Chapter 7: Four Souls

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Eva, where'd you go?

I'm outside.

It's happening again.

It just started.

Okay, how long since the last one?

Leave!

Yeah!

What's the timer say?

Three hours, 42 minutes.

Is it happening again?

Three hours, 42 minutes.

Seriously?

Is it happening again?

Yeah.

Same song?

Same song.

How long this time?

Three hours, 42 minutes.

What does that tell us?

21 minutes, 1 hour, 9 minutes, 12 minutes, 3 hours, 58 minutes, and now 3 hours, 42 minutes.

It doesn't tell us anything.

There's no pattern to it.

For hours now, at random times, we lose Effie and Zebulon, and this song plays.

Could be a conditional signal.

Could be, but what are the conditions and what's the signal?

Guys?

A conditional signal like

a radio station.

Sometimes it's strong, sometimes it's weak.

Right, because in the right conditions the signal can bounce off the ionosphere and go further.

So when the conditions are right, we get the song.

And when they're not, we don't.

But we don't know what those conditions are or what kind of signal it is.

So we don't know Jack's yet is what we're saying.

Correct.

We've got two scientists and neither of you have any idea.

Uh he is not a scientist.

He's an engineer.

Don't start with that.

What about the song?

Could it be a message?

I don't know.

I can't understand the words.

I guess it could be.

Hi there.

Oh, right.

Hi.

Um, what is he singing about?

Cuba.

Cubanacan is an old-timey word for Cuba.

What does Cuba mean?

Cuba means Cuba.

What are the lyrics saying?

Cubanacan, um...

Mysterious land of love where your songs form like flowers in a garden.

Stuff like that it's a song about how he loves cuba can you write them down yeah scooch over and that was will the circle be unbroken by frank and james mccravey no no it was not did it happen again yeah for the fourth time fifth time casper i must confess these interruptions in our broadcast are confounding they are confounding and annoying It's the same song over and over again.

Can you guys think of anything that could be causing this?

There is perhaps one.

Telephone lines.

New telephone lines are

going up all over the place here in Toad Suck, and we think

it may be causing some errant and wandering broadcasts to find their way into our wavelengths.

Oh, okay.

Why didn't you say anything before?

It had slipped our minds until now.

Well, I'm sure that's what it is then.

Maybe we just wait it out and things will clear up.

Oh, I'm sure they will.

In the meantimes, I believe we're about to sit down in our new location, so let us all prepare.

Gloria, are we ready?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We're just glossing over this now?

I'm not glossing over anything.

The diner's about to touch down.

We've got to move on.

I'm not moving on.

Oh, no.

What are we going to do without all the essential work you do around here?

Who will do the incredibly hard work of being an asshole to people?

That's not work.

That's how I relax.

Well, you must be really relaxed.

We open at what time?

Six.

That's right.

Weird shit or not, the doors open at six.

I can't believe you're not curious about this.

This is new data.

Allow me to illustrate my point of view with a fun analogy.

Hard

Nordic hunters.

They would look up at the Aurora Borealis and say, what the fuck's that, I wonder?

Did they stop in their tracks and wait until they figured it all out?

They did not, because they were about a thousand or so years away from discovering the solar winds that caused the lights in the sky, and they were about 500 years away from understanding that the sun was not in fact the

blazing tip of odin's spear or whatever so

despite the mysteries in the sky they got on with their day because caribou do not shoot themselves gloria are we ready we're ready leaf everything uh oiled up back there yeah f zebulon put on some music that doesn't make ava suspicious and let's serve some hamburgers to some aliens or something the priorities around here are completely screwed.

Sorry to hear that, ma'am.

Please fill out a comment card.

Holy shit.

Oh my god.

What the hell is that?

Whatever it is, it's huge and on fire.

What a wonderful start to the workday.

Okay, enough out of you.

Effie,

any vibes about what this is or where we are?

I am told that whatever it is outside, it's very

large

and inflamed.

Okay.

Amazing.

So, the big flaming thing outside is a big flaming thing?

I'm going to have a look.

Let's all go.

Ava, come on.

I'm good.

I promise there will be time to be angry later.

Can you please come look at the burning twisted wreckage outside?

Fine.

Telephone lines, dear?

Sweetheart, now you know I don't like bearing false witness to our companions.

Nor do I.

But I do believe our words provide them comfort amidst the chaos.

If we convey to them our recent difficulties, I fear it may have harsh consequences.

As it may have consequences to keep it from them.

One time I put a fork in my garbage disposal.

This looks like the big version.

What was this?

It was a ship.

Command deck's there.

Stern is split in two over there.

Uh, like a spaceship or some other kind of ship?

Definitely a spaceship.

