Welcome to the Horizon Part 10: Phoenix

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Speaker 3 Look, I am sure that Eldon can give you the full rundown of all this, but that's the gist of what he told me. I am...

Speaker 3 I don't know what I am, but apparently I am still me. It's still Frank in here.
I didn't really understand his explanation for it.

Speaker 3 Something about quantum physics and some sort of emerging theory about consciousness being,

Speaker 3 I don't know, mobile or something.

Speaker 3 Clementine needed a body to put me in, and she just kind of winged it.

Speaker 3 So I still breathe in and out, but according to Elden, I don't... Jesus Christ, this sounds so ridiculous.

Speaker 3 I don't have lungs.

Speaker 3 Elden says that that it doesn't have to be about needing air. It can be about maintaining a consistent temperature or sampling the atmosphere or

Speaker 3 something.

Speaker 3 But anyway, there I was at the bottom of the cliff, not a scratch on me. I don't sleep anymore.
I still eat and drink, but I don't know if I'm doing that out of force of habit.

Speaker 3 And of course, Trinket has her theories too, but I cannot tell you how much I don't want to talk about those.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 4 there.

Speaker 3 That's the whole story.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 now's the part where you say something.

Speaker 6 Swamp thing?

Speaker 6 What? Your swamp thing.

Speaker 6 June. Brilliant scientist Alec Holland is thrown into the swamp after a freak accident.
His consciousness merges with the swamp, and he is reborn as the swamp thing.

Speaker 3 I was really feeling bad about not telling you this, not feeling bad anymore.

Speaker 6 Don't act like you're not swamp thing.

Speaker 3 Not swamp thing. What are you talking about?

Speaker 8 Frankie,

Speaker 6 you were the only kid in America who liked that movie for reasons other than Adrienne Barbeau.

Speaker 3 This was fun.

Speaker 6 It was a good talk. You even liked the sequel.

Speaker 9 No, I didn't.

Speaker 6 You thought comics were for nerds, but what did you keep under your bed? Your swamp thing collection.

Speaker 3 It wasn't a collection.

Speaker 6 There was supposed to be porn under there. Frank.

Speaker 3 Did it occur to you that I might need some help right now, that I might need some support? Instead, I get swamped thing.

Speaker 4 Frank.

Speaker 4 Relax.

Speaker 6 What did I tell you?

Speaker 6 When the weird shit starts happening, it's all the sci-fi and comic book girlies who are going to be ready and should be listened to why are you not listening to me i am listening to you and what you're saying sounds ridiculous frank

Speaker 6 calm down i got a whole theory i'm about to blow your mind okay

Speaker 6 blow my mind come with me on this journey clementine in her dumbness smashes your body apart like a dollar store pinata, but you, like a Looney Tunes character who has just been shot by Elmer Fudd, still stand there as a ghost.

Speaker 6 Is it so ridiculous to think that in the brief seconds right before you were put into this new body, that you somehow, deep down, had a bit of say in what that body would be? I mean, why not?

Speaker 6 It's your body.

Speaker 3 You're saying I did this to myself?

Speaker 6 I'm saying I'm glad you weren't obsessed with Batman as a kid. You would have been transformed into a psychotic rich guy.

Speaker 6 Okay, we can stop talking about it now hey alec holland had to burn alive in a freak accident to become swamp thing

Speaker 3 at least you didn't have to do that i'm not swamp thing and it wasn't a freak accident his lab was firebombed by the conclave haha

Speaker 7 morning sergeant slaughter june please it's sergeant major slaughter

Speaker 3 look at the new celeste she's got jokes everyone's waiting inside just a small group yeah it's just me june deedre Trinket, and Doug.

Speaker 3 I thought about asking TJ, but nobody ever knows where the hell he is, so.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 10 Thank you for not inviting, Steve.

Speaker 6 Uh, he's going to show up anyway.

Speaker 7 He always shows up.

Speaker 10 Well, let's get a move on then.

Speaker 6 What's this about, Celeste?

Speaker 10 You'll see.

Speaker 10 Good morning, everyone. Hey, guys.

Speaker 9 I made muffins.

Speaker 11 God bless you, Deidre.

Speaker 12 Hoffey is over there.

Speaker 6 Um, what's this about, guys? Doug, you have been invited to a secret meeting.

Speaker 8 Really? Oh, yes. Wow.

Speaker 4 Um,

Speaker 4 wow.

Speaker 13 Thank you. I've never been a part of a secret society before.

Speaker 3 It's not a secret society.

Speaker 6 Yes, it is. We need robes and a weird handshake.

Speaker 14 I've definitely got robes.

Speaker 5 Guys, Celeste asked for this meeting.

Speaker 3 She told me to choose a handful of people, and I chose all of you.

Speaker 6 Point of order, Mr. Chairman.
I'm not the chairman. I think all of us are still waiting for an apology.

Speaker 10 From who? From me.

Speaker 10 June, I'm not going to apologize for following orders.

Speaker 6 Fine. Please tell the joint chiefs to send a letter of apology to my offices.
No.

Speaker 12 What's this about, Celeste?

Speaker 3 It's about the comet.

Speaker 3 June, Trinket, and I have been talking about this for a while, and assuming the rumor mill is still going strong in this town, I'm sure you've all heard about it too.

Speaker 4 Trinket?

Speaker 14 I have a friend who works at an observatory in Chile who thinks that there is a very hard-to-detect comet heading to the vicinity of Earth.

Speaker 14 I believe the last time this comet visited Earth, it was a harbinger of change.

Speaker 14 This

Speaker 14 was

Speaker 14 around the end of the last ice age.

Speaker 10 Then, a few weeks ago, my base received a hurry-up and wait order.

Speaker 6 This is the type of order that we get when we're getting ready for something big, but we don't know what.

Speaker 3 And then a few days ago, Trinket hears that the observatory she's been talking to has been seized by the Chilean government.

Speaker 14 Which they would do if they needed to control the information coming out of that observatory.

Speaker 10 Which brings us to today and why I asked Frank to bring you all here.

