More Like Pete Hague-seth

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Love it or leave it. It's love it or leave it.

What's up, Los Angeles?

Welcome to Love It or Leave It live from Dynasty Typewriter.

We've got a great show for you tonight. Trixie Mattel is here

to spread some holiday queer. A pardon on Charla is here

to help the anxious find their holiday cheer. Then we

share our picks for the official love it or leave it gifts of the year.

But first, let's get into it. What a week.

A new Gallup poll found that President Trump's approval rating has slid to 36%,

the lowest it's been since Trump left office in 2021. But hey, don't think of it as the lowest approval rating of your second term.

Think of it as the lowest approval rating of your second term so far.

Here is the deeply unpopular president himself falling asleep in Tuesday's cabinet meeting while Marco Rubio was addressing him directly.

War started. It never would have happened if you've been president.

But this war is going on and the president is trying to end it, not because, listen, we got a million things to focus on in the world as a country, but he's the only leader in the world that can help end it.

If an ass is kissed in the woods

and no one is awake to feel it,

does it even count?

At least Biden's team had the common decency to paint pupils on his closed eyelids.

Meanwhile, as Trump's approval falls and his grip on the party loosens, Republicans are turning on each other. They're at each other's throats and not in the Nancy Reagan way.

New York Congresswoman Elise Stefanik has been publicly blasting House Speaker Mike Johnson. And Mike Johnson does not like being blasted.

The idea of being blasted completely repulses him.

Stefanik was furious at Johnson when a must-pass defense spending bill no longer included her provision to require the FBI to notify Congress when opening a counterintelligence investigation into candidates for federal office, calling it a scandalous disgrace that Republicans got rolled by the Dems and Deep State.

Say what now, said the powerful and unstoppable Democrats at a party to celebrate, only losing in a Tennessee House race by nine points.

But then Johnson claimed he had no idea what Stefanik was going on about.

That is false.

I don't exactly know why Elise won't just call me. I texted her yesterday and I wrote her and I said, what are you talking about? This hasn't even made it to my level.

I don't know why she's frustrated with me. I literally had nothing to do with it.

Why is a Republican member of the House making a big public spectacle instead of trying to actually resolve a problem? That's your question.

Why do birds shit on cars, Mike? For the same reason Elise Stefanic is taking a shit on your car, it's who they are.

Stefanik clapped back on social media, just more lies from the speaker. This is his preferred tactic to tell members when he gets caught torpedoing the Republican agenda.

What's worse, Johnson sent a second torpedo after some of the agenda survived the first attack.

Your correction's correct.

Stefanik isn't the only female Republican clashing with Johnson.

The New York Times reported this week that Nancy Mace is so fed up with Johnson and the way women are being treated under his leadership in the House, she considered meeting Marjorie Taylor Greene to discuss retiring early too.

My God, it's happening.

They're inventing feminism.

Unaware that it already evolved elsewhere, like how crabs have appeared independently in several different places. Nobody disturbed them.
Somebody throw a sheet over Judith Butler's enclosure.

And yet, as Republicans are unraveling, they're becoming increasingly radical, which makes sense. You don't drink less the day your wife leaves you.

Last week, two West Virginia National Guard members were shot in downtown D.C., and one of them was killed.

An Afghan national who once served on a counterterrorism unit operated by the CIA has been charged in the deadly and terrible attack.

In the wake of the shooting, the administration announced that it was suspending asylum decisions, halting visas for all Afghans, including those who assisted the U.S.'s war effort, and re-examining green card applications for people from every country of concern.

This is obviously what they had already wanted and planned to do, and this terrible shooting is only a useful pretext.

Holding an entire group of people responsible for the actions of one deranged person is never acceptable, though I do think it should be legal to crash into cyber trucks.

During Trump's cabinet meeting Tuesday, he also attacked Representative Elon Omar and other immigrants from Somalia, calling them garbage. She's garbage.
Her friends are garbage.

These aren't people that work. These aren't people that say, let's go.
Come on, let's make this place great.

What is this delusion that immigrants don't work? They grow our food, take care of of our children, build houses, lie motionless under Donald Trump on a bi-weekly basis as per their marital agreement.

As they've been busy demonizing millions of immigrants, we've learned more about the administration's lawless murders on the high seas.

The Washington Post reported that the military fired on a suspected drug boat in the Caribbean on September 2nd, and then on Hegseth's orders to kill everyone on board, fired again, killing survivors who were, according to the Post, clinging to the wreckage.

Killing survivors of a shipwreck is what's known in military and legal circles as a war crime, with penalties ranging from prison time to a spot on the rotation on the five. It can't be right.

The White House first denied the report, then defended the double tap while also trying to distance Pete Hegseth from it, claiming that it was actually Admiral Frank Mitch Bradley who gave the order for the second strike.

And in a real curveball, the White House suggested that Frank Mitch Bradley may have been responsible for Pete Hegseth's extramarital affairs as well.

Meanwhile, as the White House was claiming we have to defend our country from drugs by blowing up random boats in the ocean, Trump pardoned former Honduran president Juan Orlando Hernandez, who was serving a 45-year prison sentence for drug and weapons trafficking.

That was a Biden horrible witch hunt, which was, you know, a lot of people in Honduras asked me to do that, and I did it. I feel very good about it.

Two problems here. One, the investigation that led to Hernandez's conviction took place during Trump's first term, and it was led for a time by MAGA loyalist Emile Beavet.

Two, if Biden had actually done any witch hunting, we might not be in this fucking mess. Biden couldn't catch a fucking witch if she stuck a broom up his ass.

Old loser.

Pete Hagseth, for his part, responded to the war crime allegations by trolling with an AI joke about a children's book. He posted

this sweet turtle Franklin in an AI cover that said Franklin targets narco-terrorists.

Look, Hagseth, not a serious person, so he thought he could handle this by owning the libs, but a lot of Republicans began to express concerns too.

And of course, Hegseth can't tell the truth about the whole thing, which is when he said make it a double, he was just thirsty.

In Tuesday's cabinet meeting, Hagseth went. full simp and said that a couple of hours passed before he learned there was a second strike and said in response to a reporter's question

oh i see nothing i was not here i did not even get up this morning

um i apologize that was a clip from hogan's heroes

here's what he actually said

i did not personally see survivors but i stand because the thing was on fire it was exploded and fire and smoke you can't see anything you got digital there's this is called the fog of war Heg Seth proceeded to mix up a fresh batch of fog of wars, which appeared to be Blackberry Stole and that caffeinated Panera lemonade that kills you.

And if Pete Sweet couldn't get any more drinking alone, the Defense Department Inspector General on Tuesday released its anticipated report and concluded that, yes, when Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth shared sensitive information about an ongoing military operation in a signal group chat, he had in fact fucked up.

That scandal is big, but this is bigger, sexted Pete Hegseth to a woman he met in Phoenix and somehow Atlantic editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg.

