Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)

The wild wild west. I'm a night shower.
I don't really shower in the morning. I'm a night shower guy.

It depends what I'm well, not usually in the mornings, but flights I try. I sometimes will bust out a shower.
I might bust out a night shower before the flight. Before the flight? Yeah.

I don't even wipe my ass before a flight.

Dude, you see the uh, I think Spirit banned PJs on the airplane. What do you mean? You can't wear spirit.
Spirit airlines kind of did pull your pants up. Oh, they did little bits for you.

They're like, no PJs.

I kind of, for real, for real, though, I'm with that. No, that's crazy.
Just put on sweatpants.

That's what I was saying. It's like, put on some sweats.
Just put on sweats are more comfortable. Sweats are PJs.
No, they're not. Not for real.

No, they're, dude, wearing sweatpants and PJs in public are two totally different. What do you mean? Like just the checkers? Flannel PJs.
Yes. Yeah.

Flannel PJs.

They're saying, like, dude, no more.

It's also they're like, maybe people stop wearing PJs. People act a little nicer and more courteous.
And it's like, damn, dude, you're dancing around.

They put spirit in a bus stop out here.

But you still don't wear pajamas out there. I like, I'm aware of it.
It should be a $5 fine.

If you call it pajamas, a policeman should write you a $5 ticket. Put it on my ticket, dude.
Put it on my tab. Throw it on the tab.

I didn't get cheeks one time when I was young.

This is when I learned to know, I was in pajamas in public. I'm not going to lie.
And I saw this girl that I was talking to, but we didn't smash.

And then she saw me like coming out of my friend's house in pajamas, but this is like 3 p.m., you know what I mean? I clearly was in my pajamas for since the morning. And like, I text her.

She was like, So, I saw you earlier today, you're fucking pajamas, and it's over. And it was over.
It was pretty much it was more words than that, but it was like, Yeah, that was that was it.

She had more words for me. She's like, One day, you'll see.
You'll go to Spirit Airlines.

I, I, my favorite to see at the airport is: I've noticed I've seen women just wear basically their underwear on the plane. Have you ever seen that? Yeah.
It's kind of crazy when you go, what the fuck?

I go, ooh.

Yeah, I mean. Suts on the plane.

All these sluts on this motherfucking plane.

That's been an issue, too. Ladies have got in trouble.
There was one lady who couldn't board because she was just like, her whole ass was out. And the pilot was like, nah, you can't.

You can't bring your ass. Can't bring all that ass.
Can't bring your ass onto this plane, my guy.

Dude, I got, my kid fucked me up recently. I was like sitting there.
I was doing something. I think Brittany was watching our one kid's hair in the sink.

Maya, the older ones. And then the younger one was just on the couch watching TV.
And I went to like hook her. She was like, I'm cold.

I went to like hit her with a blanket and she popped up and she had her pants down. Her ass was out.
I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She was like, just been scratching my butthole.

And I was like,

get the fuck up and wash your hands. She's like, I like how it smells.
I'm like, dude, get off. Get off.

I was like, just completely dumbfounded. Like, no, it actually smells bad.
And she's like, no, it doesn't. I'm like, yes, it does.
Asses smell bad.

Just, dude, the full surprise moon was crazy. Yeah, yeah.
Just casually pants down so you can scratch your ass. Surprise moon.
It's so funny.

I'll give you the reason it is. And just be like, I don't mind the smell.
It's like, no, it's bad. It's a bad smell.
And you're like touching my fucking face.

I know you're digging into your ass all the time. That's what it was you got to convince.
I'm like, no, I promise you. This is not the right thing.
But then, here's the thing.

A big old hypocrite that I am. So I'm like, yeah, dude, your ass doesn't, nobody's ass smells good.
Stop.

I was like, I get how you you can get tricked into thinking it's at least interesting to smell your ass. But I was like, it's no good.
And then

that night, dude, I went back on the raw milk hard and heavy

along with the Parmesan cheese because Egan told me Parmesan Regginio is made, or whatever, however you say it, is made with raw milk as well. I know this.

So I've just been crushing Parmesan cheese and raw milk and a ton of steak, which apparently cooks up the most insane farts.

Diabolical farts, dude. They're like, no, literally, like, it's,

they're the types of farts that, like, you get, like, mad, like, really mad.

Because of the smell.

It smells so bad that you're like, dude, what the fuck's wrong with you? They got Ozempic farts. Yeah, pretty much.

It's almost to the point where it's like almost innate, where you're just kind of like, get away from me now because like you're sick.

I'm scared of you. Get away from me.
And like, so I lay there, I'm in bed. My wife passed out and I'm just like laying there reading a book and I just start, dude, like 30 second long hot farts.

And I'm going like, I have no business.

Because if I have a hot fart that I can tell, like it's coming, I will do the courtesy of getting out of bed and I go to our closet and I fart in our closet and I chill.

I do a 10, 10-second like chill. So it doesn't follow you.
So it doesn't follow me in.

I give that much credit because sometimes I can get like, it's not all the time, but if I have like a fart attack like that, it could be a good like two hours of the night where like I would completely change the atmosphere of our room.

So I was like, it was one of those nights. When I was up, it's all muggy.

Windows are fucked.

But you've changed the smell of a room before. Yeah, but of course.
It's like a humidifier, right? That's where babes get off the funny. They're like, it's not funny.

And you've literally altered the atmosphere. So they don't, you know.
So if I have one of those nights, I try to at least step outside or like, don't, you know, I'll like give a little bit and see.

And if it's like, however, it's met, I'll be like, all right, I'll go to the closet. But the,

let's go fart and then walk in. This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter.
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Clearly.

But the so I'm laying there, I'm so cozy in bed, and my wife passed out. And I just start, like, dude, just crushing like 30-second hot farts.
And I was like, kind of surprised.

I'm like, how does this not smell? But it was all trapped under the blanket. Oh.
And the whole thing is, I was like telling my daughter, like, dude, like, don't smell your ass. That's crazy.

I couldn't help it. But I was like, does it smell? And I started for real sipping, dude.
I'd be like, and I'd take a little smell, and I was like, dude, that is

a small touch of it.

Well, I was just letting a little bit out to test the waters just to see if it smelled. And it did.
I caught the whiff. And I was like,

it was almost so, it was, it was like so heady that I was like, this is like intoxicating.

It was crazy. And then I like, and then finally, I'm letting a little, I'm letting it out more and more because I'm like, I got to get it out from under this blanket.
So I started letting it out.

And finally, like, I got up fully to go to the bathroom, take a pee.

And as I started to get out of bed, my wife woke up out of

deep sleep. Dude, out of deep sleep.
It was so bad. She popped up and was like, what the fuck?

And she like, oh, she never says like bro or dude, but she was so tired. She's like, what the fuck, bro?

Oh, my God, what the fuck?

She was like, literally being like, fuck you. And she was mad at me.
And then she passed back out. And I've never checked.
She doesn't know this happened. Really? She doesn't remember? She wasn't.

Totally on my B flat.

That fart knocked her back out.

She passed back out. And like, it's been two days and I have yet to bring it up, but she hasn't said anything.
Dude, you hit her with a broad absolute murder. Yeah.

Yeah, the bro, getting like a fuck you, bro, out of my wife was like, what the fuck?

I hit her with the Holy Ghost, dude.

Oh, fuck you, bro. What the fuck?

Dude, I was howling, laughing in bed. She was like, fuck you.
You think this is funny? And then I'm like, no, I'm not laughing. It's not funny.

It was literally watching her go zombie mode from like an absolute.

I mean, it was like a royal, it was like a spoiled fruit

fart. It was just, it was, I mean, I feel ashamed even talking about it.
I should have talked about this. No, raw milk fart sounds like

the parmesan, dude, is what really gets you to pinch your nose.

The parmesan hits you with notes that you're like, you know,

the parmesan gives you some exquisite notes,

gives you a different taste on your fart. A nice twist.

It's okay to tell. I was talking about this last night.
I said December is officially Anal Health Awareness Month. Yeah, that's good.
No, no, November. And then now it's no solid log December.

Because I, yeah, I mean, it's sorry, guys. This is going to be a diarrhea podcast.

Diarrhea in December. Hey, sorry, man.

I think the whole squad's got diarrhea. You said you did basically a sampler basket.

I had one of those two where it's one of every type of turn. You're like, what the fuck is my bar? It's a smorgasbord.
It's shrimp, it's a log, and then it's just like chow.

That's crazy, dude.

I had one of those yesterday that was the full smorgasbord that now I'm just locked into diarrhea.

