INTIMACY , FANTASIES & DELICIOUS SEX AT ANY AGE- with SUSAN BRATTON

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Speaker 2 So, today, let's talk about one of my favorite subjects. Let's talk about sex.

Speaker 2 And if you're not comfortable talking about it or listening to it, you're welcome to get out of this episode, go listen to something else.

Speaker 2 But I highly recommend you do stay enjoy because I love normalizing women speaking freely about sex, which should be a very, very healthy and important part of our lives.

Speaker 2 And I'm bringing in this amazing woman. Her energy is incredible, Susan Bratton.
She's an intimacy expert to millions, a champion and advocate for everyone who desire passionate relationships.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about how to keep the flame ignited if you're a couple. What do you do if you're single? How to ask your partner for what you want in bed.
How do you deal with fantasies and much more.

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Speaker 2 Susan, welcome to Cat on the Loose.

Speaker 1 Hello, Kat. I want to get loose with you.
Yes, same. I love it.

Speaker 2 As I was telling you, it's one of my favorite topics and I know my audience likes it.

Speaker 2 And I want to start by saying that one of the reasons that really attracted me to your work is when I was looking at your social media posts and your website, you actually mentioned that we should all be talking so much more freely and openly about sex, which it makes me really sad that to this day and age, it's still such taboo, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of shame that comes around it, that's for sure.
But I think the more you talk about it, the easier it gets. And honestly, with social media,

Speaker 1 talking about sex all the time and people reading about it and hearing things, it's opening up the conversation. 1 million percent.

Speaker 2 People like you help normalize. So I'm going to, I have like 10 million questions.

Speaker 1 Already.

Speaker 2 Let's try to pack this up as much as we can. I want to start with the tough one.
Okay. So we're talking about speaking because you're an intimacy expert.
You have all these fun words that you use.

Speaker 2 We're going to talk about all of that. But you talk about intimacy.
So for couples and even people that... started dating, because I'll tell you a lot of examples that happened with me.

Speaker 2 I think, and you tell me if you agree, one of the toughest things for a couple, especially new couples, but I know people that are together for a long time as well, is to actually open up freely and speak and tell their partners what it is that they like in bed, what makes them happy, what gives them pleasure, because they're so afraid about how the other person is going to react.

Speaker 1 I would also take that one step further, Kat, and say that for many people, especially women, they say, I don't know what I want. I just know what I'm getting isn't it.

Speaker 1 They don't even know what they want. Yes.

Speaker 1 And that makes it even harder.

Speaker 1 And I think that when people do feel that way, I say, You actually do know what you want. You're just, you just need to tune into your own body.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There, you know how we have the sense of smell and the sense of touch, and sex is a sensual experience as well. That's what it literally is: senses.

Speaker 1 One of our senses is a sense called enteroception.

Speaker 1 And it's the sense of, you know, if you stubbed your toe or if you got a fart or whatever, you know, you know what's going on inside you.

Speaker 1 You also know what your body is feeling in the moment. But one of the things that kind of makes it difficult for women is that we're, we run with the moon.

Speaker 1 Even after menopause, we're still moon women. We still go through 28-day cycles with our hormones.
And sometimes we're a kitty cat.

Speaker 1 And we want to be petted and loved and snuggled. And sometimes we're a tigress or a lioness.
And we're,

Speaker 1 let's go. And then 10 minutes later, we're a pussycat again because that's just how we are.

Speaker 1 And that, I think, is one of the beautiful things about women is that we are when a woman has, and this is a new word that I've been using.

Speaker 1 And I'm trying it on and I'd love your feedback on it.

Speaker 1 The word is being an agentic lover.

Speaker 1 And that means instead of feeling like you have your sovereign sexuality, like you own your sexuality, which feels a little lonely, like being sovereign is almost like you're rowing in a boat alone.

Speaker 1 You're pretty much rowing. I mean, there's mutual, there's self-pleasuring, of course, and that's a great way to learn how to become orgasming.

Speaker 1 But when you are agentic, you have agency over yourself and you'll speak on your own behalf. And when you can tap into these lips, but use these lips, the upper lips, to speak for the lower lips.

Speaker 2 I love how you explain.

Speaker 1 Then that really helps. When you tune into her and you understand that because you're on this 28-day cycle,

Speaker 1 the thing you did last time is not the thing you're going to want to do this time. It's always going to want to change.

Speaker 1 And so when you tune into what your body's asking for in the moment, I want it softer, lighter. I feel like doing this.
Now I'm in the mood for that. First, can I get a foot rub?

Speaker 1 I need you to hold me. I'm ready for you to throw me down on the bed and plunge inside me, you know, whatever it might be.

Speaker 2 Let's say a couple out there listening to us and they're going to say, oh, yeah, that all sounds amazing. But is there a practical step? Because a lot of people are very embarrassed.

Speaker 2 They are so ashamed.

Speaker 2 And I heard so many guys that are gone through a divorce. They all say to me, you know, one of the main reasons why I want to get divorced is because my sex life sucked.

Speaker 1 My wife didn't.

Speaker 2 I know, especially, and I'm saying that for women.

Speaker 2 Women are so uptight, and the men, because the women are uptight, they're embarrassed telling them what their fantasies are because they're afraid they're going to say, Oh, you're a pervert, you psycho, you're crazy.

Speaker 2 Is there a practical first step to open up to your partner so you can tell them exactly what you want? Yes.

