Side Stories: Stories with Friends

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Speaker 1 See Mintmobile.com.

Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left.

Speaker 1 Side stories?

Speaker 1 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Is there anybody out there?

Speaker 1 Can anybody hear me?

Speaker 1 Your daddy's coming home.

Speaker 1 Hello,

Speaker 1 hello!

Speaker 1 Is there anybody in there?

Speaker 1 I'm all by myself.

Speaker 1 And I feel scared. Normally, I feel the up to 104 degree temperature of Ed Larson next to me at this table.
And as you can see,

Speaker 1 the chair lies empty.

Speaker 1 There's a setting there for him.

Speaker 1 But he won't be there for Christmas dinner, no.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 For unfortunately, today

Speaker 1 it was a memorial episode about Ed Larson.

Speaker 1 What a wonderful life he lived. 1981, I think,

Speaker 1 to 2025.

Speaker 1 43 big fat years.

Speaker 1 He lived and died the way he always wanted to die.

Speaker 1 Which was sucking off a dolphin.

Speaker 1 It's the only thing he thought about. God, I miss Ed.

Speaker 1 I can't believe he died. I don't think he's dead.
Oh, he's not dead yet? I don't think so. He's just sick.
Oh, I thought he died. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Well, that scraps the planet for the episode. Hello, it's Side Stories, and it's me.
Henry Zabrowski. Ed Larson's sick.
And normally we will come up with some kind of solution here, right?

Speaker 1 We'd pipe him in from his home.

Speaker 1 But we know in the end his home has become a gigantic nursing home for dogs. So you just hear the moans of the elderly dogs, and it's hard to hear him going,

Speaker 1 making some play upon words. So today I'm writing solo.

Speaker 1 It's just me, Henry Zabrowski, but I am going to invite the other people, other talented hosts here on LPN to come with me and join on specific stories because I want to see their reaction.

Speaker 1 No one really knows what it's like in here in the cage with me, right? Everybody's afraid. They just hear the yelling from outside this room and they just assume everybody's frightened of me.

Speaker 1 Maybe correct. But today it's going to be different because we've got special guests coming in.
We've got my goddamn wife.

Speaker 1 Natalie Jean is coming in from someplace underneath and LPN Romanticy. We've got Jake Young from Nerd of Mouth.
And we've got Grant Gordon from nothing.

Speaker 1 From literally absolutely nothing. I know he's done a lot of commercials.
He's got some things. Grant's really done very well in the commercial space.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, and I'm really proud of him for that. So if you've seen him on a commercial, please tell him.

Speaker 1 Because he's desperate for the recognition. Now, first of all, today's episode, I want to thank everybody who came out to our live shows over in Asheville, Durham, and Charlotte.

Speaker 1 They were, to be simply put, the best shows we've ever done in every one of those cities. And you can guarantee that was absolutely true.
Asheville was wonderful. A lot of drugs there.

Speaker 1 Really very, very happy with them. Happy with how all of that went down.
Everybody was very nice. A lot of people did not want to talk about the 12 tribes with me, which is a big deal in Asheville.

Speaker 1 Do you know anything about that, Rob? I don't know.

Speaker 1 The 12 tribes is a old school, back to basics, what they used to call the Jesus people-style movement.

Speaker 1 Also, just so you know, you're gonna hear sounds coming from my fucking iPad because what's happened to me today, which is true. All right, before I get into any stories, God fucking damn it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I have lost

Speaker 1 my MacBook. I was in the hotel masturbating, like, as I should, all right, to keep me, keep me honest.
My masturbation is what keeps me a good husband, keeps me being a good man, okay?

Speaker 1 So I was masturbating and

Speaker 1 maybe it was because of the shame.

Speaker 1 Or maybe it was just because my computer had enough.

Speaker 1 Maybe my computer as a silent witness has seen me beat.

Speaker 1 myself off so many times in such dark cryptic way and just looked in my dead eyes staring at the retina display and it's just seen it over and over again my face like david parker ray hovering above myself you know like and maybe it just decided to quit on it so when there's something that popped inside of it, like an internal crack or some horse shit, all of a sudden, I'm literally watching.

Speaker 1 My screen just bursts, and my screen bursts into a bunch of pieces while I'm jerking off at it.

Speaker 1 And is that just the force of the pure

Speaker 1 orgon energy coming out of me? That's not good. That's not good, but now it's so now I'm on an iPad.
And Natalie made the funny little joke. I'm like my mother.

Speaker 1 Because everywhere I'm going around the house, like, oh, I'm getting no Wi-Fi on this. Oh, thank God.
My iPad's my little window to the world. That's what I love about my iPad.

Speaker 1 I just open it up and I could see. You know, you never visit, so I just listen to you on the...
I listen to you on the internet. Why would I lit...
Oh,

Speaker 1 I don't need to talk to you, Henry Thomas. Don't worry.
I listen to your show. It's not like you tell me anything anyway.
I'm becoming her.

Speaker 1 Piece by piece. But this, I will say, running a podcast network on an iPad and a phone is fucking killing me.
Okay? It's not made to work. Who uses these? Who's this for?

Speaker 1 Is this just for, is that iPad just for like grooming children

Speaker 1 and elderly? Just for toddlers. Yeah.
All right. Well, that's me.
I'm somewhere in between. So the 12 tribes, I was bringing those up because in Asheville, that is a backed to Jesus movement.

Speaker 1 Like they believe in the idea of a full stripped-down church.

Speaker 1 We talked about, I believe, during the Jonestown series, the concept of the Jesus Jesus people, which is, you know, people called them Jesus freaks in the 60s.

Speaker 1 It was a kind of ancillary to the hippie movement, where it was a back to basics, no shoes, wandering the earth just like Jesus did us in the old days, right?

Speaker 1 Just gay as hell with your buddies, just wandering the desert, hungry as fuck, hating yeast, right? So now there is that more and more modern equivalence of that. And one of those is the 12 tribes.

Speaker 1 Now, they are centered around the Asheville area. They run a farmer's market inside of Asheville that is supposed to be one of the nicest.
It's not the 12 tribes of Israel. It is a Christian group.

Speaker 1 Like, so they run

Speaker 1 this farmer's market that's actually apparently very famous in Asheville. And people were describing it to me that I thought was very interestingly, where you go and you essentially get

Speaker 1 essentially harassed by Jesus-filled children to buy the most incredible berries you've ever had, the wonderful eggs and milk and all of this.

Speaker 1 And slowly but surely, they're trying to sort of fresh food kidnap you into joining their cult.

Speaker 1 And then you get to be a part of their very, very antiquated patriarchal society where women essentially give birth and that's it.

Speaker 1 And the men can have multiple wives and all of the children have to be beaten. That is literally like one of the major tenets is that all of the children have to be, they cannot spoil the rod.

Speaker 1 so they're beat with with oiled up reeds and shit it's not nice yeah they got a lot of gations a lot of gations yes but you know a lot of people the venue didn't want to talk to me about them i wonder why i wonder why because they control half the city or it's because it's unpleasant and i was alienating them who knows but a big shout out to everybody that we met in asheville because those are the only really people i hung out with i didn't see really see anybody in charlotte or durham because i was tired so in asheville we went out and we we had had fun.

Speaker 1 I want to say thank you to Jade Young, our artist of our new logo. Not that new now, like two years old.

Speaker 1 We hung out, her and her crew, they were great. All the people over at the Moog factory, wonderful, wonderful people.
No gations.

Speaker 1 As far as I heard. Now we got a couple of updates.
Number one update that came across my desk just as I was sitting down. Do you remember the silent man? Oh, yeah.
The silent standing man? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, the silent standing man

Speaker 1 is back.

Speaker 1 And he's more quiet than ever. This is the same guy.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Silent man, a man who's spent more than a decade repeatedly standing in the middle of a busy road until he's arrested and then remaining silent, has done it again.

Speaker 1 Just a month after being jailed for his last silent attack.

Speaker 1 David Hampson. He always chooses the same spot, namely the junction outside Swansea Central Police Station, which is if he's looking to not get arrested, he should choose a different spot.

Speaker 1 But he does it right in front of the police station. He was arrested for obstructing the highway.

Speaker 1 And then the 55-year-old continues to not engage with police officers, lawyers, doctors, court staff, judges, probation staff. And the reasons for his behavior remain unknown.
But I know why.

Speaker 1 I actually think I know why.

Speaker 1 Hush, hush.

Speaker 1 Keep it down now.

Speaker 1 Business carry.

Speaker 1 Favorite song.

Speaker 1 Understands that also straight up talks to the cops ain't gonna do nothing, man, but get you in fucking hot or dookie. That's just the fucking real shit, dude, is that you shouldn't open.

Speaker 1 He's actually the only criminal I've heard of that does exactly what you need to do, which is saying, Jack, shit, never do it.

Speaker 1 Honestly, David, obviously this guy has got some kind of fucking brain problem.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with him? I think he's got brain problems. That is, that's my generous assessment.

Speaker 1 He's got a brain problem and God knows what it is because he looks like the chattering, oh, what's his name? The fat cetabite. Oh, I don't know his name.
He looks like the fat cetabite.

Speaker 1 But that's fine. He's got a problem.
He's got little squish little face and like duck lips. Chatterbox.
He looks like chatterbox. And he's got little piggy eyes, right?

Speaker 1 But he's got a freedom fighter's brain because he understands.

Speaker 1 to not say anything. People say too much.
In the new day, I feel like people, you know, obviously I am the biggest culprit of all. I'm all talking.
I am the exact opposite of strong and silent.

Speaker 1 So I look up to this man in many ways because, you know, he has the balls to sit there while they're all like,

Speaker 1 David, what's wrong with you? What's your brain problem? David, why are you like this? Why are you standing in here? Can we help you? What's going on? And he just silent as an Easter Island head.

