Forever Young Republicans

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what's up los angeles

welcome to Love It or Leave It Live, a Dynasty typewriter.

So excited to see all of you.

Terry Hatcher is here.

Maria Bamford is here.

The egg of truth returns.

Wow, it's already developed a kind of mystique.

Plus, we're going to spin the rant wheel.

But first,

let's get into it.

What a week.

If you're listening to this on Saturday, hopefully you're on your way to one of the many no-kings protests planned across the country.

Everybody here going?

The protests were given a helpful marketing boost by the Speaker of the House and a guy that likes a firm, manly handshake because, boy, you've got a good grip there, strong forearms.

Wow.

Mike Johnson.

I encourage you to watch.

We call it the Hate America rally that will happen Saturday.

Let's see who shows up for that.

I bet you see pro-Hamas supporters.

I bet you you see Antifa types.

I bet you see the Marxists in full display, the people who don't want to stand and defend the foundational truths of this republic.

And we do.

Interestingly, Marxist on full display is Mike Johnson's top search term on his secret iPad.

President Trump, for his part, suggested on Wednesday that nobody would be there at all.

You know, they have their day coming up.

I hear very few people are going to be there, by the way.

But they have their day coming up, and they want to have their day in the sun

which is a helpful reminder for this weekend solidarity can stop fascism but only sunscreen can prevent fine lines and wrinkles

you're not much used to the resistance if you're dealing with a squamous cell carcinoma

The last Snow Kings protest saw roughly four to six million people turn out, and Trump's crackdown has only escalated since then.

On Monday, Speaker Johnson jumped in to help justify Trump's deployment of the National Guard to Portland.

You know, most recently, the most threatening thing I've seen yet was the naked bicyclers in Portland who were protesting ice down there.

I mean, it's getting really ugly.

Okay.

The moral of that joke is that the protests aren't scary, that they're silly.

Right?

That doesn't make sense.

He's supposed to be defending them, but he's making a joke about how they're silly.

I also dare you to think of anything less threatening than a naked person on a bicycle.

Being balls out on a bicycle is the most vulnerable thing a person can be.

The only one who should be afraid of a naked cyclist is the next person who has to ride that bicycle.

And Johnson isn't wrong that it's ugly.

Balls on a bicycle seat, one to each side of the saddle, like South American Boleodoras connected by loose scrotum.

On second thought, maybe we should send in the troops.

Speaking of yuck, Politico published an expose this week on the racist, anti-Semitic, and misogynist texts exchange in a Telegram chat filled with young Republican leaders.

Also in the chat, unbeknownst to anyone, Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg.

Unbelievable.

In the chat, these youngish Republicans joked about slavery and the Holocaust, praised Hitler, and discussed raping their enemies and driving them to suicide.

And if you think that sounds bad in a group chat, wait until you read it in Project 2029.

Just to note, young Republicans isn't just what these guys hoped for on Hinge before being banned after asking women for their skull diameter and flow volume,

but rather a tax-exempt organization for Republicans aged 18 all the way to 40.

40 is a young Republican.

At one exchange, the general counsel for the New York Young Republicans joked: can we fix the showers?

Gas chambers don't fit the Hitler aesthetic.

I know this isn't the point, but gas chambers absolutely fit the Hitler aesthetic.

The showers were the gas chambers.

A real Hitler fan would know that.

Vice President Jimmy Demi Vance rushed to condemn the chat's vile

content.

Just kidding.

He pointed to a Democrat who also did a bad thing, Virginia Attorney General nominee Jay Jones, whose recently leaked text showed him wishing for the former Republican Virginia House Speaker's kids to die so she might change her mind and move on policy.

And to be clear, that is bad and very stupid.

But fun fact about Jay Jones, he's 36, which is only one single year older than the oldest young Republican in that chat.

Another fun fact: Jay Jones was once pulled over for doing 116 in a 70 mile per hour zone.

But in fairness to him, he was rushing home to celebrate Charlie Kirk's assassination.

Post-advance, this is far worse than anything said in a college group chat, and the guy who said it could become the AG of Virginia.

I refuse to join the pearl clutching when powerful people call for political violence.

But you don't have to clutch your pearls or claim two wrongs make a right.

You just have to say that Nazis and bigots have no place in the Republican Party.

Seems like something you'd want to say if it were something you believed.

But what do I know?

I'm just a Jewish fagot.

On Wednesday, Vance doubled down, saying on the Charlie Kirk show,

Like, I'm going to tell my kids, especially my boys, don't put things on the internet.

Like, be careful with what you post.

If you put something in a group chat, assume that some scumbag is going to leak it in an effort to try to cause you harm or cause your family harm.

But the reality is that kids do stupid things, especially young boys.

They tell edgy, offensive jokes.

Like, that's what kids do.

Sure.

Every kid goes through a phase where they praise Hitler.

It's not a problem unless they all do it at once.

And sure, the young Republicans who have been identified from the chat are well over college age.

But you know what?

I think JD has a point here.

And we too were so moved by the plight of these young Republicans who obviously just need loving parents to teach them how to be human beings that tonight we're hosting Love It or Leave It's first annual Young Republican Adopt-a-thon.

Behind the five o'clock shadow and jokes about monkey people lies the young, hopeful heart of a child in need of love so please reach out if you can to adopt these republican kids babies like this guy

or sweet little tykes like him

if you act now we'll also send this little bundle of joy to your home with a gaming chair and a gaming chair cleaning wand

For the price of just one cup of coffee per day, you can buy this little

one cup of coffee per day.

Whether they're 27 or 35, every child needs a home.

So why not yours?

Because if there's anything more epic than rape, which was a literal thing one of these guys said, it's taking in a sweet, innocent child who desperately needs love.

Because children are our future.

But these kids are our shameful, terrible past.

while excusing these adults

just this week the administration revoked visas from six people over comments they made about Charlie Kirk's death on social media I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but Republicans pushed me too far it's time for the nuclear option pointing out their hypocrisy

it's gonna work this time

My question for JD Vance is, what if they had been joking about gas chambers instead?

Would that have been okay?

Is it okay to joke about wanting to watch people burn as long as they aren't people you personally know?

