Side Stories: Movie Stories IV
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The funniest film of the year is finally here.
Dakota Johnson and Abri Arjona star in Splitsville, an unromantic comedy.
I don't want to get a divorce.
No one does.
She does.
Critics are praising the sexy, absurd, and hilarious take on modern marriage and relationships as an outrageous instant classic.
We need to find a way to restore the balance, and you had sex with my wife, so maybe I don't know.
Nobody.
What is wrong with you?
Splitsville, rated R, now playing in select theaters everywhere, September 5th.
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There's no place to escape to this.
This is the last podcast on the left.
Side stories?
That's when the cannibalism started.
Side stories.
Yes.
Knee deep in the passenger's seat, and he's eaten me out.
I said casual.
Casual now.
I realize, like, what is that?
That's a chapel roll.
Chapel Roma.
Now, but if you sing it in a deep man's voice,
be in the passenger's seat and eat me out.
Is it casual now?
Is it casual?
Hey there, little lady.
If you like to eat me out in the passenger seat,
I'm a 41-year-old divorced man, and I'm gonna need you to tuck into this old hole, little girl, because I'm on my way to the Pink Pony Club.
I haven't cleaned back there in a while.
I want to get in there.
Gotta start scraping.
I never thought about putting some degreaser on your tongue before you get in there.
Just cut some of the film because I've been at the Pink Pony Club for two weeks and I ain't had animate.
The special part about shitting lard is you don't have to push.
God, tell me about that.
Yeah, name Chapel Row.
Welcome to Side Stories.
It's a special summer movie edition.
Disgusting.
Hey,
I see Henry Zowski.
Get me out of here.
My name is Henry Zabrowski.
I'm sitting here with Ed Larson, and I'm sitting here with the surprisingly feminine Jackie Zabrowski.
Thank you.
Yeah, even just, it's only for today, though.
I only really bring it out.
I want to bring out that X quality about me.
Do you feel it?
I do feel it.
Do you feel it?
I'm immune.
Do you have a deeper voice than both of us?
Yeah, I think so.
Singing the passengers.
Sing and she's eating.
You wait until I am in the choir with your wife.
Are you okay?
Yeah, baby.
I'm an alto.
Yeah, I'm a little bit more.
Can you actually, before we begin, can you sing one line?
This is true.
Jackie has been semi-attending a local adult swimming.
Henry?
Yes.
Whoa.
You're in the choir.
We are going to have a performance.
Yeah, Henry.
You definitely will be coming.
You needed this added to the sketch.
Actually, Henry doesn't have to come.
We have a show that night.
Yeah, sorry.
I think that you're going to be canceling it because it's my first choir performance.
Let's show up for the second one.
Yeah, yeah.
See,
because you'll get
an exception to her.
But I would like for so, just for your knowledge, Jackie has joined an adult choir because she's broken and lost.
And yeah, yeah, yeah, yep.
Grief does weird things to people.
If you could
sing a little sample of your section, what songs are you singing right now?
Well, we haven't started our next session.
Who was the last one?
I want to dance with somebody because Julie's going to stay in the
dance a lot.
Oh, I want to do it somewhere.
No, let Jackie first do it and then add and then harmonize.
Okay.
Oh, I want to dance with somebody.
I want to feel the heat with somebody.
Yeah, I want to dance with somebody.
I'm going to Julie's a little higher.
Somebody to love me.
Well, she was, she's a different part.
She's an alto.
She's a different part.
I want to dance with somebody.
I want to feel the heat with somebody.
Okay, a little.
You got to take it up.
You got to take it up.
Somebody.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, a little.
I really don't know.
That was important.
That's not a note.
It's not a note.
Somebody.
Yeah, you're saying it differently, but it's not a different note.
It's somebody who loves me.
Oh, you're a soprano.
Yes.
Yeah, he's like a little bird.
Yep.
Tweet, tweet.
You know what, Henry?
And I am going to put you on blast here.
And I'm so glad that you've given me this platform today because yesterday, man, I was sad because maybe I'm watching Buffy and maybe something sad's going on in Buffy that might be similar to something that we have experienced in the the last few months.
And I was talking to Henry about it last night and I was sad about it.
No, but it's her mother.
She's the slayer and she has a mother and I was sad about it and Henry literally went,
it's sad because the fake people have a fake sad.
I didn't say it in that way.
I just said, no, I said, oh, you're sad about things aren't real?
I was like, it's not real.
I was like, I'm trying to connect with you.
Yeah, but I'm not.
I was trying to emotionally connect with you for a moment.
But again, pull me, Jackie.
I know.
What am I doing?
I am in hot science.
I understand emotion.
You know, see, I understand the real emotions.
You're stuck.
You're stupid emotions.
Every day I am.
Anytime I tell you a secret, it goes into this microphone.
Of course, that's different.
Your secrets are funny.
Your secrets are embarrassing and they are good against you.
The difference is that Jackie.
Jackie's trying to explain things about...
I was just like, they're TV people.
How did I get all of the emotions and you got none of them?
I got some.
You're the anger.
You're the Italian and he's the polo.
Yeah, that's what it is.
Italians are very emotional.
I suffer in silence.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, you do.
Oh, he's.
Oh, is it silence that we're getting?
That we're all receiving.
Yeah, we all know how quiet Henry is.
I suffer in silence.
You'd never know I had problems.
Never complaining, never a peep from him.
But we're not here today to discuss this.
We're here today to discuss summer movies.
Horror movies, that is.
Yeah.
And some of our favorite ones at that.
And this year, I will say, has been quite the banner year for summer horror.
It certainly has been.
This has been one of the best years, I would say, in record for.
continuous horror releases.
It is pretty crazy how good it is, like hit after hit after hit.
This is probably the best year of my life, actually, for
horror movies.
movies, not for anything else.
No, actually, my life's been great.
Okay, that's good.
Yeah, we're doing it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
My life's right on the money.
I want to go see Herbie Hancock tonight.
Like, I'm doing great.
Oh, my God.
The car?
Yes.
See, but great.
Thank you.
This is just a brief list of the movies that have come out this summer that were all
at least good.
Weapons, The Monkey, Bring Her Back, 28 Years Later, Dangerous Animals, companion.
I'm not putting
how dare you say it.
You must say it.
I have to because we work with them.
What's like that?
It's Final Destination.
They're all fun.
It is stupid.
It is utterly fine.
It was fine.
It's stupid for a reason.
Presence is very good.
Presence was awesome.
I loved Presence.
Presence is going to have of all, not maybe of all these movies.
I feel like Presence is going to be around forever.
Well, the one I actually do think it's going to haunt people more and more is the ugly
stepsister.
You know what?
It might not be your thing.
And, of course, the big tentpole movie of the entire year is series.
But these guys, like, each one of these is extremely good.
The ugly stepsister, I'll even start with, because I would not even necessarily consider the ugly stepsister a summer horror film.
Well, it's a fairy tale.
Well, it's a folk horror.
Yeah.
And it's with folk horror.
I like it in the fall.
Honestly, Henry, one of the only movies, one of the only horror movies this summer that I didn't get to see that apparently is very good is called Severed Sun.
And it's a folk horror.
But I was like, I want to wait until 31 for 31.
Yeah.
Seven of the Seven Sun.
I didn't see it because, again, same.
Yeah, I want to wait for the fall.
I never even heard of it.
It's one of the smaller ones.
It's folk.
It's folk.
Folk, folk.
Like Pete Seeger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it is about fear and paranoia spread in an isolated religious community when a mysterious beast with shimmering white eyes embarks on a bloody rampage.
This is my only thing.
The only reason why I have yet to watch it is because I have been assuming that it might be boring.
And I'm not ready for it to be boring.
It's not boring.
I don't think any of it's boring.
Boring is like where you get me.
Yeah, it's the 4.99.
I like boring.
That's why Hagazusa, bro.
So, you know, it's like, this is what I'm saying.
Well, he's never, again, we're talking about these are, I'm sorry, we're not talking about summer movies.
These are all fall films.
All right, Hagazusa is a fall movie.
It is, yeah.
Why is that?
Because you fall down.