Speaker 1 And that is, that's what we should all take this from this, is that silence is golden, especially when you're getting arrested for being silent.

Speaker 1 What do you think is his end game, just to be a human traffic cone? Like, what is he doing? I think David, you remember, remember the

Speaker 1 movie, the Peter Sellers movie,

Speaker 1 I am myself. What was it called? Where he's the me, myself, and Irene.
No, that's the bad. That's the other one.
Peter Sellers movies. I don't know any Peter Sellers movies.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm fucking talking about? It's the famous one that he did where he is like the, it's like, he's just this special man

Speaker 1 being there. He's a special man that is essentially, is he a moron or is he an angel? And all these people project things onto him and what he stands for.

Speaker 1 And so I think in a way, the silent man, David Hampson, he might be willing and ready to accept a projection.

Speaker 1 of the British people upon him to be the the he's going to stand in silence and we don't need to know his reasons his reasons are self-evident which is the highway's the problem and he hates people getting places on time

Speaker 1 and maybe that's what it is maybe he himself was always chronically late such a difficult man oh he's more than a difficult man he's getting to a point where he's so difficult he's getting into helpful And that's because we're going to project things upon him and we can use him.

Speaker 1 I think with David Hampson, we need to put him on the front lines of Gaza. We need to put him standing right there and he stands silently judging.

Speaker 1 And I bet you just the guilt they'll feel of watching him stand and sweat in the desert heat because British people, they always do that thing, right?

Speaker 1 I remember how many times I've been out of London. They're like, oh, if you check out here, we're smoking summertime.
You won't even walk London.

Speaker 1 And you go down there and it's like maybe 80 degrees.

Speaker 1 And it's like, you guys fucking, I don't even know how you drink tea all day long if you can't handle this fucking heat because tea's hot as hell, right? So these guys come out.

Speaker 1 They're all just like, oh, but I can't stand it. When you put David Hampson on the lines of the Gaza property and he's standing and judging, maybe then Israel will realize what they're doing.

Speaker 1 But until then, he's getting a one-way ticket to the Swansea local jail. I need him a traffic guard.
Give him a job.

Speaker 1 I don't think he's, to be honest, I think the traffic needs to be guarded from him because he obviously has an issue with the traffic. A traffic guard helps traffic.
He's not helping traffic. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's the opposite of helping traffic. He hates traffic.
That's true. So, kudos to you, David Hampson.
And keep fighting the good fight of standing and doing nothing. It is the ultimate way.

Speaker 1 That's, I will, because remember, when you're actively resisting the police,

Speaker 1 you don't want to fight and grip. You don't want to fight because they're going to taste you.
They're going to grab you and they're going to taste you. I don't know if they do that in the UK.

Speaker 1 But go and limp. That's completely fine.
Just go and limp.

Speaker 1 But say nothing.

Speaker 1 David Hampson's a genius. We have another update.
So, one of the more unfortunate stories that we covered last week is the story of a couple in Devil's Den.

Speaker 1 They were stabbed to death as the,

Speaker 1 there was a manhunt looking for them. They were hiking.
The mother that was stabbed to death actually managed to save her children before returning to save her husband.

Speaker 1 It is extremely, extremely sad. This is in Arkansas.

Speaker 1 And the guy that was caught, Andrew McGann,

Speaker 1 we now know a little bit more about him. So when he was caught, he was driving a Kia, of course.

Speaker 1 And he was

Speaker 1 caught to getting his hair cut. And he had obviously had the broccoli hair, which is just seems to be a denotation of some kind of deviancy.

Speaker 1 I actually think once you see the broccoli hair, like I don't know how you can have broccoli hair and teach, because I actually thought that broccoli hair meant you couldn't be taught.

Speaker 1 But maybe I'm wrong. So he went, he was getting his haircut

Speaker 1 actually a day after the crime. So he stabbed these two people to death.
He went and got a haircut. He said, don't touch tap.

Speaker 1 He was trying, thought he would squish his bangs in front of his face, right?

Speaker 1 And it didn't work. He was caught five minutes after he sat down.
But now we're seeing that he legitimately was a menace. He was

Speaker 1 taught in Texas Elementary School, a Louisville IDISD, and he was fired amongst a series of allegations as a young man. Now, he was obviously very, very,

Speaker 1 he's a naughty boy, naughty, naughty, naughty boy. He said stuff like, he was talking to little girls in his class.
It was labeled as inappropriate.

Speaker 1 He told one little girl, if you were older, I would love to marry you. Now, I will say at least he couched it with if you were older.

Speaker 1 I think at least there's that.

Speaker 1 I'm just shooting for anything anything here. At least there's that, right? But that wasn't the only thing.

Speaker 1 Because if it was just once, if it was just once, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You know, then you'd be like, well, you know, he's fucking, this is broccoli hair. He forgets he's not 12.
So he then he was told he was going to allow, he was being allowed to resign, right?

Speaker 1 But then all this other stuff came out.

Speaker 1 He, uh, all these people, someone that was a former coworker of his, to find out he was arrested for killing a mom and dad in front of their two young daughters is horrifying.

Speaker 1 But the fact that he was continuously allowed around children is the real travesty. Please listen to your kids when they tell you something is wrong or they've seen something happen.

Speaker 1 So, this is where all the other things that he was coming. This is another parent, Lindsay Polyak,

Speaker 1 who had a child at Louisville ISD, described other activities of Andrew McGann, like providing candy and treats only for girls. Again,

Speaker 1 when they even say that in the pickup artist.

Speaker 1 You get the whole crew, right? If you're going to talk to one chick, you got to talk to all the chicks, right? I don't think he watched the pickup artist. I don't think he did.
Obviously not.

Speaker 1 So it's like, if we want to cover that up, everybody gets candy, okay? Hosting lunchtime in his classroom for special girls. I don't know what made him special.

Speaker 1 Playing with girls during recess. I, you know, that's one of those where it's just like, I don't even want to, to be honest, the only game I've ever played with little girls in recess is dodgeball.

Speaker 1 Because then it's it's like fucking punishing them right and then i you can't misconstrue what's going on at all if i'm pelting a little girl full throttle with the fucking dodgeball no one thinks i'm trying to molest her definitely not definitely not not the way i do it because i cut out their legs the key is to bowl it underneath them and fucking cut out their legs really mash them up right just double down on boo boom boom boom boom teach little girl just because you're a little girl doesn't mean you can't compete with a man you gotta get used to it right then he said he would ask girls to sit on his lap completely inappropriate especially out of season you got to be in costume uh for the season so it's either easter time as a bunny or christmas time as a santa i don't know if there's any other holiday in which we are accustomed as a society to sitting on a costume man's lap I think largely it's Easter.

Speaker 1 Spider-Man's birthday?

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think of another day. Lincoln's birthday.
They don't do that anymore. No.
You never see those guys anymore. I think it's just those two, really.
But it's kind of funny, right?

Speaker 1 We're both of those. Even with the Easter, even the Easter bunny thing, I don't particularly understand.

Speaker 1 I guess that's because he is a replacement for Jesus Christ, and you would sort of need to like, I feel like that's the service that we were kind of leaving money on the table for, which is that Jesus can come.

Speaker 1 You could sit in Jesus's lap while he's slathered in blood, like Jim Caviezo Jesus, fresh from the tomb.

Speaker 1 Because at that point Jesus will do anything Jesus will give you whatever he'll say whatever it takes to go back they probably have that somewhere oh yeah they gotta have

Speaker 1 Jesus's life yeah the only Jesus I'll sit on is if it's a black Jesus

Speaker 1 yep wow that's my controversial stance for today

Speaker 1 one of many he also tickled girls And he praised the looks of fourth graders. Now, that's not good.
So Andrew McCann, kind of a gross guy. They're pretty certain that we have this locked up.

Speaker 1 Obviously, he is innocent until proven guilty. But right now, they're saying that there is DNA that ties him to the crime.
They believe that there is

Speaker 1 other witnesses. And now they're already attaching him to cold cases in other states, which you know cops love to do.

Speaker 1 So he is already getting, they think that he's been traveling around as a teacher quite a bit. He went from Oklahoma to Arkansas to Alabama.
He went to all the, and he was doing all of this stuff.

Speaker 1 So they think that he might be guilty of multiple crimes. And I brought this up last week about I did not know that teachers had that sort of reputation in terms of being around people.

Speaker 1 But this is, I got this email from a teacher I wanted to read.

Speaker 1 I'm listening to this week's side stories, and I thought I would echo Henry's comments about hearing educators saying that public education is rife with drifters, sketchy characters, and general riffraff.

Speaker 1 I just got my license in my state. This is Minnesota, summer of 2024.
So I'm fairly familiar with the arduous process. Every state is a little bit different in what they require for licensure.

Speaker 1 However, you don't need a license to work in a school, which is the truth, because I was a substitute teacher, willy-nilly. I was one.
I thought that I heard that.

Speaker 1 Yes, and I did the $100 a day because it was the most money I could get guaranteed in a day. And so I would go and do it.
And I remember it was Mr. Sabrowski.

Speaker 1 I've told this story many times about how being in a first grade class and the kid in the front row like just mimed a gun at me and went,

Speaker 1 anybody could be a teacher. And it's fair, and it's not good in that way.
Anybody with most of the clean black, but this is what she's saying here, this teacher. No convicted felonies, technically.

Speaker 1 Mostly clean background checks. So you just have to not be caught for any specific crime.

Speaker 1 Outside of that, substitutes just need a college degree and a short call, long call sub-license, which is what I got.

Speaker 1 Relevant experience, they say in the content area that they are subbing for. I was never asked for that.
I definitely had to teach a math class and I had no fucking clue what to do.

