DIVORCE

I literally decided to stop doing everything that I was doing today and record this very, very important episode of Cat on the Loose, Sex, Dating, and Relationships, because it's something that's on the media so much, mostly because of Bethany Franco and her podcast about divorce. apparently she got so much backlash so many people commenting so many people talking about

it that she decided to pull the episodes off the podcast about divorce. Apparently, she got so much backlash, so many people commenting,

so many people talking about it that she decided to pull the episodes off the air to process, to grieve, whatever her reasons are. And as she mentioned on her social media, which I completely agree, this is such an important topic of conversation.
I've been through it and it was hell. It turned my life upside down.
And this is why I'm opening up about my story today, because I know there are so many women out there who are going through it, who are thinking about going through it, who have been through it and don't know what to talk about. And obviously, this is a very, very sensitive conversation.
And one thing that bothers me so much is that usually it's, and I'm saying women because, of course, men and women suffer. Men and women go through it in different ways and process it in different ways.
But normally, and the huge majority, it's always women that suffer this horrible, horrible backlash. And I'll give you guys some examples that I just talked about a few past episodes of Cat on the Loose.
When Giselle divorced Tom Brady, so many people in the media, commentators, speculating that she was cheating on him, that she already had a boyfriend while she was with him, blah, blah, blah. And, of course, she shut it down.
She said that was such a lie. and now another divorce that's been in the media the past few days chanon tatum and jenna do and they finalized the divorce but now they're back in court because she wants to talk about money that he received from his movie Magic Mike.
We don't know the details. We have no idea what's going on between them.
Coincidentally, I just interviewed his divorce attorney, Christina Royce, a few weeks ago on Canon Deleuze. Of course, she cannot talk about it because it's confidentiality between her and her client.
But coincidentally, they're back in the media. But if you read through social media, 99% of the commentary is against Jenna.
And I'm not saying she's right and I'm not saying she's wrong because none of us know the details of what's going on between them. But like I said, usually people are so quick to criticize the woman.
They're saying, oh, she's greedy, you know, get over it, get a job. You already married somebody else or you already had a baby with somebody else.
No, no, no. Instead of just like be quiet because you don't know what's going on or maybe say, wow, I wonder what's going on.
And so many times we see this negative reaction towards women and what their decisions are. And now Bethany started speaking openly about her divorce, which apparently was a horrible ordeal.
It took her many, many years to get it done. And I think a lot of us relate if you have been through a nasty divorce.
And she gets positive commentary, but she gets a lot of backlash. Yeah, she's very outspoken.
And I do agree to a certain degree, there are certain things that maybe shouldn't be said, especially because she has a kid with a guy. So there is a kid involved and he's still alive.
And I think certain things, for example, talking about how shitty the sex was, how they had a horrible, horrible sex life, blah, blah, blah. But this is just my opinion.
I think out of respect for the kid or maybe the fact that, you know, you can always take the high road and be a little classier about it. So I'm going to agree with the people that are criticizing her for giving so many details about certain aspects of it.
But the bottom line is divorce is a really important conversation because it's such a painful topic. And when I interviewed Shannon Tatum's divorce attorney a few weeks ago, her name is Christina Rice.
She's one of the top celebrity divorce attorneys in the country. And she was saying very clearly, and it's something that a lot of people getting married don't want to talk about, is divorce is a business.
Other than the fact that you can be dreaming about

the wedding gown and the babies and all that fairy tale, which is completely fine, there is a cruel and cold part of it, which at the end of the day, if you get married to someone, you are going to be signing a document with someone.

And unfortunately, because so many brides-to-be are thinking about the romantic, the fabulous, the wonderful part about their marriage, their relationships, they're not thinking about this part. And then if one day, unfortunately, divorce comes along, that's when the problems come along.

So if you haven't heard my episode with Christina Royce, I highly, highly recommend you go there and check it out because it's packed with super important information. if you are a bride, if you are thinking about getting married,

if you are wondering if you should sign a prenup or not,

listen. important information.
If you are a bride, if you are thinking about getting married, if you are wondering if you should sign a prenup or not, listen to it because she, like I said, she's one of the top divorce attorneys in the country. She divorced several famous celebrities such as Shannon Tatum, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and others.
So just listen to it and think about what the best approach to it will be. Of course, we all get married hoping for the best.
We all get married hoping this is my lifetime partner. This is the person I want to be with forever.
But life changes. People change and evolve and situations change.
Another great example, if you guys watch reality TV, huge news, especially here in LA, Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky, who have been married for 25 years. The most beautiful love story, four daughters, they started from zero, now they build an empire together, and all of a sudden, they grew apart.
They don't want the same things anymore. They don't have the same vision in life.
Their ways just diverged. So it can happen to anyone.
And I think it's really important that we think about that. And now I think, of course, life moves forward.
And to me, I think everything