In response to the report, Heg Seth said, quote, no classified information, total exoneration, case closed, which is of course the opposite of what the report found.

Based on our review, we conclude that information the Secretary sent from his personal cell phone matched the operational information sent is classified.

We compared the signal chat to the emails from U.S. CENTCOM Commander, found that some of the information the secretary sent wasn't classified emails.
It goes on.

And just as an aside, apparently Vice President J.D.

Vance later wrote in the leaked signal chat, which again was used to share information about impending airstrikes in Yemen, quote, this chat's kind of dead. Anything going on?

That's real.

Let's run this guy in 2028. I actually cannot wait.
I think it's going to be fan. What a loser.
As the administration unravels, it becomes trapped by its own logic.

This is not a movement that is capable of admitting error, and that means doubling down and defending the indefensible. The failures actually feed the extremism.

It took like a day to go from the Washington Post as fake news to there was a second strike and it was good. You said that the follow-up strike was lawful.

What law is it that allows no survivors?

The strike conducted on September 2nd was conducted in self-defense to protect Americans in vital United States interests. You can't defend yourself from a product you are going to eagerly purchase.

You can't drone strike Costco because you can't stop buying pallets of peanut butter stuffed pretzels because the peanut butter allows you to convince yourself it's protein.

This is the war crime equivalent of get these fries away from me.

Here's Megan Kelly's reaction.

So I really do kind of not only want to see them killed in the water, whether they're on the boat or in the water, but I'd really like to see them suffer.

I would like Trump and Hexeth to make it last a long time so that they lose a limb and bleed out a little.

We are not meant to see this. It's witnessing someone's interior horrors, like when that old Republican guy was posting nice shoes beneath that Twink's butthole.
Remember that?

So as the administration unravels, it becomes more extreme. But there is a countervailing force.
Becoming more extreme leads to more unraveling. Leaks are part of this.

Officials within the Defense Department told the Washington Post that they were increasingly concerned that the Trump administration was throwing Admiral Bradley under the bus.

On Thursday, Bradley briefed congressional leaders in a classified meeting, telling lawmakers that the survivors of the boat strike were attempting to continue their drug run and were viable targets, not defenseless men in the water.

Their last words: please tell my wife I love trafficking drugs.

It's a lesson. All right.
If you love your job, you never work a day in your life.

You're right.

I know I'm wrong, but it still sucks to have you react this way.

Also, this week, we got a leaked assessment in which 24 FBI sources described an FBI in turmoil, a rudderless ship under Cache Patel. How rudderless?

asked Pete Hagseth, breathing a little heavy, his finger hovering above a button that he was told by a deputy is connected to the coolest bomb ever, but is actually just an old garage door opener.

In that leaked report, assembled by current and former FBI agents on behalf of Congress, when Patel arrived in Provo, Utah after the assassination of Charlie Kirk, he refused to get off the plane without wearing an FBI raid jacket in his size.

And they only had had larges and extra larges on the plane. This is real.
So a female agent ultimately gave Patel her size medium jacket. And he was right to do this.

Imagine Cash Patel being photographed in a too large jacket. Why, we'd all lose confidence in him.

So he's got the jacket. But then Patel complained that it was missing the Velcro patches on the sleeves that would say FBI.

And he also refused to to leave the plane until SWAT members removed the patches from their own jackets and put them on his jacket.

While this was unfolding, Patel unleashed an expletive-laden tirade over perceived blunders, which I am just now learning is not what you do when your underlings

fail to get the patches you demanded for your tiny coat.

And I am sorry, guys.

I am sorry.

The report also describes Patel's second-in-command, conservative podcaster and former Secret Service agent Dan Bongino, as being, and this is a quote, something of a clown.

He even went to the doctor because he was feeling so depressed about all this.

And the doctor told him that if nothing else was working, there's this new clown running the FBI who's really making everybody laugh.

And then Dan looked up in defeat and said, But, doctor, I am Bongino.

That

was good.

But Doctor, I am Bongino. That killed me.

And you reacted as much as it deserves, but it just,

as an idea, it feels good.

And

as there's turmoil at the FBI and leaks from across the administration, a whole slew of Trump's political prosecutions are falling apart too.

This week, an appeals court ruled that Trump's hand-selected New Jersey U.S. attorney, Alina Haba, has been serving illegally since she was installed without Senate confirmation.

In New Jersey, even the U.S. attorneys fall off the back of a truck.

Comes a week after a judge threw out Trump's indictments against former FBI director James Comey and New York Attorney General Tish James because Trump's U.S.

Attorney for the Eastern Virginia District, Lindsey Halligan, was also serving illegally.

Then on Thursday, a grand jury in Virginia once again refused to indict Tish James for their alleged mortgage fraud. There's no great public support for Trump's authoritarian project.

Not in the public, not in the government. They just don't have the guys.

Scratch the surface of any Trump agency and one layer below the cash patels and Pete's Heg Seth is a body of angry, disgruntled people just like you and me.

They worry about keeping their jobs and their integrity. They try to watch TikToks in the shower even though water on the screen makes it jump around.

They wear a new pair of socks every day and at the end of the day they put those socks in the trash. Some just as like us

Look, I'm not going to pretend any of this is easy. I'm not in the military or the FBI or the DOJ.
Hell, I'm barely a women-sized medium.

But the more isolated, extreme, and buffoonish this Trump clique becomes, the harder it will be to find people willing to go along with it, to bet their futures on this confederacy of schmucks, until only the biggest morons and zealots remain.

And a lot of their knees still hurt from climbing the Capitol stairs that one time because it was so cold and they hadn't stretched.

And look, if you don't have any integrity, your back's against the wall, it might make sense to throw your lot in with Trump, get a pardon, grab a job you never would have gotten in the rational world, use a bribe to get ahead.

And it might work, or at least it might seem that way. But you know who I think could help us understand this? Franklin.
Remember him?

Because R. Franklin has a great new series of books to help understand what's coming.
First, we have Franklin breathes a sigh of relief when he receives a presidential pardon.

Followed by Franklin goes out for drinks to celebrate, but something doesn't feel right. The laughs feel forced.
Do these people like me?

Franklin has a gnawing sense that the little bolt of doubt and fear that occasionally pierces his public and private explanations for his conduct is Jesus.

Franklin grows old with all of its challenges, but none of the rewards of wisdom and contentment.

Franklin rides the bus.

We got to do something for sales.

All this is sad and horrifying and hard to joke about. Kamala

had to just let the mask slip for one moment and shout on a hot mic. Of course he's old and terrible.
And then we could have gone back to making fun of celebrities, paying to get their kids into USC.

Remember that?

That was fun.

But instead,

it's war crimes, xenophobia.

We got a great show for you tonight.

Coming up next, Trixie Mattel says, tis the season to be gay. And also all the other seasons.

We'll be right back.

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And we're back.

Please welcome to the Sage Singer Icon Drag Race All-Stars winner, the one and only Trixie Mattel.

Wow. Hi.

