Episode 630: The Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan Murders Part II - Blood & Beef

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There's no place to escape to.

This is the last time.

On the left.

That's when the cannibalism started.

What was that?

Now that you're here, this entire thing has just been a ruse to bring you into my class.

I do feel like I'm in your haven.

I'm inside of where your casket would be.

For those of you that don't know, we are recording remotely this episode in Asheville, North Carolina in a very wonderful home studio given to us by the wonderful people over at Moog.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we got this through our Moog connections.

We're here at Round Table Studios in Asheville, North Carolina.

It's so perfect.

It's so cool.

Roundtable.

Oh, it's amazing.

It makes me so happy.

Also, I have to say, it is Kevin's birthday today.

Oh, it is?

Yes, it is.

Yeah.

So it's all kind of beautiful in a way.

It really is.

This is a great way to celebrate Kevin.

He would love these vampire homes.

Nothing

would make him happier than him ragging on Rod Ferrell.

Like he would hate this vampire lifestyle.

He wasn't a vampire.

He was the opposite of vampire style.

But he did like to dress up.

He did.

He did.

And I will say, but he did also love messing with gutter punks.

And so this would have been a good one for him.

Now, Henry, I have to say, I know this is, you know, your camera angle is horrible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You've got to like move like the thing at all.

I think this is it.

You are the one that people like to see the most.

I think this is how we're, we're in a basement.

For those of you that don't know, if you can see this on the Patreon, we're in a basement where the crimes of today happened.

Yes.

It was here.

This is, I mean, we're in the

old house in Asheville.

This is where you beat an older couple to death with a crowbar.

That.

Fucking that wood paneling is made to be splattered with blood.

It should be.

It should be written.

Pigs should be written on that.

Riley, get some fucking blood down here.

Come on, face.

You better just open up your fans.

Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left, ladies and gentlemen.

We are, of course, recording live from Asheville, North Carolina.

Thank you so much to everybody who's come out to our shows here in North Carolina over the next few days.

You can go to lastpodcastontheft.com to check out and see where we're coming to play live shows in the rest of the country.

But today, we are going to be getting on to the Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clam Murders Part 2.

But before that, my name is Marcus Parks, and I'm here with the newly died Henry Zabrowski.

I'm dead.

You know what I thought, though?

I said, I thought that your hair dye.

Your hair died.

No, oh, that's what you mean.

Oh, I thought that you meant I'm dead.

No.

And I feel if I if I would have said that you were dead, like you were newly died, that would mean I'm having a stroke.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Your hair looks great.

Show the people.

Take off the hat.

No, you got to see.

You got to wait.

You got to wait until the live show.

That's when you can really see the wind blowing through the last four hairs.

Yeah.

You look like a Hulk Hogan-themed bow bun.

Thank you.

Save it.

If we could save it.

So what was it like getting struck by lightning?

Six times.

Remember that from the greater tourists?

Oh, yeah.

I do.

And we have the very comfortable Ed Larson.

Yeah, no, this is actually very nice.

I hope I'm still funny.

I'm so relaxed.

Yeah,

you're on this nice leather couch.

It's very nice.

I got another one, Henry.

Congrats on the new horror movie you booked, The Adults of the Corn.

Why?

They can't see.

They don't know.

His hair is dyed white.

Thank you.

Yes.

It's blonde.

I asked for Hulk Hogan.

They said it will fade into something like that.

So did you ghost your hair before it ghosted you?

Yes.

That's the goal.

The not-so-macho man.

I wanted to look like shit to talk about Kentucky.

Hefty Plemons over here.

Save it.

We got a lot of shows.

I'm going to do it all weekend.

Oh, my God, Henry, we wrote so many.

I know.

Wait until we get to the show.

Well, as I said, we're here at the Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan Murders part two, part two of three, because this story just ended up unfolding and becoming a fascinating look into the lives of these weird small-town goths.

It really, like, it almost almost feels like studs turkey.

Well, now that we're in Asheville, you can really feel like a small town has got the two sides, right?

It seems.

It seems like the truly like I'm looking for a peaceful experience.

I like a slow breakfast.

I like an even slower Uber ride.

And then there's the other side of it that is for some reason more dramatic than anybody you've ever met before in your life.

And they're at the 7-Eleven and they're looking to start shit and they're going to decapitate somebody.

I I like this fucking place, man.

I love this place.

Yeah, no, it reminds me.

It's like, I know it's Eastern Standard, but it is mountain time.

You know, like everyone's just taking their time.

Oh, they really are.

Yeah, no, it's crazy.

Yeah, and Harvest Records is absolutely incredible.

I'll say that right now.

So when we last left the Kentucky teenage vampire clan, 16-year-old Rod Farrell had successfully convinced a number of teens in both Kentucky and Florida that he was a 500-year-old vampire named Visago who was merely inhabiting the body of a teenage teenage boy.

Got it.

Now, Rod's claims of being a vampire were taken far more seriously down in Eustis, Florida, where teenagers Heather Windorf and Janine Leclerc had fallen for Rod's line of vampire bullshit in a big way.

But from a different perspective, I think it would be fair to say that Heather and Janine pretended to fall for it hard, because the specific way that all of these kids blurred the lines between fantasy and reality is extremely important to this story.

What these kids needed was glam rock.

Yeah.

They needed to start a band.

That's how you do it.

That's how you get out of a small town.

That's how you dress like a lady and freak people out and show your nipples and get laid across the country.

That's what you do, folks.

That's right.

That's right.

And, you know, Eustis, Florida, not many people know this, but it got its name because it used to be nice.

I don't know, Eddie.

See, one of the things to keep in mind for the rest rest of this series is that despite all the shit we talked last time about the Kentucky vampires or Wampiers,

it seems like during the time that Rod Farrell actually killed two people, 1996, almost everyone but Rod knew that the whole vampire thing was basically Kfabe.

In other words, saying that you were a vampire and acting like you were a vampire, it was all an act for most of these kids.

Because guess what they weren't?

Vampires.

Yeah.

Yes.

It made them feel more powerful than they really were.

And it gave them something to while away the hours in their respective small southern towns until the day they could finally leave or they were saddled with a kid or they died.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's their jobs.

That's what they're supposed to do as Americans.

Those guys, these people, unfortunately, are supposed to die first up in trench warfare.

Yeah.

Yeah, that is their level of success.

Yeah.

But in contrast to those just looking for something to do, Rod Farrell had come to believe in his own story so thoroughly by the summer of 1996 that he was beginning to worry the other so-called Murray vampires.

And just to be clear, Rod had only met his fellow vampire buddies a few months before this because he'd only been quote-unquote sired by his friend Stephen Murphy in January of that year.

At this point, I think we're talking about like May, like April, but Rod was about to become so insufferable that even a small town improv group would find his attitude to be a bit much and rod was therefore about to fracture the murray vampire community in twain and if you've never met a small town improv group but you know because they're always named like you know epsteins misteens or whatever you know like it's like they are the idea of your attitude's too much

also the murray vampire i just can't help but think of my Uncle Murray every time, and it's just like how much he would hate these motherfuckers.

It was everybody walking around dressed in black.

We used to see how Furil was

having all the tolls.

Tolls to kill him, congested pricing.

I was supposed to see Phantom.

Bring these fucking vampires up to Jersey.

Then we'll show them a thing at you.

Yeah, see some Newark.

See what Newark's how they sort out some vampires.

Oh, God.

Vampires of Newark.

I am a

boy.

I kind of want that.

That's legit, though.

If you're a vampire in Newark, then

you have to be legit.

You have to be a murderer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, Rod returned to Murray, Kentucky in the spring of 1996 when his grandfather was called back for work.

If you all remember, his grandfather was a traveling salesman and moved between Murray, Kentucky, and Eustis, Florida every few months, and he always brought along Rod and Rod's mother, Sandra, because he said he could keep an eye on them better that way.

But while in in Florida, Rod had spent months convincing teenagers Heather Windorf and Janice Leclerc that he was indeed a 500-year-old vampire named Visago.

But when Rod returned, most of the older Murray State students from the Victorian Age Masquerade Performing Society, aka Vamps, they had decided that they didn't want to play Vampire the Masquerade with Rod anymore because he sucked all the fun out of the game due to how seriously he was taking his Visago persona.

For anybody who's been in a nerd enclave,

this does happen.

Yeah.

There does need to be a natural readjustment when things go too far.

Like how my family disallowed risk from being played within the family home because of my missteps at the end of a family bout of risk.

Missteps.

My missteps.

Which were?

I flipped the table

because Jackie.

Cheated

because she didn't know what the hell she was doing and she was winning and she did it was all just by luck, pure luck.

And I didn't understand at the time.

That's not cheating.

That's called life.

That's called life.

That's not, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's called life.

That's what happens sometimes.

It's like they were risking their happiness playing it with you.

Exactly.

And that's what I brought to the table.

Brinkenship amongst the family.

Well, separate vampire camps had already begun to form in Murray, and much of the tension was centered around Murray's ancient vampire meeting grounds, where clans would discuss magical spells and astral projection, amongst other arcane topics.

Yes, the forbidden arts.

Yes, tensions often run high wherever the children of darkness gather.

