THE UPGRADE METHOD

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Hi, everyone. Hi, Cat Kingdom.
For those of you new to Kat on the Loose, welcome to our show. This is a little bit of an unusual podcast because it's a podcast.
It's a podcast show.

It's 100% organic, meaning we don't script, we don't edit, we just have conversations or sometimes a solo episode like today, and we just put it out there so we can all learn together.

And this is actually one of the top questions that you guys send me from all over the world. Am I a dating expert? Am I a dating coach? Am I a relationships coach? The answer is absolutely not.

I started Canada Lewis four and a half years ago after I left a very abusive, horrible, toxic marriage to a multi-millionaire alcoholic, and I had to start my life over from scratch.

I didn't have a job. I was penniless.
I was broke. I didn't have a support system.
I found out I didn't have friends because everybody ran away like rats.

And I was like, oh my god, what am I going to do? Sink or swim. And then COVID hit.
I was sitting alone at home with a lot of extra time. So I was like, you know what?

I'm going to just go for it and run and start talking about my experiences back in the world of dating and relationships after being married for so long. And I realize so many people out there relate.

If you ever had a bad relationship, if you've ever been in a toxic relationship, if you've ever been in a bad marriage, if you try to get out of a bad relationship, if you've been through divorce, I'm sure you can relate.

And this is why, on top of doing the episodes, the audio episodes, and dropping the video episodes on YouTube, we decided to do some really fun dating and relationship skits based on real-life life situations that have happened to me and to some of my friends.

And in the future, we are going to listen to stories that you guys send to us.

And I know when we are going through a breakup or when you find out somebody's cheating on you, or even when you're going through divorce, or you find out somebody was lying to you, it's very painful, right?

But at least in my case, when I look back,

It's humorous. I'm like, oh my God, I can't believe I put up with that guy.
Oh my god, I can't believe I accepted this in my life.

So we try to make fun of it a little bit. So the kids are light and funny and crazy because I think it just, you know,

even if a relationship doesn't work, at least in my case, I try to learn a lesson from it. So when I look back at all the dudes that I dated,

it made me understand myself better. It made me understand what I deserve, what I want in a partner, what I should not accept by any means.

And I think because I was in such an abusive marriage for so, so long,

once I got out of that marriage, it took me a really long time to understand that certain things are not acceptable, period.

So, I really, really hope you guys enjoyed the incredible skits that we've been working on for you guys. We are dropping the first one on Thursday on my YouTube channel.

So, don't forget to subscribe so you can watch it for free. Cat on the loose show.
And if you like it, share it with your friends.

We did it with one of the best, most professional, incredible production crews here in LA, Wandering Winds. We invited for each skit a professional actor, some of them I have worked with before.

The guys were incredible. They were so game to creating the skit.
So it's really, really fun. And yes, if you have a crazy dating story, crazy relationship story, by the way, it doesn't

have to be all bad. If you have an incredible dating story, relationship story that you want to share, something that happened to you, please send over because we're going to have a contest very soon.

And if we choose yours, you could actually win money. But we want to learn together.
And I think here on Cat Kingdom, what I always try to emphasize is self-love, self-care. You know your worth.

And there are certain things that we will never put up with. You got to put yourself first.

And if somebody doesn't fit all your boxes or if they're treating you any less than what you deserve, you you know what get the hell out don't stay for a long time and i hope nobody stays in a toxic abusive unhappy unhappy marriage of 15 years like i did but i want to talk to you guys about a few things today that I've been seeing especially on social media lately and please feel free to chime in and send over your opinions remember Canon Daloos has 24 seven open channels of communication with our audience you can send a whatsapp anytime day and night and our team responds 305-332-0338 and you can always send your emails contact at canoeos.com.

We are very, very hands-on, and we love hearing from you guys. And as our community grows more and more and more, it makes me so, so happy when we get the messages and emails from you.

But lately, I've been seeing a lot of accounts on social media, and I swear to God, it's such a pet peeve for me, and it really, really annoys me.