It's got burns all over, but there, and there, by the nose cone, you can see re-entry burns.

There's writing on the side.

Yeah, I don't recognize it.

It looks official.

It's from a government of some kind.

Passenger ship?

I think it's too small.

30 meters, I'm guessing.

Crew of four or five?

Something like that.

Have you noticed that now we know Leaf's an engineer, he's using the metric system?

I have noticed.

I don't like the metric system.

Well, neither do I.

I like measuring by feet.

I imagine an actual foot when I measure by feet.

Exactly.

I can visualize it.

A meter?

What is that?

I can't picture it in my head.

Excuse me, idiots.

Sorry.

It's a deep space exploration vessel.

Oh, yeah?

Why do you think?

There's bits of reflective material everywhere.

Oh.

Okay.

Ionic sail?

Ionic sail supplemented with some sort of sub-light speed drive.

Yeah, they don't have a spatial drive.

The explosion from the power source would have atomized the hull.

Okay, so a spaceship.

Thank you.

Do you think there's any survivors?

No, this particular TV dinner was not poked with a fork.

That's sad.

Alright.

Well, there's not much we can do at this point.

Let's head back in.

Shouldn't we say something?

Like what?

Whoever was on this ship is dead and they crashed on a planet far from home.

Shouldn't we acknowledge that somehow?

I thought we just did.

In a way that doesn't compare them to a TV dinner.

Oh.

Okay.

Uh sure, let's go inside and we'll have Zebulon say some sort of Bible thing.

Welcome back, y'all.

What awaited you outside?

A lot of wreckage, and sadly, no survivors.

Oh my.

Zeb, whoever was on that ship died a really long way from home.

Do you think you could, you know?

Of course, Gloria.

A few words would be appropriate.

I think something from the Egyptian Book of the Dead.

What?

My hair is Nuh.

My face is Ra.

My eyes are Hathor.

My ears are wepwa wet.

My nose is she who presides over her lotus leaf.

The fuck is this?

My lips are Anubis.

My molars are Celcus.

My incisors are Isis, the goddess.

Darling!

The Egyptian Book of the Dead, dude.

Well, that's...

I don't even know what that is.

Zeb, are you feeling okay?

I feel just fine.

I can't imagine what may have happened.

I would try to figure out what's going on, but, you know, we open at sick.

Oh, ha ha.

Since I'm not allowed to be a scientist once we open, I guess I'll just sit here and think about maybe ordering the club sandwich today.

May I serve you a club sandwich right now,

there's something coming out of the wreckage?

Oh, shit.

See it?

Over there?

Oh, great.

What the hell is that?

It's coming this way.

Well, of course it's coming this way.

You know why?

We open at six.

Can I get you a kid's placemat and some crayons?

Ooh, we have those?

It's a robot.

And it's coming in.

Everybody stand back.

Welcome to Midnight Burger.

Why isn't it doing anything?

I don't know.

It looks badly damaged.

So it decided to pull itself out of the wreckage, drag itself in here, and then turn into a sculpture?

I don't know, man.

Translation key completed.

Hello.

Hi.

What is your vessel's designation?

This isn't a vessel.

Please explain.

Can we do some introductions here first?

I apologize.

I have no data on interactional customs.

Introductions.

I am Bufar, operational AI assigned to the Vargin, a deep space class vessel of the planet Segius.

I'm sorry, Bufar?

Yes, I apologize.

In my native language, it is an acronym, B-O-O-F-A-R.

It does not translate correctly into your language, resulting in the name Bufar.

Okay.

I'm Casper.

This is Midnight Burger.

What happened to your ship?

Coronal mass ejection of nearby star.

The Vargon was irreparably disabled and drifted into the gravity well of this planet.

There were no survivors upon re-entry.

We're so sorry.

Bufar.

There were no inhabited planets registered in this system.

We just got here ourselves.

Bufar.

You say you're the ship's AI,

but you seem to be inside some sort of payload droid.

Correct assessment.

In the event of imminent and catastrophic mission failure, it is the highest priority to safeguard mission data.

The coronal ejection had corrupted all data centers.

With microseconds to spare, I transferred the core mission data as well as crew personal logs into the localized data center of this payload chassis and overrode its operating system with my own.

Wow.

Smooth move.

Untranslatable.

Smooth move.

Oh, uh,

good job.

Updating.

Yes, it was a smooth move.

So what's happening?

The star for this system spat a bunch of energy at them and wrecked their ship.

Bufar here is the ship's brain.

To avoid getting wiped by the magnetic wave, it hid inside this payload robot.

Have we completed introductions?

Yeah, sure.

You stated you are not a vessel, but also stated you have just arrived.

Please explain.

Uh, right.

We're in uh outpost from Earth.

Origin planet unknown.