You go, oh, God, it's so good.
Oh, no.
It takes place in a cold forest.
Yeah, you want to be cold.
You want to be eating a stew.
Now, when you say summer horror movies, are we talking about horror movies that came out this summer or are we talking about like movies that take place in the summer?
Like Lost Boys.
I actually think that this is a fun, debatable topic.
Yeah.
Because I think it is either
the
time of year that the movie takes place in.
But sometimes a summer horror movie, to me, is not necessarily a summer horror movie.
I know that's ridiculous.
Yeah.
But like midsummer to me is in the
most summer.
You'd say that.
But I find if I was to put summer, when I think of a summer horror movie,
yes, but I actually like, this is again, this is just my opinion.
Yeah.
But this concept of the, a movie you'd want to watch in the summertime.
Like a movie that, to me, it's like a tentpole sci-fi movie or a giant action movie where there's a vibe to it that's way more about the popcorn and the hanging out and being a part of a cultural moment.
Okay.
So yeah, so like, yeah, it's a superhero movie, kind of.
Kind of, but you're like, Midsummer to me was a, it's a...
folk horror.
It's an amazing folk horror.
It's really good.
It's actually kind of a by the numbers folk horror.
You know what I I liked about Midsummer so much is that it, like, it's one of the horror movies that's like mostly takes place in the daytime.
That's what I love.
I think that's why it's
better in the winter because of the such a contrast in watching Midsummer, but then it's cold outside and it's all dark, but it's so bright and it makes it so much more upsetting.
Like summer horror movie, the first one that hits me of all this whole list, besides Jaws, his date, well, that's the one.
That's the.
Jaws is, yeah, 4th of July.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But Dangerous Animals of this year was.
Yeah, man.
Dangerous Animals was fun.
I was so surprised
at how good it was.
Jai Courtney is an amazing villain.
I was terrified.
He just really was.
That's the type of villain that I'm not normally that even into.
The idea of the cocky, semi-funny villain.
Idiot.
Yes.
Like, he's like a bro.
He's a jock villain.
Yeah.
But he, he's great.
He's, I know.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
It really felt, it was like, is he the shark?
Yeah.
Jackie may have hit something because it's more about, does a man who uses sharks as a weapon, is he more dangerous than the shark themselves?
That's one of the things I really did love about the movie is that the sharks, as a shark lover, were not the bad guys.
Right?
Well, they were just
like, yeah, they were.
And then they were a sickle.
I called it.
What do you mean?
Remember in the middle of the movie?
What, she's going to eat her thumb off?
Well, it it was the idea of like
the shark.
Well, spoilers.
Yes.
I mean, of course, we're talking about movies.
Maybe like
the shark's going to feel guilty.
That's her.
Yeah.
Like, that's the whole, the whole thing of the movie hinges on the fact that the very, very end that the shark.
It's the ultimate shame.
It changes its mind.
Yes.
What if I don't eat these fruits?
And it's the best part of the movie.
Because all of a sudden, I just rolled by.
I was like, you cute.
Yeah, he just is like, you know what?
No.
I'm not even that hungry.
But it's like, it's just such a, but otherwise, the mechanism of the movie was great.
It's an entire movie that could have been called the implication.
Do you feel like from Always Sunny?
Oh, I don't know.
You know that thing with Always Sunny?
That's like the bit where it's like Dennis talks about how he's like, you always want to take women out on a boat, like on the first date.
You want to take them out on a boat because you're out in the water.
It's just like, you know, you're looking out here, you know, and it's not like you're going to do anything, but it's the implication.
Like, yeah,
you know what I mean?
That's his idea, yeah, you want to go on my boat, you know,
get off the boat.
Remember, we did that story recently about hippies getting on a boat, like this idea of uh, in David Parker Ray, that they would go and take a big old boat fun ride where they would fuck on the boat, and he'd be like, There's where bodies are right there, and I put a body right there, and they're all like, David, you funny, you funny guy, put a yacht on it, man.
I'd do anything to get on one.
I love to get a boat.
You know what they say all the time.
Don't worry, you know what they say is the two worst days, the two best days of your life.
The day you buy a boat and the day you sell a boat.
Because yep, we've heard this.
Yeah, we're from Florida, Henry.
Yeah.
Have you heard a little thing about that?
Have you heard a thing about Barbados?
Yeah, apparently.
My buddy's dad built an arena.
And so
part of the thank you for building the arena.
Dan Shark Arena?
No, no, no, no.
A marina.
Oh.
A marina.
I'm sorry.
Did I say arena?
Dan Marina.
Is Is this his sister?
Dan Marina.
So he built the marina, and then, as like a thank you, they gave him a speed boat.
And so we used to like skip school and take it out sometimes.
And like, fucking, but we were so stupid, we didn't know what we were doing.
So we put a bunch of glass in the bottom and so on top of like corona bottles.
And so they all broke in the hull, and we had to like cut up our hands, try to clean it up so his dad wouldn't find out.
Oh, God, just imagine you all of those like kind of drunk.
And again, it shows that the most dangerous animal of all is man.
Man.
So I feel like Dangerous Animals was great.
Another one in this list that immediately jumps ahead of the rest of them in terms of summer horror movie is 28 years later.
But as like a blockbuster.
Yes.
Yes.
That's like true to form.
He's coming back.
Because it's kind of chilly in the movie, right?
Yes.
But the movie, there's something about the fact that Danny Boyle has come back full power.
Yeah.
Like that movie was shot on a goddamn iPhone 16.
a bunch of iPhones really insane and also honestly I mean also with like $30,000 filters on midlines I went into it not knowing that it was opening up the world for more movies afterwards Yeah, so I I went into it thinking that it was going to be a standalone so as it got closer to the end
oh yeah, that's right because it's a trilogy because then the next one's gonna follow
somebody else and the other one's gonna follow a Ray Fien's character.
And man, I was just finding out weird shit about Ray Fiennes yesterday, which I didn't know about, but we're not gonna get into that.
No, please.
This is the time.
I was, I need to look further into it.
Okay.
But what's the problem?
It was like the
well, it is semi.
There have been kind of semi-gations in the past, even though he has said that he was the victim.
But here's the thing: everyone's like, everybody knows that somebody in Hollywood loves to get like he has to get sucked off before every single play performance he does.
But here's the thing: I believe that he is paying sex workers to do this.
So, what's the fucking problem?
If he's got to get his nut off, I mean, it's consensual.
I mean,
it's not like they're creating jobs.
I feel like, you know, yes, the Mile High Club incident, but then he blamed
the flight attendant.
Yeah, but also in the end, yeah, of course he did because she couldn't keep his hand on it.
But also, it's all the fucking defense of J.K.
Rowling fucking pulled.
Well, that's different.
It's because he's volunteering.
He's in the movie.
He's sticking out with this.
He's sticking up for his boy.
At this fucking point,
she should go in the trash.
Yeah,
yeah, honestly, as far as I'm fucking up.
I never liked any of this shit.
Yeah, I think it all could be fucking fucked up.
And the fact that they're making another one, they're making another television.
Now we're in Justin.
You're angry, little world.
People say that I'm
the angry one.
Look at how chill I am.
They say that I'm the angry one, but I've never been upset in my life.
Look at the ball.
I think Ray Fines is slowly turning into Ben Kingsley.
What?
He's turning Indian?
Probably he's not
God, thank you.
Ben Kingsley's half Indian.
Is he?
Yeah.
Oh, I thought he was all British.
I thought so.
No, well,
I think there's some overlap there.
He's unfortunately.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, Ben Kingsley, that's how we got away with playing Gandhi.
That's how we got away with it.
Oh, I thought it was just the 80s, and no one gave a shit.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's how I got away with it.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
You know what?
It's another Quincidential One Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Of all time.
It's coming back in the theater soon.
It's coming.
And I want to see it in the theater.
Because talk about it.
That was a sweaty movie.
Because you ever looked into the trivia of how they made all that?
Speaking of like.
You just slapped them a bunch till they cried.
Well, no, they had a, I mean, kind of, but they also used a bunch of
meat.
Yeah.
