Side Stories: Breast Friends

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Speaker 3 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast on the left.

Speaker 3 Side stories?

Speaker 3 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 3 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 3 I think we're going to have to reevaluate our friendship, Eddie. What happened? What are you talking about? Because...

Speaker 3 Do you want to scale it back a little bit? Because I could scale it back. I'm just saying no.
No, unfortunately, no. We can only scale.
We have to scale up. We have to scale up.
But I saw these.

Speaker 3 I was reading some research for this week's episode of Last Podcast on the Left. Yes.
And they were talking about how Abraham Lincoln,

Speaker 3 you guys know the 16th president,

Speaker 3 he

Speaker 3 had a very, very good friend named William Greene while he was in his 20s. And they said.
I like to call him Billy Weed. Billy old Billy Weeds.
Billy Billy Weed, Billy Nugs.

Speaker 3 And Lincoln and him shared a cot together and they slept chest to chest each night for years. They slept chest to chest.
And these guys are best friends.

Speaker 3 Breast friends. Yeah, chest to chest.
Exactly.

Speaker 3 But, you know, he had the true bravery to say that his best friend, Abraham Lincoln, straight, married.

Speaker 3 Not at that point, I don't think. Not married.
Yeah. But he said that

Speaker 3 he, quote,

Speaker 3 wrote in his journal that Lincoln's thighs were as perfect as a human being's could be. Yeah.
I bet. He was a wrestler.
Why have you never said that about me? You don't have perfect thighs.

Speaker 3 My thighs are

Speaker 3 the best part of me.

Speaker 3 Yeah. They're the best part of you, but they're not great.
You don't think that my thighs aren't great. I think Ronnie Coleman has great thighs, but I don't think that you have great.

Speaker 3 Well, Ronnie Coleman, he worked himself into paralysis. Yes.
I won't ever do that. Yeah.
I'll make sure I could jump and flip and kick and dance and tap.

Speaker 3 You know, honestly, I don't think I've seen your thighs in a while. You want to? Sure.
Rob, look away.

Speaker 3 Flex them.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 They're good. They're fine.
There's no definition. You're my best friend.

Speaker 3 I'm being your best friend right now. I let you take your pants off and I'm staring at your thighs.
Who else is going to let you do this?

Speaker 3 The president of the United States' best friend looked at his thighs. Jeffrey Epstein, yes, when he was.

Speaker 3 Honestly, he was more like Bill Clinton. If you read the documents, Bill Clinton's on there a little bit more.
Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zaprowski.
I have great thighs. See?

Speaker 3 You have great thighs. And before that, you get introduced, Ed Larson.
How are you doing? Yes. They look so good, they should be fried.

Speaker 3 I'll take that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm hungry. They're good.
I'm very hungry. But we know we don't eat here at Last Podcast in 11.
We won't.

Speaker 3 We only do the news. That's it.
That's all we do. And stare at the back of our World Trade Center effigy that's currently sitting on the table here today.

Speaker 3 That is about to make its first trip to Indio Wells for contact in the desert. You know, I think they should change the name to Indio Fines.

Speaker 3 It's definitely Indio Fines. But it's a nice place.

Speaker 3 Honestly, you're going to have to come and check out what we're going to do with this World Trade Center effigy. Yes.
This Saturday. Saturday night.
Coming over to Contact of the Desert.

Speaker 3 If you're in the Los Angeles area, we are doing this wonderful, wonderful comedy night inside of the biggest UFO weekend in the world.

Speaker 3 And it is going to get some people upset. Yes, comedy goes really well in the middle of a conference hall.
It really does.

Speaker 3 I remember last year at the comedy show. Oh, right before I went on stage.
3.30 p.m. Oh yeah.
They did me the favor of getting rid of all the chairs.

Speaker 3 I remember when they said that we were like, we don't want people to be like hanging out. We're like, it's an hour-long show.

Speaker 3 But this year it's going to be different. And you're going to see it separate from the main events, it's going to be a nighttime event.
And we are going to bring, we're bringing out all the stops.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be doing a live UFO mandate. We have some guest comedians like Billy Wayne Davis, one of a big friend of the show.
Amber Nelson, Travis Irvine. It's going to be amazing.

Speaker 3 We're going to have a lot of fun. And then also, we're going to be doing a live.

Speaker 3 We're going to be doing a live taped podcast that you can be a part of the live studio audience for with Whitley Streeber. We put headphones on everybody, right? That's what we did last year.

Speaker 3 Are we doing that again, Rob? I don't know. We'll see.
We'll find out. I'm not sure when we interviewed Dave Foley.
Everyone got headphones. And it was a very interesting experience.

Speaker 3 It was very intimate. It's like a silent disco.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 3 But, and I believe Whitley knows this. We're going to be playing hot ones.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So Whitley. I am really excited for that.
I got Pepto already. Great.
He's going to need it. He's going to need, to be honest, we might need a doctor.

Speaker 3 We were talking, Kelly said she was going to go to Wingstop. We might need to find somewhere slightly better.
What's better? I don't know. Wingstop's not great.

Speaker 3 But it's not, I mean, it's, I mean, unfortunately, it's Palm Springs. It's not chicken wing world.
I know. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L, at gmail.com.

Speaker 3 If you're in the Palm Springs area, where do you get your chicken wings? I did have a Margaritaville in Palm Springs.

Speaker 3 We can get them from there. They're not as good.
I mean, I'd rather have Wingstop. You're going to have Wingstop than Margaritaville? Very much so.
You are

Speaker 3 being bad. I am not bad.
You are being bad. No, I like a better chicken wing.
I go, I think, Margaritaville, corporate office, Florida. Wingstop, corporate office, Dallas.

Speaker 3 Okay. Yeah, that's kind of how I go with that.
Yeah, I could see that. Yeah.
I could see that, but still, it's Palm Springs. I wish we had a Flanagans out here.
Yeah, I mean, nothing.

Speaker 3 Every single day flanagans i pray for a flanagans god i love that place it's fine uh but you know we're gonna have a great time at contact in the desert we're also gonna be doing a bunch of interviews that are not gonna be for you know an audience that we're gonna release later on in the month i'm introducing ed larson to some true

Speaker 3 i'm not even i'm not gonna say the word kook you just did

Speaker 3 I'm just saying that we're gonna meet some real members of the ufological society.

Speaker 3 You're there to learn. You've only met classy people so far.
Nick Pope, classy. Vaguely.
Yeah. And then we got the George Knapp, the most classy.
The most. Oh my God.
The hair. High end.

Speaker 3 High, high, high end.

Speaker 3 We're going to see some guys who are a little bit lower on the ladder, but they're going to be just as incredible as anything else. And we might get you hypnotized.

Speaker 3 I got to say, lower on the ladder, probably better interview because they're not thinking about what they say. No.
And I appreciate that. I like a little loose, loosey-goosey on the old lips.

Speaker 3 Same thing. I like somebody who doesn't quite understand that the internet is forever.
That's one of my favorite attributes of someone old. How are we going to destroy this again?

Speaker 3 You already set it on fire. We're going to find out.
I think that's a bad idea to do indoors.

Speaker 3 We've already been told to not set it ablaze due to the problems with Michael Sedona's original World Trade Center effigy burning and the issues that caused. So we

Speaker 3 had to put it out with Gatorade. Yep.
I remember.

Speaker 3 Which is the most that Gatorade served its purpose the entire weekend. I will say that.
That's where the last of the time, that's the only place I saw electrolytes at work.

Speaker 3 I heard it's going to be 106 degrees. It's going to be real hot by Europe.
And guess where you're going to see us? By the pool.

Speaker 3 And that's why if you wanted to have any sort of unofficial conference time with me and you're coming to contact in the desert, bring your fucking bathing suit. I am sick of this.

