Side Stories: Breast Friends

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There's no place to escape to.

This is the last

on the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

I think we're going to have to reevaluate our friendship, Eddie.

What happened?

What are you talking about?

Because...

Do you want to scale it back a little bit?

Because I could scale it back.

I'm just saying no.

No, unfortunately, no.

We can only scale.

We have to scale up.

We have to scale up.

But I saw these, I was reading some research for this week's episode of Last Podcast on the Left.

Yes.

And they were talking about how Abraham Lincoln, or you guys know the 16th president,

he

had a very, very good friend named William Green while he was in his 20s.

And they like to call him Billy Weed.

Billy old Billy Weeds.

Billy Billy Weed, Billy Nugs.

And Lincoln and him shared a cot together and they slept chest to chest each night for years.

They slept chest to chest.

And these guys are best friends.

Breast friends.

Yeah, chest to chest.

Exactly.

But, you you know, he had the true bravery to say that his best friend, Abraham Lincoln, straight, married.

Not at that point, I don't think.

Not married.

Yeah.

But he said that

he, quote,

wrote in his journal that Lincoln's thighs were as perfect as a human being's could be.

Yeah.

I bet.

He was a wrestler.

Why have you never said that about me?

You don't have perfect thighs.

My thighs are

the best part of me.

Yeah, they're the best part of you, but they're not great.

You don't think that my thighs aren't great.

I think Ronnie Coleman has great thighs, but I don't think that you.

Well, Ronnie Coleman, he worked himself into paralysis.

Yes, I won't ever do that.

Yeah, I'll make sure I could jump and flip and kick and dance and tap.

You know, honestly, I don't think I've seen your thighs in a while.

You want to?

Sure.

Rob, look away.

Flex them.

Oh, my God.

They're good.

They're fine.

There's no definition.

You're my best friend.

I am.

I'm being your best friend right now.

I let you take your pants off and I'm staring at your thighs.

Who else is going to let you do this?

The President of the United States' best friend looked at his thighs.

Jeffrey Epstein, yes, when he was.

Honestly, he was more like Bill Clinton.

If you read the documents, Bill Clinton's on there a little bit more.

Welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Sprowski.

You have great thighs.

See?

You have great thighs.

And before that, you get introduced, Ed Larson.

How are you doing?

Yes.

They look so good, they should be fried.

I'll take that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm hungry.

They're good.

I'm very hungry.

But, you know, we don't eat here at Last Podcast in a lot.

We won't.

We only do the news.

That's it.

That's all we do.

And stare at the back of our World Trade Center effigy that's currently sitting on the table here today.

That is about to make its first trip to Indio Wells for Contact in the Desert.

You know, I think they should change the name to Indio Fines.

It's definitely Indio Fines.

But it's a nice place.

It's got, honestly, you're going to have to come and check out what we're going to do with this World Trade Center effigy.

Yes.

This Saturday.

Saturday night.

Come over to Contact in the Desert.

If you're in the Los Angeles area, we are doing this wonderful, wonderful comedy night inside of the biggest UFO weekend in the world.

And it is going to get some people upset.

Yes, comedy goes really well in the middle of a conference hall.

It really does.

I remember last year at the comedy show.

Oh, wow.

Right before I went on.

3.30 p.m.

Oh, yeah.

They did me the favor of getting rid of all the chairs.

I remember when they said that, we were like, we don't want people to be like hanging out.

We're like, it's an hour-long show.

But this year, it's going to be different.

And you're going to see, separate from the main events, it's going to be a nighttime event.

And we are going to bring, we're bringing out all the stops.

I'm going to be doing a live UFO mandate.

We have some guest comedians like Billy Wayne Davis, one of a big friend of the show.

Amber Nelson, Travis Irvine.

It's going to be amazing.

We're going to have a lot of fun.

And then also we're going to be doing a live.

We're going to be doing a live taped podcast that you can be a part of the live studio audience for with Whitley Streeber.

We put headphones on everybody, right?

That's what we did last year.

Are we doing that again, Rob?

I don't know.

We'll see.

Last year, when we interviewed Dave Foley, everyone got headphones, and it was a very interesting experience.

It was very intimate.

It's like a silent disco.

Oh, yeah.

But, and I believe Whitley knows this.

We're going to be playing hot ones.

Yeah.

So I am really excited for that.

I got Pepto already.

Great.

He's going to need it.

He's going to need...

To be honest, we might need a doctor.

We were talking, Kelly said she was going to go to Wingstop.

We might need to to find somewhere slightly better.

What's better?

I don't know.

Wingstop's not great.

But stop, I mean, it's

unfortunately.

It's not chicken wing world.

I know.

Side stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

If you're in the Palm Springs area, where do you get your chicken wings?

I do have a Margaritaville in Palm Springs.

Yeah.

We can get them from there.

They're not as good.

I mean, I'd rather have Wingstop.

You have Wing Stop than Margaritaville?

Very much so.

You are

being bad.

I am not bad.

You are being bad.

No, I like a better chicken wing.

I go, I think, margaritaville corporate office florida wing stop corporate office dallas

okay yeah that's kind of how i go with that yeah i could see that yeah i could see that but still it's palm springs i wish we had a flanagans out here yeah i mean nothing

every single day flanagans i pray for a flanagans god i love that fucking place it's fine uh but you know we're gonna have a great time at contact in the desert we're also gonna be doing a bunch of interviews that are not gonna be for you know an audience that we're gonna release later on in the month i'm introducing ed larson to some true

i'm not even i'm not going to say the word kook you just did

i'm just saying that we're going to meet some real members of the ufological society

you're there to learn you've only met classy people so far nick pope classy vaguely yeah and then we got the george knap the most classy the most oh my god the hair high end high high high end

we're gonna see some guys

a little bit lower on the the ladder, but they're gonna be just as incredible as anything else.

And we might get you hypnotized.

I gotta say, lower on the ladder, probably better interview because they're you know, they're not thinking about what they say.

No, and I appreciate that.

I like a little loose, loosey-goosey on the old lips.

Same thing.

I like somebody who doesn't quite understand that the internet is forever.

That's one of my favorite attributes of someone old.

How are we going to destroy this again?

You've got to set it on fire.

We're going to find out.

I think that's a bad idea to do indoors.

We've already been told to not set it ablaze due to the problems problems with Michael Sedona's original World Trade Center effigy burning and the issues that caused.

So the Argus member had to put it out with Gatorade.

Yep.

I remember.

Which is the most that Gatorade served its purpose the entire weekend.

I will say that.

That's where the last of the time, that's the only place I saw Electrolytes at work.

I heard it's going to be 106 degrees.

It's going to be real hot, buddy Eator.

And guess where you're going to see us?

By the pool.

And that's why if you wanted to have any sort of unofficial conference time with me and you're coming to contact in the desert, bring your fucking bathing suit.

I am sick of this.

We're not all just going to be hanging inside talking.

We're going to be in the pool this year.

I can only rub so many crystals.

I need you to come to the pool.

We need to be drunk in the pool.

We can get into the real stuff in the pool.

What time is the pool closed?

I don't give a shit.

I feel like a late night pool.

Pull me out.