I'm in diarrhea right now, which is like, I haven't had diarrhea in a while, but it's like, I'm rocking it. Two drugs.

I kind of like diarrhea better than regular poops. Honestly, dude, so do I.
I like, I don't mind the pile, but once they get a hot pile, a hot pile, like the true heat from diarrhea.

Here's the thing: it's all about solid diarrhea ratio diarrhea is a nice treat yeah if you can't be the mainstay if you're if you're locked in diarrhea that's that i'll get scared after four days i get start going all right what's going on that's it four days four days yeah i get alarmed as you should too don't lower the bar four days is nothing dude

four days with no solid turbs is nothing I had my first vlog today. I was really happy.
Oh, yeah. You had stomach problems over the holidays.
I struggled with the neurovirus, yeah.

You need to cancel the show. I had to cancel the the show.
I said last night at the Noctis I was pissing out of my ass and shitting out of my mouth 24 hours straight.

You look for real like you lost 10 pals. I did.
It was a class.

Yeah, you probably did, honestly.

I kind of like it. I feel like healthier now.
And you were locked up with Bae and her family. Yeah, I was never seeing you going as a guest and just shitting and puking the whole time.

You got it.

No.

Is that too many detail? Is that TMI? I don't want to talk about it because I think like her cousins and stuff listen to this, but they don't know. Wait, so you were secretly throwing up and shit?

No, no, they know that I was really, really sick, but I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty. I want to know what happened in the turb.

It was just like, dude, I lost control of all of my faculties.

And, like, I was busting out of it. You got to be quiet, though.
No, I mean, I should have been quiet, but I wasn't. I was like, I couldn't help it.

I wonder if any of them thought you were tone it up. They're like, damn, funny Sean.

Oh,

We're like, this fucking asshole. They invite him to our house for Thanksgiving.
He's up there and tearing it up.

You invisibly lost five pounds. You're like, yo, how much did this dude spray? This is crazy.

So they knew you were sickly. They knew you were diarrhea and vomit, but

they were polite about it. They didn't say.
They were nice about it. Yeah.
One of her aunts was a nurse. She offered to get me an IV.

It was like horrible like i couldn't drink water i just wanted water so bad i was so thirsty every time i would drink anything i would just puke it immediately oh it stinks weird ass sick can you still rip sigs or is like you know

that was the first time i probably went a day without a sig in years

dang how'd it feel

i guess you were saying i didn't even notice yeah

i and i went to bed at like 6 p.m and i woke up at like noon the next day feeling normal

24 24 hour bug 24 hours and uh one of her aunts, they're really nice. They got me like a bunch of drinks, and one of them gave me like these nice nausea pills that helped me sleep really hard.

So everyone was really, yeah, yeah. Everyone was really nice and helped me out a lot, but it was still humiliating.
That was like your first time meeting most of them, right? Most of them, yeah.

Yeah, it was the most embarrassing thing ever.

Hello, Uncle Zach.

That's what it was. Like,

I was praying to God and like cursing my stomach, like probably loudly in the bathroom. I couldn't help it.
Like, it was, I had no control.

My shit was toe up.

That's exactly what it sounded like. Did you get to eat any of the Thanksgiving meal? Yeah, because it was right after Thanksgiving that I got sick.
Oh, so my lady was sick on Thanksgiving.

Did you think you got the bug from her? Yeah, I know I got the bug from her ass too.

You're probably bug chasing. I was bug chasing.

All the little kids got it too.

Did they? Yeah, it sucks. Damn.

How many bathrooms is in that place? Well, they all went home. They all lived.

I hope they didn't get it. That would be bad if I brought a plague upon.
No, like her aunt that I was staying at and stuff. She's a nurse, bro.
She's probably championing that shit.

If I brought a plague upon their family, that would be a hot.

I've heard, I don't know if that's true or not. I heard after you work a long time as a nurse, you just don't throw up at all.
You just take huge shits.

Like every disease just flies out of your big butt.

If you're a nurse and you catch anything, like they did all COVID, that's how they made it through COVID.

Remember how they say like there's certain diarrhea cases? That was all nurses just expelling germs out of their butt. They put filtration in their butt.
That's why they're so big.

It's kind of nice, though. Never get a sore throat, just a little diarrhea.
You're back. Yeah, that's why they're so horny.
They're never sick. They're never sick.
No disrespect.

But the nurses, you know how it is.

Yeah. Nurses and teachers have to be the highest per capita OnlyFans to job ratio.
Yeah, I'd say that.

I i didn't know teachers were as naughty i know nurses are certainly teachers teeter and they hide it i think i mean we had a teacher in an all-boys school who just had massive tits and just buttoned her shirt down and showed them to everybody all day and you can't tell me that she wasn't completely getting off on that all the time i we she was like worshiped by the whole student body we had a teacher with a she was a white lady with a fat ass and but and i just i want to say her name but i don't want to do that but she like leaned against the chalkboard one day she was always kind of flirty with all the students but she leaned against the chalkboard like just leaned back she had chalk on her butt and she did uh like uh we told her and then she goes can y'all get it for me and everybody ran up it was it was me my boy freddy this boy andre that just started like hitting it with that and it was kind of the best then she got fired and for like she like kicked like a girl just like play kicked her in the leg or something like get your shit it's weird yeah i've had weird teachers like crazy teachers like that and they always get fired for like bullshit yeah probably because the school kind of knows what they're up to and then they're like we got to get them out of here first and then she started dating a kid after she got fired.

She was like picking up a senior from, so they were probably like, Yeah, yeah, it's funny. She got fired.
That's for me, the real reason, probably.

Yeah, it's also funny to be a principal and be like, um, you have to bring like your council administrators and be like, the history teacher is a giant whore. I don't know.

She's a giant perverted whore. She cannot be contained.
She's a pedophilius whore.

You just walked by the room and saw you guys smacking chalk off her butt.

That's crazy. She did that.
It's for real crazy. It didn't even hit me out.
You know, it's one of the things when you're young and you don't realize how crazy you think about it later, like, you know.

No, I had a teacher in high school.

How old was the teacher? Do you know? She was young. She was like, that was like her first real, I'm a teacher teaching job.
She was like 25. You have to do her.

You have to give her an chance for that. Yeah.
But that was ninth grade. Here's the thing, though, dude.
Adult teacher. Yeah.

Adult teacher, or not even adult teachers, adult women, and nobody ever wants to hear this. A lot of the shows they like center around high school romance.

It's kind of weird.

An adult woman will watch a high school love story over and over and over, and it's just kind of like,

dude, they put out Euphoria. Yeah.
And that was like total backlash, but there's every other show is like, like, a lot of college chicks watch are centered around high school shit.

I had a. They're doing college now.
College? Yeah, Euphoria is the last like high school show, I think. Wait, they went like...

Which college? What college dramas do they have? I mean, there was like... The Sex Lives of College Girls.
Okay, yeah, true. I mean,

not the subtlest of touches.

That's the sex lives of college.

Yeah.

Huh.

It's all H-bo. Damn.
Good to know. I'm looking forward to BBC in the city.
That'll be nice.

Yeah, that's kind of weird.

How was the show? Did you watch it? I watched like two episodes. I wonder.
It was all right. It's fine.
You love girl trash. It's girl trash.
No, I don't watch a lot of girl trash. What was the one?

Didn't you used to watch the stripper one? What was the stripper? P-World or something like that? No.

What am I thinking about? Insecure. That's what I was thinking.
Insecure. Oh, insecure is good, though.
That's just not bad. It's good stuff, dude.
It's not that bad. I like good TV.

Yeah, that's fair. I don't know.
I don't have time for that stuff.

I was thinking about it yesterday, dude. I don't have time for that fool's kid.

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PrizePicks, it's good to be right. I would, no, I should start watching TV.
I'm just, dude, I like it. Dawned on me yesterday, I'm for real becoming a man.
Yeah.

Like, I used to be a boy, and I think, like, three weeks ago, I became a man. It's just, it's pretty crazy.
It's pretty awesome.

What happened? I don't know, dude.

I just like, you know, how like you, uh, I don't know if you guys have this, but like, a lot of times I would just get like weird feelings all the time and be like, I don't know, man.

Life's kind of weird. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
They've just gone away. And I just kind of like stand in my house devoid of emotions.
And I'm like, what do I have to do this week?

I just kind of like stare at stuff. Oh, I think that's it.

I have, like, I'm telling you, I don't have like any thoughts anymore.

I just kind of like stare at my family, and I'm like, fuck, I got to move you guys to this place, drop you off, and then just like think about what I have to do.

And I just do it, and I'm like, all right, that's done.

I just shit. And then you ever see a dash walk around and look at stuff.

