Side Stories: Say It Ain't So
Listen and follow along
Transcript
Surprise!
Beach day!
No excuses!
I'm in.
Give me five.
With Bic Soleil Glide Razor, you'll have hydrated, smooth skin that's ready to go on the fly.
No shave cream needed.
You can prep, shave, and hydrate all in one step.
Thanks to moisture bars that hydrate your skin during and after shaving.
Five flexible blades hug your skin for a close shave.
Glide into smooth.
It's your time to shine with Bic Soleil.
Buy now at Amazon and Walmart.
Ready?
Your skin looks amazing.
So smooth and beach ready.
Let's go.
We're all modern.
We have the best of modern furniture and decor all in one place.
So you can update your space for fall with ease.
Every design is hand-vetted for quality by our team of experts.
Plus, our fast and free shipping lets you upgrade your home in days, not weeks.
So whether you're looking to simplify your living room or get your dining room host ready, you can find every style of modern furniture and decor, all made for real life.
That's Modern Made Simple.
Shop now at allmodern.com.
There's no place to escape to.
This is the last podcast.
On the left.
Side stories?
That's when the cannibalism started.
Side stories.
Yes.
Are we ready to go?
Are we recording?
We are.
Oh, that's what I like to hear.
That's what I like to hear.
You know I like to hear.
Oh, bit of a fart.
You farted again.
Oh, yeah.
And you concentrated through it.
See, but we talked about this the last, you know, you'll be able to.
Well, it comes out in the future.
That's a preview for the audience, and it's a bit that we already did.
Yes.
You know, you got to be careful with recycling bits.
I'm not recycling.
I'm just talking.
They know.
They know.
The audience knows.
They track.
You know what's weird is I have gotten to the point now where this show and our real life.
Or blending.
They're blending, and I don't remember what we talk about in real life as opposed to what we talk about on the show.
Never do.
I never know.
I have no fucking idea.
I don't know.
Like, did I talk about on the show about how we went to go see the brutalist?
Yes.
So Natalie and I went to go see the brutalist.
Let me just send this up to my
audience.
Your Brutus.
We're Brutus.
Yeah, but we're Bruti family.
We're a Broody family.
I hashtag Broody Broodyverse.
Extended Broodyverse.
What I'm hoping for is the extended Broodyverse.
Build through death.
Yes.
And
I don't know if if I said this on the show, that
I...
Here's a note
to some of you guys out there.
Everybody's got like a partner that sometimes reacts to content differently, and you know exactly how they react to things.
Yes.
So before going into the brutalist, I'm not going to spoil it, right?
But I knew.
It was already going to be a bit of a tough sell to get Natalie to want to come see the Brutalist with me.
There's an intermission, and it's about building.
That is literally what I told her.
But also, what I do then sometimes with a movie like that, when I know
this might be challenging for Natalie's, like in terms of like a wife's taste,
I looked it up online, the Wikipedia.
I spoiled myself to know what the ending was because I'd heard the ending was shocking.
Yeah, it was cool.
And then I,
yeah, cool.
And then I read that.
It was fucking awesome.
Yeah.
And I read it, yes.
But I knew that there were moments in the ending Natalie's not going to like.
So about halfway through the movie, we get to the intermission.
And I just turned to Natalie and I just said, you know what?
I'm tired.
Let's just go home.
Right?
So we went home so that I could go and download the movie again just to watch the end.
Yeah.
And I got to say, man, that's weird to do.
What?
Make the whole.
Just watch for the last 25 minutes of the brutalist on a Sunday morning.
Oh, you wake up.
I thought you were talking about
what the brutalist is doing.
No, I'm just saying that the waking up to only watch the ending.
It's just not.
It doesn't get you going.
I do that all the time with the shit you send me.
Well, that's.
Because I fall asleep watching it, and then I have to wake up for the murder.
And then in the morning, I watch the murder part.
What was the last thing that I said to you that was all that bad?
I mean, define bad, like bad as in brutal order.
You sent me a four-hour video of what's this guy's name, Nichols, talking to his friends in his living room.
Yeah, Preston Nichols.
Preston Nichols, yeah.
You said that.
Yeah, an incredible.
And they're all just sitting around the living room lying to each other over pizza.
That's because Eddie doesn't understand the true subtleties of truth.
Welcome to Side Street.
If you want to hear the conclusion of the Montauk project, please, Friday.
You'll hear it.
You'll hear it.
My name is Henry Zubrowski.
I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Oh, look at that.
We introduce.
We did.
Hell yeah, man.
Just a couple of Broodies.
Just a Brutus.
I mean, I am a Brutus.
I am a Brutus.
I am a Broody now.
Bruti's taking hate.
I think Bruti's great.
What do you mean, Brutus?
He's taking hate.
People think it sucks.
Architects don't like it.
What do you mean?
Yeah, architects don't fucking know anything.
They just sit all day with squares.
It is true.
What do architects know about movies?
They don't know shit about movies.
They do the exact opposite.
Movies move.
Buildings don't.
Buildings stay there.
They stay right there.
They better not change.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then were they mad that he lied about what the architecture plans were?
Yeah, we, what?
We made...
You got a movie finally.
Has anybody seen...
Should I do I have to keep holding the ending of Adrian of this whole thing secret?
I think Brutalist, you need at least a year.
My Broody Heads haven't seen this yet.
Broody Head Nation?
People don't know they're Broody Heads
is my thing.
So you don't think they don't know that they're Brutal?
I don't think they know they're Broody Heads.
I think after the next Oscars, you're allowed to say the ending of the Brutalist.
Okay, got it.
Yeah, because only because it almost won Best Picture.
You're right.
Yeah.
You're right.
But let me tell you, it's a surprise.
What's a surprise?
The ending.
It's great.
It's fine.
No, I actually listened to the score in my free time when I'm walking down the street.
I'm like, I got the brutalist score going to my head.
It's fucking awesome.
Yeah, honestly, it's good.
That might be a good soundtrack, too.
I've been watching day the entire, well, I watched the first week of the Lori Vallo trial.
Oh.
And if you just put a nice, intense soundbed underneath this, all of this footage, it would just be make it just
court.
Should be scored.
It would be so much better if there was TV playing on the wall.
I feel like if they had, like, like at the gas station, they even do it.
Put sports up.
Well, no sound.
Yeah.
More sports for your courts.
See?
And Lori Vallo gets to essentially
cross-examine and interrogate the victims of her crimes.
It is one of the most harrowing.
I mean this, I don't normally,
it's boring.
Court is boring.
Yeah, but inherently, I am gripped.
I'm sitting and watching it like it's.
The fact that they're even letting it happen.
I can't believe that it's, it is such a utter heartbreak.
And it's also like interesting because it's the American system at work.
She's allowed to defend herself.
She's allowed to go into these scenarios.
And the jury, it's harrowing because this is a specific jury that does not know about the previous convictions.
So the jury doesn't know that she's already, they know she's a prisoner, but they don't know who she's killed.
