Relaxed Fit: The 4th Annual* Last Podcast On the Left March Madness of Murder

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast.

Speaker 1 On the left.

Speaker 1 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready? Are you prepared for the madness and mayhem?

Speaker 1 Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left, and we are here at the Depends Adult Diapers for Men's Center outside of downtown Croatia.

Speaker 1 And it is a beautiful day for a fight, isn't it, Marcus? That's right. This is the fourth annual Last Podcast on the Left, March Madness of Murder and Mayhem.

Speaker 1 This year, we've got a damn good surprise for everybody. This year, it's going to be an all-wild card edition.

Speaker 1 That's right, man. We got the Broswurs pumping.
We got the popcorn popping. And we got the crack in the light bulb.
That's right. We are having a time here in Croatia.

Speaker 1 And I hope everybody's enjoying their hot dog made from real dog.

Speaker 1 It is one of the essential delights here in downtown croatia and do you think that we got a stern wind coming out of the northeast about 45 miles per hour do you think that will affect the gameplay today folks

Speaker 1 that's one contestant off the rankings all right here we go goodbye uh mitch mcconnell unfortunately we forgot that in croatia the wind blows with powdered glass yes it's actually a perfect environment and i feel these contestants some of these people have never been in a physical fight absolutely not some of them have been in so many fights, you would consider them to be the most dangerous person around.

Speaker 1 But that's why we bring them in here today. Isn't that correct? We are doing it in an all-dirt field.
That's right.

Speaker 1 And here on the wild card edition, I know in previous years on the March Madness of Mayhem and Murder, we've done half fictional and half real, but this year we only got a couple of fictional people in there because this is a wild card edition.

Speaker 1 I'm very, very excited to see how this shakes out. And I am filled to the brim.
Thinking, Japan, I have blood in my diaper.

Speaker 1 Oh, you might want to get that checked out of it.

Speaker 1 I like your cavalier attitude. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Marcus Parks.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm your commentator, Andrew Zerbowski, and I'll tell you, my wife's going to divorce me because I'm too good of a husband.

Speaker 1 And of course, Ed Larsa. How are you doing, folks? I'm just here to have the ham and make sure the whale stays in.

Speaker 1 I actually did forget I was going to bring prosciutto today.

Speaker 1 I forgot it. Well, tomorrow is another day.
Yeah. Let me ask you, am I bleeding right now? No.
Okay, good. Because it tastes like blood.
Yeah, hey, that's just

Speaker 1 your mouth. Yeah.
No, well, yeah. I got a cold sore, and then when I was doing my announcer voice, it ripped open.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow, it's a cold sore, but that looks hot. Yeah,

Speaker 1 sexy.

Speaker 1 Apply your sports bandage.

Speaker 1 Oh, very good. Yes, Rob has handed me our sports bandages, the aka paper towels.
The quicker

Speaker 1 upper. That way I won't be self-conscious about bleeding from my mouth.
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Speaker 1 No tampon, no problem. Jam yourself up full of Brawny.

Speaker 1 You big lumberjack.

Speaker 1 And I also wouldn't mind getting a sponsorship from Orogel. Oh, sure.
Because I am quite open about cold sore use and cold sore, you know, suffering. Maintenance.
Yeah, maintenance.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, just Orogel, if you need a sponsor, if you need a pretty face, hit me up. But it ain't too pretty because it's got a cold sore on it.
Hey, what's the point of having it?

Speaker 1 He earned it, though. Yeah, I did earn it.
Yeah, I did earn it. You'll take a paste, Oragel.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 1 But yes, here on the March Madness of Murder and Mayhem. This is our fourth one.
And what we're going to be doing today is we're going to be picking 16 fighters out of our cup of champions.

Speaker 1 Oh, here we go. So do you want to let's start? Let's get our first round of this.
Let's get our first round. And of course, we got the Eastern Conference and the Western Conference.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes. And then that's the Far East and the Far West.
Far East, far, far west.

Speaker 1 All right. So let's start with the Eastern Conference.

Speaker 1 We're going to go through all the Eastern Conference first round first, and then we're going to go through the Western Conference first round after that. Nothing makes me happier, Marcus.

Speaker 1 Let's get into the man.

Speaker 1 So, our first contestant today is

Speaker 1 five Mars Attacks Aliens. Oh, there we go.
That's going to be, you know, they are from another planet and they are hostile because they don't understand birds. Do not run.
We are here to protect you.

Speaker 1 And if you remember anything from the third annual March Madness that we did, we don't know anything about birds either. I don't!

Speaker 1 I said 10,000. We are not going to delitigate the the bird matter.

Speaker 1 That's why we chose a new way of doing the contest.

Speaker 1 The bird matter is closed. We can't revisit the bird matter.
It has been decided. Ever since this, what's happened? The price of eggs through the roof.
It is, again, that's eggs, not birds.

Speaker 1 They came first. Eggs.
Birds have eggs. Eggs came first.

Speaker 1 And who is fighting five Mars attacks aliens? Let's see here. It is Marjorie Taylor Green.

Speaker 1 The bruiser from, I believe it is Missouri. This man.

Speaker 1 These big, thick old bitches ready for a fight.

Speaker 1 All right. So, how is this fight? So, we're doing this in a dirt field.

Speaker 1 Oh, I think all these illegal aliens

Speaker 1 trying to fight trying to take a good spot from an American warrior. And I will not allow it.
I will face them in the square circle. They literally have Jewish space lasers.
Yeah, that is the problem.

Speaker 1 They are manufactured by some of the finest Jewish laser companies in all of the world. Like, if anybody's seen Oblitterstein, one of the best destruction laser companies out there.

Speaker 1 Thank you for your sponsorship.

Speaker 1 So I'm thinking that, okay, so with the Mars Attacks aliens, do they have the space lasers or are they hand-to-hand here? I think that they have laser guns.

Speaker 1 There's no way these aliens fight fair, first of all. No, yes.
I know that. But Marjorie Taylor Greene is shielded by the Constitution.

Speaker 1 And what you guys don't understand is that the Constitution can absorb, I believe, up to the wafts of a neutron bomb. I'm trying to think what the Constitution can save three blasts.

Speaker 1 I mean, forget that. I mean, just that.
Also, her thick skin. Oh, no, she's got, she, if you did a roll on her, I did a roll for her Constitution.
It's 18. She has the skin like a rhino.

Speaker 1 It's as thick. It can take most shrapnel, and it can take quite a bit, but no, direct pro you can kill her with a bazooka.
I'm pretty sure her mother was an armadillo. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But I do think that the Mars attacks aliens, they're clever. That's the thing about it.

Speaker 1 They're very clever, and Marjorie Taylor Green is not very... Bright.
No, no, but what she lacks for in mental strength, she makes up for in strength of body and frame. She's a tank.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she is my full-on bruiser. She's my number one woman out there, ready to fuck shit up within a three-feet circle of her arms.
That is true, but

Speaker 1 the Mars Attacks aliens do have the range, though. They do, and they also

Speaker 1 take my heels off.

Speaker 1 And remember, there's five of them. Yeah, they'll surround her.
All right, they'll surround her. See if they can heal me.

Speaker 1 What I'll do is I gotta rip my dress off, tie it around my head, keep my hair out of my eyes. All I got is my studded bra and my filled panties.

Speaker 1 And I'm ready to take these aliens down, one knuckle sandwich at a time. You come for me, you little Martians.
You can't handle the truth.

Speaker 1 Now, do you think, well, first of all, are they fighting now or are we going through the entire

Speaker 1 fight currently happening? This fight's currently happening. Okay, good.
I just wanted to make sure I knew what was going on.

Speaker 1 I don't think she stands a chance against five Mars attacks aliens. I don't think so either.
But I do think in the fight, she can get if you get three a hold, right?

Speaker 1 Because let's all right, let's put it this way: set it up: attacks, aliens land, right? We're gonna have the setup of the fight.

Speaker 1 Marjorie Taylor Green, she rolls out of like I visually like the you know in the gladiator when the big gates rise up and she's comes out, she's been fighting other smaller men warming up for fucking an hour, right?

Speaker 1 Right, they're just in there like,

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Mr. Buddha Jesse, I'm gonna take you down.
She's down there working on Pete Buttigieg, getting herself warmed up. She comes out, right, sees the aliens.

Speaker 1 At first, I think she's gonna do a sexual affront.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And do a, you don't know if you could handle this much American woman.
Right. And I wonder whether or not they would respond well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you see this?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you're the hottest baby I've ever seen. I want to slip your entire body inside of me.

Speaker 1 But the Mars attacks aliens, as we know, are not swayed by female or human sexuality in any way whatsoever. But I think she can get close to one or two of them.
How? With her hands.

Speaker 1 Well, she's got to have a gun on her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's one and her pussy. She's one of the aura around her.
She's the Dillinger and her pussy.

Speaker 1 But I believe that traditional firearms were not that effective against the Mars Attacks aliens. No, as we know, it's only that one song.
It's just that one song.

Speaker 1 And I don't think Marjorie Taylor Greene listens to music that good. She's not watching Tim Burton.

