Welcome to the Horizon Part 5: Trinkett's Trip

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Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was queer.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

So, here's something

What

what are we going to do during ski season

What do you mean?

What are we going to do?

I mean, what are we going to do?

Yeah, but can you be a little more specific than that?

Welcome to the Horizon Motel.

Please let us know if you need more pillows or if your toilet sprouts tentacles and tries to eat you.

Oh

right.

Right.

I mean, honestly, I'm usually a big fan of long-term thinking, but I don't think I can see all the way to tourist season right now.

Because of the comet that's going to hit us and destroy the Earth.

A comet

is not going to hit Earth.

I wish you would stop saying that.

I wish you would stop saying that.

You're not listening to what Trinket told us.

Are you?

Yes, if anything, a comet is going to pass very close to Earth.

It's not going to hit us.

And when it passes.

Yeah, when it passes, it will

quite possibly

shower the Earth with dangerous debris that could have cataclysmic consequences.

Listen to what optimism sounds like these days.

I know.

Hey, you two.

Hey, Deidre.

How are we doing?

Frank's trying out optimism lately, and it's like he's wearing a funny hat all the time.

Okay.

Well,

in keeping with that, I have a few things.

Here we go.

Let the games begin.

I am also going to try and stay positive while delivering some

stressful news.

Okay.

Good luck.

What's happening?

We are experiencing a bit of a dip in the population.

What do you mean?

People are moving away.

They are?

Well, a lot of rental properties are owned by TJ, and I handle a lot of the rent collection and deposits for him.

A lot of vacancies are opening up, so I started checking into it.

Lots of people are leaving town.

How many?

Well, I don't know the exact number yet, but Eli the electrician is gone.

Locksmith Andy is gone.

Shit.

That's the only electrician and the only locksmith in town.

Don't lose your keys, I guess.

Basil is also gone.

Basil.

You know, Basil.

And their tea.

Oh, the tea shop.

Yes.

Closed down and moved to Boring, apparently.

A tea shop in Boring.

Get it?

I don't know what happened to Dr.

Lattice, but there was a note on her door saying living with the raccoons now.

Raccoons?

I have to say, I saw that coming.

What was she a doctor of?

Nobody knows.

Also, Zivia's mom and Pepper's mom.

Oh, Pepper, who?

Embarrassingly, for some people, I only know their dogs' names.

Ah!

How many all together?

Again, I don't know, but I am guessing about a hundred.

Okay.

Can you blame them?

No, I guess not.

Look, I think about getting out too, but I don't know.

I feel like I'd be abandoning people.

I get it.

Not everybody's going to feel that way, DJ.

Honestly, maybe they're better off.

I'm certainly not going to beg anyone to stay.

If someone needs basic electrical work, just tell them to call me.

If they lose their keys, tell them to go through the window.

And if they need tea,

fuck them.

Tell them to drink coffee.

Okay.

Speaking of which, I will come back with some coffee.

Thanks, Deidre.

Hey, Deidre.

Yeah?

Thank you for staying.

Sure.

Honestly, if I were her age, I would have left when Relentless Rick showed up.

Oh.

I think Deidre's got a few more reasons to stay than your average hood's pocket citizen.

What, because of TJ?

I think Deidre's got a little thing

for our local extraterrestrial.

Deidre's got a thing for Verge.

I think so.

The vibe is out there.

Can you feel the vibes?

I try not to feel vibes.

They're out there.

So Deidre, our nice local barkeep, has a thing for Verge, the apparently quite dangerous space alien living at our motel.

Correct.

Well

that's not a train wreck waiting to happen at all, is it?

Not at all.

Whatever.

I had a prime opportunity to make an alien probe joke right there, and I abstained.

Where's my Peabody Award?

A grateful nation.

Thanks you.

Somebody should be getting laid, right?

This is the end of the world.

Shouldn't people be sleeping with each other?

Maybe I should call Tarvak.

Oh my God, if you call Tarvak, I'm I'm leaving town.

Does he even have a phone?

Don't you have to blow a mystic horn from a mountaintop for him to appear?

Oh, he's got a horn, all right.

Nope, stop, desist immediately.

Hey, here's something: it's 10 a.m.

and nothing weird has happened yet.

Do you know what you just did?

I just jinxed it.

You just jinxed it.

Somebody had to.