Speaker 10 Last night, a protocol was instituted across all U.S. bases in all theaters.

Speaker 6 Every single one around the world.

Speaker 7 The protocol is called Cannonball.

Speaker 10 It's a protocol instituted to prepare for a possible impact with earth by an extraterrestrial body

Speaker 4 morning y'all

Speaker 17 looks like the rain's about to start

Speaker 4 here comes fall

Speaker 17 I gotta get a heat fixed in my place so me and Rambo are gonna freeze

Speaker 17 you know I knew this guy once, Kyle.

Speaker 8 He thought he was hilarious because he was all like, Kyle from Detroit.

Speaker 17 But, you know, he was from Detroit Lake, you know, like by

Speaker 17 Mount Jefferson.

Speaker 17 Anyway, his heat was broken and he didn't have any money to fix it.

Speaker 5 So he said, it's fine, I'll just wear my coat indoors.

Speaker 17 So winter comes and he gets drunk one night and passes out on his couch without his coat on.

Speaker 17 A few days later, they check on him, frozen solid on his couch, half a can of blue ribbons still in his hand.

Speaker 3 Oh, hey, Muffins. Steve.

Speaker 4 Deodora, I didn't know you were open to Charlotte.

Speaker 3 We're not open. We're in the middle of a meeting, Steve.

Speaker 4 Really? A meeting about what?

Speaker 14 Just tell him, Frank.

Speaker 3 It's a meeting about the comet.

Speaker 4 God damn, y'all. You're having a comet meeting without me?

Speaker 3 Don't say comet meeting like it's a thing we have all the time.

Speaker 17 I see how it is.

Speaker 4 Weird old Steve, shut out again.

Speaker 6 Steve, I'm sorry. You're right.
We should have called you.

Speaker 4 I live here too, y'all.

Speaker 5 A lot of people live here.

Speaker 3 They're not here either.

Speaker 5 Oh, I get it.

Speaker 4 Y'all are the important ones.

Speaker 17 Is that it? I mean, Frank over here thinking he's the Superman of Hood's Pockets.

Speaker 6 Swamp thing, actually.

Speaker 4 You know.

Speaker 17 I don't know what I have to do to be treated like a member of this community.

Speaker 17 What? Tell me.

Speaker 5 what do I have to do?

Speaker 3 Be dependable in any way.

Speaker 14 Frank, stop it.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 Look,

Speaker 8 Steve,

Speaker 12 we're really sorry.

Speaker 14 We haven't been treating you like the valued member of the community you are.

Speaker 14 Can we all stop for a second and say some things that we value in Steve? Right now? I'll start.

Speaker 14 Steve,

Speaker 14 you

Speaker 4 have

Speaker 14 really great instincts.

Speaker 14 You may not be aware of your path, but it's always

Speaker 14 leading you somewhere very interesting.

Speaker 15 Thank you. Perfect.

Speaker 7 Great. Moving on.
I'll go. God damn it.

Speaker 8 Steve.

Speaker 6 An inconvenient truth about Hood's Pocket is that skiers like to stop here because the drugs are really cheap. That then brings a lot of business to town.

Speaker 6 So I would just like to thank you, Steve, for the cut rate narcotics you provide.

Speaker 4 You're welcome.

Speaker 10 Can we move on, please? Well,

Speaker 8 let me just get comfortable.

Speaker 4 Hey,

Speaker 4 how are you doing?

Speaker 4 Are you doing okay? Oh, um,

Speaker 13 Secret Society, I'm doing great.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 Good. Right.

Speaker 17 Somebody catch me up.

Speaker 3 Uh, there's a comet heading for Earth.

Speaker 4 Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah, I knew that part.

Speaker 5 No, for real.

Speaker 3 The U.S. military knows.
They're preparing for it right now. That's what Celeste came here to tell us.

Speaker 6 Yeah, way to bring down the room, Celeste.

Speaker 10 You'd prefer I not tell you?

Speaker 4 Kind of.

Speaker 17 Why is she bringing it to us?

Speaker 4 This is like...

Speaker 6 Top secret stuff, right?

Speaker 10 Aren't you going to get court-martialed? If anyone finds out, yes.

Speaker 12 Then why did you decide to tell us?

Speaker 10 Because you are my neighbors,

Speaker 10 and because

Speaker 14 I object to it. You object to what?

Speaker 10 Generals are pretty tight-lipped. That's how you get to be a general.
It all comes down to how good you are at keeping secrets and towing the line.

Speaker 10 But everyone else in the military, candidly, is a gossipy little shithead.

Speaker 10 You hear things, and there are parts of this protocol that I find

Speaker 10 repugnant.

Speaker 4 What are they?

Speaker 10 Right now, if you check airspace around the world, you're going to find several privately chartered aircraft heading to secret destinations.

Speaker 10 These planes are full of people who are being flown to shelters deep under the earth.

Speaker 6 Who's on the planes?

Speaker 10 Who do you think is on the planes?

Speaker 17 Goddamn Illuminati.

Speaker 3 Please tell me it is the best and brightest of the human race.

Speaker 10 Illuminati? It is not.

Speaker 10 This isn't what I signed up for. We should be informing the public right now.

Speaker 9 Why don't we?

Speaker 5 Let's do it.

Speaker 4 I can go live on Instagram right now.

Speaker 3 So glad Steve is here now.

Speaker 10 They would.

Speaker 10 They would do to you what I've been doing to you all for a long time.

Speaker 10 Make you look like you're insane. There's nothing we can do to get the word out about this, but I knew

Speaker 10 that I could come here and tell all of you.

Speaker 10 It's not much, but I thought it was important.

Speaker 4 So, um,

Speaker 13 how big?

Speaker 10 How big what?

Speaker 13 Well, do they know how big the impact is going to be?

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 14 From what I learned from my friend,

Speaker 14 the comet isn't going to hit Earth, but it may shed a lot of debris, and

Speaker 14 that debris could be pretty huge.

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 4 okay.

