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What's up, Los Angeles?

Welcome to Love It or Leave It Live from Dynasty Typewriter.

We have got a great show for you tonight.

Michaela Watkins is here.

Colton Dunn is here.

And they'll both ask two important questions.

Was I in this?

And was it worth it?

Then we'll all head to the wheel to pay tribute to some of our favorite stars of your.

But first, let's get into it.

What a week.

On Tuesday, Donald Trump and his legal wife, Melania Trump, went across the pond to the world's second most famous island of pedophiles, Great Britain.

The first lady and worst man met with King Charles and Queen Camilla at Windsor, where Melania debuted a brand new look.

For those at home, she's wearing a big purple hat that often obscured her face completely on loan from the Queen's private Spirit Halloween collection.

It's obviously a joke.

It's from Eileen Fisher's new collab with David Cronenberg.

While at Windsor, Trump shared some poignant remarks at a state dinner.

I believe we're the hottest country anywhere in the world.

In fact, nobody's even questioning it, but we owe so much of that to you.

and the footing that you gave us when we started.

King Charles spit out soup when he heard that.

And he wasn't even having soup.

That's just what's in British people's mouths.

Trump also took the opportunity to celebrate some of the UK's best.

Shakespeare and Dickens and Tolkien and Lewis, Orwell and Kipling,

incredible people.

Unbelievable people like we have rarely seen before, probably won't see again.

I'll defend him when he's right, but would he do the same for me?

And I know I'll get shit for this, but I'll say it.

Tolkien in the same league as Shakespeare and Orwell?

Oh, sure, you fucking dweeps.

Oh, really?

Oh, really?

You think that's right?

You think that's right?

Shakespeare painted with the English language in ways previously unimaginable.

Orwell, with rigor and clarity, helping us to understand the tools by which we obliterate our own humanity.

And then you have Tolkien, who taught us that the little ones have hair on their feet and eat a lot of sandwiches, but in a language he made up.

Deal with it.

Cancel me, Brendan Carr.

I hate the Lord of the Rings.

Fucking dog shit.

Ooh,

ooh, ooh.

The ring makes you invisible, but it also does other stuff.

The little ones are sweet, the tall ones are kind of mean.

Which are the Jews in Lord of the Rings?

Rudyard Kipling was perfect, though, no notes.

He was racist.

He was.

Wrote some really racist stuff.

You know?

And the original text of the jungle book is not so sweet.

It wasn't just the

It wasn't just the pomp and circumstance Trump enjoyed about monarchy, for back at home, his administration began to lay out how, in the wake of Charlie Kirk's gruesome murder, the government would begin a wider crackdown on dissent.

Here was Stephen Miller earlier this week.

With God as my witness, we are going to use every resource we have at the Department of Justice, Homeland Security, and throughout this government to identify, disrupt, dismantle, and destroy these networks and make America safe again for the American people.

It will happen, and we will do it in Charlie's name.

As of this recording, we have seen no evidence to suggest that Kirk's murderer wasn't acting alone.

According to the transcript released as part of the investigation, he may may have been motivated by his love for a trans person, which fills me with an incredible amount of rage

because whatever we learn in the coming days, this guy was too demented or stupid to appreciate the consequences of his actions, which orphaned two children and fueled a crackdown while making life worse for every trans person in America, not least of whom is the person he was texting and claiming to love, who, according to Utah's Republican governor, had no idea what Robinson was planning and has been cooperating fully.

And I'll say here, as we learn more, we should not be the least bit reluctant to confront the truth of this killer's motivations.

If the shooter wanted to kill Charlie Kirk for being right-wing or holding anti-trans views, then we should be as appalled and unabashed in acknowledging that as when political violence targets the left.

We've seen voice, yes, because we've seen voices on the right smear half the country for this killing, claiming this was a war of the left.

But that is false.

And to do anything other than scream from the rooftops that this person does not speak for us is to act just a little bit like you've internalized the right's logic.

J.D.

Vance went further in that conversation with Stephen Miller.

So when you see someone someone celebrating Charlie's murder, call them out.

And hell, call their employer.

But, J.D.,

there are thousands of people making gross jokes on the internet all the time.

There are too many.

How can we make a difference?

Ah, said Vance, picking up a starfish

and

getting it fired from its job as a community college administrator.

It made a difference to this one.

The number of people who understood that analogy and that story was not as many in the meeting as I wanted it to be.

How many people know the starfish thing?

That's so interesting.

How many people know it?

Like it's the back of your hand.

Feel like you've heard it a million times.

And how many, you've never heard that before in your life?

Wow.

So there's a mother and daughter walking down the shore.

And the mother and the daughter starts looking around like, oh, these starfish are going to die.

What are we going to do?

We can't help them all.

And the mother picks one up and throws it in the ocean and says, it made a difference to that one.

Huh?

Right?

Anyway.

Attorney General Pam Bondi promised to do more than just get you fired for offensive comments on Katie Miller's podcast earlier this week.

There's free speech and then there's hate speech.

And there is no place, especially now, especially after what happened to Charlie in our society.

We will absolutely target you, go after you if you are targeting anyone with hate speech.

Are you a black square on Instagram in June of 2020?

Because I think you're caught up in the moment and not really helping anybody.

Sure.

Pam Bondi also said this to Fox News.

And employers, you have an obligation to get rid of people.

You need to look at people who are saying horrible things.

And they shouldn't be working with you.

Businesses cannot discriminate.

If you want to go in and print posters with Charlie's pictures on them for a vigil, you have to let them do that.

We can prosecute you for that.

No, you can't.

You have to print posters?

What's next?

Demanding a baker bake a cake with Charlie's picture on it?

Demanding a baker bake a cake for your special event honoring Charlie Kirk?

And then the baker objects because he's gay, but also way more extreme than Charlie Kirk ever was, forcing this paranoid, anti-Semitic, gay baker to bake a cake that doesn't agree with his politics?

And there are these starfish all over the place?