May I have access to your broadcasting array?

How about an old-timey radio that quotes the Egyptian Book of the Dead for no reason?

Untranslatable.

Egyptian.

Untranslatable.

Old-timey.

Why do you need to broadcast something, Bufar?

I am dying.

My current chassis was only partially shielded from the magnetic wave of the coronal mass ejection.

My data centers are corrupted and failing.

The majority of my computing power is being used to write, rewrite, and erase corrupted code.

But cascading failure cannot be prevented.

Shit.

What's up?

He's basically using his brain to keep his brain from dying, but he can't do it fast enough.

Bufar, what do you need to broadcast?

To preserve mission data, I must attempt to transmit to our home world.

I require a high-powered communications laser and advanced targeting system.

Do we have anything like that?

I'm standing here with a spatula in my hand.

What do you think?

God damn it.

Bufar, we don't have anything like that here.

I'm sorry.

Understood.

Unable to preserve data.

Mission status failed.

There's nothing we can do?

If I had a year and everything I needed.

Well, Bufar, you're a huge bummer.

Untranslatable.

Bummer.

Casper.

What?

It's dying.

Can you whip up some sympathy, maybe?

It's not dying, Gloria.

It's just the ship's operating system trying to complete its protocols.

That doesn't mean we can't be nice.

Let me guess.

You named your first car, didn't you?

I may have.

If we may chime in here, Mr.

Bufar,

we would like to express our sympathies for the loss of your crew and are very sorry that we could not help in the completion of your mission.

We are also sorry that our friends have not expressed their sympathies for your loss as surely any civilized person would.

Okay, sorry.

We often find that a cup of coffee and a nice slice of pie is appreciated in moments like this.

But

you don't appear to have a mouth.

Unknown entity, please identify.

Uh, excuse me.

Unknown entity, please identify.

When entering this structure, scans revealed four bipedal species.

Please identify.

Well, I'm Zebulon Mucklewain, here with my wife, Effie.

Pleased to meet you.

Uh, this is uh our outposts, AI, Bufar.

They uh

help us watch it, mister.

Understood.

Anthropomorphized AI designed for long-term mission.

Uh, yes,

that.

Um,

I don't know what to do at this point, Bufar.

How much time do you think you have?

I've been unable to create an estimate.

System failure could occur at any time.

This is horrible.

I wish we could be more help.

I'm so sorry.

Feeling kind of helpless right now, Mr.

Bufar.

I believe in times such as these, it's important to call things what they are.

Is there another thing you would call them?

Yes.

We find that a great many things are called something they aren't in an effort to make the world something it isn't.

Understood.

Mr.

Bufar,

you have reached the end of your life.

Perhaps in these final moments, we should take time to reflect.

Are you kidding me?

Please explain.

In the final days of one's life, it's important to look back on your achievements.

As it says in the Egyptian Book of the Dead, man is to become godlike through a life of virtue and the cultivation of the spirit through scientific knowledge, practice, and bodily discipline.

I just did it too, didn't I?

Yeah.

Processing.

Guys, I don't know what's going on.

Are you going to be able to keep it together, or are we going to have a situation on our hands?

Understood.

A performance review is in order at the end of one's mission.

Was that your intention?

Um,

yes.

I'm sure you guys saw some amazing things on your mission.

It might be nice to look back on them.

Very well.

Performance review completed.

Throughout seven-year mission, systems operated at 94% efficiency.

Thank you.

That was very helpful.

I don't think that's what we meant.

Guys, this pile of metal is not your dying grandma.

It's just a machine.

The Apple Care has run out, and now it's time to, you know, put a drill through the hard drive and upgrade to the next model.

Ava!

I'm not putting you in charge of planning my funeral.

Well, that's disappointing, Casper.

I had plans to shoot your body out of a cannon.

Ava,

I know it's weird, but I mean,

we're open.

He walked in.

We should help, right?

He

it walked in the door trying to preserve IT's mission data because it has protocols written by someone else.

Well, we have to do something.

Hey, if you guys want to play around with Teddy Ruxpin, that's fine.

I just want us all to acknowledge that we cannot actually do anything to help, but we want to feel like we are.

So now we are taking this hunk of metal and giving it feelings so that we can help it with its feelings.

As far as I'm concerned, we have a customer and his name is Bufar.

Let me show you how not true that is.

Hey, Bufar.

I don't like your name.

Your name is Steve now.

Confirmed.

I am now Steve.

You guys have fun.

I'm going out for a smoke.

Leif, this is the point where you say...

She has a point, though.

Don't say that.

She does have a...

Leaf?

Sorry.

Our friend...

Steve...

is just a pile of metal and circuitry right now.

He's a repository of core mission data.

It's hard to call him a customer.

