Chapter 22: The Maul of America.

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Speaker 13 Previously on Midnight Burger, we're where are we?

Speaker 14 Horizon Motone.

Speaker 9 And there's a lady passed out in the parking lot.

Speaker 15 Why?

Speaker 16 There's a woman passed out in the parking lot.

Speaker 11 Okay, I mean, no judgment.

Speaker 17 I mean, mean, you know, whom amongst us. Am I right?

Speaker 7 What? She's gone. There's nobody in there.

Speaker 18 Did they move?

Speaker 7 They had her on some fluids. The IV is just lying on the ground.

Speaker 20 Well, where the hell did she go?

Speaker 13 Hey there. Do you remember me?

Speaker 23 Okay, now she's back in the parking lot, but now I'm feeling weird about it.

Speaker 2 I feel so bad about all the trouble I caused you.

Speaker 24 Here.

Speaker 12 Looks like a bar of gold.

Speaker 26 It's a gold bar.

Speaker 13 Oh, yeah, sure.

Speaker 20 Gold bar.

Speaker 21 You know, as one does. Yes, come in.
Mr. President.

Speaker 7 Okay, you can't just jump to post-Civil War America.

Speaker 29 What the hell is going on?

Speaker 2 Mr. President, so lovely to meet you.

Speaker 8 Wait a minute, that's the same lady from the parking lot.

Speaker 30 Why does she sound like Diane von Furstenberg?

Speaker 31 Getting away! Guards!

Speaker 32 I got your gun, Gavron.

Speaker 7 Okay, good.

Speaker 11 There's the team. I was beginning to worry that I'd hit shuffle.

Speaker 20 You the guy looking for a horse?

Speaker 31 Thank you for this, my friend. The South will rise again.

Speaker 17 Please, come on, you can't let John Wilkes Booth get away.

Speaker 20 Old times there are not forgotten.

Speaker 35 Look away.

Speaker 37 The hell is that?

Speaker 2 Honestly, we don't know that either. I don't like this place.

Speaker 1 Tell me who you are, lady.

Speaker 7 Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Speaker 9 Never mind.

Speaker 2 I'll find out for myself.

Speaker 7 Oh, great.

Speaker 8 Just what we need, a fucking magician.

Speaker 9 Well, I think I can speak for all of us when I say a collective HWAT.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 7 Let's start the shift.

Speaker 7 So,

Speaker 39 you mean to tell me that there is a television show that portrays stories from the Bible?

Speaker 36 Yes,

Speaker 35 Isaac, Abraham, even Jesus.

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 20 But all of the biblical characters are portrayed by what now

Speaker 7 vegetables.

Speaker 7 How

Speaker 7 why

Speaker 23 is there I can see you trying to make sense of it

Speaker 40 and I wish you luck.

Speaker 24 Coffee's ready. Excellent.

Speaker 24 Still nothing.

Speaker 19 She's been like that for hours.

Speaker 20 She's almost burned through a whole notebook.

Speaker 41 I admire her dedication, but does she need a glass of water or some such?

Speaker 35 I have begun to worry that her pencil may ignite.

Speaker 24 Maybe I should bring her some food.

Speaker 19 Honestly, she won't even know you're there.

Speaker 24 What if it's really good food, though?

Speaker 19 In any lab or testing field or observatory, you're going to see this. There's people filing reports, compiling data, getting coffee.
The janitor comes by, maybe a senator visits, and then...

Speaker 19 Off in a corner somewhere, surrounded by what looks like the notes of a serial killer, will be the theorist.

Speaker 19 Trapped in their head until they finally come up for air.

Speaker 21 Watch this.

Speaker 19 Hey, Ava.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 20 Nothing.

Speaker 24 So we stand here until she decides to talk to us?

Speaker 20 We can stand anywhere we want.

Speaker 19 We're not going to exist until she's ready for us to exist.

Speaker 17 We may have one thing working in our favor.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 37 I'm having a cigarette. There we go.

Speaker 23 We should probably get our questions in fast.

Speaker 40 She's going to suck that down like a shop vac. Let's go, Muckle Wentz.

Speaker 14 Hey there.

Speaker 44 Ava, do you need anything?

Speaker 45 You're looking a little pale.

Speaker 19 We're probably going to touch down soon. Anything we need to know?

Speaker 46 I am now ready to talk about the disappearing lady.

Speaker 14 Great.

Speaker 47 Let's do it. Do you need coffee?

Speaker 13 No.

Speaker 48 Leaf? Yeah.

Speaker 46 Her energy signature when she disappeared.

Speaker 50 That was different than when the X would pop into our lives, right?

Speaker 48 For sure.

Speaker 24 Also, her voice was different. She sounded human.

Speaker 38 So, we're probably not dealing with Casper's alternative reality ex-wife throwing another bot at us.

Speaker 53 This isn't a Terminator 2 situation?

Speaker 54 No.

Speaker 21 Also, she didn't smell like anything.

Speaker 28 X had a particular scent when she would teleport.

Speaker 43 Really? Tachyon smelled like popcorn.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 13 Okay, good.

Speaker 24 Stop smelling the androids.

Speaker 43 I'm not being weird.

Speaker 7 I just want to make sure that we've all registered that this is not in any way my fault.

Speaker 56 That's a refreshing change of pace, isn't it, dear?

Speaker 13 What will I do with myself?

Speaker 54 You know what? She was disguised as the ambassador from Luxembourg.

Speaker 25 Yes.

Speaker 53 But what were you saying about her name?

Speaker 22 She picked the name of an actual person, but from the 15th century, she probably thought no one would notice.

Speaker 52 But she spoke in a fake accent and was putting on a whole show.

Speaker 59 Yes.

Speaker 58 She's been doing this for a while.

Speaker 60 Doing what for a while, though?

Speaker 61 Traveling.

Speaker 50 And we've been on her tail trying to get her attention.

Speaker 37 She's the thing we've been trying to track down.

Speaker 13 Sure, it seems like it.

Speaker 59 Why Earth?

Speaker 37 What do you mean? Why is she sticking to Earth?

Speaker 50 Let's assume she can shift through time and fold space.

Speaker 57 Why

Speaker 46 would she stick to Earth?

Speaker 18 Because it's nearby.

Speaker 43 Wouldn't matter.

Speaker 19 If she can fold space without any tech, then distance becomes irrelevant.

Speaker 28 Traveling to St. Petersburg is the same as traveling to the other side of the universe.

Speaker 11 So she's on Earth on purpose.

Speaker 46 I think so.

Speaker 51 Are you trying to stop me?

Speaker 52 That's what she said.

Speaker 57 Stop what?

Speaker 24 She's definitely got an agenda, and she was not happy to see us.

Speaker 39 I was not happy to see her.

Speaker 41 I have dark perturbations about this woman.

Speaker 14 Why, though? It's a thicket of feelings I get from from her.

Speaker 56 It's one thing, but also another.

Speaker 42 Perhaps if we wish to know the nature of this new character in our lives, we should look to ourselves.

Speaker 50 What do you mean?

Speaker 56 We are ordinary folks in an extraordinary life.

Speaker 42 Perhaps she's not so different.

Speaker 42 And why have we found ourselves here?

Speaker 56 Either running or seeking, all of us.

Speaker 42 Perhaps it is the same for her.

Speaker 39 That is where my feelings point me.

Speaker 14 But it's both of those things.

Speaker 39 Seeking and running. And those two mixed together in the wrong way can be...

Speaker 9 Dangerous.

Speaker 57 Yes.