Wow.

Wow. Wow.

Hi.

I do want to say up top, I was flattered that I saw you in drag as me this week.

Can we show the clip?

What? You guys in my house for the holiday time? I can't tell you. Can I tell you? Hello, welcome back to the channel.
Oh, God. Can I tell you, this was a huge wake-up call for me.

You know, when people talk about hitting rock bottom, what?

Like,

I, first of all, he walked in. I said, I love your shirt.
I think I have it.

People keep saying we dress alike, which was also a huge wake-up call for me. But somebody said your jeans are so millennial tight, if you fart, you would break your ankle.

I was going to ask you about this because I, I've, because here's the thing. The pants fashion has changed around us.
It has. And I know that.
It's not like I'm not aware of it.

Right. I know it's happening.
I know. But don't you struggle to put on the wider leg pants? I feel like I don't know how to do it.
I feel like I'm doing it wrong when I put on the wider leg pants.

I feel like a clown in them. I feel like I'm in guys and dolls.

We kind of are right now.

Do you have a lot of very young fans? Because let me tell you, I have all like Gen Z

like girlfriends. And let me tell you, they'll fucking tell you.
They'll show up in the comments so fast being like, I am so embarrassed of you. I'm getting my tattoo removed today.
Like, they really.

And I guess this is honestly, these pants are from 2012. So they look that way.

I guess I'm dressing to the left in this picture, and that's kind of fun for everybody. I think we all know what sells on YouTube.

But I've actually been wearing wider pants, kind of exploring.

But I do feel when I wear wide-legged pants, I do feel like Drew Barrymore, like showing up to the high school, and she's like, I'm 25 years old. I'm a reporter for the Chicago Sun-Times.

You know what I mean?

I love that movie because it has a similar undercurrent of horror in the same way the film Big does. Right.
Because the film Big, it's like. What's going on? This is a child.

Also, that poor mother, she's in a horror movie that you never get to see. Right.
But it's supposed to be light and fun. And it is.
It never been kissed. My God.

Thank God for that teacher that she turned out to be an adult. No kidding.
What a mess.

But that's like how many times in like some like at HAT or Yentel when someone's having like a gay crisis because someone's cross-dressing and they don't know. Like, am I gay?

No, it's Barbara Streisand.

You know, which, by the way, maybe,

right?

If you're a guy and you fall in love with Barbara Streisand, I wouldn't say that you should exactly sign up for heterosexuality. You know what I mean?

Such an important point.

And it wasn't, who was her boyfriend? All I remember is she's at the baseball game and she's waiting for him to come kiss her. And she and she kisses.
Yeah. They kiss.

That would never happen in gay world.

Never been felched. That's what it would be.

Did you get that? Okay. They got you, but they got that.
They got it. So tricksy.

You've built an empire. Yeah, yes, I have.
International

touring drag star. The lesbians have built my empire yes brick by brick a successful cosmetics line a hotel in palm spring a tv show about said hotel popular youtube channel bonnaroo bonnaroo

and most importantly you have a podcast yes the bald and the beautiful so i was thinking about where you are now and then remembering you on the first season you were on drag race and i wonder if like have you gone back and looked at it do you ever see clips of it and what do you think of it uh Found footage.

Yeah, in found footage. The Blair Witch Project.
Yeah, that's right. You know, it just, sometimes I wish I had hair and I watched that and I go, yeah, I wasn't fucking doing anything with it.

You know what I mean? It was just, I don't know. I mean, I was 24 when I got on Dragos.
I'd never even,

I'd never seen a television camera. Something they don't tell you about that experience is none of us have any.

We work in an industry where we're in nightclubs taking wet money from people. You know, we're not television stars.
We don't understand what's happening.

Even for me, not to be like naive, I showed up and the fact that the workroom wasn't a building and it was a soundstage, I was like, you know, fucking liars.

And you're lying to the fucking world. I mean, I really couldn't believe it.
RuPaul talking in the ear, I was like, who is she talking to?

I mean, I didn't understand how anything worked. Really? Yeah.
But, you know, I've made it here to the Dynasty typewriter on a school night. And so

this is huge.

The other thing that's been interesting since you were first on Drag Race is

how it's changed to be more welcoming to trans

drag

stars and the way that's kind of changed drag a little bit because it has to be about something other than competing to be the most woman, right? It becomes more about the performance.

And I'm wondering what that feels like as someone that was doing it while that transition was happening. So from my experience, I mean, I started doing drag in Milwaukee when I was 18, 19, 20.

Almost all the working drag queens were like

trans women of color so in my real world experience with drag most the people we worship the people we wished we were like were all the trans girls in the show so it was if anything it was like drag race kind of catching up to what the reality is when you go work in drag shows that's what's really happening so now it just all matches it's all congruent what was i gonna ask you oh yeah Are you gonna ask me if I'm trans?

Um,

you know, I did Larry King. I think so.
I did Larry King's show and he asked me three times if I was trans.

Three times? And he has eight Peabody. So after the third time, I was like...

Am I? Like, I was like, what does he know?

But he was, he was really cool. And he, no prompter, sat down like and just read my whole bio from memory.
Like he really is like, he was like that. It was cool.

I met him once when he had moved over to like Aura tv he had like been he had been kind of moved along he just kept doing what he would do he just point him at a camera and he'd be like sheboygan hello yes yes and it was interesting being in a room with him larry king because he was from the television yeah and so old he was very old when i saw him he was really old and he um they told me they said you know he's really actually like he knows a lot about queer stuff and gay stuff they said but don't forget you know he's like in his 80s he just might not know everything um but he was super nice and cool my assistant my makeup artist said green hair and he goes your hair is green

And then I didn't, you guys, if you go watch, I wish you had this clip. It's me and him talking, and I'm just in drag.
And I'm like so disconnected from reality because it's him sitting there, right?

And he really sits like the South Park like.

He's sitting like that with the, and he wears the cute little sneakers.

And he, he, um, we're talking, and I go, I say something like, you know, RuPaul like teaches you to not just eat the corn, but grow the corn. I tried to make some kind of metaphor about corn.

Yeah, you got to eat because you can't just eat it. You got to grow it.
Yeah, I don't know. I think I got, I'm a quarter native, and I think I got real feisty about it.
I don't know what I was doing.

And I go, it's a long pause and he's staring and I go,

do you like corn?

And he goes, and he goes,

yeah.

On the cob, yeah.

And I just go, love corn. And then it's like, cut.

And it's in the interview. Y'all should go watch it.

You DJ'd for Chapel Roan in Los Angeles? I did. I sure did.

We have crossover audience, if you can believe it. Yes.

You know,

she was backstage with me.

And, you know, she, I'll tell you what, she treats the, and this show treats us very good too, but her show treats the drag queens like, oh my God, like I had a yurt, an outdoor yurt with like couches and whatever I wanted.

