Young Leif Part 2: Nancy.

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Muskie,

yeah, I speak English.

Uh-huh,

uh-huh,

Yeah, he's here.

Well, he's been here for a while.

He told me to keep it open-ended.

Yeah, sure, I can tell him.

That was an explosion.

Yeah, it happens sometimes.

He told us there'd be some noise.

Honestly, not the weirdest thing I've heard up there.

Okay,

sure, no problem.

Hey, Leaf.

Leave, you look a little blown up there.

I mean, I don't want to make assumptions, but I heard an explosion and now you come down the stairs, looking a little sooty, so I feel like...

Today's test did not go as planned.

Well, I hope not, because if it was a success, then that means you're making a bomb, which is strictly against house rules.

I was not making a bomb.

Okay, good.

What are you making?

Just uh working on some things that won't happen again.

Hey, my dad wants to ask you something.

Hang on.

Pashka?

Right.

Yeah, he wants to know if you think Miles and Daphne are ever going to get together.

Who?

You don't watch Frasier?

What is Frasier?

It's an Ertz show.

I don't watch it.

He wants to know how you cannot watch Fraser.

Well, obviously, I've been busy almost killing myself upstairs.

He says he wants you to watch it because he wants you to explain what a psychiatrist is.

You don't have psychiatrists on truss?

I don't know.

What's a psychiatrist?

It's someone you talk to about your problems.

Like a friend.

Kind of, but you pay them.

What kind of friend charges you to talk about your problems?

I know.

It's weird.

And why are they on the radio?

They're not all on the radio.

How come?

I don't know.

Some people like to be publicly miserable.

Your planet's weird, man.

I know.

Can I get a beer?

Yeah.

Dad's making porsk.

You want some?

What is Porsk?

Root pie.

How do you guys get so big eating only plants?

How big is a cow?

Good point.

Oh, hey, somebody called for you.

What?

Somebody named Bert Bert.

Shit.

I told you.

She said she's been calling you.

She has been calling you, and you're being rude.

You should listen to Alice.

Thank you, Dad.

Alice is an algorithm.

I don't have to listen to her.

Hey,

I can call myself an algorithm.

Not you.

How the hell did she track me down?

I don't know.

Did she know you were on Trusk?

Yeah.

Guess that's how.

Is that your lady?

No, she's she's just someone I met.

Well, she's she's on her way.

Great.

You owe her money or something?

No.

Do you ever avoid calling someone back until you have good news to talk about?

No.

Well, that's what I'm doing.

Looks like it didn't work.

She's from CGS.

Do you know anyone from CGS?

Shit, really?

Yeah.

I don't mess with CGNs, man.

They make me uncomfortable.

Right?

It's like they're always watching me.

Thank you.

At the same time, if somebody's calling you repeatedly, you know.

I know.

Hey, when the lights flicker like that, what does it mean?

I thought you were an engineer.

Does.

Come on.

Crappy power grid.

When the hydrative station has to switch over to the backup power, it gets a little wobbly.

Shit.

What?

Shit.

I mean, it's not a big problem.

That's the problem.

What?

I don't have a consistent energy source.

I need a big battery.

How big?

I don't know.

I don't know how you measure energy on this planet.

Like, size-wise.

Big.

As big as my backpack.

Yeah, you could try around the corner.

There's a scrapper who's always tearing something apart.

He's got stuff all over the place.

Perfect.

I'll be right back.

Well, what about your friend?

Right, right, right, right.

When she gets here, just show her up to my room, okay?

Okay.

Laith?

Hey.

Hello?

Fancy meeting you here.

Yeah.

I've been calling you.

Sorry.

I was in the middle of a project.

I get weird in the middle of projects.

Okay.

Just happened to be in the neighborhood, huh?

Yes.

So I thought I would check in.

That's sweet of you.

No information gathering anymore?

Life, I'm serious.

I don't have an ulterior motive.

I was just checking in.

I'm sure.

Come in.

Okay.

Your place is a mess.

It is.

So are you.

What's going on?

I told you, I was in the middle of a project.

Yeah.

Leif,

I thought you were going to travel around for a while.

I thought Trusk was just your first stop.

It was going to be.

What happened?

You've been here for months.

Have I?

That's something I have to figure out.

How do you guys keep track of time?

If you're hopping from planet to planet, how do you even know when things are happening?

Is there a Greenwich mean time for the triad or something?

No, we just kind of roll with it.

Hmm, okay.

Well, anyway, I've been here.

Alice, how many Earth months have I been here?

14.

Hi, Bert Bert.

Hi, Alice.

Whoops.

I've been here over a year.

Hey, Alice, who won the World Series?

The Atlanta Braves.

Damn, really?

Against who?

The Cleveland Indians.

Oh, okay.

I didn't have a dog in that fight.

Laif.

How have you been?

Fine.