Bondi actually faced enough blowback for her comments from the right that she walked it back, restricting her view to hate speech that contains threats.

But King Baby wasn't so troubled.

And what do you think?

Cam Bondi's saying she's going to go after hate speech?

Is that, I mean, a lot of people, a lot of your allies say hate speech is free speech.

She'll probably go after people like you because you treat me so unfairly.

It's hate.

You have a lot of hate in your heart.

Maybe I'll come after ABC.

Well, ABC paid me $16 million recently for a form of hate speech, right?

Your company paid me $16 million

for a form of hate speech.

So maybe they'll have to go after you.

Please, no, take this instead, said Disney's panicked lawyers, pushing a confused George Stephanopoulos out of a suburban.

But cooler heads soon prevailed, like Missouri Senator Eric Schmidt.

There can be no unity between good and evil.

Somebody has to win win this thing.

And as a country, we have to absolutely reject it.

And don't tell me it's both sides.

This system lurks behind every radical leftist movement in our nation today.

The George Soros Empire has financed a vast ecosystem of radicals.

Yet here I am every week, unequivocally denouncing political violence and trying to find new and funny ways to describe Trump's hands for a pretty good audience of liberals who can barely organize the totes piling up in their closets, let alone a vast radical empire.

empire.

We have never, none of us, ever, ever needed more than two totes.

Ever.

I cannot think of an occasion in my life where any of us have ever needed more than two totes.

Because if you ever need three totes, you go to duffle and tote.

You never need more than two totes, and yet to get rid of a tote is unthinkable.

And then it was Jimmy Kimmel's turn in the barrel.

After the Kirk murder, Kimmel said this.

We're like the rest of the country, we're still trying to wrap our heads around the senseless murder of the popular podcaster and conservative activist Charlie Kirk yesterday, whose death has amplified our anger, our differences.

And I've seen a lot of extraordinarily vile responses to this from both sides of the political spectrum.

Some people are cheering this, which is something I won't ever understand.

You get a job on a game show as the goofy everyman to make Ben Stein seem even weirder.

Next thing you know, you're trying to deftly handle a political assassination on your late-night comedy program.

But he did it.

But then, on Monday, he said this.

We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it.

Because there was evidence by Monday that the killer, while growing up in a Republican home was not MAGA, conservatives already hostile toward Kimmel let rip.

On Wednesday, FCC chair and guy who would definitely shut down the containment grid and then blame the Ghostbusters for the consequences,

Brendan Carr, issued an ultimatum.

Frankly, when you see stuff like this, I mean, look, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.

We can do this the easy way or the hard way.

As a rule, if you are a federal regulator and you sound like Judge Doom holding a terrified shoe over a barrel of dip, you are not the hero in this story.

And by the way, lest there be any doubt, Carr didn't leave it at that ominous but vague warning that he was using the leverage over licensing to threaten a specific show and a specific disfavored comedian.

Here's what he said next.

These companies can find ways to change conduct to take action, frankly, on Kimmel.

or there's going to be additional work for the FCC ahead.

And he described what that work was because it included the possibility of fines or license revocation.

Within hours, ABC announced that Jimmy Kimmel Live would be preempted indefinitely, suspending the show after Nexstar, owner of 28 ABC affiliates, said it wouldn't air Kimmel.

It is with a heavy heart that I say, Jimmy Kimmel,

welcome to podcasting.

In a statement, Nexstar criticized Kimmel's comments and promised to replace the show with other programming in its ABC-affiliated markets.

Worth noting, Nexstar is currently pursuing a merger that requires approval by the FCC.

Once they acquire their largest rival, Tegna, it will own 265 stations in 44 states, which reaches 80% of American households.

Look, sometimes a bad thing has to be done in the service of an even worse thing.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a whole bunch of Republican-friendly comedies on ABC with new shows like The Big Bang Theory is Wrong.

Maude keeps the baby

fresh off and right back on the boat.

Abbott Charter Elementary.

Mork and Mindy and ICE.

Perfect Strangers and ICE.

And Roseanne.

Plus, stay tuned for ABC's upcoming miniseries, Roots 2, not so bad.

And hey, Brennan Carr, if it's cinema you're after, Disney has got you covered with live-action Mulan, but she's a girl the whole time and leaves the fighting to the men, starring Sidney Sweeney.

Luca 2, Luca reels in a wife.

Bambi from the hunter's point of view.

And, and I'm excited for this one, White and Kanto.

Trump wrote about it on True Social, saying, great news for America.

The ratings challenge Jimmy Kimmel show is canceled.

Congratulations to ABC for finally having the courage to do what had to be done.

Kimmel had zero talent and worse ratings than even Colbert, if that's even possible.

That leaves Jimmy and Seth two total losers on fake news NBC.

Their ratings are also horrible.

Do it, NBC.

Do it.

Like he's trying to get Donna Langley to chug a beer.

And then on the plane, he suggested to reporters that these companies lose their license for being, in his words, 97% against him.

It is a classic in the genre of Trump, which is a bunch of these intellectuals, ambonies, conservatives who try to figure out a way to defend Trump's actions spent the day explaining that this was really about Kimmel's inaccuracy and how it was actually a business decision.

And that while Carr's comments may have been in some way unwise or unhelpful, it was not a violation of the First Amendment because it was a decision by the affiliates.

And then Trump is like, two down, two to go, bitches.

They're all against me.

Fuck them up, NBC.

Sinclair Broadcasting Group also pulled Kimmel from their ABC stations.

They demanded Kimmel apologize.

They demanded he donate to Kirk's nonprofit, Turning Point USA, and announced that a Charlie Kirk in Memoriam special will air during Kimmel's time slot on Friday.

Wow.

A special tribute on every station.

They'll probably do this this for me when I go, said Joe Biden,

no one having the heart to tell him that they might not even break into commercial.

And finally, this week, a mom of two set a Guinness World Record for longest barefoot run on Lego bricks.

When reached for comment, the woman said, ow, my feet.

