Episode 631: The Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan Murders Part III - I'm Your Parents Now

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Speaker 5 There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast

Speaker 1 on the left.

Speaker 5 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 How are you?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 am Passago. So you are, you got to put a vampire teeth in.
No, I don't have vampire teeth in. These are my real teeth.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 See, this is why I didn't use it because they cut my gum.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're cutting up my gum pretty bad right now. That's what's nice about them.
They make vampire food.

Speaker 1 Actually, you want to have some hearties.

Speaker 1 I got to take those out. They taste bad, too.
Yeah. They taste like plastic.
It tastes like I was chewing on a straw. No,

Speaker 1 it tasted like I got poisoned just a little bit. Whoa, it says right here, straight from Wuhan.

Speaker 1 Which I love to see. Well, I love a good old-fashioned Wuhan petroleum.
My old pangolin biters.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks.
I'm here with the unusually cautious Henry Zabrowski today. Yeah, I know how to watch myself.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's me, Terrence, the lead singer from Stain.

Speaker 1 And I gotta tell you, it's been a while since I could held my head up high, but mostly just because I got scoliosis from looking at my phone.

Speaker 1 And we have the brave first to put the vampire teeth in his mouth, Ed Larson. That's right.
I put the vampire teeth in my mouth, and I got the stains on my pants in honor of stained.

Speaker 1 Yes, they are worth the cum on my pants. Your pants are stained.

Speaker 1 And stained, of course, came into our head because we are enmeshed, entrenched in the mid to late 90s right now. Trench-coated.
Yeah, I think trench-coated, yes.

Speaker 1 Because we are here at the conclusion of our series on the Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan murders. Wow.

Speaker 1 Before we begin, I'd like to read an email from a listener who is a massive Vampire the Masquerade enthusiast. VTM police.
Yes, VTM. And I'd like, you know what? I didn't even think about...

Speaker 1 Yeah, VTM. Okay, that's great.
Yeah. Because I've been so sick of typing out Vampire the Masquerade over and over a catch.
You're released, my friend.

Speaker 1 Well, I'd like to read this email for two reasons. First, I think it'll help everyone understand just how deeply some of these players can fall into their personas.

Speaker 1 And secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I'd like everyone to see what these people get up to when they're isolated.

Speaker 1 Which, you know, if the satanic panickers are right, when they're isolated, that would be when all the child sacrifice and all the devil worship would occur, when all the really dark things, bathing in blood.

Speaker 1 Yes, because they get shy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sacrifice like nobody's watching.

Speaker 1 But that, of course, is not the case. Here's the email.
One of my friends used to participate in a massive vampire LARP.

Speaker 1 Once or twice a year, about 50 people would rent a castle and pretend to be Dark Ages vampires for a weekend, complete with acting out historical historical moments in the lore.

Speaker 1 I would imagine when they say in the lore, I would imagine that would be vampire the masquerade. Very much.

Speaker 1 This included a man only referred to as Naked Dave, who refused to wear clothes for the entire weekend. It's my character!

Speaker 1 That's what it is. It is his character.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the only issue was Naked Dave's wife didn't like that he was naked the whole weekend, and she especially didn't like that once corralled into clothes, he'd make any excuse to get naked again.

Speaker 1 He's wearing a cape. Don't marry a man with the legal name of Naked Dave.

Speaker 1 Is someone trying to do a seminar on torturing mortals? Naked Dave will volunteer. I'm right there.
But only if he can be naked while doing it. My back's out.
Come on, let me see.

Speaker 1 Let me sit on my balls in front of everyone. It was also common for people to have loud, kinky sex.

Speaker 1 Usually there was a part of the castle that was roped off to be the 18 plus section where people would participate in BDSM and character. They have to have that.
They have to have that, of course.

Speaker 1 They're consenting adults. They're allowed.
It's a vampire castle weekend. A rope doesn't really stop young kids from watching.

Speaker 1 Maybe a rope, but maybe there's a room between the room and there's a bouncer. A room bouncer.

Speaker 1 And the best part about it being roped off, they can then use the ropes to torture each other. Well, they're lucky the wolf cops didn't show up.

Speaker 1 Continuing. They are indeed.

Speaker 1 One year, they had to ban the bringing of sex toys to the non-sexy areas of the LARP because some guy kept throwing dildos at other people, claiming to use his flesh crafting skills to pull his own penis off and hurl it at people he didn't like.

Speaker 1 It's in the lore. It's in the book.

Speaker 1 Like it holds. Finally, once there was a character who had a phobia of fire.
She would scream and cry if she sat too close to a lit candle.

Speaker 1 The other players ended up yelling fire at her so much that they had to create a rule where if it was a real fire, you had to yell real fire and raise your hand to show you weren't in character.

Speaker 1 And that is how being a nerd can kill you.

Speaker 1 Because it's true. That's Vampire the Masquerade.
Very much so. And the idea of someone staying in character is encouraged.
And it really is. I saw many letters.

Speaker 1 talking about our coverage and said the one thing that most people that were like decades-long people that have been playing VTM, they all express their jealousy of the Kentucky vampires and their ability to just let go and let vampires go.

Speaker 1 It's a lot easier when there's nothing else to do. Yes.
Yeah. You think if they had like a wooden dildo, you know, it could be like a steak?

Speaker 1 You know, would it affect the woman if you, if you, if it, if they're, because I know the steak has to go through the heart, the steak goes through the vagina, fine.

Speaker 1 Vampires actually can't experience orgasms. They can't have natural sex.
So why do they fuck all the time? They don't fuck all the time.

Speaker 1 Well, they normally play to seduce you in order to get the blood voluntarily, depending on their feeding style. So they're playing on our horniness? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the whole thing about vampires. That's why vampires are sexy is because they use their sexiness to lure mortals in so they can drain us of our lifeblood.

Speaker 1 Vampires can only experience certain things by drinking the blood of those that are also doing it.

Speaker 1 So if they'll if they wanted to feel an orgasm, they could literally jerk somebody off while drinking their blood. And if they come while they're drinking their blood, they could feel the orgasm.

Speaker 1 Or that's why certain vampires really concentrate on those that are drug users or ones that have already been out all night raving. That's what all those guys do in Blade.

Speaker 1 What they were doing was that they're all on drugs, and then the drugs is in the blood. And it's the only way that vampires can feel drugs is by drinking blood that has drugs in it.

Speaker 1 You asked. I swore.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I asked. That's the lore.
But you know, it's part of the show.

Speaker 1 So, when we last left the Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan, Rod Ferrell had found himself on the outs with the majority of Murray, Kentucky's vampire population, which, this, of course, had earned him a soft ban from the ancient vampiric hangout that was the local Hardys.

Speaker 1 What will I do without my ancestral home?

Speaker 1 Can we paint the White Castle black?

Speaker 1 So, instead of hanging out with the improv kids from Murray State or hanging out with Stephen Murphy's clan, Rod found himself with a far smaller vampiric crew in Kentucky, comprised mostly of his 15-year-old girlfriend Charity and his two childhood friends, Matt Goodman and Scott Anderson.

Speaker 1 And there were also a couple of other guys that seemed to kind of come in and out of the vampiric clan, but this is the core group right here.

Speaker 1 Oh no, I had a, I read a Reddit AMA from somebody that was a part of the fledgling crew before they went down to Florida. That was a little girl when this was all happening that was in their crew.

Speaker 1 And she little girl, like a teenager. Yeah, and she basically was like, Well, she's thousands of years old.
Thank you, Eddie.

Speaker 1 So it's like a Kristen Dunstan interview with the vampire, like that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's legal.

Speaker 1 That's what it means. It's totally legal.
But no,

Speaker 1 she basically said, but I'm just going to say that she might also be in sort of the still needing attention

Speaker 1 estate because she was saying she's definitely a vampire and Rod was absolutely a vampire and convinced her that she was a vampire. Hold on, are you saying that people who do AMAs need attention?

Speaker 1 I just took the biggest dump of my life. Ask me anything.

Speaker 1 How big was it? It was big. Yeah, was it brown?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like reddish.

Speaker 1 Touched the bottom of the toilet and it was still in my butt. What kind of red? Was it bright red? Was it dark red? Dark red, like clay.
That's bad, dude. That's cancer.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Ask me anything, I'll give you bad news.

Speaker 1 But perhaps because Rod's crew in Kentucky was shrinking, Rod was during the summer and fall of 1996 doing his level best to tighten his grip on the two girls down in Eustis, Florida, that he and Scott Anderson were still talking to on the phone for hours at a time.

Speaker 1 Those girls were Heather Windorf and Janine Leclerc, both 15 years old.

Speaker 1 See, Heather and Janine have both fallen for the fantasy that the 16-year-old Rod Ferrell was a 500-year-old vampire named Visago. But Heather had bought into the fantasy far harder than Janine had.

Speaker 1 This was perhaps because Heather had just met Rod the year before, while Janine had known Rod since the second grade. Yeah, I knew him when he was playing kickball.
He ain't no vampire.

Speaker 1 I knew, I saw him as a child.

Speaker 1 You remember a kid like getting beat up until he pissed his pants? You can't believe he's a vampire. No, unless, of course, it happened at night and it was being done by prometheus unfound

Speaker 1 which is i found out it is there is a frankenstein rpg as well

Speaker 1 you play different types of non-people people

Speaker 1 like a golem or homunculus or a construction or a doctor hell yeah can i if i'm a homunculus can i be made completely of semen you better be hell yeah what about like an igor can you be an igor yeah sure

Speaker 1 i just want to help people out i mean yeah you just like to work would you like a lamb

Speaker 1 i don't need i don't have the budget for an associate produced more crackers

Speaker 1 In addition to pretending to believe Rod's story, Heather Windorf had also begun pretending that she had her own dark past to match Rod's fantasy that his grandfather had molested him multiple times in a series of occult rituals featuring other dirty old men.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I want some of that.

Speaker 1 Heather began telling Rod during their eight-hour-long phone conversations that her parents were also evil and that her father was also molesting her.

Speaker 1 All of this, of course, was just an extension of Heather's personal fantasies and had no grounding in fact.

Speaker 1 But since Heather was such a believer in Rod's bullshit, and because the people of Murray were starting to become less receptive to Rod's status as a vampire lord because he no longer had access to Hardys, bring me back the center of my power!

Speaker 1 These tether dots will not be ripped from my dracul-like claw.

Speaker 1 Because of all this, Rod began inching closer and closer towards integrating his Kentucky clan with his Florida clan with murderous results. God, I can't believe this is still worse.

Speaker 1 When you say Kentucky clan and Florida clan, I can only think of the actual clan.

Speaker 1 See, I gotta see the K. Yeah.
Yeah, you do have to see the K to really get there. Got to.
Got to.

Speaker 1 Now, before Rod Ferrell took the step to head down to Florida to bring his two vampire crews together, he managed to pick up up another member for his Kentucky vampire clan.

Speaker 1 And this member might just be the saddest person in this story outside of Rod's mother, Sandra.

Speaker 1 The final member of Rod's Kentucky crew, who joined just three months before the murders, was 19-year-old Dana Lynn Cooper.

Speaker 1 See, even though Dana was years older than everyone else, she'd become close to Rod's 15-year-old girlfriend, Charity. How you doing, champion?

Speaker 1 How you doing?

Speaker 1 It's not you, champy girl.

Speaker 1 And even though Rod didn't really like Dana at first, he changed his opinion when he discovered that Dana had her own apartment.

Speaker 1 Yes, this vampire cult leader needs access to a washer-dryer.

Speaker 1 Very much so, my undergarments. I'm deeply sullied by the dirt of the dead.

Speaker 1 And so, using Dana's apartment as his new base of operations, Rod took his Kentucky clan on regular trips down to the local cemetery where they would drink each other's blood to, quote, bond their souls together while asking ancient spirits questions that would be answered through automatic writing.

Speaker 1 Tell me, it says

Speaker 1 Elva's still alive?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Cool. So is Martin Luther King Jr., is he still alive?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a vampire.

Speaker 1 All right, what else? What else? Should I like find something else to do? Should I like find a new goal in life? Absolutely, the second you can.

Speaker 1 Ignoring that.

Speaker 1 To further give himself an air of authority, Rod began binding his clan towards him through shared activities that represented an us versus them mentality.

Speaker 1 In that Reddit AMA, they did say they did not go three days without sucking each other's blood. Jesus.
Oh, real gross.