Speaker 7 Okay, so if

Speaker 13 something hits the Earth about 500 feet wide, well,

Speaker 13 that would kill a city.

Speaker 13 A thousand feet long, and that will level a continent. Half a mile long, well, that's about

Speaker 13 six million Hiroshima bombs,

Speaker 13 global cooling, crop failures, and

Speaker 13 mass starvation.

Speaker 13 Now, it's also going to depend on what it's made of. A comet will be

Speaker 13 ice, which actually helps us in this situation. Now, if it were iron or some other metal,

Speaker 13 it would be much, we'd be in much more trouble.

Speaker 3 How do you know this, Doug?

Speaker 13 Lots of long nights thinking about how many ways the Earth can be destroyed, Frank.

Speaker 7 Fair point.

Speaker 13 So I'm just saying

Speaker 13 these things are survivable. Do we know how much time we have?

Speaker 10 We don't. The Department of Defense is working on it, but nothing so far.

Speaker 13 Okay, so we should start getting ready.

Speaker 3 Get ready how? I doubt we have time to build an underground bunker.

Speaker 13 Well, no, but we need supplies. Now, assuming we survive, supply chains are going to be, you know, shut down, and there may be crop shortages and water shortages.

Speaker 13 Now, being up here on the mountain isn't such a bad place to be. We'll have fresh water from the snowpack, and we're out of the way of floods.

Speaker 13 Ham radio will be the way to go in in terms of communication.

Speaker 13 I have a pretty good setup back at the house, but we'll have to see who else has got one. Now, really, though, the name of the game is going to be pharmaceuticals and dry goods.

Speaker 13 And I think if we can get a good stockpile of those things, I think we may be able to ride this out until

Speaker 13 the lights come back on.

Speaker 6 Three cheers for Doug's paranoia, everybody.

Speaker 10 We have supplies back at the base, but it won't be enough for the whole town.

Speaker 15 We don't even know who's in town anymore. People have been leaving in droves.

Speaker 9 We need a headcount.

Speaker 14 And once we do, we need to have a town meeting. We may not be able to warn the whole world, but we can at least tell everyone in town.

Speaker 3 Okay, guys, listen.

Speaker 3 For a while, we've been able to say that all this could be a big misunderstanding or something.

Speaker 3 I don't think we can do that anymore. Because of a series of weird events, this minuscule town on a mountain knows a lot more than most of the people in the world.

Speaker 3 Am I still hoping somehow this was all a big mistake?

Speaker 5 Sure.

Speaker 3 But I'm not just going to sit here and cross my fingers.

Speaker 3 I think the best thing for everyone's anxiety is to have a job to do, something to focus on. So,

Speaker 3 right now,

Speaker 3 everybody head home and focus on your neighbors. Are your neighbors still around? If they are, don't tell them some crazy story about comets and military bases and the Illuminati.

Speaker 3 Just tell them that there's a meeting tonight at the sheep's eye, and it's very important.

Speaker 10 Okay? I'll head back to base, and when there are any new developments, I will secretly let Frank know.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 3 We're going to be okay, guys.

Speaker 3 Meeting adjourned.

Speaker 4 Hey, hey, Doug. I've

Speaker 4 got an idea. Oh.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 We...

Speaker 5 Should talk to Ava Grimm.

Speaker 13 I don't know, Steve. What?

Speaker 4 She's not so bad.

Speaker 5 Oh, she's very intense.

Speaker 17 Look, I think she'd be a good one to talk to right now.

Speaker 6 What are you buttheads talking about?

Speaker 17 Don't you think we should pay a little visit to Ava Grimm?

Speaker 4 Ooh, our local paranoid survivalist.

Speaker 17 Yeah, I mean, if we're talking about stocking up for the meteor winter, right?

Speaker 6 Doesn't she have landmines in her yard?

Speaker 7 Yeah, that's what I heard. Nope.

Speaker 13 It's just a myth. No, she comes into the store every six months to refresh her batteries, and it's just, it's just...

Speaker 13 Terrifying five minutes.

Speaker 6 I hate that Steve is right about this.

Speaker 6 But But Steve is right about this. We've got to go talk to off-the-grid Grimm.
No, no.

Speaker 13 We could send a letter.

Speaker 8 Man, look, we'll wave a white flag as we approach.

Speaker 6 Uh, I'm sure she fires a warning shot first.

Speaker 4 Oh, God.

Speaker 14 Hey, Celeste, drink it. I feel like this was a difficult decision for you.

Speaker 14 I appreciate you trusting us.

Speaker 10 Desperate times, desperate measures.

Speaker 14 How are your migraines?

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 19 they're uh

Speaker 4 pretty bad.

Speaker 14 We were

Speaker 14 doing pretty well with those. Maybe you should

Speaker 14 come back into the shop.

Speaker 4 That would

Speaker 10 be very helpful.

Speaker 7 Thank you. Okay.

Speaker 14 Do do me a favor, though. When you come back in, could you bring me a gas mask?

Speaker 4 I'm sorry.

Speaker 20 Where is everybody?

Speaker 3 There was some sort of meeting at the sheep's eye.

Speaker 4 Anything important? No, not really.

Speaker 4 I'm getting that.

Speaker 19 it's too quiet feeling.

Speaker 4 Are you?

Speaker 20 Anything going on out there?

Speaker 18 I just told you there was a meeting at the sheep's eye.

Speaker 5 Not out there.

Speaker 4 Out there?

Speaker 4 Nothing too alarming.

Speaker 18 Moon City appears to be getting an encoded message.

Speaker 20 That's weird.

Speaker 16 Why?

Speaker 18 I don't know. It's an encoded message.

Speaker 20 Who from

Speaker 18 the TED homeworld?

Speaker 19 Hmm.

Speaker 16 I don't like it.

Speaker 4 No, do I.

Speaker 18 Could be nothing.

Speaker 20 Can you decode it?

Speaker 18 Not from here. I'd need a direct connection.

Speaker 20 Why would Moon City

Speaker 20 be getting an encoded message from the TED homeworld?