Speaker 1 And plus, she's going to spend half of the time telling the Mars Attacks aliens that they never attacked Earth and killed anybody in the first place. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 And she's on their side and she kind of wishes she could join them. Yeah, yeah.
But in the end, they don't have any team. So I think, unfortunately, they do rise above her and floating.

Speaker 1 I still think she could take out one. Oh, of course she's taking out one.
Yeah, yeah, she's definitely

Speaker 1 taking out one. Yeah, she's going to take out one.
She's going to bite.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Because they're going to sacrifice one in order to sneak up behind her and take her down. And then she's definitely zapped into a skeleton.
Yeah, she's definitely zapped into.

Speaker 1 I actually see it more like the sort of situation where they have to like surround a massive elephant and like five people have to like shoot and it has to be like,

Speaker 1 you can't defeat me. You can't defeat the green.
Yeah, and her hair doesn't disintegrate. It just sits on top of the skeleton.
That is all that is left is her tips and hair. All right, so round one.

Speaker 1 The Mars attacks aliens take it. All right.
What a satisfying conflict.

Speaker 1 All right, so round two, we have

Speaker 1 Joseph Fritzel

Speaker 1 with his grandfather's Luger. Very good, very important.
So, yeah, very important. So, he does have.
Yeah, I'm ready to fight. It's one of my favorite days.

Speaker 1 They let me out of the prison, and it's just nice to do. And I have so many different ideas for home renovations.

Speaker 1 Number one father in the room. So, what age of Joseph Fritzel are we hitting here? Now.

Speaker 1 Oh, now.

Speaker 1 No, 85-year-old Joseph Fritzel. But he's got his grandfather's Luger.
And he's out of prison. And he's out of prison.
Okay. And that he's going to be going up against

Speaker 1 Mudang the hippo strapped to a Boston Dynamic song. Oh, I guess.
Well, if he... If he's able to lure them in a basement and shut that door, who knows what's going to happen.

Speaker 1 So I kind of want to talk about this choice. So, Mudang, this is Henry's choice.
Obviously, this is Henry's choice. Yeah, Mudang is the spiritual center of this team.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The miniature hippo. A lot of the fight, and he's going

Speaker 1 right because everyone was joking about Mudang being wet and grumpy, which is why he's an antagonist, right? Yeah. But then he's strapped to a giant Boston dynamic dog.
Now, I do think that.

Speaker 1 I think that the Boston Dynamic Dog slows Mudang down. No, absolutely not.
Mudang is small enough to be cradled inside of it. Mudang is a two-year-old hippopotamus at this point.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That is the gigantic. Look at the size of Mudang.
This is when it was a child. This is now.
This is Mudang always. No, it's not.
Mudang is a full-grown hippopotamus. But no, it's not yet.

Speaker 1 Right now, I'm using baby Mudang.

Speaker 1 But you have to say it's baby Mudang because

Speaker 1 Mudang does not look like this any longer.

Speaker 1 It's Baby Mudang. Mudang at the height of its popularity.
It's meme-level Mudang. Yeah.
And he's inside of his Boston Dynamic Dog.

Speaker 1 Joseph Fritzel, obviously, he...

Speaker 1 Hold on. The Mudang is inside the dog?

Speaker 1 I think that's unfair. I think that Mudang should be strapped on top of the dog.
That's what it kind of means. Yeah, yeah, it's essentially it's a belt attached to it.
Yeah, yeah, right.

Speaker 1 A leather belt. I think that you can see this thing revving up.
Joseph Ritzel's bound to a chair. You can barely walk.

Speaker 1 He's got a Uger Urugra being like, I've the one thing I learned in all my time of being a father is patience. Yeah.
And he sits and he waits. And Mudang, they load him up, right?

Speaker 1 He comes, see, zoom, see, ooh, zoom, see him, zoom, see, you. Comes out.
We decide whether or not, at first, Mudang, he's too cute. He likes the attention.
Yeah. So everybody's applauding Mudang.

Speaker 1 Everyone's like, yay, Mudang, right? And so the the legs are going, zoo, zoo, zoom, zoo, zoom,

Speaker 1 and it's like dancing for the crowd. And everyone's like, oh, Mudang.
And it's like going,

Speaker 1 and the audience loves it. They're falling apart, right? Joseph Fritzel's not remotely

Speaker 1 like, he's not phased at all.

Speaker 1 He had sex with his own daughter too much. He can't deal with being tasked.
Yeah, he's just going to pull out his gun and shoot Mudang in the head. Exactly.

Speaker 1 One shot.

Speaker 1 He has one shot.

Speaker 1 He's going to throw like a battery down a staircase and the dog's going to go after him. He's going to shut the door.

Speaker 1 Josef Fritzel knows to wait for his moment at the very top of Mudang, working its crowd-pleasing engagement because it must, because he's driven by ad dollars.

Speaker 1 Joseph Fritzel shoots it in the head, and that leads the Boston Dynamic dog to be leaderless. But I do think that Joseph Fritzel, he's an old man.
man.

Speaker 1 I don't know what his marksmanship skills are like.

Speaker 1 So I think he's going to wait until the Boston Dynamics dog with mudang strapped on top charges him you raid through the you raid through the random with the boston dynamic dog's eyes waits until he charges him and so he's gonna shoot mudang he's got the right before the boston dynamic dog's dynamic to him but that's the thing the boston dynamics dog is gonna collide with the old man well now joseph fritzel has been knocked out of his wheelchair so now it's yosef ritzel second round unfortunately on his feet yes yes he's on his feet he's definitely on his feet and he's a little battered because that's what we got to remember that's what the rules that we put in last year is that you do go

Speaker 1 into the next round with the injuries that you sustained in the round before. So, for example, we have only four Mars attacks aliens left.
Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 And now it's Joseph Fritzel has been removed because he obviously was in a rascal.

Speaker 1 But I also think that once Mudang is dead and the dog has this fucking stupid weight off its back of a hippopotamus, it will be a much more fierce fighter and will kill

Speaker 1 Joseph Fritzel while he's laying on the ground and just stop him to death. It loses the Mudang is the driving force.
Yeah, Mudang's the driving force.

Speaker 1 I think after he kills Mu Dang, Fritzel gains control of the Boston Dynamics dog. He's riding the Boston Dynamic.
Yeah, so now it's Joseph Fritzel riding a Boston Dynamics dog. But he loses the gun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, but he loses the gun. Because he only had one bullet in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So it shot me down. And I was so surprised when it actually works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 It was never supposed to last this long.

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Speaker 1 All right. Next round.
Wow, this is great. Yeah.
This is really our best work. Yeah, it really is.
This is the best stuff we do. 10 fully armed Australian laricans.

Speaker 1 Now, for those of you who remember, Larikans, right, those are the rambunctious children that built the entire criminal network of Australia. And a fully armed Larikan has a garbage pail body, right?

Speaker 1 It has garbage pail armor with holes cut out of the side of it, with the hand sticking out of it, with trash can.

Speaker 1 Ned Kelly armor. Yes, a trash can land head, hat, and each one has an armed slingshot.
Yeah, with how many with a bunch of rocks. Yes.
A lot of, I mean, a nearly unlimited supply of them.

Speaker 1 It's Australia. There's rocks everywhere.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's a rock-heavy city or a country.

Speaker 1 Again, they're children, though. But they're fearless.
By children, we mean what? 13? 14? I would say, yeah, 8 to 13.

Speaker 1 8 to 13. In Australia, you're a child until you're 13.
You're immediately a man. As soon as you hit 14.
And then you're an adult man. And then at 18, you're a crocodile.

Speaker 1 So we got 10 fully armed Australian Americans versus...

Speaker 1 It's going to be child versus child. We have Jan Pelgrim, the cabin boy from the Batavia, the insane cabin boy.

Speaker 1 This fight could have actually happened. Yeah, it's so close.

Speaker 1 It really could have.

Speaker 1 This is a regional battle here. That's what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Off the coast of Australia versus the Australians themselves. All right, now we know he's supposed to be impressed by you.
We know he's supposed to be a great green daddy of some sort of some kind.

Speaker 1 But the rest of us don't care because we hate old people. We want Tony in.
We're tony in skill team. And I'm going to put Jan Pelgram.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to do Jan Pelgram as he was, which, you know, of course he was back then too weak to strangle anybody, too weak to kill anybody. I'm doing Jan Pelgram as he saw himself.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's the strongest boy that ever lived. Jan Palgrim's self-image.
I'm a boy that was born to kill other boys and I'll do it discriminately.

Speaker 1 Now, what are the chances that they just join forces and decide that they're like he's the 11th Larican? Good, very good. He could be.
Well, this is the problem. Very, very good.

Speaker 1 Did we understand this at first when we put together this list? Because I think that there is no way they stay separate. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think that the Laricans see him and say, oh my God, we're on the same team. Yeah, why fight when we can kiss? Yes, let's go take this whole fucking thing.

Speaker 1 They can't wait to fight the Martian, the Mars aliens. Fucking, that's all they want to do.
That's all Alarican ever wanted, ever was to fight a Martian.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that this is, I feel like they're just going to become buddies.

