Ep 587 - PHIL (feat. Steve Gerben & Chris O'Connor)

Speaker 1 Wow wow Wes

Speaker 1 darling you

Speaker 1 just send me check check I know who you're nervous

Speaker 3 catch your breath you all right yeah I'm fine all right

Speaker 1 yeah we're rocking and I mean this this

Speaker 1 is it recording yeah Yeah. I'm already mad.
Why? This coffee is three hours old.

Speaker 1 It's from Westchester. It is.

Speaker 1 He doesn't, this is what he does. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll go to a bar. He'll order wings.
He'll eat three wings and then have a plate of wings in front of him for three more hours until the game's over.

Speaker 1 And then they come by and they go, do you want us to take this? And he's like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking insane.

Speaker 4 A lot of times I'll finish it. This was a situation

Speaker 4 my latest.

Speaker 1 Even this, it's like a coffee. He takes two sips and then brings it to Harrisburg.
Well, someone brings it to McCanksburg.

Speaker 4 Someone got me the coffee.

Speaker 1 Just drink the fucking coffee.

Speaker 4 I wasn't ready for it.

Speaker 1 Phil, how are you? We're here live with Phil. Phil, you got talking to the mic.
I'm doing great.

Speaker 1 I knew you'd get nervous when that light came on. I didn't even see the light.
Some guys aren't built for this. Yeah.
Some aren't. Podcasting's tough.

Speaker 3 It is tough.

Speaker 1 I've seen it. It's hard work.

Speaker 1 I don't know how you do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you're sitting next to the

Speaker 1 mayor of Westchester. I know.
The king. I'm honored.

Speaker 1 You're not.

Speaker 4 Did you wind up bringing the hats? Did you have hats?

Speaker 1 Well, I forgot them. Oh, he forgot them.
We were going to dress up like Pilgrims and Indians for Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 It was a

Speaker 1 Steve.

Speaker 1 I agree. I agree.
I was fully against it.

Speaker 1 But then I realized Phil wearing a pilgrim hat.

Speaker 3 What do you do for Easter?

Speaker 1 That's where I got bombing from. Buddy outfits.

Speaker 1 People ask me how I got my comedy. Phil taught me how to bomb regularly.
But you can walk through a bomb. Uh-huh.
That's like one of your,

Speaker 1 you tell a bad joke and just go.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious. He is.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 What was the line that he had when we were in the golf tournament with Billy? where he was saying Billy was like, it's because you were talking in my backswing.

Speaker 1 And Billy's backswing is really fucking good.

Speaker 4 Billy goes, you're talking to my backswing, Phil.

Speaker 1 And Phil goes, I'd have to be a fucking auctioneer.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 He swings so hard.

Speaker 3 And the results are never any good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's new. He's new to golf.
I know. I know.
When he connects, he kills it, but we're not sure where it's going, right? Yeah.

Speaker 5 Well, he's jacked.

Speaker 3 Of course, the first couple holes, Girbys didn't know we were playing a scramble.

Speaker 3 So all of a sudden, he'd go up and play his ball, and then we'd all drive up, and he's like looking at us like what are you hitting from here for? This is my shot.

Speaker 3 Of course we didn't have to hit after he hit because it was always right on the green.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a very good golfer.

Speaker 1 He took the game very seriously. A couple cart bumps at the end sent him packing.
I hate cart bumps.

Speaker 1 O'Connor was in there with you just going, don't do it. So we let him win.

Speaker 1 He got out. He got out of the cart.

Speaker 1 You saw it. I just turned straight for him walking.
Oh, yeah. I still got out of the cart.
I can't. The last thing you want to do is get out of the cart.

Speaker 4 We were also, we were starting to find it at the end.

Speaker 1 We were starting to find it. It was whole 18th.
Yeah. And we were still there.
And it was crunch time, and that's when I found it.

Speaker 1 It was perfect. Just a nightmare.
No, when the ride and the Valkyries started playing, I think it was around 16.

Speaker 1 Valkyries laying on the Bluetooth, chasing Goobish.

Speaker 3 And you had two. Dan O'Leary.

Speaker 1 O'Leary was in.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Good.
I might have been by myself at that point. Or O'Leary could have been in there.

Speaker 1 Regardless, yeah.

Speaker 4 We were six hours into a round of golf, just trying to finish strong. You came in.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.
Rattled the guy. I'm sorry about that, Steve.
I didn't.

Speaker 1 I felt bad when you were very upset. It's perfectly fine.
All right.

Speaker 1 My mom noticed.

Speaker 5 Your mom noticed? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She was like, hey, aren't you going to come say hello to all the people here? And you're like, nope, I have to go.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 5 No, that's not really for me.

Speaker 1 Well, Well,

Speaker 5 it's the kill of style.

Speaker 5 Nobody can leave.

Speaker 5 Every time you try and go, they go, oh, just, well, just what do you just...

Speaker 1 Let's have one more. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 It's like you just got to leave. And then the next day go, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I left.

Speaker 5 Your mom was on me on Instagram message because she was like, promise you'll come up.

Speaker 1 I'm DM'd you? What the fuck? Yeah, we DM sometimes.

Speaker 1 Your wife's in his DMs. How do you do that?

Speaker 5 Well, how do I do that? How do you do?

Speaker 1 You know how to DM. You DM me.
You send me.

Speaker 3 Is that what that's called?

Speaker 1 called yeah like a direct message yeah yeah yeah all right i'm doing those instagram reels it's very nice okay what what kind of stuff is he sending uh it was like drinking instagram reels which was really funny but then he'll he'll clearly be drunk and send me like an inspirational one nice which is nice

Speaker 3 keep you on track

Speaker 1 that's how yeah we don't really talk much i just get a drunk dm from my dad that's like michael jordan highlights

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 that'll get you i toss those out this weekend.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you were hitting me with that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, you know, you got to find inspiration during dark times.

Speaker 1 It's 4 a.m. The bars closed.
Fuck it. Yeah.
Maybe it's my fault.

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Speaker 1 But, Phil, what's going on, man?

Speaker 3 Just starting our basketball season right now.

Speaker 1 I think you're going to get fired.

Speaker 3 No, I can't get fired. I'm a volunteer.

Speaker 3 I can't get fired. Other people have to go before they're going to do all these.

Speaker 1 Come on, man. You're going to fire that?

Speaker 3 No, obviously. It's too many rings.
Yeah, there's a lot of stuff up there.

Speaker 1 There's too many championships. much hardware.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yep. What's that? Five gold medals up there?

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 1 two with Trinity, three with...

Speaker 3 No, I got three with Cumberland Valley and one with Trinity as far as state titles.

Speaker 3 And that's, again, just coaching, helping coach kids.

Speaker 3 Believe me, it's all the kids and the head coach.

Speaker 1 I mean, just coach speak. You're just a humble guy.

Speaker 1 I am humble. I want everyone to know behind closed doors, this guy's a menace.
When the mic's off, he's going, those motherfuckers would be nothing without me.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 right, right.

Speaker 3 No, it takes good kids to win for sure. They make you look smart.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, what's the hope for this year? Do you think you got a championship?

Speaker 3 Well, we've, no, we're going to.

Speaker 3 We're going to have to work for everything.

Speaker 3 You know, got a great group of girls, but

Speaker 3 we, you know, there was a couple kids that were going to come out that played for us, and now we're going to stick with another sport.

Speaker 3 So they're not going to play basketball, and that hurts us a little bit. But the kids that we have, we're going to

Speaker 1 go with them.

Speaker 1 And they're great.

Speaker 4 This is good stuff. Why?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm sure we got a lot of 6A girls' b-ball fans.

Speaker 1 Now we're the number one women's 6A basketball podcast.

Speaker 1 Yeah. District 3.
Girls' poops. District 3.
This is a good press conference. You're talking about District 2.
Phil's press conference.

Speaker 1 Sure. Phil, now, what do you say, those people that found out your dad killed a bunch bunch of cats?

Speaker 3 What kind of question is that?

Speaker 1 Phil, what do the Costa Ricans think about this?

Speaker 1 Don't take that.

Speaker 1 You can't handle the press conferences.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So

Speaker 3 to answer his question about cats, when I was growing up, we lived out in the rural area.

Speaker 1 Talk to Steve and us.

Speaker 3 We had...

Speaker 3 You know, we had a few cats and they all got pregnant at the same time. So we had

Speaker 3 like 25 kittens running around and it was just too many. And my dad put them in a box, a cardboard box, and put them in the creek and they went down over the dam.

Speaker 3 And about three hours later, about five or six of them came walking back and he said, okay, you can stay.

Speaker 1 That was it. The other ones never made it back.

Speaker 3 Or they said, we're not going back.

Speaker 1 You know, even though

Speaker 3 they survived the creek and the dam. But

Speaker 4 just got the five dumbest kittens yeah no those

Speaker 1 yeah let's come back maybe he'll do it again yeah

Speaker 1 but didn't you say they were like they were like getting the horse was stepping on them and well the horse stepped on one kitten and

Speaker 3 one time i started the lawnmower and

Speaker 3 the kitten crawled under the lawn mower while i went to get gas because it was hot in the summer and he thought that was the nice shade place i didn't know he was under there and i started the lawnmower your dad getting rid of them was it was time they were everywhere they were they were a lot A lot of cats.

Speaker 3 A lot.

Speaker 1 Just 30 cats.

Speaker 3 We had a lot of cats. We had dogs.
We had a Shetland pony.

Speaker 1 Oh, nice. I didn't know you had a Shetland pony.
Yeah. What is a Shetland pony? It's a little adorable town pony.
Yeah. What happened there? Oh, God.
What happened there? We sold him.

Speaker 1 We stepped on a cat.

Speaker 3 We sold him for stepping on the cat.

Speaker 1 We sold to Shetland. Things got tough.
Things got tough. You got to sell a Shetland pony.
Right.

Speaker 3 Oh, we had a steer named Sambo, and we had him butchered.

Speaker 1 That was a tough name.

Speaker 3 Sambo, he was butchered.

Speaker 1 What the hell?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How old were you? Did you like all these animals?

Speaker 3 Not Sambo, because he would chase. He had horns.
He would chase you, and you'd have to run. And yeah, the horse or the Shetland pony was fine.
Dusty was fine. Dusty?

Speaker 1 Dusty.

Speaker 4 What do you get for a Shetland pony?

Speaker 1 I have no idea. Back then, 10 bucks.
I don't know. It wasn't much.

Speaker 5 What do you do with it?

Speaker 3 Well, we had a cart and like a trotter.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 And it would, yeah, we would, he would take rides with it on Sundays and stuff. There was no traffic on the road back then.

Speaker 1 Now you would ride a Shetland pony?

Speaker 3 In a cart, like a trotter?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
That's fucking insane. Ben Hurt.
That was fun. It was fun.
All right. It's fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, I thought I'd put the blinkers on them or the blinders, whatever they're called, and you'd just go down the road and

Speaker 3 go about a mile and then come back.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Well, that's fun. I thought you were like literally using it as transportation.
No. I was like, it's crazy.
It's like a go-kart. Yeah, that's fun.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll take it back. That rules.
I wish I had a Shetland pony. That'd be nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Just go out for a Sunday drive.

Speaker 1 I'd need a team.

Speaker 1 I would need a team.

Speaker 1 I know. I need the Clydesdales.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you'd have to get the spike, like the Roman spike coming off the cart, too.

Speaker 1 That'd be a nice DUI on the back of a Shetland.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Can you get a DUI in the cart?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like the Amish get DUIs all the time.

Speaker 3 You can get him on a bike. You can get it walking.
You can get a DUI.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 trust me, if he's dodging it. All right.
Well, they must not have been out. If they haven't got him yet.

Speaker 4 That's just drunk in public, right? You can walk drunk.