Speaker 24 We're talking about a lot without actually saying anything. We think she's a problem, and we don't know why.

Speaker 24 She thinks we're a problem and doesn't know why. Right now, all we know is there's a disappearing lady that doesn't like us.

Speaker 13 What's not to like?

Speaker 62 Yeah, we're delightful, except for Leaf, who kills people randomly.

Speaker 43 That's not true.

Speaker 13 Oh, you didn't kill a guy? It wasn't random.

Speaker 24 How long until we land? Any second now?

Speaker 52 Look, just keep your eyes open, okay?

Speaker 37 That wasn't the last time we're going to see her.

Speaker 52 Also, there is something that I want us to start looking for.

Speaker 10 We're not getting a cat.

Speaker 13 Why can't we get a cat?

Speaker 24 You can't just say we're not getting a cat.

Speaker 13 If we get the cat, it's going to hate us.

Speaker 34 And we all benefit from the cat.

Speaker 59 Oh, my God.

Speaker 38 Sorry.

Speaker 38 damage to the fabric of space-time

Speaker 38 I want us to keep a lookout for damage to the fabric of space-time

Speaker 24 What's it look like?

Speaker 59 No idea. Here we go

Speaker 19 Are we is this what I think it is?

Speaker 24 Are we in a mall?

Speaker 37 Yeah that music is terrible.

Speaker 39 This is an unsavory establishment.

Speaker 13 Is this some sort of warehouse?

Speaker 43 Oh, it's a warehouse, all right.

Speaker 10 For commerce.

Speaker 14 What is that smell?

Speaker 19 That, Effie, is the food court.

Speaker 39 They have put food there to be judged somehow?

Speaker 43 No, that's just where all the food places are.

Speaker 56 I have judged it.

Speaker 40 Yeah, it's not a great smell.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit. Check it out.

Speaker 43 Be Dalton.

Speaker 17 Oh, we're in an old mall.

Speaker 19 1980s for sure.

Speaker 43 The golden age. There's probably a Camelot music here.
There's probably a chess king.

Speaker 24 Hickory Farms, anyone? Yeah.

Speaker 19 There's probably a jazz or sign.

Speaker 33 I don't know.

Speaker 37 I actually did something with my life.

Speaker 24 Where is everyone, though?

Speaker 43 I guess they haven't opened yet.

Speaker 15 All the gates are down.

Speaker 26 Well, at least there'll be a good spot in the food court today.

Speaker 28 We're really gonna give Mrs. Fields cookies a run for its money.

Speaker 61 Can we spread out and look for things?

Speaker 24 Damage to the fabric of space-time?

Speaker 52 Yes, I know it's vague, but it's important.

Speaker 61 Damage to the fabric of space-time.

Speaker 66 Should Should be easy to spot.

Speaker 62 Pardon me, sir.

Speaker 28 Is that damage to the fabric of space-time you've got there?

Speaker 19 We should head over to Spencer's gifts. That place is definitely a disturbance in the fabric of space-time.

Speaker 60 Split up for a little while, everyone.

Speaker 24 You guys take the bottom floor. Ava, let's go upstairs.

Speaker 23 Who's taking the Mucklewings? I think we'll be just

Speaker 23 oh my.

Speaker 23 Goodness.

Speaker 23 We appear to be in the public address system for this establishment.

Speaker 48 Can y'all hear us? Yeah, cool. I feel very large.

Speaker 48 Yes, I feel as though my spirit wraps around this whole construction.

Speaker 24 I guess you're going with all of us then.

Speaker 65 Anything we can grab you while we're looking?

Speaker 24 From a 1980s mall?

Speaker 38 All of this stuff's garbage.

Speaker 43 How about a sharper image foot massager?

Speaker 67 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 24 Get me the foot massager.

Speaker 59 Anything else?

Speaker 52 Do they have pencils here?

Speaker 14 Pencils? What?

Speaker 33 At the mall? Yeah.

Speaker 24 They don't have useful things here. Just the things you can't live live without.

Speaker 58 Never mind.

Speaker 68 Good luck on your space-time anomaly hunt.

Speaker 7 We're gonna uh hit the orange Julius before we start looking around, right?

Speaker 20 Absolutely.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 24 damage to the fabric of space-time?

Speaker 50 Yeah, it can look like anything.

Speaker 37 Also, nothing.

Speaker 44 Right.

Speaker 36 On it.

Speaker 52 Why are we doing this? Well,

Speaker 13 okay.

Speaker 38 I'm working with four separate things right now.

Speaker 14 Good.

Speaker 24 Bullet points are good.

Speaker 50 Thing one.

Speaker 37 Imagine a string of pearls, but not in a loop.

Speaker 50 Imagine a string of pearls continuing out into infinity.

Speaker 24 Okay, infinite pearls.

Speaker 52 Imagine each pearl as a universe.

Speaker 37 All matter and energy that exists is in each pearl.

Speaker 24 That's a lot of universes.

Speaker 38 Every day when we open our doors, we're in one of those pearls, a new universe.

Speaker 51 One of those infinite pearls is where we started, and we are constantly zipping back and forth throughout different pearls.

Speaker 33 Each one of them have a beginning, middle, and end that runs for billions of years.

Speaker 24 That sounds way more organized than what we actually do.

Speaker 50 They're not actually in a string.

Speaker 38 They're actually all overlapping each other and occurring simultaneously, but it's better to imagine them on a string.

Speaker 58 Agreed. Thing two,

Speaker 50 Chuck said something about massive gravity waves.

Speaker 52 Inside, each pearl are massive destructive events that happen.

Speaker 38 Sometimes they're so powerful that they can damage the pearl they take place in.

Speaker 52 The effects can be cataclysmic.

Speaker 13 Is this like a supernova, a whole star exploding?

Speaker 52 No, it goes beyond that.

Speaker 46 When something is so powerful that it can damage the fabric of space-time,

Speaker 50 imagine a house on a beach and a tidal wave is coming toward it.

Speaker 46 Imagine this wave being so powerful that it doesn't just damage the house, it

Speaker 38 damages the very idea of what a house is.

Speaker 45 The idea of what a house is?

Speaker 63 A gravity wave can be so powerful that it can damage not just matter, but damage how matter works.

Speaker 24 I don't like that.

Speaker 13 Yeah, I don't either.

Speaker 50 The third thing is us, a time-traveling, dimension-spanning diner.

Speaker 38 And the fourth thing...

Speaker 24 The disappearing lady.

Speaker 57 Yeah.

Speaker 13 How did... Chuck describe her?

Speaker 13 Powerful,

Speaker 44 formidable?

Speaker 37 It looks like she's able to travel through time and space like we do, but she can do it at will.

Speaker 61 So yeah, that's pretty powerful and formidable.

Speaker 19 She's scared.

Speaker 71 How do you know?

Speaker 37 You can see it.

Speaker 24 She was scared of us for some reason.

Speaker 50 I can't imagine why that would be.

Speaker 50 Shit.

Speaker 57 What?

Speaker 24 Wicks and sticks!

Speaker 62 Did you ever go here?

Speaker 37 I wasn't a mall person.

Speaker 24 I used to look at this place and be like,

Speaker 24 that's what a real woman does. She has all kinds of nice candles everywhere.
That's when I know I'll become a real woman.

Speaker 38 Did you ever get your candles?

Speaker 24 No!

Speaker 24 Because then it becomes having a nice kitchen meant I was a real person. And then it became having a really nice couch for some reason, not sure what that was about.
Then it became a restaurant.

Speaker 14 What is it now?