Speaker 1 He's a follower.

Speaker 1 It's 11 Americans. I don't know.
I think Jan Pelgrim becomes the leader. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 If Jan Pelgrim has his like self-image, like because Jan Pelgram, you gotta remember, he's 17 and he did talk people into killing. He did.
He, yeah, oh, yeah. He definitely comes in.

Speaker 1 They're about to fight, and lyricans all sit and they kind of measure each other up. All of a sudden, they're looking at each other's slingshots, and they're like, that's a noise slingshot.

Speaker 1 He's just like, yeah, it is, right? It's fucking awesome. I killed a bunch of people with it.
I've killed people, multiple grown men. I got a dull knife.

Speaker 1 It barely works, but you can slap people with it. You know,

Speaker 1 a lot of us, we never really got a chance to kill grown men yet.

Speaker 1 Mostly just harass people and pretend to be ghosts. As long as it's got a point on it, it can go in the eye.
Let's go together.

Speaker 1 All right, so it's going to be

Speaker 1 the best Australian garage rock band ever. Jan and the Larikins.
Yeah, wow. That is just, that is a team that you, we didn't know that it could happen like this.

Speaker 1 All right. Defying reality.
That's why this is better than the actual March Madness is because this can't happen amongst basketball teams.

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you think people have this sort of passion talking about like Duke versus Syracuse? No. Unless they got money right now.
Yeah, yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 Honestly, we want to say thank you to the various gambling apps that work here. You can actually submit a bet

Speaker 1 for one of these for our March Madness right now. Yeah.
On your rocket money?

Speaker 1 I mean, just bet money. I think it's on better sleep.
Yeah, better sleep. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. So this is the last round in the prelims.
Prelims, but like the last round in the first round. Eastern Conference.
Oh, we've got Al Gaida, the 9-11 Gator. Oh, yeah, trained by Al Gata

Speaker 1 killed the old man when he was expecting at least on 9-11.

Speaker 1 That's right, just a beautiful Tuesday. But Bember was shot in the head by a cop.
Yeah, that is true. And we have can be killed.
Yeah. Yeah.
Al Gata, the 9-11 Gator

Speaker 1 versus Lorne Michaels.

Speaker 1 We shall see Shane. I don't know if he's ready for the main show or not.

Speaker 1 Will he take what LK to actually take? I appreciate that. I guess we really don't do puns anymore, but

Speaker 1 I know that on 9-11, he saw that and immediately started producing. Instead of like, oh, yeah, he didn't watch

Speaker 1 phased by 9-11. I can't wait for the sketch this world's bar.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite days, 9-11, because I got to get to work very easily.

Speaker 1 So thing is that

Speaker 1 30 Rock is actually quite far,

Speaker 1 quite far from the World Trade at a perfect distance for me to enjoy it from as a

Speaker 1 security team? He has a phalanx of assistance. Yeah, Phalanx.

Speaker 1 How many is in a phalanx? Five.

Speaker 1 When I saw him in real life, he was surrounded by five blonde ladies on phones, and he did nothing. Yeah, and isn't there always like a child who, like a boy who follows him with popcorn?

Speaker 1 No, I wish.

Speaker 1 I heard about that. I never saw that.
That is one thing. I think I remember reading that in the live live, the book, The Oral History of Saturday Night Live.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Is that he quit smoking like many years ago? And so now he constantly eats popcorn. And so there's somebody that's always around him that makes sure that there's never like a bowl of popcorn.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like Ronald Reagan with his jelly beans. That's another unsubstantiated rumor about me.

Speaker 1 How many times people make up incredible things? I'm seven feet tall. Well, if you remember, Al

Speaker 1 went for the man's terrier, and then the man got in the way and got killed and had his leg ripped off by Algeda. Now,

Speaker 1 the popcorn boy could be the thing that fucking entices Algeda to come out of the swamp and go after the boy, and then Lauren would be so upset that his popcorn boy is being attacked, he would then jump in to save his popcorn, not the boy, and then Algeda could rip his legs off.

Speaker 1 Algeda, absolutely. I'm just going to say.
He's a 12-foot alligator. Yeah, he's a big alligator.
Lord Michaels is a dainty old man. Yes.
For my own.

Speaker 1 He's a television producer. Yes.
Al Gaeda absolutely massacres Lord Michaels.

Speaker 1 He first, like, obviously, he stages it all to be like, let's see how he does in the test. And so they bring Al Gaida in the waiting room for that 8-H

Speaker 1 two by fours slapping together.

Speaker 1 Lord Michael's been like, can he do an impression of Elon Musk? And then he goes and Al Ghana goes towards the stage. And then meanwhile, like Lord Michael, you know, because he don't laugh.

Speaker 1 Al Gana goes up there. He does a couple of things.
He can't stand bombing. No.
Yeah. Oh, but, or loves it.

Speaker 1 And then he just rips as he jumps off the fucking stage through the writer's staff onto Lord Michaels and beats and just absolutely decimates it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Lord Michaels didn't do his homework and he tried to zigzag instead of just run straight. Yeah.
And I guess I should have seen his audition.

Speaker 1 Now, for the next round, does Al Ghata merely kill Lauren Michaels or does he eat him alive? Because that's going to have a lot of bearing on how Algator does. He kills him alive.

Speaker 1 Well, in the one fight that we knew, he just ripped the guy's leg off. And then, see, the thing is with alligators, when they kill somebody,

Speaker 1 they drag them under the water and they let them sit there under a rock until they get mushy and then they come back and eat him. Gotcha.
What if I'm already mushy?

Speaker 1 I'm thinking that if there are the assistants around, Algate is going to get chased off. So Algate is not going to.
So Algate is still going to be hungry going into the next fight.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, he's ready to go. But he will have Lauren's leg in his mouth.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he ripped him open. He ripped Lauren opens and he's like, oh no.

Speaker 1 I guess we'll have to see what the critics say.

Speaker 1 All right. So that is.
He's moving on. So our Eastern Conference round two is going to be four Mars Attacks Aliens versus Joseph Fritzel on a Boston Dynamics dog.

Speaker 1 And Jan and the Laricans versus a still-hungry Al-Ghatin.

Speaker 1 So, let's move over to the Western Conference to see what our first round is going to be. Do the Larikans also

Speaker 1 hire Al-Qaeda. Hey, we've got to get to it.
We'll get to it.

Speaker 1 We don't know what's going to happen. We don't know what's going to happen.
So, first round is

Speaker 1 Benicio del Toro as the wolfman. Now, Henry has stipulations here.
All right, so it's Benicio del Toro. Now, what do we know from the Krugersdorf murders and our crew over there?

Speaker 1 Is that he is absolutely in real life a werewolf? But Benicio del Toro is not fully aware of this. Our competition takes place, it kicks off, right? We've been fighting for hours.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so let's say we hit a kickoff at 3:30. Yeah,

Speaker 1 first fight's at 3:30. Yes, that's ours, right?

Speaker 1 So, Benicio del Toro is a wolfman, yeah, and it's about whether or not we get to the nighttime.

Speaker 1 Because if you're getting to the nighttime, you're going to be either fighting Benicio del Toro, the actor,

Speaker 1 or him

Speaker 1 transformed into a werewolf. I say two fights an hour.
So right now we're at about 6:30 p.m. Ooh, it's about to turn.
It depends on how long the fight is. Let's see who he's versus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right now the full moon is March 14th.

Speaker 1 Today's March 14th. So, what time does the moon rise?

Speaker 1 That's what we really have to look at. What time does the moon rise? 2.55 a.m.

Speaker 1 Well, that's what it's at at the Eastern Standard Time. That's the next full moon.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess that's when it's fully full. Hmm.

Speaker 1 Does a werewolf turn? Wow. Does a werewolf turn when the moon is fully full.

Speaker 1 The werewolf turns when the moon is fully full. It's not just that night.
No, it's the moon has to be fully full. All right, well, then he's Benicio del Toro, the actor.
Yeah, in makeup.

Speaker 1 Unless in makeup. He lasts until 2.55 in the morning.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's not there. No, he would have made to the end of this bracket.
Yeah. We might have been able to say this if he was the very last card pulled.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, right now, as it stands, it's Benicio del Toro in Wolfman makeup. But he's also a pretty bad actor.
He is. He is.
No, he is. As far as actors go.

Speaker 1 But that's the thing is that Benicio del Toro did enter into this tournament knowing that this could happen. He rolled the dice, and he lost.

Speaker 1 He took the payout. Yeah, he did take the payout.
He took the money. Well, let's see if it's his widow that's going to get the money in the end because Benicio Del Toro is going up against

Speaker 1 Judge Doom.

Speaker 1 Judge Doom,

Speaker 1 the villain and who framed Roger the Rabbit.

Speaker 1 When he killed your brother, he talked just like

Speaker 1 this.

Speaker 1 Okay. This is one of my issues.
Got to open up my cold sore again. Oh, God.
He's covered in blood. Now, Judge Doom,

Speaker 1 in and of itself, he was good versus cartoons.

Speaker 1 He's also good versus Eddie, though. Yeah, remember, because he had all the extra weapons in the warehouse.
And remember,

Speaker 1 he's got springs in his feet.