Can we sit on this for a while?

I really don't want Ava to be right.

My friends, perhaps it's because I'm simple country folk.

But are we in danger of making a turnip into a cotillion?

Sam, what the fuck?

What my husband is saying is perhaps we are going the long way round a dried-out creek.

We're in danger of taking the lazy train to Shreveport.

Nobody knows what that means.

Wait.

Steve,

you said you saved the core mission data and something else, right?

Core mission data and crew personal logs.

The crew personal logs weren't part of the core mission data?

Correct.

Why did you save them?

Processing.

Unclear.

You don't know why you saved them.

They are not considered essential mission data, but rather a tool for crew coherence during extended missions in deep space.

That's weird.

Steve,

you're a computer.

How could you not know why you did something?

Unclear.

Again, y'all seem to be puzzling over something quite simple.

They were his friends and he lost them.

Of course, he would save something to remember them by.

Yeah, but he's not supposed to do that.

He's just a pile of metal and circuitry.

As you and I are just a pile of flesh and bone, my friend.

And yet.

Hey, Steve.

I am Steve.

Can you do an analysis of the crew's personal logs?

Look for any,

I don't know, common threads?

Processing.

So this whole time you guys never met a robot that was alive, I figured there'd be a lot of that.

Um,

well, there's Clytis 43.

Oh, yeah.

Clydis.

He was definitely alive.

Like, too alive.

Yeah, like, he was a lot.

Like, you had to, like, take a break from him sometimes.

Analysis complete.

The crew of the Vargan consisted of three.

Captain Theron Yonger, Science Officer Eliac Sears, and systems analyst Lowen Regan.

All crew logs consist of the following commonality.

All had specific plans for their return home to Segius.

Awesome.

So we've gone from depressing to depressing.

Kind of threw some gasoline on the fire, I guess.

This whole shift has been a tremendous downer.

Wait!

I have an idea.

Let's do some of the things.

What?

Some of the things they wanted to do when they returned home.

Let's do some to, I don't know, pay homage.

Well, that's an interesting sentiment.

I agree, husband.

After all, as it says in the Egyptian Book of the Dead, all snails.

Just let it out, Zebulon.

Go ahead.

As it says in the Egyptian Book of the Dead,

human consciousness and universal consciousness are in reality one and the same.

Oh,

well, that's nice, isn't it?

It is.

One might say that for one man to complete another's journey is for it to be completed for all.

Yeah, or something like that.

Let's try one.

Steve,

what did the captain want to do when he got home?

Captain Theron Younger often longed to return to a certain establishment near his home where citizens came to imbibe refreshments and socialize.

He wished to have an important conversation with two friends there.

Oh, okay.

He wanted to go to his local bar.

Simple enough.

We've never needed an excuse to drink the moonshine under the counter, but now we have one.

Actually,

let me try something.

Hey, Steve, can you take the data from Captain Yonger's personal log and create a rudimentary simulacrum of his personality?

Processing.

He's going to play the captain?

Sure, why not?

Okay.

Look, guys, if we're gonna do this, let's just agree to not tell Ava about it because I just don't want to fucking hear it, okay?

Agreed.

Good idea.

I have created a simulation of Captain Yonger.

I will not be able to mimic his persona, but I have been able to assemble his various desires and intentions.

Though I am unclear on the purpose of this exercise.

You saved the personal diaries of the crew without knowing why.

Maybe acting out Captain Yonger's last wishes will help you understand why you saved them.

I see.

An exploratory simulation.

Okay, uh, Leif and I will be here at the counter.

We'll be your buddies at the bar, and you approach us as the captain.

Is this the stupidest thing I've ever done?

Yes, but here we go.

Commencing simulation.

Well,

here I am at the bar, and I've got to tell you, I sure do miss our friend, Captain Yonger.

Boy, me too.

I wonder where he is out there in the cosmos.

I sure hope, wherever he is, he knows his friends are thinking about him.

Greetings, old friends.

It is I, Captain Yonger.

I have returned from my mission in deep space.

Holy shit!

Captain, you've returned.

You are my two friends, Lynn and Connor.

That's exactly who we are.

We're definitely those people.

My friends, I must tell you of the things I have learned on my long journey.

Okay, getting right to it, I guess.

What secrets of the universe have you unlocked, Captain?

I have learned that I must divorce my wife.

Wow.

Okay.

Uh, curveball.

I know this may seem like a strange revelation.

Well,

uh, usually people come back from a seven-year space mission with something like,

I have discovered the nature of existence, and not my wife sucks.

I understand your confusion, but one cannot control how one changes.

I thought this would be more light-hearted.

Yeah, he doesn't seem to have like any small talk protocols.

In year four of our mission, we had come upon a binary star system.