we need to learn from our experiences and become better and stronger for the next relationship. I myself was married for 14 and a half years.
I talk about my marriage bits and pieces throughout the three and a half years I've been doing Cat on the Loose, but I was never so wrong and so open and so graphic about why I ended up getting divorced

as I will be on this episode. And the reason why I decided to do it is not for sympathy, not for people to say, oh my God, poor cat, but it's to give other women out there going through the same, the strength to make the very best possible decision.
Women and men, because I know a lot of men are in unhappy relationships and they feel guilty. They don't know what to do about it.
But at the end of the day, I think we need to do what's best for us. And if I could go backwards and redo my life and my marriage, I wish I would have been so much stronger to have gotten out of it way sooner than I did.

And unfortunately, I wasn't. I was immature.
I was weak for several reasons, which I will tell you guys on this episode. So this is a very raw, very real, very important conversation about divorce.
And I hope, I'm not going to say enjoy it because it's not an enjoyable topic, but I really hope it helps you clarify anything and help you guide to the best path for you. So again, I put resources on my website, catondelouse.com.
And on the episode, Christina Royce, one of the top divorce attorneys in the country, she talks a lot about the business of getting married, should you get a prenup or not, the consequences of getting married, the consequences of living together with someone without getting married, super, super important information. And her website is there if you guys want to find more information about the topic.
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So before I talk about my personal experience and why I ended up getting divorced, I just want to mention that regarding Bethany, I know she's being heavily criticized because she talks so openly about her marriage, but this is one thing that I hope we all agree on. It's impossible to criticize someone's

marriage because we have no idea what goes on within the four walls of the marriage. And I think

because of social media and because podcasts and all that stuff, when a public figure talks about

divorce, we're very quick to judge. But we are judging just maybe one tiny 1% of the relationship

Thank you. talks about divorce, we're very quick to judge.
But we are judging just maybe one tiny 1% of the relationship that is put out there. And I'm a perfect example of it.
Because all the years that I was married, I was not a public figure because my husband was fiercely, fiercely private to the point that he never had a social media account in his life. He didn't even have an Apple phone because he thought it was invasive.
So he was fiercely protective of his privacy. And slowly but surely, he convinced me to quit my work, quit my work, quit my work, and become more and more dependent on him and more and more private with him.
And at the time, I didn't realize what a controlling relationship, what a controlling marriage that was. Obviously, now I know that and I noticed that, but at the time, I didn't.
So what the world saw was that I was a very young girl in my 20s, an immigrant, right? Because I was born in Brazil.

And I was dating, I dated him for six years, and then we got legally married, and we were together for another eight and a half years. But I was at the beginning, so we started the story in the

beginning. I was dating a very wealthy man because my husband, Anthony, was a multimillionaire.
He owned a very successful company. And I was that girl, you know, just starting a business.
I made my own money, by the way. I was already an American citizen, by the way, when I met him.
But there is all these misconceptions and stereotypes when you see a young girl, and I say Latin, I say immigrant, because there's always, always, always the stereotype of, oh my God, that girl was after him for his money. That girl was after him because she wants a green card, blah, blah, blah.
Because again, nobody knows the details of my life.

So when you see an older guy, because he was 23 years older than me,

when you see an older guy dating this young, beautiful girl,

at the time I was modeling, I had started my own business,

I was doing really well for myself, I already had a college degree,

so I wasn't like some illegal chick that just arrived in the United States. But people that

didn't know me, that didn't know these details about my life, they saw us. And the first

impression they had was, oh yeah, she's after his money. This is what she wants.
She's going

to get pregnant to hook him up. And funny enough, one of our first dates, right when we met, and I don't think I ever mentioned that on the podcast, I met him at a bar.
He was going through a nasty divorce with his first wife. She was contesting the prenup, all that chaos.
But when I first met him, we went on a few dates. And I think on the third or fourth date, when I was at his beautiful home, he had a mansion in Boca Raton, Florida.
He actually said that to me. He said, oh, you're really nice.
You seem very intelligent. You seem like a great girl.
However, I know all your Latin women. You come to the United States because you want to marry an American and you're going to get pregnant to hook me up.
And I remember when he said that to me, I was so offended and I was so hurt. I grabbed my stuff and I left.
And I said to him, I remember I opened my purse and I showed him my passport.