To quote Trump to his old friend Jeffrey Epstein, none of these people are actually children, right?

It's 2025.

We've all been on the internet for a quarter century.

We don't have to pretend we don't see how ironically joking about horrific things can open the cultural door to horrific beliefs.

If we want a culture that values free speech, it also has to model the values values that moderate that speech.

Tolerating disagreement, criticizing friends, forgiving enemies, saying sorry, showing forbearance.

These are democratic practices that undergird the protections of the First Amendment.

If we want the ice cream shop to keep giving out free samples, we can't all walk in there and ask for 15 samples, and we certainly can't do it while calling the ice cream scoop a retarded.

If we want an office culture where everyone can bring their dogs in, those of us with dogs have to be ready to clean up some dog piss, John Lovett.

Who added this?

And we know J.D.

Vance gets this because he extends all of those graces to his friends who deserve space to make mistakes and apologize, while the rest of us are Antifa demons because we're going to go hold a cardboard sign that says monarchy hard pass

while shaking a cowbell on Saturday.

And I know Vance is full of shit.

I know it.

I know he knows he's full of shit.

But this is the problem because if we're going to spend our lives arguing with liars, as is my current plan,

maybe it's a waste of time to make the earnest case.

Maybe that's a trap, but I don't really care because it's not just that they're full of shit.

They're trying to convince the rest of us that everybody is full of shit and nobody cares, but that isn't true.

This week, Secretary of Homeland Security and unlikely brunette, Christine Noam,

released a new TSA video blaming Democrats for the government shutdown.

It is TSA's top priority to make sure that you have the most pleasant and efficient airport experience as possible while we keep you safe.

However, Democrats in Congress refuse to fund the federal government.

We will continue to do all that we can to avoid delays that will impact your travel.

And our hope is that Democrats will soon recognize the importance of opening the government.

And then she kills a dog.

New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Las Vegas, Charlotte, Phoenix, Seattle, Cleveland, among many airports, dozens that refuse to play this ad to captive travelers waiting in security lines because it's obviously partisan and because she's framed terribly in it.

What is that shot?

It's not a close-up.

It's not a medium shot, just terrible.

Skin looks good, though.

Wonder whose it is.

Stupid.

America's defense secretary and guy who still goes through the motions is saying, you know what, make it a double as if it just occurred to him, Pete Hegseth,

tried to bully journalists at the Pentagon into signing on to new press rules that would threaten reporters' ability to do basic news gathering.

Every major outlet from CBS, The Times, all the way to Fox News and Newsmax, told the Pentagon to fuck off.

About 50 reporters walked out together at 4 p.m.

because there are $1 taquitos till 5 p.m.

at the Crystal City Mall, but also in this case, out of solidarity.

Does this mean Pete will be doing a bunch of exclusives with outlets like the Trump has a giant dick tribune?

And this is actually a twisted cross and not a swastika because a swastika is benched to the right gazette.

Sure, but we can't control what they do, only what we do.

Trump's weaponization of the government has only just begun.

On Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal reported that the Trump administration is planning to install political allies at the IRS's criminal division and has already generated a list of left-wing donors and organizations it plans to target.

It's time, said Ben, removing the lone pint of cyanide swirl surprise from the recesses of the freezer and handing Jerry the ritual onyx spoon.

Trump is also using the shutdown to continue firing federal workers.

This week, the administration gutted the Office of Special Education Programs, which is so sad.

It took them twice as long to send the employees home because their buses are half as long.

Do you ever stop to think that I'm brave?

Did that occur to you at all?

But a federal judge put a temporary stop to Trump's efforts to lay off 4,000 federal workers in part because of how brazenly and openly political the administration has been.

They just had to be 10% less gleeful, just had to do that thing where you're laughing, but you're in synagogues, you had to turn it into a cough.

Couldn't do it.

Even Marjorie Taylor Greene has had enough.

Prices have not come down at all.

The job market is job market is still extremely difficult.

Wages have not gone up.

Health insurance premiums are going to go up.

Car insurance goes up every year.

People's homeowners' insurance goes up.

Rent is going up.

People, young people have no hope of buying a home.

If she doesn't bring up a suspiciously burly lady she saw in a women's room soon, I'm going to have to propose marriage.

And I've done that twice before, so you know I'm getting good at it.

Green also said this in the same conversation with Tim Dylan.

I've been in the Capitol, and there's two things I couldn't find this week.

I couldn't find anywhere the Epstein files, and I also couldn't find the Republican plan to fix the absolutely destroyed health insurance industry.

She did say she found a scrap of paper with a Jewish spell for causing plane crashes.

So that's troubling, but I'll take the win.

We got to take the win.

The truth is, being a Democrat right now, you feel like you were patiently waiting for a parking spot with your blinker on, and then some asshole jumped in front of you and tries to steal your spot.

But you dart forward and nobody's in the spot.

And then when you point out that you were waiting, they attack you.

Plus, the old guy who swore he was okay to drive and promised to hold the space for you, drove his car into a convenience store while on the phone with Benjamin Netanyahu.

And the other car, they're kicking your ass.

They're calling you stupid.

They're calling you ugly.

They're making fun of your hairline.

They're saying horrible things you would never even think of saying.

And you're the one whose parking spot got stolen.

And sure, you know, they're fundamentally miserable.

And their kids don't call.

And they're going to the grocery store for the first time in 20 years after a completely bloodless divorce.

But that doesn't help you in the moment.

How do you fight someone who doesn't believe in the rules or even the basic social compact?

How do you fight someone who's willing to act like this without losing your mind?

The answer is it's not about you.

It's not about each of us as individuals.

It's about strength in numbers.

Someone will come stand behind you and point out that you were here first.

And then another person backs you up and another.

And soon there's a little crowd behind you.

And with each person, your outrage transforms into connection and gratitude.

They saw it too.

You're not crazy.

You're not alone.

You're buoyed and you're powerful.

Does it mean the asshole backs down?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Some people are shameless.

Some people get off on taking up space.

Some people cannot imagine a world where they are not the victims.

We can't control the assholes.

But if we have each other's backs, we have a fighting chance.

