Chapter 43: Adventure

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Speaker 1 Previously, on Midnight Burger, Los Angeles wasn't on fire, and Joe didn't have to record previously on in a hotel room in Oxnard.

Speaker 1 But I digress.

Speaker 2 Get ready, get set, get out.

Speaker 7 It's the Midnight Burger speed run, y'all.

Speaker 1 Yes, we were all having a hot time in the old town tonight last time as the gang crisscrossed around Cryptesia, trying to free all of the refugees.

Speaker 9 Planets to go? 997.

Speaker 1 Refugees left to save?

Speaker 11 102.

Speaker 8 They went to this planet. Heads up? Edible arrangements?

Speaker 3 This is a fucking robbery.

Speaker 13 That planet.

Speaker 14 But your shit is the weakest.

Speaker 1 That other planet.

Speaker 15 I'm gonna fight you, Billy Rogue.

Speaker 1 All kinds of crazy things went down.

Speaker 18 Shouldn't you be killing me right now?

Speaker 19 Why won't he kill you? I don't know.

Speaker 1 And then right toward the end, the mystery men showed up with some sort of evil whiz-bang thing-amabobber.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is that thing?

Speaker 3 Seb?

Speaker 8 Effie, what happened to them?

Speaker 20 The Muckle Wayne's have gone dark.

Speaker 21 What are you doing?

Speaker 1 And the diner had a very sudden change in itinerary.

Speaker 5 We're going to their homeworld.

Speaker 8 God damn it.

Speaker 1 Our heroes now have about half a day to figure a way out of this one. But where to start?

Speaker 22 Tita.

Speaker 22 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Can you bring the Vistec into the diner?

Speaker 23 Yeah, why?

Speaker 23 I'm going to find the Muckle Wains. Oh.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 16 Why not?

Speaker 1 Grab your flashlights and your burlap sacks, everyone. We're going on a muckle hunt.

Speaker 1 Let's start the shift.

Speaker 24 The chief problem with the South American continent when it comes to the work we seek to do is this.

Speaker 1 Erasure.

Speaker 24 First, there is the erasure of the jungle. Historical structures, even if they were made of stone and not the timber that's plentiful there, can be swallowed whole by the jungle inside of 10 years.

Speaker 24 That's a blink of an eye to an archaeologist.

Speaker 24 Second, the erasure of plunder. The continent was raided for plunder so many times during the colonial era that important relics have been scattered across the globe now.

Speaker 24 You can find them in Arabia, you can find them in Malaysia. I found an Incan idol in the hands of a Russian fur trader one time.

Speaker 24 So, when we cross the equator looking to do the work we intend to do, we must understand that we are looking for sand castles at high tide.

Speaker 24 With every day that goes by, we lose a little more of the story of that entire continent.

Speaker 24 All right, that's all for today.

Speaker 24 Tomorrow we start on Pachakutek. It's going to be a considerable amount to memorize, so I suggest you empty your heads out before class tomorrow.
Mr. Davidson, you should have no problem with that.

Speaker 24 See you tomorrow, everyone.

Speaker 23 Looks like I found her.

Speaker 23 Is Lafe's monitor working? Can you see what I'm seeing?

Speaker 26 Yeah, it's only black and white.

Speaker 28 It's kind of like watching an old movie, but I can see what you're seeing.

Speaker 26 The black and white is kind of appropriate, actually. It looks like you're somewhere in Earth's past.

Speaker 25 Judging by the clothes, it's looking like the 1940s.

Speaker 23 This is a university?

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Hey, Ava.

Speaker 26 Look at this. Can you recognize where she is?

Speaker 25 Let me see.

Speaker 33 Oh, that's fucking Harvard. See the symbol on that guy's blazer?

Speaker 25 It's pretty old, though.

Speaker 31 You're right.

Speaker 23 It's probably the 40s.

Speaker 15 What was that like?

Speaker 35 The 40s?

Speaker 29 We were at war with the Nazis for most of it.

Speaker 26 Not sure if that's where you are right now.

Speaker 36 This is definitely during wartime. That class should be full of dudes, but there's only a few of them.
They've probably been called up. In the 40s, you could only defer the draft.

Speaker 36 If you were studying a science, she's talking about Pachakutek. He was an Incan emperor.
That's not a science class.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 23 what is all this about?

Speaker 23 This isn't what I was expecting.

Speaker 33 Labuza, the Muckoans have gone through a long process of figuring out what the hell they are. It all started one day when Gloria accidentally knocked over the radio.

Speaker 37 They seem to retreat into these various fantasy worlds.

Speaker 33 I think it may have been a way of protecting themselves. Then later on, they figured out how to do it on command.

Speaker 33 That may be what's going on right now: protecting themselves from whatever the benefactor is trying to do to them.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 23 If they're trying to protect themselves, I shouldn't try and snap them out of it then.

Speaker 26 No, Labuza, I would play along for now. We still need to find Zebulon.

Speaker 23 Okay, looks like she's heading to her office.

Speaker 38 Try and get an appointment.

Speaker 31 See if she recognizes you.

Speaker 39 Here I go.

Speaker 17 Oh,

Speaker 23 I don't think she's going to recognize me.

Speaker 40 Is that your reflection?

Speaker 23 I guess so.

Speaker 41 I'm human.

Speaker 37 And a very snappy dresser, looks like.

Speaker 23 This is this is weird.

Speaker 33 How does it feel?

Speaker 23 What's the point of a sweater this short?

Speaker 32 No idea.

Speaker 23 And these shoes are very painful. Is this standard?

Speaker 28 Yeah, the history of women's footwear on Earth is a painful history.

Speaker 36 Speaking of that, Labuza, I don't think Harvard was admitting women this early. They started in the 40s, but it took a while for them to issue their first PhD to a woman, so

Speaker 36 whatever we're looking at, it's going to be evocative of the 40s, but there's going to be some inaccuracies, looks like.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 23 I'm going to try and track down Effie.

Speaker 43 Labuza, how are you feeling?

Speaker 44 I'm feeling okay.

Speaker 23 This body isn't mine, but I don't feel too disoriented.

Speaker 43 Your biosigns are still in a nominal range. I need to get a sense of your brain function.
When you're talking to me, do you have to speak out loud there as well?

Speaker 18 Yes.

Speaker 23 It looks like when I speak to you, I also have to speak out loud.

Speaker 36 Noted.

Speaker 43 I think that might be better for your brain function to have two tasks overlap.

Speaker 43 Right now you're seeing things visually like a human would? Yes. Interesting.

Speaker 43 You have an underdeveloped ocular center.

Speaker 43 I'm surprised you can see color.

Speaker 23 That may explain why you're getting a grayscale image on your end.

Speaker 43 Yes.

Speaker 43 It's fascinating, actually.

Speaker 43 This little stunt of yours is telling me a lot about your brain that I didn't previously know.

Speaker 23 It's not a stunt, Kazi.

Speaker 19 Of course.

Speaker 19 That's not what I meant.

Speaker 23 Leif, how is the Vistec?

Speaker 15 You're all good.

Speaker 30 We've got about a dozen nodes to spare right now. Looks like whatever you're doing isn't tasking it too much.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 23 Make sure you're rotating tasks through all the nodes to keep the heat down. Got it.

Speaker 36 This thing is a beast, by the way.

Speaker 45 Really nice work.

Speaker 39 Thank you.

Speaker 24 Just because I keep firing my assistants doesn't mean you get to just walk in.

Speaker 41 Office hours are tomorrow.

Speaker 23 Yes, I know.

Speaker 17 I.

Speaker 46 Uh. Who are you? Oh.

Speaker 16 I'm.

Speaker 6 Uh-oh.

Speaker 36 Spontaneous alias time.

Speaker 30 Drumroll, please.

Speaker 23 Alexis Higgins?

Speaker 15 Nice.

Speaker 40 Bravo, Alexis.

Speaker 24 What can I help you with, Ms. Higgins?

Speaker 15 I, um.

Speaker 40 You're her new assistant.

Speaker 23 I'm your new assistant.

Speaker 11 You are? Yes.

Speaker 24 You look a bit young to be an assistant. Shouldn't you be in school yourself?

Speaker 15 Uh

Speaker 17 um

Speaker 33 I you graduated early.

Speaker 11 I graduated early.

Speaker 14 Because of how smart you are.

Speaker 23 Because of how smart you are.

Speaker 11 Because of how smart I am.

Speaker 8 Oh, really?

Speaker 24 And all that intelligence of yours landed you an assistant's job.

Speaker 29 Smart women should stick together.

Speaker 23 Smart women, such as us, should stick together.

Speaker 24 Smart women, such as we should stick together. Not an English major, then.

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 15 Physics. Physics.

Speaker 24 I see.

Speaker 24 Come in.

Speaker 24 I wasn't sent your resume.

Speaker 23 What would you like to know?

Speaker 24 How many words per minute?

Speaker 36 Go with 60.

Speaker 23 60.

Speaker 17 All right. Hey, can she hear me if I just talk to her? Yes.

Speaker 36 What does this lady do? She's an archaeologist.

Speaker 43 Bullshit, she is, Libby.

Speaker 20 Ask her why she's got a sawed-off shotgun and a holster on her chair.

Speaker 40 She does?

Speaker 16 Is that a uh firearm hanging on your chair?

Speaker 41 That's correct.

Speaker 23 Why does an archaeologist need a gun?

Speaker 24 You'll find that I go out in the field more than your average professor.

Speaker 23 And the gun is for snakes.

Speaker 23 Those are some pretty large snakes.

Speaker 24 Some of them are quite large.

Speaker 47 Yes.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, Dr. Drake.

Speaker 24 Chairman Chapman, how can you distract me today? Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 My office has just received this package addressed to you.

Speaker 42 Oh my god.

Speaker 35 Give it here, please.

Speaker 8 That's me.

Speaker 1 The package has arrived from Ecuador.

Speaker 49 Give it here, please.

Speaker 31 What is Casper doing in there?

Speaker 1 Doctor, I recall us having a lengthy conversation about ceasing this work you're doing in Ecuador.

Speaker 15 You're wearing a bow tie.

Speaker 24 I can't stop the mail from coming in. Chairman, meet my new assistant.

Speaker 23 Her name is Alexis Higgins. Ms.

Speaker 1 Higgins. Hello, Miss Higgins.
I'm Chairman David Chapman, a title I seem to have to repeat when when I'm in this office.

Speaker 24 That package is still not in my hands.

Speaker 1 I haven't approved a new assistant for you yet.

Speaker 24 I have no control over the mail, nor my assistants, Mr. Chairman, though, if wishing made it so.

Speaker 1 Miss Higgins, will you excuse us, please? Dr. Drake and I must have a conversation.

Speaker 24 No, no.

Speaker 8 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 24 Mr. Chairman, I need you to give me that package.

Speaker 2 It's urgent.

Speaker 1 If you ceased your work in Ecuador, why would you be getting urgent packages? Oh!

Speaker 8 You just threw a knife at me.

Speaker 24 I threw a knife at the wall, Mr. Chairman.
If I had thrown a knife at you, you'd be running down the hallway right now screaming, oh my god, there's a knife in me.

Speaker 15 Take your blasted package!

Speaker 1 Tenure won't protect you from everything, doctor.

Speaker 1 Ice cold.

Speaker 1 You suck, and you're wearing a bow tie.

Speaker 51 What just happened?

Speaker 24 They've been looking for a reason to get rid of me for some time now. I'm doing them a favor.
Give me the package, please.

Speaker 23 That's a very large knife.

Speaker 24 It's called a bowie knife. It's very useful.

Speaker 16 Oh my god.

Speaker 36 Labuza, get closer to that map.

Speaker 23 What is that a map of?

Speaker 36 Gloria, what does that say?

Speaker 29 Real Audiencia de Quito.

Speaker 31 Royal Audience of Quito.

Speaker 28 Okay.

Speaker 50 That's what Ecuador was called before it was called Ecuador.

Speaker 11 Is that Ecuador?

Speaker 24 Very good, Miss Higgins. There's a letter in here.
Read this to me, please.

Speaker 23 It says it's from a Jose Zatino.

Speaker 23 Dear Nell,

Speaker 23 this is either the greatest forgery I've ever seen, or this is it.

Speaker 23 I think you were right about the ruined city.

Speaker 6 Keep going.

Speaker 23 If this map has made its way to you before I have, then I probably didn't make it. You'll have to find it on your own.
I'm sorry. Good luck, Doc.

Speaker 6 God bless you, Jose.

Speaker 51 Who is Jose?

Speaker 24 He's a partner of mine, or,

Speaker 24 according to that note, was a partner of mine.

Speaker 23 You think he's dead?

Speaker 24 Let's not be pessimists, Ms. Higgins.

Speaker 23 What is the map to?

