"CLOWNS" (w/ Ana Gasteyer)

Have you ever felt that uneasy anxiety when the 4 p.m. hour strikes? That creeping meal-related distress that happens when you don't quite feel prepared? You know, dinner dread? Let's get rid of that unpleasant feeling forever with one word.
Stouffers. No matter what happens, you'll have a dinner plan that everyone loves with Stouffers.
Some chicken enchiladas or a cheesy chicken and broccoli pasta bake is always welcome whether it is plan A or plan D. Licious.
Not gonna lie I eat the lasagna once a week and that's a fact. When the clock strikes dinner think Stouffer's.
Shop now for family favorites. This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate.
Inspired by a true story this series follows Molly who after a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband and explore the full breadth of her sexual desires. She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend, Nikki, who stays by her side through it all.
FX is dying for sex. All episodes streaming April 4th on Hulu.
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Rocket, own the dream. Hey, readers.
It is so thrilling to tell you about a new podcast from the iconic, the incomparable Michelle Obama and her big brother Craig called IMO. You know, on Lost Culture Recess, we dive deep into the culture and get real with our guests.
Likewise, on IMO, Michelle, Craig, and their guests tackle questions from listeners just like you,

offering practical advice,

personal storytelling, and plenty of laughs.

From dating and relationships to family and faith,

Michelle and Craig give their candid perspectives

to the everyday questions shaping our lives

and the world around us.

Like their first episode,

where Issa Rae laments friendships that need to go.

You'll hear Michelle and Craig's stories

about being there for each other throughout their lives,

from first crushes and fraught college years

to landing at the White House to losing their mom.

for a while. amends friendships that need to go.
You'll hear Michelle and Craig's stories about being there for each other throughout their lives, from first crushes and fraught college years to landing at the White House to losing their mom. For six decades, they've been each other's most trusted counsel, and now they want to be that counsel for you.
So if you want to know about the culture that made Michelle and Craig say culture is for them, check out IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson wherever you get your podcasts. Catch the new Hulu original comedy Mid-Century Modern from the creators of Will & Grace, executive producer Ryan Murphy, and director James Burroughs.
When three best friends move in together, Palm Springs will never be the same. They're fun, they're fabulous, and they're turning life's lemons into spiked lemonade.
Shake up a batch of cocktails, relax by the pool, and get ready for some serious shade. Mid-Century Modern stars Nathan Lane, Matt Bomer, Nathan Lee Graham, and Linda Lavin.
All episodes of Mid-Century Modern are now streaming on Hulu. Hey everybody, it's me, Matt Rogers, letting you know tickets are on sale now to see me on tour.
The Prince of Christmas tour, that is. I'm doing my whole album, Have You Heard of Christmas? plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December.
Go to www.mattrogersofficial.com to see me in a city near you. And now, Las Culturistas.
Look, Matt. Oh, I see.
Wow. Bowen, look over there.
Wow, is that culture? Yes. Las Culturistas.
Ding dong, Las Culturistas calling. I mean, it's a new era.
And what do you mean by that? Christmas. Oh.
It's officially the holidays. It's officially the holidays.
That's a fun spin on everything that's happened. It's holidays now.
Do you think that the Christmas spirit can thrive under fascism? You know, that's an intro. Well, the thing is, we're not officially in fascism yet.
We still have one hard Christmas. But you know, some people might argue with you.
Your gnome chomskis might say, oh, we've always been under, we've been in fascism for so long, which is, God, what a terrible rancid tone to start this episode. What are we going to do? When you look around and the world's on fire, what are you going to say?

Like, ooh, pass me my iced tea?

That's what we're meant to do as entertainers sometimes.

It's pass the iced tea.

Hey, pass me the iced tea.

I mean, this is,

it's a complicated thing, people.

It's our first episode recording

since the election.

Obviously, want to express

to everyone out there that is feeling terrible that, know we are all in it together lots of avalanche of reasons why this may have happened it's kind of neither here nor there certainly not going to get into it here on this episode no certainly not but um just if you're feeling although we have the greatest political minds in one room yeah I'm looking'm looking around and everyone... Here has something to say.
Everyone has something to contribute to the solution. I mean it.
We just want to say if you're feeling down that you have a hug from us. And I really appreciate even you saying that, Matt, about being in this together.
I think this is an easy time for people to start to go for individualism and say, well, as long as I'm taken care of, then it's the best I can do. And that's true.
And that's important. But also, I think I was talking to someone like a week before.
Just being like, God, but what if it happens? And then we were saying, like, I think the best thing to do is just to be there for each other. Which sounds so saccharine, but I think it really is the only thing.
I think it's actually kind of time to think about things in a way like that, to be honest. Because, again, more to come later when it feels appropriate and things have died down a little bit, but community is going to be the way and maybe some unexpected community.
If you're in New York, New York Cares, great thing to do just in terms of like a spirit of volunteerism. I really enjoy the times, the few times that I've done something New York Cares related, but it was during lockdown and it was kind of like the only thing that made me feel good.
Yeah. So I'm going to start doing that again.
Tiny beautiful things. Tiny beautiful things.
And we have a tiny beautiful person with us today. Tiny beautiful, but here's the thing.
Big, gorgeous talent. Oh, of course.
A front runner for title of ep. Big, gorgeous talent.
She's pointing to her talents. She's cupping her talent.
I have like a confession to make. When I heard about Once Upon a Mattress being revived, I was a little bit like, really? Because it's one of those shows where I'm like, I just was surprised to hear that that was getting revived.
I went to go see it. A delight from start to finish.
It is one of our great, joyful shows. My first musical that I ever did in high school.
Really? I was the jester's understudy. I had to learn the choreography for Very Soft Shoes.
And I know every song word for word. This is important to know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, sensitivity is...
Oh, it's great. A plus.
A plus villain song. I think I just forgot how delightful it is and combined with this really amazing new book by Amy Sherman Palladino.
Amy Sherman Palladino who just like punched it up for all it's worth

I mean it's so funny

it's like really just like

from start to finish

a great time at the theater

here's the thing

it has a couple more weeks on Broadway

when this comes out

and then from December 10th

to January 5th

you can see it at the Amundsen in Los Angeles

this would be well worth your time

and it stars our guest

who among other things, is also Christmas royalty. Christmas royalty.
Oh, I talked about this with her, actually. Of course.
As if Mariah is the queen of Christmas and I'm the prince. We're actually speaking with the Duchess of Christmas, self-appointed.
The only way to gain royalty in Christmas is to self-appoint. That's true.
And so this person has done it, and we're so grateful and happy. Sugar and Booze, at this point, I would say it's in the canon of great Christmas albums.
It's in the canon. Truly, she is going to do a few cities at the beginning of December.
Lansing, Evanston, Illinois, Indianapolis. Please catch her.
What a sublime time that will be. I mean, of course, you know and love her from being a true SNL legend.
I mean, one of the greats of all time. We are absolutely fucking thrilled to welcome to this podcast the one, the only, Anagasta Air! Yay! It time! Can you imagine, when's it going to come to the point where she comes out and does it and it sounds like that? We're like, oh no.
It drops down like four octaves. It's time.
But it is time. It is time.
Hi, thank you for mentioning my Christmas status. A title? Yes, my status.
Thank you, my title. My honorific.
Thank you so much. Okay, self-appointed duchess where there's a court we have to fill out or there's a whole feudal system of Christmas people.
Right. But I feel like I've earned it.
I mean, I'm best known for Shroity Balls at SNL, which runs in the Christmas episode. Yes, yes, yes.
Stuart's Topless Christmas. Yes.
Then I wrote Clusterfront Christmas, which was the hallmark parody movie with Dratch. Yes.
And yeah, lots of things have happened around holiday time. It's my favorite time of year.
Did you seek out this Christmas canon status or do you think it happened? Happy accident. A good fit for who, like for my value system, if that makes sense.
Not to say that I'm like really obsessed with Jesus's birthday as much as I do have a little bit of an old fashioned traditional side. Do you? And just sort of more in like the domestic part and the kind of, actually oddly referring to what you were talking even post-election, the sort of coziness and the, I love to cook and I love throwing parties and I love kind of domestic connection.
And I do think that the holidays kind of allows us a little bit of an old-fashioned broad kind of a moment. And that's why the album felt so important to do, not just to to make a Christmas album, but rather that it fit kind of my style.
You can be sort of throwback-y in a way that doesn't feel as kitschy or as annoying to people. Yes.
Well, that's the thing. I feel like the Cocktail Lounge jazz aesthetic of Sugar and Booze is that it's like very...
It's like the wink is so pretty. And that's such a nice sort of comedy sensibility about it.
That was sort of what we went for. Like just, it should feel like an old fashioned album, but not campy or not like kitschy, I guess is the word.
Like avoiding kitsch and making it more like, my biggest compliment that I like was so excited by, I was one, the LA Times reviewed it. They said like Frank and Dino would have wanted to sing this song which to me was like as opposed to just like someone doing a lounge act you know um it feels a

little more somewhere in between yeah and you're a real vocalist too so it's like your christmas

stuff definitely resonates in that way as well there's a there's a coziness to the holidays you

know there's a reason they play the standards at banana republic when you go in you know so that's

the most christmas place of all absolutely it. It's a cozy Christmas vibe.
Hashtag dream board that. J.Crew is very, they kind of nail the Christmas vibe.
They love Christmas. I'm trying to get close.
That's why I'm saying this right now. But I wear a lot of there.
I always end up buying a lot of J.Crew to wear in my show. It really, honestly, you walk in J.Crew, it's hard to leave empty-handed.
Oh, yeah. Because you want to know what? Coziness which is really what this is really about we're not saying the word cozy but it's about being cozy it's huge that's a placement thing and it's placed here right between the eyes I think anyone Scandinavian would place it right here.
Which is really a hard place to find. Hard place to find.
Now, are you on this sort of within your coterie of SNL people? I feel like everyone is obsessed with Iceland, newly, because of Polar. Oh, yeah.
She's loving Iceland. The last time I spoke to her, she was like...
Are y'all going to Iceland or Scandinavia in general? I mean, it's not high on our list. You should go.
I do want to see, I mean, we're always sort of debating because we have these like reunions. The girls have all these reunions.
And so we're always debating, you know, there's an East Coast, West Coast kind of conversation and different places come up depending on what's happening. I mean, at the moment, I think everybody's just gonna, you know, try to have dinner in New York together.
Right. That's nice.
Okay. Who's holding it down on the East Coast right now? It's you, Tina.

Tina, Paula.

Paula lives up in Westchester.

Yes, yes.

With her a million,

Breastchester.

Her dog's on wheels.

Yeah, her dog's on wheels.

She just got another wheel dog.

The best.

She like zooms around the apartment.

That house.

Yes, and Polar's here part of the time.

And then Maya's in LA.

And Spivey's up in North Carolina.