Speaker 3 We're not all just going to be hanging inside talking. We're going to be in the pool this year.
I can only rub so many crystals. I need you to come to the pool.
We need to be drunk in the pool.

Speaker 3 We can get into the real stuff in the pool. What time is the pool closed? I don't give a shit.
It's like a late night pool. Pull me out.
Yeah. You have to fish me out.
Yeah, time to go, sir.

Speaker 3 Call the police

Speaker 3 on me. And that's what I'd be like, I'm a bonvoy member.
I'm a bonvoy member.

Speaker 3 Which gets you anywhere. It gets you everywhere.
All right, we got some updates before we get into the rest of this. Annabelle's gone.
Now, there's a lot. Maybe.

Speaker 3 All right, we are. There is a lot going on here.
We've gotten some tips. Thank you for everyone who's reached out saying that Annabelle is missing.
Annabelle's been kidnapped.

Speaker 3 They're saying Annabelle is missing. The Warren Estate says

Speaker 3 no. Well, because who does this benefit? The Warren Estate.

Speaker 3 Because the Warren Estate doesn't want to believe that the weird relative that they let take Annabelle out of her little protective case out into the world so that she could finally go get woke, burn down a plantation, free all those prisoners she's a full leftist

Speaker 3 renegade she's a grand

Speaker 3 anarchist yeah renegade yeah she's in tifa now she's free oh she's in tifa yeah annabelle tifa no yeah yeah

Speaker 3 she's all about tifa

Speaker 3 and so she's out there but now so yes obviously the people the person that was responsible for annabelle what's his name again this this fucking isn't it isn't it warren's son whatever he is he looks like a guy that would lose annabelle i think he looks like he looks like the competing tiger like zoo owner in um the joe exotic documentary series because he's got that like la hat culture thing going on so what's his name rob um it's at annabelle tour okay so he's doing it through the annabelle socials where he's saying there's no way annabelle is gone we did annabelle is absolutely fine she's not missing was never in Chicago.

Speaker 3 Is not there. Then he shows this video being, look, here's Annabelle.
It's in the Occult Museum, which could have been filmed at any time.

Speaker 3 All of this could have been filmed at any time. I actually, I'm watching this fucking chode talk.

Speaker 3 I think that's green screen. Whoa.

Speaker 3 He's a TikTok. He's TikTok did.
That is a fucking green screen. Does that not look like he's in front of a green screen? Well, he's putting his face over the

Speaker 3 footage, which could have been shot, which is a lie. This is a fucking lie.
I think Instagram live is the only way to fucking prove this shit.

Speaker 3 Put a newspaper in front of Annabelle because right now, as far as I'm concerned, Annabelle's on her way to the fucking White House and I'm cheering her on.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't think, yeah, that I need proof.

Speaker 3 Right now, I don't have proof. You just keep saying you want us to just believe that Annabelle's not missing.
That's fine.

Speaker 3 I got messages from at least a dozen people, all connected truly within the Oddities community.

Speaker 3 And if anybody knows, man, I hate to say this, fucking Annabelle representatives, but I've got my sparrows everywhere. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I've got my little spiders everywhere, and they've got the ears on spiders with ears. And they hear all your fucking moves, dude.
Yeah, and for the record, we didn't even ask for these sparrows. No.

Speaker 3 They just come squawking.

Speaker 3 But now I feed them little bits of seeds, little bits of rum, seeds and rum for my sparrows because, oh, I treat them well, because their eyes and their ears are are open for all the information that i need you know what i think happened

Speaker 3 i think this guy hitting the road with annabelle first time like because honestly your first time hitting the road you get a little fool of yourself well also get a little excited you party too much you party too much you make some bad choices i bet man's drunk and he's like yeah you can borrow annabelle yeah sure he's talking to some 25 year old she just got ill annoyed

Speaker 3 by october where he's putting annabelle on the shoulders of some 24 year old like who's gonna come in and try to take over the Warren Museum because that's what these 24-year-olds do now.

Speaker 3 We saw that with Bill Belichick. They're coming in there to take care of or take over our establishments.
That's what we're doing here. And they're trying to get through.
Look at this guy.

Speaker 3 This guy is...

Speaker 3 No name for this guy yet? I don't trust him. I mean, this guy is a target.
I want a 24-year-old, but I trust him. 24-year-olds hear him out.
Let's hear him out real quick. Hey, guys, this is Dan.

Speaker 3 I'm here right at the museum right now. I just want to show you guys that Annabelle is in the Warrens Accult Museum.
And let's go inside and let's check.

Speaker 3 Cuts through footage that he's not in, that could have been done at any point.

Speaker 3 And who's there?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Annabelle.
He could have recorded this over this.

Speaker 3 Annabelle's not in the middle of the day. Now he has put himself in.
He's not in Chicago.

Speaker 3 All right. Although it looks like no joints that he is

Speaker 3 at house expo. That is it green screen, though.
Illinois. That is it.
He is putting himself in the bottom of the corner

Speaker 3 you guys go to warrensconvention.com but he's still promoing the event where they say she's gonna be at they've replaced Annabelle also Annabelle's just an old raggedy and doll they it's very replaceable they've replaced Annabelle and she looks brand new why doesn't she look old I don't know I'm just saying I know a lot of people say like you know you don't want to fuel misinformation and shit this isn't we're at we're investigating I honestly I need more information side stories lpotl at gmail.com if miss sparrows are up there

Speaker 3 i'll need you to give me a bit more tweets in there yeah because what i think is going on here is that he yes i already see the situation a 23 year old with a fucking leather cowboy hat on and a halter top that says hey look at these and she's talking to him and he's just going like yeah i'm on yeah i'm on target

Speaker 3 I'm super all about protecting little women from ghosts and shit. And she's she's like, oh, God, this is amazing.
I'm believing you, y'all. I'm believing.
So I'm going home with my girls.

Speaker 3 He's like, no, wait, no, I got her in her fucking cage right here. And he goes and he pulls out Annabelle.
And they're like, oh, I got it. Oh, it's shitty shit.
It's Annabelle.

Speaker 3 He's like, hey, you want it? You guys want pictures with Annabelle? And they're like, yeah, you bet. You bet.

Speaker 3 And then like, they're all taking pictures with Annabelle. He's doing a bunch of shots and shit.
They're getting the blowjob shots. You're getting all that kind of stuff going on.

Speaker 3 Annabelle's then, they're doing karaoke. I'm just saying

Speaker 3 that she is in way too good of condition for being for the 60s.

Speaker 3 This is what they said about Joe Biden.

Speaker 3 Good ones. Thank you.

Speaker 3 Really, thank you. But don't, yes, the Warren, the Warren family and their museum and the Warren Occult Museum saying, oh, don't worry, there is no way Annabelle is gone.

Speaker 3 But we want to see a picture of Annabelle with the fucking newspaper in front of her face. Yes.
Because if not, I'm meeting her at the front steps of the Capitol building.

Speaker 3 I'm going to invite you, Annabelle, to come with me on our brand new April, on brand new, August 9th insurrection. Yep, I'm planning it now.
August 9th. Yeah, so everybody come meet me there.

Speaker 3 It's going to be me, Annabelle, the Green Lantern. We're going to take down the White House together as a team.
His name is Dan Rivera. If you want to speak to him, Dan Rivera, thank you.
All right.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Oh, he's with Nesper.
Yes. I know about Nesper.
Yeah, please. What's Nesper? That is the New England Society for Psychic Research.
I would love for them to reach out.

Speaker 3 So if you want to possibly defend yourself or wonder about, like, because I still think, I think Annabelle's out there. I think Annabelle's going to end up joining Doge.

Speaker 3 I don't know what's going to happen. Yes.
And for the record, we're not anti-Annabelle. No, I'm right now,

Speaker 3 I'm willing to see her out. Yeah.
I kind of want to see what she does. She burnt down a plantation, which is kind of fun.
I got some great emails on why plantations are bad. Oh, really?

