Welcome to the Horizon Part 9: The Mountain

What up, y'all?

It's Joe Button here to talk about prize picks.

PrizePicks is the best place to win real money while watching football.

You can get up to 100 times your money.

PrizePicks will give you $50 instantly when you play your first $5 lineup.

You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus.

It's guaranteed.

Just download the PrizePicks app and use code Spotify.

That's code Spotify on PrizePicks to get $50 instantly when you play a $5 lineup.

PrizePicks, run your game.

Must be present in certain states.

Visit PrizePicks.com for restrictions and details.

Treat your crew with Starbucks cards for National Coffee Day.

Send up to 10 e-gifts in one transaction from the Starbucks app or online at starbucks.com/slash gift.

Or if you have a larger group or team to celebrate with, you can send physical or digital cards in bulk directly from Starbucks at starbuckscardb2b.com.

No matter how you like to connect over coffee, Starbucks cards have got you covered.

There was a surprising amount of orthodoxy when it came to xenobiology in the triad.

For a very long time, the only version of life scientists were willing to talk about was the same model we're all used to.

Organic compounds in, waste out, all of that fueling a centralized neural cluster.

Now, never mind that there were already examples that contradicted that model.

You're in the same room with one of them right now.

Hi, there.

Maybe inside the central brain, like you do, but further down the abdomen are two sub-brains that help coordinate the additional appendages and can take on additional workload in times of high demand.

Octopuses on your planet are the same way.

But the orthodoxy continued on for many a cycle, and any xenobiologist who dared to challenge it was summarily sent to the fringes of the science.

It wasn't until an unauthorized treatise written by a xenobiologist known only as The Gentleman began to circulate through the community that minds began to change.

In the treatise, it's proposed that there was a viable alternative to the organics in, organics out model.

It was called the energy accumulation model.

Energy is everywhere to be harnessed.

It need not be through biological processing that complexity be achieved.

It reads: Here we stand, my fellows, with advancements our ancestors could not dream of.

And still, life, the simplest thing, the most prevalent, the most mysterious.

Holy fuck, Elden, this is lovely, but can we move it along a little?

The gentleman suggested a life form that was simply an accumulation of energy, no real physical form except for a simple locus around which the energy could coalesce.

As the energy accumulates, complexity is achieved and sentience emerges.

It was all theoretical for years, but then, one day, in an unexplored arm of triangulum,

There they were.

The orbis.

A core of energy surrounded by a crystalline shell.

They hovered wherever they went, communicated telepathically, and sustained themselves by absorbing ambient cosmic radiation.

Nicest people you'll ever meet.

Yes, they are quite lovely.

We're.

They're.

orbs.

Correct.

They're a strange race and very rare, but, you know,

that's triangulum.

What does this have to do with me?

Life, as we know it, takes many forms.

All of them valid.

It doesn't sound to me like you've been cursed or turned into some sort of abomination by your encounter with this woman, Clementine.

It sounds as though she, unwittingly, created a new form of life and placed you inside the prototype.

I liked being human.

We all strive toward the familiar, Frank.

It's understandable, but if I may be so bold, I think you'll come to enjoy this new shape you're in.

You get to test drive a new form of life.

It's a rare rare privilege.

A form of life that was created accidentally.

That describes most forms of life, even your former species.

A chain of proteins makes a wrong turn one day and the primordial lose.

Next thing you know, they're walking around having existential crises all day.

I don't want to be an orb, Elden.

I'm not suggesting you're an orb, Frank.

I eat breakfast in the morning like everyone else.

And I think you should continue to do that.

We don't know exactly how you work yet.

It's going to take some time.

We know spores have no effect on you.

We know you're not sleeping.

We know you can somehow survive a fall of about a hundred meters.

But there's much more to learn.

I'll monitor you, take notes.

It'll be fun.

Oh, I think your glee is kind of freaking him out, Elden.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

We're making history here, Frank.

You're going to appear in journals all over three galaxies.

You're going to be a celebrity.

I don't think that's a plus for him, Elden.

It is not.

Very well.

We'll keep it all between us for the time being, and I won't share any data until you say so.

Fair enough?

Fair enough.

There's

no rulebook for this, Frank.

But look, look around.

There's no rulebook for any of this bullshit.

The two of you are acting like I just found out I'm colorblind or something.

This is a little bigger than that.

Well, we don't have much to offer you other than what I've said, Frank.

Verge is right.

There's no rulebook for this, but we do know that all of this hootinanny is related to an encounter with Midnight Burger.

Now, we don't know a lot about Midnight Burger, but it did take up residency in the Triad recently and stirred up all sorts of trouble, so we know more now than we did before.

Wherever that thing goes, very strange things happen.

You're one of them.

But we've yet to see it have a negative effect on anyone it encounters.

Pay attention to yourself.

Take it slow, and we'll know more every day.

But, Frank,

you need to tell June.

Yes, speaking of glee that will make you uncomfortable, I do think it's time to tell June.

Yeah,

yeah, I know.

Where is she right now?

She is.

Hmm.

What?

One moment.

Elden.

June can't be located.

What?

I'm not getting a signal from her phone.

Did she forget to charge her phone again?

Fun fact.

Even when your phone is off, I can track you.

She just disappeared?

Well.

No.

Elden.

Frank, this is going to upset you, but I have said before that your phones are very insecure.

And this means

that I am constantly monitoring everyone in town and keeping detailed records on their whereabouts and

all of their conversations.

Are you fucking kidding me?

In my defense, this is how Virgin and I always operate.

I need to be aware of our surroundings at all times.

I'm not spying on people, Frank.

Elden's only allowed to tell me things that affect my personal safety.

Everything else is in the vault.

That's correct.

Only when it's a matter of life and death.

Oh, or funny.

Yes, there have been some funny bits that I've shared.

Did you know that Edgy Steve enjoys opera?

Okay.

Okay.