So down in North Carolina. Spivey.
Yeah, so we sort of float. What's been the best vacation you guys have taken together? Was it what Wine Country's based on? Yeah, Wine Country was really fantastic.
I mean, it was actually in Wine Country and we ate and drank to our heart's contents and literally the whole movie. Basically, it's what we did.
And then, you know, we like... Like our night at the strip club was just like a antique mall you know like look at this teapot um and then uh uh for my birthday we did palm springs and everybody wore really old-fashioned we wore moomoo's and we wore a really old-fashioned bathing caps that i bought everybody on the internet and i made everybody wear like do like gentle don't ruin your hair swims yeah yeah yeah that is an important image hair up like okay okay okay neck up totally neck up but lately we've done more cozy things we've gone to Fire Island or we've gone to people's where do you go Fair Harbor basically Salterre Salterre Salterre Fair Harbor area, these are the non-times areas.
I get a lot of gay cred when I say Fire Island and then it immediately evaporates by the vague white supremacy of my area. Don't worry.
No, you should take the gay cred. I try.
Also, you have plenty from so many things. From my life.
From your life. Yeah, I try.
You're an alphabet for God's sake. Before I go any further, my daughter said to tell you, and I quote, on air, that she's a huge fan and so are all her gay friends.
Hello! But I wasn't going to get credit if I said it off air. She was like, you have to tell them on air.
So I guess that she's a Katie. Yes, I believe.
Yes. I would imagine.
Yes. Of course, of course.
And a Katie is kind of... Katie has a lot of gay friends.
Has a lot of gay friends. So we have some sub-sex of our fandom.
I see. She's a Katie.
I believe a Katie would be like me and all my gay friends love it. I don't know how she could be my child and not be a Katie.
Well, yeah. Of course.
Because I have a number of Guzman's, which is G apostrophe silent H. Sure.
Who's the top Guzman's? My top Guzman's my friend Tony, who I've lived with on and off, who's my first director at the Groundlings. My actual husband named him my Guzman because I lived with him throughout a bunch of TV shows I did in LA.
Yes. Because as you know, everybody in LA has like a second bedroom.
So I for years just had pajamas and things there. So people have more space.
My next Gusman is my friend Ryan, who is my, what was the name of that character? It's too old to reference that Murphy Brown, that guy that lived in her house and did all her work. Anyway, he's like my carpenter.
He's a former Broadway boy, now super talented contractor. And he just, he helps me fix up Fire Island.
He does my Ikea run and my Costco run with me. He's really done a lot for my actual marriage with my straight husband.
That's wonderful. Did you acquire a lot of Gusbins and Gusman types during your run as Elphaba? I mean, I've always had Gusbins.
You've always had them. You didn't need to be Elphaba to have Gusmans.
No, but it certainly helped. Yeah.
As soon as the news of the belting got out, my gay cue went way up. I do remember obviously loving you forever on Saturday Night Live and then hearing that you were belting on Broadway as Elphaba did make something like your shoulders drop as a gay person.
Yeah, it was a relief. And she can support and sustain and she does vibrato at the end.
All of those things got me very far. A long straight tone with a little vibrato at the end.
Yeah. Well, you know, I mean.
It took me a second, but I'm like, oh. And that's it.
Wow. I was going to say, you know, the sketch that really hooked me when I moved to the U.S.
was Gemini's Twin. Oh, my God.
Thank you. And the line read that even rang in my ears today.
No, no, no. You're going to love it.
It would be canceled. It was whack, whack.
You're a big man. You're a big man.
Yes. The first episode I ever saw.
Oh, my God. And then you had a line.
Oh, no. Where someone's Carson Daly.
It's TRL. And then they're like, you know, what's the song about? And then Maya has a line.
It's about, or Maya Charlize has a line. You know, it's about like when you're done with a man.
And then it's you and you say. Oh no.
It's also about a pancake breakfast. It's about a what? It's also about a pancake breakfast.
because wasn't it like Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap flap many of my sketches don't re-air in a regular way and which is sad because you know we wrote so many dumb things and gemini's twin like we wrote this ridiculous thing with lucy lu about airplane and that's my favorite gemini's twin because lucy lu at one point bends over and like kind of fingers her own crotch it's so dirty so shocking and it was i don't know it was about airplane i think it was about airplane safety i don't even remember what it was about and then we did one with Pierce Brosnan that all I remember

oh it was about. And then we did one with Pierce Brosnan.
That all I remember, it was actually good. I need a man.
I need a man. I need a God.
It was so dumb. It was like with a something credit card and a central pay 10.
I need a man. It was a real man.
It was a man. Anyway, for some reason, we did like a Frankenstein.
This is a bad story. You should just watch it.
But it doesn't air because of the music rights. He had like, somebody sent it to me.
He's doing like a Frankenstein thing. Oh yeah, because we were like Dr.
Evil-ing it. And I don't even remember what the premise was.
But I remember writing for him like, he was like, I'm alive. I'm all up in it, alive.
It was so dumb. Why are the music rights so tricky with that when it's like an original song? I don't know.
Because the, I know. ASCAP rights or whatever.
There's that. But the Britney Spears one too.
I think that was super politically incorrect. Didn't we do like a Dixie number? It was like we were on a 10-8.
You guys worked on Monticello or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, Monticello. I thought it was more like Gone with the Wind kind of vibes.
Or maybe it was, it might have been Tara. It might have been.
Oh, Tara. I don't remember, but I was so, yeah, it was so fun because it was Maya.
I mean, it was again like those, those nights with Maya and with like Will on Bobby and Marty were like, those are my most like truly treasured nights because they were James Anderson and Paula Pell and like the greats. I mean, and I'm a terrible procrastinator.
We would stay up. Bobby and Marty, we were like super famous.
Like when people would start something late, they would be like, no, I mean famous for how much we dicked around where they would be like, we're Bobby and Marty-ing at like starting at six or whatever. It was just because we would sit and do bits and talk.
Yeah. Light farts, like all of the worst, you know, until like four in the morning.
Oh, wow. We're talking about six in the morning on Wednesday.
On Wednesday. Holy moly.
All the way up to the line. And then we would write it.
And then many times we would go to McDonald's and get a night McMuffin on the way home at like eight or often will because will famously. So this is another will dressed as Jerry Reed from the Smokey and the Bandit series.
Okay, bear with me. Please.
So, Norm MacDonald and Will did Burt Reynolds, it was the Burt Reynolds, they were writing to the Burt Reynolds impression at the time. And they did these Smokey and the Bandit commercials and Will, it was like a pre-tape, and Will was dressed as Jerry Reed, but he had to keep going into blocking and so he never got out of his outfit of Jerry Reed, which just was like a 70s trucker costume, basically, like really kind of high bad pants and like a western thing and a big trucker hat.
And Adam, it was like a bit and somebody was like, are you not going to ever change out of that? And so then he didn't. And it became this like, what's the term? Like a bell, like a lightning rod, like a thing where you could tell who was fun and who wasn't.
But it would be like, certain people in the front office were like, why are you still wearing that outfit? You know, like, and meanwhile, he was just like, I'm going to, I'm going to wear this all season. So he proceeded to wear it from before.
It was like around Thanksgiving all the way. If you go back, it would have been the 1997-8 season.
He wore that costume. Tom Broker would just go and like clean it at every break.
Oh, bless. And because he, of course, got it.
It was like, well, he's comfortable in it. So, you know, just like immediately.
Tom Broker always gets it. Always gets it.
And exactly. And then anyway, many, many times writing a Bobby Marty, Will would fall asleep on the sofas in the old research area which is now offices which was like across the hall because back in the day like we just had a million VHS's we couldn't there was no internet wow so I know crazy did you ever meet Chip Kudrow no so this I guess was Will's character of Lisa Kudrow's brother.
No, but he also did, yes, I remember Jim Kudrow. He also did Jim Signorelli's former DP.
That started at a party, a zipper boot party at my house where everybody had to wear zipper boots and Harper, Steele, and he, and all those people all wearing zipper boots. Oh, wow.
And then, like, 70s boots zipped. And then he wore, like, a red pantsuit with an ascot.
And then he just... That was Chip.
Yeah. And then Ron.
Did you ever hear about Ron? No. No, wait a minute.
That was Ron. Ron was Jim Signorelli's fired DP who was still trying to get jobs and so he was coming around.
And he's dressed as Ron. And then famously, when P.
Diddy came, we're getting into it. Yeah.
I got to find this tape because I have it. He, of course, like shut down the whole building.
Like, you know, SNL, it's like, you can tell like the five assholes in the six years that I was there when they would be like, so-and-so's in the building. Everybody stay in your dressing rooms, you know, like, and you're like, which is applicable if you're a presidential candidate.
But apart from that, really, it's my house. And they did it for P.
Diddy? For P. Diddy.
He demanded a totally closed set. Oh, no, no, no.
Cool. Sean Cone.
Sean Cone. Yes.
And he was doing Cashmere. Do you remember that? Oh, of course.
I remember that performance well. Right.
Okay. And they brought in the New York Phil.
Oh, wow. And And they had them in there and they were sealed off on Thursday and we were in the writer's room on nine and Will and typically McKay or somebody was like, it would be so, he was dressed as Ron because he would stay in character for like the whole week.
So he was dressed as Ron at the table. I think we were rewriting Bobby and Marty and he went down, they were like, wouldn't it be so funny if Ron just went in? And he did.
He went on down the stairs and he marched right in. And I have the video from the control room.
Wow, we need to see it. He goes on stage? Where Sean Combs is like rapping with like...
Behind him. And he's just like, Ron's like walking around looking really disoriented and looking for Jim Cinelli.
He's like, have you seen Jim Signorelli? Fearless. Jim Signorelli, to be clear to your listeners, was the OG pre-tape guy.
So he was like the director who did all of the commercial parodies, all of the Gemini's twin videos, all of the videos that you would do before Lonely Island came. It was like you would go and they were shot on film by this guy, Jim Signorelli, who was a character in his own right.
Yeah. So, yeah.
So, it is the greatest thing that's ever happened because what a deserved person to have their Kashmir moment interrupted by Ron. Oh, God.
And he really did not, he did not roll with it. He was very uncomfortable.
But it was so, also just like the artifice of all that faux importance. Like, what's going to happen? Truly? You're going to walk into the studio and you're going to be like, I'm in the studio.
I work here. Yeah.
What's crazy about the P Diddy of it all is it's like you look back at his time of being like when he was huge, huge, huge in pop culture. It was always weird.
Like if you go back and watch like Making the Band, the way that he treats people is so crazy. The way he talks to these, especially like, I think it was the second season where they were making Danity Kane.
The way he talks to these girls is absurd. You wouldn't believe how they talked to us in the 90s.
I mean, it's really like the bend, the mind bend is like every now and then I look back and I'm like, wow. Like the things that we sort of endured.
But I mean, whatever, like it all evolves. And thank God for you guys and your generation.
We didn't do it. No, you didn't do it.
You didn't do it. You weren't born.
No, but that's what I'm saying. Like it's just been, I really do want to speak to what you said about community at the beginning of your show.
Yeah, please. Because I'm old enough now that I've endured a few of these like bumps.
And I was you right before we went on like the first time the election didn't go you know our way I had to do a reshoot the next day where of the Goldbergs where a chandelier fell on me and it's literally like how did it fall on you oh my god I'm sorry sorry but all I'm saying did the character die when you killed on the Goldbergs I wish. A very special Goldberg.
No, I don't remember.

It just pretended a lot.