Speaker 24 I often tell my students to never look for treasure maps. They're a childhood fantasy.

Speaker 23 So, what is that?

Speaker 24 It's a treasure map.

Speaker 22 What is that?

Speaker 24 That's the fire alarm. Just ignore it.
Sit back down, Miss Higgins.

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 23 Did you just lock the door?

Speaker 24 Miss Higgins, why are you lying to me?

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 24 You don't have a degree in physics.

Speaker 23 I don't?

Speaker 24 No.

Speaker 24 If you had a degree in physics, you would have been snapped up by the Department of Defense. They're employing every physicist in the country right now.

Speaker 24 A war effort tends to hoover up all the scientists. Uh-oh.

Speaker 52 Oh. Tell her.

Speaker 28 Tell her you didn't finish school.

Speaker 23 I dropped out. Why?

Speaker 28 Why? You decided it wasn't for you.

Speaker 23 I decided to try something else out. It wasn't for me.

Speaker 24 I see. And so you've come here.

Speaker 23 What's wrong with here?

Speaker 24 Don't answer my questions with questions, Miss Higgins.

Speaker 15 Hang on.

Speaker 36 Tell her you wanted a life of adventure.

Speaker 23 I wanted a life of adventure.

Speaker 24 A life of adventure.

Speaker 24 And you think you'll find that as my assistant?

Speaker 23 I've been here five minutes, and you've already thrown a knife at someone and been delivered a treasure map from a man who may be dead.

Speaker 23 What do you think?

Speaker 23 Not to answer your question with a question.

Speaker 24 Most people who want a life of adventure don't know what that entails.

Speaker 23 I think I may surprise

Speaker 41 The fire alarm that's going off?

Speaker 24 It's gonna stop any second now because nothing's on fire.

Speaker 24 How did you know that? Because nothing is ever on fire. We just have drills from time to time.

Speaker 23 Safety first, I guess.

Speaker 24 The problem with that is we just had a fire drill yesterday.

Speaker 24 So, why did the fire alarm go off, Miss Higgins?

Speaker 23 Because someone wants you to vacate the building.

Speaker 17 Why?

Speaker 23 So they can steal the map. That's right.

Speaker 24 The thing about a life of adventure? Very hard to stop once you've made the decision. Last chance to go back to the secretary pool.

Speaker 23 What do we do?

Speaker 24 I need you to go hide behind that metal cabinet.

Speaker 29 Hide behind the cabinet, Labuza.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 21 She's loading the gun.

Speaker 29 What the hell is going on at this school?

Speaker 33 FYI, Labuza.

Speaker 37 This is not a standard Harvard experience.

Speaker 36 Okay, Labooza, here's the deal. Zebulon liked to talk about this magazine he loved to read.
It was called Adventure. Adventure magazine.

Speaker 36 It was filled with stories of pirates and treasure hunters and cowboys and all that stuff. I think that's where you are.
I think that's where they've put themselves.

Speaker 36 I guess you're gonna have to go on an adventure.

Speaker 53 Don't move until I tell you to.

Speaker 1 Madame Blake?

Speaker 46 Who was that? I've got a good idea.

Speaker 47 Let's go.

Speaker 24 We're going out the window.

Speaker 11 The window? You first.

Speaker 24 Let's move, Miss Higgins.

Speaker 39 Oh, God.

Speaker 24 We're heading for the parking lot.

Speaker 18 The gunshots are going to bring more of us.

Speaker 11 More of who?

Speaker 24 You've got on the wrong shoes for this, Miss Higgins.

Speaker 23 I apologize for not dressing for a gunfight.

Speaker 24 Try and act casually. We don't want to attract attention.

Speaker 23 You have a gun in your hand.

Speaker 24 Running people attract attention. Walking people are invisible.

Speaker 24 Do you know how to drive?

Speaker 23 No!

Speaker 54 Of course.

Speaker 24 Get in the passenger seat.

Speaker 24 Shells, gun.

Speaker 11 Reload it. How?

Speaker 26 Libby, look for a button by the trigger guard.

Speaker 45 There you go.

Speaker 29 Press it.

Speaker 24 Now we'll crack it open.

Speaker 29 Good. Got the shells.

Speaker 35 They're going to be hot.

Speaker 17 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Speaker 25 Pop some new shells in and close it up.

Speaker 24 Good.

Speaker 35 You're ready to go. Here.

Speaker 24 Thank you.

Speaker 24 In the mid-16th century, the Spanish were at war with the Incan Empire. As you can imagine, it wasn't going well for the Incans.

Speaker 24 The last man to make a stand stand against the Spanish was a man named Ruminyawi. He burned Quito to the ground so the Spanish couldn't claim it.

Speaker 24 And as the legend goes, he hid the gold of the Incan Empire somewhere in the jungle. When the Spanish finally caught him, they tortured him until death.
He never gave up the locations of the gold.

Speaker 23 That's what the map leads to?

Speaker 24 Well, they're chasing us, aren't they?

Speaker 23 Who's chasing us? Hang on.

Speaker 24 Here they come up behind us.

Speaker 47 Roll down my window.

Speaker 47 Now, dug down.

Speaker 13 Oh, God. Hall courage, wanna

Speaker 24 That should be the last of them, but reload anyway.

Speaker 11 Where are we going?

Speaker 18 I hope your passport's in order, Ms.

Speaker 24 Higgins. We're headed for the jungle.

Speaker 44 You were right about needing different shoes.

Speaker 18 Ha!

Speaker 24 At least.

Speaker 18 Everyone aboard the ship, there's plenty of room for all of you. Find a room and get comfortable.
Once you're all aboard, the ship will orbit until we return. You're not coming with us?

Speaker 18 I'm afraid we can't, Fiona.

Speaker 18 We promised we would take these people to a safe place where they could start over, and we've brought them to a place more dangerous than the one they were in before.

Speaker 18 In the end,

Speaker 18 Malu's death is our fault. The least we can do is make sure her family is safe.

Speaker 48 What can I do?

Speaker 18 There are some injured and disabled among the refugees. Make sure they get into a comfortable bed, and then find a place for yourself.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 18 I have to get back to Labusa.

Speaker 39 What if...

Speaker 18 What if we don't come back?

Speaker 18 The ship has several automations that Tita has programmed into it.

Speaker 18 You won't be able to do anything complicated, but if you don't hear from us in, let's say, three days, you'll need to get as far away from this place as you can.

Speaker 18 I suggest you find a place on the outer rim of this galaxy, or if you're feeling adventurous, try try and make it to a nearby system.

Speaker 18 The nearest galaxy to this one is Amalgamus Pax. I believe Earthlings call it the Leo triplet.

Speaker 48 Then what?

Speaker 18 Then I'm afraid it's up to you.

Speaker 18 I apologize, Fiona.

Speaker 18 You would have been safer had no one taken you from your planet.

Speaker 48 Believe it or not, I think I prefer this.

Speaker 23 I would as well.

Speaker 11 Anybody out there?

Speaker 36 Yeah, hey, I'm here. We're going to start taking turns sitting with you.
The diner is about to take off, and there's a lot going on.

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 25 You're on a plane now?

Speaker 39 I appear to be.

Speaker 23 How much time has passed for you?

Speaker 36 A few minutes.

Speaker 23 For me, too.

Speaker 23 We seem to have skipped forward in time.

Speaker 36 Right. Just like a story would.

Speaker 23 This is a terrifying way to travel.

Speaker 42 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 30 I hate planes.

Speaker 11 It feels like the whole thing's about to come apart.

Speaker 36 If it's any condolence, that wouldn't be a good ending to the story. So that's not going to happen.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 36 Now, the engine failing, and then the two of you having to put on parachutes, and then jump out, and then make your way through the jungle on foot. That could totally happen.
That's a great story.

Speaker 35 Great.

Speaker 23 Adventure Magazine.

Speaker 36 Adventure Magazine.

Speaker 36 I know it all feels pretty ridiculous, but that's how we'd like to do things around here.

Speaker 23 It makes sense. You earthlings love your stories.

Speaker 36 How were you able to do this again?

Speaker 23 I could hear a peculiar frequency in the radio. It was dense, like it was multi-layered.

Speaker 23 I thought if I could repurpose the Vistec to process the signal and then reconnect with it, I could get access to the Muckawanes.

Speaker 23 I wasn't expecting this.

Speaker 11 I hope it works.

Speaker 36 If it helps, there's a lot more to worry about right now, so don't put pressure on yourself.

Speaker 23 Is everyone freaking out?

Speaker 30 Uh, maybe a little.

Speaker 36 The refugees are all aboard your ship now.

Speaker 23 I can't believe I dragged all of you into this, too.

Speaker 30 Would you stop it with that?

Speaker 36 You didn't make the diner show up, it just shows up. I know.

Speaker 23 Give me something to do.

Speaker 46 What do you mean?

Speaker 23 I feel like I'm just a passenger. Whatever the Mucklewains are going through, how can I help them?

Speaker 23 Keep a lookout for messages. What kind of messages?

Speaker 36 Uh, one time when they were in a state like this, they seemed to be sending us coded messages.

Speaker 23 Have you noticed anything so far?

Speaker 36 Well, Effie appears to be carrying around a bowie knife.

Speaker 39 And

Speaker 36 another name for a bowie knife is an Arkansas toothpick.

Speaker 23 I see.

Speaker 36 So that could mean jack shit, or it could mean that Effie is saying to us, Hey there, I'm right here. There's no way to know yet.

Speaker 23 I'll keep a lookout.

Speaker 24 Bad news, Miss Higgins. The engine is failing on the plane, and we won't be able to make it to Bogota.

Speaker 6 Put on that parachute.

Speaker 24 We're gonna have to ditch this plane.

Speaker 23 God damn it, Casper.

Speaker 42 Sorry.

Speaker 42 Hey,

Speaker 17 it's me.

Speaker 5 This is

Speaker 1 this is a

Speaker 2 stupid message to send.

Speaker 2 I am currently in Cryptesia, believe it or not.

Speaker 2 And even though this message travels at the speed of light, it will take, I'm guessing, 2.4 million years to reach the nearest comms node.

Speaker 2 So what am I doing?

Speaker 2 I'm sending this because it may be the last time I send a message to someone.

Speaker 2 I'm in a pretty sticky wicket right now.

Speaker 2 I've been wondering lately when my luck was going to run out, and I may have come right up to the edge of it.

Speaker 2 I needed to send a message to somebody.

Speaker 2 So I'm sending it to you, Berts.

Speaker 2 If somehow you do hear it, it may be kind of a burden to hear.

Speaker 55 Sorry about that.

Speaker 17 A couple of things.

Speaker 2 You should stop investigating Bilius. If you don't, the Teds are going to make you their prisoner.
I know you think you can get out of it, but how about you just don't, okay?

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 don't.

Speaker 2 There may be one less leaf out there to pull you out of a jam, so

Speaker 2 could you do me a favor and just skip it?

Speaker 17 Oh, hey, also,

Speaker 2 I went about 150 years out from your current situation,

Speaker 2 and you were the chairman of the new coalition.

Speaker 2 You beat the Teds in a war.

Speaker 2 Also, you made a home on Sigius for the last Earthlings left in the galaxy.

Speaker 2 I mean, that was in another universe, but still,

Speaker 2 it was you.

Speaker 5 And it was really cool.

Speaker 4 I never did anything that cool.

Speaker 2 I have a sneaking suspicion that you and Verge have stayed in touch.

Speaker 4 I'm sure my name's never come up.

Speaker 2 If you see them,

Speaker 2 can you tell them I'm sorry?

Speaker 4 Also, if you still got that Julia Roberts costume, could you check in on my mom sometime?

Speaker 4 I'd appreciate it.

Speaker 2 I don't know how I'm getting out of this one, Berts.

Speaker 2 Having someone to send this message to has made that a little easier.

Speaker 2 Goodbye.

Speaker 56 What's that about?

Speaker 2 David, um,

Speaker 57 just

Speaker 1 unfinished business.

Speaker 1 Never seems to be finished.

Speaker 56 You think it's good for morale for you to be sending out your last will and testament to whoever that was? Come here.

Speaker 2 Here, take these.

Speaker 1 What is this?

Speaker 2 Slug fabricator for your gun.

Speaker 2 Also, this is a plasma exciter. Use this about once a day, depending on how often you use the gun.
Also, if you're using it a lot,

Speaker 2 please ask yourself what you're doing with your life.

Speaker 56 I don't need any of this.

Speaker 2 Get on the ship, David.

Speaker 56 No. David.

Speaker 56 You're going to throw me over your shoulder and make me get on the ship?

Speaker 3 David.

Speaker 2 I don't know what's wrong with Casper right now. He should be telling you all of this.

Speaker 2 But, since he's not, I guess it's my job.