It's kind of cool.

You have a chair? Do you have like your own chair that this is like where I sit when I'm in the house? No, that's the final frontier.

You've been looking at chairs. You've been looking them up.

I don't watch TV. I mean.
So I kind of just like, I stand and eat every meal.

I stand for the most of the day, and then I finally just lay down. And I lay there and read a book for like 15 minutes, and then I fall asleep.
You live a horse's life?

I really do.

And if I have free time at all, I'd take a walk.

And I just walk around and go, this is a nice pond. That's awesome.
That's true.

I'm living a horse's life.

No, it's crazy, dude. Dude, I got button-down shirts now because I'm a man.
I like to buy button-down shirts that I trust.

Dude, I noticed the way you want. I was like, dude, Matt looks like an adult today.

The Crocs, I got to chill. These Crocs

can't stop. These Crocs, did I tell you about these things? No.
I got them from a sporting goods store kind of near my house. Yeah.
It's not Dick's, huh? Academy, dude. But Academy,

Academy's nice, and they also have like a lot of like industrial stuff. So like you go in there, Dick's has a lot of sporting goods, outdoor stuff.

Academy, from what I've noticed, it has a heavy Mexican clientele. Yeah, yeah.
So like, dude, I got these crocs, and these crocs, like, they're not normal crocs.

You can tell by the heel of these things. These things are for like

single mothers who like work in like slaughterhouses on a night shift.

These are like industrial crocs.

These are for women who are like lives are just completely spinning out of control around them, but their feet feel amazing while they're beheading cattle.

Mopping up blood. You have to go home and wring out your socks.

No, these are for like, these are like nurse crocs. These are for people on their feet all day.
Dude, I can't take these things off. They're awesome.
It's embarrassing.

I literally wear these everywhere and I got to stop. But I just, I look at my shoes and I'm like, I could untie them and tie them or

I can slip into my Mexican lady Crocs.

So yeah, Academy Sports, dude. That's my commercial for it.
That place.

I like it, Cadet. I'm bumped into Lameric Academy.
The store Dicks, let's say, let's call it the Store Dicks. I'm not going to say Dicks and Dix rolls.
The store Dicks is great.

I love the store named Dicks.

Academy kind of, I think Academy kind of crushes it, dude. Academy might.
I don't know. I didn't give it too much exploration.
We went, I was just buying Texas stuff. Yes.
Texas gear. Yeah, seriously.

You stayed towards the front, basically.

Nah, bro.

It's amazing.

I think Richards has a bigger inventory, though. You think Richards has a bigger inventory? Yeah, Richards does.

Richards has a bigger, more impressive inventory.

But, dude, if you're trying to get like waterproof hazmat boots and a basketball, Academy's got you. All day.
You want to get like a reflective vest and, you know, hockey sticks, too?

It's the weirdest setup.

They do have all the like car hurt in the back. Yeah.

And they have no, like, Dick's is like... Set up nicely where it's like it's just white walls and just crap.
Academy go there's just white bright walls. Academy feels like Kmart.
Yeah.

Like how Kmart used to feel. Just sports Kmart.
Tony, man, he's, I mean, look at the fucking heel on these crocs. This is crazy.

For a second, I thought I heard you rip ass. No, that's the table is there with the weighted couch when you went back.
I know. No, I literally can't if I rip assist.

That'd have been too alpha to put your leg up midpoint.

Although now that I'm a man, I could have ripped ass and I got any knowledge. Yeah, maybe I did.

Yeah, it's kind of nice, though.

You're engaged. You're staring down the barrel of just zero mental activity and a swollen prostate.

I feel like it starts right away. Like, I got engaged and it's, it's, it's changed.
I don't know. Mentally, it's changed.
It's changed for everything's changed. Something, but I don't know what it is.

Like, I can't even put my finger on it. It just does feel different.
I don't like when she brings up, she's going to hear this, but I don't like when she calls herself my or me, her fiancé.

I hate the term fiancé. I hate it.
Yeah, I don't like the term fiancé, especially if you have to introduce her in this next, whatever, however long you do, a year or two.

There's nothing worse than like having a sweater on at some dumb party and be like, this is my fiancé. You just feel like a, it's such a fucking noodle.

It feels like, it's like, like, yeah, it's, yeah, it's like, yeah, we should just do like, my super bitch.

This is my super bitch.

Yeah, she, she does it with too much joy, too. She'll be, she'll, like, be talking.
I hear her on the phone and go, my fiancé. And then, like, I hear like a girl voice.
And it's like, yeah, dude.

I mean, it's, I'm like haunted by memories of standing over like a bowl of buffalo chicken dip just like red-faced in a sweater being like oh, this is my uncle. This is my fiancé.

Did you meet my fiancé?

It's like God, I feel like such a fucking pussy.

Wife is nice, though. Once you get the same wife, it's nice.
Wife feels like adult stuff. Like, yeah, yeah, fiancé feels lame.
Fiancé feels kind of gay. It feels like girl stuff.
It does.

Just you, what, yeah. I mean, you're going to have to think about how you're going to handle that.

My babe isn't my babe. I still say my girl, and then she'll try to be like fiancé, and I'll be like, you keep saying that not much longer.

I love, I love threatening to not be engaged anymore. Yeah, you can turn back at any moment.
Oh, yeah, you can ring on the dog. You have a powerful coin in your hand right now.

I don't know. I don't know.
We'll see.

Yeah, I don't know. Once the, that's the problem, though.
Once those down payments are down,

caterers are secured. She'll start calling your buff.
Yeah. I'm still thinking Elope.
I'm thinking Elope. Elope is nice.
Elope seems. Elope and maybe a party.

Still want to party with the.

You always shake your head. You love weddings.
You love pageantry. I want you guys to spend money.

See, has she thrown the engagement ring back at you yet?

And like, what? Taking it off and like, fuck you and throwing it at you?

I'm so short handed.

I feel like she knows if she tried that with me,

I'd do something with it. I'd pawn it.
Like, I wouldn't, I might regret it later, but if she threw it back at me, I'd go, I'm pawning it. You'd catch it in your mouth.

I keep, I've been telling my wife all of her jewelry is cubic zarconium. Yeah, it's my favorite thing.
Bro, why? It's like you can't tell the difference.

Like, yeah, every chance I get, she's like, oh, I love this ring. I'm like, you know, it's cubic zarconium.

I'm like, go get it tested. I paid the guy to say it was a diamond.

Stop. It's not funny.

It's the truth. It's the truth.
It's, yeah, that's, that's a, man, that's a fucking racket. Diamonds, they can just synthetically make diamonds now.
They would, that was actually, they do it.

They make them pink now. Hall.
They make them pink now. Yeah.
Steven Singer, he makes them pink. I hate Steven Singer.

Actually, I do hate that store. I do hate that store.
I actually hate Steven Singer.

I went in there one time and I did the whole engagement thing and I just walked out of there. Like, man, this place fucking sucks so bad.

Also, I buying jewelry sucks so bad because you look at one thing and you're like, all right, it's 1200. And you go, all right,

fuck. And you go, what about that one that's like a fucking millimeter bigger? Like, that's $75,000.
And you're like, what the fuck, man? How?

But, oh, it's just a more flawless. That's like, man, shut up.

I got kind of lucky. I'm getting a cubic sarconium off of Amazon.
I got kind of lucky. My girl, she literally requested not a diamond.
She was like, I want a garnet. So it kind of garnet.

That's big as hell, but it's like, it's garnet. It was a garnet.

That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now that's the move. I told them, I was like, I want the most violently acquired diamond you guys have.

I was like, I want that, I want a little card with like the body count.

I want to see the child's soul. Anyone lose their hand?

I want to see the naked children who cut their penises off by taking this out of their laugh. Sir, let me give you this Boko Haram ring that has the blood of a million children on it.

Their souls as well. Yeah, blood diamonds are underrated.
Yeah, they're.

I was just like, dude, it was good, dude. It was good back in the day.
What? Blood diamonds. It was good stuff right there.
Already, don't they? I guess, I don't know, maybe all the diamonds.

I think they're all got like mined for the most part. They just sit in warehouses.
They sit in like De Beers' warehouses now. They're doing blood cobalt now.
Blood cobalt? Blood cobalt, blood copper.

The cell phone. Yeah.
That is the funniest thing how everyone always goes, well, you know, your cell phone is actually made by slave labor, and everyone goes, yeah, whatever.

I need that, so I can't complain. It is kind of, I mean, it's one of those.
So are my shoes, and so are my pants.

Yeah, true.

Yeah, it's one of those things you hear about and you go, well, all right, fair enough.

