"HATERS" (w/ Peyton Dix & Hunter Harris)

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Hey everybody, it's me, Matt Rogers,

letting you know tickets are on sale now to see me on tour.

The Prince of Christmas tour, that is.

I'm doing my whole album, Have You Heard of Christmas?

plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December.

Go to www.mattrogersofficial.com to see me in a city near you. And now, Las Coulch.

Drums.

Look, Matt.

Oh, I see.

Wow.

Bowen, look over there. Is that culture that culture? Yes.
Oh, my goodness. Wow.
Las Culturistas. Ding dong.
Las Culturistas calling. You know, I want to just call out this is not a visual medium.
Well, it is for the people that are going to watch the YouTube. But most people, I think, listen to this podcast on their favorite podcast streamer or whatever that is.
Whatever that is. Whatever you listen to podcasts is, I believe, the phrase.
Wherever you listen to podcasts, which could be the app, could be the location spatially for you. Exactly.
Could be on the toilet, could be at the gym. Wherever you are right now, know that where I am is sitting in this red chair, and I'm wearing the Lisa Barlow shirt that I referenced last week.
Burnt orange. Burnt, like,uburn.
Are you kidding me? It's okay. My colorblindness has reared its ugly head again.
So the reason why I'm even wearing this is because I couldn't wear it last because it wasn't purple. We wanted to wear purple for the Catherine Han episode, and now here I am in it again.
What color is it? That's a light blue. Perfect.
And I'm sitting in this chair you're telling me is burnt orange? Yeah. Can I get some- It's 100% burnt orange.
It's 100% burnt orange. And is it like definitely not red? Definitely not red.
It's a rust color. Wait, I'm so sorry.
You look at this and you say it's definitely not red? Yeah. Because your shirt, the text is like a coral red.
The text, yeah. This is the same as that shit to me.
I'm so sorry. Wow, it's really bad.
Is it getting worse? You never have to get drafted. This is, it's a good thing.
And you know what? With the way this country is going, they might bring back the draft. And who are we going to war with this time? Ourselves? Ourselves, hopefully.
Honestly, maybe our guest today. Maybe our guest.
Because we've actually brought in people that are better at this than us. That's true.
That was my main takeaway listening to the podcast. The whole time I'm just shaking my head like I'm sitting on the side of the draft.
I'm like, oh, the better, hotter version of us. The better, hotter, cooler, more relevant version of us has come through.
More paired back. I'm like, 49 minutes.
I know. Listen to us just drone on.
Already this is too long. We've been sitting here for an hour and a half.
Time doesn't make any sense. This chair isn't even red.
Don't tell me about anything and how it makes sense to you. I don't know.
Can I also tell you something? What? Taylor's album. It's called Burnt Orange.
Shut up. It's not called red.
It hasn't been called red this whole time? It's never been called red this whole time. I love that for her.
I know. Burnt Orange.
Burnt Orange. Yeah.
Loving you was burnt orange. Oh, oh, oh.
What would that mean about loving you? What does that mean? You know what lyric in that song I always kind of hate? And I will say this publicly in Taylor. Please just receive this.
It's that Taylor would be listening. I don't know.
It's solving a crossword puzzle and realizing there's no right answer. That's not how crossword puzzles work.
There usually is a right answer. I think crossword puzzle? I think by design.
But maybe once in like the whole like 5,000 year history of the New York Times, has there been a crossword puzzle where it's like, oh, nothing's supposed to go in these boxes. Which probably just mean the person that created it fucked it up.
Will Schwartz. Oh my God, you know his name? He's one of the editors.
I don't know him, but these names are really kind of in our everyday lives now. Wynaloo, everyone really takes issue with her every day now in Connections.
Well, that's... People...
Yeah. You have a lot of opinions about the Connections.
I took a picture on my way here last time we shot in here of me, like, flipping off the New York Times building because I flopped at Connections that day. And then people really got defensive over the New York Times and my DMs.
Oh, don't worry, honey. They're okay.
They're okay. They're fine.
You don't have to cape for them. Truly.
We love them, but you don't have to blow up my DMs because you, I don't know, love the New York Times. It's okay.
It's okay. You know, I am a daily, the daily listener.
And some people out there in the dark really connected with me calling it the scariest horror podcast that's out there. The Daily is scarier than any true crime podcast in existence.
And it's rule culture number 91. The Daily is scarier than any true crime podcast in existence.
In existence. But not better, funnier, hotter, cooler than the podcast that our guests host.
And let me say this. Oh! As lovers.
And haters. We brought in some haters.
No, can I say, I feel that they are haters and I know they identify as such. But I think that if we're haters, it's because we love so hard.
Like I'm a Katy Perry hater right now. Because you love her.
Because I am so disappointed. I know at least one half of this duo was going to agree with me hardcore on that one.
And I am a... I am a chopped hater, but I have been kind of proselytized because one of our guests loves it so much.
Loves chopped? Loves chopped, prefers it over sweet green. But not over dig.
Wow, that's interesting and controversial. Not over dig.
No, dig in is so good. They're separate.
They're different. Totally, totally.
They're different. It's time to bring them in.
Okay, these are our two favorite writers, our two favorite people to run into at a party, literally. Anytime I see them at a function, I go, thank God.
I've never run into them at a party. Oh, just you wait.
That's New York, baby. You're not in New York until you see these two people at a poppy juice.
At a poppy juice? Oh, I love it. Has that gone down? I think that's gone down.
A few times, for sure. is such a huge day for podcasting too because we're recording this on the day that a podcasting legend has been voted out first from Survivor.
Oh my God. John, love it.
We are so- We're so proud of you. We're so proud of you.
You jumped off that screen, boo. Andy is unfortunately clinical and that's all we can say about that.
Are you guys Survivor? Are you Survivor girlies? Not this present season. So they're going to get into Survivor season 47 and you're going to get into them right now on this episode.
Please welcome into your ears Payton Dix and Hunter Harris! Just honestly, it would be so cool of you guys to not see anything. No, I love it.
That is our podcast, actually. Mostly silence and posing and taking selfies.
Well, you guys actually justify the visual component to the podcast, which is there is a lot of nonverbal stuff happening. And it is about watching reactions that are beyond words.
I think that's true. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, cause you always.
Queen of queen of queen of fist for like the craziest stuff. Talk about chop.
And like, and you went recently. I did.
I had lunch. Wait, the one that just opened in Brooklyn.
I live right by it. The J street one thank God the day it opened I ordered it on Postmates actually because I didn't feel like walking over there but I and how close are you? I'm Fort Greene okay yeah so it's not not not not far yeah yeah local because there was a discount on Postmates I was like capitalism yay yay okay what did you get? well what I always get Mexican Caesar Mexican Caesar I'm an adult I'm gonna get a Mexican Caesar I'm not a child Yeah And then I'm getting A squeeze of lime I'm adding avocado I'm adding chicken of course Salt and pepper Yeah Heavy on the pepper And if I'm feeling crazy Like a scallion Or like maybe even like a What are those girls in there Like the little Like toasted onion things That they have Sure Like the radish things Yeah And if I'm feeling like cunted, I'm getting, you heard me, a wrap.
Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.
The wraps are bad there. But Hunter, because you had a wrap recently.
Yes. I went for the first time.
I was coming out of LaGuardia, Delta Lounge. That was your first mistake.
Well, no. No, no, not a mistake.
Not about LaGuardia, but going here at an airport. Well, I was on my way home and I said, you know, I'm feeling a little hungry.
Cunted. I'm going to get a rap.
I was like, I should. There's a chop right there.
I feel like I'm seeing a celebrity. I should go.
I fully walked past and said, no, I need to like hold out. And then I walked back around and said, I'm going to the chop.
It's happening today. And the tortilla was gross.
It was not good. I did not like it.
And it was the one in LaGuardia? Yeah But the new LaGuardia Not the old one LaGuardia got her body done Not the chopped there The chopped there is brand new No, no, it's different You have to go to either There's one in The new one in Brooklyn is good But they're still kind of Putting their wheels on They're getting comfortable They're not perfect Well, I did order two salads and I did like them. I had them subsequent days for lunch because I'm trying to eat healthier.
I just think my diet is normally Olive Garden and pasta. What do I have in my purse at all times? Oh, what's that candy? The fruit roll up.
A fruit roll up. Oh, bless you.
Bring that back. In fact, didn't you order it last night? I did order Fruit by the Foot last night.
Bring Fruit by the Foot is back in a huge way. You have to understand.
We're watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Survivor reality show last night reality TV popped off. So we smoked a little bit of Reefer and then Bowen pulls out the MacBook Pro and he says, I'm going to order some snacks.

You have to imagine

my response

when I see

there's a fruit

by the foot

ordered.

Same Conagra,

Betty Crocker,

something.

Same imprint.

Something that had a box top

when I was growing up.

Something that I could turn in

for like points.

What was the catalog of stuff?

It was a fruit

by the foot

and then what else?

String cheese.

I got a little

ham and cheese

cracker,

sort of like

adult Lunchables thing.

Thank you. What was the catalog of stuff? It was a fruit by the foot.
And then what else? String cheese. I got a little ham and cheese cracker,

sort of like adult Lunchables thing, basically.

Like an assortment.

And then I ordered one thing, which was one half pint.

Was it a half pint?

A pint of half.

One pint of half-baked Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

So then it comes to the apartment.

We eat the stuff.

And I finished my ice cream. And Bowen turns to me and goes, you ate that whole thing? No, no, no, no, no.
And I go, yeah. And he literally goes, oh.
No, I literally, and then I literally tagged that by saying, how are you going to literally something that you literally did? I wasn't making you feel bad about it. I was like, honestly impressed.
I was like, wow. The spin zone, the spin zone.
If you could boil down, why were you impressed? This is the spin room. I was impressed because you ate the entire pint in literally 15 minutes.
And what was your impression rooted in? Rooted in me. Judgment.
Me enjoying ice cream. I savor ice cream.
I must savor ice cream. So you were saying you were incredulous that I wouldn't save half of it for later.
And you were impressed that I just allowed myself to consume the whole thing. Here I thought you would have saved some for me.
Oh, wow. Please.
I see what you did there. That was good.
That was good. You can see it.
He doesn't even believe it. No, I definitely believe it.
No, he does not. That is not a thing.
He didn't want to fight in that. I will say, and it's not time for I Don't Think Sahana yet, but the ice cream arrived, and it was soup.
It was melted because the Postmates guy had taken the subway. He took the train, which he's allowed to do.
He's allowed to do it, but it's just hot down there. In this economy, come on.
It's hot down there in September. What is it? September 19th today.
The middle of summer allegedly out there. It is the middle of summer.
Okay. And now this segues nicely into this conversation that is mirrored on our podcast, which is anti-summer with Peyton.
Right. Thank you.
The right side of history. But Hunter, you did say something in the pod that I, I kind of took issue with, which is you said, well, fall is so obvious.
But I was like, well, what does that make summer? I feel like summer is obvious. Summer is the most obvious.
No, no, no, no.

