Chapter 41: The Malthusian Trap

Transcript

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Speaker 9 Previously on Midnight Burger, it's raining, ma'am.

Speaker 10 Casper, can you hear me?

Speaker 10 Oh, shit.

Speaker 11 Head back to the diner.

Speaker 11 And a picture later, left and

Speaker 9 Mystery men, that is. The diner finds itself on a planet where it is eternally 2012.
Michaela Moroney is not impressed. You know, you're my first alien.

Speaker 12 What do you mean?

Speaker 9 In his first jaunt out into the cosmos, David makes himself a green friend. Their friendship did not last.

Speaker 13 Meanwhile, on the other end of the galaxy, do you know what this means?

Speaker 14 What?

Speaker 9 Pre-ship! Eva and the sisters and the Mucklewains have got themselves a hot rod and are making a beeline for the diner while Gloria comes up with her next move against the Mystery Man.

Speaker 11 Go get me the barista.

Speaker 10 What? Go get me the barista.

Speaker 11 Ha ha!

Speaker 9 That'll show them.

Speaker 9 Wait, what?

Speaker 9 Let's start the shift.

Speaker 11 Hey, Fiona.

Speaker 15 Get the fuck away from me. Fiona,

Speaker 11 you're threatening me with the big block of cheese there.

Speaker 16 It's the only thing in here that resembles a blunt object.

Speaker 11 I would have gone for the sack of potatoes myself, but whatever you think.

Speaker 17 Who are you?

Speaker 15 Why am I wearing this puffy jacket?

Speaker 11 You're wearing the jacket because it's cold in here, Fiona.

Speaker 15 Stop fucking around with me.

Speaker 11 I'm speaking as plainly as I can.

Speaker 15 What What am I doing here?

Speaker 15 What are you going to do to me?

Speaker 11 We're not going to do anything to you.

Speaker 15 I'm guessing you didn't kidnap me because you thought it would be fun.

Speaker 11 Well, in retrospect, it was a little fun. We stole Mitt Romney's campaign bus.
That was something I did not know I had on my bucket list.

Speaker 15 Who is we?

Speaker 11 Me and my staff.

Speaker 15 Staff?

Speaker 11 Oh, you're at a restaurant.

Speaker 11 What?

Speaker 16 Why am I I at a restaurant?

Speaker 11 Because that's where we work.

Speaker 16 Is this

Speaker 10 are

Speaker 18 you going to eat me?

Speaker 11 Fiona. What the fuck? No.

Speaker 15 I was knocked unconscious and thrown into a refrigerator with a bunch of food. What would you think?

Speaker 11 I don't know, not that.

Speaker 15 Are you going to try and ransom me or something?

Speaker 15 I'm not the president's daughter. Both of my parents are public school teachers.

Speaker 11 Oh, that's nice. What do they teach?

Speaker 15 History and it- Shut up! Tell me what I'm doing here!

Speaker 11 We really didn't have a choice, Fiona.

Speaker 15 So you can't tell me?

Speaker 20 Is that it?

Speaker 15 Keep the hostage in the dark while you enact some sort of evil plan?

Speaker 11 That's not it.

Speaker 18 What is it, then?

Speaker 15 What kind of kidnappers are you?

Speaker 11 Fiona, it wasn't a kidnapping. It was a rescue.

Speaker 14 What are you talking about?

Speaker 11 Someone...

Speaker 11 Someone did something to you. We don't know who it was, but your mind is not your own.
We need to figure out why and we need to figure out a way to fix it.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 20 This is a cult.

Speaker 15 I've been kidnapped by a cult.

Speaker 23 Great.

Speaker 11 Still, no.

Speaker 18 Look, I promise I'll swear allegiance to whatever weird god y'all worship, okay? Just please don't make me do any sex stuff.

Speaker 11 Jesus Christ, Fiona, you know what? Here,

Speaker 11 you can go.

Speaker 11 What? Go ahead.

Speaker 20 You're letting me leave?

Speaker 11 Yeah, go ahead. Go call the cops on us.
Go nuts.

Speaker 11 Is this a trick? Whoa.

Speaker 18 Would you tell me if it was a trick?

Speaker 11 Of course I wouldn't tell you if it was a trick. That's what makes it a trick.

Speaker 11 I'm serious.

Speaker 14 You can go.

Speaker 15 Oh, sure. I walk out there and then you all start hunting me for sport, right?

Speaker 11 Fiona,

Speaker 11 I really need your entire generation to stop watching films.

Speaker 11 Go ahead.

Speaker 20 Stay back, though.

Speaker 11 I'm staying back.

Speaker 12 Front doors right there.

Speaker 21 Don't follow me.

Speaker 11 I won't.

Speaker 10 Oh god. Oh god.

Speaker 21 Oh god.

Speaker 24 Hey Fiona.

Speaker 10 Hey Fiona.

Speaker 9 What's up Fiona?

Speaker 22 Where am I?

Speaker 9 Uh looks like we are in a forest.

Speaker 11 Leif, what do we know?

Speaker 9 Same universe, same time. still in Cryptesia.

Speaker 11 What about the planet?

Speaker 9 I've got the drones doing reconnaissance. Nothing but forest for several miles.

Speaker 11 Is there anyone here?

Speaker 9 It's inhabited for sure, but it's pretty sparse. There's the occasional structure, but not anything fancy.
No radio or microwave frequencies either.

Speaker 9 Whatever civilization there is, it's looking pre-industrial.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 10 Also...

Speaker 9 We're staying put in this system. I can see where we're going for the next few steps.
I've got the diner's preprint up on the next few planets.

Speaker 9 We're basically going to be pawn skipping around this system for a while. I'm assuming to find the refugees.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I figured.

Speaker 11 Casper, what are you reading?

Speaker 9 I grabbed a New York Times for 2012 before we left. Hey, Fiona, what is Gangnam style?

Speaker 15 Somebody tell me where the fuck I am.

Speaker 9 We have no idea, Fiona.

Speaker 17 How does everyone know my name?

Speaker 25 You told me your name.

Speaker 14 You?

Speaker 15 You came into my Starbucks.

Speaker 26 I did.

Speaker 15 You were scoping me out?

Speaker 20 Is that it?

Speaker 25 It wasn't my idea for you to come along. That was all Queen Bee's idea.

Speaker 15 Come along where? Where am I?

Speaker 9 I just said.

Speaker 15 This is your restaurant. You don't know where your own restaurant is?

Speaker 9 Sometimes we do.

Speaker 26 Hang on.

Speaker 11 Are we calling me Queen Bee now?

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 15 You said I could go, right?

Speaker 9 Sure.

Speaker 11 Do you want us to give you directions home?

Speaker 20 Yes, please. Life.

Speaker 9 Fiona, home is that way.

Speaker 20 Thank you.

Speaker 9 About 83 light years

Speaker 9 that way.

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 11 You're on another planet, Fiona.

Speaker 20 Fucking lunatics.

Speaker 26 Okay.

Speaker 11 Do we have any idea when their ship is getting here?

Speaker 9 Well, Ava started talking into my friggin' head again a few minutes ago. They just came out of some sort of wormhole and they're headed here.
They should be here in a few minutes. Wormhole?

Speaker 9 Yeah, apparently this whole galaxy has a network of wormholes built into the fabric of space. No warp gates needed.
What the fuck is going on in this system? That's a very good question, Laif.

Speaker 9 Another good question: Does anyone know a seven-letter word for non-competitive races?

Speaker 11 I'm assuming we've landed somewhere near the next batch of refugees. Any idea where they might be?

Speaker 10 I'll keep an eye out.

Speaker 11 Great.

Speaker 11 Oh, fun runs. Nailed it.

Speaker 9 Fun

Speaker 9 run.

Speaker 11 Fiona, you don't seem to be walking anywhere. I thought you were going home.

Speaker 11 You know,

Speaker 11 I've learned a lot about space being out here.

Speaker 11 What you're looking at right now is called a planetary ring. You know, like Saturn has.

Speaker 11 I always thought it was weird that everything ends up in a ring around a planet. It always seemed way too organized.
Like, wouldn't all the space rocks just be everywhere?

Speaker 11 Turns out, rings always gather around the equator of a planet because of a planetary bulge at the middle. That's where the gravity is the strongest.
So all the rocks and ice and debris end up there.

Speaker 11 People think Earth might have had one for a while. A long time ago, a passing asteroid got shredded by Earth's gravity, and for a few million years, there was a ring around it.

Speaker 11 Or at least, my Earth was like that.

Speaker 11 I don't know about yours,

Speaker 11 because the thing is, Fiona, you're not from Earth.

Speaker 11 You're from a planet that someone spent a lot of time and energy to make look like Earth.

Speaker 11 I don't know why.

Speaker 11 I'm trying to find out.

Speaker 11 This moment is so cheesy, right? Like, how many times have you seen this in a movie? Your whole life has been a lie. I'm here to show you the true way.

Speaker 11 Take the red pill or the blue pill.

Speaker 11 Which one is the pill you're supposed to take? Is it the red one or the blue one?

Speaker 10 The red one.

Speaker 11 Right?

Speaker 11 Oh, hey.

Speaker 11 I am just now realizing that if you had the Matrix on your planet, that means that there are two Keanu Reeves out there.

Speaker 11 Which is not a bad thing, right?

Speaker 11 We need more guys like him. The more Keanu's, the better.

Speaker 11 Silver lining?

Speaker 22 I can't feel my hands.

Speaker 11 Yes, you're probably going into shock right now.

Speaker 11 It's fine. It'll pass.

Speaker 9 Okay, here they come. I've got landing signals.

Speaker 10 Uh,

Speaker 11 this isn't really going to help things, Fiona, but when the spaceship lands, try to hang on to consciousness, okay?