Speaker 4 Get on the ship. No.

Speaker 2 You don't have anything to gain by being here.

Speaker 13 There's nothing to prove.

Speaker 2 It's not going to be a fun adventure.

Speaker 56 Why am I still waiting around for one of y'all to treat me like I'm not 12?

Speaker 2 I remember this part, okay?

Speaker 2 You treat everything like a game because, hey, you're not on Earth anymore. It's a dream come true.
Nothing can go wrong now. All the bad shit happens on Earth.

Speaker 2 It's just fun and games out here, right?

Speaker 56 That's not how I feel.

Speaker 2 Look, there was this period of time after Pirate Lafe and before Diner Lafe, there was this.

Speaker 58 Scared out of his fucking mind, Laf.

Speaker 2 I was on the run constantly. Always looking over my shoulder, riding the fringes.
I had a hideout on an ice giant in the worst fucking system in the triad.

Speaker 2 Every weird noise was someone coming to get me. I was literally an insane person.

Speaker 10 It was a lot of dread and a lot of doom.

Speaker 2 I haven't felt that way in a really long time. I feel that way right now.

Speaker 4 Get on the ship, David. No.

Speaker 4 Fuck.

Speaker 56 Leif, I was a teenage runaway. You think I don't know these feelings you're talking about?

Speaker 2 Thanks, you're just a wee bit higher, David.

Speaker 8 Leif,

Speaker 56 do you want to know why you felt all that dread and doom back then?

Speaker 4 Because you are alone.

Speaker 56 If my choices are safe and alone or in danger with other people, I think I know which one I'm going to pick.

Speaker 56 I'm not getting on the ship.

Speaker 2 You remind me of him, gross.

Speaker 56 No, I don't.

Speaker 2 No, you do.

Speaker 2 I know it doesn't make sense, but

Speaker 2 I guarantee you that when you ran away,

Speaker 1 he wasn't worried about serial killers or drugs or anything.

Speaker 2 He was just worried about you being alone.

Speaker 2 And here you are

Speaker 2 saying this to me.

Speaker 2 You remind me of him.

Speaker 5 Okay

Speaker 4 Cooler though. Absolutely.
Thank you leave

Speaker 47 two-minute science meeting.

Speaker 14 Come down here.

Speaker 56 Okay, can I come?

Speaker 14 You are pretty stupid, David, but sure.

Speaker 15 Okay, go.

Speaker 14 What is up with these guys' weapons?

Speaker 8 What do you mean?

Speaker 14 They randomize someone's place in space, time, and dimension. Yeah.
Which is essentially killing them.

Speaker 2 There's a non-zero chance of someone surviving, but yeah.

Speaker 8 Why? Why what?

Speaker 14 Why not just use a laser gun or whatever?

Speaker 8 I don't know.

Speaker 4 They're pretty effective weapons. Actually,

Speaker 17 are they? Okay.

Speaker 42 Uh.

Speaker 53 Well.

Speaker 2 They take a long time to charge.

Speaker 4 Right.

Speaker 1 And they leave the user vulnerable while they do.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 14 Why all the space-time dimension business? You don't actually need it.

Speaker 14 Tita. What?

Speaker 56 Two-minute science meeting.

Speaker 14 Two-minute what? Come here.

Speaker 47 What is it?

Speaker 14 What is a really big gun?

Speaker 59 What do you mean?

Speaker 14 Something really big and lunky.

Speaker 20 Um, a kimber derp is pretty big.

Speaker 14 What's that like?

Speaker 20 It's for shooting down aircraft. You take one shot and you have to change out the whole battery.

Speaker 60 Oh, I made me one.

Speaker 35 Okay.

Speaker 14 And then what's something small?

Speaker 55 Something small.

Speaker 20 The snarky bark double zero. Yep, short range.
You can hide it in your pocket.

Speaker 14 If you were trying to shoot people, would you use a Kimber derp?

Speaker 39 No.

Speaker 61 Why?

Speaker 2 Because that's not what it's built for.

Speaker 14 See what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Their weapons weren't meant to be used against us.

Speaker 14 I don't think so.

Speaker 20 Well, then, what the fuck are they meant for?

Speaker 62 I don't know.

Speaker 21 Guys, we don't have time to take a break right now.

Speaker 56 We're having a two-minute science meeting.

Speaker 21 Anything useful?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I don't know what to make of it just yet.

Speaker 21 Okay, on that note, I have a thing.

Speaker 46 Watch this.

Speaker 21 I'm going to count to 20. Why? One, two,

Speaker 59 three,

Speaker 59 four.

Speaker 20 What's happening right now?

Speaker 17 No idea.

Speaker 56 Are we supposed to count?

Speaker 8 Back to the weapon thing.

Speaker 20 If their weapons weren't meant for us, what's the ideal target for a weapon that randomizes your position in space-time?

Speaker 8 I don't know.

Speaker 21 1920.

Speaker 19 Hey, right?

Speaker 14 There's no time dilation in the deep freeze.

Speaker 20 There was time dilation in the deep freeze? Used to be.

Speaker 21 Time used to move faster in there.

Speaker 8 It doesn't anymore. Huh.

Speaker 14 I didn't even notice.

Speaker 21 Neither did I. We were too busy.

Speaker 2 What's going on? Now that you mentioned that, has anyone noticed that the diner sounds different when it travels?

Speaker 8 No. Ooh, I have.

Speaker 2 It's subtle, but I'm hearing it more and more.

Speaker 1 There's like a

Speaker 4 noise. And a whispery thing going on.

Speaker 56 I think I hear music sometimes. Huh.

Speaker 21 Okay, two-minute science meeting over. I need you to put a pin in all of this.
Ava, David, you're with me. Okay.

Speaker 46 Casper. What's up?

Speaker 21 I need you to come with me. Ava, I need you to stay with Labooza.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 14 Hi, Labuza. Where are you right now?

Speaker 23 Walking through the jungle.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 14 sounds like Bug City. Watch out for centipedes.

Speaker 23 What's a centipede?

Speaker 14 The thing that's probably in your boot right now. Great.

Speaker 23 Speaking of my location,

Speaker 41 where am I right now?

Speaker 23 What do you mean? This connection with the Vistec has completely taken over my senses. I can't feel where my actual body is.

Speaker 14 Ah, you are lying on the table of my booth.

Speaker 23 That's a weird place to put me.

Speaker 14 No, no, that's where all the good mojo is. You are lying on my table, and Mr.
Monolith is right here next to you. Say hello, Vistag.

Speaker 23 So I'm supposed to be looking for clues.

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 23 Casper wants me to tell you that Effie's knife that she's carrying is called an Arkansas toothpick.

Speaker 11 Is that a clue?

Speaker 14 Oh, that's amateur hour, if you ask me. We need numbers.
Get her to recite some numbers for you. We need to give her a chance to give you a numeric code.

Speaker 23 Okay, can I get out of the jungle first?

Speaker 21 Okay, I need to talk to both of you. Why? The diner's going to leave in a few minutes.
We don't have a lot of time.

Speaker 56 A lot of time for what?

Speaker 21 You and your dad were about to get into an argument.

Speaker 46 We were?

Speaker 21 Yes, because the safest place for you to be right now is on board that ship. But you're not going to get on it, are you?

Speaker 46 No.

Speaker 21 And this is what you were going to argue about.

Speaker 8 Gloria, I wasn't going to be able to do that.

Speaker 46 Well, we can skip it because I'm staying with the diner.

Speaker 21 And your dad would, of course, say, you're heading into certain doom. Don't be ridiculous.
Get on that ship.

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to do that.

Speaker 56 I would, of course, say no again.

Speaker 21 And the two of you would go round and round like that for however long.

Speaker 19 Well, that's true.

Speaker 8 Gloria, listen.

Speaker 21 The thing is, David, he's not arguing with you at all right now.

Speaker 46 Look at him.

Speaker 21 This is the quietest I've ever seen him. It's been a long few weeks, David, and it's been treacherous.
And he's hardly freaked out at you at all. I'm kind of impressed, actually.

Speaker 21 So, this is me cutting to the chase. David, you're not getting on the ship.
Fine. Can you please acknowledge how hard Casper is working to be literally the exact opposite of himself right now?

Speaker 21 Okay, we're leaving in a few minutes.

Speaker 17 Thanks.

Speaker 1 I honestly don't know if it's any safer on the ship.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Midnight Midnight Burger.

Speaker 24 Here you are, Ms. Higgins.
What is that? It's whiskey.

Speaker 23 Could I just get a a glass of water?

Speaker 24 I'd advise against drinking water here.

Speaker 23 Then why did we even stop here?

Speaker 24 To make the next leg of our journey, we're going to need a riverboat. And due to the fact that we are currently being chased, I can't go through the usual channels.

Speaker 18 I've heard there's a man here with a boat, so we've stopped here.

Speaker 23 And now that you've taken me deep into the jungle, are you going to tell me who's trying to kill us?

Speaker 24 The Society of Bethanies.

Speaker 11 The what?

Speaker 24 The Society of Elizabeth Aynaise Duchamp. Elizabeth, shortened to Beth, Bethanies, Bethany's.

Speaker 18 Do you follow me?

Speaker 23 What do they want?

Speaker 24 The short answer is gold.

Speaker 24 The long answer is, a series of easily manipulatable autocrats in strategic nations around the world.

Speaker 24 Elizabeth Anaise Duchamp is one of the wealthiest women in Europe and she is the leader of a secret society that attempts to manipulate global events.

Speaker 23 If they're so rich, why do they need the gold?

Speaker 24 Money can be traced, gold cannot. Their current project is a particular madman who happens to have an army marching across Europe right now.
Let's not mention his name.

Speaker 24 An army runs on money. They want to make sure he doesn't run out of it.

Speaker 23 Seems like a rather complicated plan just to get their hands on some gold.

Speaker 24 If the legends are true, it's a sizable amount of gold, Ms. Higgins.
Enough to transform a nation.

Speaker 33 Come on, on, Effie, give me something.

Speaker 33 Make her give you something quantifiable. Maybe the location of the gold?

Speaker 23 Maybe we should have a look at the map and commit the location to memory. In case we lose the map or it's taken from us, that's not bad.

Speaker 24 Get the map out. I'll get us another round.

Speaker 23 I didn't drink my first one. Nice.

Speaker 33 Okay, Labuza, hang tight. We need to have a pretty important meeting in the real world.
I'll be right back.

Speaker 6 Okay, everyone, we're on our way.

Speaker 21 I have no idea what we're headed toward right now.

Speaker 21 These mystery men have been trying to kill us for weeks now. And right when they could have, they didn't.

Speaker 21 And now we're headed to their home world.

Speaker 21 I don't know what that means. Let's take some comfort in in the fact that we got almost all of the refugees to safety.

Speaker 21 And with a little luck, maybe they'll manage to get out of this goddamn system and find the home they were looking for.

Speaker 18 We have 12 hours to prepare.

Speaker 21 But prepare for what?

Speaker 21 We have no idea what awaits us the next time we touch down. If we could get some sense of the benefactor's plan, that would be something.
But right now, we're flying blind.

Speaker 21 I hate it, but there's not much we can do about it.

Speaker 23 Is anyone there?

Speaker 21 Yeah, Labuza, is everything

Speaker 21 okay?

Speaker 23 I think you may want to watch the screen. Something interesting is about to happen.

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Speaker 24 The location we're looking for is right here. Now, as you can see, this map has no reference points except for this city right here.

Speaker 24 This is an ancient Incan city. The first explorers from Spain discovered this city.
They said it was a thriving city full of commerce and trade. It was the hub of the entire region.

Speaker 24 The problem with this discovery is that when the Spanish finally managed to get back here a hundred years later, the city was gone.

Speaker 23 It disappeared?

Speaker 24 It did not. Everyone assumed that the early explorers had been mistaken somehow and that the city didn't really exist.

Speaker 24 The problem with explorers is that they aren't archaeologists.

Speaker 18 These were explorers on a new continent.

Speaker 24 What did these explorers bring with them?

Speaker 48 supplies?

Speaker 51 Diseases?

Speaker 15 That's right.

Speaker 24 The explorers didn't come to conquer yet.

Speaker 55 That would come later.

Speaker 24 But even though they didn't come to conquer, they brought with them the most effective weapon in their arsenal. Diseases that the Incans had no defense against.

Speaker 24 The explorers show up with diseases, then they leave. Then a hundred years goes by.
What happens in that 100 years, Ms. Higgins?

Speaker 44 They all die.

Speaker 24 That's correct. Over a hundred years, the population is decimated by disease and the jungle takes back the city.
It effectively vanishes.

Speaker 23 But you know where the city is.

Speaker 24 In fact, I do.

Speaker 37 Ask her for the coordinates.