Speaker 18 I don't know.

Speaker 20 They're just supposed to sit there and broadcast Earth television to the rest of the triad, aren't they?

Speaker 4 They are.

Speaker 20 I don't like it.

Speaker 4 Nor do I.

Speaker 5 Frank is here, by the way.

Speaker 4 Come in.

Speaker 3 Hello there.

Speaker 20 Oh, good morning, Frank.

Speaker 3 Verge, Verge, we need to talk.

Speaker 7 Uh-uh-oh.

Speaker 18 Sounds very serious, Frank.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but Verge, there's no easy way to say this.

Speaker 3 But there's a comet headed for Earth, and we need to all start getting ready.

Speaker 20 A comet. Yes.

Speaker 3 You know, I know we've talked about the possibility of this, but it's happening. It's real.

Speaker 4 Alvin.

Speaker 20 Is there a comet headed for Earth?

Speaker 4 There's not.

Speaker 8 Wait, what?

Speaker 18 There is not a comet headed for Earth.

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 3 how do you know? Seriously? The U.S. military is preparing for total disaster and every powerful person on the planet is apparently headed for some sort of underground bunker.

Speaker 3 So, yes, Elden, seriously, how do you know?

Speaker 18 All right, get out your terrible phone. Look on your screen.

Speaker 18 That's a real-time depiction of your solar system. Oh, that's cool.
I'm going to zoom in now on your inner asteroid belt. Do you see those three dots? That's an anti-collision system.

Speaker 18 If an object is detected heading toward Earth, the system is activated. Rockets are deployed that attach themselves to the object in question and alter its course.

Speaker 18 Wow.

Speaker 5 How did it get there?

Speaker 18 It was set up by the TED Empire. They have a vested interest in the survival of your planet.
As you can see, the system has not been activated.

Speaker 20 Frank, when you started worrying about a rock falling on you from space, did you think that maybe you should ask the person who comes from there?

Speaker 3 Yeah, uh

Speaker 3 well

Speaker 3 I suppose we haven't worked consulting our alien friend into our workflow yet, have we?

Speaker 20 You have not. You have not done that.

Speaker 3 So you're telling me there's no comet heading for Earth?

Speaker 18 There's definitely a celestial body heading in the direction of Earth.

Speaker 4 I'll put it on your map.

Speaker 18 See? There it is. Earth appears to be wrong about the trajectory.

Speaker 3 Why does everyone on Earth think it's going to hit us?

Speaker 18 Projecting the path of a celestial body is not quite in your skill set on Earth. I'll give you an example.

Speaker 5 Now on your map is an asteroid you refer to as Bennu.

Speaker 18 An Earth scientist will tell you that in your year, 2175, Bennu has a 1 in 2700 chance of hitting Earth.

Speaker 18 But what I can tell you with the technology available to me is that Bennu will not hit the Earth in 2175.

Speaker 20 The technology is about 19 generations ahead of your own Francai.

Speaker 20 I think you can take our word for it.

Speaker 3 God, fuck, we just had a whole meeting.

Speaker 18 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 But Deidre made muffins.

Speaker 4 We apologize for telling you you're not going to die.

Speaker 5 Okay, great, but now what do we do?

Speaker 20 I guess you need to tell people.

Speaker 5 Oh, god damn it.

Speaker 18 They may be a bit hard to convince. Apologies in advance.

Speaker 6 You can do it.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, hey, by the way, our space friend says we're idiots when it comes to space.

Speaker 20 Well, when it comes to

Speaker 4 a few things. Do you have to tell them? What?

Speaker 18 So they go around thinking the sky is going to fall for a while. Big deal.

Speaker 5 That's a terrible idea.

Speaker 18 It may be the moment of self-reflection that they need.

Speaker 3 Verge, how would you feel?

Speaker 20 Oh, I'd be pissed.

Speaker 18 Yeah, so.

Speaker 3 Look, I mean, we've got to tell people at least believing us can come later.

Speaker 20 Sounds like fun.

Speaker 18 Jesus.

Speaker 3 Jesus. Who do I tell first?

Speaker 20 Please feel free and work this out in my doorway.

Speaker 3 Elden, are you absolutely sure about this?

Speaker 18 I'm incapable of lying, Frank.

Speaker 3 Is that true?

Speaker 13 No, of course not.

Speaker 18 But I am telling the truth.

Speaker 4 Rejoice, Frank.

Speaker 20 You're not going to be killed in a fiery maelstrom.

Speaker 3 I mean, at this particular moment, I'm a little disappointed.

Speaker 18 I have to go. Godspeed.

Speaker 8 Well,

Speaker 18 I feel like we've done our good deed for the day. How about you?

Speaker 22 Fred?

Speaker 18 What's going on with your circulatory system right now?

Speaker 20 Why are the Teds sending an encoded message to Moon City?

Speaker 18 Are you still thinking about that?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 18 They send encoded messages all the time. Everyone does.

Speaker 20 Not to Moon City.

Speaker 20 It's the sleepiest place in the triad.

Speaker 18 That's true, but I still don't think it's anything to get worked up about.

Speaker 4 I'm not getting worked up. Yes, you are.

Speaker 20 You can't decode the message from here?

Speaker 18 I could, but we'd be detected. I'd have to be close enough to decode it directly.

Speaker 18 Verge.

Speaker 18 What? We're not going to the moon.

Speaker 4 Just a quick trip. No.

Speaker 20 Like we weren't even gone, Elden.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 20 It'll be fine, Elden. Verge.

Speaker 18 It is a miracle that our run-in with the science priests hasn't attracted more attention. Why would you you want to push your luck?

Speaker 20 Look, if the Teds are sniffing around, we should know about it, don't you think? Get ahead of the problem for once.

Speaker 18 I suppose there's some wisdom to that.

Speaker 20 We can do the moon and back in a few hours. Nobody'll know.

Speaker 18 Where's this coming from?