Uh,

Elden, we are going to have a very broad conversation about this very soon, but can you tell me what's going on with June?

Please.

One moment.

Let me compile compile a narrative from the data.

Aha.

Well,

what?

June wanted to cheer up Deidre, so they decided to procure some alcohol and head over to Deidre's house to come up with some design ideas for when she moves back in.

Okay.

This very quickly turned into the two of them becoming inebriated.

Expected.

And June unveiling a theory that she knows where the quote secret military base is.

Oh, Jesus Christ, and the two of them driving to its alleged location,

where they then disappeared.

What disappeared?

Yes, disappeared

in an explainable way.

I believe so, yes.

What's the explanation, Elden?

It's obviously the secret military base.

There's really a secret military base?

Well, secret is a strong word.

None of you knew it was there.

Seriously?

It's right there, Frank.

I have never seen anything that suggests a secret military base.

I grew up here, Elden.

It's giving off all sorts of frequencies.

You never heard any strange sounds on your radio?

Yes, of course, yes.

But I thought they were just radio sounds.

They are radio sounds, Frank.

Radio sounds from the secret military base.

Oh,

God damn it.

And what?

They're being held there now?

I would imagine so.

Their phones have most likely been put in some sort of frequency-blocking container.

How the hell have they been hiding a military base in town?

It's not in town technically, about three kilometers around the mountains.

What are they doing there?

I could tell you, but I'd have to hack into their mainframe.

That sort of thing requires permission.

Right.

Of course.

I give you permission.

Not from you.

Do it.

One moment.

Hello, military firewall.

Goodbye, military firewall.

And.

Aha.

It's not categorized as a base, but rather a listening station.

This nation's government has them placed in strategic places all over the country, in, quote,

areas of interest.

What do they do to intruders?

I'm afraid intruders are at the mercy of the United States military.

And that entails?

It depends entirely on what they have and haven't witnessed there at the station.

If they've witnessed top-secret operations, something is enacted called Operation Quick Wash.

Would you like a description?

Nope.

Frank, stay here.

Let's go, Elden.

Wait, where are you going?

Stay here.

Hello, Frank.

I'm in your phone again.

It's still terrible in here.

Would you mind if I made some changes to your firmware?

Yep, yes.

Yes, I would mind.

All right.

Hey, Frank, call me when you get this.

Is anything going on?

I just had the strangest dream.

Call me,

he's gonna love that.

Hmm,

what

are you telling me?

Oh, uh, drinking?

Oh, hey, Doug.

Huh?

What are you doing out here?

I'm not sure.

I had a very strange dream.

What are you doing out here?

Oh, just closed up shop.

Anything going on?

Um,

no, no, not really.

It's been a quiet night.

It's been nice.

Oh, oh, Hazelie J came by and bought a bunch of deer repellent, and she just said, I've got them on the run.

Whatever that means.

Okay.

I think I need to go to the Glade of Wishes.

Okay.

Um,

do

you need a ride?

No.

I think I need to walk.

Oh, okay.

Would you come with me?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

I can't believe I let you talk me into this.

I don't know, Deidre.

I'm feeling pretty triumphant right now.

We're prisoners, June.

Of the secret military base that nobody believed was here.

Huge win for us.

I can't believe you were right about this.

That's right, Deidre.

Like most visionaries, they called me insane, but look at me now.

Yeah, exactly.

Look at you now.

A prisoner.

They can lock me up, but they can't lock up the truth.

Deidre.

June.

June, I think your plan to cheer me up has failed.

Nonsense, you're having a great time.

I'm not.

You know what we need?

We just need a couple of drinky poos to get us nice and centered.

Hey!

Where's the beverage service in here?

Kind of an establishment are you running?

Exactly.

I really thought I was going to have a day where nothing fucked up happened.

I know, Deidre, but be honest.

If nothing fucked up happened, wouldn't you just be a little bit bored?

No.

A tiny bit.

No.

Just a little bit.

June.

Deidre.

This is gonna be great.

They're going to ask them some questions and then let us go.

We jumped over a fence.

Big deal.

Damn.

I wish Celeste was here

to see this.

She was the only other one who believed in the military base.

Celeste.

Celeste.

Who no one has seen.

For weeks.

Yes.

Who also thought there was a secret military base?

Oh my god.

Oh, they have Celeste.

She's been gone for weeks for weeks.

How long are they going to hold us here?

We're not leaving here without Celeste, you bastards!

Could you both sit down, please?

Who are you?

What's your deal?

My name is Private Deborah Kennedy, and you're both in a lot of trouble.

I suggest you sit down.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Listen here, Deborah.

You're the only one who's in a lot of trouble.

You can't just operate a secret military base without telling anybody.

Not telling anybody is the key factor in operating a secret military base.

Don't get smart with me, Debbie.

Please don't call me Debbie.

Private, we're very sorry.

Very sorry.

And we're going to answer all your questions.

I swear, we didn't mean to end up here.

Good.

Full names, please.

Deidre Peppercorns.

Jude!

I'm sorry.

I just keep forgetting that's your last name.

That's always been my last name.

I know.

I just

Debbie, there's this guy.

He owns half the town.

And Deidra is his granddaughter.

And a sor- Sorry.

I just forget the connection.

This is one Theo Alex Dean Johansson peppercorns.

I'm sorry, what?

Yes, yes, that's his full name.

TJ

is Theo Alex Dean Johansson peppercorns?

You knew that.

No, I didn't.

If I had known that, I would have been laughing for my entire life.

How did it end up being TJ?

I guess because T-A-D-J peppercorns sounds funny.

Anything sounds funny when you put peppercorns at the end of it.

That's my name.

and it's funny excuse me your full name uh i'm sorry uh c r it did

you're clearly just spelling the word cryptid well god forbid somebody have a funny name around here oh my god please just tell her your name she already knows my name she took her ids remember i'm checking for known aliases if you have to ask it's not a known alias is it

ladies this is your one opportunity to convince us you're not here for nefarious purposes.