And they are not allowed to broach that information until it becomes too much.
And so what she'll do is Lori Vallo will like.
One of the forensics experts that was talking about the way the body was going, she decided to not cross-examine.
That was, he was one of the prosecutor's witnesses because she knew, or like, you know, they kind of interpreted that she knew that if she were to talk directly to this person, they were the forensics expert on the last trial in Idaho, and legitimately, then the prosecution can open up on redirect and talk about the previous convictions.
So they are still holding.
They've only heard certain things.
Kay Woodcock, that was the grandmother of JJ, one of the dead kids,
Charles Vallo's sister, she was on the stand talking to Lori Vallo.
It's the fucking most intense shit I've ever seen.
Like, they are like, it's, it's hard.
It is hard.
You're watching this woman, is this person's a victim, an extended victim of Lori Vallo.
The prosecutor doesn't get to ask about JJ.
The whole, they, Kay Woodcock kept saying JJ was, JJ had
JJ.
So you're, it's slowly coming out.
They can't do it because technically what they're trying to, this is how they create a fair trial, is that they take the previous shit out of this trial so that you're only being looked at for this one crime.
And they can't have the other shit affect the jurors.
opinion of you in this crime.
But what about character witnesses?
I mean, it's all if
character was what sunk this woman, she'd be a fucking anchor.
Everybody is basically saying she's, this is an evil bitch that has, that has done horrible things, but they're not allowed to say the words.
They're not allowed to say the words, you kill JJ entirely, because it is, it will fuck up, it'll be a hung trial.
But it's fact.
It's, it would fuck with the previous trial.
Certain things have to be met.
I'm not quite certain, but certain parameters have to be met for them to bring that information in.
It seems like a very big piece of information.
Well, obviously, I think what's happening is that when you're watching this, and now I'm watching it for hours, and
I tried to doing the mental math of subtracting what I know from what I'm watching,
and you can start to see, oh, there's a big
circle of nothing in this that they are, you can hear,
you have to be, if you're watching as a jury being like, what are they not telling us?
Yeah.
Like there is a, so it's going to come.
It will eventually come.
It's just wild to see her just, she got a shock collar vest on.
What's that for?
If she lunges at the jury or lunges at a fucking witness, they have somebody there to zap her.
Oh, it was fun.
They should have had that on, what's her name?
Shabusiness.
Yeah, Shabusiness.
How did she not have one?
She likes it.
Yeah.
Every time they hit her with it, she comes.
It's hard for her.
She can't deal with it.
But this whole story, it's just, it's really fucked up.
She also wouldn't talk to like
her brother.
The stuff with her and her brother, Adam Cox.
Yeah.
The DJ.
Yeah, the cool, well, not the cool one, but the one who was cool with the guy who was murdered.
Yes, the former DJ.
He's now like, he's doing some other scam business now.
But it was brutal.
Like, they're all like, so what'd you think of me?
She had to question the lady that went on a date with Charles Vallo.
two days before he died where she did this whole like what did he tell you about me?
Like, grilling this.
Why would she even say that?
Why would she ask?
And then finally, she's like, So, at what point did he tell you all about me?
Blah, blah, blah.
And the lady comes back.
I think her name is Debbie Jo.
They're trying to make a bunch of merch from it, where she says, Don't flatter yourself.
We talked about other things as well.
And
you hear the crowd go, like, oh, shit.
Oh, motherfucking bitch.
It's a fucking bitch.
Take your fucking tops off.
Start finding each other.
You know.
But again, that's why I'm not allowed in.
Cool.
That's not why.
That's why I can't go.
Yeah.
You probably would be allowed in.
Oh, anybody can go.
It's like a lottery.
You have to wait online.
You should go to more trials.
To be honest, if I love it so much.
If I had to go.
Because I have like.
You got Fridays.
I have a life.
That's the only time that's a life I have to have.
I have to have it at some point.
I'm already watching them online.
I think that this is a great new hobby for you, especially with the Menendez brothers in town.
Yeah, trial peeping.
Yeah.
Yeah, because that's fucking crazy.
The kind of shit that blows through LA is awesome.
We got Richard Ramirez.
Fucking, we all the best trial peeping.
All the great crimes in the world's history have come through LA.
It's pretty great.
I wish there was more in a way.
There's lots of stuff going on.
We're going to get to it in a second, but we have two more updates.
Oh, I love this one.
So I was halfway right about cloud seeding and weather manipulation.
Well, technically, I was also halfway right.
Good.
Good.
Thank God.
All right.
Weather manipulation.
This is from a letter from one of our experts.
Weather manipulation is 100% real.
It just sucks.
If you throw certain chemicals into the air that act as seeds around which moisture can condense, sometimes you can get some rain clouds.
It only works with favorable conditions already exists in the atmosphere, though, to start rain formation.
That's why it won't work in like Texas or something.
The clouds have to already be there.
Yeah.
And then you see them and they do a bunch of stuff.
Same goes for the opposite.
We could try to disrupt storms from producing damaging hail and such, but it's unreliable and requires dumping chemicals into the atmosphere.
And no one wants to do.
Yeah, and if you have a giant hurricane, dumping chemicals into a hurricane sounds like a bad idea.
But it's interesting, too, because I like this.
Yes, obviously.
Governments,
mostly the U.S.
government and many world governments have been very actively trying to create dependable weather manipulation for a long time.
We could use rain.
People want it, right?
There's a lot of talk of it being used in weaponized ways in certain parts of the world.
You know, they were talking about floods in Congo.
They thought were
they were made by the Chinese using cloud seeding to make it rain out, but that doesn't kind of really work out.
But it's, it's interesting.
Like, think about this.
There was a thing called Project Storm Fury.
Okay.
20 years they spent trying to figure out how to control hurricanes.
Of course they want to control hurricanes.
Have to.
There's a lot of money in doing it.
They would love to do it.
They want to do it.
It soared.
Apparently, it even kind of, kind of, sort of worked, but it was.
So it didn't work last year.
No.
But the thing is, apparently, the whole
reason it was built on, like the whole hypothesis of how it was supposed to work, turned out to be like flawed and fucked up.
So they pulled all the funding, 20 years of research down the drain.
It's also like important to understand just how much energy is inside of a hurricane.
Like
trying to kick off, according to the letter, trying to kick off or manipulate a weather system that contains vastly more energy than a nuclear weapon is a long, long way off from essentially encouraging clouds to piss out some rain over your cornfields.
Yes.
Like it's wild.
Like I love this, the way this letter, this, this writer put it.
Weather's so ordinary.
that most folks don't think about it, but massive exchanges of energy are going on in the air over our heads every day.
Sure, the base chemical and thermal controls over weather are relatively simple, but the atmosphere itself is a hugely complex and tremendously powerful thing.
The sheer scale is immense.
Being able to control it with any accuracy would take godlike technology.
That's like trying to push back the tides.
Yeah, it's impossible.
It's very difficult.
