In-Seder Trading

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Speaker 1 What's up, Los Angeles? Welcome to Love It or Leave It live from the Elysian Theater.

Speaker 1 As Pharaoh once said, man, Passover really snuck up on me.

Speaker 1 So we'll be flying through this pack show so quickly the bread won't have time to rise.

Speaker 1 Our plagues, measles, bird flu, and microplastics so far.

Speaker 1 Our bread of affliction, the vegan recipe we tried to bake with applesauce instead of eggs, and nutritional yeast instead of tasting good.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Love It or Leave It's 2025 Passover Seder.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 That was the Havanaguela

Speaker 1 bagpipes

Speaker 1 from our Shiva episode for Queen Elizabeth Elizabeth II,

Speaker 1 Robbie Hoffman, Rachel Bloom, and Elijah are here.

Speaker 1 We'll ask the four questions, and my mother and soon-to-be mother-in-law will, and this is for real, meet for the first time on this stage.

Speaker 1 And with that, we'll say, Dianu.

Speaker 1 But first, let's get into it. What a week.

Speaker 1 In the wake of Trump's announcement of a trade war against every country on earth, as markets plummeted, companies announced layoffs, and retirees looked for early bird specials on gourmet dog food, the right-wing defended their best boy.

Speaker 2 You have to just let him do what he's going to do, give him some time, because he is a businessman, he's a billionaire, he knows what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Just close your eyes and think of England.

Speaker 1 Stop pointing out all these grease fires and let the man cook.

Speaker 1 Treasury Secretary and bad gay Scott Besant had this to say on NBC Sunday.

Speaker 1 We had record volume on Friday and everything is working very smoothly so the American people can

Speaker 1 be very

Speaker 1 take great comfort in that.

Speaker 1 Good news, everybody. The paper shredder your tie is stuck in is working perfectly.
It's successfully pulling your face toward the gnashing metal teeth with a plom.

Speaker 1 It's eating that tie while you scream and claw at the machine like it's nothing. Wirecutter, your recommendation is crushed once again.

Speaker 1 Secretary of Commerce Howard Ludnick offered this exciting vision for the future on Sunday.

Speaker 3 Remember, the army of millions and millions of human beings screwing in little, little screws to make iPhones. That kind of thing is going to come to America.

Speaker 1 USA. USA.
What a beautiful vision for the future. I would just point out that Howard Ludnick has not worked a day in his life outside of finance.

Speaker 1 He ran the firm Cantor Fitzgerald, over which he gained control after a bitter dispute with Iris Cantor, the wife of the firm's founder. They battled in court for years.

Speaker 1 She barred him from her husband's funeral.

Speaker 1 But Cantor Fitzgerald is best known for having lost 658 people on 9-11, including Ludnick's own brother.

Speaker 1 He became well known because of a moving interview he gave with Connie Chung on September 14th, 2001.

Speaker 1 So while I'm the head of the company, I'm trying to help my 700 employees who are missing

Speaker 1 their loved ones. I'm just another one of them.
Just another one of them.

Speaker 1 Just another one of them. The interview became infamous.
Does anybody here remember why? I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1 Cantor Fitzgerald removed the names of those 658 employees from the payroll on September 15th.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There was an outcry and the firm ultimately set aside some profits for the families of employees who died.

Speaker 1 But it was devastating for families whose loved ones were still technically considered missing. And it tells you something about the ruthlessness of this person and the focus on the bottom line.

Speaker 1 Another revealing fact about Howard Luttnick, he's from fucking Jericho.

Speaker 1 Audience from Long Island nods their heads so hard they have to go to the hospital.

Speaker 1 There has been some tension. Elon Musk said on Saturday that he hoped for a zero tariff situation between the U.S.

Speaker 1 and the EU and spent the following days feuding with Trump's trade advisor, Peter Navarro. One thing about a Trump presidency, there will always be two crabs in a bucket scrapping it out.

Speaker 1 But which crabs? That's what keeps it fresh.

Speaker 1 By early this week, Musk was estimated to have lost around $31 billion since Trump announced the tariffs that Navarro championed. And you all thought the tariffs had no conceivable upside.

Speaker 1 Shame on you. On Saturday, Musk publicly criticized Navarro on X, writing, a PhD in econ from Harvard is a bad thing, not a good thing.
Hmm.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's actually a neutral thing that's often wielded by bad people, like alternative medicine or the speakerphone function.

Speaker 1 Then on Monday, Navarro took a shot at Musk during an interview on CNBC saying this.

Speaker 4 But he's not a car manufacturer. He's a car assembler.
A good part of the engines that he gets, which in the EV case is the batteries come from Japan and come from China.

Speaker 4 The electronics come from Taiwan.

Speaker 1 The cyber truck panels that keep falling off come from Mexico, but the glue that doesn't hold them on comes from South Korea.

Speaker 1 Musk on Tuesday replied to a video of the interview on X saying that Navarro was truly a moron and dumber than a sack of bricks. And thanks to Trump's tariffs, price of the brick going up.

Speaker 1 White House Press Secretary Caroline Levitt, no relation, was asked about the ongoing squabble.

Speaker 6 These are obviously two individuals who have very different views on trade and on tariffs.

Speaker 5 Boys will be boys, and we will let their public sparring continue.

Speaker 6 And you guys should all be very grateful that we have the most transparent administration in history.

Speaker 1 First of all, the combined age of these boys is 128

Speaker 1 years old.

Speaker 1 Second, it's true these idiots are fighting in public and the chaos inside of the White House is spilling out into the open. But that's a superficial kind of openness.

Speaker 1 It's democracy theater, not democracy itself. It's real housewives transparency when what we need is Panama Papers transparency.

Speaker 1 Because on the same day, Levitt, no relation, described the administration as the most transparent in history, Trump signed a memo directing his agency heads to repeal a raft of environmental regulations and other rules.

Speaker 1 That directive also said that as they go through the books removing regulations that they claim to be unlawful, agency heads shall finalize rules without notice and comment.

Speaker 1 In other words, Trump just issued an order telling his agency heads to get rid of regulations in secret without giving the public an opportunity to know about it, let alone have a comment about it.

Speaker 1 They've boarded up all the windows and sent two clowns outside to punch each other in the dicks. But those are the clowns they want us to see.
But what of the inside clowns? What of their dicks?

Speaker 1 Speaking of dicks, during a speech at the NRCC dinner on Tuesday night, Trump bragged that global leaders were desperate to make a deal.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, these countries are calling us up, kissing my ass. They are.

Speaker 1 They are dying to make a deal. Please, please, please, sir, make it deal.
I'll do anything. I'll do anything, sir.

Speaker 1 Please, sir, please, please put the pin back into the grenade you're holding between your butt cheeks.

Speaker 1 Everybody wins if you put that pin back into the ass grenade.

Speaker 1 On Wednesday morning, as the stock market's chaos continued, the president wrote on Truth Social: Be cool.

Speaker 1 Everything is going to work out well. The USA will be bigger and better than ever before.
We just have to be cool. Tell that, Mr.
Be Cool. I'm going to kill you.
Say kids, be cool. Be cool.

Speaker 1 Say this, be cool. Tell that fucking Mr.
Chill.

Speaker 1 Be calm. Meanwhile, J.P.

Speaker 1 Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Diamond was asked on Wednesday whether he thought a recession was likely and replied, I am going to defer to my economists at this point, but I think probably.

Speaker 1 Joining us now are those economists. Gentlemen, what are your thoughts on

Speaker 1 just a reminder, you can watch our Love It or Leave It live show on YouTube

Speaker 1 every week to see this and other hilarious visual punchlines. Just stop by YouTube at Love It or Leave It Podcast and check it out.

Speaker 1 Then later on Wednesday, Trump fully blinked, announcing a 90-day pause of reciprocal tariffs on all countries except for China, whose tariffs he raised to 125%.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, wait, hold on one second.

Speaker 1 Johan, it's Love It.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry to call so early in Zurich. Bad news.
I know last week we decided to open a chocolate factory in East St. Louis.

Speaker 1 I know I'm really disappointed too. They said the tariffs were here to stay.
Hey,

Speaker 1 hey, Johan,

Speaker 1 don't cry.

Speaker 1 I do think we'll always be friends. Best to Ursina and Little Albrecht.
Let's not call it Alvitracen.

Speaker 1 Let's call it goodbye forever.

Speaker 1 Why did Trump back down, you ask?

Speaker 1 If that joke worked,

Speaker 1 Hallie had to buy me a sandwich. If it didn't work, I have to buy Hallie a sandwich.
I think you fucking won. Fuck, fuck.