Speaker 1 He's able, he's very intimidating. He is a cartoon.

Speaker 1 He's a toon. Oh, yeah, and I forgot he is a cartoon.
He's an actual toon. Yeah, that is the main point.
Wearing human skin, I think. Yes, yes.
Yeah. And does he have the weasels with him? No.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. This is solo.
This is solo. Yeah, he's too strong because, especially, yeah, because the only thing that technically kills him is Turpentine.
Also, Dip would not affect Benicio del Toro.

Speaker 1 No, Benicio del Toro probably hasn't come with Dip.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the things that he would have had to have known that Dip was, and that's things that nobody, no, none of these fighters know who the rest of the people are. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I still think that. So he wouldn't have thought to come with dip.
Depending. Yeah, because again, it depends on who they're.

Speaker 1 It all depends on who you're versus. Benicio del Toro pretty much assumed he was going to be a Wolfman at the time we were going to do this.

Speaker 1 He very much assumed. He was just coming.
He's got confidence. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's sitting here being like, oh, oh, no. Oh, no.
My name got called too early. Like, I was supposed to be here already.
Yeah, I think like, what, 5 p.m., 6 p.m.

Speaker 1 It's about 6.37. Yeah.
We've already had four fights. I do think, unfortunately, Benicio del Toro comes out.

Speaker 1 I think at first, he does a couple, like, he tries to do a couple of the boxing things that he learns from his personal trainer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he comes, he's in the wolf man off and going, ah, he is strong. Yeah, he is.

Speaker 1 But Judge Doom,

Speaker 1 unfortunately, springs in on a bunch of spring feet and shoots a sword out of his hand and fucking impales his face with it, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 Actually, I don't even think Judge Doom needs to go all the way. I think Judge Doom can just beat him to death with his walking stick.
Yeah, probably. And he's just like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, I'm Ben Esie'll destroy the actor.

Speaker 1 Judge Doom's going to be pretty hard to beat. Yeah, he is

Speaker 1 thinking about.

Speaker 1 We'll see. Because, again, it's still just Dip.
And we don't quite know who would know. Because we've got some clever people.
Well, he wasn't killed by Dip, right? Oh, no.

Speaker 1 He was killed by Dip because he was run over by the steamroller and it didn't kill him. Oh, no.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.
So, I mean, it's going to take some cleverness to take care of Judge Doom. I'll say that.
It's definitely going to take some cleverness here. But we have some.
We got to.

Speaker 1 We don't count some of these villains out yet. Yeah, don't count.
Count them out. But Benicio Del Toro, the actor, is unfortunately.
Slaughtered immediately. Slaughtered very, very quickly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Next up, we have.

Speaker 1 Next round, yeah. I love Benicido del Toro.
I know you do. I do as well.
But he's dead now. Yes.

Speaker 1 Next up, we have... Ooh, Telecum the Whale.
See, this is why I chose Mudang strapped to the Boston Dynamic Dog, because I knew you were going to do Tillicum. Have to do Tillicum.

Speaker 1 But then you had to do it. I was like, what's going to counter Telecum? Well, the thing is with Tillicum is he is bound to his tank.
Yeah. Ah.
So that is kind of the rough thing.

Speaker 1 That is kind of the rough thing. It depends on who he's going against.

Speaker 1 In order to do the fight, you have to agree to go into the tank. Oh, of course.
No,

Speaker 1 we've set up these stipulations before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, where you do have to go to that environment. You have to fight him in the tank.
It's not like, I mean, because it's not like he's just rolling around on the ground. He'd still pretty...

Speaker 1 probably do a pretty good job. But they won their coin flip.
Yeah, yeah. That's why.
Yeah, because otherwise he'd just be on the the fucking dirt, yeah.

Speaker 1 And when telecom, you know, it said heads, he threw uh, he threw a scalp into the ring, you know, all right, telecom, you wins.

Speaker 1 But whoever fights him does, they are gonna, depending on if they're water-breathing or not, they will definitely get scuba equipment, they'll get they have to fight them that they have to go like they have to be uh equals, and that equal will be oh,

Speaker 1 Luigi Mangioni. Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 1 uh, I think think. Oh, man.
I think

Speaker 1 can we just do this once? All right. I know telecom means a lot to everybody.
Yeah. But I think it's going to take more than three bullets to take out telecom.
But let's just say,

Speaker 1 for the sake of our country, Telecom knows... that this will be a symbolic death

Speaker 1 and he knows how much this means to everybody that Luigi try to take this all the way. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 This would truly make Luigi a villain now.

Speaker 1 Telecom is going to kill men. What Tillacum was, you know, you can argue that's all self-defense.
If Luigi killed. Telecom is guilty for the same reason the Menendez brothers are guilty.

Speaker 1 They went overboard.

Speaker 1 Telecom did not have to kill those people.

Speaker 1 He was stolen from his home.

Speaker 1 There is way. He was raped in it.
Oh, my God, it's the same.

Speaker 1 I will not allow relitigation of Telecom. But if Luigi was doing what Luigi does, he'd kill the owner of SeaWorld, not Telecom.
But right now, Luigi can't fight.

Speaker 1 Luigi has to fight the fights he can fight. Yeah, but that's the thing.

Speaker 1 This is the fight he needs to fight. Yeah, if, yeah, because if Luigi killed the owner of SeaWorld, then telecom would eventually die.
The whole thing would fall apart.

Speaker 1 But it would take a very long time for

Speaker 1 the entire corporate apparatus to fall around the ears of Telecom. We need lawyers.
Yeah. Unfortunately.
Yeah. We also need lawyers.
We do need lawyers. I feel like Luigi Mangioni in full

Speaker 1 scuba fighting gear. That's the thing.
Here's what we know about Luigi Mangioni. Man knows how to prepare.

Speaker 1 The man knows going to be.

Speaker 1 And he's got money, so he's like Bruce Wayne. Yeah, he's got money.
He knows how to prepare. He knows how to go into a situation to win it.
He's ready. And he's written on his harpoon gun.

Speaker 1 He has a harpoon gun. Well, he has a harpoon gun, not a tiny little gun that's made from a 3D printer.
And no, he doesn't because he prepares. Yes, and he's written on it.
D-Fin,

Speaker 1 D-gill.

Speaker 1 They don't have gills. D-swim.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
He's here to kill. D-blow.

Speaker 1 And he fucking shoots Tillicum directly, perfect shot into the center of its brain. You don't think he's going to be enamored by the beauty of Tillicum? No, I think he's still a television.

Speaker 1 He's going to look at him for two seconds and be like, oh my God, what should I do? And then Tillacum just grabs him by the fucking foot and drowns. He's got him.
He's plans.

Speaker 1 He thinks Tillicum's a fucking sellout for giving all of his free promo to SeaWorld. Yeah.
Telecom's a prisoner.

Speaker 1 He's a sellout, a bitch. He's exactly who Luigi should be standing up for.
No, he's got to fucking show nobody's going to be taking any kind of dirty money from anybody.

Speaker 1 I think if Luigi really wanted to beat Tillacomb, he just unplugged the filter.

Speaker 1 Technically, just shoot out the cage. Yeah, but I do think that Luigi, Luigi prepares, Luigi knows how to get there, he knows how to get the job done, and Luigi does not hesitate.

Speaker 1 So I don't think that there would be any sort of,

Speaker 1 I don't think there would be any sort of distraction or anything like that. I think he pops in and just right in the brain.
And I don't think Telecom's got the fight in him anymore.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? He's killed three. Maybe he understands that he's got to hold some accountability.
And he always gets you. That's how that's that's telecom's move.

Speaker 1 I'm cute. I'm adorable.
Come on in the water.

Speaker 1 But not waken. But not when you're coming to kill him, though.
You know what I mean? But you know, I'm telling you, he's very enamoring.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.
I don't think

Speaker 1 Luigi has it in him. I don't know what you guys are talking about here.
I think Tilicum is obviously a beast that cannot be defeated.

Speaker 1 I think you're fighting for Tilcum because you have emotional attachments. I have no emotional attachments with Luigi.

Speaker 1 Well, no, I just think it would be a fun way to get that. I think it is a fun way for him to kill a whale.
Yeah. Just shooting it from outside of water.

Speaker 1 All right. I don't think you guys are correct, but I'm outnumbered here.
Yay!

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Hell of a first bracket. Let's move on.
Let's move on. Yeah, fuck you.
Yeah. But you think telecom wouldn't know he's coming.

Speaker 1 He also is in a fight. Yeah, but I don't know.
Those, I don't know what those SeaWorld killer whales, what they're paying attention to, really.

Speaker 1 It seems like it takes a while before they notice someone else gets in the water. Yeah.
It takes a while for them to get agitated to that point as well. Yeah.
Years.

Speaker 1 All right. So next up, we have

Speaker 1 the biggest monster of the UK, Mr. Jimmy Savile.
Oh, right.

Speaker 1 Hey, Alf, Jimmy will fix it.

Speaker 1 Hey, Rod, he's got to get pump on his knee. Oh, man.
Better meeting up. Boom, man.
Thank God he's not going to get us the laricates.