And it might be a little controversial, I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it anyways. And you guys tell me if you agree with me or not.
A lot of accounts are like

age-related. For example,

50s and fabulous, 40s and thriving, or 30 and successful. Like how I'm 50 and in shape, how to be

dating on your 50s. This is how fabulous I am in my 60s.
And this is why this is such a pet peeve to me. I don't think life has anything.

to do with age.

Life does not come with a little guidebook when you are born that that tells you, this is what you need to do by 12, this is what you need to do by 21, by 30, you need to do this, and if you didn't do this by 40, you're never going to do it again, la la la la la la la.

Truth of the matter is, our journeys are so, so unique and so individual. This is what makes us unique people, right? I don't want to be a sheep, and I hope nobody out there wants to be a sheep.

Our journeys are so different.

Whatever works for me and whatever works for anybody else out there is completely, completely different. We each make our timelines.
I know some people are late bloomers.

I know some people are super precocious. I know some people are starting over.
And I know some people are very

lucky and they are very successful and they have their entire lives figured out at a very young age.

But when I see a woman on social media, like, I'm 55, and this is what you have to do to be fabulous. Or another one, like, oh, I'm not going to date anymore.

I'm going to sleep with my dog dog for the rest of my life because i'm 60 60 and i'm tired of it and all men suck who cares what age you are

biological age matters so much more than your chronological age biological age and your mindset i have met people who are much much younger than me i actually dated a couple of dudes very very briefly many years ago that were younger than me and i always said I don't want to date younger guys for several reasons.

And twice, I was like, okay,

let me cave in and I'll give it a try. And believe me, although they were much younger than me in age, they were so old mentally.

One of them was insanely boring, didn't have a sex drive, didn't like going out, was always complaining about life.

If you saw both of us, you would think like he was in his 40s and I was in my 20s. So I think age is how you decide you are going to live your life.
If you decide you are old, congratulations.

This becomes your reality because our brain is so insanely powerful.

So if you wake up in the morning like, oh my God, I'm in my 40s and I just went through a divorce and it's too late for me to start over. What am I going to do?

Congratulations, because you're going to wake up. The universe is going to hear you and your brain is going to do exactly what you're telling your brain to do.

And your brain is going to say, Okay, we are old. So, I think instead of sticking to age groups in terms of what should you do when, I think we should stick to energy.

So, sometimes people ask me, like, what is your demographics? What's the age group for your show?

And yeah, of course, we have all that, all that there, but this is what I say: my demographics is whoever relates to the stories I'm sharing and the conversations I'm trying to have, regardless of age, because maybe someone out there right now is 22 years old and try to get through a difficult breakup.

Maybe somebody out there is 45 and try to get over a difficult divorce.

I've met women from all kinds of different cultures and countries that told me so many different stories and that they got inspired to meet a better partner, to get out of a horrible relationship, to start a new business, to go after their dreams because they listened to something that was on the show.

So this community is all inclusive, not because of how old you are or where you live or how much money you make, but because of your energy. That's how I live my life.

I always try nowadays to surround myself. My personal circle is very, very, very small.
It's getting smaller and smaller and smaller.

Because I always try to surround myself with people with the same energy. I don't really care what age they are.

I seriously don't give a fuck how much money they have, what they do for a living or anything. If I think they have an amazing energy and they're nice, kind people, they're my kind of people.

So I think we need to stop, especially women, right? You don't see them so much in men, but we need to stop putting women in these boxes.

So many women in their 50s and 60s are thriving just like 20-something year olds because nowadays we age differently, especially if you love taking care of yourself.

If you love taking care of your health, if you work out, if you exercise, it's not like when our grandmothers were alive that you know, by the time you were 45, like you're done.

And sometimes I do posts on TikTok. I just started recently doing my TikTok.
My team was bugging me about it forever. And it's so much work.
I'm like, okay, I'm going to wing it.

So some of my posts, I get comments like, oh, who wants to date you at your age? And I start laughing, like, oh my God, you're done, you're past the priming date.