Speaker 27 Spaceship?

Speaker 11 Oh, damn.

Speaker 9 That's a big boy. Holy shit.
Real subtle.

Speaker 10 Are you okay?

Speaker 11 I'm assuming that's the first time you've seen a spaceship land, right?

Speaker 15 I didn't see anything.

Speaker 22 Did something happen?

Speaker 11 Fiona, you don't see a spaceship right over there?

Speaker 20 I don't see anything.

Speaker 10 Whoa. What's happening?

Speaker 11 Okay, Fiona, take my hand, okay? Stay with me.

Speaker 11 I'm real, okay?

Speaker 17 You're real.

Speaker 11 Yes. There he is.

Speaker 24 Oh, God.

Speaker 29 Look at you, you miserable bastard. Tita, I think Casper needs a hug.

Speaker 24 Tita, for the love of Gara, please put me down.

Speaker 29 I don't know.

Speaker 29 I kind of like you up there. Ooh, look at you up there.

Speaker 30 Tita.

Speaker 24 Okay, fine.

Speaker 29 I know you've missed me, but don't get all emotional, okay?

Speaker 24 I'll try.

Speaker 29 I want you to know that I've been preparing for your arrival. Great.
I've written Casper's number one fan all over the toilets.

Speaker 31 Oh, that's sweet.

Speaker 12 I was told to speak to someone named Gloria.

Speaker 9 Hello, Casper. Take this fucking thing out of my head.

Speaker 18 No.

Speaker 9 Kazi, take this fucking thing out of my head.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 12 Kazzi, no.

Speaker 9 Please take this thing out of my head.

Speaker 12 No.

Speaker 12 It's good to see you again, Casper. You look good on the inside.

Speaker 24 Is this your kid?

Speaker 10 What's up,

Speaker 31 David? David?

Speaker 29 He's pretty handsome, Casper. Are you sure he's not a product of infidelity? I mean, David, how good looking was your mailman growing up?

Speaker 30 I don't know, but that would answer a lot of questions.

Speaker 29 Here, I've got your radio.

Speaker 34 Hello there, David.

Speaker 28 Nice to be home.

Speaker 25 How did your abduction go?

Speaker 28 I taught square dancing. And I had a lovely discussion about Gulliver's travels.

Speaker 9 What? Hey, where's Ava?

Speaker 29 She's inside, looking at a bunch of math.

Speaker 9 Of course.

Speaker 11 Are you seeing a woman with horns right now?

Speaker 10 With horns?

Speaker 20 No.

Speaker 22 But where did these two people come from?

Speaker 20 They just appeared.

Speaker 16 Oh, boy.

Speaker 11 Okay, keep holding on to my hand. Gloria.
You must be Kazi. Yes.

Speaker 12 Who is this?

Speaker 11 This is Fiona.

Speaker 12 I wasn't told about Fiona.

Speaker 11 So, the last planet we were at was full of Earthlings, somehow, but they were all brainwashed into thinking it was Earth in the year 2012. Really?

Speaker 11 So, we

Speaker 36 told one.

Speaker 11 Isn't that right, Fiona?

Speaker 12 Brainwashed? She's one of them. Yes.
That's excellent.

Speaker 14 Brainwashed? Watch this.

Speaker 11 Excuse me. Was it Tita? Yeah, what's up? Fiona, can you tell me what you see when you look at Tita?

Speaker 10 I see

Speaker 11 a woman? No horns?

Speaker 37 Horns?

Speaker 16 Weird. Interesting.

Speaker 12 Fiona, I'm going to have a look at you. A look?

Speaker 38 What are you doing?

Speaker 17 My neural environment?

Speaker 10 What

Speaker 10 in the world?

Speaker 11 Just keep holding on to my hand, Fiona.

Speaker 12 Fiona, do you know where you are right now?

Speaker 10 I...

Speaker 22 think I'm on another planet.

Speaker 10 Correct.

Speaker 12 But myself and my sister. You see two earthlings.

Speaker 20 Oh, God, what should I see?

Speaker 11 She can't see your ship either.

Speaker 12 You can't see our ship.

Speaker 20 I don't see a ship.

Speaker 15 I don't know what anyone's talking about.

Speaker 12 I see.

Speaker 12 You would need to overlook ships like this if they were coming to your planet for maintenance.

Speaker 29 And ignore alien races so you wouldn't see the refugees.

Speaker 12 Precisely. But they didn't account for her being on another planet, so she can't edit that out.

Speaker 15 What's happening to me?

Speaker 20 Is Gloria right?

Speaker 22 Have I been brainwashed?

Speaker 12 Brainwashing is an earthling myth, Fiona.

Speaker 12 However, you have had extensive work done on your neural environment, most likely at a very young age.

Speaker 10 Why?

Speaker 12 We're not quite sure yet. Fiona, I'm going to take a sample of your DNA.
You're going to what?

Speaker 11 Ow! Keep hanging on to the hand, Fiona.

Speaker 15 You just drew my blood.

Speaker 12 I did.

Speaker 12 One moment, please.

Speaker 10 Is she

Speaker 11 looking at her DNA right now?

Speaker 29 Yeah, you'll get used to it. I see.

Speaker 12 Gloria, you and I need a debrief.

Speaker 11 We do, but we're going to have to multitask. Guys, circle up.
Coming down.

Speaker 16 Peter, what's happened?

Speaker 11 We didn't just pick up Fiona. Yesterday, we managed to pick up about 20 of your refugees.

Speaker 12 That's fantastic.

Speaker 11 We think the diner is taking us to all the places they're holding more of your people, which means there's more of them around here somewhere. I see.

Speaker 11 I know we need to talk, but we also need to find the next batch of your people.

Speaker 12 All right, what do you suggest?

Speaker 11 Leaf, any idea where they might be?

Speaker 9 There's a structure about three miles through the forest. I think it's an old farm or something.
That's probably our best bet.

Speaker 11 We need to send some people to that farm.

Speaker 12 Tita, what am I doing? We think there's more refugees at a farm nearby.

Speaker 18 Where is it?

Speaker 32 I'll go check it out.

Speaker 11 Leif, you go with Tita to check out the farm, okay? Yeah.

Speaker 9 Let me pack some shit.

Speaker 10 I'll be ready to go.

Speaker 11 Casper, I don't know what Ava's cooking up in there, but I need you to be on Ava's maintenance again.

Speaker 9 Uh, sure, no problem.

Speaker 25 Hey, hey, I'm going with Leif and Tita to check out this farm.

Speaker 9 The farm,

Speaker 24 yes.

Speaker 1 The farm that is three miles through thick forest on an unknown alien planet.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 33 It doesn't feel like it's okay.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 25 You're

Speaker 25 not going to tell me to be careful?

Speaker 9 Why would I need to tell you that? You're a human adult who knows when to be careful I don't need to say anything like that

Speaker 10 okay okay

Speaker 31 see you in a bit

Speaker 31 hey Fiona what I think you should take this radio the

Speaker 20 a radio

Speaker 22 why why would I need a radio I think you might find it comforting why would I find a radio comforting hello there Fiona Fiona I imagine you're having a dickens of a day, aren't you, dear?

Speaker 20 What the fuck is this now?

Speaker 25 I mean, maybe not instantly comforting, but stick with it.

Speaker 15 There's no way I'm taking that thing.

Speaker 25 Well, you kind of have to, Fiona. How else are they going to get around?

Speaker 14 How else is who going to get around?

Speaker 28 Forgive us, Fiona. I'm Zebulon Mucklewayne here with my wife, Effie.
Hi, Fiona.

Speaker 34 May I just say that I am impressed that your head hasn't just spun right off your body?

Speaker 28 You got a stiff spine on you there, Fiona.

Speaker 34 You are standing there on another world, entirely surrounded by all sorts of strangers and strange things, but look at you there,

Speaker 23 still walking and talking.

Speaker 15 I

Speaker 22 guess I am doing pretty good, considering.

Speaker 34 Well, there you go, Fiona.

Speaker 23 Give yourself some credit.

Speaker 10 Look at that.

Speaker 25 Fast friends already. Now, I'm just going to hand them over to you.

Speaker 13 Where do I take them?

Speaker 25 Wherever they need to go.

Speaker 32 Where are you going?

Speaker 25 We need to go check out a farm down the road. There may be some people there who need help.

Speaker 28 I do hope you'll take care of yourself out there, young man.

Speaker 32 I'll be fine. David,

Speaker 34 we're going to need a bit more than I'll be fine. I'm going to need some words from you that will assure me you can be responsible out there and not get yourself stuck in some sort of a thicket.

Speaker 24 A thicket?

Speaker 10 David?

Speaker 33 I promise I'll be careful.

Speaker 28 And we'll hold you to your word.

Speaker 34 I have boots perfectly designed for kicking people right in the rear end, David.

Speaker 10 And don't make me put them on. Okay, good God.

Speaker 28 Fiona, let's go ahead and follow Gloria back inside.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 15 Okay, I really need a normal thing to happen soon.

Speaker 11 I see you've met the Muckle Wayne's. You're doing great, Fiona.

Speaker 20 The radio is talking.

Speaker 11 The radio is talking to me.

Speaker 11 I know.

Speaker 11 That's what they all say. Ready for it to get even weirder?

Speaker 21 No.

Speaker 12 Actually, you may want to take the radio from her. Why? She's going to be unconscious soon.
I'm going to

Speaker 10 nice catch, Gloria.

Speaker 12 What happened? When I sampled her DNA, I put nanobots in her blood.

Speaker 11 Why?

Speaker 12 She has artificial blocks in her brain. With all of this new stimulus hitting against those blocks, she was in danger of having a massive hemorrhage.
The nanobots will need to remove them.