Speaker 24 Jesus Christ, I have no fucking clue. Self-completion is a moving target.

Speaker 27 I mean, look at me.

Speaker 26 Look at us. Look at what we do.

Speaker 24 We're in a mall in the 80s looking for damage to the fabric of space-time, and I don't feel much different than my teenage self.

Speaker 59 I thought candles were gonna do it.

Speaker 3 Seriously?

Speaker 3 Oh, my dear. Did you hear that? There is a little noise every time we talk.
I like it. Y'all, us talking through this here building has had some unforeseen effects.

Speaker 15 What's up? I seem to have a sense of this building like it were my own skin and bones.

Speaker 37 You're probably co-opting whatever electrical systems they have, like it's a nervous system.

Speaker 37 Well, I don't know about that, but I do know that we can tell where both you and Casper and Leaf are relative to the diner.

Speaker 51 Well, that could be useful.

Speaker 39 Casper and Leif are at some sort of establishment with a devil on it.

Speaker 24 Really? They're at an orange Julius.

Speaker 24 Anything else? Yes, we are not alone. There's someone else in here?

Speaker 42 We believe so. This building may seem closed to the public, but I am sensing many people.

Speaker 57 That's creepy.

Speaker 48 Okay.

Speaker 24 Track down Laif and Casper and let them know.

Speaker 24 What are the odds that Casper and Leif are actually looking for something like we are?

Speaker 27 A low probability.

Speaker 64 Look, I understand that you're upset, but I still think it was the right call. You blew a guy up, Lafe.

Speaker 64 And what was that guy's name again?

Speaker 30 John Wilkes Booth.

Speaker 19 I think there's a big difference between blowing up a guy and blowing up John Wilkes Booth.

Speaker 68 It is still, without provocation, not out of self-defense, blowing up a guy.

Speaker 11 I see what you're saying.

Speaker 19 You're trying to do it like a math problem.

Speaker 43 Killing bad, therefore all killing bad.

Speaker 20 But I've evolved.

Speaker 13 Oh.

Speaker 73 You've evolved, have you?

Speaker 33 That's right.

Speaker 47 Well, do tell Homo Superior how have you evolved?

Speaker 43 I kind of went through the ringer while you were gone.

Speaker 21 Got confronted with a lot of old shit.

Speaker 19 Old versions of myself.

Speaker 19 I decided rather than deny it or leave it behind, I would merge it all into one person, bringing the best of all worlds into one dude.

Speaker 19 I'm Laif the cook, Laif the Engineer, Laif the Criminal, all in one guy.

Speaker 20 I'm Smart Hulk now.

Speaker 43 Smart Hulk would not have killed John Wilkesbooth.

Speaker 21 Smart Hulk would have stomped the fuck out of of John Wilkes Booth.

Speaker 40 This is going nowhere.

Speaker 73 Drink your Orange Julius.

Speaker 72 I guess I just...

Speaker 23 I don't want it to come back and haunt you or something.

Speaker 19 This is really good.

Speaker 43 How did you know how to make an Orange Julius?

Speaker 19 First job. Your first job was at an Orange Julius?

Speaker 20 Yeah. What was yours?

Speaker 43 Weed delivery.

Speaker 21 I was 13. Seriously?

Speaker 30 It's like you're not even a real person.

Speaker 11 I know.

Speaker 25 You two, freeze.

Speaker 43 We're not here to hurt anybody.

Speaker 22 Put the gun away.

Speaker 55 We're not stealing anything.

Speaker 64 I mean, we're kind of stealing. Who are you?

Speaker 23 I'm Casper.

Speaker 67 That's Lee. Hey.
How'd you get past the perimeter? Perimeter?

Speaker 74 Oh, shit. What the hell is that sound? They must have heard us.

Speaker 15 Out of the way. What's happening?

Speaker 75 We're going to be stuck here for a minute. Why?

Speaker 45 What the hell is that?

Speaker 15 If we're quiet, they'll probably ignore us.

Speaker 33 Who? Them.

Speaker 3 Shit!

Speaker 3 Are we in a mall full of zombies situation?

Speaker 9 I mean, honestly, it was only a matter of time.

Speaker 74 True. They're not zombies.

Speaker 20 Who are they?

Speaker 19 They look crazed out of their minds.

Speaker 74 They're not zombies. They're not trying to eat anyone's brain.

Speaker 7 What are they trying to eat?

Speaker 45 How'd you two get here?

Speaker 70 You guys make a bet you could sneak in or something?

Speaker 75 We don't know what you mean.

Speaker 71 I don't know what it is about men.

Speaker 70 When you see a restricted sign, you think it's a dare. It's not a dare.
There's fucked up shit happening here. Obviously.

Speaker 43 What is happening here?

Speaker 70 It's too weird for you to comprehend. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Speaker 13 Oh, no.

Speaker 13 Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Not something weird.

Speaker 19 Leave.

Speaker 40 What are we going to do about the weird thing that's happening?

Speaker 3 I hope we don't freak out. So Friday.

Speaker 13 Who are you, dude?

Speaker 7 Weird shit's kind of our jam.

Speaker 20 Why don't you tell us what's going on? Okay.

Speaker 28 Actually, you know what?

Speaker 11 If she tells us, she's just going to have to explain it again to everyone else.

Speaker 13 Let's head back. Good call.
Head back where?

Speaker 20 We'll explain. Let's go.

Speaker 76 Hang on.

Speaker 75 Okay, we're clear.

Speaker 70 Where are we going? What's your name?

Speaker 77 Tamara.

Speaker 21 You're a security guard?

Speaker 13 Yeah. They let them carry guns back then? Back then? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 20 Also, remember all the indoor smoking?

Speaker 14 God, that's right. Where are we going?

Speaker 20 That's our place. Over there.

Speaker 16 What the fuck is that doing here?

Speaker 16 Attention, Casper and Lake. Please stop acting like horses, patoots.

Speaker 15 Where have y'all got off to? Who's on the PA system?

Speaker 21 Y'all, be quiet. You'll alert the zombies.

Speaker 70 They're not zombies. Be quiet.

Speaker 68 You'll alert the not zombies.

Speaker 28 We were at the Orange Julius.

Speaker 43 Where are Gloria and Ava?

Speaker 13 We're up here.

Speaker 24 Did you guys see that huge crowd come through?

Speaker 19 Yeah, they're dangerous, apparently. Stay away.

Speaker 64 They're not zombies, apparently.

Speaker 24 If it's zombies, I quit.

Speaker 16 They're not zombies. Who's that?

Speaker 20 This is Tamara.

Speaker 43 She's a security guard.

Speaker 16 Who's on the PA system?

Speaker 42 Well, hello, Tamara. I'm Zebulon Muckawane here with my wife, Effie.

Speaker 13 Hi, Tamara.

Speaker 64 Who are you, people? Come,

Speaker 21 have a cup of coffee.

Speaker 20 Tell us about your weird day.

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Speaker 70 You really expect me to believe that?

Speaker 24 How it works is I tell you our crazy story, and then you feel more comfortable telling us yours.

Speaker 33 Uh-huh.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 78 Okay, fine.

Speaker 70 I had just started this job. I was excited.
The pay was good.

Speaker 16 I look alright in the uniform.

Speaker 70 I'm pretty good at scaring teenagers.

Speaker 77 Then one day, everything went off the rails.

Speaker 70 There was a riot over some toys.

Speaker 26 I couldn't keep the crowd under control.

Speaker 72 A bunch of stuff got stolen.

Speaker 24 A riot over some toys?

Speaker 77 Yeah, some kind of doll.