Speaker 1 I have a BA in theater. The only thing I can teach you how to do is how to scrape the last of your resin into a ball thick enough to smoke.
That's all I could teach. And kids love that.

Speaker 1 Rules and regulations are only as strong as the people who are enforcing them, according to this teacher. And I had an alarming experience on that front the first year I was teaching.

Speaker 1 Many states offer educator licenses in a tiered system in order to capitalize on students in teacher prep programs. There is a teacher shortage after all.

Speaker 1 I was on a low-tier license, college degree in content content area or relevant experience in the field, and being currently enrolled in teacher prep.

Speaker 1 I just landed my first job in the largest district in our state.

Speaker 1 You can only apply for this license once you get a job offer and then your school district is supposed to sponsor you through the process.

Speaker 1 Well, I managed to work for almost an entire year without the relevant license, documents, or paper trail on file with the state. and the district.

Speaker 1 No transcripts from school, no verification I was in a program, no fingerprinting or temp-issued license. I don't even know for sure that they ran a background check.

Speaker 1 And I only found out when I was chatting with some friends in my cohorts, right, who had some, who had the same license in theory, not practice, as it turns out.

Speaker 1 And their experience, quote unquote, getting it was wildly different from mine. So they had to send in, apparently one of them had a mail in their fingerprints somewhere.

Speaker 1 And they said, no one asked me for any of that shit. It's all completely deregulated.

Speaker 1 I vaguely remember receiving an email from somebody somebody in the district six or so weeks into my contract asking me about a file number or something, to which I said, I don't have that.

Speaker 1 They said, oh, that's a problem. You can't be teaching unless you do have that.
I will inform your principal. Then I never heard about it again and I quit at the end of the year.

Speaker 1 So it became irrelevant. So it's basically saying there's no follow-up.

Speaker 1 So I'm not trying to get people scared. I feel like we're already having a lot of people attack the Department of Education enough.
So I do understand that.

Speaker 1 It's just wild to think that anybody can do anything. When Marcus was going through his lung COVID, how many COVID nurses I met that said they did not believe in COVID, that it existed, is wild to me.

Speaker 1 And they just seemed to be doing it to get out of whatever horrible town they were in to go fuck in Indianapolis.

Speaker 1 All of these COVID nurses were just out there fucking and sucking their way across the country. God bless them.
Somebody's got to keep our truckers fucking tight and ready to go.

Speaker 1 So today,

Speaker 1 it's just me.

Speaker 1 But I'm going to bring some guests in. Maybe you see here, this is my extra large bathing suit that Ed bought me that he thought that we'd look good together in.
And we didn't bring it together.

Speaker 1 There was a pool at the hotel, but we didn't get to use it.

Speaker 1 And it's so hard because this does make me miss Ed because it makes me think of his lower half. And that was his best half.
Because his top half makes all the jokes that make me angry.

Speaker 1 He's still alive. We'll see.

Speaker 1 Won't we? please give your memorial fun to them oh henry dash zabrowski if you could some of us are struggling so now it's time for our first guest

Speaker 1 i'm going to bring in a highly notable woman yes a woman

Speaker 1 she is both my lover my business partner and

Speaker 1 My main disciplinarian,

Speaker 1 Natalie Jean of Someplace Underneath, An LPN Romanticy.

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Speaker 1 Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com forward slash left. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Speaker 1 But now I'm here with Natalie Jean. Now, I want you to first

Speaker 1 explain why you're crying. Because you came in here, you look like you've been crying.
And I didn't make you cry. That's stupid.

Speaker 1 Stupid TikTok. This is not, it's nonsense.
There's no reason that I should be laughing this hard. Going to look at it.

Speaker 1 This is a TikTok Natalie was laughing at before. I get jealous.

Speaker 1 I get jealous when she laughs at people.

Speaker 1 So they're in a pool and they're just walking around a giant cake.

Speaker 1 The guy in the jetpack is a spring. There's a jetpack man just spraying everything with water.

Speaker 1 It is very ostentatious. And it is very stupid.
It's very, very stupid.

Speaker 1 This guy was the guy in the background just on the jetpack. I mean, he was a part.
I believe he was paid to be a part of this. He was.
Yeah, yeah. They're just spraying water over all of it.

Speaker 1 I think the guy in the jetpack is the one singing. Why are they in the water with their cake? Why is their cake in the water? I think that this is very...
Is this Dubai?

Speaker 1 There's a dolphin or a penguin there's a penguin barfing water is this what you want to do

Speaker 1 is this way how you want to renew our vows where is that located oh baby we can't afford that wedding that is definitely that is definitely some sort of like middle eastern royalty or something hey that's where we got to go that's why we never should have said no to that saudi arabian comedy festival money we should have just went but don't worry andrew santino and bobby lee got it covered they're gonna go perform directly for the sultan of saudi arabia they did 9-11.

Speaker 1 True. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 They did 9-11. Have fun.
Whole comedy festival. We going.

Speaker 4 I just want to be asked.

Speaker 1 I know. Same.
I just want to be able to say no.

Speaker 4 And then I go, I don't want to go anywhere where they would, I would be invited.

Speaker 1 I can't even believe that you would ask me. Yeah, it's what I want.
I just wanted the opportunity to be above it.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so I can feel self-righteous.

Speaker 1 Always. That's all I'm looking for.
That's all I want. So, Natalie, welcome.

Speaker 1 You run a show called Someplace Underneath. You also run a show called LPN Romantic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How does it feel?

Speaker 1 Being here

Speaker 4 with you

Speaker 4 every single day, all day.

Speaker 1 The hot center of the talent pool here at Last Podcast Network.

Speaker 4 Well, I do think that there's hot talent at Last Podcast Network.

Speaker 1 Physically warm.

Speaker 4 But I physically really don't have a lot of choice.

Speaker 4 That's what I like to hear. You know, it's like...

Speaker 4 I feel like this network, especially after COVID, became the way sometimes a family has to all work at the same restaurant. Yeah.
There was no, it was sort of like, you want to keep?

Speaker 1 You want to keep you want to make the soup?

Speaker 4 You, you have to go search. You have to go ask customers what they want and write it down.
Then you have to do the accounting.

Speaker 1 Grandma, make the soup. You're not going to sell the soup, grandma.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you're like the

Speaker 1 dad from Big Fat Greek Wedding. Yes.
And I'm the Nona as well. And the Nona.
You're both. Yes.
Well, that's why I have you, Hydro Day. It's because I can do whatever I want to you now.

Speaker 1 I can do anything I need to.

Speaker 4 That sounds a lot more sinister than...

Speaker 1 It sounds sinister.

Speaker 1 Nothing can be sinister from your husband's mouth. Oh, that's right.
I'm your husband. I forgot.
I'm your cherished partner.

Speaker 4 Everything is

Speaker 4 consensual in marriage.

Speaker 1 After that first day.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 this is the most consensual of all. It's called Making the Show.
So welcome. Making art together.
So I have a story for you. For side stories that I actually, this is not disgusting at all.

Speaker 1 This is actually kind of surprising to me. I have never heard anything about this, and I just wondered.
I don't know if you've ever heard anything about this.

Speaker 1 I'm going to bring this back up to Eddie, too. Is it going to be gross?

Speaker 4 Um, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's nice. This is not gross.
I actually just thought that this was quite mysterious and very interesting. I've now seen two separate articles, but that's it.

Speaker 1 There's no YouTube documentaries, there's no other coverage. I don't know if you maybe even want, you might even want to look it up on TikTok while we're sitting here because I have no fucking clue.

Speaker 1 So, this takes place out of st petersburg florida oh so that's where we got married and that's where our love was born oj simpson favorite hangout yes and honestly what i wouldn't have given to have gotten a picture with oj simpson on our wedding no i told you that would have been an annulment did i tell that story i must have told that story in the air i think you did right i think you did definitely right about that so that yeah we just found out that the the very lovely hotel that natalie and i had booked for our romantic night of our wedding was also oj's favorite hotel.

Speaker 1 And he God, he loved the blonde women and the rooftop bar. He had a type.

Speaker 1 He really did. Yeah, he really did.
Yeah. It was an alive woman.

Speaker 1 And then he turned them different. Yeah.
So, but that wasn't the only thrill that came out of St. Petersburg.

Speaker 1 The mini lights come out of St. Petersburg as well.
Now, the reason why I'm bringing this up is that this is so eerily similar.

Speaker 1 to Pennywise that I wonder if anybody, if Stephen King had heard about this previously, or if our audience had ever heard of this before.

Speaker 1 Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com if you have, because this is the first time I'm ever hearing about this. So there is a belief, I guess, since about the 80s

Speaker 1 that the,

Speaker 1 what they call the sort of like the quarries and the weird drought systems, like all these weird drainage pipe systems that lead from the swamp out into the city are filled with these little creatures called mini lights.

Speaker 1 And then if you go out at night in St. Petersburg, you might see them and they first start out like little sparkles.
But then if you say the incantation,

Speaker 1 mini lights, mini lights come out tonight five times in a row, really?

Speaker 1 The little people will emerge and steal the children away.

Speaker 4 They don't want a better incantation. I feel like I'd be holding out for something better than that.

Speaker 1 They didn't write it. As the glittery lights.
Those are the people that's from. Now, this comes from the Tampa Bay Times.
They just started writing this out. Is this a historical thing?

Speaker 4 Because you said Stephen King might have heard of it.

Speaker 1 Well, apparently, according to people interviewed by the Tampa Bay Times, a lot of them were semi-older.

Speaker 1 There's a folklore side of it that people were saying they're dealing with the crime inside of St. Pete, which is true.
You know, St. Pete's got some, it's got some issues.
Too hot.

Speaker 1 And also every one of our favorite body cam videos almost always comes from Pinellas County.