And I said, number one, I don't need to marry for a green card.

I already did all of that on my own.

Number two, I have a really nice car parked in front of your house.

I drive a BMW that I pay for.

I have a job.

I have friends.

I don't need anything from you.

I was really offended.

And I left.

And because I pay for. I have a job.
I have friends. I don't need anything from you.
I was really offended. And I left.
And because I left and I said that to him, he regretted treating me like that. And he called me the next day and he apologized.
And back then, we're talking like more than 20 years ago, right? I said, okay, and we went on several other dates. But it goes to show that we unfortunately are, to this day, victims of certain stereotypes.
So as I dated him, I know that every, especially in the beginning, but it lasted throughout our entire marriage. But in the beginning, every time he introduced me to someone, I always felt I had to prove myself.
Because the minute they met me, the first instinct was like, oh my God, what a bimbo, what is she doing with this guy? Nobody ever came to me and asked me, so what's going on in your life? What are you interested in? Who are you? Where did you come from? They would immediately meet me and think like, okay, she's with this guy because he has money. And it couldn't have been farther from the truth.
And that's another big stereotype that I had to fight through my entire relationship with him. I always loved working.
I started being very independent at a very young age because I was in the United States by myself, paying my way through college, paying my way through life. My parents were not supporting me.
So I always enjoyed producing. I always enjoyed working.
And because he was so rich and so successful and very conservative, and now looking back, I know very controlling, as we dated, he started criticizing my work and convincing me that I didn't need the work, that what I did was stupid, that what I did was unnecessary. He used the phrase a lot.
And it's funny, right? Because you look back, you're like, oh my God, why did I put up with this shit? But this is one thing that many times when you're in your 20s, at least for me, I was not a mature woman like I think I am today and I didn't notice how gaslighting and how horrible that was. But he used to say to me all the time, oh, I don't even know why you bother doing this job or doing that job because what are you going to take a week to make? I make in a few hours.
I make in a day. And so slowly but surely as the months progressed and the months became years, he convinced me that my work was stupid, that my work was silly, that my work was unnecessary and controlled me more and more and more.
because controlling someone financially, convincing them not to work,

convincing them not to be independent is a big form of abuse.

And it's something that I talked on my past episode with Christina Royce, one of the top divorce attorneys in the country. And many times we don't realize that this is happening to us.
I didn't realize this is happening to me. And it was because the more I depended on him, obviously, the easiest it was for him to control me and control my steps and control my work.
So for the longest time, I just stopped doing what was important to me and giving up my dreams, giving up my career to listen to him as a mentor, as my man, first as my boyfriend and then as my husband to do what he wanted. So this is the first important thing in a relationship.
And this is why I became such a huge advocate for women's independence. And this is why it breaks my heart so much when I see on social media, I see in Los Angeles, all the big cities, all these girls after guys with money, all these girls like, and even courses online, even certain dating apps, even certain matchmakers online, they say, oh, this is how you're going to date a rich man.
This is how you're going to get a date that will fly on a private plane. This is how you're going to get a man that buys you bags and na-na-na.
This is how you manipulate a man. When I see these things, I cringe and it breaks my heart and it turns my stomach because I'm thinking this is the worst possible message anyone could be sending to any woman anywhere in the world, especially young women who are so easy to impress with

social media and marketing and all this stuff.

I would hope that the message we send out there as communicators through any podcast,

through any matchmaker, any dating service for that matter would be, hey, this is how

you get a quality guy.

This is how you get a rich guy.

By being rich, knowledge, being rich in goals, being rich in independence, being rich in energy, in ethics, in all abundance of good things. Because usually when a guy is rich in money, he is rich in all of these things as well.
And they're looking for that in a partner. And I promise you, when I met Anthony, he was dating multiple women, many of them prettier than me.
Some younger, some older, he was dating playboy bunnies, you name it, like most wealthy men after they went through a divorce. They go through piles and piles of women.
And I truly believe, and I talked about that with him many, many times before, the reason he picked me is because he realized this girl has so much going on up here in my head, other than the fact that I was very beautiful because I always take care of myself. Yes, it's a huge and important part of our package.
And many times we don't talk about it because it's such taboo. But the fact of the matter is the world sees us from the outside in.
So the more you take care of your package, your body, your appearance, the way you look, the more you love your body, the more you look amazing, obviously you're going to get better results because you are your best business card. If you look crappy, disheveled like shit, you can expect shittier results.
It's a fact. So don't shoot the messenger, don't hate the game.
And I always say that over and over and over and over and almost every single social media post that I do. Go love yourself.
If you want to see different results in the dating game, if you want to see different results in terms of finding the right partner, even if you want to see different results in the workplace, in your career. And the other day, this HR lady got so much backlash on social media because some girl asked her why she did not get hired.

