Chapter 38: Welcome to the Triad

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Previously on Midnight Burger.

I don't know if you know this, Casper, but we're kind of a big deal out there in the system.

We are revered.

We are feared.

The name The Sisters strikes fear into the hearts of fascist shitheads everywhere.

The Sisters.

Please don't be scared of my sisters.

They're pretty intense.

My name is Kazi.

That was my sister, Tita.

She's about to get our other sister, Lubuza.

We have 116 refugees with us.

Your other two sisters are fugitives because of the science they study.

You're a fugitive because, what?

You just like guns and crime?

Well, I do like guns and crime, Casper.

But that's not why I'm a fugitive.

You can really do that.

You can

predict the future.

Well, I found you, didn't I?

I designed most parts of my body.

Anything cool, like claws?

I have a claw.

You don't want to see it.

You're very astute for a a young person.

I'm older than I look.

Hello there.

Terrifying monolithic alien technology.

This is because of your father.

Yes.

Who was he?

Kroc.

Kroc.

A long time ago, the galaxies were ruled by warlords.

Warlords and conquerors.

They had fleets of ships and they would hop from star system to star system claiming territory.

Our father was one of them.

How did you go from that to being fugitives?

A new age got ushered in.

An age of warp gates and commerce and politics and all of it run by.

shitheads.

So no one's explained to me yet how a man has three daughters on three different planets.

That doesn't make any sense.

He had multiple children on multiple planets.

Sounds like a busy guy.

He was a very busy guy.

But none of that matters anymore because you are off to a new world.

That's right.

Cryptesia.

We make the world, Casper.

Not those before us.

Let's start the shift.

No matter how majestic something is, it can always become commonplace.

The things we encounter every day and now hardly notice are the things our ancestors would have considered miraculous.

We all carry algorithmic helpers in our pockets.

We travel on starships, and from time to time, those starships go through warp gates.

The warp gates, or TED tubes, as they are sometimes unfortunately called, have become the hallmark of the age in which we currently find ourselves.

An age of interconnected worlds.

An age where three galaxies are suddenly at your doorstep.

We all remember our first time going through one.

The unsettling feeling in your stomach when you start to pass through a fold in the fabric of space, that bizarre elation when you emerge on the other side of the galaxy under a star field you suddenly don't recognize.

Miraculous, our ancestors would say.

But now?

Who notices?

When you pass through a warp gate these days, do you even look up from your tangle anymore?

I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't.

It wasn't until I was on a press barge the other day that I was reminded of the truly amazing feat a warp gate is.

We and other members of the press were in a wide orbit around Bilius.

You may have heard of Bilius, it's been in the news lately.

Bilius is set to be the site of a new kind of warp gate, a warp gate that, according to the Ted Empire, will take us even further out into the cosmos, to a dwarf galaxy that has a lot of different names, names, but has commonly become known as Cryptesia.

The Ted Empire is promising to bring the new frontier of Cryptesia right to your doorstep with a new, even more powerful warp gate.

Now, this is controversial for a few reasons.

One, the star in the bilious system is a very rare kind of star, a very powerful one, and astronomers don't think its power should be harnessed to make a warp gate.

Also, there appears to be a growing number of xenobiologists who believe that one of the planets in the bilious system harbors a unique form of sentient life that can't be detected by the usual methods.

The Ted Empire, who has exclusive rights to the system, has brushed these issues off in its usual manner and has continued building its massive energy harnessing structure around this very rare celestial object.

It was only after constant hounding from the CGN Council of Truth and Understanding that the Ted Empire finally agreed to allow a few of us onto a press barge to view the star and the massive structure currently being constructed around it.

This brings me back to my original point, the forgotten majesty of the things we've gotten used to.

As we orbited Bilius, I was reminded of this majesty.

the pure insanity of building something so massive that it could completely encircle and obscure a massive star.

And what added even more majesty majesty to that moment?

The fact that the whole thing was about to explode.

Sad to know that, if this massive explosion of a megastructure had obliterated me, my last words would have just been, oh fuck, and not something cooler.

I certainly should have been obliterated by the debris field from an explosion so massive, but luckily, the intense gravity of Bilius instantly sucked all of the potential debris into its core.

In the blink of an eye, it was like the gigantic warp gate was never even there.

And Bilius began shining brightly into the cosmos once again.

But believe it or not, I'm not here today to report on the explosion of a warp gate.

I'm here to report on what happened next.

We see that the Ted Empire still has not learned its lesson.

The lesson that their rampant and rancorous expansion will not be without consequence.

The Ted Empire wishes to extend the tendrils of its kingdom to yet another unwitting star system.

subjecting it to the tragedy of unmitigated and unsustainable growth.

But they do not have the right to make the world you live in.

We are the sisters.

We make the world.

This is Bert Burke, broadcasting on the Under Signal.

Welcome to the Triad.

Traveling through the void of space?

Don't have a void in your tongue-tongue.

Snacks are now available courtesy of the one true space chef.

You received a response to your request for information on the sisters from the Truth and Understanding Council.

I can't wait.

Your request for information was denied.

Shocking.

Due to recent events, they are withholding all requests for information.

Please don't tell me they've convened a sub-council.

They've convened a sub-council.

Fuck my planet, dude.

The workable definition of terrorism sub-council.

Oh, snappy title.

Before they can provide more information on the group known as the sisters, a determination needs to be made to differentiate acts of terrorism from acts of rebellion.

What are the odds they get back to me in a timely manner?

Non-zero, but I mean,

just a smidge above non-zero.

Start an encrypted working file.

Are you sure?

Yes.

You know, when you're going rogue like this, you really need a sexier term than encrypted working file.

I'm not going rogue.

I am taking the initiative.

I'm sure CGIS would also love to convene a workable definition of going rogue subcouncil.

If they're not gonna give me any information on these sisters, I'm gonna get it myself.

Starting a non-sexy encrypted working file.

Now what do I put in it?

That is the question.

Cross-reference historical databases with the name the sisters.

Okay,

but

can you be a little more specific than the sisters?

No, I can't, because I'm getting the stiff arm from Segius.

Okay.

Well, let's look at a few results off the top then.

The Seven Sisters, an alternate Earth term for the Pleiades.

The Honeybee Sisters.

An alt-country duo from Greedon 4.

The Sisters.

A 1938 Earth film starring Errol Flynn and Betty Davis.

Okay.

The Sisters of Schnoogens, a crime family that struck fear into the hearts of the citizens of Schnoogans and were then executed by.

Whoa, that's dark.

Excuse me.

Thank you, Alice.

Point well made.

I can start hacking into things if you want.

What did I tell you about hacking?

But it's a great way to get free stuff.

That is not what I said.

Excuse me?

Hang on.

Um, I'm sorry?

Are you talking about that explosion that happened in the bilious system?

Yeah, look, um, I know this is a public passenger deck, but I'd like to at least pretend I'm having a private conversation.

I'm sorry.

Couldn't help it.

I think you could, but whatever.

Um, Berber.

What?

She appears to be from NYX.

Oh.

Really?

Yeah.

So I just came off like a huge jackass just now.

Yep.

Great.

Excuse me.

Um,

I'm sorry, you're from NYX?

I am.

So you weren't eavesdropping at all, were you?

I suppose you could say I was.

Though I'm also involuntarily eavesdropping on every conversation that's happening on this passenger deck right now.

I guess having hearing as sensitive as yours isn't so great in public places.

I usually have headphones, but I seem to have misplaced them.

Do you want us to check in the shop upstairs?

I'm afraid for Nick's heits, it needs to be a very specific kind of headphones.

Thank you, though.

Sure.

I'm Bert Burt.

I know who you are.

I love your work.

Oh,

thank you.