Did we not have the yurt that we don't have the yurts? Kennedy, what the fuck? We said yurt. I know.
You know what a yurt is. I want to fly private from Hollywood.
Okay. And

she, you know, I'm not kidding. I'm like six feet out of drag.
And she's, yes, but she's actually like here, right? And, you know, I've been a supporter of her for a long time.

And I said, you know, you're living a lot of lesbians fantasies right now, having your face in my boobs.

And then I was like, come to think of it, I think I'm living a lot of lesbians fantasies by having my boobs in your face.

And we just kind of laughed. And then I went and did the show.

She's such a talented performer. She's gifted.
Oh my God. She really ate, girl.
She really ate. She really ate.

Basically, throwing your own mini music festival in Pasadena, sold out both nights. Fierce.
You know who else was there? Betsy Johnson. Wow.
She was there.

And you know, I always say she looks like Katya.

But I've never seen her in person. And she walked in and I was with a friend and I said, look, Katya's here.
And he was like, yeah, she looks good. I was like, that's not her.

Because they look so alike, the little Bob with the red lip. And yeah, she looked great though.
Wow. But you know, oh my God.

One time I was at the Out 100 last year and I was DJing the event. So I was in the green room and that's where they put the fancy people, you know, and Cynthia Riva was there.

And, oh my God, this is a two-part story. Do you remember the lady who interviewed them who was like holding space? Remember her?

She and I are standing outside the green room and they like, I'm in drag and she's her. And they're like, sorry, we don't know.
And I said, you guys let her in. She's in queer media.
And

she goes like, oh, hi, Trixie. Because at the time, remember, she was like, I'm in queer media.
Love that.

But then I saw Cynthia Riva backstage and she was so nice because she loves drag, of course, right? She's, she's sparkling all over herself. And she comes up and I go,

You're gonna have a great year.

What the fuck does that mean?

You're in wicked. Yeah, you're gonna have a, but I was trying to say, like, congrats on your success, but I said, You're gonna have a great year.
Like, she's my, like, I'm sending her yearbook.

What is that?

Then what? So then I just like froze. And I like was in the car on the way home, like, you're gonna have a great year.

To Alphaba. Great.
It's so, um,

it's also, it's, it's obviously nothing, what you said. It's nothing.
But it also kind of has a cockiness to it. Like, like Cynthia Rivo arrived at the At 100.

He's like, I'm not sure how next year is going to go. Oh, I know.
I know.

Yeah, she knows she's going to have a great year. I know.
She knew that already. What I should have said is congrats on your success.
That's what I'm going to have meant.

You're going to have a great year.

What? You can have a great year.

Kathy Griffin has a line, which is that if you say congrats to anyone in Los Angeles, even a stranger on the street, they don't say what for, they say thank you because they're all in their mind about having an amazing, amazing moment.

Everyone's always in their moment and I always love that. Completely.
And I trust her because she wears wigs.

I was at her house and she has a wig wall like a drag queen. I said, you better fucking work, bitch.
Because think about it. These girls who tour comedy, why wouldn't you have a wig of your hair?

Why are you styling your own hair every day?

Why am I doing it? Why aren't you doing it? We could get you a unit.

I was with Brittany Broski today and I was like, you should get a wig of your hair. Like, why are you, you know, we at that women's Hollywood event that was at the Red Curb was at 8 a.m.
this week.

I said, Girl, don't you wish you could roll out bed and just like, you know, because these real girls sit in this chair and they burn your fucking hair. I want to get a wig.

What kind of wig do you want? This more. This, this hair? Yeah.
Oh.

Well, I just. But you know, you can do anything, right? Yeah.

I'm just kidding. Like, I'm in a position to make fun of men's hair, right? No, no, I receive what you're saying, and I should think about it.
What could I be? I don't know.

I don't know because all I've been doing is fighting a war against this.

Right. Trying to make this what it could be.
I'm not imagining anything else that could be in its stead. You know what I'm saying? Yes.

Well, you could have a men's wigs are a little harder to pull off in a convincing way. I mean, watch a Netflix movie.
You know what I mean?

Katie and I do that show I like to watch, and we regularly are sitting on that couch watching these Hollywood million-dollar, billion-dollar budget movies who don't have as good of hairlines as us?

And I'm always like, Bueller, like, is any, is this thing on? There's also stuff where they, they, they, when you update it to the 4K, oh, it can't handle it. People can't handle all this 4K.

I think that they shot hunting wives on

a VHS from 1980 because when I sat on my little couch, spoiler alert, Katina recently got to watch that, and they pulled up Hunting Wives, this lesbian legacy program.

It's really the if these walls could talk with guns, right? Love it.

When these bitches rolled out with their hollywood toy and costume hard front wigs on

and i'm a deep like i love malin ackerman so much because i love watchmen i love the comeback and i love that movie final girls and i just i saw her at the emmys and i was like you don't know me but i know you like i'm free and you're gonna have a you're gonna have a great year

no

you're gonna malin ackerman i love you you're gonna have a great year you're gonna have a great year oh oh the comeback is coming back i know i know I know. I know.

You are fucking holding space, bitch. I believe, I believe that that second to last episode of the first season with the cupcake is one of the best episodes in the history of television.
Yeah. It is.

They did it.

Let her be in the picture. Okay.

I have something else I want to talk to you about. Okay, sorry, we just scream.
But you guys are gay, you know. They're fine.
They can handle it.

I saw this TikTok that was like, being gay means you can enter any room and just scream something and everyone cheers.

People walk in and they're like, spin dip. And they're like, woo, you know.

It is a fun part of it. Yeah.
The only fun part.

So

you filmed a video when you redecorated your home in Los Angeles. Yes.
And I started watching it. I was just interested.
And

there was,

hey, somebody's not interested. I don't apologize.

So I saw this and I thought, oh, wow, this is beautiful. Let's go to the first picture.

And I thought, wow, I love this.

And I was going to ask you because so much of what happens now is everyone makes it, like the fancy people make their house gray and they remove all the color and it's all whites and grays.

It's like, you know, like Salt Lake City, real housewife chic, where it's just like only white, only beige, only gray. And it's like, a maximalist.
Yeah, that's good.

The rich people in LA, the real rich people, their homes are like.

Tao monk temples. Like it's really like nothing's on the counter.
You cannot find the fridge because it's disguised as a wall.

I always, I I, it always struck me that, that, you know, Ellen DeGeneres was this like happy-go-lucky, fun, freewheeling comics on this colorful set dancing around for 20 years.

And with that money, she seems to have bought several mausoleums throughout the city. It's cement spaces empty of color and life.
And then, but you'd made this beautiful, colorful home.

And I thought that was interesting. I just, I just,

everybody always talks about decorating for resale value. And I'm like, fuck those people.
They don't live here. Do you know what I mean? Like, you live here.
This is your life.

You could be dead tomorrow. Paint the wall pink.
And so this, this is a peacock that was shipped from the East Coast and they drove it across the states so it wouldn't break.