Speaker 3 I think you can present danger to other people while you're out there besides just stumble in public.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, that's you guys. You get a little bit bigger than me.
No, I've seen you. I'm not a danger.

Speaker 1 You're definitely a threat. You run.

Speaker 1 That's true. He starts running and shit.

Speaker 5 Uh-huh.

Speaker 4 But I'm safer running than walking.

Speaker 6 Where are you running?

Speaker 4 I was home as fast as possible.

Speaker 1 What is he running from?

Speaker 1 That's the real question.

Speaker 1 3 a.m. When you're like, I need to get out of here and sprint.

Speaker 1 Something's going on.

Speaker 4 When you know you got a kind of a long trip and you're in your full stumble bum,

Speaker 1 speed it up. I do understand

Speaker 1 moving quicker when you're that drunk helps. I do know what you mean.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah. You want like the shortest amount of time out of the public.

Speaker 1 Nothing worse than stumbling. Yeah.

Speaker 4 When you can't stop a stumble.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's tough. Speed it up.
Anyway, Phil, what else you got for us? This is your big debut. People are

Speaker 1 clamoring for this. Yeah, I know they are.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Just getting ready for the holidays here. Yeah.
Just closed the pool. Realized I screwed that up.

Speaker 3 I had like a submersible pump and I stuck it on top of

Speaker 3 the enclosure that they put over over the pool. And the guy came out yesterday to close the spa down.

Speaker 3 And he said,

Speaker 3 Did you put that submersible pump on top of the netting there?

Speaker 3 And I said, Well, yeah. He said, Well, the water goes right through.
You've got to put the submersible pump underneath that on the step. I didn't know that.

Speaker 3 I thought, man, this thing's really working. I never saw any water on top there.

Speaker 1 Phil. Here it's just going right into the pool the whole time.
You got to get a podcast, man. This is top fucking shit.

Speaker 4 Wait, how come you're shutting the spa down? You got to keep the spa open for

Speaker 1 winter.

Speaker 3 I kept it open for an extra month, and Joan got in at one time.

Speaker 1 Remember when you got drunk and fell onto the tarp?

Speaker 1 And I was stacked. Oh, you were sober?

Speaker 1 I was, no, but I wasn't drunk, right?

Speaker 3 No. What happened is the pavers weren't down far enough, and I leaned in to put the submersible pump, and the pavers lifted up, and I went right into the tarp.

Speaker 3 And I thought, oh, my God, this is a weird way to die.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to get engulfed with this whole thing.

Speaker 3 And Joan won't even know I'm missing for a couple days.

Speaker 3 But fortunately, I crawled out.

Speaker 1 Crawled out. Oh, my God.
I had to crawl out. But fortunately, I crawled out.

Speaker 1 Yep. You had to go back into the house.
It was soaking wet.

Speaker 3 It was in the middle of a thunderstorm.

Speaker 5 Oh, my God. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But I made it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I got the phone call immediately.
My mom called me. It was like, Phil fell in the pool, you fucking idiot.

Speaker 5 And he was like, I did not.

Speaker 1 The damn pavers off. They got

Speaker 1 right back. He was mad.

Speaker 4 You got to get some cameras out there in the yard just in case.

Speaker 4 That's great footage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would have been incredible.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you got that going on. Yep.
Yeah. Gerbys, how about you? You're, you're, uh, what are you up to?

Speaker 5 Well, you know, we're writing season three.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then personally, you know, single life now and

Speaker 5 trying to find

Speaker 1 special someone.

Speaker 1 It's kind of a nightmare.

Speaker 4 Feels a lot like being on the pool table.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm Uncle Frank's.

Speaker 1 All right, my dad's brother. All right, Frank.
Uncle Frank, get in here. We're doing a podcast.

Speaker 1 I'm at the hell. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's good to see you. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my squall.

Speaker 1 Squalls upstairs.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, we'll go say hi to her.

Speaker 1 Can we pause? Yeah, yeah. All right.
Take a quick break. Sure.
Well, I don't want to ruin your career. No, no.
No, no.

Speaker 1 Ruin your career.

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Speaker 1 Getting to spend time with everyone.

Speaker 1 I love spending time with you.

Speaker 1 And I want this, our time together, to be so special. True, dude.
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Speaker 1 Dude, around the holidays, I'm going to be able to do it. An aura frame.

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Speaker 1 I'd like to come alive. I would love that.

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You know what I'd add?

Speaker 1 What's that? This memory right now. A picture of this? Yeah, of us doing an ad read and take a picture and put it up there.
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Speaker 6 Terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 1 I don't think you got out of that. Yeah.
All right. Hey, we're back on the air.

Speaker 1 Hey, we're back.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.
Let's get it. Let's Phil.
Let's get a little, let's get a little energy. Sure.
I got it. All right.
Remember the mic. You got to talk to the mic.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's going on, gang?

Speaker 5 I don't know. Well, I'm back in the dating scene we were talking about that.

Speaker 1 Any good dating advice? You look at me? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Grace, I've been married for 46 years.

Speaker 5 How'd you and Joe meet?

Speaker 3 In grade school, sixth grade. She moved in from New Jersey, and I was,

Speaker 3 you know, just started talking with her. We became good friends and

Speaker 3 actually

Speaker 1 dated her twin sister for a while. No way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The old indie.

Speaker 3 Just wanted to check things out a little bit.

Speaker 1 You have to have something to compare it to.

Speaker 3 But that didn't happen till later,

Speaker 1 like eighth or ninth grade.

Speaker 5 Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode about the Switch? No. It's the roommate Switch.
So how you're dating one roommate, you want to get to the other one.

Speaker 1 Oh. And so there's a whole benage of toilet thing.

Speaker 5 I mean, obviously, this wouldn't work in this city. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Come out.

Speaker 5 I was just saying, you know.

Speaker 1 Don't bring that up. So you broke up with her and then later got with.

Speaker 3 With Joan.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Or she, I think she broke up with me. But anyhow.
What the hell?

Speaker 3 Their mom was a good cook. They had steak every like Sunday, so I'd get down there and eat and sort of became part of the family.

Speaker 1 Sir, shellin'.

Speaker 3 Oh, but they had this dog, this little Snauzer,

Speaker 3 and I hated that dog. His name was Otto.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 whenever I walked in that room, it would just come up and start biting my feet.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 they would put like me in like a sort of a staging area, like a waiting area for them to come down the steps or whatever. And I would hear that dog's toenails running towards me.

Speaker 3 And then at the end, he became blind. So as he's getting real close, I would shut the pocket door and just hear his face hitting the floor.
And it was just, I would just sit in there and laugh.

Speaker 1 I thought it was great because that dog tormented me for years. And finally, at the end, I got back to him.
Yeah. There you go.
You got revenge on his face.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yep. That's good stuff.
Yeah. So you guys started dating in sixth grade? No, no.

Speaker 3 That's when I met your mother in sixth grade.

Speaker 4 Were you in the friend zone for a while?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 How do you get out of the friend zone?

Speaker 1 You get married.

Speaker 1 That's how you get out of it. Then you're done being friends.

Speaker 1 Really? That's how you get out of it.

Speaker 3 No, I'm just kidding about that.

Speaker 1 To some degree. Yeah.
Yeah. So, Gerbin, is that good advice? No.

Speaker 1 Not applicable. I wouldn't say it's bad advice.
You don't want to hurt a blind dog?

Speaker 1 That's Phil's advice? What are your advice for dating? I used to fuck with this dog.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 So.

Speaker 1 No, but you're out there. You're on the apps.
I'm on an app. Okay.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 1 yeah, it's.

Speaker 1 It's going well for you.

Speaker 5 It's going well insofar as I get dates now. Yeah.
Which is the really sad and upsetting thing about this is like I was on the apps, I don't know, six years ago.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And nothing.

Speaker 3 Nothing was dry.

Speaker 5 Absolutely nobody would go on me.

Speaker 1 Well, now they know you're funny.

Speaker 1 That's the tough part about it. When you look like us and you get on a dating app.
Yeah, it's just immediate. Oh my God.
Right.

Speaker 1 I tried a dating app for like 24 hours once. It was the most depressing.
Crushes yourself. Because I downloaded it because I was going through a breakup and I was like, I'll fucking, I'll show her

Speaker 1 zero for 24 hours.

Speaker 1 Fuck it.

Speaker 5 I don't think a lot of women understand that that's men's experience on dating sites. which is zero.
Yeah. Like I had a friend, she was like, oh, the guys on here are weird.

Speaker 1 I'm like, all the, all,

Speaker 5 try zero girls.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's way worse.
Yeah. I'd rather get somebody DMing me, like, I'll show you my dick, you bitch.
Fuck you. That's at least something.
You're getting, so you feel something.

Speaker 4 You're getting a reaction. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You get on there. You look like us.
You get on a dating app. It's

Speaker 1 nothing. No.

Speaker 5 So,

Speaker 1 and then you get picky, which is very funny. You're getting zero and you're sitting there going, fucking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Being like, oh, a 10. She's going to like me.
Right.

Speaker 1 She's not.

Speaker 5 So now at least I'm getting dates. So I'm out there and,

Speaker 5 you know, getting to take people out.

Speaker 1 And you're getting into line dancing.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I'm getting into line dancing.
I'm really into that.

Speaker 5 There's a place by us, shouldn't it?

Speaker 1 No, I shouldn't. Well, it doesn't matter.
Why is that? Go ahead. I'm not going to do it.
They're going to be there now. Who?

Speaker 1 The weird guys.

Speaker 1 I think they're going to be there.

Speaker 4 They're there anyway.

Speaker 1 The weird guys are going to be there waiting for you to lie, Dance. They're already there.

Speaker 4 They've always been there.

Speaker 1 That's on you.

Speaker 5 Well, then we'll keep the name out of it, even though.

Speaker 1 That's going to be tough to find.

Speaker 1 It's going to be real hard to find a lot of people. This is a great place.

Speaker 5 Everybody there is so nice. Yeah.
The bartenders are great.

Speaker 5 The bouncers. And, you know, they're big fans of tires.
So they're all coming, like, show me how to do moves.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Which also, for the record, I have nothing but support for the weird guys. Of course.
I don't want to eat it yet. No, no, of course.
Nothing but support for the weird guys.

Speaker 5 We're weird. Yeah, so I got cowboy boots.

Speaker 1 I just went all in.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And

Speaker 5 yeah.

Speaker 1 I just want you to know how much this sucks. I know you hate it.
I actually don't hate it as much as you'd think. Well, I don't like that you're practicing line dancing in the office at tires.

Speaker 5 So that did happen.

Speaker 1 I was telling Joan that because I'm typically cold. Of course, my mom loves it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, because she.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so nuts.

Speaker 5 She's a good soul. And like, you know,

Speaker 4 so

Speaker 5 typically I run really cold. And the other day we were getting lunch and Chris is all bundled up.
And I was in a t-shirt.

Speaker 2 I was like, why are you bundled up? And I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 of course, caught that. The door was closed.

Speaker 1 Why is your blood flowing? What were you doing?

Speaker 5 Working on this move in the boot scoot and boogie where, like, you can kind of, when you make a turn, you hop up and click your heels.

Speaker 1 Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Which is, which is what I really like about line dancing, which is the improvisational aspect of it. Once you get down, you can be creative.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like that too.
You like the boot scooting boogie. I love that one.
Yeah, that's fun. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Cotton Eye Joe.

Speaker 1 That's a good one.

Speaker 1 That is a fucking great song.

Speaker 4 But it's frowned upon by the line dancing community, Cotton Eyed Joe.

Speaker 5 Because it's so simple.

Speaker 4 Or, yeah, I think it's probably just, it's like hack, right?

Speaker 1 I would imagine it's hack. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, they probably have deep cuts in there. They're like, oh, this man knows what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I suppose.

Speaker 1 You got to come to Austin.

Speaker 4 You got to start with Cotton Eyed Joe.