That's...

Very kind of you.

I've actually been waiting for you to file a story about what happened on Bilius.

Everyone else is getting it wrong.

I'd love to file a report.

Sadly, my home world is dragging its feet.

Oh?

Why is that?

I guess they're hung up on whether to call it an act of terrorism or an act of rebellion.

That's interesting.

I imagine all terrorists think themselves to be rebels.

And all rebels are called terrorists by a certain amount of people.

Yes.

I suppose perspective is important.

It is.

There was a rebellion on your planet, wasn't there?

Depends on your perspective.

Why?

It's actually why I was interrupting you.

There was something that woman said right after the Warp Gate was destroyed.

We make the world.

What about it?

It sounds like something from the Age of Conquerors.

Does it?

I don't know much about the Age of Conquerors.

I know you don't.

You're from Segius.

During the Age of Conquerors, Segius was busy forming the original coalition.

You didn't have an Age of Conquerors where you come from.

We make the world.

It was something Kroc the Propagator used to say.

I knew I recognized it from somewhere.

Alice Kroc the Propagator?

Kroc the Propagator is one of the many warlords from the Age of Conquerors.

He successfully conquered the planets of Lin, Emlin, Lahari, Nyx, and several others on the far side of Andromeda.

Kroc apparently saw himself as a liberator, working with civilizations rather than conquering them.

He would often say to newly conquered people, We make the world, not those who come before us.

Huh.

So, tell me more about this Kroc the Propagator.

Oh, I don't have much to tell.

I'm not an expert.

It's just something I learned as a child.

Any idea who I could talk to?

Um,

I think the authority on all things Kroc the Propagator is a professor of early triad studies.

I think she's on Cadon.

Her name escapes me.

Alice, experts on Kroc the Propagator living on Cadon?

There are several published works by a Professor Kiana Crow.

Is it Kiana Crow?

That's it.

Yes.

I'm sure she can answer all your questions.

Great.

Thank you so much.

Alice, can you change our tickets?

We're on our way to a diplomatic junket.

But I don't want to be on our way to a diplomatic junket.

Fine.

We'll go to the junket and then get us tickets for Kadan.

And then, of course, CGS will want to know why we're headed there.

Alice, oh my god.

I didn't get your name.

Labooza.

thank you labooza of course oh hey uh

what did you mean about perspective

perspective i said there was a rebellion on your planet and you said it depends on your perspective oh

well my planet is tidally locked so there's a side that's always in darkness that's where i'm from

For generations, we were horribly subjugated by those who live on the sunlit side of the planet.

And then one day, the sky was full of starships.

Kroc came to our planet and fought with those of us on the dark side to free ourselves and make the planet a place where we could all live together.

So,

was that a rebellion?

If so, were we called terrorists until we won?

Or were both sides just conquered by a charismatic man with a fleet of ships?

Depends on your perspective.

What's your perspective?

I honestly don't know.

It was a long time ago.

It's not like I was there.

But we did make the world.

All of us.

The oppressors, the rebels, the conquerors.

Together.

I have shocking news.

CGS would like to know why you're headed to Kadan.

Of course.

I have to go deal with this now.

Is there a workstation available?

Deck five.

Okay, fun.

It was nice to meet you, Labuza.

You too.

I look forward to your report.

I'm sure everyone would like to take a private flight when you're hopping from one planet to another.

You don't have to deal with being shuffled in a massive group with a bunch of strangers.

You don't have to deal with not one but two festians falling asleep on your shoulder.

True story.

Despite that, I have to say, I have had many an interesting conversation on the passenger deck of a Starliner.

One time, I found myself sat down next to none other than Nea Nixrino, the legendary historian of the Alexian Wars.

If you don't know who that is, read a book, dummies!

Nea said that she was taking her very last trip through a warp gate.

She didn't have another book in her, she said, and it was time for her to go back home to Alexa Prime and finally be the mollusk farmer her father always wanted her to be.

On that flight, I tried to get as much knowledge from her as I could.

It was like a free masterclass.

It sat down right next to me.

And I remember asking her, after all those years of war and all that history and with so many perspectives, how did she keep it all straight?

How did she separate fact from fiction?

I remember her looking up at me when I asked that.

Her face seemed tired, jaded, like she had surrendered.

And this legendary historian said to me,

it's all fiction.

All of it.

There's the moment, and then when the moment passes, the observers of the moment turn to tell their story.

And that's when the fiction begins.

If you weren't there, all you have is the fiction.

So what have I been doing this whole time?

It was chilling.

So it made me a little hesitant to know that I was about to jump into maybe the most obscured era of triad history.

How do I delve into ancient history and somehow keep the story straight?

Separate the fact from the fiction.

I had no time to figure it out then

because I had to go to a fucking party.

Good evening.

Mom, please enjoy an octocrab puff.

No, thank you.

I hate these parties.

I hate talking to people.

I hate the clothes I'm wearing.

Well, don't worry.

It's not showing.

It's not?

No, it's totally showing.

Fine, whatever.

Did you find some publications by that professor?

Yes.

Professor Keanu Crow is the author of several books on the Age of Conquerors: Worlds Before Warp, Days of the Conqueror, and and The Visitor, Unraveling the Mysteries of Kroc the Propagator.

Did you read them?

Hang on.

Yes.

How are they?

Not exactly a beach read, but they're very informative.

So, just spitballing here.

These sisters are somehow styling themselves after this Kroc guy, like they've adopted his worldview or something.

Maybe.

Why him?

Well, for the most part, the warlords during the Age of Conquerors were just glorified pirates.

They had a fleet of ships, and they went from planet to planet, claiming territory.

Kroc was a bit different.

He wouldn't conquer a planet, per se.

He would defeat whatever resistance he encountered on the planet, but then would begin to work with the populace to reform their deficiencies and set them on the right path.

Okay.

And then he would have some kids.

Kids?

Yes.

He would appoint himself the ruler, reform the planet, then get married and have some kids.

Weird.

Yes.

Oh,

The propagator.

Right.

Why is everyone checking their tangle?

There's some news.

What?

Another attack?

It's news from Axel.

Axel?

Where is Axel?

It's in the Iron Quadrant.

What happened?

Axel is a farming moon.

They turned themselves into a monoculture to pay their warp gate fees.

Every year, they put together a massive grain shipment that the whole moon contributes to.

And?

It was stolen.

Stolen?

Yes.

Someone stole the food supply of an entire moon?

Yes.

And this was the sisters again?

No.

It was Loaf Trax.

Loaf Trax?

Loaf Trax doesn't have the skill to pull something like that off.

That has to be a thousand ships.

978.

LoafTrax cannot hijack 978 ships.

The chatter on the under signal is that

LoafTrax

has acquired

some new tech support.

No.

They're saying LoafTrax is now employing a hacker by the name of Death the Kid.

That entire civilization is screwed.

He would he would never do that.

There's no other viable explanation.

It was Leif.

That piece of shit.

Please remember you're in a public motherfucker!

Hi, Ambassador.

Where are the restrooms?

To the left.

Connect me to his comms note.

Are you sure?

Do it, Alice.

Okay.

Connected.

You fucking asshole!

Do you have any idea what you have just done?

Those people are screwed, Laif.

You have no idea what a farming planet goes through every year just to make their gate fees and you just swing in and steal their livelihood?

Fuck you!

Assuming the Teds will give them a line of credit, they are going to be in debt for generations now.

And that is the best case scenario.

Worst case, they fucking starve, Laife, because of you.

And if the Teds turn off their warp gate, there is no way they can get off the planet and no way anyone can get them aid.

I am

disgusted that I know you.

I have tried so hard to be forgiving and understanding, and what a fucking idiot I am.

Strongly consider how much better off the triad would be without you.