I suggest you take advantage of it.

We're very sorry.

I'm not sorry.

She doesn't speak for me.

Deirdre, come on.

Gotta play hardball with these people.

You have literally zero bargaining power right now.

You were both caught trying to break into a military facility.

I swear,

that's not what we were trying to do.

That's right.

We weren't trying.

We succeeded, Debbie.

We broke into your little treehouse.

Just a couple of broads on a bender.

How's that feel?

Oh, God.

I give up.

Where's Celeste, Debbie?

We're not holding Celeste.

Oh, yeah.

Why is that?

Because you already transferred her to Guantanamo Bay?

Private.

Can you please tell us what we can do to fix this?

We really didn't mean any harm.

You know, Celeste...

Was just a misguided little weirdo, and you took her away from us and stowed her god knows where.

And you should be ashamed of yourself, private Debbie.

You're dismissed, private.

Celeste?

Deidre.

Celeste, what are you wearing?

A uniform, Deidre.

Yeah, why?

Because I'm in the military.

Since when?

Since I was 18 years old, June.

Celeste,

you need to absolutely get the fuck out of here.

I'd prefer Sergeant Major Yose, if you don't mind.

I mind!

Celeste, you...

You're in charge of this place.

Yes, I am, Deidre.

But...

You were always saying you suspected a secret military base was nearby.

That's correct.

But you've been...

running it?

You've been a double agent this whole time.

You sneaky little snot.

Also, respect.

It's pretty impressive.

It's standard psyops, Deidre.

When you want to discredit an idea, you plant someone on the inside that makes the idea look ridiculous.

Nobody took me seriously in town, so when I talked about a secret military base, they instantly dismissed it.

I didn't!

I didn't fall for it, Celeste.

and look at me now.

All your bases are belong to me.

That's true, June.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

That did just help me, though.

Nobody takes you seriously either.

How dare you?

Celeste, so all this time,

you living in town has just been a big lie.

I'm afraid so, Deidre.

Celeste, I...

I helped you paint your living room one time.

You You were a part of this town.

You've been lying the whole time?

Deidre.

We threw a birthday party for you at the Sheep's Eye.

Yes, I understand that.

Celeste, do you see what you've done?

Do you see

how you've hurt poor Deidre over there?

Deidre, I...

I did live there.

That was my home.

It is.

It was just...

When you thought I was at home all day watching daytime television, I was just here.

At the secret military base.

At the secret military base.

Being a big fat liar.

It's a secret military base.

Not anymore.

But you disappeared a few weeks ago.

What happened?

I'm afraid I can't talk about that.

Whatever.

Hang on.

I said not to disturb me here.

Hey, Celeste.

I'm over at your house right now.

Thought I'd check up on you.

I brought your mail in.

It was really piling up.

When do you think you'll be heading back?

Frank, what are you doing at my house?

Frank.

You know what?

I can see that you're busy.

I'll catch you at the sheep's eye.

What the fuck?

Ma'am.

What is it?

We're getting several security alerts on the perimeter.

God damn it, June.

Who else is here?

Nobody, June.

Maybe it's raccoons in your garbage cans again.

Celeste.

Take a security detail and sweep the perimeter.

Yes, ma'am.

Hello.

Oh, hey, Celeste.

Sorry.

One more thing.

Do you think you'll be back before the first freeze?

Yeah, I feel like I should leave the water running just a little bit, keep the pipes moving and all that.

You don't want a burst water pipe.

Water damage is a real thing.

Frank, how did you get this number?

You know what?

Great.

I'll just go ahead and turn the taps on a a little bit better safe than sorry.

Okay.

Bye.

What the hell is going on?

Celeste!

What the hell is all this about?

Why the hell is there a military base on this stupid mountain?

I'm afraid I can't divulge that.

Come on, we're all friends here.

Or at least we thought we were.

Until we found out you were a big fat liar.

I suggest you stay focused on getting out of the mess you've gotten yourself into.

Oh, suggestion.

Is there a suggestion box?

I'd like to make a suggestion.

I suggest

that Celeste stop being such a lying fraud.

Sergeant Major Yo.

Celeste.

I would rather re-watch the Phantom Menace than call you Sergeant Major.

Wait, she said that she was in town to throw us off the the trail yeah which means that everything she said in town about the secret military base was the true thing that she didn't want us to know deir

you're a damn genius what did she say she said it was a listening station you did you said it was a listening station i did

you agreed with her you you did she did you did i can't divulge what goes on here ma'am what is it

There's.

What is it?

We're not seeing anything on the perimeter.

Okay.

But I think I keep hearing something.

Hearing what?

I don't know.

Alright.

Cut the floodlights and switch to night vision goggles.

Yes, ma'am.

Cutting the floodlights.

Frank!

God damn it.

Grass is getting a little long over here, Celeste.

So, do you want me to get our landscaping guy over here?

He can take care of it, no problem.

Frank, get out of my house.

Oh, 100%.

He's coming by Tuesday, so I'll tell him to take a look.

Night vision goggles on.

Oh, my God.

Where is it?

Over there.

Private, report.

What is happening?

Give me the radio.

Private?

Put Deidre on.

Who is this?

Put Deidre on, or I start getting really creative out here.

Who is this?

Verge, I'm fine.

I'm okay.

Are you sure?

They're just asking us questions.

I'm fine.

Okay.

Verge, um, the guards?

They're fine.

Good.

I'm fine too, by the way.

Who is this and what have you done to my men?

Hello?

Okay, I'm just gonna come out and say it, ladies, the that was hot, right?

Who's with me?

I feel like it's book club night and the first 50 Shades book just came out.

Anybody?

Frank.

Hey, Celeste, real quick.

Hot water heater.

What are we thinking?

On, off.

Just when are you due back in town?

Frank.

Hey, also wanted to let you know.

I got you some new trash cans.

Frank, how the hell did you get this number?

I'm old school, Celeste.