Speaker 1 I actually feel like Christ, they're in a different bracket. They might beat the fucking shit out, they might take him out, or they might fall in love with him.
Oh, he is charming.

Speaker 1 Talk about the telecom effect.

Speaker 1 And we have Jimmy Saville versus

Speaker 1 like versus like here. It's Jimmy Savile.

Speaker 1 This was completely random. Jimmy Savile versus Diddy.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Battle of the monsters. Battle of the sexual predators.

Speaker 1 Different tastes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Different tastes. Wow.
I mean, Jimmy Saville, obviously, he's fun and shit. Definitely, he's going to a Diddy party.
For sure. He's going to go to a freak off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's definitely going to a freak off. Diddy has what will appeal to Jimmy Savile.

Speaker 1 You can also see Jimmy Savile going like, oh, yes, more money certainly does bring more problems.

Speaker 1 Say them all, say them all. No, well, that's the thing: Jimmy Saville was a monster of opportunity.

Speaker 1 He, of course, was known across the United Kingdom for years and years as a man of charity.

Speaker 1 And that's, of course, how he found many of his victims, you know, in spinal wards, mental hospitals, and so on and so forth, in addition to various kids that were on Jim Will Fix It.

Speaker 1 But Diddy,

Speaker 1 I think Diddy's like that.

Speaker 1 He's the spider with the web, and Jimmy Savile's the fly.

Speaker 1 Because Jimmy Savile was Jamie Saville is the one that he goes to where the action is, and Diddy has the action. We don't know Diddy's kill count.

Speaker 1 We don't.

Speaker 1 No, we do.

Speaker 1 Britney Murphy. He killed Brittany Murphy.
He killed,

Speaker 1 I think he's going. He was going after Dick Van Dyke.
He kind of got his way. He got out of the line.
I love like Rex Hauerman. We were talking earlier.
You're like, allegedly.

Speaker 1 And like, did he, you're like, he killed Brittany Murphy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We know who he killed. He did a lot of, yeah, who else did he do? Yeah, Tupac Shakur, Piggy Smalls.
His ex-wife. Yeah, his ex-wife, they were talking about that.
Her boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Brittany Murphy's boyfriend. Bertie Mac.
And Jimmy Saville's only ever dealt with children, and kids are like. Well,

Speaker 1 Jimmy Saville's more teenage girls.

Speaker 1 Young teenage girls. that was Jimmy Saville's, that was his taste.
Yeah, like P. Diddy, you know, let's just say.
Because Saville's clever. That's what he always said.
It's always.

Speaker 1 It's better to be clever than smart. He also manhandled full-grown men, did he?

Speaker 1 Diddy sexual assaulted full-grown allegedly. Little known fact about Jimmy Saville, wrestler.
And

Speaker 1 he was a wrestler, and he was in incredibly good shape his entire life. You know what's hard to wrestle? A man covered in baby oil.
Especially a man covered in GHB baby oil. Oh, yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 It gets you sleepy, dude. It gets you real sleepy.

Speaker 1 Like, I think that is the main issue: is that you get the GH. That's the key here.
Yeah. Is that he's slathered with GHP baby oil, which makes him

Speaker 1 truly someone to beat. Very difficult.
Diddy's got the money. He's got, I do think he's got the upper body strength.
I think he's got more kills. He's got more people.

Speaker 1 He's by far more violent because Jimmy Savile was not necessarily known to be violent. Jimmy Savo was a man of opportunity.
He liked to prey on the weak.

Speaker 1 I tell you what, though, I'd pay for a front-row ticket to that fight. Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.
Except for you've got to wear a poncho.

Speaker 1 A white one. Yeah, you get slow because you get sloshed with a lot of that sleepy time oil.
Yeah. But I think with this one, I think Diddy takes it.
I think Diddy takes it, unfortunately. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, I actually think it's fortunately.

Speaker 1 You know, I think Diddy's allowed to win here.

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Speaker 1 All right, so for the last, the first first round bracket of the Western Conference, we have

Speaker 1 Keith Ranieri. Ooh, he's my guy.
Of Nexium. Yeah, of Nexium.

Speaker 1 And we've also got

Speaker 1 the Symbionese Liberation Army.

Speaker 1 Happy SLA coming in. So let's do Nexium versus the XSLA.
Yeah, Nexium versus CSLA. Oh, my God.
We already know who fucking wins. The SLA pumps these motherfuckers full of bullets.

Speaker 1 They got lots of guns. They got lots of,

Speaker 1 you know, Keith Runieri, they show up, right? The SLA rolls up. They're fucking looking cool.

Speaker 1 They got all their guns. They're stupid.

Speaker 1 But none of them are black.

Speaker 1 None of them are black. So they're not going to be able to convince the SLA to do anything.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Nexium is nothing but Ali, what's her name? It's just skinny white women. Yeah.
So they roll in. So first of all, like, it's Keith Reneri and all his skinny white women.
And then you've got the SLA.

Speaker 1 And they're also all rich as well, which is going to piss off the SLA.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. This is very much the bourgeois.
Yeah. Right.
He's like, these are money people. First, Keith Ranieri's being like, can you guys even net?

Speaker 1 And you're like, what? And he brings out his volleyball, spins it on his finger. Like, he's just like, all right, let's see.
Best two out of three.

Speaker 1 Whoever wins the volleyball match, that's who moves on in the game. Cut to.

Speaker 1 I think the SLA is going to give the volleyball game a chance.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think they're going to try. Yeah, I think they're going to try.
I think, because they do have pride. What's his name again?

Speaker 1 The leader, the

Speaker 1 Sing Q. Sing Q.
You can see Sing Q roll up to Keith Runieri being like, what's up, my man? What's going on? And

Speaker 1 he tries to teach him a fucking high five back and forth. And Keith Runieri, he can't.
He can't at all.

Speaker 1 So then I think it's flap, flap, flap, flap, poking the eyes, right, through his little glasses, smashes his glasses out, right? Now Keith Ranieri can't see.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he still has to play, but he, but the SLA still makes him play volleyball. We're doing this the old school way on the sand.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So they're just going to beat him at volleyball and then shoot him? Yeah. Yeah.
I think so.

Speaker 1 And they'll march all over him. Yep.

Speaker 1 They first beat him and then that's got to be, that's got to be such a blow for him. He freaks out.
As soon as he fucking, he's like, you're not following the rules.

Speaker 1 Now, how many of Keith Ranieri's white women become SLA members? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Allie joins. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like, yeah, what's her name? Okay, yeah, the one that was in Battlestar Galactica or the one that was in Super Girl. Super Girl.
Yeah, Smalltown.

Speaker 1 Small girl, yeah. Yeah, Smallville.
Yeah. Yeah, Smallville.
Oh, yeah, Allie Mac joins. She's like, she is definitely the angriest one.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. So SLA picks up Allie Mac.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ah, that's awesome. She do so well with them.
Yeah. She really.
That's who she should have found. Yeah.
Wow. So that's the last of the brackets.
That's the last of the brackets. And that's the thing.

Speaker 1 We have one final.

Speaker 1 We have a couple that did not make the tournament, unfortunately. Chad Dayball and Lori Vallo did not make the tournament, unfortunately.
Still have to wait till next year. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just too busy in prison. That's it.
All right. So now we are in the quarterfinals of the March Madness of Murder and Mayhem, fourth annual.
First up, four Mars attacks aliens versus yosef fritzel on

Speaker 1 a boston dynamics dog all right now this is coming is he is he riding it like a horse yes okay yeah has to he's not strapped on like mudang was he could control he might be laying on top of it yeah see i could see

Speaker 1 him

Speaker 1 running circles with the boston dynamic dog right i could see him going around there and them not really knowing what's going on but here's also one stipulation I'm going to put in.

Speaker 1 We've got four Mars Attacks aliens. Marjorie Taylor Green was such a beast that they used up every bit of plasma power they have.
So they have to fight him with his hands.

Speaker 1 So from now on, the Mars Attacks aliens are hand-to-hand combat. All right.
Well, I will say one thing about the Mars Attacks aliens. We saw them take out tanks.
We saw them take out all the

Speaker 1 weaponry. Yeah.
But why would they have no... Why would they have no laser guns? Because there has to be a stipulation on them to fight.

Speaker 1 Because they didn't.

Speaker 1 But then why did did we give Josef Fritzel a gun if we're not going to give the thing?

Speaker 1 We don't know of him having a gun ever. No, but that's the thing.
The Mars Attacks aliens are covered in laser guns.

Speaker 1 But they started with the laser guns, but they used up all of their laser guns in fighting Marjorie Taylor Green and killing Marjorie Taylor Greene. They're not infinite.
No.

Speaker 1 I don't believe that at all. You see, it's funny that normally

Speaker 1 I would agree that they would have unlimited plasma firing ability. I just wonder whether or not, like,

Speaker 1 if Joseph Fritzel's so

Speaker 1 freedom-bound

Speaker 1 freedom. Think about this.
He's fresh out of jail. Yeah.
He hasn't had a daughter in 25 years. He doesn't want to die.