Are you sure you want to send this message?

Send it.

Sent.

Let's get out of here.

Progress is forward,

right?

That's what we're told.

Progress is the future.

Let's all of us move hand in hand toward the future because that's where all the progress is.

Is that the truth?

Or is that an assumption?

You all read the news.

You saw what just happened on Axel.

What happened?

A habitable moon in the Iron Quadrant had its entire livelihood stolen by a surprisingly tech-savvy and well-organized pirate.

There are calls for greater security.

There are calls for a crackdown on pirates across the system.

There are calls for this, that, and the other thing.

The usual things that people call for.

The usual things that never work,

but people feel better.

A lot of systems out there are now scared about pirates stealing their stuff.

This is the future, apparently.

This is progress.

I'd ask you to take something with you throughout your life.

It's one question.

What's the crime

before the crime?

What brought us here?

Axel is a habitable moon that wanted access to the great and beautiful future that we all live in, and to have that access, they had to pay a very hefty warp gate fee.

And to pay that fee, they had to turn their entire world into a monoculture.

The entire moon grew only one crop, bundled it up for shipment and sent it off to the Ted Empire.

Every year.

I'm no botanist, but I can tell you that forcing an entire biome to grow only one thing is dangerous and tenuous for balanced organic systems.

But this is the future, and we all have to move forward together.

I can't tell you what's going to happen with Axel,

but I actually can totally tell you what's going to happen with Axel.

They're to be offered a line of credit by the Ted Empire.

It will be a line of credit that will be impossible to pay off.

Ever.

The Ted Empire will effectively own that moon forever.

Children will be born into debt.

They will die in debt.

I'm sorry.

Who's the pirate here?

What's the crime before the crime?

Progress is forward.

Barbarism is in the past.

That's what we're told.

But what if I told you that long ago, before this

glorious future we're living in,

there was a cluster of planets on the outskirts of Andromeda, where there was no debt, there was no famine, there was no currency, there were no pirates of any variety.

It sounds like the future to me.

Why is it in the past?

You have your reading for next week.

We'll start at the end.

What we lost in the warp gates.

Excuse me, Professor Crowe?

Yes.

My name is Bert Bird.

I'm from the CGN Council of Truth and Understanding.

Yes.

I know your work.

Hello.

I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.

Of course.

This is a surprise.

My office is right through here.

I'm not sure what to make of these students these days.

They all think history began when they were born.

Your planet's always been better about that.

They always take the long view on CGS, and they never forget that the long view goes into the past and the future.

I'm in a bit of a fight with my home world right now.

I'd appreciate it if you kept the compliments to a minimum.

Oh?

They can get a little stingy with the information I need.

I see.

Information on what?

The sisters.

This is the terrorist group I've been reading about?

Yes.

I'm.

I'm not sure how I can help you.

In their message, they said, we make the world.

I'm told that that was something that was commonly said by Kroc the Propagator.

It was.

But Kroc said a lot of things.

Or at least we think he did.

The history of the Age of Conquerors is...

Let's just say, infested with Apocrypha.

It's hard to be sure of a lot of things from that era.

What do you think the connection is between these sisters and Kroc the Propagator?

You know how these rebel groups can be.

They'll co-opt anything that makes them sound connected to a larger ideology.

They think it gives them some sort of street cred.

Right, right.

Of course.

Right.

What?

I've had a rough few days.

A lot of the things blowing up in my face.

Not the least of which was a warp gate.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Professor,

why did your friend Lubooza send me to you?

Lubuza?

Yeah.

I'm afraid I don't know who that is.

See,

the thing is, she said to me that she couldn't wait to read my reporting because everyone was getting it wrong.

How would she know?

And then there she was, sitting two aisles away on my cruiser with all of the information I needed, right right at the right time.

It just dropped into my lap.

And I've been a journalist for a while now, and

things don't just drop into my lap.

Someone has to put them there.

Right place, right time never happens.

So let me go ahead and ask you again, why did Labuza send me here?

She told me that if she was right about you, she'd tell you her real name.

Of course,

she's always right about everything.

Professor,

who are the sisters?

And are you one of them?

Damn.

What is that?

I thought we'd have more time.

What

are you talking about?

A skiffful of Tedbots just landed in the lawn outside of the building.

What?

Alice?

It's true.

They're on their way up the stairs.

They're evacuating the building.

What's going on?

I apologize for this next part.

It's very disturbing.

What?

Fuck!

Holy shit!

I

really need to find a way to make that less painful.

Professor Crow?

My name is Kazzi.

We had a bit more cat and mouse planned for you, Bert Bert.

I'm sorry it's been cut short.

We've left you with a bit of a mess, but I'm sure your home world will clean it up for you.

What about the mess you've made for yourself?

I'm not concerned about that either.

We'll be gone soon.

Gone where?

Professor Crow!

Professor Crow, open this door immediately.

I'm a security officer with the Ted Empire.

Open the door or we break it down.

One moment.

Hello.

Professor.

Fuck!

We make the world.

What the fuck is that?

It's a claw.

You just killed a Ted security officer.

Yes.

Teds always follow the rules.

Now that one of them's been killed, the TED bots will be programmed to surround the building and slowly move in.

That'll be all the time I need.

What about me?

I suggest you tell them you were my hostage.

That usually works.

And if it doesn't?

We're not going to let anything happen to you, Bertburg.

Why don't I believe you?

I know we're going to seem like criminals to you, but like I said,

what's the crime before the crime?

Hey!

Your predictions couldn't have included us being interrupted by Ted security forces?

The system isn't perfect yet.

We're almost there.

Are you in orbit?

Yes.

The Teds are going to arrest Bertbert.

They're not going to believe she was a hostage.

Tell Tita to be ready then.

She's ready.

You're sure all this business with Bertbert is necessary?

Yes.

You'll have to trust me.

I do.

This is great.

This is a great week I'm having.

Look on the bright side.

What's the bright side?

I have no idea, but I'm sure there's one out there somewhere.

Anything the prisoner says while being detained will be used against them.

Oh, shut up.

What the hell did we just witness in there?

Is she some sort of metamorph?

It looks like the super gross horror show body transformation we just witnessed was a display of bodyforming.

What the hell is body forming?

Before it was banned in the triad, body forming, or org tech, as it is now described, was practiced by the inhabitants of the moon Emlin.

Emlin, that's one of the planets conquered by this croc the propagator guy.

Correct.

The planet Lin experienced a wave of genetic mutations that gave rise to a small subset of the population developing hyperintelligence.

In a really impressive display of racism, all of the mutants were rounded up and exiled to the planet's barely habitable moon, Emlin.

Rather than terraform the moon, the new residents of Emlin terraformed their own bodies, making great and super creepy strides in the fields of genetic and organic manipulation.

So she can transform into other people.

Not anyone.

That particular maneuver is called skin slipping.

She can completely switch her genetic profile between her original skin and the one of Professor Kiana Crow.

According to public records, she's been living on this planet as Kiana Crow for years.

So that's two now.

Kroc the propagator goes to Labuza's planet and works with the oppressed people there to take over the planet, and he also did the same thing with Emlin?

Not exactly.

Like I said before, Kroc initially came to the aid of the oppressed populations.

Right, right, right, okay.

Then had a bunch of kids.

Yeah, what was this guy's deal with having kids everywhere?

I don't know.

Maybe he was a hottie.

Anything the prisoner says while being detained will be used against them.

Oh, really?

Anything?

How about this?

Farts.

Farts?

Farts?

Farts, farts, farts.

Is that gonna be used against me?

God, I hope so.

Ugh, worst evil empire ever.

New orders received.

Prisoner is to be taken to the nearest icing facility.

Prisoner?