Speaker 1 Why did Trump back down, you ask? Was it because those other countries negotiated awesome deals? It was not.

Speaker 1 Can you walk us through what you were thinking about why you decided to put a 90-day pause? Well, I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting yippy, you know?

Speaker 1 They were getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid. Yeah, people get squirrely when you dump all their money in a big toilet and say, I am going to flush this.
The president continued,

Speaker 1 they will be fair deals for everybody,

Speaker 1 but they weren't fair to the United States. They were sucking us dry, and you can't do that.

Speaker 1 They were sucking us dry, negative, and now they're sucking us dry, positive.

Speaker 1 My whole family is here.

Speaker 1 Stocks immediately climbed after Trump's reversal, which helped make sense of Trump's truth social post from earlier that morning that said, this is a great time to buy. Signed DJT.

Speaker 1 Trump innovating in the insider trading space by posting this on the internet. Internet cider trading, if you will.
Health Secretary RFK Jr.

Speaker 1 finally changed his tune on the measles vaccine after a second child died of the illness, writing in a Sunday ex post, the most effective way to prevent the spread of measles is the MMR vaccine.

Speaker 1 RFK Jr. explained that his target number of dead kids was two.

Speaker 1 Anti-vax activist, sorry, anti-vax activist Sherry Tenpenny, who once claimed during an Ohio legislative hearing that the COVID vaccine caused patients to become magnetized,

Speaker 1 wrote in response, I'm sorry, but there is no defense for this poorly worded statement. Gee, I guess magnet lady found RFK Jr.'s new position polarizing.

Speaker 1 In a Tuesday's CBS News interview, Kennedy publicly urged people to get the measles vaccine for the first time since becoming health secretary.

Speaker 1 It's one thing to say the measles vaccine is the best way of preventing spread, but it's another thing to then say, and therefore

Speaker 1 we suggest that you get the measles vaccine.

Speaker 1 You encourage people to get the measles vaccine. Okay, so that, I mean, I think that's actually the next step, and that's news as far as I'm concerned, that you're saying that.

Speaker 1 I'm still learning and evolving, replied RFK Jr., while slurping down a a whole goldfish through a boba straw.

Speaker 1 I do want to say, you know, when somebody does something you've asked them to do, even if it's ridiculous that we had to ask, and even if it's abominable that we're in this position, we do express our gratitude.

Speaker 1 The thank you carcass is in the mail.

Speaker 1 Last month, Kilmar Obrego Garcia, a legal resident who has been in the U.S. since 2011, was deported to Sakat, the Salvadoran mega prison.

Speaker 1 The White House admitted Garcia was deported due to an administrative error, but claimed they do not have the authority to retrieve him because he is now in the custody of El Salvador.

Speaker 1 A classic case of not it.

Speaker 1 A judge ordered the Trump White House to bring the Maryland man back by midnight Monday, but the Supreme Court issued a temporary stay on that ruling.

Speaker 1 And then on Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. government must facilitate Abrego Garcia's return in an unsigned order.

Speaker 1 In a separate statement, the three liberal justices went further, saying the court was wrong to stay the Monday order and that Abrego Garcia deserves the full due process he was denied.

Speaker 1 And that's three more thank you carcasses in the mail from crooked media.

Speaker 1 Just do want to stop and say that all nine justices have now said in two separate rulings that everyone deserves a measure of due process, that the administration cannot just remove people without giving people enough time to have their objections heard in court, and that removing someone to a jail in El Salvador does not mean that the administration does not have a responsibility to try to correct that mistake.

Speaker 1 Because what the Trump administration position is, is they can take anyone off the street, claim that because they are an undocumented immigrant, they can be deported without seeing a judge, they can be sent to a prison in El Salvador, and once handed over to El Salvador, they no longer have the ability to bring that person back and U.S.

Speaker 1 courts no longer have the ability to question it. It is as clear as day a means of saying that they can basically

Speaker 1 deport people and imprison American citizens without anyone having the ability to ever question it or stop it. And this is nine Supreme Court justices saying that that is not going to fly.

Speaker 1 And all the claims that this is a, that these are activist judges, they are now, what, they're going to claim Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas and Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett and the other one,

Speaker 1 Gorsuch, that these are all,

Speaker 1 these are all, what, liberal activist judges?

Speaker 1 That's all.

Speaker 1 Fuck them. All right.

Speaker 1 Also, this week, the Supreme Court vacated Judge James Bozberg's temporary ban on the Trump administration's attempt to deport Venezuelan immigrants using the Alien Enemies Act.

Speaker 1 The Trump administration claimed victory, but all nine justices also made clear that the administration must notify immigrants that they're facing deportation ahead of time so they can challenge the government's decision.

Speaker 1 The court unanimously agrees, in other words, that everyone is due some sort of process.

Speaker 1 These have been decisions with something for everybody, and by the same token, satisfying to no one, like a protein brownie or salmon with frosting on it.

Speaker 1 And if you've been following the story of Andre Hernandez, Romero, the gay makeup artist, sent to El Salvador after an investigator with Core Civic, which contracts with ICE, signed off on the claim he was in Trendearagua, it turns out that that investigator was once a Milwaukee cop so shady, county prosecutors flagged him as too unreliable to testify in court.

Speaker 1 Are you so terrible at being a cop that even other cops are like, woof, I don't know about this guy. An exciting career awaits you at ICE.

Speaker 1 Apparently, this guy left the force after drunkenly driving his car into a literal home while being investigated for lying about overtime and was convicted for kicking in the door of an apartment and threatening to kill himself with his service revolver in front of his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Now he's sending immigrants to a mega prison based on their tattoos, said everybody in his high school reunion. Yeah, seems about right.

Speaker 1 So as Trump tanks the global economy and his administration terrorizes legal immigrants, Fox News continues to be laser-focused on the most important topic of the day, gender.

Speaker 1 Here we have Fox News's gender chaos headlines.

Speaker 1 The network had to dig through second and third tier sports to find enough trans athletes to freak the squares this week, rallying against trans women playing in a women's pool tournament and a fencing competition.

Speaker 1 Pool, a sport that famously hinges on the sheer physical strength of the competitor, the most jacked person who hits the balls the hardest wins. Pool.
Here we have a clip from Fox News.

Speaker 1 We got in trouble. Yeah, that's right.
Music, man.

Speaker 1 But good news: the solution to gender confusion exists is a stiff dose of international trade barriers. This is an actual Fox News Chiron from this week.
Trump's Manly Tariffs.

Speaker 1 Pundit believes it could reverse crisis in masculinity.

Speaker 1 Because men need to get out of the office and back to the factory floor.

Speaker 7 When you sit behind a screen all day, it makes you a woman.

Speaker 1 Studies are trendy. Studies are trendless.

Speaker 7 And if you're not working, like building robots like Harold, you are around other guys. You're not around HR ladies and lawyers.
It gives you estrogen. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Let me finish, Judge.

Speaker 7 You sit behind the screen.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Get his ass, Judge Janine Piro. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 1 In other news, Nintendo paused pre-orders of their Switch 2 in the U.S., Canada, and China in response to Trump's tariff threats. Unacceptable.
Just wait till my father, Bowser, hears about this.

Speaker 1 GameStop CEO Ryan Cohen, himself a Vocal Trump fan, tweeted, These tariffs are turning me into a Dem along with the rainbow emoji.

Speaker 1 He may be the CEO of GameStop, but he doesn't like it when the games stop.

Speaker 1 A pair of nearly 100-year-old Galapagos tortoises at the Philadelphia Zoo have become parents for the first time, cried the tortoises' mothers. Finally.

Speaker 1 And by a very sweet coincidence, the baby tortoise's face looks almost identical to that of Gavin, the zoo's loneliness maintenance man.

Speaker 1 Gavin, fuck that turtle.

Speaker 1 Up next, guess who's coming to Seder? It's Robbie Hoffman and Rachel Bloom.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Therapy can feel like a big investment, but the state of your mind is just as important as your physical health.
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Speaker 1 I benefited from therapy. John, you've benefited from therapy.
Sure have. Sure am.
You can learn positive coping skills. I got to get a therapy session back on the books.
I know

Speaker 1 I'm not doing what a weekday anymore. My therapy slot's back open.
There you go.

Speaker 1 My therapist texts me.

Speaker 1 I just text her back.

Speaker 1 She said, I noticed there's no more what a week. Why don't you come in? Well, my therapist was like, you got engaged? I was like, yeah, I'm doing great.
I don't need to talk about it.

Speaker 1 Do you want to talk about it?

Speaker 1 I do actually.

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Everybody could benefit from it.

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Speaker 1 Visit betterhelp.com/slash love it to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com/slash/love it.