I let my fingers do the walking.

We're doing very sensitive work here, Frank.

This isn't a joke.

Celeste,

you being in charge of a top-secret military base is absolutely a joke.

I mean, I'm still working on the punchline, though.

It's Sergeant Major Yost.

Oh, bada-bang!

There it is!

Do you have any idea how many federal laws you're breaking right now?

I don't, I don't, but I am breaking some local ones, too.

Breaking and entering, for example.

Why the hell are you in my house?

Well, you've been missing for weeks, Celeste.

I wanted to make sure you were okay.

I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Frank, get out of my house.

Here's what I don't understand.

You live here for years,

pretending to be an old kook living up on the mountain.

But then, the past few weeks, you've been gone.

Vanished without a trace.

So what's up, Celeste?

What part of very sensitive work did you not understand?

Wait, you know what?

Never mind.

I'll just ask my man here.

Military site 2626.

Code named Happy Goat Station.

Was recently put under an order 33, or hurry up and wait order, directing all sites to stock provisions and garrison personnel until further notice.

Who was that?

Happy Goat Station.

Oh, fuck.

What kind of name is that?

What happened to cool names like Ice Station Zebra?

Frank, if you are hacking into our databases.

What, Celeste?

What's going to happen?

The military is going to come and sweep us up?

You think they won't?

Celeste, if that place you've been hiding yourself truly is a listening station, then I imagine you've been hearing some pretty strange things lately.

Chinese parades?

Laser gun shootouts?

Oh, my new favorite one is the four-story plant eater wandering around.

Elden, what's it called?

A mongo.

A mongo.

We've got a mongo now.

I can't believe I missed the mongo.

All of this is happening and not a peep from Uncle Sam.

I mean, I feel like you guys would have shown up already, especially since you're listening right around the corner.

So what's going on, Celeste?

What do you want me to do here, Frank?

I want you to load June and Deidre into one of those fun jeeps of yours and meet me in the town square.

I'm under orders here, Frank.

Yeah, right.

So, uh, when was their last communication from Central Command?

Their last communication from Central Command was weeks ago when they received the hurry-up and wait order.

They've heard nothing since.

That's odd.

Boy, you guys must be going crazy out there.

So, meet me in the town square in one hour, Celeste.

I'm sure we've got lots to talk about.

Your sausage mcmuffin with egg didn't change.

You receipt it.

The sausage mcmuffin with egg extra value meal includes a hash brown and a small coffee for just five dollars.

Only at McDonald's for a limited time.

Prices and participation may vary.

So, um,

what are you looking for, Drinket?

I don't know.

I usually come here when I need to clear my head or shift my perspective somehow

or just make a wish.

Really?

Sure.

I know it seems a little childish, but you need to put your intentions out there.

You need to speak them out loud.

They can't stay locked up in your head.

So,

I mean, you just stand here and

wish something.

Yeah.

You want to give it a try?

Oh, oh,

no,

I don't know.

It's okay.

It's always here if you need it.

Okay.

So, um, what was the dream you had?

Oh,

honestly, it was kind of stupid.

It wasn't some sort of

vision from the other side or anything.

It was just very vivid.

Like, I was really there.

Where were you?

I was...

I was in my parents' camper van

when...

So when I was a little kid, I wasn't in school much.

I was homeschooled until middle school.

My parents were always on the road with the fair.

And the only thing that came close to a classroom for me was Sesame Street.

They had a tiny portable television.

And at 8 a.m.

every morning, I would look around for PBS, and there it was.

School.

And that was the dream.

It was just

me.

me watching Sesame Street.

But it was crystal clear.

I can still see it in my head

dreams fade but it's

it's still with me right now

and i don't know what to make of it

which episode was it shave god's teeth hey y'all what what are you doing out here i'm out here all the time now i love it out here

Do I want to know what you're doing out here?

I'm just hanging out.

I found a nice flat rock right here to rest my head on.

And I just look up at the sky and think.

Sometimes I bring a headphones.

And sometimes you bring something else.

It's a free country.

What are y'all doing?

I had a weird dream.

Doug's trying to help me out.

You had a dream about Sesame Street?

Well, it wasn't about Sesame Street.

I was watching Sesame Street in the dream.

Right, yeah.

Which episode?

Steve,

there's like a billion episodes of Sesame Street.

What was in it?

What was in it?

Um,

well, the usual stuff.

I think they were in Hawaii.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

The Hawaii episode.

Oh, that was a good one.

Yeah.

You remember the episode?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it was a it was a special episode.

They filmed the whole thing in Hawaii.

Huge moment for Snuffleupagus lore in that episode.

Steve, Snuffle Upagus lore?

No, no, no.

He's right.

Check it out.

Snuffle upagus is lonely on Sesame Street, right?

He's wondering where all the other snuffle upages are.

Or snuffle up a guy, which is it?

Well, if snuffle up against a Greek root word, then it would be snuffle upaguses.

Whatever.

Snuffle upagus is lonely, and he hears that there's more snuffle upagees in Hawaii.

So he goes to look for it.

Yeah, right, right.

And he looks.

And

he looks the entire episode, but he never finds them.

But he doesn't sweat it too much, because, in the end, he's got his family down on Sesame Street.

Even though none of them think he exists.

Oh, yes, we should remember.

This is

a pre-reveal episode, so everyone still thought that Snuffalupagus was Big Bird's imaginary friend.

So there we are.

At the end of the episode, Snuffalupagus laments,

Oh well, I guess I'll never find any more of my people.

He walks away, but the camera stays.

And in those last moments, we focus on the volcanic mountain behind him.

And we clearly see the mountain behind him is in the exact form of a giant snuffle upigus, the size of a mountain.

Like a sleeping giant.

What'll happen when he awakens one day?

Jesus Christ, Steve.

What?

Okay.

Okay, something

sleeping in the mountain.

I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean.

Oh, shit.

No, Mount Hood is an active volcano.