Nope.

No, they did not.

All right.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to go talk to Trinket.

Why?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think she's still a little messed up from our mushroom festival the other day.

I'm going to check in, make sure she's alright.

Normally, I'd object, but I think you're kind of right.

All right.

Order me some oatmeal when Deidre comes back.

What was that?

Chocolate chip pancakes?

Oatmeal.

Whipped cream on top.

My God, whatever.

Morning, Frank.

Hey, Doug.

Hey,

I heard that Eli left.

Yeah.

Yeah, so if you need some basic electrical, I can probably do it.

Okay, he got all his supplies through the store, so if you need wires and stuff, I can get them.

Oh, that's great.

Also,

locksmith Andy.

Yeah.

The guy who got me the change machine, he can also get me one of those automatic

kiosks that makes keys for you.

Really?

It might take a couple of weeks.

Yeah.

Let's do that.

Okay.

I'll let you know when it's here.

Thank you.

Hey, Doug.

Yeah.

You seem more relaxed lately.

Are you doing yoga or something?

Oh,

honestly, I think everyone else in town is now at my usual anxiety level, so it just, it looks like I've calmed down.

Yeah.

No, that sounds right.

See ya.

Bye.

Okay.

We are going to be nice.

We're going to be supportive.

We're not going to make fun of anything.

Today, no promises.

Tomorrow.

Here we go.

Trinket.

Hello.

How are you doing?

I'm alright.

How are you?

I'm good.

I'm good.

I was just talking to Deidre.

Apparently, we're seeing some people leaving town.

I think we expected that.

Yeah, so I was thinking maybe we should get a meeting together over at the Sheep's Eye.

People may want to leave, but won't be able to.

Maybe we should try and assure people that they'll be all right if they stay.

I don't think I can do that today.

Trinket, look, I know the experience at Cameron's house was rough, but I think you might feel better if you engage with people a little bit.

You know, get out of your head.

I've just taken some ayahuasca.

Do you know what that is?

Yeah, of course.

I know what that is.

So

I think a town meeting would be bad.

Trinket, what the hell are you doing?

I've done this many times before, Frank.

No, I'm sure, but you chose right now?

I need some clarity.

Some clarity.

I'm losing focus and I'm losing vision.

I need some guidance, so I brewed some this morning and I just drank it.

It's going to be fine.

Trinket, what's this going to do to you?

I thought you knew what it was.

I know it's what tech billionaires do at resorts.

It's where they get their great ideas on how to fuck up society.

It's a very pessimistic view, and I can't help that it's being misused.

What's it going to do to you?

I'm going to

experience some visions

and probably a bit of euphoria.

What I see will be dictated by what I'm seeking.

Which is what?

I have a particular worldview.

Things have begun to happen that are outside that worldview, and I need to

expand my vision.

I need a better understanding of the world as it changes.

Right now, you need to do this?

Absolutely.

So while I'm out there dealing with all of the basic services disappearing from town, you're just going to be in here tripping your nuts off and communing with the spirits?

Essentially, yes.

You told me we were in this together, that the town was going to need both of us.

I was serious about that.

You in here talking to the ghost of Timothy Leary while I'm out there dealing with things is not us being in this together.

He wants some tea as well.

It might help if we did this together.

Drink it.

I'm feeling very lost, Frank.

I need to do this.

This is what I do when I feel lost.

Everybody knows what it means when you disappear up the mountain for a few days.

It's the same thing.

Please don't be upset with me.

Jesus Christ.

Well, okay.

Enjoy.

If you happen to find the key to your enlightenment, be sure not to lose it because we don't have a fucking locksmith anymore.

Oh shit, oh shit.

Excuse me, Frank.

Oh shit!

That didn't last long.

What?

Oh, that's great.

Really great.

Wonder who's gonna have to clean that up?

Did you see that?

What

somebody just crashed into the telephone pole.

They did?

They're still sitting there in their car.

They are.

What is this?

What?

Why do I have a turkey sandwich?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

Deidre brought me a turkey sandwich.

Okay.

Okay.

I see.

I see.

This is a fun joke.

This is another one of your oatmeal jokes.

Oatmeal jokes!

Wait, why do you have a turkey sandwich?

What

do you mean?

You have a turkey sandwich, too.

I do.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I don't know.

I don't know what you mean.

Frank?