What happens in Guam is none of my business, actually.

I'm more of a states' rights guy.

What happens in Guam is really none of my business.

Dude,

they're still, China's taking over Africa like crazy right now. So, yeah,

they're almost done.

Really? Yeah, dude. Oh, did you see the guy in Namibia? His name's name's like Adolf Hitler Unkwanko, and he got elected as president.
Adolf Hitler got elected in China.

He's a mayor in Namibia in Africa.

I mean, ah, man, that's pretty wild.

What do they, it's pretty crazy to think about, like, do you think the Chinese interlopers have set up like little corner stores in Africa and sell their little tiny bags of chips?

Yelling at everybody who walks in.

They teach a bunch of African guys how to squat and smoke first.

It's like step one.

I don't know.

Do you think africa will rise up against the chinese overlords no the chinese overlords mistreat the i've seen videos of them like smacking them with sticks at construction sites and really like just just real snapping just hitting with big ass like what not like kindle sticks but they look like i don't know bamboo but i don't they gotta be shipping the bamboo dude what the man

they're shipping in the bamboo just to smack people

we need a smacking stick is that a real thing are they really i saw that years ago i haven't seen it probably since like it was like it was like peak covid time when I was you're all on your phone and I was seeing.

Let me see. They got the friendship out of there, then they took over all the mines.
Now they're fucking killing us. It's the technology.

See, my thing is, do you really think America would let that happen? Yeah. Yeah,

they would let China take over Africa. Or you think they're going to let them do it and then take it from China? I don't know what the plan is because they've been there.
They've been there.

I think they're just going to leave them over there.

We're going to go after Venezuela. We're going to South America now.
You think so? Yeah, we're about to take their resources.

Okay, I'll take it.

It's closer, I think. What does Venezuela have? Oil? Oh, yeah.
Let me get that motherfucker out. Oh!

Okay, this is that shit where

they trap these

African nations in unsustainable debt, and then they take their natural resources. America's been doing this forever, too.
Yeah. They really did just steal our playbook.
Yeah.

Yeah, but I, dude, I just, you know, I feel like America kind of knows what's good, what getting is good, because America has been on this for fucking ever.

Given people being like, we'll give you loans to do infrastructure. Then they go, oh, shit, you've defaulted.
We're going to take all of your natural resources.

So you think America was like, we don't even need what Africa's got? We can either take your resources or put a McDonald's right here.

I don't know.

I'd have to consult my sources high up in the government to find out. I was pretty hyped.
We did unveil a new jet that looks better than anything I've seen China put out. What, like an F?

They got like a hypersonic jet that took its first flight. And that's pretty.
It looks crazy. Hypersonic's fast.
as well. Yeah, I don't know how you can have a person in.

It's got to be some guy sitting up.

That's pretty cool. Yeah, I don't know.
We'll have to, you know, we'll have to see what happens with China and China. Africa.

I feel like if we did ever go to like, you know, real to blows with each other, it's going to be the craziest thing of everybody unveiling their secret shit.

We just show off B-2 bombers now. Like, it's not our time.
So, you know, it's old.

I think that's why they're waiting for aliens because they're like, we got so much cool shit to take out on the aliens.

Dude, I also, I honestly think if we wait 30 more years, China's population is going to be old as fuck.

We don't have a lot of kids. It's already old right now.
It's already fucking old. So I think America's just going, yeah, guys, do your thing.
Do all the work for us.

We're going to, once you guys are old as hell, we're going to swoop in and fuck you guys up. Do you think China might be doing a thing where they're like, all right, we got it.

We're going to crunch time too. We got to fuck it.
But we're about to be old as shit. We got to make a move.
Those Afro-Chinese are going to be crazy, though. Afro-Chinese?

Yeah, it's going to be a lot of Rui Hachimuras.

Yeah,

ladies and blazions, that'll be tough.

Blades are down there creating blazions. That's going to be tough to ignore

thick blazions. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Crap, you think blazians are better than just regular, like, black, white, mixed people? Like, like, we're talking, I'm talking strictly ladies.

Do a mixed conversation? Do a mixed conversation. Hot shit, like, hotness.
Blazing lady, black, white lady.

Black, white lady, Black white lady is more common over here.

Here's

a combination you never really thought of. Chinese Mexican.

Yeah, but there's a lot of

crossover. There's a lot of crossover.
Nice, sort of good.

Yeah, that's one that you like, you know. Yeah.
If you mix fucking yellow with...

Rice. Well, sorry, that's a bad color.
You know what I'm saying, though? You mix like yellow and orange, you're not going to go, what the fuck is this? you're gonna go yeah it looks just like

it looks like yellow i was about i didn't mean to pick that color i was trying to think of like green with blue but i'm like no talk about race you know what i'm saying ripping i'm just talking rgb i'm trying to talk rgb primary

okay so now we're going to take a short break and get into something that all you sports fans will love the more or less segment is brought to you by prize picks You and I make decisions every day.

Like right now, we're all thinking about making sure we choose the right gifts. But on prize picks, being right can get you paid.

There is so much sports action during the holidays, and on prize picks, whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or a fan of both, like me, it always feels good to be right.

Now, let's get into this. Who's looking good? And who is looking horrible for the holidays? Hmm.

Let me think. Who's playing this week? Let me access my database of games going on right now.
I know the birds are playing. Birds, for sure.
The birds are playing, and

i know it hasn't been looking good but i'm going more on hurts yeah i'm going more on hurts for passing yards just because i believe it this is a bounce back this is two things two battles back to back i think so too we're bouncing back hard i'm going more i'm going more on hurts as well i'm going more on maxi right now because i think the the the they still haven't caught it with how good he is tyrese maxi on the sixers on the sixers going more with him constantly and right now jokic

uh just he's just nuts Rebounds specifically, go more on rebounds for you. Go more on Barkley as well.
Going more on Barkley? Yeah, he didn't really get a lot of.

His more might be kind of low right now, too. That's what's going on.
So you don't even get a lot of yards. Yeah.
Last game I watched.

So going more on your own team can be a little heartbreaking because if they lose, you get double match. I can't go less on my own team.
I don't want to root for them to go less.

But sometimes I just know. I also just like to pick at random.
It's good stuff. You know, sometimes you pick it random, let the universe decide.
You know, I don't know anything about this.

Sometimes I go, you know what? I think that guy's going to win. I like his look.
You know, exactly. I like that guy's name.
I think he's good.

Any personal story? Anytime you're way too confident making a pick that fell apart?

Nope. I have one every single time.
Undefeated. Yeah.

Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours.
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Prize picks. It's good to be here.
It's good to be right. Dude, I've been...

I've had a type of video that's been taking over my algorithm now. That's just...

Do you see the videos where a person in like a black bandana over their face just records like an elderly person until the elderly person freaks out and like comes at them and they spray them with pepper spray no it's the most weird it's the craziest genre who sprays the pepper spray the cameraman

so it'll be like three guys with like their faces entirely covered just like this in like a 70 year old's face the guy like what why are you recording me and they just go They're like, get away from me.

And as soon as they reach to block the camera, the guy goes,

splash him him with pepper spray and they go ah

and there's a lot of people in the comments being like that's what the you get when you try to touch people's shit that's

a tear ass bitch and i'm like gotta be a bot are you sure this is an ai maybe i don't know rushing disinformation i think you think they're fake yeah i think it's dividing us i don't know dude i could see there's i've seen a lot of rage bait and i'm like that does seem like a way because i watch a lot my whole algorithm for the most part is rage bait is people going into like lowe's and home depot and like bumping into an old guy's shopping cart and just going get out of the way, you fucking asshole.

Damn, these dudes snap. So if you put a camera in that same guy's face, he'd probably snap as well.
Yeah, you're probably. I hope it's fake.

If it's fake, that'd be a relief because I'm watching it like, yeah, this is evil. This is like really mean.
This guy's like pre-dementia. I get crazy.

Do you ever see the rage bait guy who goes up to people's dogs and goes, man, look at that dog. I just want to suck on its nuts.
And he starts sucking.

He goes, man, look at that dog's nuts. I just want to suck on his nuts.
And he screams at the other people with their dog at the park.

It upsets me. We're going to have to have like a public health talk about rage bait.

Because someone's going to have to tell the geezers, like, if some young kid comes up to you in Kmart and says gay shit to you. Like, you're probably on a viral.

You're definitely being recorded. Yeah, you're being recorded.
Chill.

These guys just go fucking nuts.

I would never fucking kiss you, you little fucking queen.

I saw one that just hit my algorithm. It was, it's like the funniest thing.