Speaker 12 When she wakes up, she'll be out of danger.

Speaker 11 But her brain will be completely changed. Yes.

Speaker 12 It will literally be a rude awakening.

Speaker 11 Well, shit.

Speaker 10 Uh,

Speaker 11 good luck, Fiona. Let's get her in a booth.

Speaker 9 There you are, Jesus. This place is huge.

Speaker 9 Hi,

Speaker 9 Hi.

Speaker 9 Hello there, Vistec.

Speaker 9 I see you've met Mr. Tall, Dark, and Ominous.

Speaker 10 Uh-huh.

Speaker 39 How are you?

Speaker 10 Good?

Speaker 9 Do you have an eight-letter word for pesto ingredient?

Speaker 9 I invented a new sandwich while you were gone.

Speaker 11 Great.

Speaker 9 The BLTN.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 9 Bacon, lettuce, tomato, and nunchucks.

Speaker 13 Sounds good.

Speaker 13 Oh, Labuza's down the hall, and she's um

Speaker 13 having emotions.

Speaker 9 She's having emotions.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Can you go fix it?

Speaker 9 Can I go fix it?

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Yeah, yeah, sure.

Speaker 13 Great.

Speaker 9 So you say something nice to me for the first time literally ever and then are promptly abducted by aliens? That's how it's gonna go?

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 13 Talk later?

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 13 talk later?

Speaker 9 Yes, sure.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 10 Casper,

Speaker 15 yeah.

Speaker 12 Pine nuts.

Speaker 10 Nailed it.

Speaker 24 Pine

Speaker 9 nuts.

Speaker 9 Okay, this place the THX eleven thirty-eight vibes are strong.

Speaker 9 Hey,

Speaker 10 sorry, Casper.

Speaker 9 How's it going, Kiddo?

Speaker 19 I've been better.

Speaker 32 Uh-huh.

Speaker 16 I've ruined everything.

Speaker 10 I doubt that.

Speaker 37 All of our people are prisoners. We don't know where they are.
I led them all here. They're all trapped out there because of me.

Speaker 9 Boozy, you want to tap the brakes on whatever's going on in your head right now?

Speaker 19 I'm a complete failure.

Speaker 9 Or what you are is a car in neutral with your foot on the gas. Can you let your foot off the gas, please?

Speaker 37 I disconnected myself from the Vistex.

Speaker 9 Okay, I personally think that's good because that thing is fucking terrifying, but why did you do that? Look around.

Speaker 37 This entire galaxy is a death trap.

Speaker 9 Well, it hasn't exactly been nice to us thus far.

Speaker 37 I led us all here. We're worse off than in the triad.
But the ship's nice. Do you understand what I'm saying? Any heartache, any death that happens here, it's all my fault.

Speaker 19 No, it's not.

Speaker 37 It very demonstrably is.

Speaker 10 Is it really?

Speaker 9 It wasn't the fault of the people who trusted you without asking questions, or the fact that we live in an inherently unknowable universe. None of that played a part?

Speaker 9 How about the fact that that monstrous thing in there kept you from harm, got you and your sisters together, and led you to the diner flawlessly?

Speaker 9 You're attacking yourself because after a series of massive successes, suddenly you were wrong. How are you supposed to know? It was working.

Speaker 9 You had every reason to believe it was going to keep doing that.

Speaker 9 I'm fine, by the way. It's great to see you too.

Speaker 37 You're just going to minimize this to try to make me feel better.

Speaker 9 I thought you were disconnected from the prediction machine.

Speaker 17 I don't want you to make me feel better.

Speaker 37 I want someone.

Speaker 11 What are you yelling at me for?

Speaker 15 I don't know what I'm doing.

Speaker 9 Well, welcome to the fucking party, Labooza.

Speaker 18 Casper, I wasn't a child when you met me.

Speaker 37 I'm not a child now. You can't pat me on the head and tell me it's going to be okay.

Speaker 9 I'm not trying to do that.

Speaker 37 When I was born, humans hadn't even mastered electricity.

Speaker 9 Well, excuse the shit out of me, Tiny Gandalf. I should have known that by your incredibly mature behavior right now.

Speaker 37 I'm sorry.

Speaker 10 It's okay.

Speaker 37 Ava told me I should start yelling at you when you got here.

Speaker 37 That it would make me feel better.

Speaker 26 She's the fucking worst.

Speaker 10 How do you feel?

Speaker 10 Better.

Speaker 9 Well, then, I guess my work here is done.

Speaker 9 It's good to see you. It's good to see you, too.

Speaker 37 Would you sit down next to me, please?

Speaker 24 Sure.

Speaker 37 I'm having a hard time functioning.

Speaker 9 I got that sense, yes.

Speaker 37 Kazi is furious with me.

Speaker 26 Well,

Speaker 9 that would imply she has emotions.

Speaker 37 She wants me to push through the pain.

Speaker 9 Kazi performs surgery on herself. Of course, she wants you to push through the pain.

Speaker 37 It was terrifying to disconnect myself from the Vistec, but

Speaker 21 now that I have,

Speaker 12 I feel a little better.

Speaker 40 Scared,

Speaker 40 but

Speaker 40 better.

Speaker 37 I need to figure out how to come back from this, but I can't seem to find my way back.

Speaker 9 Well, that's very obviously because you haven't seen the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Speaker 37 No, it's not.

Speaker 9 No, seriously.

Speaker 9 You watch that movie and you're like, look at this guy. He's got a gun and a whip and a fedora and tenure.

Speaker 26 He's a hero.

Speaker 9 But then you keep watching the movie and you see him literally fail at everything he tries to do throughout the entire movie. He succeeds at nothing he attempts in the movie.
That's why he's the hero.

Speaker 9 Because he keeps going.

Speaker 37 What if I don't want to keep going?

Speaker 9 You already are.

Speaker 37 I'm just sitting here.

Speaker 9 That's part of it. You need to sit here in the weird ship and be miserable for a second as part of moving on.
Then you'll be done with that and you'll move on to the next thing.

Speaker 37 You're literally patting me on the head and telling me it's going to be okay.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I guess I am.

Speaker 9 In my defense, you should already know how to do that because you're older than a Greenland shark, apparently.

Speaker 37 I'm going to get up and walk around.

Speaker 9 Hey, look at you.

Speaker 10 Okay, give me your hand.

Speaker 16 No, I'd like to do it myself.

Speaker 9 Are you sure?

Speaker 37 My senses have come back since I'm not relying on the Vistec anymore.

Speaker 37 Do you know why my voice sounds so strange to you?

Speaker 9 I never said your voice sounded strange to me.

Speaker 37 But it does.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it does.

Speaker 37 There are two types of Nyxites, Flaxian and Crimson.

Speaker 37 I'm a Flaxian.

Speaker 37 When Flaxions speak, our voice vibrates on multiple frequencies at once, most of which you can't hear.

Speaker 37 Those frequencies bounce around and I pick up all their echoes with a gland in my forehead right here.

Speaker 37 I couldn't really see you when we met.

Speaker 37 I just received data in the shape of you.

Speaker 37 I can see you now.

Speaker 40 You're right there.

Speaker 10 Here I am.

Speaker 10 Hmm.

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 37 Another thing about Flaxians, it's a good thing. When you get into a new room to make a little noise noise and have a look around.

Speaker 37 So all of us have a short phrase that we say in a new place. It's different for everyone, like a little mantra.

Speaker 16 That was mine.

Speaker 9 Well, Labuza, here you are.

Speaker 10 What now?

Speaker 37 If we can figure out why I couldn't see these mystery men coming, I think it may be the key to everything.

Speaker 10 All right.

Speaker 9 That sounds like something. Let's do that.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 37 Avis picked up my mathematical syntax very quickly.

Speaker 9 I would say don't tell her that or she'll get a big ego, but I'm afraid the damage is done on that front.

Speaker 37 She cares about you very much, you know.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 37 I think she might not be great at telling you that.

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 9 But I'm a bit like you in that respect, Labooza. I can pick up on frequencies that no one else can hear.

Speaker 12 We were told to never come down here.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Lei fixed the door so now we can come and go as we please. It's a little cold, but I figured this would be better than being crammed into the dining room.

Speaker 12 I'm sure it'll do just fine.

Speaker 10 Art.

Speaker 11 Are you covered in fur now?

Speaker 38 Yes.

Speaker 12 My body adapts to cold weather.

Speaker 11 What about when it's hot?

Speaker 12 I alternate my blood flow patterns.

Speaker 11 Is everybody like this on your planet?

Speaker 12 No two people are the same on my home world.

Speaker 12 Because of the harsh conditions, we have to constantly make upgrades to our bodies. Once you have the necessary changes done, most of us decide to keep going.

Speaker 12 I may have gone a bit farther than most people on my planet.

Speaker 11 It sounds painful.

Speaker 12 It is, but it's very empowering.

Speaker 12 I'm saddened to hear about Malu.

Speaker 12 She was a very hard worker.

Speaker 12 When we track down her siblings, we'll make sure they're taken care of.

Speaker 11 She said they were trying to get her group to integrate with the earthlings there.

Speaker 12 Integrate with them?

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 11 They were allowed to go free if they promised to behave themselves and live there in peace.

Speaker 12 In a population of Earthlings who were programmed to see them as human? Yeah.

Speaker 11 Why would they do that?

Speaker 12 I'm not sure.

Speaker 12 Something about mirror neurons?

Speaker 12 Thank you for saving our people, Gloria.

Speaker 12 But it may have been irrelevant.

Speaker 11 Why?

Speaker 12 Ava was telling me you've had dealings in the past with the Teds.