Speaker 1 It's all they're doing down there.

Speaker 1 I've heard.

Speaker 1 You can go down there and cut a rug on a nice southern bell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would love a southern. Texas babe.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She'll kiss you. Okay.

Speaker 1 Phil, you don't know anything about this guy. He's a sexual partner.
Well, no, of course not a sexual partner.

Speaker 5 But that's a thing that I also had to get over. It's like, you really are.

Speaker 5 You're meant to kiss on the first date.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 5 That's like a thing that you're sort of supposed to do.

Speaker 1 On a hinge date, on a... On a date.

Speaker 5 On a first date.

Speaker 1 you kiss, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Because if, like, if you're the guy, you don't go for that, it's kind of seen as like lack of interest and lack of confidence. So, that was something I had to get over.

Speaker 3 So, even if you had one, you really didn't want to kiss, you'd still go through with it?

Speaker 5 No, I probably wouldn't.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 5 but you know, I go on these FaceTime dates beforehand.

Speaker 1 This is the thing that bothers me. I don't know why it bothers you.

Speaker 1 I just, I don't know. It's the mediology that much right now.
No, no, that's totally fine.

Speaker 1 I get real sad about how the informality or like how or the formality of uh online dating yeah it makes me sad that there's no like kids met there's it's it's just like okay and then we face time and we talk to each other and then we say i'd like to meet at this time and we'll see if we like each other i don't know you got to do the face time thing though because otherwise you're going out you're shelling out date money all over the place

Speaker 1 and boogie's big shot

Speaker 1 you got a big belt buckle with diamonds on I don't have a big belt buckle.

Speaker 3 Do they have a private parking space for you or anything?

Speaker 1 They do not have a private parking space. I don't even say that around the ACT.

Speaker 5 The FaceTime date works because then you very quickly can determine is this person lying via their pictures? And then also, are they weird?

Speaker 5 And you just, so it just saves a whole bunch of like, I would hate to have to be on a date and instantly know you don't want to be there and then have to like have the full drink.

Speaker 1 Be like, I got gotta go.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 4 that sounds kind of fun, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd love to be on just a horrendous date that I knew.

Speaker 4 And then you exit.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't, I'd fucking, you know, mate. Stick around.
We're gonna be here till three.

Speaker 1 I know the bartenders, they're gonna stay open.

Speaker 1 We're gonna be here till four.

Speaker 1 And you try to get an Uber out of fucking the Harrisburg comedy zone.

Speaker 1 Fuck 45 minutes. We gotta stay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's uh, I don't, I don't envy the online dating.

Speaker 5 It's not great. I do hope to I mean it I should I shouldn't say it's not great.
Like I've already met

Speaker 5 yeah, that but uh I would like to meet in person and I'd need to get a little more comfortable.

Speaker 1 Where do you even do that?

Speaker 5 That's line dancing. Line dancing, maybe? Right.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Your country club.

Speaker 1 Yep. Well, it's just all guys.
It's just all Jewish men.

Speaker 1 Is it all Jewish men?

Speaker 5 It's not Jewish.

Speaker 3 It was originally Jewish.

Speaker 3 Do you have daughter interactions or anything like that?

Speaker 5 I've had none of those.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, it's just your eyes open. You're You're out there.

Speaker 1 It's just Jewish men.

Speaker 4 Is there a pool?

Speaker 1 There's a pool. That's where you.

Speaker 1 Look at the pool.

Speaker 4 You got to take a lap around the pool after one of your

Speaker 4 round of golf.

Speaker 1 After a round of Jewish golf.

Speaker 1 Jerjan Williams, it's not Jewish now.

Speaker 5 They're doing it just at the time.

Speaker 1 When I was there, there was a big Star David on the wall. Was there?

Speaker 1 No, in the window. It was like a wreath.
Well, for the pro shop. Oh.
Which is great. Yeah, I think where they do all the...

Speaker 1 I only saw a star david. Oh, they got a Christmas tree.
Well, they should understand the Crisis King.

Speaker 5 But it is interesting because it started off as a Jewish-only.

Speaker 1 So all the older guys. Jewish-only.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 God damn.

Speaker 5 Because they couldn't get into the other ones in the area.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so they had to start their own.

Speaker 5 They started their own. Sure.

Speaker 3 That's very common.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And then,

Speaker 1 go ahead, what do you got? Nothing.

Speaker 1 What do you got? I got nothing. All right.

Speaker 4 Got something. But the

Speaker 5 so yeah, it's just the older guys are all very Jewish.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How can you tell?

Speaker 3 Their voices.

Speaker 1 What do they sound like?

Speaker 1 Oh, God, a bogey. Oh, Lord.
This club in my hands. It hurts.

Speaker 5 I'll take a six.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There you go, Phil. Phil.

Speaker 1 You're fired from your job, but

Speaker 1 fuck it. It was time to retire anyway.

Speaker 3 Getting there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's good to go out getting fired at your age.
Yeah. Getting fired is funny.
For an old man to get fired from his job for doing a Jewish oppression on a podcast is fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 I'll take a six.

Speaker 1 Phil, can we talk?

Speaker 1 We need you to come into the office. You're fired.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's also

Speaker 5 extremely accurate.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, how about your Thanksgiving? You were talking a little bit about your

Speaker 3 some of your participants.

Speaker 1 I don't want to throw anybody, Phil. You dots on here.

Speaker 1 You're crazy on here. I don't know.
No, you do.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can.

Speaker 5 I'd prefer not to.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what I better.

Speaker 5 I'm happy to throw myself under the bus for anything.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. That's one of the off.

Speaker 3 That should be off limits.

Speaker 1 Hopefully we get some of that, though. I'd love some political fighting at Thanksgiving.

Speaker 3 Well, we got the participants.

Speaker 1 I'm down to do it.

Speaker 1 I love it.

Speaker 1 I love it. Yep.
We'll get you going and then.

Speaker 3 We got both sides.

Speaker 1 We do have a nice mix.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 1 I I like the, but everyone drinks. So everyone really gets out of pocket at night.
Okay. I had a nice battle with my uncle and my aunt one year.
It was wonderful.

Speaker 5 But it feels like everybody would be very communicative. Like it wouldn't be passive aggressive.

Speaker 1 It would just be aggressive. Well, it's just, yeah, it's pretty aggressive.

Speaker 3 What happened is this is Jones.

Speaker 1 Okay. But again, they're going to hear that.
Well, they can hear it.

Speaker 3 So she and Shane are going after each other on the political stuff, you know.

Speaker 3 And all of a sudden, you know, this is after like three or four hours of drinking, and this is three or four hours after the Thanksgiving meal.

Speaker 3 And Shane is arguing with her, talking, and all of a sudden he starts talking like Trump. And she's like a dog.
Like, she turns her head, like she's trying to understand.

Speaker 3 Like, is this really Trump talking?

Speaker 1 Like, she's all screwed up.

Speaker 1 It was hilarious. It was hilarious.
Yeah, it was fun to argue with her as Trump while she was hammered on one. Yeah.
Like, she was like, oh,

Speaker 1 oh,

Speaker 1 shut up. I'm going to get a little quiet piggy at Thanksgiving.
At the table. At the table, quiet piggy.

Speaker 1 That would be chaos.

Speaker 4 You should gamify it. You should just have like little cards

Speaker 4 around the house. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hot button issues. Yeah.
I'll find it myself and go, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Ukraine.

Speaker 1 You love it.

Speaker 4 The bottom of every glass is just.

Speaker 1 That'd be nice. Me and Chris got in.
We had a nice political debate again. Same one.

Speaker 1 Same one. So we do.
We go out, we hang out for hours.

Speaker 1 And a fifth hour in, we go, you suck.

Speaker 1 And I just have a political debate about illegal immigration for four hours. Yeah.
And we were with the other writers on the show on tires. And like, he, he was,

Speaker 1 I mean, I hate to, I don't even want to say what you said to me. It was so hurtful.
He, he's, he went low. But you came out.
And I went high. You came out.

Speaker 1 I went back with, I'll beat the fuck out of you.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I would never hit him, and he knows that. But the people we're with were all like, oh my God.
What are these guys doing?

Speaker 1 I'm like, you say some shit like that to me, I'll fucking punch you in the fucking mouth, dude. The whole staff left.

Speaker 5 Well, just a bunch of drunk guys. They're like, Shane.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's been tough trying to have like fucking heart to hearts with people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Someone just comes up. I was like, dude, what's up? I'm like, what's up, man? I'm good.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 We also didn't even notice that they left.

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 4 we were arguing for like 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 21 minutes.

Speaker 1 Fucking left. Fucking losers.
They don't want to have fun like us.

Speaker 5 I was saying, I

Speaker 5 truly think I understand what hot women go through now,

Speaker 5 given my daily experience.

Speaker 1 Like when we go out, I don't know how Shane takes it.

Speaker 5 Not that, again, it's not that.

Speaker 1 They're all staring at my jugs.

Speaker 5 It's not that I'm not unbelievably grateful for people to be fans of the show and all that and want to meet and take pictures.

Speaker 5 But then once they get to a level of intoxication, they're just like, don't leave you.

Speaker 1 You should have seen the squad we assembled at Ryan's. I'm sure.

Speaker 1 And they're right here.

Speaker 1 We had a rough squad. Yeah.
It was a girl. Okay.
So they're the ones that are like, this is a problem. Okay.
Like a guy, you can be like, dude, get the fuck out of here. Right.

Speaker 1 If they're like hammered and being like rude, this was a girl that was just like, kept taking her phone out and sticking it in my face and just like come on make a takeoff

Speaker 1 and i was like you gotta stop and then chris kept taking her phone and dropping it in the other booth and she's like ah

Speaker 5 chris stop stop that is yeah the women are sometimes the most aggressive like with the the one that was they love pretending they don't know what they're doing okay you know but anyway it's just something that i

Speaker 5 you get that experience of like when i when i was working out the gym which i had to stop doing it was just like guys would come up guys yeah We're in a conversation I can't get out of. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 3 you're equating that to being a hot chick.

Speaker 1 You go to a bar and having everybody.

Speaker 5 Everybody in your face and whatever.

Speaker 1 But no, hot chicks are,

Speaker 1 yeah, they got it worse. It's 100% the whole time.
Right. Every

Speaker 1 time. Outside of the bar.
Right. Walking down the street, and your friend's dad is going,

Speaker 1 you're 13 and a guy's fucking staring at your test. Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 5 It's just a totally different reality.

Speaker 4 The worst, if I don't get it that much, but

Speaker 4 if I'm hungover as hell, oh, yeah, unshowered, stinky, just trying to get grab a coffee, just trying to slip it.

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Speaker 1 That's rocketmoney.com/slash money.com slash mssp rocket money.com slash mssp and then the business is like hey can we get a picture of you for our instagram page you're like yeah fuck it yeah

Speaker 1 just the worst they have it on the wall next time you're there it's just dark red face like yeah oh

Speaker 1 you're so gracious about it i don't know how people are not you have to be right it's not that you have to be it's just what other what are you a fucking psycho yeah somebody comes up and they're like i'm a big fan of tires yeah can we get a picture?

Speaker 1 It's like, absolutely. Of course, yeah.
That's awesome. You know? It's weird to me when people say no, but maybe, maybe I'll get there.
I don't know. I think I'll be there.
I don't think I will.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't have to

Speaker 1 be there already. I don't like, yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, saying no would like ruin my night.

Speaker 1 I'd feel so bad. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Phil, how do you handle it? Because now you're a big man. No.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you are. You're tossing out tickets left and right to all my shows.
Well, I can't

Speaker 1 sell them.

Speaker 1 Can't get rid

Speaker 1 That's crazy to do that and then be like, I don't know, they're not selling.

Speaker 1 Today, you gave out six tickets to this.

Speaker 3 I'm going to tonight.

Speaker 1 I can't give tickets to my friends.