Icing facility?

What the fuck is that?

Proceed with us where you will be detained.

I am absolutely not coming with you.

Restraining prisoner.

Whoa!

Fuck!

Sniper protocols!

Shit!

Triangulate assailant.

There's a sniper.

Get down!

What the fuck is happening?

Kazi did say she wasn't going to let anything happen to you.

So they're springing me?

Looks like it.

Okay, so this is gonna look like I was working with them.

I'm guessing that's preferential to whatever an icing facility is.

What the fuck do I do?

I think this is the point where we run.

Shit!

This is the Ted Empire.

Please remain calm.

There is an active security engagement in your area.

Please remain in your location until further notice.

Running is not one of my skills.

I've managed to block any tracking signals, but we need to keep moving.

Keep moving where?

Your gate pass has been flagged by the Teds.

It looks like we're stuck on this planet.

Great.

Unless.

Unless what?

Remember that hacking you never let me do?

God damn it.

Hey, desperate times.

You're effectively a fugitive from justice until we clear your name.

Alice, even if we could get off this planet, where would we go?

I don't know.

Maybe it's time to dip into the underworld contacts.

I am not calling him.

I know.

But I think you're forgetting that Laith isn't the only criminal you know.

Huh.

Okay.

Fine.

Get us off this planet.

There's a Trunders down under it in five blocks.

We can send a message from there.

Okay.

But I'm walking.

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So,

yes.

If you're the type of person who pays attention to system-wide bulletins sent out by the TED Empire, you may have noticed that for a time, I was wanted by the TEDs for my connection to the planning and implementing of terrorism.

Eventually, eventually,

it all got ironed out and I am no longer considered a terrorist in the eyes of the Teds, just a really annoying person.

Occupational hazard.

I have to say, the most annoying part of being a fugitive from justice was not living outside of the protection of the law.

It was, in fact, the fact that my temporary status as a terrorist did nothing to make me cooler in the eyes of my colleagues.

Can you believe that?

What's a girl gotta do?

Though it was a stressful time being a a wanted woman, I recommend you try it sometime.

You'd be surprised.

The people in your orbit you come to rely on.

Now, there are two types of friends: the friends you go to a party with, and the friends you call when shit violently hits the fan.

Make sure you have both.

This is it?

What?

I'm sorry, what?

It's fine, Dan.

Let her out here.

Sorry, what are you saying to me?

Let's go, Berts.

Okay, fine.

Well, well, if it is the most wanted woman in the triad.

Hmm.

Was all of this really necessary?

Sorry, you want to talk to me?

You have to go through Whisper Dan.

They loaded me into a cargo chamber for two weeks, Verge.

You had food and water.

Food?

That's what you call those bricks I was eating.

Those are standard ship rations.

The triad was built on standard ship rations.

Yeah, and they did taste like building material.

Hi.

Hello.

How have you been?

The triad thinks I'm a terrorist.

If only they knew how funny that was.

Please invite me inside and pour me some sort of inebriate.

Do come in.

Oh, what a lovely home you have.

Shoes off?

Very funny.

Sit the fuck down.

Maybe some flowers on the windowsill, I'm thinking.

Sure, yeah, yeah.

So is, uh...

Is this the rest of my life I'm looking at?

Hiding in the backwaters of the triad?

Where the hell am I, by the way?

Van Vega.

Never heard of it.

Well, that's because it's an unstable unicorn.

Excuse me?

A planetary body that has an unstable orbit, as you may know, is called an unstable centaur.

But if that planetary body also has a habitable atmosphere, well, we came to call it an unstable unicorn.

This is where people like me end up.

The planet can't be colonized because it's on the brink of destruction.

But you can live on it as long as you don't mind bugging out soon.

This one's got about three more turns around its sun before it'll get shredded by the asteroid belt it's being pulled into.

There's a secret network of these places all around the triad.

Pretty soon now, everyone who's here will have to pull up stakes and move on to the next one.

So you've managed to stay out of trouble?

I don't know about trouble, but I've managed to not get killed.

I am

so fucked, Verge.

I've been getting the chatter on the Under Signal, and

as a professional, I have come to the conclusion that yes, you are very,

very fucked, lady.

There's got to be a way out of this.

Of course there's a way out of this.

What is it?

I can't think of anything.

Berts, can we talk for a second about the benefits of being a citizen of Cegius?

Not to mention a high-profile citizen of Cegius?

They think I'm a terrorist.

You know that your homeworld is going to pull some sort of diplomatic hocus-pocus and get you safe passage back home.

Then they'll convene about two million subcommittees to figure out what to do with you.

And that will take an interminable amount of time, and then you will finally

be okay.

They'll never let me leave my planet again.

Oh, yeah, I mean, that's probably true.

Fuck.

Okay,

I would,

real quick, like to acknowledge the fact that I'm complaining about my life while you are living in a giant tin can and are hopping from doomed planet to doomed planet.

I appreciate the acknowledgement.

Oh boy.

What?

Oh, you could just sit here and wait while CGS fixes everything.

That would be the smart thing.

But look at you.

What the hell are they up to?

Why are they doing this?

Who cares?

I care!

A lot of people care!

Eventually, these sisters are gonna get snatched up by the Teds and no one's gonna hear from them again.

They'll be forgotten, just like all the other rebel groups that have popped up over the years, Berts.

I think this is something different, though.

I think there's something else that they're trying to do.

What could they do?

What could anyone do?

Look at the world we live in.

We live in a system that is unjust and terrible, and the people who it abuses the most are the people who are the most dependent on it.

If one of these rebel groups managed to somehow win, like somehow, defeat an intergalactic super empire, what would they replace it with?

And you'd have to replace it with something because everyone depends on it.

And any rebel group that shows up and starts making noise in the triad, they do, deep down, already know this.

And all the rebelling they do is just a temper tantrum.

They're just...

stomping their little feet and crying.

And they know that they'll eventually be defeated or give but they can take comfort in the fact that at least they stomped their feet and cried.

That's a victory for them.

Wouldn't be for me,

but it is for them.

And these sisters are eventually going to get crushed.

But people will remember them.

Oh, they'll sing songs of their bravery right before they go back to working in an unjust system again.

There is

no escaping it, Berts.

Berts.

There's no way out.

Welcome to the Triad.

For fuck's sake, what?

Welcome to the Triad.

What?

That's what we all say.

We come up against an impassable barrier and we say, Welcome to the Triad.

No way out of it.

Might as well just get used to it.

That's what I was just saying.

We'll be gone soon.

That's what Kazi said.

It wasn't about blowing up a warp gate, it was about blowing up that warp gate.

Why?

The warp gate they were building around Bilius wasn't going to be any warp gate.

It was going to be a new kind of warp gate, one that could take people to where?

Cryptesia?

Right.

They weren't staging a terrorist attack.

They were defending their territory.

They found a way to Cryptesia.

No, they didn't.

You don't know that.

Berts, there's only one way to Cryptesia.

It's a straight line.

And it takes a lifetime to get there.

And not an earthling lifetime, a real one, like yours and mine.

There's no shortcut.

No, no, no.

A shortcut to Cryptesia is not impossible.

I've read papers on this.

But then what are they still doing here?

They're not ready to leave yet.

That's what they're ramping up to.

They're about to get the jump on the Teds into a new system.

Holy shit!

Berts!

I need your criminal mind right now, okay?

Fine.

Let's say you could get to Cryptesia before the Teds.

How would you keep them out of Cryptesia once you got there?

Okay.

If I found some sort of magical thingamajig that takes me to Cryptesia

and I wanted to keep the Teds out,

I guess I'd play King of the Hill.

What is that?

Well, you have to build a warp gate at both ends for it to work.