And the HR lady said, well, I'm going to be super honest with you if you want to know.

It's because of your appearance because the girl looked like shit.

And the HR lady got a lot of backlash. And I said, well, it's the truth.

If you look like shit, if you don't take good care of yourself, very likely you will get passed on certain opportunities. You will get passed on certain jobs because it is how it is.
People see us first. They don't see our heart.
They don't see our ethics. They don't see what's inside our brain.
They don't see how we behave in private. They see the package.
So, yes, that package is super, super important. So I always say before everything starts with us, look amazing and your life will get better.
So that's the first step for everything. So yeah, of course I looked great, but I know that the reason why Anthony married me is not because I looked great.
It's because he thought, oh my gosh, she has so much going on in her head and she's independent and she's not here because I need to pay this and that bill. She's not going to get pregnant because she needs a green card.
So all the sugar babies out there should think long and hard before trying to find a man specifically to pay her bills, because I guarantee you, your beauty, your boobs, your good look, all that good stuff might get you in the door, but very, very, very unusual and unlikely that a man will keep you

long term if you have nothing going on in your head, if you have nothing going on in your life.

And this is something that none of us can avoid. So the most important message that I think all of us in podcasts, in media, celebrities, anybody that can be influenced anyone, I think that's the kind of influence that we should have in our audiences, be independent.
because if something is going wrong, you can walk away. And I think one of the top reasons why most people stay in unhappy marriages, in shitty marriage, is because they don't have the means to get out.
And in my case, as the years went by and I became more and more and more dependent on Anthony and he convinced me that I didn't need to work, the harder it was for me to grow the courage and get out. And now looking back, it's funny because I remember even talking to my mom about it.
And my mom was alive. She passed away a few years ago, but back then she was alive.
And I used to call her and say, oh my God, I'm so unhappy in this relationship. I don't like this.
I don't like that. And my mom used to say to me, but you have the life of a princess.
You live in all these mansions. You get an allowance.
You don't have to worry about anything. Why are you going to rock the boat, But she didn't see the really dark side of my marriage that I was hiding from the world.
And it goes back to the beginning of the conversation that before we judge someone, especially before we judge a woman that is going through a divorce or makes the very difficult decision of getting a divorce, we should stop and think, well, I don't know what she went through. I don't know what was going on behind closed doors.
I don't know what he was doing to her that made her get to that point. And I will tell you guys my story.
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The more money he made, the more he drank. So when I met him, and of course I wasn't experienced when it comes to alcoholism at all because I had never seen him before.
But when I met him, he was a functioning alcoholic. He would go to work, meetings, many, many business trips around the country, and I would go with him.
So he would have a bunch of drinks at the end of the day or lunchtime or something. But in my mind, I thought, okay, he just drinks to relieve stress because that's what he used to say.
I didn't understand that it was the beginning of a very long journey dealing with alcoholism.

So I stayed in a relationship.

I loved him.

And the years went by.

And the more money he made, the more successful his company got, the more he drank.

And his answer, whenever we try talking about it,

his answer was, leave me alone. I make so much money.
You know, the day you make as much money as I do, you can tell me to quit drinking, blah, blah, blah. Drinking is my hobby.
And a lot of people ask me, but I mean, he was your husband. Didn't you try to make him quit drinking? And The answer is yes, of course.