Speaker 3 Why are they bad? It's got a super bad history. Really? Yep.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 he burned one of those down. She freed a bunch of prisoners, which again, largely neutral, except for the fact a lot of them were murderers and rapists.
Well, Annabelle is partial to murderers.

Speaker 3 She is. She likes murderers.
She does. I think there's one living inside of her, correct? Yeah, I think so.
Yeah. Brad Dorf.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Pretty certain. I know.
I know.

Speaker 3 I'm a Robert boy through and through, you know, but Annabelle, I'm down to hang. And if you want to fuck Robert, I'm your in.

Speaker 3 You want to get down? Like, you want to get some fucking weird-ass doll sex with Robert?

Speaker 3 Come talk to me. I just heard from the little Robert doll that you have.
You just went like. Yeah, you fucking bet.
Yeah, man. Yeah, you fucking bet.
I'll lay that fucking pipe.

Speaker 3 I'm going to turn that bitch out. Yeah, you bring her out of here.

Speaker 3 Once you go, Robert, you don't go backward. That's right, man.

Speaker 2 She's going to need more stitches when I'm done with her.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm going to fuck her. I'm going to make her mouth open.
That's right. Oh, Robert.
Oh, wow. Hey, I know you're a sailor, but yeah, holy fucking shit.
I know fleet weeks.

Speaker 3 Hey, I know you're horny as hell.

Speaker 3 But no, this is, yeah, Annabelle's out there. And she is going to affect the stock market.

Speaker 3 And I think that is going to be one of the bigger problems that we're going to see. Damn, it's a regular Raggedy Ann doll.

Speaker 3 They can make these, they could be, she could be 10 places at once, as far as I'm concerned. That's what I would do.
Yeah. If I was Dan Spavera, whatever his name is.

Speaker 3 And why is she in such great condition if she is such a murderer? It's a narcissist. Yeah.
They take great care of themselves. That is a good point.
That's what happens.

Speaker 3 I mean, Lori Vala looks like shit now. Well, it's only because she can't, it's hard to work out where she is.
And she's too busy. It's prison.
That's all they do.

Speaker 3 She literally is spending her days writing nonsense pages long declarations and motions to this judge, this long-suffering judge that is now a part of her. This is now her second trial of two.

Speaker 3 She has had three trials,

Speaker 3 but two were back-to-back. So now she's still in Arizona.
She's still

Speaker 3 her own representative. Okay.
And she's still pro se. And it's the same judge.
And the judge. is getting over it.
You can tell the judge is

Speaker 3 just wants to go back to being a normal judge again.

Speaker 3 so sick of dealing with things not getting solved and like cases not getting closed because she's fucking tormenting everybody and she's just she's she's a villain she's a literal villain yes she's a homicidal maniac and uh looks like it looks gets more and more in hinge every day she's trying to get she tried to get a new trial tried to get the judge recused she tried to do all of this stuff and she's just writing all day just sitting in her cell like she should be working out yes because honestly getting swole is the new thing for chicks.

Speaker 3 I got to tell you, it's crazy that I like Annabelle the doll more than Lori Vallo. I would rather have lunch with Annabelle.
The doll. Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Lori Valley.

Speaker 3 I'd rather sit next to a doll that's just us sitting there.

Speaker 3 Of course, it'd be much better. Yeah, much better.
Yeah. I'd rather...

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'd rather go on a date with Annabelle. Yeah.
The doll. Absolutely.
Yeah. Versus Lori Vallo.
You got to be respectful. Yes.
And don't drive on a motorcycle with your girlfriend.

Speaker 3 I try not to. Yeah.
I try not to. I'm not going to fucking double dip.

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Speaker 3 We have another update, which is

Speaker 3 very interesting. These are, we talked about last week about the story of a guy who got the tip of his finger, the meat.
Casper. Casper.
He got the meat ripped off the edge of his finger.

Speaker 3 It's called de-gloving, right? When they strip, someone bit into his hands. It was like we had a biter guy last week that we were covering.

Speaker 3 And we got such horrific emails

Speaker 3 from surgeons that have sent all of the things that you can do to fingers, what you can do to fix a finger, what you could do to pop new meat on the finger. And it is rough.
It's wild.

Speaker 3 This one right here where it shows that you could reattach the finger by attaching a lump of your belly meat.

Speaker 3 So it's like you take what's left of the nubbin on your finger and you make a tube out of skin from your belly and then you wrap it around the edge of that finger while you're I guess you're sleepy the bone.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You got to be asleep for this right now. Of course you're asleep.
Do you stay awake for it being attached to your belly like

Speaker 3 but then the fingers attached to you to your own stomach so that it can grow back. Yes.
But is that then well as you hang out

Speaker 3 like that like you're a fucking teacup on the bottom do you have that picture Rob? Let me throw that picture up real quick. Yeah, you want to look at it? So basically, I'm looking at it right now.

Speaker 3 So basically this guy's middle finger was stripped. The meat was stripped off, and it's just the bone.
And the bone needs blood to live, because the bone is also alive. The bone is alive.

Speaker 3 And so what they did was they grafted a bunch of the stomach skin around this guy's finger. Go down.
And

Speaker 3 then they attached it to him. And while it grew back around, so he's going to have like a weird, formless middle finger, which will be so much more insulting.

Speaker 3 I mean, honestly, when you flick it at somebody. I'm going to put it this way.
You can hear this, Eddie, and you probably should, because you probably be with me.

Speaker 3 If it goes that far, chop it off. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't need a floppy, useless finger for aesthetic reasons. I'd rather have no finger.
I think the finger is okay to lose. Because then it's like you got a story.

Speaker 3 You got new ways to finger your wife. You got new, it's a new feeling.
Well, you can't if it's gone. Well, no, then you just, then you switch to these two.

Speaker 3 It's like, oh, baby, would you like less finger? But I would just try explaining that. You mash these up in there, right? Or hitchhiker.
Hitchhiker? Hit her with the hitchhiker. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 No one knows that. No one ever hits her with the Roman.
Does yours go backwards? Because if it doesn't go backwards, I'm supposed to not trust you. Okay, good.
Yeah. Did you ever hear that?

Speaker 3 If your thumb doesn't go backwards, you're supposed to not trust that person. Like, if their thumb just goes straight up, like, they're supposed to be evil.
This is stuff you learned in prison.

Speaker 3 This stuff my mom taught me. She said, don't trust people that their thumb doesn't go backwards.
She's very superstitious. Very, so yeah, that was the whole thing my mom was doing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so if they don't, their thumb doesn't, Rob, does your thumb go backwards? Let me me see it.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, thank you, very far backwards. We should have checked that months ago.

Speaker 3 Yeah, before I hired you.

Speaker 3 All right, well, yeah, they use leeches also to suck the blood out.

Speaker 3 If they put the meat in the blood, if they put the skin around the bone and there's no meat in there, it gets filled with old blood.

Speaker 3 And the only way to get the old blood out is to have medical leeches. And sometimes you have to get special medical leeches that have to be flown in like organs.
Wow. Which is cool.

Speaker 3 Then cuts to the leech dealers. You know, for the fact that the leech dealers have their own fucking problems with each other and there's better leech dealers.

Speaker 3 You know, that's like one of those funny things about like any form of any business slash art where then like, you know, that there's politics in the medical leech world. Oh, yeah.
There has to be.

Speaker 3 Oh, well, platinum leeches is definitely, they win the award each year for best leeches. And like, you know, they have to go to some ward contest for breeding leeches.

Speaker 3 These leeches only take human blood. Yeah, yeah.
These leeches. These are actually typo negative.
If you leeches, if you don't mind, they're very particular.