Yeah.
Unless you got a lot of powerful orgon
harvested from scared babies, from their uteruses and from their carved out adrenal glands, or getting a bunch of rich people together to talk to reptilians over a menorah.
Also,
I'm going to say
chemtrails,
fucking pussies.
Exactly.
They ain't stopping no hurricane.
They've done a lot of damage.
Your little fucking cloud trail, that ain't stopping no hurricane.
Fucking get hurt.
It is hard to fucking take down.
Ask Miami.
Yes.
Ask fucking anywhere in Florida.
It is rough.
It is crazy to see how much damage you can do.
And it's just, it's just air.
Mm-hmm Isn't that crazy?
It is crazy.
It is crazy
Fuck your fucking ass
peanuts law peanuts law.
All right.
This is another update.
Yeah, what is this?
I
am in charge of the animal news.
I'm declaring it right now.
I know.
This is your
My Wheelhouse.
I love it.
It's what you do best.
Yes.
So Peanut, the squirrel that was murdered by the cops.
I remember this.
Moey, I remember.
Yeah, he was the OnlyFans people had the squirrel that the cops came in.
Yeah, they were mad at the guy.
Because they were babysitting kids in the neighborhood.
But which should be allowed.
We decided when we talked about it on the show.
Yes.
You know, because they're not bad people.
No.
But now.
Peanuts law, which would require a 72-hour waiting period before animals from animal sanctuary are euthanized.
Awesome.
So that is new.
Nice.
This comes from the wonderful news source, Channel 3000.
Oh, wow.
Mark Longo, who lives on a farm in Pine City near the Pennsylvania border, took a squirrel in after seeing its mother get hit by a car in New York City.
Very sad, we all know.
Very sad.
He named that squirrel Peanut and started an Instagram account for him, gaining hundreds of thousands of followers in the course of seven years.
But that guy had also had huge fucking cocketballs.
He did fucking.
I think we, the
people watching were watching for the cock, not the squirrel.
Guys with ideas.
They better not have been.
He had the gray sweatpants, and we all saw his huge cock.
He's a big old wiener dinger, and he's got like, and he's at the
October 2020.
Shameless squirrel what he did.
Yes.
The New York State Department of Environmental Conservation went to Longo's home, seized Peanut and a raccoon, nameless.
After the agency received complaints that wildlife was being kept there illegally.
The DEC worker involved in the investigation said that the raccoon was also euthanized and tested.
Both results came back negative for rabies.
You know, because it's the only way to really test them for rabies is to kill them.
Kill them.
You got to go through their blood.
You got to like run their body through like a gravy mill.
Yes.
So, but now,
because of this and the popularity of peanut, you will get a 72-hour leeway to see if the animal has rabies before they're euthanized.
That's a really nice change.
I think so.
You know, and then if they got rabies, they have to be destroyed.
And if they're just froth under the mouth, maybe they, maybe they were brushing their teeth.
It's amazing that it took a squirrel.
It took a squirrel.
And, you know, I was talking to my, and I'm sure I'll catch shit, but I was talking to my vet
father-in-law, and he said, very old, by the way.
And we were talking, and he said that squirrels don't really get rabies, and there's no recorded
squirrel rabies.
We talked about this, is that it was probably mostly ulterior motives.
But yes, squirrels are actually largely immune to rabies in a weird way.
It's very strange.
Yes.
Little bodies.
You'd think that they would because they would be so cute.
Killing your family.
Maybe so cute.
Live from North Way.
Hi, we're All Modern.
We have the best of modern furniture and decor.
Plus, our fast and free shipping lets you upgrade your space for fall with ease.
Shop now at allmodern.com.
That's Modern Made Simple.
What's poppin' listeners?
I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.
Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.
Want to know about the fake heirs?
We got them.
What about a career con man?
We've got them too.
Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.
Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.
I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.
Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.
If you're looking to help your child catch up, stay sharp, or get a head start this school year without the stress, iXL is the answer.
Its interactive lessons keep kids engaged with content tailored to their level, pace, and learning style.
iXL is the award-winning platform proven to boost grades in math, science, social studies, and more.
One subscription works for all your kids, saving your family time and money.
Visit ixl.com slash 20 to get the most effective learning program out there with an exclusive 20% off.
All right.
My favorite story of the week.
This is huge.
This was my favorite story of the week.
I get it sent it to me multiple times.
God, I love that.
I love Los Angeles.
This story.
We all love the band Weezer.
That's not true.
You don't like Weezer?
I like a handful of songs.
I used to like them more.
I don't like, obviously, no one, anybody with any substance does not like the new album.
Sorry.
I like the old albums like we all do.
Those are amazing.
Perfect.
No notes.
No notes.
I can't believe they wrote a song called Hashpipe that I don't enjoy.
It's a bad song.
It's their worst thing, and actually almost made me want to throw out every single piece of merch and album I ever had of theirs.
But I now I'm having an older reaction to it and understand.
You're liking it more now.
No, I'm saying the more that I can, it can,
I can still be a fan and not like like most of their albums.
Doop, doop.
I'll end in the song.
Don't.
Hate that song.
I hate that song.
Also hate that song.
They did ruin a lot of their legacy later on.
And I've also heard they're a bit stingy when they were performing live.
But they're still big.
I'm still a big fan of Weezer.
Stingy how?
In terms of like they don't give it their all.
Sometimes Rivers Cuomo seems out of it.
I would be too.
I wouldn't be.
There's no substance in the song.
You're a rock star.
Get over it.
He's a nerd.
You're a rock star.
Fucking get over it.
Yeah.
All right.
So, but Scott Schreiner, he's not over it.
He's the basis for Weezer.
You know what I like about him?
Unflappable.
Basis, got to stay in the pocket, right?
Yeah.
Got to be fucking rock solid guy, right?
Yeah.
Which must be, because that man fucking puts up with a very interesting wife.
Her name's Shillian Lauren.
And she is, she's cute.
She's fun.
Kind of foxy, foxy lady.
I mean, yeah, she's married to a
rock and roll guy, right?
But instead, she decided to insert herself into the search for three men that were running from a high-speed chase.
And then she opened up a fire against a bunch of police officers, and they shot her, and then she was put into jail on $1 million bail that she had.
So that they just paid and got her out.
This whole story does not make any fucking sense.
Did she know the people running from the cops?
No, no, no.
So, okay, This is how I can maybe parse this out.
So, everything began on last Tuesday, 3.25 p.m., which is that, of course, as always, right before we record.
There was a hit and run in the 134th.
LAPD, they responded to a request for resistance.
From chips, they went in there and they were in Eagle Rock, right?
For those of you who don't know, Eagle Rock in LA, crunchy yet expensive.
Yeah.
Right?
It's a part of the city in which very, very money people.
Yes, it's where Leezer, it's where Weezer lives.
It's where people with money live to pretend to have no money.
Yes.
Right.
Lauren,
this lady, Jillian Lauren, which again, it's really hard to fucking describe anybody with two first names.