Yeah, this year I had to wake up and dress up as Martha Stewart and go be with Martha Stewart on the Drew Barrymore show. And then doing Mattress, which is this extraordinarily joy-oriented show.
It really is. Full of people who are just, of the best, sweetest intentions.
Everybody who did Mattress did it in high school or at camp. Wow.
And there's like this real kind of collective, I do have this weird moment of gratitude in this time that there are so many of us who love making joy and who will take care of one another and will take care of our community. I have more faith oddly enough than ever in that.
And I do feel like whatever, even in this terrible scenario, no matter how we want to parse it, there's still half of us. I mean, it's a lot of people and you know, it's a lot of people.
It's millions and millions and millions of people. And you guys know, cause you tour, like I'm going to Indiana, which is a red state.
And these people show up with tears in their eyes at my show sometimes. I mean, it's like the joy and that's an, I don't mean to be arrogant about that and whatever.
Like I just, I feel like we have one move left and that is literally send in the clowns this is your job literally and have a good time doing it and take care of other human beings because church is gone for a lot of people and as a singer like corny part of me that is the closest I've ever felt to God and I'm not a religious person at all like at all I went to like a Qu like, you know, that's like as close as it got, which is not saying very much, you know? So service, as you mentioned, reaching outwards towards others when you are feeling desperate is very helpful. And singing with others.
Like there are these like pop-up one-day choirs. Have you read about that? Oh yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
You don't have to audition or do anything. People just get together and make music together.
And I do think when you sing and when you join, that's why I went back to do musicals after all was said and done. Yeah.
Because sharing that, it's outside of your control whether you can sing, you know? And so like being able to share that with other people, not to be corny, but like. That's not corny.
No, I don't think it's corny at all. I actually think especially after like doing something and we love SNL and you know, there's lots of amazing memories as you were saying, but it does feel like by nature of the show, a lot is out of your control.
So when you leave, you want to run towards the joy. And I feel like, do you think that that is a direct correlation that you can see in looking back? That's such a cool way of putting it.
I've never thought about it that. Yes, absolutely.
And even with regards to my gender and my, whatever, all those specific things to each to each of us that we felt have impacted who we became or whatever, I do find, especially in this chapter, which I guess is my third chapter of five, let's say, total. I definitely feel...
We're on three and there's two more. We got two more.
Okay. Yeah, we got two more.
Thank you. Well, listen, you know, but I do like in this chapter, so many, like actually, literally,

when I got the offer for a mattress

and I hadn't worked for a while

because I've seen your parents,

I was dealing with them

and some stuff was going on

and after the strike and all that.

So I literally looked at the offer

and I saw the cast.

I saw Daniel Breaker.

I saw Brooks Ashpanskis.

I saw Sutton.

I saw Michael.

I saw like the people lined up

and I said to my husband,

oh my God, this cast is so fun.

And he was like, stop.

Don't even tell me

anything else about it

go do it

because for me

backstage

is everything

it's much more fun

each person is different

but SNL

my favorite

was never

Saturday

my favorite was always

the rewrite table

which is weird

because the writers

hate the rewrite table

but I loved it

like I love the idea

that you could

be with all these

funny fuckers

who would make

your thing better

you're in a lab

and you're just like

putting things in a beaker

and like clocking

on Thursday's fun

and the joy

of the community

is love the idea that you could be with all these funny fuckers yeah make your thing better you're in a lab and you're just like yeah and like clocking on thursday's fun and the joy of the community is ultimately for me what makes a thing real and elphaba to that point was a hard job yeah to follow up snl with wicked was stupid yeah you didn't give yourself a break i mean it was it's really hard especially that early i. I was like the whatever.
Third, fourth? Third or fourth alphabet. Replacement, yeah.
I mean, I was, yeah, because it went... 2006? Idina, Shoshana, Eden.
So I was in that audition round, which is how I got Chicago. So it was me, Shoshana, and Eden.
Well, Eden and Shoshana had been standbys on Broadway. So usually those people get bumped because the costumes are already made.
Right, right. But also because they're amazing.
Of course. And they've been on Broadway.
They are fantastic. And then Stephanie who had been in San Francisco went on First National and then I did Chicago.
So arguably I was the first person outside the family. It was great.
But it was super hard work. Who was your Glinda? Kate Reinders.
And so what I was starting to say is that Kate everything's funnier from Glinda by the way. Because're awesome.
They talk literally like things. And like, even when she was angry about something, she would be like, he looks old for 40.
You know, like whatever. It would always make me laugh.
But she said, she was like, we're probably best friends. So we should just probably be best friends.
And we were. And we still are.
She's a really good girl. And we've always been very close.
We just took care of each other. And again, as number one, and you said all the tones, I was like, we can gossip and we can talk shit, but only to each other.
To each other. But you guys really, I think like people talk about that cast when you were Elphabove, just like that was setting this model for the future on like how like, this is the tone setting that we want.
This is the environment that we want. It's not toxic.
It's not that anything before was like noxious like noxious. But no, it really wasn't.
It was a really sweet group of humans. And part of it was Chicago too.
We had a lot of Steppenwolf. Like Rondi Reed was like a Tony winner from the Steppenwolf's production of August Osage County.
Like incredible people were there. Heidi Kettenring, who I went to college with, like she played Nessa forever.
So there was this real gratitude amongst a lot of the Chicago locals that this was a good equity gig for a long time. People bought houses and stuff.
There was a nice feeling and we did Thanksgiving together. Mattress is, I mean, next level.
We have a book club. We play traders.
You play traders? Yeah, I mean, all of it. All of the things.
It's so cute. Daniel Breaker's like an incredible chef.
So he's like, every other day, they'll be like, oh, there's jambalaya in the green room that Daniel made, you know, pulled pork. He made pulled pork the morning after the election.
You can tell. You actually can tell that it's like that when you see the show.
Yeah. It's really fun.
And you get the sense, too, that while all of the amazing physical comedy is incredibly well-blocked and everything, it feels improvisational. There's a lot of it.
Yeah. And the ensemble is really, really engaged.
It's a small ensemble. We're close.
It's nice. Yeah.
It's just a fun show. Those songs are really, really special.
Well, the music is fantastic. And that's actually probably the most important part.
Nothing outside of our control. Because that stuff, when you do a musical, it gets stuck in your head.
Yeah. been living with it for some time.
So what else? What else? Wait, but was singing first or was it violin first for you growing up? So violin, theoretically, and truly, I love that you know that, but I really hated it. That's a lonely ass instrument.
Do you play the violin? I played growing up. Yeah.
And I have neutral, complicated feelings about it. It's complicated.
I was good at it and I enjoyed it. I was also, I was better at it than piano for sure.
But the perfectionism fact is really, if you're a little OCD, as I imagine everybody in our community is, is really dangerous. And it's lonely.
Like, I mean, the sad part is, like, so I was playing violin. I was good.
Yeah. Same exact like you.
Like, if I had really loved it, that would have been the thing. Yeah.
Went to like camps for it and stuff like that. And then I went to Interlochen.
Oh, wow. Sure.
And I went as a violin major and I went and I was like, I want to do plays. Like I saw.
So I came back and immediately booked in my middle school, Helen Keller and the Miracle Walker. You were Helen? were you annie you were i was helen you were i mean yes go off i love it um and even as blind deaf mute helen keller i was like i'm home i found my thing yes and from then on i was was like, oh, I think I, this is my,

it was,

honestly,

it was all backstage people.

It was people doing bits backstage. Yeah,

yeah,

yeah.

Even like in seventh grade,

I was like,

oh,

this is what I want to do.

Like the bits.

But I didn't know that they were bits then.

I just thought,

you know,

Todd,

Todd was funny.

Was it college?

Was it Northwestern where you were like comedy?

Yes,

because then I switched to voice.

I bargained out from violin

because my family was very classical music,

very training oriented. So my mom, there was not going to be not doing an instrument or training of some sort.
So I bargained into a classical vocal program. I did some roles in the Washington Opera as a kid.
Wow. Like La Boheme Children's Chorus, Ghost and Macbeth, like a marriage of Macbeth, whatever.
Which I also hated. And then again, community.
I like the kids, but that was it. And then when I got to North, I sang my way into Northwestern.
I never would have gotten in without my audition. And then I was the worst music student on earth.
I mean, I don't... Because you lost interest or...
I just... I mean, I did not want to be an opera singer.
Got it. Sure.
And then I found improv there. Titanic Players? Was it? No.
It was Show. And like Seth was in it.
And I think Sarah Sherman was in it. Yes.
And yeah, it's a very like all the legacy. Julie Louis-Dreyfus.
Yeah. Oh, wow.
Yeah. But that's how I did it.
I just found the people. And I'm sure when you start doing improv, you're like, oh, my God, my mutant friends.
Yes. Yeah.
And then that's why I went to L.A. and went into TV and I didn't do anything vocally.
I kind of parked, I was like smoked a bunch of cigarettes and did comedy and then did the groundlings. But I was always like going back to singing because it's in the toolkit.
And then after SNL, I sort of wanted to like, it was reaction formation, all the chaos and the sort of, the thing I started to feel at the end of SNL was I was sort of always just not failing, if that makes sense. Like I was sort of not, like just pulling it off.
Whereas with theater, like you have the opportunity to constantly refine and make it better and better and better. It's so ephemeral.
It's so ephemeral doing it at SNL. Sorry.
Yes, exactly. Exactly.
And especially if you're one shot Saturday night and you're like, I kind of, you know, didn't love how it whatever yeah that is a feeling I guess you never get to correct anything never which is kind of beautiful but also frustrating I'm at the frustrating point it's frustrating it's a weird feeling because the stakes feel very high which they are but also what I will say is not that you're asking but you know 22 years know, 22 years out, the part I remember is the creative part. The part I remember is the people and the community and the making things.
And those skills never go away. They never go away.
And the community never goes away. I mean, I've worked with so many people across so many generations of SNL that I wasn't even on the show with.
But the shorthand of understanding one another. I mean, Rachel and I never wrote together at the show and she's like my writing partner

now. So it's like, you know, Yorma

I've done things with. Fred Armisen

and I have done things. Like people who, because

you know the shorthand, you know the mutant skin.

Sure. It's the mutant skin and also, but I feel like

what you've done

with SNL sort of like, I don't know,

I guess like holding

some kind of like weight on the tablescape of it is like, it is your own specific tableau of things. Like no one else from SNL has been that kind of vocalist and has like used their specific talent in that way, the way that you have.
And I feel like that's just what's kind of incredible about everything set. You kind of, you know, whatever.
What is it? Necessity is the mother of invention. I mean, just what things that you love and that you do.
And it gives you, I mean, it really does give you the freedom to go a lot of places. I mean, it's insane.
I couldn't even get generals as a girl on SNL in the 90s. Literally, like coming out.
And then now, like, it's just, you know, the legacy of the place is such a gift. Like, it's unreal.
It's so crazy because I feel like that was the time when everyone was talking about the women of SNL, the women of

SNL, the women of SNL. We definitely got a lot of attention.

We definitely did and I don't mean to disturb

that in any way. Especially the

beginning with Molly, Sherry

and I. Just because it was coming.
When I got

the show, I'm not making this up. It was a reset.

People came up to me and they were like

oh, you're so funny. I'm so bummed that you're

going on SNL. You're going to be squandered.

The idea of being a woman on the show

was not a good idea.