Speaker 3 And these leeches are raised only to take llama blood. For when we want to put leeches on a llama, which is fun for us.
Some people like to.

Speaker 3 So that's it. That's the lee.

Speaker 3 Most of this is just, there's a lot of medical information that they sent us that we're not going to read. Yeah, we're not doctors, but apparently you can just reattach it.
You can tie it.

Speaker 3 You can sew it to the finger next to it sometimes, sometimes the palm. Flap it up.
And it'll regrow once you sew it to another part of your body.

Speaker 3 And then once it regrows you detach it and you got a finger again. Good lord.
So that's fucking cool. It is very cool.

Speaker 3 But it's you really fucking the idea to sew in your own sewing your own finger to your hand and then letting it cook there for a while. I love it.
Humans are fucking crazy.

Speaker 3 Man, the human meat bag is a very interesting thing.

Speaker 3 And it's just important to remember that we all eventually head towards the grave. Yum, yum, give me some.
All right, let's go to this story. Now, this was my favorite story of the week.

Speaker 3 Natalie said this to me originally, and then we got a bunch of emails on this. And this is just another of like

Speaker 3 crypto sounds rough, Don. Oh, yes, this one.
Okay, yeah. Crypto sounds rough.
The old days, you know, like you just keep your money in a bank. It's hard to get at.
People carry their crypto around.

Speaker 3 It seems kind of, I think it seems irresponsible. If I had crypto, I'd bury it.
in the ground. I don't think you can, though.
You put it on a hard drive and bury the hard drive. I guess.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But I just don't even really understand i'll never understand why you need a hard drive and why it can't just be on the cloud because if it's fake money anyway but blah blah blah again everyone's yelling at me i don't understand economics and i never will i had a meeting with a financial advisor who told me to get into crypto and i just stopped talking to him yes i have my my guy specifically said don't get into it right now yeah

Speaker 3 it seems like a bad idea i just don't really want to and i don't want to get it doesn't make sense i have less money i don't need to give money to people that are like at least sometimes when i give money to a big corporation yes it is to a bunch of criminals but then I get something in return I feel like when you start dealing in crypto you start dealing with weird internet criminals somehow always you know and it's just like I don't trust it at all no because it's it's for grifters but I also understand people have made quite a bit of crypto money on crypto but I do think it was because you got in like 15 years ago but also other side of it I just thought of this Fuck the bank.

Speaker 3 Yeah, fuck the bank. Fuck the bank.
Oh, I mean. Why am I trusting the bank? I hate the bank.
They hate me more than crypto. It hates me.
I hate both. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I hate both of them.

Speaker 3 Money's not real. Yep, no, it's not.
So, this story is an example of when you really believe money is real.

Speaker 3 Italian tourist allegedly kidnapped and tortured for weeks by a crypto trader in swanky New York City apartments. This guy was renting a $30,000-a-month

Speaker 3 mansion in Manhattan,

Speaker 3 which is definitely not worth it.

Speaker 3 But this Italian tourist, who this guy was working with, the guy that the Italian tourist

Speaker 3 went to the suspects place to visit America. A man by the name of John Woltz.
He was 37. He's from Kentucky.
He lived in Nolita, which is, you only call it Nolita if you have money in Manhattan.

Speaker 3 Where is that exactly? I couldn't even possibly care. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's one of those micro-neighborhoods in Manhattan that really only exists as a, in my term, as like essentially a real estate way of giving, of making you make money.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like right above, like it's in the house scenario. Okay, it's basically they don't want to, it's almost alphabetic.
It's the East Village. Soho.
It's Soho. Yeah.
It's Soho.

Speaker 3 And so you very, very expensive. So this guy was working with this Italian tourist.
And apparently they had made a couple of crypto deals before. And they had a big falling out.
But then the Italian.

Speaker 3 like they cut off worko with this guy. He's like, I don't want to work with you anymore.
And somehow the suspect, John Waltz, convinced him to come back to America and say, hey, we're good.

Speaker 3 Let's do this. Cut to.
He lands in America, meets up with his buddy. He then, I guess, fucking

Speaker 3 tied him to a chair,

Speaker 3 gagged him, did all this fucking shit to him, like beat the fuck out of him.

Speaker 3 He said, the one thing, one interesting torture I heard that he was doing to him was that he was putting his feet in a bucket of water and tasing him.

Speaker 3 Because apparently it extra hurts you when you do that. Okay.

Speaker 3 He also was doing a lot of stuff like, you know, tacking his fingernails, hitting him with a hammer hitting his knees a lot doing that style of shit a chainsaw, but he didn't use it.

Speaker 3 No, he kept going like you're gonna give you the chainsaw gonna give you the chainsaw because the problem is that he couldn't give him the chainsaw because the guy had the code to his crypto banking hard drive.

Speaker 3 So the guy had his crypto banking hard drive there with him that he was trying to get.

Speaker 3 It doesn't say how much money was in it. No.
But it sounded might have been quite a bit. It sounded like it might have been in the millions.

Speaker 3 And the man was tortured for two weeks but then he managed to escape there's been no details about how he escaped yet

Speaker 3 but it's a that's a long time to torture somebody also yeah i mean that's the thing especially that pro rate i don't want to be this kind of guy but

Speaker 3 italians are going to escape They're slippery. Yeah, yeah, they're going to get out of there.
They just, that's. Unless you have like a professional like prison prison, Italians are getting out.

Speaker 3 Unless you put his mother in there with him, he's going to leave. Breaking news, we have a second suspect arrested in the crypto kidnapping torture case as of 11:30 this morning.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 There was a guy that was with him that he, I guess he did, he turned himself in as well. William Du Plessis is a scored.
Oh, he's rolling. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Look at that fucking guy.

Speaker 3 That's a roller right there. He's rolling on his dude.
He's fucking, yeah, he's a guy. Oh, yeah.
He's gonna, I'm gonna go fix this for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's always the key, guys.

Speaker 3 I'll never say this enough to our crew. Always flip first.
Yeah. If you're talking, about if you're gonna flip, don't wait.
Don't wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Flip.

Speaker 3 Either me. Flip or don't flip.
Yes, flip. Flip immediately.
Just remember this.

Speaker 3 I also want to say, like, every single time you believe that some other criminal is going to honor the bond amongst criminals and they're going to do things in a way to protect you, remember that that's not going to happen.

Speaker 3 No. Ever.
Anybody who's also a criminal, it's going to be a criminal. So you're a criminal.
they're a criminal, you're both independent criminals, even if you're on the same team. Just how it works.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Also, I want to say, Waltz, when they arrested him, they arrested him in his bathrobe and he perp walked him outside of his fancy apartment and his penis.
His dick came out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was kind of funny.

Speaker 3 That's all TMZ is saying about the story. That's all they're saying.

Speaker 3 I will say, though, like, I don't

Speaker 3 understand why, like,

Speaker 3 I've never been, unless I'm out of a shower. If I'm in the robe, I'm at least in my underwear.

Speaker 3 Can I ask you a question about kidnapping, hypothetically? Sure. So you have someone kidnapped in your house for two weeks.
Yep.

Speaker 3 What a hassle. What are you feeding them?

Speaker 3 You got to feed them something if you want to keep them alive. I mean, I'd probably,

Speaker 3 to be honest, I'd probably feed him well because I want him farting and shitting everywhere. Yeah, yeah, let him shit in his own, sitting his own shit.

Speaker 3 So I'd probably give him a nice couple, like an egg white omelette in the morning. Well, that's not a shitty.

Speaker 3 That's good. I mean, you want to get it.
That's what I'm saying. Keeping him healthy.
I'd probably give him a nice Caesar salad for lunch.