Speaker 8 Courage is the new currency in this country.

Speaker 8 I'm Skye Perryman, president and CEO of Democracy Forward, where our team of lawyers is fighting in court every day for you, for your rights, and for our democracy.

Speaker 8 The Trump Vance administration wants us to be exhausted and divided, but when people come together and speak out, courage becomes contagious, and that is how change happens.

Speaker 8 We've already won cases to defend people and communities, all free of charge. But ahead of 2026, we need you beside us.
Join the movement at democracyforward.org.

Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 Before we bring out Rachel and Robbie, my nephew Bennett is here.

Speaker 1 And unless the cast of Young Sheldon has finally responded to my many invitations, he is almost certainly the youngest person in attendance, which means he gets to ask the four questions of the Love It or Leave It Passover Seder.

Speaker 1 Bennett, can you please stand and help us out? Here, I have this on a card for you.

Speaker 1 Would you like to ask the first question?

Speaker 9 How is this live show different from all other live shows?

Speaker 1 I don't know. We kind of created a Passover gimmick for it because our parents were coming and all the guests were juice.

Speaker 1 What's the second question?

Speaker 9 Will you tell my mom to let me get a dog?

Speaker 1 What do you think?

Speaker 1 It's a no. I try.

Speaker 1 I try.

Speaker 1 Third question?

Speaker 9 Why hasn't Love It or Leave It become a TV show?

Speaker 1 Well, that sucks. I mean,

Speaker 1 we took it out, but it was right before the pandemic. It's a tough time in the industry.

Speaker 1 What's the last question?

Speaker 9 What is my birthday?

Speaker 1 Thank you, Bennett.

Speaker 1 Great job on the floor.

Speaker 1 Please, welcome to the stage. Rachel Bloom and Robbie Hoffman.

Speaker 1 Hi.

Speaker 1 Hi, hi. How are you?

Speaker 10 This is nice. Look at that.
My picture there. Beautiful.
What a good-looking picture that was.

Speaker 10 I took a good picture. Skin looks great.

Speaker 10 Love it.

Speaker 1 Hi. How are you? Robbie, you're in a brand new series called Dying for Sex.
Yes.

Speaker 11 Congratulations.

Speaker 10 In addition to Hacks, which is premiering right now, and I'm here with you.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Big role on Hacks.

Speaker 1 Big role on hacks?

Speaker 10 Big role. I think I'm in almost every episode.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 10 So was she.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 The title is a little bit ironic because they're very talented.

Speaker 10 Wait, what's

Speaker 1 now?

Speaker 10 I love your wedding ring.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank you. It's an engagement.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's on my engagement ring there, yeah. So wait, but you're you're the boy in the relationship?

Speaker 10 Because I'm the boy in mine as of.

Speaker 1 No, for sure. Well, that's an interesting question.

Speaker 1 I think it's really kind of, I think, on some questions you would say yes, but in others, let me see the part and I'll decide right away.

Speaker 10 I know

Speaker 10 what I'll say who's the boy, who's the girl in the relationship.

Speaker 1 Okay, we'll just get into some sort of giant metal or glass cube, and you can observe us for a while and then

Speaker 1 tell us which gender role you have.

Speaker 10 But this is very girl moves that you're wearing the ring.

Speaker 1 Well, we're both wearing rings.

Speaker 10 You know, when gay people are really gay,

Speaker 10 Like, it throws me off. I'm like,

Speaker 10 but, you know, who's the girl who's the boy? Like, I'm like, still, like, well, don't actually be gay.

Speaker 1 Who's the girl who's the boy? Is what a man in a cowboy hat asks you on a plane.

Speaker 11 All right. See, for me, I feel like I'm so immersed in, I don't know, I have a lot of queer friends, but also queer culture.

Speaker 11 I said to my husband the other day, I was like, well, I'm, you know, I'm the bottom.

Speaker 11 I'm just married to a man. I'm just married to a cis man.
Yeah, I'm the bottom. You're the bottom.
I was like, I'm not a top. And he was like, yeah.

Speaker 10 Men are the top, some women are the bottom.

Speaker 11 But I guess there are some. I could be the top.
I've never pegged my husband.

Speaker 10 There's always, we speak.

Speaker 11 It's come up. It's come up

Speaker 11 as a possibility. I don't currently crave that power dynamic.

Speaker 10 Does he?

Speaker 11 He does not.

Speaker 1 Not.

Speaker 11 He's not. No.

Speaker 10 Because you know, I had a boy once. He wanted me to put a plastic bag on my finger, and I should put it up then.

Speaker 1 Maybe Bennett should leave.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Get him out.

Speaker 1 Cool, bro.

Speaker 12 He completely forgot about the child.

Speaker 11 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 10 I don't know. We didn't think of condom something.
We were only like, you know. I mean, we were of age to think of a condom.
I was maybe 21 when this happened.

Speaker 11 I hear the prostate is a beautiful experience.

Speaker 10 But he brought out like a Ralph's bag.

Speaker 10 like a plastic bag

Speaker 1 I've only asked one question and it's so I understand you're in a new show

Speaker 1 it's getting fantastic reviews I'm thrilled about it dying for sex on Hulu and hacks on HBL Max well the thing about there the the the dying for sex is about a woman trying to become sexually liberated while dealing with cancer.

Speaker 1 And it raised that question, which is, can people have sex when they're tired?

Speaker 10 No, but you know what? Me and my wife, it's not possible.

Speaker 1 Me and my wife

Speaker 10 were so honest with each other. Like I'll pitch, we do this thing because I used to, I used to think I was very open with sex.
I thought I'm open. I'm sexual.

Speaker 10 But I don't talk, I won't like say, oh, should we hook up tonight? Like I, I don't speak such things.

Speaker 10 In a weird way, I'm like, I guess that's what they mean when you're talking about it.

Speaker 10 I guess I would like, you know, do the moves like we're in bed, like, but I wouldn't, I would never like pitch to her, like, oh, we have the night off. Like, do you want to fool around tonight?

Speaker 10 Now I do that. Huh.
So I'm like, oh, I'm talking about sex in a way. Like, it felt like so weird to pitch it unless it happens organically.

Speaker 11 That's marriage.

Speaker 11 You got it. You start talking about it.
You start planning for it.

Speaker 10 Yeah. So we, because we like the organic and we also like this, because this is kind of exciting too.
I'll realize, oh, we're getting off early, pun intended. And

Speaker 10 I don't know if she has anything going on, but I'm like, maybe, maybe I'll make dinner or something. So we do that.

Speaker 10 And

Speaker 10 I don't even know what the point of this was, but

Speaker 10 if we're tired, if she does the pitch to me, if we had sex or whatever, if I'm tired and we haven't had sex,

Speaker 10 Okay, I'm tired two minutes. I'll get over it.

Speaker 10 I'm tired the beginning part and then then I don't realize I'm tired.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 But if we've just recent

Speaker 10 and then

Speaker 10 we say, oh, and she goes, she normally goes, me too. I was just checking.

Speaker 11 When you say recent, are you talking about like earlier that, like that hour?

Speaker 1 Or you just have to do it.

Speaker 10 No, it was within the last couple days.

Speaker 1 Nice.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rachel.

Speaker 1 In your book, you talk about worrying about what happens if you masturbate your porn while pregnant in case your fetus is somehow imprinted by the porn you watch.

Speaker 11 I forgot that I wrote that, but that was very, very smart.

Speaker 11 And now that's a worry that I'll have again.

Speaker 1 Did you put it into the book to kind of get rid of it?

Speaker 11 I think I did. I think that's how I deal with a lot of my intrusive thoughts.
That's funny. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Well, now she's five, so she's, and she's not into porn.

Speaker 11 So I guess that that answers my question.

Speaker 10 question i have a question for you rachel so did you have sex when you were pregnant as you were yes okay so do you consider that a threesome

Speaker 11 that's a uh no

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 10 uh because you were worried she was thinking back then so you think she was like oh dad's dick is here now we gotta dad well the good thing is

Speaker 11 Something, if they can see the dick, something is here.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, she's right there.

Speaker 11 No, no, no, but it shouldn't.

Speaker 11 Something would be very wrong. If a dick was going into the uterus, that could probably cause sepsis.
Is that a doctor?

Speaker 10 It's in film.

Speaker 11 That would probably cause sepsis. Well, because it's bumping up against the cervix, but it's only when.

Speaker 10 She feels a bump.

Speaker 11 She's definitely feeling something.

Speaker 10 There's some poking her.

Speaker 11 I did read somewhere that when you have an orgasm and you're pregnant, it makes the baby feel like they're in a hot tub.

