Welcome to the Horizon Part 3: The Wayfaring Stranger

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The UPS store.

Be unstoppable.

Come into your local store today.

Just so we're clear,

yes,

you're going to sit down with these earthlings and just

tell them everything.

Well, I don't know about everything.

I'm gonna answer their questions.

What?

Well, I'm no expert or anything.

Elden.

I'm no expert, but it does feel like this falls outside of your usual modus operandi.

Does it?

Do you disagree?

I slew a gigantic hellbeast in their parking lot last night.

I don't think I'd be able to explain that away.

And your usual modus operandi would be to pack up immediately and head for one of many hiding spots, wouldn't it?

I suppose.

And yet.

And yet.

Would you like a reminder of how vulnerable the information systems are on this planet?

Not really.

Everyone is basically walking around naked.

I know.

From a data security perspective.

I get it.

And yet.

And yet.

One of my directives is to make sure you're not killed.

I appreciate it, Elton.

I really do.

So I'm sure you can imagine how attracting attention on this planet is in conflict with that directive.

I understand.

And what the fuck, Virg?

Relax.

Okay, a breakfast burrito and a short stack.

Enjoy, guys.

Oh, hey.

Hello there.

How is your night?

Interesting.

Okay, interesting.

Good?

Sure.

Okay.

I owe you a drink.

You do.

Have you come to collect?

Well,

I hear drinking in the morning is frowned on around here.

Maybe by some people, but not by anyone in the four walls behind me.

Alright.

Do you have anything spicy in there?

Uh,

all all sorts of things.

Great.

Well, uh, I have to sit down with Frank and June for a bit, but

I'll come see you later.

Okay.

Oh, yes, it's all becoming clear to me now.

What?

No, no, no, don't mind me.

Don't let me interrupt you dipping your toe into the local finery.

Finery?

The local peasantry?

The local flavor.

What would you like me to call it?

Call what, Elder?

I'd love to continue this conversation, but I need to, real quick, tally up the list of bounties you have on your head.

You worry too much.

I don't like it.

What are you gonna do?

Tender your resignation?

We agreed that coming here would require keeping a low profile.

Now you're spilling the beans with the local proprietors and beginning some sort of mating mating ritual with one of the local idiots.

Quiet down.

Here they come.

Hey, Verge.

Hello there.

Heck of a night last night.

Yeah.

Sure.

Heck of a night.

Why don't we get down to business, okay?

Okay.

Let's sit.

Great.

Oh, Frank, I get the sense that if I start this conversation, you're going to want to take control of it as soon as possible.

So

why don't you go ahead and start?

Okay, yeah, um

what I witnessed last night, what we witnessed, was

you brandishing what could only be described as a ray gun.

I think I could find a few more ways to describe it, but uh, yes, that is what you witnessed.

And what I witnessed last night was a monstrous dog that I killed.

And when I killed it, it exploded into a dozen smaller dogs.

21 dogs actually?

That is what you saw, yes.

Okay.

Well, afterwards, I did some looking into it, and one big dog exploding into 21 smaller dogs is not a common occurrence on this planet.

Yes.

Yes, and I can tell you from experience, whatever Buck Rogers nonsense you performed last night is also not a common occurrence on this

on this planet.

You said on this planet?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Buried the lead, I guess.

Holy shit!

So

I heard about this earthling, Enrico Fermi,

and he had this theory about life on other planets.

He said, if there are so many habitable planets out there, well then

where is everybody?

Hi.

Frank's gonna need a minute.

Yeah.

Well,

take all the time you need, buddy.

I, however, do not need a minute.

Let's get into it.

Okay.

You're an alien.

Yes.

Where are you from?

Space.

What's the name of your planet?

It was called Vapus.

Was?

It was destroyed.

Your planet was destroyed?

Yes, it was.

How?

An experiment gone wrong.

You blew up your planet?

Kind of.

Um, it's a black hole now.

It's a black hole now?

Yes.

How did you survive?

I was just a kid.

I was on vacation with my parents.

Then where do you live?

Nowhere.

Nowhere?

Well, uh, someone described it to me once.

Um, a ho- a hobo.

Oh!

So you just kind of wander around?

Oh, well, not wander, really.

I have a...

I have a complicated assortment of hideouts.

Hideouts?

Why are you hiding out?

Bounty hunters.

Base bounty hunters?

Yes.

Holy

shit!

Okay, why?

Are you a space criminal attracting space bounty hunters?

Um...

You don't have to put space in front of every noun.

Oh!