Okay, please.

Summer is the underdog.

She's the queen.

How is the queen?

How is she the underdog?

No, listen. We all know.

We've done it.

Listen.

Explain yourself.

Put the guns away.

I know we're in America, but my God.

Okay, this is the thing about summer.

You look forward to summer.

You have a summer fling. I've never heard of a fall fling.

I've never heard of a girl winter.

You've never listened to Taylor Swift.

Okay, okay.

Interesting. Summer, you have outfits

for summer. A swimsuit.
Ever heard of it?

You go on summer vacation. Holiday.

You have never been to an

upstate fall vacation like we're gonna go on so shortly to the Poconos. No, I have allergies.
I'm sorry. Put those lesbian hands down.
Oh, yeah. We did.
That was Ben. That was Tina.
Put it down. It was the L word.
The L word happened right in front of y'all. That was crazy for me.
We're on like the lesbian sort of like shade of the gay sort of color world. Because we're so tired.
We're tired. And why are we tired? Because the summer broke us.
What are you talking about? You don't like putting on like slutty little outfits in the summertime? Can I ask you a question? It's almost like you don't think fall can be slutty. Wow.
You don't think fall can be slutty? I really don't. I feel like the biggest slut in fall because I know I have my looks together.
Yeah. But then you walk in somewhere

and it's like,

where am I going to put my coat?

I had a coat taken from me once

when I was wearing it.

Taken from me?

That feels like reckless behavior.

Maybe your brain was melted from summer.

First of all, first of all,

it was April,

so let's get it correct.

And Hunter was wasted

at my birthday party

where she wore a Leo shirt

to my Taurus birthday.

I don't see a problem there.

I don't see a problem with that.

It was nasty behavior.

I can't wear clothes.

We don't know.

I don't know, but it's a mystery I'm still trying to solve.

Now, was it because the coat looked like all other coats?

No.

It was, in fact, a very fashionable coat.

It was a nice coat.

Right, right.

How much was it, Hunter?

She doesn't have to say.

Don't bring that into a...

I do want to know. We don't have to know.
I understand what you're saying, though, which is a coat is a liability. Yes, I don't like to go somewhere and have to worry.
I'm like, I have kids. I have to worry about them.
Bring around. No, because you want to know what you get, though, with a coat? Pockets.
Pockets can be other purses. I have a purse.
Yeah, but you guys can carry purses, whereas I'm one of those gay guys that's, like slow to like the tiny bag. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, that was not a natural thing for me.
Totally, but now I think we've shifted into like, I think the look for all genders is no, no bags, no anything. You're kind of naked.
You're walking around basically naked, but pure pockets. That's your only storage on your purse.
But I don't like the way pockets look when they're full. Yeah.
I'm like a men's wear a girly where it's like you have to like get the pockets sewn because it brings on the whole outfit yeah one more time a men's wear a girly and that's on allyship and that's on willow benner okay so that's what we need to talk about because being gay in summer is so much harder than being straight in summer because you you don't have pride. Being gay in summer is painful.
It's agonizing. I just love another club train.
No sleep. Yeah, there's no escaping.
Like, there's no day off. People ask where I am at pride parties.
Because they're looking for your allyship for me. And it won't be found.
Because I'm at Papa Drew's will go in. And literally someone asked where I was at a pride party.
I was like, home.

Because your summer can continue after that

because you're not exhausted.

That's why you say it can go until October 31st

because you're not burnt out June 8th.

No, no.

But I have something to help Hunter's taste,

which is your summer is purely programmed with weddings.

And that's exhausting.

Oh, is that so? And that's a lot. But that's not a drain on you.
You like that. Yeah, I like weddings.
I'm pointing too much. I'm literally pointing at everybody.
No, I do not. We should all put our hands down.
You said put the guns away, Bowen has his. I had a wedding last weekend.
I have a wedding this weekend. How do you feel? Tired.
Yeah. But, nah, I don't know.
I like a wedding. I love a speech.
I love when someone who has never made a creative decision their entire life has to get up and make 20 in front of a room full of people. I love a wedding speech.
You joking? It's hard. It's hard.
And it is like, even if they pick the person to have that role and like, because they do that, like if they pick someone like, oh, I picked my friend, who's the maid of honor because I know they're a performer, they're a writer, whatever. They flop so frequently because it's a different thing.
Yes, exactly. It's like a different rubric.
Yes, I had to officiate my sister's wedding. I was more nervous doing that than I was performing for a crowd of any size.
Like just this wedding. It it was like, cause you're not in service to yourself.
You're in service to them. You don't really know what they're going to want.
Yeah. Cause they're straight and quiet.
Have you given a speech at a wedding? Yeah. Oh, at a rehearsal dinner.
How'd it go? Oh, that's better. It was okay.
But it was like what you're saying. It's really hard because it's like a lot of those speeches is like follow a same cadence of like a same cadence of like a little bit of roasting, a little bit of like lovey, a little bit of like random reference from like 15 years ago.
And you just have to like, I don't know. I'm not good at that kind of speech.
They say open with a local joke. That's, I think that's true of like college tours.
Yeah. College tours and weddings open with a local joke.
No, because like everyone's thinking about how they got there or everyone's thinking about like why this space. You know what I mean? Like if it's a lot of college people make a local joke.
Right. If it's like to get everyone on board, like, hey, this person did their homework or hey, this person's one of us.
Unify your audience. Unify the audience against the common enemy, the bride.
But is this why you dislike summer? Or no, is this why you love summer, which is weddings? I have weddings all times of year. Great.
I'm pretty booked. I'm receiving no more.
Wait, are your hands crossed like that? This is business. I have weddings all throughout the year.
I'm not regular like you people. You're like J-Lo in the wedding planner.
Yes. In that she has weddings all year.
One of her great roles. One of her great roles.
Oh, but made in Manhattan. No, certainly.
Made in Manhattan. Her popping off her little like hair in Made in Manhattan, so imprinted up here.
So good.

Totally.

I feel like,

I think the hung up,

the sub stack that Hunter has just dropped,

reacting to the lunch that Bennifer went on

this past week.

Can we get your thoughts extemporaneously now

with what's going on?

Because I think you are our most trusted source

in Bennifer news.

I'm reporting live on the scene. No, okay.
I'm benefit news I'm reporting live You can see me in the background looking through some shrubs Okay, did you see these photos? Yeah, I when I see those photos, it looks to me like he's saying what more do you want from me? What else can I give? I'm here aren't I? It's like it's very much like indignant not wanting to be there then I was reading from one side, I'll, can I say Benny Medina? Yeah, you're sure. Manager, because it was absolutely planted by him that like, he's still in love with her.
They were kissing, they were hugging all of this stuff. Then from the other side, every other source is like, no, they looked tense.
Like the photos, even of them in the car together. It's like, it's not giving love.
It's giving like animosity. It's giving hate.
Did you see the photo of Jennifer Lopez and Matt Damon clutching hands? Yeah. The prayer.
The prayer. Which wasn't prayer allegedly.
That gives to me, looking at that photo, I'm like, oh, his friend, her ex-husband is in trouble. That's what that photo was giving me.

That was giving Matt being like,

I don't know what to do,

and J-Lo being like,

I can't know what to do anymore.

And I think if they're prolonging it,

I have a feeling it's because

maybe he can't figure out where he's at.

Because he gives to me,

Leo Mann,

I'm looking you in your eyes. Look this leo man in the room right who can't stop getting involved i think that's true i think that's true it's giving like hate to see you go but love to see you walk away yeah you know that sex is bomb oh fire need to get involved oh my god pageant's favorite photo favorite photo is post-dicking down.
There's so many good celebrity paparazzi shots in this world, but that one specifically, I'm famously J-Lo hater. I'll ride on that.
I'll look you in the eye. J-Lo.
J-Lo's listening and who else? J-Lo's listening. All the girls are listening.
But when I saw the photo of her grinning ear to ear leaving his apartment him looking warm behind her I said oh they're sucking in fuck I know that room smells crazy I know it smells crazy not that room smells crazy whoo crack a window in here oh wow yeah they fuck for, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they fuck for real.
Do you think that, yeah, that's probably the craziest celebrity sex. I do think Brad Pitt and Angelina back in the day were destroying whole buildings.
I think it looked akin to Mr. and Mrs.
Smith. I think that's what we want to think.
And you think it was like Vanilla and Missionary? But I think it's really likeina Jolie and who is that hot lesbian she dated? And or Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton. Billy Bob Thornton.
Billy Bob Thornton. Those are the real ones.
Well, we've all seen- The Blood Vile. The Monsters Ball.
A Monsters Ball. No, that's the St.
Andrea's fault right there. That's what created it.
Oh my God. Wow.
Oh my God, Hunter. All I know is- So wait, what do you mean? They fucked so hard They've created a fault line Wait Hunter's sweet little smile After she said that too That was like Hunter No I'm so proud of myself I'm in the room with a Nepo baby An LA native Oh Come on Don't do that No no no no If you were born in LA You're a Nepo baby You way? Of course.
Are you kidding? I'm from Oklahoma. Being born in LA makes you Nepo? Yeah.
I know. I'm going to shout out.
I was born in LA. I'm not an Nepo baby.
I grew up in Texas. Some of us are born in LA and don't get the privilege.
Oh. But you might have their privileges.
Wow. Look at that.
Look at that. They put the guns down.
You are not the damn privileged. down.
Wait, I'm gonna say this on mic because actually I almost called you out last week. Because Joe, so Becca, producer Becca has entered the chat.
And because you've entered the chat and I'm pointing now, we were doing our interview with Jojo last week. I look over, cause I'm hearing the sounds of lunch being eaten.
I look over. Stop it.
My girl was chowing down on Chick-fil-A she's allowed on Chick-fil-A stop it the producer of Las Culturistas everybody double homicide and I'm sitting here I'm sitting here next to noted Chick-fil-A apologist Bowen Yang herself and this is the accountability episode and that's the title of that y'all are gonna come crawling when I'm an exec at the streaming service. Chick-fil-A is doing original content? Yes.
You didn't hear this? You didn't see this headline? You're fucking kidding. Chick-fil-A doing a streaming.
Wow. Is it going to be conservative media? Yeah, totally.
It's supposed to be like Hallmark. Oh, okay.