And I start laughing so hard because whoever leaves these comments, they are unhappy with their own lives. It's issues that they are having with their own lives, not my life.

Because I've never been happier. I've never been more fulfilled personally, professionally, with my body, my mind, and my soul.

And funny enough, right, when you are so happy with yourself, when you find inner inner peace and inner strength, the right people tend to gravitate towards you.

So now I'm in a phase in my life that I'm so focused on my projects and my work. And I definitely love taking these long breaks from dating.
I call them the dating diet.

Not forever, by the way, because that's another thing that's been in social media a lot. People talking crap about dating, like, oh, I'm never going to date again.
Am I ever going to find love?

Oh my God, this city is horrible. That city is horrible.
Believe me, if that's what you decide, this becomes your reality. So be careful what you say out loud.
Be careful what you wish for yourself.

Dating has zero to do with geography, dating has zero to do with your age, dating has zero to do with your neighborhood, and everything to do with how you carry yourself, your mindset, and your energy.

So now that I'm so focused in myself and my happiness and my journey and my projects, funny enough, I never received more messages from men

everywhere on dating apps, social media platforms, friends of friends, events, and it's very flattering, it's amazing, but it makes me feel like, you know, what I am very happy taking my time.

Do I want to be in a relationship again? Yes, I keep repeating that on Calendalo's over and over and over again. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever give up on finding love.

If you see a woman or anybody for that matter on social media telling you, like, oh, I gave up, that's it. I like this, some famous dude the other day, I forgot his name.

He wrote on his page, I gave up dating, period, that's it, I'm retired, never again. And I'm like, I hope to God that he's not influencing his followers because it's a horrible mindset.

It's not a healthy mindset. Just because you've had some bad experiences, you decide everybody out there in the world is horrible, and love is never going to find me.

Everybody deserves to continue on their journey of finding love and finding the right person and I think that's one of the main reasons why I decided to do the skits and really put myself out there because every single one of the stories really happened to me guys I swear to God but I think one of the main reasons why I wanted to share is to make light of the situation because I think Most of us have gone through heartbreak.

Most of us have been in a relationship with somebody that was lying to us, unfortunately, cheating on us.

Or a lot of us have been in a relationship with a narcissist, or a dude that said he was ready for a relationship, but he was playing the field.

Or a lot of guys post-divorce, and I know a lot of women at my age, in the 40s, 50s, 60s, we relate.

A lot of guys in these ages, after they were married for a really long time, they think they're ready for a relationship, but they're like having a midlife crisis. They don't know what they want.

And then they want to feel wanted again.

Like one of my ex-boyfriends from many years ago, after many, many months of dating, I thought I was in such a safe space.

We were having a great time, he was all over my life, and one day at his house, as I was wrapped in a towel sitting on his couch, after we had sex, he decided to tell me that he was still in bumbo, and it wasn't because of me, because he really liked me, but it was to feed his ego.

And that's one of the skits we did. because now looking back, I mean, I laugh about it.
But can you imagine if you go through these things and you decide, yeah, you know what?

Everybody out there sucks. Everybody out there is horrible.
Everybody out there is toxic. I'm not going to date anymore.
Fuck it.

Why would you do that to yourself? I have a neighbor. I think I talked to him in one past episode.
He's one of the kindest men I ever met.

He's insanely good looking, like, talk about delicious mom, mamia,

super hardworking, nice as pie. And his wife was cheating on him like many months ago, the beginning of the year, of course.
I mean, he was devastated, and he threw her out, they broke up.

But now he's like completely jaded, completely jaded. It's like, my guard is up, I can't trust, I don't want to do it.
And every time I see him, I say this to him: like,

if you decide to give up on love, she wins. You're basically saying, Congratulations, you are so fucking good, you ruined love for me forever.

Don't let these fuckers, the liars, the cheaters, the players, the narcissists, all of that crap, the toxic assholes, win the game.

