A New Show by Joe!... The Monster's Almanac

Hi everyone, it's Joe.

Season four is right around the corner.

I hope you're clearing your schedules.

Before that though, we wanted to bring you the first episode of a show that I actually wrote.

It's called The Monsters Almanac, and it's produced by Kid Pod Theater.

This was a show that I actually wrote a long time ago, pre-pandemic, and

things happened, life happened, pandemic happened.

I didn't think it was ever going to come together, but then, lo and behold, about a month ago, it all kind of happened, and it was complete and it was ready to go.

So we are bringing you the first episode of the Monsters Almanac today.

The Monsters Almanac, what they asked me to do at KidPod was not to write a show for kids, but rather write a show that parents could listen to with their kids.

My son was in middle school at the time, and I noticed that whenever I wanted to like

tell him something about the world, he was never really listening to to me, but whenever he had a question about the world, he was always listening very intently to what I was saying.

And so I thought maybe I could create something that parents could listen to with their kids and it would create a conversation.

I don't know if I succeeded in that at all.

but that was what I was going for.

So this is going to be the first episode of Monsters Almanac that we're going to play on the feed right now.

And if you would like to hear all six of the episodes, they will be showing up on the Kid Pod Theater feed.

So go into your podcast player, search for Kid Pod Theater, and you will find episode one and two of the Monsters Almanac of six.

So please check it out.

It's a nice little show.

I really enjoyed writing it, and I think they did a great job with it.

And every once in a while, you may hear a familiar voice from Midnight Burger in there.

So keep your ears open.

So please check it out.

I hope you enjoy it.

Once again, that's The Monsters Almanac by Kid Pod Theater.

And here is episode one.

So he said it was through all this out in that clearing.

How did he know?

I don't know how he knows.

It's a lead.

I'm following a lead.

There's nothing quite like the dense rainforests of the Pacific Northwest.

Dark, damp, mysterious, and beautiful.

The rainfall is constant, but so light that you almost forget it's there.

Isn't following a lead just an educated guess?

Everything in life is an educated guess, sweetie.

We are several miles deep into the Mount Hood National Forest, with the Mount Hood itself, a looming, dormant volcano, constantly in our periphery.

I've come here with my son, Leo.

who is too busy being mad at me to notice the beautiful scene around him.

Why couldn't I have stay with Aunt Carrie again?

Aunt Carrie has a studio apartment in Bushwick.

I'm doing you a favor.

Though it's only a few hours' drive from the nearest city, the Mount Hood National Forest remains largely unexplored.

And with every step you take, you wonder if this is the first time a step has ever been taken here.

Or at least, a step by a human.

Okay,

this is the place.

He said to stand here and wait.

Wait for what?

For him to make up his mind.

So why have I traversed deep into America's dense rainforest, bringing my 11-year-old son with me?

The second part's easy.

I'm a newly single mom and haven't figured out childcare yet.

The first part?

I'm trying to score the hardest interview to get in America.

And it's not with a politician or movie star.

Okay, feeling pretty dumb now, standing here in the middle of a forest with my son.

Not feeling like Karen of here.

Uh,

Mom?

Yes, honey?

He's right behind us.

Hello.

Oh,

my

God.

My interview is with the Sasquatch.

I have some salmon heads for us to eat.

Please follow me.

I'm Rivka Schuster.

Join me as I journey into the deepest reaches of America to interview its endangered mythic creatures and to solve the mystery of a missing lake monster.

This is the Monster's Almanac.

I was standing right here.

Down there on the Columbia, I could see their boats.

We are standing on a steep cliffside overlooking the massive Columbia River.

Even the Sasquatch, eight feet tall, hairy, and orange, seems small in comparison to the majesty of the Columbia River Valley that forms the state line between Oregon and Washington.

The Sasquatch recalls one of the most important days of his life.

The day he saw three small boats traveling down the waters of this mighty river.

Three small boats that belonged to a small expedition of humans led by none other than Meriwether Lewis and William Clark.

Really?

You were here to see that?

I was.

And how did that make you feel?

Sometimes I'll store a snack for later in a tree branch, and when I come back to get get it, it's infested with ants.

It was like that feeling.

As you can see, the Sasquatch is no fan of humankind.

For decades, tourists and nature enthusiasts have been coming here to the Mount Hood National Forest to snap a picture of the reclusive creature, but have almost always left disappointed.

Quite an achievement for someone so big.

The Sasquatch's days are spent simply, fishing salmon from the river, trapping squirrels, and most importantly, peace and quiet.

More important than water, more important than food.

A forest has the singular ability to be dead silent and, at the same time, a plethora of sound.

Listen.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

You can hear the woods, but my ears can hear all the way across the valley.

Right now a belted kingfisher hovers over a lake waiting for a fish to surface so that she can feed her newly hatched chicks.

On a distant peak, a bighorn sheep is scaling the mountains looking for patches of grass.

He's stepping quietly to not alert the mountain lion that's been looking for him all morning.

He just farted.

In an unprecedented mood, the Sasquatch takes us into the the details of his daily life.

And in a way, it's not that different from what a human would do in the forest.

There was fishing.

What you want to do is stand here, and the salmon will jump right into your hands.

Ah, ready doing this?

Incoming!

Never take your eyes off the river.

Foraging for nuts and berries?

Sort of.

Seriously, you're going to eat that?

Pine cones are the most nutritious things in the forest.

Everything you need to get through the day is right here in this cone.

Give it a try.