Deidre, what are you doing?

I don't remember who ordered these.

Do you...

Do you remember who ordered these?

Two turkey sandwiches?

I think so.

Yeah.

So, Deidre, it's 9.30 in the morning.

Nobody in the history of the world has ordered a turkey sandwich at 9.30 in the morning.

In the history of the world.

Deidre!

I think those are ours.

No, no, no.

No, they're not.

What are you talking about?

Are they not ours?

We already have two turkey sandwiches that we didn't order.

I'm sorry.

Frank, I'm.

I must have.

You know, I

don't really know what happened.

Let me take your order again.

Two turkey sandwiches?

Got it.

No.

Coming right up.

No, Deidre.

I don't know about you, but I'm

really looking forward to that dirty sandwich.

There's literally one right in front of you.

There is!

That was fast!

Wait a minute.

What?

I know that face.

What face?

That's your.

I'm trying very hard to conceal the fact that I'm high.

Face.

I don't have that face.

I am looking at it right now.

Beshawn!

I was gone for five minutes.

John, where did you go?

Where were you gone to?

Shit.

Can you get me

a turkey sandwich?

No.

Deidre!

Hey, Frank, um, here's your turkey sandwich.

Stop with the.

Deidre,

the bar is covered in turkey sandwiches.

How many have you made?

Um.

Was I supposed to count them?

Why are people laying on the floor right now?

Man, I don't know,

but I get it.

Do you ever just want to lay down?

So this is what it's going to be today, huh?

What?

Deidre,

why don't you go sit down and have a glass of water, okay?

That

sounds

great.

It's great.

It's great.

Don't drive anywhere and don't do anything in the kitchen, okay?

Okay.

Yeah, I'll be back.

Okay,

Frank.

Yes.

Do you

you know who made all these turkey sandwiches?

I'll be back.

Okay?

Big glass of water, Deidre.

Okay.

You.

No, don't.

Don't get breathy on me.

Don't go anywhere.

Don't do anything.

You don't go anywhere don't do anything

so give me your keys

they're my favorite keys don't go anywhere have i ever told you that your shoes have little duck faces on them

oh my god

God damn it,

Trinket

Come out here, please!

Okay, Frank!

Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have sprung this on you.

I know we're in this together.

I'm not good at coordinating things, so the whole town is high.

What?

Yeah, this ridiculous drug you just took, are you feeling the effects of it?

No.

Is that strange?

Yes.

You took a drug and it made everyone else high.

How is that even possible?

If you ask, how is that even possible?

I swear to God, drink it.

Hang on.

Oh,

shit.

Yeah, come on.

Frank, there's no way I could have known this was going to happen.

Sure, sure, whatever.

We're going to go ahead and adopt a you break it, you fix it policy today.

Hey, June.

Drink it, drink it, check it out.

Frank's shoes,

ducks, am I right?

Shit.

Language.

Frank it, you need to figure out how to snap everyone out of this.

It's not a hypnotic trance, Frank.

I can't just snap my fingers.

You've got to do something.

They're just gonna have to go through it.

It's not poison.

It

might be good for them.

Okay, on an individual level, sure, whatever.

But everyone in town going through it all at the same time?

We don't know that it's everyone in town.

I will bet you $5,000 that it's everyone in town.

I'll take that action.

Roll the dice.

Ring.

Get.

Hey, Deidre.

Here's your turkey sandwich.

Oh.

Sweetie,

I'm a vegan, remember?

Oh, um, oh, that's right.

It's okay.

I want to be vegan, like, so bad.

I think, I think it would be good for me.

I know.

But then

it's barbecue day.

That's okay, Deidre.

How about we sit down?

Okay.

I think you should probably eat this sandwich.

I can do that.

Yes.

I think it's a good idea.

And just

sit here.

Okay?

Right here.

Yeah.

Forever.

No, no, no.

Did you just

for a little while, okay?

Okay, okay.

That sounds

good.

Great.

I think the majority of people in town are going to be fine, but

there may be a few who are going to have a bad trip, so we need to check up on as many people as we can.

And if they're having a bad trip, what then?

I've got something I can make back at the shop.

It can help them keep them centered.

It's going to take me a few minutes.

Great.

Great.

Okay, get to work.

I'll start checking on people.

Okay.

Frank, I'm really sorry.