And in the hallowed vampiric center that was Murray, Kentucky, the bloodthirsty clans of the night spawn congregated at

the local hardies.

Thus I normally keep a casket filled with my the dirt of my home country deep inside the fryer section of the hardy.

Yes, I am here to find my happy

One vanilla milkshake, please.

No, I cannot afford this $6 burger.

I must have the $3 burger.

Time for the dead to rest here in the drive-through

now if y'all ain't gonna buy nothing y'all gonna have to leave you

you are right

time to move on to the haunted gray hound station what do you mean you do not have mayonnaise

make sure you get your orders to cisco incorrectly

Now at this point, Rod was not yet totally on the outs with the other vampires, so he was allowed to hang out at Hardy's whenever he wanted.

But even though some of the college students from from Vamps had started to sour on their 16-year-old playmate, there was one 19-year-old who still enjoyed Rod enough to actually date him.

That girl, three years older than Rod, was named April Doden, but her chosen vampire name was Shai.

Yeah.

April was either a freshman or a sophomore at Murray State who'd met Rod through the college improv group.

And Shai, or April, like Heather and Janine, she'd been pulled in by Rod's raw goth goth charisma.

So much gets done for a man if he's skinny in Kentucky.

I feel like it's mostly just that when she said he had raw goth charisma, she meant skinny.

Yeah.

And they think that a lot of the other vamps might not have had the BMI that she was looking for.

I will say that, yeah, being a skinny boy from the South who's always been skinny,

I was definitely a rarity.

Yeah, and it definitely, and it certainly gets you beat up and it definitely gets you fucked with quite a bit because there's just something about the weakness that they really like zero in on.

They don't realize I'm stringy, I'm ropey, but they know that girls like it.

That's why they get angry.

Yeah, well, not all the girls like it.

I've definitely heard quite a few ewes in my time.

Well, I heard a couple ewes.

Yeah.

It happens.

It happens.

You know, I get all.

All I got was ooze.

Oh,

ah.

Ooh, was what was coming out of your pants.

I was excited.

I'd been soaking for an hour.

As far as Rod's charisma went, he certainly had an instinct for it.

But like many other charismatic sociopaths, Rod used whatever was at his disposal to learn how to more effectively manipulate people.

In Rod's case, the thing that taught him manipulation was Vampire the Masquerade.

Because it's one of the skill sets that you can have in Vampire the Masquerade.

It's easy to have that skill set when you're just rolling dice.

But still, there has to be a lot of interaction.

Oh, yeah, of course.

I mean, there's favorable beginnings, depending on whether or not you have a proficiency in persuasion or intimidation.

Intimidation is actually sometimes a lot more even more powerful than persuasion.

So you've played this before.

I am begun.

Well, I might even let people on to the fact that LPN is working on a bit of a thing alongside of the creators of Vampires the Masquerade.

So this is huge.

So you're also inspired by Rod.

yes because he's skinny that's what i like

i said i can ride them hip bones

yeah and it's actually this isn't just a promo like we just we the

vampire the masquerade thing and us coming upon this story can total coincidence it's how it works you know but through playing vampire the masquerade rod developed the social skills to lure people into his circle by finding and engaging their true desires in other words while everyone else was playing vampire the masquerade to have fun rod was searching for vulnerabilities and weaknesses.

It's like the guy who tries too hard at poker night.

You know, you're just like,

and he shows up wearing sunglasses.

Oh, you know, we have very good friends that used to do that when they keep buying back in and buying back in.

And you're like, you got to go home.

You're bad at this.

Now, when Rod got together with April Doden through the Victorian Age Masquerade Performing Society, she was actually pregnant with another man's baby.

Yeah, call to seed.

Yeah.

I caught a seed earlier this month.

I'm just going to say, like, for those of you, like, Lubbock people will understand this.

And people, like,

Murray State very much reminds me of South Plains College in Loveland, Texas, which is like about 30 miles from Lubbock.

It's the type of people, I used to hang out with some South Plains people because they also had a recording program out there.

The people that are involved in this story,

they're Loveland people.

They're South Plains people.

And they're fucking.

Yeah.

Oh, they're fucking, they're getting pregnant.

They're spreading STDs all over this town.

The only thing that ain't shy about me is me.

Yeah, and this is for my Tallahassee people.

These are my Sopchoppy folk.

Gotcha.

Yeah, the worm grunts.

Yeah.

It's true.

They go out and they get more.

They put these like big tubes in the ground and they grunt a bunch and the worms come up and they keep the worms.

Well, they give the worms to the fish.

I know what worm grunting is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What would some people at home mind mind that?

Yeah, they're trying to educate the more elite members of our audience.

The ungrunting folk.

Well, Rod, he got a little domestic when he moved in with April, at least for a bit.

April even gave him a pet name.

She called him Bunnyfoot.

And Rod made plans to adopt April's baby after it was born.

It'll be good to eat.

Can't wait to eat your baby with my family.

Bunnyfoot is like the worst luck dude in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Now, Now, even though Rod was just 16, April was deeply in love with him.

In fact, as far as she was concerned, the only thing wrong with Rod Farrell was that his mother, Sandra, called their apartment every night begging him to return home.

But it did not take long for Rod to get bored with the whole situation, and shit got real weird and real aggressive real fast.

See, sometime in July 1996, Rod and April went to JC Penny together to look for a wedding dress.

But in true goth goth fashion, April put a dog collar on Rod to freak out the squares.

That was also for the engagement pictures.

That's the thing.

That's me.

She led him around the mall on a leash and tied him to clothes racks and such when she tried on dresses.

Does this trigger you from your childhood, Henry?

No, honestly, it brings me a sense of comfort.

It was nice to be cared enough to be held hostage.

Yeah, they didn't want to lose you.

That's the thing.

All their problems would have been over.

Oh, if I just went?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and you got a harness, not a collar.

Why?

When you have two leashes, that's when it starts getting into the hummacaptive.

Now, while this sounds like April and Rod were having fun that day, the whole game collapsed after April didn't buy a dress.

The two of them got into a fight in the parking lot where Rod escalated things by calling April a whore and threatening to kill her unborn baby.

This is, again, just to point out how often they are idly threatening to kill each other, kill infants, kill, kill, killy.

They just say it no matter what.

It's like a knee-jerk reaction.

Yeah, and it sounds dangerous, but again, it was hard to take these people seriously because Rod followed up his threat to kill her baby by saying that he had better things to do than helping her raise her fucking baby because he was totally about to start recruiting and training an army of vampires.

I tell me, that's why my niece won't get a job.

I keep telling her that you need to really like, listen, this, if you want to train and recruit vampires, it's not going to happen in the living room.

You got to get out there.

You got to go to the graveyard.

You got to go to Romania.

I mean, if you're recruiting vampires, there is a baby inside this woman.

Make it

from the gifts.

Too long, man.

The dark army's coming like before the new millennium.

This is 1996.

He ain't got a four-year-old by that time.

That baby ain't doing shit.

But how powerful would it be if you turned a toddler and then everybody thinks that toddler's an innocent little toddler and then was wandering around the streets at night looking for blood instead of milk, some big-breasted, full-milked woman could show up and try to feed that toddler real easy, lickety-splickety, because that's what women do, especially if they're filled with milk, and then that toddler's just going to bite the hell out of your tits.

Ultimate surprise.

Indeed.

Isn't that kind of, yeah, like a southern version of Let the Right One In.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pitching shit all over the place.

Tammy.

And that's Tammy.

That's my, that's my toddler, Tammy, Tammy Jr.

But this year, this also tells you how seriously other people took Rod's threats.

Because when Rod said, I'm not going to raise your fucking baby, I got to raise an army of vampires, April joined in on the game, even in this extraordinarily serious moment.

She begged Rod to let her help raise the army of vampires because she said that she could give Rod access to her fairies and her fae magic.

Women know your worth.

And I can only imagine, can you fucking imagine sitting, you're at the fucking mall, you're waiting for your wife or your husband to go in and get something.

You got the windows down because it's cool, and you hear this argument happening two cars away in a full Kentucky accent.

I think the key is you walk over there and be like, hi, name's Anthony Van Helsing.

Yes, I am the great, great, great-grandson of Vladimir Van Helsing,

the cousin to the original Van Helsing.

And I'm here to piss all over the side of your car because that's what I do.

Because I'm just released for the afternoon from the local insane asylum.

Now, April eventually wised up and left Murray State when Rod told her soon after this fight that he had a fantasy of slicing her, quote, from ear to ear.

Because that's going to be one of the things that you'll notice coming up is that when the threats start getting specific, the vampires start getting scared.

So, April was already gone by the time the murders occurred.

But even so, April told author Aphrodite Jones that she and Rod had stayed in contact in the years since the murders.

And April even half-joked that the two of them were set to meet up again in 300 years at the ancient vampire grounds of Hardy's.

No!

The hollowed ground!

The Hardy still stands!

Which she told Aphrodite Jones, she said, our souls are forever connected.

Now that's really interesting to hear.

It's me, Aphrodite Jones.

And that's really interesting to hear.

Now tell me, do you set that up with a Google Calendar invite?

How do you hold a vampire to his word?

Let the people know.