Speaker 4 Oh, so many. So many.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable, really. So many.
What's your favorite body cam video? Ever? Yeah. How? Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 4 I mean, I can't think of one off the top of my head. It's usually the ones I watch is like, if it's a pedo getting tackled.

Speaker 1 That's what you like. You like pedophiles getting tackled.
I like Karens at the airport getting.

Speaker 4 I mean, that's fun, too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember the white lady with the super tight little, like, she had like a haircut. It made her look kind of like Brett Favre.
And she took down the three guys and she was like, I'm a CEO. I'm a CEO.

Speaker 1 Yes, I do vaguely remember that one, actually. Miss her.
I love the Universal Studios body camera. Oh, definitely.
Do you ever see the one with the brother and sister?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's the one that's where they got slammed up against the minions.

Speaker 1 The brother and sister made me feel almost jealous that Jackie and I have never been kicked out of Universal because

Speaker 1 you just very rarely see brother and sister team up to do crimes.

Speaker 4 Well, what's the holdup?

Speaker 1 I don't know because normally brother and sister have crimes done against them.

Speaker 4 Against them by whom?

Speaker 1 Father and mother. What? It's true.
Most of the time, brother and sister are subject to the crimes of father and mother. You never really see brother and sister.

Speaker 1 Brother and brother sometimes kill, but very rarely brothers. Well, there's famously one.

Speaker 1 I don't know what other ones you're talking about. There's been other brothers that have killed.
Or other brothers that have killed. Well, have either, I guess you could say, the Amityville.

Speaker 1 the DeFeo house, if you do believe that Ronnie DeFeo had help from his other sister.

Speaker 4 I don't even know that theory.

Speaker 1 You know that theory that she might have been in on it? That the other sister might have been one of the people helping him? And that's why everything kind of went unnoticed.

Speaker 1 And then he turned on her and shot her?

Speaker 4 Oh, no, but what's the where's the proof of that? I just said it. Just having fun? Natalie, I just said it.
Just having fun with ideas.

Speaker 1 I don't think you understand. I just said it.
No, Rodney DeFeo said that. He could say anything.
Of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he said a lot of stuff. That's why there's five.
That's why there's 12 movies. He did great.
Rodney DeFeo had a lot of great ideas. I don't know if he had the.

Speaker 1 Killing his family was one of the best things. He ever had

Speaker 1 a good pitch. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, this is my show.

Speaker 1 You don't got to worry about me.

Speaker 4 I never do.

Speaker 1 I never do. So, according to the Mini Lights, this is in Campbell Park.
Like, this reporter spoke to a lot of people. So, most people who knew about the Mini Lights, they said they're from Gen X.

Speaker 1 Some versions of the legend dated back to the 1940s.

Speaker 1 And that's what they, according to this man, a guy named Denny Smarrow, he said he first heard about the Mini Lights when he was 10. I seen a lot of things coming up as a child, he said.

Speaker 1 I seen a small creature and it was like floating and I don't know what it was. And I never did go back and tell anybody about it.

Speaker 1 And then she, Alexis Walker says, absolutely.

Speaker 1 She knew exactly what the reporter was talking about because she said that she grew up near Booker Creek and was forbidden to go down there because, quote, the mini people will jump out and they will chase you.

Speaker 1 Did her children know the lesson? This is from this woman. She said, the younger ones don't, but my 11 and 13 year old boys do.
They want to go find them.

Speaker 1 Is that

Speaker 4 okay?

Speaker 4 I think it's great. I love it.
I do wonder, is this just probably something to do with some runoff from some chemical plant?

Speaker 1 I mean, who knows?

Speaker 4 They have to make it into like a whimsical experience instead of telling people it's like.

Speaker 1 There's on, this is apparently on Urban Legends of Florida.com. I love it.
Right? Several people, they talked about the story.

Speaker 1 One described a woman who lived in Campbell Park in a nice house because they say that the mini lights used to be the subjects of a local witch that were slowly but surely turned into spirits like Ursula's poor unfortunate souls.

Speaker 1 Right. So they become weird spirits.

Speaker 1 They described a woman who lived in Campbell Park, right, and in a nice house, but the city turned land in front of her home into a park and she was angry.

Speaker 1 She was somehow affiliated with the circus and had little

Speaker 1 people living with her. Two men whom she would send out after dusk dusk to ward off trespassers.
In this story, the men would turn into balls of light.

Speaker 1 Other posts say that the Mini Lights lived under the bridge at Booker Creek in the Roser Park neighborhood.

Speaker 4 This does sound like something the Tylenol Corporation would plant as a mythology as to why there's like

Speaker 4 radiation in the water.

Speaker 1 This is before it was fully developed. St.
Petersburg was not developed, as developed as we've seen it. You don't think they got a bunch of runoff from somewhere? Who knows?

Speaker 1 Not, maybe not at that time, right? So, we have another guy, the Vitale brothers, this group,

Speaker 1 Johnny and Paul, their muralists, they're trying to make a movie about the Mini Lights. I believe I saw a chunk of that movie.
It's not good. And they said it's going to be told

Speaker 1 it's not good film, though. It's not their fault, but it's still not, it still was under their control.

Speaker 1 And there's another version of the story that the woman was a voodoo priestess, and the mini lights were under her controls. And they called her back in the day, Mini Lightning.

Speaker 1 Oh, Mini Lightning.

Speaker 4 Yeah, a little sprinkle of racism in there.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, I don't know. We don't know.

Speaker 4 Not you, babe. No.

Speaker 1 Never you. Both of the people that are talking about this are of African-American descent.
Good, great. It seems to mostly be within the African-American community.

Speaker 1 There was another one, Mini Lights, Mini Lights, in Roser Park. This is from 2017.
So one article, this article I'm referencing, this came out last week.

Speaker 1 But then the last time this was mentioned was like eight eight years ago that i could find

Speaker 1 and they're all saying this that this was a deeply embedded story within the african-american population of st.

Speaker 1 pete and they've all talked about this idea of these these bridges these this is literally right by where we were i don't know if you recognize these areas this like little drainage pit no is that what those are is it like

Speaker 1 do they fill up like in la occasionally like water runoffs i'm pretty certain this is yes this is because there's there's like a lot of swamp-ish area it's underwater. Florida's going to go away.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Florida's not.
Florida's going to be the first.

Speaker 4 It's unbelievable how wet the air is. It's wet.
It's damp to the touch.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 How does air become so thick? It cools down.

Speaker 1 It becomes water.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 That's what clouds are. Thanks, husband.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you a lot of other things later, wife. Okay.

Speaker 1 So someone says you put a Gucci. If you say it three times, mini lights, mini lights, come out tonight.
Three times. the minis will come.

Speaker 1 And there are grown men, according to this article, that are still scared.

Speaker 4 I love a forest witch myth, or I mean, real you seem to be.

Speaker 1 I will say very true. But this is the type of story that I would consider you to really believe in.
And what you don't seem to.

Speaker 4 I want to believe

Speaker 4 like that show.

Speaker 4 I love it.

Speaker 4 I love the idea of it, but I'm not necessarily super

Speaker 4 intrigued by just this idea.

Speaker 1 But this is also very interesting. This reporter lived in St.
Pete area, up to that point, had never heard of it, right? Had never talked about this.

Speaker 1 And then one night was walking his dog with his girlfriend, and

Speaker 1 it has not connected to what they were doing.

Speaker 1 Because no one knew who they were, a group of teenagers stopped their car as they were walking and said, mini lights, mini lights, come out tonight at them. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 And they were like, looked at them and they were like, do you know what we're talking about? And the reporter was like, actually, I do. And then they drove off.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yes.
So

Speaker 1 they're still trying to scare white people out of there.

Speaker 4 I mean, I think that's super fun. I like that idea.

Speaker 1 I will say that that might be the key here, which is trying to keep it from getting as gentrified as it did. Unfortunately.
And then it didn't work.

Speaker 4 Little white kids on YouTube are going to eat that up. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 It It looks like this goes back pretty far into the past as an urban legend that parents used to tell their kids so that they would get home before it got dark.

Speaker 1 Well, they've been saying that for forever, right? And then

Speaker 1 they also do point out in this article that St. Petersburg is one of the largest alligator farming cities in America.

Speaker 1 And that around this time, a lot of people were bringing baby alligators home and releasing them in those waterways. And if you are...

Speaker 1 in Florida at all at night and you are on the coastline or if you're by the swamp, it is true. You do sometimes look out there and you see the little points of light.

Speaker 1 Well, that sounds like the new gators.

Speaker 1 Yes. So it's very possible that it's gators.

Speaker 4 He always becomes gators.

Speaker 1 Well, it's because they're yeah, because they're fucking dinosaurs that they live next to.

Speaker 1 So yeah, I think that that should always be the culprit because it's a fucking barely evolved killing machine that everybody's just fine with.

Speaker 4 Technically a lot scarier than little sprinkly lights that we don't know about.

Speaker 1 Unless the aliens. Because then.
Is that what you think? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I also saw this other. this also came from Florida, was a video of aliens.

Speaker 1 Oh, I forgot to show this to you, Rob. It's aliens.

Speaker 1 Send it to me. Not this one.
This is a guy who won't wipe.

Speaker 1 Here's another guy from Tampa.

Speaker 4 Thanks for not giving me that one.

Speaker 1 My name is Tate TV, Dog.

Speaker 1 I'm out there in front of Bush Gardens.

Speaker 1 I didn't wipe. I didn't bathe.
I don't remember the last time I did any of that.

Speaker 4 You did play the no wiping one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 stanky up in Bush Gardens, man. Stank a tongue.

Speaker 1 That's the other video I sent in.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Stanky up in here. Make Bush Gardens.

Speaker 1 It was my only ask

Speaker 4 as your bride. Don't bring me the butt ones.