And that's what the No Kings protest is all about.

So I will see you there.

I'll be there.

I'll be one of the people with an overly clever sign, like, we feel as bad as Trump's photo on the cover of Time.

I just want to say,

they got him.

I mean, that sucks.

That sucks.

I have other ideas for science.

More like Mike No Johnson.

Jeffrey Epstein lives for drama.

Department of Just These Nuts.

There's no Planet B, just Planet D, These Nuts.

Where are we all going to the bathroom?

Turn the sign over.

Seriously, it's on my mind.

I'm worried about it.

How are we not talking about this?

And finally, the only ice we need is for Trump's gigantic ankles.

All right.

Let's leave it there.

We've got a great show.

Coming up next, it's Terry Hatcher.

Be right back.

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Here's a quick podcast for all you true crime fans: the case of the missing Reese's.

It was me at the store with my mouth.

Motive, um,

they're Reese's.

What was I gonna do?

Stop myself.

Tune in next time to see if I do it again.

Spoiler, I will.

Wow, that had everything.

Reese's, suspense,

Reese's.

And we're back.

I had a poster of my first guest on the wall of my childhood home, though, I'll be honest.

At the time, I was mostly looking at the Dean Kane half.

Please welcome to the stage

the incredible, the legendary, Terry Hatcher.

Welcome.

Thank you so much.

I was also looking at Dean Kane.

Thank you for being here.

You were here.

Thanks for having me.

Yeah, right there.

It's great.

Nice to meet you.

Thanks for being here.

Now, you recently launched Desperately Devoted, because you're doing a Desperate Housewives recap show.

Yes.

I'm thinking of launching a podcast where I go back and do a re-listen of this podcast,

which is cool because infinite.

You can just.

You just, and then eventually you start recapping the recaps.

Right.

And that'll be exciting for the true fans.

What is it?

When you go back and watch the first season of Desperate Housewives.

We're only 13 episodes in.

So when you go back to those beginning episodes and you see yourself,

is it you?

Is it younger you or does it feel like a different person?

All of the above.

Yeah, no, I actually feel sometimes when I reflect on my career, I feel like a cat with nine lives.

Like it's like all of those things happen to someone else.

But with this show in particular, I mean, it did start 20 years ago.

It ended like 13 years ago.

But the 20 years ago is what we're looking at now.

I was a baby.

I did not feel like a baby when I was a baby.

But I was so young.

And I have notes.

for my acting,

which I wish I could go back and give myself.

But in general, I'm finding the show to just be really good and fun to watch.

And everyone in it, in a way, because I was one character in like an ensemble, in a way, it's like watching a show I'm not even in.

And you're doing the show with your on-screen daughter and your actual daughter.

And there is some

intimacy on the program.

On our podcast.

No, on the show, and on Desperate Housewives.

Yes.

I'm sure you have an intimate relationship with your daughter, I would assume.

But I meant I was being sort of, I meant sexual on screen in general.

No, I knew what you were, I knew what you were talking about.

Although I am the mother who taught my daughter how to put a condom on a banana.

So, you know, like, I mean, we.

From the top.

That.

Yes, it is a, it's a show that we use as a springboard to talk about like what it is to be human and relationships, and parenting, and life, and sex.

And

as we sort of reflect on the show, too.

So,

it provokes a lot of good conversations.

And the three of us are three generations.

We're gen X, Y, and Z.

And so we have a, you know, different perspective on everything.

What is an acting note you wish you could give yourself?

Okay.

Be better.

No.

You know, I just think,

listen, I remember trying while I was in it.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I mean, sometimes people don't realize TV is a very fast pace and you don't get a lot of rehearsal and you don't have a lot of time with the lines.

And so sometimes you are just working from your instinct.

But some of it's good work.

Like some of it, I'm like, oh, that was good.

But but some of it I just feel like, oh, I could have been.

more angry, less angry, more grounded.

I don't know, just that.

Do you think I was

because it's interesting when you look back on your younger self and what you wish you would have done differently?

And I find that when I look back on my earlier writing or what I was like when I was younger, I think, oh, wow, you could have relaxed.

You know, you were trying really hard, right?

All the time.

And that stopped.

Laugh, fuck you.

And even let me finish the sentence as if I'm not self-aware enough to hear it.

But then I think, well, hold on a second.

Maybe trying hard and too hard was the only way through like the inexperience.

And had you not been, if you're not the kind of person that tries too hard when you don't know what you're doing, you don't get to be the person who tries the right amount when you do know what you're doing.

That is, you know.

Really, that should be on a shirt.

Like that's

or a hat.

But that's really interesting.

No, I'm,

yeah, I mean, and that makes me want to give myself a break.

Yeah, but that's that cool.

But yeah, no, it is cool.

That's, no, that's why I said it should be on a shirt.

But yeah,

I do think this is not just acting, but I mean, I do think age has given me a perspective of not caring so much about what people think and not feeling like there even is a version of perfect to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That should be on a shirt, too.

Yeah, we get that on a shirt.

Two shirts, front and back, front and back.

Merch will be in the lobby after the show.

One great shirt, two great messages.

Now,

Terry, you've been a beloved part of pop culture for a long time, which is why we wanted to challenge our audience to a classic Love It or Leave-I game about your story career.

It's time for was I in this?

Oh my God.

I love this.

Terry and I will trade off asking questions lifted from her IMDb page.

Oh, wow.

You, the audience, will answer true or false altogether.

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Yep.

Do I go first?

Yeah, you kick us off.

Okay.

I punched Charlize Throne in the face on the set of 1996's neo-noir comedy, Two Days in the Valley, in which I played Olympic athlete Becky Fox.

Fox with two X's.

True or false, audience?

That's correct.

You punched Charlie's Throne in the face?

Was that on camera or was there a tiff?

No, no, no.

It was in this scene.

It evolves into this girl fight.

And we had stunt doubles and everything.

But there was a moment where I was supposed to punch her across the face.

And which you do that when you're in a stunt, you know, you're going like right across their face.

And we'll never know whose fault it really was.

But someone's face leaned into someone's fist and

someone got punched and it wasn't me.