Yeah.

You have to fish me out.

Yeah, time to go, sir.

Call the police

on me.

And I was going to be like, I'm a bonvoy member.

I'm a bonvoy member.

Which gets you anywhere.

It gets you everywhere.

All right, we got some updates before we get into the rest of this.

Annabelle's gone.

Now, there's a lot.

Maybe.

All right, we are.

There is a lot going on here.

We've gotten some tips.

Thank you for everyone who's reached out saying that Annabelle is missing.

Annabelle's been kidnapped.

They're saying Annabelle is missing.

The Warren Estate says no.

Well, because who does this benefit?

The Warren Estate.

Because the Warren Estate doesn't want to believe that the weird relative that they let take Annabelle out of her little protective case out into the world so that she could finally go get woke, burn down a plantation, free all those prisoners.

She's a full leftist

comrades.

She's a

anarchist renegade.

She's in Tifa.

Now she's free.

Oh, she's in Tifa.

Annabelle Tifa.

No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Annabel She's all about Tifa.

Hey, yeah, yeah.

And so she's out there, but now, so, yes, obviously,

the person that was responsible for Annabelle, what's his name again, this fucking person?

Isn't it Warren's son?

Whatever he is, he looks like a guy that would lose Annabelle.

He looks like the competing tiger

zoo owner.

in the Joe Exotic documentary series because he's got that like LA hat culture thing going on.

So what's his name, Rob?

It's at Annabelle Tour.

Okay, so he's doing it through the Annabelle socials where he's saying there's no way Annabelle's gone.

Annabelle is absolutely fine.

She's not missing.

Was never in Chicago.

Is not there.

Then he shows this video being, look, here's Annabelle.

It's in the Occult Museum, which could have been filmed at any time.

All of this could have been filmed at any time.

I actually, I'm watching this fucking show talk.

I think that's green screen.

Whoa,

he's tick-tocked.

That is a fucking green screen.

Does that not look like he's in front of a green screen?

Well, he's putting his face over the

footage, which could have been shot, which is a lie.

This is a fucking lie, dude.

Instagram live is the only way to fucking prove this shit.

Put a newspaper in front of Annabelle because right now, as far as I'm concerned, Annabelle's on her way to the fucking White House and I'm hearing her on.

Yeah, I I don't think, yeah, I need proof.

Right now, I don't have proof.

You just keep saying you want us to just believe that Annabelle's not missing.

That's fine.

I got messages from at least a dozen people, all connected, truly, within the Oddities community.

And if anybody knows, man, I hate to say this, fucking Annabelle representatives, but I've got my sparrows everywhere.

Yeah.

I've got my little spiders everywhere, and they've got the ears on spiders with ears.

And they hear all your fucking moves dude yeah and for the record we didn't even ask for these sparrows no they just come squawking but now i feed them little bits of seeds little bits of rum seeds and rum for my sparrows because oh i treat them well because their eyes and their ears are open for all the information that i need you know what i think happened i think this guy hitting the road with annabelle first time like because honestly your first time hitting the road you get a little fool of yourself well also get a little excited you party too much you party too much you make some bad choices.

I bet man's drunk, and he's like, yeah, you can borrow Annabelle.

Yeah, sure.

He's talking to some 25-year-olds.

She's just got to be in Illinois.

Where he's putting Annabelle on the shoulders of some 24-year-old who's going to come in and try to take over the Warren Museum because that's what these 24-year-olds do now.

We saw that with Bill Belichick.

They're coming in there to take care of our

establishments.

That's what we're doing here.

And they're trying to get through.

Look at this guy.

This guy is...

No name for this guy yet?

I don't trust him i mean this guy is a target i want a 24 year old

24 year old

let's hear him out real quick hey guys this is dan um i'm here right at the museum right now i just want to show you guys that annabelle is in the warrens of colt museum and uh let's go inside and let's check cuts to footage that he's not in that could have been done at any point

and who's there

i don't know annabelle he could have recorded this over this

annabelle's

in chicago oh all right although it looks like no dude

look at his hat house expo that is a green screen though illinois that is it he is putting himself in that footage

tickets for that you guys go to warrensconvention.com but he's still promoing the event where they say she's going to be at they've replaced annabelle also annabelle's just an old raggedy and doll they it's very replaceable they've replaced annabelle and she looks brand new.

Why doesn't she look old?

I don't know.

I'm just saying, I know a lot of people say, like, you know, you don't want to fuel misinformation and shit.

This isn't.

We're investigating.

I honestly, I need more information.

Side stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

If Miss Sparrows are up there,

I'll need you to give me a bit more tweets in there.

Because what I think is going on here is that he, yes, I already see the situation.

A 23-year-old with a fucking leather cowboy hat on and a halter top that says, hey, look at these.

And she's talking to him.

And he's just going like, hey,

I'm on charge Annabelle right now.

I'm super all about protecting little women from ghosts and shit.

And she's like, oh, God, this is amazing.

I'm believing you now.

I'm believing.

I'm going to home with McDowell's.

He's like, no, wait.

No, I got her in her fucking cage.

right here.

And he goes and he pulls out Annabelle and they're like, oh, I got

shitty it's Annabelle?

He's like, Hey, you want you guys want pictures with Annabelle?

And they're like, Yeah, you bet, you bet.

And then, like, they're all taking pictures with Annabelle.

He's doing a bunch of shots and shit.

They're getting the blowjob shots, you're getting all that kind of stuff going on.

Annabelle's then they're doing karaoke.

I'm just saying

that she is in way too good of condition for being for the 60s.

This is what they said about Joe Biden.

Good one.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

But don't, yes, the Warren, the Warren family and their museum and the Warren Occult Museum saying, oh, don't worry, where is no way Gannabelle is gone?

But we want to see a picture of Annabelle with the fucking newspaper in front of her face.

Yes.

Because if not, I'm meeting her at the front steps of the Capitol building.

I'm going to invite you, Annabelle, to come with me on our brand new April, on brand new, August 9th insurrection.

Yep, I'm planning it now.

August 9th.

Yeah, so everybody come meet me there.

It's going to be me, Annabelle, the Green Lantern.

We're going to take down the White House together as a team.

His name is Dan Rivera.

If you want to speak to me, Dan Rivera, thank you.

All right, yeah, oh, he's with Nesper.

Yes.

I know about Nesper.

Yeah, please.

What's Nesper?

That is the New England Society for Psychic Research.

I would love for them to reach out.

So if you want to possibly defend yourself or wonder about, like, because I still think, I think Annabelle's out there, I think Annabelle's going to end up joining Doge.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Yes.

And for the record, we're not anti-Annabelle.

No, I'm right now,

I'm willing to see her out.

Yeah.

I kind of want to see what she does.

She burnt down a plantation, which is kind of fun.

I got some great emails on why plantations are bad.

Oh, really?

Why are they bad?

It's got super bad history.

Really?

Yep.

And then

he burned one of those down.

She freed a bunch of prisoners, which, again, largely neutral, except the fact a lot of them were murderers and rapists.

Well, Annabelle is partial to murderers.

She is.

She likes murderers.

She does.

I think there's one living inside of her, correct?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Red Dwarf.