Speaker 1 Well, Natalie doesn't. I'm just sending this to you on Instagram, Rob.
Okay. Just, oh, never mind.
No, this is California. God, fuck.

Speaker 1 The other one was Florida. The other one was Florida.
I love that guy. He doesn't wipe.
Yeah, no. That other guy says he doesn't bath and doesn't wipe and he drinks nothing but hard lemonade.

Speaker 1 He's so itchy. He gets the whole thing is he gets stanked up on places and he tries to stank up places and then he gets thrown out for being too stinky.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 he wants to be stinky. That's his bit.

Speaker 1 That's a bit. Well, yeah, according to him, he might be mental illness.

Speaker 4 He might be a little bit of a lifestyle choice. He's stanked up.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, not me.

Speaker 4 He's finding his stinky princess.

Speaker 1 I'm anti-stink.

Speaker 1 I smell good, y'all. You do smell good.
Yeah. You ain't smelly.
Yeah, I try

Speaker 1 clean. So, I guess in the very end,

Speaker 1 you're not really going to edify this, are you?

Speaker 4 Do you want me to? Yes.

Speaker 4 Edify it as in an Ed Larson? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That's perfect. No, saying it's true.

Speaker 1 You got to say it's true.

Speaker 1 I.

Speaker 1 You got to say it's true. Do

Speaker 4 I don't say it's not true.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Natalie Jean, for being here for today's story with you.

Speaker 1 Go and listen to someplace underneath. One of the best shows we have on this network.
It's about LDS crimes right now.

Speaker 4 Yeah, almost done.

Speaker 1 Almost done.

Speaker 4 Episode 41 is where we are finishing the season, which is

Speaker 1 very thick.

Speaker 1 It's very, very thick. You've done a lot of work and you've done a lot of great work.
Oh, thanks. I got class.
There you go. Yeah.
Really good.

Speaker 1 And then I'll check out LPN Romantic, but I can't talk about all those sex stuff with you with my sister. No.
I would prefer that to not be the way. I talk about it with you all day.
You

Speaker 1 give the audience a thrill. Tell them what it's like to rock it in bed with me.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 1 Well, absolutely not. That was your opportunity.
It's pretty great. What I do in there,

Speaker 1 it's pretty great.

Speaker 1 I love you. Goodbye.

Speaker 1 Bye from your grave.

Speaker 1 First of all, Jake Young is here sitting with me from Nerd of Mouth, his own YouTube channels, his Twitch channel.

Speaker 1 If you want to toss out your Twitch channel, oh, I do. I have a VTuber avatar.
Are you familiar, Henry? I am. You are familiar.
Do you want one? We can make it happen.

Speaker 1 I've asked for it, but it's difficult. It's difficult to do.
No, no, it's fine. It's fine.
Well, I'll slap one together for you. Anyway, twitch.tv slash puppetjared on Thursday nights.

Speaker 1 We watch weird bad cartoons and have a blast. But check that out.
Awesome, nerd of mouth, like you said. Jake.

Speaker 1 Ashley Biden's getting divorced.

Speaker 1 Which Biden is Ashley Biden? She's the, I want to say she was purchased from the Chinese. No.

Speaker 1 She's natural born. Oh.
One of the Bidens just got divorced. It's breaking news.
And I need your first report on how does this reflect upon the Biden legacy?

Speaker 1 As long as she doesn't just like actively make everything worse forever, she's a net positive.

Speaker 1 Hey, did you watch the Hunter Biden? Report? Check it out. Yeah, go check it out.
Did you watch that Hunter Biden thing?

Speaker 1 I saw clips of it, and honestly, it was refreshing because, like, your mental image of Hunter Biden is just like,

Speaker 1 you just hear the stories. You hear about the crack and the prostitutes and the dick pics and the weird music joints.
And then you meet him and he tells all the same stories. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the best part. But coherently, like a person, not like this weird cloud of like, I just, you know, a cigarette hanging out of the mouth, just like,

Speaker 1 like, you just expect this like jelly-like fucking fool. Yeah.
But the fact that he just has like eyeballs and an actual voice was disconcerting. He's my favorite presidential son ever.

Speaker 1 He's my favorite. No one's ever made me want to try crack more.
Just hearing him talk about crack and how, you know what it was too?

Speaker 1 When he was on crack, he has the single best smile I've seen on a crackhead.

Speaker 1 Like his, his, that smile, that $10,000 smile he had with that, with the fucking full-on crack pipe is like, like he looked amazing.

Speaker 1 How are you doubting that crack isn't fucking amazing?

Speaker 1 I just, I did, yes, I knew it was amazing, but when I saw that it, it's so good that a presidential son had to go figure out how to cook it in order to get it, because it's like a president's son doesn't have to do anything.

Speaker 1 They don't have to do anything. That's the point of crack.

Speaker 1 But that's the point of crack is the point, like the most dizzying pleasure the most intense joy like i i don't know like uh fucking winning the olympics and then being handed your newborn son crack's better literally like your brain is only supposed to feel like it can only produce so much joy crack's better than winning a nobel peace prize crack is better than winning the lottery and having your dad say he's sorry

Speaker 1 crack's great

Speaker 1 and also realize too about that you could dip in and dip out except hunter biden did say that was kind of very interesting that i didn't know that term i think he said it's like euphoric bounce back there was like a term that he used that he's like i in my program i he's like i i wish i could give you fun cracked stories but he said but if i begin to recount how much i love crack I will just start smoking crack again.

Speaker 1 I was like, shit, crack's great.

Speaker 1 I feel this. So the same phenomenon you're talking about, I feel about Diet Coke.
Yeah. So like, what the fuck am am I? Like, it'll destroy me.
Coke heavy.

Speaker 1 Have you ever dallied back into a, you know what I had the other day? It's been so long. This is how sad my fucking life is.
I ate a full Sugar Saint Dr.

Speaker 1 Pepper and cream soda combo one, and I thought I was going to fucking come.

Speaker 1 I was like, that's crack. Like, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 That's how sad and empty my fucking existing. No, that's why you can't do crack because it's like

Speaker 1 just the baseline joys are already too much. Yeah, dude.
Like we weren't built to handle super joy. No.
Omega level joy.

Speaker 1 Or should we all be on crack? Would we equalize? So I always wondered about this. And this is such a stupid stoner thought.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure anybody with actual knowledge would be like, fuck no, you fucking idiot. Yeah, it'd be bad.
But like in a world where coffee was illegal or even caffeine was illegal.

Speaker 1 Would I like drink a cup of coffee and feel that deliriously happy for the first time?

Speaker 1 And now that it's just like a part of my daily routine and it's available everywhere, oh, yes, you're just built, it's just fine.

Speaker 1 So, like, if they had, if crack, what if I could go to my local Star Crack and get a crackiato,

Speaker 1 like, would it be fine? Would I just be buzzing and like, you know, just feeling my thing? Portland's got some great crack lattes that you can really try out. Wait, crack house? Is that what it is?

Speaker 1 You have the crunch room. That's the hardest part.
Oh, great. Hey, Rob just found a bunch of Etsy stores that just have shirts, just shirts that says iHeart, crack horse, and iHeart, crack.

Speaker 1 What a great.

Speaker 1 I know what everybody's getting for Christmas this year.

Speaker 1 All right. So I got a story for you.
Oh, the Biden thing was. No.

Speaker 1 That was just. Oh my God.
I just heard. He didn't acted to the podcast.

Speaker 1 Breaking news.

Speaker 1 Love isn't real.

Speaker 1 So, this is a story I want to read from the perspective of a

Speaker 1 like. Imagine I am a nighttime anchor, and you are my, well, you know, you're my CNN correspondent.

Speaker 1 So I

Speaker 1 get like a smart board. Can I harient in this? Yes.
Okay. I mean, it won't show up.

Speaker 1 But this comes from law and crime.

Speaker 1 A Texas man is facing criminal charges for allegedly confronting two young girls in an elementary school parking lot wearing a diaper with a pacifier around his neck and nothing else while allegedly shouting, Goo-googaga, I need a diaper change.

Speaker 1 Now, this young man, if you can see right here, has got a bright idea.

Speaker 1 This wonderful up-and-comer is just

Speaker 1 more innocent, if you ask me. The girls were frightened.
And he said,

Speaker 1 accordingly, after they said, no, please leave us alone, he followed it up with a, will you change my diaper for me? Goo Goo Gaga, I need a diaper change.

Speaker 1 Now, my thing is. Chair.
Okay. The chair.
You want him to have the chair. You want to get the electric chair.
We have to create a world in which we can just like let

Speaker 1 children, let girls exist in the world without having to be like, all right, now listen, there might be some diaper guys and you're just going to have to learn.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't want to give my future like nieces the fucking diaper guy talk. To be honest, I think some full-grown men need to be warned about the diaper guy.
I could be warned.

Speaker 1 So it says court director.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
We are at this point in our lives. We are fully in the diaper guy demographic.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was joking over the weekend of how my age, when you're like, so now I'm 41, I'm now fully in the

Speaker 1 man category, such as like,

Speaker 1 don't touch the man, get away from the man, the man,

Speaker 1 get out of the man's way. Like, that's what mothers say to children.
They're visibly frightened of me just by my presence. And they go like, get away from the man.
That's me. I'm the man.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I'm going to say this. Fuck this guy.
Fuck diaper man.

Speaker 1 I am a disheveled, schlubby, bald man. Yes.
I am a middle-aged, schlubby, bald man. Whenever there is something going on, I have to be like, am I giving off weird vibes? Am I like being gross?

Speaker 1 Am I like, and it is something I have to think about because like these fucking dudes are ruining it for for the innocent schlubs. You know, Jake, just because of side stories, come with me on this.