And so I went to her afterwards and I was just so mortified and apologetic and I said, how can I apologize?

And she's so cool.

She said, you can get me a six pack of beer, which I promptly did.

And then she hit you in the face with it.

And she hit me the case of beer.

Exactly.

What's kind of crazy is I heard her on something years ago.

telling this story in reverse.

She thought it was me that got punched and her that bought me beer.

And it actually made me go back and look at, you know, when you have a movie come out, you do interviews.

And so I looked at interviews I had done in like 1997 or 1996 where I had said this.

And because I wanted to make sure, like, that I, I mean, your memory is a crazy thing.

And I knew how it happened, but she's clearly remembered it differently.

We have the clip.

We have the clip of her telling it the opposite way.

Let's pull the clip.

Yeah.

I hit Terry Hatcher really bad.

I connected right in her face.

And I felt terrible.

I felt really bad.

It's so crazy.

When this came, what you need to do with your research, you need to go find the article from that, because how could I have said that in 1997?

Like, I mean,

I said it first, so this is later.

Like, so now we're probably gonna fight again and probably both hit each other and end up buying each other beer.

I love this.

I love that she has like a false memory.

That's so cool.

I mean, it, I'm pretty sure I'm telling the truth.

Like,

all right.

I once found myself in a six-foot-deep hole, a rat nibbling on my ear while starring as Lois Lane in Lois and Clark, The New Adventures of Superman.

True or false?

That's true.

What?

I think this audience knows me.

They seem to be getting it all right.

Was it a show rat?

Was it an acting rat?

It was an acting rat.

And I was like, probably also simultaneously screaming, help, Superman, help.

But it did,

they, you know, it's, you can't control rats as much as you can, like, say, a dog or a cat.

And so, yeah, it started to nibble on my ear and the camera was growing.

And I didn't want to, you know, can I swear?

Yeah.

I didn't want to fuck up the take.

And so I just like let the rat like nibble on my ear while I was, you know, doing whatever I was doing.

And it was a small nibble, You know,

I don't think I was getting any action at that time.

So I try to look at things from the positive point of view.

But I have heard about other people, other celebrities having interactions with rats that didn't go well.

Yeah, I mean, that's what, I mean, it's not a nice term for agents.

Sort of a, like, I see it as a joke.

It was so good as a joke, but there are people.

No, it was so good.

Hollywood.

All right.

Wait, so would you ever do, like, like, is there any, is there a possibility of a Lois and Clark reboot at any time?

What do you think?

Oh, well, honestly, I mean,

I would totally do that.

But I think they, you know, they've moved on.

And Rachel Brosnahan is fabulous and perfect.

And so, you know, I'm too old at this point.

John, the guy on all.

It's okay.

Aging is good.

Well, you know what's interesting?

Like, I don't know what's canon, right?

But presumably Loises continue to age, but Superman doesn't.

And so you could really conceivably make a Lois show with any person that's ever played Superman.

You know what I mean?

You could do it with a new Superman.

And like, it could be like a, like a, you know what I mean?

Warner Brothers, are you listening?

Why not?

They always show you the beginning of the relationship, but.

Yeah, but the end.

I do love that character, and I love that I'm actually a part of that sort of genre and history.

And I actually love that it gets passed on to different generations of actors and it keeps retelling it.

I just was actually up at my parents' house.

I take care of my parents.

And

part of taking care of them is like, you know, setting up movies or bringing over food or, you know, whatever.

And so I was like, hey, have you guys want to watch the new Superman movie?

And they got so excited.

And so I've put it on for them.

Yeah.

Sounds nice.

Yeah.

Do you and Dean Kane still talk?

He's made a pivot.

He has pivoted.

Here we go.

He's pivoted.

You know, here's the thing.

And maybe this will be a good thing to just put out there in terms of like, because our society right now is obviously so divisive.

And I'm sure that I'm on the same side of feeling the way you feel about everything.

But I...

I'll give you an example of back when my daughter was still in college.

She took an internship at a job in Bangkok and she was like 21 and, you know, beautiful.

And she was doing this job where she was working till like one in the morning, like a 12-hour shift at a restaurant, at a famous like fancy restaurant.

She was being like a line cook and working 12 hours a day, whatever, and coming home.

And I was really worried about her being in the city, walking home at one in the morning, and we don't know anybody, whatever.

I know I'm going on too long, but I knew that Dean had connections to like people that are, I don't know, the ambassador to a country or whatever, because he's just been involved in politics in that way.

And anyway, so I called him and I said, listen, my daughter's doing this and I feel weird about her not having like at least like a touchstone of some sort of safety.

And so he set it up that like whoever was our American liaison in that.

country and city so that she would have this kind of place to go if she broke her hand or you know an emergency happened or whatever so i look at it like we don't keep in touch we obviously feel differently about many things um

but there is a relationship there based on her history where if he needed something from me that i could do i would do won't be that that you had up there earlier

no it wouldn't be doing that but like and i know that he would do something that i needed like he did with helping my daughter So I don't know if that says anything deeper that people can take away, but that is kind of how I'm trying to approach it.

But I do,

it's hard to minimize how off-putting that is.

Yeah.

Well, just even to what you're saying, it's sometimes hard to separate the people you know and the kindness they show interpersonally when that.

doesn't seem to translate into their politics.

And it's hard to know whether somebody changed, doesn't see them as connected, if there were signs of that from the beginning, if it has to do with the different relationship people have to people in the world.

Well, I can definitely say that when we were shooting Lois and Clark, there was no Jesus and there was no, I mean, you know, he's very like with the cross now and whatever.

Like he was like drunk and, you know, and like sleeping with a lot of beautiful women and, you know,

having a good time as the star of a TV show.

Like like, like there was no conservatives him in him, at least not that was displayed to me.

So something changed.

Well, there's something that seems to happen, especially with some like male actors of a certain age, that maybe that

you know what I'm saying.

Do I?

That

they remember their heyday of putting on the tights and being

and being the being this sort of poster boy and like being this famous guy.

And

to me, it's like, is there some connection to what it feels like to feel like you're losing touch with that part of yourself and also feel like you're losing your country?

I want to believe,

I mean, this is so funny because, I mean, I don't know him.