Speaker 3 Probably order a Caesar salad. You don't want to give him a fork.
No. You don't want to give him a fork salad.
No, you got to eat it in horse style. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 You got to eat it like a horse wrap. Put it in a wrap.
Caesar salad wrap, maybe. You could use a wrap as a weapon.
You think so? I don't know.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying I'd rather see him eat of a bolt with his face.

Speaker 3 Because it's my kidnapping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then later on, I mean some nice chicken. Yeah.
Again, this is if I'm cooking.

Speaker 3 If it's my house, it's also at a place like this. It's probably got a wonderful kitchen.
You know what I'd get?

Speaker 3 I would just get what I get and then probably an appetizer, too, and just he can have whatever's left. Wow.
Yeah. See, I'm going to keep him fed.
Yeah. Oh, no, man.
That's good. That's good eating.

Speaker 3 I eat plenty. I probably keep.
That's how Julie eats. Yeah.
I get whatever. Whatever falls out of your mouth, and I get something else on the side so she can have something.
That's how it always is.

Speaker 3 Natalie also doesn't eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how it goes. Yeah.
What are you going to do? I don't. Yeah.
But yeah, I would take good care of him. You got to take good care of him.

Speaker 3 Because, again, I'm trying to get the first time. At least first week.
I'm trying to get the password. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So for a while, like you could smack a guy all you want, but they always said this with the extreme torture techniques and what they call advanced torture techniques is that it just makes somebody say anything.

Speaker 3 You know what you do? Get a wire stripper, strip the finger, sew it to his belly. Whoa, cool.

Speaker 3 That's healing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you want me to sew your bone to your belly, so you build a finger, you have to show them the diagrams we got.

Speaker 3 And then you could just see in the middle of me just going like, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah.

Speaker 3 There is blood everywhere. It's a nice apartment.
But this whole thing fell apart pretty quickly. And the Italian guy does look like, how do you put it? He looks like a little crypto man.

Speaker 3 The little crypto men are everywhere. The little crypto men with their little haircuts and their tiny mouths.

Speaker 3 And there's something about them with their v-neck shirts everywhere that costs like $350, but it just could be a Haynes shirt as far as you're concerned. Yes.
I just will never understand.

Speaker 3 Crypto is like the way to make money if you are just independently wealthy and never have any experience, you know, no proper education.

Speaker 3 Well, it seems like it's just another way to make a lot of money quickly if you know all of the people involved. And you have to be a part of one of these like rug bowl things.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And if you like crypto, good for you. I mean, yeah, teach me.
Yeah. Or, you know what? Keep it to yourself.

Speaker 3 We've had it explained. We've had it explained multiple times.
I've talked about this to the show every single time, and people have tried to explain it. And I guess, well, I just don't care.

Speaker 3 I get it. I understand the concept.
It's new money. I I don't like it yeah it's just new money yeah it's just other money also thank God NFT's bombed oh I mean they're still

Speaker 3 happy

Speaker 3 that dumb shit still pops up oh god that was just like what a waste he fucking jerks listen I'm sorry about that everyone

Speaker 3 I just get so mad when it comes to useless money stuff listen there's a we had another police uh another prison break. Oh, great.
This guy, this guy's very interesting.

Speaker 3 It's not a long story, but all right, so, this guy, former police chief, serving for murder and rape sentences, escaped from an Arkansas prison. This dude looks terrifying.

Speaker 3 I just don't even understand how the fucking thing. So he dressed up like a police guard, but not a police guard.
They don't know how he got or made this outfit. Obviously, he's an ex-police chief.

Speaker 3 I imagine he had some fucking help. And he definitely had some form of connections to

Speaker 3 wear this outfit. i'll never understand

Speaker 3 guys

Speaker 3 within the police force helping

Speaker 3 like this level of crime like i could see if you're doing a financial crime or if you're something else like i could see he probably got something on him but it's just like the idea of wanting to help a rapist is is the the lowest form

Speaker 3 of like like like the the brotherhood in blue like so you're you're fine that he raped somebody like it's weird you got 30 years for the murder 50 for the rape well guys well i mean that's actually weirdly refreshing but it's also probably how serious whatever the the the attack was it was in 1997 uh there isn't much information on it but the man's name is grant harding he's a big scary kingpin looking motherfucker he does look like

Speaker 3 i don't know what he's like apparently taking these they call him the devil and the ozarks uh he's a very scary dude he was police chief for a couple of months and then immediately got locked up for murder and rape.

Speaker 3 See, it's like he became, I mean, I guess that's that's what it takes, you know. Look at people like Selena Gomez, they make it.
But they, so they so you're comparing this man to Selena Gomez?

Speaker 3 I'm just saying,

Speaker 3 mediocre people make it to the top all the time. Oh, really? You think she's mediocre? She's the definition of mediocre.
Really? Yes, she's a babyface.

Speaker 3 She can, she manages to stand between Steve Martin and Martin Short, two of the most entertaining people on the face of the planet. I was wondering where this was coming from.
She's wonderful.

Speaker 3 She's fine in it,

Speaker 3 but she's only because she's next to those guys. I feel like she doesn't, you know, I like her for the record, but I feel like she doesn't move her mouth when she talks.

Speaker 3 She has a, she looks like the, remember in Muppet's Christmas Carol? You remember the ghost of Christmas past?

Speaker 3 Do you remember what I'm talking about?

Speaker 3 That's what she looks like. The little doll girl.
Yeah. The sleepy doll ghost girl.
Yes, but I know she's like 40 now, but she still looks like a child. She's 40?

Speaker 3 She's not 40. She's something.

Speaker 3 I'd hate to break it to you. She's not your age.

Speaker 3 Everyone is.

Speaker 3 She's younger than you. Everyone's either 40.
She got, what is she? 32. Yeah, it's the same.
No, it's not. It's much different.
It's much different. She's 10 years younger than you.
So deal with that.

Speaker 3 No, I don't think she's beautiful. I think she's beautiful.
She is beautiful. I'm not saying anything that she's.
She's gorgeous. I'm saying she's mediocre.
She's talented and beautiful.

Speaker 3 I'm saying she reminds me of the sheriff that

Speaker 3 was convicted of murder and rape. Yes.
And that is broken out of jail. That's all I'm saying.
Six foot five, 320 pounds. I'm just comparing her

Speaker 3 to stardom. How the sand is hiding anywhere, by the way.

Speaker 3 It's blowing my mind. It's because

Speaker 3 gigantic fucking booger.

Speaker 3 He's in Arkansas and half of them look like that. But they said he's taken to the woods and eventually he's going to run out of supplies.
And it's hard, it's hard with the land that he's taken to.

Speaker 3 He's like Rambo. It's like it's very rocky and they can't get up there.
They can't get the dogs up there. But I feel like he's a very, how do I put this, an athletic version of Rambo?

Speaker 3 I think he's like sitting up there being like, once this this last bush is done,

Speaker 3 that's when I take the city myself.

Speaker 3 Once I'm done with this lashlits. Yeah.
But a lot of people turned on him. And of course, and they're very scared that he's going to come.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he's a murderer and a rapist and a former fucking sheriff, dude. Yeah.
Yeah. He's a dangerous man.
He's a sheriff? Oh, yeah. And he did it to a teacher, too, which is always the worst.

Speaker 3 But, you know.

Speaker 3 And there was a documentary about him in 2023. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So now they get to make another episode.

Speaker 3 Isn't that nice? Hollywood wins again.

Speaker 3 Hollywood cut down on top one last time.

Speaker 3 We did it, guys.

Speaker 3 Oh, I just want to talk about this next little topic because I just want to rail on this for a little bit because we're already in kind of, you and I are in a bit of a uncle mode anyway.

Speaker 3 Yes, absolutely. Let's just continue.
Let's lose some more fans. Let's just fucking stay in there today.