And look, it's a peacock with tricksy eyes. Now you don't have to be crazy.
I love that. But I just love color and I love maximalism.
I love texture.

I want you to walk in my house and go, that bitch in a wig lives here. And I want you to know something.

The reason I brought this up is because I had an experience today when I was watching this video, which,

can we go to the next one?

See that chair right there? What's up? I have that chair. You like it? I do like it.
It's very comfortable. Comfortable? It's my dining room table chairs.
I have the exact same chairs.

I know where you got them. I have that chair.
And I thought, that's funny. Next slide.
What? I have these cups. No, you don't.
I have these cups. I have these cups.
I have this shirt.

I have this shirt. Next slide.

This is single white female. You know that.
I know where you got these plates. Insane.

The double J. Ooh, don't talk about it.
Don't talk about it. And, and, and I really considered it.
Honestly, they're, they're really county and they were, but they, America, or whatever.

Shoot me in the eye, bitch. I got convinced into buying these.
They're too expensive. They're also not dishwasher safe.
They've been used to once. I know because I'm lying.
I bought them.

And you can't wash them in the fucking, just you just don't use them. You just don't use them because they're, they're, they cost as much as like going to the dentist.

And if you, you can't put them in the fucking dishwasher. No, and I'm from a family where my grandma would put like the McDonald's straws in dishwasher.
She'd be like, we're going to eat with these.

You know, like, I love them. Next slide.
You do not have this. No, you don't.
Yes.

Why? Why is this colour? Have this. Have this.
Next slide. No, you don't.
Have this. You do not.
I swear to fucking God, I have this

vintage Morano glass. Oh, vintage Morano.

I do.

I have that. Apart from that.
When I get out here. Next slide.

I have this bed. No, you don't.
We sleep on the same bed. I swear to you, fucking God.

I swear to you, fucking God. I sleep on the same bed every goddamn night.
You and I tonight will go back to our separate homes and we will be sleeping in the same bed. But you know what?

I covered the fabric of a different color. The same way you did.
I have a gold. Oh.
That's right. That's nice.
That's right. And it is shockingly expensive, and I don't want to talk about it.

Did you feel, did you feel,

you know, can I be honest? When I did this, it was for television. The network does cover about half.
Fuck you. So,

you know i don't actually remember how much a lot of this stuff was because the net but you know um do you like this bed i like it it's super comfortable it's wonderful isn't that strange i'm so genuinely creeped out right now

wait how like i saw paramil activity here in la two nights ago that did not even touch this moment the fact that you are not wearing my skin the I literally this afternoon when I was watching this video,

I was supposed to be working on other parts of the show, and I was sitting with with with hallie and with sarah lazarus our two incredible writers and i just kept saying no

next slide you're no you're kidding there's not more there are can't be i don't think there are there there was one more there's what if he's like your man fucked him like what where does it end he's like i'm taking your car home and by the way like i might have missed things like i was watching as closely as i could but i'm not a forensic scientist i'm coming over there's something really strange happening because these are not normal these are not like we found strange things to put in our homes I, maybe, you know what it is?

Maybe we really thought it, we thought we were pick-me special girls, and I guess we're just Pinterest faggots. God damn it.

I don't know. I thought I was special.
I thought I was unique. When did you decorate? 2022, 2023.
That's when I did this. Fuck.

So I guess we all got the same fucking catalogs and we all thought we were so special. Isn't that sad? Gay people are supposed to be so creative and we're like, I'll take that bed.

The most creative of our species and all we can come up with is a fuck is the same two plates. And we're so proud of ourselves.
Oh, like, didn't you go to the end of the internet looking for stuff?

Did you like open? How many tabs did you have open till we both landed on the same goddamn fucking chargers? It's sad, it's a little sad, but I do love the house, and um, it's um, it's beautiful.

Your house is cool, love to end it. Honestly, I feel like I've been there.
Yeah,

last thing, it'll be remiss if I didn't ask you about Drag Grace season 18, which remembers on January 2nd. They've just announced the Queens on Tuesday.
Uh, we're still in the pre-season. Yeah,

the queen never worries about the cards stacked at the bottom.

That's awful. That's awful.
Wow. That's awful.
I just thought it was funny. It is funny.
And it was. And the beautiful part of it is it was.
Anybody standing out?

Anybody you're thinking of anything excited about? This is the truth. The way I could never.

The way me and Katya, I'm going to speak for her to, the way we could never, the way each of these whores would eviscerate us and like Thanos disintegrate us.

We don't have great personal style. We don't have the contacts, these kind of of costumes.
We don't have the will.

We don't have the budget. We're not interested.
We're happy to sit on chairs on a green screen and scream.

But I just want to say, as much as we all love Drag Race, the quality of what these horrors do now is so beguiling and bedazzling.

I encourage all of you who sit home with an Amazon Prime membership and the ability to get a wig by Monday.

I encourage you all to hold your breath in before you say, I could do that, because, bitch, you could never.

Yeah,

there's a,

i i love potse of america i never sit there and go i know more than like i don't i know my place i nod i learn and i go home and that's what i encourage you guys to do this isn't my analogy but someone noted that the way all straight men believe in their bones that they could land a 747 is the way

is the same way all gay men believe without reason that they would win drag race. It's not my observation, but I think it holds.

Like on some level, they'll just like, I just, my raw charisma would carry me through, even though I can't sew, never put on makeup, don't do drag, can't sing, can't lip sync. I think I could take it.

I mean,

that's what I did. I did.

I was mid at all those things, but I will say, I always say that drag race is one in the interview chair. You can't win without a good interviews.

A lot of these girls, let's just say they're not exactly personality hires. So I will say,

I encourage people to stretch, but you don't have to be the the best at everything. You just have to, you have to just, you have to be delusional.

The people who win are always, they all go out there and they look RuPaul right in the eye and they go, aren't I everything?

And that's like, who wants to go to a drag show where someone's like, am I okay? Like, no. Yeah, they come here for that.
Yeah.

Hey, for real. No, I think they all look amazing.
This promo is amazing. RuPaul's amazing.
We all do not deserve to be alive at the same time as RuPaul. I really feel that.

We're going to lose her someday and we're all going to be like, that was the best fucking thing we could have ever had in our lives. Like, she's the best.

Someone gasped in the audience like they didn't know time moves forward.

I'm not saying she's in danger. I'm just saying we're all going to die.
And that's a great place to leave it.

Trixie Mattel, thank you so much. Trixie's going to stick around.
A partner when we come back.

Hey, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back!

Woo!

Please welcome to the stage the hilarious

Apartment on Churla.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Given all the challenges the LGBT community faces under the second Trump administration, we thought it was only right that we have an open dialogue about which holiday characters are gay or not in a segment we're calling go down that chimney, bitch.

Oh,

fun.

Whoa.

For those of you who forgot about Dr.