Speaker 20 Earth is convinced that it's going to be destroyed by a comet when they're not. Then the Teds, who are notorious for fucking with Earth, start sending an encoded message to their nearest satellite

Speaker 18 I'll start a flight plan there we go would you like to tell someone before we leave no no they um they won't even know we're gone let's go

Speaker 4 hey

Speaker 4 hey

Speaker 8 the world is ending.

Speaker 9 We had a meeting about it.

Speaker 9 God, it was a weird meeting. And

Speaker 9 it was like my feet started walking without me, and they took me here. And now I'm standing here

Speaker 9 because the world is ending.

Speaker 4 And if the world is ending, then I want Didra.

Speaker 20 I get the sense that something really amazing is about to happen,

Speaker 20 but I have to tell you:

Speaker 20 the world isn't ending.

Speaker 22 What?

Speaker 20 It's not.

Speaker 24 But

Speaker 9 we just had a whole meeting about it.

Speaker 18 Yes, hey. Hi, Deidre.
Earth doesn't have all the information. There's a comet headed in this direction, but it's not passing close enough to Earth to cause any destruction.

Speaker 9 You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Speaker 5 No, sorry.

Speaker 18 You'll get a really wonderful view of it from the southern hemisphere, but I'm afraid the wayfaring stranger is going to sail right past you.

Speaker 4 Oh my god.

Speaker 20 Anyway, I interrupted you.

Speaker 9 You...

Speaker 20 Yeah, you were saying?

Speaker 4 I'm...

Speaker 15 I'm going to go get into my car, drive to the Columbia River, and walk in.

Speaker 7 Excuse me. Didro.

Speaker 9 I have to go tell everyone.

Speaker 20 I already told Frank. I'm sure he'll let everyone know.

Speaker 9 I can't take this shit anymore.

Speaker 20 Hey, um,

Speaker 20 want to see a spaceship?

Speaker 20 What?

Speaker 12 What's that sound?

Speaker 20 That's her.

Speaker 9 Where is it?

Speaker 9 I can only hear it.

Speaker 20 Elden, let's decloak.

Speaker 4 Decloaking.

Speaker 9 Oh my god.

Speaker 20 There she is.

Speaker 9 Oh my god.

Speaker 20 It's not really built to go interstellar, but I had a friend make some changes. I have to travel light, but

Speaker 20 it's not a bad way to travel.

Speaker 14 Are you okay?

Speaker 14 I can't.

Speaker 9 I can't believe what I'm seeing.

Speaker 20 Elden, how do we look?

Speaker 18 All system's dominal.

Speaker 9 It's so shiny. Oh my god.

Speaker 20 It used to be be a racing ship. The hull's supposed to give you an extra boost of speed when you come out of a gravity assist, but I think it's just space racer bullshit.

Speaker 20 I think they just like the look.

Speaker 4 What do you think?

Speaker 2 It's beautiful.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's it called?

Speaker 5 Phoenix.

Speaker 5 Can I touch it?

Speaker 4 Sure.

Speaker 14 It feels so weird.

Speaker 20 The inertia sink is warming up, it makes everything vibrate.

Speaker 6 Wait, are you going somewhere?

Speaker 4 I am, but um, I'll be back in a few hours.

Speaker 10 Where are you going?

Speaker 4 The moon.

Speaker 9 The the my moon?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 9 You're just going to go

Speaker 9 to the moon. Yes.

Speaker 4 Why?

Speaker 20 Something I need to check.

Speaker 9 You're just going to the moon to check something. Yes.

Speaker 12 Do you have a storage space there or something?

Speaker 4 No, though.

Speaker 20 Well, now that you mentioned it, that's.

Speaker 18 Not a bad idea, actually. Nobody ever checks things.

Speaker 20 I'm gonna hover about three feet off the surface of the moon and I'm just gonna have a listen to some transmissions.

Speaker 20 Should be simple.

Speaker 20 Wanna come?

Speaker 20 What?

Speaker 20 do you want to come with me?

Speaker 4 What? What?

Speaker 9 I can't. I just.

Speaker 9 I can't just.

Speaker 9 I can't just go to the moon.

Speaker 2 It's a two-seater.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 9 I can't go to the moon. Okay.
I'm not an astronaut.

Speaker 4 Neither am I.

Speaker 4 I can't go to the moon.

Speaker 4 Oh, okay. Okay.

Speaker 9 What? I just climb in and go to the moon.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 9 Yes, you do.

Speaker 9 It can't be that easy.

Speaker 4 Why not? Uh

Speaker 9 well,

Speaker 12 because

Speaker 18 it's a perfectly safe spacecraft, Deidre.

Speaker 9 And you just go to the moon whenever.

Speaker 18 I feel like the core concept is not being communicated. Deidre,

Speaker 20 right now, you have a choice. You can be someone who's been to the moon or someone who hasn't been to the moon.
Which would you like to be?

Speaker 5 Weather's lovely this time of year.

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Speaker 1 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 13 So that's one, two, three, four, five, five signs saying no trespassing.

Speaker 6 It's as if she's trying to tell us something.

Speaker 7 So

Speaker 13 Steve feels comfortable just, you know, walking up to the front door?

Speaker 6 Ava Grimm appears to be a member of Steve's clientele.

Speaker 7 Oh,

Speaker 6 painkillers. But you didn't hear it from me.

Speaker 4 Well, okay, but wait.

Speaker 13 If she's a survivalist who believes that society is on the brink of collapse, how did she plan on maintaining her painkiller habit after it collapses?

Speaker 6 I don't know, Doug, but you should definitely ask her.

Speaker 4 Well,

Speaker 5 she's gone.

Speaker 10 Gone? Yep.

Speaker 6 Maybe she's asleep or down in her bunker or something.

Speaker 17 No, no, she left a note.

Speaker 6 What's it say?

Speaker 17 Whoever you are, this is yours now.

Speaker 17 I suddenly don't know why I did all this. I'm prepared to survive just about anything in here.
But I've got a daughter in Cordeline who I haven't spoken to in 10 years.

Speaker 17 I don't think I can survive that.

Speaker 13 Wow.