I tried every single option you can dream of. I tried to convince him to go to rehab.
I would walk away. I would beg.
I would cry. I would try to drink with him.
But I'm a firm believer that nobody changes because you want them to change. People only change if they decide, you know what, I'm going to change for myself.
And this is something that I very rarely talked about before. I never talked about it when he was alive because I was very protective of him.
And I was honestly afraid of his reaction because he had a very successful business. He had offices all over the United States and his business required certain licenses to operate.
And he always used to say to me, if I ever get in trouble with the law, if I ever get even like a traffic ticket or something, it can affect me having these licenses. So you can never, ever, ever do anything that will affect my business.
And I remember that. So during the 14 and a half years that I was with him, I would always keep very, very quiet every time we had issues.
But the fact of the matter is, because he drank so much, he was very bipolar. He was one man when he wasn't drinking, and he would become a completely different creature when he was drinking.
He would snap from one second to the next, and he would become extremely abusive, extremely abusive. And it's something progressive.
So the first times that it happens, like many victims of abuse, you don't even know you're being abused. Like when you're being called names or something, you just think, okay, this person lost his school.
Because then when he would go back to normal, 12 hours, 24 hours later, he would be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I will never do it again.
And you put up with it, you put up with it, you put up with it. But unfortunately, abuse is a snowball.
And now I know if you allow somebody to disrespect you, disrespect you, disrespect you, they're always going to do that. So we owe it to ourselves to respect ourselves and to never, ever, ever accept abuse.
But at the time, I started thinking that that was normal. And for some reason, it was something that I deserved.
And I'm talking about verbal abuse first, because that's something that happened all the time in my life, every single week. And I think unless you go through it, you don't even understand how horrible it can be.
And I remember I started writing a diary about it. Like every time he would call me names and scream at me, I would literally write, I would go to my bedroom, I would lock the door, I would be really, really quiet, waiting until he calmed down.
And I would write on my diary all the things that he called me. And it's just excruciatingly painful because some of the things were, I'll give you examples.
He would say, oh, you're a piece of shit, dirty pig. You're just a dirty Latin.
You are a fucking dirty whore. You are a piece of shit.
You're not worth nothing. I'll throw you back on the streets where I found you.
Although, of course, he didn't find me on the streets. But when people, somebody that you love talks to you like that, it drags you down, drags you down, drags you down.
And slowly but surely, you start believing that you are those things, that you are a useless piece piece of shit. It kills your soul.
And I think that's what started happening to me year after year after year after year after year after year. And many years into that, I started going to therapy.
And I remember telling my therapist, you know, oh, my God, this guy, he drinks. And he calls me all these names and everything.
And she would look at me and say, why don't you leave? Why don't you leave? And I would look at her and say, I just, I can't, I don't have the strength. I don't know where to go.
I don't know how to start my life over. He's my husband.
He's my best friend. I depend financially on him.
I barely work. I just do freelance work here and there and there.

Like many women go through, I hear stories like that all the time, that women become

so dependent on their husbands.

Even women with kids.

I didn't have kids with him, so that was a lucky one for me.

But I get so many messages because of the podcast. I get so many messages on social media from women all over the world that they're married and they have kids.
And like, where am I going to go with these kids? Because my husband is paying all the bills and everything. And I understand it's so tough because once you're in the situation, like, how the fuck do I start over? How do I get myself out of the situation? And for me, even without kids, I remember looking at my life like, yeah, I have financial security.
He puts so much money in my bank account every month. And look, I live in this mansion.
We had a mansion in Las Vegas. We had a fabulous apartment in Miami.
We had a house in Beverly Hills, this jet-setting lifestyle. He would take

me to trips to Europe. He would buy me so many material things and all this stuff.
And even, like I said, even when I would talk to my mom, I would be like, don't rock the boat. Don't rock the boat.
I mean, you got to put up with it. You got to put up with it.
So it's very, very difficult to grow the strength and live.

And nobody saw what happened to me with it. So it's very, very difficult to grow the strength and live.
And nobody saw what happened to me within four walls. Like we could literally be sitting at a restaurant having a great meal, like, okay, this is going to be a great day.
And out of the blue, after two, three, four drinks, it could be the silliest thing. It could be like if I said, oh, I don't want dessert.
Thank you. He would be like, what the fuck do you mean? Are you fucking crazy bitch out of your mind? He would explode, explode, sometimes in public, sometimes in front of other people, sometimes in private.
And then he would go on and on and on and on calling me names, sometimes for an hour, sometimes for two hours. And it was very, just like a very scary, very scarring experience.
And a few times during our marriage, he was physically abusive. And once my parents saw it, because my parents were visiting us in Las Vegas, and we were walking down Las Vegas Boulevard, going from one place to another.
And he used to wear, because he loved the outdoors, he used to wear this, I don't know if you guys even know if you ever saw one, but he used to wear this steel-toed boots that people wear to walk around the woods up in Maine, up in New Hampshire. And it's literally what it means.
The tip of the boot, it's inside, outside it's leather, very thick leather, and inside it's like a steel-toed. So we walk around the boots or something, you don't kick a rock or whatever and hurt your feet.
And we were walking. I was walking in front with my mom and he was walking on the back of behind us with my stepdad.
And I guess my mom and I were walking too fast. And when he looked, we were too far from him.
And he was like, hey, Catherine, Catherine. And he came near me and he kicked me really, really hard on my leg.
So hard, so hard that like knocked me to the front and I felt like this sharp, horrible pain. And I remember this day so well because I didn't want to cry in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard and I didn't want to cry in front of my parents.
So I continued walking like I was shaking inside. I was holding my tears and I continued walking because I didn't want to rock the boat.
Obviously, it's funny looking back because nowadays if somebody kicked me, I'd be like, are you crazy? I would call the police because it was such a bad kick. I don't even know how it didn't break my leg because I remember when I got home, I had a huge, huge bruise.
My leg was so swollen. It was like, I don't know, a bruise the size of a football.
And I was in so much pain because it was such a strong kick with that steel-toed boot.