Because they had just fired Janine Garofalo.

Do you remember that?

Sarah Silverman had been fired.

All these really kind of interesting girls

had just sort of been eaten up and chewed out.

Or chewed up and eaten out.

That's not what I meant to say.

Let's stay away from this metaphor.

They got mauled and shit out.

It was hard. It was hard to navigate.
But for whatever kind of cosmic reasons, the three of us kind of powered through. And then by the time I left, there were a lot of women.
There was like Amy and Tina and all these kind of dominant female figures. It did feel watershed.
And then all of a sudden, almost like ever since then, it's like, who are the women of SNL? I love it this way. No one's really ever talked about the guys since.
And I'm like, that's totally fine. I think even now it's like the women of SNL are killing it.
And it's like, I love that. And Bowen.
The women in Bowen. The women in this gay guy.
No, no, no. That is not true.
You cut right through my friend. Everybody has been there.

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Quince.com slash culturistas. One of my fondest SNL memories ever was doing my most random update ever.
I don't even want to mention it because it was just... Mention it though.
It was Bottle Boy. It was a total like, let's just fucking write it.
It was fine. And then I just like went into my dressing room and then I was just kind of like, I had like a light show.
I had nothing else to do. And I just sat in my dressing room and then I hear a knock at the door and I think it's like a page dropping off like Chris Redd's lunch or something.
I'm like, come in. Nothing.
Another knock. Come in.
And then I finally like open up the door and then it's you, Drage, and Tina. It was your aunties.
It was my aunties. The aunties, they're a nephew.
We wanted to meet you. It was so surreal to me.
We all watched the show. We love it.
But the three of you at the same time. It was a lot.
The three-headed monster. When I just screamed at the door, I'm like, come in! But I was like, I couldn't believe it.
And we talked about Fire Island. We talked about Salt Air.
That's what we do. And that was just such a, I will never forget that.
He texted me when you guys did that. It was so exciting.
I mean, you have to know, for gay boys who grew up with SN with SNL, like, you guys are legends. That's so awesome.
I'll never forget, like, I mean, we talk about Gemini's Twin, talk about sweaty balls, all these things are, like, in the fabric of our comedic upbringing. Yes, that's true.
And that, it's not just that, I mean, Mean Girls, I mean, like, all these things. Yeah, so many of the things that gay boys do.
So many of the things I'll never'll never forget like watching the intro to Divas Live. Okay, I can't believe you just said that.
Well, I'm saying it. No, you want to know why? Because when you, your question about what the cultural moment is, like I've been like really chewing on it.
We're going to get there. We'll get there.
But it's funny because I was like, do I bring up Divas Live? Because I do. That was speaking to the power of the women on the show.
That was a moment where I think, you know, you have these moments when you're like a nobody and then suddenly you're on, it must be so intense now because you guys are all over social and whatever. We were just like quietly, I mean, you know, the day I got the show, I think I had on my OG answering machine 36 like messages at the time.
I was like, and it's also funny because there's a lot of assholes. Like agents who didn't sign you and stuff.
Like, you know, we're like, I just wanted to say congratulations.

We had such a sense and you've landed where you deserve.

We had such a sense.

Even though we told you you wouldn't work and you look like Courtney Thorne Smith.

Deep cut, but true.

Twice.

That had to say to me twice.

No, we're no one.

I went to LA.

Isn't that crazy?

Terrible.

I know. Well, Tina and I have a saying, which is ethnic in the 80s because we both had like super curly Greek hair.
We were ethnic in the 80s. Tina's Greek-ness.
My Greek mister. My mom is Greek.
So it was literally like, I was... I'm also Greek.
Ethnic. Ethnic in the 80s.
Oh my God. I thought I saw.
Yeah, so ethnic in the 80s and now, because literally my school was like, you know, wanted me to, you know, whatever, know whatever West Side Story West Side Story like now you're like my daughter is scandalized when I tell her that she's like you didn't know that you can't be an email yeah but you so you were Celine Dion Molly was Shania right and Sherry was Mariah and it was the three of you like all discussing it was a sketch with the three of you before the show started. And do you know who was there? It opened with you guys.
It was Destiny's Child. We were introducing Destiny's Child.
Isn't that crazy? Wow. After you'd already done Jumpin' Out.
No, no, because Maya hadn't been at the show. No, I wasn't on the show yet.
Maya wasn't on the show yet. Wow.
It was 96, I think, or seven, early seven. And that was my first moment where I was like, oh, we're, this is a thing.
This is a thing. And the first paper to mention it, the first paper of record was Playboy.
Wow. Playboy did like a little story on the girls of SNL popping.
Wow. Isn't that weird? But also amazing.
It used to be. My husband has a plan, by the way.
Playboy's for sale. He's like, I think we should buy Playboy and we should just quietly talk to all the white straight boys who don't know how to vote.
And listen. I mean, They do need to be spoken to.
And give them a place that isn't like it's only semi-toxic masculinity. Exactly.
Give them a grayscale. Give them a grayscale.
Let's include, I mean I have a sweet straight boy so I want it to be okay. They're not all bad.
all bad. But like, how'd you get him that way? He has an anxiety disorder.
That's it. There you go.
So he just runs constantly. Oh, Grace is healthy.
He runs like constantly. Running, like distance running? Like he ran the Brooklyn half as a sophomore in high school.
Like he's, so that's how he handles his despair about the world. You know what's funny? Looking back, I know that was why I was a runner too.

Because I was also a heavy track athlete.

Yeah, I bet you were.

And looking back, I'm like, it was my anxiety.

Oh, yeah.

It's so good for anxiety.

I ran cross-country in high school too.

Did you?

Wow.

Look at you both.

Badly.

Badly?

But I liked it.

It was the only thing that kept me sane because it was, you know, very.

Sure.

It was pre-diagnosis times.

Right, right, right.

That's huge. I keep aging myself.
In my day, my mother bought me dexatrim... It was pre-diagnosis times.
Right, right, right. I keep aging myself.
In my day, my mother bought me Dexatrim. Dexatrim.
My mom bought me Dexatrim. Can you imagine? We all did the Scarsdale diet.
It was so gross. It was like half a...
I can't imagine having an adolescent in my house being like, here's your half a grapefruit and black coffee. Yes, grapefruit and coffee.
It was black coffee, half a grapefruit, and then hilarious 80s pasta for dinner. But it's been an offset with the grapefruit.
Well, you were all on Dexatrim anyway, so it didn't matter. Yeah, but you know what though? You were all high as a kite.
Judy Garland, Jesus. We told, like, you can't eat enough pasta, the runners.
You know what I mean? Like, it was a cargo load all the time. That's actually still a thing.
Well, yeah. I remember I would go for pasta party dinners at Applebee's, and I would fuck myself up because I would just have the three cheese chicken penne, and I would run my race the next day and just shitting.
But you were fast. There was a day where I had to stop and shit, which was horrible.
I just read an article about it. It's out there.
It's happening. We're kind of existing in this area where I think we should ask the question.
Because we're sort of back in time. So Anagastair, what was the culture that made you say culture was for you? Okay, so I'm going to be as fun on this answer as you might want.
We are existing in this time and it is the only thing I can think of and it's going to sound really humble braggy, but it is about SNL and it's about the importance of laughter. I can't believe I just said that.
My friend Tony and I have a bit where we always make fun of people who use the word humor. Oh, of course.
It's so humorous. It just sucks all comments.
I love your humor. Yeah, people who call that out.
Exactly. It's a smile like this.
I love how you use humor. Humor.
Someone calls himself a humorist. A humorist.
Done. I love how you use humor to diffuse awkward situations.
Yeah. Just destroying it, ruining everything.
Random humor. What I was going to say, so this is a weird thing to throw out there, but as a kid, I was friends with Amy Carter, President Jimmy Carter's daughter.
I grew i grew up in washington okay so for starters let me just start with culture like i grew up in a totally black neighborhood i was a little white girl who played the violin and i had an eye patch why so um due to blindness oh due to due to permanent uh just whatever legal blindness so i was always patched they patched me for like like ever. So I would go to like my all black elementary school with my violin and my eye patch.
And as you can imagine, I developed a sense of, I used humor a lot to get through the situations. Okay.
So anyway, but then weirdly, I was in this afterschool program, like this GT kind of thing. And I got, I became friends with Amy Carter, Jimmy Carter's daughter.
And we became really good friends. And she played the violin.
She was like a reader. And so I weirdly had this whole childhood life in middle school where I would go and sleep over at the White House and go to Camp David.
I went to Camp David during the Camp David Accords. I played, if you research it, if you go to- You played the violin for- I played the violin for Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin.
Just me. And it's such a weird...
For the Middle

Eastern leaders. Yes, for the Middle Eastern.
I watched

Star Wars with the Sadats.

Insane. You're king.

So just to make this clear, this is while

he was president. 100%.

Okay, so all this kind of weird fact

about my life, just by

this accidental biography, okay?

To say that I was in the

White House, sleeping over at Amy Carter's. And now remember, Saturday Night Live started in 75.
Okay. To say that I was in the White House sleeping over at Amy Carter's.

And now remember,

Saturday Night Live started in 75.

Yes.

And it was everybody,

like liberal parents,

all the people on my block,

everybody was aware

that this kind of like radical piece of television

had come out.

And again, I know for your audience,

like it's hard to imagine,

but nobody had made fun of the news.

Nobody had made fun of like basic sort of tropes that we're accustomed to the onion. Like that was so radical.
And I was a kid, I was little, but I was aware that they were like edgy and cool and making choices that were strange and wearing costumes and funny. Like we knew it was cool and hip.
It's right after Watergate. It's right after Watergate.
And basically what we watched was, which was great. It was like Carol Burnett and Bob Newhart and like what was on TV when it was scheduled.
Right. Yeah.
So you just kind of like consumed television idly, if you will. Got it.
So, and again, also I remember I was 10, 11. So I'm in the White House and it's after dinner.
It's late. It's a sleepover and we go to this little like kitchenette in the living quarters.
And President Carter was never there because he was the president. And we were usually just with her nanny and maybe Rosalind Carter was around a little bit.
And we went to get a snack and we came out. And sort of in the middle of the White House living area, President Jimmy Carter was sitting in a chair with a burgundy v-neck and a beer.
And he was watching Dan Aykroyd play himself on Saturday Night Live. And he was laughing hysterically.
Oh my God. And it like imprinted in my brain of the, well, obviously the surrealness of like, whatever.
There's this person dressed as this person imitating this person,

president, leader of the free world.

And also, I just think he's the most amazing human being.

Obviously, we all know he went on to do incredible acts

of humanity and humanism.

But it has stayed with me so much in the last 12 years,

our lack of empathy and understanding.