Speaker 1 And I was really getting to that with the fact that we live in an animal body that cycles with the moon and that we want something different all the time.

Speaker 1 And one of the things that's exciting about having sex with us women is that we want something different all the time. We're full of good ideas if we listen to ourselves.

Speaker 1 So, I have a technique, it's called the Sexual Soulmate Pact, P-A-C-T, like an agreement.

Speaker 1 And I have the whole thing at sexualsoulmatepact.com for your listeners who are like, oh, I heard this thing that this expert said, and I want to do this with my partner.

Speaker 1 And it's basically what it does is it overcomes this issue where, and it's,

Speaker 1 I'm going to generalize because

Speaker 1 sex is on a bell curve. You know, there's some people who never want it, some people who always want it.
Most of the, I'm always speaking to the kind of big bell curve in the middle.

Speaker 1 And that is that generally women tell me more often that they're afraid to tell their male partner what they really want

Speaker 1 because he's going to think he did something wrong. He's going to take it as a criticism.
He's going to get upset. He's going to kind of emotionally collapse in the moment.
He's going to check out.

Speaker 1 He's going to get angry because he wants, and the truth is that what he wants to do is a job so well done that if he thinks he's making a mistake, he feels like he failed. Yes.

Speaker 1 And men need to feel like they win.

Speaker 2 Yes. Especially in bed, by the way.

Speaker 1 Especially, really everywhere. But that's how we raise our, that's how we raise our boys.

Speaker 1 And so when you use the sexual soulmate pact, what you're doing is you're understanding that you you live in these animal bodies, that

Speaker 1 you have to deal with the vagaries of our hormones and sleep and how much junk we ate. And did we, you know, have we been exercising, all the stuff that runs our bodies, the physical bodies we're in.

Speaker 1 We are animals. And people are like, no, we're Homo sapiens.
Well, yeah, we're Homo sapiens. That's the branch of the tree of the Animalia kingdom with the bonomos and the chimpanzees.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, it is what it is. We are, in fact, animals.
Even though we like to call ourselves humankind, we're still in these bodies that are controlled by by things. And so

Speaker 1 when your partner understands, when you kind of flip the mindset for them, that anything that you could say to them is not their failure, how could they know when every time you make love, you're different?

Speaker 1 And so what you're doing is you're not, it's not failure, it's feedback for them to do a fantastic job every time. Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1 And when they start thinking about it, oh, it's not failure, it's feedback. I should be willing to take this.
And how could I know? Oh, I couldn't know. Okay, tell me what you need.

Speaker 1 And then there's a second part to the soulmate pact. And that is that instead of saying, oh, honey, could you please go slower or lighter or harder or softer or up here or down here?

Speaker 1 Instead of that, or I want a spanking or whatever it is,

Speaker 1 you don't have to say please and thank you. You don't want to get out of your theta brainwave state of turn on and arousal.

Speaker 1 you want to get into your beta state of directing people and having to think about saying please and thank you, just blurt it out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I agree, but I think that's the biggest problem. And for guys, so I'll give you an example.
I guess because you know, I do the sex podcast and I'm very open when it comes to

Speaker 2 talking about because of my cultures, right? Europeans are very open about it, sorry, I think Americans are much more uptight. Yes.

Speaker 2 So when I'm dating someone, usually my partner, they feel very comfortable telling me what they want to do in bed, la la la la. And every single guy that I ever dated,

Speaker 2 they say to me that they were never able to do that before because they are so afraid of the woman's reaction.

Speaker 1 So an example making you talk to me.

Speaker 2 I think every guy has like a hidden fantasy that they want to do.

Speaker 1 Other than,

Speaker 2 I know, the threesome. Every guy wants to do a threesome.

Speaker 1 Don't knock threesomes. They're fantastic.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, if if you're into it, I totally agree.

Speaker 1 I like them with two guys better than you.

Speaker 2 I never did with two guys.

Speaker 1 So nice.

Speaker 2 But, yeah. So the last guy I was dating last year, he said to me that he had this fantasy that he wanted to watch me sucking another guy's dick.
Okay. Great.

Speaker 2 And he had a few drinks and we were in bed having sex. And he told me that.
Yeah. And I mean, I was turned on listening to it.

Speaker 2 I don't know if we were going to do it or not.

Speaker 1 That's not the point. To share fantasies.

Speaker 2 But after he told me, he was was really embarrassed like he was worried like and and so i opened the conversation i was like listen i am so proud of you for speaking up in bed telling me what you want good even if i don't want to do it but just the fact that you have this freedom and he was like oh my god i never had a woman every woman if i would dream about telling my ex-wife that she would have like ran away i never have a woman that would have allowed it so what do you tell women out there if the guy comes to you with whatever it is, this fantasy, something spicy or something crazy?

Speaker 2 My opinion is: even if you don't want to do it, don't make him feel bad about it, right?

Speaker 1 Of course.

Speaker 2 But a lot of women make them feel bad about it if they open up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Um, another book that I wrote is called Dirty Talk: How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Weird. That's a dirty talk book.
I'm dropping links as I go because thank you. That's a good book.

Speaker 1 Where can we find it? DirtyTalkBook.com. Okay, it's free.
It's already free download. Oh, I'm going going to go down.
Just like the Sexual Soulmate Pact.