Speaker 1 See, it was easy for Rod to get his fellow Wampirs to abandon the real world because they'd pretty much already done that by the time they met him.

Speaker 1 Like you say, the real world was already saying goodbye to them. Yeah, but it was far more difficult to isolate them from the other local goths.

Speaker 1 But instead of treading the dangerous waters of going into Hardy's to challenge Stephen Murphy's rival vampire clan directly, Rod would take his group to the woods behind Hardy's.

Speaker 1 My God, we can see nothing outside around the dumpsters.

Speaker 1 We storm at dawn.

Speaker 1 Like they're close.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, we'll wait till 9 a.m.

Speaker 1 When is breakfast?

Speaker 1 When the woods be. 10:30.
This is holy shit.

Speaker 1 When the woods behind Hardy's, they would perform magical spells that would be cast against the other clan.

Speaker 1 They would also spend time casting magical spells against the improv group at Murray State University. Sip! Let's have!

Speaker 1 SOME!

Speaker 1 Sip!

Speaker 1 Zap!

Speaker 1 Take that, Calamity Brothers!

Speaker 1 Now, Rod Farrell was one of those people who instinctively knew how to run a cult. Although, like I said, this was far more of a friend group that got out of control than a satanic coven.

Speaker 1 But even so, Rod still used the same techniques that cult leaders use to control their followers. He just went about it like a 16-year-old boy.

Speaker 1 Or he just went about it like a 16-year-old boy would go about it. Yeah, you just said that was kind of Italian.
Yeah. It is a 16-year-old boy with a go would go about it.

Speaker 1 You know how the 16-year-old he'd have had of a sex with my daughter. And then the next thing you know, I kick about him make a priest.
He had a sex with my with my son.

Speaker 1 It's because he had a tiny coffee in his hand.

Speaker 1 Actually, yeah, I have a bit of espresso, yeah, and oh, a latte, or you want to beg a guy some warm milk? Is that a what do you want with a latte? I'm a real man to drink a cappuccino.

Speaker 1 Well, for example, Rod would tell his clan that while the end of the world was indeed coming, his clan was going to survive because each of them represented a necessary element that would forge the world that was to come afterward.

Speaker 1 Charity was fire,

Speaker 1 Heather was air,

Speaker 1 Scott was water. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But Rod, instead of being Earth, doucheily chose to be void. That doesn't make any sense.
Fire, air, water, void.

Speaker 1 Earth doesn't need void. That's what gets rid of the earth.
Void is useless. No, the earth needs void in this new world that we shall forge.
We shall not be on earth.

Speaker 1 We shall be in the void like all of our souls have been before we came to be teenage boys in Kentucky. The earth is way more important to the earth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is, but the void is more important to the vampire. It sounds like somebody's not a true fucking vampire.
The vampire lives in the fucking earth, sleeps in the goddamn earth.

Speaker 1 It has to have fucking its own dirt in its casket. It literally specifically sleeps in dirt.
Listen, man, we're not playing Captain Planet the Masquerade. We're playing Vampire the Masquerade.

Speaker 1 There's a boy. I am.
I'm working with the rules.

Speaker 1 But the cult technique that Rod instinctively knew here involved Dana. Dana.

Speaker 1 See, Dana was the one with the apartment. The apartment.
She technically held more power than Rod held because Dana was an adult. Yeah,

Speaker 1 she had a literal door she could close. And a box of dildos.
Yeah. Well, to bring her down low to a point where she needed to seek Rod's approval, Rod declined to give Dana an element.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Which implied that she could do something to earn one. Okay, how about suck?

Speaker 1 If I can be an element, then suck can be an element. It doesn't make...
Actually, uh, no, because, like,

Speaker 1 no,

Speaker 1 okay, I'm bored, which means like yeah, and I'm suck. I well, I just uh

Speaker 1 sucks kind of like love. That's what I make the rules.
I'm Visago.

Speaker 1 That's fine. Now, in early November 1996, Rod began feeling the tiniest bit of legal heat.

Speaker 1 In the weeks before Thanksgiving, the sheriff of Murray, Kentucky questioned Rod about the animal cruelty we discussed last episode, where Rod had allegedly kidnapped dogs from the local animal shelter and killed them.

Speaker 1 Now, even though everyone in town was convinced that it was them vampire kids what had done it, there had been no hard evidence leading the police to believe that Rod specifically had been responsible for the death and mutilation of the dogs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a false flag! Yeah, but sometime around Halloween, it seems, something happened in Rod's clan that caused one of his people to turn coat.

Speaker 1 See, as I said last time, Rod was careful to keep the animal cruelty to certain members. And as it turned out, he was right to do so.
Is it cool if I kill dogs?

Speaker 1 Just a dry run, just a hypothetical. So if like, if like I went out and I like kicked a bunch of dogs.
Would it probably eat? You know, it really depends. Are they shaped like footballs?

Speaker 1 Are you drunk? Hell yeah, let's go kick some fucking dogs.

Speaker 1 In early November, Rod's childhood friend and fellow vampire clan member Matt Goodman, known as Damien in the clan, he witnessed Rod kicking and slamming a beagle into a tree.

Speaker 1 This action greatly disturbed Matt, who was either an animal lover or had simply been frightened by Rod's violence.

Speaker 1 He honestly might have been one of those people in VTM that only feed upon the sleeping and the unaware.

Speaker 1 What does that have to do with kicking a dog? The idea that he would look down upon the gathering of manna from a living creature. Ah, I see.
But if someone's sleeping, they're still living, though.

Speaker 1 Additionally, Rod was becoming more free with his threats to kill other people, and he'd he'd been talking a lot about how he'd already killed someone in the past.

Speaker 1 So, Matt Goodman called the Crime Stoppers hotline and left a tip that Rod Farrell was probably the one who killed the dogs, and he may possibly be a murderer of humans as well.

Speaker 1 Maybe look into the guy. Hello, this is a call from Count Damien.

Speaker 1 I am calling to tell you, goose up a crime. I'm calling to tell you, the dogs are not sane.

Speaker 1 Well, Matt goodman after this he fucking bounced from rod's vampire clan and luckily for matt that meant that he missed everything that was about to happen with the murders by just a few weeks that's the key yeah he got in he was in just long enough to suck some blood maybe see some vampire titties from his fucking friends maybe and then he got out he did and there was another kid too that was hanging out with him and he got sent to a drug treatment center like three days before they went to florida best thing that ever ever happened to that fucking kid.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah. Where's his AMA?

Speaker 1 Well I saw him do an AMA by the railroad tracks in one of those documentaries.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 Now even though Matt Goodman missed being a party to the double murder down in Florida, it was quite possible that his phone call to the police was what inspired Rod to finally leave town with the rest of his vampire clan.

Speaker 1 See, Rod was starting to feel the heat surrounding the animal cruelty investigations. Because while he, of course, hadn't killed anyone yet, he had killed a lot of animals.

Speaker 1 But since Rod was, to put it simply, a bitch who couldn't handle even the slightest amount of pressure, he started thinking about leaving.

Speaker 1 Now, at the same time, down in Florida, Janine Leclerc's mother had discovered all of Janine's so-called occult witchcraft accoutrements.

Speaker 1 Oh, that poor, poor pile of stuff from fucking Spencer's getting thrown out is so sad. What happened to the fingers on these gloves?

Speaker 1 Have you been selling them for drugs? Have you been cutting the fingers off of your gloves and selling them for drugs? Are you using them as condoms? This is not going to work.

Speaker 1 There's holes in the netting. Be with a man with a bigger penis.
That's how I met your father. Who paid for all these studs on this belt?

Speaker 1 Is each one of these a man you've fallen with your penis and vagina? This wallet doesn't need a chain.

Speaker 1 Well, Janine's mother subsequently called Heather Wendorf's mother to issue a warning that Heather may have also fallen under the devil's influence.

Speaker 1 Once these two events came together, Rod told Janine and Heather over the phone to pack their bags and prepare to leave because Rod was finally coming with his Kentucky vampire clan to get them both and whisk everyone away to the vampire's paradise that is...

Speaker 1 New Orleans, Louisiana. Woo!

Speaker 1 And I bet they are gonna be the vampire community of NOLA is going to welcome them with open arms. And when they get down there and they're French chariots and they go down to the Le Ville Cole,

Speaker 1 they go down, they get darn some nice guy's first friend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. They're gonna love you down there.
They're not gonna fucking kill you one by one. Yeah, man, these taints are about to march in.

Speaker 1 Now Rod says that he did not go down to Florida with the express purpose of killing Heather's parents. But while you're there.

Speaker 1 But he did tell his Kentucky vampire clan that Heather was in trouble, and they therefore all had to get to Eustis as fast as possible to save her. Okay, awesome.
So let's all turn into bats.

Speaker 1 I'm sick.

Speaker 1 Okay, so let's all turn into wolves?

Speaker 1 I got allergies.

Speaker 1 I thought I could turn this money into a bus ticket.

Speaker 1 The most wim-bodied activity of all.

Speaker 1 Well, to give all this a sense of urgency, Rod described Heather's parents to the rest of the clan as absolute monsters, snooty rich folk on par with the greedy and selfish European aristocracy that Rod had dealt with when he, as Visago, had lived in France oh, so many centuries before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we know all the oligarchs in Eustace. Oh, very much so.

Speaker 1 And you know that in France, they actually

Speaker 1 eat cheese like it's soup.

Speaker 1 Big bowls of it.

Speaker 1 And they put the bread on little forks and the fruit on little forks. And they eat it like it's some kind of stiff soup.
Disgusting.

Speaker 1 And so, once properly motivated, Rod, Charity, Scott, and Dana, they climbed into the Vampiric chariot. Scott's used Buick Skylark.
Yes, to the skies.

Speaker 1 And the four of them began the drive towards Eustis with the express purpose of rescuing Heather on November 24th, 1996.

Speaker 1 And they were also going to pick up Janine while they were there. Yeah, absolutely.
And if we could have stopped at the racetrack, I need to get a 59-ouncer.

Speaker 1 I need to get a solid 59-ounces of Mountain Dew Code Purple inside of me immediately. It's a new diamond tap flavored.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just, that's great.

Speaker 1 The plan is that after Heather and Janine were rescued from the dire reality of upper middle class Florida lake town living, they would all go to New Orleans, where Rod said he knew a voodoo priest named Chicken Man

Speaker 1 who was all too willing to help out a young vampire clan on the run. Oh, yes, that young man, vampire, I've been waiting for.
Welcome, come on down in a minute. Yeah, it's me.
I'm Chicken Man.

Speaker 1 Nice music. We're going to get you on the frying machine.

Speaker 1 And then you, vampire number two, we're going to get you on the tenderbread and station

Speaker 1 and you here vampire number three well you're pretty enough to be at the cash register

Speaker 1 now which one y'all know is what a po-boy

Speaker 1 me I'm a po-boy no I'm talking about the sandwich

Speaker 1 now after we close I change from chicken man to dicken man

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Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babble.com forward slash left.

Speaker 1 Get up to 55% off at babble.com forward slash left. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com forward slash left.
Rules and restrictions may apply.

Speaker 1 Now on their way down to Florida, the teenage vampire survived on Little Debbie Cakes and Dr. Pepper, in addition to each other's blood.
Ah, okay, great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, the dead, Little Debbie, that's just, you know, fun.
Yeah, it's a choke up the blood. It's making the medicine go down.

Speaker 1 But no mention whatsoever was made of committing even a small act of violence, much less a double murder. As far as these kids were concerned, they were all just running away to New Orleans.

Speaker 1 Now, when Rod and his crew finally showed up in Eustis and met up with Heather and Janine, the Florida contingent of Rod's clan found that their expectations did not match up with reality.

Speaker 1 Firstly, Janine and Heather hadn't seen Rod in nearly a year, and when he last left Eustace, he still had his more, let's say, axle rose-like strawberry blonde hair.

Speaker 1 Very long, you know, a little more, a little more of a pretty boy. He's trying to take them to the Paradise City.
Yeah, of course. But when Rod returned, his hair was dyed black.

Speaker 1 His nails were painted black, and he was far more of a Marilyn Manson-type figure than what at least Janine was prepared to deal with.

Speaker 1 That's the turnoff that he was, yeah, he changed aesthetic, yes, it really was.