So it was just so there was flies everywhere.
And it was just so sweaty.
They didn't do it for artistic reasons, Jackie.
They did it because they had no money.
Yeah.
And they did it because they just had guts.
Do you remember when
we talked about, I forgot where we were, where we were talking about how when we did the murder fist, the bug wise and stuff, stuff, but when we went and bought the,
we thought that
you'd have to use real intestines to make it look realistic on camera.
And so we went and bought a bunch of pig intestines from the butcher leave-ins, like awful from the big, and then we jammed it inside my Santa suit, and then we split it open, and then we ruined the entire floor of the living room and stuff because we thought that it should look a certain way, but then the intestines look so different than what you'd think intestines look like.
Then it literally, we should have.
have just looked like slop.
But we learned nothing, Henry, because we did that the same exact thing
when we did the monkey schedule.
But that was outside those intestines.
Those were man-made.
Those were very nice intestines.
There were some other stuff because I remember about it.
I was like, I don't know.
And they were sticky for sure.
You were covered in flies.
You were in a garage suit.
They made your suit their home.
Horse flies got all inside of the suit.
Your best performance yet.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm never going to top it.
Honestly, put me in dangerous animals.
I feel like next up is a- You know, you'd too much.
Oh, yeah.
What?
I'm the monkey.
I honestly think.
Congo, too.
Yeah.
If you were in dangerous animals, you'd scare the sharks away.
Why?
Because I'm so nice.
You're too thrashy.
Oh.
And I honestly just, I just think you have a hard time.
They love that.
I think you have a hard time getting on the hook.
Try to catch me.
Try to catch her.
Come on.
I'm always catching you.
Come on, eh.
Ew.
Ew.
Ew.
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So, 28 Years Later also has one of my favorite non-twists in a movie where they do the fun thing of setting up what seems to be some big horrible confrontation and then I actually thought subverted it in a way that really made me surprised and happy.
I'm basically talking about spoiler, the Ray Fines, like the reveal of his character.
Oh, yeah.
It's like one of my favorite parts of this movie.
Because it has like a sweet message behind it.
Absolutely.
Which is like, get to know your neighbors.
And the concept of you know
well and the idea of memento mori and how this idea of which i think who knows i wonder if danny boyle even knows that he was even kind of even stringing that in i'm certain that he did like this this idea of no remember the dead like now that the dead live we forgot about what happens when the living die yeah so now this is a celebration of the still dead yeah and like he does this whole like it's a city of the dead and that's kind of there was like a he understood something It kind of like, I went to the catacombs in Paris.
Yes.
And there's like, when you go down there, the best part about it is the peace.
Whoa.
And the silence.
Wow.
It is quiet.
I bet he would have been really upset if they had showed up like when he was only like a third of the way done with his tower.
Oh, like when he was just drawing back.
When he was just drawing pictures of you.
Yeah, when he just had five skulls.
I've got like a lot of ideas.
Don't come back, please.
Don't look at my skulls.
It's just the beginning.
It's just the beginning.
Big ideas.
Just listen.
Just think about how big your head is.
Imagine how I drop at the mall.
That's like, that's the character I've created for Ray Fines.
Just imagine.
Hey, look, let me look at that head.
It's exactly how we did it.
Yeah.
My favorite part about Ray Fines in that movie is like, after, like, you know, we're, you know, we're talking about the end of the movie.
But like, when he, when he's just like looking at the kid, like, after the attack, and he's like, you should go.
Yeah.
Get out of here.
But also, I just like the fact that he wasn't a psychopath.
Yeah, I thought it was a beautiful misdirect.
Yes.
yeah so that's a very good that's a very good very good summer movie i think another candidate for probably i mean it's going to come up a lot for best summer movie of 2025 is weapons yes another fairy tale
another fairy tale oh yeah distinctly different
than a folk story yeah i do i find because in folk horror I feel that the main element is that you're away from society.
Right.
So what weapons did really well, what the monkey did really well, which I think Osgoode Perkins is doing really well across the board as well, is creating the first modern, like I'm starting, like Natalie and I were talking about this.
It's like we're finally in the zone of movies where people are no longer like treating cell phones and the internet like it's a fad.
Like, we're finally in modern times where all of the modern stuff is in the movies and that you can still figure out how to make it, not just like, why didn't you just call them on the phone?
Right.
you know and also the fact of like a witch being able to find a family to prey on like you would think that's or we asked zach kreger himself oh yeah and he would not answer because i asked one of my questions was are they actually are they actually related i was like they're not because she didn't remember she went
did you shake them did you go through the camera go damn it
yeah the kid didn't
he didn't the kid didn't seem like he knew right Like he knew her.
And also the mom had said, like,
oh, I haven't seen her since like I was a kid.
So I feel like it was something that was like magicked into her life.
And then the father said something along the lines, you haven't seen her in 15 years, which was another number that jumped out of nowhere.
And they kind of said it.
And she acted all like, because it sounds like she had occupied the body of her former aunt.
That's the reason why when she arrived, it wasn't that scary.
But then the reason why Aunt Gladys had all the makeup all over her face is that she was trying to approximate being a human, but that was, she was riding around in her aunt's body.
That's my take on the lore.
So it's just like a traveling witch soul?
Yes, it's like an entity.
It's using bodies.
Yeah, it's an entity.
But what I loved about weapons also was that
the part of the summer part of it is that Stephen King
kids are deeply vulnerable feeling.
Like the idea of like, because it takes place in a neighborhood that you, we think back on in our own childhoods about the idea of like playing out until the lights went out.
Like playing until you went, until the sun came down, like meeting all the fun kids, getting on their like semi-serious kid adventures.
Yes.
You know?
Well, that's what it is.
I think it's also expanding the world of like a child has a whole insulin world.
Kid adventure.
No, you don't.
Just locked in a basement staring into nothing.
It depends on your type of adventure.
I can literally make anything an adventure.
It is a journey for that kid, though, of like what that kid went through.
Because it is the kind of thing where, you know, so many dangerous, horrible things do happen within like suburbs.
And I think it's also playing on that when people are like, well, why didn't the kid say anything?
It's like,
he was terrified.
Or he's protesting.
Like, if I was a kid, I wouldn't have said anything.
Aside from my parents.
Yeah, like I wouldn't have done that.
And then Shridd Up Zach Kreger said that it was all, there was an allegorical thing within it about what it's like to live with alcoholism where
it makes complete sense this idea of this thing comes into your house uh dad mom used to be normal right and then all of a sudden this thing comes everybody's different i don't know how to accurately describe it to anybody because it doesn't maybe necessarily make any sense right yeah you know like i don't feel scary and different and it's like you don't know if other kids also deal with that and well you they all but then you turn out they're all secretly dealing with with it because they're all in the basement.
I have a, there's a movie trope that was in weapons.
It's been in a lot of movies.
It was in it.
It's in a lot.
It's not just horror movies.
It's a movie trope that has always bothered me.
All right.
Whenever people have to cut themselves in a movie, they always slice their entire palm of their hand.
I have joked about this.
It's like this is the most impractical place on your body.
It's going to get hurt because you've got to use your hand, especially when you're fighting to the death.
You're like just about to go.
You're gonna go on a big mission.
Don't you want full use of your palms?
Yes.
That always drives me crazy.
Yes.
Wow.
Blood brothers, like, we could just cut our arms and like lean against each other.
Yeah, dude.
It always makes me sail around.
Like, prick your finger.
Even pricking your finger.
It's still much blood.
Just like that.
Why does it have to be so much blood?
Elbow.
It's a filthy knife.
You killed someone with that that knife.
Now you're cutting your hand.
I'm with you, man.
Hell yeah, bro.
It drives me nuts every time.
That's the reason why we think, I feel like that's why they've been cutting it up, man.
Well, I mean, that's what the, I mean, the witch, she doesn't, you know, I guess nothing matters for her.
No.
Yeah, right.
Well, for her, you know, well, turns out she can go a step too far.
And it's one of my favorite endings in a movie all year.
Oh, it is.
It's genuinely funny.
I love, like, I love the darkly comedic moments of weapons.