The best revenge is actually if you find love, if you are way happier than you were with that person, if you prove to yourself that there is a much bigger love, a much better story on the other side waiting for you.

And this is coming from a woman, by the way, guys.

I know my cat on the loose crowd knows, but for those of you who are new to the show, I was in the shittiest fucking marriage for 15 years. Yeah, my husband was a millionaire.

The more money he made, the more he drank and he started abusing the crap out of me. I could barely leave the house.
I could barely watch TV. I could barely do anything.
I couldn't have friends.

I couldn't work. The few times I tried to work, it was a huge fight.
This is coming from this woman that was called a useless piece of shit and many, many other things for 15 years. If I was able

to get out of that,

to find my self-esteem again, to find myself worth again after such a long time, and I still believe in love. I'm still a sucker for romance.
I'm still a sucker for loyalty, for kindness.

I think everybody deserves that. If I was able to do it, you can do it too.

If you want to know more about my stories, you can go back to other episodes or send me a DM and I'll be happy to do a one-on-one with you guys. But this is what I am saying.

Whatever it is that you're going through now,

don't stay with the wrong person too long like I did because the sooner you break away, the sooner you get the hell out, the sooner you can start rebuilding your life. And the right person

will find you.

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And this is the next really important thing I want to mention on this episode that really worked for me. And I know so many women everywhere in the world.

The main reason why they don't live is because

they depend on their husbands, right? Their partners. A lot of them are like me that you know didn't have income.
I barely had income for 15 years because he didn't let me work.

He was very rich, and obviously, now I know he was trying to control me. But I know a lot of women don't live because they're like, How the fuck am I going to start over? What am I going to do?

What am I going to do? But I am telling you, there is always a way because I did it. I was fucking penniless.
I was broke. I was jobless.

I don't have a family. I didn't have a family.
I didn't have a support system.

And all my friends, quote unquote, that I thought I had when I was rich, that were drinking champagne, sitting by my pool, vacationing at my homes, ran away like rats. I swear to God, guys.

Ran away like fucking rats. I asked people for jobs.
I didn't ask people for money. And nobody was willing to help me.
How did I rebuild? So I'm going to tell you guys this method that I invented.

And I know a lot of experts on social media, very wealthy men that give

advice on how to get rich and everything, think I'm crazy. But I'm going to tell you guys how I think and what worked for me.

I use

what I call the upgrade method. So in my mind, like

when

I left my husband, right, seven years ago, and I was broke, I lost everything, the courts didn't enforce the will, although I inherited everything.

Super long story that I also told before, la la la la.

The people near me, they kept saying, oh my God, you know, sell your car, move to the suburbs, go shop at Walmart, you know, do this, do that.

That's the first instinct that pretty much everybody has.

When they're in trouble financially, they downgrade, right?

You move to the shittiest possible neighborhood, the tiniest possible apartment, or you move in a shithole with a bunch of roommates smoking pots, doing drugs, unemployed assholes.

If you have a car, you sell the car, you take the butt. Basically, you're suffering.
You're fucking miserable.

99.9% of people stay there because that's where you're putting yourself. You're putting yourself in the situation, the downgraded situation.

Very likely, that's where you're going to stay because you're surrounding yourself with losers, people that gave up on themselves, people that think, okay, this is the best I can do in life, fuck it, whatever, the fuck it crowd, right?

Whatever crowd. I do the exact opposite.
I said, you know what? I am fucking sinking. I am completely alone.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go to my favorite place in the world, which is Beverly Hills. I've lived here on and off before.
And I'm like, I'm going to start over in Beverly Hills.

And everybody thought I was crazy. Are you fucking crazy? It's one of the most expensive zip codes in the world.
What the fuck are you going to do there? I said, exactly.

I want to surround myself with people that are super wealthy, way richer than me, way more successful than me, way happier than me, in a place that makes me happy.

Like I can literally wake up in the morning and spend zero dollars and walk out the door. And the weather here is so fabulous.
The skies are always blue. The sun is shining.

The palm trees, literally walking out the door outside without spending a dime makes me happy every single day.