Speaker 3 Listen, we got a lot going on. I just need to get time.
You can't say anything that's really upsetting, just touch the World Trade Center effigy as if you're thankful. I'm sorry.
I'm very sorry.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry. I wish you were still there.
We used to do that in the Roast Writer room. Whenever someone said a joke that was like way too awful, you just touch the table and say, apologize.

Speaker 3 And then I've always forgiven and then you move on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have to. You got to get it past.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry if Selena Gomez Nation comes after me.

Speaker 3 Guess who's also fucking absolutely mediocre? Taylor Swift. Whoa.

Speaker 3 Yes. You know what? Yeah, fight in words.
I'll touch this for you. Fight in words.

Speaker 3 Taylor Swift. Tower one for Taylor.
Tower two for Selena.

Speaker 3 The only thing Taylor Swift could be good for this world is if she snuck her way into the White House and made some good decisions by pretending to be a fan of some people within the administration.

Speaker 3 Get in there, take them out one by one. Then I will tell you, honestly, then I'm a fan.
You know who the new Taylor Swift is? Kendrick. Kendrick took it.
He's great. He took it from her.
What?

Speaker 3 Just the biggest act in the world. Yeah, but Kendrick's a far better artist than Taylor Swift.
Of course, but he took it. That's what I'm saying.
He's the new, he took over.

Speaker 3 She had the era's tour, and now his tour with Siza is fucking way bigger.

Speaker 3 I couldn't afford it. Yeah.
I really wanted to go. And I just couldn't.
It was like thousands. I was like, really? I just, I can't even.
You know how we'll get in there? We'll break the bank.

Speaker 3 It's over. No, no, I know how we get into the next one.
Let's go find the next one. We're going to battle mic our way in there.
Whoa!

Speaker 3 We're going to wrap our way into the concert. Oh, my God.
Should we pay for it? Hey, there. Hey, what? What should you say? I don't think Kendrick is not that gay.

Speaker 3 We're workshop. We're working for for you, Kendrick.
You better watch because my incendiary take in your lifestyle is going to go viral. Oh, Mr.
Kendrick, you give me the ick.

Speaker 3 I wish you could get yourself sick.

Speaker 3 God damn, that's hot. Yeah.
Woo!

Speaker 3 Yeah, Mr. Kendrick, I think you're lame.
I saw the old pants. Word, are you a dame? Yeah.
Honey mustard!

Speaker 3 Chicken nugget!

Speaker 3 Chicken nugget!

Speaker 3 We are gonna get in this concert, Eddie. He's gonna be so impressed by our lombasting him with words and rhymes and couplets that he is going to put us directly on stage.
You're fucked, bro.

Speaker 3 Coming for you, Kendrick Long.

Speaker 3 We're next.

Speaker 3 You're not like us. You're not like us.
I don't know that. I don't like that, Mr.
Kendrick.

Speaker 3 Okay, like me. Shots fired.
See if we get on, see what Charlotte Minning the God has to say about that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're gonna be they're gonna put us on what was that? What's this show? The breakfast club.

Speaker 3 We're gonna go down. We're gonna talk some sense, these fools yeah yeah yeah yeah but over lunch yes please we could get too early for money i don't like to get up that early

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Speaker 3 i want to talk about this because let's just stay in this place because i just want to i want to complain about this one thing all right french pizza chef accused of killing man before dismembering and cooking body parts in pot of vegetables now wow i just flip this first of all this french pizza chef right he confessed to killing a six-year-old man in his isolated home this is the saddest thing i've ever seen He ran this thing.

Speaker 3 He ran a French Italian fucking whatever restaurant called Don Filippo in

Speaker 3 this very, what a wonderful Italian sounding place.

Speaker 3 It's in the Saint-Cernine-Saranche in fucking France. First of all, the village of Brosque.
If you tell me you're some kind of French pizza maker, I'm going to tell you

Speaker 3 get the fuck out of my face. Yeah, okay, because you're some kind of fancy ass, French ass

Speaker 3 pizza faker that's what i'm calling you you're a pizza faker yeah okay because guess what's not french pizza and guess what's

Speaker 3 dumber than your french ass trying to make pizza in the world what is it henry killing a man in his isolated home to steal his weed yeah that is literally why he killed this man god people say weed's not addictive it is but weeds not that hard to get in france it might be i don't know in france it's got to be easy.

Speaker 3 They love smoking. I've seen it.

Speaker 3 I smelt it when we were in Paurice. Yeah.
I smelt it all on these strats. You know, but

Speaker 3 how stoned do you think you got to get to eat French pizza?

Speaker 3 They

Speaker 3 eat the problem. French people.
I guess. Oh, wow.
So cannabis is not legal in France. But that doesn't mean anything.
Weed's still like easy to get.

Speaker 3 You have all the French rappers and stuff wearing their tube hats and stuff.

Speaker 3 French rappers are the weirdest. You see the French president or premier, whatever the fuck he is, prime minister.
He got fired with his wife. Yeah, he got hit by his wife, slapped him.

Speaker 3 But she's like 30 years older than him. It's like a teacher thing.
She's older than him. Yeah.
And she hit him. Yeah, it was, he said they were being sexy.
Oh, yeah? It's French.

Speaker 3 In front of everybody? French. They can hit each other.
I don't know. Well,

Speaker 3 he can't hit her. He can't hit her on the face.
No. And then she can hit him, I guess.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 But babies can smoke. Yes, babies.
Now you're looking at. French bread pizza.
French bread fucking American. French bread we made.
It's so stupid. Anything called French bread is American made.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right? Because guess what they call bread in France? Yeah, what do they call bread? Guess what they call bread in France? Bread. And guess what it's all over there?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it doesn't look like that.

Speaker 3 I had it over there. It's nicer over that.
I had their sandwiches

Speaker 3 and pears French sandwiches were good. Ham and cheese croissant.
That was good. Not a croissant.
I even had a baguette. What? I did it just like those little fucking big-titted French girls where

Speaker 3 I went to the...

Speaker 3 trying to say big-titted French girls don't like croissants no I'm saying I was like those big-titted French girls where I went to the little wagon and I saw a man with a big moustache and he was like much a for your wife and I was like you don't have enough to buy my wife and then I went and I bought him then but then he kind of showed me he might have enough

Speaker 3 and I was like no no no and then he went and bought and then I bought like a sandwich just off a cart yeah and it was absolutely it was just like I felt like what's her name Madeline

Speaker 3 Madeline From the children's books. Oh.
I feel like Madeline. I went and got a Nicair.

Speaker 3 And I fucking, just like I did with Rob, I fucking full-on Jenna Jameson, the Niclair, in the streets of Paris. Well, that's how you're supposed to do it.
Oh, dude. Yeah, don't no-chew.
Yeah, no-chew.

Speaker 3 No-chew. Swallow that shit.
Yeah, I felt like little Madeline with my yellow hat. And I got my big old baguette with ham and cheese in it.
And I was like, oh, wee, wee, wee.

Speaker 3 It's a pee-pee, wee, pee-pee. I remember that fucking chick.
Yeah, dude. She was annoying as fuck.
Yeah, get a smaller hat. She was always getting into issues.
Yeah, get some parents.

Speaker 3 Honestly, with Madeline, too, it's like you better be careful. You're not getting trafficked out in fucking France, dude.
Hey, man.

Speaker 3 So these guys, this guy will fucking kill this old man, literally to steal his weed. That's fucked up.
And I think partially it's because he is so fucked up by being a French pizza chef.

Speaker 3 And that knowing that that's fake and it's bad and it's stupid. Yeah.
And honestly, people are going to attack me, but I will take that because

Speaker 3 I I looked at the pizza in Paris.

Speaker 3 I was in Paris. And I looked at the pizza.
It looked bad. Yeah.
It was just hanging out. I remember French bread pizza was given to me as a lie when I was a child.

