Chapter 35: Sheep?

For a limited time at McDonald's, get a Big Mac extra-value meal for $8.

That means two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun, and medium fries, and a drink.

We may need to change that jingle.

Prices and participation may vary.

Running a business comes with a lot of what-ifs.

That's why you need Shopify.

They'll help you create a convenient, unified command center for whatever your business throws at you, whether you sell online, in-store, or both.

You can sell the way you want, attract the customers you need, and keep them coming back.

Turn those what-ifs into why-nots with Shopify.

Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com slash special offer.

That's shopify.com slash special offer.

Previously on Midnight Burger, while staying in lovely Pasadena, be sure to check out our robot fights.

Wow.

Holy shit!

While trying to figure out who's making the weird voice in Casper's head, we took a trip back in time to meet the sisters, aka the people who are somehow making the weird voice in Casper's head.

He's an earthling.

He couldn't be less threatening.

Thanks.

My name is Kazi.

That was my sister, Tita.

She's about to get our other sister, Lubuza.

We have 116 refugees with us.

It's going to be a tight fit, but it won't be forever.

116?

Wait, coming in here?

While the rest of the crew struggles with how to get out of Pasadena, Casper makes the grave mistake of of actually enjoying himself.

You know, I did not see you as someone who would wind up in the food service industry.

It's almost like it shows me.

Also, the Mucklewayne stole a Tesla.

In case you ain't noticed, we've been looking around for y'all.

How the hell did you get inside on Tesla?

How the hell did you end up in Los Angeles?

Luckily, they didn't need to slow down.

A lot of questions answered, and it turns out the answers are all the way wrong.

More questions.

What is this?

Some sort of serialized story wherein the details are slowly revealed over the course of a season?

Ridiculous!

Let's start the shift.

When first it all happened, we were flung out into the wide world and found ourselves inside of a refrigerator.

A refrigerator?

Oh, yes.

We've inhabited many a gigaw in the past, but I never thought we'd find ourselves part of a simple ice box.

Now maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think there are some things you don't need to make fancy.

What?

Why in the world is there a refrigerator that can tell you that you're low on milk?

You know how to know you're low on milk.

By opening the door.

By opening the door and looking inside, Casper.

Though I suppose we shouldn't complain.

Lord knows where else we could have ended up.

That's true.

I hear they have smart bidets now.

Bidet.

Do I want to know what that is?

Nope.

Anyhow, there we were in some place called Home Depot.

And after a brief bout of confusion,

we decided the only course of action that made any sort of sense was to make ourselves mobile.

Whoo, thus began a game of leapfrog that would have made any toad jam.

With alacrity, we leapt from domicile to domicile.

We found ourselves in watches.

We found ourselves in televisions, all manner of handheld devices.

And let's not forget little Dan Bowman.

Oh, yes, little Danny.

He was such a little rascal, wasn't he?

A family had some sort of situation that put their child upon a tiny television screen.

Zebulon was downright adorable with little Dan Bowman, weren't you, dear?

Well, he did have a dickens of a time setting down for that afternoon nap.

Zebulon told him all sorts of stories.

He would do little voices.

It was the time.

And then, in the parking garage of Daniel's family, the next phase of our journey was revealed.

These cars are driving themselves around.

I must say, Mr.

Tesla was quite an interesting fellow, but I believe his decision to give a car the ability to drive itself was quite a misstep.

But one that we benefited from greatly.

And there we were, in Las Vegas, Nevada, of all places.

Not at all a place for a couple of god-fearing souls such as us.

With all that card playing and scantily cladness, we at least needed to get ourselves to a town with less gambling and more pants on the lady.

And so, we struck out on the road, didn't we, dear?

It was lovely, wasn't it?

Never seen the Mojave before.

Wait, how did you recharge the car?

There was no need.

Every time we felt our vehicle running low on steam, we'd park ourselves in a nice shady spot and wait for another.

So, you two left a trail of dead Teslas everywhere you went?

Well,

we don't approve of stealing.

We do not.

But

surely the Lord would understand in a situation such as ours.

And perhaps fewer automobiles on the road is not the worst of ideas.

Especially those that can drive themselves around.

And that is a tale of hubris right there.

And then we found ourselves in your backyard.

I had myself a feeling about this place.

I knew we were somewhere in your vicinity.

You can't achieve entanglement across dimensional barriers.

That's insane.

I know.

And you know this because of all the research that's been done on transdimensional travel.

You're just making shit up now.

I'm a theorist, Leaf.

Making shit up is my jam.

How long are they gonna go round and round?

We haven't had any new information for several months.

This story about these three sisters has got them pretty excited.

So you two didn't remember them either, huh?

Shocking to say, but no.

It wasn't until you began to recount the story that it all came back to us.

I think they're both a little jealous.

Oh, do tell.

I think Lafe's a little jealous that Casper was on an adventure with someone else, and Ava is a little jealous that someone else got to abuse Casper for a while.

True to form.

So,

here we all are.

Where to next, do we think?

Honestly, it doesn't look like we're going anywhere.

We've been stuck here for months.

Well, let's not roll around in the dirt, Gloria.

We've been down many a time, never out.

And let us take stock of our blessings.

We are all together.

That has always been good news for us.

And bad news for those that need bad news.

We are safe and sound, at least.

There appear to be worser places to be stuck.

And Casper.

Your son.

Yeah, it's been really weird.

All this time, and

Yeah.

It's been good.

He's still testing the waters, I think.

He tries to make me mad a lot, trying to see how I'll react.

He's pretty great, Casper.

Yeah, he is.

Casper, yeah?

Where did you say they were headed?

Cryptesia.

Okay.

Okay, I think I figured something out.

Y'all better come up here.

Here we go again.

How's your head?

That was a lot of new information for you.

Yeah, that was really weird.

A lot of memories just rushed at me.

I guess it was bound to happen eventually.

Sure.

Got an entire lifetime just sleeping somewhere in my brain.

This has never happened before.

There's been small, random things, nothing like this.

Do you think we're gonna suggest opening my skull?

Eventually.

Sure.

So, what is this place you're talking about?

Bringing up the star maps.

This is bad.

How's he doing?

Uh, Leif's still a little drunk, but I think it's actually helping.

Can we get him drunk more often?

No.

Ugh.

Okay, here's the deal:

Casper's old friends are in a lot of trouble.

They're sending us a distress call.

Why?

Also, how?

You say they're headed to Cryptesia.

Yeah, that's bad.

What's Cryptesia?

It's a galaxy.

Why have I not heard of this galaxy?

You have.

To an Earthling, it's Leo.

Aha.

It's bad.

Why is it bad?

I'm going to show you.

So,

there was a lot of talk about Cryptesia a while back in the Triad.

Mainly, because it was next.

The Teds had dominated the Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum, and Cryptesia was the next closest place.

People like to fantasize about somehow getting to a place where there were no Teds.

Every once in a while, you'd hear about some crank who had discovered a stable wormhole that would take you to Cryptesia.

But it was always bullshit.

The only ones who had a solid plan to get there

are our old friends, the Teds.

The Teds were going to get to Cryptesia, open up the biggest warp gate they'd ever built, and then proceed to fuck up that galaxy as well.

These assholes again.

The only problem with the Ted Empire's plan to get to Cryptesia, time.

The Teds would need to get to Cryptesia to open up the other end of their warp gate, and they would have to get there the old-fashioned way.

No warp gates, just firing up the engines engines and burning for a long time.