So, this is, I mean, know him in that way, like currently.

But, like, I want to believe, and again, maybe this is a general thing I'm saying, that even though I so vehemently differ with how some of these people are executing, which you talked about earlier, are executing their thoughts and behaviors and actions.

I want to believe that somebody like Dean

believes, I guess, in himself that this is the, this,

this is a good, this is a way for us to all be better or something like that.

Like, I think he thinks that.

I just like find myself going, I can't believe you think that, you know?

So I don't, I'm not sitting here saying he's a bad guy, but it, but yes, he is doing things that I think are bad.

Remember when you were in the Bond movie?

Remember when you were in Seinfeld?

Was that, are we just pivoting to other men that I also didn't sleep with?

Well, there's a lot of people.

Yeah, I'm sure, if you want.

But, oh, man, you were so good in that Bond movie.

Wait,

was it day after?

Which one was it?

Type?

Tomorrow Night.

Tomorrow Never Dies.

That's the journalism one, which I think is very prescient to this day.

You were in Tomorrow Never Dies with Jonathan Price.

Yes.

Yes, I was.

And he was in a movie called Brazil.

Which I, yes, he was.

But I didn't, I don't recall.

I think I did see that, but it was a long time ago.

Seems like a serious guy.

Jonathan Price.

Yeah.

yeah yeah

i'm trying to remember that scene the big party scene

it was huge i mean the production value on bond movie you can imagine actually i was wearing in that scene like one to two million dollars of real diamonds so like we're shooting that scene and 10 feet over there is a security guard ready to like jump me if if i try to take off with the diamonds i don't know like is that what he thought was happening but that is how that played out those were real diamonds isn't Isn't that crazy?

Wow, that's cool.

Yeah.

I want to keep talking, but we have to move.

We have to bring, we have to bring out Maria Bamford.

We'll have more, more with Terry Hatcher in a second.

We'll be right back.

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And we're back.

Please welcome the stage.

You know her, you love her.

It's Maria Bamford.

Hi.

Thank you.

Thank you, Los Angeles, for coming out and seeing a live show.

You didn't have to, but you did.

It's so good to see you.

Thank you so much for having me.

And I can't believe I could just, I mean, you're.

I can't believe I get to sit next to you.

You're like a queen.

I have a Dean Kane story.

I was once in a scene with him because I had a weird sitcom for a couple episodes on Netflix.

And

we had two storylines with that I was dating a Superman, an old Superman.

So I got to have a scene with Dean Kane.

And then the other Superman, who is another, he's a younger Superman, but I cannot.

Thank you.

These fucking know-it-all dweebs.

I love it.

Nothing makes them happier than answering a question unbidden.

No, I love it.

Great job, everybody.

Great job.

Yeah, so

yes, I'm honored to be on this.

I am equal to this

deuce.

Yes.

Was he nice?

Well,

you know, I think as nice as you can be, it's like a day player thing.

So, and I think it's kind of, I've been a temp when you go in in an office and people don't, you know, they don't totally get to know you and you go, oh, I'm just here for today.

Where are the bathrooms?

Could you tell me where the bathrooms are?

And

yeah, so

we didn't have a deep connection, but also I was half asleep.

One thing I learned about TV production is that it's exhausting.

I love stand-up because it's just an hour at most.

And TV turns out they want you to be there

12 to 16, 24 hours a day.

But a lot of it is spent waiting.

Waiting.

Yeah, they wait you right into a nap.

Yeah, and they're so stressed.

And yeah, no thank you.

I said to myself, yeah, I do not wish to ever do that again.

Now I just want to watch TV.

I was a temp when I first moved to New York and

I loved it because I was like a floating assistant.

Yes.

But nobody wants a floating assistant.

And so they'd just be like, just sit there.

I don't really need you.

Like, fantastic.

Fantastic.

Yeah, I liked finding out what was in people's desk drawers.

Like once I was subbing for this woman who was out sick and the person was a very big music exec who I was working for and they were yelling and mean the whole time.

And then I looked deep into this, her assistant's drawers, and inside was it a partly filled-out application for clown college?

Come on now!

I filled the rest of it out, and I sent it in.

I didn't.

I didn't.

I guess I'll go.

Changed somebody's life life that day.

Yeah, it was the Ringling Brothers one, you know, so very special.

There's different kinds.

Have you ever drawn a clown workshop, Terry?

No.

I have tried to juggle.

That's as close as I get.

It's very popular, it seems like, in Los Angeles now is clowning, and it comes from the French.

What I think clowning is stand-up with nudity, crying, and a considerable lack of consent.

So they're going gonna get up in your business, they're gonna, you know, maybe put their breast in your face and offer it, offer you to kiss it.

But you know, oh,

it's uh French, yeah.

Here's the,

and I do not want to say that your experience is not valid, no, no, no, of course, but I don't know that you're talking about clowns

versus one bad clown.

No, no, no, no,

No, there is a true practice of clowning.

I dated a clown.

He was an Australian clown.

So one of the most.

Okay.

And

yeah, it's all about kind of like discomfort theater.

Like, so,

and I'm very much a fan of that.

I love to perform for a crowd that is really surprised and uncomfortable.

But yeah, so

it's a thing.

There's a lot of eye contact contact

if you're interested in going to a clown show.

But there's a clown church here in L.A.

Every Sunday.

You can go and

get weirded out.

Terry,

you've portrayed a desperate housewife.

Maria, your comedy tackles the desperate, hopeful pantomime that is being alive.

Yes.

Yes.

It's true.

It's gotten

desperate.

Now it's time for the egg of desperate truth, Colin.

Enough yoking around.

Egg of desperate truth.

Enough yoking around.

All right.

So now we open the egg of truth.

Okay.

And yoke goes everywhere.

Yolk goes everywhere.

Oh, I'll get these back in there.

Now I choose these at random.

Okay.

And we just ask the question that's on it.

Okay.