Speaker 3 Your friends are already, they already know you're

Speaker 3 what you're like and seen you and hang out with you. These are some other people that are nice people, and they went to buy tickets.

Speaker 1 Talking to the mic, talking to the mic.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So they didn't have a chance to buy tickets.
I mean, I guess it sold out real quick, and it's a small venue. And you don't get near Mechanicsburg, Harrisburg too often anymore.

Speaker 3 So I said, I'll give

Speaker 3 Gracie a call and see what she can do.

Speaker 4 Expanding the fan base.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's not. He's giving out tickets to guys from the local bar.

Speaker 1 That's all he does. There's fucking five of these guys at every show.
They're in my green room. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I get done with the show and I go, those are the guys from Mechanicsburg.

Speaker 5 But he's got to be able to do that. That's community stuff.

Speaker 1 If it's a huge, if it's a big venue, I'm all for it. Right.
Tonight's like 150, 200 seats. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a lot.

Speaker 3 I said, put them in the back or have them stand.

Speaker 3 That's what I said to Grace. Yeah.
They just wanted to get in.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah. Well, that's all right.
I appreciate what they're doing.

Speaker 4 Do they get fired up getting into the show? Huh? Do they get fired up when they get into it?

Speaker 1 No. They don't give a fuck.
They don't? They come to the show. They go, yeah, that was good.
No, they take all my beard.

Speaker 1 And they take all my beard. And they go, that's how I knew you were back on the booze, by the way.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you that?

Speaker 1 I think it might have been Pittsburgh or something. Some of your boys from the bar were at the show.
And they were like, how's your dad doing? And I was like, he's good.

Speaker 1 He'd lost a lot of weight. That's, you know, whatever.
That's in the past now. But

Speaker 1 that was a quick turnaround, dude. Yeah.
You lost it. I went up a weight class.
You lost it. Yeah, you went down.
You fought middleweight for a week.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was getting beat up, so I went back up.

Speaker 1 You went back to heavyweight. But no i was like it's good he's he's healthy and he's not drinking which is great and they were like

Speaker 1 we were at the bar with him last night i was like that motherfucker no i didn't i didn't uh i didn't have a drink for over a hundred and a hundred and some days whoa yeah after my surgery yeah i didn't even want to drink it nothing

Speaker 3 but things change

Speaker 1 football season yeah football season pretty soon it'll be nbas coming on and you know and then you know and there's no sports on what the fuck we're gonna watch well that's my problem like if i could take time off of it, I go, I don't even need this.

Speaker 5 And then I have it one night and I go, why, every single night now?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
But anyhow.

Speaker 1 It's kind of a spectrum on this crouch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the spectrum. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 We had a three-game stretch.

Speaker 1 Me and Chris had a nice road trip three days straight. Yeah.
That was tough. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm regretting this Tuesday night.

Speaker 1 We're going to have a couple drinks tonight, but

Speaker 1 Friday was wonderful. Saturday was wonderful.

Speaker 4 Saturday was wonderful.

Speaker 1 But Sunday was.

Speaker 3 Sunday was the one you should have skipped.

Speaker 1 Sunday was definitely one we should have skipped. And we knew from the start

Speaker 1 that it was exactly where it was going to go. And we kept talking to ourselves, like, all right, we're not going to drink.
We're going to just get lunch. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Then we leave lunch and it's like, all right, let's go to the fucking pub. We'll have two and watch the first half of the game.
Then I got to leave. I got to train the catch.

Speaker 1 Three beers in. We go, oh, I'm starting to feel like myself again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a good night, though.

Speaker 4 For your, yeah, for the dies cast.

Speaker 1 For the dies. It's out of our hands.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 There's nothing we can do. Going down to feeling good.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, that's kind of pathetic and sad, but

Speaker 1 fuck it. What's not?

Speaker 4 It was nice at the time. It was great.

Speaker 5 Bringing people out to a show. I remember there was back when I was doing stand-up that I was opening for Paul Mooney.
I was like the guy that opened for Paul Mooney at Helium.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's so funny. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's awesome. He is.

Speaker 5 He's...

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 He's not somebody I would like go back and listen to that much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like his appearances, though, on radio.

Speaker 1 He's just bothering people.

Speaker 1 And it worked on me. The first couple of times I heard him, I was like, this fucking racist.

Speaker 1 Like, it worked on me. I was like, this guy fucking hates white people.

Speaker 1 And then you get older and you realize he's literally just fucking with people. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he didn't like white people, but it's funny.
Yeah, I mean, he

Speaker 1 anyway, you were liked me enough to bring me back.

Speaker 5 But so there was a hairdresser that I liked, so I had invited her out

Speaker 1 to the Paul Mooney show. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And I didn't know too much about him. And then she brought a guy, which was

Speaker 1 pretty horrible.

Speaker 1 And then he,

Speaker 5 I forget exactly what he screamed, but he like literally screamed during the show.

Speaker 1 You're a fucking racist. Yeah, he got.
And then he got. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can get you.

Speaker 5 So it was kind of a double whammy on me that night.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you ever speak to her again?

Speaker 1 I don't recall.

Speaker 5 It's been so long.

Speaker 1 That does suck, though. You invited a girl to your show.
And she brought a fucking guy.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 that's wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 But I also did it all wrong. I mean, I should have, you know, I've tried to basically

Speaker 5 Joan Gillis or I've tried to be like hang out with her for a while. You know, like go get my hair cut for a year and then be like, oh, try to come to a show.

Speaker 5 As opposed to just like, you got to go right for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's funny when you start doing stand-up.
That is

Speaker 1 like, I was not excited to tell people, but I would drop that. Yeah.
You know what I mean? That you're doing.

Speaker 1 I can imagine just getting a haircut from a cute girl and just being like, yeah, I got a show tonight.

Speaker 1 What do you do? It's like, I'm a stand-up comedian, not a big deal.

Speaker 1 She comes to the show. I just bomb.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to use it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's hot if it goes well.

Speaker 1 It's hot.

Speaker 1 I hate the way you talk.

Speaker 4 It's also, it's also.

Speaker 1 He calls things sexy.

Speaker 5 I can't help it. That's my vernacular.

Speaker 1 I got a lot of satisfied customers about that.

Speaker 1 Stop with dissatisfied customers.

Speaker 1 He has a book about how to

Speaker 1 go down on women.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he reads it.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Why do you need instructions? Well, hold on. I don't want to install it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to do this.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I don't want to be a part of this.
What do you mean? No, hold hold on. Enough.
Let's not talk about it.

Speaker 1 Is Phil saying he's a man? Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 I know he is. Phil saying he's a musician.
Hold on a second. Hold on a second.
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Your dad needs pussy. Your dad needs pussy.
Father and son here. Shut yourself up, dude.
I don't need so. Your dad needs pussy ass up for sure.
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I don't think so. Phil doesn't say that.
My dad or whatever. Shut the fuck up.
What the hell are you talking about?

Speaker 4 You wouldn't be like, who needs a book?

Speaker 1 No, no. Any single guy.
Any single guy around is going, ooh, you read a book?

Speaker 1 The book, now the worst is the red lighting.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second.

Speaker 1 Phil, he changes his bedroom lighting to red.

Speaker 1 Okay, hold on a second. He's on his phone.
He goes, Alexa, make it Chinatown. Chinatown.
Hold on. Hold on.
Is it Chinatown? No, hold on. Now,

Speaker 1 that fucking nuts.

Speaker 5 Breathe it, heavy.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second.

Speaker 5 The red lights is a real thing. However, they're not like auxiliary lights that I'm setting up.

Speaker 1 Don't get mad about it.

Speaker 5 People do it. You could literally Google it.
It's a thing.

Speaker 1 And plays techno. No, I don't play techno.
You told me you played techno.

Speaker 5 I said I like to. I would like to.
I tried it once.

Speaker 1 It doesn't work. Hold on.

Speaker 1 We're going to go playing techno. Yes.
It's fucking crazy.

Speaker 5 It is crazy. I agree with that.

Speaker 1 It's so crazy. I agree with that.
It doesn't work.

Speaker 5 Because

Speaker 5 what I found.

Speaker 1 It scares the fuck out of them.

Speaker 5 She's fucking a hinged date and you go, Alexa, shake it, Chinatown.

Speaker 1 I don't do that. Hey, Siri, can you pull nine-inch nails? That's fucking crazy.

Speaker 5 All right, hang on. I don't do it.

Speaker 1 It's just because you're like a sweater golf guy. Well, that's so.
I think that's a little freak in there. Yes.
And you like that. You think that's sexy.
I do. You like 50 Shades of Gray.

Speaker 5 Hold on. Let's go back for a second.

Speaker 4 Have you ever played any Motown?

Speaker 1 I haven't played Motown.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 thank you.

Speaker 1 I'll give you that. It's very funny.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 But my dad and you are fans of Motown.

Speaker 3 I definitely am.

Speaker 5 We'll come back to it.

Speaker 4 So.

Speaker 1 I'd be doing the same. The techno music.

Speaker 5 I tried one time. I told you that.
It doesn't work because the buildup.

Speaker 4 Motown doesn't work because

Speaker 5 the techno. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's, you know.

Speaker 5 Lovemaking is like a story unfolding.

Speaker 1 This is

Speaker 1 playing. Tell you what, I'm putting out some short stories.

Speaker 1 A lot of haikus.

Speaker 1 A lot of haikus. You go, and I'm done.

Speaker 1 That's five.

Speaker 1 Right. We're going to take a quick break from the show now because we've got something for the sports lovers out there.

Speaker 1 This is a special segment called More or Less, and it's brought to you by PrizePicks. You and I make decisions every day, like right now.

Speaker 1 We're all thinking about what to buy for whom and whether we really want to hang out with that weird cousin again this holiday season. But on prize picks? Being right can get you paid.

Speaker 1 Yep, the holidays come with so much sports action and on prize picks, whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or a fan of both like me, it always feels good to be right.

Speaker 1 Now let's get into this. Who's looking good and who is on the sports naughty list right now?

Speaker 1 All right. Please begin with your picks.
And they said, make sure these players are playing this week. Obviously, there's a ton of football.
This is what I'm excited about right now, guys.

Speaker 1 A ton of football on Thanksgiving. I'm focusing on the Green Bay Packers right now.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking Romeo Dubes

Speaker 1 more.

Speaker 1 But then you have Matthew Golden, and I'm going, hmm, less. Same name as me.
That's not a good sign.

Speaker 1 Who else do we have here? Ooh, luke musgrave more i'm thinking more for old luke musgrave for sure um and then we have jordan love and i mean let's be honest guys less

Speaker 1 um so yeah those are my picks personally you can disagree that's fine that's what i love about sports is just guys can come together and you know talk about stuff like this but that's where i'm coming from so

Speaker 1 I'd love to hear your guys' drop drop some comments below about your comments about who's going to be more or who's going to be less. Because, you know, this is the sports naughty list right now.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours.
And what better time? Because new feature alert, PrizeFix now has early payouts.

Speaker 1 And if your lineup gets off to a hot start, you may now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes.

Speaker 1 Download the app today and use code Drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup.
Price picks.

Speaker 1 It's good to be right.

Speaker 1 So anyway,

Speaker 1 where did you get that lovemaking is like a story? Because that has to be in one of your books.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 5 There's a book called,

Speaker 5 I think this one's called Come as You Are.

Speaker 1 It's written to win. It's all punch.
I know. It's all coming.
It's all punched about coming. The other one's she comes first.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 I'm not naming them, Shane.

Speaker 5 I'm looking at Reddit and asking Reddit, what are good books about lovemaking or, you know, whatever.

Speaker 5 And then they, that's where you want to go for sex tips.

Speaker 1 Why not? The guys from Reddit.

Speaker 1 Those pussyhounds on Reddit.