This dude takes two pictures of people like standing near near each other but like they can't be looking at each other and then he'll use ai to make one of them do something weird to the other one like yes the one was he went on he put his hands on this guy's shoulder and like kissed him on his neck and he's like look he kissed you on your neck and the other dude's like i'm looking at the video he's like i never kissed him dude that's who they get

they're like i didn't do it it kills him man and then there's They do another one where they'll go up to an old man and go, oh, you're the guy from the internet. And they go, what?

And they're like, check it out. And they show a video of that man, but he has like a bra on he's dancing

full sprints toward them in the store

that's fucked up what we're doing to geezers right now i know

more lighthearted than

that's kind of funny but it probably does because they're getting so once they're getting old they start getting worried about their mental health yeah so they're probably like did i kiss him on his fucking neck i don't dude now that i'm an old man yeah I'm like,

if I do 40 more years, dude, you know, fuck, I'm already like, I can feel decline. Yeah.
Physically, obviously, I'm getting stronger than ever, but

mentally, you're just rapid decline. You get me in 40 years in a parking lot just filming my face.
I'm going to cry.

I'll scream cry. Just like kick a shopping cart over.

I mean, when they were born, they couldn't even imagine you take a picture and that quick you turn it into them kissing a man on the neck like that. And you go, that's real.

Am I dreaming am i having a fucking stroke what's going on we should let them shoot those guys you think so yeah i kind of like that yeah i saw one guy get shot never seen it oh never seen him online again he's not dead he just got shot he was in the mall he was rage baiting some guy in the mall and the guy was like hey He was like pushing him and the guy was like, oh, yeah.

Kind of nonchalantly, too. He was like wearing a hoodie.
Yeah. He just walked away.
He just, pew.

Yeah, I wonder if that guy got in trouble. The dude was like fucking with him.
No, he didn't get in trouble. Yeah,

he got off scot-free. I think the other guy got in trouble.
The guy who got shot got in trouble. Ragebaiter? Yeah.
I'm telling you, they're gonna have to introduce legislation.

If you get caught rage baiting, it should be like a misdemeanor. Yeah, yeah.
It's really, it's really fucked up to go to people and like push their buttons like that.

Although you would hope that if when you're old enough, you're able to recognize rage bait and just go complete monk mode and go, like,

some of the old men do counter-gay stuff in a very funny way. Yeah.
They'll be like, I'll kiss you right now. And the guys are like, whoa, what the fuck?

Or they just see a genuinely gay guy out there and and he's like yeah i'm down

let's fucking kiss

but yeah that's my counter huh that's my counter whenever someone's like you're here to meet a 15 year old i go so what

they want a what

so what if i am

oh man that's none of your guys here to meet a little girl so what you know it'll be a really good video

put out a help wanted flyer meet people in Starbucks about a job paying like $25 an hour with benefits.

And once they show up, have cameras come out and be like, so you're trying to meet up with a teenager

in the middle of a Starbucks.

And just start hitting him with reading, like, just make up text.

My hard, fat penis. Are you saying this?

What the fuck?

Because you'd have to run. If that happened to you, you would just run out of Starbucks.
I don't know. What the fuck? Is that a fucking identifier?

If you weren't in trouble, why'd you run?

That would be devastating. Yeah.

Someone should never do that. That's a terrible, that's a terrible prank.
Yeah.

Dude, I miss the old guys who would give kids money to like.

Oh, go ahead.

Now you got to say it. Like, take pictures of them in their underwear and shit.
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That was a good industry for kids.

Yeah, at least, oh, yeah, so at least they're getting paid. I hear you.
At least they're getting paid.

What, for some underwear shots? Come on, dude, take two i mean that's so

the problem with that is

the problem with that is you never hear the tales of the time the guy just was like i can't handle it and pigged out and just completely devoured the kid yeah that is true because like how you know there has to be some kid who's like completely unless there were just gentlemen pedophiles back then We were like, well, let me not push the envelope.

I'll get some pictures. I think there was.
Because, you know, like, there'd be a house and your parents were like, don't go to that house. Yeah, yeah, I remember.
Yeah.

It was like a funny guy. Yeah.
The guy's up to funny. It was a funny business guy.
We've talked about this before.

Before, pedophiles were just like funny business. Yeah.
It's just like, that guy's a weirdo. Yeah.

I lived behind him on that day. Yeah.
I've said this before. My dad always makes the same joke.
When he went to jail, he goes, we lost the best babysitter that day.

Every single time.

Yeah, my grade school, we had a couple brushes with the big P as well. Yeah.
Pretty crazy.

None of the priests, to my knowledge, is all just like chaperones.

You know, how you school volunteers, you should just let people volunteer for like grade school shit and then just hire private investigators to follow them.

There's like 20% of school volunteers are pedophiles.

But a lot of them.

You should pick a random parent from every school, like one parent from every family and just spend like three days tracking them. Just seeing what they're up to.
Yeah.

They'd see me taking my walks and go, oh, damn, this guy's not thinking about fucking anything.

His feet are sweating in his crocs. He's like, I got to get my family from here at at this time.

Take them to here for this thing. This guy's just thinking hard about taking a nap and regretting the fact that he drank too much coffee to take a nap.

And then staring at something and getting distracted. My seventh grade teacher got in trouble for child porn.
Child porn. Child porn.
Seventh grade teacher. Yeah.
I saw it on the news. Damn.

You know what's worse about that, too? When a teacher gets caught for like pedophile stuff, then you get to go, okay, what grade did you ask to teach? And you know exactly what his thing is.

Yeah, you know the age. You fucking pervert, man.

That's crazy.

You're doing all these diversity and equity programs. You're like, we got to diversify this population.
This is,

I'm barely getting hard.

I need some dual citos.

Did y'all ever have like the old dude picking up the young, the young lady from school all the time?

Like high school were you talking?

For me, it was middle school. I remember this.
Middle school?

Maybe this shit got left back a year. She's Puerto Rican.
Dominican. But like, yeah, her dude used to come, and he had to be like 25 or older.
And he used to pick her up from school and walk home.

They would walk home together.

Sure, was it her older brother? No, it was definitely.

She would tell everybody. I was my boyfriend.
Oh. Like she would say it.

He snapped on me and my boy Khalil once because we were sitting at the corner store and they were walking past, and we were like trying to just make fun of her, not even about

you were just like, Your boyfriend's so old, basically.

I don't even know if we were just making fun of her, like, as a person. And he just was walking with her and snapped on us.
Like, it just didn't even hit us that he would do it.

But then, my boy's mom, we told right after that, we told his mom, and they bumped into each other at the mall, and she went nuts on him. He said,

You know,

you saw his mom. My boy said, Him and his mom saw her at him at the mall with his like grade school.

I don't know if he saw her with the girl, but they just was like, she just was like, mom, that's a guy I told you about who did the thing.

And she just, she's like, she was from Philly, black lady that lived in Red and she went nuts on him apparently from what I heard. Yeah, had him pretty nervous.
Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's what happens when you. I mean, he probably thought shit was sweet.
Yeah. I mean, he kept picking her up from school.

Yeah, that's crazy. Like, he's not like, he didn't even drive.
Like, he would just walk to the middle school and walk. But he was like 20-something.
He got

when you're younger. maybe he was younger than that.
He was definitely out of like school age, but

the youngest he was was 19. And I'm remembering him looking way older

than that.

45.

Like, I'm remembering him looking 30.

But Dominicans are kind of like, sorry, any Dominicans listening, but like the most pedophile shit I've heard in person is Dominicans.

I remember being in high school and I was like in fucking, it was like 16. This is so funny person.
I'd be like, sorry, Dominicans, but you guys are gigantic pedophiles.

So they're, I mean, dude.

Yeah,

I mean, it kind of checks out, bro. If you were like a 40-year-old Dominican hat, man, you put on one of those bowler hats, I could see it.
You just started going, my Caramba.

My Caramba.

You have like four Mojitos, you just see the grade school that I had, you go, my Dios Mio.

Dios meo.

Just the music doesn't help either. If you're all day long,

I would get a horn in a car if I was listening to that all day.

That music

changes you psychologically.

Imagine listening to that all day long. If you ever worked on a construction site, you watch these all day long.
It's just like,

you're like, it just has to change your brain. Like, what even mindset does that put you in? Yeah, right.
If you're working all day long and it's like,

it's just, it's insane. It's like circus music.
Like move fast music. Yeah, move fast.
But it is, it is nice. What I do like like about specifically Mexican guys is how they'll just go,

they'll just love the scream. The Grito, the Grito.
The Grito.

The Grito. It's kind of nice.
The Greedo is nice.