What if it's going to blow?

No, no, no, no.

It's a potentially active volcano, but it's been dormant for a few hundred years.

And any eruption would be preceded by just years of earthquake swarms.

And it's been quiet out there for a long time.

I love it when you're paranoise-informative, man.

Thank you, Steve.

Oh,

Steve,

is this the stone you were resting your head on?

Yeah, give it a try.

It's a nice little spot.

What is it, Doug?

Well,

has anything ever been built in this glade?

I don't think so.

Why?

Um.

This stone is a square.

It is?

Yeah,

you didn't notice it?

No.

Just laid my head down.

Well, that's weird.

You think there's something underneath?

Well, it's probably left over from some construction a long time ago.

I've been here a million times, and I can't believe I've never seen that.

I'm turning it over.

Ha!

We discovered worms.

There's writing on the back.

There is?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do one of you have a light on your phone?

Yeah.

Hang on.

It's carved into the stone.

There you go.

What language is that?

None of them?

None of them.

You killed none of the guards?

Zero, Frank.

How'd you manage that?

Oh, I've got no idea, Frank.

You're all so fragile.

Or perhaps, I should say,

they're also fragile.

Yeah, nope, let's not start with that.

Humans, am I right?

That's enough.

Thank you.

Okay, here she comes.

Make yourself scarce.

I'll be in the sheep's eye.

Hi, Frank.

Sorry.

Sweet freedom.

Well, um,

I'll say this, June.

You did take Deidre's mind off her problems.

See there?

I'm a solution factory over here, Frank.

Sarge.

Their little visit to the base wasn't officially logged in my report.

They got lucky this time.

Oh, well, that's very neighborly of you.

Well, they're

my neighbors.

So,

this whole time you've been pretending to be the town weirdo and then working at a secret military base?

Frank, everyone who lives in this town is the town weirdo.

Hard to argue with.

What are you guys even doing there?

That's classified.

Uh-huh.

What do you think we've been doing, Frank?

Look around.

No, so you've been there for years, Celeste, way before any of this weird bullshit started going on.

Look, this

area is of special interest to the United States military.

I'm just going to leave it at that.

Okay.

Whatever.

Whatever.

Thank you for giving us back Deidre in June.

I kind of had to, Frank.

Apparently, you've employed a hacker and some sort of ninja.

Yeah, about that.

There has been a clown car of nonsense rolling through town constantly, Celeste.

Your bosses haven't said anything to you about this?

I can't say.

You're under a hurry-up and wait order, apparently.

So you're supposed to just sit tight and wait for orders?

How long have you been waiting, Celeste?

We haven't heard from Command in

a while.

Yeah.

You think they might be otherwise occupied?

With what?

I heard the Chilean military has been seizing observatories.

Think it has anything to do with that?

Wait, what is this, Frank?

How come you haven't told me about any of this?

I know.

You have another bloody Mary, June.

You were a little too busy getting drunk and jumping over barbed wire fences, June.

Was very little barbed wire.

What's going on?

Trinket.

Look who we found.

Celeste, why is she dressed like that?

Celeste, what?

Where have you been?

Is he going to a costume party?

Why does Doug have a big rock?

Whose jeep is that?

Does it have writing on it?

Oh, oh, right.

Can anyone read Chinese?

Excuse me.

Uh,

it sounds like everybody's got a lot of questions.

How about somebody open up the bar?

Angle me a little higher, please.

What is

going on

right now?

Right now, right?

I it's ancient Chinese,

which makes it a bit tricky because of the flexible word functions.

Also, whoever carved the characters into the stone was not exactly a craftsman.

Essentially, it is a message from a man named Chu Fu.

Who the hell is that?

Well, if it's the same Chu Fu from historical documents, he was a legendary explorer.

His emperor deeply feared death and sent him on a quest to find an elixir of immortality whose ingredients could only be found at the top of a legendary mountain named Heng Lai.

This tablet is a message to his emperor.

I will finally return from the mountain, though I have changed as much as the land around me.

The mountain will be found again.

The mountain will be lost again.

Forever.

Well, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Hey.

Hey.

I'm sorry if that was a little

too much tonight.

I.

I got worried.

No, I felt.

I felt a lot better when I heard your voice on the radio.

I want to say something.

Okay.

I called you a liar the other day

and

I was sitting there in that room tonight with Celeste and she was just totally lying to us the whole time.

And

I guess

just putting her in the same category as you felt a little wrong.

You were just trying to stay alive.

And I want you to know that

I understand the position that you are in.

I still don't feel right about it.

I

don't have a lot of secrets.

I know.

Kind of an open book over here.

You are.

I imagine it must be kind of terrifying to tell someone who you really are.

It really is terrifying, Deidre.

I mean, I should have known.

Look at you.

Of course you fell from the sky.

I have to say, I'm having a hard time seeing you as a person in charge of other people.

It's true, Frank.

A lot of people depend on my leadership.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

That just sounds surreal.

I didn't enjoy it, Frank.

I didn't enjoy lying to all of you.

Oh, well, I think you did a little bit.

You know what, Frank?

How long did it take you?

What?

To realize I was gone.

How long did it take you?

Uh-huh.

It took a few weeks.

Okay.

Okay, so maybe enough with the smart remarks.

Okay,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

We're all sorry.

I mean, yes, yes, you were totally lying to us and apparently spying on all of us, but but yes, we were not very attentive to the completely fictional version of you that you created to deceive us all.

Jokes on you, buddy.

I'm taking that as an apology.

So.

What now, Celeste?

We all know your secret.

What are we going to do about it?

Hell, I don't know.

We'll just have to keep it a secret that you know our secret.

We can do that.

Good.

Ma'am, what is it, Private?

May I speak with you?

Order me another.

I'll be right back.

Hey, do you want to take a roadie back for your stormtroopers?

I might, Frank.

Thanks for thinking of me.

What is it?

We've received orders from Western Command.

Finally, where are they?