Speaker 23 What are the coordinates? It's here.

Speaker 24 2.35711 south, 1.31719 west.

Speaker 25 What?

Speaker 37 Those aren't coordinates. Those are the first eight prime numbers in order.

Speaker 33 She's talking to us.

Speaker 31 But what is she saying?

Speaker 24 The locals call it Suplan Okulto.

Speaker 55 Wait.

Speaker 23 Labuza, get her to repeat that.

Speaker 51 Did you say that again?

Speaker 44 Suplan Okulto.

Speaker 55 What is it?

Speaker 28 That's not the name of a place.

Speaker 28 That means his hidden plan.

Speaker 45 His hidden plan?

Speaker 36 What are they saying to us? Oh, shit.

Speaker 33 Who do we know that has a hidden plan?

Speaker 34 Oh, shit. The benefactor.
Oh, shit. Laif, what?

Speaker 50 It's a hackback.

Speaker 30 What is that? When you try to hack someone's system, you also make yourself vulnerable because your system is connected to theirs now, right?

Speaker 30 The mystery men showed up with some kind of device that shut down the Muckle Wayne's. But now look, Effie's on a mission to a place in the jungle called his hidden plan.

Speaker 30 This whole adventure isn't them trying to protect themselves.

Speaker 34 They're trying to hack into his systems.

Speaker 28 They know how to do that?

Speaker 30 The Muckle Waynes don't know how to do anything. Everything they do is expressed symbolically.

Speaker 30 So while we're seeing some treasure hunting adventure, what's really happening is a hack into the benefactor's systems.

Speaker 30 Labuza, I'm almost positive that if you can get to that spot in the jungle, we can somehow know the benefactor's plan for us.

Speaker 28 That would be amazing.

Speaker 36 Well, this little adventure just became a lot more important, didn't it?

Speaker 31 Labuza, you've got to get to that spot in the jungle.

Speaker 33 Do everything you can.

Speaker 2 Bookshot Drink!

Speaker 17 What the hell are you doing at my bar?

Speaker 21 I thought I smelled books.

Speaker 46 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Gloria, is that you?

Speaker 32 No way.

Speaker 24 Boom boom, long time no see.

Speaker 21 I thought you retired from the treasure hunting business.

Speaker 24 Do you have a wooden leg? Miss Higgins, this is Boom Boom, an old colleague of mine.

Speaker 49 We were

Speaker 24 in the foreign service together.

Speaker 21 That's one way of putting in. That's how I got this.
Wooden leg confirmed. Suriname, 1922.

Speaker 21 Never get into a fight with the man who keeps alligators.

Speaker 22 Your leg was eaten.

Speaker 13 That's right.

Speaker 21 I don't like to hurt animals, but god damn it if I didn't make that little fucker into a pair of boots with the matching valise.

Speaker 47 We did eat well that night.

Speaker 23 I'm sorry about your leg.

Speaker 21 Boom, boom. Don't you worry about a thing.
My leg may be made of wood, but the rest of my body is cast iron. See there?

Speaker 53 Go ahead.

Speaker 21 Touch it.

Speaker 21 That's my bicep. See what I mean?

Speaker 12 Like I've got a coconut up my sleeve.

Speaker 24 Won an arm wrestling competition at Guadalajara.

Speaker 21 Mel, it's good to see you again, partner. Though I reckon if I'm seeing you again, you don't have time to chat.

Speaker 24 BB,

Speaker 24 I hear there's a riverboat captain who likes to make himself known around your place.

Speaker 47 I need to go with someone I haven't worked with before, so I'm just a bit wary.

Speaker 21 I've got one for sure, but I don't know that he's the type you want to be associated with.

Speaker 24 Well, we're pressed for time, so I'm afraid I can't be particular.

Speaker 21 If you say so, Booksha, where can I find him? I'll fetch him for you.

Speaker 21 Stay right here.

Speaker 12 Looping! Give me that bucket of water.

Speaker 37 Okay, everybody, start calling me Boom Boom.

Speaker 45 Strangely, the wooden leg works for you. Right?

Speaker 30 Anyone wondering where Zebulon is?

Speaker 35 Zaggy!

Speaker 58 Hey!

Speaker 9 Morning has broken!

Speaker 21 Rise and shine, Sagittari! There he is!

Speaker 36 Oh my god.

Speaker 8 Boom, boom!

Speaker 9 I'd like to take this time to remind you that there are many ways to wake a man up in the morning.

Speaker 21 Maybe, but there's only one way to wake him up in the afternoon, which it is.

Speaker 54 How am I supposed to know that?

Speaker 61 My watch has been broken since an unfortunate incident in Paraguay.

Speaker 21 You got a customer, Sagi. I'm making you coffee.

Speaker 68 Much obliged.

Speaker 9 And if you wouldn't mind, just a bit of rum in it.

Speaker 60 And also hold the coffee.

Speaker 8 You've got to be kidding me.

Speaker 9 Morning, ladies.

Speaker 55 Afternoon.

Speaker 51 That as well.

Speaker 65 How can I be of assistance?

Speaker 24 You can't.

Speaker 10 You're in need of a river boat.

Speaker 24 You're in need of a shower.

Speaker 66 On the contrary, I bathed mere moments ago in a delightful spray of mop water.

Speaker 66 Allow me to introduce myself.

Speaker 61 My name is Aloysius J.

Speaker 9 McGillicadi.

Speaker 66 Most folks call me soggy.

Speaker 24 Are you called soggy because your boat is always sinking?

Speaker 66 Again, on the contrary, I am called soggy because I am quite often woken up by a bucket of water.

Speaker 10 But now that you mention it, my boat has sank many times.

Speaker 56 Do either of you have a light?

Speaker 23 Your cigarette is soaking wet.

Speaker 10 Ah, so it is.

Speaker 69 Let's wait for that to dry, shall we?

Speaker 55 Boom, boom.

Speaker 51 Are you serious?

Speaker 15 Hey,

Speaker 21 I've got what I've got.

Speaker 24 Is there a problem? Mr. McGillicuddy, you have, in the span of about 20 seconds, informed me that you are a drunk whose boat is always sinking.
Why in the world would I entrust you with my safety?

Speaker 51 Well,

Speaker 55 life

Speaker 66 is interesting here on these rivers.

Speaker 70 I found that people tend to engage me in various business arrangements due to the fact that I have the only boat for hire for about 300 miles in either direction.

Speaker 32 So, people are free to shop around, but there's only one thing for sale on the shelf, isn't there?

Speaker 18 That's economics, is what that is, young lady.

Speaker 47 I'd rather swim.

Speaker 60 The piranha would prefer that as well.

Speaker 18 We'll decline your services at this time, Mr.

Speaker 24 McGilliketty.

Speaker 65 Now, ladies, please understand, I realize my appearance may be a bit shoddy, but it's not as though we've sat down at the Ritz together, have we?

Speaker 66 I'm sure you wish me to be a more sober man, but as Yates once said, the worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk, they are sober.

Speaker 24 You've read Yates?

Speaker 9 Did a stint in a Bolivian prison?

Speaker 60 I was allowed one book.

Speaker 24 And you picked Yates?

Speaker 68 I was not allowed to choose which book.

Speaker 24 Thank you for your time, Mr. McGillicutti.

Speaker 55 Very well.

Speaker 10 As it happens, I have an empty diary for today, so when you change your mind, I'll be right over there.

Speaker 24 Good to know.

Speaker 28 Okay, Labuza, this is going to be a challenge, but you've got to convince Effie to hire him, okay?

Speaker 23 It sounds like we may have to hire him. What else are we going to do?

Speaker 24 I haven't figured that out yet, but I do know that getting on that man's boat is a death sentence.

Speaker 23 More of a death sentence than being caught by the

Speaker 18 who were they again?

Speaker 24 The Society of Bethanies. I'd rather take my chances with them than with whatever that man's excuse for a boat is.

Speaker 24 who is this now? Oh, come on. Fucking Nazis, seriously?

Speaker 2 So sorry to disturb, gentlemen. Please continue with your debauchery.

Speaker 35 Oh my god. What? What? No.

Speaker 35 Are you fucking kidding me?

Speaker 2 My name

Speaker 5 is Commandant Blunt of the Third Reich.

Speaker 2 I wish to know the whereabouts of von Dr. Eleanor Drake,

Speaker 2 known to her friends as Nell.

Speaker 2 Or the more familiar, Buckshot.

Speaker 38 Oh my god.

Speaker 50 I can't fucking believe this.

Speaker 50 We've been Nazi

Speaker 2 Frau Drake, I presume.

Speaker 24 Can I help you?

Speaker 36 This is the most Hogan's heroes-ass shit I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 2 May I sit?

Speaker 24 I'd rather you not.

Speaker 2 It is a pleasure to meet you, Frau Doctor.

Speaker 2 I have heard many tales of your adventures around the globe.

Speaker 24 People tend to exaggerate.

Speaker 2 As a doctor, und woman of logic,

Speaker 2 I would hope that on this day, logic would prevail.

Speaker 24 Hard to hear about logic from a man wearing black leather in the jungle.

Speaker 2 I'm sure you understand that the third Reich has many associates throughout the globe, just as you may.

Speaker 2 And when those associates find themselves in a particular predicament, we wish to assist them in their endeavors.

Speaker 2 You

Speaker 2 are in possession of a map.

Speaker 58 A map which is the rightful property of our associate.

Speaker 2 We only ask that you return this map, and our business here can be complete.

Speaker 24 For a nation in such a hurry to conquer the world, you'd think you'd be better at cutting to the chase.

Speaker 2 Then, perhaps you should not waste my time.

Speaker 24 Miss Higgins.

Speaker 38 Oh my god, Labuza.

Speaker 71 I realize that life dressed like a Nazi is the funniest thing that has ever happened in history, but you really can't laugh right now.

Speaker 2 Forgive me, I do not understand what is funny.

Speaker 24 I wouldn't expect a German to understand what's funny.

Speaker 52 Oh,

Speaker 2 I see.

Speaker 2 Yes, you Americans always walking around saying, ha ha, look at me. I am so humorous.

Speaker 2 We shall see who is laughing. Venotanks parano your capital.

Speaker 30 Betsy Laif is mad. Shut up.

Speaker 18 It sounds as though someone did not have his muesli this morning.

Speaker 2 Cease your laughter.

Speaker 2 You realize I am only having this conversation because I am attempting to make civil.

Speaker 22 Really?

Speaker 24 Well, I'm only having this conversation so that Boom Boom has time to load her.50 caliber.

Speaker 17 Pardon?

Speaker 12 Let's make some sauerkraut.

Speaker 47 Out the back, Miss Higgins.

Speaker 42 I've got a crate full of bullets and a hangaring for big Netsy.

Speaker 24 We need to get away from the river.

Speaker 20 We'll have to go into the jungle.

Speaker 46 And what do we do?

Speaker 39 A lovely day for a sojourn on the river, ladies.

Speaker 24 Get on the boat. I think we need to get on the boat.
It's safer back in the bar.

Speaker 8 Dr.

Speaker 23 Drake, I need to get you to that hidden city, and I need it to be with him. Please.

Speaker 46 Damn it all.

Speaker 47 Let's go.

Speaker 17 All aboard.

Speaker 20 You were supposed to be on the ship.

Speaker 48 I know.

Speaker 48 I've been hiding by the dumpster.

Speaker 48 You've fought in a bunch of wars.

Speaker 1 Some of them were wars.

Speaker 20 I mean, some of them were just disagreements.

Speaker 8 How do you

Speaker 48 know when to fight?

Speaker 20 What do you mean?

Speaker 48 Well, it's it's called a fight-or-flight response. How do you know when it's fight or flight?

Speaker 20 I don't really do the flight part.

Speaker 48 Didn't the three of you escape some other place, though? You were in some other galaxy and then you came here?

Speaker 20 You're confusing running away with a tactical retreat.

Speaker 18 I couldn't get on the ship.

Speaker 48 I had to know who did this to me. I had to know why.

Speaker 20 That desire may get you killed.

Speaker 55 I know.

Speaker 48 Anyway, that's what I'm doing here.

Speaker 48 Not that you asked.

Speaker 55 You're right.

Speaker 20 I didn't ask, but I get it.

Speaker 20 I'd rather live ten seconds looking my fear right in the eye than spend a lifetime running from it.

Speaker 8 It's brave.

Speaker 48 Right now, it just feels stupid.

Speaker 49 I mean, stupid too, but

Speaker 49 brave and stupid are often a matching set.

Speaker 18 Tita, we need to speak.

Speaker 15 Sure.

Speaker 20 We have a stowaway.

Speaker 18 We do?

Speaker 18 Fiona.

Speaker 17 Hi.

Speaker 18 What's this about, Fiona?