Speaker 1 I'll come with you anytime.

Speaker 1 Thank God. Side stories at LPNT.

Speaker 1 Let's just say,

Speaker 1 what if we're wrong?

Speaker 1 And maybe it's about embracing

Speaker 1 another side of yourself. And that maybe you're afraid to be the goo-goo-gaga, big baby, diaper-filled baby that you want to be.

Speaker 1 And that maybe this guy's figured something out because, I mean, obviously, he's been arrested for multiple times for stalking and for following children home from school and for having his public masturbation.

Speaker 1 This needs to happen at an elementary school. Yeah, I'm just saying he got caught.
He said one time he was caught. They said it was for lewd and lascivious behavior in front of a school.

Speaker 1 And he said he was just checking to see if his diaper was full. And I think that in many ways, that's understandable, especially when you're a baby man on the go, especially if you have several jobs.

Speaker 1 Let's say you're a baby CEO or you're a baby. A boss baby? Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Or a

Speaker 1 postal worker baby. A male baby.

Speaker 1 Or you're some kind of, oh, look at that young young man. Look at that young man being escorted from the from the jail.
Now, you know what?

Speaker 1 Why does he look like you just like took the word depression and made it into a man? It's because he is an undia diaper band baby.

Speaker 1 And that when he doesn't have his diaper on him and he's going goo goo gaga, I need a diaper change. He's fairly serious.

Speaker 1 You know, I

Speaker 1 because we know, you know, I'm certain because we're all

Speaker 1 fucked that we have been around the adult baby diaper lover community for quite a long time. We know that the adult baby diaper lover community doesn't like these types of people.

Speaker 1 And I think partially part of the problem is not being in character of being a baby.

Speaker 1 I think that if you approach somebody in an adult manner and say something along the lines of Google Gaga, I have a full diaper or Google Gaga, baby wants some milk, and you say it in that way,

Speaker 1 excuse me. Pardon me.
Hello there. Pardon me.

Speaker 1 I know this is weird, but

Speaker 1 I need to get to the bus. It's coming and joining me.
Anyway, Google Gaga, I am a baby. Could you please change me? Oh, absolutely.
Me, your mommy, and me want to make sure baby drive. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 Oh, bro. Thank you so much.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Mommy. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you, mom.

Speaker 1 I feel like you really did me a solid mommy. Well, it looks like you did me more of a liquid.

Speaker 1 Yes, no.

Speaker 1 I wish that because partially it's about, I think it's almost like Kayfabe. It's about staying in character.
If you're a baby,

Speaker 1 then be a baby.

Speaker 1 Don't be a man acting like a baby. Like, in order for me to change you.
So you're saying if he had crawled to the elementary school. I am not even joking.
And if he had

Speaker 1 been joking a little. If he was fully as a baby,

Speaker 1 we'd all be forced. This is the ACLU matter.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 If he's actually a baby in his mind,

Speaker 1 then it's an expression of something within.

Speaker 1 I feel like, and this is, I'm going to be real with you. If we allow for just like some people to just be like,

Speaker 1 I am a baby.

Speaker 1 I am a baby now.

Speaker 1 You're just going to have people check out of just the fucking capitalist hellscape. Oh, we do have it.
We do have that.

Speaker 1 There are adult baby diaper lover, like completely innocent crews where they go and they just have baby, they go to, they live in a bumpy baby.

Speaker 1 You're still

Speaker 1 consenting adults being babies. And confined allowed.
And obviously,

Speaker 1 yes, of course, in an adult consenting place, you can be as baby as you want. Because they're babies, though.
No, they had to purchase cruise tickets and they had to pay taxes and they had to.

Speaker 1 When they were in a baby.

Speaker 1 and then one day when they arrive and they don the diaper and are now baby

Speaker 1 and they're oh you're trying to leave no no i just feel like it dips in i just feel like history's greatest monster

Speaker 1 even baby like i guess that's the thing is that if you just are if you're because you know colbert always said wear your cat your character as light as a cap i think if you're a baby and you want other people to treat you as such it's got to be a bit heavier than that

Speaker 1 Honestly,

Speaker 1 I get the vision that to gain the benefits of the baby, to be truly freed from the responsibilities, to like fully regress to a place where like even pooping is handled for you.

Speaker 1 You are, you are totally and completely innocent and taken care of, and you are surrendering any and all adult faculties to live the baby life. There should be downsides.
Exactly. You are locked in.

Speaker 1 You have a crib. You are, yeah, yeah, you're in a crib.
You have a bedtime. You're like, oh, fuck, I got it by greasy.
And you're like, babies can't drive. Babies can't talk.

Speaker 1 Baby, yeah, you're, I thought you were a baby. Because if not, I'm done cleaning up your fucking shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If you're not a fucking baby, if you're a man, then you act like a goddamn man.
You don't get, okay, okay. So it's the idea of just opting in and out that you get to freely

Speaker 1 go between the world.

Speaker 1 Oh, you get to be some day walker. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what this is. You're a man walker? They call themselves littles.
Yeah, I know the littles thing. We've been through this many times before.

Speaker 1 I'm already going to get the emails because I do understand. ABDL world is, it's fine.
I do get that it's like, again, we're trying to say that. Who doesn't get it? Like, who doesn't get it?

Speaker 1 Of course we get it. It's again,

Speaker 1 it's not the baby thing. It's not the diaper thing.
It's the fucking terrorizing elementary school kids. What I have said in here before.
It's really the issue that we are

Speaker 1 of course. Yes.
Jake. Yes.
So obviously. yes it's about

Speaker 1 it's about the children yeah build just fucking i just grab some loose gauge wire plug it into a fucking metal folding chair and push them onto it i completely agree you know what it is too is that again if you're adult baby diaper lover i don't think that you should be arrested i don't think it should be illegal i don't think you should even be frowned upon

Speaker 1 but it might

Speaker 1 be smiled at maybe even cooed i think it'd be one of those things we you could maybe keep to yourself and that maybe that maybe it's just, we'll all know about the Krinkle.

Speaker 1 You know, like maybe we'll know

Speaker 1 how they knew where Biden was in the White House.

Speaker 1 By the sounds of the diaper.

Speaker 1 They were like, it was like his cat bell. 93% of them are male.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Obviously.

Speaker 1 Obviously. God, I always wondered about that.

Speaker 1 It's like, outside of like material concerns, outside of like uh uh power dynamics or money, how many women are going around being like, I would love to clean an adult man's poop in a sexual manner.

Speaker 1 That is something I am electing to do from my own proclivities. Takes an angel,

Speaker 1 that's a thing that's a special angel. That is someone doing you a favor.
Oh, nobody is out there being like you may you

Speaker 1 side stories at gmail.com yeah, side stories l POTL at gmail.com, please.

Speaker 1 And also, if you find someone that's willing to wipe your dookie and fucking help you clean all your pee-pee off of you and powder you up and stuff.

Speaker 1 You act like a man for five minutes and you get that woman to marry you. I feel like I've been all over the place, but I literally co-host a retro-nostalgia fucking talk show.

Speaker 1 I understand the infinite desire to regress. Oh, that's

Speaker 1 me. That's not the issue.
It's really just the

Speaker 1 children.

Speaker 1 And you know what? Again, it's the adult presentation.

Speaker 1 Goo Googa.

Speaker 1 I need a diaper change.

Speaker 1 Is again, try harder. That's all I ask.
Yeah, yeah. Lie to me.

Speaker 1 Play a character.

Speaker 1 Jake, thank you so much for being here. This was absolutely perfect, and I'm glad that you came.
Jake Young, host of Nerd of Mouth. Check it out.
Go check it out. Now!

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you could be a little more adamant, if you could just really... Now! Yeah.
Listen to him. Get your fucking ass.
Yes. Over to nerd of mouth.
Or I'll set fire to your home. I'll take it.

Speaker 1 Goo Googa.

Speaker 1 Live from North Land.

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Speaker 6 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Commercial Insurance. Business owners meet Progressive Insurance.

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Speaker 1 Hey, Ron Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday because right now, Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

Speaker 1 Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day.
Yeah? Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch.

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Speed slow under 55 gigabytes of networks busy.

Speaker 3 Taxes and fees extra.

Speaker 1 See mintmobile.com. And now for our final guest.
I'm sitting with comedian and restaurateur

Speaker 1 Grant Gordon. Hi.
The restaurant's on fire. That's bad.

Speaker 1 It's bad. Should not have left.
No.

Speaker 1 He was a chef. There was a rush.
It was just me. And now we have listener emails.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Woo! Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Email.

Speaker 1 God, I love that stinger.

Speaker 1 I love that fucking stinger. We're gonna have to eventually replace it, but all these cuz giving other people shots.
God damn, I love that fucking stinger. That's what the internet was supposed to be.

Speaker 1 God damn.

Speaker 1 Really good. Really good.
How you doing, buddy? I'm great. How are you? I'm fine.

Speaker 1 We'll talk later.

Speaker 1 I'm fine.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I feel really good. Good.
I'm just tired. Yep.

Speaker 1 I've been having a lot of crazy extreme nightmares. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Otherwise, soon grace. Is that part for the course? I guess.
Yeah, I mean, extreme for you is must be really intense.

Speaker 1 You know, honestly, I don't have like horrific nightmares. Okay.
I don't have horrific nightmares. Okay.
They're always just like pretty standard. Sure.
Who's angry?

Speaker 1 Everybody's angry at me. Yeah.
Yeah. Or like, I'm trapped on the very top of a mountain and I can't get off of it.

Speaker 1 And I'm, I'm literally like, I have a recurring dream where I am the very, very top of the peak of a mountain.

Speaker 1 I'm grabbing around the cone of the very, very peak of a mountain, and I'm stuck on it and I can't get off.