Now, April was by no means Rod's only girlfriend in Kentucky, and his other local vampire Boo would be one of the unlucky members of his clan to accompany him on his journey to Eustis, Florida to kill Heather Windorf's parents.

In Murray, Rod's main vampire squeeze was a 15-year-old girl named Charity Kesey, who fell for the vampire routine just like everyone else.

Rod, however, told her that while she was his so-called undying love,

he needed to remain devoted to all of his vampires, which meant that he could fuck pretty much whoever he wanted.

Absolutely, dude.

I fucking, my iguana farm, man.

I gotta fuck my fucking

iguana farm.

Is that your name for like your phone book of old ladies you fuck?

Yeah.

Yeah, I gotta spread it around.

You know,

it takes a real fine gulch to catch a king seed.

That's what I'm looking for.

But with charity, Rod found another form of manipulation.

Tragically, this girl had been sexually molested by a relative when she was a child.

So Rod discovered the magic of trauma bonding by telling her that he had been sexually molested by his grandfather, Harold.

Now, Rod very well may have been molested by his grandfather.

The evidence is certainly there.

But when Rod told the story to Charity Kesey, he made sure that he had the most metal fucking molestation ever

by using all the classic satanic panic tropes of the day.

Rod told Charity that when he was very young, his grandfather brought him to a group of four or five men who sodomized Rod as a part of a ritual to fertilize the demon spirit within.

You have an idea how many kids you got to go through till you can get one to fertilize?

These little boys just won't take it.

You know, be a mother.

Now, this, of course, never happened.

But charity believed that it did.

And it somehow gave the rest of Rod's claims more validity.

This whole thing is very similar to what...

Well, we've covered it in Kruger's Dorp before.

We've covered this style of...

By the way, this whole story makes Krugersdorp, those people, it makes them even fucking dumber.

It's so much cover.

Because so much dumber.

Because they were adults.

Yes.

And these are,

at the end of the day, these are all teenagers except for one person.

But again, I watched another documentary on the vampire murders.

Like this story, we're blowing this story up in a very specific way because the other coverages of this story, only like everybody's obsessed with the vampire angle, but they take it deadly serious, even to this day.

Yes.

And they should not.

Because you know what it is?

It's an important American belief structure system.

We saw it with QAnon.

We see these types of things where if you're looking for something to change your whole paradigm and give you meaning, no matter what it is, if you're desperate for meaning and belonging, that thing's going to show up.

It just shows up.

So these, not only are they vampire people looking to belong to something, that's where the vampire stuff works for them, but the whole town loves the vampire stuff because it gives them something to push against.

Yes.

And it makes them feel like they actually fucking matter.

This idea that these ancient vampires and satanic cults have arrived to take over Murray, Kentucky, when it's like if they have it, like if the failure, the vampires let the billionaires have San Francisco.

It's not gonna happen in Murray.

You know, it's just like the vampires got beat by Twitter.

Yeah.

Yeah, they were almost a fun part of the community.

Almost.

But then everyone realized like, oh, okay, they're they're animals.

Yeah.

And also, Rod is a piece of shit in like a million different ways.

Yes, he is.

But this chick confessing her trauma to him, and then him having to one-up this insane trauma that she dealt with is like a special kind of hell.

Yeah, I was molested too, but it was like five times that.

Yeah, I know.

It was like five guys, and it was my grandfather, and also it was satanic.

It was like a whole thing they were going to set me on fire unless I made Bill Clinton come.

And it was so hard because he was tired from the red eye.

And

they put me in an Iron Maiden, but I was just too thin

so that no no he never poked me i was just in a i was just in a big metal cow so anyway tell me about your trauma again or whatever i guess that sounds interesting yeah i guess so i'm getting horny just thinking about it

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Hey, Eddie, what?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know.

It's like, halala.

Oh, so hot, hot, hot.

While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably.

I would say you got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises?

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

Crack you.

But otherwise.

But otherwise,

you're good to go.

And that's why you got to make the switch to Mint Mobile.

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The other thing about the the media coverage uh of this case is that really it reminds me a lot of the man family because one of the things that we talked about uh when we talked about the man family was how you can tell when somebody covers the manson family murders you can tell if that author has done drugs or not sure you can you can and you can tell if they've done drugs with other people or done drugs in a group and this story is so niche and this uh subculture is so niche and we of course you know the three of us, we've, you know, we're not goth kids, but we definitely were friends with a lot of goth kids over the years and were involved in that community.

So we have a perspective on this that I think most journalists and most people on the out, like they just see it as this impenetrable, strange thing that they couldn't possibly understand.

And it really is.

The only thing you have to understand is that they're playing pretend.

Yeah.

And that's it.

And it went out of control.

And this country has an issue with that.

Well, this country has had an issue with people playing pretend and making it real since its fucking founding.

Honestly, this is kind of magical and awesome in a way.

I mean, it's what makes America amazing and it's what makes us innovators and it's what makes us who we are, but it's also going to kill us all.

Yeah.

Now, concerning Rod's family, what's interesting about the dynamic is that his mother, Sandra, she'd spent years warning her son about the dangers of Satanism.

And she'd even maintain that the handbook for Vampire the Masquerade was itself a satanic tome.

It's so nerdy.

It's so nerdy.

But in the summer of 1996, Sandra, at the age of 35.

Well, I think it's 35.

It's unclear.

She's between 33 and 35.

She changed her perspective completely when she decided she wanted in on the game as well.

See, as we said in the last episode, Rod's mother Sandra had the emotional intelligence of a 12-year-old girl.

So I think that when she saw how much attention her son was getting for his vampire story, and when she saw how much sex he was having because of it, because Sandra was also hypersexual she wanted in so Sandra began encouraging Rod to decorate their home with spray-painted pentagrams and satanic altars while Sandra herself began dying her hair black and wearing goth clothes god all of the boners are withering

except one

Once established as a gothic, as they call them in Murray, Kentucky, Sandra officially asked her 16-year-old son to quote unquote sire her to embrace her into the world of vampires.

This request, I can't even imagine the number that this did on Rod's head.

Oh, yeah, dude, because it's not making you more like sexually attracted to your mom because it's super lame.

Yeah.

If your mom really wanted you to fuck her, right?

If you're, she'd buy you drugs and buy you food and stuff like that.

Well, it's not just don't be a vampire.

Don't come in on my fucking society.

Just fucking teach me how to come, I guess, because I had broken legs.

But

it's not just that, but like, think about it.

You know, he is a 16-year-old boy who has created a fantasy world that is so alluring and so real that his own mother is begging him to be a part of it.

Begging him.

Oh, yeah.

You know, which can only inflate the sense of power that he has.

And not only that, but like when you're 16 years old, like your parent is not supposed to be your friend.

Well, no.

They're not supposed to be your peer.

They're not supposed to be talking to you on the same level.

Well, the problem is, is that what, you know, how many of our listeners have dealt with this as young people that you did not realize that the 30-year-old that you were hanging out with when you were 16, who was buying you alcohol and shit, wasn't the coolest person you've ever met.

At the time, they were awesome.

And it's not till you yourself become 30 and just look at a 16-year-old and you realize how brutally annoying they are and how much they smell and how awful they are and that you're not going to spend time some of them can be nice but you're not going to spend time with.

Yeah, I'm not hanging out with the 16-year-old.

No, not hanging out with them, but they're not all like horribly smelly monsters.

When's the last time you've been around a bunch of 16-year-olds?

Careful how you answer.

Shut up, Eddie.

I'm going to, this is my time.

It's called leverage.

When was the last flight?

God, I can't remember.

God.

Man, also, I got to say, like, you know, sucking blood is gross enough, but sucking your mom's blood.

No, there's something worse about it.

It should be better because you're family, but

somehow it's grosser.

It's far worse.

And you're born in it.

Yeah.

And only child, Rod?

Yeah, surprisingly enough.

Yeah, makes sense.

Yeah.

Well, and that's the thing.

Rod was smart enough to know that nothing would kill the vampire vibe faster than bringing his mother into the mix.

So he responded to her request to be sired by Colin's mother a fucking poser.

Oh, well, this poser shot you out of her fucking uterus.

So we gotta think about whose pose is what?

You like this pose?

Bam!

Bam!

Bam!

Bam!

Check my eyes went up.

My knees are apart.

Wow.

Look at that.

My lipies don't touch.

Also, did not know this is how poser is spelled.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Poser spelled U-E-R.

It's French.

Yeah, posierol.

So after Rod rejected Sandra, she looked for other vampires to sire her by throwing herself at Rod's teenage male friends, which was brutally embarrassing for Rod's Visago persona.

But while while most of Rod's friends fended Sandra off, this 35-year-old woman zeroed in on 14-year-old Jamie Murphy.

I have found my nine-point book.

Jamie Murphy was actually the younger brother of Stephen Murphy, who is, of course, the so-called vampire who had sired Rod Farrell the January before.

Now, it seems like vampirism became the family business, because Jamie Murphy was into the vampire stuff just as much as Stephen, and his dedication actually only grew more intense as he got older.

In fact, Jamie was the vampire that we talked about last episode, speaking in the Eastern European accent.

So, suffice to say, this whole incident with Rod's mother did not put him off vampires at all.

He's like, of course, the

what they say, the riper the bearer,

the thicker the juice.