Speaker 20 She has decided to face her fears.

Speaker 18 I see.

Speaker 18 You should have consulted with me about this, Fiona.

Speaker 48 I think sometimes you have to do something ill-advised. What good would advice do?

Speaker 18 Very well. You're in it now.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 48 Do I get a tattoo or something?

Speaker 18 You don't.

Speaker 18 Tita, I need to speak with you. Yeah.
I need you to think back over the past few weeks.

Speaker 20 So many fond memories.

Speaker 18 In all of your skirmishes with our assailants, do you recall a time in which one of them was pointing their weapon at you, trying to kill you specifically?

Speaker 20 They took a lot of shots at us.

Speaker 18 At you, specifically.

Speaker 20 Honestly, I wasn't paying that much attention to what they wanted.

Speaker 18 Why? We haven't had time to speak. During one of the away missions, one of them declined to kill me as if they were being ordered not to.

Speaker 62 Ordered by who?

Speaker 18 I'm unsure.

Speaker 20 Could be they have different plans for us than they do the Earthlings?

Speaker 18 What would be the tactical advantage of not killing us? We're more dangerous than the Earthlings.

Speaker 20 Remember when Ava first busted us out of prison?

Speaker 47 Remember what those two guards said?

Speaker 24 What they called us?

Speaker 18 The descendants.

Speaker 20 I don't like this at all.

Speaker 18 We need to refrain from making any assumptions until we have more evidence.

Speaker 20 In a few hours, we're going to get a shit ton of evidence.

Speaker 18 The more information we can have before we land on their home world, the better.

Speaker 18 Labuza may be onto something downstairs. Do you have anything else?

Speaker 20 I was talking to Leif and Ava earlier. They had a theory, and I think I have to agree.

Speaker 18 What is it?

Speaker 20 Their weapons suck.

Speaker 18 Their weapons are incredibly powerful.

Speaker 23 Not in one-to-one combat.

Speaker 20 If it's an overwhelming force, sure, they're powerful, but they're slow to fire and they're vulnerable when they are firing.

Speaker 20 The kind of technology these guys have, they could make something way more effective than what they're using.

Speaker 18 And how do you account for that?

Speaker 20 Only theory I have.

Speaker 20 Their weapons are built for a different kind of target.

Speaker 18 What kind of target?

Speaker 20 I've been thinking about that all day.

Speaker 20 The only reason I would make a weapon like that-a weapon that doesn't kill you but instead flings you across the multiverse-I'd only use that on something I didn't know how to kill.

Speaker 20 They're scared of something, something that isn't us.

Speaker 17 Well,

Speaker 18 what the hell is it? I don't know.

Speaker 20 I'd love to not find out.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 18 that's not the most helpful information, but any information will do.

Speaker 15 Hazy?

Speaker 18 Yes, Fiona.

Speaker 48 You said you needed information.

Speaker 48 Is there any way that some information might be

Speaker 48 inside me?

Speaker 18 I was already able to get some information from you, Fiona.

Speaker 48 I was just thinking.

Speaker 48 You said I was born in some sort of birthing chamber and then had memories implanted in me. Even though I was young, do you think maybe there are some memories in there somewhere?

Speaker 18 The human brain can't create long-term memories until roughly its third year,

Speaker 18 which means for memories to be implanted in you,

Speaker 18 you would need a brain capable of retaining long-term memories. So

Speaker 18 I suppose it's possible that you may have very faint memories of that process taking place.

Speaker 17 Well,

Speaker 48 wanna come and get them?

Speaker 18 I don't know if that's wise, Fiona.

Speaker 48 You already put nanobites in my bloodstream. Couldn't you just use those?

Speaker 18 I would need to add more, and it would be very invasive.

Speaker 48 That's okay.

Speaker 18 It's not okay, Fiona. It would be very dangerous.

Speaker 16 Kazzi,

Speaker 48 if I'm being honest, I'd like to rip every single thing out of my body right now and completely start over anyway. So

Speaker 18 go nuts.

Speaker 17 All right,

Speaker 18 let's begin.

Speaker 60 Very good.

Speaker 6 Very good.

Speaker 66 Keep your hands on the wheel or at least within a grabbing distance of the wheel, and you'll be doing just fine.

Speaker 44 But I don't know where I'm going.

Speaker 8 Don't worry.

Speaker 66 The key to navigating a river is the following:

Speaker 1 if you see a tree ahead,

Speaker 16 turn.

Speaker 24 Which way?

Speaker 6 Toward the way without the trees.

Speaker 52 All right.

Speaker 9 Call out if you hit anything.

Speaker 60 My cigarettes have thoroughly dried out.

Speaker 6 Can I offer you one?

Speaker 24 Please.

Speaker 24 Rum

Speaker 24 as well. Thank you.

Speaker 60 I'm realizing now

Speaker 6 that I've heard of you.

Speaker 24 You sobered up then?

Speaker 8 Not at all, no.

Speaker 21 Buckshot

Speaker 59 Drake.

Speaker 24 I spent five years telling people not to call me that, and eventually I had to surrender.

Speaker 4 That sort of thing tends to happen when you carry a shotgun around.

Speaker 24 Well, I'm not gonna carry a ukulele around.

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 6 Honolulu Drake does not command the same type of attention.

Speaker 24 It does not.

Speaker 8 So,

Speaker 60 what's all the hubbub then, Doctor?

Speaker 66 I've known you only a few hours, and you've already ruined my favorite bar.

Speaker 24 I'm on an expedition.

Speaker 8 Oh, really?

Speaker 69 This isn't how you vacation?

Speaker 24 I'm an archaeologist.

Speaker 59 I see.

Speaker 60 Well, let me put a few things together here.

Speaker 6 An archaeologist being chased by Nazis and the like,

Speaker 66 heading downriver to an undisclosed location.

Speaker 60 One can only assume there's a sizable pot of gold at the end of that rainbow.

Speaker 60 Do you have any idea how many folks like you have come down here looking for that lost Incan treasure?

Speaker 17 Well,

Speaker 24 I hear gold is popular.

Speaker 54 More so than staying alive, it would seem.

Speaker 18 Mr.

Speaker 24 McGillicuddy, are you concerned for my safety?

Speaker 66 We've been through so much together.

Speaker 6 I'd hate to lose you now.

Speaker 65 It's a rather dangerous road to travel, is all I'm saying.

Speaker 24 Good for me, I'm traveling by boat, Ben.

Speaker 69 I've carried my share of treasure hunters up and down this river.

Speaker 60 May I ask you the question that always seems to flummox them?

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 24 please do.

Speaker 6 Then what?

Speaker 40 Then what?

Speaker 6 Once they're sauced enough, they tell me their plan and how long it's taken them to put it together.

Speaker 60 They have it on good authority that the gold is here.

Speaker 6 They have a map leading to the gold there, etc.

Speaker 60 And after I hear them tell tell their little tale, that's when I lay it on them.

Speaker 17 Then what?

Speaker 60 It's at that moment they realize that they've been so focused on finding the treasure of a lifetime, they have no idea what they're going to do once they have it.

Speaker 66 They think for a long while and then finally come up with something completely embarrassing, like

Speaker 55 buy a house.

Speaker 66 Why does money always fall into the hands of those incapable of doing anything interesting with it?

Speaker 60 And what would you do?

Speaker 59 Money corrupts the soul, Doctor.

Speaker 6 That's why I've seen fit to never have any.

Speaker 60 Though, if you do hit the jackpot, I wouldn't mind a new boat.

Speaker 24 I'll consider it.

Speaker 40 But in truth,

Speaker 59 what will you do with it all?

Speaker 24 Nothing special.

Speaker 24 Perhaps I'll have you take me up and down these rivers, and I'll go village by village, handing it out one piece at a time.

Speaker 40 Oh,

Speaker 40 going for folk hero status, then.

Speaker 60 Pico Spill,

Speaker 6 John Henry, and now Buckshot Drake.

Speaker 1 Why not?

Speaker 60 Well, as folk heroes go,

Speaker 40 you're not so bad.

Speaker 40 Hey, Labooza.

Speaker 11 Hi, David.

Speaker 30 Quick question:

Speaker 30 Is um

Speaker 15 is there a vibe? I'm sorry.

Speaker 29 Thank you for saying something.

Speaker 36 They're flirting with each other.

Speaker 35 They are. They are.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 18 I'm with David.

Speaker 24 What's the status of your hull? Are we going to be a breakfast buffet for the Caymans by the morning?

Speaker 54 Our current water line seems to be holding. I think we'll have a safe night's sleep.

Speaker 30 Go in, Zebulon.

Speaker 34 This feels like a private moment, but I can't look away.

Speaker 53 If you like,

Speaker 66 you can come down and inspect the hole yourself.

Speaker 54 Might help you sleep soundly tonight to see it for yourself.

Speaker 24 Pour me another drink, Mr. McGillicotti.

Speaker 6 Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 33 And cue the saxophone.

Speaker 24 Lead the way.

Speaker 24 Bring the the bottle.

Speaker 6 I always do.

Speaker 17 Oh, my God.

Speaker 30 So much game.

Speaker 33 This, of course, raises the question: are all their personas fucking? Oh, sure.

Speaker 36 Frank and Dr.

Speaker 30 Barbara? Absolutely. 100%.

Speaker 33 I thought we all knew that.

Speaker 18 I'll need you to keep your eyes closed through this entire process, Fiona.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 18 I'm going to try and access early visual memory so the less stimulus to your optic centers, the better.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 18 I'm going to inject more nanites now.

Speaker 48 Okay, can I just say, I know I was acting very brave earlier, but I did think I would be unconscious for this.

Speaker 17 Ow! Ow, wow, wow, okay.

Speaker 18 I apologize. During certain procedures on the brain, the subject needs to stay awake so that I can monitor their speech.

Speaker 20 You'll be fine, Fiona. She had to do the same thing to me a couple of times.
I don't know what it is about shrapnel, it just loves to get lodged in my brain.

Speaker 48 That didn't kill you?

Speaker 18 A Laharian only dies when they are sick of living, especially this one.

Speaker 15 Why, especially Tita?

Speaker 48 I'm sorry, should I not be talking right now?

Speaker 18 No, the talking helps. I need to look out for slurred speech and jumbled words.

Speaker 51 Okay,

Speaker 48 what's so special about Tita?

Speaker 18 Tita, Labuza, and myself are all the children of a very mysterious man who conquered a large part of the Andromeda galaxy a very long time ago.

Speaker 18 He had lots and lots of children whom he left with several genetic advantages. We're the last three.

Speaker 48 What happened to the others?

Speaker 20 Killed mostly. Some disappeared, but we think they're dead too.

Speaker 18 We became an inconvenient presence for the powers that be.

Speaker 18 But I was used to being an inconvenient presence, so I knew how to survive. Labuza survived because she could always anticipate their moves.
And Tita...

Speaker 18 Lived for obvious reasons.

Speaker 20 My charm.

Speaker 20 She's talking about my charm.

Speaker 48 What happened to your father?

Speaker 18 Toward the end, he could see that he couldn't win against a changing galaxy.

Speaker 20 So he climbed into a ship and he flew it into a star.

Speaker 17 Wow.

Speaker 51 Was he a

Speaker 48 good dad?

Speaker 18 None of us knew him. He had always moved on by the time we were grown.

Speaker 18 But how many cats were in the newspaper?

Speaker 18 Say that again, Fiona.

Speaker 24 But

Speaker 18 how many cats were in the newspaper?

Speaker 11 Okay.

Speaker 18 I think we've reached your speech center, Fiona. Can you say your name for me?

Speaker 48 Paul Giamatti.

Speaker 18 Excellent. We can begin.

Speaker 17 There's

Speaker 48 only like 12 fries in a happy meal.

Speaker 18 Fiona, for the next few minutes, we're not going to be able to understand you, but you'll understand us.

Speaker 57 All right?

Speaker 24 Like a

Speaker 48 parliamentary system?

Speaker 14 This is funny.

Speaker 48 You should do this at parties.

Speaker 18 I'm going to attempt to mine early visual memories. The nanites are connected to me, so I should be able to see the memories myself.

Speaker 48 I don't travel a lot, but when I do, I think about Shakira.

Speaker 18 Tita, try to keep her talking while I'm doing this.

Speaker 8 No problem.

Speaker 18 Hey, Fiona, what's your favorite color?

Speaker 48 11.

Speaker 18 And what's your favorite number?

Speaker 8 Twinkies.

Speaker 20 Ah, and what's your favorite snack?

Speaker 3 The

Speaker 48 Bronze Age.

Speaker 20 What's six plus five?

Speaker 48 Phili la Bouffon de Fuei a la farmacia.

Speaker 42 Oh,

Speaker 23 what's your favorite bedtime story?