So
there was a high-speed chase.
The suspects left their car.
They ran into the bunch of backyards of this residential neighborhood.
The manhunt led officers to the back of a residence where all of us, where Scott Schriner of Weezer and his wife Jillian Lauren live.
For some reason, Jillian Lauren was in the backyard of her neighbor house, of her house, with a, um,
of her neighboring property.
So it wasn't even in her property.
She was on her neighbor's property.
Okay.
With a handgun.
Lauren pointed a handgun at officers who said, hey, white lady, please put it down.
Because that's how nice they are in LAPD.
That's how nice they are when they see it's a rich woman with a handgun.
They went, please, pretty please, if you would just please put the gun down.
Yeah.
She responded by opening up a fire at them.
She fired at them or into the air?
She fired.
Yeah.
It sounds like when a police officer.
I thought she did like a warning pop-pop in the air.
No police officer's gonna take it as a warning.
No.
You know, they chased a few guys.
This is according to Maria DaCosta.
This is someone who says the LAPD was chasing the guys.
His wife comes out of the house with a gun.
They then shot her in the shoulder.
They shot her in the shoulder.
Tiny shoulder.
Which is, to be honest, shows the sadly, it shows restraint on LAPD's count, right?
They technically didn't riddle her with bullets because she was a visibly rich white woman.
See, that's where they fucked up because now we know they can aim.
All right, so they arrested her.
She came out with the babysitter.
Now, two clues here.
Number one, she didn't listen to the police.
She fired either at them or towards them or above them.
They continued to fire at her.
She went in and her response was to bring out her babysitter that was also at home.
Now, I don't know if you've ever met anybody that's a mom that has a babysitter with her that's not under police observance.
Normally, if someone, if you need a full-on team to raise your family, that's just a child in a living room.
Means sometimes I'm going to go out on a limb.
I know what people need help.
People are going to talk about this, but sometimes I'm reading right now, difficult woman.
Say it ain't so, honey.
I'm reading difficult woman.
That's funny, Eddie.
Eddie.
You got to save it.
Can you do it correctly?
Save it for what?
Say we're here.
I don't know.
You're right.
This is what you're doing.
You got to do this.
You got to do it right, though.
What?
Say it ain't so?
Say it ain't so.
Thank you.
Lauren, she got shot in the shoulder.
Do you think her sweater came undone?
Whoa!
If you want,
it's going on sweater.
Shoot me by police.
I love this.
This is great.
So many parodies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, Lauren.
All right, so she got shot in the shoulder.
She brought out her, I think she brought her babysitter out to be a human shield.
I'm not quite certain.
There's some video camera footage.
This is also, none of this is coming out, but one of my favorite parts about this whole thing was that obviously total fucking utter chaos.
She's given a $1 million bail.
They got the cash to do it.
They fucking, she pays her way out, even though she is.
Technically, her crime is under, she is being charged with the attempted murder of a police officer, which could get her 10 to 15 years in jail.
The problem is she did this in the backyard and not in the garage.
Because that's like inside.
He's been wrong.
He wrote a bunch of these down earlier.
He had to have written these down earlier.
I love this show.
But this is, I guess, my main thing is: yes,
if you have to have a team while you're looking at your children and they are not Adam Lanza armed,
there's a lot going on here.
And also, I think it's very interesting to see Scott Triner's approach.
So the next day, so his wife gets shot.
All this hullabaloo.
Scott Triner is just walking his dog.
And he's walking his dog normal.
Paparazzi is like, oh, what's up?
He's like, oh, don't worry.
She's fine.
She's fine.
That's his answer.
She's fine.
And he says, don't worry, still playing Coachella.
They didn't
even think about rescheduling Coachella.
Weezer, if you can see right here, if you look at the deadline article, they went out there.
No mention, obviously, what was going on.
They just played the play.
It's honestly the best thing they could do.
Oh, of course.
But Scott Treiner is just so
used to this woman.
I mean, he's a third with that pink triangle.
He must be, but he is used to this woman.
Another thing to understand: this woman, Jillian Lauren, she was a part of a harem of a Dubai prince.
She wrote a book about it.
And then she got tired of sex.
That's good.
Another good detail.
God's great.
She also was in, she wrote another book about her discovering self.
But then most interestingly, she interviewed one of the most prolific, if you believe his claims, one of the most prolific serial killers in American history, Samuel Little.
And she wrote a book.
This is her name.
Jillian Lauren wrote a book.
Is that the guy who killed like 80 people?
Yes.
She wrote a book called Behold the Monster, Facing America's Most Prolific Serial Killer.
And she also was on a Stars documentary confronting a serial killer.
She was becoming this like true crime talking head.
And I think what's interesting,
I'm just going to say this out here.
I think a lot of times, you know, Kurt Vonnecutt said, be careful who you pretend to be because you become who you pretend to be.
And I think on some level, there are some people out there, and I've met them in this space, the true crime space, that sometimes believe at some point that they've become a police officer.
Yeah.
I think that Jillian Lauren received a, what I like to call superhuman white woman confidence boost that came from, I want to say the same thing that inspired Ava Braun, the same thing that inspired Allison Mack from Nexium,
this powerful, Julia Roberts, these powerful women, the people that inspire these powerful women, right?
Sometimes you get this boost of confidence where she legitimately thought, I think in her mind, I'm helping catch these these criminals.
These police officers don't understand that I'm helping to catch these criminals.
So that's why they're trying to help me tell me to stand down, but they don't get it.
I've got their six.
And it's like, you're just a lady with tat sleeves.
You're not a police officer.
No.
But she found out because they shot her.
You know where she wouldn't have got shot?
Where?
Beverly Hills.
That's actually, she was pretty close.
You don't get, oh, she would have been shot to death in Beverly Hills.
Because that's where she doesn't want to be.
Beverly Hills.
One of the worst fucking song in the entire thing.
Even that is fucking even worse.
I just think it's hilarious that the guy just had no reaction.
Scott Triner had no reaction.
What about the other guys?
Nothing.
Nothing.
No response.
Yeah.
I think that she might.
I'm talking about the guys that she was sticking up for, the guys who, the hit and run guys.
I don't think she was sticking up for them.
I think she was trying to kill them.
Oh, she was trying to kill.
I think she was trying to catch criminals.
Oh.
That's my read on it.
Oh, and then the cops, you know, she was like, I'm on your side.
Yes, and I'm pretty certain they're like,
no, no, you're not.
Yeah, you're not, though.
God, he did it again.
Yeah, I wonder what this footage.
Yeah, look, she's got like a, yeah, that's her with her babysitter.
The babysitter's standing in front of her.
Oh, wow.
That's amazing.
Man, honestly, though, fucking give that babysitter a race.
Oh, no, she's going to be fired, sadly.
Fired?
She did a remarkable job.
She's not only sitting the baby, but the woman.
Unfortunately, Jillian still got shot.
The only way she would have gotten a raise is if she died in the process of protecting her boss from the police.