Like when, as soon as the president-elect,

I'm not even gonna say his name,

was not able to laugh at anything about himself. In fact, arguably ran for president because he was a laughingstock.
Right. Because Seth made fun of him.
Yeah. It's so, the ability to laugh at things and the ability to pull yourself out of situations and to find what's funny about it.
And I can't even believe I'm saying this, but like the, like the gift that humor does actually give us as a piece of sort of like storytelling and political commentary. As much as like, I really as martha stewart the day after the election and i hated doing the goldbergs and having um a chandelier fall on me it's more important than i thought you know and i feel like we're going to have a lot of places in this new era where whatever news has proven itself to be untrustworthy and social media has certainly proven itself to be on like maybe we idiotic performers will be able to tell the truth a little bit.
It's starting to get all deep and go there. No, no, that's really important.
And what a special memory to have. Yeah, that is wild.
Even my 10-year-old brain was like, oh, he's so good at, he's laughing at himself. Like I understood it on some profound level.
And like you understood what was being shown on television was this like purposeful lampooning. I mean, I don't think I was a kid, so I wasn't like dialed into the nuance of the politic.
But you saw him laughing, you just understood that he was laughing at himself. I understood that it was an impression of him that we were in the White House and that he was watching this Saturday Night Live, still and yet, one of the cooler pieces of cultural reflection in our society.
And that he understood that it was funny and that there was a power to that. Yeah.
It's like the Ron thing or it's like, whatever. It's like either you, it's a bellwether.
Either you get it or you don't. Yeah.
And like right now you got to get it. We got to get it.
I mean, it's really hard. I don't get it.
I don't think anything's funny right now except for you and all of the work that you do but it's like but you know what I'm saying like those totally yeah and whatever sometimes that means we just need something light and fluffy and joyful and whatever the moment calls for I just it's about humility it takes you out of solipsism it takes you out of like thinking that your own reality is the most important one I've've definitely been thinking a lot about like, because as we, as we have like this platform where we're expected to comment on culture and everything, it has been, I don't know how, if you feel this way, but it's sometimes can be confusing about like, do we come on here and like say, this is what I think and like that, that, and react in real time. Or are we supposed to be clowns? And I think it's sort of a mix of both it's been an interesting walk you know I would imagine that like it feels probably very similar when you are on Saturday Night Live it's like we do have to speak to real issues but also at the same time like what we do and what our talents are are being funny and being the jesters and the literal role of the jester is to point to the king and say, this is what's crazy about the king.
I mean, and it feels, that's like where humor, that's like where comedy is birthed from. That's literally the job of the comedian is to do the very thing.
But it can sometimes feel, I think, and this is where I think we can, as comedians and as people in the arts, check ourselves, is it can become very self-important. And didactic.
Oh my god! I want to get in there. Didactic.
But when people, I sometimes, like, for example, I've really been thinking a lot about, like, the celebrity endorsement, right? Yeah. And, like, how it didn't, I mean, it literally didn't matter at all, in sense.
Of course, it's great to be able to speak out against fascism and these objective evils and to let people know, like, hi, women, I see you. I'm sticking up for you.
I'm standing up to this. But at the same time, it feels like we've been given a clear message that the public, I think, across the board wants entertainers to be entertainers and not scold and not scold and also to not feel like they can control culture because i think we've seen that they don't you know what i mean i'm not saying like don't speak up but i am saying yeah i mean i do see some fault at the feet of those who have characterized it as such i do feel like yes stay in your lane to a certain degree but what we're made of, right? Yeah.
So finding common ground as human beings is part of what comedy is. Like, finding the things that we share in common.
And actually, I do think it gets harder and harder and harder as we're more and more sort of forced into these tribal lanes. Right.
It's really tricky. Yeah.
But, you know, whatever. Like, I love, that's what I'm saying.
Like, I love doing shows in Kansas and Red States and, you know, places where I can just share a love of the holidays and try to find a place that's like a little less lightning roddy for people. Yeah.
But there are fewer and fewer places to do that. The holidays is one, but just the things that we all kind of universally share.
But I do feel like, I guess what I was really trying to say is that people are like, shut up, you entitled libs. I think that that's very activating for me too, because in many ways we share the same values.
And I think for women in particular, it's heartbreaking. I mean, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, like those people showing up to people like my daughter who are 22, it meant a lot because it's very, that's a very hopeless feeling to be a young woman right now in this country, not just from the tactical standpoints of reproductive care, but also, you know, they've now in their very short lives seen misogyny really run the board.
Now pull the camera back. We've run two candidates in 12 years.
That's not bad. I never thought a woman was even an option for a president, let alone a person of color.
Like it was not even in there. So whatever in 50 years.
Yeah. We're probably going to have both of those boxes checked.
You know, it just feels very immediate right now. Right.
And this is the thing that I've learned from like Mike Shoemaker via Seth. Yeah.
I don't know if this gives me pause or if this like puts me into more despair. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm just like, anytime Seth wanted to have it it out with someone at SNL, like Shoemaker would be like it's a long life.
It's a long life. Like if you wait whatever you're feeling about these particular people is going to go away and then they'll be at your wedding.
Well that is true about SNL. Totally.
And I don't know how I can apply that to like the greater landscape. I don't think Trump is going to come to any of my children's christlings.
He might. He might.
He might. I don't.
I don't know. You were friends with the Carters.
It's true. I was friends with the Carters.
But I. And he turned out to be the best president ever.
Oh, my God. Did you ever go to Georgia or Atlanta? No.
I mean, they literally moved back. And that was sort of that.
And again, this was like pre. It was like long distance phone calls.
Yeah. You know.
But. Oh, wow.
I mean, we had some friends in common over the years. And President Carter did a and whatever this is just humble bragging now but somebody told me that a book on tape editor had also worked on his memoirs and I don't know how it came up but he mentioned he was like oh the comedian Anna Gasteyer she was a friend of the 80s which was such a weird feeling that he knew who I was but like of course like I was on television but not of course But not of course, but...
No, but at a time when everyone... That was monoculture.
SNL was monoculture. And the thing about Christmas, sorry to go back to this, but for you two...
So braggy. No, but you two kind of going across the country, performing these shows about Christmas, having it be so resonant and people loving it, it's like, it's because Christmas feels like...
The holidays feel like the last kind of bit of monoculture too. they do they're the last safe space that we're all getting and also because they are so just admittedly pagan at this point it's not like you know I know what's funny about it I know it is kind of funny because I just feel like people like need a fucking break I know like they just can I say fucking? yeah that they like people are just tired and they want to be it's a funny time for programming like it also gets really because I've done so much now like with Clusterfunk with our Christmas movie and Lifetime and Hallmark and like we're developing the Clusterfunk into a musical actually for the stage but I know so fun but everyone's always like well yeah it's such a weird time to program because nobody thinks about it and then everybody's trapped in the house and they're all watching Hallmark movies because all they want to do is comfort food.
Because they just want something new because the old stuff kind of like... Why don't we visit the old stuff as much as I...
There's not that much. But many people do.
I know many people do, but I'm like... Like, I do White Christmas.
I do It's a Wonderful Life. I do Rudolph.
I do... What do you do? Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown. Rudolph is good.
Frosty is good. Yeah.
There's also... Heatmiser and...
Yeah, the Heatmiser. Those are bops, by the way.
I'm Mr. Heat Miser.
Whatever I touch starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much.
Rankin and Bass, right? That's what those are. Yeah, that was good.
You know what's funny, though? You're talking about going to red states. I remember I was looking at because I'm going on the road for all of December, and the by far slowest markets.
Like, the tour is selling great, but, like, the slowest ones were Philadelphia and Atlanta. And I asked my agent, I'm like, why are these so slow? And they were like, oh, because those cities are, like, the anxiety is so high for the election.
And, like, as he said, across the board, like, those are, any swing state swing state is like tough. And now it's kind of like, I really do hope people like come out because I think that the amount of anxiety that had to have been felt in places like that.
Think about how many robocalls exactly. Oh yeah, spending a lot of money, I bet too, like at different events.
And because people that were really activated in those areas are spending a lot of money

like in the way that

other areas may not have been.

Also just,

I mean,

we were in Pennsylvania recently

and it's tense.

Like it is tense.

You look around at people

and you're like,

how are you looking at me?

And I think that,

you know what I'm saying?

I know.

I had gratitude for that

the next day after the election.

It was rough.

No, I had people

like in canvassing say like I'm afraid to vote because I'm afraid what my neighbors will do. I mean, it's, you know, people are scared.
Yeah, it's tough. That's why we're going to continue to need a little Christmas, right this very moment.
Need a little Christmas. Bring in the clouds.
I feel the Scent of the Clouds theme is really, really trunchent. Or trunchent? Yeah yeah I don't know what that means but I like it we need to find out in real time well favorite Christmas on a cover say what favorite Christmas on a cover on the album or off the album off Sugar and Booze favorite Christmas song to cover I'm so sorry to cover well I love the version that on my album is Sleigh Ride Sleighleigh Ride.
It's great Sleigh Ride. Nobody like it.
It's not that popular.

Nobody listens to it, but I love it. It's like this sort of

bossa nova cover and I love it.

You're so at home in that style

too. I love it.
You and Maya in that

sort of like Cuban

Yeah, we have that Secret Santa song that I wrote.

Maya's so funny on it. You know where we recorded that?

Which is so crazy because Maya knows everybody.

We recorded that in

Joni Mitchell's studio. Wow.
In LA. Because her friend runs that studio.
Oh, that's amazing. And actually Pharrell, they snuck us in to do it really fast because apparently Pharrell had it for the day.
So Pharrell doesn't know that he paid for my studio time for that song, which is kind of excellent. He's good for it.
Yeah. He's good for it.
Exactly. Trenchant means vigorous or incisive in expression or style.
And what did I say was trenchant? The point that Send in the Clowns points. Send in the Clowns is trenchant.
I would say vigorous and incisive in expression or style. Yeah, it is.
And style, I would say. It's meaningful.
Send in the Clown. Send in the Clowns is trenchant.
That's a rule of culture. That's rule of culture number 75.
Send in the Clowns is trenchant. Good.
You would do a great rendition of that song. It's kind of a downer.
Yeah, but that's okay. There's an ounce of triumph to it.
Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.
I think it's beautiful and how sad in Resign for this. I know.
Now that I'm in my third chapter, I don't feel anything. I try to shut down feelings as fast as possible.
You know what? I know. Fourth chapter is going to be about getting them.
No, fourth. Because fourth chapter, a lot of people are going to start dying.
And so then I'm going to have to cry a lot. Yeah.
So, and then by fifth chapter, be like, well, we were good friends. And then I'll be it.
It is crazy. Like, I was watching like, Hillary was obviously doing the rounds a little bit and a lot of her friends are dead.
Hillary Clinton. Sorry.
Well, Kelly. She's always talking about, well, this is my friend who died and this is my friend who died and I was like, oh, God.
I mean, it happens. It happens.
I know. What about Kelly? No, my friend Kelly, she was like, we were talking about when certain people were going to die that, you know, might die that maybe were just elected and we were talking just loosely about that.
Right, right, right. And she was just in theory, you know, just how that might go.
And she was saying, she was like, the people who feel die more. Right.
No, no, no. Someone was saying this.
Like, people who are that disgusting tend to live so long. Guys, I know, because they don't, they're not troubled.
They don't get cancer from being sad. Everybody has been there.
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The point I was making earlier, I'm a little self-conscious about because it's not really what I believe about celebrities and the celebrity endorsement of it all. No, I'm glad you said that.
What I'm talking about is like standing up for issues is important. And I think standing up for women is important.
I just think all of that is important. What I'm saying is though, when a celebrity is at a certain privilege level, some people are not listening and they feel patronized for it.
And I think there's something to learn from that in maybe how comfortable we all felt. No, listen, I want to say, my husband just, he's an advertising, but he just did this huge research project on the heartland because he also feels, as we all do, I think correctly, that many people in rural America feel patronized.
And that is an understandable point of view. That is, I think, very real.
And it is incumbent upon us to find common ground when people feel that marginalized. And what's interesting is that this is common ground that he discovered.
First of all, community is really important in rural America. That was like the number one thing.
Your community is almost more important than other things. And the second is making and doing, which was really, really interesting in the research.
So we may be making and putting on a show or whatever, like putting on our wigs and like putting on our wigs and, you know, getting a barn together decoratively. But it's funny because Martha Stewart, bringing back to her, one of the reasons she appeals is making and doing, there's like a lot of time spent with sort of crafts and taking care of your property and taking care of your car and sort of mechanical uses of your time, literally.
But what we have in common with that is we also make things. That's what we do.
And so somehow finding the way to communicate the two of those things. So it's not just arrogant fucking didactic entertainment.
And it's not just like, you know, mud races. Like there's gotta be somewhere where those two things do overlaps lately.
And it doesn't have to be as divisive as it is. Exactly.
You know? Exactly.