Speaker 11 Oh, yes.

Speaker 12 Whoever this is we're up against, I believe they'll make the Ted Empire look like children.

Speaker 12 Well,

Speaker 11 that's fucking great.

Speaker 12 There's a holographic system back at the ship. We should head back.
I need to show you Fiona's DNA.

Speaker 26 Okay.

Speaker 29 I don't like this fog. I can't see anything.
Are you sure we're going the right way?

Speaker 9 Yeah, we're good. Straight on this way for a couple of miles.

Speaker 24 So,

Speaker 9 what's the deal with this planet again?

Speaker 31 Looking like it's pre-industrial. There weren't any traces of technology, but there's scattered houses and basic structures.

Speaker 31 Somebody lives here, but I wouldn't expect any technology past swords and arrows.

Speaker 9 Where is everybody, though?

Speaker 29 I don't know. You guys want to keep it down?

Speaker 29 We're kind of in a kill box here.

Speaker 29 Kill box, limited visibility, unknown terrain. This is a great place for for an ambush.

Speaker 24 Oh, sorry.

Speaker 30 So.

Speaker 31 Tita the Skull Eater, huh?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 33 What of it?

Speaker 30 I thought you were a mercenary.

Speaker 31 How'd you end up in the freedom fighter business?

Speaker 29 You're one to talk, Death the Kid.

Speaker 29 Screw over any habitable moons lately?

Speaker 32 That was a long time ago.

Speaker 29 Not for me, it wasn't. If we weren't in in this particular situation, you and I might have to have a word or two.

Speaker 25 Wait, do you two know each other?

Speaker 12 We know of each other.

Speaker 29 You know your friend's a real piece of shit, David.

Speaker 10 Oh, really?

Speaker 17 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 29 Worked for the most notorious pirate in the triad.

Speaker 2 They all know about the pirate stuff.

Speaker 12 Oh, do they?

Speaker 29 So...

Speaker 29 They know about all the people who starved and went into debt because okay

Speaker 31 i'm gonna go ahead and stop right here

Speaker 24 david

Speaker 31 i was a pirate i know i didn't have a fun beard and an eye patch

Speaker 31 i was a bad person and i did very bad things would you like me to take the time to describe them all to you right now while we are apparently in the kill box I actually just had a question about the skull eating.

Speaker 30 Oh, shoot.

Speaker 31 Did you really eat a dude's skull?

Speaker 29 Just the one time.

Speaker 30 Why did you eat his skull?

Speaker 29 Because I said to him, I'm going to kill you and eat your skull.

Speaker 29 You can't say that and then not eat the guy's skull.

Speaker 41 It's bad for business. Okay, but

Speaker 24 how did you eat his skull?

Speaker 29 With barbecue sauce.

Speaker 24 Uh-huh.

Speaker 31 But Leif is the bad guy.

Speaker 29 That is correct.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 29 This is your first time on another planet, David?

Speaker 25 Second.

Speaker 29 How'd the first time go?

Speaker 25 It was pretty intense.

Speaker 10 Uh-huh.

Speaker 24 Here.

Speaker 29 What is that? It's a gun, dummy.

Speaker 9 I don't know. You're not on Earth anymore, David.

Speaker 17 Take the gun.

Speaker 29 I'd offer it to him, but I can already tell he's one of those... My mind is a weapon, guys.

Speaker 41 That is true, David.

Speaker 31 My mind is a weapon.

Speaker 24 There it is.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 30 How does it work?

Speaker 29 Well, first you have to answer its three riddles. What? It works just like in the movies, David.
You pull the trigger at the bad guys.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 41 What does it shoot?

Speaker 31 Rubber ducky. It's like an earth gun, David.
It just uses superheated plasma as an accelerant instead of gunpowder.

Speaker 30 Okay, let's move.

Speaker 29 Killbox, remember?

Speaker 24 Right.

Speaker 9 Killbox.

Speaker 9 Ow!

Speaker 42 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Speaker 42 Hello there, Fiona.

Speaker 42 How are you feeling?

Speaker 22 What happened?

Speaker 28 Well, Fiona, I'm afraid you were in a bit of danger and there needed to be an intervention.

Speaker 20 An intervention?

Speaker 34 Having something to do with that head of your Fiona. There were all sorts of things not right up there.

Speaker 28 Though I wouldn't go asking us the particulars, it's all very complicated.

Speaker 34 But we take Kazi at her word that it needed to be done.

Speaker 34 She's a doctor.

Speaker 28 Of some sort.

Speaker 22 Where is everyone?

Speaker 34 We're glad you asked, Fiona. We should get a move on.
There's a very important meeting happening right now in the ship.

Speaker 18 In the shiona?

Speaker 10 I.

Speaker 20 I can see the ship now.

Speaker 28 Well, that's good.

Speaker 28 We're told.

Speaker 23 It's very big.

Speaker 34 Fiona, you were a bit like a mule with blinders on, and because of that, you were about to wander right off a cliff.

Speaker 28 And not to belabor the metaphor, you must now, not unlike a mule, carry us inside the ship, where we can get you proper answers to what I'm sure is an ocean of questions.

Speaker 22 Zebulon Mucklewain and your wife, Effie.

Speaker 34 That's us, dear.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 20 I just walk in.

Speaker 20 That's right.

Speaker 20 You are doing real

Speaker 20 well, Fiona.

Speaker 12 We're still learning how to use this ship, but I believe I can make a holographic projection.

Speaker 16 Yes, here we are.

Speaker 12 What is this? This is Fiona's DNA helix.

Speaker 12 It looks the same as any of the humans in this room.

Speaker 12 But if we look closer.

Speaker 10 Whoa. What the fuck?

Speaker 11 What is that?

Speaker 12 It's a serial number on her DNA.

Speaker 9 A serial number? Why is it there?

Speaker 12 I believe it's there because she's been manufactured.

Speaker 9 Is she synthetic?

Speaker 31 No.

Speaker 12 She's human, but most likely grown in a birthing chamber. She doesn't have any of the hallmarks of developing in utero.
She's a clone? Clones are inelegant and flawed.

Speaker 11 She's authentic. Everyone on her planet is like that?

Speaker 12 Not just her planet.

Speaker 13 Show them the map.

Speaker 11 This is the galaxy we're in?

Speaker 12 This is Cryptesia.

Speaker 12 Before they abandoned this ship, our enemies tried to purge their stored memory, but Tita managed to reconstruct some of it. This is a a rudimentary map of Cryptesia.

Speaker 13 Those red dots seem to be all of the planets under their control. There's about a thousand of them.
All Class M planets, so humans can live there.

Speaker 11 That's a lot of territory, but it's nothing compared to the Teds.

Speaker 11 You were saying they were worse than the Teds.

Speaker 12 I have every confidence that if they wanted to, these enemies of ours could march into the triad and conquer it in very little time. Territory isn't their goal.

Speaker 11 What is it then?

Speaker 12 Every planet in this system has its own designation.

Speaker 12 The planet you were on yesterday, where you picked up Fiona, appears to be this one. Planet 2012.
The planet we're currently on appears to be this one. Apparently, it's called the Malthusian Trap.

Speaker 12 Other planets have different names. They're a bit poetic.
The Four Years' War. The Great Mortality.
Ten Kingdoms.

Speaker 9 These are all names from Earth history.

Speaker 12 I thought they might be. What do they mean?

Speaker 9 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you require someone who's an expert in Earth history right now?

Speaker 11 Yes, but we'll have to settle for you. How dare you?

Speaker 16 Casper. Casper.

Speaker 9 The Four Years War is another name for World War One. The Great Mortality is another name for the Black Plague.
Ten Kingdoms

Speaker 9 could be a reference to a period in China where there was a lot of political chaos.

Speaker 11 Why are they all named after Earth history?

Speaker 26 They're all populated by Earthlings.

Speaker 10 All of them?

Speaker 13 All of them. It's not just on the planets.
Inside those suits the mystery men are wearing, all earthlings.

Speaker 11 The bad guys are earthlings too?

Speaker 11 It's an entire galaxy of earthlings?

Speaker 12 I believe so, yes. If Tita, Laif, and David encounter any natives of this planet, they'll likely be Earthlings as well.

Speaker 11 How the hell did they get here?

Speaker 12 Like I said, they were grown here. I imagine on each of these planets is a massive facility where earthling-like hominids are grown and processed.

Speaker 11 Jesus Christ, are they eating them?

Speaker 12 Not processed for food. I wasn't quite understanding until you told me about Malu and Ava told me about the benefactor.

Speaker 9 Well, who the hell is the benefactor?

Speaker 13 He's the leader. Zoom in on this corner of the map.

Speaker 13 There it is. We all remember this, right?

Speaker 9 The egg.

Speaker 13 Yes.

Speaker 13 In this galaxy, there's one solar system that seems to be encased in some sort of obscuring field that makes it look like an egg.

Speaker 13 That's where they control all of this.

Speaker 11 Control all of what?

Speaker 13 Casper,

Speaker 12 all of these historical terms, they refer to wars, plagues, political upheaval? Yeah. And what about the one we're on now? The Malthusian Trap?

Speaker 9 Thomas Malthus was a British economist. He talked about a period in history where increased food production led to population growth.

Speaker 9 The population growth then led to famine and starvation, and then everything repeated again. Because of that, civilization was trapped in a feedback loop for literal centuries.

Speaker 12 And what pulled you out of it?

Speaker 9 Technology, the Industrial Revolution, apparently.

Speaker 12 The records we have aren't complete for this planet, but it does indicate that the ecosystems have an engineered bacteria.

Speaker 16 Is it dangerous?

Speaker 12 It eats plastics.