How's the spy game?

I'm not a spy.

I am a journalist.

I feel like if you're a journalist, but you don't tell people you are when you meet them, that just makes you a spy.

Agree to disagree.

Leif,

what's going on in here?

It's a mess, and it looks like the room of a psychopath.

You have equations written on the wall.

As I said, I've been in the middle of a project.

Do I want to know what this project is?

Whoa.

What's happening?

What is this?

This

is 1G Earth gravity.

You made a gravity simulator?

When I left you on Sirius and got on that ship,

I couldn't stop counting all the things I couldn't understand.

The lack of inertia on the ship, what kind of fuel were they using, were they even using fuel, the wormhole, the life support, the list went on and on.

I wanted to see a lot of things in these galaxies of yours, but I know how I am.

I wasn't going to be able to focus on anything until I knew how everything worked.

Everything.

Yeah.

Luckily, you provided me with a magical rectangle that can bring me all the information I need.

That's me.

So I got off the ship here on Trusk, rented a room above a bar, and I started reading.

Reading what?

Everything.

Then, after several months of that, I needed to build something.

So I made this:

a gravity simulator.

Yep.

From scratch.

Wasn't so hard.

So

when you were bragging about being one of the smartest people on your planet.

I don't brag, Bert Bert.

What do you think of Earth gravity?

It's

nice.

Bouncy.

There's more gravity on your planet?

Oh, yeah.

A lot more.

That explains the muscular frame of yours.

Uh, what the fuck is muscular frame supposed to mean?

We should go out tonight.

Celebrate.

What are you doing tonight?

I came here because I thought you were dead.

I have no other plans.

I've been here for a year, and I don't even know what happens here.

What happens on Trusk?

Uh, shipyards, mostly.

Truscans are really good at making ships.

Ships.

I want a ship.

Life, you don't know how to pilot a ship.

I figured this out, didn't I?

Ships are expensive and a lot of work.

But I could give it a cool name.

Then there's licensing and don't even get me started on the Ted Tube fees.

But I could give it a cool name.

Hey, Leaf.

Dez, come on in.

This is, uh, this is Burt Burger.

Yeah, we met downstairs.

Leaf, everything in the kitchen is hovering.

Oh, shit.

Sorry.

Just a few more minutes, okay?

Feels like home up here.

Hey, Des, we're going out tonight.

We are?

What do Truscans do for fun around here?

Uh,

there's a groogey tonight.

We could go do that.

What is that?

Contestants show up with cannons they make at home.

Then there's eight slabs of marble.

Whoever can shoot through the most slabs of marble with their homemade cannon wins.

Oh my god.

What?

It's a potato gun contest.

What's a potato gun?

It's a homemade gun.

It shoots potatoes.

Why would anyone do that to a potato?

How often does this happen?

Anytime the scrap center has a prize they can give away.

What's the prize?

Don't say it.

A ship.

How much time do I have?

Cofo Shakopo Sha

Ze Shako

Cocofopi

Saipo Zaipo Grugi

Po Copofita Takopo Ze

Popofi Copo Sasha Sasha

Sha Sasha

You want to know what he's saying?

I think I get the gist.

This is gonna be weird.

I don't think an alien's ever competed in a groogey before.

They don't do anything bad to the losers, do they?

We shame them endlessly.

But I feel like Leaf's gonna be okay with that.

Yeah, he'll be fine.

So So you seem nice.

Thanks.

Sorry.

The Sijians I've met have all been really intense.

Yeah,

I know.

We pride ourselves on being difficult.

Yo, why is that?

It's our thing.

Building starships is your thing.

Being difficult is our thing.

We build starships because people need starships.

Why do people need you to be difficult?

People don't need us to be difficult, but people

the worst things are always hidden.

That's what we say on Segius.

Truly evil things are rarely obvious.

You have to dig them up.

So,

you have to be a pain in the ass.

Don't take things at face value.

If you don't, they can get so deep into your life that you can't get rid of them.

Okay.

See?

That makes sense.

How come Sidians never just say that?

Because we're also arrogant pricks.

I see.

So,

how come you don't work in the shipyards?

Oh, there's two honorable professions on Trusk.

Working in the shipyards or working at the place where everyone goes to drink after working in the shipyards.

I see.

Oh, here comes one.

That is a huge cannon.

Yeah, that's actually average size.

And you make these for fun?

It's tradition.

Tofeon,

omfei, teo,

oro

That was so loud.

Oh, that was a good one.

He went through tree slabs.

How do you win?

Someone's gotta beat tree slabs.

What's happening?

I think our guy is up.

That's what he built?

Looks a little on on the small end.

This is ridiculous.

No, Leaf.

Don't grab the mic.

Don't grab the mic.

Hey.

Hey, everyone.

Great to be here.

Thanks for letting me compete tonight.

This has been a lot of fun.