Because a lot of the messaging might have been from the left,

like,

be more like us.

Yes, exactly.

There's a level of disdain

that's implied there.

Yes, completely.

And there's something about, like,

redistributing respect.

It's really hard.

It's so hard.

It's hard when you don't feel respected.

Totally.

You know,

it's understandable

as a gay person in America

or as an ethnic woman in the 80s. Yeah.
A Greek woman in the 80s. I have to flat iron my hair.
See me. Yes, but I mean, so...
I know. I know.
I know. I know.
It came down... Let's talk about Disney.
Yeah. Disney.
Thank you all. Oh my God, our listeners hate us for talking about Disney.
Let me tell you something. We've been talking about Disney so much.
Our listeners are so mad. Oh my God, where are we going? Well, we're going to hopefully go December.
Oh, I'll tell you when. But no, because there's this one thing that I have done over the years that is so incredible, which I'm going to tell you, we all talk about off camera.
What is it? Just that. Candlelight Processional, have you ever watched it? Oh, you've done it? I've done it.
Wow. Wonderful.
That's one of my dreams. I want to do that.
I would love to tell you. We all talk about off camera.
What is it? Just that. You can't do it? Just that.
Candlelight processional. Have you ever worked at it? Oh, you've done it?

I've done it.

Wow.

That's one of my dreams.

I want to do that.

You absolutely have to do it.

First of all, like I said,

not a religious person,

but boy, does Jesus flow through me

when I do that

because there are 350 voices behind you.

Your spine shakes

from the bass of the singers.

There are 56 pieces in that orchestra

with those Disney arrangements.

There are eight heralding trump with those Disney arrangements. There are eight

heralding trumpets.

It is so

spectacularly

magnificent.

You read the story

of Christmas

and it's very hard

not to cry.

Yes,

that's beautiful.

There's no church anymore

but what needs to be replaced

is meaning.

Oh my God.

And also,

a big part of the meaning

is the fact that my family

gets the guide

the whole time that I'm there.

Oh yeah,

it's huge. It's very meaningful.
Shout out to our VIP guide gets the guide the whole time that I'm there. Oh, yeah.
It's huge.

It's very meaningful.

Shout out to our VIP guide, Matt.

We'll see you soon, babe.

Matt!

We love you.

And Sam.

Do you have Matt?

I have Matt.

I have Sam, too.

Sam.

Sam.

Sam has Tina.

And Mariah Carey.

And Mariah.

But then Matt is,

we love Matt.

Matt was like spit

out of like a Disney

sort of 3D printer, right?

Are we talking about the same person? He's the most lovely. Young guy? Yes.
This guy is great. He's like spit out of like a Disney sort of 3D printer, right? Are we talking about the same person? He's the most lovely.
Young guy? Yes. Lovely young guy.
This guy is great. He's awesome.
He's delightful. Oh, we love Matt so much.
Do you take in a show when you go to Disney? I like to take in a show just to cool my jets. What do you mean taking a show? Like I'll go take in a show? Yeah, I'll sit down and enjoy that year's Beauty and the Beast or whatever.
I'll take in a show. Oh, you know, what did we see? Did we go into the Frozen show? I think we stayed till Let It Go and left.
Yeah, yeah. That's fair.
I mean, Aladdin, nice little 45 minute. Oh, I love it.
No, we saw Beauty and the Beast for sure. We saw Beauty and the Beast.
We saw Arturl. Yeah, Fantasmic.
I mean, I enjoy taking in a show for a break because it's often air conditioned. Of course.
Oh, that's the thing. And you can settle in.
Yeah. And where's your favorite place to eat?

Wait, do you like Walt Disney World or Disneyland?

We'll do both.

We'll do both.

I love World.

I love Tiffin's Animal Kingdom.

Tiffin's in Animal Kingdom?

I haven't been to Tiffin's.

Oh, you should go.

It's good.

No, so Jeff and Tina turned us on to the Cars one.

Do you ever go to, not Cars, World.

Do you ever go to the old timey-

In Frontierland?

Sci-fi movie?

Oh, the Sci-fi drive-in

Yes

Also really good for

Again a lot of our thoughts

Are around

The kids

Yeah my kids are old now

But you know early on

These taking in a show

And sitting in the drive-in

Those are like

It's hot

Everybody's overstimulated

Let's sit in the dark

For a few minutes

Yes yes

That's important

Where we went for lunch

This last time

Was the space restaurant

Remember that?

Oh um

Space 220

Space 220

Which is the restaurant

In Mission Space

Let's fun. I do OG Blue Bayou.
Oh, yeah, come on. Of course.
So you can have a cocktail. God damn it.
I mean, why not. It might glow in the dark.
It might. It just might.
It just might be too sweet. That's the thing.
It's like, now I, whenever I go drink there, I always drink beer because everything is so sweet. Everything's so sweet.
Now you're in your sugar watching time. Yes.
But also like, sweet cocktails, like, it's really tough. You can get wine over in California Adventure.
You sure can. So your listeners are tired of hearing it.
Anyway, that's fine. So we have a game in my family.
It's called Nervous Breakdown Job. Go ahead.
It's what you're going to do after your Nervous Breakdown job. Oh, great.
What's yours? What's yours? Well, mine is going to be, and it's kind of a cheat because it is a job at Disney, but we have different versions of it. My main one is that I'm going to work at Trader Joe's on the Fearless Flyer where I write up reviews of new Trader Joe's products.
That's good. But if I have a nervous breakdown and I end up in Disney, I'm going to try to audition to be the wicked stepmother meet and greet lady.
Oh, my God. Lady Tremaine.
They're so funny. Those women are so funny.
So I'll just yell at people, yell at children. It's not unlike my character, actually, in Mattress.
No, actually, you're rehearsed. My husband's nervous breakdown job at Walt Disney World is...
It's all Disney. He wants to manage...
They're going to be so mad. He's sorry, everybody.
He's going to manage the tiny barge trip from the yacht club to Epcot. Oh, that's wonderful.
You know, they get on and they're like, all aboard. Oh, that's perfect.
You know what? Those simple joys. And then let the people off and then...
All aboard Yeah, you just go right back. He's going to do that all day and find it soothing.
You know what? The culture that made me say culture for me in many regards was, this is not Disney, but it was Universal Studios, the Jaws ride, the boat, the skipper. I actually am off book on it.
And I'm not kidding you. I did a show years ago at UCB called a one-man show

called You Will Get Wet,

which actually doesn't really qualify

as where my character's biggest dream

was to be that.

You bet.

And Bo and Yang played the shark.

I played the shark.

Oh, I see where this is going

in front of your future careers as well.

I staged the ride

and there was water effects and everything. I did it in the basement at UCB Chelsea.
Actually, there is a YouTube video of it. I don't know if I've taken it down.
That sounds fantastic. It was good.
It was good. Shannon O'Neill did not give me a run.
It was an excellent show. It was almost that.
Honestly, honestly, one of these days. One of these days.
Is that a great title? You Will Get Wet? Yes. It's really good.

Bring it back.

I'm going to use it for something else.

Listen, there's going to be a lot of Disney times in the coming years.

For a lot of America.

If they drop their prices.

Because it's gotten very expensive.

Can I say this is a thing though.

It's like after the results came in.

I was like, you know, it's the separation of wealth.

Because families can't even go to fucking Disney World anymore.

You're absolutely right.

That's what it is.

It's like we talk about the separation of wealth. We talk about wealth inequality ad nauseam.
And then it's like, the Democratic Party decides to put someone up who doesn't make that a forefront issue at least enough for people. And we're surprised.
I mean, the separation of wealth is the number one thing that we have to fix. Money has to come out of politics.
There needs to be some redistribution. Like, I mean.
A billion. And meanwhile, whatever.
I'm just saying, it's like, you talk about these things and then it is sad because families can't experience it anymore. That's ridiculous.
Yeah. The prices are out of control.
Why don't we start a fund? Maybe. I was going to start a community college fund, but you know what? Let's start a Disney fund.
Disney fund. For everybody.

For the community.

It's for the community.

It is.

It's just so sad.

Why not?

Everybody gets a guide.

Everybody gets a stand.

Honestly, I should be a guide.

I really should be a guide.

Well, that's a good nervous breakdown job for you.

Get your steps.

Perfect.

Get your steps.

Get your steps.

This is my nervous breakdown job.

So when you get a guide,

when you arrive at each park,

there's someone waiting there

with a wicker tray

full of like Laura bars,

Luna bars.

And I want to hold that tray.

You know what I really want to do?

Because when they,

okay, this is cutting deep,

but when they give you the guide

for Candlelight Processional,

they give you VIP housing.

Oh.

The housing is unbelievable.

Okay.