There's an automated Ted ship that's headed for Cryptesia right now.

If I could get there first, I'd just

set up shop and wait.

As soon as the Teds start to build a gate in my new territory, I blow up their progress.

I keep them from getting a foothold.

And meanwhile, I keep growing my territory on my end.

King of the hill.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what they're doing.

Keep in mind, this strategy involves a magical thingamajig.

They found it, Verge.

They found a magical thingamajig.

Berts.

Do you think that you may be a little desperate to clear your name right now?

Come on.

What do they do next?

What's the next step?

Nothing.

They don't have a next step.

They're going to leave soon using the magical thingamajig.

Why did they reach out to me?

Right.

Right.

They want someone to tell their story, so they plant Labuza on the Starliner with me.

She sends me to Kazi, but then the unexpected happens.

The Teds show up, so they can't tell me their story, leaving me branded as a terrorist and them in the wind.

I...

I need to find them.

Well,

according to you, they are currently riding a magical thingamajig to a distant galaxy.

But what if they're not ready yet?

The Teds showing up couldn't have been part of their plan.

What if they're still here, and now they're scrambling?

They're going to start cutting corners and making mistakes.

Which means...

It means

I can find them.

How do I find them?

How do I find them?

How do I find them?

The

supplies.

It could be a long journey.

They're going to need supplies.

They're going to need those bricks of food you gave me, right?

Alice, can you identify some off-the-grid locations where people buy the what are they called?

Standard ship rations.

Standard ship rations.

I'll make a list.

Okay.

I'll make dinner.

Thank you.

Hey,

that's really beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's uh meteor showers every night here.

The night sky always gets really beautiful right before one of these places destroys itself.

So

I've now come down from the obsessive high that I was on.

What brought you back?

I thought tracking down space ration black marketers would be the way to find them, but

there's about 200 of them in Andromeda alone.

Yep.

Yep.

I felt pretty good for a minute, though.

What?

He gave you Alice.

Um.

Oh.

Um.

It's fine.

Verge, it didn't mean anything.

It was right before he joined up with the pirates.

He didn't want to take Alice with him, so he gave her to me.

It's weird to hear you say it.

I haven't thought of her as his for

a long time.

Neither have I, for the record.

It's really

fine.

It didn't mean anything.

It did.

And it's okay that it did.

Did you see what happened on Axel?

Yes.

I was so

furious.

I left him this ridiculous screaming message on his comms note.

I'm sure he'll never listen to it.

And yet, there I was

in a formal dress, screaming into my tangle in a bathroom stall.

I don't think I've ever been that angry.

Honestly, what did you think was going to happen when he joined up with Love Tracks?

I

embarrassingly thought that he would be Robin Hood or something.

I was trying to put a positive spin on it,

but he's not.

Robin Hood, turns out.

Turns out he's just a fucking pirate.

He knew he wasn't going to be Robin Hood either, Berts.

That's why he gave you Alice.

He was about to lose himself.

And he wanted you to remember that part of him.

I mean, he basically gave you the backup drive for his immortal soul.

Well, I don't want it.

Hey!

You know what I mean?

I know.

I do know.

Nobody knew him like we did.

And that's why he won't be able to talk to us.

I held out hope for a while.

I would get the occasional message from him, but

there was a terrorist attack on Earth.

Did you hear about this?

No.

It was really bad.

And now it's led to this regional war, and

that's around when I stopped hearing from him.

It's very hard to watch a good person do terrible things.

Yeah, I know.

I don't know what to do with it all.

I think the only thing we can do is move on.

Which

is why

I've been thinking.

What?

The first time I met Leif, it was serendipitous.

He had a ship.

I had a shipment.

Today Today feels a little serendipitous, too.

Really?

Yeah, I think this idea of yours, that these sisters have found a way to cryptessia,

um, well, it's insane and uh ridiculous.

Um,

and I need to know if it's true.

Okay,

why?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I just...

I just...

I just need to...

I just need to know.

Okay, okay.

Um.

What's the serendipitous part?

Well, the serendipitous part is: I'm getting a shipment tomorrow.

A shipment of what?

You'll see.

Come to bed.

A shipment of what?

Dead!

Stay there!

What the hell are you doing here?

Well, you know, it's this time in the cycle that we need to purge a little inventory.

There's some things in the back lot.

They got some piss-poor resale value, so we try and get them out of there somehow.

You got your pleasure cruisers.

You got your mid-orbit tugs.

You got your pond skippers.

A lot of folks say you can't resell an ice picker, but you get yourself in the right market and you're looking at some real quality secondary profits.

Dead.

Anywho.

Then a little birdie tells me that Burge here is on the market for some fine Truscan craftsmanship there.

You bought a ship?

I did.

I thought owning your own ship makes you a bigger target.

It does.

I decided to live a little.

Let's see her, Das.

Alrighty then.

Yeah, let's take a step back.

I made those modifications you were talking about.

Added a little more cargo space.

Added some jammers for when you're in a jam.

Yeah, I could have added some key shooters, but then you got a sacrifice thrust.

And you were saying you wanted to keep her with some pep in her stuff.

Absolutely.

I need her as fast as she can be.

She's fast, all right.

Used to be a racer over in the pleasure quadrant.

Won a couple of titles, too.

Watch her on the initial thrust, though.

She'll flatten you like a pancake.

It's beautiful.

Oh, it does.

It looks amazing.

It's very small.

Yeah, you're not going to be hauling any livestock, that's for sure.

Hey, the smaller the ship, the less to see.

Where do you sleep?

The seats go back.

Okay, it's beautiful, and it also gives me a panic attack.

Helmets are in the cockpit.

Take her for a spin.

Excellent.

Come on, Barts.

Oh, please, no.

You'll be be fine.

Take a hell.

How about I wave from the ground?

Get your blue ass in there.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Fucking hell.

Hey!

Does.

What's that big red button?

Hydrogen injector.

You need a temporary boost.

You hit the injector, and whoo boy.

Fantastic.

No?

Pressing the big red button, please?

Yeah, I'd save that for an emergency.

This is not an emergency.

No big red button.

You got a pretty big rock in your orbit.

Try and see how fast you can get there and back.

Oh, very exciting.

Oh, okay.

Um, initial reaction: a spacecraft should not be this small.

Oh, it's cozy.

You'll get used to it.

I'm putting my life in your hands.

Wouldn't be the first time.

Alice, how do things look from Europe?

Are you looking for a technical assessment or a rating of pure dopeness?

Oh, both, please.

Off the charts in both categories.

Okay, you got a good orbit.

Of course, if you can get a gravity assist on the return flight, you'll get even more speed.

Can we not be so speed-obsessed?

Um, so uh, if I were putting together a team, I would need an organizer, a brain, and some muscle to start off with.

This Labuza chick is probably the brain, and this Professor Kazi is probably the one organizing everything.

That makes sense.

And that leaves the muscle.

Okay.

One of these planets that this Croc the Propagator guy conquered was Lahari, right?

Yes.

We're looking for someone from Lahari, then.

Laharians are always at war with each other.

It's all they know how to do.

That makes sense.

Alice, bring up the most wild list from the Teds.

You'll see Kazi on there.

You'll see Labuza on there.

Look for a Laharian.

Yes.

Tita.

From the planet Lahari.

AKA, Tita the Terrible.

AKA the Skull Eater.

AKA the Ted Shredder.

AKA the Milk Man?

That's who we're looking for.

Definitely that person.

Why would we have more luck finding her than the other two?

Because Laharians hate hiding.

They'll think it's cowardly.

Not so.

It doesn't hurt that they're tall and have huge horns.

That's great.

How do we find her?

I'll talk to Whisper Dan.

See if I can get some info.

Verch,

that's incredible.