Speaker 5 Looks like she heard all the comet rumors.

Speaker 14 She just left us her survival compound.

Speaker 6 I guess so.

Speaker 6 All right, let's take a look. Hang on.

Speaker 6 We're sure the landmines were just a rumor.

Speaker 4 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 4 But oh, oh, hey, yeah, look out for bear traps.

Speaker 14 Great.

Speaker 14 Whoa,

Speaker 17 yeah,

Speaker 17 pretty intense, right?

Speaker 6 I've never seen this many guns in one place.

Speaker 13 Or sacks of beans.

Speaker 4 Or

Speaker 6 protein powder.

Speaker 4 Or oh

Speaker 13 gummy bears.

Speaker 8 She got real weird with it, that's for sure.

Speaker 8 But I guess this is all ours now.

Speaker 6 I guess so.

Speaker 6 Guys.

Speaker 6 What?

Speaker 6 Just

Speaker 6 looking around here.

Speaker 7 Old Ava Grimm was obviously preparing for the worst.

Speaker 6 Can we make a pact that if society comes crumbling to the ground that we'll,

Speaker 6 you know, keep it mellow?

Speaker 4 What do you mean?

Speaker 6 I don't know. I just...

Speaker 6 Don't think I can do the post-apocalypse thing.

Speaker 6 I don't want to have to wear an eye patch and football gear

Speaker 6 and carry a sawed-off shotgun.

Speaker 4 Could...

Speaker 4 Could I have an eye patch?

Speaker 7 Oh, sure, sure, sure, Steve.

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 13 I know what you mean.

Speaker 13 Looking at this place.

Speaker 13 I could have been like this. I mean, I could have been one of those guys that fills his house with supplies, blacks out the windows, and

Speaker 13 waits for the end.

Speaker 13 I don't want to be that guy.

Speaker 6 If I'm being honest, Doug, I totally thought you were headed in that direction. I thought it was

Speaker 6 two years tops until you were barricaded in your house. Me too, man.

Speaker 4 All that talk about snowplows wasn't healthy.

Speaker 6 Not to sound like Steve, but that ayahuasca trip really turned it around for you.

Speaker 4 Oh, well,

Speaker 4 you know,

Speaker 4 thank you.

Speaker 13 You know, as long as we are making rules for the coming post-apocalypse, um,

Speaker 13 no fucking snowplows, never.

Speaker 4 Hey, I was just thinking, who was it that said that the meek will inherit the earth?

Speaker 8 The

Speaker 6 Bible,

Speaker 9 I guess.

Speaker 9 Huh.

Speaker 4 Turns out, it's us.

Speaker 20 These fucking satellites.

Speaker 25 Yes, it's quite a mess up here.

Speaker 20 What's the plan?

Speaker 25 I say on the far side of the planet, we hit a shallow orbit, burn hard, and then the gravity assist should be enough. We probably won't have to use the drive too much, should keep us fairly invisible.

Speaker 20 Sounds good.

Speaker 20 Deidre, how are you doing?

Speaker 21 Oh shit, did she pass out?

Speaker 25 She's fine.

Speaker 21 Deidre?

Speaker 24 We just passed over every place I have ever been in my life

Speaker 24 in 20 seconds.

Speaker 20 We're going about 17,000 miles per hour right now.

Speaker 24 I don't feel a thing.

Speaker 21 I know.

Speaker 24 Man, everything that has ever happened in every history book has happened right down there.

Speaker 24 Looks so small now.

Speaker 9 It's beautiful.

Speaker 20 There's a lot of beautiful planets out there, but this one,

Speaker 20 this one's not so bad. It grows on you.

Speaker 24 Thank you for this, Verge.

Speaker 20 It's my pleasure.

Speaker 25 Burning in five seconds.

Speaker 20 You ready to go to the moon?

Speaker 24 Let's go to the fucking moon.

Speaker 5 Here comes the juice.

Speaker 3 You still there?

Speaker 10 Oh, I'm still here.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 5 Take your time.

Speaker 23 An extraterrestrial

Speaker 4 that's correct. Yep.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, I know. It's.

Speaker 10 This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, I know. I know.

Speaker 26 Your friend, the extraterrestrial, has told you that the comet isn't coming?

Speaker 4 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 4 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3 Correct. Yeah, Celeste, if it's any help, I don't love the words coming out of my mouth either.

Speaker 3 You know, I

Speaker 3 feel like I'm in a fucking Michael Bay movie. But the problem is, there's no non-stupid way of saying this.
There's been an alien in town for a few weeks now, and

Speaker 3 they have told me that the comet is not coming.

Speaker 10 Lots of people out there think that aliens are talking to them, Frank.

Speaker 3 Yep, yeah, and I am aware of these people.

Speaker 4 These are not.

Speaker 4 These are not well people, Frank.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, sure. And I am aware of that too.

Speaker 4 Uh-huh.

Speaker 26 So I'm just supposed to take your word for it?

Speaker 15 Uh.

Speaker 3 I mean, I'd love it if you did. You know, of course.

Speaker 3 Of course, you could also ask yourself, how was Frank, a man who doesn't own a computer, able to hack into my top secret military base?

Speaker 3 And who was the mysterious friend of Frank's who somehow subdued all my guards the other night?

Speaker 3 You could spend some time on that.

Speaker 3 Okay, Frank, benefit of the doubt.

Speaker 10 Great. What am I supposed to do with this information?

Speaker 3 Well, well, it, um,

Speaker 3 it's a good question. It's not like you can do anything about it.

Speaker 3 Uh, but I'm I'm betting Central Command will show up with a butterfly net if you tell them, so I guess we just wait for the comet to pass us by, and then they'll eventually catch on.

Speaker 3 I'm deeply skeptical.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 3 no, of course, Celeste, and um,

Speaker 3 and I respect that. I just figured, you know, spirit of transparency and all all that.

Speaker 10 What are you telling people in town?

Speaker 3 Well, honestly, I'm not sure how much of a town we've got left. I'm thinking we're down to a quarter of our population at this point.
The sheep's eye is basically self-serve now.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 3 I'll wait for everyone to come back here and then I'll tell them.