I looked upon these two stars rotating around their barycenter, and my thoughts turned to my wife.

We were like these two stars, locked into an eternal dance only due to chance and gravity, unable to recall the moment where we chose each other and unable to escape this rotation.

Knowing that to move closer would obliterate us both.

This went from fun idea to Russian novel real fast.

Oh, I'm forgetting that personal logs weren't meant to be shared publicly.

Soon, I will be divorced from my wife, and we can celebrate at an establishment where females remove their clothing as part of a financial agreement.

Captain, whoa,

who?

Uh,

have you really thought about this?

Simulation ended.

Oh, okay.

That was quick.

Processing.

What is he processing?

He just had an emotional experience he needs to decompress.

You're going way further down the rabbit hole than we are, by the way.

Interesting.

Steve, what's up?

There's been a change in my data environment.

It is as though a task has been completed, but no task that appeared on any of my duty rosters.

Sounds like you did work you didn't know need doing.

Affirmative.

There appear to be items for completion that are not apparent in data surveys.

Do you think there may be a subroutine you didn't know about?

Subroutine, not detected.

It is a mystery.

Well, something's happening.

Let's try another.

Yes, more data is required.

Who's next on the list?

Science Officer Elliot Sears.

Should we tell Ava about this?

Uh, let's not.

I think we can handle this without a theoretical physicist, right?

We shall require a theoretical physicist.

Walked right into that one, didn't I?

Why?

Dr.

Sears remarked in his personal log that he longs to return home and debate his contemporaries on topics concerning macro versus quantum physics.

It couldn't have been to finally sing karaoke or something.

It couldn't have been that.

Untranslatable karaoke okay fine i'm gonna go outside and talk to ava and then i'm sure suffer the consequences of that for years to come good luck

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What you doing?

Inspecting the wreckage for something cool to take.

Like what?

Ray gun?

Lightsaber.

Please never arm yourself.

How's it going with the Iron Giant?

Funny you should ask.

I need you to come inside and argue with a robot.

No, thanks.

Ava?

I'm good out here with the flaming wreckage.

Thanks.

Don't you want to know why?

I'm good.

Oh, nothing like the curious spirit of the scientist.

I'm not curious about things I already understand.

Something kind of weird is going on in there.

I'll tell you exactly what's going on in there.

You're having a funeral for a Barbie doll.

No, we're not.

You're Tom Hanks on the island, and he is Wilson the volleyball.

It's not that either.

We need to talk about something.

I'm trying to talk to you about something.

Something weird is going on.

Something weird is always going on.

I don't mean the usual weird stuff.

I mean the new weird stuff.

Look, I get it.

Effie and Zebulon have been acting weird lately.

First, the supermassive black hole, then the weird Cuban song, and now the Egyptian Book of the dead.

I know.

This place,

in its own screwed-up way, I think is starting to show us how it works.

I'm trying to get to the bottom of what the hell is happening, and everyone else wants to have a puppet show with a robot.

I can't control who walks in the door.

No one has walked in the door.

There is no person in there to help.

Don't you think it's more important to understand this place where we spend every second of our lives?

You know what?

No.

No.

I I don't.

No.

I don't want to know.

Did they have you dissect a frog in high school?

Yes.

And you thought it was fascinating, right?

Of course.

I didn't.

I thought it was traumatic.

You know why?

Because I like frogs.

I like that they're alive and exist.

And I didn't need to know how they worked.

I'd rather have a living frog than the information I get by destroying it.

I need this place to open up at six every day.

That's what I need.

I worry sometimes that all your poking and prodding is going to stop that from happening.

Why is it so important to you?

Because it is, okay?

I'm asking you not to kill the frog.

Ava, don't kill the frog, please.

Fine, whatever.

I won't kill the frog.

Whatever the hell that means.

Can you come in here and argue with this fucking robot, please?

You're applying humanity to a pile of metal.

Apply some humanity to yourself.

Come on.

Fine.

Okay,

here we go.

Before we begin, I'm going to say that this is stupid, and all of you are stupid.

Stupid like a fox doll.

That's not a thing.

Okay.

Steve, what's the next item on your list?

Chief Science Officer Eliac Sears wished to return to his home planet and debate his colleagues regarding the possibility of a theory that unifies both macro and quantum mechanics.

Oh, joy, the theory of everything.

Okay, fine.

Am I for or against?

Against, please.

Let's go then.

Fire up what's left of your brain there, lug nuts.

Creating Simulacrum.

One moment, please.

I will be calling in favors from all of you, and I plan on all of those favors making you incredibly uncomfortable.

Simulacrum completed.

Thank you for joining me, Doctor.

Sure, whatever.

We all live within two worlds: a world of gravity and a quantum world.