Yes, I do, Verge!

Why are the space bounty hunters space hunting you?

I'm worth a lot of money.

Can we leave it at that?

How did you get here?

In my ship.

You have a spaceship?

Yes.

Where?

It's across the road from your hotel.

It's in the trees.

Get the fuck out!

It is.

How come people can't see it?

Wait, a cloaking device?

Yes.

This is the most awesome shit that I have ever heard in my life.

Frank, um, how are you doing over there?

I was hoping you were from the secret military base nearby.

There's a secret military base nearby?

No.

Fantastic.

My turn?

Yes, go ahead.

What the fuck happened in your parking lot last night?

It's never been the most normal town in the world, but

a few days ago um

a a diner showed up in our parking lot a diner yeah uh-huh

i know i know it it sounds ridiculous

ever since then things have been getting a little weird here in town that doesn't sound so ridiculous really

This is a common occurrence in your world?

It was called Midnight Burger.

Shit!

Yes!

You know what I'm talking about?

Looks like we have a mutual friend.

We do

Leif

Leif.

Which one was Leif?

The guy on the roof.

You know him?

He was the one who sent me here.

He said it was a nice place that I might like it.

How do you know him?

It's it's a long story.

Oh,

okay.

I get it.

The diner.

They warned us that things were going to get weird here.

Something about damage to the fabric of space-time.

They said it was going to make dogs explode and other dogs?

No, no, they couldn't tell us how.

They just said that it might get weird.

Okay, I think we can confirm that, right?

Yeah.

What else has been happening, pray tell?

The other day, we had an encounter with a bandit.

Do you have bandits here?

A bandit from about 175 years ago.

Oh,

really?

Relentless Rick.

Relentless Rick.

Yes.

That's a little much.

I mean, he was pretty relentless.

And then you showed up.

But honestly, being visited by aliens is the most normal of the three.

So you're only here because you heard it was nice?

Yes, and quiet.

Which it is.

If you overlook the whole two-ton dog park.

You look human.

I'm in disguise.

What?

Are you wearing a wig or something?

I'm wearing an Earth suit.

It disguises me on Earth.

So

what?

You can unzip yourself and you're a little green man on the inside?

Actually, vapians look relatively similar to Earthlings aside from...

two very key details.

The Earth suit hides those two things.

Everything else is me.

What are the two things?

Mind your business.

Okay.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and put a stop to this conversation because

what the fuck?

Verge, thank you for what you did last night.

I'm

pretty sure we'd be dead if you hadn't have

used my ray gun.

Yes, yes.

Don't mention it.

Fucking aliens.

Sure.

Sure.

You are welcome here as long as you want, okay?

Just...

If you're going to plant eggs in someone's throat or something,

we would like a heads up.

Oh, Frank, it's been years since I planted eggs in someone's throat.

Don't worry about it.

Do you seriously do that?

No, June.

Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know?

Shit.

Shit.

I forgot.

What?

I have to go talk to Trinket.

Oh, good.

That means you'll be in a great mood for the rest of the day.

God, dear.

Who's Trinket?

Frank's favorite person.

Please,

God,

let her not know about all of this.

Of course, she's going to know.

She speaks to the birds and they tell her secrets.

I have to go.

Verge,

you know,

welcome to Earth.

Thank you very much.

Hey, Frank, do you want to order something?

No, no, I've got to go.

Thanks.

Bye.

Hey, June.

Hey, Deirdre.

I made you a Bloody Mary.

You did.

You said spicy, right?

Yeah.

Well, give it a try.

Let me know.

I will.

Okay.

Where's my Bloody Mary, Deidre?

Coming right up, of course.

So,

let's talk alien shit.

Okay.

Good God, what is that smell?

Drink it.

I'm on the roof.

Great.

Hey, uh, Trinket, I think the key to using that telescope is waiting for nightfall.

I'm adjusting it right now because I won't be able to see the coordinates on this piece of paper later tonight.

Okay.

you wanted to talk to me

frank is there anything you need to tell me has there ever been anything i needed to tell you

frank i asked you last night if there was anything strange going on

Uh-huh.

Is there anything strange going on?

Okay,

look.

A bandit from the 1850s?

Disappearing dogs.

No, that was.

How about one huge dog the size of a car?

I know we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, Frank.

So let me clear it up for you.

A man from another time and a cow-sized dog?

I think I'd categorize those things as strange.

Trinket, you think fairies are real.

How am I supposed to know what you think is strange?

Frank!

Was there

a time-traveling bandit, disappearing dogs, and a huge monster in your parking lot?