That's it.

It's a dark week of news.

You want a serious close?

That's it.

We're ending on the fucking Lego joke.

Deal with it.

Coming up next, it's Michaela Watkins and Colton Dunn.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Let's listen in on a live, unscripted Challenger School class.

They're reviewing the American Revolution.

The British were initiating force, and the Americans were retaliating.

Okay.

Where did they initiate force?

It started in their taxation without representation.

Why is that wrong?

The purpose of a government is to protect individual rights, and by encroaching on individual rights, they cannot protect them.

Welcome to eighth grade at Challenger School.

Learn more at challengerschool.com.

And we're back.

Please welcome to the stage two people I'd like to see in a steamy Netflix drama about bisexual Texas socialites.

It's Michaela Watkins, the golden dunn.

Hi, welcome.

Good to see you.

Hi.

Hi, hi.

Hi.

Thank you both for being here.

Boy,

it's lovely to see you.

That's great to see you.

Michaela.

Yes.

You confess to me that you like the show Hunting Wives.

Okay.

You know what?

That was said in confidence.

No.

Like is an interesting word.

Is it?

Yeah.

It's complicated.

I have a complicated relationship with this show, but what I have to say about this show is this show got me thinking a lot about the show because everything else I don't want to think about.

And so

I realized

I need to defend this show.

And not because I like it, but because I think it's worthy of defense.

Interesting.

So it's more of an intellectual exercise.

Yes!

But you watch every episode.

I sure did.

It's been the butt of a lot of jokes.

Because it stars women.

It's well, it stars women

and they're talk about the wigs and they, you know, it's women, it's MAGA women, it's MAGA women having sex with each other.

And it's,

oh, now you're interested.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's what these freaks are.

Before you're laughing,

by the way, that's what these freaks are putting in their porn arb searches.

Yeah, that's right.

They're not laughing because it's true.

I nailed it.

But anyway, so it stars Malin Ackerman, who is a wonderful, wonderful human being, a great actress, a huge talent, and just generally a light.

You know, when you see somebody and you're like, oh, I feel better.

Everything's going to be fine.

That's how it is to be around people from Sweden.

Truly.

And so I'm watching this and I'm like,

Malin, kind of, you know, like in the best way, what were you thinking?

And

what I realized with each actress that was coming on, the show, okay, let's be honest.

And I can say this to Malin, the show is trashy.

It's trash.

It's like, it's like it's brain candy.

It's like what reality shows wish they were.

This is you defending the show.

Yeah, 100%.

Because if I don't tell you the truth, you're going to not believe me later when I say the important thing, which is...

A lesson for Democrats

that we're living in the wreckage of.

Yep.

Which is that these actors have been done real dirty by their networks because,

you know, the acting climate right now is pretty, it's chilly.

It's brisk.

There's just not a ton of work right now.

And so

it took like this show that was meant to be on Starz Network that raise your hand if you have have a stars subscription.

Nobody, not one.

So it was meant to go there.

They go on that show.

They get paid a nice sum.

They go to Georgia.

They shoot this thing.

They take their clothes off.

They put a lot of bronzer on.

And then they tell their agents, is this going to ruin my brand?

I don't know if this is true.

I've never discussed this with Malin, but this is my, what I, this is when I say I think about it a lot.

This is what I'm thinking about.

They say, oh, just do this job.

Cause honestly, in this climate, if you don't have stars, you're never going to see it.

A lot of people, like, you know, who I use as my,

as sort of my beacon of like, should I do this?

I always go back to,

oh, what's her name?

From,

okay.

She's, she was on West Wing.

She's tall.

Thank you.

I always, Allison Jani is like the career that I want.

She doesn't say no to anything.

And

you only remember the great stuff that she's done.

And she's done a lot of like really cruddy things, not in life and shows.

And so I think like, okay, we're now in that time where you can do something stupid, nobody's going to see it.

and you're fine and then you can go back and do your your Oscar stuff.

So I think they got these actors.

They put it on stars.

Starz at the very last minute says, we're not going to air this.

So Netflix picks it it up and it becomes the number one watched show.

So now they're in Bronzer in Georgia.

That's their brand now.

Yeah.

I don't know that I've ever met an actor who's like, God, I wish this wasn't the number one show.

It'll be a first.

It's exciting.

I mean, maybe they wish they hadn't showed, you know, Tatas, but whatever.

Number one with Tatas is better than number 30, no Tatas.

Listen, they've got number one Tatas.

Number one Tatas.

They are great.

They are beautiful women and they're great actors.

So I start watching this thing, you know, to support Malin because I'm kind of curious because there's a lot of chatter about it and because I happen to be in Atlanta for two weeks in a hotel room with no friends.

So I start watching it and I'm like, oh boy.

And then the acting, you guys, is good because they have really good actors.

They have great actors.

All the actresses on it are amazing.

And I hope if any of them are listening to this, they stay listening to it long enough to know that they are so good.

Like you, maybe you come for

the hype about it and the tatas,

but you stay for the for the really quality acting with really questionable material.

I mean, it seems like you found a trashy show that you love and you've built a cathedral of ideas to sit inside and to appreciate this show.

Is that bad?

No, it's totally fine.

I've come to you.

So, Colton,

do you have a a trashy show that you watch?

A kind of a brain escape show?

No, Brain Rot?

Yeah.

Emma Cruises on YouTube.

It's a cruise tube show, and Emma goes on different cruises.

She gives you her review.

Emma, who?

This lady named Emma, she's this British lady, and she's like, all right, I'm on another cruise today.

She's off, you know, on another holiday.

And she like kind of reviews the room and all that kind of stuff.

But her big thing, her big thing is whether or not they have Diet Coke Coke on the cruise.

She's a big Diet Coke fan.

And here's the thing.

And some of you guys, maybe some of you understand it.

I didn't get it.

A lot of people who watch it don't get it.

She does not like fountain Diet Coke.

She only wants Diet Coke from the bottle.