Speaker 1 He's like,

Speaker 1 I don't know about this, he just, he wasn't one of the beautiful people. No,

Speaker 1 no, no, no. Well, I think Janine had more of an interview with the vampire type of thing going because, from what I heard, from what they said,

Speaker 1 Rod could actually do the Brad Pitt interview with the vampire voice exceedingly well. If you hear it in the interview, he's doing it.
Yeah. He's doing the, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like, Brad Pitt is a very, it's a specific inflection. Do we start?

Speaker 1 I was born. I was, I grew up.
I was at a plantation.

Speaker 1 Wow. Kind of, you're more, if that's more Brad Pitt was a, was a legendary Broadway matron.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's been a long time since I've seen it, so I was just

Speaker 1 like, let me tell you this.

Speaker 1 Brad kids, hands. Don't forget to eat something while you're doing it.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, it must be said that this was still a year and a half before Columbine. Yes.
So goth kids were not necessarily seen as potentially deadly figures just yet.

Speaker 1 I think Rod just kind of looked like shit, and the girls didn't like it. Well, yeah, that's what I discovered.

Speaker 1 That was like the problem with being an endomorph and trying to switch over to a goth-like lifestyle lifestyle as a teenager. It doesn't fit.

Speaker 1 You have to look the part. Yeah.
Have it look good. When you're not

Speaker 1 born for the goth clothes. Well, Rod was born for the goth clothes to be.
Apparently not. But it was the hair.
He had frizzy hair and it was black and it was massive and it looked like shit.

Speaker 1 I saw it before. He didn't look any worse than fucking, technically he looked no worse than

Speaker 1 what's his name from Danzig. He looked no worse than Danzig.
You know, he fucking reeked. Oh,

Speaker 1 on his fucking beauty. You know, they didn't have a time to stop and shower.
It was kind of like that at this time period, though. Oh, they were sleeping in the car

Speaker 1 or on the side of the road. They camped.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, while Janine was finding her expectations weren't being met with Rod, Heather was discovering that Scott Anderson, aka Nosferatu, was not anywhere near the person that Rod had described when he had given Heather over to be Scott's so-called dark mate.

Speaker 1 Is that code for fat?

Speaker 1 He actually wasn't, he wasn't a fat kid. He was around my side.
He's just ugly. He was just ugly.
Oh, that's sad. Yeah.
Yeah. You don't even have an excuse to be fat.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rod had told Heather that Scott was something like a cross between an action hero and an immortal warrior.

Speaker 1 But Heather was highly disappointed to discover that Scott was just a dorky 16-year-old with frizzy black hair, thick black glasses, and absolutely zero charisma. The kid even wore a fucking cape.

Speaker 1 So you know that I'm a vampire.

Speaker 1 Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, my bride to be.

Speaker 1 It's been wonderful. The travel has been a bit hard on my stomach and on my

Speaker 1 evacuated system.

Speaker 1 As you can see, my micox and leaking. But I cannot wait till our wedding night.
Do you have some drama mean? Please, for the love of God,

Speaker 1 I'm filled with liquid shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. I can see all their reactions.
It's always just that.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Hi.

Speaker 1 So you're Scott.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Siam. So you're Scott.
That's

Speaker 1 Siam Scott.

Speaker 1 Does everyone in Kentucky look like you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Most bigger. Rod, can I talk to you over here for a second? So you told me that he was kind of like an action hero, like sort of like a Kentucky.
What's she saying?

Speaker 1 Scott, it's okay. Scott, just give me a second, okay? Just give me a second.

Speaker 1 My dark lore. No, you said that Scott was like an action hero.
Does she like me?

Speaker 1 He's changed a lot.

Speaker 1 No, he's changed a lot because... He looked different when we left town.
I got a new shirt.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I want to go now. We went to Bucky's.
It's his whole personality now.

Speaker 1 No, at this point, I think that Heather was just a little too wrapped up in the fantasy to back out. And I think she wanted to see just how far she could take this little rebellion.

Speaker 1 So when Rod told her and Janine that they had to all get on the road to Louisiana as soon as possible because the cops were after them, Heather agreed to go.

Speaker 1 But before Heather left, she decided to break some of her earthly bonds. And I think this little mini saga shows just how frivolous all of this really was before Rod Farrell took it to the next level.

Speaker 1 See, despite being Scott's dark mate, Heather actually had a boyfriend in Eustis, a regular kid named Jeremy. Can I just be your white mate?

Speaker 1 I don't care about splitting.

Speaker 1 So she called him up to tell him that she was going to leave Florida because Rod had threatened to kill her parents if she didn't. And this wasn't true either.

Speaker 1 It was just an extension of Heather's fantasy.

Speaker 1 But Jeremy was an ordinary fucking person, and he had grown quite tired of hearing Heather talk about crystals and magic and how she was actually a reincarnated demon.

Speaker 1 So you're going to move to New Orleans to be a vampire with your vampire clan?

Speaker 1 That's what you're going to do?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh no.

Speaker 1 Oh no. You better stay.
I don't know what I'll do without you.

Speaker 1 That's pretty much how it went. Do you like weekly try talking about it? It's just like, don't go.
This sounds stupid. Fine.
Who fucking go? Honestly. Who cares? Go.

Speaker 1 I won't be the one to hold you back.

Speaker 1 Go and be a bat. I don't care.
Honestly, I hope you are a vampire. Well, Well, and that really does show you how silly all of this is.
Of course.

Speaker 1 If someone is planning to kill their parents, they don't call their boyfriend to break up with them first. Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, so just remember that, you know, they are, yes, we think that 16-year-olds should probably be higher functioning than this, but they aren't in this case. So on some level, not really.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think they're acting exactly how 16-year-olds act. That's what I mean in terms of like this 16-year-old.

Speaker 1 She's acting appropriately shallow about this because she doesn't really understand that Rod is, but what the weird thing is, the more and more she says this in not jest, but like in fantasy, the more Rod's like, oh, this fantasy can't pop.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because if this, if the fantasy pops, it's all gone.
They leave. Everybody leaves me.
Now I'm just here with my hair looks like shit. Obviously, I look like shit.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not supposed to be a goth. I'm supposed to dress like John Mellencamp.

Speaker 1 You know, I know I'm stuck like this now, and I, so it has to work. You know, Jeremy was just like, oh, good.
I was just wanting to ask Francis out on a date.

Speaker 1 He was so sick of the whole vibe changing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so, after breaking up with her boyfriend, Heather wrote a short farewell to her parents and her sister, saying that even though she loved them all very much, she was leaving for good because Janine was running away and needed someone to look after her.

Speaker 1 Besides being an ally, Heather's letter does not sound in any way like the words of a girl who's planning on having her parents killed.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it reads more like the overly dramatic and ultimately unserious suicide note that Lydia writes in Betelgeuse. I am alone.

Speaker 1 I am

Speaker 1 utterly alone. Alone.

Speaker 1 Man, kids are so fucking stupid. Just kids, you know, like especially 16-year-olds.
They got no clue. Ruin everything.

Speaker 1 Hey, but you know, what would I give to feel those emotions again just hard as hell for my math teacher?

Speaker 1 Now when I get hard for a math teacher, everybody calls the police.

Speaker 1 And so, after Heather quickly packed her things and stole $50 from her dad's wallet, she slunk out of her house and joined the rest of Rod's clan in Scotts Buick,

Speaker 1 ready to begin her new life as a New Orleans vampire. But tragically, the story of the Kentucky Teenage Vampire Clan would not have been newsworthy at all if not for one small thing.

Speaker 1 In her haste to pack, Heather had left behind a trinket of some kind that was extremely important to her. So she insisted that she needed to go back and get it.

Speaker 1 But after much discussion, it was decided that Rod and Scott would go back to get it, lest Heather get caught by her parents. Do you know what the trinket was?

Speaker 1 It's never been named. Like, I saw it in one documentary, and I saw it in

Speaker 1 one of the books that we read. But they just said, like, she left something behind, like a trinket or like something.
Dude, what if it's one of those wove loves like you saw in the stream?

Speaker 1 And she's like, I ain't seen its egg.

Speaker 1 I ain't seen if it's got two or one. Oh my God, my Tamagotchi.
What if I don't feed it? I gotta go.

Speaker 1 I got to go. I'm a mother.

Speaker 1 No, going back for something was stupid for a lot of reasons. Yes.
And it was even stupider to send Rod and Scott back. Yes.

Speaker 1 But just as Rod and Scott were getting out of the car, Rod almost casually asked Heather, hey, you want me to kill your parents? She said, no,

Speaker 1 of course not. Just go get the thing and come back.
That's all I need you to do. Don't kill my parents.
I could not be more clear in saying, don't kill my parents.

Speaker 1 I want to be wearing fishnet with a hand grenade on Barber Street this time of night.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Come on, dang it.
She was right. Then Rod said, like, sounds like somebody wants me to kill their parents.
Well, if I'm reading between the lines, which I know I am.

Speaker 1 Because one thing about a dude is that he's always correct. Yeah, it's like when a chick says, like, I don't want anything for Christmas, but like, they really want something for Christmas.

Speaker 1 Oh, don't every time.

Speaker 1 I heated up. Okay, we had four pieces of pizza left in the refrigerator the other day.
We had two regular pieces, two mushroom pizza. What do I know? Natalie's favorite pizza is the mushroom pizza.

Speaker 1 She said to me, hey, I was like, I'll heat up. I'm making food.
I'll heat up the pizza for you and you can have it. She's like, don't worry about it.
I can handle it myself. And guess what I did?

Speaker 1 Insisted that I knew what she wanted. I heated up the two pieces of mushroom.
I brought it to her. See, look how great your husband is.
She's like, wrong pizza, idiot.

Speaker 1 That's the wrong fucking pizza. You're wrong again.
She'd say, idiot. Obviously, she's very nice.
She'd say, oh, idiot.

Speaker 1 But he's like, even me being nice, I was wrong. Yep.
Entirely. Dude, but she told you very clearly she didn't want the pizza.
I was trying to be fucking nice and trying to anticipate my wife's needs.

Speaker 1 But she told you what she needed. Instead, you just wasted a bunch of pizza on her.
I'm just John Stanley's trap. I can't.
Why are my boners illegal?

Speaker 1 Vampire. Wampire.
But for reasons that are still unclear, I think... That's a sad vampire, by the way.

Speaker 1 But for reasons that are still unclear, I think even to Rod himself, he had decided in that moment that he was indeed going to kill Heather's parents, whether she wanted it to happen or not.

Speaker 1 So Rod took off on foot back towards Heather's home as Scott Anderson, aka Nosferatu, followed close behind. I'll be right back by Bride.
Do not be too lonely without me.

Speaker 1 I shall return to your house, and I, as the night will do, be sure to obtain the treasure which my fair lady has left behind. Get the fuck out of the car, Scott.

Speaker 1 It's Nosferatu. Your fucking name, Scott.

Speaker 1 Nosferatu Anderson.

Speaker 1 Now, Rod and Scott arrived at Heather's home at around 9 p.m. fully intending to break in.
But when they found the garage door unlocked, they simply walked inside.

Speaker 1 So, again, gotta give this PSA, always lock your doors no matter what.

Speaker 1 Do you think the Windorfs expected a couple of teenage vampires to break into their house and kill them? No. Oh, especially not because vampires are supposed to have permission.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, so they really weren't vampires. Exactly.
Oh, they're about to break a lot of rules. Yeah, already.

Speaker 1 Now, we don't know if Rod told Scott on the way to the house that they were going to kill Heather's parents or if he waited until they arrived.

Speaker 1 But once they were inside the garage, Rod said that it was going to be Scott's job to take out the mom while Rod would take care of Heather's father. I don't really understand.

Speaker 1 I'm already betrothed to my beloved. I don't want to take out her mother.

Speaker 1 I don't understand.

Speaker 1 Nosferatu, if you want your dark mate to truly be your dark mate,

Speaker 1 I love that forever. Then you must free her from her earthly bonds and free her mother's soul from this world.
Through the legal system, through the court system,

Speaker 1 get her released.

Speaker 1 What happens if she tries to kiss me?

Speaker 1 Should I kiss her back? I think maybe I should kiss her back. Just kill her parents.

Speaker 1 Now, neither one of them brought weapons, but the average American garage is full of implements that are suitable for a brutal murder. Incredibly, though, Rod passed over a machete, an axe,

Speaker 1 and a chainsaw. Too dumb.
As he later said, those weapons would have been, quote, too messy. Oh, sure.
So Rod chose a simple crowbar as his instrument of death that night. Clean as hell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is gonna make it look like an accident.