Thank you so much.

Like I said,

I need to know what they're up to.

So we just wait to hear back?

We do.

But first,

I light this candle and try and and make Burt Burt pee in her pants.

How does anyone have a conversation in here?

I don't think people come here for the conversation.

So, what should we do?

Just look for somebody with horns?

I think first we need to stop looking like a couple tourists.

Okay, let's order drinks.

Okay.

So, something I should have mentioned.

What?

We're in the Iron Quadrant.

I know.

When Vapus collapsed, they cut off a major trade route for this whole patch of the Triad.

Life got a lot harder here after that.

And they never really got over it.

Okay.

I'm saying

you might see some pretty amazing racism on Display Hero.

Oh, and I urge you not to do the CGN thing and start lecturing people about racism and ignorance, okay?

What?

I.

Fine.

But honestly, you know, it's been a long time.

So maybe things have calmed down since then.

Welcome to Khaleesi Del Mar.

May I pour you a beverage?

Two French pickles, please.

Our apologies, but your clientele is not accepted.

I'm sorry.

Your race is not among the accepted races in this establishment.

Well, it looks like it hasn't been long enough.

Great.

I

promise to not lecture this robot on the evils of racism.

Thank you.

That happened fast.

You know what?

I am deeply offended by this robot's racist programming, but

I realize we are undercover right now, so how about I just order the drinks?

Fine.

Can we get two fridge pickles, please?

Your race is not among the accepted racists in this establishment.

What?

What's happening?

Are we in trouble?

What's happening?

Oh, shit.

When the shooting starts, run for the back entrance.

Shooting?

Just not worth it.

If you're unstable planetoid these days.

Can I help you?

Hello.

You must be the Maiter D.

Could we get a table by the window, please?

You know better than to be here, Vapian.

I walked in the door.

Same as everybody else.

There's no such thing as an open door for a vapian in this quadrant.

They should have stopped you at the port.

I'm so sorry.

Oh my gosh.

Was I supposed to use the spaceport?

I couldn't tell with this whole planet looked like a fucking scrapyard.

My name is Spend the Unlikely.

As in unlikely to be killed.

And that's my planet you're talking about.

Oh, well, so I should talk to you about the mask i'm going to count to five

how long is that gonna take though well maybe you should let us order a drink while you struggle past the number three just not gonna try to diffuse the situation at all one

two

three

four

If there's a fight in this bar, one of you idiots is going to spill my drink.

And I hate it when that happens.

This doesn't concern you, Tita.

I'm sorry, maybe you didn't hear me.

Let me get a little closer.

Can you hear me now, Sven?

Hey,

a lot of us are getting sick of you coming in here and intimidating people, Tita.

It's not my fault that you're all so easy to intimidate, boys.

Well, look at that.

Finally, a fair fight.

Berts.

Now, now?

Now.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, Alice.

Where am I going?

Believe it or not, this place didn't appropriately label its emergency exit.

Keep heading down this hallway.

Try this door.

Okay.

Okay, this is not an exit at all.

No, it's not.

Hello, Bertaluna.

Come in.

We've been expecting you.

Uh,

hi.

How did you know I was gonna be here?

We'll get to that.

Come in.

There's a massive gunfight happening in the bar.

It happens every few days.

I wouldn't worry.

Excuse me?

Have a seat.

I have been a fugitive for weeks weeks now.

Yes, I apologize for that.

Okay, great.

Well, I guess that's fixed then.

I have security footage from inside my office at the University.

I've sent it to the CGN Council.

It should exonerate you.

Good?

Is this the same footage where you killed a man right in front of me?

Yes, that's correct.

Nothing.

You'd like to know how I justify killing people?

That's the most important thing right now?

Well, I've been critical of the Ted Empire since I was a kid.

I never advocated for killing any of them.

I see.

If a man has a gun pointed at you and is about to pull the trigger, would you feel justified in killing him?

I suppose.

And let's take a step back from that.

A man has his finger on a button, and if he pushes that button, he will make you a slave for the rest of your life.

And your children after that, and their children.

It won't kill you.

Just take everything from you.

What then?

I.

The Ted Empire is that button.

So I feel fine.

Have you found a way to cryptessia?

Is that what this is all about?

We'll get to that as well.

Have a seat.

I want you to see this.

What?

Come in.

It's okay.

Sit here.

What's your name?

Malu.

Where are you from, Malu?

Lemonia.

How many have you brought with you?

Two sisters and our baby brother.

Lamonia is a long trip.

How did you pay the gate fees?

Our parents sold everything they had.

They took longer shifts at the treatment plants.

They didn't come with you.

They could only afford to send us.

I see.

You're familiar with Lamonia?

It's a water planet.

Yes.

70% of the planet is fresh water on Lamonier.

They ship massive amounts of fresh water off their planet every year and send it to the Ted Empire in exchange for access to a warp gate.

Malu,

do you know anyone who doesn't work at a water treatment facility?

No, we all work there.

Even the children?

Yes.

Lamonier used to be a diverse and thriving place.

Aquatic farms and sustainable fishing.

For a generation now, everyone has had to work at the water treatment facilities.

And that way of life has been lost.

They all work to pay off debt now.

Malu,

do you understand the journey that your parents have sent you on?

I think so.

Do you realize that you're never going to see them again?

I begged them to come with us.

But they couldn't

because they couldn't afford it.

So they are sending their children to a better place, even though they will never see them again.

That's how important it was to them.

Do you understand that?

I'm trying to.

You're the oldest?

Yes.

I am too.

There's a duty to being the oldest sibling, whether you like it or not.

You have to be strong for them.

Can you be strong for your brother and sisters?

We're very scared.

I know you are, but I'm afraid you don't have that luxury, Malu.

Where are you going?

To a better place.

Children are born in the water on your planet, aren't they?

Yes.

You're amphibious.

You breathe through your skin.

You have a transparent lid in each eye that lets you see underwater.

When you were a child, did you compete with other children to see who could stay underwater the longest?

Yes.

What was your record?

Three days.

That's very impressive, Malu.

Your people belong in the water,

not a treatment facility.

This journey is going to be difficult.

It will involve sacrifice, but I can promise you at the end of it, there will be endless oceans and lakes and rivers for you and your siblings.

Doesn't that sound nice?

Yes.

Tell me what you want, Malu.

We're not running from work.

We want to work hard.

We're strong people.

I

want the hard work to mean something.

I want the work we do to be for us.

I want to feel proud.

Our parents were never proud.

Just

alive.

And what will you do to feel that pride?

Anything.

Good.

We'll get you some food, but don't get comfortable.

We'll be leaving soon.

Thank you.

I know it's hard, but your parents made the right choice, Malu.

Leaving for where?

We'll know soon.

You don't even know yet?

Those parents sent their kids to you.

I wasn't asking for your understanding.

I'm asking for it.

I understand your skepticism.

Practically, since the Teds achieved dominance, people have been promising a magical way out of their territory.

It's always smoke and mirrors and wishful thinking.

We're not so foolish.

If you have some sort of technology that can help people escape this system, aren't you obligated to share it with everyone?

I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't.

We can only take a handful of people with us.

And even if we did have some sort of technology that takes us there, who do you think would make it their first priority to steal it?

So you're just going to sail off to paradise and leave all of us here.

Is that it?

Like I told you back on Cadan, Bertaluna.

The long view.

Forward

and back.

We need a place to expand, to grow strong.

And once we've achieved that, we'll be back.

And we'll set things right in this system, just like our father was going to.

Your father?

Yes.

Your father.

Kroc the propagator.

Yes.

Give me a fucking break, lady.

Again, I wasn't asking for your understanding.

Come with me.

Labuza would like to say goodbye before we go.

Nice gun.