So, I'm going to frame my life, my new life, and put myself in a position that all I'm going to do is upgrade. How can I afford an apartment in Beverly Hills? How can I afford a better car?

How can I get better clients? How can I have better friendships than what I did before? How can I date better people, better men than what I did before?

And this is exactly what i did and what worked for me so i always say no matter what it is that you're going through life stop with this crazy mentality like oh my god i'm gonna cut off people like oh yeah cancel your netflix oh my god it's 9.99 a month you're broke oh my god yeah you're gonna drink a starbucks seven dollars

yeah when you're broke i agree it adds up but if this this is your mentality, like I said, you're gonna stay there. You're gonna cut, cut, cut, cut.

And before you know it, your mind is agreeing with you. You are broke, you are shitty, you're a fucking loser.
You can't even afford like the coffee you like.

Instead, say, no, I'm gonna buy the fucking coffee I like. Maybe not seven days a week, but maybe two days a week.

And I'm gonna walk around my neighborhood and I'm gonna see the opportunities that are there.

And I'm gonna sit in this really expensive cafe or this really expensive restaurant I'm gonna sit at the bar of the five-star hotel in my neighborhood and maybe I'm gonna order like a dessert or a glass of water or a cup of tea and I'm going to look around and this is exactly what I did that started opening door after door after door after door for me fast forward to today from 2018 to today

I'm far from being the millionaire that people think I am from looking on social media. I do well for myself.

I'm proud of myself because I support myself, I support my dogs, I support a lot of people that depend on me that I never talk about.

I have employees, I have a company, and I do the show and I do every fucking thing by myself. So I'm very proud of that.

I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but everything that I rebuilt was with the upgrade mindset. So if you are afraid of starting over,

and let's not talk about age, okay, let's talk about energy.

I don't care what it is that you're going through in your life, but if you are afraid of starting over, the first step you have to do is exactly what I told you: believe.

Look at yourself in the mirror and say, I know I can do this. I know I can fucking do this.

Even if there is not one person to cheer you up, like in my case, I didn't have a mom, I didn't have a dad, I didn't have a family, I didn't have anybody to give me a hug and say, Yes, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it.

It was all me.

It was all me i and to this day i wake up in the morning i'm like come on cat come on you gotta go you gotta go you can do this you can do in the toughest toughest days pull yourself by the bootstraps and just go and do it so there is no excuse even if you don't have a support system don't wait for a support system it's amazing if you do like some people come from incredible families they have a mom they have a dad they have a sister they have somebody that loves and supports them a boyfriend great but if you're like me and you don't, and you're completely, completely alone, and you're like, How the fuck do I do this?

Put your dreams on a piece of paper and start one teeny, teeny baby step a day.

Even if it's one hour, two hours of your day, going towards your goals, going towards something that you really want to do, that you really believe in, you can fucking do it. I remember a quote that

I heard a few years ago when I was in the middle of this hurricane by Giselle Binchen, the Brazilian supermodel.

She said, Ask yourself every night, did I take at least one step today towards achieving my dreams? And when I heard that quote, I was like, This is perfect because our days are so busy, right?

We are all the same. We're trying to pay bills, survive.
Some people have kids, la, we all have a million problems.

But regardless, everybody has an hour, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes a day that you can be doing

towards your dream, something productive. And again, in my case,

the upgrade method always works for me. In my hardest times, I'm like, okay, I have to push forward so I can afford this and I can afford that and I can make this and that and better.

Remember that before you guys continue downgrading your lives because I don't want you guys to end up there.

I want you to end up at the top of your game, in your favorite place, with your dream job, or your dream business, or your dream project, or your dream anything, because you know you can do it.

And by the way, the reason most people fail is not because they cannot do it. The reason most people fail is because they don't try long enough and hard enough.
They start something and they're like,

three months down the road, six months down the road, they're like,

no, that's when you got to push. Keep pushing, keep going.
If I did it 1 million percent, you guys can do it. And for those of you who don't know my story, I've been through it all.