But at the time, we went to another bar and this and that.

And because my parents were around, and my parents saw it, and they didn't say anything

for the same reason.

They were so afraid of his reaction if they said something.

They were so afraid of rocking the boat that they stayed quiet.

Only many years later, I had this conversation with my mom. And my mom said, yes, I remember that day when he kicked you with a steel-toed boot, and I was quiet, and I didn't say anything.
And it was just such a horrible decision. But we were all so afraid of confronting him, of mentioning anything when he was drinking because we had no idea how he was going to react.
So I had some incidents like that. And of course, I think like many people that go through divorce, you don't wake up one day and say, okay, I'm going to divorce that person.
You start building up courage, building up courage, building up courage as the years go by, go by, go by. And I think that's what I was doing.
I was putting all these incidents, they stayed in my head like files and all the abuse and all the things that were happening to me and thinking, okay, I got to get out of this relationship. As much as I love this man, he's becoming a raging alcoholic.
He's abusing the shit out of me. And it's never going to stop.
I finally realized every time, as much as he would apologize and say, I'll never do it again. I finally realized it's always going to happen.
And I need to save myself. I don't want to live like this forever.
And it took me many, many, many years to grow the courage to say enough. And I think this is one point a lot of us that go through divorce have in common, including men, because I see a lot of men in very unhappy relationships and they send me messages and they say to me, oh, I had kids with her and so many things going on.
It took me, I don't know, 10 years to say, sorry, I want to seek my own happiness. There is that guilty feeling.
I kept feeling guilty like, oh my God, he's a drunk. Alcoholism is a disease that kills souls slowly.
He needs me because if I leave, what's going to happen to me is going to get worse and worse and worse. So that guilt made me stay for so long.
And then finally, finally, 14 and a half years into this, if you can even picture in your life what it was to go through this for 14 and a half years, I got to the breaking point when my biological father died, and my mom called me and told me my father died. It was 7 a.m.
here on the West Coast, and she told me my father died, and he was already getting drunk, sitting at our patio at our beautiful mansion. And I said to him, my father died, and he started laughing like, oh, you know, it's no big deal.
You guys didn't have a great relationship. He wasn't that great of a man.
Which is, okay, all true. But it didn't change the fact that I had just lost my dad and I wanted a hug.
I wanted a kiss. I wanted a supportive husband.
And at that moment, I realized like, okay, I really, really need to save myself.

And that's when I finally gave him the ultimatum. I said, you know, you need to stop drinking.
You need to go to rehab. You need to seek help.
Let's go see a doctor or I'm out of here. And he said to me, well, then you're going to be out because I'm not going to quit drinking for you or anybody else.
And that's how I ended up being out.

But the whole world never saw my suffering within the four walls.

What they saw was this girl is such a lucky bitch.

Look at her with all the beautiful working bags in her closet and all the designer stuff and trips to Paris and the mansion here, this, there, but they didn't see my pain when I was alone within four walls. They didn't see my suffering.
I used to joke with him that I felt like Rapunzel in my tower because he would put me there, but I couldn't really have a lot of contact with the outside world because if I wanted to work, it was a huge fight. If I wanted to produce anything, if I wanted to do anything, it was always a big fight.
And the outside world, including his people, his team, they would think like, oh, what a spoiled bitch. She just wants to spend his money.
She just wants to go on these trips. She just wants to do this and do that and do that and shop.
But they didn't understand that that could not have been farther from the truth. I was doing what he was telling me to do because I was so, in the beginning, it was because I wanted to accommodate his wishes.
And then it got to a point that I was so afraid, so afraid. Like if I don't do what he's asking me to do, he's going to explode and call me names or kick me again or smack me on my back again.
So it became like a behavior of like a Barbie doll that was trying to do everything her husband wanted because I was so afraid of the backlash. And this is why I'm telling you the story, because when we hear other women talk about their divorce, so many times we're so quick to judge, but we have no idea.
And I'm not saying by any means some of this divorce that we're talking about in the media, the celebrities have gone through abuse, but maybe they have gone through different situations that were unbearable to put up with. And only we know the pain.
Only we know what goes through within four walls. Only we know our breaking point.
But I think at the end of the day, if you are in a miserable, unhappy relationship, you have the right to seek help. You have the right to save yourself.
And 14 and a half years into it, that's what I did. I said, you know what, that's it.
And I ended up leaving because I wanted to start a new life. And by then, he started getting really, really sick from all the drinking.