Yes.

So,

can you stop bullshitting with me, please?

Yes.

What is happening?

I don't know.

Okay.

Like I was saying,

I was in Cairo, New York.

I was there because I was working on a book.

It's a book about forests

and the power that they hold.

In Cairo, New York is fossilized evidence of the oldest forest in the history of the world.

I

was trying to get in touch with all of that.

Trying to commune with an ancient place to get a sense

of

its power.

Things

hide

in forests.

Not just spirits and entities, but also ideas.

Ideas that have been long forgotten can hide there from the modern world.

They can be safe there.

It's why I live here.

I know you think I'm ridiculous.

I know you like to make jokes when I prescribe an herb smoke for someone who's at migraines.

I know you think that my crystals and my tarot cards are all stupid.

You forget that I'm used to you making fun of me because you've been doing it since I was a goth in middle school.

You looked pretty ridiculous in middle school.

I know, I looked ridiculous, Frank.

But every goth is just a witch in training, and here I am now.

I've never expected you to believe in what I do, but now with these very strange things happening in town,

I think maybe

I'm due a little respect.

Okay,

okay,

I apologize.

And not for nothing.

The herb smoke worked.

Celeste doesn't have migraines anymore.

I remember.

So

there I was

in the middle of an ancient forest.

I had just gotten my fire started and the sun was going down.

I got

a very strange feeling and I decided to pull some cards.

And there,

right in a row,

the wheel of fortune,

death,

the tower,

and judgment.

Change is coming.

So, so the next morning, I went into the nearest town and I called a friend of mine, Joshua Cody.

Joshua works at the Rubin Observatory in Chile.

Like a lot of astronomers, Joshua is secretly an astrologer and will admit in private that the things that happen in the stars above our heads have a very real impact on the things that happen on Earth.

I tell Joshua about this feeling I had and about the cards I pulled,

and they tell me

that something is happening on their end as well.

Something in the sky.

What is that?

The conventional wisdom is that it's a series of comets that follow a similar path in the solar system.

They call them X1604 through X1612.

But

people like Joshua and people like me have a different idea.

The series of comets,

the series of comets that astronomers see in the sky is just one

comet.

A comet with an unpredictable orbit.

A comet that returns to Earth whenever it needs to.

A comet that brings drastic change and upheaval.

It's called the Wayfaring Stranger.

So, this comet just waits around until it's time to come back to Earth?

I don't know what it does in its free time, Frank.

I'm not all up in its business.

Well, that sounds a little impossible, Trinket.

Once again,

time-traveling bandit.

point taken Joshua has a few things they need to check and then I'm going to call them later today Joshua is going to make some adjustments and do some readings and then they will let me know

let you know what

if the wayfaring stranger is returning and if it is

most ancient cultures have a flood myth

These myths came into being around the same time all around

the world.

That

was the last time the wayfaring stranger visited our planet.

The last time this comet passed by us, the world flooded.

And later today, we're going to find out if it's coming back.

Trinket,

I know I have been dismissive of you in the past, but I have never thought that you were stupid or naive for believing the things things that you believe.

I'm sure you did.

Okay, maybe a little.

But

look.

Do you honestly believe

that a comet is heading for Earth and there's going to be a massive flood around the world?

I don't know, Frank.

But I'll say this.

I'm glad we're at the top of a mountain right now.

I really don't know what to say to that, Trinket.

This mysterious bandit that came through town,

he was running from something, right?

He was.

That's exodus.

That's a standard reaction to impending do

all the dogs in town, all their spirits combining into one collective soul.

That's consolidation.

consolidation.

That's another standard reaction to impending doom.

So, what are some other reactions?

Denial?

I think you got that one pretty well handled, Frank.

Okay, okay.

I

need more information, obviously.

But

if I get on the phone today and hear that the wayfaring stranger is coming back,

I think we're going to start seeing the people in this town

reacting to something.

Their

spirit selves are going to be sensing something

that there's going to be denial,

rebellion, acceptance,

resilience.

It's going to be a lot.

I honestly, I honestly don't know what we're in for.

Denial?

Rebellion?

Acceptance?

Resilience?

That

just sounds like life to me, Trinket.

Maybe.

Regardless,

there are people in town that listen to you.

And there are people in town that listen to me.

they're going to need both of us

okay

so what happens now

now

we wait to hear

i i just made some nettle and ginger tea Do you want some

god?

I really don't.

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Anybody can get pregnant.

Anybody.

How does that work?

Humans have sexes.