It was going to take them decades, but as we speak, there is a fully automated Ted ship headed there right now.

Apparently, Casper's old pals had a plan to use the diner to get there before the Teds.

So the sisters were a group of Oklahoma sooners, is what you're saying.

Essentially.

That doesn't sound like a bad plan, but how did they know the diner was going to take them there?

Casper,

you were saying one of them had figured out how to predict the diner's path.

Uh, Labuza.

She had this massive computer mainframe thing called a Vistec that was hooked up to her brain.

How is it possible to predict where we go?

It sounds like super determinism.

Oh boy.

What is that?

The idea that free will doesn't exist and that everything is predictable.

Okay, I'm just going to take that part of the conversation and put that right over here, and then we're going to just move on.

Great.

She has a thing that predicts the future.

Sure.

Let's say that.

And she used it to figure out how the diner would take them to this galaxy, Cryptesia.

Yes.

Again, it sounds like a good plan.

It's a very bad plan.

Let me show you why.

Okay.

Everybody look up on the zenith.

This

is the local group, aka the triad.

There's us, the Milky Way.

There's Andromeda, home of the original coalition.

There's Triangulum, where we blew up the wind chimes.

And off to the side here is Leo, a dwarf galaxy, aka Cryptessia.

That's where these three sisters were headed.

That's where the Teds are headed.

Have I mentioned that's bad?

No, Leif, you haven't mentioned that.

I haven't heard anything about that.

And Leif is getting to the point in 5-4-3.

Okay, look.

I'm a pirate.

Life.

It still gives me the humors when you say that.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

A pirate.

He is.

Pirates are not logical creatures.

We are superstitious.

We are metaphysical.

We are often drunk and hot.

You are often wearing odd pants.

Often grog drinking while bird shoulder.

Did the Muko waits get funnier while they were away?

I think so.

I'm being serious here.

Said the drunk guy with the tiny robot.

Do you want to hear this or not?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Continue.

Even lawless people have laws they make for themselves.

Pirates don't listen to anyone, but they do respect at least one thing:

here be dragons.

That ominous warning at the end of a map.

This

is a map of Cryptesia.

This

is quadrant four of Cryptesia.

This is the outer edge of quadrant four.

I zoom in one more time.

What the fuck is that?

It

looks like an egg.

Oh, I do not like that at all.

Leave.

Why is there an egg on a stellar map?

It's not an egg.

I think it's a solar system.

A solar system that's entirely cloaked.

How do you cloak an entire solar system?

I have no fucking idea, but that's the only explanation I've ever been able to come up with.

I don't like it.

But if it's cloaked, why can we see it?

I guess.

They don't mind people knowing they're there.

They just don't want people to know what they're up to.

Like tinted windows on a limousine.

Who is they?

So it goes like this.

Casper has some old friends.

They somehow send him a distress call.

As soon as they do, we're attacked and stranded in Pasadena.

And his friends just happen to be in the same galaxy as this thing.

Whatever it is.

Back when we were wrapping things up with Clementine, I said something to Ava.

There's somebody new in town.

I think they just said hello.

Here be dragons.

So this is all connected.

I think it is.

Or I'm just drunk.

But I could also be drunk and right, which happens sometimes.

Life, correct me if I'm wrong, but galaxies are big.

They are.

Even the dwarf ones.

Yes.

Why would one weird egg-looking thing in one part of this galaxy have anything to do with these three sisters being in trouble?

It could just be a coincidence.

This is the other thing about Cryptesia.

There's nothing going on there.

Look at the triad.

Three galaxies full of civilizations.

Some of them highly advanced, a lot of them spacefaring.

Sure, it's got its undeveloped pockets like the one we're sitting on right now, but generally speaking, it's a well-developed system.

But then, right next door is Cryptesia.

There are civilizations there, sure.

But none of them appear to be spacefaring.

None of them appear to be advanced in any way.

Compared to the Triad, Cryptesia is Amish country.

And you think that's because of Satan's Easter egg on the screen here?

I think so.

Add to that, these three sisters headed there and then sent out a distress call.

I think we're off to the races.

That feels kind of thin, Leif.

It's all we've got to work with right now.

Even if Leaf's right, that doesn't mean we're off to the races.

Why?

Because we're stuck in Pasadena.

That's right.

Any ideas on how we get unstuck from Pasadena?

No.

No idea.

Then even if it is a distress call we're getting, there's nothing we can do about it.

We can at least stay on top of the message.

Odds are they're going to reach out again.

I can keep my eyes on Casper's brain.

See if there's anything we can get from the numbers they sent.

Good.

Please keep your eyes out of my brain.

Oh, my eyes are gonna be so up in your brain.

That sounds gross.

You sound gross.

It really sucks that we get all this new information and we still have to sit here.

Worry not, Leaf.

At times, all there is to do is light a fire and wait for the Lord to do his work.

Guys, I'm not going to wait around for a sign from God.

Maybe not a sign from God, but we need some kind of something from somewhere.

Fine.

I'll wait for a sign, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

What is that noise?

Uh

sheep.

The

diner is surrounded by sheep.

Is this a Pasadena thing?

There is not an annual running of the sheep in Pasadena.

Oh my!

What?

The what?

This is fucked up.

What's happening right now?

Maybe they escaped.

From where?

Any ideas what's going on right now?

Gloria, if it helps, I believe this is a herd of Lincoln longwolves.

Fetch a nice price on the open market.

Zebulon loves to net with a long wool, y'all.

I'm wearing those socks right now, dear.

I look down yonder and all I see is socks.

That doesn't help, Zebulon.

But thank you.

I'm going down there.

Ava, come on, don't go into the weird sheep.

That'll be fine.

What if they're radioactive?

Jasper,

I promise not to go down and see the sheep if you can explain to me exactly what radioactive means.

It means bad.

Bye.

Never thought I'd say it, but this situation calls for a loo.

Hello, fuzzy things.

What are you telling me?

What are you telling me right now?

Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep.

Okay.

A priori assessment.

Interrupted system due to unknown intervention.

Results of interruption, not random, therefore, system in place.

What is the system?

What is the system in place?

Shapes?

Random and constant catalyst sent into dormacy.

Where does the catalyst go?

Where does it rest?

Without said catalyst, what continues?

System continues without the catalyst, system imbalance.

System imbalance?

System imbalance leads to upstarts.

Mutations in response to a vacuum.

What is the vacuum's causal chain?

The catalyst leads to the vacuum, leads to the upstarts, leads to the mutations.

The fine-tuned universe, David.

Dissonance.

Looking to resolve accord.

baby.

Okay.

They have disappeared now.

Sure.

Sure, they did.

What in the trans-dimensional sheep is going on here?

Ava, that was excellent.

That was great stuff.

Don't worry, y'all.

I'm sure that wasn't a sign from God.

What?

Anyone else feel normal for the first time in months?

Ah, yes.

Kind of.

I guess so.

Okay.

Okay.

Now we're talking.

Ava, can you?

And she's gone.

Okay, we know where she's headed.

Get her some coffee.

Don't get too close.

Oh, is she doing that business where she goes off and bakes us a little cake?

Welcome back, Mucklewain.

Good to be back, Gloria.

I'm going to sleep.

How can you go to sleep after that?

I've got to work tomorrow, Casper.

Besides, if I'm tossing and turning, I'll just

count sheep.

five.

Ow!

This better be fucking worth it, Kazzi.

More numbers?

Yeah.

That's the third time this morning.