Some of them are easy, easy some of them are hard I feel scared

what's the most desperate thing you ever did to get a guy's attention

oh goodness you know

do you want to go first

okay

uh

I mean I want to say for about 15 years

On stage, I would talk about being single, which I think that was like a non-stop lighthouse scanning scanning the harbor

for takers yeah

also helping the guys to not hit the shoals yeah don't hit the shoals

trying to think of my verse what Terry do you have one does one come to mind for you no I feel like it's like when somebody asked me what's your favorite song it's like my mind's just like I've never heard a piece of music in my whole life like you know that's what's happening to me I'm not thinking of any man I've ever been involved with but I already told you, I've blocked all the people out that I've slept with.

So

I've probably blocked that out too.

Yeah, great.

That's a good way to live.

How about you?

I'm thinking about it.

Here's the thing.

My actual honest answer to this is that I think I was in a kind of unbroken, steady state.

a stasis of pure and unadulterated desperation for about 10 to 15 years.

Right.

You know, so it's like, what acts were more desperate or not?

I don't know.

My whole energy was desperate.

Every bit of anything I said had a, had the whiff of desperation to it.

I could be quiet, I could be loud, I could be.

I'm desperate.

It was wafting off of me.

Yeah, yeah.

Next, from the egg of truth.

Maria, you talk a lot about your father and late mother in your comedy, as well as the mental illness that runs through your family.

Have there been any family anecdotes that you thought about turning into a bit, but then decided

I don't want to laugh that badly?

Oh, goodness.

Well, this one, because it's not supremely funny.

It's just sort of like a, oh, God.

My

mom

said,

your dad's picking something up at the pharmacy.

And I said, okay.

And then,

and so she handed me a note to give to my dad.

And so I

handed it to my dad when I saw him.

And he said,

Joel, why don't you come?

You got to pick up the rug cleaner.

And I guess it was like some kind of like

thing for a yeast infection or something.

And I was like,

you guys are gross.

Right.

But yeah, I wasn't sure where to put that.

It's just sort of, and it's, and yeah.

But my parents were very earthy in that they would, they would, they would wander around.

My mom.

Definitely wandered around with no pants on she might have needed one of those Kim Kardashian thongs.

She wouldn't have minded that.

She wouldn't have minded that.

Because I, yeah, I think you will partly bald a little bit as you get older.

It starts to shed.

It does.

I was going to bring that up.

I was going to bring that up.

And then I thought, I'm not going to go there, but you did.

So there you go.

She's right.

She's not wrong.

Yeah.

I think I'm a little older than you, right?

Oh,

Not by much.

I'm 55.

60.

All right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So she's right.

Speaking of desperation and prescriptions, I was once at a CBS and I was waiting to pick up a prescription.

And there was like this cute boy.

behind me in the line and we had like a little sortation.

And then I got called up to the counter and he's, and the, the, the pharmacist was like, so we have the propecia, but we do not have this specific treatment for dandruff.

And it was like, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut up, shut up.

Shut the fuck, shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

No.

Next up.

Cut that from the show.

Next question from the egg of truth.

Would you rather be trapped, and this is for both of you?

Would you rather be trapped in an underground cave whilst belunking or trapped on the side of a cliff while mountain climbing?

Which desperate situation?

Side of a cliff.

That was quick for you.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

I like the breeze.

I like to be able to see down.

It also

comes with the solution.

You know,

if the wait is too long.

That's dark.

That's really dark.

I'm always ready to jump.

Always ready.

No, I know that about you.

I know that about you.

It's sort of part of your brand.

What's interesting, Terry, do you have a preference?

No, I think Ditto.

Yeah, I just, the whole like dark stuck in it.

that that the claustrophobicness of the other choice would i can do that here's the only only hesitation i agree but here's my only hesitation from the other direction which is if you're stuck in a cave underground you just have to chill and hope you make it if you're on the side of a cliff to some extent you're kind of like it's only as long as you can hold on you know what i'm saying and it's like i don't want the pressure Like I want to make it, but I don't want it to be up to my grip strength.

You know what I mean?

I don't want to feel the pressure that if I don't survive, it's my fault.

Like if you die in a cave, it's because you didn't get rescued.

I was sort of imagining the whole belay system.

So I sort of felt like it wasn't just my fingers that I had some sort of rope thing, and maybe I could just hang out there until somebody else climbed by and saved.

I was also picturing, yeah, some sort of

wonderful, sort of a handsome

seat.

A seat.

Yeah, you're right.

Cliff, you're right.

You're right.

All right, let's do one more from the egg of desperate truth.

How far past the expiration date will you eat food?

Asking for a friend, my best friend,

myself.

I have no problem eating older items.

I just, I think, you know, it's if it was made probably by food scientists, they probably overestimated, you know,

how little time it's fresh.

And

what's the worst that's going to happen, okay?

You know, I mean, okay, maybe I'm not going to do that with with with raw chicken, okay?

I'm going to I'm going to maybe watch that a little bit more closely.

But yeah,

I don't mind.

My dad would always eat old stuff and go, oh,

dipped the old bread

into the into the old karashish, and now it's a whole meal.

And I always, always, you know, it was a badge of honor to

wrest food from, you know, the garbage.

Yeah, I agree with that.

I understand that.

I appreciate that.

I wish I had a better sense of, because there are some foods when they pass their date, they just start tasting a little less like themselves.

They just sort of lose their magic.

You know, it's like they just, they just, I don't know where it goes.

Like, why does it taste like nothing?

Presumably it tastes like something new, but no, the flavor just dissipates, which is strange when you think about it.

And I don't mind eating those.

But then there's some things where it's like, don't do that, botulism.

And I don't know what the difference is.

If you ever shop at Grocery Outlet, any Grocery Outlet fans,

they have pyramids of oat milk at some points in time.

So you only have to go to their special times.

But you got to check the date because a lot of their fresh vegetables and stuff like that are on the edge.

On the edge.

You eat that in line.

You don't.

You eat that before you get to your car.

I will say, I push the bounds on eggs.

I push the boundaries on eggs.

If I got eggs in the fridge, I got eggs in the fridge right now.

I don't need to.

They got an August on there.

Deal with it.

I'm very lenient on this.

In fact, my eggs I take out of the carton and I put in the little plastic thing with the cover that comes with your refrigerator.

So I don't even know what the date is.