Speaker 3 No offense, Frank.

Speaker 2 But I'm going to operate as if this is all still happening.

Speaker 4 Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 Sure, you do you, Sarge.

Speaker 26 Okay, well, this has been illuminating it really

Speaker 3 it really has hasn't it

Speaker 26 goodbye frank oh while i've got you can you tell me why trinket needed a gas mask

Speaker 3 uh a gas mask

Speaker 24 Oh my god.

Speaker 4 Welcome to the moon.

Speaker 12 I can't believe this is happening.

Speaker 20 Are we close enough?

Speaker 5 This will do. I've got the signal decoding now.

Speaker 21 It

Speaker 21 looks a lot.

Speaker 24 It looks a lot like Earth. Is that weird?

Speaker 20 It used to be a part of the Earth.

Speaker 20 A long time ago, there was a collision that ripped them both apart. And the moon was just a ring of dust for a while, and then it became

Speaker 20 this.

Speaker 24 I can't believe I'm here.

Speaker 21 This is

Speaker 20 strange for me.

Speaker 21 What?

Speaker 21 I don't know.

Speaker 20 I've spent half my life in a ship like this traveling between one planet or another, and I've gotten used to it.

Speaker 21 It's

Speaker 20 strange to hear someone experience it for the first time.

Speaker 24 I can't imagine ever getting used to this. I've looked up at this moon my whole life, and

Speaker 24 I'm here.

Speaker 20 Looks better from afar, I'd imagine.

Speaker 24 No, no, it's beautiful.

Speaker 24 What was your moon like?

Speaker 21 Mine?

Speaker 24 Yeah, from your planet.

Speaker 25 They had nine of them.

Speaker 24 Nine?

Speaker 25 The nine eyes of Rakesh Guha, they called them. Rakesh Guha was the ancient god of the Vapians.

Speaker 25 As the story goes, Vapians were once two races of people, but one day, when the eyes of Rakash-Guha aligned, they were merged into one people,

Speaker 21 explaining the four appendages.

Speaker 24 Do you not like talking about your planet?

Speaker 21 No,

Speaker 20 not really.

Speaker 24 I understand.

Speaker 24 I think you should, though.

Speaker 24 You should tell me about it.

Speaker 24 I want you to tell me everything.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 21 I've got it.

Speaker 25 There were three different levels of encryption, and uh.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 25 I'll put the data on your screen.

Speaker 25 Um.

Speaker 20 Holy shit.

Speaker 21 What?

Speaker 25 Those

Speaker 25 motherfuckers!

Speaker 24 Verge!

Speaker 21 Elden Hardburn for Earth right now.

Speaker 20 They'll see us.

Speaker 23 Doesn't matter anymore.

Speaker 23 Verge, what's happening?

Speaker 22 Needra,

Speaker 20 we're going to be going very, very fast, but then the inertial dampeners will kick in and it's gonna feel pretty strange, okay? Verge, tell me what's happening.

Speaker 20 You really want me to tell you everything?

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 15 Okay,

Speaker 20 let's start at the beginning. Hundreds of years ago, a bunch of planets started getting a message of peace from a distant planet.

Speaker 20 In that message were instructions on how to build a warp gate to connect those two worlds. The message was from a planet called Ted.

Speaker 20 Building that gate was the worst decision any of those planets ever made.

Speaker 14 As the earth holds me,

Speaker 14 as the sky sees me,

Speaker 14 as the sun rises within me,

Speaker 4 I step out to greet the day.

Speaker 14 When I first

Speaker 14 decided this was the path I wanted to take in life,

Speaker 14 I knew I was going to need a teacher.

Speaker 14 I met a man named Chris Janda, but

Speaker 14 he insisted I call him Sitting Squirrel. He was a pretty weird guy.

Speaker 14 I

Speaker 14 asked him once,

Speaker 14 what

Speaker 21 happened to all of us?

Speaker 14 How did all the other religions of the world

Speaker 4 explode,

Speaker 14 but all the practitioners faded into the background?

Speaker 14 How did one of the oldest traditions in the world get sent to the shadows so quickly?

Speaker 14 So he told me a story from Greek mythology.

Speaker 14 Apollo was

Speaker 14 in love with a wood nymph named Daphne, but she wanted nothing to do with him.

Speaker 14 She had sworn a life of celibacy to the god Artemis.

Speaker 14 Apollo didn't care, of course, and it all...

Speaker 14 It all wound up with him chasing Daphne through the forest like a madman.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 14 Daphne knew she couldn't outrun him.

Speaker 14 She had to do something.

Speaker 14 So

Speaker 14 she stood at the edge of a river and asked her father, a river god,

Speaker 4 to save her.

Speaker 4 And the only way to save her was through transformation.

Speaker 21 Her

Speaker 14 skin became bark.

Speaker 14 Her hair turned to leaves.

Speaker 14 And her feet took root in the ground.

Speaker 14 She was transformed into a laurel tree.

Speaker 14 It was...

Speaker 14 It was the only way to survive what was coming.

Speaker 22 Is that what you did,

Speaker 22 Cameron?

Speaker 14 You saw something coming that you couldn't survive, so you

Speaker 14 transformed into this?

Speaker 4 If so,

Speaker 14 thank you.

Speaker 21 I'm told

Speaker 14 the mushrooms here can heal people.

Speaker 4 If that's true,

Speaker 14 then we may need them soon.

Speaker 14 So,

Speaker 14 I am standing here with my basket in one hand and my mushroom knife in the other, and I'm going to try to

Speaker 9 figure out what you've made for us.

Speaker 14 If this is all a gift,

Speaker 14 I'll be sure not to waste it.

Speaker 14 I promise.

Speaker 3 In the Big Rock Candy Mountain, you never change your socks.

Speaker 4 Frank, are you there?

Speaker 3 Elden, could you at least have the common decency to make the phone ring before you start talking through it? Oh, for God's sake.

Speaker 3 Happy?