Family-friendly programming.

Family-friendly programming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is terrible.

Okay, let's see how long that lasts.

Probably a long time.

A really long time.

They've got cash on hand.

They get like the third. Funded by YouTube.

I love it.

The third most Emmy nominations.

Actually, Chick-fil-A beat FX this year.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I don't want to hear it. Okay.
I hope they don't use that font. I hate that font.
I hate the Chick-fil-A font FX this year. Excuse me.
Excuse me. I don't want to hear it.

Okay.

I hope they don't use that font.

I hate that font.

I hate the Chick-fil-A font.

It's a bad font.

Yes.

God.

Well, noted graphic designing legend.

You.

Yeah.

I don't love it.

What chicken place has the best logo?

Oh, interesting.

What are our options?

Popeyes?

KFC?

Chick-fil-A.

Oh, wait.

What about the canes?

Canes?

Oh, what's it called? Nando's? Nando's has great chicken. A great font.
And great chicken. But I will say, I think Popeyes has the most timeless logo.
What they don't have is the iconic mascot that KFC will always have. They don't need it.
The colonel. It stands alone.
It stands alone. They just need a colonel.
It doesn't need another white man taking his face. Oh, my God.
Just don't need it. The Colonel.
It stands alone. It stands alone.
They just need a Colonel. Doesn't need another white man taking his face.
You're so right. You're so right.
Remember when Reba McIntyre was Colonel Sanders for a sec? Yeah. No.
You don't remember this? No. It was like five years ago.
It was like a few years ago. The Colonel's missing.
No, they did like a whole like bond unveiling. oh this person's the new colonel like getting us all excited

And you're eating chick-fil-a oh my god

Right the Colonel was someone new every few months. They hired Reba to be the Colonel.
Then they hired Watch the Space from Rudy or whatever to be the Colonel, that football movie. Oh, Sean Astin? Yes.
That was like their new football campaign for all the football season. They hired the Terminator to be- Arnold Schwarzenegger? Maybe it was a different robot movie.
Point is. Yeah, point is that they were trying things.
They should bring that back. Yeah, wait, that's kind of fun actually.
I know, wait, let's be the Colonel. Kind of a high honor.
Like getting the key to the city. Yeah.
It's the new Doctor Who. Key to the chicken.
Key to the chicken. Favorite chicken place.
Oh, Popeyes. Popeyes, of course.
Thank you. No question.
You know what? I feel like really loyal to KFC because on 14th and 2nd Avenue, right next to where I went to college. Sorry.
Literally right before we got on, Hunter was like, we have to talk about the epidemic of people talking about college. But are we stepping on the...
Yes, yes. Okay, great.
okay so let's speak no more of it I'm just saying there was a KFC near me that was really good to me for a very long yeah that's good really good to me for a very long time randomly though Popeyes like loves adore obviously but really the red beans and rice are what yeah it's a side to me that I'm actually like this is where I'm taking it yes the chicken is good, but the sides are really where it browns out. The thing is, if you do live in New York, though, there's so much fast food everywhere that I was never really...
I was always going for a Burger King or a McDonald's moment. Because I do think that the nuggets...
At Burger King? Well, Burger King used to have good nuggets. And then they changed.
And I don't know why sometimes these people change. Wendy's used to have good nuggets, too, actually.
They had an incredible nugget. And then it's almost like all the fast food chains tried to copy McDonald's.
They all became like McDonald's nuggets-esque. Like pink goo.
Like pink goo. Yeah, we've all seen that video It's wild It didn't stop anything We were like that's gross So I'll get a six piece Can I get a barbecue sauce This is what I want to tell you So we've been on our diet coke kick Now we love diet coke As you can see it's in my hands So I'm at the 7-Eleven just 20 minutes ago before we started thinking I'm going to grab a Diet Coke.
And then I saw the Slurpee machine. So this is always a slippery slope for me because I love Slurpee.
If I ever go to the movie theaters, I get Slurpee. This is one of the flavors that they had.
Coke Zero Oreo. No, no, no.
So I put my finger under the thing and went so I could try a little bit. Just raw? Raw.
Oh my God. That's why I figured there was a cup involved or a tester.
No, I just go, I pulled the lever over my finger and it like ran over my finger and in the middle of New York City we're on 39th Street. Whoa.
39th and 8th, the most disgusting part of the city. This is so silly.
I went to the 7-Eleven on 39th and 8th, put my part of the city i went to the 7-eleven on 39th and 8th put my finger raw in the slurping machine to try coke zero oreo yeah and i want to say i'm happy i

did it i loved it it was good it's a limited time only so get on over to that 7-eleven on 39th and

8th and make it happen for yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you watch the other bite? 7-Eleven. Everybody has been there.
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That's Z-O-L-A dot com. This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate.
Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly, who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband and explore the full breadth of her sexual desires. She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend, Nikki, who stays by her side through it all.
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Do you watch Mormon Wives? I've started to and I don't think it's for me. How far are you? Two minutes in.
Okay, no, no, no. You haven't seen anything yet.
Okay, okay. I heard it's good.
It's so good. It's so crazy.
But I didn't realize, I thought it was going to be a documentary in the way that we would be like watching. Right.
I just like treat it a little bit more like Jim Crazy or something like that. But you thought it was going to be serious? You thought it was going to be like intentional? Yeah.
Intentional? An exploration, if you will. But it is...
It's reality TV. Yeah, yeah.
I hear hook you with the swingers stuff. Like you think it's gonna be sexier and crazier.
And then it just ends up being like a pretty facile reality show. Well, the pilot is weird because for the first like even 15 minutes, it seems like it's going to be something one way about the swingers, about like a sort of, I don't know, like emotional reckoning.
Yeah. And then it becomes full Bravo.
I in the first episode- I can do that though. Yeah, in the first episode, it's like, this is not a huge spoiler, but the main girl goes on quite a journey through an arrest and a pregnancy.
Like, and that's just in the first episode. And an abortion, sorry.
No, a miscarriage. And a miscarriage.
Oh, wow. And then someone gets mad at her for talking about the miscarriage.
Well, she has the right to get mad at her. She's the right to get mad at her.
For pulling focus, which, but that's But that's not okay. But that's, I know, but I'm just saying, I'm giving them a preview.
That's what you should expect. I'm interested.
I'm interested. I'm actually on board.
I mean, I love the show that the woman on my shirt is featured on, which is The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. This is the sister show to The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
Yes, one of the girls, the main girl, Taylor, who you've seen in like, she's most of the pilot is about her. She was cast or she was considered for Salt Lake City housewives.
They said she was quote too boring. I said, open your eyes.
Yeah. Open your eyes a little bit wider because what's happening over there on this show.
She's something. But I mean, not over Mormonism.
I feel like it's been a little too heavy on Mormonism. More and more Mormons.
Like what about. Did you watch the end of her Under the, yeah, what about Catholics? It's actually roller coaster number 80.
What about Catholics? But, you know, there's, there's now a new show because they said on Salt Lake City Housewives last night, they kept chatting to this woman, like, Sarah. Sarah.
And the under third was Lisa's realtor. And I'm like, why are we, why are we meeting her realtor? And then it was a commercial where it was like, Lisa was like, Sarah, don't you think there's so much amazing real estate happening in Salt Lake? I actually do.
And that's why, and it said, sold on SLC. Say that 10 times fast.
Terrible title. Selling Sunset meets these Mormon girl shows.
Wow. Okay, wait, interesting crossover.
But this is sort of this thing, though. Like, are we not over Mormonism?

I'm over Mormonism. I think we've, like,

had our fair share of... It started with Under the Banner

of Heaven. Right.
Andrew Garfield.

Love you, Andrew. You were Rob.
I actually have no idea what happened

with his awards. But I love that show.

And then, all of a sudden, I feel like it kicked

off all this Mormonism.

And I feel like, again, it's

distracting from the Catholics, actually, is what

I'm landing on. I feel like there's other religions

to explore. Well, Mormons, I will

say... Mormonism? To generalize about

I'm not going to I feel like there's other religions to explore. Well, Mormons, I will say.
Mormonism? To generalize about Mormons on this podcast, they are very good at media, I will say. They're good at, like, getting in there and, like, this is our deal.
Like, the billboards they would have, like, growing up in Colorado, like, they had some good billboards. Don't they also do the comparable ads? What's that? Like everywhere there's like an ad for like, have you met him? Like God.
Were those Mormons or are those just regular individuals? Scientologists and Mormons are very good at like marketing. Messaging themselves.
Who has their tree pain, I wonder? Oh my God. Now, thank God you're back because Hunter is also as obsessed with tree pain as we are.
How do you feel about treat pain, Peyton? I'm an ally to the experience. Great answer.
I'm a Swifty, so by proxy, I support Hunter's interest. But I'm not a Swifty.
Right. I'm just a Paniac.
Paniac. That's what we mean.
That's where we can connect, actually. Yes, yes.
Yeah. Now, what do you make of her recently? Now, you said treat pain kind of orchestrated so well this whole Taylor and Dorsen Kamala thing, like kind of getting past the Brittany Mahomes of it all.
Yes. What's your take on recent happenings with Tree? I don't know.
I feel like the Brittany Mahomes of it all is like, it's gotten too much. Like she, Tree Payne needs a worthy foe and that is not Brittany Mahomes.
I'm sorry, her like Ivanka Trump cosplay and like the Chanel suit she wore like the last game. It was just, it was a nightmare.
Yeah. But I feel like Tree is playing this pretty well.
Who is a worthy opponent to Tree Payne? I think- I dare not speak their name. No, I don't know who it would be.
I don't know who it would be. J-Lo? Well, did you see- Benny Medina.
Oh, I'd love love to see them face off. No, no.
Free pain would ruin Benny Medina's life. No.
Wait, did you watch the documentary? Yeah. Did you watch him talk? I should just watch it again.
Did you watch him talk down to that exec who was like, it's not a music video. It's a feature.
Yeah, but you know what, though? Ultimately, and I say this with all due respect, what was it? Oh. What was it? And I'll say, I will also say the by far most compelling element of that entire J-Lo project was the documentary.
Directed by who? Directed by Leo Mann. Be careful.
Ben? Ben? Affleck? Yes, he wanted to make it. Yes, you said this.
So it's so crazy that he's depicted it and being like, well, I don't know because like you said he was setting up cameras? Yes, they have photos. I can't remember this, maybe page six that they had photos of him setting up cameras and like him like framing her.
Do you know what the biggest gag is? This is the biggest gag of all. He looks amazing in the documentary.
No, he's a movie star. He's like the most loving husband.
He's the most loving husband. He's the best part about her besides her children.
Ooh, feminism. Walked out of the room.
I don't know. I will say he did come off really well in the documentary.
The gag is that he and Matt Damon are producers on Kiss of the Spider Woman. Yes.
Which is going, which I heard. I heard T that it's good.
Okay. And that she is really good in it.
And that they think if you're looking for her narrative to go, they shot it while they were separating before they got divorced. She shot this movie from March to May of this last year.
Wow. And the separation was April.
Yeah, yeah. Well, we were watching Challengers and she was getting to work.