Speaker 48 The pogo stick was invented in 1919 by German inventor Max Pollig and German engineer Ernst Goetzdal, who combined their names pogo for for the device.

Speaker 48 However, modern spring-based pogo sticks were developed and popularized in America by George Hansberg in the 1920s.

Speaker 48 According to legend, Hansberg was inspired by seeing children in Burma using stilts with rubber springs.

Speaker 20 Yeah, uh, that is a good one.

Speaker 39 I've got it.

Speaker 18 There you are, Fiona.

Speaker 18 Just a child in a lab.

Speaker 18 It looks like they had to keep you conscious the same way I am now.

Speaker 18 You look no older than

Speaker 18 three years of age. She remembers that far back? Luckily for us, it was a traumatic memory.

Speaker 18 The human brain may suppress traumatic memories, but it never

Speaker 18 ever lets go of them.

Speaker 18 She's surrounded by technicians. They're human as well.

Speaker 18 I don't recognize the technology they're using.

Speaker 21 They're.

Speaker 17 There's some sort of symbol on the wall.

Speaker 18 If the technicians would just move.

Speaker 48 All right, I see it.

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 20 Kazi?

Speaker 15 I see.

Speaker 18 Fiona, time is of the essence. I'm going to have to pull you out of this very quickly.

Speaker 48 Late night with Conan O'Brien. Kazi?

Speaker 18 What did you see?

Speaker 18 I need to speak with Labusa.

Speaker 24 Morning, Miss Higgins.

Speaker 14 Morning.

Speaker 27 Sleep well?

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 23 Um

Speaker 23 did you sleep in his quarters last night?

Speaker 53 I did.

Speaker 23 I thought you said he disgusted you.

Speaker 24 Oh, he does.

Speaker 45 But

Speaker 24 he was there. I was there.
We were on the river. Seemed only natural.
Don't be a prude, Ms. Higgins.
It's only the disgusting ones who have learned a thing or two.

Speaker 55 Vindication at last.

Speaker 69 I'm no expert, Doctor, but that does not look like an ancient city to me.

Speaker 23 It just looks like the jungle.

Speaker 24 It's there, trust me. The jungle can claim a corpse in two weeks, a vehicle in a month.
This jungle has had hundreds of years to make this city disappear.

Speaker 24 As the legend goes, there's a hidden vault beneath the city. Shouldn't be far from here.

Speaker 72 I've shut off the motor, haven't I?

Speaker 23 Yes.

Speaker 57 Then what is that sound?

Speaker 69 Good morning, gentlemen. I realize there's precious few places to dock on this river, but that's no need for gunplay.

Speaker 46 Who are they?

Speaker 24 The same people who have been chasing us this whole time. The Society of Bethanies

Speaker 14 Bonj revu, Madame Drake.

Speaker 45 Oh, hell yeah.

Speaker 26 Jesus Christ, Eva.

Speaker 36 She's got a writing crop, of course.

Speaker 24 Elizabeth Anaïs Duchamp.

Speaker 24 Lovely to finally meet you.

Speaker 34 Oh, dear baby Jesus, thank you so much for making me the evil French lady.

Speaker 14 What a time it has been to chase you across the globe, Madame Drake. But the time has come to surrender.

Speaker 24 Do we run? I count one, two, three, four, five long guns, Miss Higgins. We wouldn't make it ten yards.

Speaker 14 Please allow me to express me remerciment.

Speaker 14 This petite avenue has been, in truth, les moussillon d'unvie.

Speaker 25 Lady, what the hell are you saying? Who cares?

Speaker 34 It sounds fabulous.

Speaker 24 You know, Miss Duchamp, you've made a big mistake backing the Third Reich. When you get in bed with fascists, you're just a frog who thinks they're a scorpion.

Speaker 45 What?

Speaker 42 Uh,

Speaker 6 what is this?

Speaker 14 Can you say

Speaker 14 scorpion?

Speaker 14 Le Grenoui?

Speaker 34 No map there.

Speaker 13 Madame,

Speaker 14 you will give the map to my men, or

Speaker 14 we will be given La Tash Malarus of killing you and leaving your body in the river. La Jou etomenet, mademoiselle.
The time has come to surrender to me.

Speaker 24 I'm not giving you the map.

Speaker 14 Then you shall die.

Speaker 60 Let's hold the phone here, ladies.

Speaker 72 Things are running awful hot here on the river.

Speaker 27 Now, I realize you are both very passionate about finding this little pile of treasure off in the jungle, but I found that the true treasure is a life well lived and a long one at that.

Speaker 27 So allow me to be the adult in the room. The map is right here in the bag.

Speaker 69 Allow me to fetch it for you.

Speaker 27 Mr.

Speaker 69 McGillicuddy, if you reach into that barrel.

Speaker 72 Do we have a deal, Doc?

Speaker 27 What? I mentioned before. Do you find your gold? Do you buy me a boat?

Speaker 72 Certainly. Good.
I'll be needing one.

Speaker 34 Oh, shit.

Speaker 72 That's not a map.

Speaker 8 Here we have it. Mon Dieu.

Speaker 69 One treasure map.

Speaker 14 Oh, monsieur, that is a steak of TNT.

Speaker 72 Is it?

Speaker 69 My goodness, you know, I'm not good until I've had my morning rum.

Speaker 66 What an embarrassing mistake.

Speaker 70 I'll just set this down by these gas cans.

Speaker 11 No, monsieur. Glorioski.

Speaker 24 Into the drink, ladies. Jump, Ms.
Higgins.

Speaker 46 Oh, God.

Speaker 13 Au sacrete bleu.

Speaker 6 I'm thinking when you buy me a new boat, I'll go a step up.

Speaker 57 Really treat myself.

Speaker 6 Maybe a cruiser this time.

Speaker 54 Up my prices, make a killing.

Speaker 6 Then again,

Speaker 60 who needs the extra hullabaloo that comes along with success?

Speaker 23 How much deeper do we need to go?

Speaker 24 We found it.

Speaker 39 What is all this?

Speaker 24 I'm afraid it's a puzzle.

Speaker 23 There must be a hundred symbols on this wall.

Speaker 59 What's it all mean?

Speaker 24 Nothing.

Speaker 53 Nothing?

Speaker 6 Seems a lot of trouble for nothing.

Speaker 24 Together they mean nothing. Every symbol appears to be a panel that we depress.
We need to choose the right symbol.

Speaker 54 And if we don't?

Speaker 24 I'm not completely sure, but it

Speaker 24 will be something along the lines of poison darts, trapdoors, maybe a den of poisonous snakes dropping down on our heads.

Speaker 6 Well, that's hardly a friendly doorbell.

Speaker 8 I'm getting the sense that the owner of this vault doesn't want us here at all.

Speaker 18 That's a shrewd assessment, Soggy.

Speaker 6 Hear that?

Speaker 66 She called me Soggy.

Speaker 9 I believe we'll be married in spring.

Speaker 15 I'm so happy for you.

Speaker 24 None of these symbols make any sense. I've never seen any of them before.

Speaker 43 Damn it. Labuza, can you hear me?

Speaker 23 Yes, what is it?

Speaker 18 What are you looking at right now?

Speaker 23 It's a wall of symbols. We need to press the right one to get access to the vault.

Speaker 18 I see.

Speaker 43 Labuza, I need you to look for the mark of the visitor.

Speaker 39 Why?

Speaker 43 Please just do it, Labuza.

Speaker 23 All right.

Speaker 36 Kazi, what's the mark of the visitor?

Speaker 39 Wait.

Speaker 17 It's.

Speaker 23 it's here.

Speaker 18 Can you see it? I see it

Speaker 33 Kazi.

Speaker 18 What's going on? Press it, Labuza.

Speaker 1 Are you sure?

Speaker 43 Sadly, I am.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 36 Kazi, what the hell is the mark of the visitor?

Speaker 18 It's the sigil of our father.

Speaker 24 She's done it. Nice work, Ms.
Higgins.

Speaker 24 Here it comes.

Speaker 8 Hello?

Speaker 26 Hello there, darling.

Speaker 44 Effie,

Speaker 6 Laboza, you look exhausted.

Speaker 39 Yes.

Speaker 23 I'm not sure how much longer I can stay here.

Speaker 24 It's not a place for the timid, dear.

Speaker 23 Effie, what happened?

Speaker 6 We got what we came for.

Speaker 23 You know his plan?

Speaker 24 I'm afraid we do, yes.

Speaker 23 It's not good news.

Speaker 24 It is not, dear.

Speaker 39 After all that.

Speaker 24 Yes, it's not what we hoped for, but we're now armed with knowledge, which is a better weapon than none at all.

Speaker 23 What happens now?

Speaker 24 Now, you are going to ski-daddle back to the diner and move yourselves in that contraption of yours. There's much to discuss, but before all that, Zebulon and I are going to have a moment.

Speaker 24 You tell Gloria and the rest that we'll be right along.

Speaker 23 Are we going to be okay?

Speaker 40 I believe we will.

Speaker 6 So let's start with that.

Speaker 16 All right.

Speaker 23 You have a lovely home.

Speaker 8 It'll do.

Speaker 24 It was very brave of you to come along on this whole fantasy of ours, dear. You're quite intrepid for one so young.

Speaker 11 I'm very old, Effie.

Speaker 24 Only on the outside, dear.

Speaker 6 Now you go on.

Speaker 60 Here we are, dear.

Speaker 24 Thank you, husband.

Speaker 24 Quite a storm we're headed into, dear.

Speaker 40 Indeed.

Speaker 24 Then, what is that smile about?

Speaker 15 Oh,

Speaker 54 you know how it is

Speaker 5 in the storm, in the calm,

Speaker 53 with you there,

Speaker 40 it's always an adventure.

Speaker 20 Tis that

Speaker 24 casting yourself as a drunken river rat.

Speaker 65 I'd never not to point fingers, dear, but there you were in the bowels of my ship.

Speaker 6 Out of wedlock?

Speaker 24 I heard no complaints from you.

Speaker 40 No, those were not complaints you heard.

Speaker 60 Don't say your lord.

Speaker 53 Bit of music?

Speaker 40 Please.

Speaker 55 Well,

Speaker 2 all of that sucks.

Speaker 24 It is not a bouquet of flowers, Leif, that much is certain.

Speaker 14 At least we know something now.

Speaker 1 What does that get us? Seriously, before the Muckle Wayne's adventure, we were heading into a no-win situation. Now we're heading into a no-win situation.

Speaker 48 There's really nothing we can do?

Speaker 25 Hope springs eternal, Fiona.

Speaker 1 Oh, goddammit, Zebulon.

Speaker 23 I still can't believe this is happening.

Speaker 60 Believe it.

Speaker 18 It's happening. There are still several unknowns.
Personally, I'm looking forward to some clarity.

Speaker 1 Well, if Kazi's looking forward to it, then I fucking quit.

Speaker 14 You can't quit now, Shmoopy. Nobody else will hire you.

Speaker 1 I'm sure there's a dimension-hopping unemployment office out there somewhere.

Speaker 2 Maybe we all should have ditched. Sent an empty diner to the heart of darkness.

Speaker 23 Mallow's family is there.

Speaker 22 We can't leave them.

Speaker 2 God damn, this guy absolutely fucked us.

Speaker 2 It's like he knows the diner better than we do. I feel like I'm back in the triad, completely trapped.
It's ridiculous. This place should feel like the freest place in the universe.
And look at us.

Speaker 2 We're a flying jail right now.

Speaker 62 Food's better, though.

Speaker 56 No matching outfits.

Speaker 25 And escape attempts would most assuredly fail.

Speaker 1 I do truly hate sometimes our ability to make fun jokes in the face of total motherfucking doom. Everybody, shut up for a second.

Speaker 16 Okay.

Speaker 21 We have a few hours left.

Speaker 21 I am going to have several questions, and then I'm going to have a plan.

Speaker 21 When you hear this plan,

Speaker 21 you are going to say,

Speaker 21 I'm out of my mind.

Speaker 21 And then we're going to do it anyway.

Speaker 28 Enchiladas are done.

Speaker 21 Everybody ready to get started?

Speaker 21 Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all.

Speaker 24 Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 25 And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there, somewhere, looking for you.

Speaker 34 We open at six.

Speaker 1 Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Wilson, Billy, Burtbert, Bethany, 2nd Bethany, 3rd Bethany, Society of Bethany's, Lady Bethany, aka Mrs.

Speaker 1 Turkey Spit, Mr. Squizzle, Sizzle, Wizzle Fizzle, the horrendous secret co-conspirator behind the long-ongoing Bethany War.

Speaker 1 The non-binary Bethanies take the apple from the Marsh Hag because why would they poison us twice? Alexandre Laroque has brought La Guillotine to assist the Bethanies in their survival war.