Speaker 11 That

Speaker 11 there are like little bubbles.

Speaker 11 So that was cute.

Speaker 11 I think what was mine.

Speaker 10 Did you ever tell your daughter you came while she was in you?

Speaker 1 Would I or do I?

Speaker 10 Is this a conversation people have? I don't have kids. I don't know what you're saying.

Speaker 11 So my daughter's five.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 10 honesty is the best policy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do you feel like not having kids that sometimes

Speaker 1 you feel like you're going to say the wrong thing?

Speaker 1 You don't know how to address the parents with the kids. Like they're a whole nother universe.

Speaker 11 I don't really like that. Yeah, you don't know what's okay, or you don't know what's okay to say.
I mean, like, my daughter, she knows that babies grow inside, you know, a belly.

Speaker 11 I mean, it's not a belly, it's a uterus, but whatever. Um, that babies grow in the belly, and she hasn't asked further than that.
So, no, I have not told my five-year-old

Speaker 10 21, she's of age, I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 10 by the way, I came a couple times when you were there. Who cares?

Speaker 10 You're good friends by this point, God knows. I think if she no, you're saying you don't say that.
Okay, she asked. some things she's not the best

Speaker 11 if she were i think she'd have to ask yeah um no asking is we'd have to have a uh i think i'm such an

Speaker 11 expulsive person i'm such an overshare i think with her i've been mindful like the she asked our dog is 15 and um that's just a cute story that our dog's 15 and she's doing great but she asked uh why hasn't wiley ever had puppies And I was like, because

Speaker 11 Wiley can't. And she was like, why? And I started to be like, well, Wiley had her uterus taken out.
And my husband was like, no.

Speaker 11 And he was like, she never wanted to.

Speaker 1 She was focused on her career.

Speaker 11 But I was about to explain, like, spaying to my kid, because the medical stuff, you say to your kid, you know, you use the term, the real terms, you use, I try to use the word vulva, which is the correct term for the entire area.

Speaker 11 You know, it's not just vagina,

Speaker 11 but you don't care.

Speaker 11 So when

Speaker 11 you, the whole area to you, it's okay to call that vagina.

Speaker 11 But even though it's technically, it's the vagina is just the one hole.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 11 I'll say I use medically accurate, non-judgmental

Speaker 11 terms. And again, to just reiterate, no, I have not told my five-year-old that I came.

Speaker 10 Which, by the way, is better that you haven't. And by the way, I would leave that in your court, obviously.

Speaker 11 Now, I'm so convinced you're going to come over to my house now now and be like, oh, kid, come here.

Speaker 1 Listen.

Speaker 10 I think it would be way worse if your husband told her this one day. Yeah.
Because he also came while she was there.

Speaker 10 And that would be way worse, in my opinion, a father should never tell a daughter this.

Speaker 1 And look, that's something we've always said here at Lovely Relief.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 question.

Speaker 1 Influencers are trying to reach uncontacted tribes, like one in the

Speaker 1 North Central Islands.

Speaker 11 Someone needs to stop them.

Speaker 1 On the one hand, experts call it a human rights abuse. But on the other hand, is it?

Speaker 11 Yeah, you're going to die. You're going to get killed.
They're going to murder you.

Speaker 1 Well, that's, yeah, that's bad for you.

Speaker 1 Leave them just, everyone, just leave everybody alone.

Speaker 10 You go on somebody's lawn, you get shot up on the block. I don't go to somebody's lawn.
I don't do nothing. I walk on the sidewalk, and that's where I am.
Never mind some ancient tribe somewhere.

Speaker 10 You do your thing. Enjoy.
I don't even want to know what's going on.

Speaker 11 So are they landing there? Are the influencers? What are they doing?

Speaker 1 Well, are they dropping leaflets? The influencer had a GoPro and was trying to get content, but then seems to have left without having gotten any contact, but left behind a Diet Coke and a coconut.

Speaker 1 I don't really know why. I don't think he's like crushing it.

Speaker 11 So is it a human rights abuse to leave behind a Diet Coconut?

Speaker 1 It's a human rights abuse to contact these tribes because A,

Speaker 1 there's the possibility of disease, and then B, they are undisturbed.

Speaker 1 They are isolated tribes. They have not had contact with the rest of civilization.
And so it is like to the to the experts that care about this, it is that the encroachment on

Speaker 1 their tribes and on their kind of autonomy would be eradicating. It would be genocidal.
Like you have to leave these tribes.

Speaker 10 There's no such thing as rules. We made these all up.
Okay. So rights, like you're speaking of them, like, is it a human rights?

Speaker 10 Like, sure, there's morality that we've, but yeah, humans humans can basically do whatever they want for the time that they're here there's not really anything I mean we have no idea like like humans there's nothing stopping anybody from doing anything look what's going on in this country so yeah I mean it sucks that they would do that I wouldn't do that to other people but if other people did it to them I'd be like humans can basically do if you wanted to kill somebody you could right now you'd get in trouble Like you have to face consequences because we have a society set up, but you could do it.

Speaker 10 It's like when comedians get mad that they can't talk about anything anymore. You hear about the Chappelle where he's transphobic.
Well, you can't say anything anymore.

Speaker 10 Bro, you could say whatever you want, but there's going to be a consequence. Like, you could say you could be transphobic.
You could do whatever you want. Some people might be mad at that.

Speaker 10 That's what that is. Nobody's saying nobody can't do nothing.
You can kill as many people. You can do whatever you want.

Speaker 1 Well, no, I think that's.

Speaker 10 But there might be. I think that's it.
There might be consequences.

Speaker 1 That's not you cannot do it.

Speaker 11 I just, I looked at the children.

Speaker 1 I'm totally glad that the child has left. Yeah, no.

Speaker 10 Wasn't the child here?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's gone. I saw him leave.
It was a good idea.

Speaker 1 I saw my father take my nephew. Okay, that's good.

Speaker 10 It's because of me?

Speaker 1 I think it was at some point where you were doing this.

Speaker 1 Several different versions of this. There was this.

Speaker 1 There was this.

Speaker 1 There was this. There was this.
You know what? And then he was gone.

Speaker 10 She's saying Volva to a five-year-old.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 yeah, no, for sure.

Speaker 10 I'm using protection of Ralph's back.

Speaker 1 How many, all right, let's take a vote.

Speaker 1 Who is more responsible for my nephew having to leave?

Speaker 1 Is it Rachel?

Speaker 1 Who's the piggy? Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Peggy wasn't Rachel.
Or was it Bobby?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. Whatever.
Pretty tough. And here's the thing.
Do you think am I going to hear about this later?

Speaker 1 What do we think?

Speaker 1 Mom? Well, mom, am I in trouble?

Speaker 1 I'm in trouble. Stephanie?

Speaker 1 Your son, am I in trouble?

Speaker 10 Stephanie, I apologize.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 11 Yeah, what are your thoughts?

Speaker 1 The questions can all come to me.

Speaker 1 He's going to have questions.

Speaker 10 But here's the whole thing. You invite people who know me.
Come on.

Speaker 1 I don't think they know you. No, but I'm saying this is a robot comedy show.

Speaker 10 This is what people are doing with kids. And then I'm in trouble.

Speaker 1 I'm at a comedy club. I'm at a comedy club.
No one's getting you in trouble. No one's, oh, to be clear, you're doing your job.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 10 Mom, mom, and I took a picture backstage. Are you mad at me?

Speaker 10 I used a bag. It's safety.
Do you understand?

Speaker 10 It's actually better. It's actually better.
One day you'll all thank me. I promise you this.
Your kids are asking you.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

Speaker 1 Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. What's a a money lesson that you learn the hard way?

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Speaker 8 President Trump doesn't know what to do with courage, but we do. I'm Skye Perryman, President and CEO of Democracy Forward.

Speaker 8 Since Inauguration Day, our lawyers have been fighting for people and communities, challenging the Trump Vance administration's unlawful agenda.

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And we know the cost of silence is greater than the cost of action. So join us.

Speaker 8 Add your courage to the cause at democracyforward.org.

Speaker 1 So, Robbie.

Speaker 1 You got married earlier this year. Rachel, we were talking about this backstage.
You've been married for 17 years.

Speaker 11 I've been with my husband for 17. I've been married for 10.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 10 Tips? Any tips?

Speaker 1 Yeah, any tips?

Speaker 11 Just communicate.

Speaker 11 Look,

Speaker 11 I think most of it is luck. I just met

Speaker 11 the right person at the right time. But also,

Speaker 11 we just are open with each other and we communicate really well and we respect each other and we make the subtext text the best that we can.

Speaker 11 And we

Speaker 11 and you have to keep having sex. That's also very important.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And how long have you been married?