That's a widow's revenge, right?

It is.

Thank you for noticing.

I see you've got the ampidextrous grip option.

Well, I like to go a lot a different way.

I've heard that about your kind.

Okay.

I'm going to throw this couch at them.

When I do, you open fire.

Hmm.

Sounds like a hoot.

Here we go.

All right.

Hello, Bert Bert.

Labuza, what happened to you?

It's okay.

It was the final step in the process.

What process?

See that terrifying monolith over there?

Um, it's kind of hard to miss.

It's my life's work.

The Vistec.

What is it doing to you?

Nothing.

The final step in the process was merging my mind with the machine.

The calculations it makes are incredibly complex, so I needed the most efficient interface possible.

I can communicate with it directly, almost like it's a part of me.

So this is how you knew to be on that Starliner with me.

Is this how you knew I was coming?

Yes.

Nobody has technology like this.

I know.

How long did it take you to make?

A very long time.

We all have our reasons for being branded criminals.

The changes I've made to my body are illegal in the triad.

Tita is a criminal for obvious reasons.

And Labuza was branded a criminal for this.

Knowing the future when others didn't.

I still don't understand how you're gonna get out of the triad.

My people are mostly blind from birth, but it hasn't kept us from studying the sky.

For us, the stars are always out, but for us, they aren't points of light.

They're bundles of frequencies and sounds.

It changes the way you take in the world.

It gives us a perspective that others don't have.

When I study the universe, I can see things that others can't.

There's something out there.

As the data became clearer, it started to take shape.

There's something out there that's going to take us to Coptesia.

What?

I don't know.

But I know how to find it now.

Speaking of which, it's time to go.

The ship is ready and the last of the refugees have boarded.

Tita will bring the Vistec.

Let's head up to the roof, Britaluna.

Get a nice ending for your story.

And that's a fine day's work, is what that is.

Hey,

Sven.

Look at you.

You're still alive.

I guess you were unlikely to die after all.

Though,

nothing's certain in this world.

Fucking racist.

That'll teach him.

I mean, actually, it won't because he's dead, but I mean, you get it.

They shot the bartender.

Bastards.

I've been going through a dry spell lately, so

I'm going to go ahead and categorize all this as a sexual experience.

I'll allow it.

Verge.

Tita.

Tita, are you done?

Hang on, let me check.

Yep, very projected day at the office.

It's time.

Bring the Vistec to the roof.

Alrighty.

Your pal's on the roof.

Let's go.

Oh, lead on.

Big mysterious technology coming to everybody make way.

Hey, are you okay?

Turned out to be a pretty good day.

So, all this was to leave someone behind to tell your tale.

Is that it?

CGS is never going to let me file this story.

I'm sure you'll find a place for it somewhere.

Don't take this the wrong way, Bert Bert.

But we weren't actually after you for a story.

You weren't?

Then why the hell am I here?

My predictions can be a little circuitous.

Sometimes you have to go after one thing to get another.

We knew you would need help finding us, and we knew who you'd seek out for that help.

Oh.

Well,

Shit.

You should be with us, Verge.

This system is no place for you anymore.

You'd be happy with us.

I appreciate the offer,

but I think you three may be fooling yourselves.

Do I look like a fool to you?

No.

I understand it's hard to give things up.

Even the things that hurt us are hard to give up after we've spent so much time getting used to them.

Well, see, I've got this fantasy.

I really want this empire to fall, and I really want to be there when it does.

Because I am going to stand on its neck when it takes its last breath.

And I'm sure you have the speech already written for when you're standing there.

Oh, no speech.

Just I lived.

Bert Bert,

did you know that Verge has four arms?

What?

A separate set of smaller arms further down their torso.

They keep them hidden, binding them with a tight cloth to avoid being detected as a vapian.

Their planet was very mountainous, so evolution granted them an extra set of appendages to help them cling to a rock face.

And now,

that gift is always hidden.

You beautiful creature.

Look what they've done to you.

It's a wonderful poetic flourish, Verge, to want to stand atop your enemy and say you lived.

But let me just ask:

did you?

Did you live?

Hopping from dying planet to dying planet, always watching your back, unable to have friends, unable to love.

This, to you, is living?

Problem.

We've got Teds in orbit.

Labooza.

I'm sorry.

I can only focus on so many things at once.

We're not going to be able to outrun them in this thing.

Shit.

We can, though.

What do you mean?

Alice, can you clone their ship's signal and port it to mine?

Make my ship look like theirs?

I can.

One minute.

We'll pretend we're you.

They won't be able to catch us in those TED knots, and we'll send them on a wild goose chase for a while and dump the signal on an asteroid cluster.

Easy peasy.

All right.

I guess that answers answers that question, doesn't it?

It's an uninhabited planet called Azuls.

That's where we'll be if you change your mind.

But we won't be there for long.

Okay.

Bertaluna, any final questions?

What do I tell people after you're gone?

We make the world,

not those who come before us.

Let's go.

Alice?

Are you getting anything?

Something was here.

There are very strange energy traces, but they don't match anything in any databases.

A pile of dead TED bots.

I'm assuming that's Tita's work.

Something very strange happened here.

There's no way of knowing what it was, but it was definitely something very strange.

I'm sorry.

Verge.

It's fine.

Did you really want to go with them?

Well,

it was

strange to have the option.

A lot goes into being who I am.

A lot of hard choices.

I'm able to muscle through it because I know I have no choice.

For a second,

I had a choice.

That makes it a little harder now.

Then again,

maybe.

They were just three nutcases, and now they're dead or on ice somewhere.

You know?

Everything cleared up back home.

Yes.

Finally.

I'm gonna be banished to the Arts and Culture Department for a while, but honestly,

I could use the break.

Have you found the next unstable unicorn yet?

I think I'll float around for a while.

My ship and I are still in a honeymoon period.

Um,

can you do me a favor?

Take this.

What is this?

It's my old tangle.

It hated me.

These things could be tracked, Berts.

Yes, I know, but I'm sure there's some sort of thing you can do to make it safe for you to use, right?

Just stay off the public feeds, just for messages.

I want to be able to get in touch with you, okay?

I worry about you.

I want you to be safe.

I would like to nag you sometimes.

It's what I do.

Come on.

Do it for me.

I don't want you to be alone.

Fine.

His name is Elden.

Elden.

He was Murphy Brown's house painter.

It's a long story.

Look, just

call him whatever you want.

Okay.

Want to hang out?

Oh, my God.

What are you doing right now?

I could blow off work.

Nobody cares about the arts and culture department.

I.

Bert,

I should go.

Being a drifter takes a surprising amount of planning.

Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna be calling you all the time now.

Great,

sitting there, an idle moment.

I think of something funny.

Boom, I'm calling you.

Okay, maybe take this back.

Hello there.

Hello.

I see you installed quite a lot of blocks on this tangle.

Well, I'm a very private person.

How close would you like this relationship to be?

I beg your pardon.

I need your permission to access your vital signs.

Oh.

I'm not sure how I feel about that, buddy.

I know from your thumbprint on my screen that you're a Vapian.

This means you live an at-risk lifestyle and may appreciate knowing if you were about to die.

Fine, go ahead.

So, how do I look?

You're undernourished.

You should eat more.

Noted.

So you're feeling nostalgic?

How so?

You're currently in a wide orbit around the Vapian Fall.

Maybe a little.

An orbit around a black hole is a good place to think.

You know,

not a lot of traffic.

I see.

I've never had a tangle before.

We're capable of all sorts of things.

You just need to ask.

How many vapians are left in the triad?

There's no census data on the vapion population of the triad.

Vapians don't like being counted.

But data analysis would suggest.

Two hundred and

There used to be

billions of us.

They're dead.