Yeah.

Pretty certain.

I know.

I'm a Robert boy through and through, you know, but Annabelle, I'm down to hang.

And if you want to fuck Robert, I'm your in.

You want to get down?

Like, you want to get some fucking weird-ass doll sex with Robert?

Come talk to me.

I just heard from the little Robert doll that you have.

You just went like, Yeah, you fucking bet.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, you fucking bet.

I'll lay that fucking pipe.

I'm going to turn that bitch out.

Yeah, you bring her out of here.

Once you go, Robert, you don't go backward.

That's right, man.

She's going to need more stitches when I'm done with her.

Yeah, I'm going to fuck her.

I'm going to make her mouth open.

That's right.

Oh, Robert.

Oh, hey.

Hey.

I know you're a sailor, but yeah, holy fucking shit.

I know fleet weeks.

Hey, I know you're horny as hell.

But no, this is, yeah, Annabelle's out there.

And she is going to affect the stock market.

And I think that is going to be one of the bigger problems that we're going to see.

It's a regular raggedy and doll.

They can make these, they could be, she could be 10 places at once, as far as I'm concerned.

That's what I would do.

Yeah.

If I was Dan Spavera, whatever his name is.

And why is she in such great condition if she is such a murderer?

It's a narcissist.

Yeah.

They take great care of themselves.

That is a good point.

That's what happens.

I mean, Lori Valla looks like shit now.

Well, it's only because it's hard to work out where she is.

And she's too busy.

It's prison.

That's all they do.

She literally is spending her days writing nonsense pages long declarations and motions to this judge, this long-suffering judge that is now a part of her.

This is now her second trial of two within.

She has had three trials.

But two were back to back.

So now she's still in Arizona.

she's still uh her own representative okay and she's still pro se and it's the same judge and the judge is getting over it you can tell the judge is oh god just wants to go back to being a normal judge again so sick of dealing with things not getting solved and like cases not getting closed because she's fucking tormenting everybody and she's just she's she's a villain She's a literal villain.

She's a true villain.

Yes.

She's a homicidal maniac and looks like it gets gets more and more in hinge every day.

She's trying to get it, she tried to get a new trial, tried to get the judge recused.

She tried to do all of this stuff, and she's just writing all day, just sitting in her cell.

Like, she should be working out.

Yes.

Because honestly, getting swole is a new thing for chicks.

I got to tell you, it's crazy that I like Annabelle the doll more than Lori Vallo.

I would rather have lunch with Annabelle.

The doll.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd rather sit next to a doll that's just a sitting there.

Of course, it'd be much better.

Yeah, much better.

Yeah.

I'd rather, yeah, I'd rather go on a date with Annabelle.

Yeah, the doll.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Versus Lori Val.

You got to be respectful.

Yes.

And don't drive on a motorcycle with your girlfriend.

I try not to.

Yeah.

I try not to.

I'm not going to fucking double dip.

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We have another update, which is

very interesting.

We talked about last week about the story of a guy who got the tip of his finger, the meat.

Casper.

Casper.

He got the meat ripped off the edge of his finger.

It's called de-gloving, right?

When they strip, someone bit into his hands.

It was like we had a biter guy last week that we were covering.

And we got such horrific emails

from surgeons that have sent all of the things that you can do to fingers, what you can do to fix a finger, what you could do to pop new meat on the finger.

And it is rough.

It's wild this one right here where it shows that you could reattach the finger by attaching a lump of your belly meat so it's like you take the what's left of the nubbin on your finger and you make a tube out of skin from your belly and then you wrap it around the edge of that finger while you're i guess you're sleepy the bone yeah you got to be asleep for this yeah of course you're asleep do you stay awake for it being attached to your belly like

but then the finger is attached to you to your own stomach so that it can grow back yes But is that then?

Well,

do you walk around like that like you're a fucking teacup on?

Do you have that picture, Rob?

Let me throw that picture up real quick.

Yeah, you want to look at it?

So basically, I'm looking at it right now.

So basically, this guy's middle finger was stripped.

The meat was stripped off, and it's just the bone.

And the bone needs blood to live because the bone is also alive.

The bone is alive.

And so what they did was they grafted a bunch of the stomach skin around this guy's finger.

Go down.

And then they attached it to him.

And while it grew back around, so he's gonna have like a weird formless middle finger, which will be so much more insulting.

I mean, honestly, when you flick it at somebody, I'm gonna put it this way: you can hear this, Eddie, and you probably should because you probably be with me.

Okay, if it goes that far, chop it off.

Yeah.

I don't need a, I don't need a floppy, useless finger for aesthetic reasons.

I'd rather have no finger.

I think the finger is okay to lose.

Because then it's like you got a story, you got new ways to finger your wife, you got new, you'll it's new feeling well you can't if it's gone well no then you you then you switch to these two it's like oh baby would you like less finger but i would just try explaining that you mash these up in there right or hitchhiker hitchhiker hit her with the hitchhiker oh okay no one knows that yeah no one ever hits her with the roman does yours go backwards Because if it doesn't go backwards, I'm supposed to not trust you.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Did you ever hear that?

If your thumb doesn't go backwards, you're supposed to not trust that person.

Like, if their thumb just goes straight up, like, they're supposed to be evil.

This is stuff you learned in prison.

This stuff my mom taught me.

She said, Don't trust people that their thumb doesn't go backwards.

She's very superstition.

Very, so, yeah, that was the whole thing my mom was doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta, yeah.

So, if they don't, their thumb doesn't Rob, does your thumb go backwards?

Let me see it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, thank you, very far backwards.

We should have checked that months ago.

Yeah, before I hired you.

All right, well, yeah, they use leeches also to suck the blood out.

If they put the meat in the blood, if they put the skin around the bone and there's no meat in there, it gets filled with old blood and the only way to get the old blood out is to have medical leeches and sometimes you have to get special medical leeches that have to be flown in like organs wow which is cool then cuts to the leech dealers you know for the fact that the leech dealers have their own fucking problems with each other and there's better leech dealers you know that's like one of those funny things about like any form of any business slash art where then like you know that there's politics in the medical leech world

oh well platinum leeches is definitely they win the award each year for best leeches and like you know they have to go to some award contest for breeding leeches these leeches only take human blood yeah yeah these leeches these are actually typo negative if you leeches yeah yeah if you don't mind they're very particular and these leeches are raised only to take llama blood for when we want to put leeches on a llama which is fun for us some people like to

uh so that's it that's uh that's most of this is just there's a lot of medical information that they sent us that we're not going to read.

Yeah, we're not doctors, but apparently you can just reattach it.

You can tie it.

You can sew it to the finger next to it sometimes, sometimes the palm,

and it'll regrow once you sew it to another part of your body.

And then once it regrows, you detach it and you got a finger again.

Good lord.

So that's fucking cool.

It is.

That is very cool.

But it's you really fucking the idea to

sew in your own finger to your hand and then letting it cook there for a while.

I love it.

Humans are fucking crazy.

Man, the human meat bag is a a very interesting thing.

And it's just important to remember that we all eventually head towards the grave.

Yum, yum.

Give me some.