I guess the dam broke or something.

Or something.

Are you writing them all down?

Yeah.

Good.

How are you doing in here?

Well, Casper, I'm sorry about the annoying voice in your head, but I'm doing great.

I can tell.

Come back trail, Casper.

Sure.

Did you go across the street and get those beers?

Oh, yeah.

Why am I buying beer at 9 a.m.?

Modelo especial.

Yes.

Modelo especial.

Yeah.

Give me one.

Are we celebrating?

No.

You take a lime and you squeeze it into the beer, then a pinch of salt, then a little secret family recipe, hot sauce.

You're gonna drink that?

No.

I feel like I'm dead.

Here, drink this.

Okay.

This

works.

What is this?

Michelada.

Good.

Another?

Sure.

Okay.

Ava still the prime minister of Mathistan?

Yeah, she's been going all night.

Cool.

New numbers?

Yeah.

Third time this morning.

Let's see.

Huh.

Well, that was easy.

What?

It's pi.

The numbers are pi?

Yeah.

Why is she sending me pi?

It's deliberately incomplete.

See here?

That string is pi, but all the eights are missing.

This one is seven.

This one is three.

Well, what's that about?

They want us to assemble all the missing numbers.

That's what I'm thinking.

Not the most ironclad code in the world.

I thought you said they were all geniuses.

Well, it had to be simple.

It did?

Oh, right.

What?

It had to be a simple code.

Why?

Because of who she's sending it to.

God damn it.

The amount of times I get called an idiot in a given day.

Sorry.

I'll keep collecting numbers.

The more numbers we get, the more I'll have a clear picture.

So I'm just a walking telephone right now.

Basically.

Great.

Hey, tell me again about the last time you were attacked.

It was usually the Teds, but the last time, it was someone else.

Yeah, it was pretty terrifying.

Guns didn't work on them.

Grenades didn't work.

And how did you get rid of them?

Actually, it was the first time I ever did Colorado Southpaw.

Really?

Yeah.

You lured them into the deep freeze.

Right.

Hang on.

What?

Colorado Southpaw.

It was.

It was one of the ways Casper and I used to get rid of undesirables.

You would lure people into the deep freeze?

Yes.

Undesirables?

Really bad people, Gloria.

Only when we had to.

You told me Vladimir was the only one to get lost in there.

Yes.

That is true.

He was the only one to get lost in there

on accident.

How many goddamn people did you send into the deep freeze?

Not a lot.

A handful?

I think 12.

Well,

with these other three, that's

15 people tossed.

Don't send people into the deep freeze.

Well, we can't anymore, Gloria.

I fixed fixed the door.

We fixed the door.

Also, a certain somebody decided to go and domesticate the wolves.

Now they'd only be in danger of getting cuddled to death.

Why was it called Colorado Southpaw?

Colorado Southpaw, CS?

Cold story.

It was just a fucking clown car around here until I showed up, wasn't it?

Confirmed.

I need to bring Ava some more pencils.

I'd better get to sharpening.

Fine.

Hey, Leaf, what was the deal with their dad?

They kept talking about how their dad was some important guy.

Croc, right?

Maybe.

It's probably bullshit.

What's probably bullshit?

Well, if you'll forgive the extra helping of triad lore, in the triad, before the Ted Empire came along and connected everything with warp gates, huge swaths of the triad were controlled by warlords.

Warlords?

Yeah.

Genghis Khan style.

They had an armada of ships and they hopped from star system to star system, conquering planets.

As you can imagine, with warlords, they were all pretty colorful, right?

Everybody had a gimmick.

Emperor Bugbug had a ship the size of a moon.

Capo the Sartorius was a centipede.

The Croad Nation were actually a pile of telepathic rodents.

Calisin was a quote-unquote void witch.

You get it.

Sure.

The most interesting of the lot was this guy, Kroc.

Kroc the Propagator.

The propagator.

Yeah.

Military genius, apparently.

Kroc conquered his own planet, and then he built a fleet of warships and conquered a big patch of Andromeda.

He would find a dysfunctional planet, conquer it, get married, have some kids, then get back on his ship and do the same thing on the next habitable planet.

Kroc the Propagator.

How many times can you do that in one lifetime?

Well, that was the other thing about Kroc.

Kroc claimed that he was a direct descendant of this ancient race that initially populated the triad.

They lived for centuries and moved from planet to planet and Kroc claimed that he could have kids with a lot of different races because he was everyone's common ancestor.

But you think it's bullshit.

Yeah, I think it's PR.

A great way to hype yourself up if you're putting together a crime syndicate or a rebellion is to say you're a descendant of one of these old warlords.

Highly unlikely they're actually related to Kroc, if you ask me.

Okay.

How about the more pressing issue of how I'm hearing a voice in my head?

I'm working on it.

But look, Ava's onto something.

The Muckle Wayne are back.

There was sheep in the parking lot.

Exactly how they're piping a voice into your head is a bit of a side quest right now.

So it's a little further down the list.

Great.

Well, enjoy your cocktail.

I'm gonna go refill Ava's coffee and try to not get beheaded.

Good luck.

Hey, what's up?

You're here.

I am.

What's going on?

I'm here.

You were here yesterday.

Are you not open?

No, no, it's great.

I just thought Saturday was our day.

Don't say our day.

I'm sorry.

I thought Saturday was the day that you come by in a very non-committal could happen, might not happen, don't worry about it kind of way.

Better.

What's up?

I came to see Gloria, actually.

Great.

You fixed the radio.

We did.

Sounds great, doesn't it?

I get it now.

With the radio, I get the vibe.

Sure.

Vibes.

So, Gloria's in the back, but hey, since you're here, you should probably learn about what I'm about to do.

What do you mean?

As you can see to my right here, Ava is currently writing in one of her books.

She always is.

This is a very special time, though.

Every once in a while, she kind of goes on a tear and loses contact with time and space, and she literally won't talk to anyone until she's done with whatever she's got going on.

If she's disturbed during this time, it is bad for everyone.

However, pencils get worn down, coffee gets drunk.

Occasionally, we have to go in for a resupply.

This is ridiculous.

Oh, yes, David.

Yes, it is.

But here we are.

As you can see, I have a pot of coffee in one hand, and in the other hand, a cup of sharpened pencils.

We move slowly towards the booth.

Come with me, here we go.

The trick is to move so slowly that you could be mistaken for furniture.

Is that someone moving towards the booth or is it my imagination?

Who can say?

Now we have arrived at the booth.

I set down the pencils.

I pour the coffee.

Our task accomplished, we move slowly away until we are at 50 feet minimum safe distance.

Okay.

And I do that about once an hour.

What is going on with you two?

What?

What is

going on with you two?

I'm sorry, what's that, David?

I can't hear you.

What?

I'm sorry, what's that, David?

I can't hear you.

It's not a thing to be talked about.

It's Orpheus in the underworld, kiddo.

You turn around, and the lady vanishes.

Come on, Gloria's in the kitchen.

Well,

look at that nice young man that just walked in, dear.

He appears to have grown up quite nicely, hasn't he?

It just steams me up that we're not able to talk to him.

I believe Casper's head would quickly leave his body were we to do that.

And since when is that a reason to not do a thing?

I'll admit, it is tempting to reach out and say hello.

But we must reconsider our compartment now that we've returned home.

Don't want to send anyone screaming out the front door at all.

Dear

something ain't right.

Oh my.

What appears to be trouble?

I ain't sure yet.