I have an encrypted comms node.

Yes, I see it.

You have two messages.

Newest first.

Hello, Verge.

So, yes, of course, I knew that you wouldn't come with us.

But it was important that we asked.

It was important for you to ask yourself, I think.

I wanted to leave you a quick message because

I charted your path a bit.

Nothing too complex, and

I don't quite know how to describe it.

I'll just say

there's always a way out, Verge.

We make the world.

Interesting.

I'll tell you later.

Next one.

Hey, please don't delete this.

I uh

I have no idea where to start with this message, so I'll just start talking.

And I'm sorry if some of it sounds like

nonsense.

Um

what the fuck?

Every time I'm in a place that looks enough like home,

I send off this message to your usual message relay and hope that you get it.

I had this Earthling friend.

Yes, the rumors are true.

He made a big decision once.

Do I stay or do I go?

Fight or flight.

We have to make decisions like this every day, on a very small scale.

Do I get out of bed bed or do I call in sick?

Do I go out tonight or do I stay in?

But how often are we confronted with a much bigger version of that question?

Do I stay and fight for the world I want to see?

Or do I take a big leap and dive into the unknown?

Start over on a distant unknown shore.

When do you give up on a world you used to love?

My earthling friend told me about a man from a long time ago on Earth called St.

Patrick.

St.

Patrick was a very important person in a powerful kingdom called the Roman Empire.

But the Roman Empire was dying, barbarians at the gate.

St.

Patrick was faced with a decision.

stay and fight for his kingdom or give up and leave on a small boat to a forgotten and mysterious island to start all over again.

This is what the sisters were faced with.

Do they fight an unwinnable fight or leave it all behind and start over?

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel that way sometimes.

I mean, how many times have I reported on the atrocities of the triad on here and how much has it actually changed?

Anything?

The desire to fuck off to a distant shore is strong in all of us, I think.

But it's easy for that desire to be strong because what shore?

Where?

Where are we going?

When you don't have a choice to make, the choice always seems easy.

But then what if suddenly the door opens?

How easy would it be for you?

The deep, dark, unknown, or the boring at best, miserable at worst, though familiar and predictable life you lead now.

You'd be surprised how hard it is when it looks you right in the eye.

The sisters are gone now.

I don't know where to.

Wherever they are, I hope they found themselves a kinder place,

a gentler place,

or at least a place that's better than this.

Gotta be out there somewhere, right?

This is Bert Bert,

broadcasting on the Under Signal.

Welcome to the triad.

Labuza?

Labuza, you need to eat something.

Let her be.

She'll eat when she's ready.

I'm going to try again.

For fuck's sake, dude.

Quiet.

Three,

four,

five,

nine,

two,

six

shut up for a second.

What

they're bringing somebody in.

What do you mean?

We've got a cellmate.

That's new.

Shh.

You are to stay in this room until we retrieve you.

Hey.

Who's there?

And what'd they bring you in for?

Hello?

Does anyone in there have a cigarette?

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

We open at six.

Music from this episode of Midnight Burger came from our dear friends Frisha.

That's F-R-E-E-S-C-H-A.

The music is available to stream on all platforms and is available for purchase on Bandcamp.

So please do all of those things.

Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Society of Bethany's, Bis Bist Beads Bore Bethanies, all the non-binary Bethanies of Princeton, Texas.

Dr.

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We've been trying to reach you about your diner's extended warranty.

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I hope something good happens to you today.

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Audio Monkey, Joanne, Team Hefeweisen, Monica and Mason K, Tony Wants to Be Laif, Supermassive White Hole, Pastel Fox, Ryan Burnett, Christy Casey, The Timid Ghost 23, Xivia's Mom, Dr.

Dr.

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Mayday, Mayday, this is General 2 Polar Cat sending out a distress signal to anyone in the system.

Please send help.

Carl, the teller of dad jokes.

At least six gyms.

Skylabs, multi-dimensional, multiphasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse.

Nikki H, TC Patrick Master of Dungeons.

AnyCrafts Anywhere.

Galen Miller.

Tess.

Geriatric.

Young'un, The One True Space Chef, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Supercalifragilistic XP Alex Nickel, Jimbo Jet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooten, Alec Manning, Pyrose Calling, Banjo Cat, Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 16th Doctor, Too Many Jens!

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Dr.

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Danielle, L, Sparker, Shiny Mill and Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo is back.

Hey!

Tonight at 11, Doom!

Hicks Besymates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen and Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, and the uh, uh-oh, the FBI is onto me.

Hide!

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the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Colmey Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Menlor, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck?

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Midday Mid Speak

Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, really.

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Drunken Coyote, Joe's Monte Cristo Roll Call Makes My Day.

Oh, that's nice.

Angel and Lucy, the twisted twigster, Marty's Mama.

Mama, mama.

Okay, good.

Yes.

Confirmed.

Fay Queen, Chase Noseworthy.

Core.

Okay, I probably shouldn't say it like that.

Core.

Oopsnart, the prop, the what?

Oopschnart, the probability demolition expert.

Sure.

A talking dog named Bronk.

Bronk?

Bronch?

Bronk.

Retro MG.

Snarky Bark.

Park.

Snarky Bark.

Warped Writer.

Tim Nate.

Tim Nacy.

Charlotte Tobiah.

Glennis Thompson.

Douglas Douglas Dougis.

Dustin, Dustin Watson,

Droughtbreaker, Globe, Glorb, Fuck,

Glorbnar 7, Ebenezer Boob, MC1 Brew, we've been trying to.

Oh, for God's sake.

Nick.

We've been trying to reach you about your diner's extended warranty.

Brian O'Neill, level 900 cheese wizard.

Okay.

AJ and Alia Owolewa.

Holy shit, first try.

Woo!

It's drousy rousy.

Ramsay Ramses Namses.

Every time.

Ramses nib lick the third kerplunk kerplunk.

Whoops.

Where's my thribble?

Leaf's bastard son Brizzo, the owner of Space Case Show.

Snops.

Dot Schnops.

Leif's bastard son of...

Leaf's bastard son Brizzzo, the owner of Space Case Show.s

shit.

Little gobrin.

Gabby Hayes, my wiggle butts.

Angel.

Angel.

Angel.

How do you fuck up Angel?

Static Ego.

Static Ego?

Waffles.

Omega Nye, Frank in a Field.

Sally sells seashells by the seashore.

Boom.

Von Grimm, Boho, go bye bye for Jojo Pogo.

That's a no-go, bro.

Nail it every time.

Magical computer mage Mason.

The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but it helps.

Banjo Cat.

Introducing Recy Pontiff as the 16th Doctor.

Congratulations.

Devin 7777.

77777.

The Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKinsey.

God damn it.

Dr.

Lattice Trash Angel wants you to know it's okay to throw out that thing you're holding on to.

That's way.

Nope.

I mean, I could read it first and then say it, but fuck that.

Y'all.

Kirk Kirsten.

I did.

Fuck God.

Kirsten.

Kirst, Kirst, Kirsten.

Kirsten.

Kirsten, hurry up and wait.

Sarah Farmer and her prismatic chickens.

Prismatic.

Should I be saying Trey the turquoise tour toys?

Tonight at 11, doom.

Hicks busy mates.

Fucks fucks up my voice.

Best, you are loved.

Lucrezia.

Lucretia?

Come on.

Joe!

Lucrezia!

Not going to try to defeat the situation after all, and then I will do something on that take.

I anticipate this will only go in the blurbs after the bit.

or the the the outtakes.

All right, hang on.

Is that gonna take you though?

Maybe you should let us order a drink while you struggle past the number three.

Not going to try and diffuse the situation at all.

One ah ah ah two

ah ah ah

that was worth it.

Thank you Joe

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