I can't.

I can't remember what I'm going to.

It is a little dry.

I've got fish gut dip back at camp.

Let's go.

And a special treat back at camp.

To properly ferment a salmon head, it must hang from a tree branch for at least two weeks in the sun.

That really brings out the flavor.

This may be the grossest thing ever, out of all the gross things.

Oh, oh, there's flies everywhere.

Yeah, they really know where the good stuff is, don't they?

This one looks ready to go.

Oh,

God.

Oh, God.

It's most like...

like if garbage had a party

believe it or not the sasquatch even has neighbors

mom mom mom look over there

no no not to worry that's fiona

hello fiona

oh look at her cubs.

Fiona's mate has left her and her cubs to fend for themselves.

Mom, the cubs are coming towards me.

They come by often.

Mom.

Mom?

I believe she has a.

I believe she has mistaken me for a pale bear.

So much licking.

It is awkward.

But she's a fine girl.

The Sasquatch takes us on a long hike down the eastern slope of the mountain through the dense forest, making a path as he pushed bushes and trees out of the way.

And as I began to kick myself once again for dragging my son all the way into this situation,

I find that he is walking ahead of me with the Sasquatch, asking all the questions I forgot to ask.

Hey, what are you two talking about up there?

So, Lewis and Clark, that was a really long time ago.

It was.

So, like, how old are you?

I have found that the key to a long life is not knowing how long a year is.

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

I have a brother.

Wait, what?

Where is he?

Far away from here.

I believe you know him as the skunk ape.

A ridiculous name.

He's neither a skunk nor an ape.

When was the last time you saw each other?

I don't speak of my brother.

It seemed as though the Sasquatch, even though he was revealing far more about himself than he has to any human, was still very tight-lipped on some issues.

The skunk ape is a creature of legend, not unlike the Sasquatch, but it's known to inhabit the steamy swamps of the Florida-Georgia line.

They say when you're deep in the swamp and you smell something god-awful, that's actually the skunk ape passing nearby.

Is he your only brother?

I don't speak of my brother.

We're here.

Okay,

well,

this is a nice little clearing.

Where are we?

Gene Lake.

Gene Lake?

Where's the lake?

That's a good question, question, son.

Where's the lake?

It's a hidden lake?

How do you hide a lake?

It evaporated.

Yes.

Yes, it did.

The Sasquatch took us out into the now-empty basin of the small mountain lake.

Short grass has begun to invade the now-dry lake bed, and all that seemed to be left of Gene Lake was a small puddle at the very center.

300 years ago, the Wasco tribe made an inscription on a stone in this lake.

If the waters receded past this stone and revealed the inscription, it was time to prepare for drought.

That stone is six feet above where we're standing now.

As it turns out, the Sasquatch, the tall man of the forest, had emerged from his forest after all these years to deliver an all-too-familiar message.

We were destroying his home.

You want us to save your home?

It's not my home, it's ours.

We should get back to camp,

mom.

Do you think this is what happened to Champ?

The thing about kids, they have a tendency to cut to the chase.

What's that?

Um, I really don't know, honey.

That's something.

Oh, um,

there's a creature.

How do I explain this?

It was time for me to tell the Sasquatch why I was really here.

It wasn't to eat salmon heads in a forest, it was to solve the mystery of a once-beloved monster who has now gone missing.

There's a creature that lives in a lake, Lake Champlain.

The locals call her Champ.

Anyway, they see her about as often as people see you, but it's been a very long time since anyone has seen her, and people in the area are beginning to worry that she's gone missing.

That's actually why we sought you out.

We wanted to take stock of the other creatures like her to see if...

well,

to see if you can help us.

This is...

upsetting.

We need to return to camp.

We made the long walk back to our camp in silence.

What started as an unprecedented look at an amazing and reclusive creature ended with a warning that he may not be long for this world due to the rampant effects of climate change.

What he didn't realize is that the rapidly changing world may have already taken a creature like him.

The Sasquatch was hundreds of years old.

He's never in a rush.

Today, however, all of that changed.

There's something I need you to do for me.

Um, okay, sure.

Take this.

this.

Cool.

This.

this is a claw.

Is this your claw?

It is not.

I need you to take it to Wyoming.

There's another creature there, one like me.

I'm assuming you know who I'm speaking of?

I

think I do.

I've never asked for anything in my very, very long life.

Please do this.

I thought staying at the top of this mountain would help me to see danger approaching.

I was mistaken.

This is the most I've spoken my entire life.

I will now stop.

And then somehow, an eight-foot-tall orange creature completely disappeared into the trees.

Just as I suspected, we went into the forest to get answers and reemerged with even more questions.

What happened to Champ?

Who is the Skuncape?

The list went on and on.

So,

what do we do now?

Well,

it looks like we're heading to Wyoming, kid.

Monsters Almanac is a production of Kid Pod Theater, produced by Jason Jason T.

Reed, Casey Wolfe, and Joe Fisher.

Written by Joe Fisher.

Directed by Casey Wolfe and Joe Fisher.

Featuring the voice talents of Megan Holloway as Rivka Schuster, Austin Mosier as Leo Schuster, and Rick J.

Glenn as Sasquatch.

Sound engineering by Casey Wolfe.

Sound design and editing by Craig Good.

Music by Kevin McLeod.

Find out more about him at encompatech.com.

If you like what you hear, please leave a review on iTunes, blab about us on social media, or scream about us in the middle of a dark enchanted forest.