Speaker 1 Likewise, Scott chose a similar blunt instrument, a wooden club. But I think their choice of weapons says a couple of things.

Speaker 1 First, I think it says that these kids did not not have an inborn appetite for the sort of blood and guts that they've been talking shit about for a year, because it really does take a rare type to truly revel in gore from the very beginning.

Speaker 1 Second, I think that Rod's choice of a crowbar bolsters his claim that this was absolutely a spur-of-the-moment decision, and that it had far more to do with Rod being an overly angry sociopath than with him believing he was a vampire.

Speaker 1 If this was a vampire decision, something involving roleplay, then I think it's obvious that that he would have made it a part of his lore and he would have put far more planning into the act because what else was going to make his vampire character more real than actually killing someone?

Speaker 1 My belief is that it was spur of the moment, but it was something he was waiting for some window of opportunity to do. The right moment.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 he knew.

Speaker 1 None of them, let's just say, I'm going to make a conjecture that none of them were 100%

Speaker 1 sold that New Orleans was going to work out, right? That they were going to get in that car and it seemed like a fun idea for a while.

Speaker 1 And I'm certain they're like, well, we'll see how far we get and we'll go. And like, I could see it being like a thing.

Speaker 1 And I think that Rod, even more than just like, obviously, the need to kill and the want to kill, I do believe he viewed this as a way of, this makes it permanent. Now we can't come back.

Speaker 1 Now we have to go. And they all belong to me.
She has to come with me now because I've killed her family. Yeah.
I think if there was like even one half a snafu, none of this happens. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it just kind of worked out perfectly for him to just like do it. Technically, I think the first leaving point was the first moment.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I bet you when they're all first together, he's sitting there charging himself up, maybe I'll go kill her parents now. And then they're like, all right, let's get in the car and go.

Speaker 1 And then I bet you it missed it in that moment. And we would have maybe had, if she didn't have to go back.
That's exactly what I said.

Speaker 1 She didn't, if she didn't, if she hadn't have forgotten that one little thing, they would have just driven off and it would have just been another, it wouldn't have been, it wouldn't have been newsworthy.

Speaker 1 He might have killed a drifter or something.

Speaker 1 Seriously. I don't know.
Or Rod may have killed somebody later on, like in some sort of meth-fueled argument.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 there definitely wouldn't have been this story. I think if he ever got into a real fight, he would have definitely got his ass beat.
He did. He did.
Yeah. Stephen Murphy beat the shit out of him.

Speaker 1 Remember, Bill Fucking took him up by his throat, like, bam, bam, bam, abuse fucking issue. Remember? Yeah,

Speaker 1 he got beat up every single time. But the thing is about him making it real, murdering someone, that's actually what made it real.
Yes. And that was the problem.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Now, once Rod and Scott were inside the house, Rod cut the phone cord and whispered an order to Scott to go check out the main bedroom for Heather's mother, Ruth.

Speaker 1 But in the end, cutting the phone line was entirely unnecessary. Ain't no one calling.
Yeah, they just saw that in a movie.

Speaker 1 See, even though Rod had volunteered for the seemingly harder target of Heather's father, Richard Windorf had done the stereotypical dad thing that night by falling asleep on the couch before 9 p.m.

Speaker 1 So he was out cold in the living room when Rod found him. As such, the 49-year-old Richard Windorf never stood a chance against the 16-year-old Rod.

Speaker 1 And once Scott returned from searching the bedroom, having found no one, Rod finally took someone's life after talking about it for so long.

Speaker 1 As Scott Anderson stood and watched, Rod smashed Richard's face with the crowbar more than 20 times, using enough force to send bone fragments flying into the adjoining room.

Speaker 1 By the end of it, Richard's head was, in the words of author Aphrodite Jones, hamburger meat. How's it mean to step in the middle of this murder scene and speak eventually to report Aphrodite Jones?

Speaker 1 And I want to ask you one question. Is that 90% lean?

Speaker 1 Now, some might say that it's a bit insensitive to say that this is hamburger meat on this man's face, but you know, I won't say, will ground chicken suffice.

Speaker 1 I saw a picture of Aphrodite Jones. Hot woman, really attractive.
Oh, yeah, hot, hot woman, right in the wheelhouse. Wow, right in the MILF category.

Speaker 1 If you're going to call yourself Aphrodite, you have to be attractive. No, you could be big and awful.
That's also just as, that is just as

Speaker 1 totally acceptable. It could go either way, really.

Speaker 1 I'm proud of her. Yeah.
Yeah, I am too.

Speaker 1 Aphrodite Jones.

Speaker 1 She's now filing her restraining order.

Speaker 1 Good. It shows you love me.

Speaker 1 Now, by the time Rod was done with Richard's face, it had been bashed so thoroughly that, according to the county coroner, a woman with the curious name of Dr. Laura Hare,

Speaker 1 Richard was entirely unidentifiable. Hello, my name's Dr.
Hare. I don't even know if this is a person.

Speaker 1 Is this ground chicken or 90% lean hamburger me? Let me call my friend Dr. Teeth.

Speaker 1 But once Rod was done with the face, he took the crowbar and used the sharp tip to stab it through Richard's chest.

Speaker 1 Because in the end, I suppose Rod did have quite the thirst for blood once he got a taste for it. He turned this scene into an absolute bloodbath.

Speaker 1 Scott Anderson, meanwhile, continued to stare in silent disbelief.

Speaker 1 Now, this was either a large house or Ruth Windorf had terrible hearing because she'd been in the kitchen making herself a cup of coffee this entire time.

Speaker 1 I just think it's the power of a, let's just say, a spouse to ignore what's happening in the other room. Yeah, a broken percolator, you know, a shitty microwave.
You never know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they've got like two teenage kids, like noises from the other room.

Speaker 1 You are focused on that cup of coffee, and that cup of coffee is going to solve all your problems. Better.

Speaker 1 Now, once Rod had killed Richard Windorf, though, he and Scott wandered the house looking for Ruth.

Speaker 1 After they found her standing in the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee, Ruth was highly confused at the sight of a blood-covered teenager with the crowbar, because all Ruth managed to ask was if Rod and Scott were Heather's friends.

Speaker 1 Who are you? But when Rod told her to shut up while advancing towards her, Ruth went into full survival mode. She threw the hot cup of coffee on Rod and sent him to the floor in pain.

Speaker 1 It cost me holy coffee.

Speaker 1 Is he still like playing? Is he still the thing is a vampire? No, they're not good, man. They're just not good at it.
At this point, I think they've dropped the vampire thing and they're in.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's in murder fantasy mode.

Speaker 1 And once he was on the ground, Ruth started scratching at him with her nails. Scott, meanwhile, still just stood there, saying absolutely nothing as if he'd wandered into someone else's dream.

Speaker 1 But Rod was still a fairly strong 16-year-old boy, so he managed to get up and kick Ruth Windorf in the chest.

Speaker 1 She was knocked to the ground, and once she was down, Scott rained the crowbar down into her face 16 times, beating the skull so hard that he left a three-inch-wide indentation where the brain had been cut all the way through.

Speaker 1 By the time Rod was done, he used either the tip of the crowbar or the claw to partially decapitate Heather's mother.

Speaker 1 Through it all, Scott Anderson had done absolutely nothing, and he still stood there dumbfounded as Rod stood over Ruth Windorf's body, breathing heavily.

Speaker 1 God, man, he's just like, I have made some incorrect choices.

Speaker 1 I should have picked up that Prometheus Unbound game.

Speaker 1 Now, the first thing Rod did after killing Ruth Windorf was pose a question to Scott as to what they should do with the bodies.

Speaker 1 Having no idea what he was supposed to say, Scott mumbled that maybe they could throw them in the pool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bodies go in pools. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he had no like Scott's just sort of just mumbling, I don't know,

Speaker 1 whatever you want, put him in the pool. Like, he's blank.

Speaker 1 He's a ghost at this point. Yeah.
Eventually, though, Rod and Scott decided it was better to just ransack the house for money and valuables and leave.

Speaker 1 But while Scott was searching for cash and jewelry in utter shock, Rod lit a cigarette and used the ember to burn a V for vampire in the chest of Richard Windorf's corpse. Wouldn't it be for Visago?

Speaker 1 You know what? It probably is for Visago. It's probably for Vago.
I didn't think about that.

Speaker 1 I immediately thought V for vampire, but it's probably V for Visago. He's Visago.
He's Visago. He's calling Carl.
You're right, Henry. You are fucking correct.
I know dickheads through and through.

Speaker 1 But while that's incredibly embarrassing, perhaps the dumbest part of this whole saga is that even though these two kids had spent all this time talking about being vampires, neither one of them even attempted to drink the blood of the people Rod had just killed.

Speaker 1 Just unfucking fucking believable. Didn't even mention it for later.
Yeah, nothing. Even scooping your hands.

Speaker 1 But I think this again tells you this had nothing to do with vampire role-playing and everything to do with Rod Farrell taking advantage of a moment. Also, you know, old people blood is grosser.

Speaker 1 It is grosser, yeah. It's thinner, yeah.
It's all the thinners, it's the blood thinners. Now, once Rod and Scott left the house, they lamely wrote the number 666 in dust on the garage door.

Speaker 1 That didn't fuck with Scott's allergies.

Speaker 1 Now that you say that, I guess that is why I thought I was feeling emotions. No, I am having an allergic reaction to the grush.
I'll take an extra claret and everything should be fine.

Speaker 1 You know, people say that they don't give a lot of attention to dust bite allergies, but dust bite allergies are they could be quite serious if you don't have a. Violent killer.

Speaker 1 They then stole Richards' brand new Ford Explorer and drove it to a gas station to get cleaned up because they were covered in blood.

Speaker 1 Once there, they took off their blood-covered clothes and hosed each other off at what I think is the loneliest gas station in Florida.

Speaker 1 Nothing like a couple of naked teenage vampires washing each other in the full light of the afternoon.

Speaker 1 It's 9 p.m. It's 9 p.m.

Speaker 1 It's night. It's night.
That's how annoying they are. They're covered in blood, washing themselves off in front of everyone, and no one cares to have it.
They're like, just get done already.

Speaker 1 They then doused their clothes and gas before carrying them out to the woods to burn all of the bloody evidence, save the crowbar, which was hosed off as well and taken with them.

Speaker 1 I'm so surprised they didn't light themselves on fire. I really wish they would have.

Speaker 1 Then, presumably wearing just their underwear, Rod and Scott drove Richard Windorf's Ford Explorer back to the spot where the rest of the clan was still waiting in Scott's Buick Skylark.

Speaker 1 You're new to car ownership. Have you driven in your underwear yet? Dude, yeah, I'm not new to car ownership.
I've been driving since I was 12.

Speaker 1 But I mean, you didn't have a car for a long time, but I'm saying, have you driven in a car since in new modern iteration? Currently,

Speaker 1 have you driven in your underwear since being a man? When I was a teenager, I did it. Do it now.
I did it the other day. I had to fucking move the car, right? Uh-huh.
See my underwear, man.

Speaker 1 I feel like I would have to go further than I needed to be. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 it's powerful man i bet it is drive in your underwear man just a hat all right i'll try it are you allowed to drive naked no really they get angry even though you're technically inside your own it's nothing but windows i think you can i think it's because people can see in from up top

Speaker 1 or from down below yeah Yeah, you're not supposed to drive naked. On the next door app, someone like filmed somebody jerking off in their car, but then like, and then like everyone got really mad.

Speaker 1 Like, it was the biggest like fight I've ever seen because half of the people were like, you filmed him without his permission.

Speaker 1 He's jerking off in the car.

Speaker 1 Me and my head. I'm like, I scratch my nuts all the time.
I bet it looks like I'm jerking off. Well, are you doing it and smiling while looking at your phone? Yeah.
Yeah, well. For 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 My nuts are huge. That's why the cover of the girl.
Thank you. I got a pinching roll.

Speaker 1 Now, Rod and Scott knew full well that Heather likely wouldn't enjoy what they'd just done.

Speaker 1 So they made the decision to tell Dana and Charity that Rod had committed the murders as soon as they could, but they were going to hold off on telling Heather until she was quote-unquote ready.