Speaker 71 What kind of doll?

Speaker 13 Oh, God.

Speaker 30 Wait.

Speaker 26 What year is it?

Speaker 13 For real? Yeah.

Speaker 79 1983.

Speaker 13 Oh,

Speaker 13 who knows?

Speaker 20 What?

Speaker 7 It's the Cabbage Patch Riots.

Speaker 4 What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 70 That was it.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 67 Cabbage Patch Kids.

Speaker 24 The Cabbage Patch Riots?

Speaker 34 It happened all over America.

Speaker 62 Every kid wanted one of these dolls for Christmas called Cabbage Patch Kids, but they didn't make enough.

Speaker 34 There were literal riots.

Speaker 8 Delivery trucks were sacked.

Speaker 60 It was nuts. Over a doll?

Speaker 73 This is why I remember it, because it was so stupid.

Speaker 24 Okay, we're going to put a pin in how stupid that is, and we're going back to tomorrow.

Speaker 24 You're saying that a riot happened and you couldn't stop it? Right.

Speaker 25 People went crazy.

Speaker 70 They waited by the doors for the mall to open, not even in a line, just a mob of people. I was the first one here that day.

Speaker 15 It was way too early for anyone to go shopping, but there they were, all at the door to try and and grab one of these cabbage patch kids.

Speaker 70 When I unlocked the doors, they pushed them open so hard that it knocked me down. They were running, like Olympic-style running, to the KB toys just to stand in line

Speaker 66 and wait for them to open.

Speaker 70 Eventually, there was a line outside of every store that might possibly have one of these damn dolls.

Speaker 16 Montgomery Ward, Sears, whatever.

Speaker 70 There was even a line outside of Flor Scheim's shoes for some reason. Then they got the bad news.

Speaker 70 Delivery trucks ran late the day before and the dolls weren't on the shelves and they were still in the trucks.

Speaker 66 They all start to panic like sheer panic like their life depended on it.

Speaker 70 None of the stores had stocked any of the dolls yet so they rushed back into the loading zone and literally ransacked three trucks full of them.

Speaker 25 Dolls, y'all.

Speaker 70 People got into fist fights.

Speaker 66 One guy had a bat.

Speaker 70 It was chaos.

Speaker 15 I need backup, so I call the police and they literally laughed at me, started calling me Santa's little helper, so I say to myself, please,

Speaker 66 don't let me die over some fucking dolls. And I jump in there, trying to break it up.

Speaker 25 And then suddenly everybody was gone.

Speaker 60 Everybody?

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 70 Suddenly, the whole mall was empty, like I was the first one at work again.

Speaker 33 Time loop?

Speaker 58 No such thing.

Speaker 43 Did you watch Reset or anything?

Speaker 63 There is no such thing as a time loop. No.

Speaker 70 But as I walked back into the mall,

Speaker 15 they were here.

Speaker 13 Yeesh.

Speaker 24 Seeing them up close now, are we sure they're not zombies? Because remember, if it's zombies, I quit.

Speaker 74 They're not zombies.

Speaker 77 They don't try and eat people.

Speaker 77 They only crave one thing.

Speaker 43 No way.

Speaker 66 Cabbage patch kids.

Speaker 77 They're constantly tearing up the mall, trying to find the Cabbage Patch Kids.

Speaker 3 It's not funny. I'm sorry.

Speaker 62 It's objectively funny.

Speaker 25 Maybe to you all.

Speaker 15 You just got here, and it's getting worse.

Speaker 13 How do you mean?

Speaker 75 I swear they're getting angrier, more desperate. The first time they were just really intense shoppers.
Now it's like...

Speaker 17 Here they come again.

Speaker 33 God, look at them.

Speaker 28 I'm not saying they're zombies, but they do look like they're from a zombie movie.

Speaker 19 One of the newer ones, too.

Speaker 21 A fast zombie movie.

Speaker 38 That's disturbing.

Speaker 62 They look crazed.

Speaker 41 They seem to be possessed by some terrible spirit.

Speaker 39 Indeed, I can feel it myself. There's some unnaturalness right there.

Speaker 7 This summer, there is no sale that can satisfy the zombie shoppers.

Speaker 19 Shopsies.

Speaker 13 Whoa, that's better.

Speaker 28 Shopsies.

Speaker 52 This doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 52 What else is affected? Is this happening everywhere on the planet?

Speaker 50 No.

Speaker 76 In fact,

Speaker 75 now that they're gone, come up to the roof.

Speaker 73 I'll show you. Hang on.

Speaker 43 We should all arm ourselves.

Speaker 28 Leaf, do we have any baseball bats with nails driven through them?

Speaker 20 I'll get the laser saw.

Speaker 25 Actually, if you just stay out of their way, you'll be fine.

Speaker 70 Oh, bummer.

Speaker 79 Time-traveling, dimension-spanning diner, huh?

Speaker 24 Yeah, I know. Sounds ridiculous.

Speaker 70 You're lucky I was desperate for somebody to talk to.

Speaker 24 How long has this been happening?

Speaker 14 61 days.

Speaker 24 Holy shit, Tamara.

Speaker 13 Why didn't you leave?

Speaker 15 I'm about to show you.

Speaker 14 I was thinking the other day, I better get fucking overtime for this.

Speaker 25 Fuck yeah, you should.

Speaker 45 What's the pay-like at Midnight Burger?

Speaker 13 Terrible.

Speaker 22 Our boss is a tyrant. Haha, that's Gloria now.

Speaker 13 Shit, is that a cardio helicopter?

Speaker 70 Around the third day, I noticed the tanks and helicopters. They set up a military perimeter around the mall.

Speaker 25 Why won't they come get you?

Speaker 15 They say they're worried about contamination, whatever that means. Here, binoculars.

Speaker 45 Check it out.

Speaker 24 Tanks?

Speaker 59 Seriously? I know.

Speaker 38 I guess they're pretty freaked out. Can I see?

Speaker 25 So, they just trapped you here with a group of crazies running around?

Speaker 80 It hasn't been great.

Speaker 41 Attendance, this is a restricted area.

Speaker 41 You are now in an official quarantine zone. Do not leave the area without authorization.

Speaker 12 Excuse me, sir.

Speaker 12 You are disturbing our discussion with this contraption of yours.

Speaker 81 What the hell?

Speaker 5 Set this worthy gig of yours down somewhere else so we can hear ourselves thank you.

Speaker 81 Pull back.

Speaker 14 The hell just happened.

Speaker 75 They don't like people being rude.

Speaker 57 There they are.

Speaker 37 Government scientists have a sensor array set up.

Speaker 59 I would love to see those readouts right now.

Speaker 13 What have they got?

Speaker 51 Radar and a spectrometer.

Speaker 53 Chemical sniffer.

Speaker 50 That's dumb.

Speaker 33 No microwave scanner.

Speaker 50 Lame.

Speaker 38 Yeah, it's 1983. What do you expect?

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 48 Okay.

Speaker 50 None of this makes any sense at all.

Speaker 52 And that's great.

Speaker 57 Is it though?

Speaker 54 This is it.

Speaker 37 Damage to the fabric of space-time. This is what we've been looking for.

Speaker 19 How is this weird shit different from the usual weird shit that we encounter?

Speaker 38 Every world we go to follows its own rules.

Speaker 59 There are no rules to this.

Speaker 25 It's just broken.

Speaker 37 Angry shoppers turned into zombies that crave cabbage patch dolls?

Speaker 27 Give me a break.

Speaker 13 Kids. Cabbage patch kids.

Speaker 37 How does it get fixed?