Speaker 10 I've been married for three months.

Speaker 1 Any tips?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I agree. I just,

Speaker 10 yeah, I got lucky type of thing. I mean, I love to hang.
I used to keep like girlfriends separate from, like, I would go out or be with my friends, but I love to hang out with Gabby as well.

Speaker 10 So now it feels like I get to be like high school

Speaker 10 girls that touch each other. And the whole thing is very erotic and it's fantastic.
And we're best friends, but we also touch each other.

Speaker 11 Yeah, same.

Speaker 10 So it's very, it's like, yeah, it's like I get that whole like.

Speaker 10 I used to think it was gay when people said, I'm marrying my best friend. I'm like,

Speaker 10 used to think it was gay, yeah, like not gay like that. Just because I say something's gay doesn't mean it's gay.

Speaker 11 Like, you mean like, like, 90s gay, like the pejorative, yeah, like the chair is gay.

Speaker 10 Obviously, it's velvet. It's not gay, who cares? But you know what? We're best friends who fool around

Speaker 10 and

Speaker 10 she's also my baby and I'm her baby and we don't want kids and we just get to be

Speaker 10 everything for each other. It's really been a great few years with her.

Speaker 1 And you got married in Vegas?

Speaker 10 We did. Wow.

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 10 Yeah, we were evacuated for the flyers and by day three or four there.

Speaker 10 She was saying, first of all, they hooked us up with a free room because at first we couldn't find a room. We were supposed to be evacuated.

Speaker 10 We had to go to, I was looking Palm Springs or Joshua Church or whatever's close by they told us to call and we couldn't have

Speaker 10 couldn't hear back from the hotels if there's a room I said babe you know where they have rooms no problem 24 7 Vegas an hour and a half more we go there she had a hookup we get into the room where Zorots was Rort's World shout out never heard of them and then

Speaker 10 and we had like kind it reminded me of hacks actually it was like it was like a wedding suite and she was like should we get married I'm like oh the fire is talking she's you know she has the because I I don't want her to get to him, you know, because I've been saying it since I met her, but I don't like when it comes from her.

Speaker 10 I'm like, oh, she's getting some things, it's not. And then by day three, she was like,

Speaker 10 I am going to Neiman Marcus and buying a dress. And I'm like, okay, I got to go to Cartier.

Speaker 10 And we just had the greatest wedding. Like, we can't recommend it enough.
And you know what? Should I tell you a secret?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 10 I actually can't believe I'm really doing this

Speaker 10 by the time this comes out. So, we're actually legally getting married tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 10 We found out that our Vegas wedding, we're married in Nevada, which no shade to Nevada. I love the state, great state of Nevada.

Speaker 10 Well, we don't live there.

Speaker 10 So we're doing it.

Speaker 1 Does it count on a federal level?

Speaker 10 No, there's like five states where it does not count.

Speaker 10 And Nevada is one of them. That's why so many people like get married in Nevada, because it's like you could technically just be married there if you, you know, it's like an easier wedding to do.
So

Speaker 1 you're legally getting married in California on Friday.

Speaker 10 Tomorrow, Shabbis. Yeah.

Speaker 11 How, what are you doing?

Speaker 10 I can't say, but oh, it's just going to be us two again, as usual.

Speaker 10 It's our favorite way. Like, if you can get married, just the two of you.

Speaker 10 I mean, my brother Shmully called me. He's like, I can't come to the wedding.
I said, no.

Speaker 1 I have to tell you something uh

Speaker 1 I like Rachel talked about pegging in front of my nephew you advocating for a wedding where my parents aren't there right my mother's gonna come on this stage and kill you

Speaker 10 but see your parents like gay people yes yeah so my parents it's like they don't even really

Speaker 10 It's not really a thing. And then her, she's not with her mother and her father's military.
They're still trying to figure out. So we're like, you know what? take your time

Speaker 10 just just take your time do you we'll do us and honestly we went to the all-you-can-eat buffet at the winn hotel i can't recommend it enough oh a great buffet

Speaker 10 i can't recommend it enough i went to vegas crab legs whatever you want oh it's

Speaker 1 i went to vegas before the 2020 uh caucuses in nevada stayed at the wind it was it turned out two weeks before everything shut down i walked into that buffet I ate basically two meals in Las Vegas.

Speaker 1 Both of them were my

Speaker 1 one meal a day by myself.

Speaker 10 Yep.

Speaker 1 I went to the Wind Buffet by myself and ate enough in a 30-minute span that I did not eat until the next time I went to the Wind Buffett.

Speaker 10 Oh, it's a one meal a day. Yeah, yeah.
No, it's, yeah.

Speaker 11 I remember the first time, I grew up in L.A.

Speaker 11 And so my, we started going to Vegas, I don't know if I think the first time I was five, but the first time I registered a buffet, I was, yeah, the first time I registered a buffet,

Speaker 11 maybe actually this is when I was five. And I just remember the first time going into the Luxor Pharaoh's Feast and being like,

Speaker 11 this is the height of food, this is the pinnacle of food. And it showed me the beauty of binge eating.

Speaker 11 And so I started to eat a bunch of meals, even outside of Vegas, as if I was still at the Pharaoh's Feast, which culminated in a couple times of me eating so much that I then threw up.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 11 This is not like, this is not an origin story of, I didn't have binge eating disorder. I just really liked

Speaker 11 free rice and cookies.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'd say you, you know, you let the Pharaoh said, let my lunch go.

Speaker 1 Wow. You know what I'm saying? Trying to bring it back to Paris.

Speaker 11 That was really, really good.

Speaker 1 No, they got nothing. Pearls before sweet.

Speaker 11 Do you think the Luxor should do like a whole Passover thing? Oh, absolutely. Where they like reenact.

Speaker 1 I love an all-you-class.

Speaker 11 What if they make a bunch of Jewish people repair things at the Luxor for the

Speaker 11 week? Like you get a bunch of Jewish people and you say, hey, we have a leaky faucet in this room.

Speaker 11 Like they make the entire cleaning staff is just a bunch of Jewish people.

Speaker 11 And then there's a day where they release them.

Speaker 1 Yep. No, it's a cool idea for sure.
It's so great.

Speaker 11 And you split the Bellagio fountain and

Speaker 11 all of the Jewish people

Speaker 11 who've been working in the Luxor pyramid all week

Speaker 11 Get to bathe in the Bellagio fountain.

Speaker 10 That's the greatest idea I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. That's awesome.
Please take it.

Speaker 10 We should really do this. If we wanted to actually have fun,

Speaker 10 if Jews actually wanted to have fun, we'd reenact. We would reenact being slaves in Egypt and being free.

Speaker 1 At the Luxor. Absolutely.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 If we really wanted to have fun, if we really wanted a good time.

Speaker 10 Well, we don't want a good time.

Speaker 1 We don't want a good time. We're afraid of a good time.
Yeah. That's the thing about Jews.
That's a perfect transition to the next part of our show.

Speaker 1 Robbie and Rachel, I think it's fair to say that it's part of our collective Jewish heritage to shy away from exhibiting any traits that Goyem might consider cliché.

Speaker 1 For example, using the word goim in front of the goyim.

Speaker 1 However, in the spirit of Passover, I wanted to give all of us an opportunity tonight to lighten our mental load by embracing some Semitic stereotypes in a segment we're calling If the Jew Fits.

Speaker 1 I will serve up a Jewish stereotype, and Robbie and Rachel, you'll tell us whether or not the stereotype resonates with you.

Speaker 1 First up, complaining, ketching.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with complaining?

Speaker 10 To complain is to enjoy.

Speaker 10 To me, this is one and the same. I could be on a yacht and find it too shaky.
It doesn't mean,

Speaker 10 it doesn't mean. It means I'm enjoying.
I'm alive. I'm in the experience.

Speaker 11 There's something that I find baffling.

Speaker 11 Why are Jews so cold?

Speaker 1 Or hot.

Speaker 11 Or hot. My family, my my you can't be under a draft my grandfather when my mom was growing up they would have to restaurant hop if if the restaurant was too cold

Speaker 11 but but we come from I mean some of I don't know because we're desert people there's a well well I guess yeah look if we're talking OG desert people so I guess it's not but it gets cold in the desert too I was gonna say in Europe too yeah for sure so it depends how long your DNA is remembering back

Speaker 1 I just think Jews are cold they are cold we were we We were

Speaker 1 in Mexico at a really nice hotel over the holidays. That was me.

Speaker 1 Not to brag, we've been to Mexico.

Speaker 11 Jewish, Jewish president.