Speaker 1 He wants to be able to go. His dream is to move back into a house with a basement that he has total control over.
So he has motivation. The aliens.
You're saying they don't have motivation?

Speaker 1 Well, here's what I'm going to say: is that I actually know a good amount about the Mars attacks lore. I was obsessed with Mars Attacks when I was in junior high.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But specifically, I was obsessed with the cards, the card that

Speaker 1 Mars Attacks was based on. But I was also obsessed, Topps Comics had this incredible Mars Attacks series.

Speaker 1 It was like a five-issue miniseries in which it actually had, it showed it from the perspective of the Mars Attacks aliens. The movie, of course, made them very goofy.

Speaker 1 But if we combine that with the TOPS Mars Attacks lore, then we know that the Mars Attacks aliens did have limited resources as they were invading the Earth.

Speaker 1 And so if they do have limited resources, there was a lot of management going on of like, where are we going to put all the aliens, where are we going to put all the UFOs.

Speaker 1 So that tells me that they do have limited resources, that their weapons are not infinite, and that we are dealing with a situation where they would eventually run out of ammo.

Speaker 1 But as we said, what you get in the first round, you can bring to the next round, but you do not get anything extra after you enter the first round.

Speaker 1 Well, we also said that Joseph Fritz was out of bullets. Yes.
Yeah, Josef Fritz was exactly bullets. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he came in with one bullet. And I would say that

Speaker 1 the Mars Attacks aliens are way better with technology than Josef Fritzel. And I think that they will be able to reprogram the

Speaker 1 Boston Dynamics dog.

Speaker 1 That's excellent.

Speaker 1 He just put us into a fucking hole. It's a very good idea.
Yeah, it's a very good point. I can't argue with that.

Speaker 1 No, and Josef Fritzel, as much as we all, again, he has the, just like Mudang, he has the inspiration and he wants to go, but I just think that if you take that power from him, his 90-year-old 90-year-old legs are not really going to be able to do it.

Speaker 1 And if you remember, Joseph Fritzel is a structural engineer, not an electrical engineer. So he's not going to have any idea what to do with that dog.

Speaker 1 But again, four Mars Attacks aliens. I do think one Mars Attacks alien might get trampled by the dog because

Speaker 1 that's his best bet. Yeah, one Mars Attack.
He sacrifices himself so that he can be attacked by the dog while the other two jump on its back and redo its requiring.

Speaker 1 They knock it off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then unfortunately, they do just knock it off, and they just kind of, I think they use their massive glass, like plexiglass heads, and they just head-butt Joseph Fritzel over and over again until he's just mush.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But now that they've reprogrammed it, what do we have now? We have three Mars Attacks aliens with one Boston Dynamics dog. Which is fucking powerful.

Speaker 1 Honestly, this is a huge commercial for Boston Dynamics.

Speaker 1 I really have been asking because I want one of these dogs. I want one real bad.
I want one for the network. Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 1 So our next fight, we have Jan and the Laricans versus still hungry Algada.

Speaker 1 And I'm thinking... They kill the Gallagher.
They kill an alligator. Unfortunately, I have to say Alghada doesn't stand a chance against the Larikans because they fight crocodiles.

Speaker 1 We all know crocodiles are way more powerful than alligators. And so I think that this is a very easy win for the Laricans, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 And they now all have brand new alligator leather hats and gloves. Armor.
And they have teeth that they can use in their slingshots.

Speaker 1 So then they can take the alligator, rip it to pieces, use that to actually enhance their weaponry. Yeah.
So I think that, yeah, this is a no-brainer here. It really is.
Unfortunately,

Speaker 1 this is a blowout.

Speaker 1 But this is a blowout. Yeah.
Just

Speaker 1 seeing about 12 boys kick an alligator to death. Again, I'd pay money to see that.
See it with rocks and trash cans.

Speaker 1 it's not, it's sort of swarmed. It's a swarm, and they're coming from every angle, and it's very difficult to get.
And just, and they're making fun of you, too. That's also the worst part about Lyric.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They're saying stuff about your fucking weight, about your clothes,

Speaker 1 yeah, and the whole like,

Speaker 1 it's demoralizing. Yeah,

Speaker 1 isn't it? Oh, stop your dicks. They're not your balls.
Stop it. Stop bullying me.

Speaker 1 Of course, Jan Pellgrim's voice, once it gets to a certain frequency, it can make your ears bleed. It does hurt you.

Speaker 1 And could maybe affect a Mars Attack alien later on.

Speaker 1 We'll see. We'll see what happens.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that is Eastern. That's the Eastern quarterfinals over and done with.
Let's head over to the Western. This first one, this is a really interesting fight.
Judge Doom versus Luigi Mangioni.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 if we remember Judge Doom, one of the things that Judge Doom was about, what Judge Doom was more than anything else in this entire world, Judge Doom was a capitalist. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 That was his whole plan. His whole plan was to buy the fucking red line and to replace it.
We'll see

Speaker 1 a freeway where you'll see motels, tire salons.

Speaker 1 My God,

Speaker 1 it'll be beautiful.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 You're gonna get none of that. Because I am the only little Italian avenger of all the freedom and all of the proletariat.
That is a beautiful Baltimore accent. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, yeah, like AR. Welcome to Ball of Removal.

Speaker 1 My name's Luigi. It's Baltimore so hard.
No, you make him a sound. This is what an async sounds alike.
I think,

Speaker 1 since we did talk about how much he studies and prepares, I feel like he knows about the dip. I feel like he knows about the dip.
And he could just have a water gun. And

Speaker 1 he really can. I think that he has the dip.
i think that he writes on the and unfortunately because he's a hack he writes detune

Speaker 1 de judge

Speaker 1 d scribble on the fucking on the side of the water gun filled with dip he squirts it all over his he boot cockies it all over his face it's like ah in a weird way i think he's the only one that could be judge doom i think so too i think he's the only one that could have taken him down that was it because of the power of the proletariat itself yeah yeah

Speaker 1 fueled by angry populists. Oh, no.
Judge Doom is like the, he's the capitalist of all capitalists. He's trying to eliminate public transportation, a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's trying to not only eliminate public transportation, but he is willing to murder and kill the very soul of joy, the tunes, in order to do it.

Speaker 1 And he's also a class trader because

Speaker 1 he himself is a tune. Yeah, he's a fucking self-hating tune.
Yeah, he doesn't have a chance against Luigi. He really doesn't.
Yeah, fuck that. All right, so Luigi moves on to the semifinals.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wow. Yeah, fuck yeah, dude.
Good work, Luigi. Yeah, and this next one, this is a, this, this one's pretty interesting.
This is Diddy versus the Symbionese Liberation Army. Whoa, I know.

Speaker 1 How do I say

Speaker 1 just their sheer fear of him? Oh, for sure. I think Diddy's own presence is so intimidating to the SLA.
They so want to be cool with Diddy. They do.
They want to go to the party.

Speaker 1 And Diddy's got a lot of cred.

Speaker 1 And that's all they want. All they want is for Diddy to tell them that

Speaker 1 he likes their shoes. They're going to listen to anything he tells them to do.
If he tells them to go fucking drown in baby oil, they will do it. Are you sure, Diddy? Yeah, that is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Are you sure? I get you, Diddy? If there's one thing that a white man wants above all else, it's for a black man to tell him that his shoes are cool. That's it.

Speaker 1 He'll do anything for that. He will.

Speaker 1 Nothing makes me happy. Oh, my God.
It happened to me on

Speaker 1 the J-Train once in New York. I was on a high for a week.
It's my favorite thing. It's the only reason why I wear those shoes.

Speaker 1 Do you think that we could change the attitude of of the entire country if someone just told trump his

Speaker 1 shoes were like yeah yeah i think so i think we're there you know someone would have to go and fake laugh for a year yeah

Speaker 1 so yeah i i i think diddy did take him out pretty fast yeah yeah i think so yeah because i don't like have you tried this new sports drink they're like wow diddy what's that it's called sleepy oil like that's what he does he shows them the new new sports drink that he's marketing from his Siroc label and they're all so excited to be and he sets it up like a velvet rope, and then he sets it all up like it's a super exclusive hip-hop party.

Speaker 1 And so they're so excited to go that he has the guys check in, they check in all their weaponry, just like you have to do at a hip-hop party.

Speaker 1 And they all walk in, and then he gives them all his special cocktail, and they're all dead.

Speaker 1 He is, Diddy loves a celebrity. So I think Patty Hearst might live if she continues how she acted with the SLA.
I think this is Patty Hearst is out of the SLA. This is without Patty Hearst.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for me, this has been, yeah, without Patty Hearst the entire time. Oh, okay.
Yeah, but you know, you know, who did he pick up, though? Ally Mac. Oh, yes, absolutely.
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Very much.

Speaker 1 One thing Allie and Mac likes to do, it is collaborate. Oh, she does.

Speaker 1 She does. Wow, so we're down to the final four.
Yeah, this is the final four here. So this is incredible.
So, but now this is, oh man.