I mean, is she 30?

It doesn't matter if she's 35, if you're a thousand.

Exactly, Eddie.

Well, actually, it does.

In court of law, yes.

Well, no, no, no.

Even in their game, like, that's the thing big.

Neonates don't shouldn't mix with the elders.

But yeah, even in their game, they couldn't put that together.

Like, they couldn't say that, like, oh, yeah, I'm 500 years old or I'm a thousand years old or whatever.

She's 35.

It's whatever.

They just didn't want anything to do with her.

She was creepy.

Yeah, she's creepy.

She's really creepy.

But Jamie was the youngest boy hanging out with this vampire clan.

So Rod's mother did what predators often do and chose the weakest one of the pack to target.

After building a bizarre shrine to this fourteen-year-old boy, Sandra began a courtship of sorts by writing Jaime a series of filthy pornographic letters.

In her first letter, Sandra wrote, amongst many satanic references meant to excite Jaime's goth brain, that Rod was going to make her a vampire soon, and that she wanted to be Jaime's vampire bride.

Once Once Sandra and Jamie were joined in vampirism, they could then have wild vampire sex every night because Sandra thought about being quote French-kissed and fucked by this 14-year-old boy all the time.

Yeah, and I was thinking, all right, so you come down the stony steps of my mausoleum, right?

And then you push that sarcophagus lid off to the side, and you're like, hot damn,

is that a lady in there?

And then you put your little, your gummy hands on my boobs.

And then you mush them down a lot.

Feeling them.

And then you go down to

my butt.

And you start

feeling it.

I imagine it wasn't far from that.

No, no, it wasn't.

Actually, we're haunted by the sounds and sights of my Dracula butt.

My Dracula boobs.

That's the sound of my pussy hole makes searching for blood.

Actually, we're about to hear some actual excerpts from the letter, or at least the second letter, because Jamie did not write back to Sandra nor acknowledge her first letter in any way.

So Sandra kept pressing.

This is what she wrote in her follow-up: quote, I long to be near you, for your embrace.

Yes, Jamie, to become a vampire, a part of the vampire family.

Immortal and truly yours forever.

Sandra continued, writing that Jamie should not be afraid of her, quote, vast sexual experience.

It is as vast as the Pacific Ocean and as deep as a well.

Yes.

Please have sex with my vast hole.

Please, the bigger the better, because less I feel it.

She said she now only had eyes for him.

She did not have to worry about her.

He did not have to worry about her previous sexual partners.

You don't got to worry about all the train I got run on me.

She then invited him over for the 4th of July.

Yes,

the most historic vampire holiday of all time.

Have a hot dog.

And at this 4th of July celebration, she wrote, quote, I'll unzip your pants and go down and I'll lick you and I'll suck you until you're just about to get off in my mouth.

And then I'll pull my dress up and then move my panties over and guide you inside me.

It's very much, I mean, it's penthouse forum style writing.

It's not the worst, it's not that it's the delivery.

Yeah, that's what it's really.

It's really the delivery.

You're gonna want to hustle my panties on over in order to get to the gap.

Yeah,

if you're gonna want to get to my gap, you're gonna need to push over my phone letters.

All right, come on, you know, come on, release the bush.

I mean, if this started with, I never thought it would happen to me, and it was, you know, written about like a woman who went to, I don't know, like, she went to go buy a used car, but instead of buying a used car.

That sucked dick.

Instead of buying that used car, it sucks as dick.

Long story short.

Just kind of wrap that up there.

I know we're all trying to move on today.

God damn.

When Stephen Murphy saw these letters from Rod's mother written to his little brother, Stephen convinced Jamie to report them to their mother.

Because the only thing that beats a bad mommy.

is a good mommy.

So their mother could hopefully help fend off this 35-year-old sexual beast.

But instead of just making an irate phone call to Sandra demanding that she leave her son alone, Stephen and Jamie's mother filed charges for sexual abuse.

Finally, somebody arrived doing a single thing.

Yes.

So Sandra was charged with soliciting rape and sodomy.

Although, the thing is, we couldn't, I think the charges were dropped because our researchers couldn't find any court cases or anything like that.

It's difficult to put all together, especially if it's just written words.

And then when it comes down to it, you you know, she should have left a voicemail.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And Rod was still living at home.

So they would have taken him from her probably if he's 16 at this point.

Maybe.

I don't know.

It's Kentucky, dude.

Yeah, they would have just gotten him married.

Yeah.

I mean, and then he would have become a senator.

Now, Rod was, of course, mortified that his mother had inserted herself into his game.

So he went to Stephen to smooth things over.

They agreed that the whole situation was, in their words, quote, not good.

It's not good.

Things are not good.

That's the top of the meeting.

First, if you can put that on the notes, right, of the very top new business, things not good.

But Rod couldn't help but escalate.

He blurted out that he was going to kill his mother and kill his grandfather.

Hell, he's going to kill everyone in his fucking family because they all deserved it.

Now, Stephen just sort of waved that off like they all waved off idle death threats.

So Rod changed tack and tried to convince Stephen to move with him back down down to Eustis, Florida, where Rod's vampiric concubines, Heather and Janine, were waiting.

Stephen, however, declined because, as he told Rod, he was planning to attend Murray State University the next year to pursue what else but a drama degree.

Yes, another actor.

Thank God.

Yes!

Although from the documentary, it does not seem like that became a reality.

No,

is he the one that went to Los Angeles?

No, he was in Chicago.

Actually, no, he is, he, Stephen, is the one who went to Los Angeles.

Yes.

He's the one that was like, we spoke to Gothics in Los Angeles, and some had heard of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, Stephen, he was also the one who's like, man, I fucking, nobody's going to hire me around here, man.

Nobody's fucking hiring me because I'm a fucking vampire, bro.

So I'm going to go to Los Angeles.

All kinds of industry and shit out there.

Nobody fucking cares if you're a vampire.

No, sir, it's because you don't have a GED.

Now, Jamie was the one who went to Chicago, and God help him.

God, I hope everything worked out with that kid because he's like, yes, I'm going to Chicago now where I will probably live under bridge.

The true vampire lifestyle under a bridge in Chicago.

Yeah.

They got bridges in Kentucky.

Actually, he said, I have believed in the bridges in Kentucky before, but I imagine the bridges in Chicago are much nicer.

No, they are not, buddy.

They are not.

They are not.

And there is a lot more competition.

Now, soon after Stephen rejected Rod's suggestion to kill his mother and or move down to Florida with the rest of Rod's vampire clan, the relationship between Murray, Kentucky's two original vampires began to come to an end with all the drama you'd imagine, but quite a bit more violence than you'd expect.

Now, the story of Rod and Stephen's big blow-up has been told a few different ways.

But the way that it was reported to the police was that in August of 1996, Stephen accused Rod of, quote, messing with a mutual friend's girlfriend.

Rod denied this.

In response to Rod's denial, Stephen allegedly grabbed Rod's throat and slammed his head into a brick wall before seriously choking out Rod.

But just as Rod was about to pass out, Steven let go and allegedly told him, quote, now you know I'm superior and you're under me.

Now that was the story that Rod told the police after he lost the fight and ran off to his mother to tell her that his friend Steven was being mean to him.

He's a vampire competition bastard.

Stephen's girlfriend at the time, however, had an entirely different and far more believable tale to tell about how the fight went down.

She She said that Rod had tried to beat up Steven with the baseball bat and had even tried to stab Steven after Rod had threatened to spill Steven's girlfriend's guts.

Whoa.

But Rod was such a weakling that Steven was able to easily disarm him and choke him out.

He has pee-wee arms.

And Steven's actually like, he's a thick dude.

Yeah.

He's like Ed's size.

Yeah, he's a big guy.

Yeah.

Like here's Steven telling the story in a very typical goth kid manner.

This is what you'd call the goth kid cadence.

And then he made some kind of

insinuation towards that effect of killing me and shit like that.

And that's just when I went from laughing, I looked at him, I ran over, I grabbed him by his throat, picked him up and slammed him into the brick wall and held him there and his face turned like four different shades of purple.

And I was like, well, fuck, I think I'm going to kill him.

So I'll let him go.

You know, after I told him, you know, not to fuck with me because I'd beat his ass.

My friend that was with me freaked out because I went from,

and then it was like instantaneous, you know?

Yeah.

And this is why we're doing it in this way is because I just can't help after the third documentary I watched and they're all like,

satanic cults are taking over middle America.

And it's like, you, it,

it's Steve.

You know this guy.

Yeah.

You know Steven.

You went to high school with him.

You maybe went to college with him.

He might be your next door neighbor right now.

He's working with you right now.

Yes.

This is probably Stephen's only fight and he loves telling a story.

Of course.

Oh yeah.

No, no, the goth kids like this, yeah, have like that one fight that they won because they did sucker punch someone.

Technically, it is goth cred in this way because Rod Farrell killed people.

So he did beat up a guy who killed people.

Yeah.

Then that's a big, and that's a big deal.

And you're right.

I would keep telling that story.

But Rod, he, of course, disputed that version of events and gave his own version of the story.

I turned into smoke and he didn't understand.

Well, I guess what we all didn't understand is is that the smoke can be inhaled and the smoke couldn't be blown out.