Speaker 1 And the five ways of talking dirty include sharing fantasies. And I think that before couples start...

Speaker 1 expecting, if they're shy and they have trouble talking, start with things that are a little simpler, like expressing your appreciation, your encouragement, your adoration, rewarding your partner for a job well done, thanking them, noticing them.

Speaker 1 And then the other one that's nice is to say what you see. Oh, you look so beautiful to me.
Your skin's so gorgeous. I love your breasts or I love your penis.

Speaker 1 You know, get that adoration is very nice. Another one is something that I call, and I learned this from one of my mentors, Dr.
Patty Taylor. It's called sharing favorite frames.

Speaker 1 And it's actually after you made love.

Speaker 1 You share what a highlight moment was for you. Oh, that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 You took your finger and there was a little oil on it, and you just stroked from the top of my clitoral hood all the way down my inner labia, all the way down. And how you lift your hand.

Speaker 2 Sorry to interrupt you. Sure.
You're an expert, so it's very normal for you to say these things. Right, but remember.
But for most people, it's not.

Speaker 2 For most people, it's like, wow, I don't know if I'm going to have this conversation.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm just giving you an example of something because I'm modeling languaging for people.

Speaker 1 You may not feel comfortable yet saying clitoral hood or inner labia or something like that, but a part of learning how to talk about what felt good is to understand how to identify what it is.

Speaker 1 And so when you have me on and you give me the opportunity to have an example, it may be the first time somebody heard that, but like you just started off the show saying,

Speaker 1 the more you hear about and the more you talk about, the easier it gets. And so when you say to your partner, it felt so good when you just did that.

Speaker 1 And I loved how you picked up your finger and you didn't go back up. You took it to the top and stroked again.
That

Speaker 1 made me feel like I melted into the sheets. And you're like, wow, babe, I don't even really even remember doing that when I was, you know, giving you a yoni massage.
Do you know the word yoni? No.

Speaker 1 I love this word. So instead of saying the vulva, which is is the outer genital system of a woman, or the vagina, which is just one little part of our genitals, yoni is a tantric love-making word.

Speaker 1 It's spelled Y-O-N-I.

Speaker 1 And it's a tantric love-making word for all of the genital parts. Oh, cool.
Everything,

Speaker 1 inside, the outside. You learn something new.
All the different tissue.

Speaker 1 And what's nice is that when you tell your partner something they did,

Speaker 1 when you're sharing this frame, this snapshot of a moment during your love making that was so exquisite for you.

Speaker 1 Then your partner's like, wow, I didn't even, I don't, I can barely remember even doing that, but now that you've told me about it, I'll do that more often for you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so then he tells you, you know what I loved? I loved when you were on top of me and you were riding me cowgirl. Your cowgirl's getting so good.

Speaker 1 And I was almost about to come, but I didn't want to because I love seeing your boobs hanging down in my face. And I was trying

Speaker 1 get them. I was trying to get them in my mouth and I was having so much fun.
And you're like, I think I actually knew that might have been your favorite spot.

Speaker 2 In other words, communication.

Speaker 2 The more you communicate, the better you get at it. If you don't speak up, they cannot guess what you like and what you don't like, correct?

Speaker 1 Yes. And so sometimes being able to just talk about it after the fact

Speaker 1 begins that getting used to being in communication where you're too shy in the moment or you don't want to wreck the moment or whatever it might be, but you say it later and then that helps later when you're in the bedroom, you can start saying things that help your lover feel appreciated, feel adored, let them know that you're having a good time or asking for what you want.

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Speaker 2 Yeah, and again, like I said, if you ask for something and your partner doesn't want to do it, don't make them feel bad about it. Just move on to something else.
Because the reverse is also true.

Speaker 2 If someone tells you they don't like something, don't push it, right?

Speaker 1 Well, I have a little trick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think that for most people when they hear a fantasy where they're like whoa that's that's a little much it's because you dropped a bomb on them that they weren't expecting and so one of the things that's also in the dirty talk book is this idea of sharing fantasies instead of asking for something that your partner might think is a little too much why not give her a beautiful yoni massage and tell her a dirty story about a fantasy and so let's just say your boyfriend was interested in having you go down on another guy and watching.

Speaker 1 So he could be lovingly pleasuring you, telling you how beautiful you are, and saying, I'm going to tell you a sexy fantasy. And I want some feedback on this.

Speaker 1 But I have this fantasy where I think it would be so beautiful to see you

Speaker 1 going down on another guy. And I love how much you go down on me.
And it's so beautiful.

Speaker 1 I'd like to watch from the third-party perspective and see your beautiful face and how you take your perspective.

Speaker 2 Which is a a very common fantasy to a lot of men for a lot of men right I mean and he did that we were in bed we were having great sex so it was very natural and I know it was very hard for him to speak up yeah because he was coming from a horror apparently his marriage barely had sex I want to talk about that as well like how do you reignite the flame yeah but for me it's like no big deal I like I said I think the more you speak up the better it is for the couple even if you don't do the fantasy the fantasy well that's what I'm saying don't ask for the fantasy.

Speaker 1 Just tell a fantasy story so they can hear it without the request for it. Do you see that point?

Speaker 1 One minute. Okay, good.
So that's the trick. The trick is in,

Speaker 1 you're not just saying, I want to see you suck some guy's penis. It's, I have this fantasy rolling around in my head.
Let me pleasure you while I tell you. And you tell me what you think of it.