Vapians don't.

So who.

How does the

wait?

If you.

Elden?

Vapians, like earthlings, reproduce through sexual contact.

Unlike humans, that sexual contact can result in either partner being inseminated.

You have a talking space phone?

June, this is Elden.

It has a name?

Hello, June.

Don't take this personally, but I think Verge is making a terrible mistake in talking to you.

Nonsense.

I'm great.

If you have questions, Elden is probably better at answering them than I am.

Oh my god, are you serious?

Yes.

Elden,

how much battery life have you got?

My current charge will last approximately 18 Earth months.

Well, see, that's already amazing.

I'm constantly at 5% charge somehow.

Yes, lithium-ion really was one of your worst ideas.

So, Elden,

tell me, how many different types of aliens are out there?

Current census data reads that there are currently 556,349 species of sentient life in the triad.

Holy shit!

What's the triad?

The triad is out there.

So, what's like the weirdest one?

I'm talking to one of them right now, too.

I like it.

It's kind of a dick.

Definitely.

So, why don't you want Verge talking to me, Elden?

The longer Verge stays on this planet, the greater the risk to their safety.

Oh, shit.

Is that true?

He's exaggerating.

Are you exaggerating?

The worst place for a vapium to be is in an environment with unsecured data networks.

There are a lot of people out there looking for vapians, especially this particular vapium.

One stray photo of Verge on a network security camera could mean big trouble.

This entire planet leaks data like a submarine with the screen door.

Hey, I'll have you know that I have never repeated a password in my life, pal.

In the time it took you to say that, I hacked into your phone, and now I have all of your personal banking information.

Do you mind if I go shopping?

Jokes on you, Elden.

I don't have any money.

That is

true.

It's his job to worry about things, but don't let him freak you out.

Is he serious, though?

Is it dangerous for you to be here?

I mean,

a little.

A lot.

Why?

Elden,

what is the triad?

The triad is a cluster of three galaxies in close relative proximity that are connected by a series of stable wormholes.

The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum.

That's where you live, okay?

The Triad.

Okay.

And now, um, what is the political climate in the Triad, Elden?

Political tensions in the triad are at an all-time high in the aftermath of a series of rebellious acts referred to colloquially as Gloria's War, wherein an anomaly known as Midnight Burger disrupted current power structures across several systems and fomented rebellion on many planets.

The diner

from our parking lot.

Look,

I owe you a much longer explanation than this, but

there's a lot going on above your head, June.

June.

A lot.

And I think I know which way the wind is blowing.

I think there's going to be a war.

A space war?

Yes, June.

A space war.

Are we in danger?

No.

That's the whole point.

This place may be dangerous for me right now,

but if things go the way I think they're going to go, Earth will be the safest place.

If a war happens, it won't touch Earth.

It's too important to both sides.

What?

We're Switzerland or something?

Elden?

Switzerland is a nation on the continent of Europe known for its political neutrality.

Um,

sure,

like that, uh, kind of.

Uh,

Eldon's right, though.

For the time being, it is dangerous for me here.

And if it's dangerous for me, it's dangerous for someone else also.

So if I'm gonna stay here, I should probably find a place farther away from people, less collateral damage.

Hey, hey, hey, no, you shouldn't.

We don't turn away business at the Horizon Motel.

If you want to be here, you should be here.

Jesus Christ, Verge, you saved our lives last night.

How bad would we suck if we kicked you out?

You're not kicking me out.

I'm leaving.

No,

you're not.

It's going to be fine.

If you don't mind me saying, you've been strangely fine with my situation from the moment I killed the big dog in your parking lot.

Well, of course I have.

Look,

when I would get home from school as a kid, there would be these reruns of a show called Star Trek.

Have you heard of this?

I think so, maybe.

The whole thing took place in space, and there were aliens and shit.

It was great, but it kind of ruined me because everything else looked boring by comparison.

I was dating this guy, and he really wanted us to move to the city.

It's all happening there, he would say.

And I was like, oh, really?

Is it?

It's all happening there.

Are there gorns there?

I don't think so.

It ruined me.

It's a cruel trick, you know?

We're given these wild imaginations while being trapped in a world that can never live up to them.

But now,

well, look at me now, Verge.

I'm sitting here with my new alien friend who's in danger of space bounty hunters and trying to avoid a space war.

You can't leave, Verge.

It's too awesome.

Um,

Hey, June.

What?

Are you seeing this?

Hello, Frank.

What the fuck is coming up the street?

You can see it too, huh?