It really just, it made a fun, fun, what a fun theater experience.
And I think that's what makes a summer horror movie
cheering.
Yeah.
All of it.
Like The Monkey.
Monkey was awesome.
The Monkey kind of blew my mind.
It might have came out in the summer.
Yes.
But The Monkey blew my mind.
The Monkey was way better than it had any right being.
Osgood Perkins is also just kind of like printing movies out.
Yeah.
He's made like three in the last year.
But I think that.
He did Long Legs and what else?
Long Legs.
There's another one coming.
Keeper.
Keeper's coming.
Keeper.
Yeah, Keeper's coming.
Keeper looks good.
But the monkey was.
I thought the monkey was.
Oh, I didn't realize he did the Black Coat's Daughter.
Black Coat's Daughter is one of the best movies of the last 20 years.
I didn't realize that was also Oz Perkins.
Yeah, that was the thing.
Black Coat's Daughter was, I think, way better than
Long Legs.
Oh, yeah.
Way better.
And so was I mean, The Monkey was just wonderful.
I've got my Long Legs on.
Yeah.
Honestly, that's that's what I did love about weapons.
I know what I love about weapons is that
me and Henry like it too much.
Obviously, I feel like there wasn't enough of the long legs in long legs, and that's what weapons gave you.
It gave me more, I wanted to see more of the creepy fucking character.
It's funny that you even say that.
I actually think long legs gave us too much long legs.
Oh, I wanted even more.
Oh, no, just squirted all over it.
My issue with long legs will be my issue with anything that involves magic magic or any that says oh
i want to just watch them cook i know the problem is is that when you just have someone just kind of like blanketly just say like hail satan and stuff like it should to me it shows that no one's done any any research any research
and i feel like and that that's like that's like that's my one of my pet peeves i understand one of my big pet peeves is misuse of pentagrams and misuse of witch paraphernalia in film and like that's why like with Zach Krager because you you think people are like gonna see that and think you're evil.
No, I know I think that it's just incorrect.
It's just not how it just doesn't it's not it's just obviously not doing the research.
It just makes me immediately not scared anymore.
I mean like oh well you have no idea what you're talking about anymore.
Where like weapons the reason why it's so successful is because the magic the magic in it is indecipherable and nobody really talks about like bring her back.
What's awesome about bring her back is what they don't explain and the fact that they only have to show you little snippets of the ritual for you to kind of understand what's happening, and you don't have to overexplain it.
Yeah, bring her back, use an actual demonic name, something that was like they went the step ahead and did the proper research.
They googled, they did all of the stuff that they should have done to film.
It doesn't take much, honestly, to figure out more than what, like, you're right.
And I completely agree with you.
Of like, at that point, it's like it's almost like if you're gonna do a movie including it, it's just lazy not to do any re if you're gonna include it satan doesn't give the powers of putting the souls of children in ventriloquist dummies that you have to leave places like that's where long legs lost me was once it got into all the the steps that he had to do that was like what that was long legs big fault when you overexplain the shit exactly give me almost nothing that's what i loved about weapons that even with the ritual they showed parts of the ritual but i like that even the parts that were shown make sense in ritualistic magic of like the inclusion of the blood, like
and the kid was able to understand it in two seconds.
Two seconds.
Exactly.
And Bring Her Back is also a great example of mystery and how much mystery brings to the table and how we just don't need every single fucking detail.
No, and my problem is that every time I think of Bring Her Back, I sing, Bring Her Back from Leigh Miz.
Don't look at me like that.
Oh, I just didn't know.
Let him live.
The ARG thing is so cool.
Oh, I know.
Yeah, bring her back and all these stuff.
They created their own fake Russian
eBay.
Black Angels.
Blackangeltapes.net.
Yeah.
Sweet.
Can you buy stuff from them?
It says that bids are paused right now due to popularity.
Yeah.
But on here, it's cool because they have the Talk to Me hand as a little backstory on here.
Yeah, and they have the tape.
They have the tape that she was watching in order
for her to
put together the ritual.
Like it's fun.
See, this is all building the lore out.
Right now, they're looking for the hand.
That has to be.
See, their hand gets wanted.
Yeah.
And there's footage of it the last time that it was seen.
That's awesome.
Oh, that's really cool.
And there was an incident.
Yeah, no,
yeah.
No, Philpo Brothers, they got that shit online.
I love it.
They know what they're doing.
They know what's going on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man.
So
this year, obviously, we're loving it.
There's some good stuff coming out soon.
Him, I feel like, looks very good.
Heem!
The football horror movie.
Oh, yeah, that does look fun.
I think that it should be interesting because there's been a couple of, I'm trying to think, well, Devil's Advocate was a lawyer-based devil horror.
Oh, yeah.
Keanu Reeves out Paget.
Wait, are they redoing it?
No.
No, no, no.
I just got you jumping from one book because of him.
And he's having a sip locking ass up because God is a satist.
Freshman year, that was my birthday party.
Yay.
Isn't that Henry screaming that?
Yeah, I wish.
We would have just kicked his little ass.
His little 13-year-old Al Vegina.
No, I love that movie.
No, I think that this should be good.
But again, will they be able to make a Faustian tale scary?
I hope they can.
I'll watch it.
I'll definitely watch them try to do it.
That's for damn sure.
I think about the horror movie has to be scary for me to like it.
See, I find that that is.
I wasn't scared of weapons.
Well, the view is, but there's a difference between the two.
I enjoyed it as like an action movie almost.
But you know what I would say?
There's a distinct difference between
scary,
dreadful,
disgusting,
disconcerting.
It depends on what the level is.
Like upsetting to
weapons straight up has one of the best jump scares in the entire year.
Which one?
When it cuts to the ceiling.
Oh,
that's old hat.
No, but dude, that's like that.
That's crazy.
That's horror shit.
Dude, that's horror movie core.
But there's a distinct difference between cheap, there is a difference between cheap jump scares and a genuine jump scare.
Oh, it's like when someone just opens a bathroom mirror or everything, right?
Where they just use sound design to make you scared.
Where in weapons, what's great about the jump scare, it shows that Zach Kreger actually knows what he's doing, is that the vibe of the movie changes in an instant after that fucking like if you notice
that jumping that jump scare is also functions of the movie.
Yeah.
So like that's what was interesting.
But that was a conjuring scare.
But again, horror movies need those things.
Like, what's a comedy movie without laughing?
Sure.
You know, like, that's how I view that, where it's like, I hate comedy where you're supposed to go,
dramedy.
Yes, I hate Phantom Thread.
I actually re-watched Phantom Thread, and I'm actually kind of more on the side of liking it.
Really?
Oh, no, it's great.
You should watch it again.
I just have heard Henry yell about Phantom Thread since he saw Phantom Thread.
I'm back.
You go in and you're like, this man is a moron.
I know he's a moron.
You're going to love the movie.
As soon as i realized oh it's supposed to be funny yeah then i relaxed okay and then i was watching him but then it's still like a
it's like if it's a comedy it's in my
lowest 50 but at least i understand that it's a comedy yeah so like i understand the performances more and what he's going for but that's my thing is that horror like
it does need to create a sense of i think if it doesn't scare you at some point, the horror movie could be considered a failure.
So, what if it just makes you upset?
I actually think that that's a great goal.
I think just making me upset is fine.
It's a horror movie.
I think it's a great goal.
Like the movie Threads, right?
Threads is a post-apocalyptic, it is a truly terrifying account of
an alternative history, but that it is so upsetting.
But it is technically just a post-apocalyptic movie, but to
that is a horror movie.
I am cool.
I want to see that.
I'm horrified by the movie.
What about the road?
Is the road a horror movie?
I guess I don't know.
I would view the road as a sci-fi apocalyptic movie.
Okay, so it's more science fiction.
So you're right.
So that's the distinction because that's sci-fi versus like threat.
But is an alternate history, is that in like inherently sci-fi?
I don't know.
I would say yes.
Okay.
What about Predator?
Is that sci-fi or is that?
Oh, my God.
Killer of Killers.
Did you guys see Predator Killer?
Predator of Killer is the best thing you have.