Speaker 1 And then you're warming up to it a lot more when you're in your turned-on state, when you're totally relaxed, and when it's not a request, it's a fantasy.

Speaker 2 And I i think as a couple as you evolve then in the future you can decide yes let's are we actually gonna make this fantasy come true like you're talking about the threesome most couples just talk about it because most women when it comes down to doing it well you don't know they bail out but it's something you can have the confidence they don't know what to do yeah so the more you talk about the fantasy scenarios the more she gets ideas about how it would happen yeah the more likely she is to do it

Speaker 2 and i well i personally think the the more you experience with your partner, if it's

Speaker 2 in a relationship of trust, the better, the richer your sex life is.

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 If you guys are listening to the audio episode, you have to go watch her face.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 this is a question I have for you that I just remembered. I told you, I'm super open-minded.
I don't mind. I can't listen to everything.
La la la la la.

Speaker 2 But there is one thing that, and by the way, I haven't dated a million guys. Like, I'm very picky about the guys that I date have sex.
But my partners that I've had, had, I always tell them,

Speaker 2 I love, love, love to give oral sex. It's my favorite thing in the world.
Nobody believes me.

Speaker 1 Are you having throat gasms yet?

Speaker 2 No, but wait,

Speaker 2 I want to ask you a question. Yeah.
But I, it turns me on like nothing in the world. I can do it for like five million hours.
Yeah. So, and the guys don't believe.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I swear to God, that's why I'm so good at it. But, but

Speaker 2 I don't like oral sex on me, period. Okay.
It doesn't turn me on. I know I'm delicious,

Speaker 1 but I don't want it.

Speaker 2 And because what turns me on is the hands on me and the guy kissing me.

Speaker 2 So every single partner I ever had, I tell them that.

Speaker 2 And they don't believe me. Every single one of them.

Speaker 2 They think, no, it's because you didn't have good, good RSX before. So they go and try to do it.

Speaker 2 And then I feel compelled to lie because if they're like leaking me and leaking me, and I'm like, come on, that's not what I want.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't want to offend them, but every single guy thinks they are going to do better.

Speaker 2 But it's not about doing better, it just doesn't turn me on because I want their hands on me and their lips kissing me.

Speaker 2 So, in this case, if it happens to anybody else out there, you're telling something that doesn't give you pleasure and nobody listens to you. What would be the tactic?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I'm torn here, Kat.

Speaker 2 You're going to say that I never enjoyed because nobody ever did a good job.

Speaker 1 No, I think that it's possible that there's,

Speaker 1 you know, if you got all of the kissing and manual pleasuring that you could stand and then you also had the opportunity to allow your lover to enjoy themselves by going down on you like you enjoy going down on them.

Speaker 1 I do. Then maybe over time, the tissue could be activated such that you would, oh, look at you.
You just went like, you went like this. She just went like this.

Speaker 1 She's like,

Speaker 1 no, because you know like

Speaker 1 think about something you don't like to eat. No, I understand.

Speaker 2 You know, if you try it 10 million times, if you don't like it, no, and I let them do it, of course. You don't have to let them do it.

Speaker 2 But they all look at me like, you know, oh, are you not going to come?

Speaker 1 Or you don't like it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 They think like they're the secret weapon. They do it better than anybody else.

Speaker 1 That's testosterone. Testosterone makes men feel very, very sure and certain they're amazing.
And I don't blame them for thinking that.

Speaker 1 But I guess if you really want, do you really want to know what I think?

Speaker 2 Of course, I really want to know what you think.

Speaker 1 Then I think you're missing out on some incredible pussy eating. And I think that you could consider it a learning expedition and that maybe you don't know that this is incredible.

Speaker 1 And just as you love going down on a penis, guys love going down on a yoni.

Speaker 1 I love the words.

Speaker 1 It's a sweet, it's like my little yoni. It's sparkly.

Speaker 1 But I would say you asked me here because I'm an expert. Yes.

Speaker 1 And it is so nice to just kick back and let somebody go down on you and just ride their ride and enjoy the pleasure.

Speaker 1 And one of the things that could be helpful for you would be I've got something to show you here.

Speaker 2 Oh, she's going to open her toy drawer, my favorite toy.

Speaker 1 I brought my toy bag. Your toy bag.
We have to talk about this. This is quite interesting because this is a little vibrator that I love.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to drop another link because I always, people are, they get mad at me if they're like, where was that down here before?

Speaker 2 We're going to tell. We talked about it.

Speaker 1 Put this around your neck, like a necklace.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, that's you clip the nipples.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, you have to make it a little longer. Just to pull that.
There you go.

Speaker 1 So, what?

Speaker 2 We cannot be x-rated on the video. Otherwise, I can't post the video.

Speaker 1 We're not. We're not going to be x-rayed.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you clip the nipple.

Speaker 1 You clip the x-ray.

Speaker 2 I've done that before, and I don't love it. But okay, let's see.
Let's

Speaker 2 not believe I'm clipping.

Speaker 1 So you're actually helping me make my point even better

Speaker 1 because your lips and mouth, your breasts and nipples, and your yoni are kind of in a system of pleasure.

Speaker 1 And when you stimulate your nipples and you're being kissed and you're being kissed, all of that's going to start making everything feel better.