And mine are probably from July.

They're forever eggs.

They're forever eggs.

I totally have forever eggs.

Yes.

Yes.

That's cool.

Oh, I love that you put them in the thing.

That's it.

That must be very satisfying.

Maria, I think you and I share something, which is we meet people in our lives that are the kinds of people who can be the kinds of people that put their eggs in the little thing.

Yes.

And for us, it seems like climbing Everest.

It's like, are you in like it's inconceivable?

I open up the box of cereal from the middle of the box.

Like, I grab the torso

and I tear.

That's where most of the cereal is.

All right, we're going to leave it there for now.

Everybody, go see Maria on October 24th at the Tower Theater in Bend, Oregon.

Woo!

Woo!

Where do people get tickets?

What's your website?

Go to my website at MariaBanford.com backslash tour dates.

When we come back, the Rant Wheel.

Hey, don't go anywhere.

There's more more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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Yeah,

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He's explaining to you that the shadow of a Tesseract is a cube.

That's right.

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I love that you always know these random things that I'm checking through.

What's interesting is in a sense where you do know how to move through four dimensions.

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And we're back.

We're back.

Exciting news.

Crooked Media Reads is releasing our next book on January 27th.

It's called Hated by All the Right People, Tucker Carlson and the Unraveling of the Conservative Mind by one of our favorite political journalists, New York Times magazine writer Jason Zengerly.

The title comes directly from Tucker himself when he visited Hungary in 2021.

He praised Victor Orban for being hated hated by all the right people.

For Carlson, being hated isn't an accident.

It's the point.

We were really excited about this book.

You can really watch like Tucker Carlson, his evolution from like a serious magazine writer to CNN, to MSNBC, to kind of online daily caller troll, all the way to

his incarnation now, speaking about how we need a spanking at the Republican convention.

Like, I do think he has had his nose for where the conservatives have been moving.

And the key to understanding Trump and the Trump age is understanding how we as a society stopped seeking truth and started seeking outrage.

Nobody shaped that more than Tucker.

Tucker can be a lot of things.

He's stride and he's shrill, he's offensive.

But unlike many other right-wing media figures, he's not a buffoon.

He knows what he's doing.

So in Hated by All the Right People, Jason gives a fascinating, it's a great book, informative look at Tucker's evolution and how his rise traces the rise of MAGA.

You can pre-order it right now.

It just went on sale.

If you go to crooked.com/slash books, do us a favor.

If you're going to buy it and you should, put in a pre-order helps us get us on the list, which then gets in front of other people and in the airports and stuff.

Also, Crooked Con.

You may have heard that our November 6th, Ponte of America live show featuring none other than Drasmond Crockett is sold out, but there are still some tickets available for our day-long November 7th event.

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The latest editions include Pramila Jayapal, Jen Saki, Jessica Valenti, Melissa Morales, Simone Sanders Talzan, Tim Miller, Waleed Jahid, Adam Mockler, and Kai Polanco.

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We're going to have live tapings of strict scrutiny, hysteria.

We're going to do terminally online live.

There's going to be a bunch of really fun stuff at CrookedCon.

So if you haven't got your tickets yet, we expanded it to add some more.

So go to cricketcon.com.

And

one last thing.

Next episode of Bravo America, we just put out our episode with Olivia Flath after Terry Dubrow.

Next up is Poverty Shallow.

That's coming out on Tuesday.

We had a great conversation about Survivor, about the evolution of survivor, about what it was like being a woman and charming and smart and diabolical, and how being that on that show has changed for her over the years.

It was a great conversation.

She's a fascinating and incredibly charismatic person.

That will be out on Tuesday.

Okay.

Now it's time for the rant wheel.

Here's how it works.

We'll spin the wheel wherever it lands.

We'll rant about a topic of our choosing.

First up, let's spin the wheel.

Slanda Maria, what's something you'd like to rant about?

Well, I just want everyone to see whatever good things I do all day.

I need to have some kind of chest or head give cam

where anything that I'm doing that's positive is recorded

live

because I'm so confused as to what there is, what to do, because there's a million different places to take action.

I've waited in the Home Depot parking lots,

but I've also gone and tried to help rescue pugs.

I don't know where, you know, I think I need to get my focus.

I need to focus

because I have a feeling that pugs are just,

they're the last people on the list.

They're not, and they're not people.

They're not people.

Although they do lack leg strength.

And

especially in their, yeah, there's a lot of mermaid pugs.

I don't know if you know that.

Mermaid pugs, but they can only use their front legs, not their back legs.

And so then we sew little sacks for their back legs.

So they're like little mermaids.

And they can drag behind them.

What

you don't have to know, you don't have to understand, John.

Pug Nation Pug Rescue, Los Angeles.

That's right.

They've got 179 pugs just waiting to go home with you.

And most of them are mermaids.

Just trying to think of how I'd summarize that in the.

Beautiful.

Thank you, Maria.

Yeah, sure, sure.

What a beautiful sentiment.

Let's spin it again.

Terry, what's something you'd like to rent about?

Well, it's funny that you brought up dogs because

mine is dog-related, also, but a little different.

So, I think one of the things that bothers me the most is when people leave their dog poop on the trail.

But, worse than leaving your dog poop on the trail is picking up your dog poop in a plastic bag, tying it in a knot, and then dropping it on the trail.

So like basically what you're saying is I was, you know, together enough to rescue a dog.

Then I knew that I should walk it.

And then I knew that it would probably go to the bathroom.

I should bring a bag.

I'm going to pick it up.

But like something happens between tying the knot and the trash can

that they just drop it there.

And so now the thing is going to like not potentially biodegrade, you know, in a few years into the dirt.

It's going to sit there for a thousand years in the plastic and wait for other people to come by and just look at it.

And so that really bothers me.

And I wonder what kind of human being just, there's a synapse in the brain

where they just can't go any further than tying the knot of the bag.

They can't get it to the trash can.

And it does make me wonder what happens to them after they wipe their own butt.

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

It's a lot to think about.

I mean, who isn't bothered by those plastic bags full of shit that you walk by when you're exercising?

It has the feeling to me of

that

if someone drops it somewhere, it's like they have to find a way to be mad, not rude.