Speaker 4 So, uh, what's the, what's the come as you are is like written for women that struggle

Speaker 5 with,

Speaker 5 you know, or

Speaker 4 are there testimonials in the book?

Speaker 3 I didn't think the conversation was heading heading in that direction, or I really wouldn't be participating.

Speaker 1 I understand. That's just what he does.
Well, then I'll that's what I do. Keep going, though.
What are you doing? No, then, well, I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 That's kind of the whole point.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm not going to be staying that much longer. But

Speaker 1 anyhow,

Speaker 3 when we were in Pittsburgh last week

Speaker 3 for the football games, we stayed at the William Penn Omni. Nice.
And they put us up in this suite because friends of ours had a connection. It was fantastic.

Speaker 1 It was. That's a good subject, Jay.
It really was. You see it in a nice hotel.

Speaker 3 Oh, the William Penn Omni is a beautiful old historic hotel downtown Pittsburgh.

Speaker 3 And what had happened is they have what's called the governor's suite, and they convert it to the Santa suite in November.

Speaker 3 And the first night we were there, November 14th, we walk in and there's all kinds. Everything is Santa.
They got his boots laying there.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's nice.

Speaker 3 They got gingerbread men out. They've got shower curtains curtains changed, everything, the bed sheets, and there's two extra common rooms.

Speaker 3 So there was like 2,000 square feet of hotel that we had for three nights.

Speaker 1 That's really great.

Speaker 3 The Omni, and it was fantastic. Yeah.
I just wanted to get away from what he was talking about.

Speaker 1 That's funny. First of all, what he was talking about.
He's not. I get it.
He says him and he is open about this stuff. You read a lot.

Speaker 1 Well, about certain things.

Speaker 1 He's at full. It is fun, though.
What are you looking at me for?

Speaker 1 He's the instigator. is he? Yes.

Speaker 4 He lit the fuse. Yeah.
He made you an offer.

Speaker 1 I regretted the fuse.

Speaker 1 I also regretted the fuse.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's not what I want.

Speaker 4 I would like to stay in a Santa hotel room, though. That'd be nice.

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable.

Speaker 4 How big were the boots?

Speaker 1 Actually,

Speaker 3 the guy that was

Speaker 3 taking our luggage out actually thought we left the boots like they were ours. So he brings the boots down to put them in the car.
And I said, buddy, no.

Speaker 1 That's part of the room. They're not mine.
They're Santa's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You saw the Pitt Notre Dame game. What did you think of that, Phil?

Speaker 3 I thought.

Speaker 1 Was Hunter able to say what's up to you? Who? Hunter Biven. I didn't see him there.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 I didn't see him there. You told me to get the word out that you were there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was looking for him. I didn't see him.

Speaker 1 Phil acts like he's not like a glory hound. He's a complete glory hound.
No, we have.

Speaker 1 You guys had a lot in common.

Speaker 3 No, my friend set us up with great seats right behind the Notre Dame bench on the 40, 45-yard line. We were were three rows from

Speaker 3 the wall.

Speaker 1 Phil texts me and goes, let them know I'm here.

Speaker 1 Let them realize.

Speaker 4 They're nice guys.

Speaker 1 Hunter would have said, what's up?

Speaker 3 Yeah, and I saw Ron Paulus and some of the other guys, but I didn't have a chance to say hello. They probably wouldn't know me.

Speaker 1 They'd know you. They'd remember you from the commercial.

Speaker 3 Anyhow, so we saw that Pitt Notre Dame on Saturday, and then Sunday we saw the Steelers and the Bengals play. And that was, you know, just.

Speaker 1 Wait, was that? That wasn't Flacco versus Rogers. That was incredible.
You were there for that? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. But Rogers got hurt.
And then the other guy came in and he did a great job. But that was fun.

Speaker 3 I was amazed, truthfully, at how much support those Steeler fans give that team.

Speaker 3 I mean, that stadium, they are 100% for the Steelers, and they cheer every play. And even though people may not like this or that, they support that team.
I would love to play for the Steelers after.

Speaker 1 I mean, seriously, that's a good football team.

Speaker 3 As far as an NFL team, I would love to go to Pittsburgh and play for the Steelers. They really do a great job with them.

Speaker 4 So I've never, I've always wanted to see a game in that stadium. I've never seen a game in that stadium.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've ever seen the Steelers play. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How about that?

Speaker 1 Yep. Yeah, I don't think I have either.
We got to get out there.

Speaker 4 Those are the best fan bases, though.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they are. They're small.

Speaker 4 Tinati's got a good fan base.

Speaker 1 Green Bay. Buffalo.
Buffalo. Green Bay.

Speaker 1 Buffalo's great. Yeah.
The Eagles are great. Eagles are great.
The Eagles are such a fun fan base.

Speaker 1 They're like an evil version of the Bills Mafia. Evil version of the fair.
They really are. They're just the fucking devil.

Speaker 1 It's fun, though.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they sort of had a thuggish

Speaker 3 reputation, the Eagles fans.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's fun.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I think they're getting away from that because they raise ticket prices so much that some of the

Speaker 1 Valentine's.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're outside. They're not going in.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I went there once.

Speaker 1 I went there. I saw the Eagles Niners a few years ago.

Speaker 1 I went into the game. I had $9 to my name.
I bought a Bud Light. It was $9.

Speaker 1 I was like, fuck.

Speaker 1 I have $0.

Speaker 1 I went with, it was Big Jay and Soder. And they were like, do you want to come to this game with us? And I was like, yeah, fuck you.

Speaker 1 And they were like, here, we got you tickets. You can't say, we don't have any more with us.
You're up in the, I was up in the nosebleeds with Big Jay's sister and brother-in-law.

Speaker 1 Just me and them freezing. It was cold and rainy.
I got one beer. I was like, well,

Speaker 1 down to $0. I don't know how I'm getting back to West Philly.

Speaker 1 Unreal. Yeah.

Speaker 5 And I always, I've told this story a thousand times, but when you were overdrafting Chipotle.

Speaker 1 I love how you say it. What?

Speaker 5 Chipotle. Oh, Chipotle.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Overdrafting Chipotle for sure. Yep.
But the reason I brought that up is because the riff raffer is still outside. Some of my buddies are like Philly trash, and they were out there.

Speaker 1 They're snorting shit off their dashboard.

Speaker 3 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Tailgate was like, let's snort oxies.

Speaker 1 No, thanks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're getting after it. A couple pain pills in the parking lot.
Oh, man.

Speaker 5 I'd cry if I had to be around.

Speaker 1 If I had to. I'll tell you what, I wasn't too comfortable.
Yeah. Watching guys snort pain pills.

Speaker 1 Let's go, Eagles. Right.

Speaker 5 You know, what's going to happen?

Speaker 4 Game's not for two hours.

Speaker 1 You're going to get tired.

Speaker 1 You're going to not feel your body and go into Xfinity Live and try to fight someone

Speaker 4 ride the bull just get off the bull yeah

Speaker 1 yeah that's no they're still there they're not going anywhere yeah yeah it's tough getting back to your car there's a new class of plumbers snorting pills out there uh-huh

Speaker 1 waiting for somebody in another jersey

Speaker 1 what the fuck is that

Speaker 3 No, it was a great weekend, though. It was.

Speaker 1 That's good. What do you got next, Phil? What's going on?

Speaker 1 What do you got on on the docket i know your knee's bothering you i might i might send you down to austin and get some stem cells in there i took a shot of cortisone yesterday so it's helped me it's helping yeah it takes a while steve's got arthritis yeah do you i haven't gotten cortisone yet though because it's apparently only so many you can get of those well at my age they can yeah give me one every week

Speaker 1 load it up yeah yeah

Speaker 3 but yeah i definitely noticed a difference and she said it could take two or three days before you really notice a difference And she said, Sometimes it'll last for a couple weeks, sometimes a couple months, and sometimes several years.

Speaker 3 Depends on the individual, they don't really know how to

Speaker 3 determine that.

Speaker 1 So, the science is out, yeah.

Speaker 1 How about uh, would you get stem cells? I don't know what the fuck they do, but yeah, I'd have to do some research on it.

Speaker 3 Um,

Speaker 1 I don't know, yeah,

Speaker 1 if your knees fucked up, they work, right?

Speaker 1 I think they work,

Speaker 1 these guys are good at it. The people in Austin are the people who did uh Rogers Achilles.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
We can get you in there. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I don't know what it does.
I mean, right now, the guy that I had a torn meniscus, he operated on it and then said there's a lot of arthritis in there.

Speaker 1 It's so funny if I sent Phil down there, they just kill him.

Speaker 1 Stem cells. So we don't know what the fuck this shit is.
No, I went on his butt.

Speaker 3 It never really improved my knee.

Speaker 1 It did.

Speaker 3 briefly, but in the last two months, it's just been killing me.

Speaker 3 And plus, I'm coaching basketball, so I'm walking on it all the time even driving the car i mean i can't if if it's positioned incorrectly it just pain shooting through my knee wakes me up at night constantly i can't i have to that's really terrible it sucks it really does so that's why i took the cortisone shot i do have a an appointment in december with the surgeon remember the mic into the mic yes

Speaker 1 so my voice carries some guys aren't for show biz phil i think i'm getting like a hip thing i think we get i get like a hip pointer. I think you and me are drinking.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. I think you're getting crank my way into a sports injury all of a sudden.
Yeah. I'll wake up with just a dead arm.

Speaker 1 Just passed out on it. Yeah, fuck.

Speaker 4 That happened a couple of times in my 20s.

Speaker 1 Woking up. Oh, you're falling asleep on your arm?

Speaker 4 Yeah, and woke up with like the deadest arms I've ever felt in my life. And was just like, this has to be permanent.
Yeah. This has to be a permanent injury.
This has got to be like nerve damage.

Speaker 1 Phil, the last time I was here, you were fucking hammered. When?

Speaker 1 That's crazy. First saw.
That's very funny. When? We got home.
Were you there?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. We got home late.
I don't think you expected us until the morning. You thought you were all safe up on that deck by yourself.

Speaker 1 We opened the door. Phil goes,

Speaker 1 hey, guys. How are you? Like, damn, you were getting hit.

Speaker 3 That was after the golf tournament.

Speaker 1 No, it was the day before.

Speaker 1 You were out there getting ripped.

Speaker 1 And then you went to your own home. Where can you go? And then you went and got a Kit Kat bar before bedtime.
Ooh, that's good. I saw him reach to the candy drawer on the way up to bed.

Speaker 1 He ate a fucking Kit Kat bar. What's wrong with that?

Speaker 1 Candy bar before bed. And then he was in the hallway.
I was like, Phil, you got to be quiet. He was like, shh.

Speaker 1 He was like laughing.

Speaker 3 Oh, don't make things up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but

Speaker 4 I don't really go for candy when I'm boozing.

Speaker 4 More of a chicken parm.

Speaker 1 Chicken Parm's crazy.

Speaker 4 Taco Bell kind of guy.

Speaker 1 You speak my language.

Speaker 1 I don't know how you're getting chicken parm. Well, what time are you drunk?

Speaker 1 We was making chicken parm at that hour.

Speaker 4 Well, at least in Philly, there were a couple of late-night spots that stay open. You can get a chicken parm at any hour of the night.

Speaker 1 You get greedy at night with the grub. Yeah.
This guy would order a thousand Big Macs,

Speaker 1 eat four of them in one sitting. You'd watch him do it.

Speaker 4 Didn't even take a breath.

Speaker 4 Two Big Macs was the move.

Speaker 1 Two Big Macs was crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I was reaping all the benefits. He would pass out.

Speaker 1 There's a third Big Mac in here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I think there was a lot of times I only ate one Big Mac and I'd come out and I'd be like, I ate two Big Macs last night. And you were like, yeah, man, it was nuts.

Speaker 1 I think that was three. You definitely ate two.
You always ate two. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's good stuff. What else?