Speaker 13 Plastics? It would prevent anyone on this planet from developing complicated technology.

Speaker 12 You said it was technology that pulled your civilization out of this Malthusian trap. This planet has a biological stopgap that would prevent that from happening.

Speaker 9 So they stay stuck in the past forever.

Speaker 12 This is what you'll see on all of these planets: war, famine, plague, chaos.

Speaker 12 All of it engineered to lock people into a constant state.

Speaker 11 Okay, but 2012?

Speaker 38 Yes.

Speaker 12 That's an odd one.

Speaker 12 Perhaps we should ask Fiona.

Speaker 12 Hello, Fiona.

Speaker 22 Tell me about my planet.

Speaker 12 Luckily for us, there was a bit more information embedded in your DNA that told us about your planet, Fiona. Planet 2012.

Speaker 12 Let me make sure I have this right.

Speaker 12 Employs a system wherein people may log into a network where they would either express dread of a thing that was coming or weigh in on something that's already happened, eliminating the present moment.

Speaker 12 People often remarked that they felt as though they were in a forever decade where nothing ever seemed to change.

Speaker 12 Does that sound accurate, Fiona?

Speaker 9 Yes. So all of these planets are like intentional communities, all controlled from a central location.

Speaker 12 Yes. And if done correctly, you'd have people like Fiona, who's been living the same year over and over again since the day she was born.
Isn't that right, Fiona?

Speaker 22 I can see it now.

Speaker 12 Yes. How's your head?

Speaker 18 It really hurts.

Speaker 11 Why would this benefactor want people to be at war forever?

Speaker 9 Or starving forever. Is he just a psychopath or something?

Speaker 13 He's trying to save the universe.

Speaker 11 I feel like that's not the way to do it.

Speaker 13 I mean, he's trying to save the universe from ending.

Speaker 11 By doing all this?

Speaker 13 Apparently, his entire philosophy is that a universe is shaped by the sentient minds in it. It's nonsense, but that's what he believes.

Speaker 13 He seems to think that if everyone gets locked into some sort of intractable situation, they'll stop looking forward into the future and become recursive.

Speaker 13 If you imagine every universe as an arrow going from beginning to end, he wants to make that into a circle that constantly recycles itself.

Speaker 11 That explains why he hates the diner so much.

Speaker 9 Why is every planet different? Why is one planet 2012 and the other planet is a global war or something?

Speaker 28 I'm afraid I have the answer to that one.

Speaker 28 Not from wisdom, but from growing up on a hog farm. When you want to know what feed is making the hogs sick, you divide them into four groups and feed them each something different.

Speaker 9 He's looking for the best way to achieve his goal?

Speaker 28 I believe so, my friend.

Speaker 12 This entire galaxy is his laboratory.

Speaker 10 Okay,

Speaker 9 there's one question hovering over all this.

Speaker 9 Why Earth?

Speaker 9 Why us? This guy engineered a thousand Earths, and I'm guessing trillions of Earthlings? Why?

Speaker 12 What's the big deal about us?

Speaker 37 I'm afraid there's a question that hovers over even that, Casper.

Speaker 37 You said it yourself. A thousand Earths? Trillions of Earthlings?

Speaker 37 If he truly orchestrated all of this, it would have taken thousands of your years to do so.

Speaker 37 The work of creating all these earths and these earthlings would have had to start before earthlings even existed on earth.

Speaker 37 This isn't a despot or an evil emperor or a mad king.

Speaker 12 This is a god.

Speaker 10 Great.

Speaker 9 Hey, it's no problem. Clementine was a god, kind of.

Speaker 11 Clementine was also a dummy.

Speaker 28 Oh, bless her heart.

Speaker 9 Also, I know three of these guys just very nearly killed all of us, but the two that Ava talked to were total idiots.

Speaker 13 There are some theories about that, Effie.

Speaker 34 Yes, I have thoughts. Y'all, there's simply no way in heck that these ne'er-do-wells thought that parading those two corn fritters in front of Ava was the best way to go about things.

Speaker 34 I met the two of them, and they were as dumb as a box of hair.

Speaker 28 I'm afraid those two gents were meant to be a couple of balls of twine for Ava to bat back and forth.

Speaker 11 This benefactor guy was watching you the whole time?

Speaker 13 It was a little too easy to fuck with their heads. It looks like they sent their worst and dumbest on purpose.

Speaker 34 What's more, I don't think there's any way this new malevolence didn't know that Kazi was whispering in Casper's ear this whole time.

Speaker 9 He knew you were sending me a message.

Speaker 12 We believe so. We believe he was trying to bait the diner into showing up nearby so he could blast us out out of the sky.

Speaker 37 But in both situations, you were more than he bargained for. He wasn't expecting you to escape Earth.

Speaker 28 And there was no way of anticipating Effie and myself aboard his ship.

Speaker 34 We have managed to wriggle out from underneath his thumb thus far, but he's been watching us the whole time while we're doing it.

Speaker 12 All of us here have been in precarious and deadly scenarios before.

Speaker 12 This may be the most dangerous of them all.

Speaker 10 Well

Speaker 9 I'm so glad my son decided to come along

Speaker 32 Slaife what's up?

Speaker 11 How you doing?

Speaker 9 It's not like there's a paved road, so it's a little slow going, but we're getting there.

Speaker 10 How's it going there?

Speaker 43 I've got a pretty big info dump for you when you get back, but here's the thing with this planet.

Speaker 12 There's some sort of bacteria here that eats plastic.

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 43 Is that going to screw up any of your whiz-bangs or thingamatics?

Speaker 9 No, all my shit is adaptive silicon now. Pretty much everything in the triad is plastics, they are the worst.
Okay, leaf, yeah, seven letters,

Speaker 9 periodic element HG, Mercury.

Speaker 43 So, apparently, the bad guys are using the bacteria to keep this planet in the dark ages.

Speaker 9 Kind of genius, actually.

Speaker 9 That would work.

Speaker 9 I use plastics when I have to, but not for the important stuff.

Speaker 43 Okay, I just want to make sure that Peter is in the category of important stuff.

Speaker 10 He's fine.

Speaker 43 Okay, keep me updated. We'll do.

Speaker 38 What's up?

Speaker 31 The Mystery Men put a plastic-eating bacteria on this planet to stunt its growth.

Speaker 11 Great.

Speaker 25 Wouldn't they eventually just invent something other than plastic?

Speaker 33 Maybe.

Speaker 31 But I don't know what that would be.

Speaker 29 Every civilization goes through their shitty plastic phase.

Speaker 31 Apparently, you can't move forward as a society without ruining an ocean or two.

Speaker 29 You know what this means, though?

Speaker 29 No advanced society?

Speaker 12 Very little rule of law.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 9 It's going to be the Wild West out here.

Speaker 25 I have heard we're in the killbox.

Speaker 29 Keep laughing. You'll see.

Speaker 39 So...

Speaker 25 Tell me something, Leif.

Speaker 25 What? Getting back to the topic of of you being a terrible person who did terrible things.

Speaker 24 Yeah,

Speaker 24 is that why you do all this?

Speaker 31 What do you mean? You could just build a ship and go wherever you want.

Speaker 31 Instead, you do this.

Speaker 31 Are you trying to make up for all that stuff you did as a pirate?

Speaker 31 I'd be a pretty big idiot if I thought there was someone out there keeping score, David.

Speaker 31 The universe doesn't care how good you are to your fellow man.

Speaker 31 If there was a way to take it all back,

Speaker 31 maybe I'd give it a try. But that particular innovation is a technology that's beyond even me.

Speaker 24 I don't think it'll change anything.

Speaker 31 But it has been nice after all that to defend something beautiful.

Speaker 31 I don't know what the diner is, but it is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 31 Not a bad way to play out the rest of your hand.

Speaker 31 Of course, you'll always have people like Tita reminding you what a shithead you were,

Speaker 31 but that's to be expected.

Speaker 24 No,

Speaker 24 I get it.

Speaker 29 I was still doing mercenary shit on Alexa Prime when I got a weird message from someone named Labuza telling me me that she was my sister.

Speaker 29 And next thing I know, I was making the insane choice of fighting a guerrilla war against the Teds.

Speaker 29 Shit can really change on a dime sometimes.

Speaker 29 Sometimes

Speaker 29 you wake up as somebody else without even meaning to.

Speaker 29 The fuck was that

Speaker 12 Have I told you lately about the killbox?

Speaker 31 David, stay close.

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Speaker 6 That's kinsta.com slash bf.

Speaker 3 Enjoy faster load times, no stress when traffic spikes, and hosting, you can actually count on.

Speaker 7 Visit kinsta.com slash bf.

Speaker 6 That's kinsta.com slash BF.

Speaker 12 Fiona, you can look at that hologram of your DNA all day. You're still not going to recognize it.

Speaker 10 What

Speaker 19 am I?

Speaker 12 I could tell you your species,

Speaker 12 genus,

Speaker 12 classification,

Speaker 12 but I don't imagine that's what you mean.

Speaker 20 What are you?

Speaker 28 Ah,

Speaker 12 that's right.

Speaker 12 You're able to see me now.

Speaker 12 I'm a lunar Linnite.

Speaker 16 What is that?

Speaker 12 I come from a moon that orbits a planet called Lin.

Speaker 16 Is it nice there?

Speaker 31 No.

Speaker 38 Is

Speaker 21 that why you left?

Speaker 12 My work took me elsewhere.

Speaker 20 What was your work?

Speaker 12 Guerrilla Warfare.

Speaker 20 Yikes.

Speaker 12 I imagine you'd rather be back at that coffee shop of yours.

Speaker 20 I know all of this now.

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 12 That does complicate things.

Speaker 20 If I was manufactured in some lab somewhere,

Speaker 14 why was I?