We introduced the Grito into our lives this year. Yeah, we did, really? Yeah.
Yeah, that shit's just a nice power scream amongst just like one 150 beats per minute trumpet music.

It's nice, dude. And it's funny because you have just done like three days worth of work by lunchtime.
So yeah,

maybe that music is what we need as a country.

just that classic beat that's just non-stop all day long, one song for eight hours.

I'm telling you, I think it puts you in a whole different mindset. Puts you in a pedophile mindset.
No, that's the you're talking about. I'm talking about hardworking Mexicans.

Oh, yeah, I'm still hard-working Mexicans. Dominicans I don't know much about.

I gotta tell you what this one, Mexican, or not Mexican, Dominican boy said when we were like in 11th grade because there was a

middle school near us. And so we was, you know, they would walk past and we're like getting out or getting out early, whatever.
And he was like pointing at one of the girls.

And I was like, man, she's too young. And he went, man, after 12, it's lunch.
And he is

like, hey,

yeah.

Crazy. Hold on,

I was 64. We were in 10th or 11th grade.

Yeah, a lot of,

I don't think a lot of those countries really do have age of consent. I think they kind of eye it up.
Yeah. Like we have like laws and metrics.
I think they kind of just go boobs, no boobs.

You kind of eye it up. You go, I'm going to put this one on the eyeball and you see.
I couldn't imagine being in Brazil and eyeballing it up.

They don't have laws like that there.

Yeah, they no, dude. I remember, so I actually went to the Dominican Republic years ago on like a little vacation and I like went to an all-inclusive resort.

And I remember, this was like a long time ago. I was younger, but I remember they like made the staff like dance for us.
Yeah. Like you get there and they're like, come out.

It's like a, you know, welcome night thing. And I remember being like,

Some of the staffs, like, they weren't like children, but I remember they were like young enough to where I was, I was in like my mid-20s is thinking thinking, like, it's kind of weird.

They're dancing very sexually, yeah, yeah, just like standing in front of us and just like gyrating their bodies. And we just all get to sit there and be like, Great.

I remember just feeling a little weird about it, being like, This kind of feels Brazil, is like one of the horniest places this was Dominican Republic.

Oh, but Brazil, number two, yeah, Brazil's, Brazil is such a horny, it's the horniest country, yeah. It just, if you go there, you'll become horny as hell, too.

It's like, there's nothing anyone can do about it. It's in the air, yeah.
I mean, I get it, though. Them ladies look so nice.
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Yeah, Brazil is a

land full of beautiful women. That's all I'll say about that.
They all do plastic surgery.

They all do plastic surgery out there.

Although, they have like one guy in Brazil. Who's getting all the money?

No, they're just the guys look exactly. The women are just like

an array, dude. Just like every type of woman you can imagine.
There's just one guy.

Cristiano Ronaldo face.

Kind of.

It's either that or black as hell.

You got two guys, two guys. Yeah, they have like dusty parking lot soccer guys.

They have

the most handsome fucking male models.

Well, hell, that's hilarious. What's up? I found some

interesting information. The Dominican Republic has an age of consent of 18, but Mexico's federal age of consent is 15 years old.
Federal. Holy shit.
Damn, the Fed stamped that. Japan is 13.

No, they changed that. Are you sure?

Yes.

Jesus from there.

I'm glad you're keeping up on it, though.

What the hell, dude? Do you have to reschedule your trip?

You get an anime guy pass on that. Yeah.

I'm fighting for these rights of these kids, dudes.

Maybe you're watchdogging. I'm watchdogging, dude.
What's going to change it, too? If you're already at 13. Six.
Did they go to 18 or 16? Because that's kind of. Probably 18.

You just go 14. 16.
They went to 16. 14 would be so funny

13 and a half oh hold on hold on hold on japan was how long was japan 13 for i'm basically forever

they used to have uh on google you'd ask what's the age of consent in japan and then dennis's face from all the way suddenly coming like

side eye

yeah they changed it two years ago that's crazy to 16 13 yeah from 13 to 16.

i mean that was like a multi-generational plan they're like look we'll go 13 now that way when they put the fucking put the wrenches on us like all right all right we'll go 16.

16.

that's crazy that's fucked up so it's like a so literally a professional a college or a high school teacher could just have sex with a high school student if it was good enough that makes sense now though that that's a thing because i'd be not playing them japanese rps and persona and they always have like this game i play there's always like a way you can fuck your teacher in it but you play like a you know it's like a fantasy game i don't know Well,

it is really weird because, like,

I mean, being a pedophile is up there with somewhat like one of the worst, as one of the worst crimes in the world. Yeah.

And if you go to another country, you go from being the worst guy in the world to just a totally law-abiding citizen. To just a normal dude.
You know what I mean?

You could be a pedophile publicly and then go get a coffee on the same block. Yeah.

It's such a bizarre thing.

you can kiss your kids because like murder is murder like you murder somebody it's across the board everyone's like yeah that that wasn't that wasn't really called for but yeah in america you can be next to being i mean i think you're more respected as a murderer than a pedophile depending on who you murder even in like in jail you'll get way better treatment as a murderer than yeah society i like yeah you'll get murdered as a pedophile in jail you'll get murdered and raped

yeah i i i've just been having dreams where i just like wake up and i'm like did i kill somebody i don't know why

you're driving drunk on no no no no, no.

You've actually killed people.

No.

I just keep waking up in a panic. Like, I think I just had a dream about hiding a body.
Really? Yeah. I don't know why.
Do you have the itch? I don't have the itch. Do you feel murderous?

No.

No, not today.

Like, what kind of, what's the feeling? I don't know. It's just like the scariest feeling in the world because I'm like, I'm going to get caught.
That's what I keep thinking when I wake up.

You definitely get caught. I'm like, I'm going to get caught.
You're 100%.

But it's not, I feel bad, I murdered a person. It's like, they're going to be on my ass.
Yeah, it's like, I'm going to jail. Are you nothing murdered in the? No.

No. It's like different people.
Has it ever been me? No. You promise? Yeah.
Okay. Just Creek in the Cave comedians.

You want to fucking bump me? You piece of shit.

That'd be sick to do one of those comedian movies at the end, someone gets bumped and they just shoot them in the green.

Put them up. Put them up.

And Dave Chappelle comes in and bumps you, and you're like, that's my final straw. That's my last

shit. He's going to go up there for three hours.

Yes, sir, Rebob. Oh, man.
So everyone, we can all establish we all got diarrhea.

We've discussed the age of consent globally. And yeah, is Japan the lowest?

I mean, I think if you hit Chinese-controlled Africa, there's probably like... Oh, yeah.
Yeah. I'll look it up, but I don't feel good about it.
Dude, they just like,

you're out. You're definitely about to get yourself on a list.
Some guy just stole

a bunch of girls from a building in Africa. Really? Yeah, they're always stealing girls in Africa.
Yeah, girls do get scooped up. Yeah.

You know, it's one of the last countries an honest man can go steal some girls.

Just steal some ladies. Didn't Michelle Obama freak out about those girls that got taken from the school? They never brought them back.
No, I don't.

And then I think, didn't like a bunch of boys at that school get like brutally murdered and nobody even said anything about it. Oh, shit, did they? I'm almost almost positive that happened.

This is like bring back our girls. Yeah, because it's like if it, I think it was a

like a you know upper class school that like parents were kind of rich, so people would be like, oh, perfect, let's go kidnap an entire class.

And I think they like took the girls as ransom and just like killed, murdered all the boys. That's crazy.
Yeah.

Africa is looking tough.

Nigeria is 11 years old. 11? Shit.
Wait, why haven't it all? Yeah. Are you serious? That's what Google says.
Nigeria is 11?

That's devastating to find out. Nigeria, that's crazy.

That country stinks anyway.

Yeah, I mean,

11 is crazy. Nigerians are like,

it's not even lunchtime.

It's about lunchtime.

I mean, it's funny to be in Nigeria and dating a 10-year-old and they're like, you fucking scumbag. You

piece of shit. Wait, you started talking to her when she was 10, you piece of shit.

That's

distinct. Nigeria is a bad country.
Is it? I always thought it was like one of the better

countries.

They lie about how much money they make. A couple years ago, they got in trouble for like bouncing checks as a country.
Well, apparently, Nigeria puts out a ton of math leads, though.

A lot of mathematicians come out of Nigeria. For some reason, Nigerians crush math.
So because they're figuring out the age percent,

what's the square root of 18 for 11?

Yeah.

Huh?

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I was going to change the subject. I just found out another fun fact for you.

Do you know the MMA fighter, Khabib Nirmagomedov? Yeah.