Speaker 1 What else do we got here, Phil? You want to tell us a fun fight story? You ever beat anybody up? Nope. You ever why not? Nope.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 4 Clean cheat.

Speaker 1 Any funny china?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 How about the story when I had to walk that girl home?

Speaker 1 I don't know about it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 3 I don't even know if you were born then, but this sticks out in my mind as one of the funnier stories.

Speaker 3 We lived...

Speaker 3 about 10 miles from here or five miles from here. And back then in the mid-80s, we had a landline, you know, phone.
Okay. So So I would answer this phone and say, hello, Gillis's.

Speaker 3 And I would hear this,

Speaker 3 like this pervert on the other end. And I would just go nuts.
I'd say, you son of a, if I ever find out who you are, I'm going to kill you.

Speaker 3 Because Katie and Sarah were both like six and seven at the time. And Joan, you know, she was, you know, still hot.
And so

Speaker 3 I'm thinking there's there's some perverts just watching what's going on here. And I don't know if they're after the girls or after Joan.

Speaker 3 But and then, like a week later, I'd pick up the phone and say, Hello, Gillis is an idea of this.

Speaker 1 Like this. And I'd say,

Speaker 3 and I would swear, I'd go nuts.

Speaker 3 So this went on for like six weeks, like once a week. And then one Sunday afternoon, Sarah's girlfriend comes up in a baby stroller, and she's some little overweight Greek kid.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 3 Joan says to me about three hours later, will you walk her home? All right. Because she was putting Katie and Sarah, getting them in the baths or whatever.
So I said, sure.

Speaker 3 So I start walking with this kid and she's got her baby carriage and we walk and I take about 10 steps and I hear this, oh,

Speaker 1 oh, I go, it's you, isn't it? The kid had asthma. I didn't know it.

Speaker 3 Every time I answered the phone, I scared her so much she would never say anything.

Speaker 1 And then I'm swearing that fucker. And that's what I was saying.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's a true story.

Speaker 3 That poor kid.

Speaker 1 That's great. I remember when Mike Connolly hit puberty.
That was a tough one. Yeah.
My buddy Mike hit puberty like real early. He would call me like,

Speaker 1 and they're like, who is this? You fucking pervert. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Who is the pervert?

Speaker 1 We had to stop. He wasn't allowed to play football with us anymore.
We did hide our backyard football games from him. Because he was just that big.
He was was a fucking monster. He would kill us.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 My friends had a no-jump rule against me when we played basketball.

Speaker 1 You were not allowed to shoot?

Speaker 5 No, they weren't allowed to jump.

Speaker 1 Oh, to block me because I was so tiny. That's nice.
Yeah. That is nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He got humped by a down syndrome guy playing basketball. That's right.

Speaker 5 It was just, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you want me to tell him? Nobody's going to tell you. Okay, what else are we doing?

Speaker 1 We don't have to have you.

Speaker 5 Obviously, he didn't, you know, he just was a little overexcited and sort of tossed me around.

Speaker 1 Steve, here, let me tell him for you.

Speaker 3 Would you make a tough shot or something?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 He knew the pretty girls were going to be at recess watching. And he said.
They were already there. And he said, watch this.
I'm a good guy.

Speaker 1 I'm going to help this special needs boy play some basketball.

Speaker 5 I won an award, which I sent you a photo of, which is

Speaker 1 hilarious.

Speaker 1 What's that? The nicest sky award.

Speaker 5 But do you remember? I was like, I think there's something with Congress.

Speaker 1 And then it was like a state.

Speaker 1 I got an award from Congress. It was like a judge from westchester

Speaker 5 but no he was trying to show off for the ladies and be like look how good he was trying to show off for the ladies my cousin i know you were well it's a byproduct you know it wasn't like i sat there and said let how can i get a date in middle school it was my cousin started doing it at his school so i was like that would be a cool thing to do here yeah yeah but once you saw the ladies watching you were kind of dude everyone of course the mad started

Speaker 1 it was all about are the ladies watching yeah of course there's nothing wrong with it but it's just a funny thing to have backfire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're trying to be a good guy, and the fucking guy starts humping you. They're going to fucking pull him off.

Speaker 5 Yeah, chicky. Yeah, he had to pull him off.
Got it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I remember the stress of just like running the mile in gym class.

Speaker 1 Oh, brother. You want the no idea.

Speaker 1 You got no fucking idea.

Speaker 1 No, that's when you hit the fucking, I'm too cool for this. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, fuck that. I'm walking, dude.
I'm out. Oh, you're walking.
Wow, the too cool for it. It's a great thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's no way I'm going to fucking do that. Right.
Run and lose to a fucking, like, all the girls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's, I'm too cool for this. That's funny.
I'll hit the, I'm too cool for this button. Basketball tryouts instantly.
Shirts, skins. Once I, oh, you got to do that.
There's no. Okay.

Speaker 1 You got to take the skins. You can't.
You can't even fight it. Okay.

Speaker 1 You can't even, when they go shirts and skins, you're on skins. In your head, you're going, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Speaker 1 You got to play that cool. You got to just give it, yeah, fuck you.
I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 Who cares?

Speaker 1 uh no i'm talking about like uh

Speaker 1 once i knew i sucked at basketball that's when i was like layup line try out i'm just fucking oh i see what you're saying launching it against the backboard going

Speaker 1 fuck it i don't even care and i get home and go oh i wish i could play with my friends

Speaker 4 And so I sucked it so bad at reactions.

Speaker 5 Because, yeah, I would just,

Speaker 5 I wouldn't go through the cool thing.

Speaker 1 I'd just go into the crying thing.

Speaker 1 Skins was tough, but what was nice was there was a couple guys that had, we were all going through puberty, so they all had, some of the guys just had giant tits.

Speaker 1 You remember those like puffy nipples kids got? No. Yeah.
You didn't play enough sports. Trust me.
When you go skins, like 20% of the kids have giant fat nipples. So they distracted everybody.

Speaker 1 Everybody goes, yo, why do you have tits?

Speaker 1 One of my friends' nickname was tits from that.

Speaker 4 And it was just puffy nipples?

Speaker 1 It's just puffy nipples. He was in perfectly good shape.
He was skinny. He just had a rack.
Dude, yeah.

Speaker 4 I told you I drained him.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's the worst, man.

Speaker 5 I pierced him.

Speaker 1 Oh. Oh.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I didn't know what the thought was growing tits.

Speaker 1 I was freaking out. I wasn't going to talk to anyone about it.
Yeah, you can't tell anyone about that.

Speaker 4 I was just fucking, I was just like, put a needle in that.

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 4 I don't know. I guess I'm maybe a couple inches shorter than I should have been, but I don't know.

Speaker 1 True, that's fucking dude.

Speaker 4 I know. I think that was like important.

Speaker 1 You stunted your grocery bag.

Speaker 1 Just nuked. All the power was in your nipples.
You were about to be 6'8.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 But it wasn't worth the risk.

Speaker 2 You'd be a problem, though.

Speaker 4 6'8 with 10.

Speaker 1 If you were tall, you would have been a real problem. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your build? Yeah, yeah. Yep.

Speaker 4 Man, that would be so fun.

Speaker 3 All right, Shane.

Speaker 1 You're going to wrap it up? Got to wrap it up.

Speaker 3 Got to get ready for our basketball.

Speaker 1 Okay. You got anything to say? The guys have been waiting for you to be on the pod for.

Speaker 3 Well, I don't really know who the guys are.

Speaker 1 Tell you the truth. Everybody.
Everybody. All right.
It's like Fight Club, dude. It's like your chef.

Speaker 3 Good to be with you today.

Speaker 4 Yeah, this is nice. Let's pop in before Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 Good to see everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. I'm out of here.
All righty.

Speaker 1 We'll keep going. Yeah, sure.
What are we at, Tim?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll fight.

Speaker 1 It's a tough couch to fucking get out of.

Speaker 1 This is deep.

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I like it. That's great.
Yeah. It's good for you.
It's good for you.

Speaker 1 Do it.

Speaker 1 Not to derail what you guys are talking about, but when you were yelling at him, like, your dad eats fuzzy ass off,

Speaker 1 I didn't hear that until like the third time. You kept saying that.
Chris knew exactly what he was doing. And

Speaker 1 Phil hit me with it. That would have hurt.
When he was like, you need a book? I was like,

Speaker 1 I don't know how I didn't think this through. I'm talking about eating pussy with my dad.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking crazy thing.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I didn't know if you wanted him to dive in or not.

Speaker 1 No, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 Obviously, it would be funny, but I don't need that. No.

Speaker 1 And I'd feel bad for him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I don't think he understands.

Speaker 1 Just how many people watch.

Speaker 1 What are you doing down there with your fucking friends? Yeah. You weirdos?

Speaker 5 I think we got a good team this year.

Speaker 1 You know, you can't win without good kids

Speaker 1 in coaching.

Speaker 4 Yeah, to go deep into the pussy-eating conversation.

Speaker 4 Then just pour 60 beers on top of that. Wake up tomorrow.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be sad. It'd be nice to take it easy tonight.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm taking it easy, dude.

Speaker 1 You're taking it easy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 I got burnt.

Speaker 1 I walked too close.

Speaker 4 I got too close to the sun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got to stop doing that to you.

Speaker 4 I was, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't go into deep waters.

Speaker 4 I mean, I've been in the deep.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are. I've been in the deep.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's not, he's not built for it no no

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 no the wheels come off you start going yeah well also your your depth is so much i'm just drinking brewskies oh but they they're bringing out the green teas green teas are all right yeah but if you have to no i can't i can't you know once a single i even think they're alcoholic what i don't even know what's in there enough

Speaker 1 enough to change you start hitting that brown lady the brown is that's that's when he's going for a run. Sure, that's when he's fighting.
You don't need him or fighting, right? Yeah,

Speaker 4 that's true.

Speaker 1 But I

Speaker 4 don't think I asked for the brown all weekend, but every once in a while, someone's oh, it found its way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, somebody offered me a shot. I go, Chris, we'll fucking do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 4 I was saying no. We said no to

Speaker 4 a twisted tea chug.

Speaker 1 That was big.

Speaker 1 It's an insane offer.

Speaker 1 Hey, you want to chug a twisted tea? Oh, no, thank you.

Speaker 1 And then they were like, I

Speaker 1 come on. You're going to fucking dick if you don't do it.
It's like, 12.

Speaker 1 Here, we'll film it. Chug this.
You go, yeah, that's good. Let's get that out there.

Speaker 1 My fat neck chugging a fucking

Speaker 1 looking camera.

Speaker 1 Kids come up, dude, be like, yo, can you shout out fucking Sigma Kai, whatever the fucking frat is? Yeah. I usually say no, but every once in a while, I'm drunk enough to be like, yo, Sigma Kai.

Speaker 1 I'm a loser, dude.

Speaker 1 I get into town, I become a fucking embarrassment. There you go.
It's really embarrassing. You're so nice about it.
I'm nice to people, but then you hang out too late. College,

Speaker 1 there's a bunch of college kids coming in and be like,

Speaker 1 just beat yourself up.

Speaker 5 Right in your face, spitting on you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I get it. I remember.
Sure.

Speaker 1 If I was a college kid, I'd be so happy. Sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a dream.

Speaker 4 College? College.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Drinking. It was a dream.
Drinking. Getting fucking wasted in college.

Speaker 4 Oh, it was so fun.

Speaker 1 I think we might have lost the con man. He went through hell this weekend.
I did.

Speaker 1 He's on a different plane. I got it.

Speaker 4 No, I've descended.

Speaker 4 I descended. I need to ascend.

Speaker 1 We do.

Speaker 4 I need a big dryout.

Speaker 1 You and me are going to be in complete control.