Speaker 1 Vive la Révolution. Dances with the Bethanies, or Bethanies with Burritos, if you prefer.
Corvina, the only real Bethany.

Speaker 1 Local Marsh Hag ominously wishes a happy new year to Bethanies and non-Bethanies of all gender varieties. Gathering of Bethany's drink from the water hole.
Introducing Recy Pontiff as the 23rd Dr.

Speaker 1 Bethany. This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant by names brewing a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew.
Banjo Bethany has lost much in the war.

Speaker 1 They only wish for peace and to see their family again. Oh Bethany, where art thou? Anomalous Bethany.
My hot wife Bethany calls this show Space Burger all the time.

Speaker 1 Green Mountain Hermit wants that N.B. Bethany stew recipe.
Three geese in a trench coat all named Bethany definitely not causing mischief in the ongoing Bethany War.

Speaker 1 Big Bag bussing out the Bethany Bentaiga, a non-binary thylacine named Bethany. Byro the motherfucking dragon with his horde of Bethanies.

Speaker 1 Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethanies to avoid capture by Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire.

Speaker 1 JS, Daniel Enright, Enderglitch78, Artist Dragonborn, a pleasant pheasant plucker.

Speaker 1 Shaloma, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez, Muffins, Space Wives, Chad Hatter, Captain Jack Harkness once Peter the Robot, Elise Myers, Oreo, Oreo. No wait, pineapple.
Actually, never mind. Oreo.

Speaker 1 Jargon HD. Tell your cat I said.

Speaker 1 Pops, ps, ps, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, ps, p, p, Latasha Lynn Michels Johnson, Cuddy Kraken, Life's a Load Studio, Sue Miller, The Game, Disco Techno House, Alex Light, Sahil, Varyan, Somenity, Tim, LL Cool Mint Jams, The Other Original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, Andrea, Honorifica Bilitutinus Tatibus, Hazel, Humbly Marks, mainly with Wifty, Werifestria, Chris Hightree, Millie Was Taken, Dead to Me86, Hannes, Lucas Isn't a Loser, He's a Wiener, Ben Camp, Louise Bavnani, Shan Man Man Man, Anne Rum Burton, My 84 Chevy, Kinran, Waba Jack, Daniel, Chance Rygaard, Just Books and Coffee, Dr.

Speaker 1 Bootiologist, The Glutes Doctor, Tobias Ewing, Thank you for pressing too. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received.

Speaker 1 Queen Surly Jess, R.I.P. Lance McLean, You Would Have Have Loved Midnight Burger.
Adam Tokelove, Dr.

Speaker 1 Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jeka, Greybeard, Colin Loves Roxy, the size 2 fish you've been looking for, Iokai, Natasha Without Boris, Stephanie Bridges, Lafayette Lasagna Lovers 1, The Main Immortal, Chiel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Polly Wog, Jinx the Judgmental but Well-Meaning Cat, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklebright, Wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, on the trail of the dastardly Red Nell, Professor Thaddeus Snookums, Retorted, Von Grimm, Nico DeGallo goes great on midnight burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, Cody Monster, Keith Collins, Riley Jane dances on her tippy toes.

Speaker 1 South Wayne, Sierra Smith, Lambo Swanson of the Swanson Otters, Hazley J, Rest in Peace, Mikey, Fossildiver84, Casey Judson, Solomon Price, Megan Hazen, Daylen Foles, Jade Blade, Chucklin Charlie's Chicken Shack, Doc Sweet Ph.D., Cody Chisholm, Ruth McCormick, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Any Crafts, Anywhere, Mr.

Speaker 1 Grin, Glenn Petrofsky, True Trans Traveler, Leaf's Orb, The One That Got Away.

Speaker 1 This moment of silence, so Joe can catch his breath, is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Funch Brunkland, Steam Vision, Conductor of the Interdimensional Time Spanning Hype Train, Dave Harold, Wise Cube, Dirty Diaper, Fussbutt, and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, pronounced Bro, Mine, Cat Cat, Mother of Pearl, El Chingon, Seal Face, Rigor Mortise, Elmo, Meghan's Things, Things Meghan Makes, Shiny Fields, Magically Maggie, Trebex, Reject, Prophet of the Mucklewain's God, Matthew with two T's, the first T is silent, Finley and I will join you for dinner someday.

Speaker 1 Darth Ox, Aaron Arnold, Bailey Burr, Amanda Tracy, Mama Mander says, Happy first birthday, B-Raz, Valen Real, the Tooth Fairy, They Paints, Undead Akira, Broom Goddess, Portagos Pex, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's 10 Tenebris, Tan Staffel Tippers, Treading Treacherously Tantamount to Telling Totalitarian Trope Termination Tales.

Speaker 1 Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck, Naked, The Lovely Lara Lovely, Jeremy the Ruler, Alex Church, Ahsoa, Goat G, Jacob Mitchell, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Joshua Soder, Gabba Gool, Gool, Scrub Zandy, Scratchy Kitty, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Whiskered, Beth Ann Sans Beth, Randy Spears, Marissa the Ghost, Local Snowplows in Your Area are Dying to Meet You.

Speaker 1 Rutherford B.

Speaker 1 Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Wolfgang the Incredulous, Andrea Rose, Cheshire Corgi, Ole Kelsey, No Shoes, Share Bear17890, Zuldia, Little Men from County Down, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, Brought to You by by Communism, Timothy Aotis, Chance Wants You to Know He Cares, Wolfstark, Adrian Vance, Elliott, Hobbes DeCoe, Alexis Walker, Roy of Yin, Mubi the Golden Calf, Kirion, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, Kay Narconyx, Daydream, Angela Sanchez, Bubba 485, aka Schemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Space Rooster Randy Roosts in Ava's Booth, Stella Corvus, My Love of Verge is Undying, Candyman Fight, Sketch Wolf, Jessica Engeli, Kevin Daughtry, Adam Wolf, Martin Deeres, Entropy Eigenbases, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Matt B., Richard Ryan Moschel, Theodore and his son Henzo, D.

Speaker 1 Flower, Kella Ti Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Parmesan Goose, Jen Rhodes, Kevin Lutra, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Alan Berglund, Dylan Winslow, V.

Speaker 1 Greenlee, Courtney Morris, Ryan Abbey, I hope something good happens to you today.

Speaker 1 Yes, you, Wasabi Lube Moonshine, Wasabi Lube's Mom, Turtle Boy, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, Ron Hayden, Dan Gentry, Vincent Yu, Stephen Durrow, Whisperdan, Mad Maddox, John Peters, You know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, ADHD Brulee, SCP-049, O Magis, Michael Laurie, Raven the Dreamer, TK, Turtle King, Dominique Perry, Space-Based Lasers, Caption B, and Lady G with their swabs, The Clockwork Vixen, Verge Fangirl, and Designated Midnight Server, Ozneth the Author, Mr.

Speaker 1 Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino Says, Be Nice.

Speaker 1 Jupiter Defense Squad, Timmy Tim Tim, aka 2 Inches Proud, Elizabeth T, Gus, Kyler Wren, Coco Yumi, Huggamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Crandyman, Garot, Nick Gomez, Coldblood, The Say of Ra, aka Bleepo Abernathy, Our Cats said to Tell You, Meow, Brian, Ed, and Kev, Del Casa Bro, Lord Denham, Jay Schmoe, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr.

Speaker 1 Frog President, Pop Rock, Quicksand, Call Me My Love Again, Abanaso, Mr. Rage, Ada, Spooky Spader Storytime, Andy, I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

Speaker 1 Lazarus, the McJimmies from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Reformed Colonel Reb, Ghoster Alagamo, Aaron Starr, Claude DeClaus, Chiss Alfredge, the Bullheaded Professor, Chris Janda, Ed Boy, Ryan Finelli, Jonathan Kay, Bert, Bert Burt Burt Burt Burt Burt Burt Burt Burt Burburt,

Speaker 1 Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Davin Royal, Captain Hambone, King Felix Blaze of the Third Street Saints, Scotty Oates, Iced Heart on Fire, Dan's Grounded Again, Damn, baby, that ass tastes like straight soup.

Speaker 1 Spico, Nic Tac-Toe 2.0, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castellon, Jamie the Goblin of Chaos.

Speaker 8 Whom, what,

Speaker 1 why,

Speaker 1 where?

Speaker 1 A dubious raptor.

Speaker 1 God is love, love is king, cash green, sir party animal, Huloy Jackal, cat with a K, Miss Shan Fizzle, Stomp Be Hot Box in the Phoenix with June and Steve, Lucifer Hezekiah, Lachi Wawa Brava, Cece Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a Milf, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava, Craig Armstrong, Dulcet DeLeche, Zachary Langruer, Get Out of My Booth, Bug, Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Larry Fisherman, Anna Kearney, Ashley Strange Lilia, The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Jean-Luc Gabot, Lonely Isle, Chris Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Sir Noculus the Space Knight, Scrizzles, Flap, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, Peace Reaper, The End is Nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Poet Without a Name, Brian Collins, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West, The Sketch of Otaku Gang, Wolf, Drake Elias, Fermi's Paradoxans, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again, Tevin Longblade's Short Sword, Impatiently Waiting for the TARDIS, Forget Normal, A Damn!

Speaker 1 David Chapman, C.J.

Speaker 1 Johnson, Saggy Bottoms 83, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Smivey, Globed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Dana Deb, The Soup Witch, Fettuscini Alfredo, Amalgamous Packs, Pebbles, Heathen King, Effie Rawlings, Nick Borro, Midnight Plumber, Mr.

Speaker 1 Cherry loves Baby Bach Joy, Happy Anniversary, International House of Yearning, Cynical Warlock, Wayne Heiser, Ellie the Cosmic Janitor, Slev of Bahamut, Umbra Mesaram, Cam and Micah, Omi Gracie, Cal Artin the Tired, A Ted Named Todd, Fred and George, Sam the Celestial, Ava Maddox Jr., Cassie Williams, Yeep My Boy, 46 Tool Shed 2, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Lizzie R, Definitely Not Kevin, Push Lynchen, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E.

Speaker 1 Melt wishes everyone a less traumatic than expected 2025. Red the Gray, I needed someone to make the TARDIS reference.

Speaker 1 Couch Potato Alex, Gregory the God of Chaos, sitting down to tea with the other beings of chaos. Neverchild, Athanasios Nasir Show Kot, Kiboko, Lil Kev, Kozamine, Jonathan Burton, Mr.

Speaker 1 Man and Lady, Joey B, Ali Malik, DJK DJK, Mixed Terran Van Edinger, Sandalwood Mountain, Whimsical Fuckery.

Speaker 1 From your point of observation, Warranty Lady both has and has not had a successful bottom surgery. Thanks, Schrödinger.

Speaker 1 Patricia the Time Lord, Mango Connoisseur, Owen Sucito, A Gently Sucked On Chili Dog, Glory Cole, Janelle Miaonet's Cat Butler, The Gentleman, Rest in Peace, Dear O'Sheen, Alex Berry, Eden DePousset, Andrew Oakden, I Only Listen for the Names at the End, Avalon, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack.

Speaker 1 Eliza Travels the Universe, Mike Anzavino, Lindsey Bowen, The Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spence, Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, I Hate Samores, James Harlow, NecroPants, Salesman of the Year, The Cosmos Cruising Cadillac, I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr.

Speaker 1 Caber Ant, Me as a Baby, Michael Odom, Zero, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Calkins, Guacamolio, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat666, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, Andy Loves Clouds, Dustin's Goose, Prime Freak, Walter Piakarsky, Droid Pirate Findlay and His Rubin-esque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Drunken Coyote, The Impersonator Known as, Tony Piakarsky, Adrian R., Phoenix, Kimberderp, Mr.

Speaker 1 Tims, Dead Weight, The Harbinger Pulsar, Cremulous is just happy to be here, Kinetic Fox, The Twisted Twigster, Six Seasons in a Movie, Faye Queen, Chase Noseworthy, Core, Hoop Schnart, The Probability Demolition Expert, Mason Jeffrey Showtime Hester, C.R.

Speaker 1 Ipted, For My Mother, Homer, Are We Doing Crimes, Two Vegetarians and a Toxic Relationship with Burger, CCTX Girl 6823 Waiting on the Diner, Melissa Winskill, Nicole Studioso, Sign My Shovel, shovel.

Speaker 1 A talking dog named Bronk. Just a potato.
Indigo Escargo. Love My Captain.
Joe Malma. Castriff.
Ames Affection for Internet Protection. Retro MG.
Snarky Bark00. The Cowboy.
Gainesville Fear Garden.

Speaker 1 Abby Kramer. We have no Lana Bananas Today.
Utrid and Roses. Viking Void Vittles.
Not Sure What I'm Doing. River Brown.
Senor Deuce. Scullacy.
Warped Ryder. Tim Nacy.
Ruben Clamso. Scrambled Eggs.