Speaker 1 This is like Duke versus Gonzaga. Like, three Marsh Attacks Attacks aliens with a Boston Dynamics dog versus Jan and the Larikans.
Wow. Now, what's the other fight before we discuss this one?

Speaker 1 And the other fight is Luigi Mangioni versus P. Diddy.
Whoa, Jesus Christ. I would have never thought that this is where this date would be.
I know, I know. This is

Speaker 1 last year. It was Godzilla versus Xenomorph.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's do like before we go that. Let's final four.
Let's go. Last year's Final Four was on the Eastern Conference.
We had Xenu, the Scientology God, versus the Xenomorph, you know, alien.

Speaker 1 And on the other side, we had Godzilla, who was quite injured by 400 birds, versus Kill Dozer possessed by Bazuzu. Yeah, wow.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
What a colorful year that was.

Speaker 1 This year, I feel like we're really getting it down to brass text. What do people want to hear?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like, because, I mean, it's been a long time since we've had a group versus a group in the final four.

Speaker 1 But I'm thinking that at the end of the day, Jan and the Larikens might overtake the Mars Attack, three Mars Attacks aliens and the Boston dynamic.

Speaker 1 We don't think that the Mars Attacks aliens and the Larikens wouldn't fucking be like, I love you.

Speaker 1 I don't mind. I'm the craziest supergroup on the business.

Speaker 1 God, they have their incident.

Speaker 1 They can't stay there.

Speaker 1 They love chaos so much. All of them love nothing more than chaos.
But the Martians hate all humans. No matter what, they hate all humans.

Speaker 1 There's no way, because you remember, even in the movie, like if you follow the lore, right? They do kind of hint that they might go with the bad humans and then they blow them up, too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, like, they, I don't, I think in the end, unfortunately,

Speaker 1 they would, but Larikens are immune to lies.

Speaker 1 Laricans are.

Speaker 1 But I think that's, yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 But also, there's no way the Mars attacks aliens can tell lies because all they do is go,

Speaker 1 but in terms of the idea that Blerikins know that even if the Martians pretend to sort of try to get them into the fold, Blerikins are naturally distrustful. Yes, they are.

Speaker 1 And so I'm actually, I'm with Marcus. I think the reason why is

Speaker 1 youth. Yeah.
The power of youth.

Speaker 1 And how if you believe in yourself,

Speaker 1 what you can do. Yeah.
Right. And how these little boys, they are armed to the teeth.
They have no parents. They live in the jungle.

Speaker 1 They feel nothing. They live in the outback.
Yeah. They feel nothing.
And at the end of the day, it's like I was saying with Jan Pelgram, the register of his voice, that high pitch.

Speaker 1 As soon as he learns how to sing, boom.

Speaker 1 All three Mars attacks aliens explode. The heads explode, just like in the movie.
But I think this dog is going to be hard to take out. They just have rocks.

Speaker 1 But they could also, they have tricks. And what you can do is you can get, you can trap up a Boston Dynamics with old-fashioned, especially like old school rope traps.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, like you, like you touch a thing down from a bend down tree, you like attach like a thing. You know how they do that?

Speaker 1 Where it lifts you up, where the rope is attached to the super thin tree, and it flips you up into the sky. I could see them doing that to a Boston Dynamics, though.

Speaker 1 The dog takes out at least one or two of these. Sure, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say he takes out three. Yeah, but Laricans are.
They multiply. Yeah.
And their boys just keep showing up. And they are a swarm.

Speaker 1 It would literally be a cloud of dust with fists coming out of ass and shit. Yeah, yeah, like Keith Cliff getting into a fight.
Yeah, yeah. I think we could do this.

Speaker 1 I think that the Laricans can beat the Martians. Does Jan live? Yes.
Yes, of course. Well, Jan's the one who delivers the coup de grace.

Speaker 1 But while he does that, does the Boston Dynamics dog just fucking rip his larynx out? Nope. I think that the other Laricans take care of that.

Speaker 1 I think the other Larikans make sure that the Boston because remember they have one half goes after the dog the other half goes after the aliens.

Speaker 1 They also can naturally form really good like towers and piles as boys. Yeah.
But also remember they have the Mars attacks aliens.

Speaker 1 They have everything they have everything that they gain from killing Algada. Yeah, you remember they have all their stuff.
So they got square in its skin.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it makes them more fucking resistance to weaponry. I think that they can overpower the aliens because there's not as many aliens.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it all depends on if the Boston Dynamics dog gets them down on the ground and stomps on them. Yeah, and starts ripping out their throats.
Well, it doesn't have mouth. It doesn't? No.
No.

Speaker 1 No, it's just the Boston Dynamics Dog, its only power is in its legs and how much it can stand.

Speaker 1 Simpson's got to give this thing a robot mouth. What are we even doing here? That's what I've been asking for.

Speaker 1 No head. No head.
Yeah, you can attach a gun to it, but we decided not to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We decided not to do that. But I think in the end of it, Jan and the Larikans take it.

Speaker 1 All right, so we're talking seven laricans and Jan. Yeah, seven larkins and Jan.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I would have never thought that the Larikins would make it this far. Laricans mean something to people.
Yeah, they really do.

Speaker 1 They have right now, again, like the Eagles last year. They just want it more.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They just want it. And that's the thing is that the Larikins never would have made it if Jan hadn't come on because Jan was the one that eventually saved him from the Mars Attacks aliens.
Yes,

Speaker 1 you never know what's going to happen on a last podcast on the left, March Madness of Mayhem and Murder. You never know when you're waiting for a hero, when it's going to show up.

Speaker 1 And there's a reason why this was the wild wild card edition because anything can happen, ladies and gentlemen. Anything can happen.

Speaker 1 Semifinals on the other side, we have Luigi Mangioni versus P. Diddy.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's a competition at all. I don't think Luigi Mangione is impressed by a single fucking thing that Diddy has to say or do.
And I think Luigi Mangioni, again,

Speaker 1 shoots him in the back of the head. Did he think that he's going to be able to get that close to Diddy? Diddy has to.
Well, he has to.

Speaker 1 It's a

Speaker 1 The thing about Brian Thompson is: Brian Thompson was a loner. He'd always go out by himself, telecoms sitting there alone in the tank.
Diddy has a crew at all times.

Speaker 1 But I will say, Diddy is, again, he's a star fucker. So

Speaker 1 the reverse of the SLA, where all the SLA are super enamored with Diddy and want to get Geonisko do whatever he wants, I could see Diddy originally sucking up the Luigi Mangioni and saying, we should be friends because I think that you're super.

Speaker 1 But Luigi loves the attention. Exactly.
But that's the thing is that I actually, if you guys, I don't know if you guys know this, but I think Luigi and Diddy are currently in the same prison.

Speaker 1 Like they're in the same, I think they're currently in the same jail. And I think I remember.

Speaker 1 I think I remember reading that Diddy is actually jealous of Luigi for how much attention Luigi is getting. And Luigi is.
Active attention. Luigi's trying to back off a little bit.
He's like,

Speaker 1 stop sending pictures. I don't need any more pictures.
Because it eventually will poison the jury pool against him. He knows that.
But I think that Luigi,

Speaker 1 D.C. They're both in Brooklyn.

Speaker 1 I think there's a really solid chance that Diddy can take Luigi. See, I do think that if it was a one-on-one fight, yes.

Speaker 1 Diddy could absolutely, physically manhandle Luigi Mangioni. Absolutely.
He's larger than him. But we have established

Speaker 1 that Luigi prepares. Of course.
And

Speaker 1 I think what Luigi's going to bring to this one, landmines. Landmines?

Speaker 1 Why is that going to matter? Explosives.

Speaker 1 That's going to take away the fucking first wave of the goons. Luigi Mangioni has become the Batman of this competition.
Yeah, he really has. And in that way, I do.

Speaker 1 And then because he has that ability, I would label him as such. But then also, Diddy's got...
Hmm. Can Diddy call upon the ghost of Britney Murphy? I think that if Luigi Mangioni.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. Yeah, once you murder someone,

Speaker 1 well, Diddy's not really into Satanism or anything like that. So no, he's not.
He's gained no neck. Are you ready for this? Luigi Bangioni, handful of landmines.
He's going to put them down.

Speaker 1 What's on the ground? Bunch of baby oil. What?

Speaker 1 Slips. Landmines fly in the air.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. Okay.
Wow. I never, because Diddy's got a lot of time to think.
Yeah, he does. Yeah, he's in jail.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I feel like we've been discounting in a way.

Speaker 1 Ha, wow. We've been discounting Diddy quite a bit.
He is prolifically horrible. He was a

Speaker 1 real crowd.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is true. That is true.
Yeah, I think. Wow, yeah.
I didn't even think about it in terms of that. The baby oil.
Yeah, because that's the thing.

Speaker 1 Because the Suiji Manjioni could suffer from hoobras. This is Batman versus the Joker.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when Diddy dressed as the Joker? Yeah, Diddy did dress as the Joker, and I think this might be the time that the Joker takes it. Wow, yeah.
You know, Luigi, you flipped it on me.