He is married to his second cousin, and they had the same surname before they got married. Really? Yeah, second cousin.
So she's

Nergamedov? No, she just, I think she just. She's not going to hyphenate.
Yeah.

Second cousin. Sorry, that's just.
No, I mean, second cousin, it's not ideal for sure. I don't think they have many options in Dagestan, though.
Yeah. You go third.
Third cousin.

That's not even a thing. Third cousin is just like your friend.
Oh, shit. No, I mean, third cousins.

Dude, I think, like, though, when you marry your cousin, it's like

chances of birth defects go up like 3%.

It's not like a massive. I thought it was just like automatic.
You were getting.

yeah, you know, don't they do that in like Lego guy?

That's still a weird one to show up to the family meet, like the family reunion with like

we love each other. I mean, it is for sure, but some, some, I mean, in history, it was like the coolest shit you could do.
It's like you marry your cousin, everyone's like, great choice.

Dude, if you have a hot cousin,

no, well, I was kind of fortunate to not really have hot cousins. What'd you say? I was kind of fortunate to not have hot cousins.
I don't have one cousin memory.

You didn't covet any of them. Yes.
I didn't even like in my head go like hot cousin. I was never a big cousin guy either.
Thank God. I was never.

Now I imagine if that was your twist, though, and you were just completely obsessed with having sex with your cousins. There's guys out there, I'm sure.
Yeah. That happens too.
100%.

What do you think about that? Huh?

What do you think about that?

Dude, your age consent, Japan, speed takers

might have been might have been with the Dahlia Snapchat

wait what

that was a tough one

dude RIP to everyone who's gotten absolutely munched by the internet

it just happens everybody everybody gets destroyed and I know it's coming for me one day I'm worried about it destroyed by the internet

I don't know I just like everyone just gets destroyed I don't think anyone ever sees it coming they're always going nothing's ever been better.

And then the internet goes, yeah, it turns out everyone fucking hates.

I mean,

it's literally like a soldier's death. I'm like, it's coming for me one way or the other.
I don't know how.

Well, in the words of Harvey Dent, either

die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

That's why you don't stop drinking.

I'm going to at least see myself become a villain.

Yeah, just more spots than me.

I mean, you never, somebody you didn't predict in high school to have to ever contend with like a digitized public shaming. Yeah.
So I don't know.

Maybe, hopefully, now that I'm a man, I would just go, what the hell are they saying on the internet?

Bull crap. Turn it off.
Shut it off.

Unplug it.

God damn it. I'm going for my walk.

I think

whatever happens to me, I'm just going to lean into it. If it happens, it's like, yeah, yeah, I don't know.
You have to.

The guys that fight, it's literally a Chinese finger trap. Guys that go, nuh-uh, you guys suck.
It's like, you've just sealed your doom. You have to go, I am a lowly, disgusting worm.

Yeah, I have watched every single Come Walk video.

So what?

I do know them all by name.

Accepting your shame takes the fun out of it for the internet. Yeah.
It all depends what you did.

Dude, Glenn Greenwald got crushed. Did you see his video? No, did he do? Did you see that thing?

It was,

and again,

I guess I'm going to toss the Stanthea legend on here, but

I think it was just like kink shit where like, he's gay, and he had like his, I guess, a lover of his released a video where he was just being like a little piggy, like a hungry little piggy.

It was like a humiliation video, but I think he was just like, whatever. Oh, he was being the humiliated one? He was being humiliated, but it was out of kink for him.
Like, you know, he was kind of.

Again, I don't know the exact details. Yeah, Sean, if you you could just maybe pull up after you're done

that came out and also uh rfk did you see his sexts no he did there's an rfk sex game no you see it no his his uh sexts he like did like text message allegedly again man text messaging anybody his shit blew over but dude his texts are like they're so horny that by like halfway through the text you're like i'm on his side still you're like you can't this is to cheryl from to cheryl unfortunately he's a bit of a bad boy But

I'm not Cheryl. Maybe it was to Cheryl.
I don't know.

But I don't, that's not how they framed it. But,

you know what? Look, man. No.

Guys trying to get blue food dye out of the goddamn Lucky Charms, man. Leave him alone.
Yeah, I'm not. I'm going to send horny texts to whoever.
None of my fucking business.

The only kink thing that I, I don't shame it, but I don't get it is, I mean, I guess, is like people watching their ladies get plowed. I think that, yeah, the cuck shit is.

But there's a thing I learned about very recently. I was just telling LeBear about it.
There's the reverse. There's like cuckin'.
I forget what the

cuck queen.

I had to speed with you on that.

Cuck queen might be the best thing that's ever existed. I think cuck queen's propaganda.
Like, surely one cuck queen.

Where are they? It's not an actual porn lady. Yeah, where are these fabled cuck queens? I know.
Just being like, yeah, do it again.

I've been hanging out with a lady and we decided we're going to have a free use day. A free use day? Yeah.
That's pretty nice. That's pretty cool, right? What's your thing going to be?

Also, how long are you going to last in a free use day? I feel like that's what you bust one out in the morning. You're like, well,

checked out.

I can go.

That is a private matter. Sorry, guys.
Hey, man, I'm glad for you. That sounds good.
That sounds fun, though. Yeah, sure, it'd be a hoop.

I like it. I was interested in the free use day.
What's your plan? Yeah, that's a good question. His plan is to just show up,

do it,

to hang out. But here's the thing do you get to direct do you get direct her positioning because where is she gonna be that's the question yeah

she gonna be stuck is she gonna be just frozen like stuck will be nice

is there gonna be a sextile on the bed and you think you move it and then it's her like how is this gonna go down no that's the thing dude it's like uh it's just whatever you just have a day and then whatever's happening during the day you're like is it reciprocal That's my question.

Can she freely use you? Ow. You get your own day.

Really? Yeah. What if she takes it to like a realm of kink? You're not ready for it.
Yeah. You're ready to get stuck in the dry.

I set my rules. You can't violate the free kink.
Only you're also free use. Yeah, I set my rules.
Yo, free use of the dude would be so, I'd be so nervous. Yeah.

Especially after your day of free use. But then it was also like my turn and be like, I don't know.

We should talk about this.

What are your rules? You can't be inserted. No, but.
No, but. No, but.
What if if she tries and you're just not in the mood? Slap her.

But it's not for use.

No butt whatsoever. No butt.
Can't even tickle you. No.

No butt. Sean, did you find any of that stuff about the sex?

Yeah, it was a poem allegedly sent to

Olivia Nuzzy.

Newsy. Bro, it's the best.
It's very erotic. Yeah, let me see if I can.
Please read it. I'll go into it.

Okay, I'll read it.

Can you read it with prose?

It's waiting, say, it's really.

I started hearing it, and I was like, by the middle of it, I was like, you know what, man, I kind of tip my hat to this guy.

I got it here.

Your open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me, love.
I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth. I'll hold your nose as you look up at me to encourage you to swallow.

Don't spill a drop. I am a river.
You are my canyon. I mean to flow through you.
i mean to subdue and tame you my love my love

i'm about to copy and paste that send that yo girl did our rfk write the letter for the the guy the kirk guy what guy my love

i'm not sure i know what you mean i don't know what you mean

oh

that's that's what it is um

glenn greenwald got set up He said it was a political takedown where he was with, this is all from Google, reportedly depict Greenwald in intimate acts with another adult male in Brazil, which we're just talking about, whom he reportedly, this is what they're saying, paid for the encounter.

And

it's pretty much, it's just him being like kind of like thoroughly dumbed and humiliated.

But they confront, they like released his tape without his consent. They like, you know, it's pretty rude.
And then they're like, what do you say about that?

And he was like, I don't regret any of that. But that was kind of a beast.
It's a beast move to get completely be a shamelord and be like, yeah, dude, I'm a total pig.

And I did some fucking really, it's you watch it. You're like, yeah, damn.
But he just came out.

they just political enemies try to take him down with it and he was like I don't care that makes me respect him kind of a beast he's kind of a beast yo look at this weird shit he's like yeah it was fucking really weird I did that and uh your little

plan didn't work on me I do it again I'm gonna do it again wasn't there some politician that got like exposed like that for doing like public shit with his lady not the lady who was giving hand jobs in the movie theater not her this was like a different this is like a whole video that got exposed yeah

I forget who's telling me about it but wasn't anybody just hearing that was there any scandal attached to it, or was it like

I think same shit, like takedown type shit? Yeah, I can't, I don't remember his name or anything. It's so funny, dude.

All you have to do, all you need is a video of a politician having sex, and you destroy their entire career. The same, the thing we all

clearly having sex, yeah, like weird psycho sex.