Speaker 1 So when your nipples aren't yet sensitive and orgasmic, stimulating them and playing with them, when your yoni isn't responsive yet to oral pleasuring and you give it a try and you're in a loving relationship and you're turned on by them,

Speaker 1 you could add to

Speaker 1 your

Speaker 1 pleasurable and listen.

Speaker 2 I'm open-minded. Like I know, I honestly never used this toy before, so I'm totally open-minded to trying it.
And like I said, I'm always open-minded to, okay, you want to try.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, like, from my perspective, it's not my favorite, most enjoyable thing. So it was the reversed coin, like the same way somebody should be able to tell their fantasies.

Speaker 2 If you tell them that you don't like something, I think they got to believe you.

Speaker 1 But when you're talking about fundamental things like oral pleasuring,

Speaker 1 I do believe, and you got it okay? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I forgot to say the URL. It's at drivedesire.com.
Anything I show today on Cat

Speaker 1 Show, I always have the links for it, drivedesire.com. But all I'm saying is that I'm not talking about anything unusual or freaky.
I'm talking about basic sexual things.

Speaker 1 So a year from now, when I come back to visit you and you've given, you're like, all right, you're the, you're the sex bird, Susan.

Speaker 1 And you're like, oh my God, girl, thank you so much for arguing with me

Speaker 1 because my next boyfriend turned out to be the best yoni muncher in the universe. That was good.

Speaker 2 And now I love it.

Speaker 1 I love it. And you were right

Speaker 1 to encourage me to

Speaker 1 keep, put my barrier down and give it a try.

Speaker 2 No pressure. Now you know I'm single because the guys listen, they listen to the podcast before they meet me.
So they get it all wrong. First they think like, oh, I'm going to bang her, right?

Speaker 2 Because they think I'm having like sex with everybody that moves. It's not true.

Speaker 2 And then they feel like this pressure.

Speaker 2 You know, because they think...

Speaker 1 Women have a lot of performance anxiety. People have a lot of performance anxiety.

Speaker 1 Well, many people do.

Speaker 2 But most people, I'm sure you don't either.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't have performance anxiety, but I'll tell you where I struggle.

Speaker 1 I, like all women, take about 20 minutes to get completely engorged for the blood to flow, for me to get out of my head and into my body, connect my heart with my partner, and to get the blood flow into my pelvic bowl to seep down through into all the little nooks and crannies of my erectile tissue.

Speaker 1 And sometimes I wish I were a man and I could just go, boink, let's go. But I can't because that's not how a woman's body works.

Speaker 1 We all have the nooks and crannies of all that erectile tissue. And so sometimes I wish I could be readier sooner.

Speaker 1 But what I have realized is that my husband and I both know that I am, like all women's bodies, needing 20 minutes of good warm-up before we really get to the point.

Speaker 2 Okay, guys, if you're listening, you said it 20 minutes ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, at a minimum. And women,

Speaker 2 but most men out there, if they get to five, they think, right, they're like, they think, oh, yeah, I did a great job. 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm not talking about 20 minutes of penetration. I'm talking about 20 minutes of foreplay.
At a minimum, right?

Speaker 2 But it's very rare. And the thing is.
That a guy gets anywhere near that.

Speaker 1 Well, and we must demand it as agentic lovers who own our own pleasure to say, women's bodies take 20 minutes for us to get to where yours get in one or two minutes.

Speaker 1 So we're going to go at my pace, not your pace. You can get hard, go soft, get hard, go soft.
Don't worry about that. I'm not expecting you to show up ready to go.
I'm not ready to be penetrated.

Speaker 1 If you penetrate me too early, I can't get my lady boner, my clitoral erection.

Speaker 1 And if I don't have a lady boner, you don't want to have sex with me because I'm not going to enjoy it like I would if you waited until I was fully engorged. So let's do a lot of fun things.

Speaker 1 For example, why don't you kiss me and play with my yoni? That really gets me going, right? That's

Speaker 2 so that's like all these things that you are saying, I think that's the most important part that women should learn in terms of speaking up.

Speaker 2 And I think most women, going back to the beginning of the conversation, most women are just too shy to say all these things. I need this, I need that, I need more time, I'm not ready.

Speaker 2 And that's why many times they don't even get to orgasm, they don't get to pleasure. They're like, oh, let's just get this over with.
And that's never how sex should be, right?

Speaker 2 So let's talk about orgasms because I love the word you put on your website, you know, orgasmonaut. Yes.
I love that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 To me, it's never been a problem. I mean, I come super easily.
I have multiple orgasms all the time.

Speaker 2 When I'm single, and I want to talk about that as well, because you brought a bag of toys, I always have my vibrators that I love.

Speaker 2 I get shocked how many women don't have vibrators, especially when they're not in a relationship. And I'm like, why not? You're embarrassed of yourself, right?

Speaker 2 Speaking of orgasms, why do you think it's so hard for so many women to get there? And the first practical steps to making that better?

Speaker 1 Yeah. So first things are that I really recommend that a woman have multiple kinds of pleasure toys.

Speaker 1 I'll show you a few that I recommend because I brought, I specifically brought them with me to show you today.

Speaker 2 I use the good old bunny and I love the bunny with the little rabbit ears.

Speaker 2 I use that like almost every night. And to me, I've tried because the sex companies, this one, Womanizer, is one of our sponsors.

Speaker 2 They do make great toys, but I like the good old-fashioned bunny for me. That does the trick.
That does the job.