This is a little embarrassing.

Okay, here I go.

What is that?

Holy shit.

Did I win?

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Okay,

here it is.

Lovely.

I suppose I should have mentioned that ship you win may not be a working ship.

It's fine.

It's a total wreck, Laif.

It's a diamond in the rough.

In its day, this was a really nice light cruiser.

They don't make them like this anymore.

Yeah, it's a real marvel of engineering.

What should I do first?

Eh, not to be anticlimactic, but I should probably go get a broom.

It's a mess in here.

Good thinking.

I'm getting a very strong sense that something may be living in here.

Something is living in here.

You cannot live in here.

Oh, I am definitely living in here.

Life.

Hey, remember when you told me the triad was going to eat me alive?

How am I doing?

I made gravity today.

I won a spaceship in a homemade cannon competition.

I feel like I'm doing pretty well.

Fine.

Take your tangle and put it in that slot on the control panel.

Why?

Because that's how it works.

Okay.

Um,

I feel dirty.

Guess what, Alice?

Laif got a new ship.

Can we talk about the word new?

What do you think, Alice?

It's a great ship.

See?

Is what they would have said 50 years ago about this ship.

See?

Come on, give me some good news.

Good news is

it's already in a scrapyard, so you don't have to take it to a scrapyard.

Alice, can you just tell me what the hell this ship is, please?

This was Etruscan Selig, a now discontinued class of star cruiser designed for small occupancy and long distances, complete with mini kitchen and small sleeping quarters.

Sleeping quarters?

Where?

In the

Fuck yes.

It's a camper van.

It's a space-faring camper van.

This is amazing.

Life, you're taking a hard ride into space dirtbag territory.

Nonsense.

Alice, give me a workup.

How much to get it flying?

You don't know how to fly it, Life.

Alice?

Well,

there are multiple lakes in the hull.

The drive core is at 38% and dropping.

Environmental control is non-existent.

And life support is functioning, but definitely needs to be flushed because it will have a smell to it that can only be described as farts.

On top of all that, the sensor web is badly damaged, so there could be a whole other list of problems that I can't detect.

That, uh, that sounds like no problem.

Okay, I give up.

It's going to be great.

Life,

do do you know why they discontinued this class of ship?

I mean, aside from the fact that space travel is much more economical in large groups.

Why?

Because it only carries a few people.

And when you're out there in the void, things go wrong.

And when things go wrong, you need other people around.

Okay.

You coming with me then?

No.

Then I guess I'll just have to make do.

Sorry, the potential is just too amazing.

Okay.

Look, I appreciate you stopping by, but I really want to get to work on this, so unless you want to hand me tools.

I think I found someone else from Earth.

What do you mean?

Darren Delvey.

I know that name.

He's from a place called New Zealand.

Yeah.

Aerospace guy, right?

He was.

Now he's living on a really nice plot of land on Niso.

What's Niso?

Leisure Planet.

Lots of resorts and spas.

An entire planet of resorts and spas?

There's a lot of people out there.

They all need a vacation.

Do you remember what he was working on?

Yeah, uh, a fission rocket, I think.

Jesus, did he build it?

There's no record of a fission rocket on Earth.

Huh.

A fission engine would change everything on Earth.

Yeah,

it would have been nice nice to see one.

Lave,

you just won a fission engine in a contest.

Oh, right.

Lucky me.

And

you don't think it's a coincidence?

Jesus Christ.

You're not here to check in on me at all, are you?

Hey, I found an old bottle of Thumb.

What do you call it when you hit the bottle on the side of the ship?

I'm gonna go track him down.

Why don't you come with me?

Why would I do that?

You don't want to talk to another Earthling?

I've talked to plenty of earthlings.

Then do me a favor.

Why would I do that?

Because I'm your friend?

I've met you twice now.

Both times, you were lying to me.

That doesn't get you in the friend category.

What are you doing here?

How did you get here?

What's your deal with the Teds?

What's going on?

When I track this guy down, he's gonna say the same thing, isn't he?

He has a deal with the Teds that he can't talk about.

How much do you wanna bet?

Why are the Teds messing with Earth, Laif?

What do they have to gain?

I don't care.

You don't care that they're fucking with your planet?

No, I don't care.

I don't live there anymore.

I'm up here now.

I think you should go.

Fine.

Good luck with your pile of jumps.

If we ever see each other again,

just be honest with me.

If you're not, it's gonna be the last time I ever see you.

Same goes for you.

Goodbye, Leif.

See ya.

Sidgians, man.

Right?

What was she talking about with the Teds?

Don't worry about it.

You shouldn't do deals with the Teds, man.

Don't worry about it.

I'm fine.

Besides, once I get this thing up and running, nobody will be able to catch me.

Okay.

Well, the rule on trust is, you buy it, you name it.

You got a name for it?

Yeah.

I do.

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