I'm waiting to watch both of them at once.
Oh,
man.
So good.
I say Predator, sci-fi action.
Sci-fi action.
Alien sci-fi horror.
Okay.
Also, have you been watching Alien Earth?
Is it good?
I watched the first episode.
People.
Every single time I've watched one of these horror television shows, people hate television.
You hate TV shows.
You're just bad at it.
It's just no matter what the television show is, you hate it.
There's so much good TV out there.
But I just, is it good?
Yes.
Yes.
No, Alien.
I'm asking about Alien.
No, I only watched the first episode.
I haven't seen it yet.
I've watched some.
I've watched some TV.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Yeah.
I'm going to keep watching Alien.
I watch every fucking alien.
I've watched casino more for
the same, but I'm watching Project Runway right now.
What?
I got Project Runway.
Top Chef just stopped.TV.
That's trash.
Top Chef just stopped.
I'm watching the Aaron Hernandez series again.
Yes.
I know you haven't seen Together yet, but I will throw it out there.
It is fun.
It is.
No, I can't wait.
But I'm not a huge Dave Franco fan.
This is the nice thing.
And I never, I hate, every time I say this, I end up regretting it.
Yes.
But I just don't like his face.
Bro, and here's the thing.
Watching the movie, you're not going to like it anymore.
That together, the main issue I have with the movie together is that Allison Bree is just such a better actress than Dave Franco.
That it is just like going head to head, even though I know they did it together.
I know they're in a relationship.
He's dragging him along.
She's just so good, and he's just
a child.
She's just a little bit more.
Well, it is still a great, fun movie, but she is definitely like carrying.
He does as much as he can.
You know, it is, I still really like the movie.
I'm sure he's wonderful and I'm wrong and all this stuff, but it's just every time I'm like, I don't like him, just like, like, you know, because you feel that sometimes.
And I used to hate Jack Black for no reason, you know, like, and then you're like, oh, well, oh, yeah.
Oh, that's on me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Eddie Redman.
Yeah.
But no,
he is extremely talented.
Uh-oh, he's going to go, wow.
With Eddie Redmane, I just think that, you know, obviously, I think he's a a hack.
Well, let's just move on.
Eddie Redmane's a fucking hack.
Other movies coming out this year.
I'm excited for.
Frankenstein, I think, is going to be a lot of fun.
Black Phone 2 is going to be a fucking, that looks amazing.
It looks really good.
You know what we didn't talk about, though?
And we didn't really even talk about it at the time because we couldn't was sinners.
Oh, yeah.
We've never really talked about.
how that movie.
What I actually like now, even more thinking on Sinners, I've been watching it now twice, is like, it's actually a really fun like throwback to a 90s.
Like, I saw the opening and I had the original comparison of my mine of Dust Till Dawn.
Of course, because it's very similar, but it's classy.
It's digestible.
But then I started to realize it's more,
we have Dust Till Dawn.
He's now made a 2020s Dust Till Dawn.
Yeah.
But Dust Till Dawn's almost 30 years old.
I have.
Tell me.
Tell me about it.
It was like one one of those where it's like, he made a movie that combines all of the really fun aspects of a horror action mixed with the drama.
Great soundtrack.
Talk about a spuber style.
Oh, I'm looking at the from Dust Till Dawn.
Yeah, sounds much snake, baby.
Shake them big old dirty bags, Selma.
Cover in feathers and grease.
Man, by the way,
if you have free time, following Selma Hayek on Instagram is quite a twist.
Oh, interesting.
I might have to check this out for
purposes.
I think it's okay.
I think it's allowed.
I don't know if Selma is going to be reaching out.
Well, she's married to like a billionaire Frenchman.
She might get boring.
Next up is going to be Ed Larson.
Oh, my God.
Hey, you know who followed me this morning?
Who?
Spud the Cryptid.
Oh,
is that a dog?
Yeah.
Cute.
That's cute.
Yeah, no tits on that.
No tits.
You could glue them to them.
Yep.
Let's see what happens.
I'm already, I'm fishing for it.
All right.
Predator Badlands is going to be great.
We didn't finish talking about sinners.
Oh, sure.
I'm sorry.
Sound here.
Is there anything you want to add?
I mean, I just truly love it, and it should have come out in the summer.
Yeah.
And what I do love is.
It was the beginning of what you probably call the summer season, right?
It's guaranteed of any of the movies that we've talked about today, it's the only one that's, I think, guaranteed to get a best picture nomination.
Yeah, probably.
You know, is Eddington a horror movie?
No.
No, I guess it's not.
It's just a draw.
It's a very upsetting drama.
Yeah, it's great.
Did you see it?
Yeah, I did.
Yeah.
I like Bo is Afraid a lot, I think, a lot more.
Me too.
I laugh more.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As my time has
been with it, it's my least favorite of his movies.
I understand the sentiment.
I love it.
Just because I say it's my least favorite of his movies is like me saying, oh, it's my least favorite Rolling Stones album.
I love all of them.
Yes.
You know, but it's the one I would probably watch the least.
If I had to choose a movie to watch of his i would choose that one last yeah yes but because again it's mostly the subject matter yeah oh i would probably you the order that came out is how good they are yeah well yeah hereditary is hard to put that back in the bottle now hereditary is just like a perfect film it is so good i i am now
a saw movie yes oh yeah yeah yeah very much so a summer movie i view the hereditary is probably my top five horror movies of all time yeah i would say so oh for me as well it's crawled all the way to the top Bring her backs up there for me.
It's getting there.
Bring her back to me also.
It's so good.
Talk to me.
Talk to me is an amazing again.
Well, I think I've said before, it's just the
just
a very first really good Zoomer horror movie.
You know what I mean?
Like an actual good horror movie with young people in it.
Ooh.
That's what, that's what, that's why I feel like Talk to Me is.
I guess I was thinking, honestly, because like bodies, bodies, bodies was lame.
The other, what else did I see?
It was fun.
It was fun.
It was more fun than I expected.
You know what it is?
Honestly, it's an airplane movie.
Yes.
I am over slasher parodies.
I'm just fucking over slasher parodies.
I just think we've done them to fucking.
Well, that was the thing.
So honestly, I was looking up last night other summer horror movies, and on so many lists is Final Girls.
I've never seen Final Girls.
It is a comedy.
It was on every list, and I'm not usually.
It's a meta-horror movie.
It's a commentary movie.
So it's another movie that basically, I'm not going to go and meanly say that it ripped off Cabin in the Woods, but I am going to say it's the same exact vibe as Cabin in the Woods.
Okay, okay.
It's fun.
Okay, it's fun.
It's fun.
It's a fun movie.
It's very entertaining.
How has that movie never gotten a sequel?
Cabin in the Woods doesn't need it.
No, it's too good, man.
I mean, it's just don't touch.
Yeah, please don't touch it.
Yeah, don't put that out in the woods.
But I understand you, I'm surprised they didn't try to capitalize on it.
Yeah.
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like that uncharted trail a stone's throw away.
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Pacifico, find your own way.
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Imported by Crown Imports, Chicago, Illinois.
All right, here's the other one that is a sequel that came out this year that is considered, it's labeled a horror movie.
I don't think it is.
Megan 2.0.
It's an action movie.
Yeah, I had a really good time with it.
Action comedy, for sure.
I think
I had a lot of fun it left the genre to the other genre it really did yes but it's like i i found it very entertaining but it is nowhere near what megan was but still what can what can be but i love the idea of expanding the lore yeah like i still like expanding the lore into a sequel that's really smart makes me happy like the idea of what they're saying about terrifier 4 being in his world yeah finding out the origin of Art the Clown.
I am a fucking socker for that shit.
So like, just like, again, that's my IP.
Art the Clowns, my Marvel extended universe.
I understand.
I mean, those movies are mine.
But is War of the Worlds?
War of the Worlds, I want everybody to go, well, you know what?
Definitely sci-fi.
The only reason why I made Jackie watch an hour of that.
We have to at least talk about it.
Henry forced me to watch the first hour of last night.
I want you all to watch The War of the Worlds.
I will say, I laughed.
I want you to pop it.