Speaker 1 I think you flipped it on me, too. Wow, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. I know that's going to be deeply unpopular.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 It's going to to be upset. Yeah, it's going to be really unpopular.
Because he's evil doesn't mean he can't win. That's why I know that.
No, that's true. Casey Affleck won an Oscar.

Speaker 1 That's what this is about. Like, what are we supposed to do here? Yeah, yeah, no.
Casey Anthony's still out there hanging out. Is that Diddy is the? He's the Joker.
Yeah, it's Diddy as the Joker.

Speaker 1 Tyler looks great. Did you ever see the video of him harassing Tyler the Creator? No.
That's the Joker. Oh, my God.
You could see Tyler Creator.

Speaker 1 Tyler the Creator is like, so he's pulling out of some party. Diddy is dressed as the Joker and keeps trying to get him to come out of the car.

Speaker 1 And you can see this look on Tyler the Creator where he's like, no, thank you. No, I don't want to go with you.
I don't want to go. It seems all tough, but he's actually a really nice guy.

Speaker 1 Tyler the Creator? Yeah, he's a very nice guy. He's a very, he's a, he's an, but you see this thing where he's trying to get him to come out.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 He's got a gun. No, it's a fake gun.
It looks real. Yes, it looks very real.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it shouldn't be.

Speaker 1 But he was in parallel. He stayed in the middle of the day.
Didn't he? He white-faced his neck.

Speaker 1 He stayed in character all night, apparently, and it was very frightening. Yeah.
Oh, my God. That sounds extraordinarily extraordinarily frightening.

Speaker 1 Terrifies me. That's what Luigi meant Diddy as Joker for, Joker Fried Diddy.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So unfortunately, yeah, Diddy does take it, but this is a very

Speaker 1 interesting finale. This is the longest fight we've had.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 but this is a very interesting final here. Oh, man, it is Diddy versus Jan and the Larikins.
I mean, if anybody can woo these little Larikans,

Speaker 1 it's a man who's got fucking gallons of baby oil and people who are going to fuck these larickens. Why do I say that? These larrkins have never had sex like this.

Speaker 1 But the larrkins, I think, they love all crime except for sexual assault. Yeah.
I would say that. I think that they're not sexual angels.
I don't think they're sexual beings. They're too young.

Speaker 1 I think that they just like the freedom of the outback. They love

Speaker 1 to show them a pair of titties and they're going to go, oh my God. I bet you.
But I also think boys would come too fast.

Speaker 1 And I think that they go right to sleep. Dude, if you showed a boy.

Speaker 1 But I do think that if you showed a bunch of boys a pair of titties, right? Like, let's say you called, what's her name over? You call it Ice T's wife.

Speaker 1 Coco. Coco.
Let's say you call Coco over huge titties, showing them to Larikens. I think they come their pants immediately.
And yeah, at first you're like, wow. But then it's kind of over.

Speaker 1 And then once you've come,

Speaker 1 you don't care about anything. Teddy's been manipulating young gang members his entire life.

Speaker 1 He has this.

Speaker 1 And also, he could just straight up drug them up because we know Larikans are going to do drugs. And

Speaker 1 we know that Diddy has drugs. They have plenty of booze.
Sirock, all around. They like booze, but I think that the Larikans are smart enough to know.

Speaker 1 that they're going to, he's going to turn the tables on them. I think that they know that he's just luring them in like a captain hook.
And I think that they can see past that.

Speaker 1 And I think that there is a somewhat, somewhat of a code to the Larikans. I do think that Larikans stand just like Luigi Mangioni.
They mostly stand for freedom. Yeah.
And I think.

Speaker 1 And they don't want, they don't want,

Speaker 1 they don't trust a shady.

Speaker 1 They're not going to become trafficked by Diddy?

Speaker 1 I don't think so because I think that what Jan Pelgram, if you have Jan Pellgram at the head of this Larikin group, because what does Jan Pellgram want?

Speaker 1 What is the only thing Jan Pelgrim wants to kill? Murder. Yep.
And Diddy only murders when necessary. Murder is way too high profile for him.
So I don't think that this is going to be their crowd.

Speaker 1 I don't think they're going to want in here at all. If the Laricans can take out the, as far as I'm concerned, if the Larins can take it out the Mars attack aliens, they can take out Diddy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think that if Diddy is really like, if you're going to fight all of these boys, the thing about boys, again, they just keep showing up.

Speaker 1 And anybody can be a Larican can, you just have to just give up living in society. Yeah.
Well, as a a child. Yes.
You can't be an old Larikan. And you have to be a good.
An old Larican is a bastard.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 A convict, a criminal, a dictator,

Speaker 1 many different things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think at the end of the day, I think before Diddy even opens his fucking mouth, I think a Larican hits him in the head with a slingshotted rock and he goes down and they just beat him to death.

Speaker 1 I just think he doesn't have a gun on him at all times.

Speaker 1 He might have a gun. He might.

Speaker 1 But that's

Speaker 1 an oil. But that's the thing: Diddy,

Speaker 1 by the strategy that you put forth, Diddy's strategy is to try to bring the kids in.

Speaker 1 He's going to try to manipulate them. He's going to smooth talk them.
Yeah, he's going to smooth talk them. He's not going to come out with the gun.

Speaker 1 I think the Larikans get him in the head with the rock, and that's really all you need. A well-placed rock.

Speaker 1 As soon as they get their fill of dog, you know, like pigs in a blanket and the mimosas going around. That's what they have at Diddy's parties, pigs in a blanket? That's what what I'm saying.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 the little spinach triangles.

Speaker 1 When they all eat, when they were filled with the spinach triangles, they are then they've already served their purpose at the party. Yeah, they've gotten the free food and the booze that they wanted.

Speaker 1 That's the only reason why they're there. You don't care about the women, they're sexless.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I think at the end of the day, after they kill Diddy, they take over his empire and they run it into the ground.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, very they spend all the money very quickly on pinball machines, a bunch of sour candies,

Speaker 1 And the Larrickans formed the real one. That's it.
Yeah, the Larrickans formed the real Bad Boy Entertainment. And ladies and gentlemen, that was the fourth annual last podcast on the left.

Speaker 1 March Madness of Murder and Mayhem Wildcard Edition. One of the craziest tournaments we've ever had in the entirety of this tournament that we've been doing over the years.

Speaker 1 My God, that was a hell of a day. It was a hell of a night.

Speaker 1 I know we're going to hear the end of it, but that's why we want you.

Speaker 1 Chime in SideStoriesLP-O-TL at gmail.com. Where did we get it right? Where did we get it wrong? And what? Next week.
I mean, next year. When we do this again, we are terrified of larrickings.

Speaker 1 I think is the one thing we've decided.

Speaker 1 There's nothing in this world that scares us more than 14-year-old boys. I don't like them.

Speaker 1 All right. They are unpredictable and they are unstoppable because we can't do anything about them.

Speaker 1 I can't hit them. I can't, like, you know, because if I was allowed.
But the thing is, you fight back against the larricines, you go to jail. That's the thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sure. A well-placed strike of an suv can kill a lot of larrogans yeah oh admit he does have plenty of escalades yeah if we want to re talk if we want to talk about this again

Speaker 1 i just don't think there's too many of them yeah yeah wow this is just

Speaker 1 i love us yeah as do i this is our best work patreon.com slash last podcast on the left if you want to see this and all of our episodes in video form you can see absolutely on the video that every single one of our matchups were completely and totally random pulled it from this cup that I'm holding right here.

Speaker 1 Nothing fixed here. Nothing fixed.
You can also check us out at LastPodcast on the left on TikTok and Instagram. And go check out all of our streams at twitch.tv slash LPNTV.

Speaker 1 And don't forget to come see us on tour. Yeah, baby.
We're going to be in Detroit on April 18th. And then we're going to be after that, we're going to Toronto on May 3rd and Atlanta on June 2020.

Speaker 1 28th. And then after that, we got a whole bunch of more shows about to be announced.
So make sure you check that out. Also, come check me out.
I'm in Florida right now. Let's hang out.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be in Jacksonville on the 20th. I'm going to be in Panama City on the 21st and 22nd.

Speaker 1 And in Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian of Parliament Funkadelic at the 926 Bar and Grill on March 23rd. You're not going to want to miss that.

Speaker 1 That's going to be an amazing show coming back to the old stomping grounds in the very room. I started comedy.
It's going to be so much fun, Mac. And I can't wait to do Google.

Speaker 1 We're going to have fun or Orlando and Fort Lauderdale. That's right.
right.

Speaker 1 They're gonna be fucking great. May 7th and 8th, we're gonna be in Fort Lauderdale, Dania Beach for side stories.
And on May 8th, we're going to be in Orlando at the funny bone. Fuck yeah, Ed.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Hail Satan, everyone. All right, hail again.

Speaker 1 And make sure, just remember, always fight for freedom. Yeah.
Hail, telecom. I'm doing it.
You're allowed. I miss him.
Yeah. You're allowed.
I'm sorry that had happened.

Speaker 1 That's the sound he made after Luigi Mangioni fucking showed his ass.

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Speaker 2 Es la confienzembotellada.

Speaker 1 Elixito favorito o regada te los twos.

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Speaker 1 Compraya.

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