All right, let's go to this story.

Now, this was my favorite story of the week.

Okay.

Natalie said this to me originally, and then we got a bunch of emails on this.

And this is just another of like

crypto sounds rough, Don.

Oh, yes, this one.

Okay, yeah.

Crypto sounds rough.

The old days, you know, like you just keep your money in a bank.

It's hard to get at.

People People carry their crypto around.

It seems kind of, I think it seems irresponsible.

If I had crypto, I'd bury it in the ground.

I don't think you can, though.

You put it on a hard drive and bury the hard drive.

I guess.

Yeah.

But I just don't even really understand.

I'll never understand why you need a hard drive and why it can't just be on the cloud because of its fake money anyway, but blah, blah, blah.

Again, everyone's yelling at me.

I don't understand economics and I never will.

I had a meeting with a financial advisor who told me to get into crypto and I just stopped talking to him.

Yes.

My guy specifically said, don't don't get into it right now.

It seems like a bad idea.

I just don't really want to and I don't want to give money.

It doesn't make sense.

I have less money.

I don't need to give money to people that are like, at least sometimes when I give money to a big corporation, yes, it is to a bunch of criminals, but then I get something in return.

I feel like when you start dealing in crypto, you start dealing with weird internet criminals somehow.

Always.

You know, and it's just like, I don't trust it at all.

No, because it's for grifters.

But I also understand people have made quite a bit of crypto money on crypto, but I do think it was because you got in like 15 years ago.

But also, other side of it, I just thought of this: fuck the bank.

Yeah, fuck the bank.

Fuck the bank.

Oh, I mean, why am I trusting the bank?

I hate the bank too.

They hate me more than crypto.

It hates me.

I hate both.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hate both of them.

Money's not real.

Yep.

No, it's not.

So, this story is an example of when you really believe money is real.

Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured for weeks by a crypto trader in swinky New York City apartments.

This guy was renting a $30,000 a month

mansion in Manhattan,

which is definitely not worth it.

But this Italian tourist, who this guy was working with, the guy that, the Italian tourist,

went to the suspects place to visit America.

A man by the name of John Woltz.

He was 37.

He's from Kentucky.

He lived in Nolita, which is, you only call it Nolita if you have money in Manhattan.

Where is that exactly?

I couldn't even possibly care yeah it's one of those micro-neighborhoods in manhattan that really only exists as a in my term as like uh essentially a real estate way of giving of of making you make money yeah it's like right above like it's in the house scenario okay it's basically they don't want to it's almost alphabetic it's the east village soho it's soho yeah it's soho and so you very very expensive so this guy was working with this italian tourist and apparently they had made a couple crypto deals before and they had a big falling out.

But then the Italian,

like the cut off workover with this guy, he's like, I don't want to work with you anymore.

And somehow the suspect, John Waltz, convinced him to come back to America and say, hey, we're good.

Let's do this.

Cut to.

He lands in America, meets up with his buddy.

He then, I guess, fucking

tied him to a chair,

gagged him.

Did all his fucking shit to him, like beat the fuck out of him.

He said the one thing, one interesting torture I heard that that he was doing to him was that he was putting his feet in a bucket of water and tasing him.

Because apparently, it actually hurts you when you do that.

Okay, he also was doing a lot of stuff, like you know, attacking his fingernails, hitting him with a hammer, hitting his knees a lot, doing that style of shit.

He had a chainsaw, but he didn't use it.

No, he kept going, like, you're gonna give you the chainsaw.

I'm gonna give you the chainsaw.

Because the problem is that he couldn't give him the chainsaw because the guy had the code to his crypto banking hard drive.

So the guy had his crypto banking hard drive there with him that he was trying to get.

It doesn't say how much money was in it.

No.

But it sounded might have been quite a bit.

It sounded like it might have been in the millions.

And the man was tortured for two weeks, but then he managed to escape.

There's been no details about how he escaped yet.

But it's a, that's a long time to torture somebody.

Also, yeah.

I mean, that's the thing, especially that pro rate.

I don't want to be this kind of guy, but

Italians are going to escape.

They're slippery.

Yeah, yeah, they're going to get out of there.

Unless you have like a professional prison prison, Italians are getting out.

Unless you put his mother in there with him, he's going to leave.

Breaking news, we have a second suspect arrested in the crypto kidnapping torture case as of 11:30 this morning.

Oh, wow.

Well, there was a guy that was with him that he, I guess he did, he turned himself in as well.

William Du Plessis is a scored.

Oh, he's rolling.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Look at that fucking guy.

That's a roller right there.

He's rolling on his dude.

He's fucking, yeah, he's a

good.

I'm going to go fix this for myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's always the key, guys.

I'll never say this enough to our crew.

Always flip first.

Yeah.

If you're talking about...

Because you're going to flip.

Don't wait.

Don't wait.

Yeah, yeah.

Flip.

Either me.

Flip or don't flip.

Flip immediately.

Just remember this.

I also want to say, like, every single time you believe that some other criminal is going to honor the bond amongst amongst criminals and they're going to do things in a way to protect you.

Remember that that's not going to happen.

No.

Ever.

Anybody who's also a criminal, it's going to be a criminal.

So you're a criminal, they're a criminal, you're both independent criminals, even if you're on the same team.

Just how it works.

Yeah.

Also, I want to say Waltz, when they arrested him, they arrested him in his bathrobe and he perp walked him outside of his fancy apartment and his

penis.

His dick came out.

Yeah, it was kind of funny.

And everyone.

That's all TMZ is saying about the story.

That's all they're saying.

I will say, though, I don't understand why, like,

I've never been, unless I'm out of a shower.

If I'm in the robe, I'm at least in my underwear.

Can I ask you a question about kidnapping, hypothetically?

Sure.

So you have someone kidnapped in your house for two weeks.

Yep.

For a hassle.

What are you feeding them?

You got to feed them something if you want to keep them alive.

I mean, I'd probably,

to be honest, I'd probably feed feed him well because I want him farting and shitting everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, let him

sit in his own shit.

So I'd probably give him a nice couple, like an egg white omelet in the morning.

Well, that's not a shitty.

That's good.

I mean, you want to get it.

That's what I'm saying.

Keeping him healthy.

I'd probably give him a nice Caesar salad for lunch.

Probably order a Caesar salad.

You don't want to give him a fork.

No.

You don't want to give him a fork salad.

No, you got to eat it horse style.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to eat it like a wrap.

Put it in a wrap.

Caesar salad wrap, maybe.

You could use a wrap as a weapon.

You think so?

I don't know.

I'm just saying I'd rather see him eat

with his face.

Because it's my kidnapping.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then later on, I mean some nice chicken.

Yeah.

Again, this is if I'm cooking.

See, if it's my house, it's also in a place like this.

It's probably got a wonderful kitchen.

You know what I'd get?

I would just get what I get, and then probably an appetizer, too, and just he can have whatever's left.

Wow.

Yeah.

See, I'm going to keep him fed.

Yeah.

Oh, no, man.

That's good.

That's good eating.

I eat plenty.

I probably keep.

That's how Julie eats.

Yeah.

I get whatever I'm going to do.