It's fine.

Go.

Trinket.

We're going.

Can you get me some pork rinds?

Okay.

Hey.

You listen to me.

I'm listening.

Okay, stay here.

All day, right

here.

Right here.

Okay?

Let's do it.

You promise?

I promise.

I'm gonna pinky swear.

Let's pinky swear.

Which one's been pinky?

Never mind.

Never mind.

See it tonight.

Pork runs.

This sandwich.

Oh my gosh, it's so good.

Who made it?

I'm going to the store.

Verge.

Hey, Frank.

Hmm.

Let me guess.

Something weird is going on.

Please tell me you're not hallucinating.

I don't know.

Are you really here talking to me?

Yes.

Then I guess I'm not.

Elden, am I hallucinating?

How the fuck would I know?

Let's say no.

Okay.

Good.

Are your

people

affected by something called ayahuasca?

Elden?

There's no data available on that, but vapians are generally not susceptible to hallucinogens.

Oh, yes.

I am liking your planet more and more.

I should visit there.

It's a black hole now.

All the more reason.

Anything else you need to know, or are you just going door to door?

I need your help.

I'm sensing a pattern.

I can explain more later, but everyone in town has been given a powerful hallucinogen.

What the hell are we supposed to do about this, Frank?

Well, I need you to help me check on people.

Check on people?

Yeah, make sure they're okay.

You said a hallucinogen.

Have they been poisoned or something?

No.

Why are we checking on them?

Because they could be going through a rough time.

So?

Okay, Verge.

You have decided, at least for now, to make a home amongst people.

That implies certain things.

Things like helping them out in a jam and checking on them when they are mysteriously dosed by an Amazonian hallucinogen.

Work with me here.

Fine.

What am I doing?

People are just going to be wandering around, so we have to track them down somehow.

Do they all have phones?

Phones?

Yeah.

For the most part.

I'll then locate everyone's phone and put them on a map or something.

Sure.

There you go.

Holy shit.

This is the whole town.

Oh, look, Frank, there's you.

This is disturbing.

What, that I can instantly pinpoint your location on a map using a device that you assume is completely private?

Oh, the shock.

Okay.

Okay.

Seeing the map like this makes me realize this is going to be impossible to check on everyone.

Ah, great.

Then I guess we hang out here.

Hey, do you want a drink?

I've got some wasabi lubesmum from Feston.

Best champagne in the galaxy.

Let's do it.

We need to do some triage.

I'm beginning to understand why June makes fun of you all the time.

There are some people in town that keep the the place running more than others.

We need to check on them.

Without them, the wheels come off the wagon.

The wheels are on the wagon right now?

Trinket's going to be fine.

I mean, June, June has taken more trips in the woods than a near-sighted lumberjack, so I'm not worried about her.

Let's start with Doug and Deidre.

The bartender?

You wouldn't think it, but this place would be a mess without Deidre.

Oh, shit.

What?

She went home.

We told her to stay put, and she went home.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to go check on Doug.

You check on Deidre.

Okay.

How do I do that?

How do you do what?

The thing you want me to do.

How do I

check on someone?

You just...

You just...

You check on them.

You make sure they're okay.

But what do I do?

Verge, you don't have to do anything.

Make sure she's not doing anything stupid.

Anything stupid?

Oh my God.

Okay, Verge, I get it.

I get the whole high planes drifter thing, but I'm not buying that you don't know how to care about people.

All right?

Call me if you need anything.

Or no, wait, wait.

How do I call you?

Can I call you on that thing?

Alvin, grab his fucking phone.

Hello, Frank.

I'm in your phone now.

It's terrible in here.

Talk into your phone and I'll hear you.

Great.

Who's there?

Who's there?

Oh,

June

flat dog.

What are you doing here?

I'm getting groceries

for my Aunt Hilda.

What are you doing?

I

work here.

Right?

Work?

What

do I do for work?

Oh,

you you

work at the horizon.

Yes.

Yes, I do.

So I'm gonna do some shopping.

Okay.

You're just gonna stay hiding behind the counter.

Yes, I am.

It's safe here.

Okie dokie.

I thought I told you to stay at the sheep's eyes.

I'm shopping.

And this couldn't wait until tomorrow?

I've decided no.

What could possibly be so important?

I am taking some groceries to Aunt Hilda's house.