Speaker 1 Don't worry. It's only the holiday season.
I need a big drug

Speaker 1 it's only the holiday season we're probably not going to be drinking that much and not depressed at all now well my family goes light on the booze so i can i can i can get we'll go we'll go light at uh thanksgiving yeah it's well

Speaker 1 they won't but i will i don't like getting drunk in front of them no i guess my family yeah yeah

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 4 for real yeah yeah it's bad luck

Speaker 1 yeah especially the way i actually drink oh yeah yeah i showed up it was like watch this.

Speaker 1 I'm out 25 fucking beers. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Actually, that would be funny.

Speaker 4 They treat it like the medical emergency that it is.

Speaker 1 That it is.

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 4 Like, wait, so what you're doing this when you're not around?

Speaker 1 Yeah. This is what you're doing.
No, this is just. No, this is for Thanksgiving.

Speaker 4 I miss you guys.

Speaker 1 I just miss you so damn much. I don't want to remember it.
I don't even want to remember seeing you.

Speaker 1 That's good stuff. Yeah.
It's fine. We're in complete control.
Now,

Speaker 1 are you excited for tires?

Speaker 5 I couldn't be more excited.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm excited.

Speaker 5 It's going to be so much fun. I'm excited.

Speaker 1 It's the best. It's incredible.
Just filming together, goofing off. You'll get mad.
Oh, it's going to be cold. You're going to be such a bitch the whole time.

Speaker 4 I think I'm going to be a bitch, too. It's cold.

Speaker 1 It is cold as fucking there.

Speaker 4 We only got a little lick of the winter last year. We're going to be in the depths.

Speaker 5 My understanding is that there's like heating elements outside now and that they're going to be a little bit better about having places for me to go personally warm up that would not affect the earth.

Speaker 1 You're going to ruin a room.

Speaker 5 Accidentally, I did that once.

Speaker 1 You said it to 95 degrees. He does have a nice trick to keep me out of his office.
Oh, yeah. At the writing room.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I go in there. I take two steps into the room and I go, oh my God.

Speaker 1 Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I'm like cold-blooded. I run, my temperature runs low.
I do great in the summer.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like walking around the office and seeing what you guys are up to.
Yeah. Walk past yours, you're laying on an inflatable mattress.
Walk Chris is asleep on a fucking beanbag.

Speaker 1 It's fucking crazy. Dude, everyone's asleep.
Dude,

Speaker 1 the whole staff's asleep. It's exhausting.

Speaker 4 If you come in at like two, yeah, dude. I hear you.
Four hours of hard thinking.

Speaker 4 You got to lay it down.

Speaker 1 A lot of guys napping. You got a lot of naps in there.

Speaker 4 You got to lay it down.

Speaker 1 We need the scripts by Thursday. everyone

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 john john

Speaker 1 please john

Speaker 5 but yeah this is it's it's just so exciting and that that that is the one thing i was saying is like to be to be famous for like small famous than i am for like this reason

Speaker 5 well you know what i mean sure no not you i'm just saying i don't like even talking about it but yeah oh well i mean it is a factor yeah yeah but for this reason, like, I, it's just so nice because it's, it's, it's about a show.

Speaker 5 Yeah. You and John and it's like for sure.
People that really care about each other.

Speaker 1 I couldn't imagine being like, fuck, would you want to be famous? Well, that shit's

Speaker 1 wild. That's my point.

Speaker 5 It's like, if you, if you were a reality show famous, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 trying to be famous. Oh, man.
You don't want to have talent at all. You just want to be famous.
Right.

Speaker 1 Gross. Nightmare.

Speaker 4 Nightmare.

Speaker 1 Yeah, But it is, it is fun. I do like seeing you be the big man on campus.
I like watching you walk around and go, Oh, yeah, that's me.

Speaker 1 That's not what I do. Oh, yeah, I don't do that.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, but I'll tell you what, it is rewiring my brain. You know, like, because bars, I used to never, so I'm trying to get back to Shane.

Speaker 5 Shane's trying to get me out of my comfort zone, which I'm eternally grateful for. And

Speaker 5 like, went to the Eagles Halloween thing.

Speaker 1 oh man, yeah, just me.

Speaker 1 Just going, I can't see you.

Speaker 1 I'm kind of blind. Does Jordan Milan hitting you with his stick?

Speaker 5 Yeah, it was right, yeah, right out of the gate.

Speaker 4 Yeah, well, it was a picture. I thought we were, I thought he wanted us in the picture.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but nobody was gonna say, Steve, let's go.

Speaker 4 Yeah, oh no, but he was saying, get out, he was saying, not you.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah,

Speaker 1 no idea. Hi, I'm Steve.

Speaker 1 The fuck are you, Bruce? Right. The fuck out of here, Brew.

Speaker 5 I mean, I'm not dogging on Drew.

Speaker 1 He is a really awesome guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How fucking nice is he? Yeah. Great.
Everyone was so nice. Obviously, everyone was great.
But

Speaker 1 me and him after the Halloween party went to Bonner's. Yeah.
I just sat with him at the bar at Bonner's. He's huge.
He's dressed like

Speaker 1 The Witcher. Oh, was that what it was? And he was just getting into singing.
He was talking about his singing. He loves singing.
Yeah. He started singing.
It was very funny. That's fantastic.

Speaker 1 See what?

Speaker 1 see what the difference between you and Jordan Milata singing if I was just gigantic and I said I want to dance you would be oh it's hidden you'd be like it's so cool if you were first off I wasn't saying oh it's so cool I thought it was funny it's funny to hear a guy that it's that big yeah be like I'm thinking about getting into singing

Speaker 1 hey man fuck yeah

Speaker 1 he's got a really good voice he does yeah he does that's the difference also if you had a great voice and good moves, I could support it. Okay, you'll have to work on the moves.

Speaker 1 The moves are actually pretty good. No, no, no.
I will say that. You do have good moves.

Speaker 1 And you got long legs. You fucking look good out there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You look like some type of bug on the dance floor.

Speaker 1 I don't look good. I'm a fucking bug out there.
I know. I wish I was more proportioned.

Speaker 4 No, I think long legs is good for square dancer.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at all three of us are pretty fucked. Proportion.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Shout out to my male. Shout out to fuck.
I'm the ideal man.

Speaker 1 Hey, let me tell you.

Speaker 1 Talk to my ex.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's all about.

Speaker 4 That's what I think I'm going to do. I think

Speaker 4 I'm going to dry it out. I'm going to get big into yoga.

Speaker 1 You got to dry it out before we film.

Speaker 4 I'm going to get flexible. For sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And while we're filming, we got to get the flexibility.

Speaker 1 Thankfully, it's going to be early enough days because of the lighting.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we're not going to be able to. No, yeah.
I was just.

Speaker 5 Go ahead.

Speaker 1 No, that's it. Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's kind of like a little bit of an identity crisis to think about how different I would be if I was Jordan

Speaker 5 Milata's size.

Speaker 1 Yeah. God, I'd love it if you were the exact same.
If it was just a joint version of you.

Speaker 5 I would probably say.

Speaker 1 I don't like parties. I'm going off.

Speaker 1 6'8 jacked.

Speaker 1 I'm going as Jafar to the Eagles' Halloween party. I have to leave.
I'm blind.

Speaker 1 Well, it's because

Speaker 5 my pupils don't dilate, so it's like I can't see anything. And I think I asked you at one point, I was like, Who's that over there? And you're like, Jill,

Speaker 5 dang it! I can't see him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then just a bunch of giants like John Cena was there. Oh, he was? Yeah.
Wow. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Steve couldn't see him.

Speaker 1 Folks, fucking stuff.

Speaker 1 Nice. Folks,

Speaker 1 I got plenty more. Very nice.

Speaker 1 Come see me at the link

Speaker 1 for more fucking gold like that.

Speaker 4 I would genuinely, if I couldn't see, I would freak out in those environments too. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Because like when Shane came in, then Jordan Milado was like dancing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, like, I don't know.
Everybody's kind of dancing.

Speaker 5 And then

Speaker 5 there was some movement back. towards me and then there was literally nowhere to go.
I was against the bar. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then,

Speaker 1 you know, you just kind of like

Speaker 4 slowly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was nice that we were the only ones.

Speaker 1 We were the only ones there. Yeah.
Other than the team.

Speaker 1 It was very weird. Yeah.
It was awesome. It was really nice with the Dickersons.
Oh, that's so good. Yeah, they put it together.
He couldn't be.

Speaker 5 How great is he?

Speaker 1 Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's funny when you get to know the guys that play football. Like, it changes the way I watch the game.
Like, last night.

Speaker 1 Christian McCaffrey running the ball 30 times. Every time he runs the ball, I'm like, don't be safe.

Speaker 1 Please Please don't get hurt. Please.

Speaker 1 I just, you become a girlfriend instantly.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, he's down.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Get up, get up, get up.
He's up. He's up.
He's good. He's had a hell of a game.
And at the end of the game, you're like, I'm so proud.

Speaker 1 He did great, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, I watch Bill's games now. I'm back to that because Gabe, sure.
Gabe Davis is back. I watch it again.
I'm like a fucking girlfriend watching this shit. Yeah, he catches the ball.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 Gabriel.

Speaker 4 Anytime he doesn't get thrown, you're like, he was open.

Speaker 3 He was open.

Speaker 1 Josh, throw him the ball.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But injuries in football, it's sad. It's sad.
It's so sad for the guys. Yeah.
Because it really, you know, it makes them, it makes them sad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 It's such

Speaker 5 your entire career can be done in a second.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I don't, I genuinely don't know how there aren't eight broken legs every running play.

Speaker 1 Me, me.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I would

Speaker 1 just ran. If no one tackled me, I would

Speaker 4 pull up, tear your Achilles.

Speaker 4 I'm surprised the line guys don't wear the double leg braces.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Also, I feel like the arm, the arm brace thing, it feels like when the D guys wear it, it feels like cheating.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 4 You just got a metal weapon you can hit.

Speaker 4 Dude, when we were playing like indoor lacrosse, there'd be these fucking Canadian guys, and they would build like their own armor.

Speaker 4 They would just like they would, they would like heat up plastic and build just like a shield.

Speaker 4 And then they'd just fucking crush you.

Speaker 1 The Canadians are fucking you up.

Speaker 4 They're nuts. Are they better than you?

Speaker 1 Well, who's better?

Speaker 1 Skill level? Who's better? The Americans or the Canadians?

Speaker 4 I think the Canadians, yeah.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 4 I mean,

Speaker 1 damn, it is like a clash of the pussies who couldn't play the real sport.

Speaker 1 It's our non-football guys versus their non-hockey guys.

Speaker 1 That's a battle.

Speaker 1 Who are the pussy guys?

Speaker 4 get this is our best group of pussy guys no the canadians because every everyone uh when i was growing up was like you gotta have like be like good and but with both hands and all this stuff and canadian guys went that yeah they just got so good with one hand and then they no new york has the native americans yeah yeah onondaga yeah

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 what are you laughing about shawnee or whatever jim brown playing he was like nasty at lacrosse yeah jim brown yeah he played lacrosse at syracuse okay yeah there must have been 10 people on earth playing lacrosse.

Speaker 1 He must have just trucked the fuck out of those guys. Yeah.
Because I was actually him. I was like, can you just lower your shoulder with the ball? He's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 That must have been fucking terrifying. Yeah.
He just blown out. I'd be racist.
Sure.

Speaker 1 I was one of those white guys out there. I'd go, get him off the field.

Speaker 1 This is fucking crazy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, that feels like a sport ripe to have somebody come in and just dominate like that.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jim Brown. I don't know if that's it.
Holy fuck.

Speaker 4 I would love to see it. I'd love to see like a LeBron kind of guy out there.

Speaker 4 Yeah. He's so scared.
Jordan Milotta with a lacrosse stick. No.
Jordan. They would shoot the ball 200 miles an hour.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. Jordan Milotta needs to be nowhere near

Speaker 4 every other sport. Dude, I remember you.