Oh, well, like glass bottle, I get.

I mean, there's something about

plastic bottle.

Dog shit.

That's not.

Dog shit.

There's an interesting thing about the fountain because the question is,

do you want to fail while daring greatly?

Or do you want to sit in the safety of the can?

Because you know what you're going to get in the can.

Fountain, on a course.

It's a ratio.

It's luck and happenstance.

But when you strike it right.

Oh my God.

That's so good.

Sometimes

maybe that salt air gets, you know, somehow chemically

dances with the syrup

and the soda water part.

Yeah.

And then you could have a fail or you could have victory.

That's right.

Yeah.

Taste of the ocean.

Yeah.

It's like they say pizza in New York tastes better because of the water.

Exactly.

That's why the fountain drinks on a boat taste great.

Because of the water.

Because of the water.

The distilled water that sits in there in a giant steel tank in the bottom.

In their minds.

Live in the blissful ignorance of what's going on inside of these soda guns.

These soda guns.

Like

the number of people I see that, like, wouldn't eat a cookie off the floor that are like Diet Coke, please, and just trusting God in the end of that fucking nozzle.

Are you insane?

You're trusting the one guy who finishes the night and takes it apart and is supposed to wipe it out nice and clean.

Think about how you're supposed to take care of your coffee maker at home.

Yeah.

And that's just for you by you.

And maybe you do better than if it was your job.

yeah but you don't do great no you do good enough and you pray that it's fine if it starts to taste weird you fix it you get

never drank that coffee even once and it was the only only coffee you made for strangers

you can eat the cookie off the floor the inversion is guinness right people don't want it in the can they want it on tap

you can get a bad batch though i mean a bad nitrous amount guys it can we go back to hunting water Yeah, let's get back to it.

I don't know what it is.

Oh, can I get a summary of what it is?

It's a reality show meets a soap opera.

The drama with reality show vibes in Pepper.

It's got reality for

everybody is gorgeous.

Everybody is hot.

There's drama.

Somebody's like, but it's all takes place in Texas.

Here's the wig Melan Ackerman wears at the beginning of the show.

Okay.

Now.

Oh, is this the show that I saw?

Like the I saw a hairstylist on social media who was upset about production leaving California because of how bad the wigs are.

And they were like, if they would have just shot this show in LA, the wigs would all be better.

Wigs are expensive.

So that's the first thing I'm going to say.

Let's go to wig number two.

This budget is not good.

But also.

Goo.

So here's the thing.

If you know Mollin and you know what her actual hair looks like, she would never pass.

She would always look like a gorgeous, a gorgeous, Swedish supermodel.

But here she has to be a kind of like Texas, a Texas girl who knows how to shoot a gun and all that.

And so I understand why they had to wig her.

Now,

do you watch like Fox News?

Do you see what the hair on there looks like?

Like it does not look real.

I think this is actually a wonderful rendition.

That's an interesting take, that it's meant to convey a certain inauthenticity.

And a it's not something well done poorly, it's something poor done well, Colton.

Yeah,

you're gonna show me a wig.

I didn't do wig, I don't have a wig on, I would have, but then I got a hair transplant and then I got two more.

I'm at three.

Was it wait, wait, where else?

No, no, all on the head.

Oh, okay,

Or did you mean for your friends?

I got one and then they gave me two free.

Look, look, I needed, I wanted a masculine asshole.

You know,

I felt like I can't be walking around with this

feminist, feminine.

Yeah, it's embarrassing.

I wanted to be masculine.

Yes.

And so the doctor had never done it before.

It's the first of its kind.

Yeah.

They've said, wow, we've gone from the asshole to the head before.

But we've never gone down that way.

Mikaela, you're in hacks.

Yes.

And

Hannah Einbinder won the Emmy, and she gave a brief but attention-grabbing speech.

And she stole that from you.

That was your speech.

Had you won?

That was what happened?

Honestly, like, hats off to her, really.

She said a lot of really wonderful things, but you'll never hear that because the only clip that actually got played and played and played was she said, go birds, fuck guys, free Palestine.

And

apparently, like, everybody was clutching their pearls after that.

And I was like, how are we living in a world where that's the shock?

Meanwhile, masked men are roving the streets of LA and everywhere else in this country and kidnapping people and shoving them in vans and breaking up families and putting them in detention camps that, you know, our elected officials are now getting arrested because they're not allowed to go inspect.

Like, why is that?

Like, I'm talking about like Hollywood colleagues, liberals, you know, who are just like, ooh, you know?

And so, again, I guess I'm here to defend the ladies.

I was like, yes, good.

But then

Homeland Security actually put out a statement about it because nothing makes them more upset than millennials winning

a prize for a comedy on HBO.

And

they said something like,

what she said was ugly.

It's ugly.

Be a lady.

And then said something like, when violence against ICE officials is up 1,000%,

she is, you know, that this little redhead on stage is like inciting violence against this marginal group of ICE.

ICE officials who are so marginalized that really they are the only ones who should be able to receive,

you know, free, free college.

That's really it, because they're so living on the fringes of our society.

And I just was like, the way, the gymnastics of twisting that, like, and they do it consistently.

They keep stealing really sensible responses to the horrible evil things that happen in the world and then adapting them and adopting them for themselves, as you know, and just saying like, you know, anti-Semitism is way up, you know, islamophobia is way up like now we're just like oh gosh but let's let's hold space for the ice officials you know

as if they didn't have a choice yeah i mean the the it's trolling you know the the it's it's the same as with brendan carr like the it's it's a culture of trolling right and now they troll with power they use their power to troll too right like trump is a troll these people that's what he's doing when he tells ABC News, oh, to Jonathan Carl, like, you have hate in your heart.

Maybe I'll come after you.

He's, he's trolling, but they also back it up with like the force of the state now.

Yeah.

They are.

Which is why you can't be scared about it, which is why you got,

that's how they win.

They win by getting all the people to clutch their pearls.