I have them on the secure tablet here.

Good.

What the fuck, ma'am?

It's been a strange night, private.

But I'm afraid it's going to get even stranger.

What do you mean, ma'am?

Go back to the base and tell everyone there will be a debrief in one hour.

You're not coming?

I'll be along soon.

I need to do something.

What?

Follow my instincts.

Whoop!

Sarge.

What's the news?

Are you planning a big Christmas party?

Tell me something, Frank.

Sure, what's that?

Do the words wayfaring stranger mean anything to you?

Welcome to the Horizon is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

Wilson, Billy, Burtberg, Bethany, Second Bethany, Society of Bethanies, a non-binary thylacine named Bethany.

Oh, Bethany, where art thou?

Lana Banana's home for runaway mothers and others is proud to welcome all fleeing Bethanies.

All the non-binary Brothanies of Princeton, Texas, dances with Bethany's.

This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant binames, ruining a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew.

Banjo Bethany begins banjoing belated Bethany battle ballads, Avenge the stew!

Green Mountain Hermit wants that NB Bethany stew recipe.

Sylvie maintains a neutral position in the Bethany War and wishes to stop the violence.

In the spirit of Christmas, local marsh hag won't snatch any Bethany's on the nice list.

All you naughty Bethanies, best of luck.

Mama Mander and Bobo Bonobo, Valen Real, Tooth Fairy, They Paints, Undead Akira, Broom Goddess, Porgatos Pex, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's 10 tenabreast tense taffle tippers treading treacherously, tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales.

Bab's got a basketball booty.

Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck, naked, the lovely Laura Lovely, Jeremy Rule, Alex Church, Ahsoa, Goat G, Jacob Mitchell, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Joshua Soder, Gabba Ghoul, Scrubs Andy, just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, the Panda Crew, Maria Yitzas, Beardo the Wizard, Whiskered, Anne Maestas, Randy Tensley, Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.

Rutherford B.

Chesterfield and his dapper companion, Winchester, SeaWolf, Andrea Rose, Cheshire Corgi, Kelsey, ShareBear17890, Zoldia, Little Man from County Down, Jamie, the original Happy Hippie Rainy, Matthew Hannigan, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, Buggy, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know he cares.

Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbes DeCoe, Alexis Walker, Rory of Yin, Moobie the Golden Calf, Kirion, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Bubba485, aka Schemelbach, The Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Space Rooster Randy Roosts in Ava's Booth, Stella Corvus, My Love for Verge is Undying, Candyman Fight, Sketch Wolf, John Peters, You Know the Farmers, Barkley on the Holodeck, Terrence Johnson, Dapper Dad, ADHD Brulee, SCP-049, O Magis, South Wayne, Michael Laurie, Kelsey Gallagher, TK Turtle King, Dominique Perry, Space-Based Lasers, The Geneva Accords, Andrew Oakden, At least Six Gyms, Abby Kramer, Jess Ex-Hart, Cat Carruthers, The Phoenix Bird is MIA, but Left Gabby Painter a new lump of coal, Sad Angry Crab Man, a talking dog named Bronk, definitely not Kevin, Annie Crafts Anywhere, Jimmy Snims, Rest in Peace, Mikey, Dakota Slossky, Rear Admiral Jack Inhov of the USS Rim Job, Angel and Lucy, Beatrice Bodacious, Estelle, Homer, Are We Doing Crimes, Dolores Gerishnapp, Dane Koloff, Creator67, Retorted, Peggy Luvatsky, Adam Wolfe, Martin Dyers, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Matt B., Richard Ryan Moschel, Theodore and his son Henzo, D.

Flower, Kelly T.

Arena, The Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Parmesan Goose, Jen Rhodes, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Alan Berglund, Dylan Winslow, V.

Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey.

I hope something good happens to you today.

Yes, you.

Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mum, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in their T, Keegan Diamond, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Steven Duro, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Caption B and Lady G with their swabs.

That's good, Gouda, the clockwork vixen, Ozneth the Author, Mr.

Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino says, Be nice.

Hoop challenge.

Jupiter Defense Squad, Leaf's Laser Saw, Elizabeth T, Gus, Kyler Wren, Coco Yumi, Huggamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Crandyman, Garot, Nick Nick Gomez, Coldblood, The Sayer of Ra, aka Bleepo Abernathy, Our Cats said to tell you, Meow, Lords Kev, Ed, and Brian of the House of Bros.

Lord Denham, Jay Schmo, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr.

Frog President, Alexis Higgins, Mr.

Squizzle, Sizzle, Wizzle Fizzle, The Horrendous, Abenasso, Mr.

Rage, Ada, Spooky Spader, Storytime, Andy, I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

Lizarus, Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Rebb, Alex Verr, Aaron Starr, Claude de Claus, Rachel Seymour, Chis Halfridge, the Bullheaded Professor, Bonjour, E.

C.

Alexandre Leroque, Le Canadien des Sépons Emotionale Officiale pour Midnight Burger.

For this message in English, press 2.

Chris Janda, Ed Boy, Ryan Finelli, Jonathan Kay,

Another Mother, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, David Royal, Captain Hambone, King Felix Blaze of the Third Street Saints, Scotty Oates, Iced Heart on Fire, Dan's Grounded Again.

Ah, sorry, sorry, that is not my deodorant.

Speaku, Nick-Tac-Toe 2.0, Simply Tony.

Is Hold It Now, Holt It Now hid it a bit?

Or a patron name?

Gabriel, Jamie the Goblin of Chaos.

Whoa!

Nico DeGallo goes great on Midnight Burgers.

A dubious Raptor.

A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Corinne's bar.

God is love, love is king.

Cash green, Sir Party Animal.