We're watching it with Trinkets Telescope.

Well, it's...

Is this not normal?

Frankie, I have no idea what it is.

Well, it looks like a Chinese New Year parade.

Deidre says it looks like like a Chinese New Year parade.

We've never had a Chinese New Year parade.

What

is the Chinese New York parade?

He says we never had a Chinese New Year parade.

We did one time.

Deidre says we did one time.

Wait, when was this one time, Deidre?

Um,

1923?

Uh-huh.

Sure.

They held them in several towns across the state as a way to try and ease anti-Chinese sentiment.

Mm-hmm.

Well, it's working on me.

It looks like a lot of fun.

What is Dieter saying?

Frank,

apparently, this is a Chinese New Year celebration from 1923.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

About a hundred years ago.

Yeah.

Ooh,

they've got fireworks.

I bet Trinket's got her peasant skirt in a twist about this one.

Are you kidding me?

She's never been more in her element.

We have some news.

Actually, stay put.

We're coming to you.

Okay.

Enjoy the parade.

You too.

Everybody wave.

What was that all about?

Look, I know you think you're cool with your talking box and your spaceship and your alien parts, but

that was a time-traveling parade.

You just witnessed my space friend.

Suck on that.

Large crowd all of a sudden.

Hey.

Yeah, I think the sudden parade outside might have attracted some attention.

Please don't ask me to explain it, by the way.

I really have no idea what's going on.

So are you the town historian or something?

Me?

Oh, no.

I just get interested in things.

My family's been here a long time.

My grandfather moved here when he was a kid and now, well, he owns half the town.

Hey, Deidre.

Hey, Frank.

Um, what the fuck with the parade?

Yeah, I know.

Uh,

give me a minute, okay?

Verge.

This is a fucked up town, Frank.

Yeah.

Yeah, no shit.

Listen,

what can you tell me about comets?

Comets?

Yes.

Um,

if you position your ship to the far side of one, it's a great way to dodge long-range scanners.

Okay, great.

Anything more terrestrial?

Like, what can a comet do to a planet?

A lot.

The closer it gets to a star, the more debris it sheds.

And

depending on what the comet's made of, it can

rain all kinds of hellfire on a planet.

God damn it.

So, you're going to call your friend Joshua in where?

Chile.

And they're going to tell you if a comet is headed for Earth.

Yes.

And if it is, that's bad.

It could be.

There's no way of knowing, for sure.

Wait to have you back in town, Trinket.

Here I go.

Well,

this has been quite a day.

Frankie,

it's not even fucking noon.

Hola, puedra blar conel doctor Maurice

por favor

Dilque soy trinket Coralie.

Hey, nothing about comets.

Um,

most cultures regard them as harbingers of doom or drastic change.

Yeah,

yeah, I think we're aware of that part.

Verge.

Hey, Verge, remember how I said this was a great place and you should stay?

Maybe I was wrong.

Because of the comet.

Yeah.

I'm fine.

I had to hide out an unstable centaur for a while.

That's way more dangerous.

What is an unstable centaur?

That's a planet that could collide with another planet any time.

It's boring, whatever.

And you just hung out there.

Well, it kept the tourists away.

Okay, Joshua.

Thank you.

If you hear anything else, you can leave a message at this number, okay?

Please, if you hear anything else,

okay.

Bye.

Well,

it's coming back.

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Dr.

B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Geneva, Arkansan Not Arkansas, Mungo, Jambles, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Midday Salsa, Letty Lou, Tibby, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Bidaba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Jeremiah Franco, Allel Cries, Gabby Hayes, My Wigglebuts.

So We Made It.

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Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey, I hope something good happens to you today.

Yes, you.

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Joyce, yes, my last name is Odor, True Purple God, Eric, Katie Kate, get get your colonoscopy.

It's the Grand Chaw He's birthday.

Victor Casados, Smiggs, Emily Shmemily, Work for Melvis, Vaughan Grimm, Bohogo, Bye-bye for Jojo, Pogo, that's a no-go, bro.

Cody Monster, Magical Computer Mage Mason, The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

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Anthony, J.

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the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Dalek Steve, Tracy, Malaran, Brian Barletta, Kara, Colmy Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Benlor, Bethany, the Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Rachel Rachelson, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken and her squire Grabthar, Billy, Ruth McCormick, and existentially, Exhausted Honk.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

For a limited time at McDonald's, get a Big Mac extra-value meal for $8.

That means two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun, and medium fries, and a drink.

We may need to change that jingle.

Prices and participation may vary.