Speaker 3 Tamara.

Speaker 37 Have you met any weird ladies recently? Before this all started?

Speaker 70 I'd only been working here for a while. There's the occasional nut that walks in off the street.

Speaker 59 About yay-high?

Speaker 45 Red hair. No.

Speaker 11 She could have been wearing a wig at the theater.

Speaker 38 Just anyone with a weird vibe.

Speaker 15 You know, it was my first day.

Speaker 70 There was a lady in the food court who started asking me a bunch of questions, at first about the mall and then about where I was from, where my parents were from.

Speaker 76 She gave me something.

Speaker 70 She said she found it.

Speaker 37 What was it?

Speaker 57 A rock.

Speaker 75 It's still in my locker.

Speaker 70 Come back downstairs.

Speaker 70 Look, dear. We're in the elevator as well.
Yes.

Speaker 70 Welcome to the third floor, everyone.

Speaker 45 I don't know what they are, but I kind of like it.

Speaker 24 We do, too.

Speaker 70 So, I didn't think much of it at first. I'm supposed to put things in the lost and found in in the office, but it seemed a little too nice to put there.

Speaker 48 Here you go. It's pretty.

Speaker 13 Is it a crystal?

Speaker 33 Um, leaf. Let me see.

Speaker 33 Huh.

Speaker 44 It's a diamond. What? Yeah.

Speaker 48 It looks great. Yeah.

Speaker 43 It's an industrial diamond.

Speaker 19 You can't make it into jewelry.

Speaker 34 Still valuable, though.

Speaker 20 Something this size?

Speaker 43 You're looking at about $100,000.

Speaker 43 Good call not putting it in the lost and found.

Speaker 54 Where did she say she found it?

Speaker 59 She said Mercury.

Speaker 57 Mercury.

Speaker 70 I figured it was the name of a new store that it just opened.

Speaker 33 Mercury?

Speaker 73 Doesn't sound like a store that I remember.

Speaker 43 I don't think she meant a store.

Speaker 24 Don't tell me.

Speaker 19 The surface of Mercury is covered in diamonds just like this. The surface of Mercury.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Where it's a bajillion degrees and the atmosphere is methane or whatever.

Speaker 43 Hardly any atmosphere at all, actually.

Speaker 13 Wait.

Speaker 76 You're talking about Mercury, the planet.

Speaker 24 She was just going for a stroll on Mercury and picked up a diamond.

Speaker 13 Who the fuck is this woman?

Speaker 33 What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 52 I have no idea, Tamara.

Speaker 24 Okay, look, let's think about the thing right in front of us. Well, the thing right in front of us is a huge diamond for Mercury.
No, the thing right in front of us is Tamara.

Speaker 24 She's trapped in a time loop with mall zombies.

Speaker 63 There's no such thing as a time loop.

Speaker 24 What are we going to do about it?

Speaker 13 No idea.

Speaker 43 We could try and sneak her past the military blockade.

Speaker 19 Maybe if she could get away from the mall, things would reset.

Speaker 52 My guess is that you'd have entanglement problems.

Speaker 61 Her geographic location isn't gonna matter much.

Speaker 24 Not to mention, she'd be on the run from the government.

Speaker 24 Well, then we have to help them too.

Speaker 70 You guys really think you can fix this?

Speaker 24 We're going to give it a shot.

Speaker 24 If the smell of this place is any indication, Tamara has not had a proper meal in some time.

Speaker 24 Everything here smells like corn oil.

Speaker 24 Perhaps some proper sustenance so we can wrap our heads around the problem.

Speaker 24 Good idea. Back downstairs, everybody.

Speaker 24 it's a generous thing, isn't it?

Speaker 24 What's that, dear?

Speaker 24 Bringing someone a diamond from another world.

Speaker 70 She said something like, I keep looking around for something, but wind up finding stuff like this. Why do I only find the stuff someone else needs?

Speaker 3 Oh, shit, they're coming right out.

Speaker 13 Wow, that was a close one. What in the world is so compelling about this children's toy?

Speaker 62 What were they going to do if they got to us?

Speaker 3 Try and purchase us?

Speaker 26 Let's not find out.

Speaker 25 They can get violent, especially if it's something new.

Speaker 66 And y'all are new.

Speaker 52 How are we going to get back to the diner?

Speaker 59 Go up to the next floor. Okay.

Speaker 12 Now, what do we do?

Speaker 75 We can just wait them out.

Speaker 15 Eventually, they can move on after a few hours.

Speaker 6 That's a lot of shopsies.

Speaker 82 How long until they move on?

Speaker 79 It's random.

Speaker 70 Could be a few hours.

Speaker 19 We might not have that kind of time.

Speaker 24 Why? We're only on the ground for a few hours before we take off to somewhere else.

Speaker 16 How is that possible?

Speaker 24 I think we're past the point where you ask how things are possible. I mean, there's zombies downstairs.

Speaker 49 Shopsies.

Speaker 24 We're not calling them that.

Speaker 19 Maybe I can sneak through.

Speaker 19 How dangerous are these nuts exactly?

Speaker 13 Here.

Speaker 14 I'll show you.

Speaker 70 Let's pretend this mannequin is you.

Speaker 15 Holy shit. It's fine if you stay out of their way.
But if you try and get through that crowd, you're going to end up like that mannequin.

Speaker 79 Great.

Speaker 11 We need to get them away from the diner.

Speaker 49 Obviously. Okay.

Speaker 30 I have an idea.

Speaker 13 Tomorrow?

Speaker 45 Yes.

Speaker 7 Take me to the cabbage patch.

Speaker 15 There they are. These are the few ones they haven't found yet.

Speaker 47 Holy shit.

Speaker 54 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 73 They look demonic.

Speaker 18 For nine months in 1983, this was the only thing that any child in America wanted.

Speaker 7 It was like a mass hysteria event.

Speaker 13 I feel like they're all looking at me. Me too.
Perhaps one alone wouldn't be too alarming, but when they are all in boxes, standing atop one another with such a blank stare on their faces.

Speaker 8 According to Cabbage Patch Lore,

Speaker 18 they all sprung from the heads of cabbages.

Speaker 21 Cabbage Patch Lore?

Speaker 11 And I think they all come with an adoption certificate.

Speaker 43 People are psychotic.

Speaker 73 We don't need to get a cat. We can just get one of these.

Speaker 51 Nope.

Speaker 24 What's this plan of yours, Casper?

Speaker 11 Tamara, do you have one of those security golf cart type things? Sure.

Speaker 14 How about a megaphone?

Speaker 79 I think so.

Speaker 73 I feel like you can see where I'm going with this.

Speaker 24 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 26 Okay, what do we do?

Speaker 19 Just wait on the second floor and then make your move.

Speaker 24 This doesn't solve tomorrow's problem, you know.

Speaker 65 I know, but it will get Ava back to her booth where she can come up with a solution.

Speaker 52 Why don't I just come up with a solution right now?

Speaker 11 Because all your good ideas happen at the booth.

Speaker 7 That's your spot. That's the power zone.

Speaker 14 He's not wrong.

Speaker 30 Leaf, can you spruce up a golf cart?

Speaker 62 Is the Pope Catholic?

Speaker 28 Is John Wilkes Booth dead?

Speaker 23 Very funny.

Speaker 34 Let's go.

Speaker 24 Have you noticed the more ridiculous the situation, the more ridiculous the solution?

Speaker 63 Does he seem all right to you?

Speaker 48 Casper?

Speaker 24 Casper never seems alright to me.

Speaker 50 He's different since he came back.