This lady says free Palestine.

There's nothing wrong with saying that.

If you're out there and you're worried about people from Palestine and you want them to be free, you want them to have a better life.

There's nothing wrong with that.

And they have like created this world where they say, well, if you say that, you're anti-Semitic.

No, you're not.

If you say that, you're, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're a bad person.

No, you're not.

And you just have to push back 100% on that.

And you can't let them scare you.

You can't be quiet.

You can't go, oh, well, we shouldn't say anything because if you don't, we see what happens when you keep giving them inches.

Yeah, that's right.

But the birds do not say go birds.

No, fuck.

I don't like birds.

I disagreed with that.

Birds are, they are a scourge on everybody.

So do not say go, birds.

Those birds are racist.

Yeah, racist birds.

But wait, one second.

We'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Let's listen in on a live, unscripted challenger school class.

They're reviewing the American Revolution.

The British were initiating force and the Americans were retaliating.

Okay.

Where did they initiate force?

It started in their taxation without representation.

Why is that wrong?

The purpose of a government is to protect individual rights and by encroaching on individual rights they cannot protect them welcome to eighth grade at challenger school learn more at challengerschool.com

all right we're back

it's time for a classic here at love it or leave it oh boy which is a game we call was i in this

this week we've got a twist

michaela and colton will be playing each other.

I'll be chiming in with my amusing bon mants as usual.

So let's play.

Was I in this?

Yeah.

Yay.

All right, Colton, you first.

Michaela co-starred with Julia Louis Dreyfus in three different projects: Veep, The New Adventures of Old Christine, and the underrated 2013 James Gandolfini rom-com.

Enough said.

Am I trying to figure out if I was in it?

No.

I hope not.

I hope that this becomes more of a, that becomes more of a medical thing.

Then we ask you to,

were you in this clock you drew?

You have to say if it's true or false, Colton.

Oh, whoo.

Well,

I mean, two of those I know.

So I'm going to say

false.

Wrong.

All right, Colton.

You got it.

No points.

No points.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

We should have.

How's that?

Okay, is that the scoreboard right there?

No, I got it.

I'm a professional.

Yeah.

Mikael, is any part of you...

Oh, wait.

Oh.

Yeah.

James Gondolfini.

Yeah.

That's cool.

What was he like?

I don't know.

I didn't.

He was very sweet.

He was very sweet.

Yeah, but I only did one scene with him.

Oh.

Did he have that kind of intense charisma the whole time?

Yes.

That's cool.

No, he was more like sweetie pie.

Like, you can't believe he was a mob boss.

I got to hang out with that guy.

Yeah.

Really?

Years ago, I lived in a house right off Sunset Boulevard.

It was across the street from a place called Coach and Horses, which was like a little dive bar.

And he would show up there.

And he would show up there really late.

And the bartenders all knew him.

And then they would close the bar and let him stay.

And a couple of times he was like, you could stay too.

And we'd just stay and have a lot of fun with James Candelfini in a bar on Sunset Boulevard until like, you know, three, four in the morning.

That's cool.

Michaela.

Yeah.

Colton received not one, but two Emmy nominations for Mad TV.

What?

Fantastic.

True or false?

True.

False.

Damn it.

He wrote for Mad TV.

And you had an iconic character, Mandongo.

Oh, my God.

But he earned two Emmy nominations for his work writing for Key and Peele.

Oh,

that's true.

I was on that.

Did you write for me?

Which sketch were you in?

I played Mary Magdalene.

Mary Magdalene.

Oh, Mary Magdalene sketch.

Yeah.

What was like the gist?

Keegan was Jesus.

I had to wash his feet.

Okay, was it

about him being a pimp or something?

It was at his house at 2 a.m.

Were there any cameras there?

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

There was at least one cell phone.

Okay.

Sorry.

Colton,

you worked for Mad TV, Kroll Show, Key and Peele, Comedy Bang Bang.

That was like a golden age of sketch.

Oh, yeah.

Do you think it'll come back?

You know, I'd like to think so.

I'd like to think so that sketch comedy will make a comeback, you know, and then I think Funny or Die is in there with all that stuff, you know, kind of that early internet days.

Um, but uh, you know, who knows?

It all seems like it's short-form vertical sketches where people are in the sketches by themselves and they're just talking to each other and different angles on their cell phones.

So, I think that's the new sketch comedy, loneliness, just everyone by themselves.

Do you have a favorite character you've played?

Do I, yeah, I do.

Who is it?

Uh, well, it was a favorite show I did, favorite show, yeah,

casual,

oh yeah

oh thank you great show spattering after everybody canceled their hulu today

i don't know what to do because it's like maybe we need to get to the boycott i don't know what the answer is obviously if i did i would would tell you uh but fundamentally like there's like obviously there's many problems but three giant problems one

uh

anti-democratic authoritarian takeover of our government.

Two, corporate cowardice on an absolutely mind-boggling scale, just people giving the administration rights it actually couldn't take, like giving it power it couldn't seize and would never be able to win in court.

But three,

it is very clear that these corporations, anyone making a calculation that is not moral but mercenary and financial and strategic, is calculating that we

are not a big factor.

They're calculating that the tens of millions of Americans, majority of this country that is not only pro-freedom of expression, but

anti-Trump

aren't powerful and may never have power again.

And actually, even if we do gain power, won't make them pay for the decisions they've made to capitulate to this dangerous government.

And

we got to figure out a way to make clear that both Democrats in power and everyone that's part of this big democratic movement from the far left to the anti-Trump right

aren't going to forget and are worthy of being afraid of.

And maybe that will be through, and through nonviolent means, through boycott and protest

and electoral success, and through our representatives holding people accountable for the decisions they're making right now.

But a combination of short-term thinking and a lack of imagination and the correct evaluation of current democratic leadership that we're not people to fear is part of our problem.

It's a big problem.

And I don't know if boycotts are the answer.

I don't know how to get to the place where we are seen as a political force worthy of respect.