Fortunately,
that money would have gone to her family.
Oh, man.
Well, that's it.
We're going to find out more.
Obviously, I think we're going to hear more from her defense attorney.
She hasn't made any comment yet.
We don't really know what she was doing or
thinking what she was doing while she was doing it.
I think that we're going to get some form of woe is me social media turnaround on this.
I think that we're looking at a potential budding Hilaria Baldwin here, and we're going to find out.
We're going to find out.
Or she's entirely innocent and I'm wrong.
I could be entirely wrong and she was just cleaning her gun in her backyard.
No, yeah, yeah, for sure.
And she could have had headphones on.
This is still better than the Ghost Adventures wife.
oh the ghost adventure's wife was actively trying to commit murder yeah yeah she was trying to commit murder yeah that's different this is just i mean i don't know what this lady was thinking but i will say to i think she had a case of too much time on her hands
the
yeah is that a weezer title or is that another no that's just yeah that's just me talking i think that she's sitting at home i haven't been watching her kids no you know she's like oh great the cops are here yeah go back
back yeah i'm a kale i get to kale now you don't buy the gun to not use it.
No, of course.
That's why you have it because it's just sitting there collecting dust like the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast.
Well, that was, I mean, he was sexually assaulting those dusters.
I'm just saying,
like defending the candelabra.
I'm just saying he was bored.
He had nothing else to do.
Idle hands.
The idle hands.
Also, very dangerous for him to be fucking the
feather dusters.
Hey, he was.
All that fire?
He wasn't thinking, buddy.
He was thinking with his little candle penis.
Oh, man.
Guys from North Blade.
What's poppin', listeners?
I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.
Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.
Want to know about the fake heirs?
We got them.
What about a career con man?
We've got them too.
Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.
Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.
I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.
Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.
Are you ready to get spicy?
These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.
Sriracha?
Sounds pretty spicy to me.
Um, a little spicy, but also tangy and sweet.
Maybe it's time to turn up the heat.
Or turn it down.
It's time for something that's not too spicy.
Spicy.
But not too spicy.
If you're looking to help your child catch up, stay sharp, or get a head start this school year without the stress, IXL is the answer.
Its interactive lessons keep kids engaged with content tailored to their level, pace, and learning style.
IXL is the award-winning platform proven to boost grades in math, science, social studies, and more.
One subscription works for all your kids, saving your family time and money.
Visit ixl.com slash 20 to get the most effective learning program out there with an exclusive 20% off.
Are you ready for this next one?
Oh, yeah.
Show me this next one.
I like this guy.
Authorities say teen killed parents to get money for assassination.
That's right.
Prosecutors say Teens Manifesto spelled out a plan to create chaos in the government.
A Wisconsin teenager charged in the February deaths of his parents faces wider allegations that he killed them to obtain the financial means to assassinate President Trump and cause a governmental collapse, according to a recently unsealed federal warrant.
He can't seem to get past first stage.
Kill mommy, kill daddy, get money.
It's so hard to do, guys.
It's not that easy.
I'm going to tell you right now, if you're looking to get money for that assassination budget, coin pull.
You need to do a Bitcoin.
Only friends, coin pull.
OnlyFans.
Yeah.
Well, he's 17, so he probably couldn't have done OnlyFans.
I mean, no, they lie.
They lie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Nikita Kasip, 17, was charged last month by Waukusha County Authorities.
Waukesha.
Waukesha County Authorities.
Is that the same place where Rittenhouse went?
Yeah, fun place for these guys.
It's the same spot, isn't it?
Whoa, I guess that must be Cute Boy Sendril.
He was
charged with first-degree murder, theft, and other crimes and the deaths of his mother, Tatiana, and stepfather.
Donald.
Kesip is in custody in the Waukesha County Jail.
He looks mad.
Yes, yes, he's very mad.
He definitely looks like, unfortunately, definitely looks like someone who killed their parents.
He does, yeah.
He's got, yeah, he definitely has patricide face.
Yeah, he's in a county jail on a $1 million bond, which is the same
as Jillian.
Does he have 100 grand?
Does he have 100 grand liquid?
I think that Jillian does, and she should hook his ass up.
I think that Jillian has had enough justice for one day.
I think she could write a whole other true crime novel just on this guy.
County prosecutors have offered a glimpse into into the federal allegations, which were outlined by the FBI.
Wow.
Federal authorities say Kasub detailed his plans in a three-page anti-Semitic manifesto praising Hitler
and per the search warrant called for the assassination of the president of the United States.
Now, which seems weird
because we have our most Hitler-like president.
If anything, if he really felt like this, he should have tried to kill Biden.
Maybe he was too young.
I'm just going to say, I feel that it's confused yes I feel that his belief system
is not
all on one page the manifesto allegedly well it was three pages um the manifesto allegedly outlined Kasip's beliefs in the resulting chaos would lead to a revolution that would save the white race.
Oh, sorry about that.
No,
by the way,
we're fine.
Yeah.
I don't think we're actually hunky dory.
Sorry, Dweeby.
I'm sorry, Adam Lonza.
This is not.
We don't need you to save us, Casey.
You're not helping us.
Sorry, Aid.
Stop doing it.
About his plan to kill the president and overthrow the government of the United States.
The killing of his parents appeared to be an effort to obtain the financial means and autonomy necessary for carrying out his plan.
You know, who's the only white person I think done wrong by everyone?
Still?
Chet Hanks.
Chet Hanks.
He's the only one that needs justice.
Has he done anything wrong?
He's just a goofball, right?
No, he's anti-vax.
He did a little anti-vax thing, and he was like, he had the thing with the Jamaican accent.
You know,
as opposed to everything else, not that bad.
This is what I'm saying.
Bar is low, my friend.
Anti-vax Jamaican accent.
I think you could chalk that up for stupidity.
You know who else did that?
Did you see what's his name?
The character, Beans?
The kid from.
Yeah, that's not him doing the rapping.
That's not him?
No, but it's not the dude?
No, that's not him.
I thought it was the same guy.
That guy.
Here, just show, if you could show Eddie this guy.
Who is this guy he makes me laugh who's beans even steven this is what he really looks like he's not returning to the show they're going to be doing this reboot right and he kind of looks like this right he looks like a normal balding man right definitely looks like a child still he does weirdly but then this came out that people thought was beans
which is this
this rapper man.
Yeah, M.R.
He might be.
He looks nothing like him.
He's English.
He does.
Wait, look at the video.
You got to see him rapping rapping because he kind of looks like him.
Yeah, this one right here.
Oh, God.
See, he kind of looks like him here.
He looks very sick in this one.
But here, listen to him.
Can we not play it all?
I don't think we can.
What?
Because Capyrite?
Yeah, they might get mad.
What are you talking about?
He does a whole Jamaican.
He said we can't play it.
It's a full patois.
Yeah.
He's very sexual in it.
Does not look that way.
He looks just like the old guy.