Speaker 1 If I'm alone. So you have one path to orgasm with your rabbit vibrator, which is excellent.
Now, what I'm recommending is that you expand your

Speaker 1 ways of having orgasms by activating more of the tissue in your yoni.

Speaker 1 So this is a vibrator that I really like.

Speaker 1 This is very similar to what you like. And I think a rabbit vibrator is a very good kind of a toy.
This one is extra special.

Speaker 1 What I like about it is that it both activates internal tissue as well as external tissue, and it wraps right around the G-spot.

Speaker 1 So you're getting your clitoral, your urethral, and your perineal structures, which are your three

Speaker 1 structures of erectile tissue in your yoni, activated, filled with blood, so that they're bigger, so you have more surface area, sending more signals to your biggest sex organ.

Speaker 2 So but this is kind of like the bunny.

Speaker 1 It is but here's what it does. What's that? It runs on a Bluetooth app and it will quantify your orgasm

Speaker 1 or a ring for your orgasm. It's like an o-ring.

Speaker 1 And this is at drivedesire.com. It's called the lioness.

Speaker 2 Wait, drivedesire.com?

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay.
Thank you. And

Speaker 1 it'll tell you the intensity of your orgasmic experience as well as what style of orgasm you had. Okay.
So there are avalanches, volcanoes, and oceanic orgasms.

Speaker 1 And you can begin to try to have them all. So I love this for

Speaker 1 orgasmic cross-training. Yeah.
Now you mentioned that you didn't care for the air stimulator. No, I like it.

Speaker 2 Like I said, this brand womanizer, they sent me one. I do like it.
I love it. It's not that I don't care for it.
I'm just more used to the bunny. I did a video for them.

Speaker 2 I did recommend it to my audience. It's definitely very interesting, very different, for sure.

Speaker 1 Well, remember, you've got your one pathway really solid. Now you you need to build more roads to pleasure.
That's what orgasmic activation and cross-training is coming from a lot of different things.

Speaker 1 And what I like about this is this is the enhanced and it's both a vibrator which is great for yoni massage to get the labia and the mons activated but it also basically suckles the clitoral shaft and head.

Speaker 1 So it'll give you a really nice lady boner.

Speaker 1 And I like this.

Speaker 1 Another one that I really love right now is the queen and this is this one so I'm gonna say this one that you just showed is womanizer calm or that I know but right it's all they're all on drive desire yeah you can just go there I have the what I'm showing is all right this is all of them are there okay so go to drive design these are my current favorite for your pleasure chest okay because it all changes all the time and I was telling you I just went to that sex that pleasure show and 95% of the stuff there was junk i mean i only work with brands yeah direct with brands that are really really you pick the very best of brands.

Speaker 2 And obviously you're an expert, so we should listen.

Speaker 1 Thank you. This is very nice because this queen, it actually has a technology that is called Pulse Plate.
And what it does is it penetrates. Oh, did I run out of battery?

Speaker 1 It penetrates deeply into the tissue. In your yoni, you have,

Speaker 1 feel that?

Speaker 1 You have mechanoreceptors. nerve endings, you have corpuscles.
Each of them responds to different types of pressure, depth of stimulation, etc.

Speaker 1 And this gives you a kind of stimulation that none of the other ones do.

Speaker 1 And it gets that mind to yoni connection really going and gets the blood flow going.

Speaker 2 Let me interrupt you here, showing all the toys for a second and ask you a question.

Speaker 2 We are talking like me, I'm single, I use my toys. But I know a lot of women want to bring the toys into bed with their partners.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And I heard guys say the most absurd thing, which is, oh, she's going to like the toy more than she likes my dick.

Speaker 1 And it's not about that, right?

Speaker 2 So what do you say to guys that say that?

Speaker 1 Because it would help a lot of women

Speaker 2 have better sex and better orgasm if their partners are cool with them introducing the toys

Speaker 1 in bed. So the first thing I'd say is, and use your own words for this.
I'm just going to say it like a sexpert says it, like Susan says it, so you can get the concept of the science behind it, Okay.

Speaker 1 And then you can, you know, make it easier to understand for your partner.

Speaker 1 But basically, everything I've been talking about is activating the tissue and engorging the vulva in ways that fingers, tongues, and penises simply can't do.

Speaker 1 We live in the 21st century. I use an electric toothbrush, an oral irrigator, an instant pot.
I have an electric car. We use a lot of tools.

Speaker 1 Why wouldn't we want to have tools that help us become more orgasmic and create more pathways to pleasure?

Speaker 1 Because when a lot of women also, and I'm going to throw another objection in that you didn't mention, but is very common, and that is, if I have an orgasm from this wand, I'm not going to be able to have an orgasm with my husband.

Speaker 1 It's the opposite. Oh, yeah, I think it's totally.

Speaker 1 It makes you more orgasmic.

Speaker 1 We're talking about increasing the amount of orgasms, the intensity of the orgasms, the level of pleasure you feel, and the locations from which you can feel pleasure pleasure by using these toys.

Speaker 1 So one of the things that's really nice is to be able to incorporate them into lovemaking. I've got one more to show you.

Speaker 1 I'll just finish off with these because my, this is my current favorite masturbatory double situation. This I like to put inside me

Speaker 1 because I like that full feeling and I like this G spot vibration. And then I like to use the wand.
This is called pearl and this is the wand on the outside simultaneously.