Speaker 1 Oh, there is a Jewish president. Claudia Scheinbaum.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 Wow, I did not know that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Her family, yep, she's a Ashkenazi, her parents, I don't know if they were survivors, but anyway, Ashkenazi Jewish ballet dancer, climate scientist, president of Mexico.

Speaker 10 I wish her well.

Speaker 1 It's amazing what you can have.

Speaker 1 But so we're there and we're sitting, we're sitting at this and we watch,

Speaker 1 it was, we were there around Hanukkah, so we knew who all the Jews were because we had done a candle lighting.

Speaker 1 And so then we're sitting at this table and we watch just Jewish family after Jewish family just say no to this one table. They just got walked to the table.

Speaker 1 Ari remembers this, and they were like, nope. And they would get walked to another table.
And then another Jewish family came. They tried to say that, nope.
It was behind a pole.

Speaker 1 They couldn't see the the view. What? Moved, moved.
Three Jewish families said no to this table. And then a lovely, very clearly not Jewish couple are sat at this table.

Speaker 1 They eat their home meal and they're so happy.

Speaker 1 And at the end, the man said the most kind of Christian thing I've ever heard, which is he turned to the waiter and said, would you please send the chef our compliments?

Speaker 1 I don't think a Jews ever said that. No.

Speaker 10 I always have envy for these type of people because it takes me so much.

Speaker 10 I feel like it's like, if you get started watching porn, then you need crazier and crazier porn these type of people it's like sometimes i'm on a plane i was on a plane next to just a regular midwestern type of lady she must have been mid 50s she ordered pinot crisio whatever she's watching mall cop two not mall cop one mall cop two kevin james in a mall

Speaker 1 the paul blart one what paul blart go on paul blart i don't know was it paul blart kevin james yeah

Speaker 11 it's paul i don't know i don't know why i'm connecting it feels like i'm correcting Kevin James's pronouns, but it's I'm not. It's just, it's Paul.
I think it's a quick. It's Paul Bart.

Speaker 10 Have you seen King of Queens?

Speaker 1 I love that show.

Speaker 10 Anyway,

Speaker 10 she is

Speaker 10 this lady is sitting next to me. I middle seat.
This lady, it's like

Speaker 10 even the setup to any joke, she's already dying. She's like plots out.
Like, she's like fucking dying.

Speaker 10 Then as soon as the joke hits, whatever the slapstick stupidity falls off the thing, she's the wine is everywhere. Like she is, she's dying at this movie.

Speaker 10 And meanwhile, I'm still looking for something to watch. It takes me so long to find something.
And this lady could just throw on whatever's there and enjoy her life.

Speaker 10 And I have an envy for these people.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. No, I know.
It is, there's something about, it's beautiful. You're just sort of like, that's so cool.

Speaker 10 They just enjoy so much.

Speaker 11 I still get like that when it comes, like. I will re-watch any of the Austin Powers and I'm back to being in middle school.

Speaker 11 And like a couple weeks ago, I was like, my daughter has to see Austin Powers. And so I turn on Austin Powers too.
And the first thing is like, fat bastard having just fucked Heather Graham.

Speaker 11 And I'm like, nope, never mind.

Speaker 11 She will not see Austin Powers. When I was pregnant, when I was pregnant, by the way, I would do a fat bastard voice all the time.

Speaker 12 I would go, like, I'd be like, oh, my baby.

Speaker 11 It was so fun where I was like, my baby's kicking my bladder.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 11 It's like actually the main reason to have another kid just to be able to go around and do that

Speaker 10 How old's the nephew?

Speaker 1 How old is Bennett?

Speaker 10 Benny, how old are you?

Speaker 1 Oh, he's back

Speaker 10 No, bro, nine is too young

Speaker 10 You're nine nine is really young and actually I don't I can't guarantee my performance

Speaker 1 I thought we then why did we oh was his three-quarters birthday at Hogwarts?

Speaker 10 I thought he would be 13

Speaker 10 Nine is too young, and I can't guarantee. Well, I'm an R-rated performer.

Speaker 11 So, you're going to record a live comedy show at Hogwarts?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. We just went to.

Speaker 11 I was like, how did you get in there? Muggles can't

Speaker 10 face it.

Speaker 1 At this point, the parents, the onus is on you.

Speaker 10 I am not myself a parent. I don't really care.

Speaker 10 Okay, so the onus is on you, and all the responsibility is with you, and I feel fine being me.

Speaker 10 Thank you.

Speaker 1 I thought he was 10. All right.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 we'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Kate, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Speaker 8 Courage is the new currency in this country.

Speaker 8 I'm Sky Perryman, president and CEO of Democracy Forward, where our team of lawyers is fighting in court every day for you, for your rights, and for our democracy.

Speaker 8 The Trump Vance administration wants us to be exhausted and divided, but when people come together and speak out, courage becomes contagious, and that is how change happens.

Speaker 8 We've already won cases to defend people and communities, all free of charge. But ahead of 2026, we need you beside us.
Join the movement at democracyforward.org.

Speaker 1 And we're back! Please welcome to the stage. It's my actual mother, Fran Lovett, and my actual future mother-in-law, Wendy Schwartz.
Wow!

Speaker 1 Careful, careful.

Speaker 1 Well, look at this. Are you mad at me? Welcome to LA.
Hi, hi. Are you mad at me?

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's sit there.

Speaker 1 I'm going to stay over here just because we don't have enough space. All right.

Speaker 1 Sit down. Feels great.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Mother.

Speaker 12 You both look really great.

Speaker 1 You look lovely. Beautiful.
When you speak, just bring the mics up when you speak. Mother?

Speaker 14 Yes, dear.

Speaker 1 Wendy?

Speaker 13 Yes.

Speaker 1 They say you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. You two have literally met today, right? You briefly spoke.
Did you cross paths at the house before the day? We did.

Speaker 14 We did cross paths. Yes.

Speaker 1 You've really never had a real conversation, so it's time for a segment we're calling Meet the Makatanam.

Speaker 1 Makatanam is a Yiddish word that doesn't exist in in English, but should as it means my child's spouse's parents.

Speaker 1 Moms, I will provide you with questions, and I'll be checking in with Robbie and Rachel throughout to get their perspective on how well this bit is going.

Speaker 1 Are you both ready? Mom, kick it off.

Speaker 14 I'm asking this to Wendy.

Speaker 1 That's correct. Okay, Wendy, you want to put it in? Mike closer, Mike closer.

Speaker 14 When did you last sing to yourself or to someone else?

Speaker 13 What, if anything?

Speaker 1 No, no, you have to answer now.

Speaker 1 No, you have to.

Speaker 1 No, Wendy, you've been asked a question. The question was...

Speaker 1 The question.

Speaker 1 Wendy, when is the last time you sang to yourself or to someone else?

Speaker 11 This week.

Speaker 1 What would you sing?

Speaker 13 I sang a Jewish song that I really like in the shower.

Speaker 1 Oh, what was the song?

Speaker 13 O Sesh Shalom.

Speaker 1 Osesh Shalom.

Speaker 11 And you were singing that to yourself just like in the shower?

Speaker 1 Yep, that's beautiful. Yep.

Speaker 1 Mother, when was the last time you sang a song?

Speaker 14 It's been a while. I don't have a very good voice.

Speaker 1 All right, Wendy, over to you. Okay.

Speaker 11 You're asking me this.

Speaker 13 What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Speaker 1 Well, Bobby.

Speaker 10 I'm a Netflix comedian.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't ignore the children.

Speaker 10 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 He didn't tell me. I assume.

Speaker 11 But you also, you do come from children's TV.

Speaker 10 When I worked in children's TV, I wasn't doing this.

Speaker 1 Well, I am an Emmy award-winning children's writer as a matter of fact. Mother, what if anything is too serious to be joked about?

Speaker 14 Well, I don't like when people have jokes and they hurt other people's feelings.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's serious.

Speaker 1 Now, mom, you asked a question to Wendy.

Speaker 1 It's a simple format.

Speaker 1 Both very smart women. I think you're going to get the hang of it.

Speaker 14 I think there's only two more questions.

Speaker 1 We kept it pretty tight. Okay.

Speaker 14 Oh, this is so sad. Okay, Wendy.

Speaker 14 Your house containing everything you own catches fire. And after saving your loved ones and pets, and you have time to safely make a final dash to save one item, what would it be and why?

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 13 Probably some jewelry from

Speaker 13 my

Speaker 13 heritage, from my family.

Speaker 1 Some jewelry from the family. Well, so that jewelry had come a long way.
From, because, you know. Yeah, from my mom, most likely, or my grandma.
Okay.

Speaker 11 You said you know, but we don't know.