Byro the motherfucking dragon, drunk off my tail, Uloy Jackal, cat with a K, Miss Shan Fizzle, Slebby the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage, Stompenstein rhymes with Frankenstein, Casper, Lucifer Hezekiah, Lachiwawa Brava, CC Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a MILF, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava, Red Nell, Kurt Domsky, Craig Armstrong, Zachary Lengre, Get Out of My Booth, Bug, Chuck McFinley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl42, Little Dragon, Ben Carlyle, Garf Uncle, Anna Kearney, Ashley Strange Lilia, The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Red Mafia Panda, Jean-Luc Gabo, Doc Sweet Ph.D., Lonely Isle, Chris Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Sernoculus the Space Knight, Scrizzles, Thwap, Casey Judson, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, Peace Reaper, The End is Nigh,

Jeremiah the Cancelled, Poet Without a Name, Brian Collins, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West, The Sketch of Otaku Gang, Wolf, Drake Elias, Fermi's Paradoxans, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again, Tevin Longblade's Short Sword, Impatiently Waiting for the TARDIS, Forget Normal, A Damn!

David Chapman, C.J.

Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Smivey, Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Danon Deb, Xander Hicks, The Soup Witch, Fetuscini Alfredo, Amalgamous Pax, Pebbles, Vivi Heim, Heathen King, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Nick Bobro, Midnight Plumber, Mr.

Cherry, International House of Yearning, Cynical Warlock, Wayne Heiser, Elie Zito, Slev of Bahamut, Umbra Mesarem, Cam and Micah, Omi Gracie, Jade Blade, A Ted Named Todd, Fred and George, Sam the Celestial, Chucklid and Charlie's Chicken Shack, Ava Maddox Jr., Cassie Williams, Yeet My Boy, 46 Toolshed 2, Julie, Blended Music, Hazley J, Lizzie R., TK Elemental, Push Lynchen, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E.

Melt, Red the Gray, Daylen Foles, I Needed Someone to Make the TARDIS Reference, Auden, Gregory Gregory the God of Chaos, sitting down to tea with the other beings of chaos.

Athanasios Nasir Shaukat, Kiboko, Theo, Lil Kev, Kozumine, Jonathan Burton, Mr.

Man and Lady, Joey B., Ally Malik, DJK DJK, Mix Taron Van Edinger, Sandalwood Mountain, Whimsical Fuckery.

The person trying to contact you regarding your diner's extended warranty is having bottom surgery on January 22nd.

Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, Rain Rain, Owen Sucedo, The Big Moose, Glory Cole, Janelle Miaonet's Cat Butler, The Gentleman, Rest in Peace, Dear O'Sheen, Alex Berry, Eden DePoussay, I only listen for the names at the end.

Avalon, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack.

Eliza Travels the Universe, Mike Enzovino, Lindsey Bowen, The Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spence, Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, I Hate Some Ores, James Harlow, NecroPants, Salesman of the Year, The Cosmos Cruising Cadillac, I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr.

Caborand, Me as a Baby, Michael Odom, Zephyr McZero, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Calkins, Guacamolio, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat666, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, Kid Puncher 2006, Pumpkin Spice Monte Cristo, Dustin's Goose, Prime Freak, Walter Piakarski, Droid Pirate Findlay, and His Ruben-esque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Drunken Coyote, The Impersonator Known as Breath and Knee, Hitchhiker's Guide to a Laser Saw, Tony Piakarski, Adrian R.

Phoenix, Kimber Derp, Mr.

Tim's, Dead Weight, The Harbinger Pulsar, Kinetic Fox, The Twisted Twixter, Murchis Mama, Faye Queen, Chase Noseworthy, Core, Oopsnart, The Probability Demolition Expert, Mason Jeffrey Showtime Hester, C.R.

Ipted, For My Mother, Two Vegetarians in a Toxic Relationship with Burger, Clementine's Alter Ego, Melissa Winskill, Nicole Studioso, Sign My Shovel, Just a Potato, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Snarky Bark00, The Cowboy, The Gamesville Fear Garden, Uthrid and Roses, Viking Void Vittles, Not Sure What I'm Doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Klamso, Joe Mama, Scrambled Eggs, Morgan Brockman, Charlotte Tobaya, Glennis Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Good Grief People, I Need to Breathe, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Oh, Mamama, Droughtbreaker, Glorbnar7, Dooser Likes No Thinky, Just Dewey, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Mr.

Arnie Arbuckle Sr., The Church Grimm, Sierra Not from Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezer Boob, you're telling me democracy fried this rice?

Caleb Tubiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Jake Cascade, Digital Floof Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, The Milkman, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr.

Meepod, Palace, Rebecca Pope, Big Mo, Brian O'Neill, Edward Pena.

I am Annie.

I live forever in every moment I've existed.

I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift.

The Stone Fox, Sierra Smith, Solivia, Kyle from Detroit, Juiciton, Marauder Mitch and Pandergask, Boomhauer, Ninja Grimm Reaper, Miles Nelson, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods.

Britwards, Ashley Soros, Momo's Mama, Tony Tony Tony, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Fickle Phil, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Mr.

Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Riley, Khaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dina, River Waters, Amanda Noscarella, Jose Zetino, Sonny the Stag, the podcast representative of Pill Owls, KBS 1017, Stelliot, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E, HBD, AJ and Aaliyah Oolewa, Mommy and Daddy, Love You.

Ducky Vengers is the terror that flaps in the night.

Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary Like the Virgin, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q Dell, Pharrell, Betty Hayes and the B-Team, Emily with Two E's, Drowsy Rousey, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk, Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thrive, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Wavelet, Issa the Straga, D.

Greitzler, Jeep Style, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scarakio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, Scipio Dudah, Buffy's Daughter, Emeric, Bufardi's Nuts, Brussela, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Tristan Stoles, Shadow Rapture, Leaf's Bastard Son Brizzo, Hank the Wonderlama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Alexander Nunes, Jeremy Ibsen, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Short Dick Nick, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Taurus Smash, the podcast for nerdy Jews, Axel, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Tim Lynch, Boysenberry, aka The Boys, A Zeus, Anna Phylxis, Mythical Mantis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtax, Kennan's Girlfriend Brooke, The Subaquatic Goblin says, Joe, you've done it again.