Yes.

She was literally doing it.

And it was like very quiet, the fact that they shot it,

but they literally got it in the can during what,

if we're to look on paper,

were the darkest days of their separation.

And you have to imagine,

if that's funneled into the project and the narrative is she's coming back

and she's able to capitalize on this,

maybe Benny Medina does win after all.

I mean, I is she's coming back and she's able to like capitalize on this maybe benny medina does win after all i mean i feel like she's always a professional i will say that it doesn't actually stop me to hear that she would be able to like make it through that experience and still be able to like serve kind i'm also just looking at her instagram and the way that she's handling it alone is kind of making me stand i'm like changing my tune a little bit because I love a loud bitch.

Yeah, you're going to be like,

oh, I'm going through a breakup.

I'm going to live tweet every moment of it.

Like, I'm going to take this almost like Tinder-esque selfie

where her ass is seen in the mirror

and then her face is in the front.

That's a real woman.

It's why a Leo man

doesn't stand a chance against a Leo woman.

That's the real truth.

That's the truth.

Hunter, agree. Two wolves within me, yeah.
Two wolves. Bisexuality, actually.
That's the real truth. That's the truth.
Hunter, agree.

Two wolves within me, yeah.

Two wolves.

Bisexuality, actually,

is what that is.

And I am actually one of those people

that believes she should be holding

an Oscar in her hand.

Oh, absolutely.

For hustlers, I was going to say,

can we stage the space?

Like, that was deserved.

Because only J-Lo could have done hustlers.

Lots of ladies could have done

Laura Dernan Marriage Story.

Not saying she wasn't great in it,

but it's like,

I just feel like when the role meets the performer in such a way, you have to honor that moment. Did you watch her Netflix doc where she's sitting in bed crying over not getting an Oscar nomination? Now that was a low moment.
You have to understand, I also subscribe to the newsletter. It's fantastic.
Something you need to know about me. I'm also, I'm a JLo fan.
Listen, I love it. I swear I'm blacklisted from it.
No. No, I get them like hours later than everyone else.
No. Yeah, I do.
It's Benny. The JLo newsletter? Yes.
On the JLo. I didn't realize, I didn't realize this existed.
She writes it to her JLovers. I mean, that's fine for you.
She writes it to her JLovers. She writes it to her JLovers.
Yeah, if you're not one of the J-Lo I didn't realize I didn't realize this existed She writes it to her J-lovers That's okay I mean that's fine for you She writes it to her J-lovers She writes it to her J-lovers You're not one of the J-lovers I guess I'm not Wait Where's the documentary On this March to May period then? Coming Coming soon Because that's Kiss of the Spider Woman And The Separation And Met Gala Which was like the first sign Of like oh it's done Yes Yes You know what I mean Because Because he was on Prime though, soon. Hopefully.
I mean, that would be a perfect trifecta.

Documentary trifecta, which is halftime,

the greatest love story never told,

and then whatever this is.

Talk to me about art.

That's when capitalism is cool.

Where I'm like, wait, that would be epic

if we actually just turned this into a whole bit.

It's like everyone's talking about Beyonce's trilogy.

What we need to be talking about

is the potential for this J-Lo trilogy. Is the Beyonce trilogy ever happening? I mean, there will be the third album.
There will be the third album, but it's just a question of where the visuals are. Oh, I was talking, meaning the Netflix thing.
When she had signed a Netflix deal for three productions, and one of them was Homecoming. Homecoming, and the other two have yet to materialize.
I mean you have to imagine well wait Renaissance is that anywhere? Did that count? It didn't land anywhere. And then it didn't come out anywhere? I don't think it was a Netflix production.
Maybe it was though. I don't know.
I believe that the Beyonce visuals exist and I believe that there's a plan. There are some people out there who think.
Who doubt. Who doubt that something leaked and it was like, you know, it might not be as much of a grand plan as everyone thinks.
I'm like, no, even this I feel like is a leak because you're talking about someone who was the greatest Virgo of all time. The original Virgo.
Who has done things previously thought

that you couldn't execute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they've been to perfection every single time.

I don't think there's any way

that you are the visuals

is the final answer on that.

Exactly.

The you are the visuals

does not feel like the end of anything.

No.

It's the beginning.

But also, I think it's fine to hear me out.

Like, wait.

Like, this is just, we're edging. Like, I think it's fine that we are patient.
You advocating patience? Okay, this is a crazy day. This is a crazy day.
I've actually changed. I've done a lot of time for now.
It's cool. While we have you advocating for patience, we want to dig a little deeper with you Peyton because we have not yet asked you the question.
Hunter Harris has been asked the question, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you? Okay. But now it's time for you, Peyton Dix, to answer that question.
Oh my God, the way I was like, oh my God, the item looks so funny already. Okay.
No, no, no. My chest got tight.
To remind everybody, Hunter's answer we were recalling from when you came on, Erin Brockovich. Erin Brockovich.
Yeah. Oh, okay.
I was thinking about like, okay. It can be anything.

It can be, it doesn't have to be a movie.

Okay.

Okay.

Cause wow.

I have a different answer.

I was like in theater camp brag.

And I remember this girl, I was in like maybe middle school.

And this girl was telling me about how pink got her name.

If we all know the lore.

Alicia Moore.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling her by her government name. Wait, I've never.
It's spelled weird too yes yes white people are so creative with their names i love it what are they gonna do next um but she got her name because she had friends that were black and had never allegedly seen a white girl's pussy before i say pussy yeah you can say whatever you want. Great.
More to come.

You said cunted earlier.

Can I say pussy?

And now I'm like,

oh, shoot.

Can I say fucked?

What words are bad?

Wait, finish.

Go on the story.

I want to hear.

They hadn't seen a white girl's pussy before.

Yeah, classic.

And then she,

my down bitch,

showed.

And was like,

damn, that's pink.

And that's how she got her name pink seriously it's two

stories wait shemeika said she had potential no no no no no no no no no no no no no no No.

Sorry.

I had to.

It was right there.

It was right there.

I had to.

I put it down so you can pick it up.

And that's why we were together.

That's why you were going to say this,

wondering about that one. No! No! Sorry.
Oh my God. First three.
Wow. Wow, are we getting this? Okay, so is that really...
It's true. Is that also where the exclamation point came in or was that just fun i think that was like white people are really creative yeah yeah they're like what about exclamation point yeah because he's loud and i think like in general i i loved pink and that felt like so shocking for me to hear yeah also was just so much more interesting to me this like era of like white women different races I was like more I'll never forget when There You Go came out and then I saw the video and I was like huh? Her and Gwen Stefani were doing it big and doing it hard we talked about this I think when you're going to culturally appropriate you got to do it with your chest.
Yeah. Pedal to the metal.
Don't half-ass it. Oh, period.
I'm like, that's why I'm not mad. I heard you guys talking about Positions.
Oh my God. No, and it was, and look, it's a great album.
It's a great album. Positions is a black album.
It's an R&B album. So is Thank You Next.
So is Thank You Next. She's been black for a minute.
That's my black queen when she wants to be. I think she's taking time off right now, but that's okay.
Arms are open when she's in her bag. She's in her Imogen Heap bag right now.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, which we all get into sometimes.
Imogen Heap, a creative white name to you? Yeah, that's like a verb. That's not a name.
It's an action. For her last name to be Heap is iconic.
Heap. Wait, is that her legal name? Yeah.
Imogen Heap. Imogen Heap.
I saw her actually at the Greek. It was a transcendent.
Oh, she's incredible. Is she like Irish? What would you call Imogen Heap? I don't know.
Is she like Scottish? Can we look that up? She's a white creative. Imogen Heap is a white creative, and that's rule of culture number 50.
Imogen Heap is a white creative. Is she Irish? No, she's a white creative.

She's a white creative.

She's two to their clothes,

so they're neighboring.

But she is American.

No, she's British.

Oh, she's British.

Is she British?

I have no idea.

What did you say?

She's an English musician, so yes.

Okay, great.

From Essex.

Oh, from Essex.

So she's...

Yeah.

Okay.

Yes.

She's Justin Bieber.

Yes.

