attracted to a man.

I find their bodies to be lovely and I want to look their abs most of the time.

It is about the human being.

So I was sexually attracted.

I still have sex with women, not as often as I I do with men, because I just find them beautiful.

Sure.

And there's something, there's an energy that goes on there that's

that again I'm going to be drawn into, and that will lead to a sexual encounter.

I just can't close my mind.

And we live in such a world where we do that all the time.

And I understand that.

I mean, I think, and I know I'm going to get a lot of backlash for what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it anyway.

Bring it on, bring it on.

I think in general, Americans are very uptight about sex.

I'm sorry, guys.

I grew up in LA and LA people are very open-minded that's why I use this word polyamorous because I remember even being in college in high school I have so many friends that they look at me and say cat I love people I don't care if they're a girl I don't care if they're a guy I just love people I am not bisexual by the way because Honestly, I don't like touching women.

Have I touched women?

Yes.

Have I done threesomes for men that were with me that they asked?

Sure, because I like doing whatever makes my men happy.

But that's why I'm not bisexual.

But that being said, I think in general, Europeans are much more well-resolved.

My dad was French, as you know, you're from England.

And I think they just say what they want and they don't have a problem.

And in the United States, guys, I'm not saying everybody, please, but I'm saying most people, even women, they're afraid of saying what they like in bed.

Men are super formal in bed.

I mean, I was married to an American and I mean, God rest his soul, and he was a wonderful man, but he was so uptight in bed.

He was embarrassed.

I was his wife, and he had issues telling me what he wanted, you know, and if I would try to say something, he'd be like, oh my God, oh my God, you're like a whore, you know?

That's gonna help it.

Exactly.

And I think that's a big problem.

need to explore these areas of their lives more because i personally think if you are well resolved with your sexuality like you said i had men i had women i like men it's gonna make you a much happier human being do you agree absolutely agree and i mean again it it it's it's about living um you know and that includes the sexuality aspect of it like if i'm if i'm attracted and this is where it's going to go then that's great but i agree with you i mean this this is my first i'm married to an american gentleman at the moment and at the moment at the moment yeah i know i i go through marriages like i go through underwear but um i hope he's not going to listen to this episode oh well we won't talk about it although i did post it on my social media but we'll see he's joking husband

my husband's a beautiful beautiful man he's gorgeous by the way guys he's like a model he's incredible he's insane um but you know he did the same thing and he's an american comes from a very conservative family and it was the same pieces of like try this, try this.

And, you know, the first time I ever got him to have a threesome, you know, he was freaked out about the concept of having a threesome.

Now he likes them.

But it is pushing those boundaries that I don't think I ever had because I don't, you know, even though I come from a very privileged background and a conservative background,

it was never shut down that way.

Even nudity wasn't shut down growing up.

You know, it's like we would go out to, you know, we owned a big lake and stuff and we'd go out.

we were all just swimming, you know, as a lot of Europeans do.

They're very comfortable with their bodies.

Not about having a perfect body, but like I know, I walk around naked.

I mean, I change my clothes many times, and I even forget that there are people around because to me, it's so natural.

Maybe because of our background as artists and being in this industry, I agree.

But yeah, in general, I just think that I don't know if it's because it is how Americans are raised.

It's a combination of all of these things.

It's a combination.

So, I mean, we just have a less of a hang up about our bodies i think we have a less of a hang about sexuality yeah sure you and i have both have both been in industries in which you know you you know i've been a model where i literally have to take my clothes off in front of 20 people to do a change of outfits but i catch myself and my husband catches me like i'll go and shower on the beach i'm going for a run i want to shower before i get in my car i literally just take all my clothes off in front of my car and put different clothes i know i could just and it's just like he's like your dick is hanging out and there are just 20 people and i like didn't even think about it.

Don't even care.

You know, I just did a major photo shoot about a month ago, and I was in the dressing room.

Or I was in, it wasn't in a dressing room.

It was still actually in the studio.

And I literally just took my clothes off to change outfits.

And I don't wear underwear.

So it just took him off.

And even the producer looked at me like, did you want some privacy?

And I'm like, no.