Kelly Tobin, Jenny on the Blockchain, Angry Leaf's Laser Saw, Keith Collins, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Jeff R., Randy Zamigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, WitchyCat13 Loves IPAs, Unusually Big and Old Invisible Elf Penis, Max Danger, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naeonix Reno, Robert Frankenberry, High Life, Honeybee, Nordalbash, Jordan, Rwinx Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hifeweissen, Monica and Mason Kay, Tony Wants to Be Lafe, Rowan, Lady of the Black, and Herald of the Stars, Brunswick and Pastel, Ryan Burnett, Christy Casey, The Timid Ghost 23, Zivia's Mom, Dr.

Dr.

B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Brothers of the Cocene, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Your Humdinger Moonbringer, Letty Lou, Tibby, You're Telling Me a Gingerbread This Man?

Kinger was here.

Babbare Winland Jr., Bebop Bidaba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Lord Robert Otartis, He's bigger on the inside, Jeremiah Franco, Isaiah Coleman, Celestial Warlock, Gabby Hayes, my Wigglebutts, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Kiana Crow, Fossil Diver 84, Micah Collins, Cody McClure, Eternal Champion, Jingalos, Eris, the Goddess of Discord, Billy the Space Wizard, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M.

Dobson, Going to Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Omega Nye, Frank and a Field, Sally Cell Seashells by the Seashore, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McBumpernets, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Lux the Dragon, Christina Sennett, The Red Planet, The Incredulous Mahurgafergle, Definitely not an Android, seriously, I'm not.

The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, Scott Gygax, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hale53, Tequila Mockingbird, Goose, Giga Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, Locksmith Andy, ISOPE Hale, Rosalt, Hopeful Ghost, Nate the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it.

Oh, Leas Cargo.

Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy.

It's the Grand Chahi's birthday.

Victor Cassados, Smiggs, Emily Shmemily, Work for Melvis, Von Grimm, Bohogo, Bye-bye for Jojo, Pogo.

That's a no-go, bro.

Cody Monster.

I am lure of the planet Omicron Percy I8.

Kneel before your supreme ruler.

The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

Tybo, Miss Nixie, Baby Baiton Lee, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, understands the assignment, Lil Stevie Pie, Return to Sender, Two Polar Cat will be back soon.

In the meantime, take care of yourselves.

War rages on, but the stars continue to shine.

Carl, the teller of dad jokes, Skylab's multidimensional, multiphasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Nikki H., Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'un, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Super Califragilistic XB, Alex Nickel, Jimbo Jet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooten, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suasian, Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 21st Doctor.

Too many jams.

Catshot, Pamela Rose El Tierra, James Spillerosa, D-Squared Life, Vinstina says, Countess of Carbon, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, It's Just Tyson now, Casper Needs a Hug, Joe is the Writer's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Kim Sell, Silly Goose, Honk Honk, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr.

Alex Sir, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr.

Glass, Sweets, Char Noble, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Bada Birdie Baba Babo Babo Bembar, Beastly Death, Zven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Exponge, Ted Wasanasan, Virestria, Spoomples, Fernwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoggling Daniel Arthur, Mike Laclusi, Dex, It's a, it's a fucking dog rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windshimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Alexica Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Batty Bet, Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Matt N, Julia Krinklin, Freilp, M Lin, Feed Ma Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Rekka Ayumu, Teds Loves Catherine, J Spark, Eevee Girl, Lucid Harbor, Little Lily Leopard Paws, Die at Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy Span Stand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, B.

Hold it now, hold it now, hold it now, hold it now.

Hit it!

Musical brass hit sound effects.

Hit it again, brass hit.

Hit it two times, two musical brass stabs.

Hit it four more times, four brass hits.

Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Menier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowie, The Little Pigeon, Crazed Bear, Evina Lub.

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

It's Dr.

Lattice Trash Angel.

Get down from there.

Yes, my brain is weird.

Thank you.

Megan, the Meg, Young.

Baby Bears Love the Diner.

Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Araneta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Watcher, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and her prismatic chickens, Criddle, Heidelberdy, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vikatesh, McClump, Rad Dolls, Salazar the Dough Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Shitzalot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruise and B.

Anthony, J.

Way Mythical, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, Yet Another Courtney, The Fontucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, Screm Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yost, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Amburgler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zehuniveda, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corinne Sabrantha, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, TNB Lemmy, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophon, What Janica Said, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Flat Doug, Trinket Coral Lee, Deary Darling, Bookshift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Cody C.

Chisholm, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Attired Pirate Muffin, Jay Snoosten, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Bruitt, Camel Pope, and Schuligan, Cryptessia, Rebecca Trossel, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Kathraine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruise, Why'd you do this to us, Joe Fisher?

Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronaweeb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy would come up with a cool name, but sadly she's just Mossy.

Lacockney Francaise, Virgo Aries, Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Ashley, a bug named Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey.

Dr.

Ponkusher Esquire says if you are still holding it now for longer than four hours, contact your doctor immediately.

But Jolanth, Lafe's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Reedle the Beetle, John Dew, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Anthonomaley, Meghan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What?

Danielle L, Shiny Melon Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Tonight at 11,

Ilotte Raul, Hicks Besymates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains?

Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Broccoini, Ava, No Not That, Ava, the one with an

Grim, Zekinat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzoringtom, Michael Christian, Ransom, Rune My Salil, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Meissen, Fiona Malisey, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

The Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Call Me Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, The Esteemed Throat Goat, Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sona Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Satowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially exhausted Bean.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

You want your master's degree.

You know you can earn it, but life gets busy.

The packed schedule, the late nights, and then there's the unexpected.

American Public University was built for all of it.

With monthly starts and no set login times, APU's 40-plus flexible online master's programs are designed to move at the speed of life.

You bring the fire, we'll fuel the journey.

Get started today at apu.apus.edu.