I laughed and I laughed.
I'm saying this out loud.
I want you to pull it on this movie.
And that's given it a lot of grace.
That 3%.
I am going to say it's been a very long time since I've seen a movie that is so bad.
I got you.
It comes all the way back around.
And then he takes.
See, I got you.
So the movie takes place on a computer screen.
It's Ice Cube.
He works for the NSA.
It's the same exact storyline as War of the Worlds, but it was shot during 2020.
And so it's all from the perspective of his desktop computer and all of these people in isolation around him.
And he can't leave the room.
So it's
glasses.
Dude, the green screen on his glasses.
It's so bad.
My favorite parts are: so he misuses his job at the NSA.
He's terrifying.
Honestly, he's that is, maybe that is a horror movie.
That's what I mean.
You're right.
Oh, my God, Henry.
You're so right.
He is a horror movie.
He's terrifying.
so ice cube plays he does a good job so no no no no ice cube basically does like his essentially he's playing the same like uh character as uh from are we there yet okay but he works for the nsa yes so he's hard to believe that yes
so he's just going like it's like what's my damn daughter doing out with some boy right and he's watching it as an NSA employer from like body cams and from security cams and from her own computer and hacking into her phone and doing all this stuff.
Constant surveillance of his daughter, who's in her probably 30s, who's pregnant, like and also reading her text messages.
Yeah, like being able to follow her wherever because he could just hack into any drone or like see camera.
But the movie is trying to say he's a hero.
Isn't he a funny dad?
And you're like, no, he works for the goddamn NSA.
He's abusing his power.
And he also, if he wasn't abusing his power, maybe he would have been able to stop the alien invasion.
Exactly, Eddie.
Why did he leave?
That's what I kept saying.
Why did he leave?
He's on the desktop.
I don't know.
And then, remember the whole smash cut montage of him putting numbers into a spreadsheet?
Into a literal Excel sheet?
And it's like,
and then like, he's so disconnected from the action that he's watching his son get attacked by aliens from a drone and he's going, get away from him.
Rod, you gotta run.
They're behind you.
Get out of there.
Rod!
Gay, quit messing with that stuff.
Ron!
And then when he goes to run and get his kids and he gets to the door of his office and he goes,
I'm locked in.
I'm locked in.
It's so bad.
So bad.
But I will say, I was watching it alone and stoned.
I watch it with friends.
It is so bad.
I'm not going to watch it.
I am not.
I already told Rob, I was like, Rob, I need to come over.
I was like, we're going to have a boys' night.
We're going to watch this movie.
If we all sat and smoked blunts.
Yes.
And watch his outside.
I just don't want to.
It's just
choosing to watch a really bad movie on Amazon is like two things I hate.
So you don't like.
You're not a big, like, ironic movie watcher.
I hate the room.
I think the room shouldn't exist.
I hate that people enjoy going to see the room.
Is it just because they just don't like it?
This is trash.
Well, because it's fucking.
Also, they gave it millions of dollars.
We could have done anything with that fucking money.
hey,
like, you said that.
Watch a little Ice Cube.
Watch a little Ice Cube.
You know what?
I want to see.
Ice Cube's on tour.
I want to see Ice Cube.
I want to see it live.
Only if he's doing snippets of War of the Worlds.
Oh, get away from that song.
Get out of there.
Oh, my God.
And the monsters were so.
Just because you made a movie during COVID doesn't mean you have to release it.
They're like, take the fucking loss.
Well,
so much time has now passed that it has definitely went to another distributor.
And so much time has passed that already the movie that was made, the movie that was spent to make the movie has already been.
It's like fucking in Christmas of time memorial.
Now they can get it all.
Now this is how they make their money.
You know, Ice Cube is like, oh, man, I really dodged a bullet.
So happy that movie didn't come out.
Thanks for the note, y'all.
And then all of a sudden.
Oh, shit.
Oh, man.
Get away from that stuff.
That's what I would say to Ice Cube.
Next time you see that script.
Oh, man, get away from that.
He just shot it at his own house.
He's just like, he looks like he just got in a fight with his wife.
Every single person in this movie is shooting it from their home.
Like, the only people
because you notice the only people who had to leave anywhere were the two kids.
Evil Longoria is just like...
On her iPhone, just
shooting on her Airbus.
And that was the other thing, too.
This is a lady who works for NASA.
IceCube works for NSA.
They both have Airbuds in.
They're both like in these high-intensity situations, wearing airbuds.
Cloudy, I don't think
I don't think it works like that.
Oh, man, I am glad you made me watch it.
Uh, Henry, thank you.
Oh, no, I'm locked in here.
Oh, no, I do love your anger, Eddie, towards watching.
It's like the same reason why I hate Skinnamerink.
I just can't see anything that's awesome.
She's just trying to get Skinnamerinked as well, but Skinnamerinked, I felt like everybody was fooled.
The room, at least.
The problem with the room in the end is Tommy Wissot did not learn.
Like, we all were kind of hoping that.
He has only been rewarded.
Yes.
And he did not learn what, because he was incapable of understanding what he did wrong with the room.
Eventually, what happened is that we all
made the room thinking it was the most important movie of all time.
We showed up as an audience and told him this movie is hilarious.
Instead of him saying, oh my God, I don't know how to make movies.
he's like i'm hilarious perfect and then he started making comedies and then he made an office comedy that is if you want to see something that's worse
and because the room is not trying to be funny yeah you should see his office sit when he tells jokes when he does his own style of david brent Okay, like office management comedy.
You should lose some brain cells watching that.
I don't know.
You should allow your
blood pressure to sort of spike.
I don't know.
His blood pressure is so low.
Oh, so we got to bump it up.
I feel like you get set more.
It's like the one thing I got good.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, dude.
No, dude, let's fucking ruin that.
You got to watch it.
It's called the name.
And you say low, but it's normal.
Oh, we just,
yeah, ours is just through the roof.
So I was like, actually, I had a coup.
My blood pressure was the highest level of normal it could be, though, the last time, though, but I was normal.
Did you have a
now i throw it out there i feel like i'm usually not a nay bay over here usually i like things that other people like oh yeah you're very puzzled but honestly heretic was one of those movies that everyone was like it's so good it's so good and then i watched it and i was just like i the first i don't want to see the first 40 minutes were great i thought i really
i thought it ended badly but i like uh hugh jackman and not hug jackman um fucking hugh grant who is this the toe sucker
Toe sucker.
Hugh Grant.
Toe sucker.
He is
fun in it, and I like seeing him in a different fun way.
He's a Mormon, right?
He's not a Mormon.
There are two Mormons that he's doing sort of.
The Mormons are the heroes?
Yeah, sort of.
Yeah.
They're like, they do a good job.
They don't lean on the Mormon stuff too much.
It's just like more showing this guy is like a very
obviously pretentious sociopathic, psychopathic atheist.
And so he wants them to explain God and stuff.
So it's like the beginning of it's really fun, but then it kind of just doesn't, it kind of fizzles out a little bit for me.
I was more surprised at every because like it has 91% on rotten tomatoes.
So it is one of those that I was like, I'm not coming in trying to be a hater, but I thought the end really shit the bed for me personally.
I understand why some people are like, he's just like, you know what?
I believe.
Yep.
And no, it got like, I can't.
Was that really the end of the day?
No,
it got supernatural.
It got
a whole thing where instead of you you went down there and there was like, yeah, it just got all supernatural.
You got a ghost.
It just like turned supernatural at the very end.
Like House of a Thousand Corpses, like really, that bothered me.
I liked, I love the movie.
Don't get me wrong.
I love House of a Thousand Corpses, but I feel like the movie would have been way more terrifying if it never went supernatural.
You know what?
The thing is, is that I will prefer it, though, to go crazy than the nothing happened.
Right, like society, like the movie society, that to me is like perfect.
Like something, if you're going to go off the rails, go fucking out the rails.
There's nothing I hate even more than when a bunch of stuff has happened in a movie.
Oh, and then they just wake up and the house is fine.
That's the kind of shit that makes.
That it's like, why have I wasted my life watching somebody dream?