I guess when he looks all brutal like that.
He looks just like that.
The other picture you showed me, he looked like a normal person.
But yeah, he does look awful as well.
And so Beans had to say he's not this guy.
Yeah.
Well,
back to Kasip.
Kasip was in touch with a person who speaks Russian and shared a plan to flee to the Ukraine.
Per federal affidavit, authorities found material in Kasip's phone related to the group holding neo-Nazi, racially motivated extremist views.
Yeah, I don't know if they're going to take him in Ukraine.
I don't think he's going to be a good soldier for the front lines of Ukraine.
Yeah, the group is also strong anti-Judaism, anti-Christian, and anti-Western ideology.
So I don't even know what they're for.
Yeah, I don't know.
I feel like he might be confused, and now I'm glad that he'll be in jail for a little while to get what he's doing.
It seems like he's going to be in jail forever.
Oh, yeah.
He's killed his parents.
Two people.
Yep.
But at 17, now they'll try him as an adult.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he's going all the way.
Even though he definitely has a childlike face.
He does.
But he's upsetting.
And he's going to get probably gruesome looking as well.
So, I mean, that's, I feel like, I mean, that's, that's a side story story.
It really is.
And, you know, it comes down to it's not a good way to make money, guys.
No.
You really want to flip a lot of stuff.
If you can get that capital, the goal really is, I mean, you know, he should have gotten into STEM.
He'd be good at coding.
Yeah.
No, I don't think so.
I think he's stupid.
Here's another fun story.
A woman in Australia.
You ready for this?
A woman admits trying to sell human toes that were regurgitated by dogs no way it's like yahtzy yes the woman was working at an animal shelter in australia when two dogs were brought in and the dogs puked up human toes.
That's amazing.
Yes.
And the reason the dogs had eaten the human toes is because the dogs were left alone with their owner that had passed away.
Oh my God, dude.
So this is what this whole bitch did.
This is amazing.
So, Joanna Catherine Kinman, she saw the dogs throw up the toes, snatched them up.
Her first thought, she was like, All right, I'll get them toes and
get them toes for me.
I'll get them, you'll get a couple piggies.
I'll make you a couple piggies, take them down the market.
And that's what she did.
Her first thought was to take the piggies to the market.
She put these
potatoes.
That's what she does.
She's a toe dealer?
No, she's a bone dealer.
Bone dealer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She has other items she's been selling, including an alligator claw, a bird skull, a guinea pig trotter, which I don't know what that means.
It's feet.
Oh, okay.
And her children's teeth.
These are all fine.
This is none of this.
This is fine to sell your children's teeth.
Fuck her kids' teeth.
They're garbage anyway.
If you want them, you take them.
That's free money.
Where do you think the Tooth Fairy's money comes from, Eddie?
She's an active member of the Facebook group, Bone Buddies Australia.
I bet, and I bet you they do a little bit more than human bones, if you know what I'm saying.
I bet you they are fucking.
Yes, remember when we were in Australia, that guy gave us the quaka skull.
Oh, yeah, which we had to get rid of because it was bad to have.
Yeah, well, yeah, you can actually, it's an endangered species, and we're not going to travel with it, so we didn't take it.
No, we left it in Australia where it belongs with the other quokkas.
Yeah, I threw it at a quokka.
He said, you start crying.
Yeah, no, I wasn't.
I was like, Diddy, um, did D.
Diddy?
Yeah, and I'm like, I'm keeping your daddy's skull.
And he's like, that's a quaka shit.
I checked quaka shit.
That's funny.
You did that joke.
I did that joke there, and I think I did it on the show, but I like it so much that I will continue
to do it whenever a quaka is mentioned in my presence.
I will at one point say, that's a quaka shit.
You were allowed.
That's your garrison.
That's a gay ranty.
That's a gay ralty.
That is a seasoned comedian.
But he kills.
She was like, what works?
But the idea would go like, quack, quack.
See the dog go,
throw up two toes.
And then your first thought is just like, all right, that's what I call capital.
Yeah.
All right, that's the beginning of a business, then.
She appeared to believe she could make as much as 400 Australian dollars per cent.
They told me she just thought, but I can't even believe that.
Which is $253.
It's amazing.
How am I?
Oh, wow.
I'll get $10 to $50.
How much do you think you would pay for two toes?
I love Marcus.
Well, I'm saying, well,
he has birthdays every year.
You know, you got to get him something.
This seems like an opportunity.
How do I say this?
Kind of like with the diamonds, with the Tiffany diamonds?
Yeah.
Fresh human toes.
Yeah.
$100.
So these were
puked up by a dog, which $20.
That could be worse or that could be better.
I'm helping you with these toes.
Yeah.
Obviously.
If I'm purchasing the toes from you, I'm helping you because you shouldn't have the toes.
Those dogs must have been hungry too because they didn't even chew them up, they just swallowed them.
They just went after the toast because also you wonder if they were biting him up just to try to wake him up,
chewing on his little feet.
And eventually, we're like,
Yeah, you ever have that?
You ever have the dog look at a wound?
Oh, dogs love wounds.
Yeah, that's well, it's cleaning, it's like a thing.
Yeah, but then you were like, stop it, stop it.
You're gonna taste for blood.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, what's more if they're just trying to help you?
I know, but still, they're gonna get taste for blood,
yeah, which is good,
right?
I don't know.
I didn't want them salivating for it.
Oh, I got another toe story.
Yeah, Tal.
Yeah.
A driver blames come and go crash on his Crocs.
See, you got to be careful when you're driving with the Crocs because they do slide off.
Yeah, so this guy, he drove, a Missouri man, drove,
drove straight into a come-and-go gas station, which is, we love our come-and-goes here.
Absolutely.
It sounds like he came and stayed.
But he said his Crocs got caught on the gas pedal and he didn't, he couldn't get them off.
And so he drove straight into the place.
Dude, it's real.
You got to be careful.
You got to be careful with your Crocs.
They slide sometimes.
My microphone.
I don't drive.
I wasn't allowed to drive in my flip-flops and I got mad at it.
But now reading the story, she's probably right.
People do anyway.
And I know everyone's like, so cool.
Everybody's so cool.
And you do it.
You got to be careful because it could slide off you.
And then that's the fucking thing.
It's not cool to be dead.
Yeah.
It caused $3,720 in damage, which doesn't seem like that much.
No, it really doesn't.
It really is not that bad.
No, I guess it's like when it comes down to it, it gets a lot of it's covered by insurance.
And if it's a mistake, they can get past it if they can prove it.
Well, I don't know if people believe him or not.
When the cops arrived on the scene, Hammett denied being the driver of his truck and being the one involved, but later was like, it was the Crocs.
So, yeah, of course it's the Crocs.
You got to be careful.
I mean, but he denied it.
And so.
Well, because he didn't want to be, he was going to be made fun of by the community.
He's been charged with leaving the scene of an accident where property damage exceeds $1,000, which is a felony.