Speaker 24 He went through a lot while he was gone. We all did.

Speaker 52 I feel the same, though.

Speaker 53 Did I not change?

Speaker 13 Um,

Speaker 71 no,

Speaker 24 not really, but that's kind of your thing.

Speaker 44 You're,

Speaker 77 you know,

Speaker 24 unflappable.

Speaker 52 Did everybody else change?

Speaker 13 Well,

Speaker 24 yeah.

Speaker 24 I mean, Casper had to confront why he was such a tool all the time. Leif had to confront the fact that he was acting like three different guys.

Speaker 24 I took over the diner and went up against the Teds and really tapped into some some anger.

Speaker 51 Right.

Speaker 50 Well, what about the Muckle Waynes?

Speaker 38 Did they change?

Speaker 51 Where are they now? We're up here in this tiny speaker now, dear. Hello, we changed as well, didn't we, dear? I believe we did.

Speaker 51 We've learned so much about ourselves during Casper's absence. There is so much still to be learned, but I believe we reached a place of acceptance in regards to the deep mysteries of our being.

Speaker 51 While also never forgetting that while we may not know the nature of ourselves, God's got it all written down somewhere.

Speaker 50 Am I

Speaker 50 the only one who didn't have a big change?

Speaker 33 Maybe,

Speaker 48 but that's okay.

Speaker 58 It's hard for me to change.

Speaker 26 I know.

Speaker 59 It's hard to change when you're right all the time.

Speaker 52 Sure.

Speaker 59 I can change.

Speaker 61 I'm changeable.

Speaker 24 Of course you are.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 44 try it sometime. Okay.

Speaker 13 But

Speaker 52 what do I change, though?

Speaker 59 I like everything about myself.

Speaker 50 Maybe

Speaker 24 just keep an eye on it. Maybe something will come up.
Okay.

Speaker 24 I can see what Casper's up to at this moment, and

Speaker 24 well, if it don't work out, it will at least be a sight to behold.

Speaker 60 This should be good.

Speaker 60 Okay, Tamara,

Speaker 68 you sure you know how to drive this thing well enough?

Speaker 45 It's a golf cart.

Speaker 70 I don't need a master's degree.

Speaker 59 Okay, but I don't want to die, is the thing.

Speaker 78 You'll be fine.

Speaker 11 I'm going to go get their attention.

Speaker 30 Get ready to burn rubber.

Speaker 13 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 21 Okay.

Speaker 7 Give me the cabbage patch, kid. Here.

Speaker 33 Bill,

Speaker 18 hello there, disturbing fake child.

Speaker 55 What's your name?

Speaker 51 It's right there.

Speaker 19 Melvis Gray. Melvis?

Speaker 16 Sure, whatever.

Speaker 73 Let's go, Melvis.

Speaker 73 Attention, Chopsies!

Speaker 73 Have you met my friend Melvis?

Speaker 73 Holy shit!

Speaker 73 No! Ocean, ocean, ocean, ocean, hit it.

Speaker 73 God damn, they are fast.

Speaker 26 All they do is run.

Speaker 65 Are we gonna be able to stay ahead of them?

Speaker 15 I think so. This thing's never gone this fast before.

Speaker 25 What did he do to it?

Speaker 11 Well, we could ask him, but neither of us would understand it.

Speaker 73 Are we gonna hit a dead end or anything? No.

Speaker 15 This whole place is a circle. We can lead them around like this till the wheels come off.

Speaker 39 Casper, how's all your foolishness working out for you?

Speaker 21 Good, I think.

Speaker 23 We're going to be coming around the mountain again, though.

Speaker 28 Y'all get in the diner while they're distracted. On our way.

Speaker 15 So they can just show up in anything that has a speaker.

Speaker 28 Pretty much, yeah.

Speaker 33 What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 22 What do you mean, Tamara?

Speaker 34 You're driving a golf cart through a mall being chased by zombies who crave cabbage patch kits.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 11 They didn't cover that at Rent a Cop Academy?

Speaker 75 You know what?

Speaker 78 They did not.

Speaker 70 You know that feeling when you get a good job and you kind of just say, this is it. I'm gonna settle into this and just cruise into it.

Speaker 70 Life will play out before me, birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas over and over again. I'll find somebody to do it with maybe.

Speaker 45 I'll get gray hair. I'll get bored.
I'll go on vacation.

Speaker 70 I'll come back.

Speaker 45 Maybe I'll get a dog.

Speaker 3 Just cruise.

Speaker 48 And then? And then this happens.

Speaker 70 Gonna be hard to get back to just cruising after something like this. If I make it out of this.

Speaker 65 You'll make it out of this just fine.

Speaker 40 We have a 100% success rate.

Speaker 72 Success at what?

Speaker 23 The key to our success is not defining what success is.

Speaker 22 You know, this diner that brought us here, when I first found it, I thought it was just a diner.

Speaker 40 And then suddenly,

Speaker 9 I was on another planet.

Speaker 14 Another planet?

Speaker 36 Yes.

Speaker 72 So it's not a time machine?

Speaker 7 No, it's that too.

Speaker 14 Where did you go?

Speaker 10 A planet called Garyon.

Speaker 15 What was it like?

Speaker 9 Well, it was weird tomorrow. It was another planet.
planet.

Speaker 55 Hang on, they're falling behind.

Speaker 7 But then, the next day was another planet.

Speaker 10 And another, and another.

Speaker 22 Eventually, I landed on a planet named Thegrion.

Speaker 9 And that's when it hit me.

Speaker 9 It wasn't all that weird.

Speaker 14 How?

Speaker 55 Thegrion was in a planet-wide day of mourning.

Speaker 55 People started coming in needing to be fed.

Speaker 7 Needing coffee. They needed to just

Speaker 55 be around each other.

Speaker 7 So I started winging it. Making them what food I could, made some coffee, and they just sat with each other.

Speaker 34 So there I was, on another planet,

Speaker 9 a diner full of aliens, and it was somehow...

Speaker 13 normal.

Speaker 55 And that's what I've found.

Speaker 13 In the very

Speaker 9 long time that I've been working there,

Speaker 40 it's the same shit everywhere.

Speaker 70 The crazed mob behind us is not the same shit as everywhere else.

Speaker 7 The crazed mob desperately clamoring for something that is, in the end, actually worthless? I bet you see that quite a lot, don't you?

Speaker 70 So can you tell me what happens in the future or not?

Speaker 9 It doesn't work that way.

Speaker 55 I can tell you what might happen, but so can anybody else.

Speaker 28 For example, what might happen is that a couple of years from now, two movies are going to come out, Terminator and Back to the Future.

Speaker 7 They're going to totally fuck up how people think about time and how it behaves.

Speaker 78 I was hoping you were going to be able to give me something.

Speaker 55 You already got a $100,000 diamond, Tamara. Don't get greedy.

Speaker 66 Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

Speaker 70 I've got to get out of here so I can go shopping.

Speaker 55 And I think that's the irony of the day.

Speaker 11 You need to escape them all so that you can go shopping.

Speaker 70 That lady, the scientist, you think she's going to be able to figure something out?

Speaker 55 If anyone can.

Speaker 70 And then she fixes it, and for the rest of my life, I just.

Speaker 9 No matter how weird or normal, in the end, you're always going to be just winging it, like I was.

Speaker 7 There's no voice from above to guide you.

Speaker 7 Pardon me, Casper.

Speaker 7 Might I offer some guidance?

Speaker 23 Except maybe for that one.

Speaker 7 Sure, Zebulon. What's up?