Speaker 1 Well, just

Speaker 1 there some of this, I don't know what jewelry this was, but it could be jewelry that made it on the on the other side of the Holocaust, is what I was getting. Yeah, no, none of that.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, it seemed like it seemed like Tara was like,

Speaker 11 I was trying to let you bring up the Hololio. I can tell when someone is about to bring up the Holocaust.

Speaker 1 Julie, I didn't know what jewelry it was. I just thought if it made it all the way through the Holocaust, you'll grab it in a fire.

Speaker 14 Well, it's probably a sentimental.

Speaker 1 No, I understand it's sentimental.

Speaker 1 I don't think she's getting it to melt it down and sell it.

Speaker 10 Now, mom, what do you think about him bringing up the Holocaust to make her feel such a pain for no reason?

Speaker 1 She wasn't even thinking.

Speaker 10 Her head wasn't even there.

Speaker 1 I wasn't there. You were enjoying a good time.

Speaker 10 Yeah, the time wasn't great.

Speaker 13 So, Fran, what would you say?

Speaker 14 Oh, you're asking me what I save?

Speaker 14 Well, that was your question, Wendy. You have this one.
No, no, you have.

Speaker 1 Mom, you're just meeting don't be a bitch

Speaker 1 what would you save in a fire

Speaker 1 well I probably would save all my photos I mean that's you know what I love the most yeah that's a good answer okay that's a good answer all right when do you want to ask the last one well no I want to ask you a question you had you you lived the fire what what did you decide to save?

Speaker 1 Well we didn't really I mean we were there was no fire near us. We just left because the power went out but still

Speaker 1 we didn't have any Wi-Fi.

Speaker 1 Wendy, do you want to ask my mom the last question?

Speaker 11 Okay, Fran.

Speaker 13 What do you value most in a friendship?

Speaker 14 I value most in a friendship would be honesty and

Speaker 14 someone who's there for you.

Speaker 14 And some laughter.

Speaker 1 You know, all that. It's good.
That's very nice. A lot of pathos from you tonight.

Speaker 1 A lot of what.

Speaker 1 There was just a lot. When she read that question about the house burning down, it was like she was really there.
Did anybody else catch that? It was like a real performance.

Speaker 11 Should we ask questions?

Speaker 1 If you'd like. What are both of your thoughts on God?

Speaker 1 Thank you, moms. You did an amazing job.

Speaker 1 And because

Speaker 1 I need you both to love each other,

Speaker 1 those questions were all from the famous New York Times list of 36 questions that lead to love.

Speaker 1 One more time for free. Are you in love?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Thank you, mom. Thank you, Wendy.
When we come back, we'll splin the wheel.

Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 What makes this month different from all other months? We're offering a 30-day trial of Crooket's Friends of the Pod subscription.

Speaker 1 No commitment, just a full month of ad-free listening and exclusive content, totally free, which is pretty tough to pass over.

Speaker 1 Subscribe to Friends of the Pod. It is truly the best way to support our mission of building a progressive counterweight to the right.
We appreciate all of our subscribers. We have a great community.

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Speaker 1 Sign up at crooked.com/slash friends to start your free trial. Next week, I'll be joined by Bob the Drag Queen, Bradley Whitford, and Jessica Kerson at Dynasty Typewriter Servieno.

Speaker 10 Jessica Kirsten is so funny.

Speaker 1 Such fun. It's going to be a great show.
It's fantastic. Crooked.com/slash events will be that's next week.
Do not bring kids at Dynasty.

Speaker 1 It's not like someone else brought kids. I did it.

Speaker 1 I did this.

Speaker 1 It's my fault. I'm the one that's going to pay.

Speaker 10 Like, if I worked at a real company, I could go to HR for this.

Speaker 10 Like, let's say, like, this was really my company. And there's like a kid that's like, I will do grown-up stuff.

Speaker 10 It's like having at a construction place, you just let some lady walk in without shoes on.

Speaker 10 It's like a violate, you know what I mean?

Speaker 10 It's like dangerous.

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 10 it's a liability.

Speaker 1 I just want to stop you. If you think that the audience needs an analogy to understand

Speaker 1 why talking about pegging in front of children is frowned upon, like they got it.

Speaker 10 By the way, did I say pegged? She broke it.

Speaker 11 It was all me. It was all me.

Speaker 1 And you know what?

Speaker 10 I said with plastic wrap, not even pegged.

Speaker 1 Not going back to it. We're moving on.

Speaker 11 Next. To be clear, I was talking about the character Pegg Bundy.

Speaker 1 Bennett alone.

Speaker 1 I was like, Married with children.

Speaker 1 Played

Speaker 11 no, it was by Katie.

Speaker 1 Bennett's a little bit of a bag.

Speaker 1 She wore a lot of leftover.

Speaker 1 And this satur with a single.

Speaker 10 There's nothing wrong with the human body.

Speaker 1 You're exploring.

Speaker 11 Peg Bundy, she would go ow.

Speaker 1 She would go, ow. Dianu, she would go, ow.

Speaker 11 Die, Die, Benu, Die, Dianu.

Speaker 10 It's like if you're going to have your kids try alcohol out at your house, you get to see them, you regulate them, give them some manischevitz. You don't want them out of it.

Speaker 1 This is how the Die Ainu wheel works.

Speaker 11 I actually wasn't allowed to watch Married with Children as a kid, so that's actually

Speaker 12 work.

Speaker 1 I wasn't allowed to watch either. And you remember, I would sneak in to watch it.

Speaker 10 I watched Oz at 10.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 10 My brother Levy had it on, and it was a fantastic show.

Speaker 11 I would sneak MTV's Undressed.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes. Remember? Well, MTV Undressed was an amazing show.

Speaker 1 It was designed to hook children. It was basically a drug.

Speaker 1 Because every episode had three ongoing stories, and every episode, each story was in a different place. So the stories would have three beats.

Speaker 1 And so each episode, a story would be at the beginning, a story be at the middle, a story be at the end.

Speaker 11 Have you written a spec of Undressed?

Speaker 12 You know a lot about the structure.

Speaker 1 This is unusual.

Speaker 1 But what was amazing about Undressed is once in a while there would be a gay storyline i remember this

Speaker 1 but and and it was the only place on television that you could regularly happen upon two boys kissing but i bennett has to hear about this

Speaker 1 but when that what was interesting about undressed and if you go i this is just from memory truly just from memory of it airing at the time but basically they would show heterosexual kisses close-up But when they showed a gay kiss, they would cut really far away.

Speaker 1 So the gay kisses were always wide. And it was like

Speaker 1 sucked.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's so. I wonder what that because it's cable, right? And so it's not like they were trying to fit into FCC guidelines.
This is boring.

Speaker 11 I had a, I had a network show for four years, so I got to know intimately what the FCC allows and doesn't allow on network TV and what standards and practices will and will not allow, but it's not, it's not.

Speaker 10 They did the right thing. Yeah, they did.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 here is how the Diana.

Speaker 10 Place

Speaker 10 for kids, for gays, for different things. Let's just all have some decorum of respect for one another.

Speaker 11 Can I also say, for the record, though, my five-year-old completely understands gay people.

Speaker 11 It's not for anyone who's like, how are you going to make, for anyone who's like, don't kiss in front of my kid, are you going to make me explain gay people to my kid? It's really easy.

Speaker 11 You just say, some men love men and some women love women.

Speaker 1 They go, okay.

Speaker 11 It's so funny. It is true.

Speaker 10 The first time I heard about a trans person or anything like that was our cousin Pinski, who was enormous. He was the size of the car and he was the greatest guy.
And he would come to visit us.

Speaker 10 And we don't, I don't even know how he's my cousin. But it's like Pinski's in.
He's got candy.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 10 so we're in. And Pinsky showed up.
His girlfriend must have been 6'4.

Speaker 10 So we're like, this is the tallest lady we've ever seen. And we went up to my mother and my mother was just like making, like, making.
And I'm like, Ma, what's up with this?

Speaker 10 Like, and we were like all asking her, like, me and my brother Schmale, like, why? Like, Binski's girlfriend is so tall. Like, this is the tallest girl we ever seen.

Speaker 10 And we kept saying, how tall are you? How you're a kid? How tall are you? You know, and she was happy to tell us and whatever. And I was like, what's with Binski?

Speaker 10 And she goes, she was born a boy and now she's a girl. And I'm like, oh, okay.
And it totally made it sense. It made it, that's why she's tall.

Speaker 10 Like, it was like, oh, oh, I must have been like five or six years old. I'm like, oh, makes sense.
And we all moved on. That was the end of that.
There was no follow-up.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh.