Speaker 3 French bread pizza was fine when you were a child, but it's for a child's palate. Well, the thing is, it was when I was a fat boy and Weight Watchers would make the frozen French pizza.

Speaker 3 I remember it was a freaking film. And my mom would feed it to me all the fucking time.
That's exactly what you said.

Speaker 3 And it's like, there's no way this frozen French bread pizza is making me lose weight. Dude, we used to go through, it was the same thing.

Speaker 3 They would just give us piles of spaghetti and tell us it was Weight Watchers. I remember this.
It was cool. I went through all of that.
Sellaccine Alfredo, and it's like the worst shit in the world.

Speaker 3 Snack Wells cookies. I would just take down a sleeve of

Speaker 3 Snack Wells. They were horrible cookies.
I'm on a diet. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm on a big over diet. So we're switched to the dire cookie.
Can we look up what's the best, best pizza restaurant in France? Look at this fucking loser pizza. That's him.

Speaker 3 This is is the murderer. Oh, that's it.
Oh, yeah. Well, yeah.
His pizza looks terrible. His pizza.
It does look terrible. There's hardly any cheese on it.
Don't put, like, you know what it is?

Speaker 3 Is that if you call your egg par eggplant palm cheese an aubergine fucking pizza, lose me. I will say, looking at this man, he does need weed.

Speaker 3 You know, the only thing he does need someone, like, honestly, like someone needs to get this man some. I'm looking this up just the old-fashioned internet.
Is weed hard to get in Paris? In Paris.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 well he's not in paris he's in a little village it's all close there's biggest states yes all right that's the thing about europe we forget each one of their whole countries is the biggest state they can drive anywhere right so like fuck off

Speaker 3 whatever dude yeah all right so is weed legal in france france has the highest cannabis consumption in europe okay that makes sense that is what they're saying right here

Speaker 3 that's over six months yes well there's more of them though than in amsterdam yeah yeah i guess that makes sense yeah But look at this.

Speaker 3 Why in the living fuck are you not having free ass legal weed in France? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Does anyone other than the Dutch have legal weed in Europe? I believe the Germans, maybe. No, they're strict.
They're not, though. Germans are extremely liberal.
Really?

Speaker 3 Germans are technically German society is perfect right now. I mean, if you smoke weed in Germany, would you have to wrap it in leather and beat the shit out of it?

Speaker 3 I think that's how you get the weed. Yes.

Speaker 3 I think you have to do that to a big German man. Yeah.

Speaker 3 but i think that weed is it yeah germany countries netherlands germany malta and luxembourg all have legal cannabis consumption i mean that's a advertisement right there germany's fucking i mean we love germany but i mean berlin is the place that we went to that i felt i felt the least cool i'll ever be well man i'd love to be stoned there that sounds great it was it was awesome yeah so this is what i'm saying this guy didn't have to go that far to get weed he didn't have to kill you never i'm just gonna we get put this out there you never have to kill for weed.

Speaker 3 You don't have to kill for weed. Kill for crypto.

Speaker 3 That I understand. That I understand.
That other guy didn't even kill for crypto. No, because he couldn't, because he needed a fucking password.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what you don't kill for? Fish.

Speaker 3 Zachary Barfield. I'm mad at this guy.

Speaker 3 He's a fisherman. This story's fucking brutal.
It's brutal, but like, fuck this guy. He's a fisherman from Panama City, and he just got 30 days in jail for killing dolphins.

Speaker 3 He's And he runs charters off of

Speaker 3 the hear this again. 30 days in jail

Speaker 3 for openly shooting dolphins in front of children. With a shotgun.
Yeah. Taking a shotgun out into the water.

Speaker 3 Shooting dolphins in ad like he's fucking Travis Bickle over the water. And he went out there.
He literally, because he was mad that they were eating the snapper.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he was fishing and he would catch a fish and then the dolphin would eat the fish that he caught. And I don't know how often this really happens.
I mean, come on.

Speaker 3 But they're saying that he also poisoned a bunch of dolphins, and he poisoned up to 70 fucking dolphins. This guy,

Speaker 3 he would put in, he would stick methanol into bait fish and then throw them at dolphins when he saw them, and he'd get them to eat it. And

Speaker 3 it's a toxic pesticide that acts, uh, that acts against the nervous system of humans, mammals, and other animals.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and so this guy, he's fucking killing up to 70 dolphins, and they gave in Panama City, Florida, which is a bad place. It's bad.
You know me. I fucking love Florida.
Yes. Panama City's garbage.

Speaker 3 But he,

Speaker 3 30 days. That's just crazy.
70 days. 30 days.
You shoot one dolphin in front of children more than a month. You know? More than a month.
Well, how'd the kids react? If they were like, oh, thank you.

Speaker 3 There's another one. Yeah, there's another one over there.

Speaker 3 That's the difference, is that if the kids are all like, yay, yay, now kill my dad. Like, that's different.
Like, if they were all ready to go, like, that's what's hard. If the kids asked for it, yes.

Speaker 3 Hey, mister.

Speaker 3 Have you ever used the shotgun? Yeah, I use a shotgun all the goddamn time. But, mister, have you ever used it on the ocean?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, when the dolphins come in here and they start eating my snapper, I went, hold on, there's one right now.

Speaker 3 Bam!

Speaker 3 That's the funnest day I've ever had ever since I was let out of the orphanage for killing all the teachers. God damn it, someone get that kid some binoculars.
Yeah, I want to see its guts.

Speaker 3 Shoot it in the dick. Ah, that makes sense.
Florida makes killing dolphins. Oh, that's why he was.

Speaker 3 That was what he got, was $51,000 in fines. That's still not even $1,000 a dolphin.
They just don't

Speaker 3 still not even that much. They don't.
It's in the Gulf of Mexico. We're limited.
There's oil spills.

Speaker 3 It's Florida. The

Speaker 3 measles are killing the children. They are literally, it is raised.
I want to say it's raining fire. Yes.
They don't care about the dolphins. 70 of the most beautiful creatures in the ocean.

Speaker 3 They don't care about the dolphins. They gave this guy 30 days.
That's crazy. Yeah.
Dolphins, are you ready for this? You kill a dolphin, you should be in longer than if you kill a dog.

Speaker 3 That's what I think. I think dolphins should be one of the highest sentences you can get for killing an animal.

Speaker 3 See, I'd put them all in the same bracket, but the only one I put above all of them is a chimpanzee. Oh, absolutely.
I think

Speaker 3 if you strangle a bonobo, it depends on how you do it, too. Bonobo is a different

Speaker 3 bonobo's the closest to human society. I thought that was a macabre.
No. Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, bonobo is the closest. It's the closest, right? They're tiny.
They are, but they're the closest, they're the closest to us at our brain power, right?

Speaker 3 So I think that if you were to kill it, also if you were to kill a bonobo in a way like stabbing it to death or doing it in like an arm bar or something like that, you should also get more.

Speaker 3 Yes, of course, of course. I don't think it matters the way you kill it as much as, you know, as much as you're just doing it.
I feel like it should. Yes?

Speaker 3 Just funner for the jury. Oh, yeah.
It's funner for the jury. Oh, you lit him on fire.
You didn't strangle him. So we're going to have to give you two years.
If you strangled them, we'd give you one.

Speaker 3 See, fire is different.

Speaker 3 Fire is different. How did you not get like the maximum punishment? Because what is the maximum punishment? I can't read this.
One year in jail per violation. $100,000 in fines and one year in jail.

Speaker 3 He should get 70 years in jail.

Speaker 3 Call 1-877-Whale Help to fucking register your complaints. This is fucked up.
Like, I really think this is crazy. Also, it's Florida, buddy.

Speaker 3 They should take his fucking boat.

Speaker 3 He should never be allowed in the ocean again. It's the most corrupt state.
And also, it's one of the most corrupt areas. Yes.
So it is not a, it's, they don't care.