Speaker 12 I don't fully understand the scope of what's being done in this system, Fiona.

Speaker 22 You keep calling me Fiona. That's not my name.

Speaker 12 What should I call you?

Speaker 15 Names are given to you by someone that cares about you.

Speaker 15 It's the first act of...

Speaker 15 of loving your child.

Speaker 16 I wasn't loved. I was...

Speaker 21 I don't know what I was.

Speaker 12 It's very difficult to live on my home planet.

Speaker 12 It's barely habitable.

Speaker 12 We have to make alterations to our bodies at a very young age just to survive.

Speaker 12 The first procedure you have done is your lungs, making them more efficient so you can absorb more oxygen with each breath.

Speaker 12 When we're old enough to have this procedure, there's something we say.

Speaker 12 Two bodies I am given. One a grave, one a prison.

Speaker 20 What does that mean?

Speaker 12 We're born into a body that's a prison. And our journey through life is to find the body we'll die in.

Speaker 12 Your body was a prison.

Speaker 12 I've removed the blocks, and now your body is yours.

Speaker 12 I'm afraid after that, it'll be up to you.

Speaker 11 Hey, there you are.

Speaker 11 It's been a big day, Fiona. How are you doing?

Speaker 22 How do you think I'm doing?

Speaker 11 Not great?

Speaker 18 Isn't a human being just a pile of experiences?

Speaker 15 I don't have any.

Speaker 11 I don't know what makes up a human being, Fiona, but if it's just a pile of experiences, today you traveled to another planet, met some aliens, and had brain surgery. You're catching up real quick.

Speaker 22 That doesn't help.

Speaker 11 You were going to go to a concert, weren't you?

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 11 When I met you yesterday, you told me you were going to a concert.

Speaker 15 Not anymore.

Speaker 11 With who? With...

Speaker 20 With some friends.

Speaker 11 Where are your friends right now?

Speaker 14 They're still there.

Speaker 11 Does that feel good?

Speaker 11 To think about your friends back there on the planet where we found you?

Speaker 11 You like the idea of them being there?

Speaker 11 Living the same year over and over again like you were?

Speaker 11 No. Then I guess that means you're in the right place.

Speaker 11 You don't need to figure it all out, Fiona.

Speaker 11 You just need to know where to start.

Speaker 11 So start here.

Speaker 11 It's as good a place as any.

Speaker 11 What's the real thing that's happening, Fiona?

Speaker 11 The most basic thing you can think of right now.

Speaker 22 I'm starving.

Speaker 10 Aha!

Speaker 43 Good.

Speaker 11 That's a great place to start.

Speaker 11 Why don't you head inside and I'll make you some food?

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 10 You're very good at this.

Speaker 11 You sound surprised.

Speaker 12 I am.

Speaker 11 You're very good at this too.

Speaker 11 I'm not surprised.

Speaker 12 You run a restaurant, and I'm the daughter of a legendary conqueror. I think it's more expected with me.

Speaker 11 Because it's in your blood.

Speaker 16 Yes.

Speaker 11 The place my ancestors come from on Earth.

Speaker 11 It was controlled by colonizers for a long time.

Speaker 11 When there was finally a revolution, some of the most fearsome fighters were women. I try and think about them when I'm out here.

Speaker 11 Maybe it's in my blood a little bit, too.

Speaker 12 I see.

Speaker 12 Can I offer you some advice?

Speaker 12 We had to leave a lot of people behind when we left the triad.

Speaker 12 I wanted to take more, but Lubuza said we could only take about a hundred.

Speaker 12 I think about the ones we left behind every day.

Speaker 12 It may be my most preoccupying thought.

Speaker 12 With Fiona, You've taken one of them.

Speaker 12 And there may be trillions of enslaved people like her strewn across this galaxy.

Speaker 12 That's a lot of people keeping you up at night, Gloria.

Speaker 30 What is it with the screaming?

Speaker 29 It's a bullshit psychological tactic. They're trying to freak us out.

Speaker 24 Who are they?

Speaker 29 Probably just bandits. They wait for people to walk through the woods and then they take their stuff.

Speaker 29 Okay, here we go. How about this?

Speaker 31 When they rush us, I'll take off running and lead them away.

Speaker 30 You come up behind them.

Speaker 24 Yeah, sure.

Speaker 29 That sounds like something.

Speaker 31 Okay, David, stay here and don't get killed.

Speaker 41 Challenge accepted.

Speaker 10 Here they come.

Speaker 35 Here I go.

Speaker 35 and taking all of our valuables with us.

Speaker 35 Oh my god.

Speaker 29 I can't believe that worked.

Speaker 33 Okay,

Speaker 29 stay here and I'll be right back.

Speaker 29 I usually take an ear. Do you want an ear?

Speaker 25 An ear?

Speaker 29 Yeah, like a little trophy?

Speaker 10 No,

Speaker 24 I do not want an ear. You know what?

Speaker 29 I'll get you one just in case.

Speaker 12 Stay frosty.

Speaker 12 Okay.

Speaker 13 That was a lot of math I just looked at.

Speaker 37 Sorry. I'm sure it's overwhelming.

Speaker 13 No, it's really beautiful, actually. When you unplug from the standard Earthling left-to-right Western dominance, it really frees things up.
I would love to read more about it.

Speaker 37 The Circle in the Spire by Rekka Ayumu or The Black Fundamentals by Umbra Mesarem are a great place to start.

Speaker 13 Write that down.

Speaker 9 I'm here to take the minutes, that's what I'm doing.

Speaker 13 You're not currently bringing me anything, so you have to make yourself useful.

Speaker 9 Well, I don't have to do that right now because.

Speaker 15 Hi there!

Speaker 20 Anyone want coffee? Trying to stay busy.

Speaker 16 I'll have some.

Speaker 10 Hi.

Speaker 22 I'm Fiona.

Speaker 36 Hello, Fiona.

Speaker 14 So,

Speaker 22 where are you from?

Speaker 37 I'm from NYX.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 20 Don't mind me.

Speaker 15 Just trying to normalize talking to aliens.

Speaker 12 You're doing great. Fiona,

Speaker 13 we're kind of in a meeting right now.

Speaker 19 Sorry.

Speaker 15 Can I get anyone anything else?

Speaker 9 We're fine. Yes, Fiona, can you bring me a six-letter word for ungulate features?

Speaker 10 Uh, okay.

Speaker 13 Have you gotten any of those answers yourself?

Speaker 9 I got all the tiny words. Oops!

Speaker 16 There we go.

Speaker 9 There we go, Fiona. Nailed it.
H-O-F.

Speaker 13 So here's the thing. Your work is flawless.

Speaker 37 I don't see how that's possible.

Speaker 13 I can already tell. It doesn't have that bad math smell.

Speaker 37 Bad math smell? Yeah.

Speaker 13 You know what I mean.

Speaker 37 Then why are there gaps in what I can see?

Speaker 13 You gathered data on all the matter in this universe, and you've been saying to yourself, where did I go wrong? But I think you're asking the wrong question.

Speaker 9 Hey, couldn't the reason she can't see the mystery men is because they're from another universe? She can predict everything in this universe, but what if they're not from this universe?

Speaker 13 The diner isn't from this universe either, and she could see that?

Speaker 37 It's not a bad question, Casper.

Speaker 37 I was able to see the diner the same way that I'm able to see the two of you right now. I sense the sounds bouncing off of you, so I know you're there.

Speaker 37 Intrusions from other universes still show up in my data as a very obvious blank spot surrounded by causation.

Speaker 13 It's like throwing a sack of flour on the invisible man. You still don't see the invisible man, but you see the flower that covers him.

Speaker 9 I see, I see.

Speaker 9 Amazing that I'm still in this conversation right now.

Speaker 13 I have an idea, but it's pretty nutty.

Speaker 9 Ooh, and I'm just about to tap out.

Speaker 13 I can feel it. Your data set.
is the condensed matter of the universe microseconds before expansion. Yes.
Effectively, the beginning of the universe. Yes.

Speaker 13 But it's only effectively the beginning of the universe. There were those brief moments before the Big Bang, before the Higgs field changed.

Speaker 13 Fractions of microseconds before everything came into being.

Speaker 37 There's no data on those moments. There's no data to be gathered.

Speaker 13 Sure.

Speaker 13 But...

Speaker 13 If time and gravity and all the heavy hitters of the cosmos weren't constant laws, but aspects that evolved and came into being as the universe expanded, then what are those fractions of microseconds before everything?

Speaker 13 Can you measure them?

Speaker 37 You're saying that the reason I can't see the benefactor is because he comes from that period before the universe decided to have things like time?

Speaker 13 What does he say he's striving for?

Speaker 13 Balance in the universe. A universe that isn't a straight line, but a circle.
Pure existence.

Speaker 13 In those microseconds before the Big Bang, if there was nothing like time or even space, it would have been pure existence.

Speaker 37 He's not trying to transform the universe.

Speaker 37 He's trying to bring it back to what it was.

Speaker 13 If that's what we're dealing with, if he's a being who existed before even matter existed, How bound by the laws of physics would he be?

Speaker 13 How invisible would that make him to the Vistec?

Speaker 9 Do you guys hear that? What? Nothing. Keep talking about things I don't understand.

Speaker 32 Y'all hear that?

Speaker 23 We hear it, all right.

Speaker 9 We know what this means, right?

Speaker 28 I'm afraid we do, my friends.

Speaker 9 Let's check on Gloria, shall we?

Speaker 10 Hello!

Speaker 23 Hey there, Gloria.

Speaker 28 Any word on our party of adventurers?

Speaker 11 Nothing yet.