Speaker 10 Okay. And then we just, yeah.
And so, and he just was like, he was with the trans woman for years and years. We never knew she was a trans wom we never even had that language.

Speaker 10 But we just knew she's a boy. Now she likes a bigger girl.

Speaker 10 But it never came up past that again. It was just like we figured it out.
So it's very easy.

Speaker 10 And then you don't have, if you make it a bigger deal, it's like if a kid falls, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's fine if you make it a big deal, oh, what happened?

Speaker 10 They're gonna be screaming, crying.

Speaker 1 It's almost like we need to take the whole conservative movement and just when and then show them a bunch of trans and gay people and just go, you're okay,

Speaker 1 it's no big deal, you're okay, you're fine, just you're gonna get up and run around and have a good time with your friend, you're okay, yeah, you're okay, you're a tough little guy, you're okay, exactly.

Speaker 10 It's like, oh, and they just want to like know what happened. Like, everybody just, it's just,

Speaker 10 yeah, I agree to some extent.

Speaker 11 That's it.

Speaker 1 Nope, we're going to spin.

Speaker 1 Now it's time for the Dianu wheel. Here's how it works.
We're going to spin the wheel, and we'll each have one minute to talk about something that we've had enough of.

Speaker 1 Die Diane.

Speaker 12 Oh, it's spinning.

Speaker 1 It has landed on Robbie. What's something you've had enough of?

Speaker 10 You know what it is?

Speaker 10 How does you get a new phone? So somebody texts you and then you go,

Speaker 10 I'm sorry, who's this?

Speaker 10 And they take it so personal. Like, I'm not saving numbers, bro.

Speaker 10 Like, it takes me a whole thing to go new, add contact, do it. It's like,

Speaker 10 why can't I ask who's this? Even if I know you and we're friends. Like, what's the big...

Speaker 10 It's like, you don't know my phone situation. Like, you don't know.
Like, maybe I just down, maybe I just got a new phone. Maybe I just never saved numbers.

Speaker 10 I used to like to memorize numbers, so I never used to save numbers. Now it's too many numbers to memorize.
But I'm like,

Speaker 10 just throw me a name. Like, bro, like, it's not that personal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's enough.

Speaker 10 It's enough, Daienu. It's like somebody says, if you message somebody and they say, oh, no problem, who is this?

Speaker 1 Don't go, oh my God. It says, it's like, great.

Speaker 10 I'm thrilled to hear from you. It's like,

Speaker 10 what's there's there's no problem here.

Speaker 1 There's no problem.

Speaker 10 Why make problems with these problems, Dainu? We have enough problems.

Speaker 1 We've got enough problems. We don't borrow trouble.

Speaker 1 Dainu. Let's spin it again.

Speaker 10 It's perfectly rigged. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Rachel, you're up. What is something you'd like to say, Dainu, to

Speaker 11 human beings in groups,

Speaker 11 except in a theater.

Speaker 11 I don't think, other than when it's groups of people gathered for positivity, which can be very powerful, I think something tribal happens when you get human beings into groups.

Speaker 11 And this is in person, this is social media. I just think that there is a group mob thinking is very, very...

Speaker 11 is very alarming to me.

Speaker 10 But at the same time, community is fantastic.

Speaker 11 But that's, I guess that's when you talk about community, I guess like that's, that's for a good cause.

Speaker 11 I guess what I'm saying is I'm over human beings and their adrenaline being up when they're in groups. Something happens when you kick in the lizard fear brain in groups of people.

Speaker 11 And I was reading an art, this is, I sound like I'm 70, I was reading an article in the New York Times about George Orwell and how

Speaker 11 everyone across the political spectrum loves to say, this is Orwellian, this is Orwellian, right?

Speaker 11 They love to think that George Orwell would be on their side, right?

Speaker 11 That George Orwell would know no, he'd be liberal or he'd be conservative, but George Orwell was actually very mistrustful generally of systems, of codified systems, of groups.

Speaker 11 And I guess that makes me Orwellian right now. Oh, yeah.
Nice. I know that's not a funny answer, but it doesn't need to be.

Speaker 1 It's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just,

Speaker 11 I don't, I just, Diane knew, I think human beings on an individual one-to-one level are very redeemable.

Speaker 10 I like a gu pang, though.

Speaker 11 I like a grouping.

Speaker 1 I like a positive one-on-one.

Speaker 10 It's too much pressure.

Speaker 1 I like who's all going to be.

Speaker 1 Remember flash mobs when everybody would get together and do a dance at the mall?

Speaker 11 So I guess I'm saying human beings in groups when it's not something like positive.

Speaker 10 Four or five people watching a movie is a good time.

Speaker 11 You know what? I don't know. You're right.

Speaker 10 I think. You heat up some pizza bagels.

Speaker 10 Pizza bagels.

Speaker 11 I like groups.

Speaker 10 Mini pizza bagels, 14 minutes.

Speaker 11 I guess I didn't think this through. I like people in groups when it's positive.
There's just something about sitting. on.

Speaker 10 You don't like to shit talk?

Speaker 1 I love to shit talk.

Speaker 10 Okay, you ever get somebody, there's some good tea going on.

Speaker 11 Oh, I love it. I love it.

Speaker 10 Hit here the tea. You're right.
Hit me with the tea.

Speaker 1 Dianu, let's spin it one more time and see who it's going to land on.

Speaker 1 It has landed on me. Here's what I would like to say, Dianu, too.
It's a very specific thing. It is the increasing number of inanimate objects that people are referring to as she or her.

Speaker 1 I have grown sick of it. It's getting my hackles up.

Speaker 1 It's getting something. It's turning something.
It's making me uncomfortable. It's making me nervous.

Speaker 1 I'll see a social media video,

Speaker 1 the way all the kids would say it, of

Speaker 1 someone will get a new person, say, look at her, I love her.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Then it's somebody makes, I don't know, like

Speaker 1 a chicken dish, and there's like, look at her, she's beautiful. About a chicken dish.
I saw somebody make a dining room table and say, look at her, she's beautiful. It's enough.

Speaker 1 It was weird when it was just boats.

Speaker 1 It's weird that it's sometimes countries, but not all countries because some of the countries are men.

Speaker 11 What are the lady countries?

Speaker 1 America.

Speaker 11 People are saying, like, I love her.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 11 My God, I need to be more on.

Speaker 1 But Germany's a man.

Speaker 10 It's giving

Speaker 5 chauvinistic.

Speaker 1 You don't like this chicken at all?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Do you know what that was?

Speaker 10 What's wrong with the chicken?

Speaker 1 That was conversationally, you put a carrot in a box, and I grab the carrot. I'm stuck in the box.

Speaker 1 You really? No, because.

Speaker 10 We forget that gay men are men.

Speaker 10 We forget this.

Speaker 10 We forget this.

Speaker 10 It's an important thing. That is true.

Speaker 11 Some of the most chauvinistic things ever said to me have been said by gay men.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Well, absolutely.

Speaker 11 The gay male gaze is very real and it's withering.

Speaker 10 Yes, thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, like a truly misogynistic gay man is so much more dangerous than a misogynistic straight man because you truly have nothing to offer the misogynistic gay man.

Speaker 11 Exactly. They've been some of the meanest people because they're like,

Speaker 11 you give me nothing.

Speaker 11 You give me nothing. And so you're just a face of flab and wrinkles that gives me nothing.

Speaker 11 I don't want to fuck you. I just see you as an imperfect canvas.

Speaker 10 This is a true story. And I think,

Speaker 1 and I think that's a wonderful place to say, Dianu

Speaker 1 for that, because that has, we have to put a stop to that.

Speaker 1 That is our show.

Speaker 1 Incredible.

Speaker 1 And the game and the misogyny. Incredible.
Robbie Holly.

Speaker 10 I have to ask you who it is.

Speaker 1 Wendy Schwartz. Brown Lovett.

Speaker 10 Give it up to Bennett.

Speaker 10 Give it up to Bennett.

Speaker 1 Bennett.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of days until the next election, but not as many as there were last week. We will see you next week at Dynasty.
Have a great night. Thank you for coming out.

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Speaker 1 Love it or leave it is a crooked media production it is written and produced by me john lovitt and lee eisenberg kendra james is our executive producer bill mcgrath is our producer and kennedy hill is our associate producer hallie keeper is our head writer sarah lazarus jocelyn coffin peter miller alan pierre and will miles are our writers jordan canter is our editor kyle segland and charlotte landis provide audio support stephen cologne is our audio engineer our theme song is written and performed by sherscher thanks to our designer sammy koderna rees for creating and running all of our visuals which you can't see because this is a podcast and thanks to our digital producers david tolls claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeeski for filming and editing video each week.

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