I love that about her. Wow.
I really liked her. Did you guys have a brat summer? Would you say? Yeah.
I have a brat lifestyle. I think.
Yeah. But like every time we record our podcast every Monday, I come in with like, they're like, Peyton needs to drink more water because I've been like hung over for, you've been running hard.
Wait, but I will say it's a very brat coded answer to the question, which is how Pink discovered her name was she showing her pussy to her friends. Yes.
And Charlie was like, oh! Wait, and so does this lump in a bunch of other stuff for you? Is it like a queer awakening too for you to know about this? Absolutely not. Actually, that made me less gay less gay i like closed my legs to that yes yes but i think it just was one maybe a a sexual awakening in general okay great and then leaning into being like oh pink is so fucking cool and iconic i want to be a bad bad girl yeah it hasn't been a steady love of pink since that time? So she's remained.
She has. She really has remained.
Despite all odds, she's remained. It's incredible.
Swing in from the roof. And like, she's a performer.
Wait, the performance. Oh, my God.
Sealed into my brain. You're talking about glitter in the air.
Oh, wait. The glitter? Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry. That was crazy.
Dance background. Sorry.
I don't know if you know. Yeah.
Yeah. The glitter performance from the Grammys.
Yes. Glitter in the air.
It was great. Dan's background, sorry, I don't know if you know.
Yeah, the glitter performance from the Grammys. Yes, glitter in the air, it was stunning.
It was one of the first times she did the aerials in like a very public performance way. And I think as a result of it being such a beloved performance, it then kind of became like her whole thing.
I think that she's constantly up in the air and spinning and twirling. Is she ever like two feet on the ground? She is, but not for long.
Not for long. Like she's airborne if there's potential for her to be, I'm not even kidding, shot into the sky.
I sent you the video of her. She's here.
Two seconds later, she is at the back. A hundred feet in the air at the back of the stadium.
Like it's one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. And singing well.
Yeah. I do feel a little bit of a nostalgia for who Pink used to be.
Okay. When she accepted, I think it was, was it a GLAAD award? When she was like, I'm gay.
And everyone's roaring applause. No, I'm not first of all me too

one time in 8th grade

I said

just kidding actually

nevermind

like she

used to just be

so

I guess maybe

this is just an extension

or an older version

of being so

out of pocket

yeah

it's just in a different way

and it's like

10 feet off the ground

you know

it's a little different

her being 10 feet

off the ground

is her being out of pocket

totally

swinging from the roof

but yeah Thank you. 10 feet off the ground.
You know, it's a little different. Her being 10 feet off the ground and her being out of pocket.
Totally, totally. Swinging from the roof.
But yeah, for some reason that made me kind of like lock in. Yeah.
I'm going to get out of the eater camp and into the streets. The streets.
We searched on my book. I'm in eighth grade walking out of the eater camp running down Chevy Hills in my pussy house.
Oh my God. Jesus Christ.
My parents are going to love this. Yeah, I'm so...
I love to say things with my chest instead of mine. Yes.
You have to. I feel like Pink would do the same.
I'm honoring her. Pink was one of those girls too.
She had a reputation for going there and I'll never forget the back and forth between Pink and Christina Aguilera on their Watch What Happens Lives. Like about who swung on who in a club.
Like Pink was like, there was some physical altercation between Christina Aguilera and Pink at some time. And then like Pink said, oh, Christina swung on me.
And Christina was like, why would I swing on her? She could kick my ass. Like I would never do that.
But like know that neither of them denied that there were hands

thrown between

Pink and Christina at a club

this is the old pop

girl beef that we need to do now it's

all in the business aspect of it

and like we needed to be back

we need to go back to like a fight broke out of the club

and the last moment of this was like Cardi and Nikki

I guess yeah but the thing is like

it's tough though because like yes

I would agree the like litigious nature

of it all is like so and Nikki, I guess. Yeah.
But the thing is, like, it's tough, though, because, like, yes, I would agree. The, like, litigious nature of it all is, like, so much uglier and weirder.
Yeah. And darker.
And sadder. Yeah.
We're losing recipes. We're losing recipes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. But then I don't want the girls physically fighting.
No, I know. I do.
I think that's fine. I know our girls should hit each other.
You think Sabrina and Olivia should have, have like a tiny girl skinny war? Well, those are children. If you're under like five foot two, you can't be like throwing hands like that.
Chapel Run will beat someone's ass. Yeah.
They already have. Theater kids fight, actually.
That's the goal. 100%.
They fight, they fuck. Yeah.
Theater kids be fucking. Because they free.
Because they free. Wait, no, but the thing about Chapel that you guys were talking about on your podcast, because you guys had like a real dialogue about Chapel Rhone and the like response to everything.
Yeah. Apparently, like, so our friend Dave Mazzoni was on the carpet at the VMAs working for Logo.
And apparently Chapel hits the carpet and everyone is just like screaming at her because now the photographers know if they fuck with her she might like snap back so the weird thing about it is like she's low key matching their energy and he said that she like sprinted over to them at Logo and then was just like so nice to them she's like I just want want to talk to you guys because you guys aren't fucking screaming at me. Because he was saying that being there watching it, it's very clear that like they are fucking with her.
Yeah. That's the thing.
Yeah. That's really shitty.
That you could like see it happen. Like there's a clip of her being like, no.
She tells the guy to shut the fuck up. Yeah.
She goes like, shut, shut the fuck up. That was us earlier.
But he said it was wild to be there and like watch it. And he was like, oh no, she's like giving it back to them in the way that she gets it.
Worst case scenario, she like ends up being, speaking of Fiona Apple, she ends up being like a Fiona Apple kind of person or a D'Angelo who's like, I'm going to lock myself in a house for the next decade and not put out music. Like, it's like, that's what would be the biggest, not the biggest loss, but it would just be like a sad situation that like she did.
She would not feel like what Adele does. Adele, Adele literally being like, you will not see me.
Yeah. I will not be found.
I don't like get lost. Like she really like went away.aurus of love.
Is that what Tauruses do? Is that what you do? No. But you're Taurus.
Did you see that? Is that what Tauruses do? Yeah. Because then she just has a brat lifestyle.
I just want to record it. I don't know what that was.
Most Tauruses, yeah. But I move different.
You move different. I move different.
A little different. What is pink astrologically? Aries, maybe, would be my guess.
Oh, Aries. Are you one of those people that can guess? I'm a lesbian.
Guess for me. Do you all want to be guessing? Oh, no, for pink.
Yeah, I think I'm curious. It's September 8th, so isn't that Virgo? Virgo! Oh, yes! I believe that for her.
She has to communicate with so many people that have to get her into the sky. Yeah.
She has to be perfect. She's like, when Disney, my body needs to survive.
She's like, let's make sure. Because then you see that one clip of them getting it wrong.
And she was like, no, no, no, no, no. And she hit like a speaker.
Oh my god, no. Oh my god, please.
I will. That performance.
I felt it. No, no, no, no.
She literally goes, no, no, no, no, no. She hits.
She, like, went. Her whole side of her body slammed into it.
Is it giving? And it starts right now. Is it giving that? Do you know what I'm talking about? What is that? It's the guy on, like, the jetpack.
It's the water jetpack. He's, like, on the news.
And he's, like, and it starts right now. And then he dives into the water.
I love any video of someone where something suddenly puts them in motion. Like, you ever watch a video of like a reporter on like a free fall ride? This is so stupid.
But like years ago, I'll never forget, it was Rosie O'Donnell. Rosie O'Donnell took the cast of the Drew Carey show, I swear to God, to California Adventure when it had just opened.

And they had this ride that was like a free fall drop tower ride that they've since taken down.

It's no longer there.

But it's just Rosie O'Donnell and the woman from the Drew Carey show.

I don't remember her name.

No, not Mimi.

The other one.

Oh, the one who was.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

But they were like literally having a conversation.

They're like, where are you from?

I'm from Long Island. Oh, my God.
I have cousins from Long Island. No, seriously, where are they? And then they just shoot into the sky.
And Rosie O'Donnell's like, ah! And I'm like, see, there's more television like this. Make people flying projectiles quickly more.
Do you know the two girls that like the one that they get launched and she keeps passing out? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Nothing like that.
Put it into my veins. I love the videos of people on roller coasters when they don't want to be there.
I love it. I love it.
I love it. I love it.
It's really beautiful. It's so good.
One of my favorite experiences is like going to a theme park and being like, I'm kind of scared. And then everyone's like, Payton.
Payton. I'm like, no, I'm scared.
And they're like, Peyton. I'm like, okay.
Even though I'm kind of like, fine about it. I just like, I actually just want people to be like.
You want the drama. Yeah, I want a little like lead up to the moment.
So that's the thing about me. Guess my sign.
And the one you were going to say is not it. Oh, you saw my mouth start to.
You were starting to say Capricorn. I was.
Wow. I was thinking Earth.
But now I'm thinking... He's a crier.
Well, you're going to give it away. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay, Cancer feels too on the nose for that then. Maybe...
Pisces? Oh. I'm a Pisces rising Pisces Cancer moon.
It's serious. Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness. People look at my chart.
People that are in the know look at my chart and they apologize to me.

Wow.

It's like every feeling that's ever been felt.

You've had it.

Yeah.

In any given moment.

Yeah.

Like right now you just start weeping.

Oh no.

It's going to happen.

I've actually been really emotional lately.

That's great.

Yeah.

I think it's good.

At first real tears I've cried in a long time was Hunter saying Shamika said she

yeah

that was pretty legendary that was really good that needs to be that needs to be a TikTok that needs to be real or whatever or whatever or whatever just cut it vertical we'll find it whatever Whatever. As long as vertical.

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Wow, well, that's also one of my

favorite answers in a while. Yeah.

The pink-showed her pussy to her friends.

Where did you hear about that?

Like on a theater camp?

Oh, a theater camp. From the girls.
From the girls. The girls were sort of sitting around and was there an implied like break away from theater camp once you found this information like you never went back well I hated those girls also but I was thankful for the information and sometimes you get the information from the people you hate and that's like totally was this the early time going to theater camp or did you go regularly as growing up I I frequented.
You frequented. But I actually was only ever really in theater because I was dancing.
Yeah. Got it.
Got it. Got it.
So I was just kind of a five, six, seven, eight girl. Uh huh.
Uh huh. Uh huh.
Yeah. So dancers are the perfect vibe of like, it's, you're not a theater kid necessarily.
You just love to like hang out and like move and you love music. You like the vibe with the dancer is so ideal because you're not like competitively like rattling off like musical theater facts that's my one thing with theater kiddom that is that i'm like okay like we don't have to be like encyclopedias at each other yeah that's my only thing but your theater kind of but like the thing that like put me off Of being a theater kid was like It was just this constant like Whatummanship about like who did it more And who knew more And like all this stuff that I'm like I hate that I like being proximate to theater kids And I like being able to Talk shit about a community that I'm Tangentially a part of.
That feels like a kind of

I don't know, does that make me

a minority?

No.

Not being black or being gay

but being a dancer.

A dancer in a theater community.

A minority.

So what I'm coming out is being a minority.

Totally.