These worlds exist simultaneously, yet have ferocious antipathy towards one another.

The world of stars and planets and kaleidoscopic nebula operate peacefully within the world of macrophysics.

Yet, if we are taken down to the smallest of realms within a land of giants, we see that the rules change dramatically, and any cross-governance of these worlds seems elusive.

Are there going to be subtitles for this?

There's a very big world and a very small world.

They have a separate set of rules, and their rules often contradict each other.

So it's like having divorced parents?

Exactly.

But in my travels through space, I have had an unimpeded view of the universe's origins, and there I have witnessed a macroscopic fingerprint that can be traced to microscopic phenomena.

I believe that within the cosmic microwave background may be indicators of this unifying theory that has eluded us for so long.

I'm gonna stop you right there because you're about to say the words higher dimensions.

Incorporating higher dimensions is an excellent way to reconcile macro and quantum realms.

And carnival mirrors are a great way for me to look taller, but that doesn't make it so.

You see, I am a higher dimension refusenik.

Untranslatable, refusenik.

Ah, you'll catch up.

Anytime quantum physics isn't playing nice, we use fourth and fifth dimensional thinking to try and make up for the deficits in our theories.

But you also can't prove that these higher dimensions exist.

Where is the wisdom in saying, you see, this unprovable thing, I'm going to prove it using these other unprovable things?

Allow me to disabuse you of this misconception.

We follow a mathematical structure that we believe has the capacity to put gravity and quantum mechanics together.

And here comes string theory.

I'm unfamiliar with the term string theory, but the theory I speak of uses this mathematical structure to weave together the world of quantum mechanics and the world of gravity into one unifying theory.

Weave it together with a string, perhaps?

Oh,

I see it now.

Yes.

String theory.

I like it.

Let me ask you this: you're a scientist, sort of, and you operate in the provable world.

Keeping that in mind, can you say that you believe in string theory?

I cannot say that.

Why not?

Because string theory, as you call it, cannot be proven.

So far, you've got two unprovable things to illustrate another unprovable thing.

How do you feel about that?

I disagree with your characterization.

I have invented nothing.

The mathematical framework you call string theory has led me to these higher dimensions.

My calculations indicate 10 dimensions, with the additional dimension of time.

11 dimensions of space-time.

Don't get me wrong, talking about 11 dimensions of space-time is a steamy treat, but so is talking about Mr.

Darcy.

Untranslatable Mr.

Darcy.

We can't say it's real just because we like it.

Mr.

Darcy is a dreamy fictional character in a book.

He isn't real.

He's ink on a page, just like your theories are only chalk on a chalkboard.

And yet, data from deep space continues to stream in that supports all my theories that you say are just chalk on a chalkboard.

How can I ignore apparent confirmation from the most primordial deeps of the cosmos?

Because with new data comes new questions.

Think of the provable world as an island, and each time you learn something new, the island gets bigger.

But as the island gets bigger, so do the shores of ignorance that surround it.

The more you know, the less you know, you know?

You appear to be arguing against the idea of scientific exploration itself.

Since we can never know all of it, why know any of it?

Is that what you propose?

I know it seems that way, but

on Earth, there was once a very smart smart man called Charles Sanders Pierce.

He said the progress of science would advance to the point where the problem becomes not what are the laws, but why these laws?

The laws of existence didn't spring fully formed into the cosmos.

They had to come from somewhere.

The most likely explanation is that they evolved over time, slowly taking shape into concepts like gravity and electromagnetism.

And then if they evolved, are they still evolving?

And if so, how does one create a unifying theory for something that's constantly evolving?

And as for the other explanation for the laws of existence, well, we have to take a big ol' bong rip and ask ourselves why in the world do complex scientific equations, when viewed in the right light, look identical to the same computer code that makes up your operating system.

And if the laws of the universe are code in a gigantic processing center, who then is the author?

And what are the laws that govern them?

And would we need an even bigger theory of everything that encompasses both the author of existence and existence itself?

Whoa,

is this what college was like?

Pretty much.

This has been a fascinating discussion, though I must admit, it was all a deception.

I thought so.

In my seven years in space, I have returned with a suspicion.

A suspicion that the theory of everything, one grand theory that encompasses all of existence, is more about us than about the cosmos.

How so?

It comes not from truth, but from our intense desire to look up to the stars and see something simple and elegant, rather than the ocean of chaos and entropy it so plainly is.

The stars do not deceive us.

They tell us who they are every day.

Perhaps we have forgotten to listen.

Thank you for this discussion, Doctor.

Don't mention it, number five.

How do you feel, Steve?

There is a definite change in my core data environment, though I cannot identify the cause.

You may be working so hard to fend off system failure that you can't pinpoint the touch.