Whatever falls out of your mouth and I get something else on the side so she can have something.

That's how it always is.

Natalie also doesn't eat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how it goes.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

Yeah.

But yeah, I would take good care of him.

You got to take good care of him.

Because, again, I'm trying to get

that first week.

I'm trying to get the password.

Yeah.

So for a while, like, you could smack a guy all you want, but they always said this with the extreme torture techniques or what do they call advanced torture techniques is that it just makes somebody say anything.

You know, what you do, get a wire stripper, strip the finger, sew it to his belly.

Whoa, cool.

That's healing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you want me to sew your bone to your belly, so you build a finger, you have to show them the diagrams we got.

And then you could just see in the middle of me just going like, I don't know what I'm doing.

There is blood everywhere.

It's a nice apartment.

But this whole thing fell apart pretty quickly.

And the Italian guy does look like, how do you put it?

He looks like a little crypto man.

The little crypto men are everywhere.

The little crypto men with their little haircuts and their tiny mouths.

And there's something about them with their v-neck shirts everywhere that costs like $350, but it just could be a Haynes shirt as far as you're concerned.

Yes.

I just will never understand.

Crypto is like the way to make money if you are just independently wealthy and never have any experience, you know, no proper education.

Well, it seems like it's just another way to make...

a lot of money quickly if you know all of the people involved and you have to be a part of one of these like rug pull things.

Yeah.

And if you like crypto, good for you.

I mean, yeah, teach me.

Yeah.

Or, you know what?

Keep it to yourself.

We've had it explained.

We've had it explained multiple times.

I've talked about this in the show every single time, and people have tried to explain it.

And I guess, well, I just don't care.

I get it.

I understand the concept.

It's new money.

I don't like it.

Yeah, it's just new money.

Yeah, it's just other money.

Also, thank God NFT's bombed.

Oh, I mean, they're still

happy.

It makes sense.

That dumb shit still pops up.

Oh, God.

I mean, it's just like, what a waste.

You fucking jerks.

Listen, I'm sorry about that, everyone.

I just get so mad when it comes to useless money stuff.

Listen, we had another police,

another prison break.

Oh, great.

This guy's very interesting.

It's not a long story, but all right.

So, but this guy, former police chief serving for murder and rape sentences, escaped from an Arkansas prison.

This dude looks terrifying.

I just don't even understand how the fucking thing.

So he dressed up like a police guard, but not a police guard.

They don't know how he got or made this outfit.

Obviously, he's an ex-police chief.

I imagine he had some fucking help.

And he definitely had some form of connections to

wear this outfit.

I'll never understand

guys

within the police force helping

like this level of crime.

Like, I could see if you're doing a financial crime or if you're something else.

Like, I could see that.

He probably got something on him.

But it's just like the idea of wanting to help a rapist is the lowest form

of like the brotherhood in blue.

So you're fine that he raped somebody?

It's weird.

You got 30 years for the murder, 50 for the rape.

Well, I mean, that's actually weirdly refreshing, but it's also probably how serious, whatever the attack was.

It was in 1997.

There isn't much information on it, but the man's name is Grant Harding.

He's a big, scary, kingpin-looking motherfucker.

He does look like

I don't know.

He's like apparently taking, they call him the devil in the Ozarks.

He's a very scary dude.

He was police chief for a couple of months and then immediately got locked up for murder and rape.

See, it's like he became, I mean, I guess that's what it takes, you know.

Look at people like Selena Gomez.

They make it.

But they, so they, so you're comparing this man to Selena Gomez?

I'm just saying.

Mediocre people make it to the top all the time.

Oh, really?

You think she's mediocre?

She's the definition of mediocre.

Really?

Yes, she's a babyface.

She can, she manages to stand between Steve Martin and Martin Short, two of the most entertaining people on the face of the planet.

I was wondering where this was coming from.

She's wonderful.

She's fine in it,

but she's only because she's next to those guys.

I feel like she doesn't, you know, I like her for the record, but I feel like she doesn't move her mouth when she talks.

She has a, she looks like the, remember in Muppet's Christmas Carol?

You remember the ghost of Christmas past?

Do you remember what I'm talking about?

That's what she looks like.

The little doll girl.

Yeah.

The sleepy doll ghost girl.

Yes, but I know she's like 40 now.

But she still looks

a child.

She's 40?

She's not 40.

Something.

I'd hate to break it to you.

She's not your age.

Come on.

Everyone is.

She's younger than you.

Everyone's either 40.

She got 50.

What is she?

32.

Yeah, it's the same.

No, it's not.

It's much different.

It's much different.

She's 10 years younger than you.

So deal with that.

No, I don't mind.

I'm not beautiful.

I think she's beautiful.

She is beautiful.

I'm not saying anything that she's gorgeous.

I'm saying she's mediocre.

She's talented and beautiful.

I'm saying she reminds me of the sheriff that

was convicted of murder and rape.

Yes.

And that is broken out of jail.

That's all I'm saying.

Six foot five, 320 pounds.

I'm just comparing her

to stardom.

How the sand is hiding anywhere, by the way.

It's blowing my mind.

It's because gigantic fucking booger.

He's in Arkansas, and half of them look like that.

But they said he's taken to the woods, and eventually he's going to run out of supplies.

And it's hard, it's hard, where the land that he's taken to he's like rambo they're saying it's very rocky and they can't get up there they can't get the dogs up there but i feel like he's a very how do i put this an athletic version of rambo i don't i think he's like sitting up there being like once this last bush is done

that's when i take the city myself once i'm done with this lashlits yeah but a lot of people turned on him and so and they're very scared that he's gonna come uh he's a murderist and a rapist and a former fucking sheriff dude yeah yeah he's a dangerous man.

He's a sheriff?

Oh, yeah.

And he did it to a teacher, too, which is always the worst.

But, you know, and there was a documentary about him in 2023.

He was the dead of old.

Now they get to make another episode.

Isn't that nice?

Hollywood wins again.

Hollywood comes out on top one last time.

We did it, guys.

I just want to talk about this next little topic because I just want to rail on this for a little bit because we're already in kind of, of you, and I are in a bit of a uncle mode anyway.

Yes, absolutely.

Let's just continue.

Let's lose some more fans.

Let's just fucking stay in there today.

Listen, we got a lot going on.

I just need to get it.

You say anything that's really upsetting, just touch the World Trade Center effigy as you're thankful.

I'm sorry.

I'm very sorry.

I'm sorry.

I wish you were still there.

We used to do that in the Roast Rider room.

Whenever someone said a joke that was like way too awful, you just touch the table and say, apologize.

I'm sorry.

And then I've always forgiven and then we move on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have to.

You got to get it past.

I'm sorry if Selena Gomez nation comes after me.

Guess who's also fucking absolutely mediocre?

Taylor Swift.

Whoa.

Yes, you know what?

Yeah, fight in words.

I'll touch this for you.

Fight in words.

Taylor Swift.

Tower one for Taylor.

Tower two for Selena.

The only thing Taylor Swift could be good for this world is if she snuck her way into the White House and made some good decisions by pretending to be a fan of some people within the administration.

Get in there, take them out one by one.