You boil it down to theater kid. You can boil it down to what? Like my vibe? Yeah back then Back then it was I'm sorry to say improv kid Theater was just a means to Get into the improv group Sports kid You're a sports kid? Hardcore cross country and track.
And then before that, baseball and soccer and basketball. Like always a three sport athlete because I had a coach dad.
So that will sort of dictate what your activities are, especially growing up on Long Island. Yeah.
Distance running. Wow.
I had a 436 mile when I was in high school. Wow.
Oh my goodness. That's good.
I was that dedicated girl who was like not cool about it. In fact, at the straight wedding, I was just that last week.
The guy who was, I was number one on my cross country team and the number two was there. And he was like, we were like jamming out.
And I remember I was such like, in high school, I was so why are you smoking weed and then because I remember at the time way back in high school he was like you're so he's like he's like I don't know why you're like this you know what's gonna happen you're gonna become the biggest stoner out of all of us and then and then you finish that pint of cut to now Bowen Yang says you finished the whole thing no no no um, how would you boil your identity down back then? I was writer girl. Writer girl.
Yes. Oh my gosh.
No. I was, no, no, no.
Not the other courses. I was just a writer.
I went to Italy when I was in third grade and I came back and said, I'm going to make a newspaper for a class so I can tell everyone about my trip. Oh, I love that! And educate them all.
It's alarming you weren't bullied. This bitch just went, Mr.
Worldwide over here went to Italy and she wants to come and tell us in Oklahoma about it. I'm so pissed.
I feel like, are you joking? No, everything. Every year I wrote something.
I was always a writer. Was newspaper like the first thing of many? Like, were you a Tumblr girl? I was a Tumblr girl.
Okay. I wanted to be a novelist when I was like younger.
I would like fake write books all the time. And then I eventually fake wrote screenplays because I wanted to write a screenplay for Daniel Radcliffe and I to fall in love.
Oh my God. That's sweet.
Thank you. And then, yeah, then I wrote it for the high school paper to meet boys.

Yeah.

To meet boys?

To meet boys.

Because I would interview them.

Oh.

Slut.

Oh, my God.

That's slutty. So you would be like, I'm doing a big piece for the school paper.

Can I interview you?

Absolutely.

I did a whole thing on the football team.

With each member.

That was part of it.

I had to interview them all.

Did you pull trade? I'm not going to say. Oh, what are you talking about? It's high school.
You can't pull back the curtain on whether or not your grand plan worked in high school. It did work.
It did work. There you go.
Great. There you go.
And then, oh, wait. And then it comes full circle because then I wrote for the college paper where I brought her in.
Oh. That was our first time working together.
Yeah. First collab.

Yeah.

Our first collab was not that.

We needed a,

I know it was

being the plan B

at Emerson College.

That was our first collab.

Yeah.

What was Emerson like?

It's supposed to be a fun school.

Not even.

I know you don't want

to talk about college.

It's supposed to be fun.

I toured Emerson

and their number one thing

they kept saying

was Jay Leno went here.

They couldn't stop talking about it. Well, they love to brag about the comedians, for sure.
They do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was either Jay Leno they'd always talk about, Jennifer Coolidge, too. Yeah.
And the show in the gay show, though. Friends.
Not that one. The gay show Friends.
Phoebe says she has potential. Will and Grace.
Oh Grace Will and Grace Oh Will and Grace

It started there

Film there or something

Oh yeah

Was it the director

Or something went there

Something

I think so

One of the sets

Was in our

Something like that

An alumni office worker

Is like digging their heels

Digging their

Nails in

Totally

Okay so

Not what was

College in Emerson

Like but

Did you enjoy Boston

Or were you like

I'm a celebrity

Get me out of there

Yeah

I don't think anyone

Enjoys Boston Thank you. Not what was college in Emerson like, but did you enjoy Boston or were you like, fuck, I'm a celebrity.
Get me out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't think anyone enjoys Boston. I love Boston.
I go there to tour and they're some of my best audiences. So you love Boston, but hate Ben Affleck.
I just want to make sure I have that correct. First of all, I didn't say I hate Ben Affleck.
I said I have Ben Affleck's number. I don't hate Ben Affleck.
So that's like an easy, wait, hold on. No, I get it.
I feel like I understand Ben Affleck's deal. I don't hate Ben Affleck.
I have empathy for Ben Affleck. I don't think he should be dating these emotionally, like deck of cards-esque women, because I think he should know himself the way I feel.
I know him. Oh, and then he wouldn't hurt so many women.
I also, I need a safe space for emotionally deck of cards, women emotionally. Yeah.
I identify. Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
I told you all about my, I understand that you are water sign coded. Yeah.
Actually really true to the soul. Thank you.
The thing is, I feel like every sign people just say, oh, Leo's love, but Leo men, Virgo's love, but Virgo men. No, it's, so there's a common denominator.
Men. Right.
So that's where I kind of say, okay. So.
Men are trash. Right.
Like you guys had, oh, that astrologist, the astrologer, Isa. Isa, yeah.
Yes, Isa Anand, she was like, oh, it's astrology's pattern recognition, but it's like, well, the ultimate pattern recognition is gendered. It's like men act a certain way and women act a certain way.
If, I mean, I'm being, I'm like bastardizing the whole like concept, but it's like. No, but I think that that is what happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, but of course, Capricorn man.
Right, right, right, right. Everyone does it with every sign.
So then I just, let's like stop bullshitting each other and just say what it is.

Sure.

Which men are tough.

The thing that like I was reading about Aquarius men in the wake of something.

And it's like, well, you know, they'll often just like, they march to the beat of their own drummer.

And like, they'll do whatever.

I'm like, that's like a funny, interesting way of saying they'll do whatever it is the fuck they want to do.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Well, it's just like the way they want to terrorize you. They're off beat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, like...
The terror is just different by the side, but it's still, like, terrorizing. Yeah.
They zig when you're supposed to zag. The Capricorn man's like, oh, he's going to tell you, like, why he hates you.
Like, Capricorn man would do that, for sure. He's going to abuse you emotionally.
For sure, for sure. Hunter, current feelings about Daniel Radcliffe?

Like, is it still, like, do you still hold a torch?

No.

Yeah, okay, that's good.

That's healthy.

No, I can't do the Harry Potter thing.

Yeah.

No, I think he's past that now.

No, no, I, yeah, I think he's past Harry Potter,

but I'm just saying in general,

it's just like, it reminds me too much of like that era.

Totally.

It's nice when you like grow up and are like,

I don't know why I was in love with X celebrity or Y celebrity or any person really. Yeah.
I used to have a crush on Rupert Grint. Me too.
Oh, wow. I thought he was so hot.
And it's so crazy because when you're reading the books, you don't have a crush on Ron. You know what I mean? You're never creating a Ron in your head.
That's hot. And then for some reason that Grint.
But honestly, it was like really Malfoy at the end of the day. Yeah, unfortunately.
Really Malfoy down. Malfoy's dad.
It was really, what's his name? The guy from Adolfo's murder. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Oh shit.
You're talking about, is his name Alfred something? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alfred Enoch.
Alfred Enoch, yes. He was the lead of how to get away with murder and the spoiler alert dies at the end of the first season.
Right, right, right, right, right. Why did I spoil? Were you upset? That can't be a spoiler.
No. If you get your nails done, you know what happens in the movie.
I mean, it's like it's playing in every nail salon, I feel like. Wait, How to Get Away with Murder is playing in every nail salon? I feel like it was playing at one I just went to the other day.

They were just playing

How to Get Away with Murder?

Yes again.

Oh my God.

I'll never forget the pilot of that show

when she turned around

from that chalkboard and said,

How to Get Away with Murder.

And I was like,

this is what you chose to do

and I'm so thrilled about it.

Thank God.

With all your power,

you said, I want to do this.

How long she had that show?

A long time. Didn't it go for like six seasons? Yeah, I think so.
But she was with it the whole time? Yeah. Good for her.
Yeah. She just respects the work.
Yeah. No matter where it comes from.
And no matter what it is. No matter what it is.
Period. Sometimes I will be floored when I realize like someone is doing some.
I'm like, wow, they really want it to work. Sure.
But sometimes I am floored by like what people love and are obsessed with. Like the fact that JLo threw a Bridgerton party is crazy to me.
But also. She's America's most famous.
To me, that was the big takeaway. She's America's most famous basic woman.
Don't talk to me about Taylor Swift. No, you're going to lose

an hour. I think that

J-Lo cosplays as someone that's not

as basic as she is, but then

why is everything cream?

Oh my God. And her affinity for hats.

Why is everything cream?

What's with all the hats?

What's with getting married to Mark

Anthony? That's

basic.

He's Light FM, the man.

You keep pushing me out.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

I'm like, I'm just.

I didn't notice you.

I thought I was just really getting it.

I thought you were just kind of being moved for a moment.

I'm leaning in, I'm leaning in.

Wait,

you guys were saying

Sabrina Carpenter

makes music for straight women.

I think Jayla makes music

for straight women.

Jayla makes music for,

did you listen?

Yeah.

Sorry.

I listened and I

lived like two songs,

but they're not.

No,

that was,

that album was really bad.

There was one song

that I liked.

Which one?

This time around. Can you sing it? This time around.
I'm not going to do it justice. Okay.
Okay, fair. But maybe we, I need to give it one more.
This is me now. That one at least had something because it was like something you could latch on to.
Yeah. I just felt like, you know, remember when she released On the Floor? Like, that was were different yeah things were different well I'll never forget when this was actually way before you were on SNL this is so random but my best friend from high school Kenny and I we would dream about one day going to Saturday Night Live like and we found out that the way you get tickets is you have to send in for the lottery during the month of August.
And they'll give you a random date, like two tickets, and you can either take that date or you don't go. You don't get to pick.
It's like a really intense, it's really, really, really rare that you get it. We got it.
Your first lottery? We would do it every year. And then Kenny won it one year.
Wow. And it was host and musical guest J-Lo.
Wow. Was this certain I Love You Poppy era? This was, okay, so she was releasing an album called Love Question Mark.
Yes, yes. And this was on the floor.
This was the on the floor era. But this was before they put the dance stuff on it.
So she did two ballads called Starting Over and Until It Beats No More. I'm telling you, she sang two ballads.
There was an acoustic guitar on stage next to her. And you, I'm telling you, I'm, this footage is out there.
And I remember turning to Kenny and being like, I thought she was pretty good. And he was like, I mean, yeah, she was, she was good.
like, yeah. So Kenny didn't like it.
No, and that's what I'm

saying is just like, but I will say

it was at that period of time where

Kenny is a straight man. So

there was definitely the energy of

that ass though. You know what I mean?

Like it definitely doesn't lie.

And it's an absolute treasure.

Yeah. But her sketch comedy

was pretty good. She's really, she's a really good

host. But it was weird because all of a sudden after that, like I was like, oh, On the Floor came out And I was like, this is a pivot The music was not They did not want what would ultimately Be the type of genre she did On This Is Me Now She has wanted to do that For a long time I think she's wanted like, this is music that I really feel from my heart and my emotions.