Speaker 1 But when Rod and Scott pulled up in Heather's dad's car wearing just their underwear, she very quickly realized that they had probably, at the very least, hurt her parents.

Speaker 1 Rod, however, refused to tell her what happened at all. He instead told her, quote, I'm your parents now.

Speaker 1 So stupid. So dumb.
So fucking I'm your parents now. Your plural parents? Yes.
Fucking idiot. I'm money.
I'm daddy. I'm also Uncle Rod.

Speaker 1 Scott's.

Speaker 1 Who am I? You're baby. You're the little baby.

Speaker 1 Uncle Vampire.

Speaker 1 Now the plan was to pick up Heather first, then head over to the home of Rod's other Florida vampire paramour, Janine Leclerc, so they could pick her up as well before going to New Orleans.

Speaker 1 But when the clan showed up at Janine's house, Janine, she wasn't packed, nor was she even mentally prepared to go anywhere. Janine was in her pajamas.
But this is real? Nah. Yes.
Literally.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, I didn't know you guys were actually gonna do this. What it seems like she was still thinking that everything was just pretend.
Yeah, because it was until like three hours ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but even though she said that she could be ready to go in 20 minutes, Rod declared that they couldn't wait because I think that Rod sussed out what Janine's real plan was when she began to stall for time.

Speaker 1 See, as soon as the vampire clan left Janine's house, Janine told her mother all about Heather's plan to run away to Louisiana with these kids from Kentucky who all believed they were vampires, which I'm sure was a shock to hear.

Speaker 1 Almost she was like, if I heard it once, I've heard it 95 times. Kids never change.
You know, I met your father, a fledgling warlock.

Speaker 1 He told me, if you look to my crystal ball, I'll show you the future. And next thing I know, he was nutting inside of me and my future was carrying you time.

Speaker 1 Yeah that story deserves no ice in this drink.

Speaker 1 But when Janine's mother drove over to the Windorf house to check on Heather after getting no answer on the phone, she was even more shocked to find that the place was already crawling with police officers because Heather's older sister had very quickly discovered the mutilated bodies of her parents.

Speaker 1 Now, as we've said, one of the reasons why we're covering this story so extensively is because of how terrible of a job the media did back then and how badly of a job documentary filmmakers are still doing with this story today.

Speaker 1 See, the errors that the media made and the falsehoods they published concerning the story, they began almost immediately following the discovery of the bodies.

Speaker 1 And each error or lie only begat more errors and lies.

Speaker 1 For example, it was reported almost immediately that Janine Leclerc had been taken in for questioning and that gunpowder residue was found on her hands.

Speaker 1 Even though Janine was the one who'd sounded the alarm, and no gun was even used in the commission of the crime. Well, she masturbates with bullets.
Yes, it's different.

Speaker 1 In use of Florida, it's a crime. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Because that's rape on a gun.

Speaker 1 Guns have rights. Guns are people.
That's right. Did this gun consent?

Speaker 1 Seems to be jammed.

Speaker 1 Get off the channel. He's got a holster.

Speaker 1 Well, before long, the local police had leaked the full story as they understood it to the press. And that's very important, as they understood it.

Speaker 1 That story was that Heather Wendorf had murdered her parents and run off with a so-called vampire coven.

Speaker 1 The press, of course, ate it up because it finally seemed to confirm the satanic panic fairy tale that they'd been trying to push for years.

Speaker 1 As a result, Oprah and Barbara Walters were calling the Leclerc family for interviews about Janine's involvement in this satanic vampire cult.

Speaker 1 And the media attention quickly caused Janine Leclerc to have a total mental breakdown that got her hospitalized for a period of time. Now, seriously, I mean, think about this for a second.

Speaker 1 Three days ago, Janine Leclerc was playing vampire with her friend Heather and some kid from Kentucky. That's Thursday.
Yeah. Monday, Oprah is calling you.
It's fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, because that bitch loves vampires.

Speaker 1 She's still obsessed with that stuff. She's got, people, you guys.
She's classy now, but she's got five little people dressed as Hitler in a fucking closet somewhere waiting to be released.

Speaker 1 They really do come for the victims whenever shit happens, man.

Speaker 1 It's insane. They really do.
I remember they're ghouls. The press are ghouls.
This happened at my house. I don't think I've ever told this story before.

Speaker 1 So the Gainesville Ripper. Yeah.
Remember him? Danny Rowling. One of the people he killed, last name, Larson, from my town.
They weren't in the phone book. We were.

Speaker 1 We woke up fucking press on my lawn. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 I woke up. It was like, I was like seven, something like that.
I don't remember the exact. How do you feel when you saw your sister get her tits cut off?

Speaker 1 Dude, like it's just all just like, tell me, so what are your tits? Did you know your sister's tits were cut off? My mother went fucking crazy on them.

Speaker 1 She was throwing shit at them. She's like, you leave that family alone.
You're all fucking, I think she called them vampire. Like, it wasn't sense, man.
It was fucking all. I was so proud of her.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I guess that was probably a formative experience for you. It really was really cool.
I thought that was like the first time, like, my mom's fucking cool.

Speaker 1 Well, let's get back to Rod and his clan immediately after they left Janine's house.

Speaker 1 Once the vampire convoy of Heather's dad's Ford Explorer and Scott Anderson's Buick Skylark got clear of Eustace, they all pulled over to the side of the road.

Speaker 1 Rod announced that they were ditching the Buick. So Dana...
So stupid, because the other one's the missing vehicle. They should have kept the vehicle.
Nobody knew.

Speaker 1 Well, they had changed the, they had switched the license plates between the Buick and the Ford Explorer. It doesn't matter.
It's the Ford Explorer. It's still the fucking car.

Speaker 1 It worked.

Speaker 1 God. It totally worked.
Everyone's moral.

Speaker 1 Are you telling me the middle of Central Florida cops, they couldn't pull this off? Yeah, I know. They got stopped like twice.

Speaker 1 And nobody said anything. But once he said, we got to switch the cars.
Dana, who had packed seven bags, was ordered to leave half of her stuff behind. Oh, no.
what am I gonna wear for Mardi Gross?

Speaker 1 Oh no, but about about bound tomes. I thought we were gonna have some bountones.
It's like spaceball city. I don't care what she says.
She doesn't look Druish.

Speaker 1 Just as Dana was choosing which outfit she couldn't live without,

Speaker 1 Heather began saying that they couldn't take the Explorer because her parents were gonna kill her if they couldn't find their new car. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, Scott and Rod had already told Charity and Dana what they'd done done at some point that night, probably while Heather was trying to convince Janine to run away with them to New Orleans.

Speaker 1 So, listen, we killed the parents just so you'll never get a car.

Speaker 1 Yes, absolutely. I would love a McFlurry.

Speaker 1 Well, Charity, she'd been struggling with keeping this information from Heather for hours.

Speaker 1 So, finally, when Heather started yammering on about all my parents are going to kill me if they don't get the car back, Charity said, you know, to put it bluntly, your parents are dead. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, dead tired? Yeah. I know my daddy works hard and my mama needs to retire.
He likes sleeping on the couch.

Speaker 1 No, dead. No, I mean, and Heather was stunned.
She told Charity, stop messing around, but Charity was like, no, seriously, Rod killed your parents.

Speaker 1 I know he lies about killing people all the time, but I think this time he really did do it. What a gossip.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Keep it to yourself, Charity. Hey there, Charity.

Speaker 1 I think the only, I was thinking about this, why they believed him. I think the only reason why they did believe him this time is because Scott was like, yeah, he killed him.

Speaker 1 Oh, I think that the name changed. Yeah.
Yeah, and Scott's probably a fucking ghost. Yo, yeah.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And so, Heather crammed herself into her dead father's Ford Explorer in a nearly catatonic state with the other four pretend vampires. Vampires.

Speaker 1 They continued on until they finally pulled off the highway and slept overnight somewhere near Tallahassee.

Speaker 1 Once rested, they woke up and visited the hallowed vampiric feeding ground that was the Tallahassee Walmart.

Speaker 1 That's where I got my DVDs at midnight, dude. Smoking bombs in my fucking car.
I don't know where I am, dude. Yeah, man.
There's a taco bell out front. Yeah, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Man, you ever fucking seen a taxi driver? No, it's 1 a.m. Time to go to Walmart Super Center and buy that DVD.
You fucker. God, I miss being young and filled with life.

Speaker 1 And there they procured vampiric sustenance in the form of Doritos

Speaker 1 and more little Debbies. Yes, I love my Debbie when she's little and filled with cream.

Speaker 1 And once the crew got to Alabama, Heather was doing quite poorly. She'd found her father's pocket knife in the car, and during a stop, she actually tried to use it to stab Scott Anderson.

Speaker 1 Not only for being involved in the murder of her parents, but also, presumably, for being such a massive disappointment. Rule for dominate!

Speaker 1 Put the knife down!

Speaker 1 Rule for dominate!

Speaker 1 Put the knife down!

Speaker 1 Well, the longer that Heather was around her so-called dark mate, the more she realized that Scott Anderson was incredibly stupid, and that he was, in the end, just some dork who was playing dress up.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly. Yes, that's what they're all supposed to be.

Speaker 1 But Heather was still somewhat in the fantasy, because after Scott wrestled the pocket knife away, Charity told Heather, you're probably just grumpy because you need to feed.

Speaker 1 So Charity cut her arm with the razor blade and held the wound to Heather, who lapped up the blood and quote, felt a bit better. Oh, these poor, poor dorks and idiots.
Well, they're just going back.

Speaker 1 They keep, you can see at this moment, they're just going back and forth between like

Speaker 1 a super stability. But then also like, okay, let's stick to the fantasy.
Because the fantasy, again, makes it feel non-real. And then we're back in the non-real.

Speaker 1 Just hoping they're going to wake up from a dream and some shit, you know, because it's all became very real very fast. Oh, we all know that.

Speaker 1 We've all had like a weird thing happen that's actually sort of like your worst nightmare and you're watching it unfold in front of you and it's completely real and you wonder if you'll wake up or not.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yep.
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Speaker 1 now as far as what the group talked about on their road trip rod took the opportunity to monologue about new orleans how the witch doctors and voodoo queens of the city would set them all up with housing where they'd interact with ghosts and werewolves who all had respect for rod and his vampiric family you remember those werewolves who we met at parker Boys?

Speaker 1 Parkway, Parkway Boys.

Speaker 1 Parkway Boys, when we got those Trupo Boys.

Speaker 1 Yama Yama. God.

Speaker 1 12 inches. Oh, full of sick.

Speaker 1 Well, from what it seems like, Rod was expanding his lore in real time. Of course.
Saying that he'd lived in New Orleans for centuries in the past.

Speaker 1 I suppose between 15th century France and Murray, Kentucky. That's in the time between.
He was in New Orleans. He just kind of added that on.
Definitely. He was there when it was the swamp.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Basically, Rod was still playing the game, and he even gave his group somewhat of a mission.

Speaker 1 He warned his clan that when they got to New Orleans, they were going to have to pass through a powerful werewolf clan's territory that encircled the territory controlled by his vampiric family in New Orleans.

Speaker 1 No one in this entire ride once yelled the word shut up. No, because now he's a murderer.
The thing is, now he's a murderer. Well, I mean, it's starting to wear off.

Speaker 1 The luster of the vampire lifestyle is starting to wear off by this point. The murder, it had been, it's too much of a shock.
Like, someone actually died.

Speaker 1 And everyone just sort of gave Rod like a, yeah, yeah, sounds great, Visago. It's not great, it's very terrifying.

Speaker 1 We're about to enter into war with the werewolves. Yeah, Rod, just tell me when we get to or Visago.
Tell me when we get to the fucking werewolves, and we'll take care of it.

Speaker 1 Before we get to New Orleans, I have to go pick up some dark chocolate. It is the werewolves' ultimate weapon.

Speaker 1 Silver, yes, that's folklore. dark chocolate that'll kill a werewolf in 12 hours

Speaker 1 no it took rod and his vampire clan four days to make it from eustis florida to louisiana nine hour drive

Speaker 1 nine hour drive dude that's crazy

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 but on november twenty eighth they finally arrived in new orleans

Speaker 1 but while one might think that the environs of america's America's greatest goth city would invigorate the group, that's actually where the veil began to slip. Ah, yes.

Speaker 1 See, as I said, the murdered sort of shocked everyone out of their fantasy. And they were all very suddenly aware that they were just a bunch of kids with nowhere to go.