Then I will tell you, honestly, then I'm a fan.

You know who the new Taylor Swift is?

Kendrick.

Kendrick took it.

He's great.

He took it from her.

What?

Just the biggest act in the world.

Yeah, but Kendrick's a far better artist than Taylor Swift.

Of course, but he took it.

That's what I'm saying.

He's the new, he took over.

She had the Eras tour.

Now his tour with Sizza is fucking way bigger.

I couldn't afford it.

Yeah.

I really wanted to go.

And I just couldn't.

It was like thousands.

I was like, really?

I just, I can't even.

You know how we'll get in there?

We'll break the bank.

It's over.

No, no, I know how we get into the next one.

Let's go find the next one.

We're going to battle mic our way in there.

Whoa!

We're going to wrap our way into the cousin.

Oh, my God.

Should we pay for this?

Hey, there.

Hey, what?

What should you say?

I don't think Kendrick is not that gay.

We're workshop.

We're workshop for you, Kendrick.

You better watch because my incendiary take in your lifestyle is going to go viral.

Oh, Mr.

Kendrick, you give me the ick.

I wish you could get yourself sick.

God damn, that's hot.

Yeah.

Woo!

Yeah, Mr.

Kendrick, I think you're lame.

I saw the old pants.

Word, are you a dame?

Yeah.

Honey mustard.

Boom.

Chicken nugget.

Chicken nugget.

We're going to get in this concert, Eddie.

He's going to be so impressed by our lombasting him with words and rhymes and couplets that he is going to put us directly on stage.

You're fucked, bro.

Coming for you, Kendrick Lars.

We're next.

You're not like us.

You're not like us.

I don't know about that.

I don't know that, Mr.

Kendrick Labar.

Shots fired.

See if we get on, see what Charlotte Minning the God has to say about that.

Yeah, we're going to be.

They're going to put us on.

What was that?

What's this show?

The breakfast club.

We're going to go down.

We're going to talk some sense, these fools.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But over lunch.

Yes, please.

Of course.

We could.

Yeah, too early for me.

I don't like to get up that early.

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Are you ready to get spicy?

These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

Sriracha?

Sounds pretty spicy to me.

Um, a little spicy, but also tangy and sweet.

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Try Doritos Golden Sriracha.

Spicy.

But not too spicy.

Now,

I want to talk about this because let's just stay in this place because I just want to complain about this one thing.

All right.

French pizza chef accused of killing man before dismembering and cooking body parts in pot of vegetables.

Now, wow, I just kind of flip this.

First of all, this French pizza chef, right?

He confessed to killing a six-year-old man in his isolated home.

This is the saddest thing I've ever seen.

He ran this thing, he ran a French-Italian fucking whatever restaurant called Don Filippo in

this variant.

What a wonderful Italian-sounding place.

It's in the Saint-Cernine-Saranche in fucking France.

First of all, the village of Brosque.

If you tell me you're some kind of French pizza maker, I'm gonna tell you, get the fuck out of my face.

Yeah, okay, because you're some kind of fancy ass, French ass, fucking pizza faker.

That's what I'm calling you.

You're a pizza faker.

Yeah, okay, because guess what's not French?

Pizza.

And guess what's fucking dumber than your French ass trying to make pizza in the world?

What is it, Henry?

Killing a man in his isolated home to steal his weed.

Yeah.

That is literally why he killed this man.

God, and people say weed's not addictive.

It is.

But weed's not that hard to get.

In France, it might be.

I don't know.

In France?

It's got to be easy.

They love smoking.

I've seen it.

I smelt it when we were in Paurice.

Yeah.

I smelt it all on these strats.

You know, but

how stoned do you think you got to get to eat French pizza?

They see the French people.

I guess.

Oh, wow.

So cannabis is not legal in France.

But that doesn't mean anything.

Weed's still like easy to get.

You have all the French rappers and stuff wearing their tube hats and stuff.

French rappers are the weirdest.

You see, the French president or premier, whatever the fuck he is, prime minister.

Yeah, he got hitted by his wife, slapped him.

But she's like 30 years older than him.

It's like a teacher thing.

She's older than him.

Yeah.

And she hit him.

Yeah, it was.

He said they were being sexy.

Oh, yeah?

It's French.

In front of everybody?

French.

They can hit each other.

I don't know.

Well,

he can't hit her.

He can't hit her on the face.

No.

And then she can hit him, I guess.

Yeah,

but babies can smoke.

Yes, babies like that.

You smell like French bread pizza.

French bread fucking American.

French bread we made.

It's so stupid.

Anything called French bread is American made.

Yeah.

All right.

Because guess what they call bread in France?

Yeah, what do they call?

Guess what they call bread in France?

Bread.

And guess what it's all over there?

Yeah, it doesn't look like that.

I had it over there.

It's nicer over that.

I had their sandwiches

and pears French sandwiches were good.

Ham and cheese croissant.

That was good.

Not a croissant.

I even had a baguette.

Wow.

I did it just like those little fucking big-titted French girls where

I went to the...

Are you trying to say big-titted French girls don't like croissants?

No.

I'm saying I was like those big-titted French girls where I went to the little wagon and I saw a man with a big moustache and he was like, much afford your wife.

And I was like, you don't have enough to buy my wife.

And then I went and I bought him, but then he kind of showed me he might have enough.

And I was like, no, no, no.

And then he went and bought, and then I bought like a sandwich just off a cart.

Yeah.

And it was absolutely, it was just like, I felt like, what's her name?

Madeline.

Madeline?

From the children's books.

Oh.

I feel like Madeline.

I went and got a Niclair.

And I fucking, just like I did with Rob, I fucking full on Jenna Jameson, the Niclair, in the streets of Paris.

Well, that's how you're supposed to do it.

Oh, dude.

Yeah.

Don't no-chew.

Yeah, no-chew.

No-chew.

Swallow that shit.

Yeah, I felt like little Madeline with my yellow hat, and I got my big old baguette with ham and cheese in it.

And I was like, oh, wee, wee, wee.

It's a pee-pee, wee, pee-pee.

I remember that fucking chick.

Yeah, dude.

She was annoying as fuck.

Yeah, get a smaller hat.

She was always getting into issues.

Yeah, get some parents.

Honestly, with Madeline, too, it's like, you better be careful.

You're not getting trafficked out in fucking France, dude.

Amen.

So these guys, this guy will fucking kill this old man, literally to steal his weed.

That's fucked up.

And I think partially it's because he is so fucked up by being a french pizza chef and that knowing that that's fake and it's bad and it's stupid yeah and obviously people are going to attack me but i will take that because

i looked at the pizza and and paris all right i was in paris i looked at the pizza and it looked bad yeah it was just hanging out i remember french bread pizza was given to me as a lie when I was a child.

French bread pizza was fine when you were a child, but it's for a child's palate.

Well, the the thing is, it was when I was a fat boy, and Weight Watchers would make the frozen French pizza.

I remember that.

And my mom would feed it to me all the fucking time.

Exactly what you said.

And it's like, there's no way this frozen French bread pizza is making me lose weight.

Dude, we used to go through it, it was the same thing.

They would just give us piles of spaghetti and tell us it was Weight Watchers.