Aunt Hilda?

Yes.

Great.

Good.

Doug,

I'm going to take these groceries.

Please, please don't drive.

It's right up the street.

Uh-huh.

Frank.

You're doing a great job.

I appreciate it, June.

And

you know, Aunt Hilda died five years ago.

Don't be ridiculous.

Doug?

Oh, um.

Frank?

Hey, Doug, where are you?

Oh,

where are you?

I'm.

I'm right here.

I'm at the door.

Were you followed?

Followed by who?

You know who?

No, I don't.

I can hear it out there.

What?

Oh, God.

No,

Doug, don't tell me.

A snowplow makes a very distinct sound, Frank.

You are the only one in town that doesn't know that.

I've been hearing it all morning.

Yeah, yes, I'm sure you have.

It can't get me in here.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

So, so you're gonna be fine then?

So,

um,

what what do I do?

Do I spend

my life in here?

You're not going to feel this way forever, Doug.

Well, I feel like I have spent my whole life in here.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you haven't spent your whole life in here, Doug.

I haven't?

Doug, you you go fly fishing twice a year and buck hunting every winter.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I do.

Um

but all that time, I feel like mentally

I have always been a resident of

Peppercorn Shop and Go.

When will I be set free of this place, Frank?

Doug, you're not a prisoner.

You can walk outside anytime.

The snowplow is out there, Frank.

I can feel it.

Doug,

the shop and go is not a prison, and there's no snowplow outside.

Not all prisons have bars, Frank.

Doug, get up.

What if it sees me?

Get up!

Fine.

Can you hear anything?

Nope, not a thing.

Come on, let's go.

Where are we going?

We're going outside.

No, I can't go outside.

Do you want to spend your life in here?

No.

Okay.

Well,

occasionally, if we want to leave the house, we have to face the imaginary snowplows in our heads, Doug.

Let's go.

But they're very crafty.

They can sneak up on you.

Okay, okay, come on.

Okay,

here we are.

See?

No problem.

Oh my god.

What?

There it is.

Doug.

It's been hunting me all morning, and there it is.

No, no, Doug, that's just a car.

That's a car.

Someone crashed it into a telephone pole a few times and walked away, I guess.

Don't let it know we're here.

It's just a car.

You know what, Frank?

You know what?

At a certain point, you just have to say,

enough is enough.

All my life, I felt like there was something waiting for me right outside, but I could never see it.

But look,

there she goes.

It's just a car.

Enough is enough, Frank.

Doug!

Pardon me, Frank.

I hate to interrupt because of how hilarious this is, but I thought I should alert you that someone you refer to as Edgy Steve has left the town limits and is wandering into the woods north of town.

Oh, good.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Can you call Trinket?

Call him Trinket.

Trinket,

how's your magic potion coming along?

Yeah, I don't care.

Great.

Listen, I'm a little busy with Flat Doug right now, and apparently Steve is wandering into the woods north of town, so you're going to have to handle that one.

Trinket, Steve is going to wander right off a cliff or something.

Can you put

your cauldron on simmer and just go check on him, please?

I yeah, no, I told you, I'm busy with Doug.

Oh, fuck

who now has a baseball bat and is convinced a car is a snowplow.

Yeah, and he's hitting the car with the bat now.

Yeah, that's correct.

Yes, he is.

He is quoting Moby Dick.

So so like I was saying, I'm a little busy right now, and you're going to have to handle Edgy Steve.

You know, Doug, I hate to say it, but this seems to be working for you.

So go ahead.

Just

lean into it.

I'll chase him round good hope and round the horn and round the norway maelstrom and round perdition's flames before i give him up yes you will

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Deirdre.

Deirdre, it's Verge.

I'm here to check on you,

which is what people do when they live near other people or something

It's it's you hi Oh

Okay, hugging is fine.

Hell hello your body is so

cool

thanks I'm so glad you're here.

Sure um

hey, uh, me too.

Uh

Deidre, um,

do you maybe want to put some

pants on?

What?

Well,

you're half naked.

Oh,

right.

Yeah,

I'm just so hot.

Do I feel hot?

I'm burning up.

Feel my head.

Give me your hand.

Feel.

I'm burning up, right?

You're very warm.

I don't know what's going on.

I think I'm going to lay on the floor again.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

That's better.

That's that's better.