Alfred Kinsey's heterosexual homosexual rating scale, as it was called when it was first published in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, the scale goes from zero, which is insane, to

six, which is exclusively homosexual. Six is the gayest, and zero is super straight.
No gayness inside of you. Right.
Okay. but would you like some all right the rating

here we go

first up we have buddy the elf from elf

directed by the other jon favreau now yes we know buddy ends up with zoe dichanel at the end of the film but um

let's see

has a compulsory heterosexuality energy you know what i mean a comp het vibe okay

Okay, I don't know. I'm sensing kind of higher on the Kinsey scale.
Just this energy to me is reading fabulosity.

I mean, it's like depending how much you measure gay. Like, because having, I know, I've been with a lot of guys who are not gay.

They don't identify as gay, but they sure do love to have sex with me.

So I think he might,

I think he might be the opposite where he is fucking girls, but everything else is gay. You know, right, right, right.
That's interesting.

He is gay, but he has this girlfriend that he does have sex with. And he doesn't have sex with men, but he goes to like, you know, he goes to Chapel Rona Pasadena.
Like, he's there.

Does drag act like a gateway drug for men that want to have sex with men for you? Like, has that happened in your past where like the drag got, they're not gay, but the drag is

the door through which they walk? No, I would say that if they're attracted to being drag, usually most of their their life there with women and they're attracted to femininity. Huh.
Yeah.

Interesting.

What do you think? What do you say? Three? Are we saying three? What do you think? Three for all stars? Yeah, I would say three. Let's set that as the baseline.
I love that holiday movie. You know,

I do too. I do.
Ed Asner is so good in that. Remember Ed Asner? Yeah.
He died too. I just watched this game.
He went up.

He went up.

Yes, Thunder.

I just watched this holiday movie called The Happiest Season, this lesbian movie. Have you guys seen this? I love that movie.
I had no idea it was gonna be so good. I was crying.
It was amazing.

It was so good. It was amazing.
It was not only the best, one of the best Christmas I've ever seen, it was one of the best gay movies I've ever seen. It was amazing.
It was really good.

It was amazing. Everybody, go watch it.
I do think it's funny that you bring home your roommate, Kristen Stewart, and your mom's not sure that you're gay.

Kristen Stewart has like, you know, that lesbian thing where it's like Trey Parker's hair with two hair clips? Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

And then she's in like a suit and she's like, I'm a roommate. I'm like, girl.
You know what I mean? It's like the birdcage. I'm like, girl, you know?

I don't know how I ever could have made it in the roommate era. You know, I don't think I could have done it.
The like, this is my roommate.

I don't think I had the, I think I just would have been an ad outcast and not to go into the woods. Not because I'm like brave.

I'm just like not capable of that kind of discipline, you know, of like pretending. I don't know how they did it.

I also never think, I don't know, I'd never live a life where I'm like, I brought my roommate as my plus one.

Yeah, I'm trying to get away from that bitch. She's at home.
You know what I mean?

I don't need, I need a break from this. Yeah.

Next up, we have the Grinch from the original 1866, The Grinch You Stoke Christmas. Do we think the Grinch is non-binary, perhaps?

The Grinch's pronouns are they that? I'm saying six. Six? You think this is a gay? 100%.

100% gay.

I'm stuck because, you know, outing people is an act of violence in 2025.

And so... I don't know.

You know, back in my day, like Kathy Griffin would just call Ryan Secrets a fag. Like, we we can't do that anymore.
But now we can't do that. So I'm going to say they have an incredible table setting.

And they might have the same bed as you and I.

Confirmed Bachelor of the Grinch. The Grinch has not been able to keep a lady.

They're pounding at his door and yet he hasn't been able to settle on the one just yet. Will there be a lady for the Grinch? Only time will tell because this Bachelor is eligible.
Confirmed eligible.

Yes. I think he went to Coachella and was carried out of Charlie XCX on a stretcher.

Party too hard. Party too hard.
The snow. So I think you were saying six.
The snowman from the classic Raymond Briggs children's book, The Snowman.

Gender really is what when you're a snowman, gender is the scarf and hat you put on.

You switch the hat, change the gender. That's the beauty of the snow people.
It's becoming prices right a little bit. I know.
I was going to say, I know.

I was like, they're really invested in our winning. I think it's a zero.
I think this is like Nick Offerman. Yes.
He's a libertarian, probably. You know what I mean?

But yeah, I think this is where you start on the scale.

Yeah, that's zero. That is all heterosexual energy.
Did you see that Netflix movie where the snowman becomes the hot guy from Shit's Creek? Yes, I did. I work at Netflix.

We watch all the premium programming.

Hot Frosty? Hot Frost. Hot Frost Buns.
Hot Frosty. Hot Frosty.
That's what they called it. Hot Frosty.
I guess it's the joke about Frosty being cold. Yes.
Yes.

Jonathan Bennett is in 12 holiday movies. I looked it up online.
He's the romantic interest and sometimes it's men, sometimes it's women. It's all over the place.

I watched a chunk of, I did not make it all the way through Hot Frosty. I'll be honest.
I don't work in Netflix.

But it's part of your deal. Can you not criticize these films? Are you kidding?

I think we're going to get fired every day.

We rip into these movies so bad. When we first started that job, I thought like, we're not, we're done.

We're not coming back tomorrow. And they love, they love when we make fun of it.
Right. I love that.
But that means when we like a movie, you know it's good. that's good i like that

we don't ever be like we love this you know here is my issue with the film hot frosty and i do think it's important we talk about it

usually in a holiday film when something magical happens there's some kind of motivation for it like uh you know the the the there the the the child is alone and has has been been treated poorly and wishes one last time to see the thing something of that sort where there's a real deserving reason but in that film the snowman just wakes up one morning You know what I mean?

No, but Lacey Chabert has a leak in her house.

But it's like,

she's barely making her mortgage payments, John. But like, it seems to me that just like, she deserves the magic because she's just single.
She's a single lady.

And in the world of this movie, that is such a horrible thing that the magic of the universe is conveyed upon this snowman so that she can find happiness.

But there's probably other single gals in the town as well. And they don't get their own hot snowmen from Shit's Creek.

I will say, in these holiday movies, the worst thing as a woman you can be is like single. Yeah, and also

her husband died, so she's walking around an open wound of grief. Oh, shit.
And only a snowman can fill that hole.

Okay.

I

sometimes you gotta fuck a snowman. This is what it is.

Why have two balls when you you can have three?

Hey,

is that a carrot for a nose or are you happy to see me?

Next up, old man Marley from home alone.

Well,

come on. Girl.
At the Eagle? For sure.

She's the day shift at the Eagle, honey. Estranged from his kids.
Why? Why? Because he left their mom for who?

Whoever, you know, at the Eagle.

One of those older downtown gays who wears the cockering full-time do you know what i'm talking about where everything's just out and the nipples are like like big and round distended hell yeah yeah that's right that's right right i i mean yeah they sold me

like truly a djing barracuda do you know what i mean like yeah the boy djing the boys events for sure

oh ospenhoff djing ospenhoff for sure This is a fag. Yeah, we're sure of it.