It's like the gate does that.
Yes.
I love the gate.
Yeah, but it's stupid.
It's so.
The Johnny Depp.
Is that Johnny Depp?
No, no.
It's just some kids and little monsters.
The only thing about the gate that makes me
favorite.
Oh, Steven Dorf.
I'm Steven Dorf.
The problem with the gate is that it's PG-13.
Is that it's PG in the house?
That's the sick 80s horror schlock.
It's so fun.
I like the gate.
I'm not a gate hater.
You know what I like?
I'd
rather watch than the gate.
Stay tuned.
Oh,
anytime.
And I know that it has a yucko in it, but I will say that.
Lots of movies got yuckos.
Do you have any yuckos?
You gotta fucking do it to make a game.
He plays the devil.
I know, and stay tuned scared the shit out of me when I was little.
Like, this movie, and we were watching, like, it and stuff, and this scared me the most.
This movie legitimately has some, like, deeply unsettling things.
Outside of the, you know,
I mean, yeah, but he was also before.
He was great.
He was a great pervert, man.
Really good at it.
Jeffrey Jones is an excellent pedophile.
There is no, I feel like that's fine.
It's like saying Bill Cosby is the funniest rapist of all time.
And you're that's allowed.
That That is a statement that is said.
Now,
who's funnier?
Name one funnier.
Who's racking my brain?
Name one funnier.
I don't think I can name one funnier.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Can't.
All right, so, but while we're on this horrible subject, you know what is considered a summertime horror movie?
What?
Oh,
make a molest.
Yeah, that's one we can't really forgive.
I was going to make everybody do this for this movie episode.
There was a part of me that wanted us each to choose three films from a canceled director to put forward as she'd be back into the lexicon, but legitimately, all three of mine are Roman Polanski's, so I don't really understand.
It doesn't count.
He's never left.
He's the only one that truly is, unfortunately, almost kind of indispensable in terms of being a sex criminal and an artist.
You know what I mean?
But it's hard to because, like, you know, I don't, I'm not going to let him touch my car me.
No.
Yeah,
he's taking dogs away from him.
Oh, yeah.
You know, he's Polish.
He probably thought they were adults.
Come on.
Hey, come on.
Let's forgive him.
How about
Oh, baby.
I love Sleepaway Camp.
I like two the most.
Yes, I agree.
Really?
Yes, absolutely.
Super camp.
All right, I'll go back and watch it again.
It's really, really good.
Also, you know what's my favorite July 4th horror movie of all time?
What?
It has nothing to do with the holiday at all.
But it's my favorite.
Still, Tales from the Hood.
Oh, Tales from the Hood.
I was thinking about that movie.
That's a really good movie.
Tales from the Hood is my favorite.
I would put that.
Great soundtrack.
Yes.
And I also really appreciate having a full-on, like, if we're throwing all these movies in on July 4th, like having that movie, which is probably the center of the voice of African-American voices in horror at the time.
Like, all of those voices in that one movie is like, it's powerful, man.
That fucking movie's good as fuck.
And guess what, though?
Guess what?
It's not a party movie cuz I have tossed it on a couple times at a party
and it's never a party movie
makes people really
Yeah, it's awesome just the just the little doll part you could do it's my favorite because like think of it as like shorts, you know
just show like that part I feel like you could do that.
It's very good and it's genuinely scary and it's uh and it's upsetting and it's got a lot of fucking shit in it.
Tell it very thick.
Yeah.
Man, can I also just throw it out there hot take?
Can we stop making conjuring movies?
I feel like our people are going to be able to get away from
his career.
I know we're all worried about it, but are like...
The last one was unforgivable.
I guess people are still going.
Remember, Henry?
I think we saw, what was that, the second or the third?
I got you, baby.
I got you, baby.
I got you, baby.
I got you.
That was insidious, too.
Oh, that was insidious.
So I mean, honestly,
stop making those as well.
I feel like it is that world of like, like, if conjuring, again, if you're going to go full circle and go, like, bat shit, all right, I guess keep going.
If you're going to final destination, me, keep fucking going.
I think it's just because they're all locked in.
I think that Patrick Wilson has information on somebody.
How many are they mixed?
I think this is it.
I think this is it.
This is it.
It's last
Jesus Christ.
There's been so many last ones, but this should be fine.
You know what's fucked up, though, is that I give it my money every time.
I do end up with my money.
I give it my money every time.
I always go.
You can skip this one.
I'm close.
Only because the last one was so bad.
It was so bad.
And the idea of that.
The last one was really, really bad.
But I did learn.
The second one was kind of fun, at least.
But I learned all
the differences between a nighttime Satanist and a daytime Satanist.
What?
I don't remember.
But I remember, remember you saying that?
That there was nighttime Satanists and there was daytime Satanists.
Yeah, sure.
People with jobs.
Sure, sure, sure.
Yeah, honestly, though, this is what a good episode, guys.
I want to give a shout out to Piranha 3D.
Piranha 3D was really fun.
Oh, hell yeah.
Also, the Hills Have Eyes.
That's also another
summer, sweaty horror movie.
Also, I believe the Friday the 13th series is the summer
horror icon.
But four and seven are the ones to watch.
Yes.
I would say that Friday the 13th, and this is probably where I'll get in the hot water, is the least
best of the icon.
Like, of course it is.
They know it is.
Yeah.
They call it a ripoff.
And I love Freddy Krueger.
Do not get me wrong.
No, that's Jason.
I know.
I'm talking about, I'm talking about separate.
I'm like, I love Nightmare on Um Street.
Oh, yeah, my Freddy Freddy's Nightmare.
Friday, Freddy's the best.
Freddy's been my favorite horror character of all time.
Really?
Over Art the Clown?
Yes.
Wow.
I love Freddy.
I'm Michael Myers.
Freddy's the OJ, dude.
Michael Myers is my favorite.
Yeah, I do love Michael Myers.
He's the best.
He's evil in car.
But Freddy's, that's the top of the fucking bad.
It's Freddy and Pinhead.
Getting got in your sleep still, I mean, still creeps me the fuck.
I mean, just thinking about the man with the hat.
Number three.
Number three?
What?
Leprechaun.
Yeah.
He's your number three
because of Warwick Davis.
Wow.
Warwick Davis.
Dr.
Givelet.
Warwick Davis.
And 150%.
You are correct.
Every minute he's on screen.
Have you watched that movie so watch?
Have you watched every single one of the Leprechauns?
Yes.
They really.
Warwick does show up, but not a lot of other people do.
But when the other movie is.
Warwick is on fucking screen.
You're right.
He is
legitimately the GOAT.
He's a scene stealer.
He is.
You're damn right.
You cannot come for him.
You are correct.
I will kill for him.
Did you guys see the new willow?
I did.
I liked it.
And they canceled it.
They deleted it.
I know.
Really?
They deleted it.
It was like a wonderful, queer willow that was just really sweet.
And I was upset that they canceled it.
I'm planning on watching it.
I didn't know they got rid of it.
It's great.
I got rid of it.
I've liked it.
And I'm not saying I'm sure I'll get a lot of shit for people that like love, love Willow.
I'm not saying I would never say it's better than original Willow.
I just had fun with it.
It was just like a nice, cute shit.
Sounds like you're saying it's better than the original Willow.
And I hope that the lesbians will kill Jackie.
Please don't.
Lesbians, you know I love you.
Attack.
No.
Lesbians attack.
Lesbians Unite.
I'm on your side.
Oh, and I know what you did last summer.
It's not worth watching.
Man, re-watching the original one.
So I wanted to say that.
This original one is success.
It's funny.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'm not talking about the new It's a really bad movie.
And now this all makes sense, Ed.
I didn't realize it was a movie.
He doesn't purposely.
It's stupid.
And it's one of those horror movies that, like, but it didn't know it was stupid.
It thought it was good.
I know, because it's a bad thing.
That's much of what I don't like.
Yeah, but I like those bunch of sexy, hot people, and they're being so, like, it's so bad.
But you got to, to me,
the movie only works if they don't think it's stupid.
They have to think that it's serious in order to sell it.