So then I became a guy again.

And he had me unawares.

But even though Rod is telling this story from death row itself, he still sounds like a little bitch talking a big game.

There was no fight to it.

He just slammed me up against the wall, and that was that.

I told him, you know, leave.

Go.

Because that night I would have killed him.

Love him or not, I would have killed him that night.

He's such a fucking loser.

I would have killed him that night.

I would have killed him that night.

He just beat the shit out of you.

Yeah.

You had the very, very much an opportunity to kill him right then.

Yeah, and you also had opportunities to kill him for like months afterwards.

Yeah, and he took your knife and your baseball bat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a little hard to kill somebody after they take all your weapons.

Hey, give those back.

I was going to kill you with those.

But no matter how it all went down, Steven was still charged with assault and was therefore sentenced to six months in jail for beating up rod and the vampire community was none too pleased that rod had gone to the cops whoa bitch ass went to the popo

he went to the cop he went to his mom first and then his mom took him to the cops and then rod told him all about the cops well steven had beat me up oh well we better let me get my holy water

Six months for beating him up?

Six months, yeah, man.

Dude, if he was a normal kid, nothing would have happened.

None.

Absolutely not.

No, if he was a football player who would have beaten up Rod Farrell, he would have gotten a fucking pat on the back.

Yeah, they would have given him a beer.

Yeah.

Yeah, it would have been like, oh, they had a go.

Leave him alone.

Yeah.

Now that brawl was only the beginning of the altercations that occurred between Stephen and Rod prior to the murders that Rod committed.

And they very much threatened to escalate in a big way.

Because when he was sentenced to six months in jail, he didn't go to jail right away.

He had a little bit of time before he had to do his time in County.

See, Steve.

See, that's a dangerous time.

Yeah, it is.

Now, Stephen had had gone back to saying that his character was 2,000 years old.

Because remember, Rod was pissed off in the beginning because he now Steven's changed his character back.

Oh, actually, I'm 2,000 years old.

I am actually 2,000 years old.

Yeah, yeah.

Because they made up and they kind of started to create a shared lore.

And that this happens a lot in this story where these people will get together, they'll build their own lore, and then they'll merge that lore with one of their vampire friends.

And in their shared lore.

That's literally the game of Vampire of the Masquerade.

That's like what you're supposed to do in the game.

Also, what's six six months when you're 2,000, baby?

Exactly.

That's right.

In their shared lore, Steve and Rod had known each other in their dreams for centuries before they finally met in person in Murray, Kentucky.

Yes!

The height of evil!

The capital of decadence!

As Rod put it, he'd been calling to Stephen through the land of dreams for 500 years.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, Steve, where are you at?

Hey, Steve.

Hey, Steve, I'm over here.

Hey, Steve.

500 years of that.

And it had taken 500 years for Rod to walk from Steve's dreams into his physical life in Kentucky.

Now, all this fussing and a feuding that Rod and Steven were going through.

Oh, yeah, all this tugging and a rustling.

All this sucking and a fight.

It had broken Rod's heart, especially because it happened.

I mean, it only happened eight months after they had spent 500 years trying to find each other in the land of nightmares.

I wish we had done some sort of conflict resolution in our dreams or something that seemed more like, I don't know, some kind of getting along thing because, well, it seemed to work out.

The dreams were nice.

Hey, Steve.

Well, since Rod was so heartbroken, he devolved into a puddle of tears in front of the whole group during a Vampire the Masquerade session one night.

He shrieked for Stephen to kill me.

Kill me!

Kill me!

I can't stand it!

Kill me!

But Steven, tired of Rod's bullshit at long last, he rejected him completely, declaring that Rod had betrayed them all by going to the fucking cops.

He did!

Yeah, and Rod was therefore banned forever from these gatherings!

Yes!

And in response, Rod made a bunch of threats about invading Steven's dreams.

Yeah, I'm gonna show you my dick and my dreams.

Oh no, wait.

You wanna see my butt?

I already showed you my dick, and he loved it whoa i guess i'll show you evil hell and mirror

what else can i pull up that's also the name of my ass yeah look at it and he also said a lot of violent shit besides that but at this point steven finally dropped the act at long last he yelled at rod to get a fucking grip because nobody here is actually a fucking vampire rod so you can't just fucking kill people people and expect to get away with it as if it all was real.

You saying that like I'm some kind of vampire.

I'm currently about to go to jail for just choking you.

Yes, it's very real.

You fucked my life up because your dumbass thinks you're a vampire.

I mean, really, that six-month sentence, it might have derailed Steven's entire life.

Oh, very much so.

It probably did.

At this point, yeah.

Now, as it often goes, this was not quite the end of Rod and Steven's relationship.

Even though Rod was banned forever, he was more like banned for a week.

And he showed up from time to time for masquerade games in the months afterwards.

Which also showed that Rod had a foot outside the game, too.

He definitely had a, he knew what was going on, too.

He never actually thought he was a vampire.

He's not a vampire.

He doesn't actually believe in it.

But he's just sticking to Kayfabe because he's the most emotionally immature of a group of people that are some of the most emotionally immature people in the United States of America.

Yeah.

Well, I think you can, I mean, you can convince yourself of fucking anything.

Sure.

And I think he did convince himself that he was a vampire.

And I think he did convince himself that it was real.

Sure.

But the relationship between Rod and Stephen, and therefore Rod's relationship with the Victorian Age Masquerade Performing Society, all that finally came to an end when Rod began engaging in casual animal cruelty.

One night, as Rod, Stephen, and some of the other Murray State kids were hanging out in the woods playing a game, a stray cat happened upon the group.

According to Stephen, Rod grabbed the cat, and after putting a quote evil grin on his face, Rod slammed the cat against a tree over and over again until the cat died.

Now, goth kids will accept a lot of shit, but one of the things that this community will not countenance is cruelty towards a cat.

These are cat people, these are cat variants.

This is a cat society.

Yes.

So that night, Rod was kicked out of the group for good, and his bond with Stephen Murphy was permanently severed.

I don't see you in hell.

Do you think that the day before Steven went to jail, they listened to Stevens last night in town?

Whoa, yeah.

No way, dude.

Fucking Ben Folds 5, that's for the, like, those theater kids tried to get me to listen to Ben Folds 5.

It's fucking stupid, except that song Brick made me fucking cry because

I remember that time that I fucking took sh, like

Shanda to get a fucking a portion.

And we didn't want to, but we had to.

And that album fucking sucks, but if you want to put it on, I'll listen.

Now, the reason why Rod and Steven's relationship is important to the story is because I think that Steve sort of kept Rod in check.

Because once Steven was out of the picture, Rod escalated his rhetoric, his lore, and his plans for the future.

See, Rod Farrell did not stop playing vampire just because Stephen Murphy and the Murray State kids didn't want him in their game anymore.

Looking to form his own vampire clan, Rod reconnected with two childhood friends who'd also been dabbling in goth culture.

These friends were Matt Goodman and Scott Anderson.

Yes,

Matt and Scott, the two most evil men I know.

They will will help me build my vampire empire.

Now, both of these kids,

they seem to be pretty much your run-of-the-mill goth kids before Rod Farrell supercharged their darkest impulses.

Matt and Scott, they're the type of kids who hung out in graveyards while they tried to one-up each other on who knew the goriest details about Jack the Ripper or Jeffrey Dahmer.

They spent a lot of time talking about they could totally kill somebody if they wanted to.

If they wanted to, yeah, that's how we all met.

That is how we all met.

Yeah.

But Rod Farrell knew how to take these perfectly normal, violent teenage impulses and funnel them into the fantasy world he'd already created with all the other vampire kids in Murray.

Sort of like how militaries funnel violent teenage impulses through patriotism to create soldiers.

It's the same principle.

Now Rod offered Matt and Scott the opportunity to feel a little bit of power.

And this was enticing because both Matt and Scott were lifelong outcasts with very real problems.

Scott Anderson, for example, was a foster kid who'd been shuffled back and forth across the country multiple times before he'd finally landed in Murray, Kentucky.

He was very much an awkward teen, 16 years old, with a mousy mustache, frizzy black hair, and thick glasses.

This is your nerd's nerd.

But through Rod Farrell, Scott found a way to feel both cool and powerful while also gaining a sense of family.

In another life, I think Scott Anderson probably would have just been a juggalo.

And that would have, this is what they've got, this is what this whole crew needed for ICP.

They really did.

And this is like 1996, so it's like right before Great Malinko really hits.

Fuck you.

Yeah.

Wiki heroes.

Clowns.

No, no, okay.

I'm not going to get into that.

Yeah, but

they needed ICP.

They did.

Yeah.

They had like,

they were like a year away from finding a community.

Yes.

Yeah.

Limp Biscuit was almost there.

Yeah.

Well,

even yet.

No, Limp Biscuit, I don't think would have been great for these these kids.

I think I CP would have been wonderful for them.

They would have all been.

It's a whole lifestyle.

It is.

No, family, go to the gathering, have fun.

Yeah.

Yeah, plus, the drinks are cheap.

Faygo?

Dollar Faygo.

That's fine.

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Hey, Eddie.

What?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know.

It's like, halala.

Oh, so hot.

Hot.

While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably.