But one way or another, we got to figure out what that is.

Probably should do it quick.

I think.

Probably should go quick.

I think canceling your subscription is a great place to start.

You know, people didn't want to do that during the strike.

They asked us not to do that back in the day during the strike specifically.

But, you know, after working for a lot of these streamers in shows,

all they care about is how many people are subscribed to them.

And that's also their motivation is to get new subscribers.

So once you take yourself out of there,

their whole business model is to figure out how to get you back to get you subscribed.

I totally agree with that.

I think

my thought is not, oh, boycotts don't work.

That's not, I am, what I want to make sure is, you know, this happened on the right a fair amount.

All these hosts were just like, you got to boycott an espresso.

You got to, you can't use this.

You can't do that.

And there were all these different lists of on the left of places we were supposed to boycott.

And my view on this is if we're going to decide, I want us to like,

I don't want us to cry wolf.

If we're going to say, all right, this is the place we're drawing the line.

We're all going to cancel Disney Plus, we're all going to cancel Hulu, it has to be both clear, serious.

It has to actually have a goal, right?

We can't just be like, oh, we're all not using this service forever.

Maybe it's Kimmel has to come back on.

I don't know what the answer is.

But some measure by which we can declare success so that there's some incentive for people to actually respond to our pressure.

And by the way, like,

you know,

it's an unusual thing for

our side to set a strategic goal and then

through collective action, go about creating the incentives to make it real rather than what we normally do, which is, I don't know,

bicker and run around, but it's something to consider.

I'm going to think about that over this weekend.

I feel like

that's what it's like to be married to you just now.

Like, I'm like, good night, honey.

You know.

Should we watch Hulu?

Oh, actually, I canceled it.

And then you just say all of that.

And then it's like.

Well, when is this going to end?

How long will this be canceled what's the point of all of this yeah and then and then at the end of it your husband goes okay so good night

no you've you've gotten pretty close uh uh

the good news is i just do fall asleep

i'm pretty tired i'm pretty tired because i am having pretty intense political stress dreams.

So I'll pass out easy.

The eyes go down and And I'll try to take this thing down with a, with a big old Xanax.

Just a, just a, a good old chemical,

you know, mallet to the face, you know, just go

out, out, out.

But the dreams, the spiky dreams, the bit of, the anxiety, the points push through the cotton of the Xanax, poke through into the open air.

And then I'm awake.

And then I'm awake and it's night and it's night.

And then you know what else happens?

What happens?

The fire alarm has a tiny little light.

And I would never know that light existed.

But for whatever reason, at four in the morning, it is as bright as the sun.

Right.

As bright as the sun.

And I wouldn't bother me any other time.

But at four in the morning, just over in the corner of the bedroom ceiling, the sun turns on, gone.

It's like an Ingmar Bergman.

Sun goes on, gone.

Alone.

Dark, dark, dark thoughts.

Sun on.

Can't sleep.

Can't sleep.

Too late for a second pill.

Too early to get up.

Is that a dog snoring?

You bet it is.

Is that why I'm awake?

No.

Now to the third question of our quiz.

This is a hoot.

I'm glad you're both here.

It's a weird night.

Helpin.

Michaela appeared in the Law and Order SVU episode Ballerina as Birdie Birdie Sulloway, a former dancer suspected of pushing her husband out of a window.

True.

That is false.

Oh, no.

That was Carol Burnett.

Michaela appeared as in Law and Order classic as Judge Madeline Bennett.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Right.

Well, but...

It gets even better because it was, you know how they try to stay topical?

It was like the Nancy Pelosi,

like a student who was

a protesting

Israel, Palestine.

He was pro-Palestine, anti-Israel.

She was a pro-Israel judge, and she didn't let him clerk for her.

And so he came to have it out with her, and she wasn't home, and he murdered her husband.

Oh, so it's like based off of what happened to Nancy Pelosi and her husband.

And they merged it with Columbia protests.

Wow, ripple headlines indeed.

Jeez.

Bump, bump.

The news.

What was the body discovery scene in that?

Like, how do they, how do they, what's it like?

It's always like, you know, some guy was like, yeah, man, this bowl, I can never get enough air.

And whoa, body.

You know, like.

Yeah, it's just.

Yeah, somebody jogging.

Oh, no.

No, it was the foyer.

It was a black and white tile parquet and

turn of the century and a nice molding.

And

it was him lying there on the ground and just blood spilling from his head.

Oh, my goodness.

Bump, bump.

Yeah.

Michaela, Colton recounted the true stale of the Sugar Hill Gang seminal hip-hop song Rappers Delight in an episode of Drunk History featuring Retta.

That sounds true.

Please.

Yeah.

Nice.

I love Retta.

Did you actually get wasted during that?

Buddy, I got totally wasted during that.

I did it once.

I got so drunk.

I got really drunk.

I drank about

an entire bottle of Jameson.

Wow.

Yeah, it was bad.

Did you have to go to the hospital?

No, no.

I didn't have to go to the hospital.

I was still younger then and I could still drink.

But

I lost my shoes.

So I woke up in my house without my shoes and

I didn't really remember the last, last you know you tell the story they have you tell the story about three or four times and I only remember doing it two times but apparently I did it two more times and then I was like all right everybody we're going out and I like took people across the street to the coaching horses and really yeah yeah don't remember it though I remember when I got through when I was doing the second telling I lay down and most of the second telling I'm laying down which story did you tell again I did John F.

Kennedy's doctor who gave him all the pills.

Oh,

Dr.

Feelgood.

Dr.

Feelgood.

Wow.

I did Doctor Feel Good.

I was Julia Child.

Oh, wow.

And I was also in the one with Laura Dern about the,

oh, this is a fun little thing.

I was in the one, the

insane asylum

about the woman who goes into undercover in an insane asylum

to expose it.

To expose it, yeah.

And then she ends up being committed and she can't get out.

Michaela,

true or false, Colton's in Superstore.

Well, this is true.