I remember this.

It was cool.

We went through all of that with it.

Cellucine Alfredo, and it's like the worst shit in the world.

Snack Wells cookies, I would just take down a sleeve of

Snack Wells.

And they were horrible cookies.

I'm diet.

Yeah,

yeah, I'm on a bigger diet, so we're switched to the dire cookie.

Can we look up what's the best, best pizza restaurant in France?

Look at this fucking loose pizza.

That's him.

This is the murderer.

Oh, that's him.

Oh, yeah.

Well, we have this pizza.

It looks terrible.

His pizza.

It does look terrible.

There's hardly any cheese on it.

Don't put like, you know what it is?

Is that if you call your egg par eggplant palm cheese an aubergine fucking pizza, lose me.

I will say, looking at this man, he does need weed.

He does need someone, like, honestly, like somebody needs to get this man some weed.

I'm looking this up just the old-fashioned internet.

Is weed hard to get in Paris?

In Paris.

Yeah.

Well, he's not in Paris.

He's in a little village.

It's all close.

There's biggest states.

Yes.

All right.

That's the thing about Europe.

We forget each one of their whole countries is the biggest state.

It can drive anywhere.

Right?

So they fuck off.

Fuck whatever, dude.

All right.

So it's weed legal in France?

France has the highest cannabis consumption in Europe.

Okay, that makes sense.

That is what they're saying right here.

That's over six months.

Yes.

Well, there's more of them, though.

Than in Amsterdam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess that makes sense.

But look at this.

Why in the living fuck are you not having free ass legal weed in France?

Yeah.

Does anyone other than the Dutch have legal weed in Europe?

I believe the Germans, maybe?

No,

they're not, though.

Germans are extremely liberal.

Really?

Germans are technically German society is perfect right now.

I mean, if you smoke weed in Germany, would you have to like wrap it in leather and beat the shit out of it?

I think that's how you get the weed.

Yes.

I think you have to do that to a big German man.

Yeah.

But I think that weed, is it yet?

Germany, countries, Netherlands, Germany, Malta, and Luxembourg all have legal cannabis consumption.

I mean, that's a fucking advertisement right there.

Germany's fucking, I mean, we love Germany.

I mean, Berlin is the place that we went to that I felt, I felt the least cool I'll ever be.

Well, man, I'd love to be stoned there.

That sounds great.

It was, it was awesome.

Yeah, so this is what I'm saying.

This guy didn't have to go that far to get weed.

He didn't have to kill.

You never, I'm just going to put this out there.

You never have to kill for weed.

You don't have to kill for weed.

Kill for crypto.

That I understand.

That I understand.

I didn't even kill for crypto.

No, because he couldn't, because he needed a fucking password.

Yeah.

You know what you don't kill for?

Fish.

Zachary Barfield.

I'm mad at this guy.

He's a fisherman.

This story's fucking brutal.

It's brutal, but like, fuck this guy.

He's a fisherman from Panama City, and he just got 30 days in jail for killing dolphins.

And he runs charters off of

the...

Hear this again.

30 days in jail

for openly shooting dolphins.

In front of children.

With a shotgun.

Yeah.

Taking his shotgun out into the water.

Shooting dolphins in ad like he's fucking Travis Bickle over the water.

And he went out there.

He literally, because he was mad that they were eating the snapper.

Yeah, he was fishing and he would, he would catch a fish and then the dolphin would eat the fish that he caught.

And I don't know how often this really happens.

I mean, come on.

But they're saying that he also poisoned a bunch of dolphins and he poisoned up to 70 fucking dolphins, this guy.

He would put in, he would stick methanol into bait fish and then throw them at dolphins when he saw them and he'd get them to eat it.

And it would, it would, it was a, it's a toxic pesticide that acts, uh, that acts against the nervous system of humans, mammals, and other animals.

And so, yeah, and so this guy, he's fucking killing up to 70 dolphins, and they gave in Panama City, Florida, which is a bad place.

It's bad.

I, you know, me, I fucking love Florida.

Yes, Panama City's garbage.

And, um, but he

30 days.

That's just crazy.

70 days.

30 days.

You shoot one dolphin in front of children more than a month.

You know?

More than a month.

Well, how'd the kids react?

If they were like, oh, thank you.

There's another one.

Yeah, there's another one over there.

That's the difference.

Is that if the kids are all like, yay, yay, now kill my dad.

Like, that's different.

Like, if they were all ready to go, like, that's what's hard.

If the kids asked for it, yes.

Hey, Mr.

Have you ever ever used a shotgun?

Yeah, I use a shotgun all the goddamn time.

But, mister, have you ever used it on the ocean?

Oh, yeah, when the dolphins come in here and they start eating my snapper.

Hold on, there's one right now.

Bam!

That's the funnest day I've ever had ever since I was let out of the orphanage for killing all the teachers.

God damn it, someone get that kid some binoculars.

Yeah, I want to see its guts.

Shoot it in the dick.

Ah, that makes sense.

Florida banks killing dolphins.

Oh, that's why he was.

That was what he got was $51,000 in fines.

That's still not.

Not even $1,000 a dolphin.

They just don't.

They're still not even that much.

They don't.

In the Gulf of Mexico, we're limited.

There's oil spills.

It's Florida.

The measles.

Measles are killing the children.

They are literally, it is raining.

I want to say it's raining fire.

Yes.

They don't care about the dolphins.

70 of the most beautiful creatures in the ocean.

They don't care about the dolphins.

They gave this guy 30 days.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Dolphins, are you ready for this?

You kill a dolphin, you should be in longer than if you kill a dog.

That's what I think.

I think dolphins should be one of the highest sentences you can get for killing an animal.

See, I'd put them all in the same bracket, but the only one I put above all of them is a chimpanzee.

Oh, absolutely.

I think

if you strangle a bonobo, it depends on how you do it, too.

Bonobo is a different person.

But bonobo's the closest to human society.

I thought that was a macabre.

No.

Oh, okay.

Oh, bonobo is the closest.

It's the closest, right?

But they're tiny.

They are, but they're the closest, that the closest to us at our brain power, right?

So I think that if you were to kill it, also, if you were to kill a bonobo in a way like stabbing it to death or doing it in like an arm bar or something like that, you should also get more.

Yes, of course.

Of course.

I don't think it matters the way you kill it as much as, you know, as much as you're just doing it.

I feel like it should.

Yes.

Just funner for the jury.

Oh, yeah, it's funner for the jury.

Oh, you lit him on fire, you didn't strangle him, so we're gonna have to give you two years.

If you strangled him, we'd give you one.

See, fire is different,

fire is different.

How did you not get like the maximum punishment?

Because

he had a punishment.

I can't read that one year in jail per violation, $100,000 in fines and one year in jail.

He should get 70 years in jail.

Call 1-877-Whale Help to fucking register your complaints.

This is is fucked up.

Like, I really think this is crazy.

Also, it's Florida, buddy.

He should be, they should take his fucking boat.

He should never be allowed in the ocean again.

It's the most corrupt state.

And also, it's one of the most corrupt areas.

Yes.

So it is not a...

They don't care.