I'm getting the feeling that...

Yes.

We have a snoop.

Beg pardon?

Someone is snooping.

A snoop?

Someone is sniffing around our environs, and I don't like them a bit.

Who could it be?

I'm not sure.

Keep an eye out, husband.

My eyes are out.

So, y'all are just having cocktail hour in the kitchen?

It's a special occasion.

What's that?

I'm hungover.

That's ridiculous.

And also, where's mine?

I'll make you one.

Hey, am I crazy, or did my phone tell me this morning that not only was the Tesla bandit an unmanned car, but that it also crashed and burned

right in front of your place last night?

I didn't hear anything about that.

I don't know what you mean.

Look at me.

I was drunk.

Uh-huh.

Gloria, David is actually here to talk to you today.

Oh, really?

I feel special.

You should.

I went back to work on the weekend for you.

You did?

Why?

I told you.

I was going to look you up.

David, you didn't have to do that.

I know, but I was curious.

David, I was the first generation in my family born in America.

You're not going to find anything in Los Angeles.

Oh, but I did.

Who is that?

That's your great-grandmother.

Shut up.

No way.

Holy shit.

That's...

How do you know?

It took some doing.

I had to coordinate with some city archivists in Tucson and Phoenix.

Who just happened to be at work on the weekend, too?

We have a group chat.

It is filthy.

Are you sure about this?

Are you saying I don't know my business?

David, why would my family family come all the way up from Mexico and then go back down to Mexico?

She was from here.

What?

She was born here.

Here are the records, see?

San Gabriel Township, 1898.

Narisca

Tuhuanga.

That's her.

That's not a Mexican name.

She wasn't Mexican.

What?

She was quech.

I don't know.

Gloria, you are saying you don't have a connection to this place?

Your family history goes all the way to the very first damn human beings to ever set foot in damn southern California.

The Keach!

They were here for thousands of years before the Spanish.

They had trade routes up and down the coast.

They studied astronomy.

You have a deeper connection to this place than most people.

That kind of looks like you, Gore.

Corinne.

How did I not know about this?

It's easy to miss.

This photo was taken on her wedding day.

It looks like she worked in a tequila bottling factory.

She married a man named Alejandro de Mendoza.

That's right.

He brought barrels of tequila up from Mexico to be bottled.

I'm guessing that's where they met, and she moved with him down to Mexico.

Wow.

David, this is amazing.

Not bad, right?

She's beautiful.

Casper, outside for a minute?

We'll be right back.

Tell me everything.

What's up?

What's happening?

Ava and I have been trying to find out what the fuck is happening to us.

Right.

A big part of that is, why here?

Why now?

Okay.

The chances of us being here on accident is nearly zero.

Why?

Because of what just happened in there.

Your son is here.

Ava used to work here.

I almost worked here.

You almost worked here?

Yeah.

JPL flew me out for a job interview in college.

I'm sure that went well.

It was actually a pretty fun week.

I stole a cop car.

Jesus Christ, dude.

Anyway, the thing that was making it feel more random was Gloria.

Because she doesn't have any connection to this place.

But now she does.

Exactly.

So what does that mean?

I don't know.

Are we here on purpose?

I don't know.

We need Ava back.

Let's go check on her.

Okay.

It doesn't surprise me that she moved away.

That was a bad time in history to be a keech.

Then again, the only good time for the Keach was before any white people showed up.

Speaking of white people showing up, hi.

What's going on, you two?

Uh, Leaf just told me something really funny that I think Ava would love.

Uh, we'll be right back.

What was so funny?

It's a scientist thing.

Inside science joke.

What?

We'll be right back.

Remind me to get to the bottom of that later.

Oh, hey, David, thank you so much for doing this.

This is amazing.

It's no problem.

David, you're blowing my mind right now.

I'll admit, I was not expecting what I found.

My grandmother always said something about having indigenous in the family, but I always thought that she meant Epahuanes or something, since that's where she was from.

This?

Wow.

Hey, listen.

What?

I'm assuming the old man's told you the whole story, right?

About him and me?

Yeah, he told me.

So

I know what it's like to want to leave, to have to leave.

I get it.

Okay?

What are you talking about, David?

Gloria, this is a missing persons report filed by by a man named Cesar Benitez.

Oh.

You've been missing for four years, Gloria.

David.

It's okay.

Look, I get into it with people.

When I get into a room, I tag every person I don't know and I get right into it with them, figure out what their whole deal is.

Maybe...

it's a survival thing maybe I'm looking for threats

but I know when to stop

I'm stopping now okay

okay

she's gone she's gone mocha wains what happened to Ava she's come too y'all she's out in the parking lot I see her let's go okay well take us to dang it oh sorry

What is she doing?

Talk to me, Colorado Boulevard.

Ava.

Come on.

Ava, I think you may need to lay down.

Good idea.

Not in the parking lot.

It's fine.

What's been going on?

David uncovered that Gloria's great-grandmother is from here.

No shit?

No shit.

Nice.

Leaf was saying that might mean something?

Oh, it means something, all right.

What?

I mean, I know,

but

I don't know.

Okay.

Why are you out here now?

What did you discover in the math hall?

Whoever fucked with us was unable to fuck with us in the way they wanted to fuck with us.

How do you know that?

Because of gophers.

Uh, has it finally happened?

Have we finally broken Ava?

Hang on, y'all.

She's finally speaking our language.

Tell us about the gophers, Ava.

Any problems with gophers on the farm, Uncle Wayne?

Well,

as I say, there is death, there is taxes, and there is rodentia.

All are inevitable.

And how do you get rid of gophers?

There are multiple ways.

None of them foolproof.

You can set traps.

And also try and poison them.

But the traps can be avoided.

And the poison's just

no good to have around the house.

Remember John Pruitt?

Oh my yes.

John Pruitt down the way used to work at a silver mine and knew his way around explosives.

Old John would grow frustrated at times and start shoving sticks of dynamite down into gopher holes.

You could hear him for miles.

Oh, we told him he was out of his head for turning his farm into the battle of Gettysburg, but his only response was always, works, don't it?

Which it did.

But solving the problem of holes in your farmland by putting even bigger holes in your farmland seems barely a solution.

That's correct.

Work too many times down the mine for John, if you're asking me.

And if none of that works?

Well,

you could try sticking a garden hose down one of the holes and flooding the entire subterranean metropolis that they've built.

Right.

That's the one I'm talking about.

You pump water into a gopher hole and the gopher gets flushed into its network of holes.

But

it can only end up in a place it's already been to.

We were attacked and we were flushed back through our gopher hole.

We've never been here with the diner though.

But we each have a connection here.

Something that connects us to this place.

It's a connection we all have in common.

There are hundreds of places we all have in common.

Right.

That part was random.

We could have ended up on Thegrion or Ice Age Earth or the outskirts of Triangulum, anywhere we have a connection to.

But we ended up here.

So it's random that we ended up here, but there's only a certain number of places we could have ended up.

Yes.

There's something about connections.

I'm not sure what.

Something about entanglement between different versions of ourselves.

There's a whole ecosystem out there.

It's not just an assemblage of dimensions.

There's.

there's an environment.

And I'm reeling you back in, Ava.

Right.

Whoever attacked us wasn't in control of where we go.

They were just trying to flush us out with a garden hose.

Interesting.

I've got a question about sheep coming up, Ava.

What the fuck?

Ava?

Ava, there's ducks now.

Mad scientist thunder crash.

Hate to say it, but things are getting downright familiar around here.

Ava, goddammit, with the ducks.

What is happening?

This is what happens when you fuck with a system, you

idiots.

Who are are you talking to?

Whoever.

Ava.

We know now that the diner is a natural catalyst, a change agent.

Almost like a natural force like erosion or the tides or something.

But it's been shuttered.

We have been out of business for eight months now.

That doesn't change the need for it.

That doesn't change how the universe works.

It just throws things out of whack.

It's like pressure building up slowly and eventually that pressure is going to express itself somehow express itself with ducks or sheep why is it ducks or sheep because it turns out that the universe is a little bit silly so we're just gonna keep getting livestock strolling down the street I don't know it could be anything this is going to keep happening oh yes it is going to be ridiculous

david's here shit we need to get him out of here we've got to get him out of here shit

I can't just tell him to leave.

It could screw things up.

How will it screw things up when a herd of oxen starts walking down the street?

That would be dope.

Fuck.

I'll tell him there's a gas leak or something.

Y'all, may I offer a suggestion?

What?

Effie and I have discussed this at length.

Now I'm sure y'all are about to concoct some sort of story to get that young man gone before the strangeness makes itself known.

Yes, what do you suggest?

Nothing, Casper.

Casper.

What the hell are you talking about?

Casper, that is a fine young man you have there.

He's polite without harming sincerity.

He's up for a fight when need be, and he has taken it upon himself to rebuild bridges when they're broken.

I agree.

But Effie and I are afraid that this work with him has begun with deception.

Oh, come on.

Now we understand there needed to be a bit of that.

You didn't want him to think you'd sprung a leak in your head.

But now here we are, amidst a cadre of sheep and ducks and whatever's to come.

And we say to heck with it.

Sometimes we wish to obscure ourselves to keep the ones we love nearby.

They cannot possibly want to see our true selves, so we are always putting on a show, a performance to keep them in their seats.

And while that's all understandable, it's still proceeding in dishonesty.

And so we have decided to heck with it.

You want me to just be honest with him that I'm from an alternate reality and I ride on the back of a time-traveling dimension-spanning diner?

Listen to yourself, say it, Casper.

Oh, doesn't it feel good just to say it?

Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

I, for one,

think that boy would be proud to know who his father truly is.

I can assure you that we are.

So much time spent hiding our strangeness from others.

So much time spent being ashamed of our true selves.

Enough, my friend.

I think you're forgetting that part of that honesty is me saying that I'm not his father.

Have you ever felt more like a father than in this moment?

Is that enough to call yourself a father?

Okay, look, let's break up this weird little meeting.

Okay, Leif, can you go brief Gloria?

I'll keep acting like we're a diner until, I don't know, until the next thing happens.

Sounds good.

Ava, what are you going to do?

I'm good right here.

On the ground?

Well, Casper's about to ask me if I want a club sandwich, so I'm good.

Okay.

Give me the radio.

Leaf, the numbers in Casper's Casper's head.

They're pie?

Yeah.

But one number is missing each time.

Yeah.

It's spatial coordinates.

Is it?

It's a distress call, right?

They're telling us where they are.

They're giving us spatial coordinates.

We add timing conventions and an earth bias.

Aha.

Okay.

I'll go see how many more numbers we need.

Nice.

And for what it's worth?

I agree with the Muckle Wayne's.

We've been trying to pretend we're Earthlings for eight months now.

Let's just be us.

Do you want a club sandwich?

I thought you'd never ask, Shmoopy.

Okay.

Casper?

Yeah.

The Muckle Wayne's are right.

Yeah.

What up, y'all?

It's Joe Button here to talk about prize picks.

Prize picks is the best place to win real money while watching football.

You can get up to 100 times your money.

PrizePicks will give you $50 instantly when you play your first $5 lineup.

You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus.

It's guaranteed.

Just download the PrizePicks app and use code Spotify.

That's code Spotify on PrizePicks to get $50 instantly when you play a $5 lineup.

PrizePicks, run your game.

Must be present in certain states, visit PrizePicks.com for restrictions and details.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.

When life gets complicated, who do you turn to?

Your group chat?

Random internet strangers?

While venting can help, there's a real difference between that and talking with a licensed, clinically trained therapist who can guide you through life's challenges.

BetterHelp has been helping people find their perfect therapist match for over 10 years.

Their simple questionnaire connects you with one of over 30,000 licensed therapists, and if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime at no extra cost.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash burger.

That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash burger.

Ava?

For help!

What are you doing on the ground?

Well, believe it or not, I am at work.

Get up.

I can't.

I have a club sandwich on the way.

What?

What are you doing here, Fran?

Ooh, did you bring our trophy?

There's no fucking trophy, Ava.

Well, could you have one made real quick?

Ava, get up.

Okay.

Okay,

jeez.

Ugh.

What's going on, Frol?

What are you doing here?

Trying to salvage what's left of my career.

In the parking lot?

You completely fucked up my life, Ava.

Well, I mean...

Fight Club in the basement, Fran.

It wasn't fucked up already?

Where's the robot?

The robot?

He He has a name.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Around.

What's going on, Fran?

I'm here to collect it.

What?

The robot.

Give me the robot.

Get your own robot.

Do you know what this is?

Oh, no.

No autographs, please.

It's your contract with JPL.

Can I direct your attention to page 19 subset D?

Please do.

It's my favorite of the subsets.

Everything you make while under contract with Jet Propulsion Laboratory belongs to us.

Give me the robot.

I didn't make the robot.

I've discussed this with our lawyers, and technically speaking, you were on the creative team that designed said robot.

Therefore, it belongs to us.

Give me the robot.

No.

Ava, for help.

I don't know what I was thinking inviting you last night.

I mean, of course, you were going to ruin it.

That is a sick burn, Fran, but I have to agree.

We had a good thing going down there.

It was a nice way to blow off steam at the end of the month, and then along comes Ava.

That's what you get for inviting me.

We had a few new users watching online last night.

Two of them were Fireball XL5 and Manglerfish.

Guess who they really were?

Hmm.

Hall and Oates?

The Deputy Secretary of Defense and the goddamn Secretary of Defense himself.

Oh.

Yeah,

Ava.

Oh.

After your little display last night, I spent the rest of the night begging not to be fired.

How is this my fault?

Because everything was fine until you showed up.

Are you sure?

Give me the robot.

No.

Give me the robot.

It's not mine to give.

It's Leif's.

And knowing him, he's probably already given it some sort of nascent consciousness, and now it wants to pursue a singing career.

And his name is Peter, by the way.

I don't care if his name is Lord Braxton von Wendell III.

Give me the robot.

That name's actually really great.

Not sure why we went with Peter, but still.

No.

I was warned all my life to stay away from toxic people like you.

Oh, Fran.

You're an HR person about to get fired for HR violations.

I can't hear you over the sound of you throwing stones around in your glass house.

Just.

I'm just.

I'm just so tired.

Oh, God.

I've been up all night on the phone making promise after promise.

I need to promise things to Congressman, Ava.

Do you have any idea what that's like?

No, but hey, I've been up all night too, so I know what that's like.

Why have you been up all night?

There was this thing earlier with sheep.

Don't worry about it.

What happened to you?

You used to just be mean,

and now you're mean and weird and flattery will get you nowhere come on inside have some coffee you're about to rip your own skin off you're

you're not going to give me the robot are you no of course not

i could sue you sure

whatever come on

Welcome to Midnight Burger.

What can I get you?

Nice place.

Just open?

The yes and no.

The The last time I was in Pasadena, I did not remember seeing this place.

Hmm, it's a crazy world we live in.

Things aren't there, and then they are.

Of course.

Hey, Casper, real quick.

Apparently, there's someone here from JPL who's trying to take Peter away from us, and just so we're clear,

from my cold, dead hands.

Sure, okay.

Is that who Ava's talking to?

From my cold, dead hands, okay?

Yeah, okay, fine.

I'll be on the roof.

Laif Dorvaldsson.

I'm sorry.

What?

Casper?

Why don't you let me take this table?

Okay.

Sure.

Can I help you?

Where have you been, Leif?

Who the hell are you?

Ever think about Ettore Maiorana?

I think about him a lot.

You know, Fermi thought Maiorana was the next great genius.

The next Galileo.

He was one of those men who was set to reshape the universe as we knew it.

And then,

suddenly in 1938, right before Europe turned into a battlefield, poof.

Withdraws all his money from the bank, buys a boat ticket to Naples, writes a cryptic letter, and then he was gone.

Lots of fun theories out there.

What's your favorite?

They range from the sad to the heroic.

He fled because of pressure from the Italian government to work on the nuclear bomb.

Very heroic.

He went mad and spent the rest of his life as a beggar.

Sad.

I imagine the real answer is somewhere in between.

May Urana emigrated to Argentina.

Yes, sure, that's the official line.

But that investigation happened 70 years later.

I'm meant to trust the governments of Italy and Argentina after 70 years?

I don't think so.

It's a fascinating thing, isn't it?

When a brilliant man runs away from his own brilliance, decides to live the simple life.

Never works, though.

That's what they say.

Destiny is never really done with you.

It's just waiting for you to slip up.

And then,

there I was last night, watching a live stream of a robot fight.

So, who are you?

DOD, NSA?

Oh, no, nothing so barbaric, Lafe.

I'm a scientist, just like you.

Just a man trying to move society forward.

Uh-huh.

DARPA.

Kyle Perino from DARPA.

Nice to meet you.

I'll give you three minutes to get out of here.

Hey, whoa, Lafe.

I'm not here to make trouble.

I'm here to make peace.

How the fuck did you get me?

Facial recognition?

No, actually.

We were trying something new.

Gate analysis.

Jesus Christ.

When you did that dramatic walk away from the camera, is when we got you.

Did you know that we can identify a human being's identity within the 99th percentile simply by analyzing how they walk?

It's fascinating technology.

After all this time.

Lafe, you disappeared from a top-secret government project, taking years of research with you.

Did you think we were just going to say bygones?

What do you want?

Well, big picture, you.

We've got tabs on you now, and I'm sure you'll be doing all sorts of wonderful work for us in the years to come.

But where to start, right?

Well,

I suppose we'll start with a robot.

That little buddy of yours is, I'm thinking, three decades ahead of current technology.

Terrorist cells all over the world are not going to know what hit them when they're suddenly raided by a squad of adorable 18-inch robots over my dead body.

Wave, don't be ridiculous.

You listen to me, you fucking anus.

I'm not a Tory Mayorana.

I'm not a frail Italian physicist.

I'm not a genius recluse surrounded by equations.

You need to forget you ever saw me, or I make everything bad for everybody.

You want me to crash the Western interconnected system?

You want California to go back to the Stone Age?

Don't test me.

Oh, Leif, slow down.

That wasn't a terrorist threat to a government agent, was it?

You're just making it worse.

Sidebar, I love where your head's at.

Crashing electrical grids?

Great stuff.

Let's talk more.

Three minutes, and you're gone.

Lafe.

Life, Life, Life, Life.

Hold up.

Life.

Darn it.

Seems we found the snoop, dear.

Fucking unbelievable.

Fucking unbelievable.

Lafe, what's wrong?

I decide to go to one goddamn robot fight to just blow off some fucking steam, and now I've got some goon from DARPA breathing down my neck.

Of all the fucking organizations, it had to be those goddamn sociopaths.

They think they can fuck with me?

Leave?

I guess it's time to blow up some firewalls.

I guess it's time to post their entire fucking database on Craigslist missed connections.

Leave.

This guy is going to regret ever coming here.

I'm going to empty his bank accounts and donate the money to the the Audubon Society.

Wait, what's DARPA?

David.

Hey, I, uh,

I forgot you were here.

Don't mind me.

Please continue.

Uh,

so,

you know, I'm just

having a hard day.

I get it.

Believe me, the number of times I've had a hard day after a late-night robot fight, I can't even count it.

Yeah, you know,

it's a hobby of mine.

The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency is what DARPA stands for.

Yeah.

See, David, Leif has had a very long

and interesting life.

I have.

He's done some crazy things.

Yes.

And we think that's just great.

Good God.

I'm just having to deal with some stuff from my past is all.

Uh-huh.

It happens.

I mean,

everybody has had a life, right?

See, the fun part is I get to just sit here until y'all get tired.

Y'all tired yet?

Life.

Maybe take your frustrations to Ava's booth right now.

Yes, good idea.

Okay.

Bye.

So, David.

I think I'll have another missile out of how about you all

sure

Ava.

I am begging you.

I can't get fired again.

Again?

Fran, how many times has this happened?

In America?

Hey, hey, Fran.

Shut.

Some fucking homunculus from DARPA is here, and he's trying to take Peter.

What?

What?

Where?

Where is he?

Over there.

What are you?

Out of my way.

Out of my fucking way.

I let my guard down for one fucking second.

Wait, Leif.

The DARPA guy is here for Peter?

Yes.

This is good.

Why?

Leaf, let

them fight you

outside.

Right fucking now.

Have y'all thought about getting one of those slushy machines that makes margaritas?

We don't have a liquor license.

Oh,

really?

Yes.

Regulations are

very

important to us, David.

We

really try and keep things things on the up and up around here,

you know.

Mom's in Denver now,

really, yeah.

She said she wanted to take up skiing, okay?

Yes, it's a shame there are no places in California you can do that.

Yeah, she's been there four years now, she has not learned to ski.

That's not like the mountains are going anywhere.

Sometimes she'll have a couple of drinks and she'll call me.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

It is amazing.

It's better than Netflix.

I'm sure.

She doesn't talk about you as much as I think she wants to,

but

she did say this to me once.

She said that you were bound and determined since birth

to be boring and angry.

Well, that's sweet of her.

I have to say,

I'm not seeing it.

I think that that was probably true back then.

Well, what happened?

Because things are just starting to unravel around here, and it is delicious.

I mean, it was surprising enough that you had a Facebook page.

David, I had a Facebook page because I needed people to be able to get in touch with me no matter what.

Because my son ran away from home.

You may have heard.

So, if you're wondering what happened to me,

that

happened.

And then a whole whole bunch of other stuff after that.

Your mom's not wrong.

It's not a bad description of me.

Growing up with your grandmothers,

it was not a picnic.

Grandma number one would forget her head if it wasn't screwed onto her body, and grandma number two, Jesus.

The number of times I had to stop her from getting into a fist fight in the grocery store.

I strove for boredom.

Okay?

Boredom was the goal.

And then you came along, and

you would not be told anything

ever.

What I should have done was

figure out who you were

and then figured out how to work with it.

Instead, I just fought you every step of the way.

Still striving for that boredom.

I'm really very sorry, David.

I forgive you.

Good.

You know, I kind of knew this already.

We really didn't need to have a whole moment out here by the dumpster.

Yeah, I know.

But I needed to get it in under the wire.

What do you mean?

Because you're right.

Things here are about to unravel so much that it's going to make a pile of loose yarn the size of Mount Fucking Whitney.

We've got a problem in the parking lot.

See what I mean?

We have clear, crystal clear agreements with the federal government over our projects.

You can't just breathe in here and take them.

I'm sorry.

Eminent domain.

We're government contractors.

You can't claim eminent domain over something that the government already owns by the transitive property.

Well, if we already own it, why is it not in my possession right now?

Because you don't get to decide.

This robot is property of JPL until otherwise pending government procurement.

Well, that just sounds like a bunch of red tape to me.

This robot is going to belong to us.

It's just a matter of time.

Then you can wait in line right behind all the other agencies yeah we don't really like to do that we kind of just do what we want today you don't not today should i start making calls is that what i need to do oh you want to make calls is that how you want to play this i've got nine senators and 27 congressmen on speed dial let me just scroll to where my phone says house majority leader Do you think that might trump your fun little phone call?

How about I get on the phone with all of his major donors?

Oops, look at that.

I pressed call.

Guess I'm calling him.

You want to push me?

You want to push me?

I just came off a juice cleanse and I am ready to fuck somebody up.

I like Fran now.

Right?

Who the hell are these people again?

That's Kyle from DARPA and Fran from JPL.

You're witnessing a good old-fashioned interdepartmental infight.

Get ready for an all-caps text message tsunami asshole.

At one point, we had a conversation about laying low, and I feel like government agents arguing in the parking lot is very much not that the Mucklewain said we don't have to do that anymore oh they did well perhaps we didn't mean this okay I need to be at all the meetings now do you see what happens Gloria we only meant for all of the meetings hey what's going on well

hey David what's happening in the parking lot is this a dance-off because those two are not dressed for it it's

hmm It's okay, Gloria.

Okay, these two people are fighting over a robot that Laif made.

A robot?

Yes.

It's it's called Peter, and a lot of people want it.

So he's selling it.

No, these two government officials are saying that the robot belongs to them.

Why?

Because

they can.

Fuck that.

Thank you, David.

You seriously made a robot that the government is trying to steal?

I did.

You want to meet him?

Hell yes.

How's How's your one phone call going?

Because I've just sent 57 texts and 19 strongly worded emails.

You're about to get a call.

The number will be unlisted.

I suggest you take it.

Hello, sir.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, of course, sir.

Of course, sir.

I

understand.

I hope that robot malfunctions and chops you into itty-bitty-tiny little pieces, you goon.

It's been great meeting you, fuck.

Come on, Fran.

That's it?

Ava,

I really wish you'd taken that extra month of leave.

There's got to be something you can do.

There is.

It's time once again to buy a bottle of wine and update my LinkedIn.

Fuck my life.

Goodbye, Ava.

Well,

that was fun.

Lafe, I'll be needing that prototype and any data you have on it.

I'll be taking that right now.

No, you won't.

I thought you'd say that.

So now I'm going to call what's known as an acquisition team, and things are going to get very messy.

Don't bother going anywhere, Lafe.

We have you on satellite.

That's it, Laif.

Oh, God.

Did you get all that?

Yeah, he's off his rocker.

This guy's one step away from another Ted Kaczynski.

Grab him and the robot.

His friends?

Keep an eye on them.

Maybe we need to use them as leverage.

Open the door.

Jesus.

He's outside my car now.

This is so pitiful.

Open the fucking door.

Go ahead and move in.

Hang on.

He's got something in his hand.

What the fuck is that?

Holy fuck!

What the fuck?

Get out of the car!

He's cutting my car in half!

He's cutting my car in half!

Move in now!

Move in now!

Peter is mine!

Holy shit!

What the fuck, Lath?

I would say get out of your car, but your car doesn't have an inside anymore.

You've really fucked up, Lafayette.

I don't know what that thing is, but it belongs to us now.

And since I don't know what else you've got hiding in this diner, how about I just take the whole thing?

Give me the megaphone.

Attention!

Anyone in the building?

Evacuate immediately.

Midnight Burger is now property of the United States government.

Oh, yeah.

What is that?

Are those our drones?

Oh, fuck.

Everybody, back.

Anyone sets foot in this parking lot, I turn them into a voodoo doll.

Oh,

Lee.

Shit.

Guys.

I think Leaf may have taken our advice just a bit too far, dear.

Guys, Laif, what the fuck are we going to do now?

You'll be fine.

We're all going to get fucking arrested.

Kind of important.

Did you open a diner with a bunch of fugitives from the government?

Getting warmer.

This

is the craziest shit I've ever seen.

Hold that thought, David.

What's that sound?

What is

oh my god.

What in the mother fucking hell?

That's a bit of a step up from sheep and ducks

Is that what I think it is?

Yep

That's my girl she may be grounded, but she's still keeping it weird.

It's four fucking stories tall.

Hey Gloria, give me the radio, would you?

Sure.

What is happening?

Come inside.

That's not a real thing that exists.

Sit down.

What?

It's called a mongo.

Don't worry, it's a plan eater.

Before we start, I need you to meet some friends of mine.

Hello, David.

It is our absolute pleasure to meet you.

I'm Zebulon Bucklewane, here with my wife, Effie.

Hello, David.

I have a very long story to tell you.

I've got a nice wheel at it.

She's the joy of my life.

We've been fairly happy since she became my wife.

And we've got a nice wheeladie.

It's a fine wheel in lad.

And if ye only seen them, it's a picture always

that is your bride.

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

We open it soon.

Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

Wilson, Billy, Burtbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Trash Frog, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crime, Leopard Donut, Pat Ray, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stephen Lowery, Christopher Georgia, Kyodai, Arcatia, Nursing Olympics Champion, Scipio Duda, Nicole Winter, Chichichuga Nums, Emeric, Panda, Curtis Lelick, Tristan Stoles, Shadow Rapture, Space Case Snow.shop, Hank the Wonder Llama, Abubaluth, Peculiar Plays 24-7, Zephyrus Wind, Alexander Nunes, Jeremy Ibsen, Courtney Jones, Just Rachel, Short Dick Nick, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Taurus Smash, The Podcast for Nerdy Jews, Rin Nears, and Cheese, Axel, Patty the Ginger, It's Just Rach, Tim Lynch, Anne Morris Garay, A Zeus, Anna Philaxis, Mythical Mantis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtax, Kennan's Girlfriend Brooke, Little Goblin Girl, Kelly Tobin, Kevin Lutra, Keith Collins, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Mr.

Me, Myself and I, Jeff, Randy Zamigo, Grimlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Witchy Cat 13 Loves IPAs, Terminal Irony, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naeonix Rhino, Robert Frankenberry, Cat Carruthers, Rear Admiral Peter Jakanov of the USS Rimway, Honeybee, Nordalbash, Brendan Smalls, Arwen X.

Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Dylan with Two L's, Audio Monkey, Joanne, Team Hefeweisen, Monica and Mason K, Tony Wants to Be Laif, Supermassive White Hole, Pastel Fox, Ryan Burnett, Christy Casey, The Timid Ghost 23, Zivia's Mom, Dr.

Dr.

B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Geneva, Arkansas Not Arkansas, Mungo, Jambles, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Midday Salsa, Letty Lou, Tibby, Nick Howard, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Bidaba Dooop, Warped Echoes, Jeremiah Franco, Isaiah Coleman, Tammy Freeman, So We Made It, Kiana Crow, Fossil Diver84, Micah Collins, Cody McClure, McClure, Eternal Champion, Frankenstein's Monster, Jingolos, Eris, the Goddess of Discord, Billy the Space Wizard, Ditzy Bay, Reese, Corrine E, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Palace Abundance, Lolly, Evan M.

Dobson, Going to Be Lit, Keith Lewis, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Daniel Martinez Jr., Omega Nine, Frank in a Field, Teenage Mutant Ninja Duck, Marcellus Moore, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Nelix Tiny Wolf, Lux the Dragon, Christina Sennett, Shane Robertson, Colby Lowe, The Wandering Welshman, Anari King, Dane Koloff, Whatever Tabby, Peggy Lewatsky, Karen Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Jen Rhodes, Kaylin Voivodin, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Alan Berglund, Maggie Cunningham, Dylan Winslow, Lily Davis, V.

Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey, I hope something good happens to you today.

Yes, you.

Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mom, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Basil in their Tea, Keegan Diamond, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddox, Capo the Sartorius, Shy Sparrows, Mr.

Mikey Microphone, BLTN, Scott Gygax, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hail 53, Tequila Mockingbird, Locksmith Andy, Sophia in a Fur Coat, ISO Pale, David Livingston, Rose Alt, Hopeful Ghost, Nake the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it, Joyce, yes, my last name is Odor, True Purple God, Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy.

It's the Grand Shah He's birthday.

Victor Casados, Smiggs, Emily Shmemily, work for Melvis, Von Grimm, Boho, go bye-bye for JoJo Pogo.

That's a no-go, bro.

Cody Monster, Magical Computer Mage Mason.

The Gabber newspaper sounds like a ridiculous name, but they help protect democracy in Florida.

Charismo, Miss Nixie, Baby Bate and Lee, Kyle Perino, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, Lil Stevie Pie, Return to Sender, Green Mountain Hermit with Azure Blue Eggs, R-Town, Two Polar Cat, Leader of the Council of Space Cats, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, At Least Six Gems, Skylabs Multi-Dimensional, Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Nikki H, Meathead Chris, TC Patrick Master of Dungeons, Annie Crafts Anywhere, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'un, The One True Space Chef, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Super Califragilistic XP Alex Nickel, Emma Henson, Jembojet, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooton, Alec Manning, Pyrose Calling, Noisemaster, Reese Pontiff, Too Many Jans,

Pamela Rose Eltierra, James Spiller Rosa, Lord Braxton Von Wendell III, Then Steena says, Thud Tweed, Countess of Carbon, The Mouse Husband, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nyerds, Captain Tyson, Karzaroth the Illusionist, Casper Needs a Hug, Quotes, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Lost Basan, Schroedinger's Cat, Estelle, Arafaf the Alchemist, Kim Sell, Silly Goose, Honk Honk, This Tist, Teeds, Tor Tames, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Mr.

Alex Sir, Sarah Joy, Dolores Gara Schnapp, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr.

Glass, Sweets, Shar Noble, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Whitney, Destroyer of Worlds, Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Ben Bar, Beastly Death, Zven the Unlikely, Ted Wasanasen, Virestria, Relentless Rick and Moon Unit, Spoomples, Fernwood Gal, Shocking Developments Nearby, Azuls, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Daniel Arthur, Mike Laclusi, Dex, Huey702S, Garrett Sherman, David Wilcox, Landa Party of Two, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Alexika Habaniera, Code Stranger, That Chicken Florida, Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Bobby G, Frelp, M Lin, Feed Ma Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Rekka Ayumu, JSpark, Eevie Girl, Jesse Adams, Lucid Harbor, Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Unexciting K, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now Hit It!

Casey Howe, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicky Abear, Julian Barber, Brad Munier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Turtles All the Way Down, Jackie Lowie, Crowed Nation, Crazed Bear, Avinala, Dr.

Lattice Trash Angel, Andy Croft, Petting Dogs, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Arenetta, Black Squirrel, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jimmy Snims, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, No Sarah Farmer, Just Her Octopod, Criddle, Arrow of Truth, Heidelberdy, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Salazar the Dome, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Alkalized Tertiary Amines, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruz and B.

Anthony, J.

Way Mythical, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, Ali Frog, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, Jessica Shelton, Scrim Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, Stepon, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Sarah Murphy, Justin at the Tree Cave, The Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeone, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Cole, Hot Plate of Biscuits and Gravy, Zehoni Veda, Sean Wright, Lettuce, Botanist, Corinne Sabrantha, Beatrice Brodaceous, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Haya Buddha, Eli the Electrician, Sonny D.

Anomaly, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Banshee Ranch, Bookshift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole23, Victor in Cincinnati, Gracefully Impaired, Jack Lane, Tired Pirate Muffin, Jace Newston, Caravan Shaker, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Sammy Baldwin, Posh Baby Rentals Florida, Cryptessia the Donut Bride, Rebecca Trossel, Good God, There Are So Many Names, Mitzi Lou, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Cathraine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Lola, Deli Cruz, Nan McVicker, Matt Mosby, Harry Fishnuts, Little Ball of Odd, Joshua Cody, Astronoweab, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Mossy, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Ashley, A Bug Damed Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Paul A.

Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, The Green Street Major, Dr.

Punt Gusher Esquire, Creator67, Bajolanth, Laif's One True Love, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Leap Flame, Riedel the Beetle, John Dew, Stew, Nth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Kingpin, Anomalous Vandal, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Kurt Bartnik, Your Favorite Kenny, Chelsea G, Terry, PJ Says Hi, Danielle L, Sparker, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Hicks Besi Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Second Bethany, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut, The Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Denkey, Aaron the Optimist, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Edgy Steve, Barackawini, Ava with an E.

Grimm, Zacky Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzeringtum, Michael Christian, Ransom, Rune Maisalil, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Dances with Burritos, Aaron Mitchell, Fiona Malasy, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Cara, Colmi Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Menlor, Bethany, The Dread Pirate Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Rachel Rachelson, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zetowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken and Her Squire Grabthar, Ruth McCormick, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially, Exhausted Bean.

She has a thing that predicts the future.

Sure.

Don't die on me, Ava.

I need this information.

Sure.

That's who they really were.

The deputy.

Trying to combine, but

I just created a new word.

Oh my god.

Why would one weird egg-looking thing in one part of this galaxy have anything to do with these

three sisters being in trouble?

That's good.

Read it exactly like that.

That's a perfect reading of that line.

Thank you.

It's very neutral.

Excellent.

Every word faster than one word.

Exactly.

Why would one word.

It's all right.

It's going to be great.

Just

going to cover it up with speed.

Yeah.

Julie, can you spare some mustard?

I need some more sauce.

Let the magic mustard get.

Thanks for the sauce, dual face.

Good.

Please keep your eyes out of my brain.

Oh, my eyes.

Oh, my eyes.

These are going to be so up in your brain.

That sounds gross.

You sound gross.

Do you want a club sandwich?

Hang on.

Now I know.

Sorry.

No.

Pass.

You sound gross.

Sorry.

Why would

you're missing a word there?

Sorry about that.

That's my fault.

Do with these three sisters.

Sorry.

Sorry about that.

Thank you.

Look, I'm not going to put all the words in there, okay?

You're going to have to just figure it out sometimes, okay?

You're getting paid.

I'm tired.

I'm so sorry.

I

just

can do this.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.