It's a six. It's a six.
Next up, the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2, Lawson, New York

What no what does no mean

she's like a she's like a well in the movie she talks about her great love, but I don't think she said it was a guy. I think she's like a

this is a seven

Yeah, yeah, I see

liking birds is gay first of all.

Yeah, yeah, right straight people have dogs and cats gay people like I want a winged creature with razor beaks flying out of my home, you know Yes, and there's just something about the the the the energy of the clothes that kind of it there's because there's like kind of I think like, you know, there's the kind of flannel style stereotypical gay lady, but then there's also the more kind of

New England college, a lot of fabrics, just many fabrics, like unclear where shirts end and other shirts begin. Yeah.
Layers, things. And there's all of this.
You know,

things going over the shoulder. This is like a Cape Cod lesbian or something.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's like this person has been to Rachel Maddow's house. 100%.

Like there's an entire course just on unpacking her at Smith. Yeah, right.
Yeah. She's the type of gal.

I mean, I lived in Provincetown for a while and the Cape Cod lesbians are like the crew members of the Black Pearl. They're very

grizzled in. And she's just so sweet though.
I love this character. I would watch a whole one woman show about like what happened to her.
And I bet it's like wicked. We're like Kevin ruined her life.

You think? Like she's the, she's the good person.

And Kevin McAllister trying to be like savior

fucked her life up, you know? Yeah, she didn't need his help. She didn't need his help.
No, she was doing fine. Not to mention, he meets her at the end of the movie.
She still lives outside.

He goes, Here's your ornament. I'm going back up to the giant hotel with my family and all our guests.
Excuse me,

bitch.

Forward any correspondence to the plaza.

Right. Oh my God, the Donald Trump cameo.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it happened.
It happened. Simpler time.
Simpler time. Shit.

He was just some guy

next up martha may huvier juvier martha may juvier in the 2000 jim carry version of the grinch displayed by christy boranski

i think she's that girl who's like oh my god i would love gay guys if i was an if i was a gay guy i'd be so happy but she's straight i think yeah she's like

the boozy gal with the gays at brunch who's like i love you baggots you know that's her

I love that scene where she's shooting the Christmas lights with that

and Molly Shannon is like so gooped. She's like,

because she's jealous. Do you remember that? I haven't seen this.
Oh, girl. It's so good.
It is so good. Jim Carrey becomes the crinch.

Sweet.

You make it sound like through the film, Jim Carrey gets transformed. Like the fly.

Yeah, it is. It's very much like Jeff Goldblum in the fly.

It's a gradual. You know what? This is the thing.
They got to stop blowing up these boats in the Caribbean because cocaine made movies like the fly possible. You can't.

you know what I'm saying? That was a leap and I hear it.

No, I get

that. When I'm trying to write something, I'm like, how did Stephen King do it? I'm like, drugs.

He's been open about it. I'm like, drugs help.
Yeah, drugs.

Stephen King and Aaron Sorkin have this in common, which is they, they went, they, they were prolific while doing a ton of drugs.

And then directors would take 900-page things and say, oh, we're not doing this whole movie about the evil turtles. Right.
We're just going to do this. You know what I I mean?

Like, this is an 800-page script.

We're going to make American President. You can take the rest of these pages and do whatever you want.
He's like, oh, I'll make the West Wing. You know what I mean?

Which I think is cool. It's cool to be prolific.
I love her. She's so great.
I love this. This movie really is so good.

All right. Finally, we have Krampus.

St. Nicholas's dark doppelganger sent to punish naughty children with birch rods.

According to European folklore, he also co-starred in a titular 2025 horror movie alongside Tony Collette and past Lovett or Levy guest, Adam Scott, and Allison Tolman.

Krampus,

10. 10

homophobe,

10. Megan Kelly calling out a 10 from the crowd.
That was that was Lauren Borbert smoking. Why is this gay? That's what that was.
Yeah.

Lauren Borbert.

Give it a handy as a handy Beetlejuice. Why is this a 10? Why is that gay? Why is the evil Santa gay? Huh? What have you internalized?

I agree, that's a gay man, but still.

I think it's gay. I think it's gay to

be like, I don't want to fuck with these kids. You know what I mean? It's gay.
Those aren't his kids. He doesn't have kids.
Right.

He's unmarried. He's obviously off on Christmas.
He has no family. Yeah, there is something about.
There's a reason why gay bars are open on December 25th.

Yeah, there is something about the Krampus that has the kind of energy of...

When gay guys are around kids and they don't know what to do, and they're just sort of like,

do you,

I guess you can't drink soda and and bitters, you know, that kind of a thing. But I also feel like the kids love him.
They're like, oh, is Uncle Krampus coming?

I think it is like, don't you think for them it's like a fun thing, right? Yeah. Ooh, Krampus.
It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think they're genuinely scared of Krampus, right?

I think it's like all part of the show.

Besides, kids think that they're not naughty. So they're like, he's not coming here.
No matter how fucking awful they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kids have no self-awareness. Yeah.

That's some adults, too.

And that's the segment.

And that's

what we call it. Oh, yeah.
Go down my chimney, bitch. Go down my chimney.
Go down my chimney.

Aparna, your special, Hopeful Potato, is out on December 15th on the dropout. On dropout.
Yep. Yep.
Yep. Yep.
Yep. Yep.
Thank you. Thank you.
And Trixie's holiday special is on YouTube. Oh.

When we come back,

we have a holiday gift guide.

Kate, don't go anywhere. There's more of Love It or Leave It coming up.

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And we're back. Woo!

All right, before we get to our last segment, if you're not sure where to get your family and friends this holiday season, and if the kind of person who

would love the gift of content,

that's right, a friend of the pond subscription. Give them as a gift.

You'll get access to the good stuff, exclusive content like Polar Coaster with Dan Pfeiffer, ad-free episodes of a bunch of our crooked shows endless bragging rights

Give a gift of the friend of the pod subscription at crooked comm slash friends or grab one yourself It does genuinely help us build this progressive media company and it's also very fun.

How many people here are friends of the pod?

Not enough

and

Next week on Tuesday my interview with Bronwyn Newport from Real House Wise of Salt Lake will be on the the feed recorded right in the thick of it. Great conversation.

I really like talking to somebody who's like very thoughtful about why she was on the show, what it's like to be on the show, what she's learned about herself.

I really appreciated the conversation, and it's awesome. That's out Tuesday.
And then next Thursday, right here at Dynasty, our last show of the year with Tig Natar, Rachel Bloom, and Cameron Crowe,

which is pretty cool. All right, it's holiday shopping season, and we at Love It or Leave It wanted to offer something different than the boring gift guides to letting your feed.

So my guest and I have reached deep into our gifting cavity to pull out our best and brightest ideas for your friends, enemies, and everyone in between.

In a segment, we're calling Love It or Regifted.

Oh, okay, sure. Why not?