It's a super long story, maybe for another episode about alcoholism.

And because I had all this love and I still cared for him,

I still went back and took care of him.

I moved back with him, if you guys can believe that,

to take care of him because I was the only person in the world that he would allow to be near him. I moved back with him, if you guys can believe that, to take care of him because I was the only person in the world that he would allow to be near him to help.
So it wasn't like I just left and abandoned him and said, fuck you. I actually felt sorry for him because I thought this is a man that came from nothing.
This is a man that built this incredible company that made millions of dollars and is destroying his life because of alcohol, because of alcoholism. And unfortunately, I think he loved me very, very, very much, but I think he loved alcohol and the drinking more because I don't think anything justifies abuse.
He never would even hear the word, let's go to therapy or let's talk to someone and you cannot talk, you know, do this to me again. You know, there was never, never any kind of conversation that he would agree with.
So I definitely think anybody that is going through that or similar situations have the same right that I did, like, you know, save yourself because nobody's gonna change their behavior because of you. And I decide, and I know I get a lot of messages, oh, you're so brave talking about your story and everything.
And this is what I do because I have this platform. I have listeners worldwide.
I am so proud of doing Cat on the Loose because we are opening up these conversations. And I say over and over and over again, I am not an expert by any means, zero.
I'm just a woman that has been rebuilding my life after being through this marriage, through this abusive marriage. And that's how Cat on the Loose started, by the way.
It started about three and a half years ago when I decided organically to talk about my experiences back in the world of dating and relationships after being married for so long. And I realized, wow, I don't know much about dating.
I don't know much about relationships at all. I know what I want more and more and more, especially after doing the podcast for so long and interviewing dozens of amazing people.

I think I'm much more mature, like a lot of us that go through divorce. We know what we want in a partner so much better.
We know what we don't tolerate in a partner. But it's been a learning curve for me.
But because I have this platform, I decided to open up and be as raw and as real as I can. because if I help anybody out there grow the courage and have the strength to do what's best for you, I feel like I'm doing my job as a

communicator. And if you need to seek help, like if you need to seek help of a therapist, if you

need to seek help of an attorney, if you need to seek help of anyone that's not your family, because

many times our families are biased. Like I gave you guys the example of my mom for so long.