There's a certain amount of schlock allowance that you have to kind of, I think, if you're helping.
You usher in the worst period of horror, in my opinion.
What's funny, though, is that a lot of those movies now are some of my favorite to re-watch.
Just scream.
Everything else is shit.
But, dude, they're really fun to rewatch.
Oh, but your faculty screen.
I tell you, those bungles.
Why do you wait for it?
Why are you waiting for?
You know what it is, is that these are the movies now that Natalie and I watch almost for comfort.
Like, these are my comfort movies now.
Mimic,
a couple other, like, like 90 horror movies.
It's going to be Ghost Boat.
We're only just talking about Ghost Boat.
Yeah, Ghost Boat is honestly not that bad.
Bone Collector, the one with Death.
I think it's Ghost Ship.
Sorry.
I think Ghost Boat is a sequel.
There's another.
He's so mad.
Oh, my God.
I want to rewatch Fallen, bro.
That movie holds up.
I also love, unironically, all of the Stephen King TV movies that, except for the Shining Stephen King, Stephen Weber movie
needs to be deleted from the entire mastery.
I thought it was deleted.
You got to feel like you just brought it back into the zeitgeist.
I had to buy it on DVD.
Really?
And then you sent it back.
You're like, I'm going to watch it.
I'm going to send it right back.
Can you make this into a CD, please?
Can you make this into a sandwich, please?
So, if there are any final thoughts before we begin, what do you wish to see in the coming years?
Well, I do want to let everyone know that Jaws is coming back to the IMAX theater on August 29th for one week.
Get your tickets.
I'm going September 2nd.
So make sure if you do want to see it.
I've seen it in the theater multiple times.
I've never seen it in the IMAX.
So if you want to check it out, now's the fucking time.
Is it the same print or is it like they refurbished it?
I don't know.
I bet it's going to be beautiful because it didn't come out on July 4th and it's coming out on Labor Day.
So I imagine they took some extra time with it to make it pretty.
Yeah, they put extra colors in it.
Hell yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We put three extra sharks in it.
I would love that.
Bump it up.
We say extra sharks.
I'm always down for more vampires.
I am such a sucker for vampires.
Watching Lost Boys last night.
Yeah,
I suck and I fuck and I suck and I fuck.
Yeah.
Lost Boys is incredible.
He's just such a good because I'm a sucker.
I used to hang out with James.
He's a writer.
Really?
Yeah, he used to live down the street from me.
Hell yeah.
He owned the only house on Houston.
Every other place was a
house.
Oh, where the dogs love to shit and piss.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was his house.
Yeah, he was very cool.
Yeah, he worked as a grip on Blade Runner, pulled Lost Boys out of his ass, and then bought a house off it and lived off it his whole life.
It's amazing.
Lost Boys holds up.
Well, have you seen Near Dark?
Near Dark.
Yes, I love Near Dark.
I think Near Dark is probably...
Besides...
Near Dark's a little better.
Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, it's like one of my favorite vampire movies.
Also, not a summer one, but I saw last year for the first time Fright Night.
I had never seen Fright Night.
Yeah, it's great.
i've never seen it since i was a child not good remake not good no the remake's not good but watch the original again it really is it's it's a great movie you know what also is great for the summertime i think anthologies are great for the summertime is uh uh
oh my god
my fucking favorite movie the stephen king creep Show the creep show movies.
Oh all of the creep show movies are fucking amazing.
You like the ones that are shorts.
I love anthologies.
Body hologies.
I love body bags.
Body bags is great.
I love body bags.
I'm a sucker for anthologies.
Oh, my God.
All the VHSs.
I've watched all the fucking whole authors.
Right, it is creep show with the Leslie Nielsen with Ted Danson, right?
Oh,
it's so good.
Again, and then with The Naked Gun, the new movie is actually really good.
Liam Neeson shows off his chops in that movie, but no one will replace Liam Neeson.
Leslie Nielsen.
Leslie Nielsen.
No one will replace Leslie Nielsen because he's just got that
gravitas.
But the new Naked Gun was a lot.
phenomenal.
The person wait to see it again.
I wait to see it again that blew my mind was Pamela Anderson.
Yeah, she was great.
I'm about to read her memoir because I'm now just falling in love.
She's got that doc, too, that came out two years ago.
And she's got a new show now, too.
She's got like a home show that she likes because she has a farm.
The show?
It's the opposite of Houston.
Bay.
Oh, Day Watcher.
Night watch.
Night watch.
Oh, inside the day watch.
We've been doing
Lake Watch.
Yeah, okay.
They're river watching.
River watch.
We've had a lot.
We've got a lot of people.
Oh, and we've been talking a lot recently.
A lot of shows this week.
All right.
All right, you fuckers.
Thank you so much for joining us in today's special episode.
It was special, wasn't it?
You're welcome.
Patreon.com slash last podcast and left give us money there.
Go to all our YouTube channels, subscribe to them.
Someplace underneath, LPN Romantic, The Foreign Report, and LPN TV.
If you would go and subscribe.
Who's the bitch?
Right now.
And who's the B?
For the love of Christ, go fucking do it right now.
It's for free.
Oh, Jackie got a birthday.
Oh, I got a birthday present from Rob.
Stop sitting here showing me up and shit.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, Henry didn't give me.
Suck it up.
I already have you, Gif.
I didn't bring it today.
I know, he did.
Henry told me this.
Ooh,
I love it.
What is it?
It's a Judy Mog Elvira.
Oh, that's very good.
That's very fun.
This is great.
Thank you, Siri.
That's very good.
You'll come out the nipples.
Oh, can I suck on the tips?
I'm going to put some holes in there so I can suck my coffee right at her tits.
Thank you so much, Rob.
I love this.
And I will say, thank you so much.
And when Jeff dies, you can put his ashes in it.
Good.
This is the amount that I'll have.
And I'll go lock him better with tits on it.
Yeah.
I,
you know, Elvira's going to be doing the LA Haunted Hayride this year.
Again, no, she hadn't been.
No,
she stopped.
She stopped a long time ago, and they brought in Monty Rivolta.
And I love Monty Rolt.
I love Monty Riva.
Is Monty not coming back to you?
I died.
No, I don't
know.
I don't think he might have died.
That Elvira is now doing this year's Haunted Hayride.
And I was like, what about Monty Rivolta?
What am I going to do without Monty Rivolta?
Monty Rivolta is this, like, is a horror personality.
I don't know if he's just in LA.
I've only ever seen him at the LA Haunted Hayride.
And he works on the show.
He's actually very interesting.
He's extremely funny.
And I see him every year.
Monty Rivolta.
I was actually posted four weeks ago.
Okay, good.
So he's alive.
Okay, he's alive.
Okay.
Yeah.
No one dies the next year.
He just got fired.
Yeah.
He might have been fired.
Maybe he got fired.
Hey, I imagine he might be problematic.
Whoa.
Monte Rivolta.
I mean, can the undead grab whatever they want?
Yes.
They're dead.
They don't know.
Yeah.
Thank you for joining us today.
Jackie, anything to pluck?
Uh-oh.
I don't know if you want to know about those holes.
No, yeah.
No, no, it's just what you said.
YouTube.com slash at who's the pee youtube.com slash at lpn romanticy get on it check out page seven you know just come hang out with us and henry come see henry and i on the road we've got some side story shows coming up we're gonna be in kansas city on september 21st redway california at the matteel community center october 24th and uh oh is that where you're gonna be during my choir concert yes and that's the show you'll be canceling so just let them know no oh you if we cancel that show you won't get free weed for a year yeah yeah you get nothing yeah i get fucking nothing
all right go to the all right do it
November 30th.
We're going to be in Columbus, Ohio, at the Newport Music Hall.
Natalie Portman's front runner to play Sinead O'Connor.
Ooh, she'll be great at it.
She'll be amazing.
Why are you so upset?
Do you care about Natalie Portman or Sinead O'Connor?
Yeah.
Yes.
It was supposed to be me.
That's a fucking harmony.
Nothing
compass.
Nothing
compass.
to you.
All right.
Get out of here.
Goodbye, everybody.
I'll see you next week.
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