So we stay in like Yacht Club

or we stayed in like the Polynesian in the apartment where the Beatles broke up. Where they sat.
Yes. All the things.
The Beatles broke up at Disney World? I know. Go figure.
Well, John Lennon was there with his family. Anyway, he was like standing.
I love it. He was like, oh, fuck it.
I'm out. But in the nice, like fancy, you know, like there's club levels of hotels.
Right, right, right. So they have.
And my family always gets so excited about this because you'll have like a little breakfast spread. Not a big one because it's like the club level.
Like you're still expected to go to breakfast, but there's some like, you know, a little like croissants and whatever. And they come out throughout the day and it always, it tells you the times of the day.
And every time my husband's like, are the desserts and cordials out yet? We always get excited. We're like, let's check out the desserts and cordials.
Like were doing a service, a candlelight professional service, and you deserved all those desserts and cordials. I want a cordial.
It's the Christmas season, damn it. I want to eat fresh fruit with y'all in the morning.
You bet. You can come.
We always have extra beds. I haven't done it for a long time.
You gotta go. Why not this year? I guess you're gonna be busy.
No, believe me. Every year, I'm like...
Next me Every year Next year We went during COVID And we all discovered We had COVID The last morning Because obviously We got it Because with Florida Nobody's masked It was like that weird Little Omnicron break Okay And as we landed At Orlando I received three calls From the Department of Health From my son He has been exposed I was like We're going been, I was like, no, we're fine, we're going to Disneyland. Have you been around a lot of Florida people? And then literally everybody in Florida, no mask, nary a mask to be found.
Of course. And then the last morning, and my mom, my old mom had shared a room.
I mean, granted, it was a big Disney room. So it was like two queen-size beds and he was in one.
But literally my mom from the other room, she's like, what does two lines mean? And I was like, get in the car. God, can you imagine? What does two lines mean? They're like all these public health officials taking sewage water from Orlando.
Oh my God. God, it's a lot of COVID and turbulence.
I texted poor Sam. I was like, Sam, my man.
Because we brought a mask. We're down.
We're down bad. I was like, sorry.
We're down bad. But also it was, and I'm not a good person.
I got on a plane. I double masked everybody.
I was like, no one even on the plane had a mask. Sure.
I was like, we're going home. I am not going to spend a week at Disney quarantined with a child.
No, you double masked it up. We double masked and we got home.
We also, we were also on vacation and then we got COVID. Well, you had just had COVID.
Yes. We thought we were in the clear and then I got COVID gnarly in Mexico City.
Oh! Yeah. Lonely.
And it was crazy because I was like— In a hotel. Well, in a hotel in Mexico City, and I was starting to feel a little weird like two hours before we had to get on the plane.
Was this early? Well, I took a test, and it said I was negative, but I was starting to feel weird. So I like triple-massed it, and I got on the the plane and I went.
But you weren't sure if it was like a water that you drank or something. It could have been anything.
And so I was like, I'm going to test. And it said I was negative.
Masked up, got on the plane because then what was I going to do? Like I would have had to be there for a week. No, I think a lot of people did that.
And that is why we had an epidemic. Anyway.

You're right.

Ever heard of Patience Zero?

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We are really keeping it light. This post-election special.

We're using humor.

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How does it feel to be on the post-election special? Really painful, but happy. Painful and harmful.
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This is I Don't Think So, Honey. This is our segment where we take one minute to rant in a row like I'm something in culture that we don't love.
Do you have something? You'll go first? I do have something. I do have something.
Okay. This is Matt Rogers.
We all have something. Yeah.
Very good. This is Matt Rogers.
I don't think so, honey. Time starts now.
I don't think so, honey. So the Beatles song, the new song now and then is nominated for record of the year.
And the way that they got John Lennon's voice on it is by AI-ing his voice out. Like they had to bring his voice out so they used AI on it to make it a real vocal.
I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, honey.
I don't think so, honey. The AI like recreation of people that have been long dead.
He's been dead for 40 plus years. I don't think so, honey.
The Whitney Houston holographic. I don't think so, honey.
The Elvis holographic. These people actually can't consent to releasing music.
And this is not just John Lennon. This is also George Harrison.
And I get that his wife says, you know, George would have been on board for this. I don't know what Yoko was saying, but I don't think so, honey.
If I ever die, no AI Las Culturistas. I'm telling you, I don't care how much money Bowen Yang needs because he's talking about pivoting to holding a wicker tray at Disney.
I don't care how south his career goes. No AI, Lost Coach, After I Am Dead.
No AI Beatles song now, especially not nominated for Ruckin' of the Year at the Grammys. Where was Ariana Grande? I don't think so, honey.
Where was Ariana Grande? And that's one minute. No way, especially if it's going to suck up all the power that could be used to power a small town.
That's another thing is how harmful AI was for the environment. I didn't know that.
I'm really glad to know that. It needs a lot of water to cool down all of the servers.
Like a hologram? Or AI voicing? All of it, I guess, is part of it. Now it's all kind of blending together.
It's like anything generative is AI, but for anything AI, it has to be derivative by default too. So it's like, I don't know, weirdly I'm like, eh, about it because I'm like, it will always be derivative by definition.
Correct. That's correct.
And so I'm like, Oh, you're right. As a comedian, that's such a weird sort of almost constitutional stance, you know? You know? Is that the right word? What's the word? Constitutional.
I don't know. I made it up.
Trenchant. Is it constitutional like you have to take a big shit after you...
If it references constitution people say like let's take a constitutional they mean like a gentle walk or a massive dump let's take shits together let's take it anyway a communal constitutional your sort of comedians don't like people who copy them there you go there you go it's so trenchant that we've said this there's no worse thing thing. I don't know.
The AI of it all, because now I get really wary of people that are like, yeah, but about AI. I'm like, I don't think so.
I really think that overall. I mean, maybe.
Okay. Oops, I just did it.
But medical research or like quick research. Sure.
But isn't that just like a computer? I'm just like, yeah. I don't want an AI operation, but I wouldn't mind somebody saying this cancer cure is this effective.
Based on your vitals. Like, absolutely.
I'm just thinking like the everyday uses of it, people are still trying to figure out. Even Apple's kind of like, you can write your emails with it.
Not really. I know how to write an email.
Totally. We need to stigmatize this idea of like, if you need AI to write an email for you, get fucked.
I mean, by the way, whatever happened to plagiarism being bad? Like, no. You can't.
I used to get in trouble for reading Cliff Notes back in the day. It's the same idea.
I'm just not a fan of anything that like if we participate in it to enough of an extent makes us

lazier and dumber. Correct.

You know what I'm saying? By the way and that's like

the Google Maps of it all. I don't know if you ever do this but

you turn it off every blue moon

and try to go somewhere. Can't.

Also it's a really important piece of

your the navigational piece of your brain

affects other things you do

in life. So if you don't want to just turn into a total, you know...
Rube. Yeah.
Like in LA, every blue moon, I will just not... It's so instinctive to just plug it in.
Yeah, for you. If I'm driving, I'm like, right, I know how to drive there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't even thought about that.
Just challenge yourself. Like allowing myself to have enough respect for my navigational ability.
Exactly. Because otherwise you do feel like a soul adrift in space and it's like you're just being told where to go.
Well think how easy it's like a bad like Blade Runner movie where we could all just be programmed to drive to the same place to be bombed. I went there.
Honestly. Don't spring in the clown.
Okay this. I'm asked to leave.
to leave That was too far It was too far You went too far You went too far You went too far Why'd you put the Bring Blade Runner And Google Maps And a bomb This Oh my god Is Bo and Yang Do you have anything You want to rail Yeah Okay this Lots of things Is Bowen Yang's. I don't think so, honey.
His time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Putting little stickers over the hole in coffee cups that you're supposed to drink out of because I got to take the sticker off. And guess what? Now I'm drinking sticker juice instead of coffee.
And now my lips are sticking together. And I go, no, I just want to enjoy my iced black coffee.
That's it. I'm not asking for much.
I just want iced coffee in a cup. And I understand that it's to prevent spillage.
And I understand that you're taping over the bag so that there's no tampering and it's all security theater. But sometimes I just want something without all this, literally all this red tape or this white circle of tape over my drink hole.
I just want an unencumbered drink hole

so I can sip, sip, sip,

suck, suck, suck,

guzzle, guzzle, guzzle

the caffeine into my system

because I need it

to get through this damn day

in this damn year

of this damn world.

Get the sticker and the adhesive

off my coffee.

Otherwise, I'll be drinking

epoxy, for God's sakes,

when I just want a gorgeous cup of Dunkin' Donuts. That's one minute.
Good timing. Thank you.
That was great. I will also say, you said so many words and didn't even touch on what I think is the most annoying part, which is when you have to peel the sticker off.
Then you have stickery fingers on this part of your fingers. Very bad.
Also, see gravity. This is higher.
Why? We don't need it. We don't know that.
It's not coming out much of the top. It's only spilling.
Let me put it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is a peeve of mine. It's only spilling if the fucker filled it too high.
Right. Right? So that it's coming out the sides.
It's not coming out the top. I blame that little bar little barista shithead lid culture is in a state of disarray like no one can figure out what lid to put on anything like and sometimes it's like you go to a certain coffee place because you know they're not going crazy with the lid and they'll have changed like i don't know and you know what i take it back i love a barista and to a barista.
They're artists. They're clowns.
And I really love coffee. I love coffee so much that I've actually had this thought.
I'm not proud. If I went to prison, I'd be super sad because the coffee situation would be so bad.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is the coffee situation in prison? I'm sure it's non-existent.
It's not great. So I love coffee.
I will never, I didn't give it up when I was pregnant. I didn't give it up.
I will never, ever, ever give up coffee. Should we start a fund for prison coffee? Yes.
Doesn't it sound terrible? It doesn't sound good. No.
Joe behind bars. Bruce behind bars.
Why is my brain going to, we did it, Joe? We really didn't. We didn't do it.
We didn't do it, Joe, at all. We didn't do it.
We didn't. Joe.
What did you do? It's Joever. It is Joever.
It's Joever. Well, what's begun now is now, are you ready? Because this is your moment.
Okay. Okay.
This is Ana Goss Stars. I don't think so, honey.
Her time starts next. Now.
What? Are we starting now? No, start again. I'm sorry.
Her time starts next. Oh, no.
Oh, Kelly's going to pass. Oh, her time starts next.
Commercial break. This is Ana Goss Stars.
I don't think so, honey. Her time starts next.
Oh, Kelly's going to pass. Her time starts next.
Commercial break. This is on a gox stairs.
I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now.
Okay, so my I don't think so, honey, is about TikToker POV videos. You know what it means.
Instagrams. Nobody understands that it has to be an actual point of view that is something new.
So here's what. It has to be a new take.
It has to be observational. It has to be something that I haven't thought of.
That's a witty use of humor. For example, I just saw one that was POV.
You get to the airport, find your gate, pee and get a snack. That's not a POV.
That is just going to the airport and doing what people do when they go to the airport. There's no pithy observation therein.
That's not, oh my God, my dad got a dog.

He didn't want it.

And now he's carrying it around into baby Bjorn.

I get it.

That's a POV.

That's funny.

What's not a POV is POV.

I took a shower before I went to work.

What is wrong with people?

You have to have some kind of a take.

And if you're not doing that, you know what?

Put your phone down and go to the airport

and get a magazine and piss and get on your plane. And if you open up Google Maps, you're dead.
And that's one minute. You know, I hate to break it to you, but I think that they know this and willfully aren't doing it because I'll be shocked.
Do something without your phone then. Just live your life for four seconds just being a human.
I guess the thing is, though, they're more interested in virality than humanness. Who is going to like or comment on POV? You find your gate and get a sandwich.
So many people. I'm telling you, it's like when I have worked with social media people, if I ever had to do like a TikTok or something for my album, I'll be shocked sometimes when you realize what's trending.
It's like, hey, so you have to walk from here to here and this song is going to play. POV, you got on the elevator.
Yeah, but literally it's like people want. POV, you're mailing a letter.
The appetite is for everyday mundanity. Well, that's fine.
At least if you're going to be pithy about it, I don't mind something that's like I don't know. Something new.
Or observational.

It's the Seinfeldian moment of

it all. Of course.
Of like, oh my god, you know.

But the POV thing is even so

stupid because they don't understand what POV

stands for. No.

They have no idea. It's not from the first person point of

view at all. It's just like, POV,

I'm going to the airport and then they're in the frame.