Thank you. I should have encouraged you.
I should have known what a strong woman you are to rebuild your life. But many times our families, you know, they're biased because they think they know the situation.
So sometimes if you're in an unhappy relationship, it's a great idea to seek help of someone who has zero, zero, zero, zero to do with the situation. Because they will probably be much more likely to give you like an independent opinion or guide you regarding what you should do.
So I left him. And after he ended up passing away in 2018, a few years after our divorce, we got divorced in 2014.
And after his death, my life turned upside down all over again. And that's also another episode.
but I have been rebuilding and I started the podcast and we are growing this beautiful worldwide community where we can talk freely about sex, dating and relationships. And I have been rebuilding one step at a time.
So I tell you, if you're out there listening to me and you think, oh my God, how am I going to do it? How do I start from zero? How do I get a job? I promise you, you can do it. Everybody can do it.
The secret, it's not really a secret, but you need to focus on yourself first and foremost, even before you think about having a new relationship, which is something that we forget. I forgot for the longest time.
I used to always put myself last. I used to think about him and my relatives, and I was always last on the pile.
And then I finally, after interviewing so many wonderful experts, I finally said, yeah, self-love has to be here, self-respect, self-care, because then everything else falls into place. So if you put yourself first, you can always, always start over.
You can find a new career path. You can find a new life.
You can find a new partner, or you can be happy on yourself. You can be independent on yourself before you feel ready for another relationship.
But staying unhappy in a miserable marriage who are with the wrong person or being mistreated is just going to delay that path. Now I'm older, I'm wiser, right? Like they say, the cliche, but I have never been happier.
I do what I love. I'm extremely productive.
I work like a maniac seven days a week because I need the money. People see my lifestyle like, oh, she lives in Beverly Hills.
She lives in Hollywood. She's rich.
No, no. No.
I lost everything I had in my life when he died. Everything.
I did not have a penny. And to this day, I work.
I own an agency that does marketing, public relations, social media management because I need the money and I love my clients. I do the podcast because it started as a pet project and now it's full-blown grown with an audience worldwide because I love to do it, but I'm back to doing everything that I love that he wouldn't let me do.
I do acting, I do writing. I do all of the struggles.
If somebody offers me something, I am game. And I am proof that you can do it in any stage of your life.
It has zero to do with age. You can do in your 20s, in your 30s, in your 40s.
There's influencers that are doing in their 80s. You can be active and productive and start your life over at any age.
So this age bullshit, it's bullshit. The age is all here in your head and how you think about yourself.
You need to find the strength within yourself to go after the life that makes you happy. So when I look back at that day that I decided I'm going to save myself and everything, I've been through hell and high water after that.
Nobody knows, all the people that criticize me, all the people that tell total bullshit lies about me, all the people that look at my social media and say, oh yeah, she's a rich entitled bitch. Nobody knows my struggles.
Nobody knows my wars to get to where I am today. But sharing bits and pieces of it, I don't want any sympathy.
I want you out there to feel that you have the strength within you to go after your dreams, to build the life that you want to build. And as much as social media is an open platform, it's one part of, and we all need to use it.
I agree. It's a powerful marketing platform for us to sell our projects.
If you're not using it, they're buying from someone else. So I agree.
But it breaks my heart that so many people take their time to go there and write something negative

about people that they don't even know.

They write negative shit

about Bethany Franco.

They write negative shit about Giselle.

They write negative shit about Jenna

doing because she's going after

the guy's money.

We don't know her reasons.

We don't know if she's right,

if she's wrong.

They write negative shit about me.

Like, who the fuck is she?

Who does she think she is?

Oh, what an entitled bitch.

So I would hope

that if we're following someone's account, if we're following someone's work, let's be positive together. Let's encourage other women and even other men.
And if you have nothing nice to say, if you don't like that person's work, okay, unfollow them and follow somebody else that you do like. But to take time off of your life to write something negative and horrible about that person, I mean, I think it's just like stupid.
I believe in karma and I believe in energy. And I think the trolls on social media should find something better to do.
But I decided to do this episode today because I know it's such an important topic. It's all over the news.
And if you're thinking about divorce, if you don't know how to get out of a miserable relationship, even people living together, there is always a way out. And the faster you make that decision for yourself, take the tough step, the faster you can start building the life of your dreams.
Let's remember that we are not here forever. We are here a very, very finite time, and it goes by very, very quickly.
And now as much as it's later in my life, I'm not in my 20s anymore, I am so proud of myself that I'm following the path that I'm supposed to follow. I'm following the path that I want for me, that he did not allow me to do, and then I did not allow myself to do.
And I think any healthy, fulfilling relationship, your partner is going to be 1 million percent supportive of what you do. So remember that, and I hope it helped in any way.
Like I said, my website, catondelose.com, has many resources, including the Christina Royce episode, one of the top divorce attorneys in the country. There are resources for therapists there.
There is many, many avenues that you can go and look for help. But please remember anything, if you can, from this episode.
Self-love and self-care come first and foremost. It's not selfish to put ourselves first.
It's self-preservation. If you're doing amazing, it's very, very likely that everything else in your life you attract is amazing.
And it took me all this long to learn that because I think we're all learning together. And I'll see you guys very soon.

Be well.

Many kisses.

This was a tough one for me to put out there, but I think, you know, sometimes we have to put out the tough ones because they're very, very important.

I love you.

Be safe.

And I'll see you next week.

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I love their tagline, self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation. And this is what Aureka is all about, taking time for ourselves, reconnecting with bath rituals, and staying at home treatments that make us feel amazing.
I fell in love with their products when I met Sophie, the owner, and she gave me a self-care package last year when I met her at an event, and I have been using their products ever since. Ulrika is named after the Ulrica Valley in the high Atlas Mountains of Morocco,

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Check out the website, OricaSoap, O-U-R-I-K-A, soap.com.

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By the way, you guys are definitely going to love everything she makes.