I know what you're saying, Zebulon, but it's like Ava just said.

It won't be that way just because we want it to be.

Stephen, may I ask you a question?

Yes.

Do you miss your crew?

The expression of longing is not something I am capable of.

I can say that it is very unfortunate that they were unable to return home to Segius.

There appears to be so much they had left unsaid.

It would have greatly benefited their loved ones and the planet entire if they had returned.

Is that longing?

What do you think?

If I had felt longing, would I not know it?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

We humans feel all sorts of things without even knowing them.

How is this possible?

I don't know.

I think of my father when I think of you, Stephen.

He was a pastor like my husband, and I can count on one hand the number of times I saw a smile on his face.

Never saw a tear come down his cheek, never saw fear in his eyes.

Throughout his life he remained a mystery to me, but as I stood at the foot of his freshly dug grave upon the day of his funeral, I looked back upon his life and saw a long trail of benevolence.

He was a neighbor to be counted on, a pillar of his community, and nary was there a transgression against him that he did not forgive.

There were few emotions he expressed to me over the years, but there was a long life of good deeds.

I believe what you're doing now is a good deed, one to be smiled upon.

You don't need a feeling to surround it to make it human.

I see.

Question.

You are the ship's AI.

How do you recall a father?

Steve, we don't have a lot of time.

There's one more crew member to go.

Yes, let's continue.

Systems analyst Lowen Regan is the final crew member.

S.A.

Regan was the youngest crew member, a prodigy.

He was assigned to our deep space mission earlier than all other recruits.

He showed great promise, but in his personal logs, he often expressed regret that he had devoted so much of his short life to academics.

He remarked that when he returned home, he would like to meet someone pleasant and go out on a date.

Seriously?

He expressed great regret that he did not engage socially with more of his contemporaries and had deep fears that he would never get the chance to.

Oh man, I can do it.

Yeah, sure.

I can't remember the last time I was on a date.

This will be fun.

Tell Lohen I'll meet him at the booth over there.

Okay,

simple enough.

Constructing Simulacrum.

How much time do you think he's got left before we lose him?

Any second now.

Okay.

Hello, my friends.

I am about to go on a date.

Yeah, uh, we heard.

Loen.

Loan.

Um, nice work, buddy.

Go get him, Tiger.

I have no idea how to go on a date.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Uh, uh,

ask her about her job.

Yeah, her life in general.

Listen a lot.

Don't try and be funny.

Try sharing a secret with her.

If she asks you to do something illegal, it may be a test.

What?

Really gauge the situation at that point.

Is she kidding, or does she actually want to do crimes?

What are you talking about?

This is good advice.

Where the pirate isle of Tortuga?

Just send him over here.

Okay.

Good luck, Lowen.

Hello.

Hi.

Loewen, right?

Yes.

I would like to ask you about your job and your life in general in a non-humorous way while gauging whether or not if you would like to commit crimes.

Smooth.

Sit down, Lohen.

Thank you.

Tell me about yourself.

I believe I am supposed to ask you that.

Tell me about yourself, Loewen.

Of course.

My name is Lowen Regan.

I was born in the third prefecture of the island of Parnaz on my home planet, Segius.

And you?

I was born in the city of Tucson in the state of Arizona on the planet Earth.

Tell me of this place.

Well, it's very hot.

Like so hot it feels like maybe people shouldn't live there.

But then every once in a while it doesn't feel that way and those days are nice.

Tell me about your planet.

It is a beautiful place.

It consists of 27,543 islands with high volcanic activity.

For thousands of years, we were tribal and suspicious of each other.

But then, when we discovered how to harness our planet's volcanism, it was the dawning of a new age.

We took to the stars and became explorers.

It is a wonderful time in our history.

That sounds amazing.

You're on a voyage right now, right?

Yes, it's very exciting.

I'm part of a unique mission.

Our orders are for generalized deep space exploration, but we also have a top-secret objective.

Oh, well, I suppose you can't tell me about it.

May I share with you my top-secret objective?

I am told sharing a secret on a date is good advice.

Okay, sure.

In addition to deep space exploration, we are also searching for a deep space anomaly known as Anomaly X1.

That sounds cool.

Uh what is it?

We don't know.

It is an anomaly that only appears in certain scans at random intervals and in randomized locations.

The chances of us finding it are quite remote, but we are the first mission to be tasked with finding it.

Well, that sounds very important and exciting, Loewen.

What did you do on Earth?

I sold tacos.

Please define taco.

That's a tough one these days, actually.

It is a matter of debate?

Oh, yes.

There's the anti-crunch people,

and then the anti-cheese people,

and the anti-fish people, and then the vegans come along and make everyone mad.

It is a food?