I would say you've got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises?

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

Crack you.

But otherwise.

But otherwise,

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And that's why you got to make the switch to Mint Mobile.

Mmm, so fresh.

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Now Matt Goodman was much the same as Scott Anderson.

He was also a total fucking dork.

So when Rod started talking to them about possibly being vampires, it didn't take much convincing to get them to buy into the narrative.

Anything but this!

Anything but what I am, okay?

See Rod had introduced Matt and Scott into the world of vampires by saying that he'd quote unquote researched true vampiric lore at the library, which, according to Rod, was totally different from the bullshit you see in those lame fucking movies.

To hide him in books because books are hard.

Now, once Rod convinced Matt and Scott to believe in the Visago persona, Ron started teaching them quote-unquote martial arts.

I would have paid hundreds and hundreds of dollars to see this sequence of events.

Teaching them martial arts.

Come on now.

Now,

this this is how you use the nun joke.

It's like this.

The kick.

The kick.

Now perch.

Won't work.

You'll make a flying vampire.

Well, this mostly involved the three of them hanging out in the woods, farting around with weapons they made themselves.

Because Rod told them that they had to be trained when the dark army finally came.

Yeah, and I, I, you know, me and my friends used to do this shit.

We would, yeah, we would clash, you know, we would make shit out of like scrap metal and like hit each other with it, and, you know, clash swords.

It was a lot of fun.

Oh, yeah.

But from what it seems like.

I mean, they are getting kind of old for it, though.

Funnily enough.

I was not doing this at 16.

Yeah.

This is something you do at like 12, 12, 13, 14 at the latest.

Yeah, at 16, we had shitty boxing gloves and were beating the crap out of each other in garages.

But it was like moving on to ladies at that point.

Sure.

Now, from what it seems like, Rod was trying to create a bloodlust within Matt and Scott by having them pretend to do battle with the so-called forces of evil in the woods.

Okay, look, all right, the trees is a reanimated skeleton.

All right, now kick it.

Kid it.

Kick it.

Kick it.

Kick it.

Kick.

Now punch it.

Which that makes no sense because it seems like the whole point was that they were the forces of evil.

No, it's but yeah, we are one of.

Yeah, because evil is cooler than good.

Because good is dumb.

Yeah, evil is awesome because evil's.

Evil.

He said, we're Skeletor and they're the horde, okay?

It's a different type of evil.

But regardless of the inconsistencies, Rod would have Matt and scott imagine that they were battling demons and gods with their homemade swords all while rod chanted from his so-called books of magic in order to further blend fantasy and reality where are the guys in big cowboy hats to bully these people into breaking their dreams oh don't worry they were there like that's the thing is that these i actually kind of respect these vampires because they were bullied so fucking hard all the time and they did not budge i agree honestly i even take that back.

I think that in normal circumstances, this is awesome.

Yeah, this is an awesome story.

No, the way some ways.

The way that it's supposed to go is that you get bullied, you endure it, and you leave because you get bullied, and then you grow up somewhere else.

And you glow up in another city, and it's an amazing time.

You'll have an amazing time.

Yes.

Yeah.

And everyone else there, they're such bullies.

The only steaks they have, they put them together and they set them on fire.

Yep.

That's tasty, though.

Very tasty.

And so, within months, if not weeks, Matt and Scott were sired into the vampire world and given their vampire names.

Matt would become Damien, while Scott was henceforth known as Nosferatu.

Which shows that he didn't actually follow the manual because he knows that Nosferatu is just a clan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, that's the thing, is that this is after Vampire the Masquerade.

He's just jumping off.

Yeah, so he's just ripping it off in a shitty way for them.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I think, I don't know if Rob, it's unclear at this point, like after he left, after Rob left.

I don't think he read the manual.

Well, after he left the group, I don't think he had the manual.

Maybe he did, because I know he did because his mother said that it was a satanic tome.

She might have got it written if gotten rid of it, but it's like 20 bucks at the time.

That was big money for him.

Yeah, but I think what Rod's doing with these new kids is I think he's just kind of going off the cuff.

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, while all this again sounds innocent, if not just downright silly, Scott Anderson, as Nasferatu, he would be standing next to Rod Farrell when Rod beat Heather Windorf's parents to death with a crowbar.

Meanwhile, Stephen Murphy had continued playing Vampire the Masquerade without Rod and had even managed to replace Rod with a new kid.

Hey, everybody, just so you know, Rod's gone.

Here's Eric.

Yep, his name was Eric.

And together, Eric the bloody.

Together, Stephen's clan continued to haunt Ye Old Vampire Hangout.

Hardy's.

Yes, Eve,

it is difficult and hardy.

Give me the Frisco breakfast sandwiches.

I literally looked over and I now understand that you're looking at the Hardy's menu because I was just looking it over while we're doing the show and I just see burgers on Ed's computer.

I'm just like, are you looking at fucking hamburger porn while we're working?

I'm just trying to build a pun.

I just understood that it's Hardy's.

I was just like, bro, we're going to fucking get lunch.

I swear.

They do have a hot ham and cheese.

Now, what I don't understand about the hot ham and cheese, it's either 270 calories or 1,430 calories.

That just depends if you want the ham or the cheese.

Yeah.

With Steven hanging out with Eric at Hardee's, this naturally caused Rod a lot of problems.

For how powerful could he really be if he were to suddenly find himself not hanging out at Hardee's?

For that is where vampires in Murray, Kentucky go.

And if he is not at Hardy's, then is he really a vampire at all?

If I'm at the Dairy Queen, am I a vampire?

Or am I just some

poser?

No, no.

No.

No, I'm a werewolf.

If at the Dairy Queen, if I'm at the McDonald's, I'm a ghoul.

Yes, and if

I'm at the Long John Silver's, I'm the

beast from underneath the waters.

Oh, man.

Poor Stephen, when he got to LA, did he know where to go when Hardy's was called Carl's Jr.?

Oh fuck!

What the fuck?

I bet it took like five years for him for someone to finally say like, you know, that's Carl's Jr.

I miss it.

I'm here to meet Carl Sr.

I want to ask him.

Well because of this whenever Rod and his new vampires would appear at Hardy's, Stephen's vampire clan, they would go quiet.

Apparently, Stephen had made it very clear to Rod that Hardy's was his clan's territory, and the front front door of Hardy's was a boundary that Rod was forbidden from breaking.

If I was this manager, I would put a fucking bullet in my head so fast.

Just dealing with this every fucking day, dealing with these fake vampires and Hardys.

The regular clientele of the Murray Carnegie Hardys is not gonna be fucking a batch of rays of sunshine, I imagine.

I imagine they were referred to as these motherfuckers

many times.

Well, as far as Stephen was concerned, by going to Hardy's, Rod had, quote, defiled the most ancient pact because Rod had forfeited his right to patronize Hardy's in a previous unrecorded battle.

So, when Rod continued to desecrate his vow to never return to Hardy's, Rod and Stephen declared vampiric war on one another.

The town will never be the same.

He sent you to jail.

How are you still playing pretending to be a kid?

I know his ass.

Yeah, beat the shit out of him.

of him.

Beat the living fuck out of him.

Just do it.

Why are you fucking around?

Now, I'm sure the college kids who were just playing Vampire the Masquerade to sharpen their improb skills became quite dismayed when they found themselves in the middle of a towny power struggle.

Because as someone who went to school in the college town of Lubbock, Texas, I will say from experience that this sort of shit gets real.

See, townies, no matter where they are, they take turf wars very seriously.

even if it does involve just a bunch of Ponce goth teenagers arguing about who gets to hang out at Hardys.

For example, after Rod declared vampiric war on Steven over the Hardy's beef, Rod actually made a fair amount of Maltoff cocktails that he planned to use to blow up a cemetery while his rival vampires were playing Vampire the Masquerade.

This action was actually so serious that Sandra betrayed her vampire oath and actually reported it to the police.

Said, I think Rod's planning on blowing up the town.

And the cops actually staked out the cemetery where the college kids played for nights on end while waiting for Rod to strike.

And they sent Stephen to jail.

I love it.

You know, honestly, watching them play, I just, you know, sometimes I wonder and I watch them go back and forth.

And I think I understand it.

I think I'm a Malkavian.

Yeah, I think I most understand the idea of being both, you know, truly prophetic, but

my bane being insanity is one of the hardest parts is the fact that I just go completely schizophrenic and it ruins my dice rolls you know that's interesting because I had you pegged as a bruja you know I thought at first I could be a bruja and I thought I looked on it and I wanted to be sort of like

my goal was to be a form of bigger chested

kind of it's like I wanted to be a sinewy lady right

but I think now I want to be Malcavian because I want the all specs ability all right it's great so does that mean that we can finally just admit that we love each other and leave our wives and get out of here?

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go to Cabo.

Let's go.

We could be gay in Mexico.

I hurt St.

Louis.

Here we go.

Let's go, Villera.

Let's get on the highway.

Now, Maltoff Cocktails is, of course, far more of a serious action than one would expect to be taken when you're talking about the inner squabblings of a college improv group.

But it is is something that might actually happen in a gang war, which is what Stephen and Rod were actually planning.