Okay.

Joanne.

I like,

don't like when artists do what they want to be doing.

Like,

I feel like you said,

get into the sweatshop and make it,

get into the heart factory and get to work.

Like that's not what we want from you.

And yet you like Chapel road and you really defend her. Okay, but I think she's giving us what we want though.
And what she wants to do. Yeah, it just happens to be the same thing.
It happens to be the same thing. Okay, yeah.
Okay, okay. So happy medium for her.
But you guys, go steal from Ashanti again. You guys are making great points about like how Chapel Rhone sings with her chest.
She doesn't just say what she feels with her chest, but she also sings with her chest. And it has been nice.
It has been nice. To have someone really coming out here and giving me full belt.
A belt. I do think the musical moment of the year is the end of the Good Luck Bridge.
Yeah. It is the musical event of the year.
Period. One more thing about J-Lo, though, is that I do think she is she has this like pin cushion quality to her where it's like we all want to like get in there and like no one will let her like do the things she wants to do and people like pick on her in this way like like in the way that we might even be doing now and it's totally fine i just think like even like the io moment on the podcast like io talking about JLo in that way.
And then having it like kind of rear its head again when they were like sharing a space at SNL. It's like, there is a quality about JLo that we were like, we kind of love to make fun of, not make fun of her.
We love to like pick it apart. She works so hard to be as famous as she is.
Yeah. And you have to remember like, that's okay.
It's okay for someone to sweat like that. Right.
Yeah. But what I'm saying is if you're going to be as famous as she is.
Yeah. And you have to remember like,

that's okay.

It's okay for someone to sweat like that.

Right.

Yeah.

But what I'm saying is if you're going to be out here sweating like that,

you're going to have commentary on you.

Totally. And then to be like arms folded.

Well,

I didn't like that comment when you not all you're,

yes,

you are so gifted,

so talented,

whatever.

But you're also like,

so you,

you work so hard for people to talk about you like this then you can't be irritated when people talk about you like totally totally that's true but i mean that being said i think the io thing was such a specific moment of like jlo actually reacting and what i felt was a cruel way but like usually she does take it like usually she's not super reactive sure but i think in this one instance did she react i think she she gave an interview where she was like, well, people said, you know, everyone says stuff when they're 20 or, it was something that I just felt like was very disingenuous. Cause like, JLo, when you were 20 years, like the N word in music, we all listen.
We remember the song play. Let's be serious.
I also think it's fine to make fun of hot people. Like that's what they're doing for.
Like, oh, you can't take it.

Look at your abs.

You can take it.

At 50 whatever.

Look at your ass.

You can take it.

Okay, you've got that.

I would be like, if that was me, I'd be like, fuck him.

Anyway.

And Kayla wants to be talked about.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

She is, you know, I think she like wants to be a singer,

but she is ultimately like a superstar.

Like, she's so good at being famous.

She's so, like, Bridgerton birthday, come on, be serious. serious.
She's so funny. She's naturally, she's the Kamala Harris of pop girls.
She's naturally a comedian. That's huge.
You know what we've lost, which is actually, I think the best Kamala meme ever. Can someone turn that up? Which is one of the classics.
Can someone turn that up? Is I think my favorite thing we have. Did she say those words in that moment? I don't know.
I don't know where it came from. I just like the style.
I like not knowing any of them in context. I don't want the context for any of them.
I just like them as standalone. What's what's your favorite? Come with me.
Don't choose mine. I have a new favorite, which it's not that it's recent.
Sorry, not to cut into your answer. No, no, no.
Wait, well, what's yours? Yeah, what's yours? Okay, so there's some teachings that need to happen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there are some teachings that need to happen. Spencer does say that to me every week.
She's like, oh, it's a physical thing. We're left behind that day.
Okay, wait. Randomly new favorite? It was not going to be the one I was gonna say that to me every week.
It's a really good- She's like, oh, it's a physical thing. It's a physical thing.

Okay, wait, randomly new favorite,

it was not gonna be the one I was originally gonna say,

but the wheels on the bus go round and round.

Yes, yes, yes.

Off tune, and like skipping and hopping was,

I was like, oh, she is on some good SSRI.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

That, I wouldn't be soft brain like that.

Like that's how I wanna live my life.

It's a soft brain quality, what about you?

I mean, I think, can someone turn that up? But in terms of what she has said, I do love Unburdened. Unburdened is great.
I love Unburdened by what has been. The physicality to that one too is also really good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just love anyone that repeats something a million times.
Like I recently did watch the, there can be a hundred people in a row.

It's performance.

It's one of our best moments in press ever.

What is your favorite combo?

Um,

it's,

it can be subbed up.

I subbed up for something else,

but it's,

um,

I love good news.

I just love.

I love Gen Z.

I love Gen Z. I love Gen Z.
I love Gen Z I love Gen Z I love Gen Z Love Gen Z So there you go President President the house down Let's move on to I don't think so honey Is it time? It's time Everybody has been there Traffic was a nightmare You got home late and your dinner plans are out the window when you hear the inevitable tiny voice saying, I'm hungry. That's when dinner dread sets in.
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This is our segment where we take one minute to really get something in culture. Matt and I will go first.
Matt, do you have something? I have something. It's kind of, it might not totally land, which is not unusual for me, but I have something.
Why don't you go first then, because I'm actually struggling to simplify.. Okay, great.
Great, great, great. Okay, so this is going to be Bowen Yang's I don't think so, honey, on this episode.
And his time starts now. I don't think so, honey, hovering or just like pacing around, like stay the fuck put.
I was on a plane. The people who hover by the bathroom, you need to stop.
You need to plant your feet, feel your feet. Stay in one place.
I just knocked my mic down.

What is this thing with hovering?

I need you to be still.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Am I making any sense?

I think you said it was your test.

Sometimes I'm sitting next to my good sister, my friend, and he paces every now and then.

Oh, my God.

And I think we all need to, and this is not, I'm not targeting you.

I'm saying there's a thing happening in the culture right now where people love to hover around folks or around a door or just are not being spatially considerate. And hovering is usually not convenient for anyone else, but you, why are you hovering? Sit down, plant your feet, feel your feet, feel the weight of your body on the surface that you're making contact with.
I don't think so any hovering. You are not a

saucer, a UFO.

You do not get, you are

not levitating. You must

plant your feet firmly where you

stand. That's one minute.
Don't ever tell

me how to move. If you ever

tell me how to move again.

Her body, her choice. No.

I'm definitely a pacer.

You're a pacer. I understand

pacing, but there's a difference between

pacing and hovering. Like this whole like

Thank you. Her body, her choice.
Okay. No, no.
I'm definitely a pacer. I'm definitely a pacer.
And I understand pacing, but I, there's a difference between pacing and hovering. Like this whole like airplane door situation.
The plane door thing. I'm like, stop, stand there and wait.
So you're in row like 38 being like immediately up. Like, oh, you died.
No, come on. Okay, wait, now I have my, I don't think so.
Okay, this is Matt Rogers. I don't think so many times starts now.
I don't think so many of the words, feel free to roam about the cabin. First of all, come on.
Okay, wait. Now I have my I don't think so.
Okay, this is Matt Rogers. I don't think so.
I don't think so. I don't think so.
Honey, the words feel free to roam about the cabin. First of all, feel free to roam about the cabin.
How about everyone just sits in their seat for the what? Even if it's a long flight, it's not long enough where you need to get up and roam about the cabin. The word roam? Excuse me.
No. If you want to stretch your legs, it's one thing.
You want to get up and stretch and walk around to make sure your body parts don't fall asleep. That's one thing.
Feel free to roam about the cabin. I'm here too.
And then it's going to become a thing where you're standing over me. 30 seconds.
And I can't tell you where. Because then what you've done is you've given them the freedom to roam.
They can feel free. And they can feel free to roam right above me.
And then it becomes a bone yang situation where he's like, why are you standing over me? Why are you standing by the bathroom? Cause guess where they're going to roam where there's room around the bathroom. Guess who maybe needs to go to the bathroom.
Everyone else, normal people who don't roam about the cabin. And trust me, I'm someone who gets restless leg.
I have ADHD self-diagnosed. I have to get up and roam too.
But not about the cabin on the plane.

I don't think so.

And that's one minute.

Thank you.

As someone with self-diagnosed ADHD.

I understand that you have to get up and move.

Yes.

But not around the cabin.

No.

Wait, that's like so good.

That's like one of those things you really never think about.

But there are roamers.

There's roamers.

People love to roam about the cabin. And they're always being nosy.
They're always trying to see what you're looking at, trying to see what you're watching, trying to see what you're doing. Or we're stretching.
I've seen stretching and I've witnessed it and I hate it. We can't get on the same page about how you behave in an airplane.
Because I'll also tell you this. What really bothers me is when the plane is landing and you're in an aisle seat and they won't pull up the window.
The person in the window seat won't pull up. So you can't see when it lands.
Because the moment of a plane landing can be so jarring. No, but.
Oh, and you would rather get a visual on. When the plane is landing, the windows are up.
We all need to see. We need to have.
Oh my God, you don't agree. No, no, I do agree.
I think there should be a class in the third grade for all children across the world about how to behave on an airplane. I think that's very true.
That being said, I think if it's a dark flight, an early flight, it's dark outside, the shades need to be closed. That's fine.
The shades need to be closed. If people are trying to sleep, the shades need to be closed.
I'm a reasonable, I'm a reasonable person. But what I'm saying is, when we're all gonna land, why wouldn't you want everyone around you to have an awareness of when a large sound and movement is gonna happen? I don't want someone to, you know, be next to me, unaware that we're landing.
And then when we feel the jostle, do something crazy. I guess it's never subtle when you land.
Like it always is like a shake. Like it's never smooth.
Sometimes, I mean, I've been on some flights where it lands and you're like, that can't have been right. Yeah, that's so often actually.
Have you ever felt one, have you ever like really felt one wheel hit the ground and then the other wheel hit the ground? Were you on spirit? Oh my God. I do think the European airlines, they'll make you open the shades before you land.
Yes. I appreciate it.
I appreciate it. Delta doesn't make you do that.
Delta is very like choose your own adventure. It's very feel free.
Yeah. Very feel free to roam about the cabin.
I'm telling you, these words are harmful and we're going to regret them. Okay.
Because someone's going to feel too free. Yeah.
I think we've all felt too free. People already feel too free when they like walk around the cabin like barefoot.
Barefoot. It's too much.
It's too much. That's what I'm saying.
A class. But there should be classes on how to fly.
Yeah. We talk about this all the time.
The sexiest thing someone can do is getting through security just seamlessly. Don't do it.
Okay. Oh, my God.
Wait, what? We have a press of time. Yeah.
Wait, what happened? Do you guys get into it stressfully at the airport? No. We're in different lines.
Oh my God. Imagine I was at classes.
Well, this one's global entry. Well, yeah.
That's what you're doing. I don't have it.
Excuse me. There's a class war happening here.
Okay, Hunter, do you want to go first? Sure. No, I want to hear yours.
I want to hear yours. Okay, okay.
Because you've done it before. Yeah.
Peyton's done it before. Peyton's going to close.
He's going to bring us out. This is Peyton Dix's I Don't Think So, Honey.
You ready? And her time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Standing on business. I think we should sit.
Maybe lay. Maybe step on business and then immediately step off of it.
I think we need more wishy-washy representation. I think you actually don't need to be 10 toes on anything.
I think it's fine. It's a big, it's a tall order.
I think you'd be like five toes or two big toes. I think standing on business is actually, if you think about it, just an extension of capitalism.
Yeah. So you're very pro the man.
You're a cog in the machine, really. if you are um pro standing on business i think when you move like me a professional a woman with an open mind a child of knowledge if you will i'm actually just you know a libra moon also by the way but i feel like if you are someone who is anti-standing on business you are someone that's just eager to learn you're actually someone that's yeah i don't want to be beholden to like a tweet from no one should be beholden to a tweet from you know high school or anything i don't want to be beholden to like a tweet from, no one should be beholden to a tweet from