Well,

yeah, there you are.

Um,

hey,

you seem to be doing fine.

No, come in, please.

Please come in.

It is so great that you're here.

Okay, um,

why is that?

I mean, it's also terrifying because,

yeah,

it's you.

You know?

I

don't.

I don't.

What?

Oh, um, now.

Now I feel like I'm going to fall into the ceiling.

Um, can you help me up?

Yes, okay, sure.

What are...

What are you doing here?

I am checking on you.

Oh.

Well,

that's very nice of you.

That's not a problem.

You're a very nice person.

You seem nice.

Thank you.

Also,

I mean, what the hell are you doing here?

I just said.

No,

like,

what are you

doing

here

in town?

You just kind of showed up.

And I'm sitting here thinking,

What

is happening?

Who is this

person?

They're here

in this

place.

Because you just,

you seem so,

I don't know.

I don't know what the word is like, like you should live in Germany or something.

And I can't concentrate.

I mean, ever.

I have a hard time concentrating ever.

And then the other day, I realized I had been sitting there for

five minutes with the water running in the sink, just wondering what your

deal

was.

I had

no idea I was so distracting.

Uh

yeah,

yeah, you did.

Okay, maybe a little.

You've got all these colors around you right now.

They're pink and yellow and blue and um

it's really beautiful.

Deidre, um

I think I need to lay on the floor again.

Oh, good idea.

Apparently, everyone in town is high right now.

No, something in the water, I guess.

Um

you're not, though.

That's right, I'm fine.

Why is that?

Oh, I usually don't trust the tap water in a new place, so okay.

Where are you from?

Nowhere, really.

Oh, please don't do the mysterious stranger thing.

I'm already so confused.

My family

was always moving around

and then after that, so was I.

So

it's hard to say that I'm from somewhere.

Wait,

are you Romani?

Is that what I've been picking up on?

I don't know what that is.

I need to find my phone.

Am I hallucinating or is my house a wreck?

You're not hallucinating.

Okay.

If I were my phone, I would be where?

Is it by the door?

Where's her phone?

The windowsill.

Here it is.

Great.

Great, great, great.

I want to show you something.

Okay, um, everything is spinning.

I still need to show you something, but on the couch.

Sure, okay.

I've got it saved.

Hang on.

Wow.

My phone looks so crazy right now.

Here it is.

Here it is.

I was in Greece with my family, and there were these street musicians from Africa in this public square.

You see them?

Uh-huh.

I started recording them, and after a while...

Ha, there.

See them?

Uh-huh.

These three women come up and start dancing to the music.

And then more join in, and I thought it was so cool.

They're Romani, they're nomadic, they roam all over Europe and the Middle East.

You're like them?

A little sure.

I showed this to my grandfather, who is old and a little racist, and he said, don't ever go near those people.

They can't be trusted.

And

I don't know why he's like that.

You

can

trust me.

I know that I can.

I

really need to put my head in your lap.

Oh,

okay.

This is better.

Um,

can you uh stroke my hair, please?

Like

this?

That's that's that's great.

I feel like I'm going to fall asleep, but um, I'm scared to

just pretend you already are.

Is this a dream?

I don't want it to be.

I don't either.

Steve,

Steve, are you out here?

Hey,

there you are,

Steve.

How are you feeling?

Fine,

Something got into the drinking water.

I think that's what we're going with.

So everyone's going through a pretty strange time right now.

How are you doing?

I've been high since I was 13 years old, drink it.

It's kind of just a Tuesday for me.

Okay.

You have a name for this place, right?

For this glade?

Um, yes.

I did.

It's a

glade of wishes.

I would come here and express things I wanted.

Express them to who?

To

you really want to talk about this right now, Steve?

Yeah.

The triple goddess and the great horned god.

Who are they?

They are

embodiments of the duality of life.

That's that's the best way to put it, I guess.

Are they real,

Steve,

I don't know what's real anymore.

Is there really a comet heading for Earth?

I don't know, Steve.

Maybe?

I think

I think maybe I shouldn't have spent so much of my life making sure that skiers had enough weed and meth, Trinket.

Maybe?

It...

It kind of just happened to me.

I know the feeling.

Do you ever feel that way?

Like your life just kind of happened to you?

I had to make a lot of conscious decisions to be who I am, Steve.

A lot went into the making of Trinket Coralie.