But thankfully, for the college kids, Rod got distracted from trying to burn all of them alive because he was going through all kinds of drama with his vampire girlfriend Charity, who was toying with the idea of trapping Rod with a pregnancy because they were constantly breaking up and getting back together.

The single vampire travels farther.

Old easy keys.

I'm catching seas like I'm a sparrow.

Oh, no, they got into all kinds of, like, there was one drama where she told him that she was pregnant, uh, but she actually wasn't.

He said, No, you can't be pregnant because I already like got this girl pregnant down in Florida and she had the baby, but then the baby died in a car accident.

And it's so

the baby died in a car accident?

It didn't happen.

Wow.

He's lying.

Yep.

Now, aside from his personal dramas, Rod decided that instead of making war on his rival vampire clan, he was going to focus what energies he had left on forming stronger bonds with his new crew whilst also engaging in more animal cruelty.

As you can see, Rod Farrell is starting to ramp up.

towards committing violence against actual humans.

See, in mid-October 1996, Rod and possibly one of his vampire friends, this is very unclear, they broke into a local animal shelter and badly mutilated two of the dogs.

Reportedly, Rob ripped or cut the limbs from the animals and ostensibly used the parts and the blood in some sort of half-assed ritual.

And of course, the townspeople, when they talk about it today, they talk about it like they fucking discovered, like, they talk about

it like we would talk about like Bohemian Grove.

Yeah.

You know, like the most evil things in the world happened outside of this animal shelter.

I mean, it's pretty fucking evil.

It's evil, but, you know, but it didn't involve Satan.

Yeah, it didn't involve Satan.

Yeah, and it didn't involve like the sacrifice of children, but they do.

It's their local lore, definitely.

And that one doc, trigger warning for that.

They love showing the pictures of the dogs.

Oh, and then the other dog, but then it's funny because they showed one doc showed all the pictures of the dead mutilated dogs, no pictures of the victims.

The other one shows all the pictures of the victims, none of the dead dogs.

So I got it all.

Yeah, we got it all.

But what's interesting about the animal mutilation is that Rod did not involve his entire crew because it seems to me that Rod actually knew that the other kids would not likely participate in violence with the same glee as him even against animals.

Actually, especially against animals.

Yeah, and I think he also learned with the cat incident.

See, the crew that Rod had put together were all down for casually talking about killing this person or that or talking about violent things in the abstract, but they would start to get wobbly when Rod would talk about specific fantasies to kill real people.

For an example of how the clan liked to differentiate between reality and fantasy, they'd listen to Rod tell stories all day about how demons, man, demons, they would chop up my immortal body for a meal.

They saw it off my head and they served my heart for dessert.

But I came back from it because I'm immortal.

And that was super cool.

Yeah, he did.

Wow.

It's very violent.

Cool, Rod.

Yeah.

Yeah, that sounds great, Rod.

Well, they'd hang on his every word and they're like, yeah, yeah, wow, that's awesome.

Tell us more.

But when Rod would say that he wanted to chop up actual people into bite-sized bits and cook them up like they were animal meat, his fellow clan members would try to change the subject because that was just a little bit too real.

What do you think Charles Manson would have for lunch?

The crazy part is, like, I know he killed two people, but like, I still don't believe that he would.

Yeah, of course, he did.

Like, I still think he's that much of a coward.

But that's the key.

Nobody did.

Yeah.

Now, by October of 1996, about a month before the murders, Rod's crew included his newer vampires, Matt and Scott, aka Damien and Nasferatu, along with his 14-year-old girlfriend, Charity.

Now, Aphrodite Jones takes a pretty sympathetic view of Charity because Charity was a 14-year-old girl, and Aphrodite makes it seems like all Rod had to do to bring Charity into the fold was tell her that he loved her.

I mean, I could see it a little bit.

You know, she's just not...

Let's just say she don't got a lot going on in the brains department.

But that's the thing.

And she's a child.

But that's the thing.

So Rod used the same manipulative techniques on the kid who would stand right next to him as Rod murdered the Windorfs.

That kid was Scott Anderson, who by this point was answering only to Nosferatu.

Oh god, I wouldn't just want to just beat the shit out of him.

So bad.

Sirod knew Scott's history as a foster kid, and he absolutely took advantage of Scott's intense need to belong to something that felt like family.

As such, it didn't take long for Scott to buy into the vampire story harder than anyone in the so-called clan.

Scott fully believed that Rod could cast death spells, that he could reanimate the dead so he could drink the so-called blood of the damned, and that Rod had, quote, forbidden knowledge that led to eternity.

You're stuck in Murray, Kentucky.

If he had any powers, you'd be anywhere else.

Ah, but that knowledge, sir, is forbidden.

Also, why does he have it?

Don't they embalm dead people?

So there's no blood.

Well, it's a long story.

They reanimate the dead.

They're not thinking that far ahead.

No, they don't know what happens.

Yeah.

Embalming fluid, though.

You can get fucked up on that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you can get real fucked up on that.

Yeah.

And so, within a relatively short period of time, Scott was made the number two vampire in Rod's class.

Yeah, you're the doo-doo vampire.

Suck shit, not blood.

Hey, no, no, I don't.

I'm no spiratu.

No, yeah, no spirat.

No spirit two as a number two, K-2.

No!

No, that's not what it is.

No fart, too, fart 2.

No spartu!

Yeah, that's you, bro.

No, I'm vice president of the vampire.

No spat too.

That's you, man.

I'm dangerous.

Give me some beans, big boy.

I'm a fucking immortal creature that needs to feed on the blood of the innocent.

The cracks in Rod's vampiric facade threatened to show when Scott would sometimes ask uncomfortable questions.

Like,

why aren't you a vampire now?

Change it to a bat.

Yeah, come on, change it to a bat, change you a wolf.

Where are your teeth?

Come on.

Yeah, it was logical questions.

You gotta bring your casket to the hardies to order?

Seems like there's a lot of garlic in that.

Yeah.

But Rod had all the skills necessary to come up with a reasonably satisfying answer on the spot every time.

Listen, I know how to talk to idiots.

Yes.

For example, when Scott asked Rod why Rod bled if he was an immortal, Rod would say that it was because he was born a human, but he had been possessed by a demon as a child in a satanic sacrificial ceremony.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

So, while his physical body did indeed belong to Rod Ferrell, the immortal soul that inhabited it was Visaga.

Yeah, to bet, bet.

Taking it further.

No cap.

No cap.

Taking it further, Rod said that he was actually many different people, in addition to being a descendant of the Egyptian god Osiris.

And it was only a matter of time before Rod took over the whole universe anyway by turning off all the satellites and plunging the entire world into darkness.

So, none of this really fucking matters in the end, bro.

Yeah, yeah, but bet, bet, no cap, bro.

No cap, bro.

Yeah, bro.

Another bet.

In other words, Rod was unfortunately a lot smarter than Scott.

And Rod knew how to say confusing things that sounded good in such a way that asking follow-up questions would make Scott feel like an idiot or worse, like a novice for not knowing.

So, like, when you take over the universe and stuff, like

I get a job, right?

Like, what am I gonna do?

Oh, Nosferatu.

Jobs in the future, as in now, as in the past, jobs are not jobs.

Jobs are merely prisons.

They are merely these things, these constructs.

Sorry, I'm an idiot.

I'm a fucking idiot.

You are, I prefer the term novice.

I'm just a neonate bitch.

Man, this fake conversation between you, I know, is smarter than the conversation they had, and it still angers me.

Now, since Scott was Rod's number two, Rod quickly brought him up to speed on his other vampire clan down in Eustis, Florida.

That, if you'll remember, was made up entirely of two teenage girls named Heather and Janine.

The girls, by the way, had since taken the vampire names of Zoe and Celeste, respectively.

They could have chosen any names in the world, and they chose two regular ass human names.

Zoe and Celeste.

Yes.

Now, in order to bond Scott to him closer, Rod gave him, quote-unquote, possession of Heather, saying that Heather would become Scott's so-called dark mate when Rod finally managed to get his whole clan together in one place.

But she's white, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, because, like, my mom's super angry if I did it.

If I tried it one time, I brought even a Hispanic girl home.

She got flipped out.

She go crazy, man.

Yeah, bro, because I'm like, I'm not racist, but like, my mom is.

So it's going to cause like problems and shit, bro.

No, she's white.

Go, go, go, go.

Because it's it's my mom.

It's not me.

No, I know.

It's not me.

It's my mom.

Oh, I know.

I know.

I know.

Oh, I made sure she's white.

Translucent even.

Now, Scott had actually gotten into the vampire role-playing just as hard, if not harder, than Rod.

So once Rod gave him permission to pursue Heather, Scott began writing her letters to flesh out his own character even more.

Scott claimed that he was 1,017 years old.

Why does that make him the dumbest of all of us?

It really does.

1017, it's...

He makes me angry.

I'm twice as old as you, plus my regular age.

But twice as old as you, plus my regular age, plus one, because he was 16.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he, but like Rod, he had chosen to reincarnate into the body of a 16-year-old boy in small town, Kentucky.

Every vampire's dream.

Scott also wrote that his likes were traveling and bagpipe music.

What is he?

What is this person?

Yeah, I know.

That's because corn was popular.

Actually, I thought about that.

It's 1996.