Speaker 35 I would just like to offer something from Hebrews.

Speaker 42 Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, and today and forever.

Speaker 70 The voices are quoting the Bible to me now.

Speaker 30 The funny thing is, Zebulon thinks he's making it more normal by doing that.

Speaker 70 These days I've been going with, I am making my way in the wilderness and streams of the wasteland.

Speaker 42 Isaiah!

Speaker 35 Lovely.

Speaker 42 Are you a church-going woman tomorrow?

Speaker 45 Oh, sure.

Speaker 70 Cuyahoga First Baptist always brought lemon bars to the bake sale.

Speaker 42 Good, because Casper is a very wise person.

Speaker 11 Thank you, Zebulon.

Speaker 56 He is also wrong.

Speaker 36 You know,

Speaker 40 just one compliment from someone at some point would be great.

Speaker 42 Effie and I have seen the wonders of many worlds, as Casper has, but through it all, we have seen a constant.

Speaker 11 That is true.

Speaker 22 Hot dog on a stick, not going anywhere.

Speaker 42 Though the world may bear no resemblance to the one you knew, there is always something that endures.

Speaker 42 Something eternal.

Speaker 62 You're not allowed to say God for everything,

Speaker 22 Zebulon. It's not ducting.

Speaker 59 Eternal thing is

Speaker 42 watching them care for each other.

Speaker 42 That has endured through it all.

Speaker 42 Do you have someone to care for, Tamara?

Speaker 45 Is this dude telling me to go get a boyfriend?

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 20 What?

Speaker 39 We're saying somewhere out there is the room you're going to die in.

Speaker 39 How full of people is that room right now? Should it be more full?

Speaker 42 I don't know if I I was going to say it exactly like that.

Speaker 39 Well, I think you understand what I'm saying. Let's talk on a more pressing matter.
Are you making these lemon bars with butter or shortening?

Speaker 25 Shortening?

Speaker 83 Chopsy, it is looking like all of you have skipped leg day. Pick up the page.

Speaker 84 Coach, the energy out there felt different. What changed for the team today?

Speaker 31 It was the new game day scratchers from the California lottery.

Speaker 80 Play is everything. Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Speaker 85 Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Speaker 31 Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game. That's all for now.

Speaker 3 Coach, one more question.

Speaker 82 Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery. A little play can make your day.

Speaker 82 Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

Speaker 3 From wine country weekends to scenic drives through the Sierra foothills, Fall is the perfect time to explore California. And there's no better way to do it than in a brand new Toyota hybrid.

Speaker 3 With 17 fuel-efficient options like the stylish all-hybrid Camry, the Adventure-Ready RAV4 hybrid, or the spacious Grand Highlander hybrid, Toyota has the perfect ride for any adventure.

Speaker 3 Every new Toyota comes with Toyota Care, a two-year complementary scheduled maintenance plan, an exclusive hybrid battery warranty, and of course, Toyota's legendary quality and reliability.

Speaker 3 Visit your local Toyota dealer and test drive one today so you can be prepared for wherever the road takes you this fall. Toyota, let's go places.

Speaker 3 See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details.

Speaker 13 Okay,

Speaker 50 how much time do we have?

Speaker 43 Plenty of time before we jump, but I'm overclocking the battery on that golf cart, so we've only got an hour before Casper gets turned into zombie chow.

Speaker 24 Is that going to be enough time? I don't know.

Speaker 26 What are we doing?

Speaker 44 Yes.

Speaker 48 Yes,

Speaker 38 what are we doing?

Speaker 13 Okay,

Speaker 38 I just need you two to be quiet for a minute, okay?

Speaker 57 Okay.

Speaker 24 What's going to happen?

Speaker 52 Silence is going to happen.

Speaker 76 Okay.

Speaker 69 Two competing systems in a closed field, one system native, non-native system is capable of analysis and sampling with seeming sentience non-native system.

Speaker 37 Is non-aggressive static within contrary system.

Speaker 69 How does it sustain itself?

Speaker 13 How

Speaker 54 does it

Speaker 69 sustain

Speaker 63 itself?

Speaker 24 Is she doing slam poetry?

Speaker 34 No idea. Oh.

Speaker 13 Oh,

Speaker 69 shared energy system leading to degradation of the minor system. Which system is minor?

Speaker 37 Who is tiny?

Speaker 46 Who is big?

Speaker 69 Newest system

Speaker 61 have to be.

Speaker 46 This is all temporary.

Speaker 51 Great. How temporary?

Speaker 69 61 days, she said, with no registered degradation.

Speaker 46 She said it was getting worse, which means upswing.

Speaker 69 A new system could still be occurring. We're still at the beginning of the beginning.

Speaker 38 It's going to take a while, though.

Speaker 44 We don't have a while.

Speaker 13 Snowballs.

Speaker 52 Like a snowball running down a hill.

Speaker 46 It can't go forever, but can't be stopped and gets bigger as it goes until...

Speaker 46 What stops a snowball?

Speaker 51 A tree? Tree, tree, tree.

Speaker 46 What's the equivalent of a tree in this analogy? Two competing landscapes of energy, one out of control, the other static.

Speaker 51 What's a tree?

Speaker 46 What's a tree? What's a tree? What's a tree?

Speaker 57 Ah,

Speaker 57 a third system.

Speaker 50 A third system standing there

Speaker 26 like a tree. Ava.
Is that all you've got? Come on, shopsies.

Speaker 37 Work for Melvis. Right.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 52 We have to let the zombies in.

Speaker 32 I quit.

Speaker 41 Attention, Casper.

Speaker 39 Please bring your wagon train back to the diner.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 41 Ava has a plan.

Speaker 20 See?

Speaker 36 What did it tell you?

Speaker 41 You are to lead the angry mob back to the diner and lure them inside.

Speaker 23 Inside the diner.

Speaker 25 Why would we do that?

Speaker 39 Casper, how in the heck am I supposed to know why we're doing this? I don't even understand how that tiny automobile works.

Speaker 13 Okay, fine.

Speaker 65 Tell everyone to get ready.

Speaker 10 We're coming up on it right now.

Speaker 42 Godspeed, Casper.

Speaker 12 Sure.

Speaker 14 Keep a lookout, y'all.

Speaker 41 Here he comes.

Speaker 62 Why is this going to work?

Speaker 37 Some trees, when they're under attack by caterpillars, emit a smell.

Speaker 52 That smell attracts wasps, and the wasps kill the caterpillars. Every system has corrective agents.

Speaker 3 Who are the wasps in this scenario?

Speaker 38 I think we are.

Speaker 61 We're responding to an attack.

Speaker 66 Here he comes.

Speaker 43 Ditch the golf cart.

Speaker 20 Get in here.

Speaker 3 Hurry.

Speaker 3 We made it. Nope, nope.
Keep going.

Speaker 13 We're going out the back.

Speaker 33 Let's go.

Speaker 13 Drop the doll. Good luck, Malvis.

Speaker 43 Everybody up against the door.

Speaker 13 I thought

Speaker 13 they wanted the doll.

Speaker 59 I don't think they know what they're doing.

Speaker 43 I'm going around to the front to bar the door.

Speaker 59 We need to trap them in there. Then what? Then we wait.

Speaker 57 Wait for what?

Speaker 27 For me to be right again.

Speaker 62 The Mucklewings are going to be all right in there, right?

Speaker 62 Well now.

Speaker 62 It is a captive congregation, but certainly one in need.

Speaker 62 Yes.

Speaker 56 Good afternoon to you all.

Speaker 41 What shall the reading be today, dear?