Speaker 3 They don't care about humans. Why would they care about the dolphins? I feel like if it was in a different county, this guy would have gotten more fucked.

Speaker 3 Like if this was down in Key West, Key West, they'll lock you up for more than a ship for just taking too many conch shells.

Speaker 3 My father was attacked so brutally by a pit bull in his neighborhood, and the cops did nothing.

Speaker 3 You think they're gonna, this is the most they'll do. This is literally the most they will do because it is not gonna happen if he didn't shoot the dolphin in front of children.

Speaker 3 Unless the kids were the ones that were into it. And then again, it probably was just because they were mad that he was wasting bullets.
Elementary school children. They were elementary school.

Speaker 3 Those aren't even high school kids.

Speaker 3 Not even middle school. I weirdly think, though, if I was in elementary school watching it, I would have been like, wow, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, get him again. I feel like middle school, I would have been like that.
There was a a couple of rough years for me in middle school where I was very, you know, anti-people being alive.

Speaker 3 And so, you know, and I'm glad I got past that, but weed really helped me explore my empathy. But

Speaker 3 you really, you have done it, Eddie, and you have grown and you have changed.

Speaker 3 Yes, yes. But yeah, you own $51,000 fine and 30 days in jail.
It's almost worth it for this guy to keep doing it. Maybe he likes it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Maybe you quite uniquely. Move to Japan.
Join the Cove.

Speaker 3 Do it right. Yeah, get paid to do it.
Yeah. Yeah.
To get out of America. That makes sense.
Support this guy.

Speaker 3 And they're going to, I think they're going to import more of them. Unfortunately.
This is what we like. Do we have any...

Speaker 3 I don't know. I have one letter.
It's too long. It's too long.
Is there a shorter way? There's plantation houses. It's all just saying they're bad.
Of course they're bad. Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Why would they not be bad? But they're just obviously. Yeah.
Of course they're bad. We have a feeling.
Yeah, no one's happy about them. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But they used to be around more often, and a lot of them have been left around. But I think my question was, can we build new ones? Well, you can, but the idea is that the letters I received said

Speaker 3 the issue really is that

Speaker 3 also the style of home that it is is considered like a colonial, it's considered European style of home. And it was considered a tribute to the glorious days of the powerful white man in Europe.

Speaker 3 I mean, that's all Europe is to this day.

Speaker 3 Depends on the country. It depends on the country.

Speaker 3 That's why I feel like it's just getting the land, plantation home. And then I just think.

Speaker 3 I love going to Solvang, little Dutch town, windmills. Adorable.
I think as long as you just keep saying, I'm sorry, it should be okay. You also can't just build a different style house and be fine.

Speaker 3 I do look one that looks like a UFO. I just,

Speaker 3 yeah, but it's still like, I got to say,

Speaker 3 wraparound porch. I mean, that's the only thing.
The wrap-around porch.

Speaker 3 Total wraparound porch. I mean, that's like when you know you've made it.
Or like that thing in New Orleans homes when you go through and they have like the middle part that's outside. Love this.

Speaker 3 That's one of my favorite things where it's like a courthouse all around it and they have an inner courtyard in there. It's so cool.
So fucking cool. It really is cool.

Speaker 3 And again, you just got to fuck. You got to get that kind of money.
Is that a UFO home? Yeah, this is in Palm Springs. We should get this next year.
You can rent this.

Speaker 3 I actually looked into renting this UFO home for

Speaker 3 whenever some vacation. The problem, though, is that it's got very bad air conditioning and it really just looks cool.
Okay. So just

Speaker 3 cool. Go in the winter.
Go in the winter. It's a very UFO home.
It's very warm in there. It would be fun to do during contact, though.
It would be. Honestly, it's available for contact.

Speaker 3 So come check it out, Contact in the Desert. You can stay in the weekend in an extremely expensive UFO.
Hold on. It's available for contact? It might be.
How is the UFO home not taken?

Speaker 3 It might might be. I mean, I might be wrong.
It's taken. It's taken.
I was going to say, if someone is not staying in the UFO home during contact, then the whole fucking festival is a sham.

Speaker 3 Fuck it, better be George Knapp and Jeremy Corbel.

Speaker 3 Breast friends. Breast friends.
They just sleep chest to chest, stay in my head. On a tiny cot.
That's what people don't understand. They do sleep in the bed together.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 But it's not sexual. Yeah.
And I'm surprised you brought up William Green and not Josh Speed. I want to save Josh Speed for our episode.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Because that was his real boyfriend. Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 Tune in for the Josh Speed Love Affair. Abraham Lincoln was a man

Speaker 3 about a man. Complicated morals.
No, not morals. Just he had a complicated life.
He live every day. He loved the man who owned slaves.
You know, but it was, he loved the man who owned slaves. Uh-oh.

Speaker 3 And then he loved the man who owned slaves. It wasn't just the, you didn't just say he's a slave owner.
There was a man in there. Okay.
And George, and Abraham Lincoln made sweet love to that man.

Speaker 3 His mouth, his butt.

Speaker 3 Honestly, you could live every day being like a president. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Have your wife, have your best friend lover, be best friends with somebody and breast friends with them at the same time. He's a tall, strong man with perfect thighs.

Speaker 3 You could fucking split my rails any day. Love getting absolutely having your butt handed to you by an old friend.

Speaker 3 And then laugh, knowing it's just another funny story to tell all the guys down at the VFW about how you, Abraham Lincoln, Slimer from Ghostbusters, all had a full-on, gay-ass orgy, but it doesn't make you gay because of how much you love this country.

Speaker 3 Well, back then, they had VAWs,

Speaker 3 veterans of American wars, because it was a Civil War.

Speaker 3 But I don't know if they had it by then. No, they probably didn't.
I'm just saying if they did, it was the American War that they would have been celebrating.

Speaker 3 Because other than that, it's the War of 1812. And what's what's civil about war? Nothing.
Not a goddamn thing. We already made this.
Yeah, you already did this.

Speaker 3 We did a whole episode about it, but they haven't heard it yet. No.
See that shit comes out on Friday. This week.
They'll hear it. Yeah.
So it's about the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.

Speaker 3 If you didn't know. Did you know it was actually Lee Harvey Oswald? Yeah.
Crazy. His time traveler.

Speaker 3 Wait, do you get to episode four?

Speaker 3 You're going to love it. Go to the patreon.com/slash last pod guestluff and you can watch us yell and do all of that and all that chenanery.

Speaker 3 and you can see us also perform live every tuesday for our stream last stream on the left every tuesday 6 p.m pst you can go and see us flap them gums and it's only through the patreon and also just know nothing's changing about the stream Nothing about last stream on the left.

Speaker 3 Nothing's changing about last stream on the left. It's saying exactly the same.
We're going to have a bigger announcement about our next couple years of here at LPN.

Speaker 3 We're going to be doing our keynote commencement speech this Wednesday. It's 2023.
Yes, it's going to be coming out today when this episode comes out.

Speaker 3 So you'll see me and you can talk to me and ask me questions. And

Speaker 3 that's going to be our YouTube.

Speaker 3 How many fans do you think we lost today? Oh, the weak ones. The weak ones, yes.
Not you. Never you.
Warworld Trade Center Effigy.

Speaker 3 Well, War Trade Center effigy, you get our content.

Speaker 3 I'm so sorry you have to die next week. I can't wait to kill you.
You should take it in the pool. Oh, we will.
Oh, what a good idea. That's a great idea.
It never got to go.

Speaker 3 It never got to go in the pool. It never did.
Wow, that's cute. But now it is pools.

Speaker 3 Come out, check more of that in contact with the digital.

Speaker 3 Coming this weekend. All right, fuckers.
Bye-bye.

Speaker 3 Hell the World Trade Center.

Speaker 3 Hi, neighbor.

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