So I believe in 1996, the first corn album had just came out.

And I don't know if there is bagpipe on the first corn album.

Isn't Daddy the last song?

I think that's on the second one.

I think that's on Life is Peachy.

Oh, okay.

I could be wrong.

You probably are not.

I probably am.

But yes, it could very much be a corn thing.

Yeah.

But that's the thing.

After Daddy Jones listed Scott's likes, didn't list his dislikes.

Yes, his dislikes were like reading,

growing, knowing things, real friends, or not being a vampire.

Yes.

Reality.

Now, as opposed to Rod, Scott liked to get into the deep cuts of vampire lore.

At times, he would tell Heather that he was a psychic vampire who fed off souls without having to kill, while at other times, he'd say that he was a half-human, half-vampire, like Blade, a creature known as as a dampir.

I've never heard of a dampyr.

I've heard of a dampyr.

The only dampyr I can think of is if you turn Louis Anderson into a vampire.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they're just describing us wet as underwear.

Yeah, yeah.

I am a dampire.

Besides letters, Rod and Scott would call Heather and Janine on the phone for sometimes eight hours.

Oh, well, that's that's something Mark, our constituency.

If you're too young, you might not understand what it's like talking to your interstate crush for eight hours and just leaving the phone off the hook, just listening to them breathe or do stuff in the background.

Oh, yeah, it happens, and you're doing it with your friends, and their friends show up, and it's just like a fun time.

But the problem is that Rod ran up long-distance bills so high that Rod's mother got a phone shut off.

Ha ha!

Once again, reality comes crushing in.

Yeah, Astral project that shit.

During these calls, though, Rod would bind the four of them closer together by saying more outrageous shit.

Like the time he told Heather that he was calling from New Orleans and he had just killed someone and ate the body and ground the bones into powder.

Sounds nice.

That sounds fine.

Yes.

But I left the powder out and it's so moist down here that it just got soupy and now I'm all fucked.

I'm so sorry you got on your diet.

Rod would also tell Heather and Janine other ridiculous things.

Like he told them that Scott was possessed by a female demon who had fucked Jesus during a seance and Scott was therefore going to give birth to the Antichrist, presumably through his butt, someday soon.

That's crazy.

I spad for Scott.

I hope he's got butt insurance.

But I guess it'll just, he being a wampire, I guess he'll just kind of, I guess, butt will magically open up.

Does butts open up when you have.

No, but I don't know if they

took Jesus in my butt.

I have not either.

And you know, I never.

Do vampires defecate?

I did.

I did earlier today.

Because I do too.

And I was wondering about that because I still defecate too much.

I defecate quite a bit, Chris.

Yeah.

I shift blood, but I think I have a different problem.

I think you need to go to the doctor.

You're losing blood.

Honestly, you're going to have a blood loss problem, so you need more blood.

But, you know, it's important to note that while Rod was talking about Antichrist butt babies, you know, and they're also, you know, they're listening to Marilyn Manson, listening to Antichrist Superstar.

All four of these kids are laughing about it just as much as any other group of teenage kids are going to laugh about something when their friend is talking shit, when he's saying something stupid and just going off on things.

But I think the laughter is key to what was about to come.

See, the ridiculous things that Rod was saying about killing people and demon possession and such, These were mixed in with everything else, with conversations about Heather's day at school or how Rod's mom sucked.

It's regular teenage shit.

So none of these kids knew when to take Rod Farrell seriously.

Furthermore, I think that Rod, mixing everything together, had also gave these other kids license to mix fantasy with their real life as well.

Because after all, they're basically all engaged in an extended off-book session of a vampire role-playing game.

For example, Rod told Heather about his black mass molestation story, which itself was a Kfabe, which itself was a story a lie told off of another girl's molestation story.

But Rod claimed that years later, Heather built on his molestation story, and she would talk about how her parents as if they were monsters as well.

Because you want to get along.

You're trying to join.

Yeah, you're trying to join in on the game.

He would say that they were abusive.

He would say that her father molested her.

He would say that they were evil and that she needed to be rescued.

In reality, the Windorfs were a perfectly normal fucking family.

They were quintessential.

It was a quintessential American Florida family.

They got a Mopey Goth daughter and a popular cheerleader daughter.

But I think that Heather liked pretending that her parents were evil.

Do you know how many goths I met in this way?

Yeah.

This is a very common stripe.

Oh, yeah.

And my parents, oh my God, my parents are so evil.

Yeah, it's like it's very common because it's like it's just kids because you don't understand.

Your parents are, they got to be mean to you.

Well, kids are already dramatic.

Like, teenagers are already dramatic in the first place, but when you take that teenage drama and make it goth,

it gets so much bigger than it already is.

Basically, Heather Wendorf filtered the teenage emotions that everyone has about their parents through a dark goth fantasy lens, which she'd borrowed from Rod Farrell's dark goth fantasy.

But the problem is that while no one knew when to take Rod seriously, Rod took what Heather said about her parents seriously enough to murder them.

Or at least, that's what he claimed.

And so, it's with Rod's trip down to Florida with his vampire vampire crew to finally commit the murders of Heather Windorf's parents that we'll return next week for the conclusion to the Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan.

I'm just glad this is out like this because truly, every other piece of material I've read about this talks seriously about satanic groups running through Kentucky, and I can't handle it anymore.

I cannot either.

They are not satanic.

They are a bunch of fucking Ponce goth kids.

Just play and pretend.

That's it.

Daddy was the last song on the first corn album, and it came out in 1994.

There you go.

Wow.

Yeah, there you go.

So that's why he liked bagpipes.

That's exactly why he liked bagpipes.

It's because it was on the child molestation song.

And

the corn album.

Man, so many things just snapped together.

94.

I thought the first corn album was 96, but I think 90, yeah, I think Life is Peachy was 96.

I think it came out.

Yeah, it was.

Life is Peachy is 96.

Yeah, and then Adidas came out after that.

Adidas was on Life is Peachy.

No, after that was Follow the Leader, which would have been, I think that's 97.

98.

98.

Yeah.

And then Issues was 99.

Wow.

I dropped out on Issues.

Issues was the last good one.

Issues, Falling Away From Me is actually, I will consider,

as I always say, corn's not good, but you should listen to corn.

Just guys, just know that this is what happens when you grow up.

This is goth growing up.

Yeah.

These guys both talked endlessly about corn.

Back in the day, you'd be destroyed.

Oh, my God.

Destroyed for talking about corn.

I was looking kindly upon corn.

And it was good to see.

He just pulled into my 16-year-old.

Yeah.

That's very good.

You would have been great with these kids.

I practiced that so much when I was a kid when I was alone

in my car.

Oh, I bet.

Do it.

And sometimes with my brother, because my brother also really loved corn.

We liked listening to it together.

And my buddy Aaron, too.

Let's call your brother and have him do it.

I don't think he would want to

because I did the voice.

Oh, because he's got a family.

See, this thing, I did the voice, and it made him laugh, and he liked it, and he thought it was funny, but you know, but not in a bad way, you know.

It really is raspy Stephen Tyler.

Yako!

Yaka, yaka, go!

Yeah,

yakako, yak, yak, go, go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow, that's

it's the same fucking thing, he stole it from Stephen Tyler.

Yeah,

well, go to Patreon to watch this filmed inside of a basement.

We want to say thank you again to roundtable studios here in asheville north carolina thank you thank you guys for the setup it feels like home uh go to the patreon you can pay for all of our horseshoot patriot.com slash last podcast on the left you can watch us do a bunch of stuff we have new stuff coming out there all the time and we're gonna have just so you know we have a lot of announcements that you're about to get slathered with and go to lastpodcaston the left.com to see us live yes september 20th st paul minnesota october 11th milwaukee wisconsin october 25th oakland california november 29th cleveland Cleveland, Ohio.

And December 12th and 13th, Portland, Oregon.

And keep your ears close because I heard that we're going to start doing dates for next year soon.

Yep.

Yep.

We're working on our calendar for next year as we speak.

So if there's a city out there that y'all think we should come to,

let us know.

Let us know.

We're looking for smaller markets and we can't wait.

Yeah, we've done all the big cities and we want to start going to some smaller ones next year.

We haven't done Philly yet.

We have not done Philly.

We haven't done Philly yet.

Side stories did Philly, but we haven't done Philly.

Philly's a lot of fun.

Philly's a lot of fun it's on the list we love you hell sweet

wow wow

i'm so close hail sweet satan uh satan doesn't want to kill dogs no hell ging satan loves dogs yeah satan yeah he's got a three-headed one yeah most could be the most annoying dog possible he literally has a giant dog yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh hail uh i can't believe i'm gonna say this jonathan davis yeah yeah yeah i think he's okay

i think he's all right yeah i haven't heard anything horrible no i heard no gations, no gations on him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think Corn's good.

And, you know, hey, I'll monkey as well.

Who's Monkey?

That's one of the other members of Corn.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

I think one of them became Christian.

I think Head became Christian.

It's hard to road.

But if you really want, you know, they're from Bakersfield, California.

If you really want some fun, go check out the furniture store that one of the members of Corn did for a local Bakersfield furniture company, and it's incredible.

That's amazing.

All right.

See you fuckers.

Peace.

Bang.

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