Oh, you got it.

I got it because

one of your producers was gushing.

So that was a cheat.

You think?

And also because I love Superstar.

Superstore.

Can't get enough.

How are the wigs on Superstore?

What did you say?

Wigs were great.

We had

a great great team that in the hair and makeup department that would put together some fun wigs.

There's an episode, a Halloween episode.

We play different characters every Halloween episode, and I was Superman for one of them.

And I got to wear a wig, which is nice because I'm bald, so I don't have any hair.

A review?

Why did you gasp?

Because in my mind.

I haven't had 12 hair transplants yet.

I don't know.

I think three is like three.

It's not worse than three.

Once you're past one, it's

just like

how many, how many would I take?

Well, it depends on how bad of an afternoon you want to have.

I think we could get you done in two really, really uncomfortable days or three very mediocre days.

It's so not fair.

What?

It's just not fair.

What's not fair?

You guys have one

biological thing that plagues your like adulting.

You're forgetting about big balls.

No.

I don't know.

Our balls get really big.

They get lower and lower and lower.

They get lower.

They're all over the place.

Not like you're half.

Hold on a second.

We're not just going to blow right past my big balls.

You don't wear.

You don't wear a ball bra that you have to like, that cuts off circulation around your wrist.

You're right, you're right.

Because your boobs, your empty pockets are falling off your body.

You don't have, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't have, you don't have sweats.

Talk about waking up in the middle of the night and looking at a red light You don't have to do deal with any of this bullshit.

You get one thing one

one

your hair thins on the top of your stupid heads.

And guess what?

Yes.

All I did was take my hat off

you guys then

How quickly did they figure that out?

We just figured out how to take care of that one thing that comes out.

All right, they didn't figure that out that quickly.

If you remember, for a while, they were basically butchers.

They were taking guys in and they were coming out like cabbage patch dolls.

They were basically like, what we do is we take 50 hairs, we put them in one circle at the very top, then you comb it around.

There are a lot of guys out there that got that, they went in early and they are pioneers, and we are grateful to them.

These are, these are, these people had the right stuff, they were brave.

What's the name of the pilot from the right stuff?

I don't know.

Do you want to see my do you you want to see my patch?

Sure.

The one that I have to pay for and change or my body and brain fallout.

What?

Your brain fallout patch?

What is this?

It's a hormone, HRT.

Sometimes we got to pee a lot.

So do we!

We have no pelvic floor!

Thank you.

Now that's fair.

It really is.

Yeah, they've solved boners and male baldness.

Yeah, but I'm incontinent.

Have a great day.

What's the score, by the way?

On our scoreboard.

Balls two.

One, zero.

Beautiful.

Mikael wins.

Nice.

Congratulations.

By the weight of a feather.

Oh, also, Hacks is streaming now on HBO Memics.

And you keep tabs on Colton on Instagram at Capt Dope.

Like, Captain Dope.

Yeah, C-A-P-T-D-O-P.

All right, we'll be right back.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Let's listen in on a live, unscripted Challenger School class.

They're reviewing the American Revolution.

The British were initiating force, and the Americans were retaliating.

Okay.

Where did they initiate force?

It started in their taxation without representation.

Why is that wrong?

The purpose of a government is to protect individual rights, and by encroaching on individual rights, they cannot protect them.

Welcome to eighth grade at Challenger School.

Learn more at challengerschool.com.

And we're back.

Before we get to the wheel, Love It or Leave It's New York Show is sold out.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

It's good.

And here in Los Angeles, you can come see us live next Thursday, right here at Dynasty Typewriter, September 25th.

We'll be joined by Paul Scheer,

Congressman Eric Swalwell,

and

more.

All right.

Actor, director, generational smoke show, Robert Redford, passed away on Tuesday.

I love Robert Redford.

Great guy.

Love.

Popcorn was great.

Love.

Did he make popcorn?

Maybe I'm thinking of Paul Newman.

You're thinking of Paul Newman.

But I was doing the math on that one, and I was like...

Wow,

that must have been friction in their friendship.

Right, yeah, be like oh now butch is doing it yeah

miguel you like robert redford loved i mean what's not to love i went to sundance a lot i've had i had a lot of movies there luckily fortunately um like you meet him yeah i went as i went to the director's lab as an actor uh

that sounds like i was lost they invite

oh no actors huh cool um and i handed out my headshot no um I was invited.

They invite actors in to like work with first-time directors and then they have mentors.

But then he invites you into this private little screening room while you're there.

And he did a screening of all the president's men on the original reels and then talked about it afterwards.

And

God, he's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful man.

I was thinking, the reason I wanted to do this is part because I was like, oh my God, I sorted Robert Redford into like medium old in my mind, not like, oh, wow, he was old.

You know, he's an old guy.

He's been around for a long time.

Probably so handsome, even as an older guy.

And so tonight, we wanted to give living legends their flowers.

So we're going to spin the wheel and praise a non-agenarian who's still with us.

Because why not?

Why wait?

Why wait to have the feelings when they're gone?

Okay.

All right.

So Mikhail, you go up first.

We have a wheel.

Let's see who's on the wheel.

Wheel.

Oh, I missed this wheel sound.

We

Shirley McClain, age 91.

Wow.

Oh, Cheryl.

You know what?

Right before the pandemic was starting, I was about to go shoot a movie with her in Amsterdam and play her daughter.

It was like a Holocausty kind of movie.

And it never.

But funny, but funny.

But hilarious.

Like Little Miss Sunshine meets the Holocaust.

There's something funny about the phrase Holocausty, which makes me also think, like,

was it too much money?

Like, this this is Holocausty, you know?

It was about a woman who is very

hesitant to go back to Holland.

And

her daughter really wants to go see where, you know, where her family was from originally.

And

she's very testy and pissy through the whole thing.

And you find out about their dark, her dark past.