high school or anything. I don't want to be beholden to

a tweet from 10 minutes ago. That's not my business anymore.

Like, I think that we should just be able

to say what we want and then immediately regret it or immediately

take it back. Yes.
No consequence. And that's

one minute. Absolutely yes.

Anti-accountability queen.

There was a roll of applause that just happened.

It might get cut from the audio, but it did

happen. No, it did happen.
10 toes

down is such a

trap. Silly.
You know what, though? I have a question

Thank you. So you're an advocate for saying things with your full chest, but also you're not an advocate.
You're now, I don't think so, honey, standing on business. So what is the difference between standing on business? I'm doing it right now.
I'm being wishy-washy. Wow, yeah.
You know, I say so many things on our podcast, and I'm just like, that's how you feel? And I'm like, actually, no. I actually iconically discovered a time that I did this and I actually couldn't believe it.
With my full chest one time, probably about two years ago, I said, people should be calling Taylor Swift out for the private jet thing. Literally six months ago, I go, why people pissed about her about her you don't want you don't want her showing up to the airport you what you think Taylor is gonna show up to the airport that would be inconvenient but I literally said prior like no that's not okay and you should be able to hold people accountable if you love them.
That's what a fan should do. And then on the same podcast, the same human being.
Hunter Harris. Do we have time for mine? Absolutely.
What do you mean? You said Hunter's gonna close us out. I said Hunter's gonna close us out.
Oh, okay, okay. I take it back.
I take it back. I take it back.
Okay, okay, okay. This is Hunter Harris.
Wait, can you imagine if we were like, we can't. We can't.
Well, I... No, no, no, no.
But we liked the last one. Anyway.
I have the timer. I have the clock.
This is Hunter Harris's I Don't Think So I Need the Return. I'm trying to get ready.
I hope it's as good as my sequel. Her time starts now.
Okay, I don't think so, honey. People who talk about college too much.
I don't think so, honey. People who have school spirit as an adult.
You are growing. We get it.
You went to school. You got a piece of paper.
You paid $200,000 for a piece of paper and to make your friends. Enough is enough.
Enough with it. I don't want to see this school.
That's Stanford. The dumbest pictures I've ever met went to Stanford.
I swear to God. Harvard.
Take off your glasses. Enough.
Enough. Okay.
So you want to go back to reunion. Okay.
Fine. Enough.
Okay, so you want to go wear a hoodie or whatever. Walk around Williamsburg.
That's too much. No one cares.
We're all adults. We all go to Whole Foods or Trader Joe's.
Those are the real colleges of adulthood. What grocery store is about that? Sweetgreen University.
Chopped Academy. No.
Chopped Academy. We are grownups.
We don't need to have school spirit. You gave money to somewhere and now you are an adult and we don't have to deal with it anymore.
Enough is enough. And I don't talk about Emerson College because I'm not proud of it.
Oh, and that's one minute. Wow.
Trader Joe's is like, what did you say? Is the college of adulthood? Yeah, that's the choice that you make. You know, what's crazy is like you hear someone went to like some prestigious college and then you're like, oh, well, they clearly didn't get any emotional intelligence.
Wow. You know what I mean? It's like the EQs are some of the lowest in the world from people that went to these really good colleges.
Like, I could name some. Stanford, Harvard, Georgetown.
Like, I mean, I could go down the list. I can name them.
You can't drive yourself. Well, yes.
No period. Wait, you said you can't drive yourself? I said if you can't drive yourself.
Oh, drive yourself. I'll send New York University with my full chest.
I'll send 10 toes down at the same time. Some of the dumbest people in America.
100%. In the world, really.
It's an international tour. Until you say you went to Tisch and then you only have emotional intelligence.
Uh-huh. That's all you got.
That's not even a given. No.
Some of these Tisch kids, the EQ is bad. You better bad You better lower your voice No no I've had to deal with you fucking tish kids For my entire adult life You elected to deal with us again and again and again You could have stayed in your college of arts and sciences I really could have That was so funny I'm sorry You're shrinking yourself down Emerson Emerson is like so funny though because people have such school spirit but this is probably why you're talking about this is that you know these people so well.
Why talk about college at all? What does the Bible say? We put away childish things. Enough.
Hunter was popular in high school and it shows. She was like, no need no need to be talking about college actually i love when people talk about high school though i feel like high school is more informative yeah i think that's it can go too far though like for me it's like i don't know college yeah i i get like prizing high school over college but the high school thing is just like there's only so many experiences you can talk about whereas like college affords i guess a lot of different experiences sure but high school but talking about high school is interesting because you are because the parameters are smaller and you are more limited in your it's like I think this extracurricular I like I was I was this superlative but college feels too like they're too synonymous to me a lot of colleges are pretty much the same just different like branding names like high school feels a little bit more hyper specific yeah it feels like coming of age too it's like when did you first drink like what was your first like party like your parents getting mad at you it becomes a whole story of like you're growing up like where you come from too exactly yeah or that was that was something i would have never guessed yeah well i guess that's that is more interesting because you're way more different from the person you were in high school than you are now.
So there's an element of surprise to whatever it is. Yes, totally.
But are we all on the same page, though? And you're alluding to this. Anti-reunion.
I don't understand reunions. Not in this teenage.
No. Have you ever been to a reunion? No.
I have no interest in high school or college. I don't know.
Maybe you do with high school. One of my good girlfriends from high school was our class president and she doesn't give a fuck.
She's the person that would be organizing that. But literally, we do have so many weddings that it's fine.
And also with social media, the people that I would want to check on, I still follow. I don't need to reunite.
Yeah, I'm nosy, but I don't need to meet again. I don't have to hop on a plane, literally, to go.
Hop on a plane, and then not for nothing, but get dressed to go up to see people from high school. Good luck managing the anxiety there, and then actually having to not just be like, so what are you doing now, but continue a conversation after that.
But also, iconic episode of the other two, when they're on the way, when he's on the way to the reunion and he's like singing along and it's like, oh, everyone is talking about you because you live in New York. You live in LA.
That's satisfying. But it works for a TV episode.
I don't think it works for real life. But then you're just there.
You're literally just there. You are there.
You are just there. And also like, I'm telling you like, every conversation would be longer than you need it to be.
Yeah. Like I can barely get through conversations with people I like.
Period. And no well.
You're like, this has been insufferable. It's terrible for me.
That's why I hate hosting a podcast. I hate talking.
Disgusting. Couldn't you tell? I despise this.
I abhor it. I come here every day and I'm so upset.
What did I choose to do with my life? Well, I didn't choose it. Y'all chose it for me.
You made this podcast successful. Fuck you.
Why did you do this to me? High IQ, high EQ. King Matt Rogers.
Not so. And this was not insufferable.
This was so, so fun. And I would have paid for y'all's friendship in college.
I would have paid for y'all's friendship in college. Just like I paid $200,000 to have a lesbian shake with my friend right here.
Let's do a bi shake. That's the best we can probably do.
Why is that bi? Why is that bi about that? Because it's a lot of movement. Yours are like subtle and sweet.
Ours is long. Seeking attention.
You know what I mean? That's what ours is doing. That's hovering culture.
We truly love your podcast. Let me say this.
It's on Wondery. You simply must listen.
It is truly the better version of this podcast. And watch it on YouTube because we got to get those numbers up.
Come on. Yeah, we're working.
I'm telling you, they give you a good visual and I'm like, I'm looking at it and I'm like, no, people need to be watching this. You shading their numbers? Wow.
I'm shading the numbers because I'm like, why wouldn't you? Growth mindset. Why wouldn't you freeze that? Growth mindset.
Money mentality. I'm Archie Payne.
No, I am Archie Payne. And I'm proud of you.
And we end every episode with a song. Do you want to know what song's in my head right now? Sing it.
Because when I arrive, I will fire and make you come alive. I can take you higher when it's time.
We'll drive. I can still remind you.
Let it rock. Let it rock.
Let it rock. When that song came out, I was like, no song has ever gone harder than this.
Who was that?

I have no idea.

I was like, we have no idea the origins of the song.

But why is it like, and remember the beat?

It was like this crunky beat.

It was like really sick.

It was back then.

It was back then.

I was a senior in high school.

Kevin Rudolph. Kevin Rudolph.

Your first lesbian crush.

We've been listening.

The lore.

We've been listening.

We know the lore.

Okay, bye. Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.
Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Executive produced by Anna Hosnier and Han Asani.
Produced by Becca Ramos. Edited and mixed by Doug Baehm and Monique Laborde.
And our music is by Henry Kavarski. Hey everybody, it's me, Matt Rogers, letting you know tickets are on sale now to see me on tour.
The Prince of Christmas tour, that is. I'm doing my whole album, Have You Heard of Christmas, plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December.
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She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend Nikki, who stays by her side through it all. FX is dying for sex.
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