Speaker 56 Uh, well,

Speaker 39 it better be something about somebody getting resurrected.

Speaker 35 Yes.

Speaker 56 Jesus cried out with a loud voice, Lazarus, come out!

Speaker 41 The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips and his face wrapped with a cloth.

Speaker 56 Jesus said to them, Unbind him and let him go.

Speaker 24 Everybody, take it slow, okay?

Speaker 24 If you need more coffee or food, just talk to one of us. You're safe now.

Speaker 44 Hey! Hi!

Speaker 71 These tacos are amazing.

Speaker 70 Thanks.

Speaker 14 But it's called Midnight Burger.

Speaker 24 Yeah, I know. It's a good name.

Speaker 70 Guess everybody's back to normal now.

Speaker 25 Ish.

Speaker 14 So in a little while, you'll all just kind of poof.

Speaker 24 Pretty much.

Speaker 70 That'll be something to see.

Speaker 70 No way the army guys outside are going to believe me.

Speaker 24 You can skip the part about the diner. Just walk out there and tell them that they all snapped out of it somehow.

Speaker 24 Then, after a few months of making sure you're not a threat, they can let you have a normal life if you want. Hey, Tamara.

Speaker 19 We're probably going to jump soon, and you don't want to be here when we do.

Speaker 33 Alright.

Speaker 70 I'll start to gather everybody up.

Speaker 75 I'm not gonna see you all ever again, am I?

Speaker 20 Chances are pretty slim, but anything's possible.

Speaker 19 As you can see.

Speaker 76 One more thing

Speaker 20 How do I sell a big-ass diamond?

Speaker 19 It's pretty easy.

Speaker 20 I'll walk you through it.

Speaker 13 Hello

Speaker 61 Please make yourself comfortable.

Speaker 13 I got you something if you brought one of those fucking dolls in here

Speaker 20 Pencils

Speaker 50 I can see that

Speaker 34 There they are.

Speaker 57 What is all over them?

Speaker 9 I believe those are my little ponies.

Speaker 53 You expect me,

Speaker 51 as a grown woman,

Speaker 53 to use pencils with little ponies on them?

Speaker 73 Well, you said you needed pencils.

Speaker 54 Were you enjoying yourself today?

Speaker 13 Maybe.

Speaker 13 A little.

Speaker 57 Why?

Speaker 18 I discovered something.

Speaker 57 What's that?

Speaker 73 Remember when we were fighting and you said, Leaf does this, Gloria does this, I do this, and then there's you.

Speaker 17 Implying that I contribute in no way to anything that goes on here.

Speaker 33 Yes.

Speaker 13 And do you remember how

Speaker 18 that was psychologically damaging for me to hear? And I may be scarred for life now.

Speaker 17 Do you remember that part?

Speaker 13 You're welcome.

Speaker 11 I figured it out.

Speaker 19 I do dumb shit.

Speaker 7 That's what I bring to the table.

Speaker 50 Dumb

Speaker 28 shit.

Speaker 13 Yes.

Speaker 19 Leading the shopsies away from the diner on a golf cart.

Speaker 18 I do that.

Speaker 23 That's my thing.

Speaker 50 Any of us could have done that.

Speaker 55 It's like modern art.

Speaker 7 Yes, you could have done that yourself, but you didn't think to.

Speaker 63 Well,

Speaker 53 congratulations

Speaker 50 on

Speaker 37 being the dumb shit guy.

Speaker 13 Thank you.

Speaker 9 No sign of our new friend today.

Speaker 50 No,

Speaker 72 but she's out there somewhere.

Speaker 54 She is out there

Speaker 74 somewhere.

Speaker 61 Everyone, can I get your attention for a moment, please?

Speaker 52 Thank you so much for coming to my farewell party, though I am convinced that 60 to 65 percent of you are here to make sure you don't miss out on any gossip.

Speaker 58 Sorry to disappoint, but I won't be doing anything more embarrassing than actually being a professor at this shit sack of a university.

Speaker 49 Today I officially transitioned into emeritus status, the flaming Viking boat of academia. I did so under vicious rumors that I have lost my mind, which I shall wear as a badge of honor.

Speaker 49 I am proud to join the ranks of other nutty professors like Paracelsus, who believed in giants, Tycho Brahe, who wore a copper prosthetic nose after losing his real one in a fist fight, fight, and Pythagoras, who had an inexplicable fear of beans.

Speaker 49 You only get one chance to make a parting statement, so

Speaker 63 here goes.

Speaker 49 As we struggle to understand the universe, we may need to consider the idea that the universe is struggling to understand us,

Speaker 49 that our curiosity about the cosmos may be reciprocated. Do our our telescopes pointed skyward pose a question?

Speaker 49 And are the ebbs and flows of the starways an attempt at an answer? Are the scientists and their subjects like

Speaker 49 two lovers in the dark stumbling towards each other, hoping to find some skin?

Speaker 69 Well, that got a little sexy, didn't it?

Speaker 33 Good night, everyone.

Speaker 38 Drive safe.

Speaker 38 There are dangerous deer out there.

Speaker 51 They love going through your windshield.

Speaker 57 Can't get enough of it.

Speaker 54 And that, as they say,

Speaker 54 is that.

Speaker 13 Oh.

Speaker 13 Hi.

Speaker 57 Hark, a straggler.

Speaker 37 I liked your speech.

Speaker 45 Thanks.

Speaker 48 Did I make a speech?

Speaker 45 Yes, it was at the beginning of the night.

Speaker 51 Ah, feels a million miles away.

Speaker 13 Huh.

Speaker 59 Who are you?

Speaker 2 Clementine.

Speaker 8 Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

Speaker 8 Wilson, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany, Sparker, Milo Loves Mycelium, Sarah Freckles, Zoe Georgina Marsh, The Art Sherpa, Lucrezia, Amy Pollard, The Waiting Pool Pirates, Chelsea G, Mel Momberg, Cosmic Shrug, Kingpin, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Kurt Bartnick, D.

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Speaker 8 the Hiker Bear, Menlore, Tracy, Calibri, The Green Street Major, Nate, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Hippo, Maloran, Marunmai Salil, Kara, Late Indeed Again, Ian Herzler, Mother of Thor, Nth Anomaly, Special K, Ryan Abbey, Captain Blepp, Sarah Bergenholz, Zacky Nat, Coat Full of Owls, Nea, Anna, Ben and Jessica, the artist formerly known as Mouse Cop, Levi, Curtis Charles Sr., Dalek Steve, Darcy D, and existentially exhausted beam.

Speaker 8 Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Speaker 39 Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 86 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

Speaker 39 We open at six.

Speaker 26 Well, at least there'll be a good spot in the food court today.

Speaker 11 We're really gonna give Mrs. Foods.

Speaker 65 we're really gonna get we're

Speaker 13 all right

Speaker 13 are we

Speaker 52 damage to the fabric of space-time should be easy to spot pardon me sir is that damage to the fabric

Speaker 66 should be easy to spot pardon me sir okay

Speaker 37 i am working with four separate things right

Speaker 26 Fuck yeah, you should.

Speaker 45 It's the payload good midnight diner.

Speaker 11 Hang on. We got a midnight midnight diner sighting.

Speaker 13 Oh, man.

Speaker 13 Oh, no.

Speaker 84 The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

Speaker 84 Coach, the energy out there felt different. What changed for the team today?

Speaker 31 It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

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Speaker 85 Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Speaker 31 Hey, a little play makes your day, and today, it made the game. That's all for now.

Speaker 3 Coach, one more more question.

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