Speaker 1 They were dirty, they were tired, and there wasn't an ounce of romance to anything they were doing. And not only that, New Orleans is an intimidating fucking city.

Speaker 1 I went to New Orleans for the first time as like a full-grown adult in my late 30s and I was like, this place is like, there's like I gotta, you, you feel like you're entering into another world.

Speaker 1 Like, but it feels like you gotta treat this place with respect, but it's a very intimidating place. You have to keep your head on a GD swivel in New Orleans.
And it's also, it's not a.

Speaker 1 It's not that it's dangerous. It's just in the 90s it was.
Oh, yeah, yeah. In the 90s, it was very scary.

Speaker 1 But unfortunately, it is definitely a city like most of the United States of America that takes money to do things inside of it. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 When you're a kid and you go on vacation with your friends and you got no money, nothing's sadder. Dude, me and my buddies when we walk around somewhere cool and you can't afford anything.

Speaker 1 Me and my buddies, when we were 20, we drove to Vegas and we just walked around. Yeah.
It was just like us like,

Speaker 1 you know, doing, we found airplane bottles of liquor.

Speaker 1 Strike those.

Speaker 1 Eventually, the group began talking amongst themselves when Rod wasn't around.

Speaker 1 And Charity told the rest of the crew, and I don't know if this is true or not, but at the very least tells you that the cracks are starting to form.

Speaker 1 She told the rest of the crew that Rod had pretty much kidnapped her before the trip by threatening to knock her out with a baseball bat if she didn't go with him to Florida willingly.

Speaker 1 She's like, oh, I need to start lying. I need to start getting.

Speaker 1 I'm not a part of this. Yeah, yeah.
She's starting to separate herself from the whole fucking thing in small ways.

Speaker 1 Since the $50 they'd stolen from Heather's father had long since gone to gas, Doritos, and Little Debbie's, Should have got some big Debbie's.

Speaker 1 Rod led his vampire clan in a burglary in New Orleans, which

Speaker 1 hell of a gamble.

Speaker 1 Yeah, buddy. Especially the way they did it.

Speaker 1 Well, the house appeared to be vacant, but they did find hot dogs, bread, mustard, and juice, which sustained their vampiric forms for a little while longer. They stole food from homeless people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but more importantly, and this is, man, they were very lucky that these people weren't home. Rod also found a bow and arrow and a a shotgun.

Speaker 1 People in New Orleans don't fuck around. They'll kill you old school.
They'll kill you with the trident.

Speaker 1 You'd be like, where the fuck did you get an old cannon from?

Speaker 1 My grandpa had this cannon since 1631.

Speaker 1 Well, after getting the shotgun, from that point forward, Rod would ride in the Ford Explorer with the weapon in his lap. He'd brag,

Speaker 1 if any fucking cops try to arrest me, I'm going to blast them with his fucking shotgun. Just fucking try me.
Great, Fisago.

Speaker 1 Once armed, the clan headed into New Orleans proper, where they invaded the famous St.

Speaker 1 Louis Cemetery to perform an incredibly long and incredibly goofy blood ritual to mark the beginning of their new vampiric lives in what is undoubtedly the true vampire capital of America.

Speaker 1 Legitimately, that's the closest thing that they've done to something almost vaguely cool once. You know what I mean? Like in this hole.
Just break into St. Louis Cemetery at night to do a ritual.

Speaker 1 That is the closest thing that they've done to remotely being vampire-like. It almost makes it all worth it.
Yeah. Yeah, you know, yeah.

Speaker 1 Once they arrived at St. Louis Cemetery, the clan performed the so-called ritual of walking.
I believe that's written by Phil Collins.

Speaker 1 In which Rod and Scott wandered the outer boundaries of the cemetery, then crossed through it to form the shape of a pentagram.

Speaker 1 If we were going to actually do a pentagram, I believe that I must walk at a 45-degree angle. You're walking at a belief 90-degree angle, which is not correct.

Speaker 1 I think that we need to get out of here soon. I see some people watching us from the shanties.

Speaker 1 I've only done the star. We still need the circle.

Speaker 1 Then Rod stood at the cemetery's main gate. And this is one of my favorite details of this whole story.

Speaker 1 He stood at the cemetery's main gate and flapped around his black trench coat to give himself the shape of a dark angel because Rod claimed that all of his coat flapping would beckon wandering demons.

Speaker 1 It's like when you were hanging out with those kids and they would just go stare off into the nothing to pretend like they were introspective. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, very much so. But he had to do something.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Now they had arrived in New Orleans on Thanksgiving Day.

Speaker 1 So after cutting his hand and smearing an upside-down cross on the cemetery's gate, Rod recited Thanksgiving to the ancient Mesopotamian god of the moon. Thank you for cornbread.

Speaker 1 Thank you for cranberry sauce. Thank you for giblets.
Thank you for my mama's grave.

Speaker 1 This is a Thanksgiving to Nana Suyin, which he had decided was their god of evil. Oh, sure, sure, yep.

Speaker 1 And once he set the mood, Rod led his coven in an absurdly long ritual in which they offered fresh blood to the so-called horned one and read from the entirely fictional necronomicon, which Rod had purchased from from the evil bookstore that was Walden Books.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, a bookstore chain so vile, so derogatory to the spirit of God that it had to be put in Westfields only.

Speaker 1 Yes, Walden Books. The most forbidden of places to get their necronomicon to mass-produced fake books.

Speaker 1 I remember when I first bought my first Necronomicon, I thought I was so fucking dark. Of course, and not knowing at all that it's a complete work of fiction.
I thought it was so dark.

Speaker 1 I thought my soul was damned to hell. I did love Walden Books.
I mean, it's where I first read Fangoria. It's where I found a lot.
Walden Books was my second place.

Speaker 1 When I was a kid, it was my favorite place. I love my books.
Batten Hastings. Yeah, I always go to Barnes ⁇ Noble in our town area.

Speaker 1 We used to get, you know, we'd get our frappuccinos, and then they'd yell at us to leave. It's nice.

Speaker 1 I didn't read.

Speaker 1 Now, once the news of the vampire clan murders went national, just about everybody in both Murray, Kentucky, and Eustis, Florida came forward with stories about Rod Farrell and the various members of his inner circle.

Speaker 1 We hate him! Kill him! Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 Now you'd think these stories would show investigators how goofy these kids really were, but the tales the other teenagers told only served to frighten the powers that be even more.

Speaker 1 For example, one kid in Kentucky who'd been friends with Rod said that Rod had once asked him if he had ever, quote, partaketh in the nectar, meaning had he ever drank blood.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, he must be thousands of years old. That's Shakespeare toe.

Speaker 1 Partaketh. Have you ever heard that word being used? I saw it once in a, and it was in an old English-themed pornography film.
And it said, Will you partaketh of my dog?

Speaker 1 And additionally, this kid claimed that Rod would actually transform into a vampire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But when the kid was pressed on what that transformation entailed, the friend admitted that Rod would just put on black clothes and paint his fingernails in order to transform into a one-tier.

Speaker 1 Who knew that these tools of the devil were so easily accessible by makeup stores?

Speaker 1 I cannot believe it. Call the local mall and have them close down, Claire's.
Have them close down that siltry home of the devil, the delta of Satan. Do not pierce my ears with what?

Speaker 1 It hurts. If there's a Gad Zeukes also open, have them close it down as well.
But and if there's a Zaxby's. Could you stop by and get me a bucket?

Speaker 1 Hello, thank you for I would like to take a job application at Sabaro's. There's no garlic here, right?

Speaker 1 But while Rod's friend in Kentucky was just a harmless goth trying to tell the truth, it was the ordinary fucking people in Florida, namely the other teenage girls from Heather Windorf school, who ended up being most harmful in their fake testimonies.

Speaker 1 No way. Yeah.
One young girl told investigators that the 15-year-old Heather Windorf had actually. Do you know Heather hired a hitman to kill her parents? Yeah.
That's what she told me.

Speaker 1 She told me she hired a hitman. Oh, yeah, definitely.
Kids know how to do that. Yeah.
Especially in Eustis, Florida. Very much so.
Well, I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 If there's anywhere that a 15-year-old could find and hire a hitman, it's a Florida Lake Town. It's not a hitman.
It's not a hitman. Okay.
A hitman is like John Wick.

Speaker 1 Like, this is literally some guy who'll just do it it to fuck a 15 year old girl. Yep.

Speaker 1 Another girl went into great detail about how Heather, you know, like Heather told me she's been plotting to murder her parents. Like she's been thinking about it like for a while.
Like for a while.

Speaker 1 A while. She said something like, I hate my parents and like my dad doesn't get me.
Yeah. Many times.
Yet another girl with the coincidental name of Amber Blood. Period blood.

Speaker 1 She had a massive satanic narrative all her own. She said that Heather, she said that she was going to count, like, I've known Heather for like two years.
Like, we talk on the phone all the time.

Speaker 1 And Heather said that she was going to have her parents killed, like, by this vampire, because their parents, like, loved her sister more than her.

Speaker 1 And her sister's, like, a fucking cheerleader, and she sucks. And Heather was a vampire and she didn't like it.
So she's going to have her parents killed. And the cops are like, yep, tell me more.

Speaker 1 Tell me more. Yeah, of course.
I like her sister better as well. Yeah.
They got completely wrapped up in this like teenage gossip, teenage girl gossip. These cops.

Speaker 1 The cops thought they were in the movie man yeah well did you ever see that there is a movie based on all this oh is there vampire clan i started watching it

Speaker 1 is it not great pretty bad it's on tubi i love tubi don't get me wrong i love tubi love it and but the vampire clan uh this film let's just say it really changes what they uh look like yeah oh yeah they're attractive in this they're wildly attractive you might make them ugly no they can't because they don't understand that if Vampire Clan was real, it would be done with the cast of gummo.

Speaker 1 I want to see, yeah, exactly. I was saying, I want to see the Harmony Corinne version of very much so.
You know, I don't think you know this.

Speaker 1 Eddie, there aren't any unattractive actors or actresses because if you're not attractive, then you're not talented. You cool your attention.

Speaker 1 That's unfortunate. That's why they see that's why they had to get Charlie Sther on.
That's why they had to ugly her up to play Eileen Wernos.

Speaker 1 Because there's no unattractive people that are actually talented. No, there's only one fat guy ever.
And then the penguin had to have a full fucking $15,000 body seat to bottom to look like me.

Speaker 1 Because again,

Speaker 1 unattractive people are not talented. Get it.
I'm too cheap. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, all of the evidence.

Speaker 1 Now, all of the evidence that the cops had, from the note Heather had left saying goodbye to her parents to the testimony of Janine Leclerc, all of it pointed towards Heather having nothing to do with her parents' double murder.

Speaker 1 But to these shithead investigators whose brains were poisoned by satanic panic propaganda and they'd been waiting for something to happen in their town for so long the story that made more sense to them was that heather was a member of a satanic vampire cult who'd manipulated the cult's leader into killing her parents for the devil Eustace needs a redo yeah like Eustace needs a full-on DNA change it's so crazy how people always jump to the most insane conclusion rather than just like common sense very similar to the messages inside weapons yeah yeah well I mean that really is what people want.

Speaker 1 They want to be a part of the story. They want it to be like that.
It gives them something too. Yeah.
Yeah. They get to be a part of the story.

Speaker 1 All these stories that they've seen. It's the American brain.
It's just primed to want to be a part of a narrative.

Speaker 1 So investigators listen to the testimony of these girls with all seriousness without even checking to see if any of them even knew Heather. That's really interesting.

Speaker 1 Now, are you available Friday night? Yeah. You know, I think so, Prom.
Well, I mean, you... Let me tell you, what day is it? How old are you?

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 I'm like 19.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like that. And I like that.

Speaker 1 As it turned out, none of these girls knew Heather at all, much less knew her well enough to be let in on murder plots.

Speaker 1 And so, hatred towards Heather, Windorf, and Eustace reached a fever pitch because of these statements.

Speaker 1 And media outlets actually reported that Heather had performed occult rituals to have her parents killed.

Speaker 1 That narrative persisted in the media for months, and it only began to die down when the aforementioned Amber Blood failed a lie detector test about the claim she'd made.

Speaker 1 She was forced to admit that even though she'd claimed to have been Heather's friend for two years, she had never even talked to her. No one remembers that shit, though.

Speaker 1 They just remember that Heather's a witch. Of course.