Speaker 1 See, see, I was funny because I would see you as under a mountain of friends carrying them off. No, no, no, that's different.
That was when we were doing murder fists.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go. Let me give you, all right.
So I'm going to read a couple of these emails and let's just go through them. Let's hear them.
Let's hear the voice of the people. All right.
So.

Speaker 1 After I mentioned that it seemed like the people attached the gun and cat listener emails. So I feel like this was, we've done a couple of these emails about bosses carrying guns.
Sure.

Speaker 1 And like it sound, it seemed way more like when we were younger. Like I saw a lot more like my the Hollywood video, the manager showed me where she kept the gun.
And I was 15 years old. Sure.

Speaker 1 And it was like, I'm not going to kill somebody for

Speaker 1 sweet home, Alabama. You know what I mean? I don't care.
They can have it. Yeah.
Yeah. Sure.
You know, so they didn't rewind. It's fine.
It's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 Now, when you work in a blue collar, right, primarily construction and HVAC, you'd be surprised by how much time you have in your hands with waiting on parts, slowly building parts, and spending a full eight hours working on a unit that could have been completed in two.

Speaker 1 I used to work with a guy who would smoke an entire blueberry swisher blunt while actively trying to fix the unit outside.

Speaker 1 He got me high enough once that I essentially forgot how to put PVC pipe together. I was dead and fumbling around in the dark.
I was so high.

Speaker 1 Around the time, I worked with a man that we will call Billy, whose one love in life was Crystal Meth.

Speaker 1 He would be so excited when we forgot a piece of scrap metal that was needed for air duct, which meant that once he got there, he could rip two to three lines of meth.

Speaker 1 If he was really feeling it, he'd light that meth pipe right up and spend a good 45 minutes enjoying.

Speaker 1 One quote I remember vividly is him looking to me, you know you're a real man when you can't stop the tears after ripping a line of meth crystals.

Speaker 1 Have you ever done meth? No, I haven't. And I didn't know it made you so emotional.
What's the most extreme drug you've ever done?

Speaker 1 The toad, Bufo. Oh, that's we'll talk about this.

Speaker 1 Eventually, the guy who smoked weed all the time was fired, but he was a black man, but not Billy. Full country hick.
Yeah, yeah. And he can't get fired.
Oh, no, no.

Speaker 1 He kept his job and got a raise out of it. Billy was actually the most talented HVAC mechanic I've ever known.
He could have been a contender. So that's your.

Speaker 1 So maybe there's one point on board for meth. I always asked him how he was so large doing meth that often.
He looked back to me. He looked at it to me and he to state, you just got to force yourself.

Speaker 1 There's nothing else to it. So he's saying he just would force himself to eat.
That's incredible. It's huge.
This guy had huge discipline.

Speaker 1 That's not what you associate with addicts. Well, because I know people already that have eaten their way through their Rose Empic.
Sure. Mostly.

Speaker 1 A member of my family ate their way through two gastric bands.

Speaker 1 Powered their eating the bands. You're just literally till it popped.
And then they ate the band, dude. Like, I'm talking, I didn't know you could do that.
That's fucking strength.

Speaker 1 Nobody knows what that's like, right?

Speaker 1 And as I was born in rural Mississippi, both of these people had a fully stocked and well-regarded weapons collection.

Speaker 1 There was an entire different guy that I worked with that carried his gun everywhere with it always visible. He, of course, did not possess a concealed carry permit.

Speaker 1 We would stop at lunch and go get a hammer before coming back to work. I'm 16 years old at this point.
I like how his first complaint was: things take too long here. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, boy, we took a lot of time to kill.

Speaker 1 You know, what was Are you maybe a part of the problem, buddy? What was Bufo like? Now, I know people that have done ayahuasca. I know people that have done all the angel trumpets.

Speaker 1 Angel trumpets, yeah. But you went and did Bufo, and then I remember you were saying something along the lines of that it made you not want to drink alcohol anymore.

Speaker 1 But you still drink. I did.
I just went back. Yeah, but I didn't.
I could have stopped. It gave me an off-ramp, for sure.
Not that I have like a problem, but I could have stopped.

Speaker 1 Not that he has a problem. Okay, that's not, that's what people problem say.
Not that he has a problem. What am I? Who am I? Billy?

Speaker 1 I am Billy.

Speaker 1 I can push through anything. Yeah, no, it was.

Speaker 1 I don't remember much of what happened, except I faced the nexus of existence and non-existence, and I was a little bit afraid to not exist. That's really good.

Speaker 1 And then I don't remember what happened. Then I opened my eyes and felt like I was seeing God or I was full of God or something like that.
Really? Yeah. Yeah.
Was it that? It was that powerful then.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And would you say that? I mean, obviously, I mean, sincerity is the worst thing that we could probably see. Yeah, this is not good for comedy.

Speaker 1 But also, but I wonder, like, do you feel like it was real in that way? I'd say the most tangible thing that I can say to this day that I could take away from it, I am.

Speaker 1 I'm good around kids now.

Speaker 1 You were worried about it. Yeah, you were worried about it.

Speaker 1 I was worried about kids judging me all the time.

Speaker 1 I was like trying to perform. Well, because their kids are literally the most eviscerating critics of your age.
Yeah, and

Speaker 1 I was like trying bringing to a kid my shit of like needing to be approved or something like that. I know exactly what you're saying.

Speaker 1 I just say this as a canary in the coal mine of who knows what else it erased. But for me to be able to see a kid and just see play and jump on board and play with the kids,

Speaker 1 I'd say that's a tangible difference. I mean, you should probably know the kids.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think it should be every patch of kids you see. I see a group of kids and boy, my leg starts a going.
I'm going blue.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I know. So what are they? So they extract it from a frog or like they dry.
Do they kill the frog? No. No, no, no.
They milk the glands, the poison glands.

Speaker 1 Is it like it's tits? No, it's like it's balls, more like sideballs. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's buffo the name of the substance?

Speaker 1 Bufo alvarillis is the name of the species of toad, I believe. Wow.
Yes. And so what, the toads are just there? They're just there.
Look at, there they are, man.

Speaker 1 Did you see any of the frogs? No, but you know, the lady, the, you know, who administered that. She's a frog milker.
Yeah, she wasn't milking. No, no, no.
She's like, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 We have somebody with really small mouth. Yeah, yeah.
Javier handles that. No, she was definitely.
It was definitely like an LA experience. I was in Malibu.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You were not in it. It was very nice.
No, no, the buffos that were there were there for pilot seats.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you need like a shaman or like someone to watch over you? Absolutely.
Yes, it should be a ceremony. It should be taken with respect and as a sort of

Speaker 1 medicinal type energy, I feel like is a must. Honestly, that's, I mean, and a sacred

Speaker 1 space for that.

Speaker 1 She made me, you know, she saged you. She made you say like a kind of a kind of a prayer.
Got it. You know, and then you win and then the music.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, yeah, but that's all, that all is important, I think. Yeah, you know, because it puts you in the right place.

Speaker 1 Well, if you read anything about psychedelics, it's all about context, set, and setting.

Speaker 1 Utterly. And I believe the idea is like nowadays, I actually feel like I've been doing mushrooms too cavalierly.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 But I've also been not doing them to the extent in which I experience a full-on hallucination anymore.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of always...

Speaker 1 I don't know if I could do that with mushrooms anymore.

Speaker 1 I don't have the sea legs anymore for them. Well,

Speaker 1 I just feel like we're under a lot of pressure. Yeah, we are.
And it's not the same anymore, guys.

Speaker 1 There we go. Yeah.
Using the litter. Great.

Speaker 1 Your topic about the Danish mermaid statue brought a smile to my face, bringing forth a war memory of my youth.

Speaker 1 We talk about in Copenhagen, they had taken down a statue they believed was pornographic because the mermaid had two nice breasts.

Speaker 1 And everyone got really angry about how big and perky and awesome the tits were. And so they took the unrealistic.

Speaker 1 That's what they said.

Speaker 1 They took them all into it. They took it down.
And then I've now had people even saying after the fact that they thought it was just because it was a poorly done statue. And it's not a great statue.

Speaker 1 But it was poorly done in a way. I mean, those are very great tits.
Those are very generically great tits, though.

Speaker 1 Yes, no, right. They stay in the movie.
They're 13-year-old drawing of tits, though. They stay

Speaker 1 in the movie.

Speaker 1 That's what we need. Movies need more of those.
We all want a fucking mermaid. What is that? You know? You know why? It's because you don't got to worry about getting it pregnant.

Speaker 1 Well, right, because she would lay a bunch of eggs and you'd have to come on. You'd have to come on the eggs.
Right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So as long as it's actually the one type of lady that is guaranteed to not get pregnant in the way if you come inside them.

Speaker 1 Huh.

Speaker 1 That's a fantasy. Really unpack that fantasy.
You're welcome to honor that. Take that, Carl Jung.
You have to go at the very sharp fish and judge.

Speaker 1 I think so. I think so.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's me. Maybe it's just me.
Maybe it's just me. I love little people.
You feel like you end up saying that a lot. Yeah, I actually just, oh, God.

Speaker 1 God damn it. I actually do need it.
We need to cut it. We'll have to kind of go through this.
We'll have to go through this. All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I was bright-eyed. I was a hopeful 14-year-old in a big family trip to Puerto Penasco, Mexico.

Speaker 1 It was my parents and I, a few aunts, uncles, and cousins, haphazardly packed into two church vans, tearing across Mexico towards our destination, a beautiful hotel right on the beach.

Speaker 1 We were there for about a few days, several of my male cousins and I alternating between our and the neighboring hotel pool and the beach, trying our best to hit on as much and as many older women on vacation and running around without much adult supervision.

Speaker 1 Nice. Wow, yeah.
Took a turn there. Okay, sure.