You know what I mean? That's what these

kids are doing too. Right.
Right. And I don't...
At the airport and then it's them. POV, I'm going to the airport and then they're in the frame.
You know what I mean? That's what these kids are doing too. Right.
Right. And I don't...
I'm at the airport and then it's them. POV.
POV, me with my friend. It's just me.
POV, I'm hanging out with my friend and the friend isn't there. Again, I'm just like, I don't mind.
I really, you have to develop some semblance of an observation. If this is supposed to be funny or engaging in any way,

like I,

this is my,

this is my like,

almost like,

I'm going to say like boomer take,

which is like,

oh,

language is breaking down.

Like no one,

no one knows how to communicate with each other.

And therefore,

and here we are.

I mean,

but that's also like secondary,

all,

all of the application.

I mean,

of life.

Yeah,

exactly.

Like you're,

we early on tried to like address phone usage with our kids or whatever. And everybody was like, the only way they communicate is to take a picture of themselves on Snap and send it to one another, nude or otherwise.
But it's just, even like if there's courtship rituals. Oh, certainly not nude.
They don't believe in nudity. You're right, absolutely right.
My 16-year-old, you'll see him do that. You're like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I just snapped something.
I have to stop my phone. Like, there's no, there's no, hey, I'm at a restaurant with my folks.
Or like, there's no, even texting is one iteration too boring. It's chuggy.
And bloated for them. It's chuggy.
This has infiltrated being at dinner with your family. Like, nothing is sacred anymore.
But also, this is why we are where we are. We are sheep.
Totally. Did you see that Australia wants to do a ban on social media until the kids are 16? Well, I think it's actually, well, this is boring to talk to our audience, but I mean, I actually think it's coming.
I do. I really do believe the tide is turning because that is actually a purple state issue.
People across the board are understanding that attention spans aren't, you know, also the algorithm is just screaming. Now what is this? The third election, then we're just screaming at Facebook.
Like that's all we're doing. So, or, you know, into Instagram or none of us are actually engaging or having conversations that are face-to-face or human-to-human and it's not going to get any better.
Or with anyone that would challenge an opinion that you may have. I mean, that's, I watched AOC's live like the day or two after the election.
The chandelier day? The chandelier day. We'll call it the chandelier day.
Crashing chandelier. The Martha Day.
And the big pull, she said she was like, sectarianism has to stop. Like, that's why I'm so kind of blown away by people being like, unfollow this person.
If you follow me and you're this, I'm like, I understand where this comes from. But if you can't see the forest for the trees, that this is the problem.
The fact that we were so shocked that it went that way, if you were shocked, like that is because we are siloed off. All of us.
From one another. And if we want to be a country, which I think is a question, it seems like, if we want to be a country, we cannot silo off.
We're in like an algorithmic echo chamber. All of us, except for to pop out and troll people.
That's literally it. Not me.
No, never Bowen. You aren't trolled or you don't troll? I'm not in an echo chamber.
Oh, really? Yeah. He has incredible...
I'm outside, honey. Okay, that's your thing.
I'm not indoors. But that's because of it.
I love it. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I love it. And you power down for 48 hours every week, right? Yes.
Just for your mental health? I'm looking at maps. He reaches across the aisle.
It's why they call them. Old school, triple A.
I miss those, honestly. I do too.
A7. They're pretty.
I know, I know. So, so cute.
But I mean, even those little, everybody, we're all addicts. We're all addicts.
Thoughts on the Martha Stewart doc? Oh my God, I loved it. I loved it.
I loved it, actually. I love her.
I think she'd be good on this show. She'd be great on this show.
She would be great on this show. She, especially in her sixth chapter, is extraordinarily enjoying all the things she's been through.
And she's letting herself soften. I mean, I've known her now for a few years.
My impersonation was 30 years ago or 28 or whatever. And she's always been a great sport and all that.
Yeah, by Jimmy Carter. She allowed the clown.
She's been Jimmy Carter. She allowed, even though she's not like a terrifically funny person, but she's very easy.
She understood. She's a good business person.
But mostly I have to say, this is my fifth chapter take on her eighth chapter. Six chapter is that my third chapter take on her fifth chapter.
Right. Six.
Her sex. Is that she really is like, I don't know.
There's something to be said for this, like old people wisdom. Yeah.
Like you get your heart broken a lot in a life. And she kind of buckles down.
I love that whole thing that she says about like, I don't want to deal with feelings all the time. Like I just, I like guys that do stuff.
I want to go places. I want to take in the world.
Her boyfriend, Charles, that she had for a while. She's just a doer.
Like we would do stuff. And I get that.
Like there's so many, I do, of course I validate feelings and I, of course I want, but there is a point at which we have to get up and put our shoes on and not POV. We're at the airport, but rather just go get the sandwich and pee and like have plans and do things and go to Disney and water the garden and make a party and invite your friends over.
And I don't know, there's just something very, granted she lives deeply within privilege, but she, I love that she's just, she doesn't sleep at all. That's a true thing about her.
I know her assistant. That's really true.
She's never, all of her businesses were born of insomnia. That was early on.
And the fact that she was doing crafts with those ladies in the prison and like growing, working on the garden and like she just is a doer. And there's something deeply inspirational to me about that.
That garden thing is what kind of cracked something open for me where she was like, if you want to be married for a year, if you want to be happy for a year, get married. If you want to be happy for a decade, get a pet, get a dog.
If you want to be happy for a lifetime, get a garden. Plant a garden.
Plant a garden. And I'm like, oh, that's it.
Or any kind of garden, any size. You just have to do something.
Yeah, exactly. Literally mold the earth with your hands.
And she's doing that every day in different ways.

I mean, and she's

endlessly creative

from a business standpoint.

But also, let's just say,

OG feminist,

because she turned

domestication on its ear

and became a billionaire.

She took,

she somehow understood

Purple State.

Early on, people were very shitty,

including me on SNL,

about her selling that brand

to Kmart.

And she was like,

why wouldn't people at Kmart

want nice things?

And if you're not looking at her stuff like what that's impossible She was just making it happen and then she was like, this is a business, this is a business. And she's been very open-minded about lots of types of all kinds of people across our culture.
I think she's great. I didn't realize that Andy Stewart, her husband, was so like that.
But then that story about her in the cathedral. I know.
So beautiful. So beautiful.
But also random. She's like, I got so overwhelmed by being in a cathedral that I made out with an Italian stranger.
I love her though. That's such a gay guy thing.
It really was. It was the Hines.
That's not deeply relatable. I mean, she was like, it wasn't cheating.
I was in the basilica. I kissed her.
The basilica is a, you can't judge yourself. Everybody's God in that space.
Everybody's God. And that's what she really is.
She's like an instrument of beauty. Like she loves beautiful things and she wants everyone to experience.
I mean, and they are, like, I don't know, like there's a big part of me that's like, it's so cheesy, but like Paris is my favorite city and like I've gone and it's like, you have a, you're like, I just can't stand thing here's perfect I'm so happy like it's you vibrate with beauty and it reminds me of the Will and Harper thing where at the end like he gets Harper those earrings I know it's okay to like nice things it's okay to like lovely things I know and I'm like that's it and it doesn't have to be the most expensive like that's what's so cool garden there you go plant a garden a flower a vegetable a fruit it's a lovely thing that you made I know. And I'm like, that's it.
And it doesn't have to be the most expensive. Like, that's what's so cool.
Garden. There you go.
Plant a garden. Plant a garden, a flower, a vegetable, a fruit.
It's a lovely thing that you made. I know.
And she was so cool when I was on Drew. She was so, like, I mean, we quote unquote surprised her, which I was always like, you know, again, it's just a nightmare.
Because, you know, it's not a person who loves a surprise. And she like, you know, and I'm like sailing in dressed as her.
And she was so sweet. Sailing in.
She just kept she kept like grabbing my hand and she was, you know, ruining it by talking through the fourth wall. Like, oh, you look so much like me.
But it was still like so charming and she hugged me after and her assistant was like, it's so great to see you. We should do more together.
It was just very, she gets it. She's always gotten it.
Totally. We were mean on Saturday night and she always got it.
Actually, everybody on SNL, Celine Dion, same thing. So graceful about it.
And I, you know, well, partially I think she thought I had a bad voice, which helped. But because she said that to me, she was like, your voice is so horrible to hear.
Which I was like, this is a language barrier thing. I'm going to choose to believe this is a language barrier.
Your voice is so horrible to hear. Your voice is so horrible to hear.
Okay, this is where we got to wrap up, which means it's time to say one more time that you can see Once Upon a Mattress at the Amundsen in LA from December 10th to January 5th, and you should. And also, if you can catch it in the last, I guess, couple weeks on Broadway, do that.
November 30th, yeah. It really is.
It's joyous. It's fun.
Sugar and booze, you better be streaming it and checking out the shows in the Midwest and in LA. What day on the- December 16th, one night only, yeah.
Love. But mostly just listen to it because it really, I did make it to bring people joy.
Listen to to it while you're wrapping your presents and you're shaking your drinks and you're shaking your ass. And you're shaking your everything.
Yeah. Shake and jiggle.
Shake that ass. Shake that ass while you listen to Sugar and Booze.
We are so happy you're here. Thank you for joining us.
You guys are the best. Thank you for having me and my daughter and her fellow gays say thank you.
We say hi to all the gays and the guzbins and everybody out there. We want to say hello to you and we end every episode with a song.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light.
We'll work on it. Why didn't we say Why'd you start so high? Goddamn tenors.
We're not tenors.

This is the second time in a row

or third time in a row

that a guest has clocked me for the key.

No, it's a nice,

it's your song,

it's your show.

And have yourself

a merry little Christmas

now.

Good! Let's go! Christmas now. And our music is by Henry Kamersky.
my whole album, Have You Heard of Christmas, plus a lot more with the whole band all throughout December. Go to www.mattrogersofficial.com to see me in a city near you.
Have you ever felt that uneasy anxiety when the 4 p.m. hour strikes? The creeping meal-related distress that happens when you don't quite feel prepared? You know, dinner dread? Let's get rid of that unpleasant feeling forever with one word, Stouffers.
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When the clock strikes dinner, think Stouffer's. Shop now for family favorites.
This episode is supported by FX's Dying for Sex, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. Inspired by a true story, this series follows Molly, who after receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis, decides to leave her husband and explore the full breadth of her sexual desires.
She gets the courage and support to go on this sex quest from her best friend, Nikki, who stays by her side through it all. FX is dying for sex.
All episodes streaming April 4th on Hulu. Love starts with you.
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Every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora Jewelry remind you that love starts with you.
Are your ears bored? Yeah. Are you looking for a new podcast that will make you laugh, learn, and say, Yeah.
Then tune in to Locatora Radio Season 10 today. Okay.
Now that's what I call a podcast. I'm Diosa.
I'm Mala. The host of Locatora Radio, a radiophonic novella.
Which is just a very extra way of saying a podcast. Listen to Locatora Radio Season 10 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
At Fairfield Subaru, we believe that cars are not just about safe transportation, but about the people who ride in them. As a family-owned dealership, we're deeply committed to our community.
From sponsoring local pet adoptions to supporting first responders, we strive to make a positive impact. Our dedication has been recognized with the 2024 Subaru Love Promise Community Commitment Award.
Fairfield Subaru. Visit us at 2525 Martin Road in Fairfield or at fairfieldsubaru.com.
Fairfield Subaru, where love meets the road.