Speaker 1 simultaneously so i'm in i'm activating internal and external tissue at the same time okay i really love these two feel how nice that silicone yeah no i can see just looking at it their quality yeah you can know it's quality toys yeah and this one i also love because one of the areas of of orgasmic growth that i recommend for women is you know you've had a lot you can throw it back in there you've had a lot of experience potentially with being penetrated by a penis you've probably had some experience putting a vibrator on your clitoris externally, but let's activate the G-spot, right?

Speaker 1 The G-spot is incredible. It's not a spot.
It's a big tube of erectile tissue

Speaker 1 on the ceiling of the vagina. What I love about this, this is called Curve.
And what I love about this product is it's got a really soft tip, which the G-spot loves.

Speaker 1 Also, you can rub it all on the outside and it will activate all of that tissue. Amazing child.
So get your husband using tools. He's really good at it, but there's one more I want to show you.

Speaker 2 So you think for a woman that has difficulty reaching orgasm, use more toys.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Use a bunch of toys.

Speaker 2 That's a super easy solution.

Speaker 1 Masturbate all the time until you get there and then keep going.

Speaker 2 And if your partner is against, like if they have this objection, like, oh my God, you're going to get used to your toys. You're going to like your toys better than my dick.

Speaker 2 What do you say to yourself?

Speaker 1 I say, no, the toys actually help me learn to train my body to orgasm in more ways

Speaker 1 and in different ways so that when you use your fingers your tongue and your penis i'm already more orgasmic that's all that is yeah totally it's not replacing you it's adding to my org i'm expanding my orgasmic capacity for pleasure using these toys.

Speaker 1 I'm activating the yoni to brain so that I feel more pleasure with and without them. It's training my body to have more orgasms.
I will never replace you i will only

Speaker 1 totally different things right yeah i completely agree it just makes sex better for most people for sure this is my favorite intercourse toy this is the last one i want to show you this goes on the mons above your clitoris and this little thing comes right down onto your clitoris you can wear it with this little harness which i love and this will wrap it right around your hips and then your vaginal opening is free so that you can be penetrated by your partner's penis.

Speaker 1 But you have stimulation on your clitoral structure simultaneously. And if he puts this little ring on his penis,

Speaker 1 then it's a proximity sensor such that as he gets closer into you, it intensifies the vibration. So as he goes in and out,

Speaker 1 the little magnet that's a proximity sensor, it goes,

Speaker 2 it's like a silicone ring for the penis.

Speaker 1 It doesn't do anything for the penis. All it does is makes this.
I'm sure it doesn't. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 That's a and a lot of women need the clitoris stimulation in order to reach orgasm, like most women, right?

Speaker 1 Amazing. And then there's another really fun thing, too.

Speaker 2 What is the name of this toy?

Speaker 1 Luxus. Lux drive desire.

Speaker 2 All of them are on this website. Guys, go get some toys.

Speaker 1 Check this out. If you also take this little silicone pad and you stick it on here and you just peel off this little plastic part.
It's just a little silicone pad. You can wear it in your panties.

Speaker 1 Feel how sticky it is? It'll stick to your mom's. It'll stick right onto your body and hold on there.

Speaker 1 You can put this in your panties and then you can give your lover the app and he can give you orgasms when he takes you out for dinner.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've seen that somewhere.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it was

Speaker 2 a movie or something that I saw. Yeah, like talk about major foreplay at a restaurant, huh?

Speaker 1 That's what I love about this toy. It's great for intercourse, but it's also great for

Speaker 2 and it's interesting that you mentioned that before we run out of time.

Speaker 2 We're gonna have to do part two.

Speaker 1 We can do that.

Speaker 2 But I personally, and I always say that, I think foreplay and getting excited

Speaker 2 can and should start way before you get to bed. Like talking dirty to each other.
Like you just said, go to a restaurant and do this little sex game.

Speaker 2 Or if you're having drinks, tell your partner the things that you want to do to them. So by the time you get to bed, you are already on fire.
And I don't know why most people don't do that.

Speaker 2 They're just literally doing the sex and talking about sex when they are in bed. But if you do all this foreplay, it makes everything so much more fun, right? I'm a big proponent of that.

Speaker 2 I have a million more questions, and we only have a few more minutes, but I want to ask about this: talking dirty, talking, talking.

Speaker 2 I think it's a massive, important part of having sex. I cannot stand a partner that is silent in bed.

Speaker 2 I had a boyfriend like that one time. I didn't even know when he was coming.
He was literally having sex with me like

Speaker 2 no sound. And it drives me crazy.
I'm very vocal. I'm very noisy.
I'm very passionate.

Speaker 2 I love when somebody talks dirty to me. I think it makes everything more delicious, right?

Speaker 2 Again, a lot of people want to do it, but they're so embarrassed. They're like, oh my God, what if I say, how do you break that barrier of shame?

Speaker 2 Because I think the people that don't do it, they're missing out, right?

Speaker 1 I think the best way to begin to be more auditory during lovemaking is to moan, to just make sounds, not even talking, not communicating.

Speaker 1 Because for some people, talking takes them out of their turn on. For others, it's what turns them on the most.

Speaker 1 You're either visual, auditory, or kinesthetic in your theta brainwave state, which is your state of orgasmic co-connection. And so for you might be auditory.
Like that's my husband.