But anyway, I just think that she, uh you know terms of endearment all the things she's made uh that she has just

she's a legend um cheryl like you're beautiful i hope you uh come back in another form because she's ballsy and she's she's

She was never, she was never just Wesis Faze's brother, Warren.

She was her own whole damn thing.

Yeah.

Love Charlie McLean.

Love terms of endearment.

I even liked that sequel.

Yeah.

The Rivers of the Summer.

Nope.

What about that one with Jack Black?

Where remember that?

Anybody?

Booler Rock

guarding tests.

That was with Nicholas Cage.

Minecraft movie.

And then she's all into astrology.

She's fun.

All right.

Let's spin it again.

This time for Colton.

Oh, boy.

His name's on Dick Van Dyke.

Oh, love, love his popcorn.

This guy.

I love Dick Van Dyke.

I mean, look, I grew up Mary Poppins, chitty chitty bang bang.

So I loved him when I was a kid.

And then I remember Nickelodeon used to play all the old stuff.

So you had like the Dick Van Dyke show, stuff like that.

Always super funny, always seemed really nice.

You know, I feel like

there's a lot of people who you look back over their career, especially, you know, some comedians, and

there's a lot of troubling things, you know, where you're like, uh-oh, oh boy, can't believe they did that, you know, and then maybe even just some like straight-up controversies.

It feels like he was relatively controversy-free.

The characters and the bits that he did, like you could still play him.

You know, I could still play, you know, I show my kid Mary Poppins.

You know, I just like that.

Here's the thing.

I know he was a recovering alcoholic.

I'm sure there's probably some fucked up Hollywood stories of Dick Van Dyke, but the people have died and they haven't told us those stories.

So we don't know them.

They're probably cute.

Yeah.

And yeah, so he just, you know, I think.

Give that guy his flowers, man.

He always made everybody laugh.

And he's just a good funny tall guy.

Everybody loves the funny tall guy.

Good prat dolls.

Yeah.

The guy made tripping over an ottoman an icon.

Oh, my God.

You know, an iconic trip over an ottoman.

A lot of people can fall over an ottoman.

You know, a lot of people can't fall.

He would tumble.

He tumbled.

Yeah.

He tumbled.

Yeah.

He was.

I feel like if he did do anything bad, it was probably charming.

Like, yeah, Dick, he fucked a peacock.

Oh,

dick.

And to rock the name Dick and like

have it work.

Never even connect with Ann Dyke.

Yeah.

He's got it all in there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is a triggering name.

And Van.

And Van.

The creepiest vehicle.

And I don't even connect them to the Dutch.

Yeah.

Those slippery Dutch.

Let's spin it one more time.

This time for me.

What are you going to get?

Oh, great.

It's landing on Mel Brooks.

I love Mel Brooks.

I love Mel Brooks.

And you know, I was thinking about Mel Brooks because they're making Space Balls 2.

I'm excited about that.

I got friends that are working on Space Balls 2.

And I'm excited about the fact that we're going to get a Space Balls 2 and that Mel Brooks is still around to be part of it in some way, which is amazing.

So old.

Big FanTech is so old.

They're so old, but they're still kicking.

And

there are all these old stories about Mel Brooks just kind of tooling around like LA delis.

And

if you went up to Mel Brooks and said that you love the producers, he would say, of course you do.

It's one of the greatest comedies of all time.

And I love that.

I love that vibe.

I love the happiness.

Like there are a lot of really funny Jewish comedians.

And then there's a lot of really positive comedians.

It's a really funny, positive Jewish comedian.

Wow.

That's that's a triple threat.

That's a triple threat.

Joyous.

Joyous.

And like those movies are so joyful.

They're so fun.

I know.

And so many, we've like, I don't know, like, so many, we've like drained so much of the fun out of like comedy a lot of the times and like just like Hollywood in general and everything is like so serious.

Even the scary movie, High Anxiety, like even that was like scary, funny.

Yeah.

Scary charming.

So charming.

Mel Brooks.

I did a game show with him.

You did?

Yeah.

To tell the truth.

He was so darling.

And with Cloris Leachman.

And then she rubbed her vagina on

my arm.

She was known to be doing that.

And it was very funny.

Sure, it's funny when she does it, but then Louis C.K.

can't go anywhere.

Wow, double standard.

Here we go.

Think about that.

And I'll just close by saying,

when I saw that Robert Redford died, I had this realization that, like,

there are some actors, classic actors, that when they die, you think of their performances.

And he's an amazing actor, but that's actually not what I think of when I think of him.

I think of the movies themselves, and I think of all the president's men, and I think of the candidate.

I think of Three Days of the Condor and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and how amazing these movies are and how much they hold up.

How many people here haven't seen Three Days of the Condor?

Do yourselves like, give yourselves a treat in honor of Robert Reddy.

Did you say Out of Africa?

I've never seen Out of Africa.

Oh, that's another good one.

That's another good movie.

I'll watch it.

He's so hot, and it's disturbing.

Nobody should be a little bit more.

That was my take, too.

It was like the guys, a smoke show in there, bro.

I mean, just fires it up.

ridiculous real boner material

yeah

yeah that's yeah that's the lesson too it's just like you got these stars yeah the boner material they leave and what about that movie he did where it's just him on a boat and then he gets um he gets lost at sea um Does anybody know what that is?

Nope.

And

he was like over 80 years old and every morning before they would even start shooting on a freezing cold boat in the ocean, he would go to the hotel

pool and like swim like five miles.

And remember, those guys were always talking about how they were worried that they were going to kill him.

Yeah.

Because he was so old when he did it.

And he was it called?

All his loss.

All his loss.

And here we are, all these years later, and he died bungee jumping.

Yeah.

Yeah.

From a helicopter.

Also, sneakers.

Sneakers.

Sneakers is so good.

All right.

I love Robert Redford.

All right, Peter Legend.

That's our show.

Thank you so much to Michaela Watkins and Colton Dunn.

We will see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter.

There are 409 days until the midterms.

Hope we have them.

Have a great night and have a great weekend.

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