And he is scheduled for May 14th circuit court hearing in Missouri.
He should probably be.
I imagine they will look at it.
He was not intoxicated?
It does not say he was intoxicated, but if convicted, the Class E felony, Hammond faces between one and four years in custody,
as well as a maximum fine of $10,000.
Wow.
Really?
Yeah, so he can get a lot.
Well, you left the scene of an accident.
It's kind of amazing.
They literally do that.
I guess that is the main thing is leaving the scene of the accident because it's like for like stalking, like deadly stalking, it's like the most you can get is like five years.
It's like, it's kind of crazy.
Like that's a lot of time for that.
So many things.
If nobody died,
it's just property.
It's just scary.
But I'm just saying in terms of this,
if nobody died and just
that's a lot of time.
That's why I brought it up.
Yeah.
It's like
especially if it was an accident, but he did leave.
Yes.
You got to take responsibility.
You take responsibility.
You're probably just paying for the window.
It's just money.
And it's mostly covered by insurance.
If it's an actual accident and you can prove it.
Yeah.
Unless, of course, he left the scene of the accident because he was intoxicated,
which is quite possible.
It happens.
You got to be careful, though, because they will come looking for you.
And I think it's time for some listener letters.
Oh, do we have any?
I got one.
We, after last week, first of all, one thing that we missed immediately is the video, the body cam footage of our lover lady and her five boyfriends.
What's her name from
Ohio?
Oh, yeah.
She looks like if
she honestly looks like Ringo Starr from that Thomas a Train engine.
Oh, okay.
She does, she has a Ringo Star.
She was going to say the trash heap from Fraggle Rock.
She somewhere between the two.
She looks like if,
yeah, she looks like if Teddy Ruxpin had tits
and had no, and you shaved him.
And you shaved him, right?
She's a rough-looking lady.
But, you know, and you really do shows when it comes down to it.
It's the love, love finds love.
Love and love and love.
Love finds love.
Love beats love.
Yeah.
And if you're going to commit a crime, do it at a red roof end.
So this woman tortured a man that if you watch the body cam footage, the body cam footage.
By the way, I blame you for not bringing in the body cam footage.
You live for body cam footage.
The problem problem is that it's really
not worth it to share on this show because it's so hard to hear.
It's like it's more important to watch it for everybody's sake to just go say like I saw so many comments people being like, I can't believe she's got five boyfriends and I can get somebody to take me out tonight.
And it's like, look at the boyfriends.
Yeah, you can have one of those boyfriends.
Oh, you could have one.
Her name.
Oh, yeah.
Well, five, and then one that was trying to crawl back.
Martina Jones with Aaron Bradshaw, Justin Brad, Austin, Aaron Bradshaw, Austin Bradshaw, David Kesesna, Chance Johnson, and Michael Iskada.
These five, I'm just going to go ahead and say,
literal homeless dog men with their central spoke that they all glommed onto like spiders covered in cum.
If the Manson family was inbred.
Oh, this is a gross, it's a gross batch.
But if you watch the, so they were torturing a young man that was a part of their, I guess he had apparently, if you listen to the body cam footage, he had confessed, I guess, to being back into having sexual feelings with Marina.
He was just a friend, and then they all decided to haze him back into the fuck circle.
So what they did was beat him,
put out cigarettes.
He was forced to stand in this room at this Red Roof Inn.
And we read a couple of reviews of the Red Roof Inn that they were in.
Yes.
last week.
And I got a great testimonial from somebody that was an employee at a Red Roof Inn.
I
love our hospitality workers.
I support our hospitality workers.
I know working as the cleaning staff of a hotel is an extremely difficult job and it is a thankless job.
And oftentimes, you have to see horrific things.
Shout out to the lady working at the Ramada in Jacksonville I was recently staying at, who found me water because there was no water in the building and I was dying.
The nicest people in the world a lot of times.
So this comes from one of our intrepid employees of a wonderful Red Roof Inn in Poughkeepsie, New York.
Ooh, yummy, yum.
I can even imagine.
I was listening to the most recent side stories, and y'all were talking about the man who was beat over the course of seven days at a Red Roof Inn.
Well, when I was in my early 20s, I worked a summer at the Red Roof Inn in Poughkeepsie.
Wow, wow, wow.
It was awful.
And I only lasted two months.
Other than the obvious normal stuff of dealing with customers, I got two stories.
So I worked checkout, which was 7 a.m.
to 3 p.m.
The guests did not check out physically at the front desk.
You had to knock and check the room.
This red roof inn was pretty small.
So I started on the first floor and I got to a door that I had not checked out.
I knocked and knocked and finally entered.
It looked empty.
I opened the bathroom door, and to my utter horror, I saw a man in a bathtub who had slit his wrists.
I called 911, and from what I heard, he was okay.
All right.
This was my first week.
A sign I should get the fuck out.
But I stayed.
Now, I became a red floor in.
Whoa, red tile in.
I also wonder, in my mind, guess what?
If I'm ever going to do it, if I'm going to commit suicide again, I'm doing it where everybody can see me from the front steps of the White House.
That's actually a good spot to get, but I don't think you can get to the steps.
Oh, I'm getting there.
I don't think you can.
It's going to be a part of my plan, Eddie.
First, you start from the inside.
You start with a tour.
Okay.
And then from there, you work your way outside.
You know, a lot of people think that the back is actually the front, so you got to be careful.
Exactly.
Taking a shit in the rose garden.
Number two, this is the second story.
There was a family staying at a hotel due to being displaced by a fire.
I think Red Roofing gets a lot of people that are displaced.
Yeah.
And then they decide to go someplace, and you know how they decide to go there?
They say, let's go to displace.
Yeah.
It was a white.
It was a white house burned down.
Let's go to another place with a red roof.
Exactly.
Do you want to feel better about our burned-out home?
Let's go to a horrible, let's go to hell itself.
Again, I don't mind shitty hotels.
I actually am fine with shitty hotels.
I'm about to stay in one.
I'm about to stay in two.
I got to go to Hoskoda, and I got to go fucking back to Palm Harbor.
Yeah.
So I got to go stay in horrible ones.
Don't worry, it ain't all Ritz Carlton Sfrol Zaprowski.
Two.
He's family with shit.
That's Ritz Carlton.
That's what you're saying.
That's where I'm staying.
There's a wife, wife, husband, two little kids, and a grandma all staying in one room.
We had free breakfast from 8 a.m.
to 10 a.m.
Grandma was down there getting coffee.
Headed out to front to smoke a cigarette, and I came back inside and used the lobby bathroom.
Because grandma had to get a good
get some tobacco in there.
I noticed she was walking weird, but I didn't really pay any attention to it.
While cleaning breakfast up, I went to the lobby bathroom to get paper towels.
That's where I realized why grandma was walking funny.
There was shit everywhere.
Shit on the floor, shit on the sink, shit on the toilet.
There was hot dookie everywhere, but inside of the toilet.
Immediately broke down crying, called my housekeeper, and begged her to clean it up.