I wasn't born like this.

Then again, my parents traveled with a Renaissance fair nine months out of the year, so I guess it's not much of a surprise that their daughter wound up being a witch on the top of a mountain.

I heard you were a goth in middle school.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was.

I bet you were pretty cool.

Honestly,

I was.

Cheerleaders were scared of me.

It was

pretty fun.

What were you in middle school?

I never showed up for middle school.

So I guess I was that kid that parents told their kids not to hang out with.

I guess that was me.

Cautionary tale.

Trinket.

What if the world comes to an end and that's all I ever did?

I thought I had more time than this.

Steve,

I think if you'd spent your whole life being an ideal citizen, then right now you'd be saying, damn, why didn't they do more drugs?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

That's the duality of life I was talking about.

Always wishing for the other thing.

People who kept it simple worry they were too lazy.

People who achieve a lot worry they never took the time to slow down.

It's kind of a no-win situation.

Yeah.

What about you?

Are you happy with what you've done with your life?

See,

that's the trap, Steve.

Am I happy with what I've done, with who I've become?

Implying you made mistakes along the path, that

there was some right way or some wrong way.

Those things are impossible to know.

There's a whole host of spirits out there.

They can haunt your dreams and keep you awake at night, rattle the dishes in your cupboards.

None of them are as terrifying as the ghost of the life we didn't lead.

And if those gods of yours were real,

is that what they would say to me right now?

I don't know what they would say,

but

I know

they put me in this glade with you right now.

And I'm thankful for that.

Have you eaten anything today?

No,

I forgot.

Well,

there's about nineteen turkey sandwiches back at the sheep's eye.

How about we go and get you one?

Yeah,

yeah,

okay.

Hey, uh,

since we're in the wishing glade,

you want to make a wish?

No more wishes.

I've got everything I need.

And Hilda

and Hilda, come on out.

I got you some groceries.

Hilda, come on.

I climbed to the top of this godforsaken hill.

Let's go.

You're dead.

Shit.

Well, at least I don't have to go grocery shopping.

Hey, thanks for checking on me.

It was

an experience.

Look, I've embarrassed myself quite a few times in my life.

I'm sure that's not a surprise, but

this is the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me.

So it would be great if you could say something that

makes it less so.

You have nice legs.

That's

literally the opposite of what I just asked you to do.

Sorry.

Oh, well,

it's, hey, it's no problem that you threw up for an hour.

That's fine.

Worse.

Worse.

That's worse.

I'm sorry.

This is new for me.

What is?

Any of this?

Well, you'll get the hang of it, okay?

Thanks.

Hey, welcome back, everyone.

Hope you enjoyed your trip.

All right, well, anyway, come on, come on inside.

There's turkey sandwiches for everyone.

Hello.

Oh,

Hello.

Hey.

Hey.

How's Aunt Hilda?

Still dead.

Right.

But

I'm sure she's flattered that I still think of her.

Why is Doug beating a car to death with a baseball bat?

I think the drugs have worn off, and now he's just getting it all out.

Good for him.

Yeah.

Give him hell, Doug!

You know what's crazy.

I really want a turkey sandwich right about now.

Well, then you've come to the right place.

Make way, you drug fiends.

Hello, Trinket.

Looks like we all made it through unscathed.

I'm glad I found this one wandering in the woods.

Frank,

I'm a drug dealer.

I know.

And that's okay.

It's not.

Thanks.

I'll see you inside.

Good talk, friend.

Okay.

You coming?

Frank, you didn't hallucinate.

I know.

Why not?

Well, neither did Drinket.

She took the drug, though, right?

Yes.

And then

everyone got high, except for the alien from outer space, moi,

and you.

Well, I'm sure there were other people that weren't affected.

Okay.

Coming in in a minute.

All right.

I smell something

funny with that one.

I've been smelling it much longer than you have.

Really?

Elden, have you been holding out on me?

I had to do a deep search of several archives in two galaxies.

It's been taking me a while.

Whoa, what were you searching for?

President.

And

do you remember at the house full of mushrooms when I scanned his lungs for spores?

Yes, obviously.

There weren't any

spores.

Verge.

There weren't any lungs.

My goodness.

I was searching for an explanation.

I didn't find one.

Let's keep this between us for now.

Excellent idea.

I like it here.

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