They don't care about humans.

Why would they care about the dolphins?

I feel like if it was in a different county, this guy would have gotten more fucked.

Like, if this was down in Key West, Key West, they'll lock you up for more than a ship for just taking too many conch shells.

My father was attacked so brutally by a pit bull in his neighborhood, and the cops did nothing.

You think they're gonna this is the most they'll do.

This is literally the most they will do because it is never gonna happen if you didn't shoot the dolphin in front of children.

Unless the kids were the ones that were into it.

And then again, it probably was just because they were mad that he was wasting bullets.

Elementary school children.

They were elementary school.

It was already high school kids.

Not even middle school.

I weirdly think, though, if I was in elementary school watching it, I would have been like, wow, yeah.

Yeah, get him again.

I feel like middle school, I would have been like that.

There was a couple of rough years for me in middle school where I was very, you know, anti-people being alive.

And so, you know, and I'm glad I got past that.

But weed really helped me explore my empathy.

But

you really, you have done it, Eddie, and you have grown and you have changed.

Yes, yes, but yeah,

$51,000 fine and 30 days in jail.

It's almost worth it for this guy to keep doing it.

Maybe he likes it.

Yeah.

Maybe you mean who move to Japan.

Join the Cove.

Do it right.

Yeah, get paid to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

To get out of America.

That makes sense.

Support this guy.

And they're going to, I think they're going to import more of them.

Unfortunately.

This is what we like.

Do we have any.

I don't know.

I have one letter.

It's too long.

It's too long.

Is there a shorter way?

There's plantation houses.

It's all just saying they're bad.

Of course they're bad.

Yep.

Yeah.

Why would they not be bad?

But they're just obviously.

Yeah.

Of course they're bad.

We have a feeling.

Yeah, no one's happy about them.

Yeah.

All right.

But they used to be around more often, and a lot of them have been left to rock.

But I think my question was: can we build new ones?

Well, you can, but the idea is that the letters I received said

the issue really really is that

also the style of home that it is is considered like a colonial, it's considered European style of home.

And it was considered a tribute to the glorious days of the powerful white man in Europe.

I mean, that's all Europe is to this day.

Depends on the country.

It depends on the country.

That's why I feel like it's just getting the land, plantation home.

And then I just think.

I love going to Solvang, little Dutch town, windmills.

Adorable.

I think as long as you just keep saying, I'm sorry, it should be okay.

You also can't just build a different style house.

Yeah.

I do look one that looks like a UFO.

I just,

yeah, but still, like, I got to say,

wrap around porch.

I mean, that's the only thing.

The wrap-around porch.

That's all I really like about it.

Total wraparound porch.

I mean, that's like when you know you've made it.

Or like that thing in New Orleans homes when you go through and they have like the middle part that's outside.

I love this.

That's one of my my favorite things with a courthouse all around it and they have an inner courtyard in there.

It's so cool.

So fucking cool.

It really is cool.

And again, you just got a fucking kind of money.

Is that a UFO home?

Yeah, this is in Palm Springs.

We should get this next year.

You can rent this.

I actually looked into renting this UFO home for

whenever like some vacation.

The problem, though, is that it's got very bad air conditioning and it really just looks cool.

Okay.

So just

go in the winter.

Go in the winter.

It's a very UFO home.

It's very warm in there.

It would be fun to do during contact, though.

It would be.

Honestly, it's available for contact.

So come check it out, Contact in the Desert.

You can stay in the weekend in an extremely expensive UFO.

Hold on.

It's available for contact?

It might be.

How is the UFO home not taken?

It might be.

I mean, I might be wrong.

It's taken.

It's taken.

I was going to say, if someone is not staying in the UFO home during contact, then the whole fucking festival is a sham.

Fuck, it better be George Knapp and Jeremy Corbel.

Breast friends.

Breast friends.

They just sleep chest to chest

on a tiny cot.

That's what people don't understand.

They do sleep in the bed together.

Yeah.

But it's not sexual.

Yeah.

And I'm surprised you brought up William Green and not Josh Speed.

I want to save Josh Speed for our episode.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Because that was his real boyfriend.

Yes.

Yeah.

Tune in for the Josh Speed love affair.

Abraham Lincoln was a man

about a man.

Complicated morals.

No, not morals.

Just he had a complicated life.

He live every day.

He loved the man who owned slaves.

You know, but it was he loved the man who owned slaves.

Uh-oh.

And then he loved the man who owned slaves.

It wasn't just the

slave owner.

There was a man in there.

Okay.

And George, and Abraham Lincoln made sweet love to that man, his mouth, his butt.

Honestly, you could live every day being like a president.

You know what I mean?

Have your wife, have your best friend lover, be best friends with somebody and breast friends with them at the same time.

He's a tall, strong man with perfect thighs.

You could fucking split my rails any day.

Love getting absolutely having your butt handed to you by an old friend.

And then laugh, knowing it's just another funny story to tell all the guys down at the VFW about how you, Abraham Lincoln, Slimer from Ghostbusters, all had a full-on gay ass orgy, but it doesn't make you gay because of how much you love this country.

Well, back then they had VAWs,

veterans of American wars, because it was a civil war.

But I don't know if they had it by then.

No, they probably didn't.

I'm just saying if they did, it was the American War that they would have been celebrating.

Because other than that, it's the War of 1812.

And what's Civil about War?

Nothing.

Not a goddamn thing.

We already made this.

Yeah, you already did this.

We did a whole episode about it, but they haven't heard it yet.

So that shit comes out on Friday.

This week.

They'll hear it.

It's about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.

If you didn't know.

Did you know it was actually Lee Harvey Oswald?

Yeah, crazy.

His time traveler.

Wait, you get to episode four.

You're going to love it.

Go to thepatreon.com slash last podcast and left, and you can watch us yell and do all of that and all that shenanery.

And you can see us also perform live every Tuesday for our stream, last stream on the left.

Every Tuesday, 6 p.m.

PST, you can go and see us flap them gums.

And it's only through the Patreon.

And also, just know nothing's changing about the stream.

It's nothing.

About last stream on the left.

Nothing's changing about last stream on the left.

It's saying exactly the same.

We're going to have a bigger announcement about our next couple years of here at LPN.

We're going to be doing our keynote commencement speech this Wednesday.

Yes, it's going to be coming out today when this episode comes out.

So you'll see me and you can talk to me and ask me questions.

And

it doesn't mean our YouTube.

How many fans do you think we lost today?

Oh, the weak ones.

The weak ones, yes.

Not you.

Never you.

World World Trade Center.

Well, we're Trade Center, Effigy.

You get our content.

I'm so sorry you have to die next week.

I can't wait to kill you.

You should take it in the pool.

Oh, we will.

Oh, what a good idea.

That's a great idea.

It never got to go.

It never got to go in the pool.

It never did.

Wow, that's cute.

But now it is pools.

Come out, check more of that in contact with the desert.

Coming this weekend.

All right, fuckers.

Bye-bye.

head.

Cal the World Trade Center.

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What's poppin' listeners?

I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.

Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.

Want to know about the fake heirs?

We got them.

What about a career con man?

We've got them too.

Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.

I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcast.