Welcome to the Horizon Part 1: Relentless Rick

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Things may still be a little weird around here.

Things are always weird around here.

Right.

This would be a new category of weird.

Clementine told me that at one point she

disintegrated your body

and then she reconstructed your body from

ambient molecules in the atmosphere.

I'm sorry, she what now?

Jesus, Frank, just go away!

But you look like you're doing great, so keep a lookout for that as well.

What's this town?

Oh, okay.

Hood's Pocket.

That's a funny name.

It's a funny town.

Up there is Mount Hood.

The town sits in just the right place so that it hardly ever gets direct sunlight.

It's in the shadow of the mountain most of the year.

Hood's Pocket.

So that was fun.

Yeah.

Kind of been looking for a category to put that whole experience in.

Me too.

All night.

I've been doing that all night.

Ah, you didn't sleep either?

Sleep.

Ah!

Sure, sleep.

It's like everybody has weird shit happen to them, right?

They swear they saw a ghost

or a UFO or Sasquatch.

But that's easy to understand.

Right.

I know what a UFO is.

Or Bigfoot.

But this.

Hard to describe.

Gather round the campfire, everyone.

And let me tell you of the time an attired diner appeared in our parking lot.

And how right before that, several copies of my mom and dad started arguing in said parking lot.

And how some leggy redheads showed up and apparently started unraveling reality.

And how it was all solved by the...

I don't know, the universe being rebooted or something.

And before all that, Frank was disintegrated and then put back together again by that same redhead.

Oh, sorry, too soon.

Hey, you two.

What can I get you?

Idra!

Hey!

You're back!

Yeah, I'm back.

I thought you joined the Peace Corps or something.

You did?

Why?

I asked TJ where his granddaughter went and he said she joined the Peace Corps or something.

Oh, no, I was doing some community organizing in the city.

What were you doing?

It was the Stop the Tram project.

There's a tram?

What tram are you stopping?

The Mount Hood Tram.

Am I supposed to know about this?

I don't know anything about this.

They want to build an aerial tram that takes people all the way to the top of the mountain.

Really?

Yes.

And you stopped it.

Nope.

They're totally building it.

We totally failed.

Months and months of getting the word out, and

we totally failed.

And then I fell into a deep, what the hell am I doing with my life depression?

So

I figured I should probably come work for my grandpa again.

So I am now back completely humiliated and serving drinks to locals.

That sucks, Deidre.

I'm sorry.

How are you holding up?

Still super depressed, but successfully covering it all up by being chipper.

Better girl.

Hey, Deidre, let me ask you something.

Have you noticed anything weird lately?

Weird?

Yeah, I'm out of the ordinary.

Does being a grown-ass woman without any direction in life count?

Let's say no.

Then no.

Huh.

Well,

if you notice anything out of the ordinary, could could you give me a call?

Sure.

That is kind of a weird thing to say, Frank.

That is kind of a weird thing to say, Frank.

Just give me a call, okay?

Okay.

What can I get you?

Uh, two IPAs.

Sure.

But what are you doing?

You heard what they said last night.

Things could get weird here.

We should keep a lookout.

That was last night.

I know.

I just figured Clementine was here a few times.

Maybe.

I don't know.

You're going to start a neighborhood watch for strangeness?

I don't know.

Frank, are you maybe a little freaked out right now?

Aren't you?

Yeah.

I think I'm still in shock.

Well, let me know when that wears off.

But that scientist lady didn't tell me that I got...

I forget her exact words.

She said, at one point, she disintegrated your body, and then she reconstructed your body from ambient molecules in the atmosphere.

Yeah.

That's not great.

No.

But look, I'm boking you right now.

I can see that.

That's solid Frank right there.

You're right there.

Am I?

Yes.

If my truck was destroyed and then someone made a new truck out of thin air that looks like my truck,

is that my truck?

I don't know.

Did you check the glove compartment for that road flare you keep in there?

I'm being serious.

Yeah.

I know, Frank, but you brought up some serious philosophical shit just now.

I don't know if we're gonna get that all worked out in an afternoon at the Sheep's Eye Roadhouse.

I have asked people to stop calling me Flat Doug.

Sorry, Doug.

Hi.

Um, I heard you were asking around about uh weird shit.

You

how did you hear about that already?

I don't know.

That that was like 90 seconds ago.

Look, I I heard it.

Okay.

Are you seeing some weird shit, Doug?

No.

Okay.

Okay.

What are we talking about then, Doug?

I just, I would like to be warned if there's anything weird going on.

Ah, I see.

I don't like weird shit, Frank.

I understand.

I have been hit by two snow plows, and I don't like weird shit.

It's a pattern with me.

We get it.

Technically, getting hit by three snowplows would be a pattern.

Twice is just a coincidence.

Well, why would you even put that out into the world, June?

I'm sorry.

Now I'm freaked out about a third snowplow.

You weren't before?

I would be.

She's really sorry.

It's currently spring, so you've got that working for you.

We didn't mean renegade snowplows.

We were just talking about.

If you see anything out of the ordinary, give me a call at the motel, okay?

You guys are gonna tell me if something's going on.

Not flat, Doug.

We will.

I promise.

Just give me a call.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look both ways when you cross the street.

I mean, seriously, though, who doesn't hear us no plow coming?

And then, who doesn't hear us no plow coming the second time?

We have to protect Flat Doug.

No one else is going to work at the convenience store.

It takes a particular brand of human to do that.

Plow magnet brand, apparently.

Frank?

Celeste.

Hello.

I heard you were looking for weird shit.

Jesus.

You see what you did?

I would.

Sure.

Celeste, what have you got?

Well, the raccoons were back at my place again.

Celeste, you've really got to fix your garbage cans, okay?

There were two of them.

I heard them back there.

They knocked over the trash cans, so I rushed out back to shoe them away.

And then, when I hit them with the porch lights, one of them, he...

Well, instead of running away, he just stood up like a man.

He stood there with his arms wide like this.

He just stood there like he wanted a hug or something.

He stood there like that for five minutes.

You stood there staring down a raccoon for five minutes.

What was I supposed to do?

Discuss current events?

Um, Celeste, I don't think that's the kind of weird thing we're talking about, Celeste.

But you really need some locking trash cans.

Why am I gonna spend money on something I put garbage in?

Well, we just replaced ours at the motel.

I'll bring a couple of our old ones by your place.

Okay?

Yeah, okay.

Standing there like a man.

Yep, I understand.

I would say that she needs to quit drinking, but I think I'm more scared of a sober Celeste.

Oh, shit!

Edgy, Steve Alert!

Frank, how you doing, pal?

Steve.

Listen, I'm hearing rumblings in town about weird shit going on.

How does this happen in two minutes?

I'd like the inside track on this.

I need to know what's going on at all times.

I don't want any surprises.

There's nothing to tell.

Steve, it's just a question.

I asked Deidre literally two minutes ago.

I need to stay abreast of these things, Frank.

Abreast?

Guy like me?

I'm an entrepreneur.

You're a meth dealer.

And as an entrepreneur, I need to have my finger on the pulse of the community.

I need to be jacked into the nervous system.

I need to stay on top of trends.

In a town of 600 people, I have a lot of projects coming down the pipeline.

If there's weird shit going on, I need to know about it.

What are these projects, Steve?

I can't talk about it.

It's proprietary.

What does proprietary mean?

Proprietary means I can't talk about it.

That's not what proprietary means.

Okay,

I promise I'll keep you updated, Steve.

Thanks, man.

Hey, are you on LinkedIn?

Please go away now.

Okay, two IPAs.

Thank you.

Hey, Frank, my grandpa just called and he wants to know why you're asking around about weird things going on.

What?

Your.

Where is your grandfather right now?

Right now?

Fishing.

How did.

Wait, does he have security cameras up in this place or something?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Okay.

Okay.

Everybody.

Can you cut the music for a second, Deidre?

Everybody, listen up.

Everybody.

Thanks.

Look,

I know I just asked Deidre literally a few minutes ago if she's seen anything weird lately.

That doesn't mean it's a time for people to panic.

It was an innocent question.

It's not anything to worry about.

Did you hear about Celeste raccoons?

Standing up like a man.

Yep, yep.

And that's not what I'm talking about at all.

Raccoons

do weird things,

right?

We've all seen it, but that's not what I'm talking about.

What are you talking about, though?

Are you going to help me here?

This is what happens when you don't discuss things with me beforehand.

Frank, we all live here, okay?

If there's something you're not telling us, I feel like we have a right to know what it is.

And if it involves snowplows.

It doesn't involve

snowplows.

Doug?

Is this about the secret military base?

Look, there's no secret military base.

I mean, very nature of a secret military base is that you don't know about it.

Will their transmissions break into my radio station sometimes?

Nope.

No.

No, they don't.

I'm with Celeste.

I think they've got one of those listening stations hidden around the other side of the mound.

That's what it is.

A listening station.

Really?

Can either of you tell me what a listening station is?

It's uh

it's where they listen to.

No, you can't.

Okay.

you you can't say it's nearby if you don't know what it is Agree to disagree Frank.

You can't start asking us about weird shit going on without telling us why never mind Okay,

okay

Forget I said anything.

I'm not asking about anything.

I'm not curious.

I'm not suspicious.

I'm nothing.

Okay.

I'm Frank.

I'm I'm sitting here at the bar having a beer.

That's it.

No weird shit is going on.

Everything's fine.

Everything's normal.

What was that?

Those gunshots?

Wait, what is that?

Hunters?

Doug, when is hunting season?

Not till October.

Oh.

Also,

that's not a rifle.

Doug,

what do you mean?

It wasn't a rifle?

Sounded more like a pistol.

Is Flat Doug a gun person?

He is.

A guy with his kind of luck should not be a gun person.

Have you ever tried to get a gun person to not be a gun person?

Wait, where is it coming from?

I think it's over that way.

No, it's the other way.

You're hearing the echo.

I think you're hearing the echo.

That's definitely a pistol.

Colt 45, I think.

It's getting closer.

Is anyone else hearing a horse?

What the hell?

Oh, shit.

Over there.

You'll never catch me, Lawman.

Everybody down.

What the hell is happening?

When do we have outlaws?

Deidre, get down!

Relentless Rick don't surrender for nothing.

That's Relentless Rick.

What?

That's...

He's a bandit.

Why is he breaking into the sporting goods store?

Deidre, what are you talking about?

About Relentless Rick.

He, uh,

he robbed the cash cash stores of timber companies.

Robbed past tense?

Uh-huh.

Um, in the 1850s?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Hey, Frank, I found something weird.

Just wait for the store to open.

Why is he breaking into the sporting goods store?

Maybe he's having a sporting goods emergency.

The sporting goods store used to be a holding station for a timber company.

They kept the payroll there.

Is there anybody in there?

No, it's the offseason.

Jeremiah's got the place closed up until September.

Is this some kind of historical reenactment thing?

Like, for tourists?

Because I was thinking of doing something like that.

That's my intellectual property in there.

That's not how intellectual property works, Steve.

Frank,

what's going on?

Okay.

Everybody, listen up.

When Frank was asking about weird shit going on, this is what he was talking about.

Some sort of Wild West character riding a house through town shooting a gun.

Okay, weird, right?

This is what he meant.

What the fuck is he doing now?

I think he's shooting Jeremiah's sake.

Are we just gonna let him go crazy in there?

Where is Jeremiah?

He's a paralegal in Eugene during the offseason.

Jeremiah?

The paralegal?

Helped me file for divorce number two.

Okay.

Okay, can someone get Jeremiah on the phone and tell him what's happening?

Yeah, I think we have his number inside.

What are you gonna do?

I guess I'm going to go talk to him.

You got a gun, Frank.

Well, he hasn't hit anything yet.

I'm coming with you.

No, stay here.

No, shut up.

I'm coming with you.

Fine.

Everyone else, stay here.

Frank, what the hell is going on?

Okay.

Okay.

June's right.

This

is the weird shit I was talking about.

Okay?

Things may start getting a little weird in town.

I can't really explain why, just

we're going to figure this out, okay?

Stay here.

June and I are going to talk to it.

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Okay, okay, so we're in agreement that this is not some history nut, that this is the actual guy.

Oh, yeah!

That's the guy!

And what was his name again?

Relentless Rick!

Oh, for fuck's sake.

This is not the type of weirdness I was expecting.

You know what's funny?

This is not the weirdest thing to happen to us in the last 24 hours.

That's a good way of looking at it.

We're nowhere near 1,000 Hyundai Sonata's territory, though I wasn't expecting any weird shit we saw to be this

root and tootin'.

Any idea how to appeal to an outlaw from the 1850s?

I don't know.

Whiskey, prostitutes,

hand-rolled cigarettes?

Who's there?

Hey there, it's Rick, right?

That ain't my name.

Relentless, Rick?

That's me.

Okay, Rick, there's not any money in there.

I'm looking at a safe right now.

You telling me there ain't no money in it?

It's empty.

It's empty, right?

I guess so.

Yeah, it's empty.

They empty it out in the offseason and they take it to a bank in the city.

There ain't no bank in this city.

Oh, shit.

Really?

Get it together, 1850s, Oregon.

Who in the heck are you?

I'm Frank.

hotel in town.

Hotel?

Yeah.

They got a damn hotel in this town now?

They do.

This place is going straight to hell.

It really is, Rick.

Who's the lady?

I'm June.

Hi.

I run the uh

dress shop.

They got a damn hotel and a damn dress shop now?

Sure do.

That's a damn shame.

Used to be nothing but trees around here.

That's good news for you, Rick.

It's really hard to rob a tree.

Hell, I guess that's right.

So, uh, uh, Rick, Rick, you've got a lot of people really scared out here.

Well, they should be, darn it.

If I don't get this safe open, I'm going to have to use my last stick of dynamite.

I was saving it for a special occasion.

Uh,

no dynamite, Rick.

Really bad idea.

Rick, the safe is empty.

Ma'am, I've been all over this territory and I ain't never seen an empty safe.

You know, get yourself a safe so you can just sit there empty.

It's a fair point, actually.

Also, he called me ma'am.

Classic.

Deidre, did you get Jeremiah on the phone?

Yeah, um, I'm on with him right now.

Okay, tell him we need the combination to the safe.

Why?

We need to show him that it's empty.

Oh, um,

okay.

Uh, Rick.

Listen, we're going to get you the combination to the safe so you can see it's empty, okay?

No dynamite, Rick.

Y'all better hurry up.

36, 22, 31.

Okay, Rick, it's 36,

22,

31.

I ain't never opened a safe with the combination before.

Aw, bless his heart.

Go right,

then

left,

then right.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Well, shit.

See?

What in the hell is a safe doing here empty?

I know.

It's like you were saying, Rick.

The whole town's going to hell.

Rick!

Rick!

Rick, come on, man.

You're just wasting bullets now.

I'm sure they're expensive.

Shit.

Rick?

Rick, you sound a little desperate in there.

Are you on the run from a.

What do they call it?

A posse?

A posse, that's it.

Rick,

are you on the run from a posse?

I can almost guarantee they're not gonna find you.

Oh my god, please.

God, don't let a posse start riding through town.

Rick,

what's going on?

You sound like a sad little cowboy in there.

What are you running from, Rick?

Progress.

Progress?

Progress.

Deidre!

What?

When did Oregon become a state?

A state?

Yeah.

1859.

Progress.

Progress.

Hey, Rick.

Rick, are you worried about the Oregon Territory becoming a state?

As soon as they sign in papers, I'm going to have U.S.

Marshals hit it right up my ass.

That's a striking visual, Rick.

But are you sure that's true?

What happened in California?

As soon as as they joined up, I ran north.

You think I want to be here?

I hate the rain.

Yeah, it's a lot.

You try and tell people it rains a lot, but they just don't hear you.

I feel like I ain't been dry in seven years.

My heart goes out to this guy.

How many people has he killed?

Hey, don't do that to Rick.

He has one skill.

Banditry.

What is he supposed to do?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Should we talk to him about community college?

But what was the plan, Rick?

Same as everybody else in my line of work.

Canada?

Canada and you needed one last score?

It's about the size of it.

What do you want to do start a GoFundMe for the time-traveling cowboy?

How much did you need, Rick?

More than you got on you, ma'am.

Okay, let's run some numbers.

Let's see what we can do.

$75.

$75.

That's right.

$75

will get you to Canada and get you set up with a new life.

By my estimations.

God, inflation is real.

Everybody, everybody, come here.

I'm not going over there.

He has a gun.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he used all his bullets on the safe.

Come here.

What are you doing?

Have you got $75 on you?

No.

How much do you have?

11.

Great.

That's a start.

Give it here.

We're giving him the money?

We give him the money, and he'll at least get out of town and be Canada's problem.

Okay.

What are we doing?

We need $75.

How much cash do you have?

Oh, like $8.

Five.

I could check my tip jar, but it's kind of early in the day.

Great, great.

Steve?

I don't carry cash.

You're a drug dealer.

I am many.

Thanks, thank you.

Steve?

I'm 100% Venmo now.

How were you all drinking at the bar just now?

They're all on a tab.

Of course, they are.

Okay, Deidre.

Can you get $75 out of the till?

Tell TJ I'll pay him back.

And a bottle of whiskey.

Preferably one with no label and a cork in it.

Okay.

Rick, we're going to try to help you out, okay?

This ain't the typical reaction when I come to town firing my gun.

Well, it's like you said, Rick, the whole town's going to hell.

Y'all going to pay me to leave town?

We are, but don't take it personally, Rick.

Okay.

Here's the money.

We didn't have any bottles without labels, so I got the bottle of old granddad

because it honestly sounded the old-timiest.

Great work, Deidre.

Give it here.

You're going in there?

Yeah.

I'm going to go hang out with the bandit.

And then encourage him to leave town.

Of course.

Right?

June, he does not get to crash on your couch.

Oh, relax.

Rick, I'm coming in.

Hey there, cowboy.

Ma'am.

Here we go.

$75.

I can't believe y'all are just giving me money.

Consider it a severance package from America.

A what now?

Never mind.

Here, have some whiskey.

Obliged.

What in the hell is all this?

Skiing gear.

Ski-ing?

Yeah, it's um.

You see these here?

You go to the top of the mountain, you strap these to your feet, and then you go down the side of the mountain.

Very fast.

That sounds ill-advised.

You rob people for a living, Rick.

Suppose I ain't one to talk, am I?

No.

Rick, you're a bona fide-y crime doer.

Ski-ing.

The world keeps changing on me.

You You ever get that feeling?

Oh, yeah.

All the time.

That's why I live way up here.

It seems like big changes are happening in the city first,

and then they make their way out here.

At least that way I can see them coming.

I don't have to wake up one morning and suddenly everything's different.

My mom worked a lot, and my dad was always out on a fishing boat, so I never really knew what to expect when I woke up in the morning.

Living up here

gives me a little lead time.

I always knew what to expect of my daddy.

That's nice.

Expected him to be drunk.

Aww.

Drove me out of the house when I was 11 years old.

Figured I knew how to ride a horse, shoot a gun.

What else do I need to know?

How to drive a stick?

Now, look, everything's about to be the United States around here.

I know how to operate in a land.

It's got laws.

How am I supposed to keep track of them all?

Does seem to be a lot of them.

I gotta figure out how to be a galdern Canadian.

I ain't learning no French.

That's for damn sure.

Maybe you like it up there.

I don't even know what they do up there.

What transpires in Canada?

I think it's mostly beaver hunting and syrup making at this point.

Well, now that's just sad.

Yeah.

I guess so.

Always a white Christmas, though.

Maybe I'll get one of them furry hats.

Sure.

Grow a beard, hunt a moose.

Get weird with it, Rick.

Might not be so bad.

Actually, the national motto of Canada: might not be so bad.

Maybe I'll learn a little French.

Maybe just a word or two.

You never know.

I appreciate y'all helping me out.

Don't mention it.

Come on outside and say hello to everyone before you go.

Yeah, all right.

Everyone,

this is Relentless Rick, the soon-to-be Canadian.

Afternoon, all.

Sorry about the mess.

Is

that actually...

Yeah.

Yes, it is.

I'm freaking out over here, man.

Just keep it together, Doug.

I've never seen anyone wear that much leather.

I have.

I'm all turned around.

Which way's north?

That way.

Just keep the sun on your right in the morning, on your left in the afternoon, and eventually you'll hit Canada.

All right, y'all.

I'd uh

I'd consider it a personal favor if you wouldn't tell nobody about this.

Not embarrassing for an outlaw to be receiving charity.

We promised to tell them you robbed us.

Thank you kindly, ma'am.

Let's ride.

Shit.

He disappeared.

I'm glad everybody else saw that.

Oh, what the hell, Frank?

Okay.

Okay, everybody, listen.

I want to get out in front of this.

I have not toast anyone.

I don't do that anymore.

I'm an adult now.

We know, Steve.

Look, everyone,

we've got a lot to talk about, so let's head back inside and we'll all talk about it.

Okay?

Suffice to say,

things may get a little weird.

for a while.

We're going to be okay.

We'll take it as it comes, just like we we did today.

Let's go.

So, drinks are on you then?

Yes.

Yeah, Celeste, sure.

Come on.

I have brought beers of celebration.

Thank you.

Nice work today, cousin.

Thank you again.

You handled it like a champ.

So did you.

I must say, I really jumped in there, didn't I?

Hanging out with outlaws.

Look at me.

Look at you.

Remember when we would watch Babylon 5?

Yes.

Why can't that be my life?

I said that all the time, but now look.

It's like you've been training for this.

Exactly.

It's the sci-fi nerds that you turn to when the weird shit hits the weird fan.

Never forget.

I won't.

But still, let's hope today was it, though.

Maybe there was just some residual

something, and now it's dumb.

Borry!

Oh, hey, here's an idea.

There's a customer coming up to the door right now.

Let's judge if the weird shit is over.

Buy this next customer.

Fine.

What are they driving?

They appear to be on foot.

That doesn't bode well for me.

It doesn't.

doesn't.

Hey there, welcome to the horizon.

Thanks.

Need a room?

Sure.

Why not?

Well, we're in the off-season, so you've got your pick of all of them.

How about room seven?

Okay.

It's our best one.

Great.

Just tonight?

How l how long are you staying?

Um.

Not sure, actually.

No problem.

Can I get a credit card to keep on file?

Oh, uh,

uh mind if I do

the other thing?

The other

cash?

That's it.

Yes, cash.

Sure.

Uh I need a two hundred dollar deposit, though.

Okay.

Will that work?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's fine.

Key is in the bedside table.

Ice machine is between three and four.

Okay, thanks.

What's your name?

Verge.

Nice to meet you.

I'm June.

That's Frank.

Hi.

Enjoy your stay and let us know if you need anything.

Sure.

Good night.

Bye-bye.

Okay.

See, it's totally normal.

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