Yeah, you want to be a politician, like you're going nuts in the bedroom. Dude, I bet AOC does the craziest shit.
I hope so. You think so? My god.
Yeah, but who's piping AOC? She's some white guy.

Yeah, probably.

She's like the founder of some weird tech company.

Yeah, true. Yeah, you know, there's a lot of behind a lot of powerful women.
There are, surprisingly, just kind of a drab white guy. You can kind of slide into that role really nicely.

Isn't Kamala Doug? Man, Doug. Doug.
Doug? Who's Doug? It's Kamala's husband. Kamala's husband? Yeah.
That's all he talks about. I think he could call himself like, I'm Doug, Kamala's husband.
Doug?

Doug. Fucking nerd.

Dang, that stinks. I think I got like

a political political email once that when

Camela that was like, this was before she was even run. I think she might have been running with Biden.
And I got like a political email that was like, this is Doug.

And then in parentheses, Kamala's husband is how it started. And that's how I know his name.
Like that email. What the fuck does Doug do? Why would he allow himself to be framed in an email like that?

Well, he's the owner of the Dimsdale Demodome. Cuck.

Doug's Demodome.

Where's that from?

Fairly out of parents.

Doug Demodome. Owner of the Dimsdale Dimdome.

Let me see.

He was

the first Jewish spouse of a U.S. vice president.
Oh, is that what he did? Doug?

Dude, is that really a fucking

first Jewish, second?

Oh, damn. He's from Old Bridge, New Jersey.
Oh, what?

I mean, or it's kind of a bad look. Masad.

Dude, he kind of looks like Waltz a little bit.

He's in Christoph. No, Doug.

Doug looks like Waltz. It's crazy.

Damn, I would have been nervous having my babe around Waltz. Who's Waltz? Waltz was the guy she ran with.
I was like, I love

Tim Waltz. Touchdown, Tim.
Oh, yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Damn, dude. She got a type.

Doug M. Hoff does Soul Cycle.

At home in California, M. Hoff had attended a Sunday morning soul cycle class in West Hollywood and left his cell phone in the car while going for coffee and a chat with friends in the park.

Why do they frame this guy as the ultimate housewife?

I mean, he kind of frames himself as the ultimate housewife. It could be kink.
Kamala's husband. It could just be kink, dude.
That whole campaign could have been kink for them.

She goes out, loses. He's just like, I'm just your sexy little fucking boy in the middle.

Your little homeboy.

Kamala does drink. I can see it, dude.
Yeah,

as soon as one person was like, this lady's drunk, I can never unsee it. I'm like, oh, she's a drunk lady.
Yeah.

Honestly,

one of her more likable things. Yeah.
She's just drunk. Yeah.
She should have really leaned into that. Like, I'm fucking hammered.
I don't know what's going on. Bruh.
Bruh, come on now.

I would have heard, like, it would have, I'm dumb. That would have gotten me.
I'd have been like, she might be good. Yeah.
Yeah. I leaned into that little bit of George Bush action.
Yeah.

Well, I'm just a drunk old whore.

Dude,

it would make me believe she could get things done more. Whores get things done.
They do

all throughout history.

Yeah.

Whores get things done.

It's undone. I want to see that tape between her and Doug.
It's got to be the steamiest, dude. Doug's in like a little rose petal bathtub.

Come on.

She's fucking wasted. She's like,

fucking asshole. You fucking ruined everything.

Fuck you.

How soul cycle, you fucking friend.

Come on. Hey, what do you drink?

We had a nice lunch with friends.

What a weird PR angle to be like, we're just going to make her husband a total pussy. They should have just been like, they should have made him like, it was like, try to make Tim Waltz a badass.

I'd be so mad if I was Doug. It's like, wait, why does Tim Waltz get to be like a hunter badass? Yeah, and I have to be.
I'm just a little peg boy.

An at-home fucking peg boy. You fucking cuck.

Beyond. I think he's almost beyond.
We're getting cucked by Tim Waltz over here. He's basically wife play.
He's going.

Tim Waltz is like, I love shooting guns with my children. And I was in the army.

Yeah, man. What the fuck? Yeah, didn't he not do any of that stuff?

I heard there was... You never know, man.
Look, LeMaire, on the campaign trail, things get dirty. So

who knows what's what. I'm really not looking forward to the election of 2028 because it's like 2020 and 2024 were so depressing.

That 2028 is going to be, both parties are going to unleash, I think, a new psycho. But this is different.
I'm going to be a young psycho, a double young psycho. This is Trump's first year, though.

Dude,

he's not getting re-elected. That's what I keep.
That's what we were just having to talk about. He's not getting reelected.
It would make people too mad. Like, that's not what he was doing.

He's just lost his juice. Once they hit him with the Epstein shit and he was like, ah, forget about that stuff.
I think that he really lost a lot of his juice.

But I'm saying this is his first year as president. Yeah, I know.
He could do it. He could technically do it.
He still got like three more.

Wait, why did he do two more? He could do two more. No, he could do one more after this.
No, he's president for four years. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why could he do another term if he was already president because i think

uh i don't know but they said i honestly don't know but i think they said he can do another term technically he also no he could only do two because they're not consecutive because he did one

there was there we had biden and i think for some weird reason he can do two more now oh they're like trying to make the political or the legal argument that he can yeah but it's like dude we got to move on it's like we can't we can't it's just going to be forever this guy's going to dominate in time a 90 year old dictator yeah he's dominated a whole decade yeah i it's like like, he was funny.

Yeah, he was obviously funny. But now it's like, dude, please.
Yeah, new guy. I'm curious the moves are going to make.

If they're going to go back old school, like prim and proper, or if the new thing is just fuck that guy.

I think he's fucked that guy, bro. Or, yeah, maybe Mom Dani.
Yeah. Mom Donnie's more, maybe more of like a, even a Gavin Newsome gets.
He's a leather jacket Democrat.

They're trying to make Gavin Newsome so fucking cool. He's a podcast.
That guy needs to. He's one of the normal guys like us.
He has a fucking podcast. Gavin Newsome needs to go lay the fuck down.

Like, he needs to shut up.

The problem is, I'll say he is the perfect politician. He's just like a weird, smiling psycho.

Yeah, but like, just, I'm saying, just like, I don't, you know, I'm not a fan of him, but it's also like you gotta, you gotta give it up.

I'm like, man, nope, this guy was born for the role of California governor. Yeah, he fucking tanked the state, and now he wants to tank the country.

But yeah, we'll see, man. I don't know.
I think maybe they'll run Vance. Vance could, they could run Vance again.

It feels like he's been making a play because he's he's been out doing his own shit recently. Trump's

what's he doing? He's been campaigning.

He's been porking.

No, what is it?

I don't want. I feel bad for even bringing it up.

Just his relationship with

the widow of Mr. Charlie Kirk.
Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

That is a nasty thing you would say.

Hey, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

Well,

sorry.

Yeah, final words. I think we're going to slide into the Patreon.
By the way, I got you guys

a little gift. I'm excited.

It's the final installment of the Conquistadors.

And I'm going to display a little gift.

I'm excited. I'm excited too.

I'm also excited to hear how it all ran. I mean, I kind of know, but, you know.
Yeah, but it's surprisingly, it was way, there's way more, it's way more in detail.

So, yeah, we're about to slide into that right now. And thank you, everybody.
Thank you for listening. And I hope to stay, keep your spirits high during this holiday season.

A lot of people people think about killing themselves.

That's true.

People on Christmas want to kill themselves, but I don't know. I get it.
I do get it. But also at the same time, it's like, I like, we just lit up our Christmas tree.
Yeah. Makes me so happy.

I see the lights. I go, it's the best.
But then sometimes at nighttime, it's just you downstairs. It's dark.
You look at the lights and you go, maybe I should kill myself, actually.

Don't kill yourself. Don't do it.
Don't kill yourself. It's bad.
Hang, I'm getting an elf on the shelf. That's going to be a big thing this year.

So don't get get sad on it. Do you get sad on the holidays?

Well, you're about to do free use. You don't care.

You're having a good holiday. You're about to be elf on the shelf.

Yeah, don't get sad on the holidays. Knees on his knees.
That's going to be you.

What's going to be your free use position? What are you going to do? I don't know, dude.

I got to start taking notes. You will for real be stuck, though.

Go statue. You should do like, you know, like the little boy in the lawn where a peeing Cupid? Yeah.

Just see how much you can pee and just sit like a statue and just pee the whole time.

Well, see you later.

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.

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It se delicious sandwiches to serve.

Said

a ten or sales barbecue. It's sufficient for the grandma las viestas.
And no one receives a year,