Sorry, yes, it's food.

On my planet, those that feed others are considered of high regard and performing a sacred duty.

As someone who spent her whole life feeding others, I find that hard to believe.

It is true.

I will show you.

The taco, if it is a matter of debate, what is it to you?

To me?

Well,

I think of it like this.

You take something simple, a tortilla,

and you fill it with a

a lot of history.

You fill it with where you're from,

where your parents are from.

You fill it with where you are at the moment,

and

you fill it with a lot of hard work.

And then you give it to someone you care about.

It is a food and a historical document?

Yes.

Yes, it really is.

It sounds to me like it is a sacred duty.

Sure, okay.

It's weird to talk about it, actually.

It feels like years ago.

You no longer make tacos?

No,

sadly.

Back on Earth, there was this outbreak of a really nasty virus.

Everyone had to stay indoors for a long time, and a lot of places where you can get tacos had to shut down.

I am confused.

It sounds as though this was a time of great need.

Why would establishments that provide for people be shuttered?

Honestly, it was a

honestly, it was all a really big mess.

And I don't even know how to talk about it.

See, Earth isn't a planet like yours.

We're not space-faring explorers.

We haven't harnessed the volcanic power of our planet.

We're all still kind of stumbling around and trying to figure things out.

You are not a space-faring planet?

No.

We're really not.

We are currently on a planet, not your own.

If you are not an interstellar civilization, how then did you arrive here?

Oh.

Um.

Casper.

Fuck it, Gloria, just tell him.

Okay.

Well,

um.

This is gonna sound nuts, Lohen.

One day I walked into a diner looking for a job and it was this place.

Midnight Burger.

It looked normal enough, but it turned out to be.

I don't even know how.

I don't even know the words.

Every day it shows up somewhere new in the universe or a multiverse.

However, I'm supposed to say it.

I know it sounds crazy.

I sound crazy.

It does sound highly improbable.

It really does, but can you think of another reason why I would be here?

I cannot.

Lowen?

You mentioned the multiverse.

Yeah.

You can confirm the existence of the multiverse?

Uh

not me personally.

Psst.

Yes, you can.

Yes, I can.

And if one were conducting deep scans of the cosmic microwave background from a fixed point in one universe, would this place seem to disappear for several days as it travels between universes within the multiverse?

Um

are they mapping the anisotropies with angular resolution?

Are you map

what?

Are they mapping the anisotropies?

Are you mapping the anisotopes with angular resolution?

With angular resolution.

We are then yes, yes, then.

Oh,

oh my.

Loewen, are you okay?

Steve, what's going on, man?

Processing.

Dear, we have reached another one of those moments where I do not have the slightest inkling as to what's happening, but I feel as though it's very important.

I believe our friend Stephen is having an epiphany of some sort.

There is not much time.

I wish to reveal to you the primary goal of our seven-year mission in space.

Go ahead, Lohen.

We were looking for you.

What do you mean?

This place.

You call it Midnight Burger.

Yes.

This place is Anomaly X1.

How is that possible, Steve?

I think he's still Loan.

Ask him.

How is that possible, Loan?

Would you define this place as a shifting point of null entropy?

Yes.

Yes.

Fascinating.

I have found it.

You were looking for us?

We all are, Gloria.

All of us.

All of who?

All of who?

You appear to be unaware of the importance of this place.

I don't understand.

On Greedon 4, you were called the Shifting Star.

On Septsu, you are called the Fountain.

Oh my god.

Gloria, I have spoken with scientists from many different space-faring civilizations.

All of them look for this place.

To find it is seen as a near impossibility.

Holy shit.

We're the fucking white whale.

Gloria, do you understand?

I have completed my mission.

It sure sounds like it, Loewen.

I have.

I have.

I

Lowen.

System failure imminent?

Casper?

Yeah.

Thank you for letting us complete our mission.

I understand now.

I understand.

I had to complete their mission.

Their lives.

He's gone.

Do you think that's true?

Are there a bunch of civilizations out there looking for us?

I know I was.

I mean,

not to trivialize it, but

are we famous?

Guys, they spent seven years trying to track us down.

They died trying.

I hope it was worth it.

Let us pray, Casper.

Yeah,

Lord,

we commend into your loving grace three intrepid souls.

Four.

Indeed, four souls.

Lord,

why do we strike out into the darkness?

Why do we seek what's beyond the horizon when the home you have made for us is so bountiful?

Is it because of what you've left for us there to find?

Is the expression of your love

for us scattered across creation?

If it be so, may you bless the explorers, Lord.

Those that leave the safety of the hearth fire and brave the cold to discover your glory.

These souls surrendered their lives to find it.

May they be held in your highest regard.

Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens,

just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you.

We open at six.

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