First up, Aparna, I know you had a gift suggestion. I did.
I have a gift suggesting of something called a sit bit.

It's like a Fitbit, but it reminds you to make sure you're sitting enough to honor your seasonal depression.

Yeah, like get your ass. Yeah, like you've

alert. You've only sat for two to three hours today.
Are you okay? And how much of that time was just looking into a wall or in the middle distance?

So you're walking, you're on the middle of a six-mile hike, and your phone beeps and says, Don't you think it's time you sit down? Yeah, yeah. It's too much.

What happens if you're sitting and then you get up? What does it say? It says, uh-oh.

You're expressing a will to live.

Partna, you've been on the road. You've been on the road for this ahead of the new special.

Any airport low lights lately? Oh, airport low lights.

Dang. I feel like I blocked them all out because I feel like most airports, I'm just in a catatonic state.

But yeah, one time a person put a, not, this was on the plane, but someone put their bare foot into my seat area. Hmm.
And I, so I. That's not your thing.
No.

And she wanted it in the. Yeah.
I was like, I can't get

to those toes. Yeah.
Can't get there. That's awful.
No, I mean, what did you do? I, nothing. I just, I think I tweeted about it, you know.

You did all you could. You did all you could.

I think I, yeah, I tweeted at the airline.

Now,

I love that sit-it. All right, Trixie, you have a gift idea.
We have, we have, I think, two we can go to from you. Let's see.
Let's see what the first one was. This was

a good idea. So

she went kind of a different direction than I did.

So, you know, it is cupping season and, you know,

ethical non-monogamy is running rampant in our community. And that's completely fine.

But for those of us who are monogamous, this is a great way to get people go beyond, I do. It's also, well, you can't.

You know, you go to bed knowing, like, he's going to be with you because if he ever wants to pee again,

you have the key. And I actually Photoshopped that little diamond on there.
That's beautiful. And this says, I do crew.

I'm in the I do crew. This is the I do crew because you can't.
Yeah. I just had an idea.

I like it. I kind of thought people would laugh more.

It's a beautiful, beautiful piece of jewelry.

It's a little small. What do you do?

What do you do with all the extra space towards the front?

I was going to go the other way. It was for snacks.
I was going the other way with it.

It's for snacks.

I have one. I'll do one next.
Okay. I'll do one next.

And they, and I remember what they were.

Oh, my God. Wait, I had two.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
This is it. You made a graphic.
Thank you.

These are.

You bring a stack of these and they're called get out of convo free cards. Okay.
And when you show up for the holidays with all your family, you hand them out at the beginning of the event.

Everybody gets a couple. Okay.
There's some that say get out of convo free. Some say one free conversation topic change, for example.

And then you know what the rule is, everybody agrees in advance that if you use the card, no one can be mad.

So someone's like, whoa, I guess you think it's good that drugs are coming into the country. You just hand them the card and you walk away.

And you're good. And you're good.
That's bad.

But if you're at the table and you can't leave and someone's like, I don't know, I mean, like, I've been, I've been, I think RFK sometimes gets a short shrift.

You just, you, someone's like, you must persuade them. No, you throw the card down that says topic change and you're just like, has anybody been watching Pluribus? Right.
You know?

But by the way, by the way, has anybody been watching Pluribus?

That's got to be your go-to.

Because it just gets the people talking. You know, it gets them chatting.
Right. And so that was my first idea.
Oh, and Parney, you had another idea. I think it was similar to that.

No, this was... Oh, that was.

Oh, yeah.

I was...

She is a technical person.

I was really

feeling my...

So this is called the quit bit. This is called the quit bit.
And now what the quit bit is going to do is when you try to join a gym, it says, you're not going to go. You better not.

Yeah. Yeah, so don't do it.
so it's it's a more simple tool But it's really anytime you try to join a gym It says uh-uh

I love that I love that it stops you before you make a mistake because it's so hard to get out of gym membership

I feel like even if you're dead they won't let you out

you have to send a handwritten letter to the gym you signed up at yes like like

the covered wagons like yeah a handwritten letter so I because I've never successfully been able to actually go to a gym, I can really only do classes.

Because if I go to a gym and there's no one telling me specifically what to do, I'm just in a different room listening to the book I was listening to on my car.

You know, but now I've paid a month to wander around this space and just feel a little bit like I can't too close

too much.

I get a Celsius. I get two Tootsie Rolls and watch Charmed.

Because Planet Fitness always has charmed. That's so nice.
That's so nice. I will say that the programming at gyms is eye-opening

yeah they they always have news all different kinds all different kinds all different kinds my gym is always playing uh food network holiday baking show and it's always halloween year-round

wait trixie what would you you had one more pitch you had one more idea i did um this one is a little different as well so this is a sham wow makeup wipe for the girls in your life who need 17 or 18 wipes per eye like I do.

So this is kind of that's that's I think he's he might be dead. No, I think he's no, he's not.
He's not. He didn't die.
Didn't he have a fucking what a what a crazy explanation. You're confusing.

He's death and running for Congress.

He's having a

let's just say when I Google this image, a lot of other pictures of him doing less well showed up. Yes, I think things are not good.
Yes. But I think he's with the living.
Right.

And this is the sham wow. And I just thought like a makeup wipe that really could go to town if you're somebody who wears makeup.
I don't know. That could be huge.
You must go through them. Yeah.

It's been, there's a landfill in hell with my name on it for sure. Like, for sure.
I got to think too, like, they haven't invented a good hairspray that's not aerosol for drag queens too.

So I'm like too woke that when I spray it, I'm like, no.

I bet you could sell those, like, sell those used.

People do. Tammy Brown does this and she frames them and sells them.
Yeah. Yeah.

That's using the whole buffalo, buffalo, you know, in a sense. Next, oh, here's my, my last one.
It's called Resanta.

Basically, somebody comes into your house while you're sleeping and they go into your closet and they take clothes you own and have not worn in the last year, though when you bought them, you swore you would,

and wraps them up like a gift. and leaves them under your tree because then you open it and it's like you're starting again.
It's back. Try again.

Because sometimes, like, you don't wear it and then it falls to the bottom of the drawer or just inertia. It's just not what you go to.

But maybe if it came back out and came back to the front, all gifted, you'd be like, Why don't I wear this? And then, boom, it's in the rotation. For sure.

But don't you guys have clothing where it's like you wouldn't never wear it, but just the idea that you own it gives you a little pep in your step.

Sure. I only have that.

And that's our show.

Apart in Nuncherla, Trixie Mattel. We'll see you next week at Dynasty.
There are 332 days. Until the midterms, have a great night and have a great weekend.

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Sign up at crooked.com slash friends. Love it or Leave It is a crooked media production.
It is written and produced by me, John Lovett and Lee Eisenberg. Kendra James is our executive producer.

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And thanks to our digital producers, David Tolles, Claudia Shang, Mia Kalman, Delan Villanueva, and Rachel Gaeski for filming and editing video each week.

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