Speaker 3 Hi, what is it, Elden? I have birds for you.

Speaker 20 Frank, I don't have a lot of time, so just listen.

Speaker 16 I was wrong.

Speaker 20 The comet is headed for Earth. It's not going to be a direct hit, but it's going to be pretty bad.
In a nutshell, the Ted Empire, aka the bad guys, are trying to prevent a rebellion.

Speaker 20 They need a big distraction.

Speaker 20 All eyes are always on Earth television, so when a comet started heading for Earth, they deactivated the defense system they have around the planet and made it look like the comet was going to miss.

Speaker 20 Now the entire system is going to watch while Earth gets raked over the coals and the Teds can quietly quell the rebellion while nobody's looking.

Speaker 20 We don't have a lot of time, so the town meeting you were going to have, keep it on the books. Deja and I will be there soon and I'll explain everything.
Sorry about this, pal. My bad.
See you soon.

Speaker 5 Hey, Celeste.

Speaker 3 So, it's a

Speaker 5 funny story.

Speaker 20 Every time I think these guys couldn't be any more fucked up, they go and lower the bar top five fucking rungs.

Speaker 6 Amazing.

Speaker 12 Sorry to ruin your first time in space.

Speaker 4 Fuck!

Speaker 15 So it's all really happening?

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 20 Yes, Deidre, I'm sorry.

Speaker 20 I don't want to believe it myself, but

Speaker 20 it's really happening.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 20 We need to get to the sheep's eye.

Speaker 20 I'm about to do something

Speaker 20 really ill-advised.

Speaker 15 Stay in your seat.

Speaker 4 What?

Speaker 15 Stay in your seat.

Speaker 4 Why?

Speaker 12 Because

Speaker 12 I'm about to sit on top of you.

Speaker 4 Hi.

Speaker 4 Hi,

Speaker 19 Daedra,

Speaker 7 the world's ending.

Speaker 15 Exactly.

Speaker 3 Hey, everyone,

Speaker 3 thanks for being here. I know it's a little scary to leave the house these days, but so we're going to get started in just a minute.

Speaker 3 I've been told to wait.

Speaker 17 Boo!

Speaker 18 Boo!

Speaker 6 This man!

Speaker 15 What are you gonna do?

Speaker 20 Can you hold my jacket for me?

Speaker 4 Sure.

Speaker 4 Verge. I'll be right back.

Speaker 3 Okay, Verge is here. So you've probably seen Verge around town.
They'd like to say a few things.

Speaker 4 Hi. Hi.
So, hey,

Speaker 3 what are you going to do?

Speaker 20 You may want to stand back.

Speaker 20 Attention, people of Earth.

Speaker 20 You have one month.

Speaker 6 If

Speaker 6 anyone forgot their glasses, that's one,

Speaker 6 two, three,

Speaker 6 four arms, okay.

Speaker 6 Sorry, Verge, go ahead.

Speaker 5 Welcome to the Horizon is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Burtbert, Bethany, 2nd Bethany.
Society of Bethanies. Oh, Bethany, where art thou? Mr.

Speaker 5 Squizzle-Sizzle-Wizzle-Fizzle, the horrendous secret co-conspirator behind the long-ongoing Bethany War. Dances with Bethanies.
Banjo Bethany begins banjoing belated Bethany battle ballads.

Speaker 5 Avenge the stew. Three geese in a trench coat, all named Bethany, definitely not causing mischief in the ongoing Bethany War.
Green Mountain Hermit wants that NB Bethany stew recipe.

Speaker 5 Local Marsh Hag offers the NBBs a fully normal apple as an apology for all the antics. You can trust this one.
All apples glow.

Speaker 5 The non-binary Bethanies take the apple from the Marsh Hag because why would they poison us twice? Introducing Reese Pontiff as the 22nd Bethany.

Speaker 5 This episode boldly beckons a bigger batch of brilliant binames brewing a bubbling Bethany stew to broaden the best finale brew. Gathering of Bethany's drink from the water hole.

Speaker 5 A non-binary thylacine named Bethany, Byro the motherfucking dragon with his horde of Bethanies, Corvina the Killer Queen of Omicron Percy VIII, Dr.

Speaker 5 Bootiologist, the Glutes Doctor, Tobias Ewing, Rachel Meloche, Queen Surly Jess, Loppy Lolly, Adam Toklove, Dr.

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Speaker 5 V.

Speaker 5 Heim, Sierra Smith, Stelliot, Rainbrain, Phantom Zone, A Talking Dog Named Bronk, Hup Challenge, Xander Hicks, Dalen Foles, Jeep Style, Peggy Lubotsky, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Gregory the God of Chaos, sitting down to tea with the other beings of chaos, Keith Collins, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Whiskered, Anne Maestress, Randy Spears, Marissa the Ghost, Local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.

Speaker 5 Brotherford B.

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Speaker 5 I hope something good happens to you today.

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Speaker 4 Why,

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Speaker 5 Nico DiGallo goes great on Midnight Burgers. A dubious raptor, a drum major, and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar.
Retorted.

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Speaker 5 Neverchild, Athanasios Nasir Shaukat, Kaboko, Lil Kev, Kozamine, Jonathan Burton, Mr.

Speaker 5 Man and Lady, Joey B., Ali Malik, DJK, DJK, Mix Terran Van Edtinger, Sandalwood Mountain, Whimsical Fuckery, the person trying to contact you regarding your diner's extended warranty is having bottom surgery on January 22nd.

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I am Annie. I live forever in every moment I've existed.

Speaker 5 I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift.

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Ronnie Porter, Eagle Rock Lobster, Mary Like the Virgin, Rosetta, The Phoenix Bird has returned, bringing snow and holiday cheer.

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Speaker 5 Dr.

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It's the Cran Shah He's birthday.

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I am lure of the planet Omicron Percy I8.

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Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you.
Bibbity-boppity boom!

Speaker 5 Megan the Meg Young.

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Speaker 5 Anthony, J.

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He feels the flow of time in his bones.

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