Speaker 1 One morning, one of my cousins and I got up earlier than everyone else and snuck off to the beach to watch the sunrise and to have a nice, unsupervised swim in an empty Mexican beach.

Speaker 1 I'm swimming out, having a good time and enjoying the cool water, when suddenly, there's a girl, looked to be in her early 20s, swimming nearby. I, naturally, I swam over to say hello.

Speaker 1 She's a beautiful blonde with the gorgeous green eyes, swimming gracefully in her red bikini top. I get within earshot and I say, hola, catching her attention and a bashful smile.

Speaker 1 We're treading water for a few minutes, without a word between us, when I notice her top slipped off of one of her breasts.

Speaker 1 I can say with complete confidence that mermaid statue is a fair representation of what I saw that morning.

Speaker 1 Just absolutely

Speaker 1 perfect things.

Speaker 1 I was the luckiest 14-year-old that morning. Flabbergasted, trying not to gawk.
I motioned with my hand that her top slip to warn her. Oh, yeah, sure.
Oh, we got to stop. Oh, you got to stop, Bronco.

Speaker 1 She just continues to look at me, not understanding what I'm saying, just staring into my eyes. Then, breaking the charm, I hear a distant voice calling my name.

Speaker 1 Stepping out of me. Larry! Hey! Hey!

Speaker 1 Get away from that naked woman! Boy on my back, Larry!

Speaker 1 Now I'm shocked at how far I had ended up from the shore.

Speaker 1 I wave back to him,

Speaker 1 assuring him I'm headed back. And I turn around to tell the girl we should head back.
But I'm greeted by an empty horizon and quiet lapping of the waves. It was a horizontal horizon, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I take a moment to look around for her before swimming back in a daze.

Speaker 1 When I finally get to shore, I ask my cousin if he saw the girl I was swimming with, and he responds with, no, bro, what are you talking about? Hey!

Speaker 1 I spend the rest of the trip trying to convince him of what I saw and watching the sea for any signs of her.

Speaker 1 Heartbroken, we left Puerto Punasco a couple of days later, and I've never got to see that mermaid again.

Speaker 1 To this day, I tell people I've seen a mermaid who was potentially trying to lure me out into the open sea. I say, let the man keep his statue.
The world deserves to see what I saw that day.

Speaker 1 And that's what I like. You know what I'll say?

Speaker 1 He remembered... those tits so thoroughly.

Speaker 1 I'll always remember a story I'll give him this is because because this is a true story, obviously, 100%. Sure, to this person, right? Yeah, yeah.
This is a story that I'll

Speaker 1 love. It's near and dear to my heart.

Speaker 1 I remember one time I was walking down the street of downtown, I was in New York, and I happened to see what appeared to be a very elderly Asian woman in her face. Okay.

Speaker 1 Elderly Asian woman. She had the two bags of recycling on the stick.
They care a lot about the planet. They really care about the planet.

Speaker 1 But then I noticed she happened to be wearing a completely see-through shirt. And she had two, and I am not exaggerating when I say the best tits I've ever seen

Speaker 1 on a person

Speaker 1 ever. But her legs were also the spinally old legs of an old woman.

Speaker 1 Very old woman. Interesting.
But she had two perfect

Speaker 1 breasts.

Speaker 1 And I will never forget them. Well, of course not.
I will never forget the big episode. They were out of congregation.
Out of congregation? Yeah, the contrast. I felt like I had seen a gin.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I thought I had seen like a magical thing. Hunt, see why you're trying to sleep just in the corner of the tits.

Speaker 1 Cruel face spitting on the ground with a cigarette hanging out and you're just too like boing.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.
You could have been lured into something. That could have been a gin or something.
I don't know. Have you ever seen anything like that?

Speaker 1 Just a perfect pair of tits on some sort of mound of ugly type of thing? No, I believe. Well, not just in general.
Not just in general, but I just mean term of like,

Speaker 1 you know, you've ever seen a spooky sir of tits.

Speaker 1 Was that real? Mystery tits. Mystery tits.
No, I think I've just been to like a bunch of like Burning Man type after festivals. Oh, sure.
Like, you know, and like hippie stuff.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been to Juggalo? You ever been to the... I've never done Juggalo.
I haven't gone dark. You know, we stay in the light cosplay version.
But don't boobies get sunburned hard?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're not good tits. I can't say no.
Yeah. I just mean in terms of you want to really

Speaker 1 SPF them up. Yeah, I would imagine.
Yeah. And there are many guys willing to help.

Speaker 1 Too many. You don't have to.
Most of them. You know? They'll just roll up.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hey, you need help, lotion your tits. They probably have a shirt wearing like tits suntan lotioner.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. Absolutely.
I just feel like that there's something to what this boy is saying.

Speaker 1 Now a man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's something to it, as in he was masturbating his room in Puerto Rico and created a very interesting little thing to jerk off to.

Speaker 1 I was listening to a thing today that I did not know that people use horrible ChatGPT to write out sexual scenarios for themselves. And they have ChatGPT sort of like help complete it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Yeah, yeah, like sex stories. Like it can write a whole sex fantasy for you.
Yes, but apparently it's not supposed to do like penetrative sex. Like it's not supposed to write hardcore.

Speaker 1 I don't know what ChatGPT you're talking to.

Speaker 1 Because mine's a freak. Do you not do?

Speaker 1 Do you believe you feel like that maybe someone could see something mysterious and actually have it be true or no? Do you think that because of the psychedelics that you've experienced, that maybe

Speaker 1 there's something to seeing something like this something truly on the edge of reality

Speaker 1 yes but i do think it's more internal more like you're like you know more like coincidences more like your eyes being in a place that was seeing something relevant to really unique to your situation sometimes i'll project tits out

Speaker 1 you'll just see tits well just the idea have you ever thought about the idea of being with a very very old woman and then think about if you're with the very very old woman do you and if you have a picture of when she was young, you could project the young version of her onto the old version.

Speaker 1 You can't say I have.

Speaker 1 He's talked about this before. You have? Yeah.
I mean, so you're taking a poll. You're trying to see if you're not the only one.
I don't know. Like, yeah, just.
It's a power you could develop.

Speaker 1 Have you ever masturbated to black and white pictures?

Speaker 1 Can't say I have. No, I'm a multi-color guy.
Think about it.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I once masturbated two or three

Speaker 1 nothing. You know? What do you mean? Like, just the sensation.
Whoa. I didn't didn't allow myself a single thought.
That's too short. Just the physiological act of it.
No, that's scary.

Speaker 1 That's too much? That's frightening. You draw a line there? Yeah.
That's frightening to me. That's interesting.
I don't know where that would go. It went to the same place it always.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know, but I feel like I would just like, that's scary.

Speaker 1 I feel like I time travel. I wanted to experiment with the, you know, it's like, this is just a physiological thing.

Speaker 1 You know, your brain, although your brain is the highest erogenous zone, I mean, your penis is also an orogenous zone. So perhaps you could completely detach the brain from the entire endeavor.

Speaker 1 And it was a little, I pulled it off once. Pun intended, I guess.
You know? Side stories help POTL a game.

Speaker 1 Has anybody else ever done this?

Speaker 1 Can't do it.

Speaker 1 It's called

Speaker 1 Zen jerking, dude. Whoa, you should write your thoughts.

Speaker 1 That's the book. Zen and the art of masturbation.

Speaker 1 Masturbation, yes.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. I came and it was nothing.
That's perfect. I came and it was nothing.
And it meant nothing.

Speaker 1 It meant absolutely nothing. Wow, this is really, wow, we really learned a lot.
Edifying. Really, really, really, really good episode today.
Yeah. I don't care what anybody says.

Speaker 1 Inside your own head. Yeah.
Live every day

Speaker 1 knowing for a fact that, yeah, you might not have had a plan yesterday, but you certainly got one today, right?

Speaker 1 You're going to love the fact that that plan is going to get done no matter what because time's a constant.

Speaker 1 And then you can laugh, you can love the fact that the never-ending flow of time means eventually it will all end.

Speaker 1 And that's actually a comfort to a lot of people. Yeah.
Yeah. That to me, it's a screaming.
What about reincarnation?

Speaker 1 Then you're back again. Sorry, buddy.
I don't want to be a bug. And action.
I don't want to be a goddamn bug. I don't want to be a fucking elephant.
Patreon.com/slash last podcast of love.

Speaker 1 You want to give us money to watch us do this. You're going to watch Grant.
You're going to watch Grant. You're going to fall in love with Grant all over again, no matter what anybody says.

Speaker 1 You're going to, Grant's going to be your favorite comedian soon. Very soon.
He's in commercials.

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 yeah sure you were in the progressive commercial uh-huh you were in the were you in state farm uh no we can't do both you get one or the other on that you can't do both of course not it's exclusive that's fine you can't do two insurance but i was the boost mobile guy doesn't matter everyone remembers i was the boost mobile guy yes they were it was me and then pit bull wow yeah that's right yeah yeah yeah how's it paying out not great yeah i mean they they were they tried me and they said let's go Go back to what works.

Speaker 1 You know what? I would have chosen you because in the end, you might not have been as expensive as Pitbull, but you would have been more filled with spirit. Yeah, sure.
Yeah. I believe that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Spiritual worldwide.
Oh, very much so. That's what Pitbull needs.
That's what he needs. And go do LP on the left for all our social needs.
And then you go to our new YouTube channels.

Speaker 1 We have LPN TV, Someplace Underneath, The Foreign Report, LPN Romantic. Who's the B? Go and follow them there because that's where

Speaker 1 God, and by God, I mean the advertisers are saying everything is going to.

Speaker 1 So join us on YouTube, won't you?

Speaker 1 It's inevitable. And we can't stop it.
Hail Satan, everybody. Hail Satan.

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