Speaker 1 Now, let's return to Rod and his clan back in New Orleans.

Speaker 1 See, Rod Farrell had talked a big game about how there were literally hundreds of vampires from his personal vampiric family who were waiting in New Orleans to welcome them.

Speaker 1 Especially vampires from Eustis.

Speaker 1 I can't wait. But in reality, Rod had never even been to New Orleans, as far as I can tell.
And he didn't know a single fucking person there.

Speaker 1 Definitely didn't know a fucking voodoo priest named Chicken Man. You could pay somebody to act like Chicken Man in New Orleans.
Didn't have any money to pay nobody in New Orleans to be Chicken Man.

Speaker 1 There's an old thing, it's called lip money, is what I used to call it.

Speaker 1 How about Rooster Boy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, presumably, after telling his clan that his vampiric family had to move because of the fucking werewolves or something, Rod directed the vampire clan to go to Baton Rouge.

Speaker 1 Lower the stites. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's the Baton Rouge group. Yeah.
But once Rod's clan arrived in Baton Rouge on November 27th, they were tired, scared, and most importantly, completely out of money.

Speaker 1 So, Charity suggested that they call her mother in Rapid City, South Dakota to wire them some money, which was an incredibly stupid move for a number of reasons. Very much so.

Speaker 1 See, even though Charity's mother didn't live in Murray, Kentucky, or Eustis, Florida, she still worked at the local county sheriff's department in Rapid City.

Speaker 1 So she was well aware that her daughter was wanted for questioning in a double murder in Florida.

Speaker 1 So when Charity called and told her mother that she and her friends were on their way to a Howard Johnson's in Baton Rouge, the mother agreed to wire money to the hojo's.

Speaker 1 But as soon as she got off the phone, Charity's mother began working with the police to get these kids caught as soon as possible. Now Rod was a fool, but he wasn't a total moron.

Speaker 1 So he was against even calling Charity's mother in the first place. I do think, though, that Rod knew at this point that the game was reaching its conclusion.

Speaker 1 So if he put up a bit of a fight about calling someone's parents, he could at the very least surrender with some dignity.

Speaker 1 But as it went, when the vampire clan pulled up to the Baton Rouge Hojo's at 9:30 p.m.

Speaker 1 on November 28th, Rod Farrell did not blast the cops with the shotgun they'd found in the abandoned house when the Ford Explorer was quickly surrounded by officers.

Speaker 1 Man Helsick's private police have found us.

Speaker 1 I didn't even know how to use it. No! Oh, no, are these

Speaker 1 cops werewolves?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, let's check. Let's check.
Third period blood on

Speaker 1 Instead, Rod put on the shotgun that he'd been holding on to for days and meekly surrendered to the police alongside the rest of his vampire clan.

Speaker 1 And later, Rod would say that he gave himself up so weakly because he realized in that moment that he didn't want, quote, the idiots who followed him. His words, not mine.
I should be available.

Speaker 1 He didn't want them to die. But really, I think Rod Farrell just didn't want to die.
And he knew that he could keep this game going if he moved to the next phase of his life, which was inmate.

Speaker 1 Yes, now he's in jail, the Zago. Now, whether it was because he wanted to be famous or because he was scared, Rod gave the cops a full confession that very night.

Speaker 1 He gave them the names of everyone involved. He described the murders in excruciating detail.

Speaker 1 And he even took them on a moment-by-moment retelling of the road trip that the Klan took after their escape. Well, it's because he was, his goal was to keep Kayfabe.

Speaker 1 His goal was to keep telling people that he was a vampire. And so

Speaker 1 he keeps it going to this day. No, he's no, he's done.
Well, the last interview I saw with him, he still talks about surrendering himself to a demon, that he was working. The story's advanced.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, but today, I mean, we'll get to how he talks about it today. But yeah, he holds on to a little bit of it.
But yeah, the K-Fabe has definitely long since gone away.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, it's because you find out really quick inside how much respect the fellow inmates had for vampires. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ron was actually surprisingly truthful when it came to the murders.

Speaker 1 He said that Scott was little more than an accessory who hadn't been able to bring himself to participate in the killings, and the other kids in the clan had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Speaker 1 He could have very well thrown everyone under the bus and taken them all with him, but no, he actually told the truth, and the evidence backs up that truth.

Speaker 1 But once Rod got the murders out of the way, he returned to role-playing and told the cops that these murders were merely a natural extension of the time that Rod had spent being molested by his grandfather during dozens of black masses.

Speaker 1 But when push came to shove, Rod claimed. Which is what his grandfather did.

Speaker 1 Rod claimed that he ultimately committed the murders because he had a death wish.

Speaker 1 And because past suicide attempts had failed, he was going to commit a crime that would get him convicted as an adult and executed by the state of Florida. Did he try to kill himself?

Speaker 1 Well, he said that he did. He said that he had a couple of suicide attempts in the past that nobody else knew about.
But the one was with Tylenol. There was literally one was with Tylenol.

Speaker 1 That's what he said. And it's like,

Speaker 1 he's forever trapped as a 15-year-old inside of himself, even as he got older in jail. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The rest of the Klan, meanwhile, seemed to not fully comprehend just how much trouble they were in, as their attitude in the police station that night was described as playful.

Speaker 1 Now, this enraged the public officials who were forced to deal with them, not just because Goth's refusing to take things seriously is fucking infuriating, but also because investigators had taken every rumor reported by the teenagers of Murray and Eustis as gospel truth.

Speaker 1 And they treated them like they were the Manson family. Yeah.

Speaker 1 For example, all the shit that Rod and Scott had talked about concerning how many people they'd killed in the past, that was taken seriously.

Speaker 1 And the cops actually believed that Rod's so-called satanic vampire cult had killed over 40 people. They want it to be real because then the easy arrest shows how powerful good is over bad.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 That's what it is. The good has triumphed over evil.
The good has triumphed over evil, and it's just that easy. And it's just because, no, it's just that they're idiots.

Speaker 1 I bet that if they didn't tell this crazy story, though, the cops would have just beat them senseless. Yeah, maybe.
Maybe. Yeah, goodness.
Or they would have been just gutter punks.

Speaker 1 Or one of them would have said something. It was some kind of Asian, and then

Speaker 1 they could have went and beat up a bunch of different races.

Speaker 1 Who knows? Well, it seemed like the only person in Eustis who had his head screwed on straight was the actual homicide detective who investigated the murders. That's the only guy.
I like this guy.

Speaker 1 I like the cut of this guy's gym. I do, too.
This is what his take on the whole situation was.

Speaker 1 And please excuse the extremely loud cicadas and the exceedingly strange bed music used in this clip from one of the documentaries. That's how you know it takes place in Florida Zim cicadas.

Speaker 7 The murder itself, I don't believe, was connected with the occult period.

Speaker 7 It's just a mean individual

Speaker 7 that had no remorse.

Speaker 7 It has nothing to do with vampires.

Speaker 7 A common sense person knows there is no such thing to start with.

Speaker 7 But

Speaker 7 just a mean, hard individual.

Speaker 1 I like the bed music. Yeah.
It feels like the end of anime.

Speaker 1 Well, it was something that they had played because that was the scene in the documentary when all the rest of the vampires finally left Eustace, or finally left Murray.

Speaker 1 And I think they were trying to do something ironic because they were doing some sort of juxtaposition between the vampires hanging out in their shack and the kid, the regular kids hanging out at the Roller Roller Rink.

Speaker 1 This documentary.

Speaker 1 Yes, this documentary has the British people in it, and British people do this great thing of going into small-town America and talking at them with their British accent and just mesmerizing people.

Speaker 1 And they just show up and they

Speaker 1 just think they're all

Speaker 1 like a British accent will crack open the consciousness of a small-town American, and they'll tell them anything. Anything.
And they're all like just so excited.

Speaker 1 They're like, are you a talking teapot?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, no one's ever asked them shit, man.
Yeah. Yeah, but when you got Louis Thoreau coming in.
And he's British? Oh, my God. Those meth heads will tell some stories.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 But while that detective, while he had the right idea, the county sheriff in Eustis had gotten fully wrapped up in the gossip of teenage girls.

Speaker 1 And he therefore saved the most harsh treatment for Heather Windorf. See, despite Rod's full and immediate confession to the whole thing, they got all of the facts immediately.

Speaker 1 The sheriff's Department and the media still treated Heather like she was the mastermind who had manipulated Rod into taking the fall for the murders. On the words of teenage girls.

Speaker 1 I just think he was sitting there. First of all, he's getting all wrapped up, and then he's just like, and would you believe Brian's dating Amber?

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Amber was just with Tyler at the farm dance last week. Well, I heard that Tyler's got some problems of his own, you know, because I I hear Tyler's got herpes.
I heard that, too.

Speaker 1 I heard you got it from doing butt stuff. Yeah, oh, yeah, I heard.

Speaker 1 And then, did you hear that Tyler and Jeannie, did you hear that they do anal and that Jenny has to wear, you know, she has to wear a button. She has to wear a butt plug.
No, it's not a diaphragm.

Speaker 1 She has to wear a butt plug all the time because

Speaker 1 it's so big. Because her bundle's so big.
Yeah. So cool.
Yeah, I just, I just told you. You can go execute someone for the state.

Speaker 1 I just told you a rumor that I heard in high school, and I changed the names. Oh, no, I remember the state of the.

Speaker 1 There was a young lady that was the daughter of one of the teachers, and that was where my diaper story came from. That's nice.

Speaker 1 Now, while Heather was polite once she was put in the box, and she tried to answer the questions posed, an investigator at one point,

Speaker 1 the questions they asked her were so fucking stupid. At one point, one of the investigators mockingly asked her during her interrogation what she liked to drink, adding, quote, Was it Coke?

Speaker 1 Was it Pepsi? Was it blood? That was a direct quote. They actually asked a teenage girl that.
People are clever.

Speaker 1 Just get the job done. Yeah.
They think it's vampires. That's over.
Clever's sailed. Well, that's the other thing, too, is that they think it's vampires.
They're in a fucking movie now.

Speaker 1 They're all in a movie. They're all in a movie.
So the quips come out, the lines come out.

Speaker 1 They're on camera. But the consistent story that all of the kids told after their arrest was that they never believed that Rod Farrell would ever actually kill a person, much less two.

Speaker 1 And they were still somewhat in disbelief that he'd actually done it after they went on the run. They still were kind of like, do you think he really did kill someone? Like, yeah, I think so.

Speaker 1 But they was, you know, he lied about it so much. Oh, yeah.
That was not a part of the deal. Now, Rod came very close to getting what he claimed he wanted from the murders.

Speaker 1 Even though Rod was just 16, the special prosecutor for the case, a guy named Brad King, sought the death penalty for Rod.

Speaker 1 That prosecutor, by the way, way, was nicknamed Darth Vader because of his harshness. And he was recently appointed a judge by Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.
Of course.

Speaker 1 So he's out there making decisions. Oh, yes, he should be.
Rod, meanwhile, was still finding ways to play the game.

Speaker 1 After his indictment, he placed a collect call to the Orlando Sentinel and told them that the murders were actually committed by his rival vampire clan in Kentucky, which was led by Rod Sire, Stephen Murphy.

Speaker 1 Also, that's a good tip for people in jail if you're lonely. Place your calls to newspapers.
They'll pick it up every time. He will always answer you.

Speaker 1 And they'll talk to you.

Speaker 1 And of course, this sounds stupid. This sounds like, oh, who would ever take this seriously? This only served to rile up the people back in Murray, Kentucky, even more.

Speaker 1 They became so paranoid over the possibility that their small Kentucky town had become an occult hotspot that the Sheriff's Department was overwhelmed with calls about vampire sightings for years after the murders.

Speaker 1 There's a lock ness in my pool.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, I better come closer.

Speaker 1 There's a damn big thing in my bedroom. Oh my god, it's the mirror.

Speaker 1 Years. I think, okay, Doc, hey, I think that there's a vampire in my house.
I think you should send out for a cop. And the cops would send people over because the cops were taking it seriously, too.

Speaker 1 Because they're stupid. Everybody's fucking stupid.

Speaker 1 The media, meanwhile, zeroed in on Vampire the Masquerade as the source for everything. They called it a satanic game that turned teenagers into murderers.
It is.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't wait to play it and hopefully it makes me kill in real life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cops therefore followed the media's lead and began confiscating Vampire the Masquerade rule books because they believed they were grim wars capable of magical mayhem.