And so it's like, well, there hasn't been a trash can in ages.

Meh.

You know, like, this isn't my fault.

I've been forced to this.

Ridiculous.

Dropping it.

You know?

So selfish.

It is.

It stinks.

It does stink.

Stinks.

It does stink.

Stinks.

Stinks.

That's my rant.

I love that.

Got to stop this.

I feel like my rant wasn't good enough.

I'm so sorry.

I feel like I didn't rant enough.

You got me.

Well, the rant can be whatever you want it to be.

And the fact that it began with wanting to film yourself 24-7, being a good person, and then ended with kind of a strange

shocked body horror about pubs.

I do have something that genuinely does irritate me.

I have a lot of white girlfriends in Los Angeles because that's what I am.

I'm white.

And

I'm tiresome.

I'm tiresome.

And all my girlfriends seem to use this phrase when they want to tell me a thing or two about a thing or two.

And it's how it goes is, you know what for me

they're about to drop some knowledge on you

is it about intermittent fasting

I bet it is

that's right up there with to be honest yeah yeah to be honest.

To be honest.

Intermittent fasting.

The most complicated name for I skip breakfast.

Yeah.

Yes.

Oh my God.

Like every life is intermittent fasting.

Right.

There's no way to get through it.

You're not eating the whole time.

And if you ever, and you can't stop completely.

Yeah.

So there's really only one option.

Sometimes you're eating, sometimes you're not.

That's called being alive.

I didn't realize how much this bothered me.

Right?

But there's all, because some people are changing every couple months.

Like they're going like, yeah, like, oh, oh, yeah, I'm actually not doing that anymore.

Yeah, the whole keto thing, it just wasn't, just, it just felt kind of fake and like kind of like, oh, what am I doing here?

This isn't really authentic.

So then I got this new book.

And you know what?

For me,

there's a certain kind of person, and everyone should have a friend like this.

And they're great friends.

They're wonderful.

They're fantastic.

I'm that person too.

I'm going to tell you my realization or whatever fucking thing I just read.

You know, just going, oh, God,

have you heard of meditating?

Have you heard about that?

That's supposed to to be really good.

But it's,

I really think everybody should have at least one

very, very handsome, very, very confident friend

whose life is a permanent mess, who every time you see them tells you, I just cracked the cut.

You just got it.

Oh, sweetie.

Your whole life will be this, and you will never figure it out.

I have a friend who is literally unhoused

on the streets of Los Angeles and who I love dearly.

But they had the mentals.

Some part of the mentals is that you don't think you have mentals.

And anyways, he's obsessed with building a bridge

around the world.

That's his plan.

I was like, man, let's get your housing.

So

I was like, oh, I'm going to fix this.

I'm going to fix this.

So we got up a place.

It's nearby.

Us in Glendale.

It's um, you know,

an apartment.

We get co-signed on lease, and I told my friend, uh, hey man, we got your place, it's near services, you'll be right near us.

And he said,

Yeah, I don't want to live in Glendale,

and that is the one

piece of wealth we all have, and that is dignity.

Let's spin it again.

I want to talk about protein.

That's what I want to talk about.

Here's what I want to say.

I have a couple points I need to make.

I'm not sure the order it should come out.

It doesn't really matter.

One,

we've gone nuts.

We've gone crazy about protein.

It's in too many things.

Dessert protein, all kinds of ways.

A lot of cottage cheese being kind of,

unholy things being done to it in blenders, being reconstituted, deconstituted, reassembled in puddings and yogurts and desserts.

It's disgusting.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Stop it.

That's not your problem.

Whatever you think you're doing in that blender, the answer isn't in there.

It never will be.

It never will be.

So that's important.

That's one.

Two, we're doing it again.

We did the food pyramid, and we convinced ourselves that you lose weight by eating six to ten servings of bread a day.

It was a fuck up.

It was a real fuck-up.

It was awesome.

I've talked about it.

It was awesome because there was a year or two where like everybody was on a diet and the diet was pasta.

It was the happiest time in history.

It was the box office was through the fucking roof because popcorn was a diet food.

But it was wrong and we gained, I'm not exaggerating, 1 trillion pounds as a society.

Huge fuck up.

Low fat was fake, that was bad.

We've transitioned to protein, keto, paleo, all of it.

All of it about getting enough protein, no carbs, fasting state, trick your body into thinking you're dead.

Consumer Reports came out with a story this week.

It turns out that a lot of very popular protein powders, while helping you get to the amount of protein you need in a day, they also help you get to two, three, ten times the amount of lead you should have ever.

Or at least in a week.

Now, there is a little bit of lead in everything.

That's the nature of living on a planet with, you know, rocks.

But it turns out there is a downside to grinding up plants until nothing remains of the plant except the protein and the lead.

And I believe the cadmium, which is also bad.

We are going to look back on the protein era the way we think about the food pyramid era, which was we all went nuts and we were eating protein, but nothing else.

We're all counting our fucking macros.

Meanwhile, the next thing it's going to be, and mark my words, it is going to be fiber.

We're all going to realize we've been getting too much protein, but not enough fiber.

And then we're going to all start finding out that they're putting fiber in fucking everything.

And I don't know what's gonna happen when we fuck up fiber and overdo it, when capitalism's laser eyes get focused on teaching us that we are gonna not be happy until we're getting enough fiber.

And then all of a sudden there's fiber being wafted in.

But I'm excited about it.

And that's our show.

Thank you so much to the legendary legendary Terry Hatch or the incredible Maria Bamford.

We will see you next week at Dynasty Typewriter.

There are 381 days until the midterms.

Have a great night and have a great weekend.

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Love it or leave it is a crooked media production.

It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg.

Kendra James is our executive producer.

Bill McGrath is our producer and Kennedy Hill is our associate producer.

Hallie Kiefer is our head writer.

Sarah Lazarus, Jocelyn Kaufman, Peter Miller, Alan Pierre, and Suba Agarwal are our writers.

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And thanks to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeski for filming and editing video each week.

Our head of production is Matt DeGroote, and our production staff is proudly unionized with the Writers Guild of America East.

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