I quit soon after.
Red Roof.
Ah, check it out.
You can go visit Red Roof Inn with our code LastPod90.
Go get it.
I wish it was a big die-in.
That would be amazing.
Nothing would make this better than the honeymoon suite over at the red roof inn perfect place to on your period
go check it out ah red roof in better than the brown ass
chalet do you think they call her marina because you could park a boat between her tits oh
boo
oh this woman just looks like you know she looks like you know the fat guy that was in all the trauma movies
thank frank pellegrino yes yes that was his name he's close close enough.
Doesn't she look like him?
She has a she runs a tight ship, dude.
If you watch this body camp with this lady, she goes, like, phone now.
And the guy like jumps and gets her phone.
She goes, Where's my candy?
Get my candy.
She goes and gets his candy real fast.
She is just fucking.
These boys are ready to go.
She's like, eat my pussy.
And they're like, how deep?
That is amazing.
But that's why, ladies, you got to get out there and ask for more.
All right.
Live every day knowing, yeah, Marina, she might have, yeah, of course, she's having sex with the diversion of a bunch of street dogs.
All right.
But that doesn't mean that you can't get your own harem.
All right.
Live every day knowing for a fact that you're a fucking free ass woman that just has to be like, yeah, sure.
I don't have my harem right now.
Her him, his him in.
You don't have your him in yet, right?
Which is the man harem.
Right.
You don't have your him in yet, but you can laugh knowing for a fact that all you got to do is literally put up a Craigslist advert that says, pussy's got room for four, and they will come running.
I mean it.
You don't even have to try.
All right, then you could laugh your way to the bank knowing that you have five weird, two skinny man slaves that you could do anything that you want with because you got the pussy that controls them.
Own it, girls.
Get them out there and fucking be the change you want to see.
Get a Hemming.
Get a Himmon.
Honestly, a lot of times, the worst part about a male harem is that they never know where their wallet is.
They never know where their stuff is.
But that's just mostly your job.
That's what you're holding the whole thing together.
And they're not good at cooking.
They are not, buddy.
Unless it's meth.
To be honest,
I wouldn't even buy fucking meth from these assholes.
Who do you get your meth from?
Brian Cranston.
Get a patreon.com/slash last podcast on the left to pay money to watch us talk.
It's that easy.
And then you can also pay money to watch us live on Patreon, 6 p.m.
Tuesday Pacific time, live.
See last stream on the left.
It is fun.
You can yell at us.
Go to lastpodcasteleft.com, buy tickets to see all of our live shows.
There are many.
Yes, there are many.
And the Invasive Species Tour is about to kick back off.
Henry's going to come with me on this one.
I'm very excited.
I can't fight.
I'm going to be in Naples at the Off the Hook Comedy Club.
Very dangerous place.
I can't wait to be there.
It's on a Tuesday, so it's going to get a little salty.
So come check me out there.
That's going to be on May 6th.
And then May 7th, I'm going to be with Henry at the Fort Lauderdale Improv.
Yeah, baby.
Doing side stories.
I'm going to do a full set.
We got Lisa Correo who's going to host it.
Also, we're going to be doing quite a bit of crowd work, so it's going to be very, very interesting in Fort Lauderdale.
And especially because I know most of the crowds.
I can't wait.
They're just going to be destroying me left and right.
Oh, yeah.
It's going to be a fucking massacre.
You're not impressed by my life.
I can't wait.
May 8th, Henry and I will be at the Orlando Funny Bone.
That's going to be a lot of fun doing two shows there.
The early one sold out, so get tickets to that late show.
And then May 9th through 11th, I'm going solo.
Well, I'm bringing my wife to Comedy Key West.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
I got Lisa Correao open for me on that one as well.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Come check that out.
I love Key West.
I'm going to go to the Pirate Museum.
I'm going to do all.
I'm going to see Robert.
I'm going to go visit Robert.
We still have to figure out what I'm bringing Robert.
We're going to get him a little piece of merch.
We have to get Robert some merch for sure.
We need to get on top of that.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Dad's Garage.
Henry and I are doing side stories at Dad's Garage June 29th, the day after our last pod show at the Coke Call of Roxy.
The early show for that one is sold out as well.
So make sure you get tickets to the late show.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
And they're both shows are going to be completely different because we're entirely improvising both.
Yes, we're going to ask for suggestions from the audience.
So come and yell at us and give us bad suggestions.
And then of course, the wonderful.
CrimeWave at Sea.com slash last.
Yeah.
To get tickets to see Henry and I on a a boat.
It is legitimately going to be
just at a meeting with these guys and they're like, oh, so you're just doing the show.
And we're like, that's crazy.
We're doing more.
Yeah, so we signed up for a bunch of crazy shows.
So we signed up for a meet and greet that we're definitely going to do, a nice long meet and greet.
So we get to meet everyone, even though the whole weekend's a meet and greet, because we're just going to be walking around.
And then there's going to be a late night party at the last night that we're going to be a part of.
And then maybe even a special separate event.
We are going to get fucked up.
Yeah.
We're not coming on this cruise to fucking sit around and do nothing.
We're coming for your asses to have a good time.
And then, of course, at the end of May, early June, Contact in the Desert.
Yes.
Henry and I are going to be doing a side stories there as well, as well as the last podcast proper, a full comedy night with Amber Nelson.
It's going to be a fucking blast.
So make sure you come out to Contact in the Desert and hang out with these weird fuckers.
And if I can do one last thing,
HGX2, the Hoopa Google game.
The one we put out last week, it's on YouTube right now.
Go watch it.
It is probably my favorite episode that we've done.
That That fucking show is in its pocket.
We're taking a little break, but we're going to come back strong.
So good.
I'm very excited about the show.
It's probably my favorite thing that I do because it is truly a return to stupidity.
Yes.
So please watch that one.
Watch the whole thing.
We got 11 episodes available on the last podcast on the left YouTube channel.
So watch all of the Hoopa Google game HGX2.
You love it, you fuckers.
Also, we have some special hidden news.
Keep your eyes on the feed next week there might be something special in there beginning to unfold yes
put it out there oh yeah we'll put it out and have some and then we're gonna stick it in yeah and then stick it out and then put it right back in and then we're having sex sex
have it sex
hail sex education in america and hail sick
hail peanut the squirrel thank you for your new law you guys be good to yourselves and we'll talk to you next week he died for a reason.
That's all you can ask.
He potentially had rapies.
Yep, that's the reason.
What's popping, listeners?
I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.
Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.
Want to know about the fake heirs?
We got them.
What about a career con man?
We've got them too.
Guys that will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.
Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.
I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.
Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.
Are you ready to get spicy?
These Doritos golden sriracha aren't that spicy.
Sriracha?
Sounds pretty spicy to me.
Um, a little spicy, but also tangy and sweet.
Maybe it's time to turn up the heat.
Or turn it down.
It's time for something that's not too spicy.
Spicy.
But not too spicy.