It never crossed my mind.

I know.

I'm exactly like that.

It's so funny you're saying.

It's just a body.

Yes.

It's just a body.

And this is what I say.

If you love it,

if you love it, look at it.

You're welcome.

And if it offends you, I always tell people when I get criticism about my Instagram, oh my God, you're not 20 anymore.

Cover your butt.

And I'm like, no.

Actually, the more I age,

I'm like, I think I'm J-Lo.

And I want to show it off.

You are, J-Lo.

You are.

I'm trying to be.

And I think it's the opposite.

I think the more we age, we should show our bodies, we should show our arms.

Whatever the hell we want.

We become more confident.

Yes.

And what I say is, if you don't like my Instagram, and if you think my pictures will offend you, there are 800 million.

We were talking about the picture you sent me yesterday.

He showed me a picture, a photo shoot he did with his husband.

And it's absolutely one of the most beautiful artistic photos that I've ever seen in my life.

And it's, you can't describe it.

We were banned.

I mean, it's a nude photo shoot, and uh, my husband's sort of up against the wall with his arms spread out as like a cross almost.

And he is wearing a cross on his chest.

And I am crouched down in front of him in sort of a blowjaw position.

Um, I mean, but it's it is not uh, honestly, I don't think it's

but it's it is sexual, but I think in the right way, in a sexy way, in the it's so raw.

It is a beautiful place, yes, it's amazing.

And it was put into

galleries up in New York City and galleries in London.

And it got taken down.

It actually got taken down.

The gallery got invaded.

And I cannot believe that.

They said that it crossed over into religious freedom.

And it's like it was odd.

And it wasn't distasteful.

It wasn't like a chick was in my mouth.

And again, if it is distasteful, this is my opinion.

Change the channel.

Don't look at it.

I mean, Maple Fool.

I mean, it was back to Maple Foke exhibits.

And, you know, they were much more sensitive.

Exactly.

My God, we are going to have to close close this episode.

But we are going to do a part two of this episode.

If it's okay, if you can hang around for a little while.

I have more wine.

I'm fine.

We have more wine because this is such a fun Friday, cat on the loose.

And I have like just 10 million more questions.

We haven't even started talking about your life.

That's a whole other, because this guy has the most insanely...

colorful amazing life and so many experiences and that's what i love i love sharing incredible stories That's what this podcast is.

So can I, you have two seconds left.

Yeah, we have two minutes.

Two minutes.

I actually,

I want to give you a kudos for the moment and say, you know, I'm one,

very

happy to be invited here.

You know, I'm actually honored to be invited here with you.

But number two is it's like, I appreciate what you're doing because people need to talk about these things.

and you're giving people an outlet to be able to actually have these conversations or be able to sit behind their computers because it's you know safety at some levels and think about these conversations and hopefully on some level they'll take some of that back home with them yeah you know back into their heads with them and go you know what it's okay i can think these things i can't talk about these things i think i don't mean talking about this with my husband and my boyfriend later on today and go that crazy ass cat and the crazy great guy we're basically saying you know what we just need to let's try this position tonight i know yeah i think if we open a conversation because honestly i know there are like dozens of podcasts out there and there are sex podcasts out out there, and they're like talking about, oh, you buy this vibrator and you do that.

And I'm like, no,

I think you guys can Google that shit.

I want to be a little more real and a little more raw with people like you that are amazing enough, that are willing to do it.

And you're right.

If we open a conversation, and if people, even if it annoys you that we're being so graphic, even if it irritates you because he's saying, oh, I'm gay and I like men and women, whatever it is that you think,

if it messes with your head and

makes you think about it, fantastic, right?

I want you to be uncomfortable.

Yes, I want people to, yeah, at least I want people to think, am I happy with my sex life?

Am I not happy?

I have every right in the world to tell my partner what I like and what I don't like.

And seriously, guys, if you start opening your mouth when you're in bed,

you're going to be much happier.

I heard that a lot differently, but yeah.

Well, in both senses.

Guys, we'll be back with the second half in a minute.

This is Doctor Drew.

This is Kat on the Lose with the Drew lose.

We'll be right back.