Speaker 1 He's scary out there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He shakes your hand after the game. You straight the girlfriend mode again.
You go, oh my God, your hands are so gay. He's so fucking gay the whole time.

Speaker 1 Dude, you can sing and he's handsome. He's dressed like a vampire.
He is. He was.
He was. He's dressed like a vampire.
He's handsome as fuck. He was kind of cool.

Speaker 1 That was our fucking squad of mutants in the corner dressed like a fucking ninja turtle.

Speaker 1 Jafar.

Speaker 1 Blind going home.

Speaker 1 We've got a whole team of pugs in the corner.

Speaker 1 These are my buddies. We're all fucking pieces of shit.

Speaker 5 I had the hat, the Jafar hat was like two foot and it still wasn't.

Speaker 1 Blizz. Bliz showing up at the fucking whatever that face paint was.
Yeah, mine was fucking horrifying.

Speaker 4 That's a high-level movie.

Speaker 1 The bees dressed as a bee. That was nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was a good night.

Speaker 4 Those are some good costumes. I thought I had a good turtle costume.

Speaker 1 You did have a good, I had no costume.

Speaker 1 Classic. Oh, yeah.
No, no, it wasn't too cool. I just didn't have

Speaker 1 time.

Speaker 3 Should have gotten you one.

Speaker 4 We went to the store right before.

Speaker 1 Should have got you. You got the Jason mask.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's classic.

Speaker 4 But it'd be nice. Nice to get you a Power Ranger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not

Speaker 1 sure what I'm supposed to do I physically am for a body suit.

Speaker 1 Well, it's baggy. It better be.
It better be baggy. Dude, the problem is.
There's a lot of problems with a latex suit with me. And the tenis might be number two.

Speaker 1 Law handles is where we're running into some real fucking chaos. Just a belt, a Power Ranger belt sagging underneath my gut.
I mean, that's... I'd be with you.
I'd go, I'm going home, too.

Speaker 1 This fucking blows.

Speaker 4 I think that'd be such a sick look.

Speaker 1 If I pulled it, yeah, if I wore it with confidence, but there's no way I would. There's no way I could.
I'd be doing the adjust my fucking shirt for the entire tenister. That's

Speaker 1 pulling the tenis out this time the whole time. Gonna get that spandex off my dick.
This is crazy. Jordan Mila was going to see my tiny penis.

Speaker 4 Dude, I remember when we were in, uh when we were in like, I think late middle school, early high school, Casey Powell, who's like the best player in the world at the time, came and we were hanging out and he was like shooting.

Speaker 4 He was shooting like 95 miles an hour and Sullivan just picked up a stick. He was in eighth grade.

Speaker 4 He just picked up a stick and shot like one dead.

Speaker 4 Casey Powell was 25.

Speaker 1 Sullivan was a horse, though. Yeah, he's horse.
Yeah, he's a monster.

Speaker 4 I can't imagine an NFL lineman like actually playing lacrosse and shooting the ball.

Speaker 1 Fucking funny.

Speaker 1 If you're allowed to just truck people it would kill goalies yeah that would yeah they'd have to start actually wearing pads like way more pads like a thick like hockey chest protector those guys must be crazy they're lacrosse goalies they're nuts yeah i like those positions in sports that are real weird yeah like mlb pitchers yes are just insane people

Speaker 1 I would imagine hockey goalies are fucking weird dudes.

Speaker 4 Hockey goalies, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 They're supposed to be.

Speaker 1 Every single golfer, weird dork.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they got. I don't know any.

Speaker 1 I've only met a couple and they were all very normal and nice. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just trying to belittle your sport. Your favorite.
I just wanted to take your favorite thing and say it sucked.

Speaker 1 Even though it doesn't.

Speaker 4 No, but it has to a little bit because it's such a headache.

Speaker 1 I would imagine those are weird people.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Like you have to do all these like weird mental stuff to like keep from absolutely melting down.
Yeah. So I have goalies like talking to pipes and stuff, thanking pipes.
Dude,

Speaker 1 my favorite was just during covet going to baseball games where the stadium was empty and you could just listen to the pitchers they're insane dude what are they saying

Speaker 1 every time they put their glove over their face yeah you motherfucker

Speaker 1 really

Speaker 1 just back to the game you're like holy whoa yeah no they're mental patients

Speaker 5 wow that's really interesting i mean i get it

Speaker 1 yeah giving up a home run yeah you can just hear it as soon as it leaves the bat you hear the pitcher fuck

Speaker 1 son of a fucking bitch, give me the ball.

Speaker 1 Just winging the next pitch.

Speaker 4 I can't imagine having the confidence to just throw the pitch over the plate.

Speaker 1 Tommy put me onto that. It's very funny.
When someone gives up a home run, usually the next pitch is 95 fastball down the middle. They're like, fuck you, fuck you.

Speaker 1 Just fast. Gone again.
Gone.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 4 That's got to be the worst feeling in the world giving up a homer yeah it's a tough one

Speaker 1 giving up a sack sucked yeah oh my god that was really

Speaker 1 horrible yeah especially your friends with the quarterback he's your buddy he's just like dude i'm getting killed i don't know who the this guy is i'm gone this game run away

Speaker 4 what can you do if you're just getting smoked what do you

Speaker 1 nothing just lunch hopefully the coach hopefully the coach can make an adjustment and help

Speaker 4 the running back chip yeah Yeah.

Speaker 4 But

Speaker 1 we didn't have that. Oh.
So it was just, you just, you're going to get fucked up today. All day.
Shit.

Speaker 4 How many times has that happened?

Speaker 1 Happened once. Yeah.
Happened to me once. It's the guy.
It's the last game of my senior year. Oh, no.

Speaker 4 And the guy across me, you just play one. You were like, he's.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like never gave up a sack.
And then this one game, this guy was just. killing me.

Speaker 1 Final game. Yeah.
Never played another game. Yeah.
Oh, no, sorry, fuck it.

Speaker 4 I got a memory,

Speaker 1 I don't care. I got a memory like that

Speaker 4 in college, probably.

Speaker 1 I thought you're going to your hockey store. He was my favorite.
Oh, that's that's

Speaker 4 that's a tough one.

Speaker 1 He's like deeply troubled by it, dude.

Speaker 4 Conference championship, my senior year of college, they like they dialed it up. They called the play to me.
Oh, like, take this guy to the rack, had a shorty.

Speaker 4 Dude, stripped me, and I like never turned the ball over. Yeah, Never stripped me down the other way.
Didn't see the field again.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 4 It was, yeah, it was like a fourth quarter. Games, like, it's like 7-7.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Run the play. Connor, you ready?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I went into it. We were like, I'm going to smoke this kid.

Speaker 4 And he just twigged me.

Speaker 1 You go, yeah. All right, motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 And dude,

Speaker 1 I'm off the field.

Speaker 4 Dude, it was like,

Speaker 4 I still, it's like one of those things you scream about in the shower.

Speaker 4 Because it was a thing where it was like, like, I hadn't been playing well in the, like, the last quarter of the season, but the coach was still like, I know, he literally pulled me aside and was like, I know you still got goals.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I was like, hell yeah, dude. That's nice, though.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you know, he's great. Yeah.
And then it turned out I didn't have goals left.

Speaker 1 That's all right.

Speaker 4 But it was, that's what it was like so painful. He literally like game on the line, gave me a shot to make a difference.

Speaker 1 That's tough. You never told me that story.
Oh, it was brutal.

Speaker 4 It's literally like the last play of my yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Heartbreak.

Speaker 4 That's really hurting you guys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a tough one. It's all right.
That's how sports ends, though. Yeah.
No, you don't end on top. No.

Speaker 1 You got humiliated.

Speaker 1 Fuck it. I'm not doing this.

Speaker 1 When was your last

Speaker 1 sport?

Speaker 5 That would be probably Little League Baseball. And it was, yeah, just couldn't.

Speaker 1 But you were just short. Yeah.
When did you grow? When did those fucking legs take off?

Speaker 5 Freshman year of college. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 That must have been crazy.

Speaker 5 It was pretty nuts.

Speaker 1 How much did you grow?

Speaker 1 Six inches, seven inches. In a year?

Speaker 1 Over the time. Yeah.
God, that must have hurt.

Speaker 1 It was crazy.

Speaker 5 It was crazy to have to buy new pants in a year. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 That's a dream, though. That was, I always held out out hope.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 I would, yeah, I would learn about people growing in college and be like, it's still, I still move this.

Speaker 1 Is it true? Did that happen?

Speaker 5 Yeah. I saw an endocrinologist and they

Speaker 5 said 5'6, 5'7 tops.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. And then I don't think they know shit.
I don't know. They get that wrong all the time.
Right.

Speaker 5 They're just looking at an x-ray.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a scam.

Speaker 1 Endocrinologists, I'm coming for you.

Speaker 5 You fucking

Speaker 5 so humiliating because they had like a bead of testicles. Did I tell you about that?

Speaker 5 It was like

Speaker 5 a size chart. A size chart.

Speaker 4 But it was like on a rope, like on the butt plug rope.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 5 And then my mom, like, so they checked me, and then my mom came back in the room and show them where my testicles were on the side.

Speaker 1 On the big balls? Yes.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah. Is that how they'd see how tall you're going to be?

Speaker 5 No, I think it was the x-rays. But they were.

Speaker 1 They're like, dude, this is just to show you where you stack up.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? What doctor is this, dude?

Speaker 1 Get rid of that fucker. My recollection.
Just so you know, also, you have small, tiny balls.

Speaker 1 There's no medical difference. You're going to be able to have kids, all that.
This is just for you.

Speaker 1 It has no bearing on anything else. Just want you to know you got a little tiny dick.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 5 Thanks for that. You're like matching up to the age group that tends to tell you what.

Speaker 1 That's a doctor with small, tiny balls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's got his little, he's got a notch on there. Right.
And he's going to,

Speaker 1 got you.

Speaker 1 Not so small.

Speaker 4 The 99th percentile.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 Well, how, yeah, what's the biggest, what was the biggest ball on the chart, would you say?

Speaker 1 Don't recall.

Speaker 1 That would have stuck out to me. I would have been like, holy shit.

Speaker 1 Poor fucking guy. That's crazy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I don't know. I don't think there were like abnormalities.
I think it was like once you got up to average male is basically where it ended.

Speaker 5 Damn.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, never really think about the size of my children.

Speaker 1 I keep trying to end the pod.

Speaker 1 But yeah, what do you never think about the size of your piece? Yeah, that's we got, we got way bigger fish to fry

Speaker 1 right next door.

Speaker 1 We got a real problem. Above and below those things, there's stuff going on that we need to take care of.

Speaker 1 Balls are on the back burner for concern.

Speaker 1 Grabbing?

Speaker 1 You're a sweet boy. I wish you could come do the show tonight, but thanks for having me on this.
Yeah. It's good to to see you.
Sorry.

Speaker 5 I didn't want to make your dad super uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 No, because of fuck. It was funny.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He thinks it's funny. He just doesn't want to talk about eating pussy around me.
If I wasn't here, he'd be like, this is what I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, my family's not

Speaker 1 never talk about sex. Got it.
Yeah. I think it's weird when families do.

Speaker 5 I couldn't agree more.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I agree with that.

Speaker 1 Any final

Speaker 1 thoughts here?

Speaker 1 Anything you want to get off your chest?

Speaker 4 No, no, I think I'm glad I

Speaker 1 made it through. I was really up against it yesterday.
I thought you were dead, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't respond when you're like that. That's annoying.

Speaker 4 I know, but

Speaker 1 I get it. Sometimes you got to face reality.
Shut it down. Yeah.
Shut it down.

Speaker 4 Shut it down.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's communication

Speaker 4 gone.

Speaker 1 For sure. All right.
Well, that's a good podcast. Yeah.
Thank you.

Speaker 6 Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

Speaker 1 Do it.