Speaker 9 Fiona's jumped right in. She's getting people coffee.

Speaker 11 Yeah, I was doing side work after my first 24 hours. Stuff like that is comforting.

Speaker 9 Stuff like cleaning the grill.

Speaker 11 Stuff like cleaning the grill.

Speaker 28 I'm gonna go ahead and jump to it, Gloria.

Speaker 28 What are your perturbations right now?

Speaker 11 I don't have any perturbations.

Speaker 28 Forgive us, Gloria, but a cleaning of the grill has come to hold a double double meaning within these environs.

Speaker 11 I can't believe this, but

Speaker 11 I have a question

Speaker 11 about

Speaker 11 the Bible. Oh my.

Speaker 28 Well, let me just get comfortable. We both have our listening hats on, Gloria.
You go right ahead.

Speaker 11 Wasn't there a point in the Bible when Jesus told some lepers to heal themselves?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 26 Shit, really?

Speaker 28 I'm afraid not.

Speaker 34 It's a common mistake, Gloria. At one point, Jesus told the lepers how to continue to heal themselves, and people had a tendency to hold on a bit too hard to that point.

Speaker 28 Yes, it tends to be used in times when folks would like to not feel

Speaker 28 overburdened by the miseries of others.

Speaker 34 But sure enough, Jesus walked himself in there and says, whiz-bang, you're healed.

Speaker 28 Just like that.

Speaker 34 It is a bit infuriating, if I'm honest.

Speaker 28 Makes it look so easy.

Speaker 34 Bit of a show-off at times, our Savior.

Speaker 11 Then,

Speaker 11 I guess I don't have a question about the Bible.

Speaker 9 Gloria, why are you asking about lepers?

Speaker 11 How many people did we leave behind on Fiona's planet yesterday?

Speaker 9 Well, Nikki Minaj, at least. seriously a lot and i just

Speaker 9 keep going we were lucky to get out of there alive gloria they weren't

Speaker 9 they're all going to die there please don't tell me you're trying to make it your responsibility to save an entire galaxy whose responsibility should it be they won't be able to do it themselves think of the amount of people you're talking about Going up against the Teds was insane enough, not to mention we've got about a hundred more refugees to find.

Speaker 11 And after that, we just leave behind an entire galaxy full of enslaved people? Yes.

Speaker 9 That's exactly what we do, Gloria, because we're a handful of people and they are a space god and his army.

Speaker 28 It's certainly a maze to be in, Gloria.

Speaker 28 How does one go from one place to another bypassing the sick and the needy? There is something within us that screams out to help our fellow beings.

Speaker 28 Yet with so much sorrow in the world, one could work their whole life to save others and find at the end they've barely moved that stone up the hill.

Speaker 34 It causes one to wonder if they should even begin.

Speaker 34 How can you feel complete in your task if the world is still filled with such sorrow, even after an eternity trying to heal it?

Speaker 28 But

Speaker 28 it should be remembered that the Lord has put no one person on the earth to heal all of its ills.

Speaker 28 We are all here together, and our burdens should be shouldered together.

Speaker 34 What we're saying is,

Speaker 34 there's no shame in scooping up these refugees and then performing a healthy ski daddle out of this particular corner of the sky.

Speaker 9 You see there, Jesus approves of us not having to save literally everyone in the galaxy.

Speaker 11 Kazi told me she had to leave people behind in the triad.

Speaker 11 She said that it haunts her.

Speaker 11 I don't want to feel that way.

Speaker 34 Gloria, step outside of yourself for a moment. What would your advice be to yourself?

Speaker 28 I imagine it'd be to fixate upon the thing right in front of you.

Speaker 28 Sometimes the big picture is

Speaker 28 overwhelming in its enormity.

Speaker 11 Can't say that I'm great about following my own advice, y'all.

Speaker 11 Hey there, guys.

Speaker 31 I don't know about you, but I think that's enough running for today. What do you say?

Speaker 29 Hey, fellas,

Speaker 29 what are we up to today?

Speaker 9 Uh oh,

Speaker 24 swords.

Speaker 24 Well,

Speaker 31 good a time as any for a selfie

Speaker 9 planet number two, y'all.

Speaker 25 Really need to find a way to post these

Speaker 25 Couldn't wait to get me alone, huh?

Speaker 33 Come on,

Speaker 25 come on, do something.

Speaker 28 Do something.

Speaker 25 She was a fucking kid.

Speaker 33 You fucking asshole.

Speaker 33 Oh shit.

Speaker 9 Nice work, David. Nice work.

Speaker 10 Move, move, move, move.

Speaker 9 He's going to teleport away.

Speaker 9 Fuck!

Speaker 24 Come on!

Speaker 24 Just leave me your gun one time,

Speaker 24 David.

Speaker 31 You okay?

Speaker 33 I'm okay.

Speaker 30 Let's go.

Speaker 31 Tita's finishing up back there.

Speaker 9 I don't think we should interrupt her. Laharian bloodlust is a very real thing.

Speaker 31 She's lethally head-butted three guys at this point.

Speaker 2 It's dark.

Speaker 24 Okay,

Speaker 30 you sure you're good?

Speaker 25 I'm good

Speaker 25 Hello there, Fiona!

Speaker 25 Oh

Speaker 42 hi.

Speaker 34 Getting dark out, Fiona. Where are you headed?

Speaker 10 Uh

Speaker 10 it's all right.

Speaker 22 Inside, they were talking about jumping and traveling and how it was going to happen soon, and it all sounded pretty scary.

Speaker 15 And

Speaker 12 suddenly I was headed for the door,

Speaker 20 and there was this part of me that thought I should make a run for it and take my chances in the woods.

Speaker 23 I see.

Speaker 28 Well, we certainly can't blame you, Fiona.

Speaker 28 Folks will do a lot just to feel some solid ground beneath their feet.

Speaker 34 And we're just sitting here, Fiona. There's nothing we can do to put a stop to you heading off into those woods.

Speaker 16 I just

Speaker 20 don't know if I can do this.

Speaker 20 Fiona, earlier today, you heard our friend Casper

Speaker 28 going on and on about history. You remember that?

Speaker 26 Yes.

Speaker 28 Not sure what it is with him in history. I imagine he takes a shine to it because

Speaker 28 you always know where history is. It's right there in the past.

Speaker 34 Fiona, you know what no historian has ever said in one of those books of theirs?

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 34 Luckily, they were alone.

Speaker 34 That

Speaker 28 is very true, Fiona.

Speaker 28 In the great stretch of time that begins with those quiet hours of the Lord hovering over the waters, all the way up to you standing there, the edge of that parking lot, being alone has never been a welcome feeling, never a boon.

Speaker 34 So while the solid ground of those lonely woods may seem like a comfort, do yourself a service. Make yourself a home amongst people, won't you?

Speaker 24 Hey.

Speaker 21 David?

Speaker 9 How was your day?

Speaker 10 Uh,

Speaker 20 who are these people?

Speaker 12 These are the refugees.

Speaker 29 Try and keep up, Fiona.

Speaker 22 Refugees from where?

Speaker 33 All over the place.

Speaker 25 You coming in?

Speaker 10 Uh,

Speaker 34 yeah. Take us with you now, Fiona.

Speaker 11 Welcome back, everyone. Come right this way.

Speaker 11 I know you weren't supposed to go into the deep freeze before, but it's all fixed now Head toward the campsite, and you'll start to see some familiar faces, okay?

Speaker 11 You're all going to be okay now

Speaker 11 Laf.

Speaker 11 How many is that?

Speaker 9 Uh, only seven. Fuck.

Speaker 25 I know.

Speaker 9 I was hoping for more, too.

Speaker 9 It explains why there was only one mystery man here guarding them. There was what happened?

Speaker 34 What do you think happened?

Speaker 12 I killed him. The more refugees we capture, the more security there's going to be.

Speaker 32 Here's your gun back.

Speaker 29 That's not my gun.

Speaker 39 That's your gun. Tita.
It's called a Boomhauer.

Speaker 29 Most reliable gun in the triad. There are many like it, but that one is yours.

Speaker 17 Enjoy.

Speaker 11 Ava, Labuza, anything you'd like to share with the class?

Speaker 12 We've talked it over.

Speaker 37 If our theories are correct, the benefactor is more powerful than anyone, any of us have ever encountered.

Speaker 13 Our official recommendation is to get the refugees and get the fuck out of this fucking galaxy as soon as we fucking can.

Speaker 9 I support that plan. Same here.

Speaker 12 We can track the diner's path from our ship. Hopefully the enemy can't.
With each stop, Labuza, Tita, and I will be following you. You okay?

Speaker 20 I'm really scared.

Speaker 33 Okay, but be scared right here, okay?

Speaker 24 Not out there.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 11 Everyone, we're going to jump soon. At our next stop, there are going to be even more refugees to save.
And if there are just a few of them each time, we're going to be making a lot of stops.

Speaker 11 The planets will often be hostile, and we're going to be hunted by the mystery men the whole time.

Speaker 11 But we have the sisters with us, we have a ship, and we have each other. Shit, we even have a barista now.

Speaker 11 It's gonna be hard, but we can do it. Gloria, if I may, a prayer? Fuck it, Zebulon.
Why not? Lord,

Speaker 28 in your wisdom, you have placed us in a treacherous land, but with goodness trapped within.

Speaker 28 We, as your servants, shall seek out that hidden beneficence and defend it in your name. As it is said, the righteous cry, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.

Speaker 28 Hear then, Lord, our reverenced cry.

Speaker 34 Fangs out, Lord.

Speaker 17 Fangs out.

Speaker 16 What is fangs out? Fangs out. Fangs out.

Speaker 9 David Kazi, you're not allowed to say it if you actually have fangs.