Speaker 1 Well, they just had to buy a board. It only helped them.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, very much so.
And, I mean, mostly what VTM does is it is, it does make a magical spellbook. It makes you disappear to women.

Speaker 1 I actually feel really bad for the vampire for the VTM kids and Murray. Because they weren't, like, they were not

Speaker 1 even middle class. These were poor kids.
They just wanted to be. And these playbooks are fucking expensive.
They really are. They're so expensive.
And these cops are just stealing from them.

Speaker 1 Oh, and you know, and I actually got emails from people still in the area that talk about this. Like, the vampire goth thing is still like a thing there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And like they walk around and they're like, you know, like it's sad for us to get hassled. We're already at the lowest rung.
Give me that fucking can. You keep hitting it and it's empty.

Speaker 1 We're on the lowest societal rung. Well, I mean, I talked to a friend of mine a few days ago about this whole thing.

Speaker 1 He's around our age, and he was very much, he was at goth in 1999, you know, during Columbine.

Speaker 1 And after Columbine, the way that he put it is that if you were a goth in 1999, you either stopped wearing black altogether or you went even harder because after Columbine, like being a goth, you could actually frighten people.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, very much. It's incredible how much cops were crawling up your ass.
Yeah. If it wasn't for 9-11, they'd still be scary to this day.
Yeah, actually,

Speaker 1 they did actually get replaced. And that's why I just want to say thanks, Saudi Arabia.

Speaker 1 Why did we get called to come play your comedy festival?

Speaker 1 I don't know, Marcus. I don't know.
But I just want to say congrats to all of our friends performing at the Riyadh Comedy Club.

Speaker 1 They're all doing great. Andrews, Santino, Bobby Lee, so many of our favorite friends are there taking money from the guys who orchestrated 9-11.
Have fun, everybody. Enjoy.

Speaker 1 But when it came time to actually prosecute the murders of Ruth and Richard Windorf, justice was not equally distributed.

Speaker 1 See, Heather's lawyers took a gamble and had her voluntarily testify to a grand jury. This grand jury was reasonable, and they did not charge Heather with anything.

Speaker 1 And a second grand jury convened because Brad King tried as hard as he could to put this unfortunate teenage girl in prison.

Speaker 1 It also failed because Brad King also very much believed the gossip of teenage girls. Another goddamn life, not ruin!

Speaker 1 These goddamn destroying her life. These goddamn prisons ain't filling themselves.

Speaker 1 Well, Heather Wendorf, therefore, went free.

Speaker 1 I mean, she did, she now lives a fairly normal life from what I hear. She went through a hard time.

Speaker 1 I mean, she was released into the custody of her extraordinarily Christian grandmother, who, guess what, tried to shoot her with a gun.

Speaker 1 But it's almost more dangerous to be with her family. Far more dangerous to be with the extraordinarily Christians or the extraordinarily Christians.
Yes, yes, yes, far more dangerous. Oh, we know.

Speaker 1 But yeah, she eventually turned, she went to art school and just lives a regular life. Hopefully, she got the fuck out of Eustis.

Speaker 1 Well, she said that if she goes back to Eustis, which she has gone back a couple of times since, like, she gets recognized immediately and people look at her like she's Satan. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would take that power and use it for you. You love it.
Oh,

Speaker 1 the other members of the Vampire Clan, however, were not as lucky.

Speaker 1 Even though Dana was the only so-called vampire above the age of 18, Scott, Rod, and Charity were all charged as adults for the murder.

Speaker 1 Because under Florida law, complicity to commit murder is the same as committing murder. Florida loves putting people in prison.
God, they do. By the end of it, Scott Anderson received life in prison.

Speaker 1 Dana Cooper was sentenced to 17 years for just sitting in the car. And Charity Kesey, just 15 at the time, was sentenced to 10 years for doing the same.

Speaker 1 Today, Scott Anderson is still in prison, although an appeal got him re-sentenced to 40 years. Jesus Christ.
Meaning Christ. He's eligible for release in 2031.

Speaker 1 He's going to be 51 years old. Oh, God.
He's going to, at least he'll be around for VR.

Speaker 1 Dana was released after 13 years in prison in 2011, while Charity served eight years in prison. She's been free since 2006.
Man, you know, fuck them.

Speaker 1 It definitely breaks the vampire's heart. It's one of those things.
It's like,

Speaker 1 I hate it. Like, they don't deserve it in a weird way, but at the same time, you got to set a fucking example when it comes to this shit.
The only thing is, you can hope that maybe, maybe,

Speaker 1 even though it's bad and it wasted chunks of their life, that they learned a real, solid lesson.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know. I have more sympathy for these kids.
Yeah, I think they're all moral. I I think the guy railroaded.

Speaker 1 Like, I think, I don't think any, anyone, I don't think anyone but Rod and Scott should have done prison time. Oh, Rod and Scott.
Rod and Scott, absolutely. Scott's definitely on the hook.

Speaker 1 I feel bad for the moron girls. Yeah, because that's who I feel bad for.
They're just hanging out. They were seriously.
They were just in the car. They were just in the car.

Speaker 1 And afterwards, you know, everyone says, look, well, they should have gone to the cops. Like, would you? No, you wouldn't.

Speaker 1 They're there with the murderers. You're 15 years old.
The guy in the front seat is a shotgun. Yeah.
You just killed someone. You're probably very scared of them.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Even though he is a little dweeb. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dweebs kill all the time. Ask fucking Himmler.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You think Robert Blake.
Yeah. Adam Lanza.
Oh, yeah. They're all dweebs.
Most of them are dweebs. Only Chad murderer.

Speaker 1 You're going to meet very soon because we're going to introduce you in a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And he truly was.

Speaker 1 What a handsome, handsome man. Handsome.
Handsome man.

Speaker 1 As far as Rod Farrell's sentence went, Rod's team knew how much evidence there was against him. So in another gamble, Rod pled guilty in an attempt to avoid the death penalty.

Speaker 1 This being Florida, however, the gambit failed. Because if there's one thing that Florida loves more than taking prisoners, it's executing them.
Yeah, strike them up. Yep.

Speaker 1 Actually, it was lot them up because this time Florida was still using the electric chair. Do they still use the electric chair? I don't know.
I probably. Yeah.
Well, now I think they just use COVID.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, at the time, Rod Farrell soon became the youngest death row inmate in Florida's history.

Speaker 1 But due to a Supreme Court decision in which it was decided that maybe we shouldn't execute people who were minors when they committed their crimes, Rod's death sentence was reduced to life in prison in November of 2000.

Speaker 1 But even though all three of us are staunchly against the death penalty for a boatload of reasons,

Speaker 1 I think I can make an argument against the death penalty here using Rod Farrell as an example that might even sway those who believe that death should be punished with death.

Speaker 1 See, in the first documentary I watched about Rod Farrell, he was still on death row, and he was looking forward to the electric chair. He was still playing the game, still holding on to the fantasy.

Speaker 1 And had he been executed, he would have gone to the grave fully believing that he was some sort of a cult badass.

Speaker 1 But since Rod's death sentence was vacated 25 years ago, he's had time to reflect not only on his crimes, but on who he was when he was a teenager.

Speaker 1 By the time he gave interviews in later documentaries, all of his illusions had fallen away, and he is now forced to spend a lifetime stewing over the fact that he threw his life away on a teenage obsession with vampires.

Speaker 1 In fact, I mean, that one documentary, he starts off talking about Visago and all of this shit.

Speaker 1 By the end of it, when he's actually being real,

Speaker 1 he cries when he talks about the murders. It tortures him day and night, and he has since apologized to the surviving members of the Windor family.

Speaker 1 Additionally, as Henry mentioned earlier, Rod also has to tell his fellow inmates that he's in prison for life because he convinced himself he was a 500-year-old vampire named Visago when he was a teenager.

Speaker 1 And the other guys are like, I'm a 500-year-old vampire named Visago. It can't be me.
We need to start adding the stories of these men getting beaten in prison. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it happens a lot. Oh, yes.
It happens a lot, a lot. And Florida does have the electric chair.
Yeah. Yeah.
Very good. Very good.
I didn't know they still used it.

Speaker 1 But the point of all this is that killing Rod Farrell would have given him satisfaction because it would have allowed him to die with the fantasy intact. And this happens with a lot of these guys.

Speaker 1 Ted Bundy, when we executed him, we gave him a dramatic ending to his story. He was able to protest all the attention.
He got the protests, got the attention.

Speaker 1 He got got his interview with James Dobson, in which he was able to solidify this, you know, last this final plea, like where he could make himself basically a martyr to pornography.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was pornography and sugar. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember the Twinkie defense. Yeah.
Did Ted Bunny also use the Twinkie defense? That was a part of what he was saying.

Speaker 1 The whole like, he was, it's all what we put in our bodies. Yeah.
Ask RFK Jr. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, I should.
Yeah. Probably, yeah.

Speaker 1 But in other words, execution gives these shitheads an ending they don't deserve. And that's not even to mention how many innocent people we've executed over the years in the pursuit of vengeance.

Speaker 1 Furthermore, letting these dickheads live and actually talking to them, this gives us insight into what actually happened. It gives them time to talk about it.

Speaker 1 Because when you have Rod Farrell admitting as he did that he was just an idiot kid back in the 90s, those are his words, I was an idiot kid, it refutes all of the extraordinarily harmful bullshit about the satanic panic that people are still trying to bring back to this day.

Speaker 1 See, just like there's no such thing as vampires or fucking werewolves, there's no such thing as satanic cults in the way satanic panickers believe them to exist.

Speaker 1 Instead, time and again, it's usually just a bunch of idiots playing pretend like it was with Rod Farrell's crew.

Speaker 1 But if we're looking at who's truly dangerous here, Rod could have just as easily used Christianity as the framework to commit his evil deeds.

Speaker 1 Because in the end, there have been far more atrocities in this country justified and inspired by the Bible than what's been done in the name of Vampire the Masquerade.

Speaker 1 Corrector words could not be said. It's also true.

Speaker 1 If you want to look for a real fucking vampire, Cabal, look none other to our elected officials and the people that run gigantic secret-keeping mechanisms involving intelligence operations and stolen children.

Speaker 1 Definitely 500 years old.

Speaker 6 What are you talking about? Yeah, I just said it then.

Speaker 1 Oh, get down.

Speaker 1 It's real now. Unfortunately, Marcus, it's fucking real now.
So it's like one of those where it's like, that's fucking. But it's vampires.
But they're not vampires.

Speaker 1 It's not vampires. It's not vampires.
It's not satanic. It's not spiritual.
No, it's not. It's just money.
It's all fucking money. Yeah.
God damn it. It's all money.
It's all billionaires.

Speaker 1 That's what it is. It's not left.
It's not right. It's fucking money.
It's shitheads with a lot of money. Yes.
Because they get bored. You know what I say? Send some my way.

Speaker 1 At patreon.com.

Speaker 1 I don't think billionaires should exist. So if you're a billionaire, send us a couple million over on our Patreon.
And then go to add LP on the left for all of your social media needs.

Speaker 1 I know that you have them. I know that you need social media.
I know it's the only way you can feel happiness. So go and see us there.
Or join us on the truly most pure website, YouTube.

Speaker 1 Go to someplace underneath, LPN Romantic, LPN TV. No dogs in space in the foreign report.
Go check it out. That's right.
And don't forget, HGX2 is coming back.

Speaker 1 We're filming the fuck out of this thing. It's a lot of fun.
Got some great guest stars. These fellas are showing up at some point.

Speaker 1 You're going to fucking love it. And then come see us on the road.
September 20th, we're in St. Paul, Minnesota.
October 11th, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. October 25th, Oakland, California.

Speaker 1 November 29th, Cleveland, Ohio. December 12th and 13th, Portland, Oregon.
And stay tuned for more shows, you fuckers. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hail St.

Speaker 1 Hail Gene. You honestly give him a shot.

Speaker 1 Hail VTM. Yeah, hail VTM.

Speaker 1 LPNRPG. Yeah, coming your way very soon.
Fueled by the power of Empire the Masquerade. What? I can't wait till people see.

Speaker 1 I have an idea for what I'm going to do already that I'm pretty, pretty solid. Hell yeah.
I can't wait to be the Prince of the Night. You'll see.
Maybe you can facade go fuck yourself.

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