Speaker 1 Morgan Brockman. Sylvie.
Charlotte Tobiah. Glennis Thompson.
Dustin Watson. Betty White813, Good Grief People, I Need to Breathe, Star Scribe, Lucian Thunderstruck,

Speaker 1 Oh, Mabama, Drought Breaker, Glorbnar 7, Dooser likes no thinky, just Dewey, the other Adele. I named my cat Lafe, and it made him an evil genius.
Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Mr.

Speaker 1 Arnie Arbuckle Sr., Sierra Not from Arkansas, Z-Go, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tubayala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Jake Cascade, Digital Floof Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, The Milkman, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mound Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr.

Speaker 1 Me Pod, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Moe, Brian O'Neill, Edward Pena, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift.

Speaker 1 The Stone Fox, Solivia, Kyle from Detroit, Juiciton, Marauder Mitch and Pandergast, Papitos, Boomhauer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods, Ritwards, Ashley Soros, Momo's Mama, Tony Tony Tony, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Fickle Phil, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Mr.

Speaker 1 Triggvy, Printing with Cats, Riley, Khaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dinah, Amanda Noscarella, Jose Zettino, Sonny Stagg, a representative of the Pill Owls, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Revibe, Debbie E, Emma, HBD, AJ and Aaliyah Owalewa, Mommy and Daddy Love You, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary Like the Virgin, Rosetta, The Phoenix Bird has brought Gabby Painter a kaleidoscope of mystic art.

Speaker 1 Wandering Wenjo painted Oni, Q Dell, Pharrell, Betty Hayes in the B-Team, Emily with Two E's, Drousy Rousey, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk, Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble?

Speaker 1 Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Issa the Straga, D.

Speaker 1 Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, My Time Has Come, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Matt Sharkman, Steele, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, Scipio Duda, Buffy's Daughter, Emeric, Bufar D's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Tristan Stoles, Shadow Rapture, Leaf's Bastard Son Brizzo, Hank the Wonder Llama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Ibsen, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina.

Speaker 1 Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Torosmash, The Podcast for Nerdy Jews, Axel, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Tim Lynch, Poisonberry, aka The Boys, A, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Jack's Nightmare, Scav with Comtax, Kennan's Girlfriend Brooke, The Subaquatic Goblin Says, Joe, you've done it again.

Speaker 1 The Kells, on December 2024, Catalina finally became an engineer.

Speaker 1 Jenny on the Blockchain, Angry Leaf's Laser Saw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Skexies, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, WitchyCat13 Loves IPAs, White Mountain Chicken Nuggets, Max Danger, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naonix Reno, Robert Frankenberry, High Life, Elden's Father, Mr.

Speaker 1 SmartyPants, Honeybee, Nordalbash, Jordan, RWNX X Pelasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweisen, Monica and Mason K, Tony Wants to Be Laif, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Ryan Burnett, The Most Glitter-tastic, Joyful Goth in the Triad, The Timid Ghost 23, Zivia's Mom, Dr.

Speaker 1 Dr.

Speaker 1 B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, The Geneva Accords, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Your Humdinger Moonbringer, Letty Lou, Tibby.

Speaker 24 He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard.

Speaker 1 Kinger was here. Bobby Ray Woodland Jr.
Bebop Bebaba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Lord Robert O'Tartis, he's bigger on the inside.

Speaker 1 Jeremiah Franco, Isaiah Coleman, Celestial Warlock, Gabby Hayes, my wiggle butts, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Micah Collins, Cody McClure, Eternal Champion, Jingolos, Eris, Goddess of Discord, Has Matilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Farting Fart Wizard, Lolly, Evan M.

Speaker 1 Dobson, Going to Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Shaggy, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Omega Nye, Frank in a Field, Sally Cell Seas Shells by the Seashore, Colorado Southpaw, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Christina Sennett, The Red Planet, Shane Robertson, Definitely Not an Android, Seriously, I'm not.

Speaker 1 The Wandering Welshman, whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, Scott Gygax, Glenn Morris, Crushable Hale53, Tequila Mockingbird, Damarin, known to the Otters as Slippery Slope, Locksmith Locksmith Andy, Iso Pale, Rose Alt, Hopeful Ghost, Nate the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather have made it, Girl Scouts with a K and a Z, Eric, Katie Kate, get your colonoscopy, it's the Grand Chalky's birthday, Victor Cassados, Smiggs, Emily Shmemily, Work for Melvis, Bohogo, bye-bye for Jojo, Pogo, that's a no-go, bro.

Speaker 1 I am Lure of Planet Omicron Percy I8, kneel before your supreme ruler, Tybo, Mystixie, Baby Baiton Lee, Karen Gallagher, Kyle Perino, Amber King, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid understands the assignment, Lil Stevie Pie, Return to Sender, Two Polar Cat is Back, and has Molotov cocktails for everyone.

Speaker 1 Did someone say Fang's out?

Speaker 1 Carl, the teller of dad jokes, at least six gyms, Skylab's multidimensional, multiphasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young'un, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Supercalifragilistic XP, Alex Nickel, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacons, Kelly W., Holly Hooten, Pyro's Calling, Joe Suasian, Too Many Jans, Cat Jot, Pamela Rose Rose Eltiera, Then Steena says, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nierds, Taz Hernandez, It's Just Tyson Now, Joe is the Writer's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Estelle, Kim Sell, Silly Goose, Honk Honk, Ghost Saber Wolf, Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, Daniel Gregory, Dr.

Speaker 1 Glass, Sweets, Char Noble 1610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Babity

Speaker 1 Boop Boo, Ben Bar, Beastly Deaths, Ven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunge, Ted Wasanasen, Virestria, Spoomples, Fernwood Gal, Twinkle Tots, Shocking Developments Nearby, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swagglin Daniel Arthur, Mike LaClusi, Dex, It's a It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail Lahou, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Whatever's Clever, Alexica Habaniera, Cone Stranger, One Batty Bat,

Speaker 1 Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Freelp, M.

Speaker 1 Lin, Feedba Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Rekka Ayumu, Ted's Loves Catherine, J Spark, Eevee Girl, Lucid Harbor, Little Lily Leopard Paws, Die at Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hold it Now, Hold It Now, Hold it Now Hit It!

Speaker 1 It's the Police! Open Up! We just got a noise complaint about too many people hitting it.

Speaker 1 Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okeo, William Dyer, Vicki Abear, Brad Munier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her steel-eyed bow, Jackie Lowie, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Crazed Bear, Evinala.

Speaker 1 Fun fact: Raccoons don't hibernate. Dr.
Lattice Trash Angel is going to keep this up year-round. Noble Barrel.
Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you.
Bippity-boppity boom. Megan the Meg Young.

Speaker 1 Baby Bears Love the Diner.

Speaker 1 Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Jane G, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Arenetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Her Prismatic Chickens, Criddle, Heidelberty, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Rad Dolls, Salazar the Dome Age, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Shetzalot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Sarah Maguire, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B.

Speaker 1 Anthony, Time In, Simon Normalmark, Tybalt I, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Tess Bart, AlleyFrog, Trade the Turquoise Tortoise, Talon Lawson, Freya Titmittens, Corey the Frogologist, The Fontucky Wrangler, Jessica Shelton, Screm Brulee, The Singing Loon, Zusana, Celeste Yos, I'm So Antigone Fun, Infinity Times Infinity, Noah and Katie, Joe R., Justin at the Tree Cave, The Ambergler, Boodles, Reaper, Osvaldo Simeoni, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Zehoni Veda, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sabrantha, Beatrice Bodacious, Kyle of Light, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuddha, Eli the Electrician, TNB Lemmy, Charmay, The Wondrous Methazophon, Perstafanon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralee, Deary Darling, Bookshift Managed, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Racefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Jay Snooston, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inschuldegam, Cryptesia, Rebecca Trossel, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Home, Casper's Number One Fan, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Deli Cruise.

Speaker 1 It's okay now, Joe Fisher, Matt Mosby, Saint Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Extranaweeb, Ghost Blade Heidalon, Starlight, Berserking Off, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Wheeze Laugh.

Speaker 1 Mossy would come up with a cool name, but sadly, she's just Mossy.

Speaker 1 Lacockne Francaise, Virgo Aries, Infinity, Vest Buds Danny and M, Ashley, a bug named Nat, Potato Nation, Cece Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Rusty Accord, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Paul A.

Speaker 1 Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, The Green Street Major. Dr.
Punt Gusher Esquire gets to stay up till midnight sometimes, cause it's called Midnight Burger for a reason.

Speaker 1 Creator67, Bajolanth, Life's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark11, Courtney Depona, Reedle the Beetle, John Dew, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Enth Anomaly, Meghan Mighty, Purple Saline, Miss Chris Still Making Sandwiches, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Captain Blepp, Eevee Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What?

Speaker 1 Danielle L, Shiny Melon Fear Now, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Tonight at 11, Doom!

Speaker 1 Ilate Raul, Hicks Bezi Mates, Disco Funkslinger, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk, It's Just Blake, Alice Malisk asks, How many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains?

Speaker 1 Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe, Lucrezia, Andrew Barner, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Broccoini, Ava, no not that, Ava, the one with the

Speaker 1 Grimm, Zacky Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzarinctum, Michael Christian, Ransom, Marun Maisalil, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keonu Meissen, Fiona Malisey, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R.

Speaker 1 the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Tracy, Maloran, Brian Barletta, Sweet Michelle, Cara, Colmy Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Laura Geisler, India Holbert, the esteemed throat goad Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatowichi, Justine Burbank, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and existentially exhausted Bean.

Speaker 24 Holy shit, my Kindle just quit on me.

Speaker 42 Oh,

Speaker 2 thanks, Jeff.

Speaker 14 I said accidentally, weird.

Speaker 1 I said accidentally, accidentally.

Speaker 8 She unloads two shells.

Speaker 1 I spelled two T-O. What kind of idiot?

Speaker 15 She unloads two shells.

Speaker 21 We don't have time to take a break right now.

Speaker 56 We're having a two-minute science meeting.

Speaker 55 I approve that that reading.

Speaker 8 This reading approved by Julie Starr.

Speaker 24 The Society of Bethanies.

Speaker 23 What?

Speaker 15 What?

Speaker 15 What? What?

Speaker 3 I just look up and it's all...

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, I can't tell who those middle fingers are for. It is.

Speaker 35 Everyone's on screen.

Speaker 1 It looks like you're flipping off Tom, which, wow.

Speaker 15 I mean,

Speaker 1 Boom boom makes her way across the bar. She has a wooden leg.

Speaker 65 Morning, ladies.

Speaker 8 So I guess it's a tricky thing.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. I think, could we go with Blunt?

Speaker 15 Sure.

Speaker 2 My name is Commandant Blunt of Zaz.

Speaker 24 I'm on an exposition. Expedition.
Expedition.

Speaker 8 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Technically, we're all on an expedition.

Speaker 15 Yeah, we are.

Speaker 42 We are right now.

Speaker 14 Please allow me to express me.

Speaker 20 Fuck you.

Speaker 40 She's done it.

Speaker 24 Nice work, Ms. Huggins.

Speaker 15 Shit.

Speaker 55 Pagans.

Speaker 8 What did I say?

Speaker 24 No men situation.

Speaker 1 A no-man situation.

Speaker 15 I'm out.

Speaker 35 I call it that.

Speaker 52 Hope springs a kernel, Fiona.

Speaker 15 I'm going to say it one more year one time.

Speaker 52 I'm trying to get out of this crystal.

Speaker 1 Hope springs a kernel.

Speaker 15 What does that mean?

Speaker 11 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 35 Well,

Speaker 8 where you have hope, the future is like a seed,

Speaker 15 waiting,

Speaker 52 waiting in the ground.

Speaker 8 No.

Speaker 52 And hope is nourishing.

Speaker 52 Unsurprising.

Speaker 15 Hope

Speaker 15 and become life.

Speaker 46 It's all staticycing.

Speaker 8 How do I mute other people?

Speaker 24 It's a treasure map.

Speaker 24 Do you not want me to do it that way?

Speaker 15 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like maybe there's a stronger choice.

Speaker 17 Seems pretty strong.

Speaker 14 Sounds like a challenge to me.

Speaker 35 You got it.

Speaker 42 Let's go.

Speaker 1 Add the pepper.

Speaker 23 So what is that?

Speaker 24 It's a treasure map.

Speaker 2 And they leave the user.

Speaker 3 Okay. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 52 Everyone's going to cue you.

Speaker 1 Everyone, say all of your lines at once.

Speaker 8 It's a treasure wrap.

Speaker 42 No way, I'm sorry.

Speaker 18 The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

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