Speaker 1 He loves when I tell him dirty stories while I'm riding him. He just loves that.

Speaker 1 But for me, I don't need as much of that.

Speaker 1 I like a little, but I'm very kinesthetic. Sometimes I even like to...

Speaker 1 have

Speaker 1 an eye mask on so I can't see anything visual. It helps me get more in my body.
So I like it when the room is dark and I like the touch and the sensation.

Speaker 1 So we're either visual, auditory, or kinesthetic as the lead way that we are in our lovemaking.

Speaker 1 So if you are an auditory and I'm a visual, then it could be that what I need to do is moan a lot for you so that it doesn't take me out of my sensory experience and you can get that biofeedback, that auditory biofeedback that you want so much.

Speaker 1 And I really like moaning and I like kind of making those like orgasmic sounds like, oh, oh, oh, you know, I like that. I love those.
That's music to your lover's ears.

Speaker 1 To most men right I think most people want to hear

Speaker 2 some kind of reaction we want to hear them do that too right like like I said I want to know like are you enjoying it are you having a good time are you gonna come like tell me something tell me something give me something yeah so moaning is the is the it's a good

Speaker 1 jam yeah to being able to find your words and then the things I talked about from the dirty talk book like saying what you see about how beautiful you are things like that those are helpful because when people say dirty talk, they think, oh, you dirty whore,

Speaker 1 you know, or something. And it's not that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it doesn't necessarily have to be that.

Speaker 1 It doesn't need to be that. But a lot of times when people hear the words dirty talk, they think it's going to be almost like,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 2 It can be like you say, it can be like demeaning.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no. And people don't want to be demeaning.
And so then they don't do anything. It's a very different, right?

Speaker 2 I think you can talk about, yeah, your dirty fantasies or what you want to do to the person.

Speaker 2 Right. There's like a million examples.

Speaker 2 But i love the idea of the morning because it's a nice easy first step yes i think your work is incredible thank you so much and before i let you go i want to mention that i looked at your instagram and i love that you post this super sexy photos oh thank you and i'm gonna tell you why because i do that every now and again and i know as women we get so much backlash like if you post a lingerie photo if you post something right there's always like the trolls people that perceive oh she's a whore.

Speaker 2 She posts it

Speaker 2 lingerie photos.

Speaker 2 But I think what you do is so empowering, and I'm sure your audience and women that look at that, they see that it's completely okay to express yourself sexually, regardless of age, regardless of how old you are.

Speaker 2 I mean, I think we should do it until we die. We're sexual beings.

Speaker 1 I am

Speaker 1 normalizing. I'm 64.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 You look. And I am normalizing what sexy is.
And I will be doing this at 84 and 94. Yes, and I will be right there with you.
We are beautiful women until the day. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Yes. And you know, I think maturing.

Speaker 2 And also, the more you mature, you know your body better. You know what you want better.

Speaker 2 I just think it gets better and better.

Speaker 1 And you get better at orgasming, and you learn how to like getting your pussy eaten.

Speaker 1 I'll bring you back on that. Now I'm going to put on my dating profile.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Must be able to make me enjoy getting my pussy well and it's not even that it's um be willing to teach me how to enjoy it

Speaker 2 because i've had a little block of it listen i'm open-minded i just unfortunately it's like i said it's like eating is there anything that you absolutely don't like eating only things that i am allergic to but otherwise i'm willing to try things yeah i try every food in the world except for olives i don't know why my entire life i don't like and it's kind of like that with my pussy but i'm well i'm open-minded to somebody changing my

Speaker 1 I want to say something about trolls as well. Yes.
Here's how I handle that. Yes.
Because I think this is helpful for women, especially.

Speaker 1 And that is that when someone says a negative comment about me expressing the love of my beauty and sexuality,

Speaker 1 and I look at that person and I think, oh, I'm so sorry for them. Same.
I move to my compassionate heart. I don't take it personally.
Same.

Speaker 1 I just feel bad that they've been taught so much shame and I feel badly for them. And then I just am happy that I am mean and

Speaker 1 I am an agentic, sexually expressed woman who loves to show that you never age out of your pleasure and interest.

Speaker 2 I love it. It's funny that you said that because I do exactly the same thing.
Like when somebody leaves a nasty comment on my stuff, I send them a lot of love.

Speaker 2 Because I think obviously only people that aren't happy with their own lives do that. Because people that are happy, we're like, oh, good for you.
Amazing, right?

Speaker 2 But you are absolutely right. They need more compassion and more love.
But congratulations. Your work is fantastic.
Super sexy photos. If you guys don't know her,

Speaker 2 the link to the website is on this episode. Go check it out.
Follow her on Instagram. And yeah, post whatever you want.
Wear whatever you want.

Speaker 2 Go have great sex and tell your partners what you want in bed because you're going to have better sex lives, right?

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 2 Thank you. And you have the most beautiful smile, by the way.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. So do you.
Thank you. You're so lovely, too.
It's been very nice to be here.

Speaker 2 It was a huge honor, and I will definitely invite you to come back because I know we're going to have. I have so many more questions.

Speaker 1 I know you have

Speaker 1 to do that.

Speaker 2 But we can do part two because who doesn't like talking about sex?

Speaker 1 I sure do.

Speaker 2 Thank you very much, guys. Be safe out there and go have some delicious sex.

Speaker 1 Bye.

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