I mean, I've been through it all, right? I survived. I say I'm a survivor of abuse because I survived a horribly abusive marriage of 15 years.
I could barely open my mouth.

And I don't think I'm a victim. I think I'm a survivor.

After that, I got tangled up with horrible man after horrible man after horrible man because I still had that victim mentality i thought it was okay to be called name i thought it was okay to be cheated on i thought it was okay to be screamed at it took me a long time it took me many years doing this show to realize that none of that is okay i i i survived tragedy i lost my mom to suicide i lost my husband who became an alcoholic and died a tragic tragic horrible dr

death I lost all my assets. No fucking kidding you.
The system failed me. I lost everything that took me 15 years to build with my husband.
I mean, I can go on and on and on.

Like, I've been through hell and high water. And today,

I am the happiest I've ever been. I think for me, my inner beauty is the best I ever had,

the best body I ever had. I sleep like an angel at night.
I'm peaceful. I just literally love my life.

I work insanely crazy hours, 15, 16, 17 hours a day, no joke, six, seven days a week, but I love it. I love it.

and every time i hear a no every time i i hear somebody like telling me they're not interested in what i'm doing making fun of what i'm doing in my mind i picture that as a log of wood in my fireplace to keep me going so when people criticize you or say something shitty to you try to use this mindset because it really really works my mom died in 2017 and i tell you guys something not funny but sad i have two phrases that i remember her telling me of all the millions of times we talked.

One, when I was a teenager and we were traveling around, and I was living in the United States on and off.

And I told her, you know, I want to live in the United States for good, forever. This is it.
I'm going to make my life in the United States.

I remember she looked at me and said, What makes you think you can? What makes you think you're better than anybody else that you can go there and build a life there? You should stay here in Brazil.

You know, you should take the fucking bus like I did when I was your age. I mean, who the hell do you think you are? And to this day, I think this phrase is tattooed in my head.
And it's one of the

things that always keeps pushing me forward. I think in some ways I always want to prove to my mom, even now that she's not here, that I can do it.
I can do it. I can do it.

And sure enough, Towards the end of her life, one time we were talking and she said to me, she said, oh, I wish I would have been as brave and fearless as you were to go after your dreams and build the life you wanted.

That's one of the things she said to me before she died: that she regretted never having the courage to go after her dreams and build the life she wanted, or do anything she wanted for that matter, and that she was proud of me that I did.

So it was two big extremes, and that always keeps me pushing me forward. Because when we are going through hell, unfortunately, most people decide to stay there.

But why the fuck would you stay in hell? Keep going, keep going. Don't make excuses.
Wake up in the morning and work towards your dreams. Because if I did it, if I did it, I promise you can do it.

So, wherever you are right now, maybe things aren't perfect. Maybe you're rebuilding.
But please remember, you do not need to fit into anyone's label. You just need to keep upgrading your own life.

It's your best version of yourself.

You don't have to compare yourself to anybody else. We are so, so unique.
It doesn't matter your age. It doesn't matter if you're 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 18, 88.

Whatever it is that you're going through today, you can still build the life of your dreams and you can still build your dream project and you can still have your amazing relationship.

No matter how many times people hurt you, you can rebuild. Please, please, please

don't give up on love. And remember, freedom is not about having it all figured out.
It's not about being perfect.

It's about giving yourself permission to evolve, to learn, and become the best version of yourselves.

I hope you guys enjoy this episode, this pep talk, because I know many times we need it. I love you.
I am so proud of the community we are creating.

Don't forget to launch this kit on Thursday because you guys are going to love it. And we are going to announce soon the contest so you guys can send your stories.

Because if we pick one of them, we're gonna send some cash your way.

And if you love this show, share with your friends so we can keep bringing amazing interviews, skits, all kinds of fun stuff to you. I love you, and you know what? You are great, and you can do it.

And if somebody criticizes you, they're not your person. Get the fuck out of your life, right?

I'll see you guys very soon. Be safe out there.