Speaker 12 I don't have fangs.

Speaker 9 Not right now. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 21 What does that mean? I like it.

Speaker 10 David.

Speaker 25 I'm not saying that.

Speaker 9 You have to say it. It's part of the thing.
No.

Speaker 10 David.

Speaker 10 Fangs out. Fangs out.

Speaker 10 Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Speaker 34 Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 27 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

Speaker 34 We open at six.

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Speaker 9 Wilson, Billy, Burtbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Society of Bethany's, Banjo Bethany, O Bethany, where art thou? A non-binary thylacine named Bethany.

Speaker 9 The non-binary Bethany's take a hesitant bite of the apple and oh god no

Speaker 9 local marsh hag crashing your Thanksgiving dinner with genderless Bethany stew plus a gluten-free version with mild gender Green Mountain Hermit wants that NB Bethany stew recipe Some fucking swamp wizard took a a jaunt down the street and brought the marsh hag cookies.

Speaker 9 They hope you don't mind a little algae. Sylvie maintains a neutral position in the Bethany War and wishes to stop the violence.

Speaker 9 This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant by names brewing a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew.

Speaker 9 Kevin West, Jamie Rainey, Matthew Hannigan, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, Brian Green, Timothy Iotis. Chance wants you to know he cares.

Speaker 9 Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbs the Co., Alexis Walker, Rory of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Kirion, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Aaron Elizabeth, K.

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Up, challenge.

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A dubious raptor. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar.
Retorted.

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Speaker 9 Glass, Cody C.

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Speaker 9 I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you.

Speaker 9 Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Bum, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in Their Tea, Keegan Diamond, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Steven Duro, WhisperDan, Mad Maddox, Auden, Gregory the God of Chaos, who offers a doughnut to Annie the Chaos Goblin, Athanasios Nasir Shaokat, Kiboko, Mr.

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Speaker 9 The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

Speaker 9 Tybo, Miss Nixie, Baby Bate and Lee, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, understands the assignment. Lil Stevie Pie, return to sender.

Speaker 9 Two Polar Cat will be back soon. In the meantime, take care of yourselves.
War rages on, but the stars continue to shine.

Speaker 9 Carl, the teller of dad jokes, at least six gyms, Skylab's multidimensional, multiphasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Nikki H., Annie Crafts Anywhere, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'un, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Supercala Fragilistic XB Alex Nickel, Jimbo Jet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooten, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suasian, Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 20th Doctor, Too Many Jans!

Speaker 9 Catjot, Pamela Rose Eltiera, D-Squared Life, Then Steena says. Countess of Carbon.
Luminous Elk. Rodian Caution.
Love is for the Nierds. Taz Hernandez.
It's just Tyson now. Casper needs a hug.

Speaker 9 Joe is the writer's room. Awkward Heretic.
Devin 7777. Troy Aker.
Mandy Kane. Estelle.
Kim Sell. Silly Goose Honk Honk.
Ghost Saber Wolf. The Sleepy Mystic.
Mr. Alex Sir.
Sarah Joy.

Speaker 9 Dolores Gara Schnapp. Taters.
Precious. Teddy of the Wasteland.
Daniel Gregory. Sweets.
Char Noble. Mere Tender Creatures.
Amanda Short.

Speaker 9 Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey, and Your Friend Frosty, Bada Bada Ba Bi, Ba Ba Bada Bop Ba Benbar, Zven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Exponge, Ted Wassanasen, Virestria, Spooples, Fernwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Mike Laclusi, Dex, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windshimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Alexika Habadiera, Code Stranger, One Betty Bat, Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Speaker 9 Julia Kringlin, Freelp, M.

Speaker 9 Lin, Feed Ma Fish, JR R on S F P, Lahari, Rek Ayumu, Ted's Loves Catherine, J Spark, Eevee Girl, Lucid Harbor, Little Lily Leopard Paws, Die at Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kimbob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Patrick Holt, Unexciting K, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hold it Now, hold it now, hold it now.

Speaker 9 Hit it! Ow, what the fuck? Joe said hit it, not me.

Speaker 9 Rude, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Munier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stebby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowie, The Little Pigeon, Crowed Nation, Crazed Bear, Evinala, Dr.

Speaker 9 Lattice Trash Angel is suffering from tummy hurt itis, and the only remedy is even more candy. Yes, my brain is weird.
Thank you.

Speaker 9 Megan, the Meg, Young, Baby Bears Love the Diner, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Her Prismatic Chickens, Criddle, Heidelberdy, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Rad Dolls, Salazar the Dome Age, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir ShitzA Lot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B.

Speaker 9 Anthony, J. Way Mythical, Tybalt's 28th birthday is next week and he's feeling weird about it.

Speaker 9 Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titbittens, The Fawn Tucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, The Singing Loon, Zusana, Celeste Yos, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeone, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Hot Plate of Biscuits and and Gravy, Zehoni Vera, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sabrantha, Beatrice Bodacious, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, TNB Lemmy, Sharmae, The Wondrous Methazophon, What Janica Said, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Fitting and Robert, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Books Shift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Tired Pirate Muffin, Jay Snoosten, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Land of Felines, Inschuldegum, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Kathraine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Delicrews, Why'd you do this to us, Joe Fisher?

Speaker 9 Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronaweeb, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Piorini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Ashley, A Buck Named Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Paul A.

Speaker 9 Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, The Green Street Major, Dr.

Speaker 9 Punt Gusher Esquire, Wants You to Persist, Creator67, Bajolanth, Laife's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Reedle the Beetle, John Dew, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris still making sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What?

Speaker 9 Danielle L, Shiny Melon Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Tonight at 11, Doom.

Speaker 9 Ilati Raul, Hicks Bessy Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake.

Speaker 9 Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, a.k.a.

Speaker 9 Casper from Another Universe, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Brockowini, Ava, no not that Ava, the one with an E

Speaker 9 Grim, Zacky Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzeringtom, Michael Christian, Ransom, Brune Maisalil, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Dances with Belligerence, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Kianumysen, Fiona Malisey, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

Speaker 9 the Hiker Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Colmy Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Urple Death, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea Darusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Crack, and Azula the Brave and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

Speaker 25 Let's do that that again.

Speaker 25 I'm so sorry. I did that just like William Shatner, and I hated it.
I shat myself.

Speaker 26 My neural environment?

Speaker 10 Minaural environment?

Speaker 37 I'm afraid there's a question that hovers.

Speaker 10 Oh, God.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 26 Hoovers.

Speaker 37 It hoovers over everything.

Speaker 9 It's a question that's hoovering up everything.

Speaker 10 Would have come. Oh, God.

Speaker 37 Earths, earthlings. God.

Speaker 32 I'm going to just take that second part.

Speaker 10 What's happening over there?

Speaker 10 Earth's earthlings.

Speaker 16 God.

Speaker 37 Just have me say Earth over and over and over, and I lose the TH.

Speaker 9 You can do it. You're doing a great job.

Speaker 16 I believe in myself.

Speaker 37 Creating all these Earths and these Earthlings. would have had to start before Earthlings even exist.

Speaker 16 I'm sorry you have to say that.

Speaker 10 How do you know?

Speaker 9 Welcome to Earthling Fest, everybody.

Speaker 10 Thanks so many times.

Speaker 15 So many Earths.

Speaker 9 How many Earths could an Earthling earth? If an Earthling could earth Earth.

Speaker 37 God.

Speaker 10 Earthlings, Earthlings, Earthlings, Earthlings, Earthlings.

Speaker 37 That's all that's going through my mind right now.

Speaker 13 You're doing a great job.

Speaker 10 A lot more ease in this paradise.

Speaker 9 This is so awesome. Thank you guys for letting me crash your recording session.

Speaker 10 You're literally in the episode.

Speaker 9 I know, but I wasn't scheduled for today. I wasn't scheduled for today.

Speaker 32 Thanks for letting me hang out, Dad.

Speaker 10 You work here.

Speaker 9 I love the sisters episode.

Speaker 12 Interesting.

Speaker 12 Fiona, I'm going to have a look at you.

Speaker 14 A look?

Speaker 9 Kazzi grabs Fiona's face and turns her head sharply to the left, looking at her brain.

Speaker 16 Sorry, I grabbed my face too hard.

Speaker 12 How's your head?

Speaker 20 No complaints yet.

Speaker 38 Sorry.

Speaker 18 It really hurts.

Speaker 31 Actually, you know what? While we're here, let's just go back and do that again real quick.

Speaker 12 Smart, smart.

Speaker 4 Get both takes done.

Speaker 25 Smart and noise.

Speaker 39 Smart. Smart, noise, smart, noise.

Speaker 9 Thank you, everyone, for being here.

Speaker 10 I love you all.

Speaker 11 We love you too.

Speaker 9 A little late.

Speaker 10 Just late. What a pregnant, what a pregnant pause that was.
Yeah.

Speaker 9 I'm fine.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 39 Lowe's early Black Friday deals are going fast.

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Speaker 41 Valentute 12.3. Selection varies by location.
Select locations only while supplies last. See Lowe's.com for more details.

Speaker 44 A fading dream.

Speaker 44 Passing thought.

Speaker 44 A distant memory.

Speaker 44 Greetings and salutations, dear listener. May you know me simply as

Speaker 44 the scribe. Beware.
For you have been gifted this opportunity to know what many have dreamed of and others have prayed to forget.

Speaker 44 Join me now that we may journey through the wonderful and terrifying accounts entombed within.

Speaker 9 Take a step into

Speaker 44 the Nameless Chronicles.

Speaker 3 Find the Nameless Chronicles on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, and your favorite streaming platforms.

Chapter 41: The Malthusian Trap

Press play and read along

Transcript

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